MetroFamily Magazine September 2020

SEPTEMBER 2020

Say What?

Deciphering teen slang

Supportive Sibs Tips to foster sibling bonds

Birds, Bees and Boys Talking with boys about sex

The

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REAL MOMS OF THE METRO. PHOTO BY JANA CARSON

Features

Departments

7 Say What?

14 Local Family Fun

Parent guide to top teen slang

12 Dealing with Depression Tips & warning signs for parents of teens

38 Birds, Bees and Boys Talking with boys about sex

18

Girl Scouts open urban, STEM-focused camp

18 Exploring Beyond Oklahoma Take a kid-approved trip to the nation’s capital 24 Calendar Top teen, in-person and virtual events this month 28 Real Moms of the Metro OKC Ballet dancer balances motherhood, life on stage 34 Family Mental Wellness Fostering healthy sibling relationships 42 Super Kids of the Metro Teen leader shares immigrant struggles, dreams

42 On the cover Say What? page 7 Supportive Sibs page 34 Birds, Bees and Boys page 38

4 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR 2020

2020

2020

2020

2020

2020

2020

Publisher

Sarah Taylor

Managing Editor Erin Page

Assistant Editor Lindsay Cuomo

Contributing Writers April Deocariza Stacey Johnson, LPC ReRe Lunsford Tanya Schoor

Contributing Photographer Bridget Pipken

Art Director Stacy Noakes

Senior Project Manager Kirsten Holder

Director of Events Marissa Raglin

Sales

I

t seems like only yesterday I was drowning in a sea of diapers and waking throughout the night to nurse, offer comfort and search for pacifiers. Now my eldest is on the cusp of tween-hood, all three kids are in school and diapers are a distant memory.

(Parents of littles, let me offer you this assurance: they WILL one day be pottytrained, even if they’re fighting you tooth and nail about it right now. I know, I didn’t believe it either when I was in your shoes.)

I thought I would be exponentially more terrified the closer my kids got to being tweens and teens (and I am, a little). But when my daughter serves up a witty barb that makes me howl with laughter or resolves to spend more time getting to know the new girl on her team so she’ll feel included, I realize what a gift it is to watch my kids grow into their next life stages. I know there are plenty of parenting challenges on the horizon, but I’m here for all the messy, beautiful things to come.

sex with aplomb, approachability and humor — find her informative article on page 38. As these kids of mine grow in stature and opinions, Stacey Johnson’s life-giving advice on page 34 about building beautiful bonds between siblings gives me a framework to foster those relationships. Thanks to Kirsten Holder’s guide to 2020 teen slang, it’s possible I can appear much more hip than I really am (or, at the very least, succeed in embarrassing my children).

But perhaps one of the most impactful resources in our community, and the reason I have such hope and optimism as my own kids grow up, are our teens. My conversation with Dylan Ruiz, our Super Kid of the Metro this month featured on page 42, goes down as one of my favorites in my career. An undocumented immigrant daring to dream big, bravely sharing his story and inspiring others around him to be their best selves, for me, Dylan represents the very best in our city’s youth.

Whether you have teens or littles, I hope you’ll find inspiration and affirmation in these pages. Thanks for being part of our MetroFamily,

I think that (usually) optimistic attitude comes from being part of this MetroFamily community, where parents whose kids are older than mine offer their wisdom and reassurances. I’m grateful to ReRe Lunsford for tackling tough topics like talking to boys about

Erin Page Managing Editor

Dana Price Laura Beam

Office Manager Kathy Alberty

Contact us

318 NW 13th St, Ste 101 OKC OK 73103 Phone: 405-601-2081 Fax: 405-445-7509 sarah@metrofamilymagazine.com www.metrofamilymagazine.com MetroFamily Magazine is published monthly. Copyright 2019 by Inprint Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Articles and advertisements in MetroFamily do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the magazine or Inprint Publishing, Inc. We do not assume responsibility for statements made by advertisers or editorial contributors. The acceptance of advertising by MetroFamily does not constitute an endorsement of the products, services, or information. We do not knowingly present any product or service which is fraudulent or misleading in nature.

Circulation audited by

Proud member of

This Month’s Cover Trinity, 12, is a frequent MetroFamily reader who loves crafting, DIY projects, singing, drawing and exploring OKC. In the 7th grade at Cimarron Middle School, Trinity’s favorite metro hangout is Bricktown. With a clever eye for design and fashion, Trinity helped direct her own photoshoot outside Factory Obscura. Fun fact: Trinity appeared on our cover with her parents and two sisters years ago when she was in kindergarten. Her dad David was our June 2014 Real Dad of the Metro after competing in NBC’s The Biggest Loser.

Also a member of Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce, Edmond Chamber of Commerce & Moore Chamber of Commerce

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

5

Off the Pages

Enter your Cover Kid

by Sept. 30!

If you’d love to see your cutie on our cover in 2021, enter our *VIRTUAL* Cover Kids Search by Sept. 30!

We are looking for local kids ages 2 to 12 with big smiles and bright personalities to enter for a chance to star on a MetroFamily cover in 2021. Upload a photo, answer several “about me” questions and submit

a $10 fee, which gives your family access to a virtual swag bag with prizes, activities and coupons valued at more than $100!

Readers will vote on their favorite Cover Kids submissions in early October, and the top five finalists

from each age category will undergo a virtual interview. We can’t wait to meet your Cover Kid cuties! Enter today at metrofamilymagazine.com/ coverkidssearch.

Cover Kids is generously sponsored by Foto Arts Photography and Dental Depot.

Let’s talk math

Practical advice to combat learning loss Math can be a source of anxiety for kids … and for parents, too, if we’re being honest. With many parents concerned about the learning loss kids suffered in the spring due to the COVID-19 pandemic, we asked Jessie Yap, owner and director of Mathnasium of North OKC and South OKC, for tips to keep kids’ math skills fresh, encourage at-home learning, combat math aversion and inspire confidence. Find her stress-relieving advice at metrofamilymagazine.com/get-yourmath-questions-answered-with-mathnasium.

Resources for LGBTQ+ youth and their families At MetroFamily, we affirm and support all families and all youth. In order to provide critical resources and combat statistics that LGBTQ+ youth are 4 to 5 times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight peers, we are committed to helping normalize, represent and celebrate members of our LGBTQ+ community.

6 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

In addition to sobering statistics about suicide attempts, the National Institute of Health also reports that ONE affirming adult can lower suicidality by 40 percent. Find affirming resources, local stories and a recent Raising OKC Kids podcast discussing how to normalize LGBTQ+ individuals with children at metrofamilymagazine.com/ okc-lgbtq-resources.

Emoji Cheat Sheet Lost in your teen's emo is? ere's a break down of the top teen slang for when you need a $uick reference or when you want to show off your "cool mom" skills.

Bae

Let's start with an easy one, shall we?

Many of you probably know this one: bae, short for babe or baby. It literally

No Cap

No cap means "no lie" or "for real," often used to emphasize someone is not

exaggerating about something hard to

stands for "before all else," and is a term

believe or could be used as a call out if

of endearment for your special someone.

someone is exaggerating.

Keeping it 100

To be authentic and truthful, as in "keeping it real." It can also mean trying your absolute best — striving for 100%.

That's Fire

Can refer to a person or their fashion, situation, performance, album, etc. meaning it is exceptionally cool or great — literally "lit," if you will.

Dead

As in, "dead from LOLing." Something was so cute, so outrageous or so comical that you fell over dead in a fit of giggles.

Sips Tea Simply put, this one means "spill the tea," or "spill the gossip." It could also be used to mean, "please go on, I'm listening" in response to a story you want to hear more about.

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

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Celebrating tween and teen superstars Every month MetroFamily features a local kid who is inspiring others and serving the community. Meet some of our recent tween and teen spotlights at metrofamilymagazine.com/super-kids, or turn to page 42 to read about our September Super Kid Dylan.

