Metior Magazine - Breaking Point

Issue 2, 2018 FREE! RED TAPE DISCRIMINATION

Tales at the Tav:

REVENGE OF THE POTTERHEADS

EDITOR TURNS TO TINDER

LITTLE FAT LIES

TOILET WIFI FAILS STRESSED STUDENTS

THREATS, THEFT & ABUSE POLITICAL BULLYING AT MURDOCH?

Breaking Point

CONTENTS / Red Tape Discrimination / 4 Millenials / 8 Top Ten Tips for Stress Relief / 12 The Unforeseen Benefits of being a Positive Influence / 15 You Couldn’t Event Wait 24-Hours / 17 Revenge of the Potterheads / 19 Diary of a Late Night Meltdown / 20 Little Fat Lies / 23 Audacity / 26 Threats, Theft & Abuse / 27 How to Buy Cheap Wine / 31 Shattered / 33 A Low Blow / 35 Metiorly Horoscope / 37 Campus Wars / 43

Tales at the Tav

Editor Turns to Tinder / 39 Students Band Together / 40

Murdoch Empire Telegraph & Indian Ocean Review - Since 1975 JULY 2018: Breaking Point METIOR is Murdoch University’s resident student magazine. METIOR has been a voice for the students on campus for 43 years, publishing student driven content from news, and commentary to comedy and short fiction. METIOR is funded by the Murdoch University Guild of Students, but retains editorial independence. The views expressed within do not reflect the views of the Guild, Murdoch University, or the METIOR editorial team, but are solely the views of the individual authors.

METIOR acknowledges that this is and always will be Aboriginal land.

EDITOR: Sarah Smit SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER: Aaron Angel SUBEDITORS: Brittany Asplin, Hannah Cross, Michael Wood, Sean Ayres, Thomas Wendt, Zenna Sparkes-Santos CONTRIBUTORS: Cheyanne Enciso, Kirsty Blakemore, Sophie Mollett, Clinton Little, Stephen Greensmith, Baptiste Riches, Kristian Pisano, Paige Berryman, Corrina Mcbeath

FROM THE EDITOR “Malcolm Turnbull says ‘We have to respect Muslims’ religious right to kill us’” was the title of an article shared on Facebook by an outraged family friend who couldn’t believe what a disgrace this was, and knew that political correctness has run mad and the country’s going to the dogs. I clicked through on the article, and, lo and behold, it was satirical fake news. Three days later, I posted about fact checking before you share stuff on Facebook. The same person liked the post.

Aside from the obvious comedic value of this series of events, it brought into sharp focus how easily we can have enormous blind spots. This person agreed with my post saying that we should fact check, but when confronted with an article that played into their existing fears and biases, their critical thinking took a smoko.

Humans are very prepared to let our brains check out when we want to shit on the people we dislike, and it’s very difficult to notice when we’re doing it.

That’s a huge problem. Productive discourse won’t take place if we mindlessly accept perspectives that paint people we disagree with as evil bogeymen who would murder decent people in their sleep and molest their children.

So if you see an article that makes you boil with righteous fury at those dumbass lefties or bigoted Liberal fucks, it’s probably an excellent time to ask yourself; ‘am I accepting this on the merits of its argument and evidence or does it just feel true?’

Anyway, here’s the magazine! If you like it, write for us. If you hate it, my office is in the Amenities building. Come tell me how shit it is - I need content for my next editorial.

SARAH SMIT

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Red Tape Discrimination Government legislation excludes international students from entire job industries

BY HANNAH CROSS

The Australian Government prides itself on the numbers of international students that flock to the country each year. But simple bureaucratic failure has prevented students from having access to some jobs. It’s also causing problems for providers nationally. Here’s where they went wrong.

It’s a piece of legislation nearly two decades old that is causing strife nationally – for both students and providers. The Educational Services for Overseas Students (ESOS) Act 2000 is the framework that guides institutions on how they deliver education to international students in Australia.

This makes sense, as education and visas are tricky business – we need some guidelines to follow so everything works the way it should and international students can live and work comfortably while studying in Australia. Except international students are being excluded from working in entire industries because of it.

Here’s the problem: the Act outlines that Registered Training Organisations (RTOs) can’t train international students unless they are accredited on a single register: the Commonwealth Register of Institutions and Courses for Overseas Students (CRICOS).

This means that any such training – even something simple like an RSA or White Card – from providers without CRICOS accreditation becomes illegal. The maximum penalty for this is two years imprisonment.

On top of this, the register has been set up in such a way that it is impossible to register single-unit competencies such as the Responsible Service of Alcohol (RSA) or General Construction Induction (White Card) on the system.

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If you’re an international student hoping to get some part-time bar work or pick up some shifts in the construction industry, you’re out of luck.

International students misled “I was under the assumption from my education recruiting agency that it’s easy to get part time work in Australia,” says international student, Mandy Soo. Soo has come from Malaysia to study a Masters of Sustainable Development at Murdoch. She says she came to Australia for its renowned natural landscapes and laidback lifestyle. She was unaware it would be so difficult to find work at first.

“It has been challenging looking for work here in Perth,” she says, adding that when she attended pre-departure briefings, she had students telling her how easy it was to get a job in Australia.

Soo tried to enrol for the RSA and White Card single-unit competencies via JobReady, but found out she wasn’t eligible because the provider she was trying to register with was not CRICOS accredited. This prolonged her job search as she had to search for jobs that don’t require the certificates she can’t have.

