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02

07.15.09-07.21.09

THE BOHEMIAN

SM

.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..

Performances09 Enrich. Educate. Entertain. Your Community Non-Profit Arts Center for 28 years

Chris Isaak

Larry the Cable Guy

Marco Antonio Solis

Heidi Newfield

August 29

December 8 and 9

September 11

Home for the Holidays December 12

An Acoustic Evening with

Lyle Lovett & John Hiatt

Dave Koz & Friends

October 14

Smooth Jazz Christmas December 15

Acoustic Jethro Tull

Brian Setzer Orchestra The 7th Annual Christmas Rocks! Extravaganza

November 10

Lisa Lampanelli

December 26 and 27

November 20

october 2

For full schedule visit us online at wellsfargocenterarts.org

For tickets call 707.546.3600 (noon-6pm Tue-Sat) Online wellsfargocenterarts.org Highway 101 to River Road, Santa Rosa • Connecting our Community through the Arts Wells Fargo Center for the Arts gratefully acknowledges generous support from

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07.15.09-07.21.09

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Palm Drive Medical Center specialties include Family Medicine, Neurology, Internal Medicine and Gastroenterology.

Call for an appointment:

Now Open and taking new patients for Primary and Specialty Care. Owned and operated by the Palm Drive Health Care District

707.823.7616 6800 Palm Avenue, Suite C1, Sebastopol www.palmdrivehospital.com (Medicare and most private insurance accepted.)

Thank You Sonoma County for Voting Us Best Hospital!

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07.15.09-07.21.09

THE BOHEMIAN

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LAW SCHOOL Informational Seminar Tuesday, July 21 6:30 to 8:00 p.m.

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Keynote Speaker: Jared Babula Senior Staff Counsel, California Energy Commission Empire Class of 1999 Since 1973, Empire College School of Law has prepared more than 700 graduates for careers as attorneys. Alumni now comprise approximately 25% of the Sonoma County Bar and include members of the judiciary in Sonoma, Napa, Mendocino, and Merced Counties.

Call today to reserve your seat!

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707-546-4000 www.empcol.edu 3035 Cleveland Ave.

Santa Rosa

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THE BOHEMIAN

07.15.09-07.21.09

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# >= ?B> I just came across the issue that asks the question, “Is porn harming our kids?� (“Inside the Pornocopia,� June 24). I’d like to answer this question as a psychotherapist in private practice for 20 years. This is what my patients have taught me about pornography in their lives: That it rewires the brain and sets up a neuroanatomy network such that pornography is internalized, normalized and used for sexual arousal and for sexual release. That the pornographic sex object (PSO) becomes a special friend, like a drug or a cigarette, who is always available when one feels bad, horny, out of sorts and wants comfort or release from tension. That before actual sex with a love partner, a person who is into pornography privately goes to pornography on the computer for foreplay arousal, and then uses the image of the PSO while making love to the partner. Of course, the partner senses that his or her partner is not there and feels something is wrong and often

thinks that there is something wrong with him or herself or that the partner is having an affair (which has truth to it). That the user of a PSO objectifies the partner in sex and often wants and sometimes demands an enactment with the partner of what PSOs do on the computer screen or uses the partner for this unasked. PSO users are often unable to meet the needs of a real person in real life. As a quick-fix solution, couples may both look at pornography together before making love so that there is a semblance of a shared experience while making love. This is one of many quick fixes that result in a loss of trust that often ends in separation or divorce because there is ongoing deceit by the partner who promises to never watch pornography again and fails to do so. A therapist hearing all or some of this from a patient may think that pornography is normal and not a big thing, and that the couple’s problems are merely traditional couple’s problems of broken trust, differing communication styles, etc. If this is the therapist’s view, then the patient is neither being

heard nor served. The person caught in the web of PSOs is an addict. This journey can begin when, as a teen, he or she innocently and out of curiosity looked at pornography on a computer and got hooked for life.

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F>A:8=6 2;0BB 74A>. Bravo to Peter Phillips and the Bohemian for this article (“Shock and Awe Accounting,� Open Mic, July 8). It goes a long way in organizing awareness of the need to challenge the capital class and attack corruption in California and the United States. There are a lot more working-class citizens getting the shaft than corporate chiefs. Let the games begin.

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>A B4;5 B4AE8=6 A011;4A. As usual, Peter Phillips writes provocatively but without any facts. Here are a few: The richest 1 percent of tax filers in California pay nearly half of all taxes in the state, and the richest 15 percent pay over 80 percent. State tax revenues have grown faster than inf lation plus population growth in California since 1990, but spending has grown even faster. The problem in California is spending, not taxes. State employees are a big reason for this outof-control spending. We have among the most expensive state government workers in the country. California accounts for 9 percent of all U.S. state employees, but 12 pecent of U.S. state government pay! What’s more, California taxpayers fund 55 percent of the budget for the CSU system (where Phillips works), vs. an average funding level of 30 percent elsewhere in the nation. The heavily unionized state education system has one of the highest per-student spending rates in the country, and still gives us a quality of education for our children ranked 48th out of 50 states. So now you know Phillips’ agenda: he writes to keep state unions strong and salaries up not because he’s interested in what’s best for California, but what’s best for himself. Phillips is part of the problem, not part of the solution.

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06

07.15.09-07.21.09

THE BOHEMIAN

news for Sonoma, Marin & Napa Counties

“Official Newspaper of the Wise Latina�

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F0C4AH 6A0E4 The perceived decimation of native eel grass in the estero where Drakes Bay Family Farms raises oysters is among environmentalists’ concerns.

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Feinstein gives Drakes Bay Family Farm an extended lease— and environmentalists much to complain about By Daniel Hirsch

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he past few years have seen tremendous back and forth between Drakes Bay Family Farms, a commercial operation within the confines of Point Reyes National Seashore, and environmental groups who want to keep the area a protected wilderness. A new chapter in the saga of fishing rights began this June when Sen. Dianne Feinstein sought to extend Drakes Bay Family Farms’ permit for an additional 10 years. Feinstein attached a provision to the end of the Department of Interior Environmental Appropriations bill that would extend the Drakes Bay Farms’ lease at

Drakes Estero, an estuary feeding into Drakes Bay, from 2011 to 2022. Feinstein’s action comes on the tail of a recent report from the National Academy of Sciences (NAS), commissioned by Feinstein’s office, claiming that there is insufficient evidence to prove serious environmental harm caused by Drakes Bay Farms. “The 10-year extension of the Drakes Bay Oyster Company’s lease will preserve 30 jobs at the last remaining oyster farm cannery in California, while making sure that the ecology of the estuary is protected,� Feinstein wrote in an email message issued from her office. Despite these claims, the Save Drakes Bay Coalition, a collection of North Bay activists and such national advocacy groups as the Sierra Club, are protesting the move

by Feinstein. The coalition’s greatest concern regards the possible implications of the rider for national parks across the country. According to Fred Smith, executive director of coalition member group West Marin Environmental Action Committee, the language inserted by Feinstein could have significant impact across the country. “We’re unaware of another natural park wilderness area that has ever been undermined by Congress for the sake of a private business that does not enhance visitors’ experience,� Smith says. “This is going to encourage other private businesses with ‘sun-setting rights’ in wilderness areas to challenge wilderness designation.� The bill itself does include language that prohibits the permit extension from acting as precedent for any %.

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THE BOHEMIAN

07.15.09-07.21.09

07

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Going east straightens one couple’s compass back west By George Benton

8

t was a bright, calm weekend morning in the heart of Manhattan. We had been away from Sonoma County for nine nights and days, the most in eight years. “JFK,� I said as my wife, Candi, and I hopped into a cab. We had just an hour to get to check-in. We dove into the Queens-Midtown Tunnel, emerged and climbed onto the Long Island Expressway. The cabbie put on some reggae. I leaned back and thought about our venture into Westchester County a few days before. We had wanted to compare a local living site to our ideal future: a house with carless access both to San Francisco and the North Bay. A swerve. The cab slowed and crossed three lanes. The driver spat some unintelligible expletive. Near a barrier on the right freeway shoulder, we stopped. “Flat tire?� Candi asked. “This is six o’clock traffic,� he replied. “This traffic is one hour to JFK.� I saw some backedup cars maybe a quarter of a mile ahead. Rapidly, making for an onramp from another freeway perhaps 300 yards gone by, our driver began to back up. A few days before, I had found on the web a house for sale a mile and a half outside the “village� of Mt. Kisco, an hour north of Manhattan’s Grand Central. Unlike today’s North Bay, it is an hour north of its city by rail. At 11:48am, we boarded a clean, uncrowded electric train, one of about 40 that run each way between midWestchester and Manhattan on weekdays. Fewer but still plentiful trains run on weekends. Fares are $9 to $12 each way, with discounted monthly passes. Upon arriving in the city, the first thing we noticed were four taxis waiting near the station. Two hours later, there were still several cabs. This was highly significant. We want to live in a town where we can garden, walk to shops, see a movie or a play, or go to bars or restaurants without ever getting into our own car. We also want to make public-transit day trips for a city’s variety and return easily whether exhausted, sober or not. In Mt. Kisco, we cruised the eateries: Chinese, Indian, Irish and an upscale barrestaurant, all an easy walk from the station. After lunch, we began our trek to the house

for sale: an upgraded ’60s rancher in our price range, reduced $50k to about $360 per square foot, on an acre of green. We saw few other pedestrians once we left the central town. I counted signs announcing five security firms along the way. We wouldn’t want to walk that far into a town, but there were places for sale much closer. However, with cabs apparently no problem, we could live out there and do Manhattan as we later did from our hotel: jazz at Zinc Bar (three sets every night); God of Carnage (three Tony awards, including Best Play, and starring James “Tony Soprano� Gandolfini); the gorgeous Frick House and Collection; the Whitney Museum; and the tiny, fascinating and free Transit Museum Annex right in Grand Central. Then dinner, maybe a bar, and home without worries. Hello, North Bay? “People don’t know how to drive!� Our driver backed along the edge of the roaring 495 to the onramp where multiple cars tried to circumvent him until he plugged it up. He waved imperiously at them. Gradually, the backup behind us increased as more vehicles stopped dead. Then, incredibly, they began to do the only thing they could do: retreat. Still lambasting their bad driving habits, our driver backed them down the ramp past its branch from the freeway he wanted to get to. With traffic in that fast lane whizzing by, he jerked the cab right and gunned it. I closed my eyes. A few minutes later, we were cruising along Queens Boulevard with timed street lights. One turned red; he actually stopped. Our trip covered 16 and 3/4 miles and took 36 minutes. At JFK, I tipped a little extra to help with a term life policy. We are back, looking for the possible, and looking for it here.

Making for an onramp from another freeway, our driver began to back up.

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George Benton lives in Sonoma County where he has spent too much time driving on Highway 101, but has managed to teach, write, practice law and get an MA in English from SSU. Open Mic is now a weekly feature in the Bohemian. We welcome your contribution. To have your topical essay of 700 words considered for publication, write openmic@bohemian.com.

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other businesses in national parks besides Point Reyes. Feinstein defends her action by pointing to this provision of the rider. For Smith, this means very little. “Just because it’s written out doesn’t make it true,� he says. “There’s nothing as far as I can tell that is legally binding in that language.� Sen. Barbara Boxer has also endorsed the measure, but the Save Drakes Bay Coalition hopes to work with Congresswoman Lynn Woolsey, who has previously questioned the extension of the fishing permit. They are rallying their supporters to urge the congresswoman’s opposition. However, Woolsey’s support currently lies behind Feinstein and Boxer. “I have always been committed to one simple principle: that I will never support any proposal that would allow oyster harvesting at the cost of harming the local ecosystem,� Woolsey wrote in a recent email to the Bohemian. “This legislation strikes a careful balance that will protect the beauty of Drakes Estero for years to come.� In the House vote, Woolsey supported the bill. When the 1976 Point Reyes Wilderness Act designated the Drakes Estero area a “potential wilderness area,� Johnson’s Oysters had operated a farm there since 1940 and was given a permit to fish there for an additional 40 years. When Kevin Lunny, a third-generation West Marin rancher, bought the farm in 2005, the land lease still faced expiration in 2012. Though he was not available for interview before press time, Lunny has long asserted the sustainable practices and environmental responsibility of his farm. Feinstein, too, has stated that the presence of an oyster farm actually improves the local ecosystem by restoring a native oyster population that existed prior—a claim to which Smith and the Save Drakes Bay Coalition argue there is little or no supporting evidence. These positions on the environmental impact of the farm come after a long and heated history of debate, allegations and shifty science. A 2008 report conducted by the National Park Service claimed that oyster feces cause a buildup of harmful sediment, which in turn threaten the harbor seal population. That report has been much maligned for using faulty data and poor science. The recent NAS report stated the Park Service greatly overestimated the oyster farm’s effect on the seal population. However, nothing is entirely conclusive. The NAS will continue to carry out investigations on the effect of the farm this fall, and the Marine Mammal Commission will conduct its own independent review on the seal population. The Environmental Appropriations bill also includes a 33 percent budget increase for the Environmental Protection Agency. For any environmentally concerned congressperson, that’s a hard bill to knock down. Other than the actual environmental impact of the farm or the potential benefit of the larger bill, Smith sees Feinstein’s actions as simply bad policy. “Considering that American support for the Wilderness Act is really broad-based across the country, I don’t believe this bill would pass as a standalone bill,� he says. “That they’re using a rider to bypass public process, that’s my key concern.�

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Fine Dining For Wild Birds

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Old medications belong anywhere but in our waterways By Juliane Poirier

3

ecades ago, North Bay toilet-flushing etiquette was revised to accommodate a severe water shortage. As the next shortage approaches, evolving etiquette says don’t even think about flushing drugs down the can. They will not really go away. The water supply is already diminishing under increasing demands, so the concentration level of pharmaceuticals is rising. Meds in the waterways have contributed to genetic aberrations in water organisms. Some of us remember this political cartoon: two trout are underwater below a discharge pipe labeled “Rx waste.� One trout says to the other, “The Viagra in the water is making me want to swim upstream, but the Prozac is making me too tired.� Laughter here should be of the nervous sort. The tricky thing about all the free pharmaceuticals we’re getting in our water is not being able to choose which drugs we want and how much we want to absorb. Ask any frog about what full immersion in untreated public waterways is like, and he or she will point a webbed finger at some nearby offspring with hermaphroditic organs. George Washington could never have predicted when he crossed the Potomac that one day the waterway would contain such high concentrations of pharmaceutical compounds that a new American bass now swims under the boats there—the “intersex� fish—males bearing eggs. An estimated 40 million people in this country are drinking water contaminated by trace amounts of chemical goodies from anti-seizure medication to psychotropic drugs. Whether it gets passed first through someone’s urinary tract or whether it gets dumped directly in pill, powder, liquid or capsule form from one of those ubiquitous plastic containers with the child-proof caps, drugs go into the water we will be drinking later. The most sophisticated water-treatment facility is not capable of removing all traces of drugs from the water because many of the chemical compounds are not broken down during treatment and are thus often released back into the waterways. That water eventually

gets back to the tap—or even to that bottle of water with the misleading label and the extra dose of mystery chemicals from the plastic. Bummer. But don’t reach for the antidepressants yet—there’s more. The global pharmaceutical market is expected to reach $930 billion in three years. A lot less funny than cartoon trout on Prozac is the reality of uncounted species from trout to children exposed to cell-changing drugs in waterways. Weird stuff f lushed into waters is stirring up a witch’s brew everywhere. Of 38 samples of wastewater analyzed in France last year, 31 demonstrated the ability to mutate genes. Eighty percent of 139 waterways sampled in the United States contained pharmaceutical compounds. In this country, an estimated 250 million pounds of pharmaceuticals get flushed each year by medical facilities. The EPA belatedly named pharmaceuticals a pollutant of concern, but nobody goes out and checks the concoctions. In a country where at this writing billions of dollars are being spent to defeat healthcare reform of any sort, one cannot expect drug companies to pay for environmental damages. But up north where there is medical coverage for all citizens, pharmaceutical companies are being forced by law to clean up after themselves and pay for the pollution caused by the products they manufacture. In western Canada, legislation cuts into the profits of pharmaceutical companies by placing the burden back on the manufacturers. There, drug companies have to take back and pay for the proper disposal of unused pharmaceuticals. Until Americans can accomplish such a legislative feat, citizens can at least keep their old medicines out of the toilet and the waterways by delivering them to a drop-off site. For a list of drop-off sites in Sonoma County, go to www.scwa.ca.gov/projects/safe_ meds.php. For locations in Napa County, call 707.258.6000; and for locations in Marin, go to www.co.marin.ca.us/depts/CD/main/ comdev/ehs/waste/sharps_drop-off__locations. cfm. And make sure you ask your favorite hospital, hospice worker, nursing facility or clinic how they dispose of old medicines.

Meds in the waterways have contributed to genetic aberrations in water organisms. Intersex frogs, anyone?

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5>A<4A 6A8=3 Different roasting techniques are quickly making French roast as passĂŠ as this ‘machine.’

