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NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 · VOL . 25, NO. 36 · SAN JOSE, CA · FREE

Win Wi W Win Wi in in n Cirque du Soleil tickets + dinner at Zitune METROGIVEAWAYS.COM

silicon valley’s weekly newspaper

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[02]

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

HOME OF FAST, FRIENDLY, COURTEOUS SERVICE.®

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NETBOOK BUNDLE FEATURING AN Intel® Atom™ PROCESSOR • 1.6GHz Intel® Atom™ Processor N270 • 10.1" Acer CrystalBrite LED-Backlit Display • 802.11b/g Wi-Fi & Bluetooth 2.0 + EDR • External 8x USB DVD±RW Super-Multi Drive • Windows® XP Home • Built-In Webcam & Microphone • 6 cell 4400 mAh Lithium-Ion Battery (Up To 6 Hour Battery Life) • Bundle Includes Netbook, External Drive, Mouse & Bag

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CAMPBELL 600 E. Hamilton Ave. (408) 364-3700 • FAX (408) 364-3718 CONCORD 1695 Willow Pass Road (925) 852-0300 • FAX (925) 852-0318 FREMONT 43800 Osgood Road (510) 252-5300 • FAX (510) 252-5318 PALO ALTO 340 Portage Ave. (650) 496-6000 • FAX (650) 496-6018 SAN JOSE 550 E. Brokaw Road (408) 487-1000 • FAX (408) 487-1018 SUNNYVALE 1077 E. Arques Ave. (408) 617-1300 • FAX (408) 617-1318

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STORE HOURS: M-F 8-9, Sat 9-9, Sun 9-7 Prices Good Wednesday, November 4, 2009 thru Thursday, November 5, 2009 Prices subject to change after Thursday, November 5, 2009 Limit Rights Reserved. Not Responsible for Typographical Errors. No Sales to Dealers or Resellers. Rebates Subject to Manufacturer's

Fry's Electronics, American Express® Cards, MasterCard, Visa Card, and Discover Network Card, Accepted at All Fry's Locations

Specifications. Designated trademarks and brands are the property of their respective owners. Sales tax to be calculated and paid on the in-store price for all rebate products.Actual memory capacity stated above may be less. Total accessible memory capacity may vary depending on operating environment and/or method of calculating units of memory (i.e., megabytes or gigabytes). Portions of hard drives may be reserved for the recovery partition or used by pre-loaded software.

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NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009

[03] MUSIC CD #6068788

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y HOME OF FAST, FRIENDLY, COURTEOUS SERVICE.®

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Carrie Underwood/ Play On

GAMES

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DRAGON AGE ORIGINS

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Prices subject to change after Thursday, November 5, 2009 Limit Rights Reserved. Not Responsible for Typographical Errors. No Sales to Dealers or Resellers. Rebates Subject to Manufacturer's Specifications. Designated trademarks and brands are the property of their respective owners. Sales tax to be calculated and paid on the instore price for all rebate products.Actual memory capacity stated above may be less. Total accessible memory capacity may vary depending on operating environment and/or method of calculating units of memory (i.e., megabytes or gigabytes). Portions of hard drives may be reserved for the recovery partition or used by pre-loaded software.

15

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EACH #6048988

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99 #5814123

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2 MOTIONPLUS INSIDE

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THE COMPLETE LOW PRICE GUARANTEE “We Will Match Any Competitive Price.” * Before making a purchase from Fry’s, if you see a lower, in-stock, in-store price at a local competitor, Fry’s will be happy to match the competition’s price. “30 Day Low Price Guarantee.” If within 30 days of purchasing an item from Fry’s you see a lower in-stock price at a local competitor with a low price guarantee, Fry’s will cheerfully refund 110% of the amount of the competitor's low price guarantee. Or, if within 30 days of purchase, a local Fry's, or a local competitor without a low price guarantee has a lower price, Fry's will refund 100% of the difference. NOTE: All comparisons are based on price, excluding any applicable sales tax. Low price guarantee for notebook computers, microprocessors, memory, CD and DVD recorders, camcorders, digital cameras, and air conditioners is within 15 days from purchase date. To apply for Fry's low price guarantee, simply bring in your original cash register receipt and verifiable proof of a current lower price. *All comparisons are based on in-store tagged prices at the time of request, excluding sales tax. Offer good on all fresh-boxed products of the same exact model in stock at a local competitor. We reserve the right to limit this offer to one of each model. Offer does not apply to wireless phones and pagers that require a service agreement. Offer does not apply when price includes bonus or free offers or one-of-a-kind or limited-quantity offers. NOTE: Does not apply to expired ads. Fry’s ads are valid for only stores listed in the ad. Celeron, Celeron Inside, Centrino, Core Inside, Intel, Intel Core, Intel Inside, Intel SpeedStep, Intel Viiv, Intel Xeon, Itanium, Itanium Inside, Pentium, Pentium Inside, the Centrino logo, the Intel logo and the Intel Inside logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of Intel Corporation or its subsidiaries in the United States and other countries.

[04] CONTENTS

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y ;Za^eZ 7j^igV\d

Cover SHUT UP AND LAUGH Kbojof!Csjup-!b!dpnjd!xip!qvut!! uif!gvooz!cbdl!jo!gfnjojtn-!! kpjot!b!dbtu!pg!tjy!Ă&#x;obmjtut!jo!uif! Xpnfo!jo!Dpnfez!Dpnqfujujpo!! po!Xfeoftebz-!Opw/!5/!q25

Silicon Valley’s Weekly Newspaper

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An Amazing Man_50

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A locally owned company

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M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009

[05]

[06] LETTERS

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

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enforcement community 14 years was a pretty damn good run. Tom O’Hara , Former director of marketing for Mission Ale House and Smoke Tiki Lounge

Barb Rocks

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5

Left Field I’m writing this response to the Oct. 28 edition of Metro and the impression from the Fly column (“Sale Houseâ€?) that the sale of Mission Ale House came out of left ďŹ eld, that employees were kept completely in the dark and it occurred when we were all looking the other way. Nothing could be further from the truth. We were all aware that the ABC intent to sell notice had been posted two months earlier. Those of us who worked more

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often during the day were fully aware of different potential business groups doing walk-throughs, holding meetings and inspecting the facility. This included Johnny V, who served as GM for the past few months. We often discussed the very real possibility that if a deal were to be completed, we [might] not be retained by the new ownership group. It is true that the exact timing of the deal and the actual transition date was unknown to us until a few days prior simply because that is the nature of these transactions. The new and old owners needed to complete

the negotiations. It is also true that the sale date occurred while John was on vacation, and he received a call saying his services would no longer be required. The timing was completely unrelated. We enjoyed working with John and wish him well. The same holds true for the new group headed by Fred Jackson. It does feel as if an era has passed. Those of us who were involved with Mission in one way or another since 1996 (not just the past few months) feel saddened by the closure but in this economic climate and with the attitude of some in the law

I was happy to see your feature “Rocktober� (Cover Story, Oct. 28) about the local music scene and the bands you chose to showcase. Though I was a little disappointed that the story lacked mention of the promoters that are working hard to keep the local scene alive, such as PinUp Productions, Man Down Productions, and myself (Barb Rocks Presents). Instead Arsenic Productions, a promoter from Santa Cruz, are referred to as “reliable scenesters� because they are calling it quits? Don’t get me wrong, Arsenic has done a lot in Santa Cruz for shows and aligned themselves strategically with PinUp here in San Jose, but where’s the love for those that have been working hard for years to bring live music back to the South Bay? In addition, as much as it’s sad that some local music venues are closing, it would be more positive to mention that there’s been an increase in venues that have switched to a live music format in 2009, such as The Venuez in Santa Clara, Mountain Charley’s in Los Gatos and Zen Lounge in Mountain

View. This proves that live music is getting stronger in the South Bay and venues are starting to see the beneďŹ ts to this business model. It would also be nice to see your staff writers out at local shows, getting ďŹ rst-hand information on the hardest working bands in the local scene. Sometimes I feel that these bands, as well as the promoters behind the shows, are overlooked. Keep up the good work on writing about the scene; it would be great to keep seeing articles about who is making a difference in live local music! Barbara Wahli, San Jose

Scary Idea The largest draw to downtown San Jose for many years now has been Christmas in the Park. It has continued to grow year after year and brings visitors from all over. Even residents in the city up north will bring their families down for this event (and it is usually the only time they come down). What would you think about a similar event for Halloween? Picture downtown lit up in orange and purple with elaborate Halloween displays assembled by talented local artists. Perhaps a lot of the infrastructure could even be shared with Christmas in the Park (e.g. retail booths). Just some food for thought. Joshua Santos from SanJoseInside

J!Tbxzpv Ungracious Grunt You came to me asking for help. It was important that you got it ASAP. So I stopped what I was doing and stepped outside my job description to help you. When I followed up with you on your project, you were too busy to talk or thank me, but had just enough time to return an unrelated item you borrowed . . . and grunt. GRUNT! When I called you on it, you tried to make it out like it was my problem, and that I wanted a parade for my efforts. All I wanted was a thank you. I didn’t get that. Next time you need help, guess what, you won’t be getting it. SEND US your anonymous rants, raves, gripes and diatribes about your co-workers, bosses, enemies or any badly behaving citizen who rankles your ire—or about citizens you admire. Send to: I SAW YOU, Metro, 550 S. First St., San Jose, 95113, or via email to isawyou@metronews.com.

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M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009

[07]

Courses Starting mid-November

[08] SILICON ALLEYS

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

Ready for Success in the New Year? ALL COURSES IN OUR NEW LOCATION 2505 Augustine Drive, Santa Clara Courses beginning in mid-November and December are now available, and there’s still time to take charge of your career direction this year. Whether you’re entering a new field or looking to build on your current skills, we have the most up-to-date courses to help you advance. Some of our courses starting soon include: Q Business and Management Role of the Project Manager, 0306-152 Project Management Negotiation Principles and Techniques, 1493-040 Extreme/Agile Project Management, Online, 20035-007 Project Management Office, 0829-013 Accelerating Your Career in Human Resources, 3842-009 Designing Training Programs, 3132-042 Usability Testing Documentation, Online, 0684-014

Q Engineering and Technology Perl Programming I, 2856-108 Cloud Computing, Introduction, 22413-001 Adobe Dreamweaver—Client Side, 2212-048 Ruby and Ruby on Rails, Advanced, 21342-007 Packet Capture and Analysis, 1990-008

Q Biosciences Case Report Forms Development, 5544-019 Molecular Diagnostics, 21972-002 Biotechnology Basics for Non-Scientists, 6163-021 Bioscience Business Development: Building Value, 19001-009

Q Education Online Teaching Overview, 22175-003 Autism: Intervention and Treatment, 6613-004

See ucsc-extension.edu/tm for directions, course details and to enroll SiliconValley

KNOWLEDGE YOU PUT TO WORK

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GARY SINGH

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Many Circuits

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FREE-FLOATING columnist can find the muse in any crowd, whether it’s billionaire pioneers of the computer industry or Finnish astrologer/filmmakers who write books expanding on Timothy Leary’s eight-circuit brain model for intelligence increase. And in the last few weeks, that’s exactly what I did. The Computer History Museum in Mountain View held its annual Fellow Awards dinner on Oct. 20. This is the yearly gala affair where the museum honors distinguished technology pioneers for their outstanding contributions to the evolution of computer history. Previous inductees have included legends like Intel co-founder Gordon Moore and Apple Computer co-founder Steve Wozniak. For 2009, the museum concentrated on individuals whose contributions have been overlooked throughout the course of computer history but whose influence can now be felt across the globe: Don Chamberlin, a San Jose native, who co-invented SQL, the world’s most widely used database language; Robert Everett, who was in charge of the Semi-Automatic Ground Environment (SAGE) air defense system design in the ’50s; and a team of four engineers—Federico Faggin, Ted Hoff, Stan Mazor and Masatoshi Shima—who designed the original Intel 4004, the word’s first commercial microprocessor. Just about everyone who’s anyone in the last 50 years of computer history attended, including Moore, Gene Amdahl, Gordon Bell, Paul Baran, Dave House and others. New York Times personal-technology columnist David Pogue was master of ceremonies. Listening to all the stories was downright inspiring. When Chamberlin accepted his award, he recalled what it was like conceptualizing the Structured Query Language back in the ’70s. “We invented SQL in a closet,” he said. “Nobody cared what we were doing at the time.” And then there’s the original Intel 4004. To put things in perspective, these days, anything with a battery or a power cord contains a microprocessor, and to see the four engineers who designed and developed the original Intel MCS-4 chipset was staggering. Hoff, for example, is credited with first devising the idea of a universal processor to replace custom-designed circuits in 1969. He joined Intel in 1968 as employee No. 12. “It was a lot easier to park back then,” Pogue quipped when introducing him. The evening concluded with coffee, cognac and cigars while everyone inspected a brandnew 25,000-square-foot exhibit on the evolution of computers that debuts next year. The only thing I forgot to ask was, “Who drove the Bugatti?” Just over a week later, at the Finnish Brotherhood Hall in Berkeley, I found myself at a similarly inspiring event For 2009, the museum on Oct. 29. Antero Alli debuted his concentrated on those new book, The Eight-Circuit Brain: whose contributions Navigational Strategies for the Energetic Body. The book, his second work have been hitherto offering techniques and practical overlooked but whose applications of Timothy Leary’s eightinfluence can now be circuit brain model for intelligence increase, is based on Alli’s 20-plus years felt across the globe of experimentation with the subject. Following in the footsteps of both Leary and Robert Anton Wilson, Alli suggests that merely absorbing data does not constitute intelligence. Instead, the data must also be decoded, integrated and transmitted. This is a blueprint for the future, and the book also includes an entire course that Alli taught online at the Maybe Logic Academy. By sheer synchronicity, the day of Alli’s book reading also marked the 40th anniversary of the first message ever sent over the ARPANET—the precursor to the modern Internet. On Oct. 29, 1969, two established nodes at UCLA and the Stanford Research Institute (SRI) exchanged that message. By December of that year, two more nodes had been added, at UC–Santa Barbara and the University of Utah, to comprise what’s now known as the first operational packet-switching computer network. The four heroes who originally supervised those nodes forty years ago were all present at the Computer History Museum 2009 Fellow Awards dinner. To heist a few words from The Eight-Circuit Brain, I am “free-floating between old worlds and the new, guided only by the shinning paths of mother evolution.” What’s your neurosomatic circuit? SiliconAlleys@metronews.com

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M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 MASHUP

[09]

best of the local web

A roundup of news, commentary and opinion from around the valley. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect Metro’s editorial views.

Julia’s Heartbreaking Ex-Boyfriend

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JULIA Allison has broken up with her unlikely boyfriend, Christopher “Toph” Eggers. Yes, that Eggers: the younger brother of author Dave Eggers written about in Eggers’ breakthrough memoir A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. It was an odd pairing, the shameless blog-andvideo fameball, with a contributor to the famed Eggers line of elaborately precious and selfconsciously-old-fashioned written products. But then, judging from the Twitter account Allison, 28, set up for young Eggers, 26ish, there were mutual benefits to the relationship. Toph, reportedly developing a feature film, was determined to make Allison school him in the tricky art of Internet self promotion.

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Allison, meanwhile, got the high drama of a tantalizingly secret relationship to write up for her various revenue-generating “lifecasting” endeavors. More surprising than the pairing was how it ended: At Allison’s behest. We hear that Toph had an ex-girlfriend who wasn’t ex- enough. With the breakup and its slow leak into public view, Allison is feeling “teary” and old and “the world would be a much better place if we were all more honest.” Hard to imagine that this fairy tale romance went awry. —RYAN TATE, VALLEYWAG .GAWKER.COM

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[10]

MASHUP NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

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M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 NEWS

Santa Clara Valley, California

“Wishing SJSU Was Smoking From Something Cool”

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SWEET MEDICINE!!Nbobhfs!Hvt!Epopxip!)mfgu*!xjui!qbujfou!boe!tqplftxpnbo!Fsjlb!Ubzmps!Npouhpnfsz!)sjhiu*!!

