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Local gifts you can’t deny you want to buy

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.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..

Performances09 Enrich. Educate. Entertain.

Your Community Non-Profit Arts Center for 28 years

For tickets call 707.546.3600 (noon-6pm Tue-Sat) Online wellsfargocenterarts.org Highway 101 to River Road, Santa Rosa • Connecting our Community through the Arts Wells Fargo Center for the Arts gratefully acknowledges generous support from

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12.09.09-12.15.09

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SONOMA COUNTY’S BUSINESS BANK... then and now

hen it ccomes hen ome es to to your your business, business, wher e you you bank rreally eally does where m atter. A onoma County’s County’s o ldest and and matter.

Ass SSonoma oldest llargest argest ccommunity ommunity b ank, Ex change bank, Exchange Bank has the e xpe erience, service service and experience, stabilit ou need d tto o help yyour our busi stabilityy yyou busi-ness g row. FFind ind o ut the diff ffe erence grow. out difference tha xpertisse can make ffor or o yyou ou thatt local eexpertise – Ex change Bank, Bank, Sonoma Sonoma County’s County’s Exchange business bank sin ce 1890. since V isit any any of our 18 8 convenient convenient local Visit br anches or call 707.524.3000.

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12.09.09-12.15.09

THE BOHEMIAN

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THE BOHEMIAN

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It seems to me to be â&#x20AC;&#x153;blame the hop brokerâ&#x20AC;? time! (â&#x20AC;&#x153;Brewing Storm,â&#x20AC;? Nov. 25). The article has some real f laws in my opinion, and I am a retired hop broker. If you take one variety and its price, which Gail Gosche quotes, and then compare that to a price which Archie Johnson quotes he has bought at, then the market does not to make sense.

But what I read there is only possible if all hop brokers got together and set the market price, and that is illegal! It has not been called â&#x20AC;&#x153;the green goldâ&#x20AC;? for nothing, you know!

When one year hop farmers and hop brokers make some money, then everyone points the finger.

When for years hop farmers made no money and went bankrupt, most brewers did not care a dime!

Please do not forget the latter !

I was glad to see David Sason address the â&#x20AC;&#x153;murder musicâ&#x20AC;? aspect of reggae music (â&#x20AC;&#x153;One Hate, One Fear,â&#x20AC;? Dec. 2). I am a longtime reggae fan, and have been disconcerted over the appearance of overt homophobia in reggae music, especially in dancehall. I thank you for pointing out Buju Bantonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hypocrisy and many attempts to manipulate the media.

However, I found it interesting that no mention was made of the event which most likely sparked your article: the Santa Rosa appearance of Buju Banton at Club Casbar in early October. I also found the extensive quotes from Pato Banton interesting.

Apparently they were intended to show how tolerant some reggae musicians are.

Maybe he has changed, but I saw him at Reggae on the River in 2003. He was doing great, the music rocked, the lyrics were good. I was up there in front of the stage dancing and having a great time. He introduced a song that he said was written the night

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that two of his sons were shot in a drive-by in L.A. (they both survived). It was great, had me close to tears.

By that point, I was putty in his hands. His next song spoke of Jah, and before I knew it I heard him denouncing hypocrites and evil-doers and â&#x20AC;&#x153;sodomites.â&#x20AC;? I stopped dancing, looked at the people around me as though to say, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Did I just hear what I think I heard?â&#x20AC;? but no one else seemed to have heard it or to have been bothered by it. I suddenly felt marked, hunted, endangered. I wandered away from the stage with deep disappointment.

As the article pointed out, reggae music is closely tied to the Rasta religion, which is a form of fundamental Christianity. I am reminded that it was Christian churches that were responsible for the defeat of Proposition 8, and that such hateful sentiments are not confined to reggae music but surround me everyday. Perhaps is it just as Kris Kristofferson says in his song â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jesus Was a Capricornâ&#x20AC;?: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Everybodyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got to have somebody to look down on.â&#x20AC;?

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C74 70??84BC <40; Regarding â&#x20AC;&#x153;Viscera and Voyeurismâ&#x20AC;? (Nov. 18), I think the people going to these butchering parties are working out something dark in all of our consciousness. They are trying to embrace something we all feel bad about to make it more tolerable on some level. But if we are now clamoring to celebrate our collective guilt about reducing sentient beings to a pile of bloody body parts, doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t that suggest an even more basic look at the moral underpinnings of our actions?

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve long felt our relationship with animals represents one of humanityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most supreme challenges. It calls us to embrace a much broader definition of â&#x20AC;&#x153;other,â&#x20AC;? to stand up for our values, even if it means giving up a few treasured tastes and smells.

It also presents us with the opportunity to more fully open our hearts, to expand and grow in love and compassion for each other, to be lighter, healthier, more joyous and generous. Three times a day we can put the brakes on world hunger, environmental destruction and the very same acceptance of violence that also paves the way to war. Three times a day we get a chance to simply do unto others as we would have them do unto us.

In the end, the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;happiest mealâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; is the one that contains no animal products at all.

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12.09.09-12.15.09

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12.09.09-12.15.09

THE BOHEMIAN

news for Sonoma, Marin & Napa Counties

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Official Newspaper of Winterâ&#x20AC;?

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4E4= 103 34B86= 8B 34B86=43 Those hateful clamshell packages and other impossible-to-breach plastic containers have their own patent process.

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Theft-proof plastic packaging isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t just irritating; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bad for your health and the planet

By Jessica Lussenhop

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any viewers found themselves howling in agreement with Larry David during a recent episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

After two minutes of attacking a hermetically sealed plastic package with a butter knife, a screwdriver and a chef â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s knife, heâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and many of usâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;wanted to know: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Why would you manufacture a product you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t open?â&#x20AC;?

Why indeed? And by far the worst part is that the damned things, often called â&#x20AC;&#x153;clamshells,â&#x20AC;? are sharp, and a slip of the hand can result at the very least in the equivalent of a paper cut on steroidsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and at the very

worst a trip to the emergency room.

Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s actually a term for this phenomenon. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s called â&#x20AC;&#x153;wrap rage.â&#x20AC;?

Think about it. Uncle Frank has had a couple of eggnogs by the time Little Sally comes running with her new Bratz doll, all hopped up on sugar and gift-opening adrenaline. She shrieks when her doll is still sealed in the plastic tomb five minutes later, and an agitated and tipsy Uncle Frank goes for the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a recipe for disaster.

Emergency room physician Dr. Greg Whitley agrees. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve definitely seen lacerations from opening clear plastic containers. Most of the injuries involve opening the containers with a knife, and

people cutting themselves with the knife or with the sharp edge of the plastic,â&#x20AC;? he says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;These injuries can involve tendons and nerves in the hand, so they can be quite serious.â&#x20AC;?

In the last few years, something like 6,000 wrap ragers hurt themselves badly enough to get those ambulance bells jing-alinging all to the emergency room, according to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.

Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not the only problem. As the nation becomes increasingly concerned with going green, the seemingly indestructible cases are easily imagined whiling away the centuries in a landfill or beefing up the Pacific Ocean plastic gyre. This is not &(

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Balancing my familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s chemical load is just another modern chore

By Jezra More

B

ince the ubiquity of chemicals in daily life has produced more questions than answers, and there appear to be possible health concerns regarding just about everything, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve had to dedicate much more thought and creativity to what Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m putting on our familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s table. This is tricky since, as a mother of two young children, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have much more creative energy to put forth. At the end of the day, I feel like the only thing I can get really inventive about are the expletives Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m using to curse the Toxic Substances Control Act of 1976 for its complete and utter ineffectiveness in protecting us from chemical harm.

There are lists for the â&#x20AC;&#x153;safest foodâ&#x20AC;? to eatâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the safest fruits and vegetables, the safest seafood, the safest water sources. The word â&#x20AC;&#x153;safestâ&#x20AC;? implies not completely safe; youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re still getting a â&#x20AC;&#x153;little bit.â&#x20AC;? Is just a â&#x20AC;&#x153;little bitâ&#x20AC;? of a bad thing really OK? Chemicals affect all of us differently, and what is a safe amount for one person may cause harm to another.

Furthermore, in many cases, we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know which chemicals are truly safe, even in small amounts, since we have no basic toxicity information for almost half of the most widely used chemicals in the United States.

Government agencies often change their minds on the amount of chemical exposure considered safe. In regards to the widely publicized chemical bisphenol A (BPA), federal guidelines currently put the daily upper limit of safe exposure at 50 micrograms of BPA per kilogram of body weight. But that level is based on experiments done in the 1980s. Several animal studies show adverse effects at exposures of 2.4 micrograms of BPA per kilogram of body weight per day, a dose that could be reached with an adult daily diet that includes multiple servings of canned foods. Consumer Reportsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; food-safety scientists recommend limiting daily exposure to BPA to one-thousandth of that level, or 0.0024 micrograms per kilogram of body weight, significantly lower than the Food and Drug Administrationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s current safety limit.

What happens when all these chemicals we are exposed to interact? The limited chemical toxicity information we have is a chemical-by-chemical assessment.

However, we are not exposed to chemicals individually, but in a mishmash style, and each environment has its own chemical blend.

There is no accurate way to test for dangerous health impacts, and 2,000 to 3,000 new chemicals a year are added to the pot.

What about the air we breathe and the chemicals we come in contact with in our homes? Certainly, more home-product manufacturers are going â&#x20AC;&#x153;green.â&#x20AC;? But you still canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t find upholstered furniture that hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t

been sprayed with some kind of toxic fire retardant, unless you want to fork over $5,000 or more. And green guidelines are often not yet strict enough to really ensure our safety.

Companies everywhere tout their use of â&#x20AC;&#x153;greenerâ&#x20AC;? chemicals, but are these chemicals a truly healthy alternative?

For example, IKEA discontinued using brominated fire retardants (PBDEs) on mattresses and upholstered furniture. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s great, since PBDEs are a class of highly toxic chemicals. The problem is that IKEA has replaced PBDEs with chlorinated phosphate esters, another potentially toxic substance that is similar to compounds that have already been banned in the United States and Europe.

I look forward to the day when I can stop feeling like a detective, painstakingly searching out the least toxic chemicals for my family. Will such a day ever arrive?

For a few very important and ubiquitous chemicals, federal regulation appears to be getting closer. Momentum is gathering to strengthen the 1976 Toxic Substances Control Act. On Sept. 29, the EPA confirmed that, with the backing of the White House, it is formulating a new strategy, creating a list of high-priority chemicals to targetâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; including BPA, phthalates, PBDEs and nonstick perf luorinated compoundsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and considering an expansion of existing rules in order to control substances that threaten public health.

The FDA is making some progress, too. An FDA special scientific advisory panel reported in late 2008 that the agencyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s basis for setting safety standards to protect consumers was inadequate and should be reevaluated. A congressional subcommittee determined in 2009 that the agency relied too heavily on studies sponsored by the American Plastics Council. The FDA is expected to announce soon its reassessment of BPA safety.

This good news brings me hope that someday I wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to spend so much time in the grocery aisles trying to figure out a chemical-free meal for my family. There will be a time when the most challenging aspect of buying a couch is selecting one that is comfortable or the right shape and color, instead of trying to find one that is chemicalfree. Maybe in the future, I wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to do so much research on â&#x20AC;&#x153;healthy alternatives,â&#x20AC;? but can trust that most of my purchasing choices are pure and natural.

Jezra More is a freelance writer and a Healthy Homes Specialist, providing indoor health consultations. She can be reached at JezraMore@hotmail.com.

Open Mic is a weekly feature in the Bohemian.

We welcome your contribution. To have your topical essay of 700 words considered for publication, write openmic@bohemian.com.

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news to the packaging industry. One source in package manufacturing contacted for this article would not even talk about them, â&#x20AC;&#x153;because people hate them,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Everybody complains about these things constantly,â&#x20AC;? says Dr. Fritz Yambrach, associate professor of packaging in the Applied Sciences and Arts Department at San Jose State University. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the dealâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s on items that can be pilfered pretty easily. Anything people will steal and jam down their pants.â&#x20AC;?

The reason clamshells are impossible to open is because theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re supposed to be impossible to open. According to Yambrach, the plastic is made mostly from pellets of polyethylene terephthalate and extruded out into sheets before being molded into shape and diffusion-bonded, or heat-sealed, closed.

Your puny weapons are no match against industrial-strength heat sealing.

About a year ago it was all the rage for companies to badmouth the clamshell.

Sony even launched something it called the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Death to the Clamshellâ&#x20AC;? campaign. But one year later, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll probably still be able to find many of their products heat-sealed out of reach. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re certainly cognizant of the environmental health aspects involved in packaging,â&#x20AC;? says David Migdal, VP of public relations at Sony. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The rub here is, how do we effectively display some of our smaller products and keep them safe from thieves at the same time?â&#x20AC;?

There is some good news. Yambrach says the industry has steered away from making the shells out of polyvinyl chloride (PVC), which is believed by some to release cancer-linked chemicals. And some businesses are moving more aggressively toward a clamshell-free future, like Amazon. com, which launched its â&#x20AC;&#x153;FrustrationFree Packagingâ&#x20AC;? initiative last year with 19 products available to be shipped in a simple cardboard box. This year, the count is up to 30 manufacturers and 350 products available frustration-free. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Wrap rage is real,â&#x20AC;? wrote Amazon.com spokesperson Anya Waring in an email. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Customers have been responding very positively to the program.â&#x20AC;?

Amazon, however, has the benefit of being an online business, and manufacturers say theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re boxed in by the simultaneous need to draw customers in and shut thieves out.

One solution, says Assemblyman Bill Monning, in the spirit styrofoam and plastic bag bans, is political. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Extend producer responsibility,â&#x20AC;? he says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Maybe theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to have to pay through fees that anticipate the cost of recycling and recovery. Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the real cost of that package in terms of climate change, in terms of danger to the environment, the danger to the consumer?

Does that victim of the cutâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;do they have health insurance?â&#x20AC;?

Health insurance, climate changeâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;one puny package can touch on some of the most crucial challenges facing our country. But thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the power of the clamshell. We have long wondered whether our creations would one day turn on us. We need only look beneath the tree in all those pretty packages to see evidence that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s happened. Consider yourselves warned this holiday season, before all shells break loose.