Understandably, Soo feels misled and believes the regulations surrounding international students are very limiting.

“I think the regulation is ridiculous and completely irrelevant to the situation,” she says, “That regulation really limits the already limited job opportunities for international students.”

Luckily, Soo has now found a job and is able to work, but not without unnecessary difficulty caused by the government’s requirement of CRICOS registration.

Provider problems Many providers are unaware of this as well as students, which points to a gaping hole in the systems we have in place for training international students.

“It’s a big concern for us at the Guild because so many of the students that we help are international and this is limiting their opportunities,” says Thomas Stewart, who previously ran Murdoch Guild’s JobReady program. JobReady assists Murdoch students with training and employment skills.

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/ OPINION

Stewart says the impact of this is significant and has tried himself to find CRICOS accredited providers for international students to train with. What he didn’t realise was the number of providers who were unaware the requirement even existed.

“I even had a CEO [of a training provider] call me up and apologise because they’d just found out they didn’t have their CRICOS registration and had been training international students this whole time,” he says. The Australian Skills Quality Authority (ASQA) is responsible for auditing providers of vocational education and training so instances such as these don’t happen.

Head of New South Wales consulting agency, Newbery Consulting, Joe Newbery suggests the issue hasn’t been properly regulated in the past. Newbery works with government departments and RTOs to support the Australian Vocational Education and Training (VET) sector. He says this is not a new problem and that it has likely been an issue since the ESOS Act 2000 first came about.

“I think this is just a quirk of legislation and a quirk of the development of the VET sector,” he says.

Newbery says the software used to register RTOs is not set up to deal with single units of competency, rather longer qualifications only. This means the register can potentially include these single-unit competencies, but the physical system is not set up to apply in this way. He also notes that ASQA has begun working with government departments to resolve the issue.

An enquiry was sent to ASQA regarding this issue, however no response was received before the time of publication.

As more information comes to light about the national impact this requirement is having, updates on this matter will continue. There is more to come from METIOR, watch this space.

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Millenials Ambitious, Educated and Anxious

BY CHEYANNE ENCISO

Ah, the millennial generation. Who knew this one specific age group could be so greatly misunderstood, unfairly represented and apparently, have more anxiety than any other generations?

A national survey released in 2017 by Headspace and the National Union of Student found that tertiary education is taking a psychological toll on Australian students. It revealed that almost 70% of students aged between 17 and 25 rates their mental health as “poor.� Almost 80% reported feeling anxious, and about 60% had feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness.

But what exactly is anxiety? This seven letter, four-syllable word describes a range of experiences and emotions, both physical and psychological. It is a feeling of chronic unease, such as worry or fear, which can range from mild or severe.

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Some people find it hard to control their worries and their feelings of anxiety are more common, which can often affect their daily lives.

Simple explanations as to why we’re all so anxious tend to revolve around the modern day obsession with technology, although, some of you probably already knew that. Western life today has become a never-ending cycle of technology, sleep deprivation and high expectations set by the Internet, particularly social media. Many of us are running around with too many “tabs” open inside our head, are constantly changing between screens and are compulsively checking social media.

You might already be familiar with ‘Confessions at Murdoch,’ a Facebook page dedicated for Murdoch students to anonymously complain about anything, share positive and negative experiences on campus, confess love and hate and to share one’s troubles.

While the most common confessions include complaints about parking, the slow Internet on campus or how people need to be quiet in the library, you also get hard-hitting ones that make you question whether someone is okay or not.

With a quick scroll through the page, it is apparent that many students are struggling, whether that’s in their personal life or with their studies. Of course, I understand that sharing on this page can let off steam and it is comforting to know that you’re not alone in the battle. Some comments under these ‘confessions’ encourage people to seek help by contacting helplines such us Lifeline or beyondblue.

Others merely post comments to let people know that they can relate or are open to listening or even to lend a helping hand.

If posting anonymously on the Facebook doesn’t relieve stress or anxiousness anymore, there are other options provided by the university itself. The Murdoch Guild Student, for example, is available to help with any questions you may have in relation to your studies as well as financial and welfare assistance.

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/ OPINION According to Mark Tan, a postgraduate Student Assist officer, many students seek help during exams but also the period leading up to it. When asked what the most common issues that students come to Student Assist with, he said “academic misconduct allegations, wanting to retrospectively withdraw, deferrals, and not getting feedbacks on assignments.” Mark says that students should “come and find us early” and that their one-on-one consultations are confidential.

“Don’t hesitate to get in touch no matter what your issues are. If it’s not within our remit, we’ll advise and refer you on.”

If you would like to get more information about Student Assist, give their webpage a visit at www.murdochguild.com.au/student-assist as well as their Facebook page.

We need to start using words to express anxiousness and describe anxiety – to recognise that it’s a vast experience which affects people in different ways and find new ways to talk about so that people can continue to better understand and approach it correctly.

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What is METIOR? METIOR is Murdoch’s resident student magazine since 1975. We’re funded by the Guild, but we’re written and run by students, which means we’re operating mostly without adult supervision. We publish a variety of student focused content-- satire, articles about politics, society and campus life, reviews, and student creative projects and art. If it can be printed, we’re interested!

Want to get into the student media game?

Submit content! Got a finished piece you’d like us to look at? Send it through for consideration. If you have an interest or high horse or soapbox and you think people should know about it, pitch us the idea! We can help with working out the details if you stuck for how to make it happen. You can also come to a contributor meeting where we brainstorm ideas for the next issue. Meetings are advertised on the METIOR Facebook page, so like and follow us and keep your eyes peeled.