2^UUTT 5dcdaTb Like fine wine, fine grinds are becoming more technical, more devoted to terroir and a whole lot lighter By Denis Lindsay

5

rench roast. Dark roast. Burnt. Smoky. Charcoal. White mocha. Venti latte. Extra caramel macchiato. What the hell happened to the coffee? In an industry dominated by sugary sweet drinks, small cafes and roasters have taken their love of coffee back to the basics. Starting with carefully selected coffee crops, various roasters now spend countless hours formulating the perfect roast for their beans. In order to best display all the characteristics of a bean, more roasters find themselves roasting lighter, a huge departure from the extra-dark French roast that still dominates the coffee world. The French method of roasting, the darkest on the spectrum, started in Southern France with the discovery that double roasting eliminated all the negative characteristics in even the poorest grade coffee. This allowed for a more palatable, smokycharcoal flavor present in all French roast coffees today. But all that’s beginning to change. Beyond the roast, cafes now use more effective

brewing techniques to showcase all the complexities of a coffee within a single cup, primarily with a French press, which does not use a paper filter. Without the filter, the oils and flavors stay intact, leaving a richer, more balanced, paper-free taste. This simple yet effective brewing technique remains the closest process to a professional coffee “cupping.� At a cupping, hot water is poured over coarse grounds. After the grounds form a crust, the taster breaks the crusts, smells the aroma and sifts the crust off with a spoon. The taster then slurps the coffee in spoonfuls, getting a complete, unfiltered appreciation of the coffee and all its characteristics. The French press only deviates from this method with its metal-mesh filter. Small amounts of sediment do reach the cup with this brew method, but that remains its only downfall. Glass French presses work well for personal use, but the insulation and durability of the stainless steel Bodum press makes it adored by cafes and coffee lovers. The Clover, used by Ritual Roasters and found in select Starbucks, is an $11,000 machine that

brews cups of coffee individually. This high-tech, paper-free method takes a small amount of grounds, variable to the type of coffee, and uses hot water and vacuum power to essentially create a French press brew, without any sediment or mess. The brew time adjusts to the type of bean as well, allowing the user the control to brew a perfect cup. While Local 123 in Berkeley still uses paper filters, owners Katy Wafle and Frieda Hoffman have set a new standard in freshness and choice. Customers have the option of four different single-origin coffees. Upon order, the coffee of choice brews before the customer. This creates an intimate, interactive and conversational process Wafle and Hoffman call a “pour-over.� During the pour-over, a precise amount of coffee is freshly ground into a paper cone, and the cone is placed above a cup. Hot water is poured through the filter and into the cup before the customer’s eyes. “It gives us an opportunity to engage the customer and take them from fragrance to aroma, and have them experience the coffee,� Wafle explains. Since each cup of coffee is made to order, virtually no waste is created. Wafle and Hoffman have also &) THE BOHEMIAN

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eliminated syrups and sweeteners from their cafe, which prevents customers from hiding their coffee behind sugar. Cafe Noto in Windsor does something very similar called a Brew Bar. Just like Local 123, they offer options of single-origin coffees as well as blends, which they brew through unbleached paper filters upon order. “It gives more antioxidants,� manager Jen Leytem explains. These filters still absorb some oils and in turn some flavor but prevent more of the papery taste found in bleached filtration. Of course, the brewing system also relies on the coffees it brews. Roasters are now choosing beans more selectively. As opposed to buying a variety of beans within a country, roasters seek out specific crops within countries for their individual characteristics, just like terroir informs wine. The term “single-origin farm� is being used to speak to a crop’s uniqueness. For example, a Panamanian coffee crop from the Elida Estate holds notes of lemon, verbena and green apple, while a Panamanian crop from the Don Pepe Farm reveals notes of cocoa and plum. Instead of associating a crop with its country of origin, growers and roasters have become very specific to farm and sometimes the particular lot within a farm; microclimates within a farm have a huge impact on the variation of flavor and characteristics in a coffee. Though the convenience of Starbucks and Peet’s cannot be replicated by a small, high-quality, sustainable cafes, there are some alternatives worth exploring in the North Bay. Here exist complex coffees that can stand alone without sugar, vanilla, cream and cocoa. The future of coffee looks a little lighter and a little brighter.

7^c BcdUU Cafe Noto (single cup brew, single-origin coffee) 630 McClelland Drive, Windsor; 707.836.1830. www.cafenoto.com. Flying Goat Coffee (French press, light roast coffee, single origin whole bean and espresso) 324 Center St., Healdsburg; 707.433.3599. 419 Center St., Healdsburg; 707.433.8003. 10 Fourth St., Santa Rosa; 707.575.1202. www. flyinggoatcoffee.com. Ritual Roasters (French press, light roast coffee, single origin whole bean and espresso) In the Oxbow Public Market, 610 First St., Napa; 707.253.1190. www.ritualroasters.com. Taylor Maid Farms (single-origin coffee, medium roast coffee) Available in bulk at most fine markets. Their outlet store only serves samples and those are made in auto-brew machines. 7190 Keating Ave., Sebastopol; 707.824.9110. www.taylormaidfarms.com. —D.L.

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584;3 5A4B7 veryone who has ever planted a summer garden knows that the taste that comes with biting into a homegrown cucumber or tomato can’t be replicated in a superstore. Certainly, the folks over at Quivira Vineyards and Winery in Healdsburg, who are teaming up with chef Doug Nicosia of Sensuous Farms, just can’t get enough DIY grub.

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“Quivira is a biodynamic wine estate, and they’ve been expanding the grounds to include a working organic garden,� she says. “It’s really moving toward a Europeanstyle wine estate, where the idea is to be fully balanced and self-sustaining, and to bring back the native life of the area by working in harmony with the environment.� The Dry Creek Valley is known for its artisanal products, Shear adds, and Quivira’s dinner is one way to celebrate the appeal of Slow Food. “I think people are seeing it as a very approachable lifestyle, and are intrigued by the idea of an entire meal that comes from one estate,� she says. “We always hear about the whole idea of the locavore movement—eat local, support local growers—and this is a chance to see what it really tastes and feels like.�

Friday, July 16

DJ TY-Roy Chill Reggae Friday, July 17 @ 7:00pm

Jennifer Tucker Acoustic Folk Rock www.myspace.com/jennifertucker2008

707.874.9037 | www.barleynhops.com 3688 Bohemian Highway, Occidental

Guests will be able to graze on appetizers and crisp Sauvignon Blanc while learning the ins and outs of biodynamic farming from winemaker Steven Canter and farm manager Andrew Beedy, who incorporate beekeeping and herbs into their formula for a healthy harvest. A sitdown meal not surprisingly enlivened by Quivira wines follows. Because the dinner is held on a real live vineyard and working farm, casual dress is recommended, along with sunscreen and sturdy shoes for traipsing through the vines. Savor the summer with the Farm to Table Wine Dinner on Saturday, July 25. Farm tour at 5pm; dinner, 6:30pm. 4900 West Dry Creek Road, Healdsburg. $105–$125. 707.431.8333.

Cassandra Landry

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Open 7 Days! Lunch Sat & Sun Fri-Sat: Kitchen open until 10pm!

Laura Shear, the public relations rep for the winery, stresses that the ďŹ rst Farm to Table summer dinner, slated for July 25, is a way to show people the ways in which a biodiverse farm and winery can give back to the community.

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THE BOHEMIAN

07.15.09-07.21.09

17

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HDCDB6 8DJCIN Wine and Dine

North County

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The Restaurant at Russian River Vineyards SATURDAY & SUNDAY BRUNCH 10:30am-2:30pm

Tasting Room Open Daily

5700 Gravenstein Hwy N Forestville

PASTA KING Monday Night 5pm-8pm BAR-B-Q Wednesday Nights 5pm-8pm Sunday Nights 3pm-7pm Fine Dining Thursday -Saturday 5pm-9pm

For Reservations call 707-887-3344 russianrivervineyards.com

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L^ahdc L^cZgn

New in Petaluma

always fresh • So. Co. meats & produce homemade ginger-mint tea

50% off 2nd entreĂŠ w/purchase of 1 entreĂŠ

Take-0ut & Catering

EVEREST INDIAN R e s t a u r a n t

56 E. Washington St., Petaluma

707.781.9131 07.15.09-07.21.09

THE BOHEMIAN

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4E4A4CC A8364 E8=4H0A3B F8=4AH mong the better understood side effects of wine is its ability to slacken the lower mandible. Most users report a pleasurable experience, even when the topic of conversation is wine itself, while the tendency to ďŹ nd new topics to yammer on about can lead to tension. Take, for instance, the topic of “fruity vs. dry.â€? Lately, it’s become fashionable among certain tippling elites to deplore California “fruit bombsâ€? in favor of European products said to reect the terroir from whence they came. Less is known about “fruit,â€? although it’s often thought to originate from the ofďŹ ces of the Wine Advocate. Folks, let’s go to a mirror and pronounce “minerally.â€? Yikes, does it look like we’re having fun?

A

Dry and austere or fruit forward with melted chocolate, I like it all, as long as it’s good. At Everett Ridge it’s good—but at the tasting room, we didn’t talk about that, we talked about Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. Call Monday local’s day for winetasting: people drop in and out, shoot the summer breeze; the winemaker pops by, we talk beer. I highly recommend it. Everett Ridge changed logos and owners several years ago when it was purchased by the Sterling family, who own Esterlina Winery in Anderson Valley, the little winery with the fabulous view and its very own appellation. When their production grew and they needed to consolidate, the historic Everett Ridge property came up for sale. It’s got a dandy view as well, which can be enjoyed from the tasting room or the patio out front. As is the custom at Esterlina, day-glo orange cheese puffs are served for, you know, palate cleansing. Pair that with the 2007 Syrah RosĂŠ ($16), a smoky and jammy, light, lively and basically dry rosĂŠ. The 2008 Cole Ranch Riesling ($19) carries the Esterlina label; this vintage is dry to off-dry, with pineapple-pear fruit over a deceptively simple, eminently balanced structure. The 2005 Cole Ranch Merlot ($22) was warm and light, with framboise, raspberry-vanilla, soft with just a hint of a Merlot-y vegetal core (note that saying “Merlot-yâ€? in the mirror looks less pinched than “minerallyâ€?). The red lineup was big, soft and fruity. The 2006 Estate Zinfandel ($32), candylike boysenberry and chocolate, juicy and ďŹ rm; the 2005 Cabernet Sauvignon ($40) took 30 months of oak with aplomb, maintaining plum-black cherry fruit and merely pushover tannins; the 2006 Estate Syrah veered from the varietal toward Cab, with dark toasty oak and ripe, glossy blackcurrant and plum.

ORIGINAL

I would have thought that this laid-back joint wouldn’t charge a hefty (for the area) tasting fee, but it’s refundable with purchase, and at the least we can pick up a similarly priced bottle of the Sterling’s marketing coup, the Diablita brand. Diablita, described as “a fun and slightly mischievous woman who enjoys life,â€? rocks screwcapped bottles of inexpensive red, white, pink and Zin. The 2005 Diablita Red ($16) is smoky, bramble berry fruity, with ripe liqueur-type nose and a clean, tight ďŹ nish, a sure-ďŹ re barbecue bringer. Inexpensive, solid and sassy wine carrying a Sonoma County appellation? Now that’s something to talk about.

Sourdough Crust!

Everett Ridge Vineyards & Winery, 435 West Dry Creek Road, Healdsburg. Open daily 10am–5pm. Tasting fee $15; refunded with purchase. 707.433.1637.

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5D;;H ;0?B43 David Templeton drolly relates how once he was lost but now is found.

FaTcRW ;XZT <T The outrageous true story of a former fundamentalist and how he was saved from being saved—a damnable comedy By David Templeton Editor’s Note: We are honored and delighted to preview in these pages the first half of a working draft of theater critic David Templeton’s one-man stage show. David has written for the ‘Bohemian’ for some 15 years and has been our theater reviewer for over six years, winning a prestigious NEA grant in 2006 to study theater criticism at USC through its Annenberg School of Journalism. What follows is the first act of the stage production he has planned for two runs in the North Bay. It has also been accepted at the Sonoma Fringe Festival, to be performed this fall, and may be headed toward Edinburgh next summer. We are hugely proud of David and think that you’ll enjoy reading his show as much as we did. The entire script can be found online at www.bohemian.com.

Act One—Prologue [Cue music. Lights come up on a bare stage containing only a stool, center-stage, and a table with various books and papers on it. David makes his way to center stage. He is dressed in black, possibly wearing a small cross or dove on a chain around his neck.] Good evening. Thanks for coming tonight. First, there are a few things you should know right from the start. My name is David Templeton. I was born on May 18, 1960, and I was born again on May 21, 1971, which I’m guessing makes me at least a triple Taurus. See, I’m already a double Taurus because my physical birth took place when the sun and the moon were both in my astrological house, but because the moon and the sun were both in

my house 11 years later when I gave my life to Jesus in a trailer in the fifth grade [Pausing, as if suddenly realizing something], maybe I’m actually a quadruple Taurus! I don’t know. I don’t even believe in astrology. I don’t really believe in God anymore, either. I don’t. But not believing in God doesn’t mean I don’t believe in anything. I believe in lots of things. I believe Bruce Springsteen is the greatest rock and roll musician alive. I believe Reverend Dude, my former minister, would be shocked that I opened this show with a reference to astrology. Astrology was high on his list of all-time abominations to God. A list I’m very likely on myself at this point, or will be by the end of the show. There’s one thing I believe in above all else, the most important thing I learned over the course of my crazy years as a teenage born-again Christian. I believe I’ll make you wait till the end of the show to tell what that thing is. I believe this concludes the prologue, and now I believe it’s time to get on with the show.

Part One: Sheep Jesus was baptized once. I’ve been baptized three times. (It doesn’t make me better than Jesus, just wetter.) The first time was at Christ Church Parish Episcopal in Ontario, in San Bernardino County, in Southern California, where I grew up. I have two brothers—Steve, the older one, and Jeff, the younger one. My dad, Gene Templeton,

retired now, was a stationery salesman for the first half of his professional life and a schooldistrict purchasing agent for the rest of it. My mom, Dianna, held scads of jobs, most of them vaguely secretarial, in a bunch of different cities, but if you asked her to tell you her profession, she’d have told you she was a singer. And she was. My mom was an incredible singer, of the evening-gown and smoky-lounge variety. In describing her singing voice, people used words like “pure,� “clear� and “sultry.� Actually, it was her musical ambitions, her need to sing, in part, that eventually led to my parents’ divorce in 1966. But I think I was talking about baptism. [Cue watery music and sound effect] Father Williams, he was the priest who did the honors. FATHER WILLIAMS: [With a strong Scottish accent] “I baptize thee in the name of the Father, the Son and Holy Ghost!� I always imagined Father Williams baptizing me with a Scottish accent, though I’m not certain he was Scottish. “We receive this child into the congregation of Christ’s flock, do sign him with the sign of the cross, that hereafter he shall not be ashamed to confess the faith of Christ crucified, and manfully to fight.� (This is just very Scottish, don’t you think?) “Manfully to fight against sin, the world and the devil, and to continue as Christ’s faithful servant and '' soldier unto his life’s end. Amen.� THE BOHEMIAN

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[Cue wailing baby sounds] Isn’t that interesting? With this cozy little ritual, the church is challenging its newborn members to become two contradictory things—warriors and sheep, which is weird, because sheep are not particularly known for their aggression. There’s no football team called the Fighting Sheep. There are the St. Louis Rams, but they are clearly not based on the domesticated sheep so prevalent in scripture. There’s a reason that Psalm 23 doesn’t read, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want—and even if there were no shepherd, no one’s messin’ with me, ’cause I’m a bad-ass motherfuckin’ sheep!� Sheep are docile. They go where they’re led. They do what they’re told. Except, of course, for those who turn out to be bad sheep. So I was born and baptized a sheep, but the first suggestion, metaphorical though it was, that I might someday end up among the bad kind, came in December of 1965, when I was five years old. [Cue “Jingle Bells�] At Christ Church Episcopal, the annual Christmas nativity pageant was a huge deal. All the kids participated. According to tradition, the fourth-graders always got the speaking parts. The third-graders played the angels. The second-graders were the shepherds. The first-graders were the camels and donkeys—and the kindergartners were the sheep. Identical sheep. That was part of the tradition. I remember the day in midNovember, during Sunday school, when we were all given our nativity-pageant sheep packets containing the official, priestsanctioned pattern for our mothers to follow in sewing our costumes. Our teacher was Mrs. Hot Cross Buns, a slender drill sergeant of a woman. She handed out the packets, and she laid down the rules. MRS. HOT CROSS BUNS: “Let me make this perfectly clear. Neither you nor your parents are to deviate from this pattern. As sheep, you are to be uniform. Identical. The same.� There was just one element of our costume where we would be allowed to express ourselves. MRS. HOT CROSS BUNS: “You may choose the color of your sheep uniform—as long as it is a color that is naturally occurring in sheep.� I didn’t have to tell my mom what color sheep I wanted to be, because, at the age of five, much like today, my favorite color was black. See where this is going? On the evening of the pageant, I waited in the hallway with Mrs. Hot Cross Buns and 22 other sheep, all of us decked out in our costumes, with little collars and sheep bells around our necks. Mary and Joseph and the angels and the shepherds and animals were all onstage, having hit their marks and delivered their lines or sung their specific animal song—and it was time for the sheep to make our entrance. One by one, single-file, we all jingled and jangled up the steps and out onto the chancel, all baa-ing and head-bumping. Twenty-two little white sheep—yep, every single kindergartner had elected to be a

white sheep—uniform. Identical. The same. With one little rebel sheep, the oddball of the flock. Me. The black sheep. Everyone thought I was hilarious! After the pageant, while having doughnuts and punch in the social hall, one old person after another came up to pat me on the head and say to my mom and dad— LOUD OLD EPISCOPALIAN: “Well, now we know who the black sheep of the family is going to be, don’t we?” Yep, I was a hit! Next year, there were more black sheep than white sheep in the Christ Church Parish Episcopal Nativity pageant. The kid in the sheep suit had made it cool to be different. And that was the last fragment of popularity or coolness I would enjoy for the rest of my childhood.

