Eternal Peace

Initially labelled as lazy in school because of her poor grades, Emily Yap felt indignant and hurt by her teachers' insensitive comments. Her teachers did not know how hard she was working at home, or of the frustration she faced when she could not attain the grades she felt she deserved. Finally, with her parents' encouragement, she got tested for dyslexia, which confirmed why she had struggled to read and took more time than her peers to do her work.

Today, Emily Yap, 24, is a palliative care nurse at Alexandra Hospital, after completing a nursing degree on scholarship. Not only that, she served the underprivileged and migrant worker community during the pandemic, rallying a group of friends and neighbours to join her. This was highlighted by PM-designate DPM Lawrence Wong in his parliamentary

Budget 2023 speech as someone who embodied the Singapore spirit. "Emily has been hard at work at the Covid frontlines. Despite this heavy workload, she still volunteers on her off-days to care for the wider community … She also used her CDC vouchers—not for herself, but to buy kueh bangkit from her neighbourhood bakery and shared them with vulnerable families over the Lunar New Year," DPM Wong said. 1

Emily has worshipped at Barker Road Methodist Church with her family for the last 17 years. Methodist Message caught up with her on her day off to understand what drives her to serve others in both her profession and beyond, overcoming what had initially held her back—dyslexia.

Methodist Message (MM): How has dyslexia shaped your life?

Emily Yap (EY): I did badly in PSLE. I asked God, why me? Then I remembered the song "Jesus Loves Me". I took comfort in knowing that I am a child of God and that I am loved. So I persevered and never gave up on myself because I believe that God would never give up on me. I had faith that he had a plan for me.

After PSLE, I got tested at the Dyslexia Association of Singapore (DAS) and was diagnosed with dyslexia. Initially, it was a setback. But the diagnosis led me to an awakening and instead, drove me to do better wherever I was. Having tasted failure before, it taught me not to take success for granted. I believe that everything is in God's plan, even those moments of failure and struggle.

DAS taught me to understand myself better and I learned how to learn. I am grateful for the support that was given to me by DAS, the teachers and my family, who helped me to excel academically. I was awarded a scholarship from Alexandra Hospital, and I graduated with a Bachelor of Science (Honours with Distinction) in Nursing from the Singapore Institute of Technology. Most recently, I received the NUHS post-graduate scholarship to pursue a Master of Public Health at NUS which will commence in August 2023.

Today, I see my dyslexia as a strength rather than a weakness. I don't see dyslexia as a disability, but rather, as the ability to think outside the box. I'd like to think that people like me, because of our ability to think differently, can change how a company or industry behaves for the better. As a result, we will find an entirely new way of doing things.

MM: What drives you to serve the community, like delivering groceries to the elderly and low-income families?

EY: I found my passion for helping others at the height of the pandemic in 2020, when the risk assessment was raised to DORSCON Orange and many Singaporeans rushed to the supermarkets, emptied the shelves and stock-piled food. As I worried for the safety of my grandmother, who would go marketing amidst the crowds and long queues, I couldn't help but wonder how other elderly and lower income families would secure their daily necessities. This then led me to feel like I had to do something for the vulnerable. So I started Dunearn Youth, a ground-up initiative to serve the elderly and needy families.

I applied for the National Youth Council's Young Changemakers Grant. I gathered a few friends and neighbours, purchased essential items with the funds and started delivering groceries to lower income families. The experience I gained from this was something special, a unique feeling that I have never felt before. The warmth I felt in my heart upon seeing how happy these families were to receive groceries was honestly amazing and it inspired me to continue this charity work with the support of Temasek Trust's oscar@sg fund. I am grateful to God for giving me this opportunity to live out my faith in practical ways. When we care for others, our lives become a living testimony of our faith. Community is an essential part of Christianity.

MM: You've been featured in the media a lot. Has the media attention you've received surprised you?

EY: I want to acknowledge God in the things that I do. If the media coverage inspires others into action, then that's a good thing.

MM: Why did you choose to be in palliative care? It's tough to be in this area of health care, isn't it?

EY: My maternal grandma was a palliative care patient until she passed from cancer. I choose to be a palliative care nurse because the nurses took such good care of my grandma and I would like to pay it forward. My paternal grandma was a nurse also, and she inspired me to think of nursing as a vocation. I believe that it is my calling.