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Regulating Medi-Pot In San Jose Oliverio’s plan would zone and tax medical marijuana clinics, and use the money for cops and roads By Jessica Fromm N San Jose, people who rely on a doctor-prescribed puff of pot to relieve pain must hit the highway, and drive to a medical marijuana dispensary in San Francisco or Santa Cruz, or else hit the street, and buy a bag from a dealer. City Councilmember Pierluigi Oliverio has a plan designed to help relieve cancer patients’ pain, and also make the city a mint in sales taxes. Oliverio released a memo last Tuesday proposing that San Jose

adopt an ordinance to regulate and tax the cultivation and sale of medical marijuana. The memo, which the District 6 councilmember will discuss at this Wednesday’s Rules Committee meeting, asks the council to discuss allowing medical cannabis establishments in specifically zoned locations within the city. It also outlines his proposal for the taxation of doctor-prescribed uses of pot, most notably that all tax revenue generated

1

$10,000 How much it will

I

Number of medical pot clubs currently operating in San Jose

cost to open up a cannabis business in San Jose, according to the proposed ordinance

would be earmarked for the Police Department and street maintenance. “It has become increasingly clear that the use of cannabis for medical purposes has gained legitimacy in our culture,” Oliverio says in the memo. “It’s important that San Jose establish its own set of guidelines for medical cannabis collectives, since the state and federal governments have already determined the legal parameters for municipalities.”

$13,000

Amount that the SJCBC paid city of San Jose in sales taxes last week, according to Montgomery

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The proposed ordinance would include a minimum 3 percent “cannabis business tax” and a $10,000 cost for permits, which is higher then other cities that allow medical marijuana. It also puts forward strict zoning regulations for both the cultivation and the sale of medical pot and a limit to the number of dispensaries. No on-site consumption would be permitted. Oliverio says that the issue of medical marijuana struck a personal note for him, and that was his primary driver for presenting the ordinance. “What really struck it for me was talking to my friends, when they had a relative that was sick and dying, and the doctor said, ‘Well, you should get some marijuana,’ and when they asked ‘Where should I get it?’ and they were like, ‘Oh, you should get your niece, nephew, son or daughter go buy some for you,’” Oliverio says. “That puts people in an uncomfortable position to have to go buy something illegal for a loved one who needs it. At the same time, you’re benefiting organized crime. “You’ve got a million people here in San Jose, and there are a certain percentage of those people who have these needs. Myself, I’ve had seven friends my age or younger die of cancer,” he says. Denelle Fedor, Oliverio’s chief of staff, pointed out that the councilmember’s proposed ordinance is similar to those adopted by several other cities, with the addition of the higher taxes and use fees. San Francisco has 30 operating medical marijuana dispensaries, and Oakland has four, while in Los Angeles, more than 500 have sprung up all over the city. A moratorium on pot dispensaries in L.A. was voided in court last week.

Clinic Says ‘Yes’ San Jose’s only operating pot club, the San Jose Cannabis Buyers &'

500-plus Number of licensed and unlicensed pot clubs in Los Angeles

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NEWS NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

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Collective (SJCBC), opened up a little over three months ago across from Valley Fair Mall. SJCBC spokeswoman and patient Erika Taylor Montgomery says they already have 1,300 patients and growing. “It shows that there is a tremendous need here in Santa Clara County,” Montgomery says. “Otherwise, patients have to go to Oakland, and to Santa Cruz or to San Francisco in order to buy their marijuana. That’s expensive travelwise, and it’s dangerous to have people with serious medical conditions on the road.” Montgomery says that she and SJCBC owner Dave Hodjes will be at Wednesday’s Rules Committee Meeting to show their support for Oliverio’s initiative. She says that they and representatives of Americans for Safe Access will testify to their experiences and those of their patients. Oliverio’s memo mentions that the city of Oakland passed Measure F this July, raising the tax on “cannabis business” to $18 per $1,000. This is expected to bring in an additional $330,000 of revenue to the city in 2010. Oliverio suggests that San Jose follow the policies of these cities so that we don’t continue to lose a huge potential city money generator. “I recommend that the fine be high for any unlawful use so that the penalty acts as a deterrent,” Oliverio writes in the memo, suggesting a minimum $1,000 fine for doctors and patients who are caught abusing the ordinance. “Then, and the most important, that in a time of health care crisis, San Jose has the opportunity to [do] its part with allowing the provision of having regulated, legal locations for those who need medical cannabis.” According to the memo, all taxes, fines and fees associated with the ordinance would go to the SJPD and street maintenance. “So many times the city can make money, and everything goes into the general fund. There’s no earmark, so everyone has to compete for the same pot of money,” Fedor says. “Street maintenance and the police are always number one and number two, on any survey, district by district. So it’s important to help fund those things that people care about most.” Montgomery says that the SJCBC has paid $13,000 to the city in sales taxes just last week. “That’s revenue that a club like this can bring,” she says. “It can be a financial boon for a city that’s in a financial crisis.” Because there are currently no pot club rules in place on the city level, Hodjes has made sure that SJCBC operates under a strict regulation and patient prescription approval policy, Montgomery says. They currently only accept people 21 years or older, require prescription and identity verification, and have instituted a two day waiting period for people to buy their pot. “That way they manage to eek out any party-night purchasers, people who think they can just come into the club and borrow somebody’s license, and get a good high for their night,” says Montgomery.

“SJCBC wants to stay above board to make sure they are serving the people, serving them the right way and not causing any problems.”

Legalize and Legislate The City Council has gotten several requests from citizens wanting to open up additional medical marijuana facilities recently, Oliverio says. According to him, this new ordinance is all about being pragmatic. “Look at L.A., who has 500, and half of those aren’t even licensed. So, you can put your head in the sand, but it’s going to happen,” Oliverio says. “We either do it now and be pragmatic, or we can wait until we have them popping up all over town and popping up where we don’t want them and concentrating. Listen, we spend an inordinate amount of time doing other ordinances, at least this one helps people and it brings in revenue.” Montgomery says that the San Jose Police Department did stop by SJCBC on one occasion after they opened, asking to see their permits and business license. She says that Hodjes was happy to comply, and the cops left without incident. “He wants to run his business 110 percent legitimately, and he has so far,” Montgomery says. “Right now he knows that there are no rules in place, and he feels that that’s dangerous for them and the city. He wants to be on the forefront of working with the city to help put those guidelines in place. He’d love to work hand in hand with the mayor on this.” Oliverio cites the Obama administration’s stance on the use of medical marijuana, 1996’s California Proposition 215, the “Compassionate Use Act,” and 2004’s Senate Bill 420. Attached to the memo are California Attorney General Jerry Brown’s 2008 “Guidelines for the Security and Nondiversion of Marijuana Grown for Medical Use,” and the Deputy Attorney General David W. Ogden’s Oct. 19, 2009, memorandum “Investigations and Prosecutions in States Authorizing the Medical Use of Marijuana.” Oliverio says he expects a supportive response when he delivers it to the Rules Committee on Wednesday. “People can make jokes when they think about Zig Zags or bongs, but in the end, it’s about nobody wishing chemotherapy treatment on any of their enemies. It’s such a terrible process to go though, nobody wished for HIV, AIDS or multiple sclerosis. And what’s the alternative, pharmaceuticals that are just as, and probably more, destructive then anything else?” Oliverio says. “I believe that there are a lot of people who believe in the cause of medicinal marijuana that is prescribed by a doctor for those who are in pain, and that is the primary thing.” News Editor Eric Johnson: eric@metronews.com

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009

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[14] COVER STORY

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

Dangerous Six female comics will gather in San Jose this week to battle for the crown as the Bay Area’s funniest By Colleen Watson | Photographs by Felipe Buitrago

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 COVER STORY

VAGINA MONOLOGUISTS!!

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WELVE jaded, sarcastic women crowd between washing machines as the host explains the rules of the competition we are about to compete in. Oddly, none of us has noticed that being lectured in a Laundromat is at all odd. But then that’s BrainWash. Every wannabe

comic in the Bay Area has performed at BrainWash next to real comedians on national tour, local pros and the occasional homeless person who walked in off the street. BrainWash is a San Francisco cafe/Laundromat, and on Wednesday and Thursday nights it also sidelines as a comedy club.

On this particular Wednesday, it is the scene of the opening night for the second annual San Francisco Women’s Comedy Competition. A dozen women, from a total field of 36, are prepping to perform in front of friends, family and a few tables of uninterested diners and folks from the neighborhood washing their clothes. I am scheduled to perform second. And I have to admit, I am a bit discouraged by the competition. I have seen most of these women before, and I know I am screwed. Comedy is often a lesson in humility. 16

[16] COVER STORY

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

QUEENS OF COMEDY 15

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Caitlin Gill, the host of the once-amonth Ladies’ Night at Club Deluxe, another comedy club in the city, introduces each woman as “my favorite.” Now, the thing about Gill is that she has a very expressive face, especially her eyes. As she introduces her “favorite” comic, she widens those eyes and stares down a member of the audience—seeming to go from cute to crazy in less than point-five seconds. It’s a strange talent not many posses, and it is creepily funny. As I get onstage I stare at my dad, who was kind enough to come out to cheer me on, and my mind blanks. For about a second, my grasp of the English language completely fails me. I fumble with the microphone and try to find my voice. For seven minutes I stutter through a set I’ve rattled off hundreds of times. “I recently had to give up going to the gym. I just got too traumatized by what I had seen. And it had nothing to do with the weights or equipment. No, it was the ladies’ locker room. “And I hate to destroy any male fantasies but it’s not filled with a bunch of beautiful women helping each other off with their bras.” Small chuckle (probably from Dad). “No, it’s filled with 200-year-old women, way too OK with their nudity, just bouncing around.”

A slightly bigger chuckle, and my palms are slick. I’m starting to feel sorry for whoever comes on after me. “Which was disturbing but I had gotten OK with it. I mean, one day I will be old and saggy, too. But I was in the locker room, and I was tying my shoe, when an old naked woman came up and asked me a question. So I slowly look up . . . and that was my first mistake. Because my eyes got stuck in her groinal region, and I couldn’t look away.” Yay for genital jokes! Those always get a laugh. “She asks her question again, and my mind breaks with reality, and suddenly it’s no longer her asking me this question, but it’s her vagina asking me the question.” Laughter again, and I start to unclench just a bit. “And so this vagina is asking me this question, but I can’t figure out what it’s saying ’cause I don’t speak vagina. Because I’m straight.” And believe it or not, that is the high point. I go on to do more material I won’t share here. I finish my set and get off the stage. The woman right after me kills—she has the whole place laughing. As the night wore on, many women get on the stage, some hilarious, others not so much. 19

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NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 COVER STORY

QUEENS OF COMEDY 16 Shockingly, I didn’t move on in the competition. My dad said he felt that I got robbed.

Ladies’ Man The San Francisco Women’s Comedy Competition was initiated two years ago by comedian Al Gonzalez. “I started it at a time there were a lot of funny women coming up, and I thought it was a good opportunity to make that known,” Gonzalez says. His inspiration for the event, he explains, was his mother. “My mom is very influential in my life. She had just come down with breast cancer. And she’s a big fan of comedy.”

Is comedy different for women? Have we come far enough that gender does not play a role in standup? No, and we probably never will. This year’s competition started last month. The original 36 women have now been whittled down to a final five, with a wild card position that was added by Internet voting. The final contest will be held Wednesday, Nov. 4, at The Improv in downtown San Jose. “I’m excited about it, because it’s the best talent group I’ve seen—period,” Gonzalez says. “All the women are funny at a level that wasn’t there years ago.” For the semifinals last week, Club Deluxe was packed to watch eight women sling punch lines. Friends and family crowded around tables near the stage while local comics filled up the bar area. Is comedy different for women? Have we come far enough that gender does not play a role in standup? No, and we probably never will. Standup comedy is still overwhelmingly a boys’ game, and it’s a bastion of racism, hatred and misogyny—even if it brings to light why these things can be funny because of the complete idiocy that lies behind them. In a 2007 Vanity Fair article, Christopher Hitchens makes the argument that women just aren’t funny. He posits that women don’t need to be funny—that it isn’t a necessary trait for us, as it is for men. But these six women prove him wrong.

The Angry Woman Chris Burns walks onto the stage with confidence and an attitude. She makes subtle changes in her voice, sounding masculine one minute and childlike the next, and then all breathy—and with each switch, she gets funnier. “I’m just gonna take a moment to get centered here. I like to do some affirmations before I start. So everybody try to find that sacred place within you.” She takes a deep breath and in a calm soothing voice, with her eyes closed, she intones: “Without me bringing the joy of laughter the audience is nothing. “Airplane food sucks.” “Cats are different from dogs.” “Me living in my parents’ basement on an air mattress is just part of the journey of standup comedy.” “White people do that, but black people do this.” “I’m not racist, I’m hilarious.” She opens her eyes and smiles. “You guys feel that, you feel that energy? That’s how you know it’s gonna be a good show.” The crowd by now is in stitches. Offstage later, Burns tells a story that might explain the half-angry edge on her humor. “My dad doesn’t really think I’m that funny,” she says. “He’s very cerebral. One night he came to my performance, and afterward he said, ‘Well Chris, you might want to tell some jokes when you’re up there.’” She pointed out to him that the crowd seemed to dig her act. “Yeah, they’re gonna laugh when you stack the audience with friends,” he replied. Burns, who says she found comedy while going through graduate school in 2007, says she kind of agrees with Hitchens. “Oh, you’re just talking about the other chicks,” she says. “I kind of suffered from that bias, that prejudice, a bit myself. But that was when I was first starting out. Supercute girls looking really cute, they seemed to be doing [standup] to be seen, vs. really doing it to be a comic. Which means they didn’t have the requisite freakishly fat or skinny look. I’m still kind of biased that way.” “Which is kind of mean,” she suddenly adds, seeming to catch herself, “because there are a lot of really good pretty comics.”

The Pretty Comedienne Pretty really isn’t a part of female comedy. Comedy icons from Phyllis Diller and Totie Fields to Rosanne Barr and Whoopi Goldberg were/are not exactly lookers. Liz Grant, however, is pretty. And the 38-year-old brunette kind of works that fact as she riffs on her failed marriages and 20

[19]

[20] COVER STORY

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

QUEENS OF COMEDY 19

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the joys of Internet dating. “You know what, here’s the thing—I’ll fantasize about a younger guy, because you’re hot, right? I’ll think about you, but then I get distracted because I have an arthritic knee. And that’s not gonna work, is it? No, it’s not. “And he goes, like, ‘What arthritic knee. You don’t have a . . .” “Yes.” She then puts the mic to her knee and grinds it around to the groans and laughs of the audience. And then in a deep sexy, lisping voice, “Soon as mama gets warmed up, she’s gonna dance for you.” Peals of laughter. She addresses a young man in the front row. “Then it conjures up this image of me as an older woman holding a young guy like you captive in a chair. But I can’t move around very much because . . . ow! Fuck! My knee!

“But I’m holding you in a chair. Captive.” Grant begins a bad Tina Turner imitation, swaying her hips clumsily, bent over geriatrically, and starts to sing, “I’m your private dancer, a dancer for money/ Shhh, do what you want me to doooo. Any old music will dooo.” “And he’s texting his friends, ‘Get me the fuck out of here.’” Grant admits that she’s found being an attractive woman in comedy can be a bit of a hindrance—almost a handicap. “Everyone just assumes you’re well adjusted,” she says, “and that’s just not true. “I definitely noticed women actually dogging me. But I would say honestly this last year and a half or so, I dyed my hair darker with the hope of getting less resistance, trying to fight against that ‘pretty’ thing.” But she also says that once she gets onstage, she can win the crowd over. “I do a lot of unattractive things onstage.

