Mississippi Christian Living July 2023

The Marriage Issue

● How to prepare for marriage without losing your religion

● Katie’s wedding vendor recommendations

PUBLISHER

MS Christian Living, Inc.

EDITOR

Katie Eubanks

katie@mschristianliving.com

MANAGING EDITOR

Suzanne Durfey

ART/GRAPHIC DESIGN Sandra Goff

SALES

Suzanne Durfey, Ginger Gober, Teresa Howell

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Chris Bates, Dr. Preston Crowe, Shay Greenwood, Betty Hodge, James and Natasha King, Russ and Rachel Schulte, Dr. Teena Welborn

COVER PHOTOGRAPHY Stegall Imagery

DISTRIBUTION ASSISTANTS

Rachel and Nettie Schulte, Jerri and Sammy Strickland, Rachel and Bob Whatley

Mississippi Christian Living P.O. Box 1819

Madison, MS 39130 601.345.1091

mschristianliving.com

Mississippi Christian Living is committed to encouraging individuals in their daily lives by presenting the faith stories of others and by providing information that will point every person, at every stage of life, to a deeper, authentic, personal, and life-changing encounter with Jesus Christ. Views expressed in Mississippi Christian Living do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. Every effort has been made by the Mississippi Christian Living staff to insure accuracy of the publication contents. However, we do not guarantee the accuracy of all information nor the absence of errors and omissions; hence, no responsibility can be or is assumed. All Rights Reserved. Copyright 2022 by MS Christian Living, Inc.

Mississippi Christian Living is published monthly and is available for free at hightraffic locations throughout the tri-county area. Subscriptions are $29 a year.

POSTMASTER: Send change of address to Mississippi Christian Living, P.O. Box 1819, Madison, MS 39130.

Natasha and James King share how putting their faith first helped them grow their relationship and make course corrections. See page 18.

Shay Greenwood shares how her daughter Chandler (pictured

Robert and Susan Green (left) and Johnny and Bridgett Clayton (right) recently spoke with MCL Editor Katie Eubanks Ginn about

they make their marriages work. See page 20.

STEGALL IMAGERY

LINDSEY JAMISON PHOTOGRAPHY

It takes a village: My wedding vendor recommendations

Welcome to our first-ever Marriage Issue! I’ve had this theme planned since before Stephen and I set a wedding date or even got engaged, so I’m pretty excited about how the timing worked out. In this Editor’s Letter, I’m giving shout-outs to all the vendors and others who helped us through our engagement, wedding planning, and the big day itself.

To be clear, this is The Marriage Issue, so most of the content is about marriage, not weddings, as it should be. On that note, I first want to mention Broadmoor’s Center for Hope and Healing, where Stephen and I completed premarital counseling — a must for any engaged couple. Counselor Preston Crowe helped us get to know each other more, communicate better, and address topics we hadn’t considered, and he never made us feel weird about it.

More wedding-related recommendations:

Before we ever started wedding planning, John Ravenstein at Juniker Jewelry helped us select the perfect stone, band, and setting for my engagement ring. The results were stunning!

For the wedding itself, the beautiful Bridlewood of Madison checked all our boxes for location, size and atmosphere, even after moving the ceremony indoors due to rain.

As soon as we’d booked Bridlewood, we booked Robby Followell of Followell

Fotography. He was creative and easygoing, kept the mood light, and took amazing photos. I can’t recommend him highly enough!

You might not believe this, but our wedding ceremony started on time, thanks to the diligence of Deborah Simmons of Signature Occasions. She also answered all of our stressfueled questions during our engagement, and she helped us choose small items from her Signature Gifts store (cake knife, garter, sparklers, etc.) that we didn’t care to “shop around” for.

Sugar Daze Dessert Shop in Gluckstadt baked our wedding cake (alternating tiers of chocolate and red velvet) and groom’s cake (tiramisu flavor). So moist! So delicious! I know people save their top tier for their one-year anniversary, but ours might not make it that long.

RJ and the Good Time Band is aptly named and one of the main reasons our reception was so fun. They play Motown-era hits with a few contemporary songs thrown in, plus room for requests. My maid of honor danced so hard to “Proud Mary” that she fell down (she’s OK).

At The Bridal Path, stylist Stacey listened to what I wanted and helped me try various styles before honing in on my wedding dress. It was lightweight, stretchy, comfy — and gorgeous. For the guys, Stephen and I loved the tuxes we rented from Tuxes Too —and the detail-oriented help we received! Best combination of customer service, price, and

slim-fit tux options in the metro.

Fresh Cut Catering and Floral helped us sift through their many (many) food options and created a delicious menu, plus beautiful florals. They know what they’re doing!

Tracy Branch and Marisa Farr of the Tracy Branch Agency did mine and my bridesmaids’ hair and makeup. I had total confidence in them, and they made the primping process fun!

Pro tip: Don’t neglect department stores. I got my wedding shoes on sale for $62 (marked down from $100) at Dillard’s at Northpark Mall, plus a pair of “bridal booties” for the reception and black T-strap heels for the honeymoon.

Georgia Blue in Madison had a great ground-level event space for our rehearsal dinner.

I found the perfect shower-host and hostess gifts at The Everyday Gourmet, Apple Annie’s, and Gifts by KPEP.

Plenty of others helped us make it down the aisle — most notably, our parents. They gave their time and money, meals for our “staycation” day between the wedding and honeymoon, and last-minute marriage advice. They even performed little tasks like arranging the flowers at the rehearsal dinner. You can’t pick your parents like you do wedding vendors, but I’m sure glad God picked ours for us. Y

Katie Eubanks Ginn katie@mschristianliving.com

STEGALL IMAGERY

Glad I got to pick the brains of these two couples, both for MCL readers (see page 20) and for myself!

What do you have to give?