Getting involved with METIOR can be as casual or committed as you’d like. You can submit one haiku or twenty feature length articles; whatever fits with your passions and workload. It’s a low pressure way to get your work featured in a publication and an excellent portfolio builder. It’s also loads of fun and occasionally we have pizza at meetings- what more could you want?

Email submissions to Sarah // METIOR@murdochguildstudents.com.au

Metior Magazine

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IMAGE BY CORRINA MCBEATH

Top Ten Tips for Stress Relief: Or for when you’re hitting breaking point

BY SOPHIE MOLLETT

Stress is something that we’ve all experienced- it comes part and parcel with the student life. We’ve gathered ten of the finest de-stressing tips money can’t buy, check them out below.

DANCE! Have a dance party in your room! Listen to your favourite song and completely jam it out. Listening to music has a positive effect on the brain and body and lowers blood pressure and cortisol (a hormone related to stress). Guaranteed you will feel less stressed after having an epic dance party.

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Talk to a friend. Having strong relationships is vital to good mental health. Sometimes talking about whatever problem you are experiencing makes things seem a little easier and you can begin to make an efficient plan to tackle it.

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Exercise. Exercising allows the body to produce

endorphins (chemicals in the brain that act as natural painkillers). Exercise is proven to improve physical condition, 12

/ LIFESTYLE reducing fatigue, improving alertness and concentration and enhance overall cognitive function. So, go for a walk, play some netball or have a swim at the beach.

Meditate. Put on some calming music and close your eyes.

Ocean or nature sounds work well or a soothing playlist on Spotify. Focus on slowing your breathing and clearing your mind for about twenty minutes.

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Put DOWN the coffee! Caffeine is a stimulant and is proven to make anxiety worse. Limit your coffee intake and replace it with water instead!

Sleep. Lack of sleep is directly related to stress. Make sure you are getting the recommended 7-8 hours of sleep. Turn the TV and your phone off earlier, dim the lights and give yourself time to relax before you go to sleep.

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Laugh. Watch a bit of John Oliver on Youtube and get your laugh on. The act of laughing brings more oxygen into your body, stimulates and relieves your stress response and relieves tension by relaxing your muscles.

Avoid Procrastination. Procrastination can leave you scrambling to catch up which definitely increases stress levels! Make a to-do list organized by priority, give yourself realistic deadlines and work your way down the list.

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Eat healthy. Your diet is super important, particularly when you are feeling stressed! Avoid the sugary snacks and go for fruits, vegetables and fish with high levels of omega 3 fatty acids.

Write it down. Writing down what you are stressed about can make the problem seem less huge. Another way to reduce stress is writing down what you are grateful for spending a few minutes focusing on the good things in life.

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Write for

METIOR

Got something to say?

Get in touch with Sarah (METIOR Editor) metior@murdochguildstudents.com.au or go to @MetiorMagazine on Facebook

The Unforeseen benefits of being a positive Influence

BY STEPHEN GREENSMITH

Fundamentally, university is an individual struggle, so it can be very easy to lose sight of the people around us. We tend to believe our actions don’t affect others, but in reality this couldn’t be further from the truth. During exam season this is particularly relevant and therefore it is important to be a good influence by helping yourself as well as others.

The reasons to help yourself are obvious, but you may ask: ‘Why would I help my peers?’ It’s a valid question, because they are your direct competition.

But success isn’t just defined by good marks, and you might not realise there are a few ways in which helping others can be helping yourself.

One of these benefits is the strengthening of relationships at university.

Being willing to contribute and selflessly help your peers, will build lasting friendships. The flip side of this is that they’ll help you, making your time at university easier and more enjoyable.

A more obscure benefit comes as a result of directly sharing your knowledge.

Having good notes and being able to explain tough concepts will garner you respect, the flow-on effect of which will be an increase in your selfconfidence.

Aside from that, presenting difficult concepts in an easily digestible manner will help your understanding. Looking into the future, intelligence and confidence are hugely important in finding employment opportunities.

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/ LIFESTYLE

You can also be a positive influence by building up confidence of your peers. The most effective method is positive re-enforcement; if you see that your study partner is knowledgeable on a specific topic, tell them! This will increase and solidify their current knowledge as well as motivate them to work to gain your praise for other topics. Not only does giving well thought out compliments make your peers more confident, it’ll also make you a more likeable person.

Another way you can have a positive impact on your peers is by being less negative towards exams. Negative attitudes towards tests and exams spread very easily, because, psychologically speaking, negative emotions have a stronger effect than positive ones. Admittedly, it’s easier said than done, considering the often-dire situations exams put you in. Try to replace negative attitudes with something positive, but be careful not to overdo it and seem arrogant (something I struggle with). A better tactic would be to have logical reasons for being confident, so study hard!

“Be a positive influence this exam season and see how it will not only help those around you but also yourself.”

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BY SEAN AYRES

There are a few constants that are found in life. Death, taxes, and the complete disrespect of service personnel and ANZAC Day.

/ OPINION It was only last year that Sudanese born Muslim activist Yassmin Abdel-Magied made the infamous Facebook post on ANZAC Day ‘Lest we forget (Manus, Nauru, Syria, Palestine...)’. Uproar rapidly followed, with Abdel-Magied forced to apologise for the post, an apology that seems to have been as fake as a pair of $5 Ray Bans from a market stall in Bali. I don’t accept the level of personal attacks, threats and vitriol directed at Abdel-Magied following her apology, but it is unacceptable to use ANZAC Day to virtue signal your completely unrelated beliefs.