Know a sensational metro kid we should feature? Send ideas to editor@metrofamilymagazine.com.

Thank you to Kimray for generously sponsoring Super Kids of the Metro!

PHOTO BY LAUREN SMITH

The Best Things In Life Are Free The Oklahoma City Museum of Art is now FREE for kids under 17!

SPONSORED BY The Chickasaw Nation The Ann Lacy Foundation

8 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

SPONSORED BY

Cresap Family Foundation Chuck and Renate Wiggin

Metropolitan Library System

Curbside Pickup & Online Services

Curbside pick up hours are Mon-Th 9am-7pm, Fri 9am-6pm, Sat 9am-5pm, Sun 1-6pm.

Returns must be made using our exterior book drop until further notice.

Online Services include: Online subscription resources such as study guides and practice tests (HelpNow & LearningExpress) and online programs such as book clubs storytimes crafting cooking genealogy fitness

GROUNDBREAKING SAFE SPACES for metro teens

First behavioral health program for LGBTQ+ teens launches in OKC The Nest Program at Cedar Ridge Behavioral Hospital in Oklahoma City opened in early 2020, the first inpatient specialized behavioral health program dedicated to LGBTQ+ teens. The program specializes in serving youth ages 13 to 17 who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning or queer in an environment free of stressors that could hinder progress toward meeting treatment goals.

According to the National Institutes of Health, LGBTQ+ youth are 4 to 5 times more likely to attempt suicide compared to their straight peers, and trans youth are 8 times more likely to attempt. On the contrary, just one affirming adult can lower suicidality by 40 percent.

At The Nest, culturally-sensitive, evidence-based treatment is provided by an affirming multidisciplinary mental health care team who help youth increase their resiliency, enhance coping skills and facilitate healthy familial and social relationships. Patients are empowered to take control of their own mental and emotional well-being and spend time in group settings discussing topics like coming out safely, stress management, inclusiveness, coping with grief, healthy relationships and boundaries.

Learn more at cedarridgebhs.com, and find more local resources for LGBTQ+ youth and their families at metrofamilymagazine.com/okc-lgbtq-resources.

Pivot opens new youth shelter The Point at Pivot opened in late June as a drop-in center and overnight shelter serving youth up to age 24. This new resource for homeless youth in the community fills a need for this age group to rest and receive support and services.

“Homeless youth face much higher risks of physical or sexual assault and exposure to illegal activities than non-homeless youth,” said Lindsay Cates, emergency services director for Pivot. “They also often feel ignored or overlooked as they try to navigate life alone. The Point will offer them safety as well as a chance to share their point of view and make their own progress.”

The Point at Pivot is a community partnership with funding from The Arnall Family Foundation, The Cresap Family Foundation, Inasmuch Foundation and United Way of Central Oklahoma. Pivot has provided support for youth in the community for almost 50 years, offering education and job assistance, therapeutic care and prevention and intervention services, as well as meeting basic needs like food, personal hygiene items, clothing and short- and longterm housing.

For metro teens seeking to serve other teens, Pivot’s Teen Service Board provides an opportunity for youth to develop compassion, empathy and expanded social perspectives while learning valuable workplace ethics and business skills.

The board is open to applicants in grades 9 through 12 and has previously conducted back-to-school drives, raised funds for holiday gifts for homeless teens and assembled food baskets for students without parental support.

For more information, visit pivotok.org.

10 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

Mobile response available for local youth in crisis The Oklahoma Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse offers overthe-phone crisis support for youth 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Children, teens and young adults (or an adult who loves them) can receive behavioral, emotional, physical and social support by calling 1 (833) 885-CARE. The highly trained team can connect callers with immediate care and crisis intervention over the phone, local mental health professionals who can come to the child's home, follow-up care and resources.

For more information, visit ok.gov/odmhsas/Mental_Health_/Crisis_Services.

Picture your child on MetroFamily’s cover!

MetroFamily is searching for local kids with big smiles and bright personalities to grace our 2021 covers! You and your family are invited to enter the exclusive Virtual Cover Kids Search contest for kids ages 2 - 12.

It's easy to enter: Registration runs through Sept. 30.

Register online by submitting your portrait/photo, answering "about me" questions and including your $10 submission fee. Our readers will have the opportunity to vote for their favorites. Then, the top five finalists from each category will have a virtual interview with our personality panel to determine our winners. All families who enter will receive a virtual swag bag!

For more details and to register, please visit www.metrofamilymagazine.com/coverkidssearch THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS:

Talking with Teens about Depression As kids transition from childhood to their teenage years, both their physical health and mental health needs can change, too. Even as kids in this age group seek more independence, it’s imperative for parents to stay in conversation with teens about common challenges like depression and thoughts of suicide, especially as they are also experiencing the challenges brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic.

The U.S. Department of Health reports that nearly one third of American adolescents show signs of depression, though the Center for Disease Control reports that less than 5 percent of kids between ages 3 and 17 have been officially diagnosed. According to the CDC, suicide is among the leading cause of death for ages 10 to 24.

We asked local pediatrician Dr. Taylor Craft how parents can help tweens and teens navigate their mental health and be on the lookout for warning signs.

SPONSORED BY SSM HEALTH MEDICAL GROUP

As elementary-age kids transition to their tween and teen years, what medical concerns specific to this age group should parents discuss with their kids and pediatricians?

Kids at this age start becoming more independent, and therefore begin to make a lot of their own decisions. This means forming healthy habits are crucial. I always like to discuss diet and exercise at this age with the patient directly, along with possibly getting baseline labs if there are certain risk factors in play. A tough conversation to have with families is that normally healthy habits are directly attributed to what is available at the home.

Families need to make healthy decisions together, especially when the tween isn’t making their own decisions about meals or activity level.

Another big talking point is social support at home and at school. Signs of depression can start to show at this age and having open conversations with either a parent or seeking out a counselor is crucial.

What can depression look like in a teenager, and what steps can parents take if they believe their teen is depressed?

Depression can show up in multiple ways and does not always have a single trigger. A very common indication of depression is social isolation with loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities. In a teen, this can look like a lot of time in their room by themselves and/or not being interested in other family or friend activities.

12 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

Counseling is always a good first step when it comes to any issues with mental health. Having a trained third party to discuss feelings and thoughts with can be just what a child needs. I normally recommend counseling first, but if this is not effective or the depression is severe, I would likely start discussing medication options with families. When it comes to medication, patients are monitored closely, initially weekly, and followed up with routinely to ensure improvement of symptoms along with dealing with side effects. The most common side effect is abdominal pain, but there is a small risk of the depression worsening, which is why patients need to be watched closely.

What proactive steps can parents take to empower teens to take ownership of their physical and mental health?

As difficult as it can be, giving some autonomy to your child can help them take ownership of their own health!

Reinforcing those small healthy choices that a child is making throughout their day will have an effect on long-term habits. High school students tend to spend a lot of time outside of the home, and this makes the choices they make even more important for their own well-being.

If a parent feels there is a reason to be concerned at all, have your child screened by their pediatrician.

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What key indicators should parents be aware of that could indicate their teen might be having suicidal thoughts?

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Any discussion or comments regarding suicide should raise a red flag with any adult, especially family members. If there is family history of depression, both the pediatrician and a counselor should have open discussion about suicidal thoughts. Some more subtle signs could be a teen saying, even jokingly, “I’d be better off dead,” or other phrases that downplay self-worth.

Self-harm is another high-risk behavior that should have parents appropriately concerned.

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If a parent is seeing signs of depression begin to develop at a rapid rate in their child, I recommend the child be seen immediately to address any concerns.

What types of ongoing conversations should parents be having with their teens about mental health and suicide?

Any parent’s attempt to stay engaged and involved in their teen’s life can go a long way. Showing interest in their activities and friends will make it more likely for a child to open up and discuss personal topics like mental health. Parents should continue to stay aware and not shy away from having open dialogue with their child or asking questions when they are concerned.