My buddy and I had spent countless early mornings fishing together. One weekend morning, we met about 30 minutes before dawn for coffee on the pier. It was nice to sit and listen to the crickets still chirping and watch the last of the stars fade as the sun began to break the surface. While we always searched for the big trophies once we were on the water, this initial time in the quiet outdoors was always one of the best parts of the experience.

There was little wind that morning, and it was turning into one of those times when the fish also seemed to be still and inactive. As we fished and moved around the different parts of the lake, it turned into more of an opportunity to enjoy the time together. I guess that quietness gave him the opportunity to really contemplate all that he had going on in life. I looked over at one point as we were working down a grassy bank, and I could see how deep in thought he seemed to be. I hesitated to say anything, until I remembered that whatever he had going on, this might be the best chance for someone to just listen and relate to him.

As is often the case, once I checked in, my friend was much more eager to get some heavy burdens off his chest than even he realized. I was glad he was taking the chance to fill me in. As is often the case, once he revealed the full story, it was something I had been through several years before. I was careful not to give advice, but I did share about that part of my

own journey, and the relatability seemed to provide relief to him. He needed the setting, the time and the opportunity so he could not only share but find some comfort knowing he was not alone.

These kind of connections require several important steps. First, we need time together to set the stage for communication. For us,

God tells us specifically to love Him first, “and the second (command) is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:39). It does not tell us to be safe or shy, but to take action through love. The smallest efforts, such as checking in about what is really going on with a friend, can start a set of changes for them, especially when God is invited in. Brene Brown describes it as this: “A small, quiet, grassroots movement that starts with each of us saying, ‘My story matters because I matter.’ Revolution might sound a little dramatic, but in this world, choosing authenticity and worthiness is an absolute act of resistance.”

that was time in the outdoors before the rest of the world woke up. In your life, that might look like recreation with a friend, but it also can be lunch together, exercising with them, shopping time, or a regular Sunday evening Facetime with a long-distance friend or relative.

Next it requires courage. It is a risk and takes bravery to let down your guard, value the other person so much that you will take the chance, and believe in your own story. The safe route is to remain shallow in the relationship and not be confident that you and your journey are qualified to help someone else with theirs.

Ask yourself what you have to give and prepare yourself for opportunities. They may come rarely or often. They may be with a close friend like my fishing buddy, or they may be with someone you do not know as well. Humble confidence in your own value and story could be the most important tool God provides for you to use. Be intentional today and offer what you have to give. He will meet you along that path. Y

Chris Bates is CEO and co-founder of AgoraEversole a full-service marketing agency in Jackson, and can be reached at Chris@AgoraEversole.com. He and his wife, Stacy, and their children live in Madison.

“ The smallest efforts, such as checking in about what is really going on with a friend, can start a set of changes for them, especially when God is invited in.”

39 years,

How healthy marriages lead to healthy parenting

It has always been said that when children enter our lives, our marriages get put on the back burner, and there is much less time for husband and wife to spend quality time together. It is difficult in today’s busy world to have a healthy marriage, raise children successfully, work 40-60 hours a week, prepare meals, get children to extracurricular activities, get the family to church, and so forth. Does this sound familiar?

I want all marriages to know that out of all these aspects of daily family life, not counting our Heavenly Father (He is always first), your relationship with your spouse is the most important. If the husband and wife are on the same page and are in a loving relationship, it is much easier to parent.

Children feel more secure in a home that has happy, loving parents. If the marriage is healthy and the children witness this, they will have higher expectations for their own marriages. If it is unhealthy and they witness anger, yelling, putting one another down, and not being on the same page with children’s discipline, it leads to unsettlement in their hearts and minds.

Jewish Rabbi Sholomo Slatkin wrote an article titled “5 Reasons a Good Marriage Is Essential for Parenting.” Here are his five reasons, paraphrased:

1. Structure and stability: Children have special antennas that pick up tension.

2. Parenting on the same page: If you are always in disagreement with your spouse, it will be difficult to parent together, especially if these disagreements are happening in front of the children.

3. Model healthy relationships: We all know that history will repeat itself.

4. Accepting your child: As you exercise your compassion muscle for your spouse, it is easier to have compassion and acceptance for our children’s mistakes.

5. You won’t lash out at your children: If you are happy in your marriage, you are less likely to feel overwhelmed and lose patience with your children.

As an educator and a parent myself, I feel this is an excellent guide for parenting. It is so important to place your Heavenly Father first, your spouse second, then your children. I feel it is also important for your children to know that your marriage is important and happy, so they can focus more on their own healthy and successful life.

In closing, Focus on the Family author Arlene Pellicane wrote in the article “Maintaining Your Marriage During Parenting Years” that it is work to prioritize your marriage. She often wondered if her husband felt he had to take a number for her attention:

● Forget intimacy: I have to work early tomorrow — take a number.

● No homemade dinner tonight: Got to take the kids to soccer — take a number.

● Can we take a vacation for two — in 20 years! Take a number. Pellicane reminds married couples not to get into this pattern. Your spouse needs your attention to have a healthy marriage that will subsequently roll into healthy parenting. Y

A sonogram of columnist Dr. Teena Welborn's fourth grandbaby, due in September.

Dr. Teena Welborn is a retired educator and author of “Raising Whosoevers to Be the Heart of Our Schools.” Dr. Welborn and her husband of 37 years, Cliff, live in Florence, Mississippi, where they raised their three boys. They are members of First Baptist Florence. She can be contacted at tlmwelborn13@gmail.com.

How to choose the wedding dress of your dreams

Planning a wedding can cause a lot of stress, especially when there are so many details involved. Have you ever found yourself staring into your closet, having a hard time deciding what to wear for a special event? And now, you have to choose attire for a wedding!