Sure enough, this year has seen the return of this blatant disrespect. In the lead up to ANZAC Day, Abdel-Magied backed a campaign for thousands of twitter users to tweet the same message as her Facebook post last year. Even more worryingly, the NSW Young Greens Facebook page has also joined in, making a post that refers to almost everything but the focus of ANZAC Day. The post raises issues such as deaths from the colonisation of Australia and New Zealand, asylum seekers in detention and an apparent fascist, racist government dividing workers. The post also accuses the Australian military of conducting chemical attacks on Vietnamese communities, a motivation of profit for involvement in Syria and Iraq, and calls out a government fabrication of ANZAC Day into a story of heroism and mateship.

So what’s wrong with all of these political messages? Many people believe they are all important issues that need addressing. Here’s the answer plain and simple: there are 365 days in a standard year, we’re giving one of those to reflect on the sacrifice of our service personnel, past and present, and their families. You can take the other 364 days of the year if you want, criticise the government, stand up for asylum seekers in detention, comment on Australia’s undeniably dark colonial past, and the mistakes we’ve made as a nation. But don’t relate your messages back to ANZAC Day. ANZAC Day isn’t about getting political on whatever issue you see fit. It’s about remembrance of the Australians who have died in the name of this country. It’s about reflecting on the terrible destructive nature of war. It’s about acknowledging the pain, both physical and mental, the suffering and the sacrifice of past and present service personnel and their families. It’s about the personnel and their families. It is not about you or your political agenda.

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/ CLUB SPOTLIGHT

Revenge of the Potterheads

BY BAPTISTE RICHES

What better way is there for Potterheads to nerd out on campus other than to join the Mandrakes Quidditch Team or the Hogwarts Alumni?

Quidditch is a chaotic blend of rugby, dodgeball, tag and basketball, based off of JK Rowling’s fantasy flying sport of the wizarding world. As a mixed gendered, allinclusive social sports team the Mandrakes take new recruits all year around. There are no requirements for players to be Potter fans nor athletically inclined so long as they have an enthusiasm to make new friends and try out new things. The Murdoch Mandrakes do weekly training on the Lower Bushcourt every Wednesday evening from 4 to 6 pm and have monthly matches against the Curtin Chimeras and ECU Centaurs.

The Hogwarts Alumni is a social club for witches, wizards, squibs, and muggles to make new friends. The club runs weekly Hagrid’s Tea Parties every Tuesday from 5 to 7 pm where members can catch up, drink tea and eat cake while discussing the twelve different uses of dragon’s blood, or Urg the Unclean’s influence in the 18th-century goblin rebellion.

Members get sorted into their preferred Hogwarts houses and participate against each other in the monthly events like the Triwizard Tournament and the Harry Potter Quiz.

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DIARY OF A LATE NIGHT MELTDOWN

BY CLINTON LITTLE

Student life can be a cavalcade of frat parties, social experimentation and the exploration of the possibilities of life. At times it can also be a little overwhelming. When deadlines are looming and assignments are piling up it’s easy to forget that it’s not the end of the world if you don’t hand something in on time.

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Failing an assignment or even a unit doesn’t have to mean you’re failing at life. In fact failure can be the greatest teacher of all. Allowing your mistakes to teach you is an important lesson. Balancing your Uni workload along with a personal life as well paying the rent can be a tricky business.

As Tom Cruise said in the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire, “Sometimes you have to break down to break through.” On a particularly stressful moment this semester I experienced the perfect storm of stress triggers when I was staring down the barrel of an overdue assignment; I had broken up with the person I’d been dating and had gotten smacked over the back of the head by some hefty unexpected financial expenses.

THE STRUGGLE WAS REAL I saw my life circling the drain and I thought my chances of pulling a rabbit out of the hat and saying hey presto to my problems were slim. I was backed against a wall and in the face of such seemingly shitty odds, I reached for an ill-advised coping mechanism. Yes, it was a case of hello vodka my old friend, I’ve come to lean on you again.

Suffice to say that no such rabbit appeared and the only thing that was leant on was the arm of my couch as I sobbed alone watching Bridget Jones’ Diary and thinking my life was over. As it has an annoying habit of doing the sun went and came up the next day and the previous night’s drunken debris lay scattered around my apartment.

The pounding reality of a hangover made its presence known and my assignment continued to be selfishly incomplete. My Facebook relationship statis still read as “it’s complicated” and my credit card was not returning

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/ FEATURE my calls. My booze band aid was ripped off by the get out of bed you lazy bastard alarm on my mobile and the day that lay ahead seemed too much to face.

I NEEDED HELP It took the words of a kind friend who bore witness to my lowly condition that maybe it would be a good idea to seek help from a counsellor. These were welcome words and though I was cynical about the navel gazing art of therapy, I conceded that he may in fact be right. The next day I had an appointment with a counsellor at the Murdoch counselling service.

The woman sat patiently across from me as I unleashed a long overdue monologue of my worries. She listened carefully and asked insightful questions. As I externalised all of my bullshit to a total stranger I started to realise that I was feeling better. It was an unexpected revelation that you don’t have to believe in a process for it to work.

A tiny crack of light allowed itself into the doom and gloom and perspective was attained. One session with a mental health professional gave me some of the tools to deal with a situation I had perceived as unconquerable.