Recently, one of my patients was readmitted and when she saw me, she exclaimed, "My guardian angel, Nurse Emily!" I was touched that she remembered me. It was then that I realised that as a nurse, I am not only in a position to deliver healthcare to someone in need, but what I do also leaves a meaningful and impactful impression on the patients that I care for. When you truly love God, loving people becomes second nature.

On days when a palliative patient whom I have grown close to passes, I feel very sad. I go home, let myself cry it out and pray. And the next day, I pick myself up and continue to serve, renewed in his Spirit.

MM: How has your family influenced your walk with Christ?

EY: My grandparents are the kindest people I know. They always believed in giving back to the community, and I have continued with that same philosophy. My idea of success used to be about what I have achieved but now I think that it is about what I give, about the positive impact that I make.

1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhjfZWJS9jU

Ho Wei Hao was a social worker in a local Family Service Centre before working as a civil servant in various government ministries. Along the way he earned a Master of Divinity (MDiv) from Biblical Graduate School of Theology. Wei Hao has served in youth and young adult ministries over the years, and strongly desires to help bridge the gap between different generations in the Church which is the body of Christ.

Since 1985, Tan Soo-Inn has been journeying with people through his ministry of preaching, teaching, writing and mentoring. Originally trained as a dentist at the University of Singapore, he answered God's call to go into full-time church-related ministry in 1981 and obtained his Master of Theology from Regent College, Vancouver, Canada, in 1984. In 2006, he obtained his Doctor of Ministry from Fuller Theological Seminary, California. He is a director of Graceworks, a Christian publisher in Singapore.

Are intergenerational mentoring and relationships possible?

In the 1950s, sociologist David Riesman coined the term "the lonely crowd", in part to describe collectives of people who live according to common traditions and conforming values, but who barely know or like each other. I fear the church is in danger of becoming just such a lonely crowd.

Mike Frost wrote this sobering thought in his article "The Lonely Crowd: Churches Dying Due to Friendlessness". 1 During our research for The Generations Project, 2 it was clear that the desire for deep and meaningful relationships was present in every generation. Yet, underlying tensions between young and old were also equally obvious. Why does this happen and can we do anything to build better intergenerational relationships in our churches?

Differing ideals of mentoring

One of the very clear trends emerging from our research was that a majority of the Silent and Baby Boomer generations had not received personal mentoring where an older person with more life experience journeyed with and guided them through the challenges of life. For Baby Boomers, this was largely due to the fact that between 1967 and 1980, almost one in every two persons in Singapore was within the same age group (refer to table on next page). 3

Percentage Boomer Population to Total Population in Singapore (1957-2005)

Note: Figures prior to 1980 refer to total population. From 1980, figures refer to Singapore residents (citizens and permanent residents).

Instead, greatly influenced and inspired by their books, prominent Christian authors were these generations' "mentors". When we asked a well-known local Baby Boomer pastor whether he had mentors in his younger days, he replied with gusto, "Yes, many! John Stott, A W Tozer, C S Lewis, and lots more!" Seeing my (Wei Hao's) wideeyed bewilderment, he quickly clarified that he didn't know these spiritual giants personally, but because their books had a tremendous impact on his life and ministry he considered them his teachers and mentors. His next statement summed up the common experience of his generation, "In our time, mentoring was unheard of; we were content to admire our heroes from afar …" Able to admire them only at a distance, their mentors were models to aspire towards rather than people they shared a meal with. When asked to mentor the younger generations, they naturally followed the same track.

Their mentoring ideal is unfortunately very different from what the younger generations are looking for. Millennials and Gen Zs especially value people who are willing to have deep authentic relationships and are ready to journey with them without trying to run their lives. They naturally gravitate towards mentors or friends who are willing to be honest about their own failures and struggles instead of people who present their lives as "perfect", for it is difficult to relate to such people. This is certainly influenced by the postmodern culture of these generations, which is to be greatly sceptical of those who appear to "know it all" or "have it all together". This has resulted in a situation in some churches where both older generation mentors and younger generation mentees feel "burnt" by the "mentoring relationships" arranged in their church. The mentors feel unappreciated and even slighted by their mentees despite their best efforts to provide the guidance which they had craved but was absent in their own youth; the mentees feel stifled and manipulated by what they perceive as attempts to preach at them without any effort to understand the context of their lives.