Can I encourage you? Take a deep breath and know that you can do this … God is in all the details, even the details of your wedding. He is faithful, and you can trust Him to lead and guide you. I love relying on James 1:5 — “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”

Invite the Lord to lead and guide you. And He will.

Choosing a wedding dress doesn’t have to be daunting if you keep the following tips in mind from Wendy Smith of Kay’s Kreations in Tupelo:

❋ Keep an open mind and be open to trying on a variety of styles.

My daughter Chandler tried on many different designs. She allowed the store stylists to select styles she preferred, and they added others that they thought would be pretty on her. She chose a super chic, sequined dress with a scoop neck and low scooped back. It was breathtaking on her. It was so good to have a variety of styles to choose from.

❋ You can value other people’s opinions, but ultimately you should select your personal choice.

In most cases, your closest family and friends will be there when you are trying on wedding dresses. It’s OK to hold out on your best yes. You are the one who needs to feel and look your best.

❋ Don’t try on gowns that are more expensive than your budget.

Make sure you are clear on your budget with the bridal store before getting caught up in the excitement. Poor communication could cause an added financial burden. It might be wise to have a family member or friend hold you accountable.

❋ Once you select a dress, stop looking. Don’t second-guess yourself. You spent time trying on all the dresses. Trust the nudge God gives you. Pay attention to how you feel in the dress. You want to look and feel your best.

As for tuxes and suits, Sam Thomas from Kay’s Kreations says:

One mistake a lot of couples make when picking out tuxedos or suits is being too trendy. The hottest fad is not always the best choice for your wedding. Think about those powder blue tuxes with ruffled shirts in the 1970s or the super baggy suits from the 1990s. Those were the coolest look back then, but it didn’t take long for those outfits to be sorely outdated. It’s easy to forget that there will be pictures of this event for the rest of your lives, and some of the pictures will be prominently placed in your homes or even in the homes of family

members. My advice is to stick to the classics. Think timeless. You can never go wrong with a black tux or a dark suit. So just keep it simple.

We are so thankful for wise counsel during the planning of Chandler and Bo’s wedding. It didn’t hurt that Sam and Wendy are Bo’s dad and aunt and a part of our new family. Y

Shay is a style coach with a mission to help women look and feel their best! Follow her on Facebook and Instagram @shaygreenwood.

Columnist Shay Greenwood with her daughter Chandler on her wedding day.

LINDSEY JAMISON PHOTOGRAPHY

How do we stay connected when my spouse returns to work?

QUESTION:

ANSWER:

I’m about to head back into the workforce after 10 years of marriage. How can my spouse and I stay connected through this transition?

We have been married for 23 years and recently underwent a similar change when Rachel went back to school to become a nurse. Our advice would be the importance of prioritizing time together. With the pull of a new job and all that it demands, new time restraints, and helping children (if there are any) adjust, there is a potential to prioritize these things and take for granted that the relationship needs a priority as well.

Internationally known marriage and couple researchers John and Julie Gottman would refer to this prioritizing of time together as rituals of connection. For us personally, we found that the rhythm of our relationship before Rachel entered the workforce was pretty well established with family mealtimes, weekends spent doing yard work together and evenings left open for conversation. Once those things were no longer available, we had to create a new rhythm.

For us, that new rhythm included a set date night, planning family mealtime together, and building in set times for conversation and connection that didn’t involve planning or discussing details. We recently planned a trip away to do something we both love: watching the Cardinals play baseball! Creating new rhythms can be hard and requires intentionality and purposeful planning.

Here are five rituals recommended by the Gottmans to create purposeful time together:

1. Eat meals together without screens.

2. Have a stress-reducing conversation.

3. Exercise together.

4. Share a six-second kiss.

5. Keep dating.

Additionally, there is a unique challenge for both individuals to recognize and be aware of for themselves and each other. For the one starting to work, there is the energy spent learning new things, a new environment, and new relationships. The other spouse has to adjust to suddenly having a void from their spouse’s absence, possibly adding more responsibility in the home and less time together.

With this comes the reality that there may be changes that bring about grief. Acknowledge that. Even if the change is for good, it can still bring about grief. Allow yourself the ability to feel the loss of what was, or whatever may be associated with the change. It will be important for you both to be able to talk about your feelings without accusing or blaming one another, getting defensive, or feeling guilty for maybe not being in the same place emotionally. This, alongside identifying and prioritizing time together, is key for continuing in a healthy relationship where both spouses feel heard, seen, and connected. Y

Russ and Rachel have been married 23 years. He is a native of St. Louis, and she of Yazoo City. They are the proud parents to four amazing daughters. Russ is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and co-owner of Watershed Counseling Associates. He received his master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from Reformed Theological Seminary in Jackson. Rachel recently fulfilled her desire to become a nurse and is currently working at UMMC in the Batson Children’s Hospital.

Mental health and your marriage

Marriage is a mystery. The Bible describes it as two becoming one — not good for math, but apparently great for His purposes. It also says this union represents something much bigger — the relationship of Christ to His bride, the church. For many, this is all Biblical Marriage 101.

Since God created marriage, we might think it should be easy. However, if you have been married for more than five minutes, you know there are a multitude of issues that make marriage difficult. Different families of origin, different personalities and different interests, along with a variety of other differences, all tend to show themselves much more after we say, “I do.”

Mental health issues also have a tendency of showing up post-wedding. Marriage doesn’t cause them. Some mental health issues lay dormant until enough life stressors flip the “on” switch. Most people experience more stressors with the new roles of adulthood, often including marriage. Other mental health issues seem to be tied to age and physical changes, often coming onto the scene around the time many people marry.

Though certainly challenging, mental health struggles can contribute to the richness of our marriages, but only if we approach this area with grace, understanding and commitment. If you and your spouse are encountering struggles stemming from mental health issues, here are a few tips:

For the spouse who’s struggling with their mental health: Practice self-care. You might already know things that make this struggle better, or worse. Try making a list of things you know help in this area, and strive to do at least one thing from your list every day.

