"I would 'die' without help …": Easing the burden of caregiver stress with respite care

In the months following his father-in-law's death, Mr Lim Kay Kwong began noticing signs of early-onset Alzheimer's disease in his wife Betty Pay.

"My wife started to have episodes of aggression and anger after losing her father in 2016. She would get upset or angry easily, and behaved completely different from the mild-mannered woman she used to be. She also suffered from severe memory loss, and couldn't recognise her children at times," said Mr Lim.

The couple have two children who are married and no longer living with them. In order to care for his wife full-time, Mr Lim had to quit his bus driver job back then.

Getting help with caregiving

But caring for his wife took a challenging turn for Mr Lim when her condition deteriorated in 2019. Since then, he has been assisting her in day-to-day activities including toileting, showering and eating. The couple's weekly church outings also became a thing of the past.

Mr Lim Kay Kwong has found respite from caring for his wife with advanced dementia with the support of MWS Senior Care Centre –Eunos

Seeing how 24/7 caregiving was taking a toll on Mr Lim, the couple's son applied for day care assistance. "It's very stressful to be a full-time caregiver. If I didn't have day care workers to help me look after my wife, I would 'die' from the stress," said Mr Lim.

The 68-year-old first brought his wife to MWS Senior Care Centre – Eunos (MWS Eunos SCC) in February 2022, shortly after he moved into the neighbourhood. Every weekday morning, Mr Lim drops his wife off at the Centre, and picks her up in the late afternoon.

Day care has provided invaluable respite for Mr Lim. "I no longer feel so stressed out all the time. My wife has sleep problems and usually stays up till the wee hours of the night talking to herself. That affects my sleep too. When I send my wife to day care, I can catch up on sleep, go grocery-shopping, watch a movie or meet friends," he said.

"In Betty's case, as she became comfortable with the Centre's staff, she progressed from engaging with dolls to interacting with the staff and other clients instead."

Mr Lim shared: "My wife is happier now and is able to engage with the staff. They are very patient with her and treat her very well, and she listens to them. I used to have to force her to go to day care at another centre. But now, she looks forward to coming to day care."

Give the gift of respite care

Respite care is crucial for caregivers like Mr Lim who need a break from 24/7 caregiving. Caregivers often neglect their own well-being and risk suffering burnout caring for their loved ones, especially those with high care needs due to diseases like dementia.

Dispensing tender loving care Staff took time to settle Betty, who was suffering from late-stage Alzheimer's by the time she came to the Centre.

As the 65-year-old's communication skills and cognitive functions have declined with the disease's progression, life-like dolls were used to engage her, where she would cuddle and care for them like babies.

"Doll therapy is provided to persons with dementia to engage them emotionally in a way that may be soothing and therapeutic. This form of therapy is known to improve the well-being, comfort and quality of life of persons living with dementia," shared Valerie Koh, Centre Manager of MWS Eunos SCC.

MWS Senior Care Centre – Eunos provides support and respite to caregivers of frailer older adults through day care services. Besides providing personal care, staff also engage clients in recreational activities like bowling, painting and pedal exercising.

Most of our clients require financial assistance, and your generous support can help ease the stress of caregiving on carers like Mr Lim. To donate, visit mws.sg/give