Part Two: Childhood By the age of seven, I’d experienced enough of life, certainly enough of elementary school, to have made the unhappy discovery that nobody liked me. At least, very few other kids did, and when you’re a kid, nobody else counts. Why didn’t kids like me? Well, I was geeky, skinny, nerdy, needy and kinda weird. I was painfully shy, but really friendly, which is like waving a red flag at a bull. I also had asthma, and I wheezed whenever I moved, which made me terrible at sports, including running from bullies. Oh, right—and I played with puppets. Yep. Puppets. Sometime after my parents divorces in the spring of ’66, I’d decided to become the world’s greatest puppeteer, and let me tell you, if you are not popular at school, carrying puppets in your pockets does not help. Any one of these factors would have been the elementary school kiss of death, but taken together, I was a leper. Now, you’re probably sitting there thinking, “Ah, you sounded adorable.” That’s the difference between kids and adults. You take that kid I just described and present him to adults, and they want to hug him and buy him a root beer. You present that kid to an entire elementary school, and they want to beat the shit out of him. I remember crawling up next to my mom in front of the TV one night, and asking— YOUNG DAVID: “Mom? Why am I, like, the least popular person in the entire school?” MOM: “Lambchop, someone has to be.” Since leaving my dad and moving us to Glendora, she’d become an outspoken atheist and an avid reader of Ayn Rand. Most nights at bedtime, she’d read to us from books like Atlas Shrugged and Psycho-Cybernetics. Her atheism was a clear response to having been ousted from the church because of the divorce. So there was my mom, the freshly minted realist, stroking my hair as I wheezed in her arms, and she explained things to me in clear, simple language. MOM: “It’s mathematical, honey. In any group of people, one person is the tallest, one is the shortest, one gets the best grades, one gets the worst, one is the most popular and one is the least popular—and sweetie, at the moment, that just happens to be you.” That was a lot to absorb for an eight-yearold, but this made sense, so I resigned myself

to my fate. Fortunately, I had plenty of hobbies. In my family, we all had hobbies. Jeff ’s were playing chess against himself and designing his own languages. Steve’s were raising animals and making things explode. Mom’s hobbies were listening to music, singing and searching for love. Everything my mom did, basically, she did to be loved, natural enough when you consider that she spent the first part of her life in an orphanage, without the benefit of actually being an orphan. That’s true. Her mother left her there at the age of five and didn’t pick her up again until she was 11. The one thing my mom felt she could do that would bring her praise and attention and love was singing. Throughout the ’60s and ’70s, my mom sang with a whole series of lounge bands, performing Roberta Flack tunes, Sinatra covers, anything by Barbra Streisand. She never hit the big time, but she kept finding new opportunities to perform. Along the way, she filled our house with music and acquired (a) an eclectic collection of vinyl record albums, and (b) a long string of boyfriends, shudder, each one a character worthy of [Raises hands as if fitted with puppets] his own puppet show. Ladies, and gentlemen, I now present “The Boyfriend Show,” starring, in no particular order: [Using one hand as an imaginary puppet, speaking in a Clint Eastwood growl, David alternates the story with the “puppet”] KEN THE BIKER: “I dressed like Clint Eastwood in ‘The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.’ I owned a pet hawk named Scratchy, and was recently the leader of a motorcycle gang called the Henchmen.” We liked Ken, until he left my mom to marry his previous girlfriend. KEN THE BIKER: “Hey, if you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.” [Switches to other hand, adopts another voice] And there was the Soldier Guy. SOLDIER GUY: “Intense, scary, goodlookin.’” It was a short relationship. SOLDIER GUY: “Got myself gunned down in a parking lot.” And later that night, three of his former associates— SOLDIER GUY: “Drug dealers, probably” —tried to force themselves into our house. SOLDIER GUY: “Armed and dangerous.” My mom kept them talking at the door, while Steve called the police and the drug dealers were all arrested, including one guy who’d broken in the back door and was found hiding in the kitchen SOLDIER GUY: “That’s some scary shit!” You’re telling me! [Switches to other hand, adopts another voice] And then there was Rudy, the SecondRate Drummer— RUDY: “Fuck you!” —but a first-rate con man— RUDY: “Thank you!” —who convinced my mom to let him move in. RUDY: “Convinced her to pretend that we’d been married in Vegas!” And then he turned out to already be married.

RUDY: “With a wife and baby at my other home! Gotcha!” Go away now. RUDY: “I already did!” There would be other puppets—oops!— other boyfriends. There’d be the occasional other husband. And eventually, there would be Leon. It would be Leon, another drummer, who, in a roundabout way, would lead my mother back to the church, back to Jesus. But that was still a few years away. At this point in our story, it’s still 1969. [Cue appropriately 1969-ish music] That was a very full year for me, the year I turned nine, with everyone talking about Vietnam and draft numbers and draft resisters and guns fired at protesters. That was the year my mom joined a shortlived traveling show called Lynn’s Caravan of Stars, in which she’d become the featured torch singer and Lynn’s lovely assistant in his ever-popular whip act. That was the year my dad announced his engagement to Joan, my future stepmother and the love of my dad’s life. It was the year my mom attempted suicide for the either the second or third time. I lose track. It was the year people started dropping like flies at the trailer park across the street from our house, most of them drug overdoses. It was a year of moon landings and bombings and the Manson family launching its reign of terror. What’s so interesting is that, with all of that happening, the thing I remember most clearly about 1969 is the afternoon I watched my brother conduct a little experiment in our kitchen. [Cue science-appropriate music] Steve—he was 10 in the summer of ’69—collected every kind of critter you can imagine. If it was smaller than a shoe box, we probably had it: rats, mice, hamsters, lizards, frogs, guinea pigs, salamanders and snakes. This one afternoon, Steve and a friend from the trailer park got to wondering how long an animal—say, a salamander—would stay in a pot of gradually heating water. Now, Steve says he never intended to actually cook the salamander. With the pot filled all the way to the top, he had to believe the salamander would eventually think, “Hey, something just don’t seem right!” and would leap out of the pot. Steve was ready to catch him when he did. But there it was, swimming around happy as a salamander, going around in circles as the water slowly got hotter. At one point, he started swimming faster, a little bit, but then it started swimming slower and slower and slower—until finally the salamander just stopped—and floated there, still as a stick. Steve pulled the salamander from the pot with a pair of tongs. It was stiff as a carrot. I remember Steve tapping it on the side of the kitchen table—[Making sound of a hard-boiled salamander being bounced against a Formica table]—ponk ponk ponk. The salamander had been cooked solid. [Pausing] Now, I learned a couple of things from this experience. First thing I learned was that guilt and grief are surprisingly similar feelings. Once it dawned on me that the salamander was dead, and that I’d stood there watching as it happened, I was overcome by a mix of guilt and grief.

I felt bad for the salamander, but I also felt guilty that I’d played the accomplice in its slow, simmering death. The other thing I learned: death is very interesting. The demise of St. Salamander, heightened by the nightly Vietnam death counts on the news and the routine arrival of ambulances at the trailer park, marked the beginning of my fascination with death.

Part Three: Death Suddenly, death was on my mind a lot. I started reading books about the afterlife, ghosts, Egyptian embalming practices— anything with dead people in it. It turns out this was all pretty good training for a future fundamentalist Christian. Back when we were Episcopalians, I’d seen crucifixes everywhere, all the time—in the sanctuary, in the classrooms, in our bedroom at home. You’d think it would have made an impact, a corpse glued to a stick, hanging on every wall. We may have been too young to understand the concept of atonement and sacrifice, but kids know a dead guy when they see one. Still, it wasn’t until high school, when I was fully immersed in the world of evangelical Christianity, that I really got the connection between crucifixion and death. I liked it. For kids like me, kids with huge self-esteem issues, the idea of crucifixion meant there was someone who’d had suffered worse than we were suffering. I quickly learned everything I could about crucifixion. Some nights, I would lie on the f loor of my room, my body arranged in crucifixion pose, listening to John Denver albums, trying to imagine what it would be like to be crucified. [Demonstrating the “crucifixion pose”] It was very peaceful, kind of like Christian yoga. [Ending the pose] You’ve probably met Star Trek nerds? People who will come up to you and say stuff like, “Well you know, Star Trek never adequately dealt with the basic conundrum between warp-drive mechanics and subspace anomalies.” In third grade, I was still just a nerd-nerd, and I certainly didn’t know this then, but by ninth grade I would become a full-f ledged crucifixion nerd. I would walk up to people, and at the first hint of a mention of Jesus or crucifixion, or of someone feeling a little cross, I’d say— YOUNG DAVID: “Interesting, crucifixion. Yeah, you know, a lot of people think that when the Romans crucified someone they put the nails here in the hand, but they didn’t put the nails in the hand because the nail would have ripped right through the flesh and the guy would have flopped right over the ground, so what the Romans really did was, they put the nails here and here, between the radius and the ulna right at the carpal, because then the nail would, you know, stick.” I also had some good material comparing blood loss with asphyxiation as the real cause of death by crucifixion, but that I saved that for people I really wanted to impress. [Pause] OK, I think this might be a good time to tell you exactly how I came to be saved and fell in love with the song “Amazing Grace.” ')

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Part Four: Saved and Amazed In the fall of 1969, what with drug dealers breaking into our house, job opportunities drying up in rural Glendora and my mom’s singing career as stalled as Lynn’s Caravan of Stars, she decided it was time to find less green pastures, so we packed up and moved to Downey, in Los Angeles County. Downey was a profoundly ugly, astoundingly boring city. The most exciting thing to do in Downey on a Friday night was to go to Long Beach. That’s all right. As it turned out, Jeff and I only had a few months to explore Downey at this point in our lives. [Leaning over, as if putting one ear to a wall to hear conversations in the other room] Secret negotiations had been taking place between my mom and my dad, who had just gotten married to Joan and moved into a large house in Ontario. He wanted us back, and with all the ups and downs of the last few years still fresh in her mind, Mom decided that maybe he was right. So in November, Jeff and I found ourselves in the back seat of my dad’s station wagon, my puppets and Jeff ’s chessboards packed up in boxes, on our way to our new home. Terrified of being completely alone, my mom had decided to keep Steve with her. [Pause] It was a lot to adjust to, but for me and Jeff, a new town, a new house, new stepsiblings, new kids to be ignored by, new bullies to hide from. But the biggest change in our new life was our new Sunday ritual of going to church. First Methodist of Upland. Once a week, Jeff and I were hauled there wearing our brand-new church suits, with our little clip-on ties, seated in pews that smelled of old wood and tradition. At first, church was quite a shock, but after a while, I got to like the comforting predictability of it. Elementary school in Ontario was pretty much the same as it had been in all of my previous towns, except that at Berlyn Elementary, I discovered a huge hedge in front of the library. There was a nice, cool, safe place between the hedge and the wall, where I spent most of my recess time, reading a lot, avoiding the rejection and bullying I was certain would take place out on the playground. [Cue playground noises] After I started fifth grade, I heard about something called “Release Time Bible Study,� a weekly event offered to fifth graders. Basically, it was this big, long trailer, a little classroom on wheels, that would pull up to the school each Tuesday. Mrs. Hunt—though everyone just called her the Jesus Lady—would open the trailer doors, and those of us with signed permission slips from our parents would file in for an hour’s relief from reading, writing and science. Inside that trailer, the Jesus Lady taught us songs, told us Bible stories, gave us prizes for remembering the books of the New Testament or the names of the Twelve Apostles. [Demonstrating] As every Bible class was ending, the Jesus Lady always stated the same carefully worded invitation. JESUS LADY: “If there is anyone here

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who’d like to stay afterwards and pray with me to accept Jesus into their heart, just remain in your seat when everyone else leaves.� It sounded so enticing, so mysterious, the way she said that, as if she were saying— JESUS LADY: “If there is anyone here who’d like to stay afterwards and be inducted into a secret society of magical elven time travelers, just remain in your seat when everyone else leaves.� Now, I had never been especially good at school, but suddenly, after a few weeks of reciting Bible verses and memorizing song lyrics, I discovered that I was good at this. I was good at God. And this was when I fell in love with the song “Amazing Grace.� [Cue “Amazing Grace� playing softly] I was mesmerized by those lyrics: “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound / That saved a wretch like me, I once was lost / But now am found / Was blind but now I see.� I learned this song forwards and backwards. Literally. I could recite it backwards. [Demonstrating] “Me like wretch a saved that sound the sweet how Grace Amazing.� The next part, backwards, sounds like something Yoda would say: “See I now, but blind was, found am now, but lost was once I.� I took special comfort in that one weird word—“wretch.� In Webster’s, “wretch� is defined like this: DICTIONARY VOICE: “One. A miserable person; one who is profoundly unhappy or in great misfortune. Two. A person who is base, despicable or vile. Three. One in a state of great hardship, deprivation and hopelessness; seriously inadequate or of very low quality.� Amazing grace. How sweet the sound. That saved. A wretch. Like me. I remember the day we sang that song during Release Time Bible Study, the Jesus Lady leading us through the words, printed on a huge cardboard display on an easel. JESUS LADY: “Very nice. But how many of you really know what these words mean?� She had one of those wooden pointer sticks, with the little rubber tips, and she pointed to certain key words. JESUS LADY: “Grace. Who knows what ‘grace’ is?� We were all silent, until one kid in the middle raised his hand and said— GOOD KID: “Love? Grace is love?� JESUS LADY: “Yes. Grace is God’s love. What about this word: Saved.� SHIT-DISTURBING KID: “It means not going to Hell!� JESUS LADY: “That’s part of being saved. But to me, being saved is being invited into the family of God, a family that will never leave you, and will always love you—love you just the way you are.� Finally, she pointed to that word, my word— wretch.� JESUS LADY: “Who knows what a wretch is?� I waited, and when no one else raised their hand, I raised mine. YOUNG DAVID: “A wretch is someone who doesn’t deserve love.� JESUS LADY: “In God’s eyes, the only ones who don’t deserve love are those who refuse God’s invitation to join his family. And

in God’s family, you will never be unhappy or sad or lonely, ever again.” It was like a door opening, a door I’d never noticed though it had always been there. The Jesus Lady was offering me everything I dreamed of: love, happiness . . . acceptance. That day, after the class, I stayed in my seat while all the other kids scrambled out. When the trailer was empty, the Jesus Lady closed the door and invited me up to the front of the class. JESUS LADY: “Let’s both kneel and pray. Repeat after me.” I repeated the words the Jesus Lady prompted me with, declaring my unworthiness, and asking Jesus to come into my heart and be my friend forever. Then there’s some legalese: “I promise to devote the entire rest of my life to you and follow your every rule and regulation, to go nowhere and do nothing not sanctioned by God or the Bible”—blah blah blah. I don’t remember all the details, except for one: from this moment on, Jesus now lived in my heart. I was saved, and unless the Jesus Lady was exaggerating, I would never be sad or unhappy again.

Part Five: She Was Exaggerating In 1972, my mom got remarried. It was her third marriage. This was Leon, an AfricanAmerican musician my mom fell in love with when he played in the band she was singing with. Leon was sweet. I have no doubt he loved my mom, probably more than anyone she’s ever been with. Unfortunately, he was also mentally ill. Nuts. Bonkers. Around the bend. Street rat crazy. He’d been frequently institutionalized, but he lost it big-time one night when he tried to kill her with a busted tree trunk he’d pulled up from the front yard while my older brother was on the phone trying to convince the police his step-dad was killing his mom. Around that time, there was this faith healer on TV, Kathryn Kuhlman. She claimed that through her, God could heal anybody of anything. She eventually died of cancer, but before she did, my mom, as a last ditch effort to save Leon, took him to one of Kuhlman’s faith-healing services in downtown Los Angeles. [Cue soulful organ music] Leon wasn’t healed that day, or any other. He eventually got on a plane and disappeared forever, so he’d never hurt my mother again. But that day in Los Angeles, Kathryn Kuhlman talked about the love of Jesus, how he could not just heal minds and bodies and souls—he could heal broken hearts. KATHRYN KUHLMAN: “Like the broken heart God tells me is in the back of the room, and the three over on the left, two on the right, three more in the front. So many broken hearts!” When she invited the broken-hearted to come down and accept Jesus into their hearts, my mom set aside her years of nonbelief, walked down to the front of the auditorium, and gave her heart to Jesus. Like most of my mom’s relationships, the fling with Jesus didn’t last that long, but for a while there, it was cool, being Christians with my mom. Around this time, Jeff and I moved back to Downey, back in with Mom and Steve, and we started looking for a church. We found one: the First Baptist Church

of Downey. The church was enormous, its sanctuary as high as a three-story building inside, and it had this baptismal pool, kind of like a balcony filled with water, at the second-story level, just above the area where the choir stood. If you could get away with doing a cannonball, you’d soak the ladies in the blue choir robes. The minister had done thousands of these baptisms, but for him, the opportunity to baptize a single mother and two of her teenage boys—Jeff tagged along— made this one a bit of an event. The church was packed. We’d each been asked to choose a song we wanted the choir to sing for us as we were baptized. My mom chose the song, “For Those Tears I Died.” None of us remember what Jeff picked. I picked “Amazing Grace.” [Cue a choir singing “Amazing Grace” softly] Mom went first, then me. I remember wading out into the comfortably heated, waist-deep, pleasantly chlorinated water. There was a little space between the top of the baptismal font and the actual surface of the water. The minister—a guy with dyed hair and glasses—took his position, feet planted, his hand behind the back of my head, and he lowered me down out of sight of the crowd, where he said two things. BAPTIST MINISTER: “Hold your breath on the count of three” and “In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.” And he put me under. He never said “One, two, three,” so I wasn’t ready. I came up sputtering, gasping for breath, water streaming off of me. As I stood choking, the minister stepped up to the insulated microphone affixed to the front of the pool, and pulling me over with one arm around me, he said— BAPTIST MINISTER: “Don’t pass out on me, David, we’re all expecting big things from you! In the short time I’ve known this young man, I can say that I’ve never met someone so young who is a more willing and humble sheep in Christ’s flock. Grace will surely lead him home.” I had no idea where grace was about to lead me, but I knew that I was being led somewhere. I knew that my childhood was over, and that after years of doubting that I was worthy of belonging, at last I had a family. I was 14 years old. It was 1974. I was ready to start high school and that’s where I would discover the Jesus Club. My life was about to get weird.