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The nightmare adventure of Sally Smart, cub reporter

By Juliane Poirier

F

as that a nightmare, or did she really have coffee with the father of genetically engineered corn? It was late. Cub reporter Sally Smart sat with an untouched latte in the darkest corner of the coffee shop, writing her first story about agribusiness. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hmm, GE corn seeds may triple in price in 2010,â&#x20AC;? Sally mumbled to herself, head dropping.

The clock struck midnight and Sally fell asleep.

The apparition that woke her was Monsanto incarnate, a decrepit f igure in an Armani suit. He appeâ&#x20AC;&#x201C; ared beside her table, a clattering cup and saucer in one hand and a paper bag in the other, and sat down without asking.

The young reporter recoiled from the whiff of chemicals, the pallid face. Her glance fell to his lapel, and Sally identif ied Monsanto instantly by the gold pin he wore, shaped like an ear of corn. â&#x20AC;&#x153; L i ke i t? â&#x20AC;? h e a s ke d stabbing at it with a bony index finger. His voice was gravelly, like Tom Waits on a downer. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Kind of a joke, really.

I hate corn.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh?â&#x20AC;? Sally said, recalling wellstudied notes. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Is that natural corn you hate? You surely couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t despise your own creation, the Franken-corn you engineered to fatten livestock and children. The American junk food industry is built on GE corn syrup.

Millions of kids would not be facing obesity, diabetes and shortened life spans without your contributions to corn.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s harsh,â&#x20AC;? he said, lifting his coffee with an unsteady hand. Unblinking eyes bulged at her over the cup rim, impervious as a cadaver to the hot steam roiling from the brew. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t blame federal farm subsidies on me. And kids who eat cheap food donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need to live as long as the rest of us,â&#x20AC;? he added. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The poor are disposable and always have been.â&#x20AC;? He gulped the scalding drink without flinching. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe you said that,â&#x20AC;? Sally said weakly, her stomach turning. She had never met the incarnation of a multinational corporation before, even in a nightmare. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Why fret over it,â&#x20AC;? he said as the

shoulder pads in his suit went up and down mechanically. This creep is not real, she told herself. Even though Sally had learned in school that corporations have the rights of persons, there was, like, no way Monsanto was this deadlooking guy having coffee at her table. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Nightmares are a spin-free zone,â&#x20AC;? he said, leaning closer to her. â&#x20AC;&#x153;So I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to make up any pleasantries.â&#x20AC;? His mouth stretched open to reveal yellow kernels where teeth should be. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I do it for the money.

There, I said it. Now, letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s enjoy ourselves. Do you like my suit?â&#x20AC;?

Sally leaned back in horror. Then, with a silent prayer to the crusading late columnist Molly Ivins for courage, Sally picked up her notes and read aloud. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Genetically engineered crops have increased herbicide use by 383 million pounds in the last 13 years,â&#x20AC;? she read. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But you, Mr. Monsanto,â&#x20AC;? she pointed, â&#x20AC;&#x153;you engineered the crops to contain Roundup, so why should there be a rise in herbicide use?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh, please,â&#x20AC;? he replied f latly. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Of course weeds developed resistance to my Roundup Ready corn and soy plants. But I also sell Roundup separately, so I make money either way. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a win-win.â&#x20AC;? He unscrewed the cap from a bottle inside the paper bag and poured a tan liquid into his coffee, gulping greedily. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Want some?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Farmers are complaining that your latest GE corn and soy plants, Roundup Ready 2, have lower yields,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And these inferior new GE seeds cost 42 percent more than the old seeds.â&#x20AC;?

Monsanto barked a laugh, spraying espresso on his sleeve. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t it clever?â&#x20AC;? he asked. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I make them dependent for seed upgrades, and even if itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an inferior product, each new version costs more. And when my Roundup-implanted crops donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t kill weeds as promised, farmers have to buy more of the Roundup I sell. Get it?â&#x20AC;?

Sally stood up. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I get it,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;So will my readers.â&#x20AC;? She picked up her things and marched confidently out of the nightmare. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hey!â&#x20AC;? Monsanto yelled after her in slurred speech. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You never said whether you liked my suit.â&#x20AC;?

The apparition that awoke her was Monsanto incarnate, a decrepit figure in an Armani suit.

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707-542-9474 130 4th Street, Santa Rosa â&#x20AC;˘ in Historic Railroad Square Celebrating 37 years in Business

Recession Special through December

no initiation fee when you sign up for a membership

Give it as a gift or get yourself a little something for the holidays!

7 0 7 * 5 7 3 * 1 6 0 8

climbing classes weight equipment and yoga 3358a Coffey Lane Santa Rosa www.vertexclimbing.com THE BOHEMIAN

12.09.09-12.15.09

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New Client Specials Cut & Highlights $ 90 (reg. 120) $

Cuts $25 (reg.

$

45)

Featuring AVEDA haircare line Book your appt. now ~ New Clients

Two Women Doing Hair 309 D Street â&#x20AC;˘ Santa Rosa â&#x20AC;˘ 707.544.5250

Sonoma County offices will be CLOSED or on reduced schedules* December 24th - January 3, 2010.

Offices will reopen on January 4, 2010.

This closure is due to a Mandatory Time Off program, one of several cost savings measures adopted by the county to balance its budget and preserve essential services. We appreciate your patience and understanding during the time that our offices are closed. * For further information, contact: (707) 565-2961 or

visit www.sonoma-county.org/mto

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2DC84B Mollie Sitkin and Michaela Biaggi met while completing green MBA programs at Dominican.

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2^\\d]Xch 2^\TbcXQ[Tb Food and drink made in the North Bay

By Suzanne Daly, Gretchen Giles, Tori Masucci and Gabe Meline

Ferment & Foment Mollie Sitkin and Michaela Biaggi drank so much kombucha in grad school together that it was only natural for the young entrepreneurs to start making it commercially. After all, why not manufacture the excellent fermented tea that had fueled late-night homework sessions and early-morning mountain bike rides while they completed their green MBA programs, especially when it received the widespread stamp of approval? â&#x20AC;&#x153;We made it for our friends and families,â&#x20AC;? says Sitkin, 25, â&#x20AC;&#x153;and they said, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Wow, this is the best kombucha weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve ever had.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;?

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been a rapid ride for the pair. In January of this year, Sitkin and her 28-year-old kombucha partner wrote a business plan. They had an investor in May, started making it in August and began selling it in October. Now, relatively overnight,

Lonjevitea Kombucha is on the shelves at Whole Foods stores all over the Bay Area, and distribution is expanding at a rapid rate. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re using local juices, and kombucha seems to be a hot item right now,â&#x20AC;? Sitkin explains. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re the only local North Bay kombucha company.â&#x20AC;?

Another local touch for the yerba matĂŠ-based tea is Lonjeviteaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Gravenstein Apple flavor, using juice from Manzana, the last apple processing plant in Sebastopol. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s especially good for kombucha virgins. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We have a lot of people who canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stand the taste of kombucha who actually like our Gravenstein Apple kombucha,â&#x20AC;? Sitkin says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really apple-cidery.â&#x20AC;? Lonjevitea also offers ginger and chamomile, and future flavors are dependent on the companyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s commitment to finding organic ingredients from California.