Talk to your spouse and be open to his or her input. A loving

spouse can help you see some of your blind spots and will look for ways to support you.

Seek counseling if needed (individually and/or with your spouse). Meeting with a counselor can be a great way to learn tools and techniques to help you on your journey.

For the spouse of the person who struggles:

Be compassionate. Your spouse is likely more frustrated by these challenges than anyone. If they could have “solved” it by now, they would have.

Be informed. One of the best ways to support your spouse in this challenge is to learn as much as you can about their struggle. Books, articles and websites can be great resources.

Work on your own issues. It can be tempting to blame your spouse, especially for struggles in your relationship, but ask yourself if there is anything you do that makes things worse.

Since Adam and Eve, God has never placed two “mentally perfect” people together (and even for them, that didn’t prevent marital tension). As writer Gary Thomas questioned in his book “Sacred Marriage”: “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” When surrendered to God, even mental health challenges in marriage can be part of our journey toward holiness. Y

Dr. Preston Crowe is the counseling pastor at Broadmoor Baptist Church, director of The Center for Hope and Healing, and president of the Mississippi nonprofit Global Concern. In his 30 years of ministry, he has served as a counselor, pastor, professor and speaker, but his most cherished roles are as a husband and father.

Putting our faith before our flesh

Do we want God’s best, or will we impulsively take the best we can create on our own? We asked ourselves these questions many times during the early stages of our relationship and committed to building our friendship on God’s foundation. We desired something different from previous experiences and unwise decisions — a relationship that followed God’s plan for love.

From Natasha:

Our story began in 1990 when my family moved to Jackson from the Mississippi Delta. I met James because I attended the school where my mom taught instead of my neighborhood school. We did not have any classes together except our extracurricular activities and clubs throughout elementary school. James and I met again in 2004. His mom and I worked at the same school, and I would occasionally see James when he visited. We had separate lives and knew nothing of each other besides his sporadic visits to his mom. Five years later, during one of those visits, James found out that my mom was scheduled for surgery and wanted to pray for her. That act of loving kindness started a great friendship.

From James:

Building a friendship with Natasha was the focus. Friendship has been a comforting joy, the strength of peace, the security for transparency, the sharing of growth in our work and purpose, and the willingness to selflessly look out for each other’s benefit. This type of love, built on God’s love, is what led to the decision to propose. Listening and paying attention to Natasha were skills that worked in my favor to accomplish the proposal of a lifetime and seriously show up throughout the process of us preparing for marriage.

We sought counseling, openly discussed many topics, and decided what we wanted for our marriage apart from what we were taught or had seen in other relationships. Our weekly dates consisted of conversations about specific areas of our marriage, roles, responsibilities and expectations. We sorted through things that were flexible and what things rested on the solid decision of whom the two of us were becoming in Christ — ONE.

Prematurely, we allowed ourselves moments where we put our flesh before our faith. We acted on the physical attributes of our relationship — but ultimately decided not to continue until after we were married. Why? We wanted God’s best for us. We wanted to enjoy the beauty of every part of our marriage.

Love in marriage is a beautiful institution, graced with the freedom and responsibility to bear fruit. Placing physical intimacy before marriage displaces God’s order for love in ways that we often do not see or understand until its consequences are apparent. For this reason, we encourage couples to focus on what is right. Not what feels right, not “who is right,” but what is right for us to reach our goal in our relationship with God. Y

Native Mississippians, James and Natasha both have more than 18 years of experience in their respective fields of education (Natasha) and graphic design and ministry (James). Since 2013 they have worked as a full-time entrepreneurial couple and homeschool family with their son, James Ezra “TJ.” Co-authors of multiple published books, James and Natasha train and teach partnership principles to couples and leaders. Ultimately, their focus is to keep God at their center and love people.

“Prematurely, (we) acted on the physical attributes of our relationship — but ultimately decided not to continue until after we were married. Why? We wanted God’s best for us.”

If you aren’t sure whether you have a relationship with God or where you’ll go when you die, please don’t put this magazine down until you’ve read the following:

✝ THE PROBLEM

For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. – Romans 3:23

For the wages of sin is death … – Romans 6:23a

The natural result and consequence of our sin is eternal death, or hell (Revelation 20:15), separated from God. This is because God is completely perfect and holy (Matthew 5:48), and His justice demands that sin be punished (Proverbs 11:21).

✝ THE SOLUTION

… but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. – Romans 6:23b

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8

Jesus Christ died in our place on the cross and took on the punishment for all our sins (Isaiah 53:4-6). Then God raised Him from the dead (John 20)!

HOW TO RECEIVE SALVATION

If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. – Romans 10:9

Trust in what Jesus has done for you — His death for your sins and His resurrection — and trust Him as Lord.

IS IT FOR ANYONE?

For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. – Romans 10:13

THE RESULTS

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. – Romans 5:1

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39

WHAT TO DO NEXT

So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. – Romans 10:17

If you decided to trust in Jesus, grow in your faith by reading more of God’s Word in the Bible. We recommend the gospel of John (it comes just after Luke) as a good starting point — or Romans!

Finding a church close to you that teaches faith in Christ is another important step. It’s crucial to spend time with other believers so we can encourage each other in our faith.

If you have questions about anything on this page, please contact us at 601.896.1432, or send us a message on Facebook @MSChristianLiving, Instagram @mschristianmag or Twitter @MSChristLiving.

COVER STORY

Making marriage work

2 couples talk faith, parenting, and navigating differences

MCL Editor Katie Eubanks Ginn recently sat down with two couples — Robert and Susan Green, and Bridgett and Johnny Clayton — to hear their stories and what God has taught them about marriage. Robert and Susan are pastor and children’s minister respectively at Fondren Church in Jackson and have been married 27 years. Bridgett is an attorney, and Johnny is a senior respiratory therapist at Merit Health — they have been married 40 years. This interview has been edited for space, but you can hear it in full on the MCL podcast, “A Closer Walk.” Just go to Apple Podcasts or Spotify and search for “Mississippi Christian Living”!

