Home ¢ Emily Lim-Leh authors children’s books, writes devotional articles and rejoices to be a child of God. She and her family worship at Barker Road Methodist Church. She blogs on parenting, writing and faith at https://mummumstheword.wordpress.com/
Finding my
W
new voice
hat would you do if you woke up one day to find that your voice had been stolen?
That happened to me shortly after my wedding, in late 1998. The doctor at a GP clinic dismissed it as stress. Wellmeaning acquaintances dished out all kinds of advice: “Don’t eat chilli.” “No need to talk so much.” “It’s the air-conditioning.” I was later diagnosed with Abductor Spasmodic Dysphonia (SD), a rare voice disorder. For reasons unknown, my brain had started misfiring signals to my voice muscles. That caused my voice muscles to pull apart in a spasmodic fashion, instead of coming together rhythmically to vocalise speech. On my worse days, I managed to voice only three out of 10 words; the rest stayed stuck in my throat. The theft of my voice turned the simplest tasks into huge challenges. When I ordered “mee poh gan” (dry noodles), I was handed “mee poh tang” (noodle soup). Business associates assumed my poor voice quality was due to a bad phone connection. They would hang up and call again, only to find that I did not sound any clearer. At social functions, my husband Ben took over introducing me whilst I stood there, looking dumb. I went from acupuncture to Chinese medicine, European electromagnetic therapy to speech therapy. Finally, I tried Botox injections to my neck, which paralysed my voice muscles for a while and gave me some voice. But the effect was temporary, so I went for the painful injections every few weeks for the next seven years. With no satisfactory answers from man, I looked up to God. Ben and I started visiting different churches to seek prayers for healing. The unpredictable nature of SD gave me false hopes of a miraculous recovery. When I cried at church services, my voice sounded momentarily clearer. “You’ve recovered,” an enthusiastic volunteer would exclaim. But I returned home to find that my voice had disappeared again.
18
|
METHODIST MESSAGE DECEMBER 2020
2018: With my husband and nieces at the launch of one of my children’s books
June 2016: Caleb, then five, visiting me in hospital after my mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. He took Lego pieces and made crosses for me
Ben and I finally stopped seeking a miracle and accepted it as a lifelong impairment. Unknown to me then, a seed of faith had been sown in my heart from hearing many testimonies of healing shared at the church services. I went from asking “Why me?” to “What now?” God’s Word started opening up to me. In late 2006, I was baptised at our home church, Barker Road Methodist Church. Our pastor suggested that I sign up for the 34-week DISCIPLE course so I could grow in Bible knowledge. During the DISCIPLE study in 2007, the verse John 10:10 was impressed upon me: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (NIV). For the first time since SD had stolen my vision of a future, I saw life with new possibilities. And I had to see it with childlike eyes. Midway through my year-long DISCIPLE class, I decided to enter a children’s book writing competition organised by the Book Council. My winning manuscript, Prince Bear & Pauper Bear, is about a teddy bear without a mouth who could not speak. A boy brings Pauper Bear home, sews him a happy mouth and gives him a new voice. After 10 years of grappling with SD, I found restoration and a new voice. I stopped Botox treatment and my voice quality started improving. And I wrote about 30 children’s books over the next 10 years.