Taylor Craft, DO, is passionate about growing with families and being there for continued care throughout a child’s first 18 years. Originally from the east Oklahoma City area, Dr. Craft enjoys the opportunity to serve the families he grew up with. He received his bachelor’s degree, earned his medical degree and completed his residency at Oklahoma State University. He is a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics, American Academy of Osteopathic Physicians, American Osteopathic Association and Oklahoma Osteopathic Association. When not caring for patients, he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children, playing pickup basketball with friends and getting in as much golf as possible. Dr. Craft is a pediatrician with SSM Health St. Anthony Healthplex at I-40 and Douglas Boulevard in Midwest City.

Reach Dr. Craft at 405-772-4620 or ssmhealth.com/TaylorCraftDO.

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

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LOCAL FAMILY FUN

Girl Scout urban STEM camp opens in the Adventure District

BY LINDSAY CUOMO. PHOTOS PROVIDED.

The age-old tradition of outdoor camping combines with modern STEM-focused programming in Girl Scouts Western Oklahoma’s brand new Camp Trivera, opening in Oklahoma City this month.

Occupying 17 acres just east of the Oklahoma City Zoo, the state-of-the-art camp is the result of a multi-year journey, one that began amidst controversy.

“I still remember one of my volunteers calling to tell me to turn on the TV, that Cookieland was on the news,” recalls Shannon Evers, chief executive officer with Girl Scouts Western Oklahoma.

Purchased by the Girls Scouts in 1948 using money from cookie sales and personal funds, Cookieland provided outdoor camping and programming experiences for generations of local troops. But, in 2016, the Oklahoma Turnpike Authority was working out plans for a new turnpike, which required land acquisition to build, and both Cookieland and personal homes sat on parcels of land under consideration.

“The public meeting was heated,” said Evers. “People were very worried about their homes.”

The Girl Scouts engaged girls of various ages to discuss the dilemma of selling Cookieland or community members potentially losing their homes and help find a solution.

“The Turnpike Authority met with a group of our girls to explain the options, and in the end the girls decided to save the homes and sell Cookieland,” said Evers.

The Girl Scouts then turned their focus to building a new camp, and from the beginning, members have played an integral part of the planning and design process, including selecting features, programming and amenities.

Camp Trivera focuses on STEM and outdoor experiences, offering a year-round destination for troops and the community. Both traditional outdoor adventures, like camping, hiking, zip lining and kayaking, combine with indoor lodging options and an indoor rock climbing wall ONE OF THREE TREE HOUSES AT THE CAMP, EACH SLEEPING ABOUT 10.

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FALL CAMP REGISTRATION OPEN NOW

for the best of both worlds, with ample opportunities to explore STEM. As a national organization, Girl Scouts seeks to place 2.5 million girls into the STEM workforce by 2025, and Evers said Camp Trivera will be an important resource in achieving that goal.

“There is a STEM surprise around every corner,” Evers shared. “We wanted to create a space that provides access to resources that further the progression of Girl Scout programming.”

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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

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BUNK ROOMS ARE DECORATED BY GIRL-SELECTED NATURE THEMES.

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the science of buoyancy and weightless environments. A section of ceiling mimics the night sky so girls can study constellations and astronomy no matter the weather conditions. The kitchen is fully equipped for teaching and catering and even the architecture allows girls a peek into the world of construction.

Outdoor recreational opportunities abound at Camp Trivera including primitive camping, canoeing and hiking. Troops can opt to stay in a bunk room, a tree house or on the Dream Deck, a second story lounging space outfitted with hammocks and views of the Oklahoma City Zoo. Every girl who stays overnight at Camp Trivera will receive a pass to the Oklahoma City Zoo, Science Museum Oklahoma or First Americans Museum, which is expected to open in spring of 2021.

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16 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

Camp scholarships are available and funded by an endowment included in the $12.5 million raised for construction of the camp.

The facilities at Camp Trivera will be available to rent for corporate events, weddings, reunions and other events, and metro girls are welcome to engage in community programming. Evers said Girls Scouts Western Oklahoma is working on drop-in and day camp opportunities for this fall.

“We are working on programming to help parents out while kids are learning virtually,” said Evers. “We will be following CDC guidelines to keep all of the girls safe because safety is always our main concern.”

For more information about the camp facilities and upcoming programming, visit camp.gswestok.org.

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Free therapeutic screening The J.D. McCarty Center for children with developmental disabilities offers a free therapeutic screening for children with special needs and their families to meet with our experts and receive information about services and resources available.

The center serves children from birth to age 21.

Call 405-307-2800 to schedule a free screening and to learn more about how we enrich the lives of children with disabilities!

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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

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EXPLORING BEYOND OKLAHOMA

Exploring

DC

with Kids

BY TANYA SCHOOR. PHOTOS PROVIDED AND COURTESY OF WASHINGTON.ORG.

V

isiting Washington, D.C. with kids can be an intimidating prospect. When to go? Where to stay? What to see? The nation’s capital is replete with history and full of family-friendly activities, but it can be hard to know where to start when you begin planning your family’s D.C. vacation.

Growing up in the D.C. suburbs, I was fortunate to experience all the city has to offer. Now in Oklahoma, and with a new baby at home, I love having the opportunity to take my son back to my hometown. I look forward to watching him grow and seeing the sights anew through his eyes.

If Washington, D.C. is on your family’s bucket list, here are a few of my favorite attractions and recommendations for your itinerary. Happy travels!

THE MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. MEMORIAL IS LOCATED IN DOWNTOWN D.C. COURTESY OF WASHINGTON.ORG.

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Editor’s note: While the COVID-19 pandemic means traditional vacations may not be viable for all families or destinations, dreaming of family fun is never off limits! If planning a trip to the nation’s capital in the near future, double check with all locations to determine availability, hours and current restrictions.

Day 1 National Mall

DON’T MISS A FAMILY SELFIE IN FRONT OF THE WHITE HOUSE! COURTESY OF

Start off on the National Mall, taking in the various museums of the Smithsonian.

Options include the Air & Space Museum, National Archives, American History Museum, National Gallery of Art and more.

There is something for everyone, and all offer free admission!

At the Air & Space Museum, kids will love seeing Charles Lindbergh’s plane Spirit of St. Louis and Neil Armstrong’s Apollo 11 spacesuit. Break up exhibit viewing with interactive experiences and demonstrations, the IMAX theater and the planetarium.

washington.org.

Just a few blocks from the National Mall, the White House is within easy walking distance. Don’t miss the chance to stop by for an obligatory photo opp!

While in town, consider touring the Capitol building. Requests for tours can be made by contacting your local representative’s office prior to your trip. Same-day passes are

limited in availability, so you will want to plan ahead.

At meal time, check out local favorite Ben’s Chili Bowl, or for more adventurous palates, fine French cuisine can be found at the Le Diplomate (reservations required). For a quick meal, a number of fast-food eateries are located in nearby Union Station.

The National Archives is home to our nation’s most important documents, including the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, all impressive to view in person. At the American History Museum, check out the American flag that inspired our national anthem and Dorothy’s ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz. The National Gallery features many great art works and rotating exhibits. The museum also offers family activities geared to every age level, including tours, workshops, story times and films.

THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT, THE NATIONAL MALL, U.S. CAPITOL BUILDING AND MORE.

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

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Day 2 Monuments & Memorials

THE WORLD WAR II MEMORIAL HONORS THOSE WHO SERVED, THOSE WHO DIED AND ALL WHO SUPPORTED THE WAR EFFORT FROM HOME.

D.C.’s famous monuments and memorials can occupy a full day of family fun and learning. If you prefer not to walk, consider a bus tour. Hop on, hop off tours are readily available to save your legs but also allow you to check out stops in more detail.