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 COVER STORY

[21]

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me think. I didn’t understand all the shit you were saying.� A San Francisco native, Abeba’s been in comedy for about nine years. She says she does feel that it’s difficult for a woman to catch a break in comedy. “I’m tired of men telling their anal sex jokes and their predictable relationship jokes and then saying women aren’t funny because they talk about their periods. “There’s a lot of original women in comedy, and there’s a lot of strong women in comedy, and they are underappreciated.� Abeba grew up in a nice part of the Haight-Ashbury, which, she says, might explain why she doesn’t come across as “black.�

‘I’m not a Def Jam comic. I’m not a “White people is crazy� kind of comic. I just don’t know how to do that. That’s not where I come from.’ —YAYNE ABEBA

So once they’re able to see that contrast they’re not so resistant.�

A Class Act Yayne (rhymes with shiny) Abeba is Ethiopian, but talks like she grew up in Atherton. With a conďŹ dent stage presence, you get the impression that she knows she’s funny, and if you’re not laughing, it’s because there’s something wrong with you. She admits that she’s had some difficulty as a female minority standup, but more with black audiences. “I’m not a Def Jam comic,â€? Abeba says. “I’m not a ‘White people is crazy’ kind of comic. I just don’t know how to do that. That’s not where I come from. And I’ve done a lot of black rooms where they’re like, ‘Oh, you don’t do the Def Jam formula, so you’re not funny.’ They don’t even want to listen. ‘Oh, you talk like a white girl.’ And when they ďŹ nally do listen, they’re like, ‘Oh! You’re funny! You made

“I don’t know much about being black,â€? she says. “You know, they don’t teach you much about being black at FrenchAmerican International School. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve been trying to ďŹ gure what are the differences between black and white people. And I realize: There are things that you are not gonna hear a black person say. Like, you’re not gonna hear a black person say, ‘So my therapist says . . .’ “You’re not gonna hear a black person say that. “Not gonna hear a black person say, ‘Son, you can trust the police, they’re your friends.â€?

The Funny Feminist Janine Brito looks a little dorky in her tweed jacket with elbow patches and glasses, but she also comes off as very likeable. She smiles throughout her set and draws you in, as if she’s talking only to you, telling you this random story, which includes sodomizing a panda bear, which makes you laugh so hard you pee yourself the tiniest bit. 22

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[22] COVER STORY

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Even on a rant about feminism, she comes off as barely, and justifiably, annoyed. “I have to talk about this,” she begins. “This is gonna be a little hateful—but I was hanging out with a friend on Saturday. And she said, she actually goes, “I’m all for equality, but I’m no feminist . . . ew.” “Fucking really!!?? “Are we still fighting over this? Women? ‘Feminist’ is not a bad word. You’re just putting yourself down for the very people oppressing you. “That would be like me going up to a straight person and being [in a cutesy voice] like ‘I want equal rights, but I’m no homodykequeerfag . . . icky. I can be a part of your world. Please let me be a part of your world? “If you’re a woman, and you’ve said, ‘I’m not a feminist,’ I hope you choke on the dick that you sold yourself for. “Take that . . . you dumb bitch.” The last line can barely be heard above the laughter. Somehow, despite the harsh words, Brito appears easygoing. She says being a lesbian

gives her a different perspective on life and relationships, but it’s not the point of her act. “I don’t really think of myself as a gay comic,” she says. “I’m just a comic who is gay. “I think the way Western society is set up, everyone thinks that every singlewoman’s goal is to get the ultimate partner. And being funny isn’t a quality trait. And I feel like as a lesbian, I’m taken out of that whole game.” Brito says she likes the comedy community in the Bay Area because there are so many women. And the competition underscores that. “In St. Louis, there was me and two other women in the tri-state area. Here, I don’t even know all the women in comedy.” And though she is very upbeat about the state of comedy, she still sees a few problems with it. “A lot of people don’t believe that whole sexism thing in comedy, but it is a rampant problem,” Brito says. “I have been groped by staff people and bookers at clubs. I’ve had really disgusting things said to me.

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 COVER STORY

many women in comedy as there should be, not because women aren’t funny, but because people don’t expect women to be funny. “When people don’t expect people to be funny, a lot of their humor tends to go under the radar,” she says. “I think it’s based more on what our society values in women.”

The Wild Card Of course the Internet has affected comedy as it has everything else. Comics market themselves on Facebook and MySpace and share video clips of themselves to reach a larger audience. Dane Cook rose to fame by promoting himself aggressively on the Internet. Closer to home, Sheila Bryson, the wild card in this competition, used her connections on Facebook and Twitter to get back in the game.

‘I am a feminist,’ she says, drawing a ‘Woooo’ from the crowd. ‘No, no. I use it for evil, not for good.’

People need to stop writing it off. I feel like people never believe what women have to deal with in standup.”

The ‘Evil’ Feminist Emily Heller looks like the quirky best friend in a stupid romantic comedy, the friend who is much more interesting than the main character. She got her start by taking a standup class at UC–Santa Cruz. She took the class because she wanted to give a good speech at her sister’s wedding. Onstage, Heller seems almost awkward, but her delivery and timing make you listen and laugh. “I am a feminist,” she says, drawing a “Woooo” from the crowd. “No, no. I use it for evil, not for good. “Because for me feminism isn’t really about making the world a better more equal place for women and all people, as much as it is about being lazy and disgusting. “Because I stopped shaving my legs for a while, and someone was like, ‘What are you, a feminist?’ And I was like, ‘Uh . . . would that . . . explain it?” Heller says that she believes there aren’t as

As someone who works in public relations, she is familiar with creating demand and driving traffic. “So I spent a lot of time,” she says, “I individually emailed a lot of my friends, and I have 900 friends on Facebook.” Bryson has been a comic for about a year and says she still gets butterflies before she performs. “I’m so nervous, I always feel like I’m gonna crap my pants. [But] once you get that first laugh you’re like, “Oh yeah, I forgot. I love this.” Why work so hard to get back in the competition? “Well, my main motivation was that I really wanted to perform at the Improv, and I’m really excited because I’m getting to perform with some of my favorite comedians is a really big deal to me as well.” “It’s the biggest night of my standup career so far, so I’m really excited about it.”

The final event of the second annual WOMEN’S COMEDY COMPETITION takes place at 8pm at The Improv, 62 S. Second St., San Jose. $16 at the door; two-drink minimum. In addition to the contest, the show features a performance by Jackie Kashian of Comedy Central and NBC’s ‘Last Comic Standing.’

[23]

[24] SPORTS

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

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[28] STYLE

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

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KRUKTART!!Ufyujmf!bsujtu!Dibsmpuuf!Lsvl!qptft!xjui!pof!pg!ifs!efoubm.uifnfe!gbtijpo!dsfbujpot/

Materials Girl

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SED TOOTHPASTE TUBES and real human wisdom teeth might not be most people’s definition of creativity, but 8=6GADII: @GJ@ finds them positively inspiring. Kruk has been designing wearable sculpture made from candy wrappers and recycled product packaging under the label @GJ@I6GI for more than 15 years. Several of her creations, including a dress made out of Baskin Robbins taster spoons, one composed out of Bazooka Joe wrappers and one of Tootsie Roll packaging will appear in Campbell’s ;6H=>DC ;G:CON ;6AA ;6H=>DC H=DL on Nov. 6. Kruk says that her most recent artistic fixation is dental paraphernalia. She is currently working this theme into a dress made out of used tubes of Crest, toothpaste boxes, toothbrushes and teeth that she plans to show in an installation. “The ones from the dentist are pretty gnarly,” says Kruk, picking up a blackened molar from a tray full of teeth on a worktable in her home studio in Willow Glen. Kruk funds her artistic fashion pursuits by teaching sculpture and sewing at Lynbrook High School in San Jose. “Every material is totally different; a lot of the work is really in the collecting stage,” says Kruk about collecting the wrappers and teeth for her artwork. “I ask my high school students when they’re getting theirs out to give them to their teacher. Those are nice.” Though she has made everything from matador suits to ball gowns out of wrappers, mini–cocktail dresses with sweetheart necklines and bubble skirts are one of the favored silhouettes for her fashions. “I generally cut my pattern pieces out of plastic and fabric, and then I stitch the wrappers back together, sort of what they would have been prefab, preconsumerism,” she explains. Kruk says that her most recent work has been more conceptual then it was in years past, focusing on women and consumerism. “I think our society is very interesting in the way that we package things. It’s more about reinvention of the package, and the reuse of the package. It hits on recycling,” Kruk says. “I just have a real curiosity about the way that we’re all so sanitary, and the way that we all spend so much energy in the packaging of ourselves, and the packaging of products that we buy.” Jessica Fromm KRUKART artwork by Charlotte Kruk will appear in the Fashion Frenzy Fall Fashion Show & Silent Auction presented by the Downtown Campbell Business Association on Thursday, Nov. 5, at 7pm at the Villa Ragusa, 35 S. Second St., Campbell. Tickets are $25 advance/ $30 at door and include hors d’oeuvres and a gift bag from participating shops. (www.downtowncampbell.com; 408.371.7423)

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009

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NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

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M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 MENU

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[31]

tjmjdpo!wbmmfzĂ–t!hvjef!up!Ă&#x;of!ejojoh Mjwf!Gffe Serendipity Saucy Spreads, Jams and Preserves will send you running to the toaster_38

Indian Evolution ;Za^eZ 7j^igV\d

The future of Indian cuisine is on tasteful and tasty display at Mountain View’s Sakoon By Stett Holbrook

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HAVE TASTED the future of Indian food, and it’s really good. Mountain View’s Sakoon restaurant is rooted in classic Indian food that draws on regional styles from across the subcontinent, but executive chef Sachin Chopra uses that as a point of departure to take Indian food in new and exciting directions. What we call traditional Indian food today is the product of crossfertilization and inuences from other cultures over the past ďŹ ve centuries. Change is the status quo. Eating at Sakoon allows diners to taste this evolution in real time. Walk in the door, and you know right away this isn’t another curry and kebab restaurant. Chandeliers made from ďŹ ber-optic lights, glowing oor panels and a plush, loungelike interior set Sakoon apart from every other Indian restaurant in Silicon Valley. There’s a small but lively looking bar adorned with colorful hanging lamps and backlit panels of luminous mosaic. The food at Sakoon is like Chopra himself, well traveled and cosmopolitan yet fundamentally rooted in India. Chopra grew up in New Delhi and went on to graduate from the Culinary Institute of America in New York. He ďŹ rst worked as a line cook at New York City’s famed Daniel restaurant and later became sous-chef at the Grand Hyatt

Hotel in New York City. After a stint as a private chef, Chopra was hired as executive chef at New York City’s Tiffin, a restaurant that specialized in fusion Indian cuisine. Then he opened his own place, Tapasserie, a small-plates restaurant that combined the avors of India, Spain and the United States. A year later, he became executive chef/partner at Spice Grill, also in New York. He was recruited as executive sous-chef at San Jose’s beloved Amber India and later became executive chef at Mantra in Palo Alto, two restaurants that exemplify modern Indian food. At Sakoon, Chopra is pushing the boundaries of Indian food even further. Take the superb sea scallop appetizer ($10). Marinated with smoked Spanish paprika, the fat and juicy scallops are paired with a mango and garbanzo bean salad and a rich drizzle of roasted pepper/tahini sauce. You won’t ďŹ nd a dish like that anywhere else in Silicon Valley. Although the season for it has passed, the beautifully composed coriander-dusted watermelon, tomato and feta salad ($7) is another gem. The avocado jhalmuri aloo starter ($6.50) is a contemporary take on a classic Indian chaat, a little streetvendor snack. The cylindrical mound is built with layers of creamy, gingerscented potato salad, sliced avocado and the crunch of puffed rice (puri)

and wheat (sev) on top. It is served with little pitchers of mint and tamarind chutney, the same as you would get if you were buying a snack from a street vendor in New Delhi. The sea bass tikka ($20) combines a tangy southern Indian spice-andcoconut marinade, which is served over a bed of asparagus rice. I haven’t had a more perfectly cooked piece of ďŹ sh in a long time. The lavender-and-thyme-scented rack of lamb ($22) leans more Mediterranean than Indian and is one of Chopra’s signature dishes. Although the meat was supremely tender, I found the pairing with spicysweet pear chutney and curry-leafavored mashed potatoes too busy and muddled. Not every dish gets a modern update. Saag pasand ($15) is a classic version of the creamy stewed-spinach dish that’s even better with the subtle bitter bite of mustard greens added into the mix. Murgh sakoonwala ($15) is a pleasantly spicy, curry-bathed chicken dish that draws on the avors of the Mughuls, the central Asian conquerors who ruled most of India in the 17th and 18th centuries. There’s an appealing lunch buffet for $11.95 served Monday–Friday and $12.95 on weekends, but the real action is at dinner. The food and dĂŠcor are the restaurant’s strengths. Service is not.

The servers are uniformly friendly and willing to please, but many are poorly informed about the menu and do a disservice to Chopra’s cooking with their spotty knowledge. This applies to the cocktail and wine list, too. Indian food can be challenging, but that just means thee servers need to study the menu and ask more questions before hitting the oor. The ďŹ rst dessert I tried was the delicious, light and refreshing chilled coconut-lime soup ($7) enlivened with caramelized lychee and almond brittle. It promised a new world of Indian desserts beyond the hypersweet regulars like gulab jamun and halwa. Alas, it was not to be. There are some nontraditional desserts on the menu, but they are poorly executed. After cracking through the thick sugar crust of the triple chocolate crème brĂťlĂŠe ($7), I excavated a decent layer of custard, but below was an overly dense bedrock of milk, white and dark chocolate fudge ($7). The macadamia nut and chocolate kulďŹ ($7) missed the mark, too. The cubes of chewy frozen chocolate and kulďŹ had the consistency of frozen fudge rather than the gelatolike richness of milk-syrup-based ice cream. Nevertheless, Sakoon is well on the way to establishing itself as one of the Bay Area’s pre-eminent practitioners of modern Indian cooking.

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NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 DINING GUIDE

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[33]

[34] DINING GUIDE

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

EjofsĂ– hvjeft

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M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009

PLAN your

[35]

COMPANY PARTY and enjoy the holidays without any stress.

Rock Bottom Restaurant & Brewery can offer your group a casual and fun dining experience in an entertaining atmosphere. All designed around a working brewery, Rock Bottom is the perfect spot to host your festive get together.

Call for Party Planning details for parties of 10-100 people. SERIOUS ABOUT OUR FOOD. CRAZY ABOUT OUR BEER.

1875 South Bascom | San Jose | 408.377.0707 rockbottom.com

[36] DINING GUIDE

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

EjofsĂ– hvjeft

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Post your event ... for free!

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 DINING GUIDE

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REDWOOD CITY

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Ask the Sommelier

6G8=w is one of Silicon Valley’s true destination restaurants. Chef <J>AA6JB: 7>:C6>B: is creating some of the most delicious and exciting food the South Bay has to offer. Part of the restaurant’s appeal is also wine director ?D=C H6C9:GH. Not only is his wine list a showcase of well-chosen and sometimes eclectic wines, but Sanders’ friendly and knowledgeable presence makes choosing wine a real pleasure.

M

METRO: Why did you decide to pursue a career in wine?

JOHN SANDERS: I have been in the restaurant industry for over 17 years, ďŹ rst as a server, then bartender and ďŹ nally [since 2004] as the wine director at MarchĂŠ. I started noticing wine about 12 years ago. I ďŹ rst started with MarchĂŠ back in 2002 as the bartender. The general manager at the time was also heading up the wine program. She was a real inspiration for me. Through her, I began to really appreciate not just wine but also where it came from, how it was made and, most importantly, how [it should be drunk] and what types of food it should be drunk with.

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What makes the wine list at MarchĂŠ special?

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By and large the wines on MarchÊ’s list are chosen for how well I think they will work with the cuisine. If there is a big blockbuster wine made available to me that has all the requisite scores and favorable press but just doesn’t work well with food, then I am not interested. While wine can be enjoyed on its own, I view it as an extension of the food. When wine and food work together it’s truly wonderful. I want people to be able to come into MarchĂŠ and ďŹ nd a great bottle of wine regardless of price that will enhance their dining experience.

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[37]

What wine or wines are you passionate about right now?

I have been on a white wine kick for some time now. I especially like higher acid wines with little or no oak, and I’m not afraid of a little bit of residual sugar. Austrian grĂźner veltliner, Loire Valley sauvignon blanc and chenin blanc, chablis and riesling from almost anywhere, especially Germany—these are what I like. They are versatile and friendly to a wide range of food, and in the case of Germany and Austria, the quality vs. price ratio is quite high. You can ďŹ nd a grand cru quality German for a mere fraction of the cost of a grand cru Burgundy, and if it doesn’t blow your mind, I’ll drink it! What are some of the best wine values now?