And how can one not love Lonjeviteaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bottling parties? Every few weeks, Sitkin and Biaggi call up a bunch of friends, crank up the online Pandora music station, and dance the day away in their Petaluma warehouseâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Love Shackâ&#x20AC;?â&#x20AC;&#x201D;while bottling. At a recent soirĂŠe, the unwelcome scourge of Mariah Carey was made bearable only by unique translations of Lady Gaga songs and Biaggiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s demonstration of â&#x20AC;&#x153;how to incorporate the ankle twist with the booty drop.â&#x20AC;? Lonjevitea is found locally at Whole Foods, GuayakĂ­ Mate Bar (6782 Sebastopol Ave., Sebastopol; 707.824.6644), Cowgirl Creamery (at Tomales Bay Foods, 80 Fourth St., Pt. Reyes Station; 415. 663.9335), Petaluma Market (210 Western Ave., Petaluma; 707.762.8452) and with locations expanding seemingly by the minute. More info can be found at www.lonjeviteakombucha.com.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;G.M.

Four-Foot Foodies Holiday shopping and seeing Santa quickly change from fun to stressful when your young one gets hungry and cranky. The Little Gourmet in Napa cooks up the perfect solution: a place where parents can relax while feeding junior and themselves fun, delicious and nutritious &THE BOHEMIAN

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&,

We cordially invite you to ring in the season with our annual

Holiday Open House December 12 10:00 to 4:00 Join us to receive Holiday savings on wine and merchandise

Please call us at 707.265.5016 2867 St. Helena North, St. Helena www.stclement.com

Napa Smith Beersâ&#x20AC;Ś

Make Food Taste Better

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meals. The menu features creative and international kid-friendly plates like â&#x20AC;&#x153;6 Friends on a Sleepover,â&#x20AC;? smoky link sausages enfolded in bread â&#x20AC;&#x153;blanketsâ&#x20AC;? with Swiss cheese pillows and cole slaw ($5.95); â&#x20AC;&#x153;Snakes and Worms,â&#x20AC;? Asian-style marinated chicken â&#x20AC;&#x153;snakesâ&#x20AC;? over soba noodle â&#x20AC;&#x153;wormsâ&#x20AC;? with â&#x20AC;&#x153;hiddenâ&#x20AC;? veggies and peanut butter â&#x20AC;&#x153;mudâ&#x20AC;? sauce ($6.95); avocado â&#x20AC;&#x153;frog dipâ&#x20AC;? with a cheesy quesadilla ($5.95); or a PB&J pizza with banana toppings ($4.95).

The â&#x20AC;&#x153;grownupâ&#x20AC;? menu offer similar dishes, plus additional choices for the more sophisticated palate. The restaurant also offers cooking classes and hosts its second annual gingerbread house-building and decorating workshop on Dec. 13 at one-hour intervals from 11am to 3pm.

Pre-registration is required. 1040 Main St., Napa. 707.257.7700.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;S.D.

Saucy Sweets Sure, fruitcake is a traditional holiday food, but it certainly doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to be.

Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s where Anetteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Chocolates comes in.

Anetteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Chocolate Wine and Liqueur sauces, like the Chocolate Merlot Fudge ($9.95 for a nine-ounce jar), effortlessly spread over a slice of cheesecake, is the perfect postChristmas-dinner dessert to spare family and friends the certainty of fruitcake misery.

For 19 years, brother and sister duo Brent Madsen and Anette Madsen-Yazidi have been whipping up sweet treats at their chocolate factory in downtown Napa. Truffles, caramels and brittle abound, but their Chocolate Wine and Liqueur sauces, enhanced with the rich flavor of red wines or liqueur, truly take the cake. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The sauces are always popular, especially for the holiday season,â&#x20AC;? says Anette. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You can drizzle them on any dessert to make it a little extra special.â&#x20AC;? And with little less than 5 percent alcohol in each bottle, the sauces pour as liquid, so they wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t harden on guestsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; plates as they indulge.

The selection of sauces includes Chocolate Port, Belgian Chocolate Brandy, Chocolate Raspberry Liqueur, Chocolate Amaretto and a luscious caramel Butterscotch Scotch. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Our bestselling across the board is the Chocolate Cabernet wine sauce. The combination of chocolate and wine is just, well, perfect,â&#x20AC;? Anette says.

Known for spooning the chocolate sauces right out of the jar and into his mouth, brother Brent puts it simply, â&#x20AC;&#x153;The sauces are basically truffles in a bottle.â&#x20AC;? His personal favorite? The Chocolate Martini Gonaeche Sauce ($18.50 for a 12.5 ounce bottle). â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll eat it just on ice cream or have a spoonful in the evening,â&#x20AC;? he says dreamily. To indulge in chocolate bliss, the sauces are available through the companyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s website at www.anettes.com or at Anetteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Chocolates, 1321 First St., Napa. 707.252.4228.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;T.M.

Get Yer Vegan On San Rafaelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Beverley Starno didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think much of it when her husband Roman first dipped a Fig Newton in melted bakerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

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chocolate 15 years ago. And then she took a bite. Not bad. So very not bad, in fact, that the couple decided to make their own chocolate-dipped fruit bars as a family side business now known as the Roman Bar. Roman kept his day job while Beverley peddled them to Whole Foods. Once the megastore indicated that it, too, liked the product, she got a distributor, and the Roman Barâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;think of it as the Clif Barâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s more sophisticated cousin, home after a few years in India and Parisâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;is now in specialty and upscale markets all over the Bay Area and beyond.

But many families have dipped something in chocolate, declared it good and not started a side business devoted to it. Why did the Starnoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Roman thinks big,â&#x20AC;? Beverley says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;He likes to hit it out of the ball park.â&#x20AC;?

And after 15 years, the couple are still fans. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Roman eats one for lunch,â&#x20AC;? Beverley says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;When youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re dieting, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re good. I try not to eat too many. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re surrounded by them, but I still like them.â&#x20AC;?

Roman Bars are available at most Whole Foods and specialty markets in Marin and Sonoma counties, including such odd shops as Fairfax Lumber (109 Broadway Blvd., Fairfax; 415.453.54778).â&#x20AC;&#x201D;G.G.

Wine Together When he was seven, Zack Zimmerman fell in love in with the wine industry. He would watch his dad on construction sites, renovating wineries and doing business with the owners. But it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t until he grew older and began following in his fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s footsteps that he realized how young adults were somewhat shunned by the wine business. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Not all of us want to show up to barrel tasting with our frats in party buses and get plastered,â&#x20AC;? says Zimmerman, a 24-yearold who is soon to graduate from Sonoma State with a double major in wine business strategies and marketing. He believes that young wine connoisseurs can be just as committed to the big business as their Gen X counterparts. So in June he launched the social networking group Wines for Millennials and Beyond through MeetUp. com. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I started the group with the sole purpose of bringing anyone and everyone who enjoys wine and the atmosphere surrounding it together,â&#x20AC;? Zimmerman says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wanted to rid the stigmas that some people have toward younger generations or even older generations.â&#x20AC;?