PHOTO BY STEGALL IMAGERY

Katie Eubanks Ginn: I would love to hear how each of y’all met.

Johnny Clayton: We met our junior year of high school. We started dating our senior year. We started as great friends.

Bridgett Clayton: He attended some of my classes. I went to the city schools, and he went to the county schools.

Robert Green: I went to Mississippi State, Susan went to San Diego State, but we met one summer at Colorado State. I was finishing up with seminary with Campus Crusade for Christ — it’s called Cru now — (at their) International School of Theology. So I was finishing up, and Susan was (going through staff training) with Campus Crusade.

I was able to carry her books to class for her. I flirted with her. I poured it on pretty thick.

Susan Green: It worked, obviously.

I felt a call after college to full-time ministry, specifically college ministry. He’d already been in college ministry. … It was a bringing together of a like-minded, we would say, calling. So even though I’m from California and he’s from Mississippi, a lot of differences there ... Our faith is what grounded us.

RG: We always tell people, don’t let long distance be the thing (that

keeps you apart). We made it happen coast to coast. I was the campus director at the University of Miami at Coral Gables … We kept in touch before cell phones (were prevalent). We wrote letters.

BC: We dated throughout college at Meridian Community College. We took lots of courses together. I even did his homework sometimes. (laughter all around)

JC: I allowed her to. To get closer. Always an angle to get closer. (more laughter)

BC: He proposed before I transferred to The University of Mississippi (after two years). We did letters as well. I was home every other weekend, and he’d come up and see me on the weekends I didn’t come home.

KG: What were you most unprepared for as newlyweds?

JC: Probably for us it was finances, because we left home, (where) our parents were taking care of everything, and you dive into this apartment and all the bills are coming, and you’ve got to juggle things, figure out what kind of insurance (to get) …

BC: I can think of one, too. Since his shift was 7 to 3 at the hospital, and I worked 8 to 5 … he would be playing basketball when I would get

home … He played basketball a lot prior to marriage, so that was something he enjoyed doing.

JC: After a while, I realized, she probably wants me to be home some when she gets there. Not every evening playing ball.

KG: What was the biggest thing that helped y’all start handling money well?

JC: She brought a lot of stability to me. She brought the budget.

BC: He would tease me for having a structured menu for the week. (laughs)

KG: Greens, what about y’all? Any early challenges in marriage?

RG: Strangely, we had a pretty good first year. Some of our biggest challenges came after kids.

The pros tell us that in marriage, you fight over five things … Money, sex, communication, kids and in-laws. And I tell young couples here that we do pre-marriage counseling with that Susan and I are 5 for 5. We’ve fought about all of them. If we had to isolate a fight or two early, it would be money.

SG: When we first got married, we were still in the get-to-know-you discovery stage. … All the newness was fun and a good thing at the beginning. Then when you settle in …

RG: It’s common for me to marry a young couple, and a few months later I’ll connect with the guy. (And) I go in and fill in the blanks: ‘It’s different right?’ Yeah, she’s different. (He’s) finding what we found … that you married someone very different than you.

The enemy wants to take our differences and say uh-oh, maybe you made a mistake … and God wants to take our differences and say, ‘Hey, this is part of My design … Let those differences be the things that bring you together.’

JC: If both of you (were) the same, it wouldn’t work.

BC: We facilitated premarital counseling at our church for five or six years, and then we facilitated the couples’ ministry with children for about seven years, and that’s what we talked about was, how do we go around those things that look like molehills, but they can turn into mountains?

I do a lot of family law, so I see a lot of things … When people are having problems that have been married for a while, one of the common denominators is that they don’t worship together.

RG: Susan and I have gotten more emphatic with couples whom we interact with here to think about three spaces: the marriage bed, the dining room table, and the church pew.

If you’re having meals together, you’re solving a lot of things. And that changes when kids come. You almost have to be like a drill sergeant to get everyone in the room together.

And a pastor’s kind of paid to say this, but for us it’s really a passion: If you don’t worship together, there’ll be a slow drift.

I don’t know what it’s like to get a family to church …. But thank God for Susan here. She’s done that for years without me. I know it’s a battle to get kids to church. It’s harder to get to church than other places, and we should probably ask why.

“ The best practice of Christianity is in a marriage. ”

– Bridgett Clayton

PHOTO BY STEGALL IMAGERY

Clockwise from left: Susan and Robert on their wedding day, in an engagement photo, and with family this Easter (from left: RJ, Robert, Susan, Robert’s mom Glenda Yarber, Hayley, Wesley); Johnny and Bridgett as high-school sweethearts, on their wedding day, and with their kids (from left: Joshua, Bridgett, Johnny, Jabrina Clayton Edwards and Micah Edwards); and, transcripts of love letters the Claytons sent during college.

Sundays

Streaming

Worship

Church: 601-366-7002

Pre-School Division: 601-362-0912

Elementary Division: 601-362-4776

www.newhope-baptist.org

www.newhope-christianschool.org

KG: What are your biggest personality differences?

BC: I am an attorney, (and) I’m very talkative. Which helps me (at work). Sometimes at church in our groups, (Johnny) has to nudge me, ‘Let someone else talk …’ He’s not shy but just more reserved … He has grown so much in public speaking. Of course the training that he’s received as a deacon at our church, New Hope, has developed him spiritually.

He’s always been a really, really good, humble guy. (But) I could be provoked and say things. He has helped me … to think about what I say, particularly in situations that could be confrontational, to pray about things before I answer.