I’d like to tell you that everything was bright and shiny and my world became filled with rainbows and unicorns, but life just isn’t like that. Needing a regular mental health check-in is nothing to be ashamed of. As a student you can get six free sessions a year with a person who deals with crazy on a daily basis. They can help you put your life onto the right track and help you realise that maybe your crazy isn’t so crazy after all.

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BY MICHAEL WOOD

Australia’s drinking culture has been a feature of our proud democracy ever since our ancestors realised that the ship’s captain hadn’t just sailed around the Irish Sea for a couple of months. Alcohol has also been a consistent inspiration for those involved in another great aspect of democracy: advertising.

It seems ridiculous to think that anybody needs to be convinced to have a drink, yet the alcohol companies in their infinite wisdom have always done their best to ensure that a beer at the end of the day is more than just a beer. It’s part of the Australian experience. A hard-earned thirst needs a big cold beer, after all. Yet even with the ubiquitous ritualization of alcohol’s involvement in any event, young people always find themselves at the centre of the conversation about whether our drinking culture has gone too far.

The numbers indicate what many millennials already suspect; alcohol use, along with smoking, is declining. Yet binge drinking culture is a hot button issue in the media and they’ve found a new sacrifice: Little Fat Lamb.

Produced by the delightfully named Fluid Beverages, Little Fat Lamb is a range of hard ciders and ginger beers which retail for a significantly lower price than their counterparts in the beer and pre-mixed sections. The key concerns with the product itself are straightforward: it’s sweet, cheap and big- all features of the ‘alcopops’ which have caused a number of crusades in the last decade. The branding of the product presents a picture of innocence and childishness. Its cute, cartoonish mascot makes it easy to forget that the 1.25 litre bottle contains about 8 standard drinks. But it’s neither the alcoholic content, nor the price of Little Fat Lamb that invites concern.

In 2015, Little Fat Lamb was the subject of an investigation by the Department of Racing, Gaming and Liquor which eventually lead to Fluid Beverages repackaging their product in order to satisfy industry regulations.

However, recently they have found themselves in hot water again. This time the 23

/ OPINION concern came from the Sydney Morning Herald who, on the 28th of April, published an opinion piece entitled ‘The Alcohol Industry’s Latest Dirty Tricks Campaign’. Author Sarah Jackson explained that the laws around advertising alcoholic beverages state two important things: any advertising for alcohol must not appear to promote binge drinking, and those advertisements must not appear to promote alcohol to minors. Jackson’s concern was with Little Fat Lamb’s Facebook page. Rather than being a moral take on the evils of alcohol, Jackson identifies a startling weakness in these laws: that social media allows alcohol companies to promote youth drinking and binge drinking under the guise of user generated content.

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Little Fat Lamb’s Facebook page is littered with usergenerated posts on the theme that their drinks are the ideal choice for any drinking session, and many of those liking, sharing and posting the content are either young adults or minors. This is a real problem. Alcohol, and other substances, have a clear correlation to domestic violence, assault, and theft; after all, the first drug most people use is alcohol. The reality of the panic over Little Fat Lamb is not the alcohol itself, it’s the advertising.

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This is a company who’ve been reprimanded before, and now happily sit idle as young drinkers pepper their social media with stories about, and pictures of, significant alcohol abuse. Alcohol advertising laws exist for one reason: when trying to raise a child, parents simply cannot hope to contend with the tactics of advertising agencies. It is the responsibility of these companies to ensure that their product does not destroy or derail lives.

“There’s nothing new to learn about alcohol, or how it affects its consumers. There is, however, something new about the way social media allows companies to influence their consumers.”

We know that the average substance abuser will always find a way to get what they need, but that needn’t mean we should allow companies to prey upon the young and impressionable. The decades-long push against alcohol and tobacco has produced a sea of moral outrage based upon feels rather facts, and at first glance Little Fat Lamb seems a victim of finger-waving and opinionated elitists. However, Sarah Jackson has identified a major blind spot in our advertising law. What need do we have of these laws if alcohol companies can cut out the middle man and reach their targets through the tacit promotion of binge and youth drinking through social media? Maybe Fluid Beverages isn’t to blame for its products being used this way, but maybe we need to look a little closer. and see that the choice to do nothing is still a choice.

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/ ART

You had the audacity to ask me how I was, but yell over me when I spoke You had the audacity to tell me things will be okay when your life was going great You had the audacity to joke about antidepressants turning people into zombies You had the audacity to say “snap out of it” You had the audacity to use me as a tool in your web of fake laughs and smile You still have the audacity to swallow me whole And now, my dear, I have the “audacity” to cut myself free from the chokehold of a snake. ~ n.m.

IMAGE KIRSTY BLAKEMORE

CROW BOY

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Threats, theft, and abuse: Murdoch’s only Socialist Club pushed to the edge

BY HANNAH CROSS

Petty theft from the Guild Council Room is one thing, but frequent abuse and alleged lack of organisational space is a whole other ballpark.

Theft from the Guild Council Room left members of Murdoch’s Medieval and Communist Clubs without resources on Wednesday April 11th.

After Medieval Club President, Vlad Bychkov, accidentally left the door unlocked, the Council Room was open to the wider student population.

Posters for the club’s upcoming event, pamphlets and newspapers from the Communist Party of Australia, and photos of famous Leftists were among the stolen items.

While not a serious ransacking, this is just another incident adding to rising tensions between Murdoch’s left and the student body.

According to Communist and Socialist Society President, Kathryn Pearlman, the theft seemed a little off-kilter and more targeted towards people rather than the stealing of items themselves.