The "performance system" in our churches

Casting mentoring relationships within the context of a church programme or structure can also seem too contrived for younger generations. They prefer relationships to be more organic, as opposed to "arranged", and motivated by positive feelings towards one another instead of obligations or responsibilities. Many expressed their apprehension whenever they are approached for a meal or coffee by their church leaders because they expect the conversation to eventually lead to a "challenge" to step up in ministry and play a role in church. While they are not opposed to serving in church, having key performance indicators (KPIs) or return on investments (ROIs) for relationships, where the mentee is expected to emerge as a "better person" who can then be of greater use to the church, will ultimately result in a spirituality that is content only with external behavioural modification and no real internal change. This is because, once they start serving in ministry, their "spirituality" will be judged by how well they fulfil their responsibilities (i.e. whether they are able to lead worship or teach a lesson in cell). There is often little concern on whether their internal spiritual and emotional maturity matches up with the roles they are expected to play. In fact, they sense an unspoken "performance system" in church which may, for lack of a better word, be considered manipulative. These are perceived behaviours that will either be "rewarded" or which will draw criticism; both the reward or criticism seem to be motivated more by societal norms and expectations rather than biblical wisdom. Someone who verbally professes the need for unquestioning obedience to the Bible will most likely be looked upon more positively than one who expresses immense doubts about whether ancient biblical principles are applicable to modern life. In our churches now, someone like Job will probably not be well regarded, or seen as one with "leadership potential".

In our quantitative survey, we asked both Millennials and Gen Zs how much they identified with this statement: "I believe that church can be manipulative in getting members to conform to accepted behaviours." The results were much higher than expected; 28.9% of the Millennial respondents strongly identified with the statement and 40.5% identified moderately. Among our Gen Z respondents, it was even more, with 31.4% strongly identifying with the statement and 41.2% identifying moderately. This certainly does not paint a healthy picture of how they view relationships in church. What could possibly be done in the face of such discouraging data?

What about mutual mentoring?

The best mentoring literature has consistently pointed out that good mentoring is always a mutual experience— both mentor and mentee grow as they journey together. With the vast differences in formative experiences of older and younger generations, the present may actually be the best time for mutual mentoring. We live in a unique time when the young have more learnt knowledge (a consequence of being digital natives) although the old, as always, have more lived experience. Instead of competing, young and old now have things to offer each other. Intergenerational mentoring, done well, could be a great way to build up the Church.

Traditionally what the older mentor has to offer is his or her experience. But as Peter Gregoire reminds us, experience is contextual. 4 It may not be immediately applicable to a newer context. The internet, for example, has been an enormous game changer. Experience gleaned from a pre-internet era may not be automatically applicable to a generation shaped by the internet. This does not mean that wisdom gleaned in the past is no longer helpful. But a dialogue between an older mentor and a younger mentee may help both uncover universal principles still relevant today.

However, for any attempt at mutual mentoring to potentially bear fruit, there must be mutual respect—all those in the mentoring journey must believe that they can learn from each other. The young must resist the temptation to dismiss the old as being out of touch with the world today and the old must resist the temptation to dismiss the young for having less life experience. Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV) undergirds mutual mentoring:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In these times when there is such great need for the gospel, we need all the wisdom we can muster and that requires both old and young to help each other bring their best to the table.

1 Mike Frost, "The Lonely Crowd: Churches Dying Due to Friendlessness," Church Leaders, January 8, 2022, https://churchleaders. com/outreach-missions/outreachmissionsarticles/379774-the-lonely-crowd-churchesdying-due-to-friendlessness.html.

2 https://graceworks.com.sg/store/category/ pastoral-resources/the-generations-project/

3 Sharmistha Roy, "Baby Boom Generation in Singapore and Its Impact on Ageing," World Academy of Science, Engineering and Technology, International Journal of Humanities and Social Sciences 8, No. 3 (2014).

4 Peter Gregoire, Mentoring Reversed: The Road to Creativity and Imagination, Hong Kong: Proverse Hong Kong, 2017

(left) Jonathan Chan is a writer and editor. He is the author of the poetry collection going home (Landmark, 2022). His poetry and essays have appeared in Ekstasis, Inheritance, The Yale Logos, Christianity Today and the Ethos Institute for Public Christianity. He serves as a worship leader in the Main and KoreanEnglish Worship Services at Covenant Community Methodist Church and is also the Director of the CCMC Gospel Choir.

(right) Darryl Lau worships at Covenant Community Methodist Church. He leads a Small Group of young adults and supports other such groups as part of the church’s Small Group Ministry. In his free time, Darryl enjoys conversations over kopi and regularly advocates for justice and reconciliation as a member of the Singapore Bar.