Part Six: The Jesus Club [Sound of a school bell signaling lunch] On my first day of high school, while standing in the back of the room waiting for our seating assignments in horticulture class, a guy named Jack, a notorious bully, kicked me so hard in the stomach that I barely had time to make my way to the front of the class, blurt to the teacher, “Um, I just, I . . .” before passing out right in front of everybody. I came to on the floor, twitching and shaking, looking up to see Jack sneering down at me. JACK: “What happened?” YOUNG DAVID: “I think I fainted?” JACK: “Ya’ think? What a fucking idiot!” It wasn’t even lunchtime yet, and the next four years were already shaping up to be a nightmare. But later that day, '+ THE BOHEMIAN

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as I was making my way across the quad, looking out for Jack while searching for a high hedge to eat lunch behind, one of the older kids from the Baptist Teen Group saw me and called me over. His name was Rick, a junior. Everyone called him Righteous Rick. I thought Rick was extremely cool. He was legally blind, but not so much that he couldn’t read the Bible for hours a day. RICK: “Hey, why don’t you come have lunch with us?� YOUNG DAVID: “Who’s ‘us’?� RICK: “We don’t have an official name, but we’re basically the Jesus Club.� [Cue heavenly music] [Dreamily] The Jesus Club. My new favorite word, “Jesus,� fused with a word meaning “association of people with a common interest.� It sounded so irresistible. The Downey High Jesus Club met out on the grass under an ancient oak that had been whimsically dubbed the Sacred Tree. The club had been founded by a guy named Jessie Pazonni, Jessie P., a legend at Downey High. He’d graduated a few years before, but people still talked about him, quoted him. There were about 35 members, all outcasts and misfits of various kinds. Righteous Rick introduced me to the folks at the circle, everyone was sitting in a circle on the grass, Bibles in their laps and lunch bags at their feet. One kid looked up at me. GIDDY JESUS KID: “So, you joining us?� one of them asked me. YOUNG DAVID: “I guess so.� “Praise the Lord!� they all shouted. And that was that. Every day for the next four years, I could be found in that circle. We read the Bible. We held hands and prayed. We sang. We sang a lot. One of the songs we sang a bunch, not surprisingly, was “Amazing Grace,� but some of the kids thought the tune was a little too “churchy.� Since we were kids of the ’60s and we’d all grown up watching a lot of TV, we were always looking for other tunes to apply the words of “Amazing Grace� to. For example. [Demonstrates, singing “Amazing Grace� to “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,� “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing� and “Jingle Bells�] I eventually suggested my own alternative tune. [Demonstrates, singing to the Gilligan’s Island theme song] By the second week of high school, 1974, I’d become an accepted, if slightly overexcited, presence at the Sacred Circle. I quickly learned that however I’d been practicing my faith before, it had been way too tame. The unofficial motto of the Jesus Club was something Jessie had said a lot when he was their shepherd: “Faith isn’t something you have. Faith is something you do.� And apparently, if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing with every fiber of your being. We met every day for Bible study. Every Wednesday, we’d get together early for morning prayer meetings. Once a month, we had communion, right there under the sacred tree. We even held our own baptisms. [As if suddenly remembering] I remember this one day after school. It was in December, and this kid named Eddie Deek—even

nerdier than me, with a high-pitched voice and places on his head where his hair would occasionally fall out—he mentioned that he’d never been baptized. I said— YOUNG DAVID: “Wow. Dude, You should totally get baptized!� Righteous Rick overheard. RICK: “Hey Eddie, hey! You doing anything now? You’re not? Well, let’s go get you baptized!� So that was it. VARIOUS JESUS KID VOICES: “Come on everybody, let’s go to the beach!� “We’re gonna get Eddie baptized!� “Grab your Bibles, kids!� “Let’s roll!� “Praise Jesus!� [Cue surf music] There were about 10 of us. We piled into our vans and headed down to Huntington Beach. At Huntington, the waves are big in December. And by the time we got there, it was foggy, and getting foggier. RANDOM JESUS KID: “I think the beach is down there somewhere, I can hear the waves!� [Cue wave sounds] The waves were huge, at least we assumed they were. We couldn’t see the waves because of the fog. As we stepped from the parking lot onto the sand, Eddie had asked if I would do the honors of baptizing him. EDDIE: “You’ve been baptized twice, so, hey, you’re the most qualified.� Standing on the sand, Righteous Rick patted my shoulder and shook my hand. RICK: “Do it, brother. Baptize the man.� So Eddie and I waded out there into the surprisingly cold tide, and everybody gathered as close as they dared to the waterline, and hung out there, singing songs on the beach. As Eddie and I tried to gain our footing in the water, the swells would rise and fall and we’d have to move around to keep from getting knocked over. We had to do this pretty quickly, and get out. So with the voices of the Jesus Club rolling over us in song, I took Eddie in my arms, and I said the words. YOUNG DAVID: “Eddie, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy—� [Yelling] Wham! A huge wave absolutely creamed us. It knocked us over and turned us upside down and every which way. I don’t know how I held onto my glasses. I ended up climbing to the surface, cross-eyed and dazed, sand in my hair. I climbed up out of the water and onto dry land, and I could hear the others singing through the fog, but I barely noticed it because I was looking around thinking, “Where’s Eddie?� I couldn’t find Eddie. The fog was so thick, no one else could see what had happened, so I had to yell— YOUNG DAVID: “Uh, guys! I lost Eddie!� The singing stopped as everyone tried to determine if I’d actually said what I’d said. For about two seconds, I remember standing there, dripping, thinking, “I couldn’t possibly have drowned someone during baptism could I?� and wondering if that could possibly be a crime. Fortunately, Eddie was fine. We found him up the beach about 20 feet, lying in a tangle of seaweed having a religious experience. Rick got there first and leaned over Eddie. RICK: “Man, are you OK?� EDDIE: “God is so great!�

Part Seven: God Is So Great

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and we were all having cookies and punch in the kitchen, Marie asked if I was planning to stay for the afterglow. YOUNG DAVID: “What’s an afterglow?� MARIE: “Oh, you should stay, darlin’. You’ll see what an afterglow is.� Fifteen minutes later, the lights were turned down low as a bunch of us gathered back in the chapel. We all sat on the floor. And that’s when I learned that an afterglow is where we invite the Holy Spirit to do to us what it had done to those people on the day of Pentecost. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was completely freaked out. But, you know, in a good way. The experienced kids sang songs really quietly, in soft, ghostly voices, as Jessie explained that the purpose of tongues in the modern world was not to spread the gospel to foreigners, like it was when it happened to the apostles. JESSIE: “Tongues, one of the ‘Gifts of the Spirit,’ is a tool for God’s chosen, so we that can pray in a way that pleases God.� In other words, the Holy Spirit gives us each our own magic language, which only God understands, and which God really gets a kick out of. Jessie closed his eyes. JESSIE: “Shondala kiraia otrius bandala agmia shondala shondala.� It started quietly. As Jessie’s words filled the room, all around me people started joining in. Those who weren’t speaking in tongues were singing in tongues. The volume rose, and some of the teens started jumping to their feet, singing, babbling these sweet weird baby noises. As the volume rose, here and there around the room some of the people who’d leapt to their feet were now falling over, only to be caught by others who had stationed themselves strategically just for that purpose. All that standing and falling, Jessie explained, was called being “slain in the spirit.� JESSIE: “Sometimes, the spirit of God is so overwhelming you just can’t stand it anymore! And then sometimes you fall over. It’s actually really beautiful.� I knew right then that I had crossed some invisible line. I had found myself on the forefront of a holy revolution. I had joined an alliance of mystical daredevils, and we were pole-vaulting the borders of polite spirituality, pushing deep, deep into the remotest reaches of supernatural land. It was great. Sitting in the dark in Glenn and Marie’s chapel, I didn’t know quite what was going on, but I knew I was pretty much done with the Baptists. Whatever this was, it was a lot more exciting. Later that night, I asked Jessie— YOUNG DAVID: “So, um, what religion is this, or you know, what denomination?� JESSIE: “This is Christianity, brother. It isn’t a religion. It’s a relationship. Jesus and you. Together forever.�

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For months, I’d been hearing about a regular Tuesday night Bible study, held at the home of a couple named Glenn and Marie. The leader was Jessie P., the guy who’d founded the Jesus Club. Just before Christmas, one of the Jesus Club kids told me he had an extra seat in his car that night, and if I’d like to go to Jessie’s Bible study, he’d give me a ride. [Cue excited 1974-era music] Glen and Marie were this older couple who’d dropped out of the Foursquare Church and had gradually been turning their tiny house into a chapel. They’d taken the back part of their place, installed a multicolored carpet made of samples, put up a big wooden cross on one wall, hung some framed pictures of Jesus all over—and that was their chapel. As I stepped through the door that night, I felt like Alice must have felt careening down the rabbit hole. The place was packed with teenagers, maybe 75 of us, and the walls physically vibrated with chatter and excitement as everyone sat cross-legged on the carpet, talking and bubbling and waiting for Jessie to start. RANDOM JESSIE FAN: [Whispering and pointing] “David. That’s Jessie over there!� Jessie had long hair, wore a puka shell necklace with a dove dangling from it, and was dressed in blue denim overalls from Miller’s Outpost. That, clearly, was the unofficial uniform for teenage born-agains in Downey. Within a week I’d gone down to Miller’s Outpost and gotten my own pair of overalls. Everyone found a seat and Jessie opened with a prayer. [Pulling up a stool and adopting a blissful look] JESSIE: [Praying] “Heavenly father. Wow! Wow, Jesus. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for bringing us together tonight. Bless us as we dig into your amazing word. Make us worthy to receive your truth, because without you, Jesus, we all know how unworthy we are. But you are so awesome. I mean, wow. Wow-anda-half ! In Jesus’ name, Amen.� Structurally, this is actually a textbook example of the way I was learning to pray. In those 72 words, there were seven mentions of God; five statements of praise, thanks and other forms of sucking up; two direct requests for blessings; two reminders of our own unworthiness; and numerous slangy exclamations of intense joy and happiness. So this was fairly typical, and it was 100 percent heartfelt. What was so magnetic about Jessie was his total commitment to every word he spoke. [Standing up] The subject of Jessie’s Bible study that night was the Day of Pentecost, a major event in the New Testament. Jessie would read a verse, then he’d explain it while we all listened, writing little notes in the margins of our Tommy Guns. (That’s what we called our Bibles. Thompson Chain Reference Study Bibles, the primo Bible of choice among the puka-andoverall set.) This Pentecost stuff was fairly new to me, and it slightly confused me, all that stuff about the Holy Spirit descending on the apostles with fiery tongues dancing on their heads and everybody spouting God’s praises in all the different languages of the world. Methodists and Baptists always seemed to rush through that part of the Bible, but with these people, the weirder the story was, the better it proved the power of God. When the Bible study was over,

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End of Act One For the entire text, go to www.bohemian.com. ‘Wretch Like Me’ runs Friday–Sunday, July 17–19 and 24–26 at the Glaser Center (547 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa. All shows except July 26 at 8pm; that show, 2pm. $9 donation. 707.327.8108). Also, Friday–Saturday, Sept. 4–5, at the Sonoma County Repertory Theater (104 N. Main St., Sebastopol. 8pm. $15. 707.823.0177).

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?A8<8C85 Yolande Moreau portrays an untrained artist.

1adbW fXcW 5P\T ‘SĂŠraphine’ avoids easy answers about the roots of creation

By Richard von Busack

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he date and location give us a clue: “1914, Senlis.â€? The year is the beginning of the modern era by anyone’s calculation—the first year of the Great War, which broke out that autumn. But then there’s “Senlis.â€? Where in the world is Senlis? The haunting biopic SĂŠraphine takes us there, to a silent, small French village, with a full moon caught in the tree limbs and a lumpy, even troglodytic woman stirring the water of a creek with her hands. This woman clops up to pray in a stone church. It’s shot at a low angle so that the heavily leafed shade trees around the church seem to be growing into the stones, like the jungle vines into the towers of Angkor Wat. The impression at first is of remoteness and overgrown vegetation. Director Martin Provost fills up the screen with green and the shape of a hunched scrubwoman named SĂŠraphine Louis, later known as SĂŠraphine de Senlis. As played by Yolande Moreau, SĂŠraphine is a burrower, head held down at most times and on all fours sometimes. She shuffles through her rounds in

a shawl and an Eliza Doolittle straw hat, sometimes forgetting her shoes as she works. She pockets the breadcrumbs off the table of a woman she works for and siphons off some beef blood from the butcher shop. More mysteriously, she bottles the melted wax from the church votive candles. Her newest job is tending a vacationing gentleman, a tenant for her regular employer, making tea for him and cleaning his room. She notes that he sketches sometimes and keeps to himself, nursing some great unhappiness. We learn that this vacationing German is William Uhde (Ulrich Tukur). Uhde is a lawyer and Paris gallery owner, noted as the first biographer of the artist Henri Rousseau. He was a patron with the discernment to buy Picasso and Braque back in 1905. We also learn that SĂŠraphine, a seemingly cracked charwoman, is an artist herself—that she uses the stolen church wax as fixative for her hand-ground pigments. This untrained and uncelebrated artist paints pictures because the angels told her to do it. SĂŠraphine’s story is unique. Firstly, it isn’t conventional—she wasn’t bought short and sold high like Van Gogh. Uhde’s find seems ridiculously convenient: a gallery owner discovering that his chambermaid is a brilliant unschooled artist. Such was the man’s perception, though; the film doesn’t mention this, but Uhde’s first purchase of a Rousseau was from a janitor who had bought it as a souvenir of his time in Paris, demonstrating both that Rousseau had qualities apparent even before he was praised by critics, and that Uhde had a common touch, enough to make the deal. Sensibly, SĂŠraphine neither makes him the hero of the story nor a symbol of the art market that gives a painter just enough to live on and takes his soul. Provost takes an unsentimental view of SĂŠraphine’s art; her raptures and her loose grip on sanity are closed off to us. It’s a private world we can watch from the outside and marvel at. Moreau inhabits this poor woman’s shell—it’s uncompromising, brawny acting. Provost provides a strong but not overstressed rhyme of this woman working in solitude with the life of this collector who had covert tendencies of his own. After the war separates artist and patron, Uhde returns to Senlis to see a display of local artists, and he glances quickly at the work of giftless amateurs. Later, he is grimly amused at listening to a provincial newspaper critic trying to praise SĂŠraphine’s work, but Uhde doesn’t really have the words for SĂŠraphine’s art either; at one point, given pause by a large canvas, he merely stutters that it is “trĂŠs, trĂŠs belle.â€? This very good movie hasn’t received the attention it deserves in America. In France, Moreau won the CĂŠsar for best actress. Possibly the reason it doesn’t have the word-of-mouth it needs is because the film doesn’t traffic in the upbeat idea of artistic after-life. Provost’s reserve is as fascinating as SĂŠraphine’s vibrancy. As Moreau acts it, and Provost tells it, the feeling SĂŠraphine had for trees was like the feelings of those preColombian artists who had no word for art. ‘SĂŠraphine’ opens on Friday, July 17, at the Smith Rafael Film Center, 1118 Fourth St., San Rafael. 415.454.1222.

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“A NEAR-PERFECT MOVIE. KATHRYN BIGELOW AND MARK BOAL HAVE POOLED THEIR COMPLEMENTARY TALENTS TO MAKE ONE

:<C62 0.=@

OF THE GREAT WAR MOVIES. AT ONE MOMENT YOU’LL BE WATCHING IN YOUR SEAT; THEN, WITHOUT WARNING, IT’S DUCK AND COVER. THIS ONE’S THE TOPS.” – RICHARD CORLISS

“AOF SUSPENSE VISCERALLY EXCITING, ADRENALINE-SOAKED TOUR DE FORCE AND SURPRISE. YOU MAY EMERGE FROM ‘THE HURT LOCKER’ SHAKEN, EXHILARATED AND DRAINED, BUT YOU WILL ALSO BE THINKING.” – A.O. SCOTT

“##### ONE OF THE DEFINING FILMS OF THE DECADE. WHAT YOU’LL REMEMBER MOST WILL BE JEREMY RENNER’S REMARKABLY COMPLEX COMMANDER. IT’S BECOME CLEAR WE’VE WITNESSED A STAR-MAKING PERFORMANCE.” – ELIZABETH WEITZMAN

“AIT WILLCLASSIC OF TENSION, FEAR AND BRAVERY. BE STUDIED 20 YEARS FROM NOW.” – DAVID DENBY

“AIT GETSFULL-THROTTLE BODY SHOCK OF A MOVIE. INSIDE YOU LIKE A VIRUS, PUTS YOUR NERVES IN A BLENDER, AND TWISTS YOUR GUTS INTO A GORDIAN KNOT.”

– SCOTT FOUNDAS

GOLDEN SPACE NEEDLE AWARD

BEST SCREENWRITING

SEATTLE INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL

2009 NANTUCKET FILM FESTIVAL

BEST DIRECTOR KATHRYN BIGELOW

IN A FEATURE FILM

MARK BOAL

SUMMIT ENTERTAINMENT PRESENTS IN ASSOCIATION WITH VOLTAGE PICTURES AND GROSVENOR PARK MEDIA, LP AND F.C.S.A. A VOLTAGE PICTURES / FIRST LIGHT / KINGSGATE FILMS PRODUCTION OF A KATHRYN BIGELOW FILM “THE HURT LOCKER” JEREMY RENNER ANTHONY MACKIE BRIAN GERAGHTY EVANGELINE LILLY WITH RALPH FIENNES DAVID MORSE AND GUY PEARCE CASTINGBY MARK BENNETT MUSIC BY MARCO BELTRAMI AND BUCK SANDERS MUSIC PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR JOHN BISSELL DESIGNER KARL JÚLÍUSSON SOUND COSTUME DESIGNER GEORGE LIT TLE DESIGN PAUL N.J. OTTOSSON EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF EDITORS BOB MURAWSKI CHRIS INNIS PHOTOGRAPHY BARRY ACKROYD, BSC PRODUCER TONY MARK PRODUCED BY KATHRYN BIGELOW MARK BOAL NICOLAS CHARTIER GREG SHAPIRO WRITTEN DIRECTED BY MARK BOAL BY KATHRYN BIGELOW © 2009 SUMMIT ENTERTAINMENT, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

MOBILE USERS: For Showtimes, Text Message HURT and Your ZIP CODE to 43KIX (43549)

STARTS FRIDAY, JULY 17

Rialto Cinemas LAKESIDE Santa Rosa 707/525-4840

CHECK THEATRE DIRECTORY OR CALL FOR SOUND INFORMATION AND SHOWTIMES

SPECIAL ENGAGEMENT NO PASSES OR DISCOUNT COUPONS ACCEPTED

5>A3 50=C0BH ‘Bladerunner’ makes fine summer fare in San Anselmo’s Creek Park on July 17. See Film listing, p39.