Highlights include the Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, Jefferson Memorial, World War II Memorial and the Korean War Memorial. If you visit in springtime, keep an eye out for the gorgeous cherry blossoms around the Tidal Basin, near the Jefferson Memorial!

MAKE A DAY OF EXPLORING D.C.’S FAMOUS MONUMENTS, INCLUDING THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT. COURTESY WASHINGTON.ORG.

Depending on when you visit, check the local sports team schedules to experience D.C.’s hometown spirit. The World Series champion Washington Nationals play home games through late September.

For dining options, find locally-sourced fare at the farmer-owned Founding Farmers, or try the iconic Old Ebbitt Grill, founded in 1856 and branded as America’s oldest saloon.

Day 3 Georgetown

On your third day, take time to enjoy the waterfront and shopping available in Georgetown. While there, satisfy your sweet tooth at Georgetown Cupcake, made popular by the TLC show D.C. Cupcakes or try locallyacclaimed Baked and Wired.

If your crew is more into museums than shopping, definitely put the International Spy Museum on your list. This local favorite for kids includes an interactive tour that sends you on your own undercover mission. Tickets are $24.95 for adults and $14.95 for youth (7-12); children under 6 are free.

The Holocaust Museum narrates the story of the Holocaust through artifacts, photographs and film. The experience is incredibly moving, though best reserved for older kids who will grasp the historical significance. Tickets are free but must be reserved online or picked up same-day at the museum for timed entry.

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To close out the evening, catch a show at the John F. Kennedy Center for Performing Arts, which frequently hosts off-Broadway performances. For history buffs, Ford’s Theatre, the site of President Lincoln’s assassination, features a variety of live performances in addition to tours of the historic space.

SHOPPING IN GEORGETOWN

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

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GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOUNT VERNON SITS ACROSS THE POTOMAC RIVER FROM D.C.

Days 4+5 Visit Virginia If you have extra time (and a rental car!), consider spending a day or two in D.C.’s neighbor to the south. Virginia is full of history and family-friendly attractions.

Close to D.C., the Udvar-Hazy Center supplements the downtown Air & Space Museum. Find various marvels of aviation and flight, including a Concorde airplane and the space shuttle Discovery.

For a taste of presidential history, George Washington’s Mount Vernon sits just across the Potomac River from our nation’s capital.

Kids will love exploring the home and grounds, with various demonstrations and farm animals to pique their interest.

If you like history and are able to venture a little further, Charlottesville is home to Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello and James Monroe’s Ash Lawn. James Madison’s Montpelier is also nearby.

The ever-popular Colonial Williamsburg, along with Jamestown and Yorktown historic sites, are also excellent choices for family fun.

In Williamsburg, explore the world’s largest living history museum. Re-enactors give families a glimpse into early American life as you tour impressive historical sites. Take a ride through town on a horse-drawn carriage and whisk yourself back to the 1700s!

The American Revolution Museum at Yorktown presents exhibits, film and living history to tell the story of our nation’s founding. Learn about life in the Revolutionary period and follow in the footsteps of a Continental soldier.

The Jamestown Settlement was home to the first English colonists, who arrived in 1607.

Explore re-creations of the three ships that brought settlers to Virginia and a life-size colonial fort.

For overnight stays, check out Kingsmill Resort and Williamsburg Inn.

22 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

EXPLORE LIVING HISTORY IN COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG.

Getting There

There are three major airports serving the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area: Reagan National (DCA), Washington-Dulles International (IAD) and Baltimore-Washington International (BWI). United Airlines offers a direct flight from OKC to IAD and Southwest flies directly to DCA and BWI. All three options are accessible to the downtown area via D.C.’s Metro system. DCA is located close to downtown and is a quick Metro train ride away, from BWI you can ride the train and IAD is in the Northern Virginia suburbs and will require connections on a Metro bus and Metrorail. Metro maps and ticket information are available at wmata.com. A 3-day unlimited pass is $28.

Where to Stay

For a kid-friendly, high-end experience, try the Willard Intercontinental. This historic hotel is a popular spot located just two blocks from the White House. Their kid’s concierge offers amenities tailored specifically for families, including a children’s library, hotel history tours, toys and games.

Less expensive options abound in the nearby Virginia and Maryland suburbs, notably Crystal City and Silver Spring, if extra travel suits your plans. Double Tree, Westin and Hilton Garden Inn all have properties in Crystal City. In Silver Spring, Courtyard by Marriott and Homewood Suites are highly recommended.

EXPLORE D.C. VIA THE METRO.

When to Visit

Any time of year is magical in Washington, D.C. Spring is popular for the annual Cherry Blossom Festival. Summertime can be crowded, particularly around the Fourth of July. A long weekend over fall break can be ideal for an initial taste of what the city has to offer. Pack wisely, as temperatures can get chilly in October!

It’s not just what they know.

It’s who they become.

Primrose School of Edmond 405.285.6787 PrimroseEdmond.com Primrose School of Southwest Oklahoma City 405.793.6000 PrimroseSWOklahomaCity.com

Call for a tour.

Each Primrose school is a privately owned and operated franchise. Primrose Schools is a registered trademark of Primrose School Franchising SPE, LLC. ©2020 Primrose School Franchising SPE, LLC. All rights reserved.

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

23

Fall fun is here!

CALENDAR #OKCFAMILYFUN

Check out 4 pumpkin patches opening this month: Opens Sept. 10

Parkhurst Pumpkin Patch (720 Henney Rd, Arcadia) features hayrides, hay maze, fun fort, petting zoo, pony rides and more. $11; Thursdays, $9; kids (2 & under), free. Cash or check only. Thursday, 1 p.m. - dark; FridaySunday, 10 a.m. - dark. 315-7392, parkhurstranch.com

Opens Sept. 25

Wings’ Fall Festival and Pumpkin Patch at Wings Special Needs Community (13700 N Eastern Ave, Edmond) features hayrides, pumpkin train rides, corn maze, hay slide, pony rides, a petting zoo, outdoor games and more. Staff and volunteers will wear masks and guests are encouraged to as well. Hand sanitation stations will be available. Proceeds benefit Wings programming. $6 per person. Friday & Saturday, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m.; Sunday, 1 - 6 p.m. 242-4646, facebook.com/WingsOK

Opening Sept. 26

Rustic Roots Pumpkin Patch (105340 Greer Rd, Lamont) features a variety of fall fun activities including a themed corn maze, petting zoo, hay fort, barrel train rides, hayrides, a corn cannon and more. The farm has extensive safety precautions in place including hand-washing stations and increased cleaning procedures. $10 per person. Friday - Saturday, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m.; Sunday, 1 - 6 p.m. 580-716-3608, rusticrootsevents.com Chester’s Pumpkin Patch at Chester’s Party Barn (5201 Cimarron Rd, Piedmont) features a petting zoo, unlimited pony rides, hayrides, a mystery maze, paintball target range, games and more, plus live entertainment on the weekends. Kids (ages 1-10), $10; kids (11 & up) & adults, $6; infants (11 mos & under) & seniors ages 65 & older, free. Thursday - Saturday, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m.; Sunday, 1 - 6 p.m. 373-1595, facebook.com/chesterspartybarn

metrofamilymagazine.com/pumpkin-patches

24 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

to

TWO WAYS STAY VIBRANT VIRTUAL

while

Want to keep your kids energized and excited to learn?

Form healthy routines.

1. MAKE TIME TO MOVE. No P.E.? Help your kids move for 60 minutes at home. Take brain breaks for arm circles, toe touches, jumping jacks … or even a friendly dance-off!

2. HYDRATE TO FEEL GREAT. Water boosts your kid’s mood and energy level. Plus, there’s no sugar crash — unlike with soda, juice or sports drinks. Make it fun by infusing it with fruit!

NEED MOTIVATION?

NEED ACTIVITIES?