“Things like money and really expensive equipment were all left untouched,” she says, “So it was a definite thing to just spite us, I think.”

Pearlman says the Medieval Club posters that were stolen were under stacks of METIOR magazines which were left untouched. A photo of Karl Marx was also stolen.

“We keep all of our stuff – both the Communist Society and the Medieval Club – in the Clubs Room,” says Pearlman.

Those who know the Guild and Clubs scene well will know that Bychkov is also the Vice President of Pearlman’s Communist and Socialist Society.

“It was an attack at all the progressive people,” says Bychkov, who notes most of the stolen items belonged to the Medieval Club, which he says consists of mostly Socialist leaning people from other clubs and societies on campus.

Student Engagement Officer, Christina Huxley, says although the theft was promptly brought to the attention of Guild President Kombo Mashumba, 27

/ FEATURE

the Guild is ultimately not accountable for each club’s unattended property.

“Since the incident, we have been reminding council members to lock the council room door when not in use,” she says.

Huxley also says the Council Room is neither a secure storage room nor a dedicated clubs room.

Guild tensions While there is a voting process in place to decide which clubs are funded and defunded, Pearlman suggests there is no real defence against this for the clubs in question. “You’re not particularly protected in any way from being defunded,” she says.

Pearlman also adds that last year she decided it would be best to not apply for registration at all after she felt a hostility on campus around her starting the Communist and Socialist Society. For a student body that prides itself on inclusion, it sounds as if certain groups on campus are feeling doubtful they will be allowed the space to express their views. Within the Guild, it’s another story. “Murdoch Guild supports all clubs and their viewpoints without discrimination and aims to provide safe spaces for all beliefs,” says Huxley. “As the Student Engagement Officer handling administration for the club approvals and funding, I have not noticed any discrimination or prolonging of registration in order to deny any specific club.” Murdoch’s clubs and societies should be able to gather peacefully without uncertainty of their property or themselves. If not a safe space on campus – then where?

Abuse on and offline While Murdoch’s Communist and Socialist Society has recently been subject to online abuse, Pearlman says she and Bychkov have experienced unpleasant interactions on campus too. “We were at a MUEnSA [Murdoch University Environmental Science Association] Party [at the start of semester] and somebody we knew came up [to us] while we were talking to 28

a big group of people and just threw in that we were ‘fascists’ and walked off,” says Pearlman, “The conversation pretty quickly died.”

Moments like these make it difficult to forge connections with others on campus, says Pearlman. “We kind of get treated like we’re a political party, despite the fact that we are definitely not,” she adds.

Reviving the left Although the Communist and Socialist Society has not been defunded, they remain the only Socialist club on campus. Bychkov says his goal is to revive the left at Murdoch. “We are a collective, safe space for learning economics, women’s rights and progressivism, and not a hate group,” he says. Pearlman agrees: “We’re just people who share views.”

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How to Buy Cheap Wine

BY BRITTANY ASPLIN

Wine drinkers like myself love the expensive stuff, but sometimes your bank account gives you that face and you know you just can’t afford it. This doesn’t need to mean that you’re condemned to a life of sobriety! I’ve got some hot tips to help you live a true student lifestyle. Whether for a once off treat or a three day bender, here’s my guide to buying expensive wine on a university budget.

1. Google it: If there is an expensive wine you want to try or love to drink, do your research! Google the wine to see how much it is so you can compare prices.

2. Check out the cleanskins: Cleanskins are bottles of wine without the labels sometimes wineries run out of these labels and will often be sold a lot cheaper than the bottles with the labels. You will save the most on expensive wine by getting the cleanskins. For example, if a bottle is $40 normally, a cleanskin of the exact same wine can come down to $10 a bottle.

3. Don’t throw out the junk mail: I know everyone hates junk mail, but swallow your pride for the sake of the sake! Catalogues can be your friend- keeping an eye on the specials by Dan Murphy’s, Thirsty Camel, etc. is really handy for buying the wine you enjoy.

4. Pinpoint stores that always have deals: Next door to the Joondalup Spudshed is the Liquor Shed, they often have a large range of alcohol from cider, beer, wine, vodka, etc. They have deals on cleanskins and often sell them by the box.

If you have any tips send them to metior@murdochguildstudents.com.au and help fellow wine drinkers save on buying wine!

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SHATTERED

BY PAIGE BERRYMAN, CORRIN DODMAN & REBECCA MILLER

Shattered is a student photographic project on the theme of multiple personality disorder and mental illness.

If you have a passion to capture life, or want to develop your photography skills, hit up the Murdoch Photography Club. They can be found at Marketdaze or on Facebook @Murdoch Photography Club.

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/ ART

34

A Low Blow How Not to Get Pierced

BY BRITTANY ASPLIN

IMAGE BY CORRINA MCBEATH

Another embarrassing story to save you guys?

Oh boy this is a good one.

According to my fancy private high school, there were three things that prevented female students from learning effectively; foundation, skirts shorter than shin length, and second ear lobe piercings.

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/ LIFESTYLE

Being the untameable, punk-rock, rebellious spirit that I am, I stuck it to the man by patiently waiting till my first semester in university to get my second lobe piercing done.

So I went to the chemist with my good girlfriend, and told the lady in the white coat I wanted to get my second piercing done. She took me to the back room and pulled out the plastic piercing guns followed by another young girl who came in to help with the piercing. The idea was that this young assistant would pierce one side as the other assistant would pierce the other. Dots were marked on my ears with a pen, double and triple checked in the mirror to look straight and soon enough everything was good and ready to go. Both assistants were on either side lining up the dots with the guns.