The wine world has really gone global. There are deals to be had from all over the world. As I mentioned, Germany and Austria offer wonderful wines at fantastic prices but there is more—Greece, South America, even in France. Do a bit of homework, and you can ďŹ nd really good, eminently affordable wines from almost anywhere. What is your go-to wine for everyday, casual drinking?

I’ll trumpet the riesling horn one more time. A German kabinett or spatlese makes for a great glass of wine. At about 8 percent alcohol with a touch of residual sugar and loads of juicy acidity, they can be great as sippers or with a few bites. Another great thing is that they only get better with age, so if you ďŹ nd some you like, hold a few bottles back if you can! Stett Holbrook

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[38] DINING GUIDE

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

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IFE DEALT ANC:II: and @G>HI:C 8:9:GFJ>HI some lemons, but instead of making lemonade, the mother-and-daughter duo made Meyer lemon marmalade as well as a whole line of jams and jellies. Lynette is a goldsmith, and the recession hasn’t been kind to the jewelry business. Kristen teaches ice skating, and the economy has taken a bite out of her business, too. Both women were looking for new sources of income when they struck upon the idea of going into the jelly business. Lynette learned how to make preserves from her grandmother, who lived on a fruitladen farm in the Central Valley. Lynette passed on her cooking knowledge to Kristen, and the two have been making preserves for friends and family for the past 15 years. The duo’s jams and jellies became so popular that people starting clamoring for them and making requests for speciďŹ c avors. “Usually about October people would start asking if we were making jam,â€? Kristen tells me. Hoping they might have a viable business on their hands, they launched H:G:C9>E>IN H6J8N HEG:69H! ?6BH 6C9 EG:H:GK:H six months ago. So far so good. In addition to a stall at the Willow Glen farmers market, they are now selling their jams and other products at Whole Foods in Santa Cruz and Capitola and at New Leaf Markets. “We’re excited how fast everything is going,â€? says Kristen. “I’m loving every second of it.â€? I like jellies well enough, but I don’t get overly excited about the prospect of spreading the stuff on my toast in the morning. Or at least that used to be the case until I tried Serendipity’s jellies and jams. There are standard jams and jellies like raspberry, apricot and peach, but what really brings me to the toaster are the more rareďŹ ed avors like strawberry rhubarb jam, ďŹ g jam, pomegranate jelly, spiced carrot jam and a moderately sweet caramelized onion, ďŹ g and balsamic spread. The spiced carrot is particularly good when paired when melted butter. They also make a line of liquor-avored jams, such as apricot with cognac, spiced peach with cognac and, my favorite, brandied cherry. The alcohol doesn’t have any inebriating effect, because it’s used in such small quantities, yet it imparts a subtle but distinctive avor. In addition to liquor-avored products, mother and daughter make jams and jellies made with agave syrup instead of sugar. Because both Cederquists are gluten-intolerant, they created several less overtly sweet products that pair well with cheese and meats. Kristen uses her Hot to Trot Apricot jam (made with red pepper akes) as a sauce for sea scallops. “We use our jam for everything but toast,â€? Kristen says. You can also buy them online at serendipityspreads.com. Stett Holbrook (Follow me on Twitter at Twitter.com/stett_holbrook.)

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SILICON VALLEY SKI & BOARD FEST SANTA CLARA CONVENTION CENTER NOV 14 & 15 2009

FREE LIFT TICKET FOR ATTENDING!

WWW.SFSKIFEST.COM

WWW.SFSKIFEST.COM

1 1 4 THE 10 Reasons why the SnowBomb Festivals rock! 1. FREE lift tickets

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2. 2 for 1 lift ticket 3. FREE Burrito 4. FREE Parking! 5. FREE Freeskier or Snowboard one year subscription 6. 23 World Class Ski Resorts will be exhibiting 7. WINE & BEER TASTING! 8. HUGE Sale—80% off top brands! 9. Rail Jam competition and HUGE BMX and skate halfpipe show 10. 50% off admission with coupon on next page TICKET PRICES: $20 General Admission / $40 VIP Tasting Ticket

RESORT EXHIBITORS: Alpine Meadows + Aspen/Snowmass Big Sky Resort + Bear Valley + Boreal Dodge Ridge + Heavenly + Homewood Mountain Resort Jackson Hole Mountain Resort + Kirkwood Mountain Resort + Mammoth Mountain + Mt. Rose Ski Tahoe Northstar-at-Tahoe + Sierra-at-Tahoe + Sierra Summit Ski Taos + Snowbird + Steamboat + Sun Valley Resort Sugar Bowl + Squaw Valley USA + Telluride Ski Resort Vail Resorts + Whistler Blackcomb 2 • SILICON VALLEY SKI & BOARD FESTIVAL 2009

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DISCOUNT COUPON

UNLIMITED wine/beer tasting for only $20. Participating Wineries: Abundance Vineyards Adobe Road Winery Alexander Valley Vineyards Astrale e Terra Winery Barefoot Wine & Bubbly Big Horn Cellars Cakebread Cellars Canine Wines Carneros della Wotte Winery Couloir Wines Chronic Cellars Clos LaChance Winery Farella-Park Vineyards Foggy Bridge Winery Indigene Cellars Gnarly Head Gundlach Bundschu Winery Hagafen Cellars Hans Fahden Vineyards Jason-Stephens Winery JettLynn Winery Jocelyn Lonen Winery Longboard Vineyards Magnanimus Wine Group

Merrilyn’s Goremet Wine Fudge Murphy Vineyards Naumann Vineyards Outpost Wines Pacific Wine Marketing Group Peachy Canyon Pear Valley Vineyard & Winery Poetic Cellars Ranchita Canyon Vineyard Robledo Family Winery Rodney Strong Wine Estates Rombauer Vineyards Roudon-Smith Winery Roshambo Winery Scheid Vineyards Sandler Wine Co Savannah Chanelle Vineyards St. Supery Vineyards & Winery The Little Penguin Twisted Oak V-Twin Vineyards Villa Mt Eden Winery Vina Robles

50% Off Festival Admission Show ad for discount. Present this coupon for 50% off General Admission or VIP Tasting Ticket. Redeem at cashier’s booth at Ft Mason or Santa Clara Convention Center. Not valid with other offers or discounts. Maximum one 50% discount per coupon.

$10 General Admission ticket and $20 Wine/Beer tasting ticket with this coupon only!

Participating Breweries: 21st Amendment Ale Industries Anderson Valley Brewing Co. Anheuser-Busch Beach Chalet Brewery & Restaurant Belukus Marketing (Young’s Double Chocolate Stout, Wells Banana Bread) Big Sky Brewing Black Eagle Imports Blue Moon/ Full Moon Buckbean Brewing Company Bud Chelada Bud Light Golden Wheat Bud Light Lime Buffalo Bills Brewery Cold Spring Brewing Co Czechvar Drakes Brewing Co. Faultline Brewing Co Firestone Walker Fox Barrel Cider Co Full Sail Brewing Gordon Biersch Beer Company Green Mountain Beverage Heineken Hoegaarden

Hornsby’s Draft Cider Kona Land Shark Leffe Lost Coast Brewery Mad River Brewing Company Magners Irish Cider New Belgium Brewing Company Pacific Libations- North Coast, Eel River, Fox Cider Pyramid Brewers Red Hook Rubicon Brewing Santa Cruz Mountain Brewing Shmaltz Brewing Co Shock Top Sierra Nevada Brewing Co Singha Spaten Trumer Beauerei Berkley, Bridgeport Brewery & Spoetzel Brewery Uncommon Brewers Widmer Winter Bourbon Cask Ale

SILICON VALLEY SKI & BOARD FESTIVAL 2009 • 3

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 DINING GUIDE

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LIFE IS A BOWL OF RAMEN Uif!dipjdft!bu!Tboupvlb!bsf!tffnjohmz!foemftt/

Santouka

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ANTOUKA is a Japanese-based chain with locations in Southern California, Chicago, New Jersey and San Jose. But don’t let the restaurant’s chain status keep you away. It is just spreading the love. The restaurant occupies a space in Mitsuwa Marketplace, a Japanese supermarket that is a culinary destination in its own right. If ever there were a contest for “great food in an unlikely setting,â€? this place would be sure to win. I’ll take great food over atmosphere any day. A real bowl of ramen is to the store-bought packaged stuff what a warm spring day perfumed with lilac blossoms is to a can of oral-scented bathroom freshener. Real ramen is one of the world’s great meals. It’s quick, cheap and ďŹ lling, and when done right it’s heaven in a bowl. And Santouka does it right. Stett Holbrook

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M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009

[41]

[42] CALENDAR CALENDAR

NOVEMBER N O V E M B E R 4-10, 4 - 1 0 , 2009 2 0 0 9 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA VA L L E Y

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Montalvo Montalv o Arts Arts Center Center

44 S. S. Almaden Almaden Ave, Ave, San San Jose J se Jo

500 S. S. First First St, St, San San a Jose Jose

Montalvo 15400 Mo ontalvo Rd, Rd, Saratoga Saratoga

408.29.BLANK 408.29 .BLANK

408.938.3594 408.9 93 38.3594

408.961.5858 408.961.5 5858

Wed W ed – 9pm; $15 e

Wed $10 W ed – 7pm; $1 e 0

Thu – 7:30pm, 7:30 0pm, Fri Fri – 8pm; $35/$40

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St,, San 14 4 S. S. Second Second St San Jose Jose

525 W. W. Santa Santa Clara Clara St, St, San San Jose Jose

408.998.TIXS 40 08 998.T 08.998. TIXS

408.287.9200 408 287.9 408.28 .9200

Fri $20 F ri – 110pm; 0pm; $2 0

Fri F ri – 7pm; $58-$128

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Rain Machine

Streetlight Records

The Blank Club

980 S. Bascom Ave, San Jose

44 S. Almaden Ave, San Jose

408.292.1404

408.29.BLANK

Mission Chamber Orchestra

Sat – 7pm; free

Sat – 8pm; $12/$15

Le Petit Trianon

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72 N. Fifth St, San Jose 408.236.3350 Sat – 7:30pm; $7-$32

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44 S. Almaden Ave, San Jose 408.29.BLANK Mon – 9pm; $12/$15

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NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

South FIRST FRIDAYS an eclectic evening of arts and culture in downtown San Jose’s SoFA District on the First Friday of every month

NOVEMBER 6th ART WALK - 8pm ’til late The SoFA District is So. First Street between San Carlos and E. Reed streets

Anno Domini

Caffé Trieste

MACLA

366 So. First Street

315 So. First Street

510 So. First Street

BLOODWORK: SLEEVES

Genre Variations by Cynthia DeBennedetti

Join us for the opening reception for Cultural Disjuncture featuring contemporary nomads, cultural disparity and invisible labor explored in this group exhibition which features sculpture, works on paper and installation. This exhibition includes work by Monica Canilao, Diana Cristales-David, Betty A. Davis, Jaime Guerrero, Alejandro Oliva, Mitsy Ávila Ovalles and Rio Yañez.

Public reception & book signing: A collaborative project produced by the Analog Tattoo Arts Kolectiv. The extensive range of work within the BLOOWORK:SLEEVES exhibition and publication aspires to provide a broad view of the efforts of contemporary tattooers working today.

This exhibit focuses on different subject matter within the realm of oil painting. Among the many different types of genres (subjects) in painting, shown here are four: landscape, still life, figure, and portrait. Music by: Opera

San José

Institute of Contemporary Art

SLG Art Boutiki & Gallery

560 So. First Street

577 So. Market Street

Afterlife: Artists transform collected and recycled materials into works of art. Guest curated by Kathryn Funk. Theodora Varnay Jones: Manifold: A solo exhibition of two and three dimensional works that represent the artist’s exploration and interpretation of form, space and repetition.

SLG presents the debut of the new graphic novel Weird Fishes by San Jose State art school graduate Jamaica Dyer. On display will be all of her full color paintings from the color version of the book.

Art Glass Center of San Jose 465 So. First Street Take one last stroll through the glass pumpkin patch by 15 artists at The Art Glass Center. Work from over 30 local glass artists will also be on display.

Metro Photo Exhibit 550 So. First Street The Last Good Dive Bar photos by the First St. Photo Collective

So. First Billiards

KALEID Gallery

Phantom Galleries

420 So. First Street

88 So. Fourth Street

386 South First Street- Everybody's Happy Nowadays new paintings by Kyle Pellet

Heart of Chaos and South First Billiards present our 3rd annual Uproar event, one of the largest art events in San Jose. Live Music, Belly Dance, Live Painting, and Art Exhibits. Art priced to sell! 21+ venue

7-9pm Artists’ Reception Fragile Things new paintings and curiosities by Lacey Bryant. Carnival of Lost Souls new assemblages by Jen Renzel.

388 South First Street- Nature Of The Beast new paintings by Tyson Johnston

San Jose Museum of Quilts & Textiles 520 So. First Street 2nd Annual High Fiber Under Five benefit art sale featuring fine fiber arts for $500 or less.

Live music by Quasimodal.

Works San José 451 So. First Street In the Main Gallery: the Works/San Jose 2009 Member Exhibition All For One!..., --No judge, No jury--just our wide and varied community of artists from the South Bay! In the Paulette Peterson Space experience the exhibit A Portrait of Hip Hop. Also, see live painting on human canvases by artist Trina Merry!

Agenda Restaurant 399 So. First Street Special one night only exhibition and wine tasting event featuring Images From a Beautiful World by Lisa Amato: a collection of fine art photography that pairs well with fine wine, food and music. 6pm-8pm: $10 Wine Tasting, $25 Special Pre Fixe Dinner (includes wine tasting). Live music by Tyler Boyd.

The South FIRST FRIDAYS art walk is FREE and open to the public!

For full listing of events and information:

visit www.SouthFirstFridays.com or call 408-271-5155

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y OCTOBER 4-10, 2009 ARTS

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[45]

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Stanford art profs show off their diverse visual strategies in ‘From Their Studios’ at Cantor Arts Center

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ESUS, barefoot and with a lamp protectively cradled in his arm, strides in close formation with Abe Lincoln in a stove-pipe hat and Julie Andrews in her Sound of Music dirndl, looking ready to break into song at any moment. Is this a trio of saviors— religious, political and pop cultural— or an just an accidental meeting in neutral painterly space? Artist Kevin Bean gives no hint; the green ground merges in an undifferentiated vertical plane with the featureless blue sky. The painting is really an exercise in shape and color, but the recognizable faces impart an aura of significance, as if this were some academic history painting. Bean, who teaches art at Stanford, often works with simplified human figures placed against broad, plain swathes of color, generally with their facial figures left tantalizingly blank—indeed Jesus, Abraham and Maria is unusual for its portrait details. Also on display in “From Their Studios,” a new show of works by Stanford art-faculty members at the Cantor Arts Center, is Backyard, a large oil study of soothing suburban greenness marked off by the white

By Michael S. Gant and red corners of two houses and a slash of a tree trunk—it’s practically an abstract. Bean goes all the way to Josef Albers–like color studies in five small exercises in his Geometry and Color series. (More examples of Bean’s paintings can be seen through Nov. 20 in a show at the Mohr Gallery at the Community School of Music and Art in Mountain View.) The 13 artists represented display a satisfyingly wide embrace of techniques, materials and artistic intentions. One envies the lucky art students who take their classes. This may be an academic setting, but none of the works are “academic” in the stultifying sense of the word that so rankled the Impressionists. Bean’s style, with its echoes of Diebenkorn, seems quite traditional compared to Terry Berlier’s multimedia sculpture Self-Leveler, consisting of a circular wooden frame mounted on curved legs that rock in rhythm to the motorized swinging motion of a metal hammer. The constant swaying suggests the deck of a ship, and a video screen in the circular mount provides a vista of waves. The piece is subtitled Tipping Point, and Berlier no doubt wants us to think of those moments when

natural equilibrium collapses into eco-disaster. Paul DeMarinis deconstructs some famous films for his Early Media Goes to the Movies series. Working with a variety of cutting-edge and so-oldthey’re-new techniques, DeMarinis distorts film strips so that we can experience them as physical objects as well as mediums for waking dream states. In the best of these, he stretches out the famous tracking shot of the endless traffic jam in Godard’s Weekend, turning it into a static panorama. Instead of the camera moving for us, we become the camera in the act of scanning this horizon line of vehicular mayhem. Photographer Robert Dawson pays magnificent tribute to the eternal values of real (as opposed to virtual) libraries. Consider the imposing yet contemplative classical interior of the Woburn Public Library, Woburn, Massachusetts—a church of knowledge built during the Great Depression. Joel Leivick contributes oddly disturbing gelatin-silver prints of tangled underbrush and gnarled, mossy tree branches reclaiming an abandoned wooden boat, as if the mast had recognized its arboreal cousins and reverted to wildness.