Download our Healthy Habits Reward Card

Download our Kid-Friendly Workout Plan

Want more healthy hacks you can try at home? Visit:

CALENDAR #OKCFAMILYFUN

Top IN-Person Events in September Sept. 7

FREE Labor Day Celebration at Reaves Park (S Jenkins Ave, Norman) features a fireworks show at sundown.

Attendees are encouraged to practice social distancing. All ages welcome. facebook.com/normanokparks

Sept. 26

Down Syndrome Association of Central Oklahoma’s Parade of Inclusion in Downtown Oklahoma City (Oklahoma City Blvd & Robinson Ave) invites families to take part in a spirited car parade through the streets of downtown. There will be a contest for the best-decorated vehicle. The parade is free to attend and begins at 10 a.m. dsfestivaland5k.com

Through Oct. 19

FREE Aqueous at Oklahoma Contemporary’s Campbell Art Park (11 NW 11th St) features an interactive light installation by NYC artist Jen Lewis.

During the day, the pathway reflects the sky and the surrounding environment. At night, the surface lights up and responds as visitors move along the pathway.

951-0000, oklahomacontemporary.org

Find our full calendar of September events at metrofamilymagazine.com/calendar.

26

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

Top Virtual Events in September Throughout the month

Challenge your family to get active for a good cause!

There are several metro nonprofits hosting virtual runs and they need community support more now than ever to ensure their important work continues. Find a cause near to your family’s heart and get moving! · St. Jude Virtual Walk on Sept. 19 · Oklahoma City Team Hope Virtual Walk on Sept. 20 · DSACO’s Virtual 5k on Sept. 26 · Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon beginning Oct. 4

Tuesdays in September

FREE Storytime Science on Facebook with Science Museum Oklahoma (online) features story time followed by an interactive science activity related to the book.

Tuesdays, 10:30 a.m. facebook.com/ScienceMuseumOk

Thursdays in September

FREE Discovery Days with the Oklahoma Hall Fame (online) invites families to learn about Oklahoma’s story with a virtual story time follow by a craft and show & tell inspired by the book. This program is free and best suited for ages 3-7. Preregister and pick up a complimentary craft kit. Thursdays, 10:30 a.m. oklahomahof.com

Sept. 16

FREE Villains Trivia Night with Southern Oaks Library (online) features a fun dark side themed trivia competition to prove your knowledge of popular evildoers. Preregister.

For ages 13-18. 6:30-8 p.m. 231-8650, metrolibrary.org

Through Sept. 30

MetroFamily is searching for local kids with big smiles and bright personalities to grace our 2021 covers! Have a fun photo session at home or around town and then submit your child’s portrait. Kids ages 2-12 are eligible to enter. Submissions are $10 each and each family receives a virtual swag bag filled with coupons and fun surprises. metrofamilymagazine.com/coverkidssearch

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

27

REAL MOMS OF THE METRO

CONNOR JONES PERFORMS AS ODETTE IN OKC BALLET’S SWAN LAKE. PHOTO BY KATE LUBER.

Finding balance OKC BALLET PRINCIPAL COURTNEY CONNOR JONES JUGGLES MOTHERHOOD AND LIFE ON STAGE

BY APRIL DEOCARIZA. PHOTOS PROVIDED AND BY KATE LUBER AND JANA CARSON.

Little dancers may have visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads, but for Courtney Connor Jones, that vision is her reality. As a principal dancer with the Oklahoma City Ballet, Connor Jones has portrayed leading roles on stage including the Sugar Plum Fairy in The Nutcracker and Juliet in Romeo & Juliet. Off stage, she is wife to fellow OKC Ballet dancer Sam Jones and mom to 4-year-old daughter Gwyneth.

Balancing her busy dance career with the demands of family life keeps Connor Jones on her toes, literally.

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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

Becoming a Ballerina Born in California, Connor Jones began dancing at the age of 3 and continued when her family moved to North Carolina when she was 5.

“Around age 14 is when it all really clicked for me and I felt that ballet was my path; this is what I have to do,” said Connor Jones.

She completed her training at the prestigious University of North Carolina School of the Arts and started her professional dancing career with the Cincinnati Ballet at the age of 18. It was at the Cincinnati Ballet, where she danced for 11 seasons, that she met her husband.

Moving to OKC “We had our daughter in Cincinnati and really needed a change as a couple,” recalls Connor Jones, about their decision to move to Oklahoma. “We sent our stuff all over the place and went to auditions. It was a perfect fit with Robert [Mills, OKC Ballet’s artistic director].”

The couple joined OKC Ballet in 2017. Working with her husband at the same company has its pros and cons.

“It can be hard to get dance jobs as a couple since what companies need can vary so much,” said Connor Jones.

“But it’s nice to be on the same schedule and see each other, especially for theatre weeks [when the company is performing] since you are in the theatre until 10 p.m. or so. Sometimes we may have different rehearsal schedules so we alternate who picks up Gwyn from daycare.”

CONNOR JONES WITH DAUGHTER, GWYNETH, 4, AFTER A PERFORMANCE OF LA SYLPHIDE.

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

29

Cowboy Duds Día de los Muertos

October 3 • 10:00 a.m. – Noon Día de los Muertos is a Mexican festival celebrated every year from October 31 – November 2 in commemoration of deceased friends and family members.

Create a colorful sugar skull rock, a unique twist on a holiday tradition.

Make tissue paper marigolds and papel picado, colorful symbols of the holiday, and enjoy storytime.

Free for members or with Museum admission.

All activities available while supplies last.

CONNOR JONES IN REHEARSAL FOR LA SYLPHIDE WITH ALVIN TOVSTOGRAY.

A Dancing Family’s Typical Day The Jones have a pretty early start to their days at their home just outside of Warr Acres.

“We’re not normally morning people, but with a kid, you have to get up early to do anything!” laughs Connor Jones.

Her husband typically wakes up around 5:30 a.m. to walk the dog or go for a run, while Connor Jones wakes up around 6 or 6:30 a.m. to work on her side gig of jewelry making.

The family leaves the house around 8:30 a.m. to take Gwyn to daycare. Daily ballet class is held from 9:30 to 11 a.m. and the rest of the day can be packed with rehearsals until 5:30 p.m. After work, the family heads home, does housework, preps dinner and works on jewelry orders.

Like many parents, Connor Jones finds it challenging to leave her work behind at the studio or theatre in order to be present to her daughter when she gets home.

“As a principal dancer, every role I have now can be very emotionally intensive,” describes Connor Jones. “This last season, I performed in Dracula and Romeo & Juliet and it was really hard. I had to come home and be myself and not be ‘Juliet’ anymore. You go through all these emotions all day long and then you come home to your child who needs attention and wants to play. It can be mentally a lot, but you get home and try to turn it all off and be a mom.”

She notes that motherhood has shaped her as an artist, allowing her to let go and improving her well-roundedness as a dancer.

#HashtagTheCowboy nationalcowboymuseum.org/kids 1700 Northeast 63rd Street Oklahoma City, OK 73111

“When I first had Gwyn, I always worked hard in the studio but there was shyness in my performance,” recalls Connor Jones. “I don’t know if it was a lack of confidence or because I hadn’t done these huge roles yet. After having her, it opened up a part of my brain that I hadn’t used before. I started to see the world differently. It lifted a weight off of me and I became more comfortable emoting.”

30 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

Coping During the Pandemic

Advice for Young Dancers

Like many families these days, the Jones have been impacted by the coronavirus pandemic and have sought ways to adjust.

COVID-19 forced OKC Ballet to close its studios back in March and end its performance season early, though the school has since reopened for classes.

Connor Jones notes that a dancer’s life is wonderful but also filled with long hours of hard work and dedication. She urges parents who are thinking of enrolling their child in dance to go in with an open mind.

“As dancers, we’re so used to having a schedule every day,” said Connor Jones. “It’s really hard to suddenly not have that, so we made our own schedule as a family.”