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“Viscerally Exciting, Adrenaline-Soaked Tour De “Raw and Riveting!” – Rolling Stone Force Of Suspense And Surprise!” – NY Times

A MIGHTY HEART

“‫ !ۻۻۻۻ‬A Spellbinding Film!” – Ebert (12:30) 2:45 5:00 7:20 9:45 R

THE HURT LOCKER

(1:30) 4:30 7:10 9:45 R “A Triumph!” – New York Observer

LA VIE EN ROSE “An Intelligent, Evocative And Deceptively (12:45) 3:45 6:45 9:45 PG-13 Low-Key Sci-Fi Adventure!” – USA Today Rockwell “䖟䖟䖟䖟 –Sam Really, Truly, Deeply – MOON One of This Year’s Best!” – Newsday (12:45) 3:00 5:15 7:30 9:30 R

ONCE

(1:00) 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:40 R “Woody Allen Exactly As You Want Your Woody Allen To Be! It’s Witty, Dark, Poignant, Zany And “Wise, Humble and Effortlessly Funny!” – Newsweek Hilarious, And Showcases A New York Filtered Through WAITRESS The Allen Lens As We’ve Never 4:00 7:10 York 9:30Observer R Seen It(1:30) Before!” – New

WHATEVER WORKS

(1:00) 3:15 5:30Mysterious, 7:45 9:40Hilarious!” PG-13 “Swoonly Romatic, – Slant Magazine

PARIS, JE T’AIME

“Witty, Sharply Observed And Emotionally (1:15) 4:15 7:00 9:30 R Satisfying!” – USA Today From the Director of American Beauty Michael Moore’s

AWAY WE GO

SICKO (12:30) 2:50 5:00 7:20 9:20 R Starts Fri, June 29th! Advance Tickets On Sale Now at Box Office! “Immensely Entertaining! Pfeiffer Is (12:00) 2:30 5:00 Michelle 7:30 10:00 Radiant!” – Hollywood Reporter Michelle Redgrave Pfeiffer Kathy Rupert Venessa MerylBates Streep GlennFriend Close CHERI EVENING

(12:40) 2:40 4:45 7:00 9:00 R Starts Fri, June 29th!

ATTENTION: SINGLE MEN!

Are you in your Fabulous 50’s or Sexy 60’s and a professional or entrepreneur?

I will find you the

Best Match! Call Marsha at Introductions by Marsha*

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415-388-0118 introsbymarsha.com Marsha Winer, MA * As featured in SF Chronicle Magazine See link on Marsha’s home page

Film capsules by Richard von Busack and Jeff Latta. THE BOHEMIAN

07.15.09-07.21.09

31

contemporary, upscale and uniquely stylish

STOMPY JONES Sat, July 18

Wed, Jul 15 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45 Jazzercise 10:00-12:15pm Scottish Dance Youth and Family 7:00-10:00pm Singles & Pairs Square Dance Club Thur, Jul 16 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45pm Jazzercise 7:25-10:30pm Circles & Squares Square Dance Club Fri, Jul 17 8:45-9:45am Jazzercise 10:30-11:30am Intro to ZUMBA with Anna 8:00pm North Bay Country Dance Society/ Contra Dance $10 Sat, Jul 18 8:00-9:00am; 9:15-10:15am Jazzercise 10:30-11:40am NEW!Salsa Workout with DJ Steve Luther 7:00 & 8:00pm Best Swing Band in the Bay Area STOMPY JONES is back! 7:00pm Lessons, 8:00pm Dance $15 Sun, Jul 19 8:30-9:30am Jazzercise 10:15–11:15am Zumba with Anna 1:30–3:30pm Vintage Dance 5:00–9:30pm DJ Steve Luther Country-Western Lessons & Dancing $10 Mon, Jul 20 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45pm Jazzercise 3:30pm WEIGHTWATCHERS MEETING Weigh in 3:30, Meeting 4:00

7:00pm Scottish Country Dancing Tues, Jul 21 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45pm Jazzercise 9:30am WEIGHTWATCHERS MEETING 7:15pm

32

07.15.09-07.21.09

THE BOHEMIAN

Weigh in 9:30, Meeting 10:00 AFRICAN AND WORLD MUSIC DANCE with Victoria Strowbridge

New $4 beers • $5 house wines Happy $ 1 bites of our appetizer menu! Hour $5 fresh fruit martini of the day until 6pm, Mon-Fri

F U L L B A R N S M A L L P L AT E S

707-573-0522

96 OLD COURTHOUSE SQUARE, SANTA ROSA www.upperfourth.com

shop

smoke

RIO NIDO ROADHOUSE BAND EVENTS Fri July 17

BROTHER CAT Sat July 18 • $6

POYNTLYSS SISTARS Sun July 19

GRAND OPENING mention this ad for:

20% off next purchase

D’GIIN Fri July 24 • 7–10pm • FREE

DOC CUMMINGS All Music 6–10pm • All Shows $5 unless noted

Swimming Pool Open to Public

Santa Rosa’s Social Hall since 1922

707.546.5424

Lunch • Dinner • Brunch on Weekends

1400 W. College Avenue • Santa Rosa, CA 707.539.5507 • www.monroe-hall.com

1321 Guerneville RdSte B1, Santa Rosa across from Coddingtown Mall

707.869.0821 | 14540 Canyon 2, Rio Nido

Full Bar • Live Bands www.rionidoroadhouse.com

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Jersey Boy

Summertime Rolls

Sooooooo-eeeee!

Rock the Casbar

Even if Frankie Valli and his group the Four Seasons hadn’t been immortalized in the Broadway smash Jersey Boys, he’d still be a pop music legend. After early hits like “Walk Like a Man,� “Big Girls Don’t Cry� and “Sherry,� Valli was well on the road to stardom; later successes like the sentimental “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You� and the nostalgic “December, 1963 (Oh, What a Night)� sealed his status as entertainer supreme. And how many male singers on the charts today can actually sing in Valli’s upper falsetto register with such timbre and control? Certainly not Sinatra, Bon Jovi or Springsteen, the “other� Jersey boys. Still riding high on his Mamma Mia–style stage comeback, Valli starts working his way back to you on Friday, July 17, at the Wells Fargo Center. 50 Mark West Springs Road, Santa Rosa. 8pm. $40–$100. 707.546.3600.

The thick of summer brings on the urge to close up the streets and party down, and San Rafael’s West End Village Celebration is no exception. Better yet, it’s completely free, with five blocks of Fourth Street cordoned off for games, crafts, food, a skateboard contest, a pro skateboard demo and two stages featuring 14 of Marin County’s finest bands. Of note are the younger groups playing throughout the day, such as the Jazztronauts, who’ve racked up acclaim from various Bay Area festivals, and the SHE’S, a band of teenage girls following in the power-chord tradition of the Runaways and the Donnas. Chrome Johnson, Wonderbread 5, Gabby La La and many more round out the lineup when the smell of hot barbecue coals and the thwack of kickflip ollies fill the air on Sunday, July 19, in the West End Village. Fourth Street, between Shaver and H Streets, San Rafael. All day. Free. www.westendvillage celebration.com.

The thing about sustainable farming is that it’s sometimes tough to put your money where your mouth is. Case in point: the art of raising and slaughtering your own meat. Enter Napa’s Fatted Calf Charcuterie, located in the Oxbow Public Market, which hosts its instructional course Basic Pig Butchery, Part 1. Now you can bravely discover just what it takes to disassemble Wilbur into various edible portions. Where to slice? Where to saw? Which parts of the pig are choice cuts for culinary consumption and which are destined for heavy metal photo shoots? The Fatted Calf crew, involved with Meatpaper magazine and various other left-of-center foodie groups, are just the right people to offer the course, which includes a full lunch, wine and a takehome share of the sausage that you help prepare. Take the plunge on Saturday, July 18, at Fatted Calf Charcuterie. 644-C First St., Napa. 10am. $125, includes all materials and lunch. 707.256.3684.

For almost a year now, the Casbar down on Santa Rosa Avenue has been bringing nightlife to an area of town with a dearth of things to do at night that don’t involve adult bookstores or smoke shops. What’s more, it’s all-ages, which is a huge asset in a town with few places for kids, and even better, they’ve worked out a sensible drinking solution. With black lights up in each corner, an absinthe-green light emitting from the bar and a hazy red near the stage, it’s a particularly great place for reggae music. Reggae legend Mad Professor played there a few months back, and this weekend it’s the Mighty Diamonds, formed 40 years ago and astonishingly still singing their tight three-part harmonies on classics like “Pass the Kutchie� and “I Need a Roof.� Don’t miss ’em when they appear on Sunday, July 19, at the Casbar. 3345 Santa Rosa Ave., Santa Rosa. 8pm. $15. 707.568.1011.

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THE BOHEMIAN

07.15.09-07.21.09

33

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Take a scenic drive for a unique dining experience

Reservations advised “A Historic West Marin Landmark� EST. 1941

:B@60

20 min from downtown Petaluma, 25 min from everywhere else!

Concerts

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Big B and his July 17 Snake Oil Saviors Fri

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Original Western Swing 8:30pm / $10 Fri

The 85’s

July 24

Sat

July 25

Rock and Pop from the 1980’s 8:30pm / $12 / $15

“A Hot Summer Night� with

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Shana Morrison 8:30pm / $15

Fri

July 31 Sat

Petty Theft The Best Petty Tribute & More! 8:30pm / $12

The Zydeco Flames

Aug 1

West Coast’s Premier Zydeco Band 8:30pm / $12

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2009 BBQ’s On the Lawn! Gates Open at 3pm, Music at 4pm Sun

July 19 Sun

July 26

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the subdudes $32 / $35

It’s a Party on the Lawn!

Elvin Bishop plus Rancho Deluxe $20

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Butch Whacks & The Glass Packs

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$25

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The Paul Thorn Aug 2 Band Sun

$22 / $25 Sun

Aug 9

Sun

Aug 16

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In a rare Northern California appearance

The Kronos Quartet $25

Sun

Aug 23

Luau

with the legendary

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WILLIE K. & very special guest $20

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MAKANA

3rd Annual

Sun

Aug 30 Mitch Woods’

Boogie Woogie BBQ Blowout

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LABOR DAY WEEKEND Roy Rogers and the Sept 6 Delta Rhythm Kings Sun

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$20 Sun

Sept 7

Marcia Ball $25

www.ranchonicasio.com

On the Town Square • Nicasio

415.662.2219

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Outdoor Dining 7 Days a Week 34

07.15.09-07.21.09

THE BOHEMIAN

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Litany for the Whale and Semi-Evolved Simians celebrate new LPs at GuayakĂ­ rom roughly 1985 to 1991, the compact disc was the sole province of the all-powerful major label. Partly for stubborn reasons, but mostly for limited access to digital manufacturing plants, prominent independent labels like Rough Trade, Touch and Go, Sub Pop and Stiff Records continued business as usual by pressing vinyl records, most of them espousing the natural inferiority of the cold, digital compact disc. Times have changed, of course, and now it’s the major labels that are slow to abandon business as usual while independent labels innovate online sales models and drive vinyl sales to a whopping 89 percent increase last year alone. That’s the case with two Santa Rosa bands, the Semi-Evolved Simians and Litany for the Whale, who play a joint record-release show for two new LPs this weekend at GuayakĂ­ Mate Bar in Sebastopol. Litany for the Whale (above), so committed to perfection that they scrapped a completely recorded album two years ago and decided to write and record new songs, have just released Dolores, their long-awaited debut album pressed on three different colors of wax. Alternating bouts of self-hatred and self-love make up singer Michael Conrad’s lyrical desolation, and, with similar cover art, the album is a not-distant relative of Converge’s heartbreak-core classic Jane Doe. Opening with the most wretched haunted-house noises imaginable for two straight minutes, the record plunges into “A Wake,â€? a closed-eye dirge in a running key of despair. If you’ve ever been in love, and were kind of angry about being in love, Dolores should strike a tuned-down, distorted chord. The Semi-Evolved Simians are another beast entirely—most likely a primate. Following their mission statement that all humans are descended from apes, they’re currently out on tour promoting their ďŹ rst LP, End-Holocene, available on both black and yellow vinyl. Sharing two members from the rambunctious folk quintet the Crux, the Simians, who once played an entire show of Dead Kennedys covers, approach punk rock with as few preconceptions as possible and with a wealth of personal politics (few bands can effectively make a chorus of “Where’s your autonomy?â€? into a gang singalong). If Propagandhi were from Humboldt County, they’d make a record like the Simians’ End-Holocene. Bands play at GuayakĂ­ in the “AchĂŠ Room,â€? a resplendent name for a venue if ever there was one. It is wider than it is deep, which is good for creating a crowded, pressure-cooked environment. Tell a friend, but don’t tell two or three friends, when Litany for the Whale and the Semi-Evolved Simians celebrate new slabs of vinyl on Sunday, July 19, at GuayakĂ­ Mate Bar. 6782 Sebastopol Ave., Sebastopol. 7pm. $5. 707.824.6644. Gabe Meline

F

Steve Lucky and the Rhumba Bums Saturday, July 18th • 8pm Big Band & Swing

Grupo Mazacote Saturday July 25th • 8pm Latin Swing & Salsa

California Cowboys Saturday August 1st • 8pm Country

Karaoke Thursdays 8:30pm

(+

THE BOHEMIAN

07.15.09-07.21.09

35

0NYR[QN_

(*

the last day saloon nightclub & restaurant the best place for live music, dancing and dining

DON’T FORGET‌WE SERVE FOOD TOO!

Mc Near’s Dining House Breakfast • Lunch • Dinner BBQ • Pasta • Steak

7/15 8 PM SHOW > FREE > REGGAE SOUL 808 BAND W/ ROBERT HERRERA 7/17 9:00 PM SHOW > $15 > 80'S DANCE

FRI 7/17 • 7:30PM DOORS • $15 • 21+ REGGAE

TAINTED LOVE

MYSTIC ROOTS PLUS

+ WITHOUT A THOT 7/18 9:00 PM SHOW > $8 > 80'S RETRO

TOP SHELF & NATURAL INCENSE SUN 7/19 • 7:00PM DOORS • $25 • 21+

BAND CAMP

ROCK/BLUES

ARC ANGELS PLUS

7/21 8:30 PM SHOW > $20/23 > ROCK

LACUNA COIL

THE ACES

THUR 7/23 • 7:00PM DOORS • $20 • 21+ HARD ROCK

+ KILL HANNAH + SEVENTH VOID + DOMMIN 7/23 9:30 PM SHOW > $8/10 > R&B HIP HOP

THE DONNAS PLUS

AT ALL COSTS

LUV PLANET & STICKS & STONES

+ MICHAEL MARSHALL + MYRA + 4 TAY 7/24 9:30 PM SHOW > $10 > 80'S DANCE ROCK

FRI 7/24 • 8:00PM DOORS • $22 ADV/$25 DOS • 21+ REGGAE

LUCIANO PLUS

NOTORIOUS

LUMANATION

COMEDY NIGHT FEATURING

JOHN CORBETT BAND

BRENT WEINBACH

ALEX WOODWARD

+ CONNOR KELLICUT + bryce jones HOSTED BY JEFF BLAZY

WED 7/29 • 7:30PM DOORS • $15 • 21+ HIP HOP

(FROM THE BLAZY & BOB SHOW)

CHALI 2NA

7/29 8:30 PM SHOW > $20 > ROCK

TRAPT

OF JURASSIC 5 FRI 7/31 • 8:00PM DOORS • $12 ADV/$15 DOS • 21+ PSYCHEDELIC SURF ROCK

AN EVENING WITH

THE MERMEN SAT 8/1 • 7:00PM DOORS • $22 ADV/$25 DOS • 21+ LATIN ROCK

WED 8/5 • 6PM DOORS • $5 • ALL AGES SONGWRITERS

THE LAST DAY SALOON 36 YEAR ANNIVERSARY PARTY WITH

JANIVA MAGNESS COMPLIMENTARY CHAMPAGNE AND HORS D'EOUVRES FROM 6:00 - 7:30

THUR 8/6 • 7:00PM DOORS • $27 ADV/$30 DOS • 21+ BLUES/ROCK

all shows are 21+ unless noted

JOHNNY WINTER

get reserved show seating with advance dinner reservations

HILLSIDE FIRE

for reservations: 707.545.5876

For All Ages Shows • No Children Under 6 Allowed

36

23 Petaluma Blvd, Petaluma

707.545.2343

707-765-2121

120 5th street @ davis street santa rosa, ca

www.mcnears.com

lastdaysaloon.com

07.15.09-07.21.09

THE BOHEMIAN

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NORTHBAY COMPETITION PLAYOFFS

PLUS

Bjge]n"<ddYZ IVhi^c\ Gddb

THE ACES

8/2 8:00 PM SHOW > $15 > BLUES

WEST COAST SONGWRITERS

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+ SINCE OCTOBER + DIVIDE THE DAY + INEPT 7/30 8:30 PM SHOW > $10 > ROCK Lo-Fi explosion featuring

COLIN HAY (former frontman of Men At Work)

LA VENTANA

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186 1A40: Fourteen-year-old Conrad Tao has been all over the world since his Festival del Sole debut.

