Biblical grandparenting – Rejoicing, Role and Responsibilities

“Congratulations, Grandpa Ho. Welcome to the club!”

With these well-wishes from brothersand sisters-in-Christ, I was pleasantly inducted into the grandparents' club on the day my granddaughter was born last year. My wife and I had long been awaiting this day. As a family, we were overjoyed, to say the least.

Every child is a gift from God (Ps 127: 3). We are also told, “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers” (Prov 17:6). To prepare ourselves to be grandparents, my wife and I had attended courses and read books on the subject. One such book I recommend is A Grand Calling – Biblical Reflections for Grandparents by Bishop Emeritus Robert M Solomon (2021, Our Daily Bread Publishing).

I'd like to share three tips which have guided me in my role as a grandparent so far. I call them the 3Rs: Rejoicing, Role and Responsibilities.

Rejoicing

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.” (Phil 4:4).

I rejoice over my granddaughter's birth and count it a blessing to enjoy the experience of being a grandfather. As a way of passing down the legacy of my family to the generations to come, I wrote a book A Better You and dedicated it to my granddaughter.

I was particularly delighted when my son and my daughter-in-law presented our granddaughter for infant baptism. In infant baptism, I see parents undertaking responsibility for raising the child in the ways of the Lord (Prov 22:6, Deut 6:1-9). After all, the Lord God in whom we believe is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God of all generations.

Role

As grandparents, my wife and I are constantly mindful that we are not our granddaughter's parents. Our adult children have to assume their role as parents, while we play our role by providing practical and timely support to their family unit. There are boundaries to observe so as not to conflate the roles.

A couple of instances would serve to illustrate the critical difference between the role of grandparents and that of parents:

• Naming the baby

Names are important and in biblical times, names often reflected a person’s character and destiny. Abram, when called by God to be the father of all nations, was renamed Abraham (Gen 17:5). Jacob, too, was renamed Israel when he wrestled with God (Gen 32:28).

While grandparents may offer suggestions for choosing names based on meanings and the passing on of family traditions, the final decision belongs to the parents. We can discuss and pray over the choice of names but they, as parents, ultimately decide.

• Parenting preferences

We can only share with our adult children our parenting experiences and pray for them to have wisdom in their parenting journey. In any case, yesteryear's parenting styles might not be totally relevant in today’s context. Today’s parents tend to accord more autonomy to the child while the grandparents believe in establishing a more structured environment. For example, when it comes to feeding at the table, parents will let the child feed himor herself in order to encourage baby-led weaning, often messing up the dining area. This can really irk some grandparents! Therefore, we need to be wise to distinguish timeless principles from the trends of the day. The parents must explore and decide for themselves how they want to bring up their children.

Responsibilities

Amongst the huge responsibilities of grandparents, we see ourselves playing a part in our granddaughter’s spiritual growth. As grandparents, we believe we have the responsibility to

• Pray unceasingly

We pray for our children to walk intimately with God, abiding in Jesus always. Only if they abide in Christ can they be fruitful in all that they do. Parenting comes with many unanticipated challenges at every stage of the child’s development at each moment, parents need the grace and wisdom of God to do the right thing.

• Continue gathering as a family

Our family has established the discipline and habit of a weekly family gathering for meals and prayer. The addition of a young grandchild may disrupt the routine but we must persevere to meet as a family for bonding and prayer. Getting together may not be easy but every gathering is always rewarding.

• Bring up our grandchildren in the ways of the Lord

The best gift one can offer is to bring another into his kingdom and nurture them to be disciples of Christ. Timothy was one such person to benefit from the nurturing of his mother and grandmother (2 Tim 1:5). This is a great privilege to be undertaken seriously.

An example of providing spiritual guidance when the parents, say, are disciplining the child is to gently remind them not to discipline in anger, to teach the child the right lesson and to restore the child in love at the close of that disciplining episode. Yes, it may not be easy but we must continuously pray for wisdom.

A brother-in-Christ once jokingly remarked: Grandparenting is grand because it requires a grand amount of time, grand energy and grand efforts! How true!