This challenging time has presented her with an opportunity to teach Gwyn about perseverance.

DEVELOPING HER OWN LINE OF JEWELRY PROVIDES A UNIQUE CREATIVE OUTLET AND STRESS RELIEF FOR CONNOR JONES.

“Gwyn witnessed me taking many ballet classes in the kitchen and stretching and doing Pilates-type exercises out of necessity,” describes Connor Jones. “When we were allowed to come back into the studio for short times, she was able to see me struggle and continue to push and work hard through the bad days to try to get back to where I was in March.”

enjoys going to Lake Hefner or the Myriad Botanical Gardens to feed the fish, run around and look at the flowers. Connor Jones also enjoys gardening and working on her jewelry line.

During their downtime, the Jones family

“I taught myself jewelry making and have been doing it for the past eight years,” said Connor Jones. “It’s a great outlet and stress relief for me.”

“For younger kids, they won’t learn so much ballet [technique] at age 3 or 4, so it’s more about developing listening skills, creative movement and recognizing music,” said Connor Jones. “But if you think that your child has talent or the desire, enrolling them in ballet younger is better since it takes a lot of years of training and fine tuning to get to the professional level. You really develop discipline.”

Because of COVID-19, schedules for the Oklahoma City Ballet’s 2020-2021 performances season and/or their classes may change. Find more at their website okcballet.org.

Kids Recipe Kit

Mission: To provide spiritual and physical food to those who need it.

How it works: PARENTS SIGN UP ONLINE

What's Included: Kid-friendly recipes

With homeschooling and/or virtual schooling a commonly-chosen option for many families, MetroFamily is providing more educational resources and ways to make learning fun!

metrofamilymagazine.com/ COVIDedu

Online or DVD cooking video Kitchen prize Coloring book Activity Sheets Healthy snack or recipe ingredient AND MUCH MORE!

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This free service is provided by A Table in the Wilderness to encourage children and parents to enjoy healthy eating together while learning more about the food they eat and how to make it.

FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT:

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Must be 18 years or older to sign up ONE per household Age range for kits: 4-17

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

31

Do You Have a Child That is a Problem Feeder?

Does your child: - eat the same foods every day?

- eat less than 20 foods?

- cry or fall apart with new foods?

- refuse an entire category of food?

- eat a different meal than the rest of the family?

CALL TODAY

to schedule your class or small group fall field trip!

Choose from two programs:

Our Certified Feeding Therapists Can Help!

RED BARN

Contact us today for more information

1. Docent-led, outdoor tour of the red barn with hands-on activities such as corn grinding and rope making 2. Rent the one-room schoolhouse for the day

I AM A GIRL SCOUT Cathy Ferguson competed in the 1964 Olympic Games in Japan. She received a Gold Medal. She was inducted into the international swimming hall of fame as an “Honor Swimmer” in 1978. Take the lead and forge your own path with Girl Scouts Western Oklahoma!

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SCHOOLHOUSE We’re sanitizing and practicing all CDC requirements to keep kids and teachers safe.

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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

33

FAMILY MENTAL WELLNESS

Anywhere and everywhere we have our words, and that is power we can help our kids to recognize and use as tools to grow closer and see the best in each other!

Stacey Johnson JOHNSON AND HER HUSBAND HELP THEIR EIGHT KIDS DEVELOP IDENTITY MANTRAS, GIVING THEM CONFIDENCE IN WHO THEY ARE AND FOSTERING A CELEBRATORY SPIRIT AMONG SIBLINGS.

STACEY JOHNSON IS A LICENSED PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR, SPEAKER AND MOM.

Fostering Healthy Sibling Relationships Language Matters

BY STACEY JOHNSON, LPC. PHOTOS PROVIDED.

One of the most powerful, important, life-long relationship dynamics we can have in life is that of siblings. Yet we aren’t taught how to do this brother or sister thing. There’s no manual, and often our parents did not give us guidance in what that should look like other than through consequences. And that only after one child has already been smacked or called a name or endured another hurtful scenario in which we are told to “keep your hands to yourself!” or “don’t call your sister names!”

34 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

And, really, aren’t those pretty general courtesy to-dos in behavior in all of our relationships?

Having siblings is a relationship gift.

It’s really not enough to simply “do unto others.” I believe this special bond is sacred, and the way we show up is more of a calling than obeying a list of rules.

To walk this out, our kids need tangible guidance and healthy language to see how truly important the way we treat family can be. Start with a focus on four key areas:

1. Language is everything in the home.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? Nah. Actually, words can wreak havoc in the worst way.

A better reminder is that words have the power of life and death. Speak life and encourage kids to do the same.

2. Make time to connect. Does your family share “highs and lows” at dinner time, or engage in some other “share” to reconnect over a meal? Instead of going in order, pass the turn by sharing one thing you love about the family member you “tag” to share next!

3. Set communication values. Converse over a meal or in a short family meeting to name three to five top family communication values, such as not interrupting one another, not yelling at each other and always greeting each other with “Good morning” and “Good night.”

Greetings are simple ways to foster mini connections on a daily basis.

4. Manage interruptions. Do your kids ever interrupt each other? Just mine? When one sibling answers for another, or gives

unsolicited input, I encourage our children to say, “Not in my yard.” This has been much more helpful than reprimanding with words like “stop interrupting!” Actually, when I first started teaching my boys this technique, I would give an intense “ahem!” so my youngest would catch the hint, and he would get so excited to say, “Not in my yard!” Not only did my vocalization get his attention about interrupting and correcting his brother, but it gave him his own boundaries, which kids actually love.

Boundaries, even in communication, show us where we can play. They give us healthy restrictions, but they also give us freedom!

Empowering with affirmation Truly, speaking life starts on a personal level. We must first learn to speak value and love over ourselves before we can dish it to others. Affirmations are an incredible way to empower siblings with meaningful language — the kind that gives us an indication of how important I am, and how important you are, too.

Our two 7-year-old boys each have their own identity mantra. They are similar but have a few tweaks custom to their individual needs of assurance and self-esteem. For example, they both begin with, “I am a masterpiece, created in God’s image. I’m super smart, super kind” … and then they get a little different.

DaMarion’s mantra includes how calm and thoughtful he is because his energy is lit and I want him to know the value of a calm spirit, too. One of his special gifts is how thoughtful and sentimental he is to his family and friends, and I want to celebrate that!

For Isaiah, we added “super fast.” He’s 5 months younger than his speed-racer brother, so we want to encourage his abilities that he desires to grow in. His also ends with “… my mom believes in me, my dad believes in me, God believes in me and I believe in me” because he’s very hard on himself and needs reassurance to believe in himself. Sometimes that starts with seeing himself through our eyes because he trusts us and our opinion of him. This might seem like an indirect way of fostering their bond — and it is!

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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

35

“… my mom believes in me, my dad believes in me, God believes in me and I believe in me.”

Isaiah

Two things are important about these affirmations: 1. When our kids are confident in who they are, they don’t feel the need to tear others down so much. This works wonders with adults, too, by the way.

2. Most importantly, they say these mantras in front of each other, they hear each other and this helps them to receive with their ears what amazing characteristics each other has, fostering a celebratory spirit in and for one another!

Creating identity mantras Identify mantras can be as short as three to five fun sentences, and your child can help you come up with it. Just give them a launching line or two and let them try a couple. There’s freedom here, and you can change it!

When you’ve got a good few lines of affirmation, write them out on a sheet of paper or poster board, decorate it and post for all to see. Say the mantras each night (this helps calm the evening mind, too!) and on that car ride to school or dinner.

Bonus points: let them help make a momma mantra, too! They will see the value in speaking life and learn the importance of positive language for self-esteem, and they’ll have a tried and true answer for any negative comments.