They have a rotating schedule where the deacons at our church pray before the congregation, and it’s just been a tremendous blessing to me to sit in the congregation and watch him do (that).

RG: One of our early differences (was that Susan’s father) could fix things around the house. I can’t fix anything around the house. … She was patient with me, but I think I hurt her or frustrated her, because I’d wait on a neighbor to come fix something, or I’d let something that broke just stay broke.

SG: It also challenged me. Maybe I can do this. So I learned how to do some things .… I appreciate all (his) other strengths.

We are everything, on a personality test, opposites. … He wears everything he’s feeling on his sleeve, (whereas) I stuff it in. He’s a risktaker. He’s always thinking about the next mountain to climb. (In marriage) you see yourself as you really are. I know things I need to grow in ... It’s not my job to change him, to make him more like me. His strengths are what I need. I just didn’t know it.

RG: I wanted to plant Fondren Church like a year before (we did), but she wasn’t ready. It was good for her to express that and for me to wait on her. The prophet Amos says, can two people walk together unless they agree?

KG: Robert, you mentioned that some of your difficulties came after y’all had kids. I’d love to hear from each of you how parenting challenged y’all.

RG: Marriage changes you, but parenting really changes you. Marriage showed us a bit of our selfishness, but parenting showed us more. ‘You take the baby.’ ‘No, you take the baby.’

SG: And there are things you’re bringing in from your family of origin that you weren’t even really aware of.

JC: Your focus changes. You have to shift gears and really focus on the child, or children … because they can’t do it. God entrusted you with their life.

SG: (But) you cannot revolve your family (around your kids) — it’s a hard balance, because they suck so much of you, and they require so much — but do not lose your relationship (with your spouse), because when (the kids) are gone, we see a lot of marriages fail.

JC: You have to keep doing the things (that draw you closer as a couple), so the kids can see date night (for instance).

RG: I’ve joked before, our kids are going to be grown and gone one day and be struggling with something, and they’re going to say, ‘Wait, the problem is I don’t have a small group.’ For many years, on Sunday night, a group of couples would come over to our house … and (our kids) saw that. It’s a good thing for them to see, ‘Mom and Dad just aren’t there for us.’

If you’re not careful, you’re going to wake up and your kids are going to have great hair and be good at soccer, but they don’t know Jesus, and they may not respect you, if you’ve idolized them.

BC: Rearing children who are structured means letting them know things are required of them. That’s what we instilled in ours. … They

were not perfect children … but they didn’t fuss about attending church too much. They knew that was part of the structure … And they knew school assignments and chores were required before they were able to do other things. Now they’ve acclimated to the professional field.

I was the disciplinarian. I could have conflict (with the kids), running my mouth, being argumentative and debating, but (Johnny) would just look at them and say, ‘Let’s talk.’ And it’s resolved. (laughs)

KG: How do you keep your relationship with God at the center of your marriage?

BC: Our church gifted us a subscription to Right Now Media (which) covers a wide array of religious topics. I just finished a 10-day fast through Right Now Media, and the study talked about the different reasons for fasting.

JC: I’m an early person. I get up at 4:30 or 5:30, pray, and then exercise.

RG: We’ve never harbored any illusions of quiet time together, because we’re so different. But we see each other. We can tell when the other (person) is not taking time (with God). Noticing if you have your Bible and that book you’re reading next to the bed. Making sure it’s not just a Sunday-to-Sunday experience.

My times are up here in my office (at the church). On Saturday night, if we’re not on a date, she’ll touch base with me (as I’m preparing to preach the next morning). She’ll bring something up here or come give me a hug.

SG: Being in full-time ministry is always a shared thing that we have together.

RG: In ‘Wild at Heart,’ John Eldredge says (what a woman) really wants is for you to pull her to your side and point the way and say, here’s where we’re going. I think one thing that gives (Susan and me) an advantage is that every day we realize we have a mission. I preached that recently, that every marriage needs a mission. A mission can glue you together.

JC: We use the word ‘intentional’ a lot.

BC: There are a couple of books that we recommend: ‘His Needs, Her Needs,’ and ‘The Five Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman. You should love your spouse every year more. You need to have some “bae-cations,” as we call them. December 18 is our anniversary. We take a week just for us. You just need that time.

KG: I’ll close with a fun one — tell me your favorite thing about your spouse.

SG: Mine’s easy: His sense of humor. He makes me laugh, still. And along with that, his joy. He’s a joy giver. … That can be good for someone like me, who can be really serious sometimes.

BC: I can love my husband more every day for being as humble as he is. He is always the anchor bringing calmness in the storm. He’s steadfast in his faith. He knows the Lord. He sees the bright side of everything. You need someone to make you feel secure.

JC: OK, that’s it, the women have spoken. That’s all we need to know! (laughter all around)

What I admire about my wife is discipline. She’s very disciplined. When we first met, that’s what really attracted me to her. She helped me learn how to calm down and really be still and seek the Lord and where He’s leading me.

RG: What drew me to (Susan) was her beauty … but her humility, that keeps me. She grew up in a real swanky neighborhood in California, and they had a lot, but she doesn’t care about that stuff. … She’s happy living in Mississippi. Y

ENGAGEMENT 101:

How to prepare for marriage (and the wedding) without losing your religion

Read any bridal magazine or blog, and you’ll find an epic, chronological punch list to complete before the big day. But what about that first week after the honeymoon? What about 10 years down the road, or 50? We reached out to MCL supporters, Christian counselors, and folks who’ve been featured in MCL to get their biggest tips for engaged couples — both for the wedding and the marriage. If you’re engaged or know someone who is, we hope this article will provide some wisdom to balance out all the to-do’s!

Make sure you’re marrying the right person.

“Tough decisions are sometimes required when principles and values are not aligned or respected. I have noticed too many couples try to ‘repaint’ their partner just to get down the aisle.”