The group now has over a hundred â&#x20AC;&#x153;vino cohorts,â&#x20AC;? evenly distributed in age from 21 to around 70. Sponsored by local wineries that quickly heard of Zimmermanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s group, the group was quickly able to take their mingling offline and meet at wineries for tasting events. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been lucky,â&#x20AC;? says Zimmerman, who plans to hold more offline group meetings as the movement grows.

He hopes his presence as a young entrepreneur and wine lover will impact the industry for the better. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is my passion,â&#x20AC;? he says.

For more information, visit the groupâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s site at www.meetup.com/wines-formillennials-and-beyond.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;T.M.

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WINE TASTING OPEN DAILY t 11am to 5pm t

707.280.4658 Dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ARGENZIO WINERY 1301 CLEVELAND AVE., SANTA ROSA, CA 95401 [corner of cleveland ave. and ridgeway ave.]

www.dargenziowine.com

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22

12.09.09-12.15.09

THE BOHEMIAN

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2834A 7>DB4 AD;4B ce-in-the-Hole Cider owner Geoffrey House is in a bit of a conundrum.

Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sad to see his pub at the corner of Highway 116 and Graton Road close, but heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s excited about the expansion of his business.

The ďŹ rst cider company in California, Ace is now found in some 33 states across the nation and is even making a serious inroad to the toughest market around, that of Old Blighty across the pond, where the very good idea of drinking the natural fermentation left rotting in orchards was probably old news by Chaucerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time.

A

But for 11 years, North Bay residents have enjoyed a cider in Houseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s relaxed pub atmosphere, one equally friendly to moms and their children as it is to twenty-somethings as it is to area musicians as it is to smokers as it is to dog lovers as it is to those just hoping to run into someone they know. Offering free music almost nightly and a good selection of microbrews and Houseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own Pinot blend in addition to the cider that build the biz, Ace-in-the-Hole has lost its lease and closes on Dec. 23. The production facility will move back to a former home at Sebastopolâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s VacuDry plant where it will expand in production by some 16,000 gallons. House is considering moving his pub operation to downtown Sebastopol across from Gravenstein Station but wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t reopen unless everything is right. Business, frankly, is just too good.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Kudos to the owner, Mrs. Mona Dhar, and her brother and co-owner Sumeer Karihaloo, who manages the restaurant, for giving the North Bay its finest Indian restaurant, and to Chef Uddab for his ability to create Indian food that

transcends the ordinaryâ&#x20AC;?

Jeff Cox â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Press Democrat

20 % OFF

TOTAL BILL Show ad.

Exp 12/31/09.

707.538.3367 52 Mission Circle, Santa Rosa

â&#x20AC;&#x153;We are exploring the opportunities, but if at the end of the day it doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t add up, the main business for us is developing our production, which is now at $3.5 million,â&#x20AC;? House says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re trying to take it to $10 million in the next ďŹ ve years. Our bread and butter is the cider, and while we will allow people to ďŹ ll jugs up in the new [VacuDry] location and have a small tasting area, that may be sufďŹ cient.â&#x20AC;?

(at Hwy 12 & Mission Blvd.)

House credits the rise of the microbrew in educating palates and the slump in ďŹ ne wine sales in opening wallets as contributing to his ciderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s proďŹ tability. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Younger people now deďŹ nitely know what cider is,â&#x20AC;? he says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Occasionally people order what they think is an apple juice for their son and we get a gasp. But the majority of people now know what it is. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really good stuff for $3.49 a bottle,â&#x20AC;? he laughs, â&#x20AC;&#x153;and in some ways, with the collapse of the very expensive wine business, people are looking for more value.â&#x20AC;?

Ace plans a slate of special concerts and events as the month draws to a close, giving regulars and those who havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t visited the pub in a while a chance to come by and say adieu. House is somewhat bemused by the turn his life has taken. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re being forced to expand, which is good; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s about time I did something.â&#x20AC;? But, he admits, after 11 years of presiding over his own personal drinking spot, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I will have a problem knowing where to go.â&#x20AC;?

Ace-in-the-Hole Cider Pub, 3100 Gravenstein Hwy. N., Sebastopl. 707.824.1101.

EAST WEST CAFE

with this coupon

2 FOR 1 DINNER WITH PURCHASE OF 2 DRINKS

Valid after 4pm. Not for take-out. Exp. 12/23/09

128 N. Main St, Sebastopol

707.829.2822

BREAKFAST â&#x20AC;˘ LUNCH â&#x20AC;˘ DINNER

www.EastWestCafeSebastopol.com

Gretchen Giles

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THE BOHEMIAN

12.09.09-12.15.09

23

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24

12.09.09-12.15.09

THE BOHEMIAN

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F8=4 4;4?70=CB othing is easier when thinking of giving local than wine.

A nice set of showy bottles is sure to please, but you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ship to certain states, and here in wine country, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s more often just a door gift to the hosts. Here are a few alternate ideas, either locally made or having their origins in the North Bay.

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The most elegant solution to wine-shipping snags, simply declaring â&#x20AC;&#x153;vinegarâ&#x20AC;? on the packing slip, might not be for everyone (weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d never try it). But you can still give a little ďŹ&#x201A;avor of the wine country. Wine-based vinegars, sauces and marinades abound, more than you can shake a breadstick at. Sonomic is a rich and potent, Cabernet Sauvignonâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;based balsamic vinegar made by Petalumaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sonoma Portworks. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s available at many tasting rooms, better delis and at www.sonomicvinegar. com. Putting their Cab in chocolate syrup makes Collier Fallsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; all the more decadent. Available at Family Wineries Tasting Room, 4791 Dry Creek Road, Healdsburg, and 9390 Sonoma Hwy., Kenwood. 888.433.6555.

Say goodbye to crack-prone, straight-sided plastic wine cups at picnics and events. GoVino is an elegant, ďŹ&#x201A;exible, tulip-shaped 16-ounce stemless goblet made from a food-safe polymer, designed to showcase a pour of wine similarly to crystal. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not all: itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got a thumb notch for secure toasting! Sonoma-based creator Joseph Perrulli launched GoVino in 2008, secured blessings from local sommeliers, and keeps the brand close to ďŹ ne wine venuesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;your gift wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be spotted next time theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re in BevMo. Available in four-packs or individually for $2.99 at Oakville Grocery, Dean and Deluca, Sunshine Foods, St. Helena Wine Center, Cotati Corner Fine Wines, and at www.govinowine.com.

Wine charms are whimsical little wine glass ornaments, the function being that no time is expended on the old â&#x20AC;&#x153;Was that your glass or mine?â&#x20AC;? routine. When the makers of Scrabble discovered that proceeds from the intersection of Scrabble players and wine drinkers were somewhat paltry, they pulled the license from Sonomaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Wine Things Unlimited. Find these and the discontinued Monopoly version too, at Charles Creek Vineyard, 483 First Street West, Sonoma. An overďŹ&#x201A;owing bounty of other silly charms are available at www.winethings.com.