If my boys are called a name by each other — or even a fellow classmate — they have used their affirmations as a response. And if

36 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

they really get to know each other’s mantras, if one brother takes a verbal shot at another, you better believe they can make a repair by dishing back positivity, starting with “You are a masterpiece…”

Anywhere and everywhere we have our words, and that is power we can help our kids to recognize and use as tools to grow closer and see the best in each other!

Stacey Johnson is a licensed professional counselor in private practice at The Purple Couch where she leads individual and group counseling and co-leads couples counseling with her husband. She holds a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy and certification in experiential therapy and the Daring Way curriculum to help women develop shame resilience and transformative courage. She is founder of Single Space, a community of encouragement for single women that meets across chapters in three cities every year, a speaker and leader of whole health women’s mastermind groups and host of The Girly Bliss podcast. Her greatest joy and accomplishment are her eight children. Follow her on Instagram @staceyjohnsonlife or her website staceyjohnson.life.

Editor’s note: This column is the third in a 12-month series on family mental wellness, written by local experts on topics pertinent to parents and children. Columnists include Johnson, Thai-An Truong, LPC, LADC, in private practice as a postpartum therapist and mom of two; Dr. Lisa Marotta, a psychologist, writer, speaker and mom in private practice in Edmond; and Dr. Erica Faulconer, pediatrician with Northwest Pediatrics and mom of three.

Coming Soon!

Launch to Landing: Oklahomans and Space.

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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

37

The birds, bees and boys: Talking with boys about sex When Cristi Whiddon’s soon-to-be 5th grader came into her bedroom armed with questions about menstrual cycles, anatomy and the female body, the Tuttle mom of two admits she was caught off guard.

But before she knew it, that feeling of shock was gone and she was drawing diagrams and answering all of her son’s questions, opening the door to conversations that she said her parents didn’t have with her.

“My parents didn’t sit down and have ‘the talk’ with me; I had to learn on the streets from friends, and I didn’t always get the information right,” said Whiddon.

Discussing sex with teens and pre-teens is not a new concept for parents, and neither are the nerves, shock and sometimes embarrassment that come along with it. Oftentimes those feelings seem to be multiplied when the audience for those discussions is boys.

Dr. LaNita Wright, an assistant professor at the University of Central Oklahoma, said there is a focus on girls when it comes time to discuss sex because there is an assumption

BY RERE LUNSFORD

that girls are undergoing more changes and have more questions.

“There are more conversations with girls because menstruation is less uncomfortable to talk about than semen and sperm production,” said Wright, who teaches in UCO’s community/public health program and focuses on human development, adolescent development and sexual health.

Leaning in to

Discomfort

Wright said society doesn’t expect for boys to express themselves and come to their parents or guardians with questions about sex, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have questions and that they don’t want answers.

“Oftentimes we think that young people don’t want to have conversations with their parents or guardians, but they actually do,” said Wright. “They just don’t know how to ask the questions and they may be uncomfortable or don’t know where to start.”

38 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

She encourages and empowers parents to own their voices and not shy away from having what can be uncomfortable discussions with the young men in their lives.

“I think the most important thing I would convey is that the parent or guardian in a young person’s life is the primary educator in that young person’s life,” said Wright.

Samantha Butts knew ‘the talk’ was coming at school for her now 14-year-old son, but the Norman mom wasn’t nervous about having conversations at home because open dialogue with her children has always been important to her. Butts said that stems from the fact that she was a teen mom.

“I had him when I was 17 so we always had an open dialogue,” said Butts, who also has a 7-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter. “As he got older and closer to [the age that I had him], I think he realized how young we were and I think that kind of opened it up.”

Butts and her husband grew up very differently when it came to their parents discussing sex with them. Her parents were

more open, whereas her husband’s parents were more of the don’t-discuss-it-at-all type. Butts said coming from two different backgrounds has impacted the way both she and her husband have approached the topic in their home.

“He wanted to be very careful with the words he used, he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, whereas I was like you might as well make him uncomfortable because it’s an uncomfortable thing to talk about,” said Butts.

“There is no way to talk about it without being uncomfortable for anyone involved.”

Wright said parents and guardians have to lean in to their discomfort, meaning they need recognize that they may feel uncomfortable, but that does not mean they cannot handle the discussion.

“Knowing that you’re going to be uncomfortable is really a huge step because now you can work toward being more comfortable,” said Wright.

“Know that when you really push past that discomfort, there’s something so beautiful on the other side of that because now you can actually have conversations with your young person. It’s a temporary discomfort and it’s absolutely worth it.”

WRIGHT ADVISES PARENTS TO LEAN IN TO THEIR DISCOMFORT IN TALKING WITH KIDS ABOUT SEX, RECOGNIZING THAT UNCOMFORTABLE FEELINGS DON'T MEAN THEY CAN'T HANDLE THE CONVERSATIONS.

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39

Relationships

Matter

Whiddon was not only surprised that her son was so open to start a conversation but also that he was coming to her rather than her husband, Brad.

“I think I was nervous about explaining things to a young boy,” said Whiddon.

She’s been a stay-at-home mom since her son was born and thinks that constant presence made him comfortable to talk to her. Butts said she had a conversation with her son and asked if he would be more comfortable talking to his dad.

“He said it was more comfortable to talk to me because I’ve always talked about it and I’ve always brought up those things,” said Butts.

The gender of the parent having discussions with a child is less important than the connection and comfort the child has with the adult.

“If you are mom, and dad is not in the home, that doesn’t mean you should not have this conversation with your sons,” said Wright.

“It’s about building those relationships.

Relationships matter.”

For Edmond mother Lisa Calvin, even though it was easier to talk to her now 26-year-old daughter because she could relate to her, she still is comfortable having open discussions with her two sons, ages 18 and 16. Calvin said her youngest son sometimes seems more comfortable talking to her, but that can vary day to day, and at times her husband handles more of the conversations with their sons.

not. But it’s not about me being comfortable; it’s about parents giving the right information so their kids make the right choices.”

One of the biggest differences for Calvin between talking to her daughter versus talking to her sons is how the conversations started. Her daughter would ask questions that would develop into a conversation. Her sons don’t ask questions, so conversations and topics come up as needed. For example, when her sons wanted to watch the Netflix show 13 Reasons Why, that opened up discussion about consent.

“We do more small conversations along the way,” said Calvin. “That’s what works for the boys. I don’t think it needs to be talked about at length; it needs to be in short bursts.

Because if we do stay on the topic for too long they just aren’t having it and they are like ‘let’s move on.’”

Beyond the

Birds and the Bees Consent is the main topic of conversation that Calvin and her husband are having with their sons right now. Wright agrees that consent, sexting and decision making are important discussions parents need to have with their teens and pre-teens so they can better inform and influence their decisions.

“As trusted adults we have to recognize that they are making decisions that they may have not fully processed yet,” said Wright. “It’s important for us to help them to process those decisions because when they are on their own they may not make a decision that they want to make. They may have not thought through the whole thing.”

Burton has talked to his 17-year-old son about focusing on school, work, his athletics and future goals, while also discussing with him the ramifications of making sexual decisions that he may not be ready to make.

“I’m not going to tell him he can’t do this or that, but I am going to say if you do this, these could be the consequences,” said Burton.

Brad Whiddon and his wife have always sought to be open and honest in their discussions with their children, and conversations about sex are no different.

“If you’re not straightforward with them, their friends will be,” said Whiddon. “If you don’t talk to them about it, someone’s going to, and you don’t have control over that conversation.”

ReRe Lunsford is a Norman mom of two boys and an adjunct journalism professor at the University of Oklahoma.

Sometimes boys may feel more comfortable talking to a trusted male figure because they know that person has experienced what they are experiencing.

Jonathan Burton, an Oklahoma City single father of three, said even though he knows he may feel more comfortable talking to his two sons about sex than he will talking to his 9-year-old daughter, he recognizes the importance of having those conversations with her as well.