As for the return of the untamed, Lukas Felzmann’s remarkable Gull Juju series comprises scores of small color photographs of humanmade flotsam swallowed and then expelled by seagulls. Plastic figurines, children’s toys, poker chips, charms, keys, swizzle sticks and a chunk of someone’s credit card—these strangely preserved totems speak to the larger ecological catastrophe that is the soup of floating plastic trash that threatens our oceans. The most overtly pedagogical of the artists is John Edmark, who displays a simple but endlessly fascinating Kinetic Spiral Tower made from nothing more than narrow pieces of wood assembled into hinged rectangles with tape. He also contributes a light-box that allows visitors to sit and create kaleidoscopic displays with just some colored paper shapes. It is called, cleverly, a Geometron, and it proved irresistible to all ages on the day I visited the center. FROM THEIR STUDIOS shows through Jan. 3 at the Cantor Arts Center, Stanford University. Admission is free. On Nov. 5 at 7pm, Terry Berlier gives an artist’s lecture at the center. (650.724.3600)

[46] STAGE/ART/LIT

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Symphony Surfin’ Safari!

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SAANTA NT CRUZ COUNTY SYMPHONY

SATURDAY, NOV. 14 @ 8 PM SANTA CRUZ CIVIC AUDITORIUM

JOHN LARRY GRANGER, CONDUCTOR Sponsored in part parrt by by

For tickets www.santacruztickets.com or call 831-420-5260 For special “cabaret style” seating call 831-462-0553, ext.10

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Hubert Sumlin

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Eddie Shaw

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Join Montalvo Today – And Save on Tickets! Montalvo Box OfďŹ ce, 408.961.5858 M-F, 10am-4pm montalvoarts.org or ticketmaster.com

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A TRIBUTE TO HOWLIN’ WOLF FEATURING CHICAGO BLUES LEGENDS HUBERT SUMLIN AND EDDIE SHAW

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[47]

JOIN NOW :: montalvoarts.org/membership

[48] STAGE/ART/LIT

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

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Jon Nakamatsu pianist

Saturday, Nov 7, 7:30 PM Beethoven: Symphony no. 8 Mozart: Piano Concerto no. 23 Faure: Pavane Donizetti: Allegro for strings Senturia: Petra

Le Petit Trianon Theatre, 72 N. 5th Street, downtown San Jose Tickets: $32/25/7 order on-line: www.missionchamber.org info: 408 236-3350

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Discover the Arts www.svArts.org

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1011 PACIFIC AVE. SANTA CRUZ 831-423-1336

Wednesday, Nov. 4 • AGES 16+

Immortal Technique

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conductor

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Emily Ray

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Diabolic also Poison Pen Swave Sevah, BRWN BFLO

plus

$15 Adv./ $19 Drs. • Drs. 7 p.m., Show 8 p.m. Friday, November 6 • AGES 16+

MICKEY AVALON Machete Fight plus also Kesha

and

Beardo

$25 Adv./ $29 Drs. Drs. 8 p.m., Show 9 p.m. Saturday, Nov. 7 • AGES 16+

Dropkick Murphys

plus The Flatliners also The Insurgence and I Want Out

$22 Adv./ $25 Drs. • Drs. 7 p.m., Show 8 p.m. Sunday, November 8 • AGES 16+ Another Planet Entertainment presents

VAMPIRE WEEKEND plus Pocahaunted $20 in advance • Drs. 7 p.m., Show 8 p.m.

Nov 12 Julian & Stephen Marley (AGES 16+) Nov 13 Eek A Mouse (AGES 16+) Nov 14 Suicidal Tendencies (AGES 16+) Nov 15 Finch/Blessthefall (AGES 16+) Nov 17 Snoop Dogg (AGES 16+) Nov 22 The Disco Biscuits (AGES 16+) Nov 29 Toots & the Maytals (AGES 16+) Dec 6 All That Remains (AGES 16+) Dec 9 ice Cube (AGES 16+) Unless otherwise noted, all shows are dance shows with limited seating. Tickets subject to city tax & service charge by phone 866-384-3060 & online

www.catalystclub.com

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M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 STAGE/ART/LIT

[49]

GALA EVENT

Best Vets

Local chapter of American GI Forum marks 50 years

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HE SAN JOSE chapter of the American GI Forum is celebrating its 50th anniversary on Nov. 7 with a gala event complete with no-host cocktails, dinner and dancing. Charles Lostaunau, a veteran himself and the chairman of the celebration, is excited about “one of the most prestigious events of the year.” He expects between 400 and 500 guests in suits or military attire. The list of those attending includes elected officials such as San Jose Mayor Chuck Reed, community people, business people and members of veterans groups from the Gold Star Mothers to the American Legion. Also in attendance will be a group of returning veterans from Afghanistan. The evening will include presentations by San Jose civic leaders; NBC’s Damien Trujillo will be the MC. The organization came to prominence after World War II in Corpus Christi, Texas, when Felix Longoria, a private killed in action, was denied his right to a proper burial. “Dr. Hector Garcia started the organization,” says Lostaunau. ”[He] founded it on the basis of advocating civil rights for veterans.” With Garcia’s diligence and the help of future president Lyndon B. Johnson, Longoria was buried in Arlington National cemetery “with full honors, and he was the first Mexican-American to be buried there.” The national coverage of the Felix Longoria affair helped the group blossom into hundreds of chapters. The San Jose chapter, also known as “Old Number One, is the largest chapter in the state of California and the nation,” says Lostaunau. It is made up of volunteers, both veterans and civilians, who strive to better their community through protecting the rights of veterans, granting scholarships to Hispanic youth and upholding the cultural heritage. Fire & Desire will perform a selection of Latin music as well as “old school favorites” for the dancing portion of the night. Jerry A. Mendez of the band sees the opportunity to play for the organization as “an honor. These veterans come back having provided a service to our country and they are not provided the attention that they deserve. . . . [The AGIF] provides a much needed service to honor these veterans.”

Emily Grube

THE AMERICAN GI FORUM ANNIVERSARY GALA takes place Saturday, Nov. 7, at 5:30pm at Unify Hall, 765 Story Road, San Jose. Tickets are $50. (408.499.8369, 408.829.0329 or 408.775.3251).

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AUTHOR OBITUARY

Morton Marcus 1936–2009

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ORTON MARCUS, whose outsize presence animated and at times dominated Santa Cruz County’s literary culture for most of the last 40 years, died peacefully at home after a long illness early in the morning of Oct. 28. He was 73, and seemed both younger and older—younger because his attitude toward everything was one of boyish enthusiasm, and older because the amount of living he jammed into his years would have taken several lifetimes for anyone less charged with creative energy. To fellow writers, Marcus was best known as a poet, but in a far more capacious sense of that word than simply someone who writes poetry. In his case being a poet meant being part rabbi, part shaman, part entrepreneur, part teacher, part movie critic and television personality, part radio host and interviewer, part journalist, raconteur, bon vivant and, oh yes, writer of lots of poems and books of poetry—verse poems, prose poems, lyrical poems, surrealistic fables, family narratives, nature poems, urban poems, short poems, long poems, skinny poems and fat poems. At times didactic or philosophical, at other times comic or fantastic, often stretching beyond any signature style or comfort zone, his writings deďŹ ed easy categories and roamed wherever his imagination led. I ďŹ rst met Mort in 1968, soon after we’d both arrived in Santa Cruz. In our occasional dinners together, I was struck each time by his voracious intellectual appetite (not to mention his appetite for food): He was, as he said to me in a conversation last year, “absolutely intensely engaged in everythingâ€? and could draw on his vast reading and picaresque personal history—having been farmed out by his much-married mother to a series of boarding schools and fending for himself throughout his youth—to talk as well as eat you under the table. A conversation with Mort would typically range from poetry and poets to sports and athletes (he’d been a boxer and a street ďŹ ghter, a high school basketball star and later a coach), from Eastern philosophy to movie trivia, from international politics to his familial and personal odyssey starting in the shtetls of Eastern Europe and migrating through New York City to Northern California and eventually Santa Cruz, which he considered his only true home. It was Jim and Jeanne Houston who ďŹ rst cajoled Mort and his family into moving to Santa Cruz. Houston and Marcus had been graduate students together at Stanford in the early 1960s, and their friendship then evolved into a lifelong personal and literary alliance as they became twin towers of accomplishment in their respective disciplines, Jim in prose and Mort in poetry. Their illnesses and deaths within six months of each other this year are a devastating double blow to local culture. Both in their early ’70s, both still working right up to the end (Mort completed his ďŹ nal book two days before he died), they represent the passing of an irreplaceable generation. I remember a conversation we had over sushi and sake one night in the 1990s, when Morton admitted to me that he felt he had not measured up to his original ambition to be a truly great and famous writer. As with most of us who begin with such lofty goals and dreams, those illusions had given way to a more realistic assessment of his achievement. But he realized that was no small thing, and that all the books he’d published, the magazines and anthologies in which his work had appeared, all the readings and lectures he’d given and classes he’d taught and articles he’d written and friendships he’d cultivated and events he’d organized added up to a lasting contribution to his community—both the local one and the larger immortal fellowship of literature with which he felt forever affiliated. Morton Marcus left his mark on Santa Cruz, and on each of us who had the singular luck to know him. As artist and Mort’s friend Futzie Nutzle said, “It’s hard to believe that somebody of his magnitude is somewhere else now.â€? Stephen Kessler A memorial service will be held Saturday, Nov. 7, 1–3pm, at the Cabrillo Crocker Theater, Cabrillo College, Aptos. The Marcus family is donating Morton’s poetry collection and literary papers to the Morton Marcus Poetry Archive at McHenry Library, UCSC. In lieu of owers, tax-deductible contributions can be sent to: Library Development Office, Attn: Morton Marcus Poetry Archive, UC–Santa Cruz, 1156 High St., Santa Cruz. Go online to Metroactive.com to link to some of the articles Marcus wrote for Metro over the years.

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 FILM

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Cabin Fever Lars von Trier choreographs a shockinducing dance of death in ‘Antichrist’

By Richard von Busack

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HE MOST prestigious gross-out since Irreversible, Lars von Trier’s Antichrist is billed as a director’s return to instinctive filmmaking. Von Trier’s “Your guess is as good as mine” approach includes comments such as “I let this film flow to me instead of thinking it up.” This might be the best way to take in Antichrist, as a triple-X shocker, giving it merit for its fussy surfaces and its unquestionable power to disgust. And when von Trier (Breaking the Waves, etc.) describes Antichrist as a way back after two years of crippling depression, it seems even more critic-proof. Slamming it would be like mocking some mental patient’s art-therapy project. Calling Antichrist “misogynist” isn’t fair. The man in the story (called only “He,” played by Willem Dafoe) is a platitudinous artist when he’s not being a meat-pestle. And the beastliness in the woman (called “She”) is a response to his power plays, his pretenses of being learned and in control. A truly misogynist film echoes Freud’s guess that women don’t know what they want. She (Charlotte Gainsbourg) does know. First, she wants her man; second, she wants to fuck the pain away. Von Trier gives women their due as force of nature, even from a superstitious-peasant angle: Are they sorceresses, then, since they can create life? (Did von Trier cast Gainsbourg because of her

resemblance to Margaret Hamilton, the Wicked Witch of the West?) As for Antichrist’s spine as a horror film, no excuse is needed. It’s about the heebie-jeebies caused by nature. She and He are seen at the beginning, sexing it up vigorously in ultra-slow-motion. Their toddler ambles in, leers at the primal scene and then apparently kills himself. She falls into a big orgasm just as her child falls out of the window. The dead child is named, significantly “Nick”; one clue (and we get another) that this was the young Antichrist awaiting some fearful resurrection. She stews in her own depression in a claustrophobic apartment in “Seattle.” He decides to take up the role of grief therapist to his mate. He is apparently a psychologist, but we don’t know that for sure: all we know is that He is not a doctor. The couple return to their cabin in a dank forest. It looks troll-haunted, wet and brackeny, with white slashes of birch trees glowing in the gloom. She hadn’t wanted to come back. She had been holed up in the cabin, working on her women’s-study thesis about the history of crimes against women. He had called it glib. The cabin is named, surely euphemistically, “Eden.” The plot is a reversal on Genesis. Seemingly, the sex act took this unhappy couple back to Eden, where they are to be punished by nature and each other. Her desire for sex grows. Visions

of diseased, supernatural animals torment the man: these include a ludicrous, rotting talking fox, whose two-word growl, “Chaos reigns,” might be the title of the next Spinal Tap album. Things having got as sexual as they can, terrible violence breaks out. For no good reason, von Trier marks his film with episodes—is there a better way to shake an audience out of a mood of horror? But are we supposed to be horrified, or are we supposed to think of this as an intellectual exercise with nut busting and mutilation? Von Trier comes up with downy, glossy images and then frames them, freezes them down. The film’s last shot deserves some admiration: a witches’ sabbath that looks like a witches’ Angelus procession, with glowing and faceless beings mounting a hill. Otherwise, the film is thrifty: all hand-held widescreen, with the image occasionally flipped from right to left to give the impression of two-camera shooting. What we’re watching is Dafoe giving it up, Scandinavian style. His forehead seems cowled by skin. His cheeks are as ripped as young Schwarzenegger’s torso: muscles from years of heavy acting. Even if the triple-X body doubles are obvious, Gainsbourg goes farther than Dafoe. We’re certainly not meant to find eroticism in watching She masturbate as if she were trying to dig the last olive out of a jar. In all the coupling, there might have

been a subtitle, “These are not bodies, these are instruments.” And the actors who could make these stiff, pompous lines ominous haven’t been genetically engineered yet. Von Trier’s beefing against the fecundity of nature—signified by the pelting of acorns on “Eden’s” roof—can’t be taken seriously. It’s like describing that scene in The Wizard of Oz where the trees throw their apples as a symbol of nature against man. We get so many movies made by people who seemed never to have set foot outside of a movie theater, and von Trier is just another one; thanks to digitizing, this wilderness is really as composed as an English country garden. The thesis could use an argument: such as William Blake’s line that “the lust of the goat is the glory of God.” What makes Antichrist so frustrating is that it has effective horror moments, such as the Lovecraftian passage of He discovering three new constellations in the night sky. David Lynch has had more success in filming this dreamjournal-type material and making it terrifying. When von Trier mentions that Antichrist inspiration came from August Strindberg, he lets us know why this film looks overcooked even if it was underanalyzed. ANTICHRIST (Unrated; 109 min.), directed and written by Lars von Trier, photographed by Anthony Dod Mantle and starring Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg, opens Nov. 6 at Camera 3 in San Jose.

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Showtimes

for all the local theaters are available online 24/7 at www.movietimes.com

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Reviews by Michael S. Gant, Steve Palopoli and Richard von Busack.