We may yawn, but the California Directory of Fine Wineries, Napa Sonoma edition, could be a tease of a gift to those who, pent up in brick buildings and walls of snow, are known to slaver hungrily over wine country vistas. Nearly every page is ďŹ lled with a lavenderchoked pathway, a leisurely lunch and an emerald vineyard view in brilliant coffee-table color. Stick a note in the book that says casually, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Just a few of the favorite places we like to hang out at on weekends.â&#x20AC;?

Wine House Press, Sonoma. 707.996.1741. www.californiaďŹ newineries.com.

Tools send hobbyists to bed with dreams equivalent to sugar plums, and home wine and beer enthusiasts are always depriving themselvesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;after all, the DIY idea is to save some dough. How a pH meter will light up the nascent vintnerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s eyes, or a copper wort chiller the budding brewerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. For big-ticket gifters with room to spare under the tree: French oak wine barrel.

Re-coopered in Sebastopol from old 60-gallon barrels, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re sized down to 15, 20 and 30 gallons, and retoasted nice and toasty. They run $315â&#x20AC;&#x201C;$335, and the wrapping paper required about half again as much. The Beverage People, 840 Piner Road, Ste. #14, Santa Rosa.

707.544.2520.

James Knight

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<8BB <0H Accordionist Salane Schultz gets her squeezebox sudsy for spring.

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By Dani Burlison, Suzanne Daly, Gretchen Giles, Tori Masucci and Gabe Meline

Squeeze Box Beauties â&#x20AC;&#x153;Gosh, if you just think of the metaphor, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pretty crazy,â&#x20AC;? says Renee de la Prade, creator of the 2010 Accordion Babes Pin-Up Calendar. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I mean, this is an instrument that youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re pushing in and pulling out while you play it! And youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re tickling the buttons with your fingers!â&#x20AC;?

De la Prade, whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s long played her custom â&#x20AC;&#x153;pelvisâ&#x20AC;? accordion on the streets of Fairfax, San Rafael and San Francisco, has a thing for sexy accordions. Last year, she assembled her inaugural calendar of Bay Area beauties blending bare booty and bellows, and she sold out the entire 1,000-print run in less than three weeks. Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sold even more so far this year, making it one of the most popular local calendars around.

The 2010 calendar is full of accordionists in various states of disrobe on front porches, reclining

in clawfoot tubs, bent over chairs, strutting at the bowling alley, being fondled by skeletons and, in de la Pradeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s month, pedaling a 10-speed. Most people think of accordions and picture Lawrence Welk or fat German guys in lederhosen. â&#x20AC;&#x153;For accordion lovers, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no problemâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;they think thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sexy, too,â&#x20AC;? says de la Prade. But the juxtaposition of accordions and bare legs often throws people for a fun, feisty loop.

Now a much-talked about seasonal gift, the Accordion Babes calendar maintains a standard of quality (â&#x20AC;&#x153;If I were a man, I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have put this together, because feelings get so easily hurt. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;That photoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not sexy enough.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; How do you tell that to someone?â&#x20AC;?), and comes with a CD of songs from each monthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s squeeze, including the North Bayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own Amber Lee Baker, Mad Maggie and Roxanne Oliva. It can be ordered for $20 through www.squeezeboxgoddess.com. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;G.M.

No Fret, No Worries At his plant in an industrial area of Rohnert

Park, Rick Shubb leans back in his chair and plays with the E-shaped metal and rubber device he and his partner Dave Coontz pioneered in 1975. A banjo player and music teacher who gigged with bands during the San Francisco music scene of the â&#x20AC;&#x2122;60s, Shubb lacked a decent a fifth-string capo for his banjo, so drew up plans for a prototype.

Coontz, his student and a particularly creative auto mechanic, handmade the first crude prototype with a lever design as opposed to a spring. This allowed the player to apply it quickly while preserving the intonation. After several revisions, they started getting requests from other banjo players, initially selling them by the handful at music festivals. The partners eventually expanded to a more widely used product, a guitar capo. The partners turned their hobby into a business, and the Shubb Capo Company was born. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Most other capos were unsatisfactory, and finding one to use was kind of like selecting the least of various evils,â&#x20AC;? Shubb recalls. â&#x20AC;&#x153;They were slow to use and put guitars out of tune.â&#x20AC;?

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mechanism that imitates the closing of the human hand instead of a vice. Using a durometer, a gauge used in the tire industry, they measured the hardness and pliability of rubber, seeking the material most similar to human flesh. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You poke it into a finger tip to see what the resilience of the flesh is against the bone and how the finger behaves,â&#x20AC;? Shubb explains. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The metal arm of the capo emulates the bone and the rubber over it the flesh and callus on a guitar playerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s finger. The moment I clamped it on my guitar neck, I had an â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;ahaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; moment. I knew it was the right design and that this was what I was going to do for my lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s work.â&#x20AC;?

Sales increased exponentially with the introduction of their unique guitar capo in 1980, but other interests waned. â&#x20AC;&#x153;My band withered and died because the capos seized all my attention,â&#x20AC;? Shubb shrugs.

Initially based in Sebastopol, the company upsized its plant to Valley Ford and then further expanded into Rohnert Park. The business has grown gradually but steadily at a comfortable rate, staying financially manageable even in poor economic times. Now two thirds of Shubbâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sales are international and include distribution to Russia, the Czech Republic, China, Malta, Brazil, Argentina and Mexico, as well as a huge market in Britain and Japan. Instructions are printed in German, French, Spanish, Italian and English. â&#x20AC;&#x153;My personal goal for the company is to hold the line and to continue to grow at a reasonable level so that you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t move backwards,â&#x20AC;? Shubb says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I know we have the best product, and I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want people to forget that because weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been there for so long. But thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a danger when youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve

been essentially the same for so many years because the product is what it should be so you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t change it.â&#x20AC;?

The current company motto is â&#x20AC;&#x153;Still the best,â&#x20AC;? and Shubb takes a conservative marketing approach to promote solidarity and a continued trust of their products. â&#x20AC;&#x153;All through the growth of the company Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been entirely driven by the satisfaction of the users. Being a musician, starting the company by making stuff to use myself and creating the capo from my ideas has put me in the position of feeling that the players are my people and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m making stuff for them,â&#x20AC;?

Shubb emphasizes. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The most important thing is customer satisfaction. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a person, just like me, at the other end who wants it to work for them.â&#x20AC;?

This holiday, slip a Shubb into your musicianâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s stockingâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;or pocketâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and listen for the joyful change in their tune. Shubb capos are available at most music stores or check them out online at www.shubb.com.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;S.D.

Great Big Batch of Cute With her unique quirky energy and her impeccable eye for detail, Heidi Iverson is completely out of this world and all sorts of awesome. With a focus on recycled materials and high-quality wool and linen, Iversonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s H-Luv Fabrications, run out of a Penngrove studio, provides a giggly sweet and awe-inspiring collection of dolls for the kid in all of us. When not wrapped up in creating and writing her latest knitting patterns or developing softie books, Iverson is busily stitching away at her variety of dolls, including owls, kitties and painfully adorable mushroom people ($34 and up). With their â&#x20AC;&#x153;Anime meets Little House on the Prairieâ&#x20AC;? flare, American Girl Dolls ainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t got nothing on H-Luvâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s original, handmade cuteness!