“I feel as a dad, that’s a hard thing to do with a daughter because there are certain things that you don’t understand that her mom would understand,” said Burton. “But am I going to have those conversations with her?

Yes. Am I going to be comfortable? Probably

WRIGHT SAYS THE GENDER OF THE PARENT HAVING DISCUSSIONS ABOUT SEX IS LESS IMPORTANT THAN THE CONNECTION AND COMFORT THE CHILD HAS WITH THE ADULT.

40 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

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BY ERIN PAGE. PHOTOS PROVIDED. DYLAN RUIZ WAS NAMED STUDENT OF THE YEAR FOR U.S. GRANT HIGH SCHOOL.

At the beginning of Dylan Ruiz’s senior year at U.S. Grant High School, he took a huge leap of faith. Then-presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke was scheduled to visit the school to speak with students and hear about the issues important to them. Ruiz was the last student to address the assembly and candidate, sharing his journey as an undocumented immigrant, a fact nearly no one in his school knew previously.

42 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

Ruiz shared that his teenage parents sent him at age 1 to California with his great-grandmother and uncle while they secured passage for themselves. The family sold everything they owned to provide for their transport, and they were unable to get in touch with their baby or family caregivers for over a month.

“Opportunity was scarce, and they crossed over to give me opportunities they never had,” explains Ruiz. “My dad said, ‘I didn’t have anything to give you except change.’”

Ruiz’ classmates were stunned, impressed by his courage in sharing his story. His parents were fearful, worried he or they could be exposed, that despite their

commitments and contributions to their community, and their clean track record, that they could be deported. But Ruiz was determined to let his truth shine.

“I did it for my family, for people who don’t have a voice, past and future immigrants,” said Ruiz. “It was a turning point in my life. As I reflect back I think of all the things that would not have happened if I hadn’t accepted that interview and taken the moment to explain my story.”

Ruiz was already a leader and lauded student in his school, but his bravery that day led to opportunities during his senior year he couldn’t have dreamed up.

Leading the way In addition to being a member of National Honor Society, president of OU Upward Bound and on U.S. Grant’s track, cross country and wrestling teams, Ruiz is known among his peers for his academic discipline and ambition. He says his experience as an immigrant has pushed him to see the probable and make it possible.

Ruiz’ conversation with O'Rourke, which led to interviews with KOCO 5, Telemundo and The Oklahoman, so inspired U.S. Grant assistant principal Kandy Hunt that she implored the Oklahoma City Thunder’s Forward Thinking Leadership Development Program to consider his admittance. The program, lead by Sam Presti and open to sophomores and juniors, has mentored more than 500 students from U.S. Grant, John Marshall, Centennial and Star Spencer High Schools over the last nine years.

Ruiz was accepted as the first senior in the program. The tenacious teen says he gained a better understanding of the leadership tools he already possesses and how to use his strengths to complement and work with others.

“The group was so diverse, so you realized you don’t have to have every correct answer or ability as a leader,” said Ruiz. “It all depends on how you use the abilities you have accumulated and grown along the way.”

Continuing his trend to stand for what is right, even if unpopular, Ruiz penned a letter to his classmates soon after the COVID-19 pandemic closed schools for the remainder of his senior year and meant the cancellation of traditions like prom and graduation. He challenged his classmates to rethink their perspectives, count their blessings and focus on their positive futures.

“I cherish that my classmates took time to read it and decided to make the best of quarantine and our situation,” said Ruiz.

Ruiz was named U.S. Grant’s 2020 Student of the Year.

“It’s not just the title and the fact that my principal and staff agreed I should be representative of Grant, it really speaks upon believing in yourself and your dreams,” said Ruiz. “I’m an undocumented student reaching many goals, doing something far beyond what stereotypes expect me to be.”

Being undocumented Ruiz has long known that because he is a DREAMer (named after the DREAM Act addressing immigration policy), brought to the United States illegally as a child, that there would be certain opportunities unavailable to him. Ruiz was three days away from becoming eligible for Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, or DACA, before it was rescinded by the Trump administration in September 2017.

DACA allowed young undocumented immigrants to receive work permits and exemption from deportation. Recipients can get a driver’s license, pursue their educations and pay taxes. While DACA has never provided a path to U.S. citizenship, DREAMers can receive temporary legal status if they graduate from high school or are honorably discharged from the military and pass a background check.

DACA has been criticized because President Obama created it by executive order, while opponents argue that immigration policy is the responsibility of Congress, a key reason cited by President Trump in rescinding the

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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

43

program. For decades, U.S. lawmakers have reviewed various iterations of the DREAM Act to create a path to citizenship. None have been successful.

For Ruiz’ parents, who’ve lived in America just as long as they lived in Mexico, one of the biggest challenges of being immigrants has been being seen as American, as equals.

Obtaining a vehicle and driver’s license have presented obstacles as well. Both of his parents have obtained their GEDs, but Ruiz says their occasional struggles with English cause others to look down upon them. The worst part is the fear that invades their daily lives.

“Any moment, we may be driving to get groceries or on our way to work, we may be pulled over and possibly sent back to a land we don’t know anything about,” said Ruiz.

In June 2020, the U.S. Supreme Court blocked the dismantling of the DACA program that has protected more than 640,000 DREAMers from deportation, according the March 2020 numbers from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. Ruiz felt immediate relief at the decision.

“It’s a second chance to pursue a better life,” said Ruiz. “We thought that door was going to close. We had hope, but it was fading away. The Supreme Court’s decision means we are meant to be here. We were always meant to be here.”

Ruiz sees himself, and other Mexican immigrants, as a bridge. While many Mexican-American youth live in a space where friends, family or strangers declare they are either too Mexican or too American, Ruiz says it’s up to them to set a good example, vindicating immigrants who have suffered and showing those who come after how to live.

Ruiz wishes all immigrants, documented and undocumented alike, were given the respect and admiration they are due for the challenges they have withstood and their contributions to our country and humanity.

He points to founding father and immigrant Alexander Hamilton as an example.

“With the hatred of undocumented or documented immigrants, this nation needs to see where our roots come from,” said Ruiz.

After his interview with KOCO, Ruiz says a commenter called him a “disgrace to public education,” an affront that crushed his parents but one he says he shrugged off, choosing instead to focus on life-giving words from his mentor from OU Upward Bound, who told Ruiz his successes and accomplishments are just the beginning.

RUIZ GRADUATED FROM U.S. GRANT IN MAY AND NOW ATTENDS THE UNIVERSITY OF OKLAHOMA.

A future of possibilities Ruiz says finishing his high school career in the midst of a pandemic was a blessing in disguise. The experience only strengthened his resolve and resilience and gave him the opportunity to spend more time with his family.

“My fire of ambition and integrity comes from knowing I entered this life under the most drastic circumstances but through that I’ve still been able to achieve the unachievable,” said Ruiz. “I had nothing, but I still have made the best of it through my own ideas and dedication.”

Ruiz is now a first-generation college student at the University of Oklahoma majoring in industrial engineering. He dreams of owning his own company where other entrepreneurs and business owners can access the resources they need to bring their dreams to fruition.

Amidst the calls for immigration reform, a

44 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPTEMBER 2020

global pandemic and blatant racial injustices and tension, this rising star chooses to call out the positives.

“I see real-life heroes, leaders and civil rights activists, fighting for things for the genuine good for mankind,” said Ruiz. “Not to degrade each other or exploit each other but to unite each other.”

With much hope for his own future and that of our city, state and country, Ruiz is determined to add his own positive energy, leadership skills and tenacity to leave the world better than it was before.

“I love that the work you do and ambition you have transcends throughout time and history,” said Ruiz. “You can set an example both for your own time and for future generations.”

Read Dylan Ruiz’s heartfelt letter to the class of 2020 at metrofamilymagazine.com/dearclassmates-of-2020.

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