“Ok we’re good to go; I’ll count to three and pierce on three ok?” I feel the guns sliding on my lobes.

“Ok. Three.” And before I knew it the older assistant pulled the trigger piercing my left ear. I jerked at the unexpected pain, and in exactly the same moment, I felt the young assistant fire off her gun. I heard an ominous gasp, at which the older lady came around to have a look. My concern grew as she gasped too- there are few things more worrying than hearing someone with the authority granted by a white coat gasp in shock at the aftermath of a medical procedure. My friend, dying of laughter, was recording everything with her phone. What the fluff was happening?

“Oh my god, I am so sorry.” The young assistant’s constant apologising made me nervous as she passed the mirror.

The earring was hanging on by the smallest amount of meat, and swaying slightly in the reverse-cycle breeze.

As I’d jumped I’d moved most of my earlobe out of the path of the gun and my dignity out of the equation. The older assistant removed the earring, popped it back in the gun and lined it up again, and repierced it.

Moral of the story is, go to a professional piercer. They know what they are doing and won’t pierce with guns!

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Your Metiorly Horoscope

BY THOMAS WENDT

The stars have aligned, the universe turns, and now you get to know how this affects you personally, interpreted by a first year with 30 minutes of astrology knowledge from the University of Drunken Googling. May the stars be ever in you favour.

Aries: March 21 – April 19

Stop thinking and start doing. Follow your instincts (or those at the bottom of a few glasses of alcohol), even if it leads to you thinking it’s a good idea jump up on the table and dance, and thinking it’s a fantastic idea to insult the bouncer’s mother. Go for it!

Taurus: April 20 – May 20

Hey Samantha, you should come on over this weekend? Oh, don’t worry, no Taurus actually reads this so it’s all good. The door code is 3075. Bring the wine and cheese and maybe we’ll ‘Netflix and chill’, if you know what I mean.

Gemini: May 21 – June 20

Take more risks in your relationships. Just because Jasmine hasn’t called you back in a few days is no cause for alarm. Go ahead and leave her countless texts until she responds. It could be because you talked about your mother for 20 minutes on your date, or you didn’t pay the bill, but I don’t know.

Cancer: June 21 – July 22 No… don’t… Just don’t…

Leo: July 23 – August 22

Don’t you think that your Scorpio friend is looking a little uncomfortable around you?

Just keep an eye on them, make sure they’re safe, maybe get them a surprise gift. Treat them to something nice.

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Virgo: August 23 – September 22

I need you to do me a favour, if anyone asks what your horoscope said, just make something up about how poignant and life changing it was. Thanks, I owe you one.

Libra: September 23 – October 22

Your tall, dark, and handsome stranger is waiting around the corner. Just be cautious, I’ve heard bad things about this neighbourhood. Maybe hold your keys out in case anyone jumps out at you from around a corner.

Scorpio: October 23 – November 21

Your Leo friend is plotting against you. Be careful if they ask you out, or give you anything, especially if it’s wrapped up and secretive. Remember, trust no one.

Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21

There’s no better time to say those three important words to the most important person in your life. Whether it’s the pizza guy, your many cats, or the internet; take time to tell them you love them. But don’t put too much emphasis into it, just play it cool.

Capricorn: December 22 – January 19

Take a chance this week. Use that pen you got for your birthday. Order from that other restaurant on Uber Eats. Talk to that person you’ve been crushing on. Actually, that sounds risky. You know what, just play it safe this week. Maybe next week will be the time.

Aquarius: January 20 – February 18

Aquarius’ are all hard workers, who have incredible wit, are extremely intelligent, and are breathtakingly beautiful. And I swear I’m not just pandering to the editor of Metior, I promise. Oh, and your week will be perfect too!

Pisces: February 19 – March 20

That assignment won’t write itself, unless… you write an AI that looks at all the example essays of your topic and does actually write it for you! You know what, screw the assignment, do this instead! This’ll make you millions!

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Tales At The Tav Issue 03

Murdoch’s No.1 Source of Real Fake News

Editor Turns to Tinder as Student Engagement Dips to an All Time Low

By KRISTIAN PISANO METIOR have welcomed a new writer to their team following an unconventional recruitment drive on Tinder.

Will Tickler, a first year film student at Murdoch, was welcomed into the fold after impressing METIOR’s editor with his writing style on the dating app.

Editor Sarah Smit had been on the hunt for fresh talent and felt that Tinder could be an innovative solution.

“Traditional methods of recruitment were simply not working, so after hearing about all of the creative one liners on Tinder I thought I would give it a shot,” Smit said.

“Good thx [sic] you?” was the reply.

A few days later an underwhelmed Smit accidentally swiped right on Tickler.

Tickler, who had also swiped right on Smit, then decided to use a line that his uncle had taught him.

“You’re the 9 and I’m the one 4 [sic] you.

Did you get it? It makes us a ten haha,” Tickler wrote.

This was enough for Smit to offer him the role.

“To be honest my thumb was getting pretty sore, and at least he tried, so I thought he would do,” Smit said.

However, initial attempts at conversation were not successful.

Tickler expressed his excitement at joining the METIOR team.

After swiping left on several profiles of topless men in mirror selfies, Smit finally matched with a literature student and asked him who his favourite author was.

“Joining METIOR will provide me with new opportunities. Now that my name is out there I will get heaps more matches.”