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Rick Shubb gave up his own musical career to follow the fortunes of the capo.

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Find them at the Knitterly (1 Fourth St., Petaluma; 707.762.9276), Maude Rare Finds (122 Kentucky St., Petaluma; 707.763.1858), Black Mountain Artisans (11245 Hwy. 1, Point Reyes Station; 415.663.9130) or online at www.h-luv.com.—D.B.

Totally Tool There’s probably a limited group of people for whom you can buy Stanleyknife panties for Christmas and feel like you’ve done the right thing, but for those friends, Evo Noche has your needs—and your friends’ asses—covered. Specializing in simple, original printed designs on linens, aprons, tableware, clothes, lounge wear and “pretty much anything in a house that we can manage to get underneath a screen to print on,” Evo Noche has, for over four years, made wearing line drawings of keys, screws, hammers and crescent wrenches totally cool.

Run by Erin Brookey and her husband Jason Roeder, who’s drummed for 25 years in the world-renowned proto-metal band Neurosis, one might assume the Santa Rosa–based company would create sludgy, busy designs befitting Roeder’s musical output. Instead, the designs are eye-pleasingly sparse and clean, while their mostly utilitarian subjects belie Evo Noche’s soft side. Since the birth of the couple’s son, children’s clothes have appeared with patterns of snails, and a new series of vintage eyeglasses, which both Brookey and her mother collect, have taken off.

Running a business as a married couple has its usual complexities (“Dates turn into business meetings,” says Brookey), especially when Roeder is out on tour opening for Ozzy or co-headlining with Mastodon. But it’s the tasteful placement and simple patterns that make their wares so appealing. And who can resist a coy double-entendre? Their bestseller is a pair of hot pants covered in screws.

Evo Noche’s designs are available locally at Launch (971 Gravenstein Hwy. S., Sebastopol; 707.892.3312), Sprout (177 Healdsburg Ave., Healdsburg; 707.433.7355), the Petaluma Craft Mafia show at the Petaluma Vets Building on Dec. 19, and online at www.evonoche.com. —G.M.

Lifer-Long Learning Serving some 250 students a semester in disciplines as disparate as neurology, geometry, music appreciation, English, ancient history, modern lit and sociology, the Prison University Project (PUP) is literally one-of-a-kind in California. Based at San Quentin Prison, the PUP uses volunteer instructors to give inmates the equivalent of a full junior college education.

Graduates receive their AA degrees, but most importantly they receive skills and learning experiences that might prevent them from returning to prison when—and if—they’re ever let out.

Independently funded, the PUP is more affected by inmate numbers and reassignments than it is by the Golden State’s fiscal woes, but every nonprofit is feeling the pinch of our Great Recession. The Sunshine

Lady Foundation (SLF), however, has proposed a limitless matching grant for the PUP that expires on Dec. 15. This means that no matter how much the PUP raises, SLF will donate the same amount. Why not give the gift of education this holiday season, helping a convicted felon learn more about himself through the words of William Shakespeare or create a new start for himself by mastering calculus?

Randall Countryman, an inmate who served 21 years in prison, reports in the “Alumni News” section of the PUP’s quarterly newsletter that he’s living now in San Diego, has a car, home, job, church affiliation and friends. “I am striving,” he writes, “at being the best example I can possibly be in the free world to show that second chances are worth giving.”

To donate to the PUP and help with SLF matching grants, contact them at 415.455.8088 or give online at www. prisonuniversityproject.org.—G.G.

osmosis D A Y

S P A

S A N C T U A R Y

JOIN US FOR LOCALS NIGHT THURSDAY DECEMBER 10 6:30 - 8:00pm, $ 1 0 p e r p e rs o n Cedar Enzyme Footbaths, Treats & Tea Reservations Required, space is limited Special Spa Menu available fo r L o c a l s N i g h t o n l y

GIVE THE GIFT OF OSMOSIS AND RECEIVE! Purchase $150 in gift certificates and receive a $25 retail voucher to enjoy in our spa boutique.

O S M O S I S . C O M ` F R E E S T O N E , C A ` 7 0 7- 8 2 3 - 8 2 3 1 A S U S TA I N A B LY M A N A G E D G R E E N S PA

Step on It Mike Marino spent years working in auto electronics and computer repair while building guitars on the side, but it wasn’t until this past decade that the two fields collided. Namely, Marino started making guitar pedals, first for himself to use in his band, the Blues Burners, then for the many people who asked him about his tone. Two years ago, Marino officially launched Tone Candy pedals, and right out of the gate, they started getting outstanding reviews from Premier Guitar and Guitar Player magazines.

He was off and running as an exalted technician of tone.

“I made a lot of pedals that way,” he says of Tone Candy’s formative years, “they were custom pedals for me, but people really liked them, so I figured I might as well come up with a name and make them commercially.” He also makes them durable, with Switchcraft jacks, heavy-duty cases, steel potentiometers, Electro-Harmonix switches and military-style circuit boards made in America. Everything is hand-soldered, Marino says, and “I just figured, if I’m going to make it, maybe the parts cost more, but it’s worth it.”

Marino assembles each pedal himself at his Santa Rosa home, but may have to find larger quarters with the sudden success of his most recent creation, the Spring Fever reverb pedal. “It sounds almost identical to the 1963 Fender Reverb unit, and no one’s been able to do it yet. That’s what these stores have been telling me that are buying it,” he says. “This one might take off and put me on the map.”

Tone Candy’s overdrive pedals have been noted for maintaining their sound even at lower volumes. Importantly, they pass the player’s test—Marino himself uses each pedal with the Blues Burners before offering it commercially. “I have other pedals that I haven’t released, like delay pedals,” he teases, “so there’ll be future releases.” Tone Candy pedals are available at Zone Music (7884 Old Redwood Hwy., (% Cotati; 707.664.1213), Music Biz THE BOHEMIAN

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(1422 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa; 707.545.7009), Bananas at Large (1504 Fourth St., San Rafael; 888.900.1959) and online at www.tonecandy.com.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;G.M.

The Promise The Promise o off C Community ommunit y A Action c t ion

Pure Whimsy

C o mmuunity AAction Community ctio n cchanges hanges peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s peo pleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lives, liv e s , embodies embo dies tthe he spirit spirit of o f hope, ho pe , iimproves mpro ves communities, m co mmuniiti t es, andd m an makes ak es America Ame ric a a better b etter place plac e to to live. liv e .

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C o ast .â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201C;â&#x20AC;&#x201C;Gaye G a y e Le L e Baron Baro n Par t nerships have Partnerships have made made our our 40 4 0 years ye ars of of poverty Sonoma ffighting ight ing tthe he rravages avages of of p over t y for for S onoma Countyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s C o u n t y â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s p poorest oores t rresidents esident s p possible. ossib l e . W Whether het her yyou ou w want ant to to vvolunteer olunteer a att o our ur h homeless omeless w omenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s shelter, shelter, p rovvide iin-kind n - k ind m e di c al womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s provide medical services s er vic es for for our our K Kidsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; idsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; N Net et p program, rogr am , m mentor entor one o ne of of o our ur ccharter har ter s school c hool s students tudent s or or ccontribute ont ribute monetarilyâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;we monet arilyâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;we would would love love to to hear he ar ffrom rom yyou! ou !