New Antichrist (Unrated; 109 min.) See review on page 51. (Opens Nov 6 at Camera 3 in San Jose.) The Box (PG-13; 115 min.) A thriller about a couple given a lucrative but morally fraught choice. Stars Cameron Diaz, James Marsden and Frank Langella. Based on a short story by Richard Matheson, which is usually a good starting point for this kind of movie. Directed by Richard Kelly, hoping to get his Donnie Darko mojo back. (Opens Nov 6.) A Christmas Carol (PG; 96 min.) Jim Carrey plays the bulk of the parts in Robert Zemeckis’ adaptation of the hoariest holiday tale of them all. In Disney Digital 3-D in selected theaters. (Opens Nov 6.) The Fourth Kind (PG-13; 98 min.) The story of an Alaskan town where people keep disappearing. Could it be alien abduction? Only Sarah Palin knows for sure. (Opens Nov 6.) Latino Film Festival See story on page 54. The Men Who Stare at Goats (R; 93 min.) George Clooney stars in the story of a reporter who stumbles across a secret military project designed to harness psychic powers. Also stars Ewan McGregor and Jeff Bridges. (Opens Nov 6 valleywide.) Silicon Valley Jewish Film Festival Letters for Jenny (Nov 4, 7:30pm, Camera 7, and Nov 8, 3pm, Camera 12): Diego Musiak’s hammy weeper about an Argentine Jewish girl (Gimena Accardi) who receives a series of letters from her long-dead mother. Beau Jest (Nov 8, 1pm, Camera 12): Kind of an update of a Yiddish theater comedy plot, only in English—the archaic title says it all. Sarah, (Robyn Cohen) a Chicago kindergarten teacher, can’t bear to let her parents know she’s dating a gentile, so she hires an actor named Bob (Tony Daly), who is fortuitously playing in Fiddler on the Roof to pretend to be her new ďŹ ance: Dr. David Steinberg. Little does Robyn know that Bob is of the unchosen-persuasion himself. TV sitcom rhythms and loads of padding; inoffensive and grandma-safe but none too funny. Seymour Cassel and Lainie Kazan play mom and dad; they are both holding up nicely. Praying in Her Own Voice (Nov 8, 5:30pm, Camera 12): Director Yael Katzir delves into a political and religious controversy in Jerusalem: at the Wailing Wall, women who join in the prayers with men are subjected to serious police and mob harassment. Since 1989, the group Women of the Wall have fought to overcome second-class citizenship, but Orthodox pressure denies them their rights. Strangers (Nov 8, 7:30pm, Camera 12): A 2007 romance of a kibbutz resident and a Palestinian in Paris, who meet by chance in Berlin. Menachem & Fred (Nov 11, 7:30pm, Camera 7): Documentary concerning two brothers who were separated in the Holocaust. Today, one lives assimilated, a high-tech engineer with children married to gentiles; the other lives religiously in Israel with children in the West Bank settlements. Florida’s Fred Raymes, a subject of the ďŹ lm, is on hand for discussion afterward. Billed with the short Go Kosher. Rabbi Melanie Aron leads a panel discussion afterward. (Plays Nov 4-11 in Campbell at Camera 7 and in San Jose at Camera 12. (Festival runs through Nov 22 in San Jose at Camera 12 and in Campbell at Camera 7; see www.svjff.org for details.) (RvB) Skin (PG-13; 107 min.) The absurd but inexorable logic of South Africa’s apartheid era is laid out with considerable emotional impact in

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 FILM Skin. Based on a true story, the ďŹ lm follows the difďŹ cult life of Sandra Laing, born in the mid-1950s with skin color and features that would make her black in the eyes of the law, except that her parents are both white. As a genetic researcher later admits in front of an embarrassed courtroom, most Afrikaner settlers have African blood. The law makes clumsy attempts to cope with the situation—Sandra is at ďŹ rst termed white because of her parentage, then “coloredâ€? by her appearance, then white again. The whiplash affects her whole life, tearing at the fabric of her family, poisoning her relationships and thrusting her into poverty. This is a grim chronicle leavened by some ďŹ ne acting. Young Sandra is played by the very appealing, wide-eyed young ďŹ rst-timer Ella Ramangwane. Sophie Okonedo (last seen in The Secret Life of Bees) takes over as the grown-up Sandra, valiantly trying to ďŹ nd a way to cope with personal and societal upheaval. Alice Krige is touching as Sandra’s mother, but the real

surprise is Sam Neill, who gives a subtle, wound-up performance as Sandra’s father. Abraham Laing’s love for his daughter is deep and strong; in the early scenes, he sticks up for her with admirable courage. But eventually, tragically, he too is driven to near madness by the artiďŹ cially enforced divisions that ruled South Africa for so many decades. At times, director Anthony Fabian is guilty of laying on the blows of apartheid with too heavy a hand, but the ďŹ lm earns its tearful, haltingly hopeful conclusion. (Opens Nov 6 at Camera 3 in San Jose.) (MSG)

Revivals The Bad and the Beautiful/ Sunset Blvd. (1952/1950) Kirk Douglas stars as an untrustworthy movie mogul, Jonathan Shields, who, facing ruin, tries to round up three of his previously burned protĂŠgĂŠs for

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Latino Screens San Jose hosts S.F. Latino Film Festival for four days

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HE ANNUAL SAN FRANCISCO Latino Film Festival includes four days of ďŹ lms in San Jose, Nov. 9–12. On Monday, Gary Marks’ 2007 documentary Dream Havana, a Story of Friendship, Choice and Separation shows at San Jose State University at 4pm. The ďŹ lm looks at the dilemma faced by two Cuban writers in 1994—one chose to take a perilous boat journey to the United States, the other stayed in Cuba. On Nov. 10, MACLA hosts screenings of Forgotten Injustice (6pm) and Yveete (8pm). Forgotten Injustice is a documentary about the Mexican-American workers expelled from the United States during the Depression of the 1930s. Yveete is a drama about a young Chicana who travels back to a small Mexican village. On Nov. 12, two more ďŹ lms will screen at MACLA: Meet the Head of Juan Perez (6pm) and Last One for the Road (8pm). In Emilio Portes’ feature, the severed head of a magician named Juan Perez relates the tale of how he came apart, thanks to circus problems and a 16th-century guillotine. In Last One for the Road, three young rich people embark on a night’s adventure in Mexico City and come to very separate conclusions. The festival has also booked an evening at the Tech Museum on Nov. 11 at 6pm for Daniel Ro’s The Watercolorist, the story of a man’s dream of painting. This is the week for Latino ďŹ lm. Redwood City is hosting three nights of Latino ďŹ lms, Nov. 6–8. (See www.redwoodcity.org/LatinoFilmFestival for details.) Michael S. Gant THE LATINO FILM FESTIVAL screens ďŹ lms Nov. 9–12 at various locations in San Jose. Shows are $8/$10. See www.satinoďŹ lmfestival.com for details.

For showtimes, advance tix and more, go to

cameracinemas.com

Best Theaters -- SJ Merc, Metro & Wave Readers Always Plenty of Free Validated Parking All Sites Seniors & Kids $6.75 / Students $7.50 • * = No Passes $7 b4 6pm M-F / 4pm S-S, Holidays • = Final Week = Presented in Sony 4K Digital (C7 only) • Pruneyard/Campbell • 559-6900 • Pruneyard/Campbell • 559-6900 *A CHRISTMAS CAROL (in Disney Dig. 3D) (PG) *THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS (R) *MICHAEL JACKSON’S THIS IS IT (PG) PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (R) AN EDUCATION (PG-13) A SERIOUS MAN (R) S.V. JEWISH FILM FEST -- Weds thru 11/11

• 41 N. Santa Cruz • 395-0203 *A CHRISTMAS CAROL (PG) *THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS (R) • 201 S. 2nd St, S.J. • 998-3300 Student Night Wednesdays -- $6 after 6pm *A CHRISTMAS CAROL (Disney Dig. 3D & 2D) (PG) *THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS (R) *THE FOURTH KIND (PG-13) *THE BOX (PG-13) *THIS IS IT (PG) COCO BEFORE CHANEL (PG-13) LAW ABIDING CITIZEN (R) AMELIA (PG) PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (R) GOOD HAIR (PG-13) CIRQUE DU FREAK: VAMPIRE’S ASST (PG-13) WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE (PG) S.V. JEWISH FILM FESTIVAL--Sundays thru 11/22 • 288 S. Second, S.J. • 998-3300 *ANTICHRIST (NR) *SKIN (NR) Opens 11/13 at C12/C7! 2012 Opens 11/13 at C7! PIRATE RADIO

DISCOUNT (10 Admits/$60) / GIFT CARDS PURCHASE AT THEATER BOX OFFICE OR ON-LINE

THEATER RENTALS -- CALL 395-6465

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a comeback project. “He [Douglas] required very little directing, for he grasped the Jonathan Shields character immediately. We’d both met many such people during our years in Hollywood,â€? said director Vincente Minnelli. Shields’ reluctant ex-employees include Lana Turner as a female star based on Diana Barrymore (the voice of her Shakespearean father is an uncredited Louis Calhern), Walter Pidgeon and Dick Powell as a writer married to a high-own Southern lady (Gloria Grahame, who steals the show). BILLED WITH Sunset Blvd. Billy Wilder’s amboyant, cruelly funny and creepy satire of Hollywood oddity in the form of Norma Desmond (Gloria Swanson), a discarded piece of old movie bric-a-brac. Seeking one last close-up, Desmond wraps herself around a screenwriter (William Holden) who underestimates the aging star’s hunger. Desmond’s mansion and swimming pool

were also used as locations for Rebel Without a Cause; Norma’s movie clips are from Erich von Stroheim’s butchered ďŹ lm Queen Kelly (Plays Nov 4-5 in Palo Alto at the Stanford Theatre.) (RvB) Breakfast at Tiffany’s/Charade (1961/1963) Sort of a double bill of Henry Mancini, isn’t it? Blake Edwards and Stanley Donen got the best out of the master ďŹ lm composer. The song “Moon Riverâ€? sums up Breakfast at Tiffany’s, a ďŹ lm about an outpost of scroungers in Manhattan during the Kennedy era, when (wrote John Cheever) there was a Benny Goodman quartet playing on the radio of every stationery store and the city was ďŹ lled with river light. Audrey Hepburn plays Holly Golightly, your jet-age courtesan, elďŹ n enough to eclipse the more troubling memories of the ďŹ lm: Mickey Rooney done up as Japanese and George Peppard, bland as mayonnaise itself. BILLED WITH Charade, featuring a great theme song

for a spun-sugar ďŹ lm. Hepburn, a recent widow, ďŹ nds herself besieged by homicidal creeps in search of a certain mystery. A rich entertainment with deluxe European locations and the constant surprise of seeing Cary Grant making the pairing of a 30ish girl and a 60ish man look like grace instead of, like, gross. Walter Matthau, James Coburn and George Kennedy co-star. (Plays Nov 6-7 in Palo Alto at the Stanford Theatre.) (RvB) The Ghost and Mrs. Muir/Topper (1947/1937) One of the best and smartest Hollywood romances—tangy in a way that few of them are. A Victorian lady novelist (Gene Tierney) rents haunted Gull Cottage by the sea, only to ďŹ nd it visited by the dashing and irascible ghost of a sea captain (Rex Harrison). As he dictates his memoirs to the widow, he falls in love, but she’s lured by all-too fallible esh and blood in the form of one of George Sanders’ most dreadful men, “a perfumed parlor snakeâ€? who writes bestselling children’s books. (“Lord knows, I loathe the little brutes.â€?) Bernard Herrmann’s score augments the rapture. BILLED WITH Topper. Meek little banker Cosmo Topper (Roland Young) is haunted by the spirits of his dead playboy friends, the Kirbys (Cary Grant and Constance Bennett). “That the living dead are always facetious may be shocking to sensibilities,â€? Variety warned at the time, but to no avail; the ďŹ lm was a hit, spawning two sequels and a pretty good TV show. (Plays Nov 8-9 in Palo Alto at the Stanford Theatre.)

Reviews Amelia (PG; 111 min.) If there ever was a ďŹ gure who deserved a postmodern bio, it’s Amelia Earhart, since she left so many questions behind. Mira Nair’s Amelia spins the time frame around, but it’s done in the standard fashion: incidents of her ďŹ nal world-circling ight are intercut with scenes from the beginning of the aviator’s career. Amelia is very much the canned biopic that exists solely because a celebrated actress is playing on a physical resemblance. Hilary Swank does look like Earhart, grinning large, with freckles and bleached hair. But repeat offender Ron Bass’ prolix script keeps underlining every relationship with a yellow felt pen. The ďŹ lm is a little more frank about Earhart’s life than previous versions of the story. It teases us with the possibilities of her sexuality. “You’re the only woman I know who points out other beautiful women,â€? notes her husband, George F. Putnam, played by the still seriously undermojoed Richard Gere; and this ďŹ lm tells of an affair with the Washington socialite and West Point instructor Eugene Vidal (Ewan McGregor). The staging of the ďŹ nale over the PaciďŹ c is dramatic enough. Still, if it weren’t for the ending, Amelia would be the in-ight movie par-excellence: the kind of movie that seems to be made for the purpose of watching itself. (RvB) Astro Boy (PG; 94 min.) This smart, fast CGI cartoon is faithful to Osamu Tezuka’s endearing star of manga and anime. In the future, the art deco Metro City oats in the sky like Jonathan Swift’s Laputa. Its dictatorial president (Donald Sutherland does the voice) is trying to arrange a war to ensure his victory in the upcoming election. During a demonstration of a new form of atomic power, the son of the city’s greatest scientist (Nicolas Cage) is vaporized. The scientist tries to reincarnate the boy in powerful robot form. Like Dr. Frankenstein, he rejects the creature that results. Stranded in an underworld of the poor and discarded, Astro (Freddie Highmore) learns how the other half lives before returning to the city of his birth to defeat the power-mad leader. The ďŹ lm’s anti-militarism is robust. Astro Boy all but name-checks Obama when the evil dictator uses as his election slogan “It’s Not Time for a Change.â€? (RvB)

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Last-Minute Justice Documentary ‘$100 a Day’ exposes a flaw in the system

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ALK ABOUT double jeopardy. In 1991, Rick Walker, an independent auto mechanic living in East Palo Alto, was wrongfully convicted of murder, mostly on the basis of questionable testimony. Years later, the witness confessed, and Walker was exonerated. Having spent 12 years in San Quentin, Pelican Bay and other hard-core prisons, Walker was punished again by a quirk in the law. While the average prisoner is given some money and assistance upon release, an exonerated prisoner must wait for special legislative appropriation bills to receive the paltry $100 a day for each day of wrongful imprisonment mandated by California statute. The documentary $100 a Day charts the efforts made by then–state Assemblyman Joe Simitian (now a state senator) to persuade his legislative colleagues to fund recompense for Walker. The 2003 budget hearings, however, were mired in a game of partisan chicken, with the Republicans refusing to vote on any bills requiring a two-thirds majority to pass. Down to the last moments of the session, Simitian made a heartfelt plea for the Assembly to put aside its differences to help one aggrieved man. The 30-minute-plus documentary by Santa Cruz–based filmmakers Gwen Essegian (who worked for Simitian after his election to the state Senate) and Mark Ligon, includes interviews with Walker; Alison Tucher, the Stanford law student and lawyer who worked tirelessly on his case; Sacramento Bee reporter Jim Sanders, who covered the story; and even former Santa Clara County DA George Kennedy, who remarks soberly upon a case gone very wrong (Walker eventually won a judgment against Santa Clara County). But the meat of the film comes in the footage of the legislative session, as politics threaten to override simple justice. Simitian shows an admirable streak of perseverance in the face of considerable odds, and the final roll-call vote is a real nail-biter. Michael S. Gant $100 A DAY, a documentary by Gwen Essegian and Mark Ligon, airs Thursday (Nov. 5) at 6:30pm on KTEH (Channel 10 or 54).