– Leona Bishop, owner, Count It All Joy Counseling and Consulting Services

“Marrying someone who is not in alignment with your beliefs can turn you away from God. In various places in the New Testament, we see that marrying other Christians was taught as the wisest practice and was to be expected (such as in) 1 Corinthians 7:39 and 9:5. (Make) sure that you are embarking upon this journey with another follower of Jesus.”

– Antonio Mack, founder, Seekers Gate ministry

Why go to counseling?

So many folks strongly recommended counseling — for individuals and couples, premarital and marital — and we agree! If you think counseling is only for people on the brink of a breakup, here are some reasons to reconsider:

“I grew up Episcopalian and (Keath) was a Southern Baptist. I am so thankful that we went to six sessions of pre-marriage counseling to get all our differences and similarities out on the table. We covered religion, finances, sex, family, children, roles, communication styles, and so much more. I would strongly suggest this as a first step.

“Over the years we sought out professional counseling when we couldn’t agree on hard topics. Premarital counseling set the stage for almost 20 years of counseling during hard times for us both. … Having a third party in the room turns your ears on in a different way.”

– Dr. Alyssa Killebrew, owner, Essential Touchstones Psychological Services

“One thing that comes up over and over again in marriage counseling is the impact of unfulfilled expectations. Oftentimes these are driven by each partner having different assumed and expected ‘right and wrong ways’ of seeing things and doing things … ‘This is the way my family did it.’ (Exploring) and discussing family of origin patterns before marriage can head off many conflicts.”

– Lisa Owens, counselor, Cornerstone Counseling

“Get individual therapy in addition to premarital counseling. There are so many things in you that marriage will bring out, and chances are you will want professional support in order to navigate these issues in the context of your marriage.”

– Mandy Bufkin, ministries director, CityHeart Church

“Take the time for premarital counseling (from a trained therapist, not just your pastor). RTS (Reformed Theological Seminary) is a great resource for this and so affordable!”

– Beth Cowan, photographer

“Just expect to go to marriage counseling after 15 years. There is nothing wrong with your marriage, you have just hit a new phase.”

– Tracy Grenfell, MCL reader

Wedding planning wisdom

Executing the “perfect” wedding can be so stressful, at least three people submitted a simple, one-word tip: Elope. If that isn’t an option, here’s some more wisdom for the wedding planning process.

“Engage in forgiving each other. Engage in serving each other. Engage in focusing your hearts on loving God first and then each other.

“Extra: As you are focused on each other as an engaged couple, don’t forget to include both of your parents in some aspects of the planning. And remember to express thanks to them in meaningful ways as you prepare to marry, and they prepare for a new normal too.”

– Cindy Townsend, women’s minister, First Baptist Jackson

RJ & THE

GOOD TIME BAND

“Honestly … keep the engagement short. We scrapped everything weddingwise and started over with six months to go. Shorter engagement, less time for wedding planning stress.

“(Also,) if you’re going to get married RIGHT after college, (consider getting) married during college, apply for married housing, (and) qualify for better assistance because you’re broke. … We would have had less than half the debt (if my husband and I had done this).”

– Courtney Ingle, MCL columnist, “Modern Motherhood”

BOOKING:

601-906-8265

DPSDRUMS@GMAIL.COM

“The bride and groom need to sit down with the bride’s parents on one occasion and the groom’s parents on a separate occasion and have a very frank conversation about planning expectations and budget! This needs to happen BEFORE the planning begins!”

– Laura Grace Nash, fifth-grade teacher, Madison

“Wedding cakes are so expensive! So for our wedding, the bottom three tiers are Styrofoam. We got them at Michaels and I tooth-picked them together. We got generic icing (for those layers) and then the top layer is real, and we used that for our cake cutting.

“Then we took the big cake away and brought out Sam’s (Club) sheet cake! We saved over $900!”

– Jarred Couch, director of customer experience, Main Street Media

“I totally recommend a first look with private vows. We did it, and it’s something I’ll remember and cherish forever. So intimate and gets all those (jitters) out.”

– Trinity Kennedy, intern, Ole Miss Sports Productions

Relationship advice

Whether you’re engaged, newly married, empty nesters, or just entered a serious romantic relationship, this advice is evergreen. Tips that showed up more than once? Schedule regular date nights, and be quick to forgive your significant other.

“Listen to the counsel of parents; many times they can see things you can’t.”

– Anonymous reader

“Let it go. If it’s not worth divorcing over, it’s not worth fighting about. Some people fixate on tiny things their spouse does that just irritate the daylights out of them, and they make it into a huge thing. Meanwhile, that spouse has a million other fantastic qualities that matter more.

“On the other hand, if your spouse is kind enough to tell you the things you do that bother them to no end, be kind and loving enough to stop doing those things ... Never lose the respect for your spouse.

“Also, the thought process ‘What have they done for me?’ is a zero-sum gain. Marriage is about service for always and ever. If each person shows up with the question ‘How can I serve this person today?’ you win every time.”

– Kellye Smith, resource consultant, Ross & Yerger

“Be the person you want to marry. If you want someone kind, you be kind. If you want someone patient, you be patient. If you want someone forgiving, you be forgiving. If you want someone generous, you be generous.”

– Chrissy Sanders, social media marketing specialist, Rich Perspectives

“I would keep it simple with putting God first, honesty, mutual respect, kindness and a sense of humor.”

– Debby Eubanks, MCL reader (and Editor Katie Eubanks Ginn’s mom!)

“Just be kind to each other. Strive for the standards God gives us and not what the world entices us (with).”

– Deborah Simmons, Master Wedding and Event Planner, Signature Occasions

“A kiss and prayer of thanksgiving before each meal! A habit to be continued even in restaurants.”