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Piano prodigy highlights what’s great about Festival del Sole By Daniel Hirsch

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erforming beside a dreamily lit stack of oak wine barrels last July, classical pianist Conrad Tao embodied the true spirit of Napa Valley’s annual Festival del Sole: world-class music set among the North Bay’s most picturesque locales. But unlike the small private audience that gathered to watch him in Calistoga Ranch’s wine caves, this virtuosic performer couldn’t partake in the festival’s winetastings and events. Tao was only 13 at the time. Like the accomplished adolescent performer, the festival itself is impressive in its youth. Founded in 2006, by former pianist Barrett Wissman with performingarts attorney Richard Walker, Festival del Sole combines classical music with Napa wines, five-star cuisine and such spectacular venues as castles and cellars. This year’s lineup includes classical-music superstars soprano RenĂŠe Fleming and violinist Sarah Chang, and actor Robert Redford. It also welcomes Tao back for the third time. “I always look forward to the festival,â€? Tao says, now a worldly 14. “It’s such a gorgeous place to be and a wonderful place to make music.â€? Tao’s first performance at Festival del Sole was the stuff of musical biopics. When a headlining pianist canceled due to illness

a week before his scheduled performance, festival organizers had to frantically find a replacement to perform Prokofiev’s challenging Piano Concerto no. 3. Luckily for Tao and for the festival, someone had seen him play the Prokofiev piece earlier that year at the Juilliard Concerto Competition and suggested that they call up the young pianist. When his manager first called him, Tao wasn’t sure if he had enough time to prepare. Although he only had a week, Tao understood that this performance could be a career-making one. After 10 minutes of thought, he called his manager back and agreed to perform. Besides limited rehearsal time, the practically unknown Tao faced some skepticism among certain festival organizers. Festival director and cofounder Walker remembers some who doubted whether such a young person could have both the technical proficiency and the adequate emotional maturity to handle the intensity of Prokofiev. Tao proved them wrong. “He came and blew everybody away,� Walker says. “It was a discovery for us. He’s sensational.� Though Tao has been giving public piano recitals since he was four, the Festival del Sole served as a kind of grand coming out party for his musical career. He played alongside the Russian Philharmonic Orchestra and got to meet famed violinist Joshua Bell. Since then, his career has taken off, featuring performances with the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra, the Fort Worth Symphony and the Verbier Festival in Switzerland and, most recently, at the Ravinia Festival in Chicago. He’s also an award-winning violinist and composer. Reviewers have wondered if Tao has bionic hands and often comment on the depth of expression and emotional force of his performances. For Tao, it’s just what he does. “I just end up doing what comes naturally,� Tao says. “Most people take what I do naturally and view it as mature or intense. For me, the most important thing is to take the heart and soul of music and express it the best I can.� One might expect someone so young and accomplished to embody some of the unfortunate stereotypes of child stardom: obsession, single-mindedness and isolation. But not so, according to Walker. “He is a great kid who is also a normal kid,� Walker says. “He’s not someone living in a bubble. � Tao has played all over the world with legendary performers and conductors, but he is also someone young people can relate to. For Walker, this makes Tao a perfect performer for Festival del Sole, which endeavors to make classical music more accessible. The festival donates tickets to youth groups, hosts a free young artists series, and prides itself on the amount of artist and audience interaction. Tao performs at the festival’s opening night gala on July 18 on a slate with Chang and pianist Andrew von Oeyen. Following the performances, Palmaz Vineyards hosts a twilight dinner on the terrace overlooking Napa Valley. Like most 14-year-olds who aren’t world-renowned musicians, Tao will have to wait a few years before even sipping the Cabernet Sauvignon. The Festival del Sole lights up July 17–25 at various locations. Free–$125. For a complete schedule and ticket information, visit www.festivaldelsole.com, call 888.337.6272 or email info@fdsnapa.org.

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07.15.09-07.21.09

37

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38

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Âź;8CC;4 A43 1>G½ Sculptor Gordon Huether celebrates 50 the old-fashioned way— with a special-edition show. See Openings, adjacent.

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Civil War Days bring the great divide to life again he Civil War is alive and literally booming in the pastoral burg of Duncans Mills. Civil War Days, one of the largest reenactments of the war west of the Mississippi, celebrates its 10th anniversary July 18–19 in the fields outside of town, currently being transformed into the Virginia battlefields of 1863. Evidently, a strong physical resemblance between Virginia and Duncan Mills evokes the perfect setting for a Civil War reenactment. “The town’s isolation helps spectators pass easily from 2009 to 1863 because there are very few modern contrivances that meet the eye,� says Gary Amari, founding director of the event. Three encampments for public interaction occupy the site: two for Federal and Confederate troops and one for civilians that were displaced during the war. “Our main purpose is to educate the public by having people go into the camps to experience the environment of the time,� Amari says. Nearly a thousand re-enactors attend and recreate large armies for the battles. “We don’t use live shells, but we do shoot off real gun powder in the cannons, so don’t bring very young children or your dogs, because it gets extremely loud,� Amari warns. “We recommend people to bring earplugs.� Civil War Days was created in 2000 by the nonprofit California Historical Artillery Society (CHAS) as a fundraiser for its “Sponsor a Rescued Horse� program. Over 35 horses have been rescued from the auction block (read: slaughterhouse) after their careers at California race tracks ended, and now board at ranches in Salinas and at Cassini Ranch in Duncan Mills. “We do a unique Civil War impression of mounted artillery,� says Amari. “CHAS owns cannons and rolling stock—wagons, caissons and limbers, rolling ammunition chests used by cannoneers. We are as detailed as we can get, and use authentic tack, saddlery and uniforms.� Only 20 artillery horse teams exist in the United States, and CHAS owns four of them. “If we weren’t supporting these beautiful horses,� Amari says, “they would be turned into food. We’re doing something useful.� Civil War Days runs Saturday–Sunday, July 18–19. Saturday, 9am to 5pm; Sunday, 9am to 3pm. Battles on Saturday at 1pm and 4pm; Sunday at 11am and 2pm. $5–$10; under five, free. Freeze Out Road, Duncans Mills. Parking is $5 per car. Cash only. 707.922.5901. Suzanne Daly

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Maker Faire goes mini with techno know-how and can-do spirit 17-foot-tall electronic giraffe, a human-scale mouse trap in the style of Rube Goldberg and a variety of steam-punk contraptions and homemade get-ups were just some of the fantastically crafty and technological sights to behold at Make magazine’s 2009 Maker’s Faire, held in San Mateo this past May. Though lacking ambulatory robotic land mammals, that same spirit of innovation and DIY know-how is coming to the North Bay in the form of the Mini-Maker Faire Series at Copperfield’s Books. Mini-Maker attendees can gain handy knowledge on everything from outfitting a bike with solar panels to making T-shirts with blinking LED screens to the mysteries of felting and to raising the healthiest chickens possible. Special guests will include such hands-on advocates as Dustin Zuckerman of the Santa Rosa Tool Library, permaculture specialist Terrie Miller and LineDry founder Laura Shafer, whose organization promotes the lost art of using clotheslines. Since its first event in 2006, the Sebastopol-based Make has sponsored six large-scale Maker Faires in all: four in the Bay Area and two in Austin, Texas. The gathering of crafters, tinkerers, techies and slow-culture enthusiasts seems to be only gathering more steam. This year’s San Mateo fair brought over 1,600 makers and craftspeople and 78,000 attendees, a 20 percent growth from the previous year. “They’re so wildly successful because attendees get to meet makers,� Maker Faire director Sherri Huss says. “The real secret sauce to Maker Faires is the makers. They’re there because they are really passionate about what they do and like sharing it. People enjoy interacting with other people to learn how to do something new.� The make-it-yourself movement is growing. Huss explains that she gets all kinds of emails asking her how they can bring a Maker Faire to Cedar Rapids or Oshkosh. Thus, Maker Faires are going mini, visiting not only bookstores in Sonoma County but locales around the world; a student group plans to hold one in Ghana this year. “It’s a great way to open you mind, engage with community and learn to make something,� Huss says. The Mini-Maker Faire Series provides the materials and the know-how starting Saturday, July 11, at 11am at Copperfield’s Books in Petaluma. 140 Kentucky St., Petaluma. Ongoing through Aug. 8 in Healdsburg, Petaluma and Santa Rosa. Free. 707.823.8991. Daniel Hirsch

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78< C0;: 38ACH B><4C8<4B Paul Krassner is still influencing people

n the spirit of Lenny Bruce, his irrepressible muse and mentor, Paul Krassner has been talking dirty and influencing people for more than half a century. Unlike Bruce, he’s never been arrested and jailed for obscenity, and unlike Bruce, who died of a heroin overdose, he’s well into his 70s. He continues to talk dirty and he continues to be adored by the likes of Arianna Huffington, who wrote the preface for his latest collection, Who’s to Say What’s Obscene? Politics, Culture and Comedy in America Today (City Lights; $16.95). He appears July 18 in Napa. All of the essays in Krassner’s new book have been published before—in High Times, The Huffington Post, The Nation and The L.A. Weekly—but they all read as though they were written yesterday. That’s because Krassner is always shocking, always provocative and for all his shenagigans, amazingly serious about the pornography of power and the obscenity of war (as well as Somali pirates and piracy on the web). A standup comedian since the 1950s, and the founding editor of The Realist, the satirical magazine that gave birth to the underground press of the 1960s, Krassner isn’t afraid to make fun of anything or any one. I’ve known Krassner since 1970, when he published an article of mine in The Realist that spoofed Timothy Leary and Eldridge Cleaver. It was Krassner’s talent then to treat those two gods of the counterculture as irreverently as he treated the politicians in the White House and the generals into the Pentagon. A sycophant he never was. Today, his comedic spirit goes marching on in the guise of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Who’s to Say What’s Obscene? offers a romp through the annals of American humor. Krassner has known most of the great 20th-century comedians, including Lenny Bruce, Mort Sahl, Richard Pryor and Chris Rock. In these pages, he pours out the funny stories about them that he’s saved up for years; whether they’re true or not is another story. As Norman Mailer points out in an article that’s reprinted here, Krassner has a knack for outrageous embellishment in the manner of Jonathan Swift’s Modest Proposal. Krassner, as Huffington asserts in her laudatory foreword, belongs in Swift’s “savory tradition.� Krassner is also funny in person and his gravelly voice fills a room. It seems fitting that after a lifetime of making fun of back-room deals and of alcohol, too, he’s appearing in Napa at Back Room Wines. He’s as irreverent about himself as anyone else. Paul Krassner reads from Who’s to Say What’s Obscene? at Back Room Wines on Saturday, July 18. 1000 Main St., entrance on First Street, Napa. 5pm. Free. 707.226.1378. Jonah Raskin

I

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ABBREVIATIONS: A-Asian; B-Black; C-Christian; F-Female; G-Gay; H-Hispanic; J-Jewish; M-Male; N/S-Non-Smoker; P-Professional; S-Single; W-White Guidelines: Bohemian Romance is a community publication. Participants in the Bohemian Romance must be 18 years or older. Use of Bohemian Romance for any illegal purpose will be subject to prosecution. Bohemian Romance is not liable for the content of the personals advertisements or the response to such advertisements. Bohemian Romance encourages readers to take appropriate safeguards when responding to personal and arranging meetings. Screen all respondents carefully. Meetings with new companions should occur in public places and participants should not divulge their addresses. Be smart, not sorry. Not all boxes contain a voice greeting.

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SSAN AN FRANCISCO.......415-501-9701 FRANCISCO.......415-501-97

MEN SEEKING MEN Browse & Respond FREE! 415-430-1199 Code 5631 Meet Your Man Here!

Call 707.527.1200 with your adult ad and let us do the rest!

and Opening r G

Collect Call Billing! 1-866-607-5282 1-900 Pricing Options! 1-900-622-1100

Dial #CLICK (#25425) 79¢/min. Sprint, Boost, AAT&T T&T T

18+ *Charges may apply ly to cer certain tain features. feature

RAINBOW MASSAGE ~ feel good fast ~ 1 Hour - $50 | 1/2 Hour $40

• Shiatsu/Swedish • Thai Massage

707.206.9500 5430 Commercial Blvd. Ste. L Rohnert Park

Catch the Feeling…

42

07.15.09-07.21.09

THE BOHEMIAN

BOHEMIANROMANCE To become a member, call To listen & respond to ads, call

1 900.287.1222

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To listen & respond to ads using a credit card or check, call

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Call costs $2.19/min. Must be 18+

or call 1-617-450-8773

LET’S HAVE FUN! SHM, 34, N/S, no children, looking for a SH/WF, 24-32, for dating, possibly more. 302392

Men Seeking Women

MERCY MERCY ME! Handsomedude, 57, good SOH, interesting, spontaneous, fun, adventuresome, looking for attractive woman. I enjoy dancing, concerts, dining out, hiking, beach combing and holding hands also loves animals, dogs, cats and horses. Happy trails! 201639

TIRED OF BEING ALONE SHM, 25, 5’11’’, average build, seeks SW/AF, 19-26, to talk to and get to know. Let’s meet and see what develops. 286293

LTR AND LOVE IN BOOTS Italian Taurus, SM, 45, 6’, 218lbs, N/S, N/Drugs, N/D, long hair, educated, published, financially/emotionally secure, respectful, inspiring, tender, great sense of humor, enjoys alternative music, dancing, movies, animals, cooking, conversation, mountains. Seeking thin, dancing SWF, 18-33, in boots for LTR. 315052

HOPE TO FIND YOU Sociable, good-hearted, compassionate, healthy gentleman, 63, published writer/poet, D/D-free, non-drinker, enjoys quiet times, home, sports, simple times. Seeking loving, happy, intelligent woman to share life, love, possible LTR. Bay Area preferred. 224839

SPECIAL WOMAN SM, 48, black hair, brown eyes, very outgoing, great personality, likes photography, basketball, music, travel. I’m looking for a woman who’s interested in dating and possibly more. 287933

FUN, INTROSPECTIVE SWM, 52, 6’4’’, in good shape, likes classic movies, reading, hiking, classical music, sailing, the outdoors, travel, the symphony. Looking for SF, 22-50, similar interests. 301801

STARTING OVER Separated WM, loves hockey, the outdoors, golf, staying in and watching movies, gardening and more. Would like to meet someone fun who wants to enjoy life. Call me and lift my spirits. 282029

JUST MOVED HERE SWM, 5’7’’, 190lbs, brown eyes, wants to meet soulmate in similar SF, 30-55. I love swing dancing, travel, gourmet cooking, animals, nature. 305800

GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR SWM, 59, 5’11’’, 180lbs, non-smoker, blue eyes, sandy brown hair, enjoys fishing, beaches, dining out and more. Seeking female, 55-65, for possible relationship. 309857

FRIEND LOVER SOULMATE SWPJM, 56, 5’10”, blue eyes, sandy brown hair, kind, passionate, artistic, sincere, committed and fun, enjoys ocean walks, travel, arts, food, wine and nature. Seeking SF, 50-62, kindred spirit, kind, soft, sensuous, for life’s adventures together. 309779

LET’S SHARE IDEAS Caring gentleman, 60s, intelligent, good morals, clean-cut, likes outdoors, traveling, hiking, reading, ISO nice woman, 50-60, for friendship leading to LTR. 297183

PERSONABLE Shy SM, 50s, with good values, likes long drives, hiking, walking, travel, dining out. Looking for similar female, 4060, ready for LTR. 301538

THIS ONE’S FOR YOU Single male, in my 40s, honest, goal-oriented,caring, outdoorsy, enjoys outdoor walks, long drives, art museums, traveling. ISO similar single female, 18-49, for dating leading to LTR. 297225

LOVES HORSES Healthy senior WM, 165lbs, N/S, loves animals, especially horses, theater, PBS. Seeking slender female for romance. 302170

LOOKING FOR LTR SM, 31, outdoorsy, honest, compassionate, seeks SF, 22-35, who enjoys travel, television, camping, taking walks, the beach and more. 301200

ARE YOU THE ONE? Bright, artistic, caring, flexible, adorable guy, 50s, likes music, dancing, travel, the beach, dining out. Looking for similar female. 302306

SOPHISTICATED Caring, compassionate, hard-working, goal-oriented, artistic SM, 40s, likes camping, dancing, travel. Searching for similar male, 30s, for LTR. 301536

LOOKING FOR A SF WHO... is independent, confident and takes care of herself. I like good movies, dressing up for a nice dinner out, skiing, bike rides, hiking, scuba diving, swing dancing, cooking. I’m an honest person who doesn’t believe in playing games. 301540

READY FOR LTR Shy, friendly, caring, clean-cut, classy SM, 50s, enjoys music, camping, travel, long drives, hiking, beaches, seeks similar woman, 30-50, for LTR. 302300

LOOKING FOR LTR Hard-working, healthy, personable, honest, compassionate man, 40s, likes camping, travel, hiking, long drives, beaches. In search of similar female, 30s, for friendship leading to LTR. 302302

SOMETIMES MISCHIEVOUS Optimistic, honest, clean-cut, caring, outdoorsy man, 50s, likes music, walks, long drives, running, watching tv, museums, dining out. Seeking SF, 50s, for companionship. 313135

FRIENDSHIP FIRST Caring, honest, nurturing SM, 60s, enjoys music, watching tv, walks, camping, coffee shops, hiking and museums. Looking for SF, 30-70, for dating possibly leading to LTR. 313144

Women Seeking Women GOOD HEART SEEKS SAME GWPF, young 53, tall, slim build, attractive, great SOH, femme/tom boyish, loves music, animals, outdoors, cooking and laughter. Seeking GPF, 45-65, for dating and more. 296665

SHARE MY WORLD Slender, athletic SF, 67, 5’6’’, registered nurse with a Master’s in Theology, loves hiking, swimming, museums, movies, cooking. Looking for SF, 55-68, for possible relationship. 301780

WHERE ARE YOU? You are 35-45, very feminine, dark, mystical, spiritual, with a sense of humor, know what you like, and want to enjoy life, but not alone. I’m trying to find you, where are you? 310085

NATURE LOVER Health-conscious, honest, wise, spiritual, artistic, friendly female, 50s, enjoys philosophy, psychology, walking, reading, the beach. Searching for similar female, 50s, for long-term relationship. 302296