Capitalism: A Love Story (R; 127 min.) Michael Moore’s broad but apt documentary has both his strong points (his expert and hilarious use of montage) and his weak points: his tendency to address us as through a bullhorn and his use of the time-honored “Michigan Defense,” as seen in Anatomy of a Murder: “Your honor, I’m just a humble country journalist, doing the best I can against this brilliant system.” The film is a Mondo Financo with episodes about the arcane and vicious qualities of a rogue system: the nigh-destruction of his hometown through Wall Street scheming; the Gogol-like “Dead Peasant Insurance” story; and the overworking of commercial pilots and the resulting body counts. The movie doesn’t stint working-class success stories, including a tour of the co-op-run Petaluma’s Alvarado Street Bakery. This call for democratic socialism sounds loud, clear and not at all shrill after 30 bruising years of privatization, layoffs and shameless corporate thievery. Hugely entertaining, Capitalism: A Love Story will get people in touch with an anger they didn’t know they possessed—and a hope they didn’t dare let themselves feel. (RvB) Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant (PG-13; 108 min.) Paul Weitz (About a Boy, American Dreamz) directs the adaptation of the young adult series about a vampire (John C. Reilly) moonlighting as a sideshow performer; Chris Massoglia stars as the teenage chronicler Darren Shan. Coco Before Chanel (PG-13; 110 min.) Audrey Tautou plays the designer as modernist in the years before World War I—a woman who assumed male privilege by assuming the simplicity and directness of their clothes. After a stint as a saloon singer, Coco calculates her way into bed with a wealthy roué named Etienne Balsan (Benoit Poelvoorde). Director Anne Fontaine reminds us that this is a movie from the country that gave us Rules of the Game. What could have been a dull bird-in-thegilded-cage story turns urbane, with the everchanging flow of power between the slightly wizened but sporty decadent. When Balsan realizes that another man has stolen Coco, he only murmurs, “I’m smiling, because I’m the one who let the fox into the hen house.” The fox in question: a British businessman nicknamed “Boy” (Alessandro Nivola). The end titles call the house of Chanel an empire, but Tautou—last seen, cigarette on lip, in a cage of mirrors, surrounded by models wearing her gowns—makes it look like mostly hard work. (RvB) Couples Retreat (PG-13; 107 min.) Vince Vaughn stars as one of a quartet of couples who get the group rate to a Bora Bora–like resort; when they arrive, the men are chagrined to learn it’s a marital encounter session. Co-stars Jon Favreau, Kristin Davis, Kristen Bell and Malin “Kirsten” Akerman. Peter Billingsley directs. An Education (PG-13; 95 min.) Lone Scherfig’s British coming-of-age film ends with a marathon session of tea brewing, but it has its good points. The look is cool—1960ish England may be more interesting than the full-blown and overexposed later ’60s. Twickenhamraised Jenny (Carey Mulligan) is studying for Oxford when she gets picked up by David (Peter Sarsgaard), a slightly older rotter; his slightly cruel eyes and flat smile forecast trouble to come. Until then, Jenny gets to see London highlife and nightclubs, and voyages to Paris. Smelling class, and wanting to make their hard-working daughter happy, Jenny’s parents (Cara Seymour, Alfred Molina) relax the leash. And that’s when the young girl learns how David makes his money without working days. No one in the movie apparently saw one of those melodramas about the wealthy seducer who steals a poor but honest girl; letting that matter aside, Mulligan is charming, the meet-cute is deft and Olivia Williams bears all the movie’s spine as a deliberately drabbed-down English

teacher. Nick Hornby’s screenplay, from Lynn Barber’s memoir, might have meant he had input on the film’s excellent pre–Swinging London soundtrack. Singer Beth Rowley steals the show as the breathy canary at one nightspot. (RvB) Good Hair (PG-13; 95 min.) A genuine work of investigative journalism. And it’s a risky story, too, all about the time and treasure that people of color spend in search of “good hair”: lank hair that behaves like white people’s tresses. Rock shows the political side of the fashion: “Hair relaxers relax white people.” But Rock doesn’t harangue, either. He is, needless to say, funny as hell, even when dealing with the prickly subject of how much beauty products cost. It’s staggering. A weave can cost $1,000 or more, and it won’t last for more than a few months. Rock gives all due respect to the importance of the beauty salon and the barbershop as small businesses that are centers for the black community. But Rock also wonders about the caustic chemicals that, if trends continue, will one day be sizzling the scalps of his own two daughters. Good Hair nears 60 Minutes status when Rock explores the hair market in India: a profit maker for a huge temple where the poor get their heads shaved to pay off promises they made to God. (RvB) Law Abiding Citizen (R; 108 min.) An unstoppable killer (Gerard Butler) terrorizes Philadelphia. Only prosecutor Jamie Foxx can stop him. Michael Jackson’s This Is It (PG; 112 min.) A last look at the late icon. More Than a Game (PG; 105 min.) A film about LeBron James and the Fab Five of his high school basketball team in Akron, Ohio. Paranormal Activity (R; 99 min.) This is being touted as “the next Blair Witch Project”—meaning, essentially, horror’s new runaway phenomenon—but there are very important differences that should help it avoid the dreaded Blair backlash. There are similarities, sure. Writerdirector Oren Peli made this for $15,000, and the plot is about what you can expect anybody to get out of $15,000. It has a young couple, played by Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat using their real names (in what seems like an homage to Blair Witch), believing something unusual and disturbing is going on in their house. Micah buys a handheld camera to try to capture it on film, recording day and night. This leads to the movie’s biggest flaw, also a weakness in Blair Witch, Cloverfield and almost any other movie that uses this device, what I call Why Am I Picking Up the Camera Right Now Syndrome. It pulls me out of the movie when I have to think about, “Wait, would someone really go pick up the camera and film this if that was happening?” However, it also leads to lots of genuinely creepy footage, and a lot of powerful shocks. Peli’s excellent sense of timing makes this the scariest movie anyone will see this year. The biggest difference is that unlike Blair Witch, Paranormal Activity delivers on its name, with extreme prejudice. (SP) Paris (R; 130 min.) Director/writer Cédric Klapisch’s intriguing if lightweight tagteam film. He takes to the heights of the city—Montmartre, the helipad at the Tour Montparnasse, the Eiffel Tower and, most important, the top floor of a Haussmann-era building directly above Gambetta Metro. There, a former chorus dancer at the Moulin Rouge, Pierre (Romain Duris), is mortally ill with a heart condition. Pierre’s sister, Elise (Juliette Binoche), a social worker, moves in to nurse Pierre, bringing her brood of fatherless children. The film is like a pile of jackstraws, rather than a solid structure; the loosest ends are the subplots in Cameroon and North Africa, where new immigrants are trying to get to where the euros are. Karin Viard is hilarious as a racist bakery owner; the ace comic actor Fabrice Luchini plays a history professor, undone by modern temptations. (RvB)

Saw VI (R; 90 min.) Another round of heartwarming outreach among friendly strangers. A Serious Man (R; 105 min.) All the themes in the Coen brothers’ previous films blend harmoniously in this terrific tale of comedic woe and horror. Minneapolis, 1967: a meek professor Larry Gopnik (stage actor Michael Stuhlbarg, looking like a dispirited Harold Lloyd) teaches physics at a small college. Gopnik is tantalized with the possibility of tenure, betrayed by his wife with their neighbor Sy Ableman, a clammy, polyester-clad swine (Fred Melamed, brilliant). Gopnik’s son Danny (Aaron Wolff) has a cowlike indifference to his father’s plight. And Larry must take charge of his unemployable brother Arthur (Richard Kind), an obese holy fool. The postmodern moments give A Serious Man a vaudeville kick: a prologue about the appearance of a demon in the old-time Jewish ghetto is staged like a lost episode of Mario Bava’s Black Sunday. In another of this film’s parables, a Hebrew message is carved by God into the teeth of a gentile to teach—what? some indecipherable lesson, like the physics equations on Larry’s chalkboard, like the Hebrew letters Danny is too dumb to learn. Photographer Roger Eakins and composer Carter Burwell do outstanding work making these episodes coalesce into a fever dream of persecution and encroachment. (RvB) The Stepfather (PG-13) A remake of a family thriller about a really, really bad stepfather. Stars Dylan Walsh, Sela Ward and Penn Badgley. Where the Wild Things Are (PG; 101 min.) The beast suits—part costumes, part CGI—are accurate versions of the Sendak illustrations. Max Records seems just right as Max, the little boy whose father is out of the picture, who flees to a monster island. The feature film gives children due respect for their towering moods. But children’s moods change, and this film’s mood doesn’t. It’s essentially gloomy, like a collection of Peanuts strips clipped of their punch lines. The film is staged in an Australian forest, the domain of seven or eight depressed creatures (Lauren Ambrose, James Gandolfini and Catherine O’Hara, among others). They’re cautious and fretful; they form cliques and snipe at each other. The rumpusing beastliness always ends with some injury, as per Mom’s warning about how it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Scriptwriter Dave Eggers’ work is typically formless, cute and drifty. There’s no artistic force behind this movie, only whims and anxieties. A parting word from the beasts, “When you go home, will you say good things about us?,” seems addressed to a baffled audience. It’ll be a cult item for agingchildren hipster types, the ones who would wear their terrycloth wolf-suits to work if they could. (RvB) Zombieland (R; 81 min.) Under a plague of the living dead, the United States is in ruins, and the nervous college-age hero (Jesse Eisenberg) calls the dreadful landscape Zombieland. He joins three reluctant companions: a Twinkies-loving cowboy called Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a fast female loner named Wichita (Emma Stone) and her little sis, Little Rock (Abigail Breslin). They head to a place where they think the light at the end of the tunnel still shines: Disneyland, renamed “Pacific Playland.” There’s merit to the idea of a turkey-shoot zombie-killing finale amid colored lights and spinning rides, but the film doesn’t get more imaginative than anything seen in the previews. Under Ruben Fleischer’s barebones direction, Zombieland is slathered with narration. Harrelson is a fierce-looking party, but he doesn’t get Western-lyrical enough. (RvB)

METROGUIDE

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M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 MUSIC

[57]

Fahrenheit Ultra Lounge_62 John Cleese_64 Cash’d Out_67

An Artist Misplaced Why the local scene needs the return of Angie Thurman By Garrett Wheeler

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HERE COMES a point in every artist’s life when he or she simply hits a wall. Picasso’s hiatus following World War II, John Lennon’s “Lost Weekend” from 1973 to 1975 and Hemingway’s 10-year literary absence after writing For Whom the Bell Tolls are all examples of an artist’s need for a temporary departure from the creative realm. For San Jose songwriter Angie Thurman, that time is now. “At some point, I just kind of lost my motivation,” says Thurman, who performs under the moniker Stars Misplaced. “What happened was my drummer had twins, and then my bassist joined the Mumlers, so they both had their hands full,” she says. “I took it as an opportunity to play by myself, which was something I’ve always kind of wanted to do.”

But after playing a number of solo gigs, Thurman says she eventually lost her desire to continue: “I found myself asking, What’s the point?” The point is that her songs are beautifully delicate, wistful and intensely intimate. There’s a quality of tragedy implicit in the music of Stars Misplaced, like on the ironic and dreamy “Horrible Song.” On “Prophets and Kings,” Thurman reveals a more vivacious side, employing a lively drum beat to coalesce a straight-ahead post-punk melody. Thurman’s influences run the gamut of popular music, “except for house and techno.” She remembers learning to play guitar in seventh grade, strumming the chords to Bob Dylan tunes and the “pretty” Pink Floyd songs. In the mid-’90s, Thurman joined the punk band American Waste, where she channeled her

love for the Ramones, the Cure and Souixsie and the Banshees into loud-fast rock & roll. But after a few years, Thurman decided to strike out on her own path. “I wanted to do some guitar pickin’ of my own, and after playing loud distortion music for a while, I felt it in me to do something different,” she says. Though the future of Stars Misplaced sometimes seems shaky, Thurman’s love for music is obvious, as is her talent. Sometimes she questions her own motivations (“What am I doing this for? A hobby? A career?”), but like all passionate artists, the desire to embark on a creative journey always lurks. “I really want to go through the process [of playing in a band] again,” she says. “I miss having a band, but it takes time to find people to play with.” Asked if she

has considered posting a classified ad for band mates, on Craigslist or otherwise, Thurman says she hasn’t. “I’ve had friends who have found people that way, but I don’t really have the confidence—it’s a little intimidating.” Listening to Thurman’s recordings, it’s easy to see how her vulnerability as an artist is channeled into her music. After all, her doubts are nothing abnormal—in fact, in a way she speaks for all of us closet musicians who view the prospect of climbing into the spotlight daunting. But her presence on the local scene is much missed. When will she next return to the stage? “I’m not sure. There are so many things to do—read, watch TV,” Thurman says, her voice creased with shy sarcasm. Then, more seriously: “Sometimes people ask me to play, and if I feel like it, I do.” M

[58]

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

Wheels & Rims!

Tattoos!

gallery

M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 GALLERY

metroactive.com/club-gallery

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FIREHOUSE NO. 1 dbmmfe!pvu!up!uif!

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[59]

VOODOO LOUNGE!!Tqfdjbm!hvftu!Npt!Efg!qfsgpsnfe!Uvftebz/

[60] MUSIC

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

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Diabolic also Poison Pen Swave Sevah, BRWN BFLO

$15 Adv./ $19 Drs. • Drs. 7 p.m., Show 8 p.m. Friday, November 6 • AGES 16+

MICKEY AVALON Machete Fight plus also Kesha

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Beardo

$25 Adv./ $29 Drs. Drs. 8 p.m., Show 9 p.m. Saturday, Nov. 7 • AGES 16+

Dropkick Murphys

plus The Flatliners also The Insurgence and I Want Out

$22 Adv./ $25 Drs. • Drs. 7 p.m., Show 8 p.m. Sunday, November 8 • AGES 16+ Another Planet Entertainment presents

VAMPIRE WEEKEND plus Pocahaunted $20 in advance • Drs. 7 p.m., Show 8 p.m.

Nov 12 Julian & Stephen Marley (AGES 16+) Nov 13 Eek A Mouse (AGES 16+) Nov 14 Suicidal Tendencies (AGES 16+) Nov 15 Finch/Blessthefall (AGES 16+) Nov 17 Snoop Dogg (AGES 16+) Nov 22 The Disco Biscuits (AGES 16+) Nov 29 Toots & the Maytals (AGES 16+) Dec 6 All That Remains (AGES 16+) Dec 9 ice Cube (AGES 16+) Unless otherwise noted, all shows are dance shows with limited seating. Tickets subject to city tax & service charge by phone 866-384-3060 & online

www.catalystclub.com

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Wednesday, Nov. 4 • AGES 16+

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1011 PACIFIC AVE. SANTA CRUZ 831-423-1336

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M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009

[61]

[62] MUSIC

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

CLUB SCENE

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M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009

[63]

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[64] MUSIC

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

Nvtjd mjtujoht

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JOHN CLEESE AWAITS !Xjui!obtuz-!cjh-!qpjouz!uffui/

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M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009

[65]

[66] MUSIC

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

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M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 MUSIC

Gdh^Z BX8VccÉh

CONCERT FILE

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DEAD RINGERS OF FIRE!!DbtiĂ–e!Pvu!gfmm!joup!

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Cash’d Out :AK>H ^beZghdcVidgh VgZ V Y^bZ V YdoZc# 7ji hdbZdcZ eVn^c\ ig^WjiZ id i]Z BVc ^c 7aVX`! lZaa! i]ViÉh V l]daZ Y^[[ZgZci WVaa\VbZ# 8Vh]ÉY Dji YdZh Vc ZmXZei^dcVa _dW d[ Wg^c\^c\ i]Z jcb^hiV`VWaZ hdjcY d[ ?d]ccn 8Vh] id i]Z hiV\Z# ;^ghi VcY [dgZbdhi! YdZh 9dj\aVh 7Zchdc hdjcY a^`Z ?#8#4 NZV]! ]Z gZVaan YdZh# =Z ZkZc add`h a^`Z ]^b! idd# HZXdcY! Yd i]Zn gZheZXi i]Z bjh^X4 D[ XdjghZ i]Zn Yd! VcY i]Zn YdcÉi ijgc ^cid hdbZ Xgjbbn AVh KZ\Vh VXi ndjÉY hZZ Vi )Vb l]^aZ heZcY^c\ ndjg aVhi YdaaVg dc @Zccn Gd\ZghÉ hadi bVX]^cZ ^c V Y^kZ XVh^cd# Cdi i]Vi >ÉY `cdl Vcni]^c\ VWdji i]Vi# Hi^aa cZZY Vcdi]Zg gZVhdc4 I]Zn ZkZc ]VkZ V \jn i]Vi add`h a^`Z Aji]Zg EZg`^ch# Cdl i]ViÉh Xdbb^ibZci id V W^i# Beau Dowling

CASH’D OUT plays Friday, Nov. 6, at 9pm at the Blank Club, 44 S. Almaden Ave., San Jose; cover is $12. (408.29BLANK)

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[67]

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NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

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[69]

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enticement enough; he isn’t telling her “I know an evening with me isn’t that great an offer, but maybe if I throw in free spa services?” Chances are, you also take rejection personally instead of thinking maybe the woman has a boyfriend or a girlfriend or maybe you aren’t her type—all of which should lead you to the same simple, unemotional conclusion: Whoops, time to move on to the next. No, no, you couldn’t possibly take that approach. Poor dear, you’ve “always been very shy and reluctant to make the first move.” Well, for sure don’t do anything to try to change that. Continue taking the mousy way out, admiring your favorite pool bunny from afar, and praying she’ll be man enough to throw herself at you. Instead of getting her on the phone and asking her out, continue to duck rejection—or at least knowing whether you’ve been rejected—by text messaging her. It should help you while away the weekends, trying to solve the mystery of whether she has texting disabled, whether her phone fell in the toilet, or whether she did get your message—the intended or the unintended one: “There are alpha males, and then there’s me—alpha moss.”