– Joe Ragland, attorney, Ragland Law Firm

“Continue to intentionally grow together in the Word, in life habits, in as many ways as possible, so that when trying times come, you have a tri-cord bond — the true covenant of man, wife, AND God — to get you through. Remember you must be intentional in creating your own happilyever-after, and it’s always easier when God is at the center of it all.”

- Sandy Jones, publisher, Christian Living magazine, Boise, Idaho

“It is so important to know just who you are and Whose you are.”

– Anonymous subscriber

“Find a good therapist and learn how to pray together.”

– Hayley Canoy, pediatric service coordinator, University of Mississippi Medical Center Y

Christian Leaders of the Year

Is there a godly person in your life who leads by example? A coworker, mentor or friend?

They could be honored in Mississippi Christian Living as part of our Christian Leaders of the Year!

Our Christian Leaders of the Year story will highlight Christ followers in Mississippi who have exemplified the character and servant leadership of Jesus in their lives. Judges will score candidates based on nominations received, and the top-scoring candidates will be featured in the December issue of Mississippi Christian Living

Scan the code, visit bit.ly/CLY2023, or email katie@mschristianliving.com to nominate a Christian Leader of the Year

Single moms’ retreat offers free admission, childcare

“SheIs Chosen, Too!” is a free two-day conference solely for single mothers on July 21 and 22 at The Pointe Church in Brandon. I had the vision for this conference to give single moms a place to feel like they belong. Most ladies’ conferences unintentionally exclude the single-mom community by charging admission fees and not offering childcare, two hindrances that many single moms find difficult to cover. These women need support and to know they’re not alone.

Working as community relations director at the CPC Metro and as a single moms’ ministry leader at The Pointe Church, I get the privilege of working with single mothers and seeing lives changed. When you make room for a woman, it creates a feeling of belonging where she can finally open up and build healthy relationships. This is where healing can take place. “She Is Chosen, Too!” allows women to be part of a community that understands and loves them.

During the two-day conference, moms and children are fed, lavished in conference gifts and T-shirts, and enjoy worship and messages from speakers who educate, encourage and equip the mothers so they can go pour back into their families. Doors open at 6 p.m. Friday, July 21, and 9 a.m. Saturday, July 22. Register at ThePointeBrandon.com. Y

Nominations are due Friday, August 4, 2023.

“She is Chosen, Too!” is hosted by The Pointe Church in Brandon and sponsored by local churches and ministry organizations. If you are interested in being a sponsor or have questions, please contact Betty Hodge at betty@cpcmetro.org.

Wills created free for first responders in Mississippi

Wills for First Responders Magnolia State (WFFRMS) is a 501(c)3 nonprofit that brings together volunteer attorneys and paralegals to prepare wills and advanced healthcare directives for Mississippi’s first responders and their spouses, FREE of charge. WFFRMS is hosting a free legal clinic from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday, August 12, at Brandon City Hall.

SIGN-UP

First responders MUST sign up for a time slot at willsforfirstresponders.eventbrite.com by August 1 in order to participate and will be required to fill out a questionnaire prior to the event.

THE EVENT

First responders will check in at their allotted time where they will meet with a paralegal to go over their initial questionnaire. Documents will then be drafted onsite by a paralegal and reviewed by an attorney. The attorney will then meet with each first responder and spouse privately to go over their documents. All documents will be signed, witnessed, and notarized onsite. Each first responder and spouse will receive their original documents. NO COPIES ARE RETAINED BY WFFRMS. These documents include:

● Basic will: A basic will allows you to designate how you want your assets distributed, to name an executor who will be responsible for carrying out your wishes, and to designate a guardian(s) for your minor children if applicable. These basic

wills do not provide a trust for minor children or other heirs.

● Advanced healthcare directive: An advanced healthcare directive allows you to designate an individual to make medical decisions on your behalf in the event you are unable. It may also document your wish to direct medical treatment in a more specific way, such as whether life-sustaining treatments are to be continued or withdrawn.

For additional information please contact Kristy Hogan at info@wffrms.com or 601-942-4944. Y

For questions, please contact: Kristy Hogan at info@wffrms.com or 601.942.4944

CUT OUT THE SCRIPTURES AND QUOTES AND PLACE THEM AROUND YOUR HOME FOR DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT!

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

~ GENESIS 2:24, ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

~ EPHESIANS 5:25, ESV

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

~ MATTHEW 19:6, KJV

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

~ 1 CORINTHIANS 13:1-3, ESV

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

~ HEBREWS 13:4, ESV

And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him — a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

~ ECCLESIASTES 4:12, ESV

There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

~ 1 JOHN 4:18, NASB

For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called. For the Lord has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast off, says your God. For a brief moment I deserted you, but with great compassion I will gather you. In overflowing anger for a moment I hid my face from you, but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you, says the Lord, your Redeemer.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

~ EPHESIANS 5:22, ESV

At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.

~ MATTHEW 22:30, NIV

Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them

~ COLOSSIANS 3:19, HCSB

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.

~ PROVERBS 18:22, ESV

Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

~ AMOS 3:3, KJV

This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

~ EPHESIANS 5:32-33, HCSB

When it comes to patient safety, we make the grade!

A nationally recognized “A” grade in safety means peace of mind during some of your toughest health moments.

St. Dominic Hospital earned an “A” grade for patient safety for spring 2023 from national healthcare watchdog organization The Leapfrog Group. The rating is based on a peer review of more than 30 performance measures looking at the number of accidents, injuries, infections and errors in a hospital setting, as well as the ef昀ciency of systems a hospital puts in place to prevent harm.

Our top-tier grade acknowledges our consistent system of safety protocols that positions us among the safest hospitals in our region.

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The team at Mascagni Wealth Management might be exactly what you are looking for.

We are a Registered Investment Advisor with over 30 years of experience helping Mississippians and their families. Let’s sit down over a cup of coffee and talk about your financial future. Call us today.