LTR AND LOVE IN BOOTS Italian Taurus, SM, 45, 6’, 218lbs, N/S, N/Drugs, N/D, long hair, educated, published, financially/emotionally secure, respectful, inspiring, tender, great sense of humor, enjoys alternative music, dancing, movies, animals, cooking, conversation, mountains. Seeking thin, dancing SWF, 18-33, in boots for LTR. 315055

THOUGHTFUL, ROMANTIC Warm, sweet, affectionate, handicapped guy, loves humor, cuddling. Sweet-hearted, genuinely nice guy with fun attitude, easy-going, creative, silly, great sense of humor, very goofy at times, animal-lover, loves movies, music, museums and travel. Seeking female to share all my interests with. 315225

Men Seeking Men LOOKING FOR LOVE Seeking one man to love and care for completely and forever. Me: SBM, 50ish, affectionate, supportive, genuine, lots to offer. You: just be yourself, imperfect, mature older man, 70-90, with some humor, some laughter. Are you the one? 299175

WE SPOKE SOFTLY SM, 45, enjoys sports, working out, traveling, seeking SM, 35-65, for friendship and possible LTR. 287238

COMPASSIONATE GUY Hard-working, classy, clean-cut, caring, honest male in search of a male, 58-69, who likes night clubs, television, travel, dancing, the beach, taking walks, exercise. 308996

Alternative Lifestyles SPANK YOU VERY MUCH Woman, thou shalt be spanked. Gentle or hard, clothed or naked, whatever you deserve, by a sexy man who knows how to do it. 288495

COUPLE SEEKS WOMAN Very attractive, middle-aged, married white couple, she’s 5’2”, 125lbs, 34D. He is 5’11”, 172lbs. Both and very sensual and she is multi-orgasmic. We are N/S, light drinkers, heal-conscious, pleasant, non-pushy. Please be N/S, H/W proportionate, white, Hispanic or Asian, under 55. Bi or bi-curious ok. Discretion assured. Let’s have fun. 314002

HOT COUPLES DESIRED Handsome, easygoing, discreet, polite gentleman, 57, enjoys couples. I am a WM, 6’, 190lbs, athletic build, well hung and Bi. I also like dominant women. 232423

OPEN FOR ANYTHING BiWM, 54, 5’10’’, professional drummer, looking for good times with men and women, threesomes, foursomes, dressing up and more! 287793

STRAIGHT/BI GUY Frustrated with different need patterns at home? Understanding older gentleman, experienced, highly discreet, will provide time-tested stress relief for men, 30-50, in good shape; HWP, extremely private setting; no reciprocation expected. Curious? 136702

WANTS SOME FUN Very hot SWM, 6’1”, 170lbs, salt-npepper hair, in good shape, very open, looking for erotic adult encounter with a H/W proportionate lady who needs attention. Want to get together? 303609

STRAIGHTFORWARD FUN SWM, 39, looking for SF, 18-50, who likes to try new things and isn’t afraid of having a little fun! 304707

JOIN US White couple looking for a female, 1825, for fun, discreet times together. Give us a call. 311573

READY FOR FUN? SWM, 30, feminine bottom, looking for a top WM, 20-60, for good times and fun. Let’s see where it goes! 311892

SHE-MALE SEEKS GOOD TIMES Want to spend time with a man or a woman. I am very affectionate, beautiful, and love to be held. Interested? 279657

KEEP IT DISCREET WF, 30s, dark/dark, light complexion, fun-loving, bi-curious, seeks discreet female, 28-55, to have fun and party with. 314779

WHATEVER YOU DECIDE! SM, 5’11’’, 170lbs, light brown hair, blue eyes, athletic build, shaved, smooth and sexy, well-endowed, into a wide variety of pleasures. Anything goes; role play, fantasy fulfillment, toys, porn, lingerie. Seeking couples and females to party and play. 316161

Missed Connections JULIE IN SAFEWAY Sebastopol 7PM, you had a flower in your hair. We talked about basil and gardens. Meet for coffee or tea? 297217

866.689.5312

18+

Get ready to meet someone special.

AMAZON KINDLE Hello, I met you Friday June 27 at the Russian River Brewing Company on Fourth St. in Santa Rosa. She may be a computer programmer from St. Helena Hospital and watched on this day 3 movies back to back in the theater on Fourth St. in the town of Santa Rosa The Love Guru by Mike Meyers, Wall-E and another film. And she sipped a little beer and read from her Amazon kindle. I would like to get in touch with this girl and ask her to edit my book. She is a perfect candidate for my book. Hope to hear from you. Phil. 274972

CORINA IN OLIVER’S Saturday at 4:00PM, You had 15-yearold twins with blacks belts in karate. I have two cute little kids. We talked about children and kale. Lunch? 311695

LET’S TALK! SWM, mid 30s, looking for discreet guys in the Larkfield area for friendship and fun. Call me! 300359

CALL ME BiWM, handyman artist in Marin, 52, 5’6”, 180lbs, dirty blond hair, pale blue eyes, seeks couple or singles for fun in Marin or nearby. 293610

Shared Interests SEEKING FRIENDS SF, 49, enjoys Mexican food, coffee, going out and just having fun. Seeking males or females, bilingual a plus, for friendship. 287942

call 1.800.214.3435

The Bohemian is no longer servicing walk-in ads. Please call 1-800-214-3435 to become a member.

Dial 1.900.287.1222 or 1.800.273.8235 (with credit card or check) 0710

Only $2.19 per minute • 18 and up • Or call toll-free 1.800.214.3435 to become a member. THE BOHEMIAN

07.15.09-07.21.09

43

BOHEMIANCLASSIFIEDS Placing an Ad

Classified Index ❶ Employment

❹ Professional Services

❸ Computer Market

➏ Real Estate Services

❷ For Sale

➎ Family Services

❼ Home Services

§ By Phone Call the Department at 707.527.1200 Mon.-Fri., 8:30a.m.5:30p.m. √ By Fax Fax your ad to the Classified Department at 707.527.1288

Tama Rama’s in Downtown Some ads in this section may Cotati. 8252 Old Redwood Hwy, Cotati (707) 795-1425 require an initial investment or fee. Metro Newspapers encourages you to thoroughly investigate any advertiser’s claims before sending payment.

Attention Readers

g Employment Jobs

Seeking Hairstylist with following: To share two person salon in downtown Santa Rosa. Good parking and good rent for the right person. 707-538-4766

Models

g

Computer Market

g

info@themacadvantage.com 707.664.0400

Professional Services Golden Star Grafix

Need a quality designer? Business cards, brochures, Get a New Computer flyers, posters, digital collage, cd covers, photographic Brand name laptops and desktops. Bad or no credit, no restoration, general marketing materials. problem. Smallest weekly payments available. It’s yours Mark Schaumann 707-795-0924, now. Call 800/803-8819. schaumann1@earthlink.net (AAN CAN)

∏ In Person Visit our office Monday through Friday, 8:30a.m. to 5:30p.m. at 847 5th Street, Santa Rosa

Bohemian Classifieds 847 5th Street Santa Rosa, CA 95404 Monday through Friday, 8:30a.m. to 5:30p.m.

≈ Deadline Fridays, 2:00pm

ph: 707.527.1200 fax: 707.527.1288

Green Earth Catering Organic and Earth friendly foods and supplies Scott Goree - Entertainment coordinator and business manager. 707.795.7358 home, 707.479.5481 cell redgore23@aol.com

For Sale

g For Sale

Home Furnishings

Artist seeks fit, flirty females RUG SALE! for pin-up art. Great legs a plus. Over 21. 707/887-9404. Gorgeous Oriental Rugs, Persian rugs, must see! Brand New Laptops Business Opportunities www.paradiseorientalrugs.com/ & Desktops Penny Krieger, owner POST OFFICE Bad Credit, No Credit ñ No 707-823-3355 Problem Small Weekly PayNOW HIRING ments - Order Today and get Avg. Pay $21/hour or $54K Hand Blown Glass Art FREE Nintendo WII game annually including Federal system! Call Now ñ Makes a Great Gift Benefits and OT. Paid Train800-840-5439 (AAN CAN) ing, Vacations. PT/FT. Made by Local artists, One of 1-866-945-0315 (AAN CAN) a kind glass art pieces at Computer Consultants incredible prices. Only at

g

Photography by Paul Burke 707.664.0178 boomburke@hotmail.com

Joe Louvar Productions 707.479.0050 QUALITY LIVE AUDIO RECORDING

Jay Goebel, General Contractor, Lic. #812957 Quality Workmanship, FREE Diagnosis, Friendly Friendly Service, and In-House Staff Hardware/ Dependability You Can Trust. Software, DATA Recovery, Insured with Local references Internet, Email,Wireless Repairs, Custom Builds, and Network Setup & Security, Troubleshooting. Call today Apple Authorized and get the job DONE! Business Agent, Tam Nguyen- 707-794-7955 Chief Tech, M-F 10-6 www.goebelbuilders.com

schaumann1@earthlink.net

07.15.09-07.21.09

THE BOHEMIAN

#

Dutton Ave.

Corby Auto Row

Rohnert Park

HWY 101

• Call for our current specials • Month to Month Availability • Boxes, Packaging & Moving Supplies • Residential & Commercial • Professional On-site Managers

707-546-0000 707-578-3299

Hearn Rd.

Mark Schaumann 707.795.0924

Storage Master Self Storage

Bellevue

general marketing materials

Standish Ave

W. Robles

FLYERS • PHOTOGRAPHIC RESTORATION

Pregnant? Considering Adoption? Talk with caring agency specializing in matching birthmothers with families nationwide. Living expenses paid. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions. 866/413-6293 (AAN CAN)

g Real Estate Rentals Shared Housing

ALL AREAS RENTMATES.COM Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate

Notice All real estate advertised in the Bohemian Newspaper is subject to the State and Federal Fair Housing Act, which makes it illegal to advertise any preference, limitation, or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, family status (the presence of children), or national origin, or the intention to make any such preference, limitation, or discrimination. State and locate laws forbid discrimination in the sale, rental, or advertising of real estate. We will not knowingly accept any advertising for real estate which is in violation of the law. All persons are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised are available on an equal opportunity basis to the best of our knowledge.

g Homes

ALL AREAS HOUSES FOR RENT Browse thousands of rental listings with photos and maps. Advertise your rental home for FREE! Visit: http://www.RealRentals.com (AAN CAN) Class: Rent or Lease

or 1-800-321-CSLB (2752). Unlicensed contractors taking jobs that total less than $500 must state in their advertisements that they are not licensed by the Contractors State License Board.

gg Real Estate Services Services

All AreasRentmates.com

Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: www.Rentmates.com. (AAN CAN)

g Home Services Contractors

Notice To Readers

Classes & Instruction

High School Diploma! Fast, affordable and accredited. Free brochure. Call Now!. 1-888-532-6546 ext. 97 www.continentalacademy.com (AAN CAN)

The Themography Center Presents Creating Better Breast Health ~ August 1st, 1-3pm, Abby Bard Studio in Sebastopol, Cost: $ 25 There is limited space, so please register early at: Breast.Health@yahoo.com For info regarding the class or to pre-register by phone call: Deana Dennard @ 707.280.6502 or Kerry Haworth @ 415.525.4898

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California law requires that contractors taking jobs that total $500 or more (labor or materials) be licensed by Legal & Public Notices the Contractors State License Board. State law also reD.U.I.? Domestic quires that contractors in clude their license number on Violence? all advertising. You can check Don’t waste time call me NOW! Reply: the status of your licensed contractor at www.cslb.ca.gov applegate-law@hotmail.com (707) 775-9459

Adults of ages welcome!

Stony Point Rd.

Todd Rd.

POSTERS • T-SHIRTS • CD COVERS

Adoptions

with a click of the mouse! Visit: www.Rentmates.com. (AAN CAN)

Singles Parties

Q UALITY G RAPHIC D ESIGN BUSINESS CARDS • BROCHURES

g Family Services

Goebel Builders

MacAdvantage Macintosh

44

Contacting Us

3205 Dutton Avenue

Dance Among the Redwoods Friday, July 17, 8-12am, Deer Park Villa 367 Bolinas Rd, Fairfax

Santa Rosa

Midlife Singles Mixer Tuesday, July 21, 7-9pm, La Toscana 3751 Redwood Hwy, San Rafael 1435 Sebastopol Road

Singles Night at Kodiak Jacks Friday, August 7, 7pm, 256 Petaluma Blvd. North, Petaluma CO-SPONSORED by Bohemian Romance and Society of Single Professionals INFO at www. ThePartyHotline.com or 415-507-9962

HEALTH&WELL-BEING g Counseling & Therapy

The Path Channel Psychic reading, energy healing & integration, soul awakening, becoming all that you are. Rachael Indra MA 707-824-0894

hot tub and pool available. Will do outcalls. 707-228-6883.

Cindy Cross, CMT

Need a relaxing massage? Come in for Swedish, Deep Tissue, Tui Na, Reiki, Thorough Lifestream, Acupressure and see what a difference it can and Sensitive “ My work is solid “. Thirty of make. Call 707.665.9020. years of experience. Excellent First Time Client Special! 90 minutes for $60. prices! Colin Godwin, Cindy Cross, C.M.T. CMT 707-823-2990. By appointment only

gg Healing & Bodywork

Best Chiropractor 2nd Place

Quality family chiropractic care for managing chronic and acute pain.

Massage & Relaxation

Julia’s Private Oasis

Lily Spa RELAX Asian Massage Thai • Deep Tissue Swedish • Hot Stone 1 HR/$65 90 MIN/$100 walk-ins or appt

707.528.2540 3401 Cleveland Ave #2 Santa Rosa

A peaceful place in Santa Rosa. Relaxing, unhurried full body massage with a caring, beautiful, fit lady. Sally 707-578-5444.

Full Body Massage to Total Completion By a mature male $40/hour. Four hands available, ask for details. Ask for Roger or Lloyd. 707-525-1771 or 707-836-1385

A Safe Place To Be Real Holistic tantric masseuse. Un hurried, private, heartfelt. Monday thru Saturday. New client discount. 707-793-2232.

Release Your Cares Nurturing, pampering, therapeutic/sensual massage. Special Summer rate. CMT in Santa Rosa. 415/717-9378

MEN! Get a massage Neil’s Back For 1 Week Only July 24 - July 31 Call to schedule an appointment. 702-412-9812

BODYWORK & MASSAGE Relaxing bodywork & massage by male CMT with 10 yrs experience. 707-542-6856

Russian River Massage Full body massage, body electric experience. In /Out. www.bobrrmassage.com Bob 707-865-2093.

Windsor: 4 Men Brent, C.M.T. 26 years experience. Nurturing, intuitive touch. Private, discrete studio. 707/477-0400.

Relaxing Massage First time $45/hr. www.garywtmassage.com, Gary, CMT. † 707-235-5423

Great Massage By Joe, CMT. Relaxing

the way you like it. Swedish and deep tissue techniques. Relaxing and rejuvenating. Flexible schedule for your convenience. Call James 707-477-4365.

• sports injuries

Golden Flower Massage Spa

• Swedish & Deep

Tissue Massage • Hot Stone Massage

699 Petaluma Blvd. N

707.765.1879 Open 7 days 9am-10pm

FLOWER SPA Grand Opening Massage Reflexology Swedish/Shiatsu Open 7 Days: 10am-10pm

g 1626 4th St. Santa Rosa 707.526.6888

Psychics

Psychic Palm and Card Reader

Madame Lisa. Truly gifted Amazing Sensual adviser for all problems. 827 Santa Rosa Ave. Call for Massage Beautiful blondes, come relax Appointment 707-542-9898 with us. Private. CMT. Call Nikki at 707-623-0937.

Body Rubs Your Way In a safe, relaxing, comfortable space by a “mature”, compatible, easy-going gentleman! Since 1991 I`ve provided pleasure to women, men, couples. Good virtues. NW Santa Rosa, Jimmy, 707-799-4467 or 707-527-9497.

Call 707.527.1200 Advertise in the Health & Well Being Today!

• pediatrics

Jake Quihuis, DC 707-523-9850 1819 Fourth Street • Santa Rosa

• auto accidents • pregnancy / post-partum discomforts

NOW OPEN

Ayurvedic

Indian Head Massage

Therapeutic Massage Center Boody Massage $55/hr

• relief from tension headaches, eyestrain, and sinusitis

Open 7 days 9-10pm

• improves mobility in neck and shoulders • balances energy

Margery Smith 707.578.9642

Foot Massage $19.99/45 min

707.578.3088

2460 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa

Chinese Medicine & Massage Therapy Center FREE CONSULTATION

Grand Opening

HEAVENLY TOUCH Beautiful Asian Massage

n

with a Chinese medicine expert & Qi Gong Master. Treatment for pain & injury. Extensive traditional Chinese herbal pharmacy

Health - Relaxation - Stress Relief - Experienced CMT

Full Body Sensual Massage

$50/hour $35/half hour

With a mature, playful CMT. Comfortable incall location near the J.C. in Santa Rosa. Soothing, relaxing, and fun. Visa/MC accepted. Gretchen 707/478-3952.