6 [g^ZcY VcY > \di hjX`ZY ^cid i]Z gZXZci hV\V WZilZZc Vji]dg HVabVc Gjh]Y^Z VcY ]^h Zm"\^ga[g^ZcY# H]Z idaY V 7g^i^h] eVeZg ]Z YjbeZY ]Zg Wn ZbV^a VcY ^h hi^aa hZg^djhan ]jc\ je dc ]^h Zm"l^[Z# =Z gZiVa^ViZY Wn iZaa^c\ i]Z CZl Ndg` Edhi i]Z Zm"\^ga[g^ZcYÉh ÈWgd`Z! jcZbeadnZY!É ÈVc VXXdbea^h]ZY a^VgÉ VcY ValVnh XVggn^c\ VgdjcY ÈV aVg\Z! gVY^dVXi^kZ WjX`Zi d[ higZhh#É LZÉgZ YZWVi^c\ l]Vi id Yd l]Zc Vc Zm! [Vbdjh dg cdi! ejWa^Xan Yjbeh dc ndj# Ndjg i]dj\]ih4 ÅIld 8jg^djh Rushdie, who still has a fatwa on him for insulting Islam with The Satanic Verses, has now made such a public jackass of himself that he’s probably sending the jihadists MapQuest directions to his apartment. Of course, his first offense was dumping his girlfriend by email. Not only is that rude, but any man with three morsels of sense knows better than to do it to a woman he believes is carrying around “a large,

radioactive bucket of stress.” When publicly attacked, the temptation is to leap up and offer corrections and finish with a little turn of the knife. It’s a temptation to be avoided. Famous or not, the high road is always the wisest direction: “I’m sorry she feels that way. It just didn’t work out between us, and I wish her the best.” (Translation: “Hey, crazy women are good in bed. Guess I succumbed. Won’t happen again.”)

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A guy who’s “never thought of a massage as having sexual connotations” is a guy who thinks it’s an act of rudeness to be male. No, none of that sexually aggressive “Me Tarzan, you Jane” stuff for you: “Um, if it’s not a big deal . . . and if it is, I totally understand . . . but maybe we could spend a respectful, gender-neutral afternoon exploring the Tarzan archetype, then use this coupon I have for a two-for-one cucumber facial.” Of course, offering a woman a massage is, like, the oldest college boy sex gambit in the book: “If you’d just take your shirt off, I could really get at that knot.” The thing is, if the woman isn’t already sleeping with you, she’s going to find the massage offer creepy—unless it comes as a spontaneous (or seemingly spontaneous) idea in the context of hanging out. Women do expect dating to lead to getting it on: two people engaging in some naturally occurring, mutually satisfying makeout-type stuff— not “Hey, why don’t you come over and lie there face down while I tenderize you like a roast?” A woman doesn’t want a “stress-reliever”; she wants a date—with a man who’s man enough to say “Hey, let’s go out.” This simple approach suggests he feels he’s

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[72]

CLASSIFIEDS NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

metro CLASSIFIEDS

CLASSIFIED INDEX 70 72 72 72

PLACING AN AD 73 74 74 75

Single Services Employment Family Services Music

Legal & Public Notices Automotive Home Improvement Real Estate

Call the Classified Department at 408.298.8000 Monday through Friday, 8.30am to 5.30pm.

√

Fax your ad to the Classified Department at 408.271.3520.

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.

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Managers & Trainees Wanted (No Layoffs Here) Need 6 people F/T and 10 people P/T to help me with my business. Full training- Start Now. Call Jerry. 408/750-7250

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Engineer OOCL (USA) Inc. has employment opportunities in San Jose, CA for the position of Software Engineer (SWE2): Develop high quality, multitiered, distributed applications based on design specifications, established standards/ guidelines, business, functional, technical and project requirements. Send your resume (must reference job title and job code) to OOCL (USA) Inc., Attn: HR Coordinator, 2700 Zanker Road, Suite 200, San Jose, CA 95134.

Pass It On Let them know you saw it in the Metro Classifieds!

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FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #530349 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: Lavo Realty, 6120 Hellyer Ave., Suite 100, San Jose, CA, 95138. This business is conducted by a Corporation. The state of Corporation:

FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #529846 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: Bio Logic Technologies, 581

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FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #529378 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: Shoe Candy, 50 North Santa Cruz, Los Gatos, CA, 95030, Lucille Mendes, 1062 Drexel Wy., San Jose, CA, 95121. This business is conducted by a individual. Registrant has not yet begun transacting business under the fictitious business name or names listed herein. /s/Lucille Mendes This statement was filed with the County Clerk of Santa Clara County on 9/28/2009. (pub Metro 10/28, 11/04, 11/11, 11/18/2009)

FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #528853

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[73]

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6g^Zh (March 21–April 19): There was a time when Hermitage Dr., San Jose, CA, 95134, Robert K. Edberg, 3567 Benton St., #352, Santa Clara, CA, 95051. This business is conducted by a individual. Registrant has not yet begun transacting business under the fictitious business name or names listed herein on. Refile of previous file #407611 with changes /s/Robert R. Edberg This statement was filed with the County Clerk of Santa Clara County on 10/09/2009. (pub Metro 10/21, 10/28, 11/04, 11/11/2009)

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NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009

The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: DNA Paternity Testing. This business is conducted by a individual. Registrant has not yet begun transacting business under the fictitious business name or names listed herein on. /s/Paolo Bello This statement was filed with the County Clerk of Santa Clara County on 9/11/09. (pub Metro 10/07, 10/14, 10/21, 10/28/2009)

wetlands were considered dismal and unproductive. At best they were thought to be a waste of space, and at worst stinky breeding grounds for insect pests. For over 200 years, many marshes, bogs and swamps were filled with dirt and transformed into places suitable for farms, houses and recreational areas. But all that has changed in the last 30 years. Science has rehabilitated the reputation of wetlands, showing how crucial they are. They clean toxins from water, help control floods and soil erosion, and are home to more biological diversity than any other ecosystem. The coming weeks would be an excellent time for you to make a comparable conversion, Aries. Something you once demeaned or underestimated could become an inspirational catalyst.

graceful dragonfly lives for just a few months. But a sequoia tree’s time on earth can last 2,000 years. In the same way, some bonds, some creations, some worlds, endure for a mere blink in eternity, while others are destined to outfox the ravages of time. What will be the lifespan of the dream you recently hatched, Libra? It is time to decide and take action.”

HXdge^d (Oct. 23–Nov. 21): Your anti-role model— the person you should be the opposite of—is the Scorpio warrior, U.S. General George Patton, also known as “Old Blood and Guts.” He once said, “Practically everyone but myself is a pusillanimous son of a bitch.” That’s an attitude you should especially avoid in the coming weeks, since your success will depend on you seeing the best in people—even if they sometimes don’t seem to warrant it. P.S. It may be OK to think of yourself as “Old Blood and Guts” if and only if you dedicate your ferocity to the service of smart love and ingenious collaboration.

IVjgjh (April 20–May 20): In the coming week, you will have the potential to articulate what has never been spoken before and to name truths that everyone has been avoiding. Uncoincidentally, you may also be able to hear what you’ve never been able to hear up until now and tune in to truths you’ve been oblivious to. As you might imagine, Taurus, you must fully activate both of these capacities in order for either to function at its best.

HV\^iiVg^jh (Nov. 22–Dec. 21): Congratulations,

<Zb^c^ (May 21–June 20): Nature’s rhythm is cyclical. Everything alive waxes and wanes. If you’re smart, you honor that flow by periodically letting parts of your world wither or go to sleep. If you’re not so smart, you set yourself up for needless pain by indulging in the delusion that you can enjoy uninterrupted growth. According to my reading of the astrological omens, Gemini, this is your time to explore the creative possibilities of ebbing and slackening. Ask yourself the following question, which I’ve borrowed from the Jungian author Clarissa Pinkola Estes: “What must I allow to die today in order to generate more life tomorrow?”

8Veg^Xdgc (Dec. 22–Jan. 19): When Dante was

8VcXZg ( June 21–July 22): Pregnant women sometimes have unusual cravings. From the fourth to sixth month of her daughter’s gestation period, for example, my friend Marta was on occasion beset by the longing to eat toothpaste. I’ve known other women who fantasized about nibbling on mud, coffee grounds and chalk. Fortunately, they all resisted the urge, which is what health practitioners recommend. Instead they tried to figure out if their bodies were trying to tell them about some legitimate deficiency of vitamins or minerals. I offer this to you as a metaphor to keep in mind. As your own special creation ripens, you may experience odd desires. Don’t necessarily take them at face value. AZd ( July 23–Aug. 22): It might be tempting to

turn your home into a womblike sanctuary and explore the mysteries of doing absolutely nothing while clad in your pajamas. And frankly, this might be a good idea. After the risks you’ve taken to reach out to the other side, after the bridges you’ve built in the midst of the storms, after the skirmishes you’ve fought in the Gossip Wars, you have every right to retreat and get your homebody persona humming at a higher vibration. So I say: Be meticulously leisurely as you celebrate the deep pleasures of self-care.

K^g\d (Aug. 23–Sept. 22): “Hey Rob: I was having trouble finishing my novel—typical writer’s block. So I sidetracked myself into making silly creative projects—papier-mâché chickens, masks made out of junk mail, collages incorporating bottle caps and dryer lint. I can’t say any of it is ‘art,’ but I feel creative again and my house is full of colorful stuff I whipped up myself. If you wait to be perfect, I concluded, you’ll never make anything. I tried something I knew I’d be bad at, so failure didn’t matter. Now I’m branching out with my inadequacy—not waiting for Mr. Perfect but having a beer with Joe Flawed, forgetting to be right all the time, admitting that I haven’t a clue. I’ve become smilingly, brilliantly dumb.” —Inappropriate Virgo Dear Inappropriate: Congrats! You’re doing exactly what I want to advise all Virgos everywhere to try. A^WgV (Sept. 23–Oct. 22): At a yard sale today, I paid a dollar for a stained, pocket-sized horoscope book with many of its pages missing. The reason I made such an odd investment is that it had a forecast for Libra for the first part of November 2009, and this forecast struck me as even more useful than the horoscope I had composed for you. As a public service, I’m providing it here. “The

Sagittarius! Free Will Astrology’s Task Force on Creative Suffering has confirmed that your current dilemmas are exceptionally interesting and useful. You have demonstrated an impressive talent for getting embroiled in riddles that promise to bring out your dormant reserves of vitality and ingenuity. The dumfounding questions you’ve been wrestling with are high-caliber tests that have drawn you closer to the heart of the reasons you’re here on Earth. Take full advantage of this beautiful mess, my dear. Chaos this fertile is hard to come by. 9 years old, long before he became one of Italy’s supreme poets, he fell in love with Beatrice, an 8-year-old girl he met at a May Day party. They never had a close relationship. In the years after their initial encounter, they met infrequently, and both eventually married other people. But Beatrice played a crucial role throughout Dante’s life, although she died at the age of 24. She was not just his muse, but also his “beatitude, the destroyer of all vices and the queen of virtue, salvation.” Dante even wrote her into his Divine Comedy in the role of a guide. Is there any person or influence in your life equivalent to Beatrice? Any once-upon-atime blessing that might be ready to give you the fullness of the gifts it has been waiting all this time to deliver?

6fjVg^jh ( Jan. 20–Feb. 18): I would love it if you

could find a sword that could cut itself. Or a fire that could burn itself. Or some water you could wash. But even if you can conjure the magic to attract an experience that simply resembles one of those marvelous paradoxes, it would set in motion a series of epiphanies that would liberate you from an inferior paradox—a confusing absurdity that is not worthy of you and that has been draining your life force.

E^hXZh (Feb. 19–March 20): The planets are

aligned in such a way that suggests you may be able to experience an orgasm solely by meditating. This rare cosmic alignment also means that it’s conceivable you could generate money or attract new resources by following your holy bliss, or that you might stumble upon the tricky treasure you’ve been looking for in all the wrong places. But I can’t say for sure that you will actually be able to capitalize on any of these remarkable opportunities. It will depend on whether you can more fully express one of the skills that is your birthright as a Pisces: being wild and disciplined at the same time.

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[74]

STRAIGHT DOPE NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 M E T R O S I L I C O N VA L L E Y

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No question there’s an element of denial here. Since you’re not looking at yourself most of the time, it’s easy to maintain a self-image reflecting the svelte physique you had 10 years ago, as opposed to the corpulent wreck you’ve become. But that’s not the whole story. For reasons having to do with optics and the way your brain works, the camera can in fact make you look heavier than you are. The main difference between a camera’s view of the world and yours is that the camera has a single “eye” whereas you have two. That subtly changes the way things look. Here’s an experiment. Pose a round object in front of a varied background—a coffee cup in front of the computer monitor worked well enough for me. From a distance of two or three feet, look at the object alternately with both eyes, then one. You’ll notice that, seen with one eye, the object looms larger in your field of vision, and obscures more of what’s behind it. It seems bigger and bulgier. In other words, it looks fat. To find out why, look at the object first with your right eye, then your left. Notice the familiar shift in perspective known as parallax—background features hidden from one eye can be seen by the other. When you look at the object with both eyes, the brain blends the two views together. You see more of what’s behind the object, making it seem smaller. Result: binocular vision is slimming, monocular the opposite. There are ways to compensate for the fattening effect of the camera. One is to use a telephoto lens when shooting portraits. Step back from the subject and zoom in—parallax, and thus the addition of pounds, diminishes with distance. (I knew a photographer who swore by the rule “Never use a lens whose focal length, in millimeters, is less than the weight of the woman.” Sexist thought? No doubt. Just saying it’s a guideline you might want to keep in mind.) If you don’t have a telephoto lens but you do have digital photo-editing software, you can still step back when taking portraits and crop out the extra background later on the computer. If you’re on the other side of the camera, here’s some advice: watch out for amateur photographers who feel they need to have the subject fill the frame. They’ll tend to

take portraits from three feet away, making it appear that your face has been painted on a balloon. You say you’ve figured out how to compensate for the 10 pounds added by the camera, but your subject is 20 pounds overweight? Still not a problem. There are other ways to make people look slimmer: • “Short lighting” can make a broad face look thinner. The subject turns one side of his or her face toward the camera and the photographer shines a studio light on the other side. Bright lighting on only half the face tends to elongate it. • Dress your subject in black and put him against a dark background, thereby concealing excessive circumference. • Have the subject turn at an angle to the camera, creating a narrower silhouette. • Let’s not forget those vertical stripes. • Get Mister Chubs to lay off the chimichangas. Not a terribly practical hint on the day of the photo shoot, but in the long run more likely to do him some good.

=dl bjX] cjig^i^dc Yd ndj \Zi [gdb ZVi^c\ Xdgc4 > `cdl i]Z YVn V[iZg > ZVi Xdgc! l]Vi VeeZVg id WZ [jaa `ZgcZah VgZ gZaZVhZY WVX` ^cid i]Z l^aY# 9dZh ZkZgndcZ ]VkZ i]^h XdcY^i^dc4 Å?jhi 7Z^c\ 8dgcn! GZcd It’s not just you, my friend. A lot of us have had occasion to think, as one thinks of certain relationships: corn is just passing through. A corn kernel has a tough outer hull that’s about 90 percent crude fiber and none too digestible. However, the human body’s capabilities include an amazing process that enables us to get the most out of stubborn foods. It’s called chewing. Thus exposed, the inside of the kernel is loaded with nutritionally useful stuff—starch, sugar, protein and oil. Think of the hull as a wrapper around a natural candy bar.

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