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Issue 03

Murdoch’s No.1 Source of Real Fake News

Students Band Together to Campaign for Better Phone Signal in Toilets

Source: Chris Hemsworth Instagram

By THOMAS WENDT

Laura Stevens, a stressed out third year nursing student, was put out today after her phone lost signal in the second floor library bathroom while she was trying to take a break after a long study session.

“I just needed a break from my study.

Like, I needed to relieve some stress, but my phone wouldn’t load Chris Hemsworth’s Instagram.

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Issue 03

Murdoch’s No.1 Source of Real Fake News

It’s a big problem the library needs to “Like, sometimes I get so desperate address.” for a quick de-stress session, I’ve even “It’s just been a rough lately, you know? considered calling one of those ‘for a I’ve been studying for tests and doing good time’ numbers. Except there’s assignments and I haven’t been able to just no signal to make calls either! We can’t Netflix and chill in weeks.”Miss Stevens, live like this!” who refused to elaborate on the exact nature of how she destresses, was confused when asked why she didn’t try places with stronger signal like the Kaj, or Bush Court.

No word on what the university is doing to help students in dire straits like Laura, James and countless others in their position.

That’s really not an option, mate.” Relaxing at home apparently doesn’t work either; “Well I haven’t been able to de-stress at home because my housemates always interrupt and just kill any flow I have.”

Experts say high stress levels lead to less productive study. Working alongside fellow students and help each other out is often recommended, along with scheduling frequent Another student, James Fitzpatrick, also de-stress breaks into your study. commented, saying “Sometimes the only If you are having a tough time, why thing that can help you destress is that one not attend the ‘Paws and De-stress’ scene from Thor Ragnarok. You know the events with the dogs in the library one.” every Thursday; nothing soothes “What I wouldn’t give to meet the God of the soul like spending a bit of time Thunder’s enormous Mjolnir, you know?” stroking something fluffy!

MORE STORIES ON METIOR.COM.AU/TALES-AT-THE-TAV Student Who Entirely Plagiarised Assignment Hopes and Prays Urkund Doesn’t Know Gone with the Wind.

“Silent Majority” Achieve Politcal Representation on the Back of One Nation Facebook Page with Three Followers.

“There’s Just No Decent Guys on Campus.” Explains Attractive Female to Unattached Male Lab Partner 41

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SEX AND THE LAW

Campus Wars: Return of the Political Hacks

BY KAI DONALDSON

The world of politics attracts a wide range of people from a variety of angles and ideologies. There is however a common denominator amongst student politics (stupol) tragics at Murdoch: our undying need to express ourselves and to support and defend our ideologies.

The need to have one’s ideas heard over that of ones opponent is the crux of politics and political life. It is for this reason that the political clubs at Murdoch have formed. As Secretary of Murdoch Labor I have the ability to share my beliefs with both my political allies and opponents.

Murdoch used to be a sleepy hollow of inactivity in regards to politics and club life in general. This has changed, however; our campus has exploded into a kaleidoscope of political activity as many new clubs have been established by people from a variety of political ideologies.

This is in part due to the dynamic 2017 guild election. During the course of the campaign many battle lines were drawn and ideologies solidified. Four tickets put up candidates for election - Growth for Guild, Momentum for Murdoch, Ignite and Unite. The two main rivals for the Presidency were Kombo Mashumba of Growth and Andy Hunter of Ignite, who both fought fiercely to get over the line. Ultimately Mashumba was victorious capturing a whopping 70% of the vote. This was primarily because of Growth’s networking capabilities.

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The large number of candidates that were run by Growth provided them with access to a wide range of students across campus and it was ultimately this which resulted in their massive victory. After the battle lines had faded and the posters were down those who were active sought to continue this new political renaissance.

I will not pretend for one second that I am right all the time but I like to think that I and most of the student political scene are always working in the best interest of students. Perhaps the greatest rivals this semester have been the Murdoch Labor and Liberal clubs. Over the course of the semester we have traded blows on social media and have debated each other over the issue of whether Australia should remain a Monarchy or become a Republic. This type of debate is crucial at the University level because it will some day be our generation’s turn to lead the nation and the people need to know where we stand.

There are a number of personalities in the stupol scene on campus. We have Moderates and Socialists, Centrists and Conservatives, those who generally believe in what they stand for and those who are arrogant and have a certain lust for power. All of this difference is a good thing. Not only is disagreement a necessary part of the political process, but life would be boring if there were none at all.

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The clubs have essentially arisen to fill a gap in the market. The sheer number is a tribute to the great political diversity on campus. Every idealogy has a place in the Murdoch politcal scene. Two new clubs are the Murdoch Communist and Socialist Society and the Murdoch Students for Liberty.

Both of these clubs represent political thought which until a few years ago were not considered mainstream in modern politics. However with the rise of political outsiders like Jeremy Corbyn in the UK and David Leyonhjelm in New South Wales, these views are becoming legitimised and are beginning to gather a following on campus.

Campus politics is a sleepy hollow no longer. Our great campus has been awakened by the resurgence of clubs. The debate between the Labor and Liberal clubs has been a clear example of this resurgence as is the widespread engagement with Clubs and Socs Day. I look towards the next semester with optimism and hope to see many more great political themed events on campus.

One thing is clear: we shall continue to have an abundance of great political memes to look at while scrolling down our Facebook feeds.

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Download a copy of our Media Kit at www.murdochguild.com.au or email to S.Walton@murdochguild.com.au