New Customers 15 minutes FREE

n

11am-9pm 161B Kentucky St, Petaluma 707.778.7888 • 626.627.8028

MORE THAN 15 MASSAGE TECHNIQUES FOR PERFECT RELAXATION Swedish, Deep Tissue, Acupressure, Reflexology Qi Gong • Thai Chi • Acupucture Cupping herbs • Infrared Sauna • Same-day Appointments Walk-ins Welcome • Treatments Start at $20 - Insurance Accepted Gift Certificates • Open 7 days, 10 AM to 8 PM

707.762.9111 • 172 Keller Street, Petaluma THE BOHEMIAN

07.15.09-07.21.09

45

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46

07.15.09-07.21.09

THE BOHEMIAN

HXdge^d &%$'(Ä&&$'& I]ZgZ \dZh ndjg ZmV\\ZgViZY gZheZXi [dg lVgeZY X]jc`h d[ Xdbea^XVi^dch# =ZgZ XdbZh Vc deedgijc^in id bV`Z V WgZV` [dg WjWWan [gZZYdb# Id iV`Z VYkVciV\Z! HXdge^d! ndjÉaa cZZY id igVkZa bjX] a^\]iZg# Hd eaZVhZ eZZa d[[ ndjg Vgbdg# L^eZ i]Vi )%" edjcY hcZZg d[ YdjWi d[[ ndjg [VXZ# 7jgn ndjg Wgd`Zc" Ydlc i]Zdg^Zh Wn i]Z h^YZ d[ i]Z eVi] VcY YdcViZ Vaa ndjg jccZXZhhVgn egdeh id i]Z W^gYh VcY i]Z WZZh# Hig^e Ydlc! ^c di]Zg ldgYh! id i]Z WVgZ b^c^bjb# L]ZgZ ndjÉgZ \d^c\ Vaa ndjÉaa cZZY VgZ ndjg \ddY add`h VcY V W^\! [gZh] Vii^ijYZ# HV\^iiVg^jh &&$''Ä&'$'& 9dcÉi aZVkZ bZ ]Vc\^c\! HV\^iiVg^jh# L]Vi ]VeeZch cZmi4 =dl XdjaY ndj ZkZc ^bV\^cZ ndjÉkZ lgVeeZY i]Z l]daZ i]^c\ je4 6XXdgY^c\ id bn VcVanh^h! ndjÉkZ \di Vi aZVhi dcZ bdgZ g^YYaZ id hdakZ! dcZ bdgZ \^[i id cZ\di^ViZ! dcZ bdgZ hXVg id l^h] jedc# NZh! i]Vi hVnh ÆhXVg!Ç cdi ÆhiVg#Ç Id hide ejh]^c\ [dg bdgZ VYkZcijgZ Vi i]^h egZ\cVci bdbZci ldjaY WZ V Xg^bZ V\V^chi cVijgZ VcY V l]daZ X]VeiZg h]dgi d[ V WZhihZaaZg# <Zi dji i]ZgZ VcY Wg^c\ i]^h hidgn ]dbZ#

$100 off Doggie Boot Camp or 3 private sessions for $200* (reg $240) Low Cost Vaccination Clinics every Sunday, 9:30-11am

c 35 years training experience c Guest on the Discovery Channel’s K-9 Cops for his expertise c Obedience training the natural way c 10 acres of safe, country training grounds c Exceptional for aggression issues c Strong leadership skills taught for owners exp 7/31/09*

707-322-3272 www.incrediblecanine.com

Where do they stay when you’re away?

8Veg^Xdgc &'$''Ä&$&. >i bV`Zh bZ [Vb^h]ZY _jhi id i]^c` d[ ndj i]ZgZ hiZl^c\ ^c ndjg ]jc\Zg# Ndj Vabdhi gZb^cY bZ d[ V WZVg i]ViÉh _jhi Vld`Zc [gdb ]^WZgcVi^dc dg V eda^i^XVa eg^hdcZg l]dÉh WZZc dc V ]jc\Zg hig^`Z# 6cY nZi > `cdl ^iÉh cdi V XgVk^c\ [dg [ddY i]Vi ndjÉgZ hj[[Zg^c\ [gdb# >iÉh cdi ZkZc Vc ^bedhh^WaZ nZVgc^c\ [dg hZm dg [VbZ dg edlZg dg bdcZn! Z^i]Zg# NdjÉgZ hiVgk^c\! ndjÉgZ gVkZcdjh! ndjÉgZ bVY [dg hdbZi]^c\ ndj YdcÉi ]VkZ V cVbZ [dgÅhdbZi]^c\ l]dhZ Zm^hiZcXZ ndj YdcÉi [jaan jcYZghiVcY VcY XVcÉi fj^iZ ^bV\^cZ# 7ji > egZY^Xi ndjÉaa jcXdkZg V [jaaZg igji] VWdji i]^h i]^c\ kZgn hddc! VcY i]Zc ndjÉaa WZ bdgZ i]Vc ]Va[lVn idlVgY \gVi^[n^c\ ndjg ]jc\Zg# 6fjVg^jh ?Vc# '%";ZW# &- >[ > lZgZ ndjg YVYYn! >ÉY iV`Z ndj bdjciV^c"Xa^bW^c\ dg Wjn ndj V i]gZZ"lZZ` ^ciZch^kZ XaVhh ^c i]Z [dgZ^\c idc\jZ d[ ndjg X]d^XZ# >[ > lZgZ ndjg egZh^YZci! >ÉY \^kZ ndj V EjgeaZ =ZVgi [dg ndjg jcYZgXdkZg ]Zgd^hb VcY bV`Z ndj VbWVhhVYdg id >iVan# >[ > lZgZ ndjg i]ZgVe^hi! >ÉY hZcY ndj dc V e^a\g^bV\Z id V hVcXijVgn l]ZgZ ZkZgndcZ bZVch ZmVXian l]Vi i]Zn hVn# 7ji >Éb bZgZan ndjg [^kZ"b^cjiZh"V"lZZ` XdchjaiVci! hd Vaa > XVc gZVaan Yd ^h hVn! Æ:hXVeZ i]Z XgVbeZY fjVgiZgh d[ ndjg dlc b^cY# Ha^e VlVn [gdb i]Z XdgcZgh ndjÉkZ WZZc WVX`ZY ^cid# Hide iZaa^c\ i]Z XdckdajiZY hidg^Zh ndjÉkZ XdcXdXiZY id gVi^dcVa^oZ l]n ndj h]djaY WZ V[gV^Y# <Zi dji d[ i]Z adde VcY ZhXVeZ ^cid i]Z W^\! [gZh] eaVXZh i]Vi l^aa gZ_jkZcViZ ndjg ZnZh VcY ]ZVgi#Ç

E^hXZh ;ZW# &."BVgX] '% Adc\"hiVcY^c\ bni]h VgZ dc i]Z kZg\Z d[ bjiVi^c\# Hidg^Zh i]Vi ]VkZ gZbV^cZY [^mZY [dg nZVgh VgZ VWdji id VXfj^gZ jcZmeZXiZY lg^c`aZh# I]Z Z[[ZXih bVn WZ egZiin heZXiVXjaVg# > hjheZXi ^iÉaa WZ i]Z Zfj^kVaZci d[ HaZZe^c\ 7ZVjin lV`^c\ je [gdb ]Zg adc\ haZZe l^i]dji i]Z ]Zae d[ i]Z eg^cXZÉh `^hh! dg a^`Z A^iiaZ GZY G^Y^c\ =ddY YZkdjg^c\ i]Z lda[ ^chiZVY d[ k^XZ kZghV# I]ZgZÉh hdbZi]^c\ ndj XVc Yd! E^hXZh! id ZchjgZ i]Vi i]Z cZl kZgh^dch d[ i]Z daY iVaZh VgZ bdgZ ZbedlZg^c\ i]Vc i]Z dg^\^cVah/ [dg i]Z [dgZhZZVWaZ [jijgZ! iV`Z dc i]Z YZbZVcdg VcY he^g^i d[ V cdWaZ lVgg^dg l^i] ]^\] ^ciZ\g^in VcY V [aj^Y hZchZ d[ ]jbdg# In addition to this column, Rob Brezsny offers expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text message horoscopes. To buy access, go to www.realastrology.com. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1.877.873.4888 or 1.900.950.7700.

WESTERN FARM CENTER 707.545.0721 21 West 7th St. Santa Rosa

Premier Doggy Day & Overnight Camp • 24 hr Web Cam

Place your pet related ad here today! Call 707.527.1200

• Supervised Play groups Best Doggie Day Care Best Dog Camp Santa Rosa • 707.546.CAMP 2120 Bluebell Drive (just off Coffee Lane) www.mycbw.com/santarosa | santarosa@campbowwowusa.com

Meet Wendy • Cat of the Week

Meet Clint • Dog of the Week

I'm waiting for my own personal Peter Pan to show up and teach me how to fly with some magic Whoever my new people are, I hope they appreciate a big kitten with the cutest round eyes (that's not me talking, that's what the kitty cuddlers say about me – and they never lie so it must be true!) To learn more about adopting Wendy or many other homeless animals at the Sonoma Humane Society, please visit us at 5345 Hwy 12 West, Santa Rosa (@ Llano Rd), open everyday from 12-6pm, or check us out online at www.SonomaHumane.org.

Feeling listless? Need a jolt of energy? Well, this handsome little lad is the dog for you! Very lively and full of energy and fun, he’s looking for someone to love and obey – have you got in you to be the “pack leader” for this cute-as-button 5-year old Chihuahua mix? To learn more about adopting Clint or many other homeless animals at the Sonoma Humane Society, please visit us at 5345 Hwy 12 West, Santa Rosa (@ Llano Rd), open everyday from 12-6pm, or check us out online at www.SonomaHumane.org

The Adoption Center is open 7 days a week from 12PM - 6PM and is located at 5345 Highway 12 West, Santa Rosa (just 5 miles west of Hwy 101 @ Llano Rd) www.sonomahumane.org

The Adoption Center is open 7 days a week from 12PM - 6PM and is located at 5345 Highway 12 West, Santa Rosa (just 5 miles west of Hwy 101 @ Llano Rd) www.sonomahumane.org

BOHEMIAN FLIPSIDE

To place your ad call 707.527.1200

SANTA ROSA TREATMENT PROGRAM

1901 CLEVELAND AVE SUITE B SANTA ROSA 707.576.0818 www.srtp.net

We provide treatment for: Oxycontin, Vicodin and Heroin utilizing replacement medications. We also treat Methamphetamine and other stimulant dependence. • Subutex/Suboxone available • Providing Treatment since 1984 • Confidentiality assured

Passions for Hair & Spa, Share the Passion... 513 Fourth St., Santa Rosa 707.523.7598

Journey`s End (Workshop & Series) A panel of presenters will introduce key issues related to coming to the end of our life here on earth (psycho-social, spiritual, legal and financial, health, care and residence issues). Free Workshop - Sat, July 18, 9:30-11:30 a.m. Call for information on in-depth series. Journey Center, Santa Rosa, 707-578-2121, www.journeycenter.org.

Sign Up Now-Integrative Yoga Teacher Training Starting September 2009!! A 200 hour non-residential training, 1 weekend/month for 10 months.You will learn how the elements of yoga: asanas, pranayama, body awareness, guided imagery meditation and deep relaxation come together as a vehicle for health and healing. BodyWorks-Integrative Yoga and Stress Management Studio. 490 2nd Str., Petaluma 707-769-9933. www.bodyworksyoga.com

SPIRITUAL CONNECTIONS Finding inspiration and connecting with your community

Passions for Hair is a “rare find”. Enjoy are elegant atmosphere & surroundings. An appealing experience in hair care for both men & women. A place where the fine art of styling and the Passion for Hair and Body care come together.

Law Office of Evan E. Zelig Criminal Defense Call today!

Photography by Paul Burke 707.664.0178 boomburke@hotmail.com

Joe Louvar Productions QUALITY LIVE AUDIO RECORDING 707.479.0050

Advertise on the FlipSide Call 707.527.1200 today and be seen in the Bohemian!

707.636.3204 or Toll Free; 888.ZELIGLAW. Available 24/7

If you or someone you know is being accused or charged with a crime, please do not wait to retain counsel. Contact the Law Office of Evan E. Zelig today!

Golden Star Grafix Need a quality designer? Business cards, brochures, flyers, posters, digital collage, cd covers, photographic restoration, general marketing materials. Mark Schaumann 707.795.0924

Youth Failing School or School Failing Our Youth? Try Rancho Bodega School - Small Group/One on One Instruction - Enriched Middle/High School Curriculum - Special Studies/Independent Study Emphasizing Music & Art Serving Grades 7-12 NOW ENROLLING !! Call 707-795-7166 www.ranchobodegaschool.com

Santa Rosa Plumbing

Ananda Seva Group Meditations: Please join us on Sundays at 6:30pm–7pm for group meditation satsuanga. Newcomers are welcome! Last Sunday of every month Ananda Seva is hosting the meeting of newly formed Sonoma Association of Teachers of Yoga and Meditation (Satyam). The next meeting will be on July 26th, 3pm–5pm. Call us if interested in joining. asm@anandaseva.org, 707.575.0886.

The Journey Center: Christ-centered Spirituality, Healing, & Wholeness Reading room, art gallery, prayer/ meditation gatherings, spiritual journey resources, bodywork, bookstore, free WiFi. 1601 Fourth Street, Santa Rosa. www.journeycenter.org 707.578.2121

Water Conservation Experts. Friendly, Honest Service. Licensed, Bonded and Insured. License #871026

tankless water heaters, high efficiency toilets recirculation, general plumbing needs 707.528.8228

Green Earth Catering Organic and Earth friendly foods and supplies Scott Goree - Entertainment coordinator and business manager. 707.795.7358 home, 707.479.5481 cell redgore23@aol.com

Mahakaruna Buddhist Meditation Center Offers ongoing introductory and advanced classes. Weds at noon, Tues & Weds evenings 7:30–8:45pm Prayers for World Peace, Sun, 10:30–11:45am Everyone welcome 304 Petaluma Blvd., North, Petaluma www.meditationinnorcal.org

Share your organization’s inspiration with over 95,100 Bohemian Readers monthly!

Phone: 707.527.1200 email: sales@bohemian.com

THE BOHEMIAN

07.15.09-07.21.09

47

Black Wolf Coffee

Skirt Chaser Vintage

Newly Opened at 336 Cotting Town Mall. Come in and Enjoy Free WIFI & the Strongest Coffee Santa Rosa Has to Offer — We Sell Organic Whole Beans!

BIG JULY SALE 20% OFF ALL VINTAGE - - 1930’s to 1980’s $ We Buy $ HOURS: Tues - Thurs 12-6/ Fri & Sat 11-6/ Sunday 12-4 441 Sebastopol Ave - In the A Street arts district (707) 546-4021

Ananda Seva Yoga Teacher Training

20% Off Any Haircut, Perm or Color Services

KOWS 107.3 www.kows.fm

Special Effects for Hair, 1418 4th St., SR 707-528-6271

Yes you can afford fitness!

Golden Star Grafix Quality graphic design. Call Mark at 707.795.0924

Deepen your practice & experience yogic life. 200/500 Hrs Cert. YA approved school. www.anandaseva.org or 707-575-0886

Community Radio for the Kindom of Occidental and West Sonoma Yoga, NIA. Groove Studio. Call for info 707.539.6261

Medicann - Med. Marijuana Evaluations

Exploring The Human Element in Business

Lic. MD 866-632-6627 Free I.D. card 24/7 verification. Doctor/patient confidentiality. Discount for MediCal, MediCare and veterans.

Call us for a FREE, expert consultation and @ 707.483.5135. Our team does it all; from website to powerful staff motivation. Euro Business Solutions/ Ask About Our Stimulus Package.

SUBUTEX/SUBOXONE available for Safe Oxycontin, Vicodin, Other Opiate Withdrawal!

Living Trust $850

Confidential Program. (707) 576 1919

By Estate Planning Attorney Rob Kenney. Includes Will, PoA, Health Care Directive, Grant Deed, etc. Appointments available in your home. Evenings, weekends available. Call 707-343-1509 OR 415-491-4570.

Meth and Alcohol Treatment that allows you to keep your day job!

Serenity Yoga Teacher Training

Santa Rosa Treatment Program can help. (707) 576 0818

Santa Rosa Treatment Program can help.(707) 576-0818.

Relapse Doesn’t Mean Failure

Excellent 200 hr. program with Carolyn McManus, 25 years exp. Yoga Alliance Registered. www.serenity-yoga.net or phone 415-706-4166.

Donate Your Auto 800.380.5257 We do all DMV. Free pick up- running or not (restrictions apply). Live operators- 7 days! Help the Polly Klaas Foundation provide safety information and assist families in bringing kids home safely.

GREEN LOGIC GARDEN SUPPLY! 860 Piner Road, Ste. 38, Santa Rosa CA. 707.843.13156 Indoor & Outdoor Garden Supplies, Family Owned & Operated, Excellent Prices, Great Location, High Quality Products, Superior Knowledge!

Green Earth Catering Organic and Earth friendly foods and supplies Scott Goree - Entertainment coordinator and business manager. 707.795.7358 home, 707.479.5481 cell redgore23@aol.com

Browse, Test Drive,

Santa Rosa Plumbing

Purchase the Car …of Your Dreams!

Water Conservation Experts. Friendly, Honest Service. Licensed, Bonded and Insured. License #871026

tankless water heaters, high efficiency toilets recirculation, general plumbing needs. 707.528.8228

You deserve the attention. Outstanding owner service. Luxury vehicles for market prices.

MICHELLE CRAWFORD, ATTORNEY

Owner Jesus Ochoa 27 years

Quality

MOTORS LLC

www.autotrader.com click on Quality Motors, LLC 2620 Santa Rosa Ave, Santa Rosa | 707.569.7437

Into This World Yoga Teacher Training Yoga Alliance Registered School! 200-hour and 500-hour programs. Continuing Education for Yoga Teachers! Visit www.intothisworld.net or call 707-664-9560

Medical Marijuana Certifications Santa Rosa. Best price. 24/7 authentication. 707-575-7375 www.mmj.medical-library.net

Photography by Paul Burke

REPRESENTING EMPLOYEES IN SEXUAL HARASSMENT WAGES • TERMINATIONS 20+ YEARS EXPERIENCE, FREE CONSULTS 719 ORCHARD STREET, SANTA ROSA

707.523.7820

707.664.0178 boomburke@hotmail.com

HAVING A BAD DAY? EVERYDAY? Are your decisions mistreating YOU?

Turning Point Residential Program

• 30 to 270 days of treatment NO job, NO family, wrong friends… • Opiate Treatment Track feeling helpless and hopeless. WE CAN HELP! • NEW Payment Plan Please call 707.544.3295 today or visit www.daacinfo.org A F F O R DA B L E • CO N F I D E N T I A L • 3 5 Y E A R S E X P E R I E N C E

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