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Designated D esignated as as Sonoma Sonoma Countyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s C ount y â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Official O f ficial Anti-poverty Anti-pover t y Agency Agency by by the the Board Board of of Supervisorsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;1967 Super visorsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;19 67

Early Childhood Early Childhood Education Education Head Head S Start, tart, Early Early Head Head Start, Start, School School Readiness Readiness Homelessness H omelessness Prevention Prevention nS Sloan loan House~Emergency House~Emergency W Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s omenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s S Shelter, helter, Transitional Transitional Housing, Housing, O One-time ne-time R Rent/Deposit ent/ Deposit R Rental ental A Assistance, ssistance, Fair Fair Housing Housing

Youth Yo uth & N Neighborhood eighborhood S Services ervices FFamily amily D Development, evelopment, After After School School Enrichment, Enrichment, Leadership Leadership Development, Development, Charter Charter High High School, School, YouthBuild YouthBuild and and Gang Gang R Risk isk Intervention, Intervention, Project Project S Safe afe M Mentoring entoring Health H ealth Promotion, Promotion, Outreach Outreach & Ad Advocacy dvocacy H Health ealth Insurance Insurance Application Application A Assistance, s s i s t a nc e , Referral Referral T To o IIn-kind, n-k ind , U Urgent rgent M Medical e di c a l S Services er vic e s

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Deadopoly

www.bohemian .bohemian.com

As many Deadheads moved into yuppiedom in the 1980s and 1990s, Grateful Dead ties, golf tees, mousepads and wines caused a sudden shift in what being a fan of the Dead was about. Perhaps Don Henley was thinking of this when he sang about the

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;I always wanted a craft business,â&#x20AC;?

Lucille Miles says matter-of-factly, â&#x20AC;&#x153;so I decided to go into the fairy business.â&#x20AC;? Using natural materials she collects on her daily walks with her two Jack Russell terriers around the Junior College in her Santa Rosa neighborhood, Milesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; fairy business, Forest Whimsy, is something of a big business. Selling for between $250 and $400, these intricately constructed dwellings for imaginary folk can stand as high as 30 inches and feature rooms, furnishings, porches, chimneys and other accoutrements, almost all of them made solely from natural materials that sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s either found or purchased at the San Francisco flower mart.

The rarest of her regular items is that precious oddity known as the fake mushroom. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I pick them up wherever I can,â&#x20AC;? she says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re very hard to find.â&#x20AC;? Why not just make them as she does other objects, using wool in a dry felting technique? â&#x20AC;&#x153;The fairy houses are hard enough,â&#x20AC;? she laughs.

Miles got her start in the tough realities of the imaginary world when her daughter, now a high school freshman, was a second grader. The girl was entranced by the idea of fairies, and Miles would often nap with her in the backyard after the two had counted all the many fairies in the trees. Her daughterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s friends also loved fairies, so Miles got together with some other mothers to create a handcrafted house to hold the creatures.

While the other moms presumably went on to other pursuits, Miles got the fairy-house bug big-time.

Each abode is different, prompting one to wonder if there is a fairy-house formula of any kind. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It totally depends on the first twig I pick up,â&#x20AC;? Miles says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The house is determined by the shape of the branches and the twigs.â&#x20AC;?

While she admits that at least half of her customers are middle-aged women and that she does produce less domestic motifs for little boysâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;like gnome-drawn carts replete with felted fruitâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;her whimsys are really made for an endless population. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There is always,â&#x20AC;? she pronounces, â&#x20AC;&#x153;a new crop of fouryear-old girls.â&#x20AC;? Forest Whimsy products can be found at Kaleidoscope Toys (2421 Magowan Drive, Santa Rosa; 707.545.8697), Susanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Storeroom (239 San Anselmo Ave., San Anselmo; 415.456.1333) or online at forestwhimsy.net.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;G.G.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Deadhead sticker on a Cadillacâ&#x20AC;? in his hit â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Boys of Summer,â&#x20AC;? swinging into lame acceptance with the next line, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t look back, you can never look back.â&#x20AC;? In other words, why embrace the ideals of your youth when thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s money to be made?

The Grateful Dead merchandising machine is still cranking out product for those with every volume of Dickâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Picks already on their BMWâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s CD changer, but at least itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s more of home and hearth than stock and bond. Namely, the Dead-themed variant on the classic Parker Brothers board game Monopoly, created by Bob Weirâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s friend Debbie Gold and overseen by Weir himself. Throw on your favorite live version of â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dark Star,â&#x20AC;? roll the Jâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and roll the dice, folks, â&#x20AC;&#x2122;cause the Grateful Dead version of Monopoly is here.

In addition to possessing an awkward name, Grateful Dead-opoly falls into the same category as every other Monopoly takeoff before it. (North Bay locals had our own in the late â&#x20AC;&#x2122;80s with â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sonopoly.â&#x20AC;?)

Properties are bought in the form of classic albums, jail is rendered as being â&#x20AC;&#x153;off the bus,â&#x20AC;? railroads are famous music venues and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Karmaâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Rex Foundationâ&#x20AC;? cards instruct such goofiness as â&#x20AC;&#x153;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Truckinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Hits #1 in Turlockâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Advance Four Spaces.â&#x20AC;? The money is printed with each band memberâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s face, the playing tokens are either instruments, a bus or Weirâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dog, the background is tie-dyed and it comes with an official Grateful Dead-opoly VIP All-Access lanyard pass.

I know what your real question is: Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Boardwalk? Usually reserved in these types of offshoot games for properties of high prestige, in Grateful Dead-opoly, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the bandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s enduring 1970 album American Beauty. Let the arguing begin (â&#x20AC;&#x153;Aoxomoxoa deserves far better than Vermont Avenue, man!â&#x20AC;?) and buy Grateful Dead-opoly for $35 online at www.dead.net.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;G.M.

Riding Writing All North Bay residents know someone on fire for cycling. What better way for hardcore bike lovers to keep up on the latest group rides, tours and first-hand cycling adventures than to read about them in a hip, fun, grassroots cycling magazine? Founded

by Gran Fondo director Carlos Lopez, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Bike Monkeyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; magazine offers informative, often hysterically funny and always unpretentious articles that even beginning cyclists can comprehend and get excited about. Run by longtime locals with longtime bike addictions and printed on all recycled paper, Bike Monkey is the gift that keeps on giving.

At $14 for a one year, quarterly subscription and nogginâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; warming beanies at $15 each, Bike Monkey is a budget stocking stuffer that cyclists of all levels will be stoked about. www.bikemonkey.net.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;D.B.

Très Chic!

Twin sisters Michelle and Christina Wilson have a passion for fashion. Yet they didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t just dream about opening their own clothing store; they did it. Ooh La Loft

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C>??4A Phyllis Beals is perhaps the best advertisement for her own work.

opened in September 2008 in downtown Petaluma. To further expand their boutique, the twins relocated to the former site of Joeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s A-1 Bakery this past October.

Their hip 2,000-square-foot boutique, which appropriately includes an upstairs loft, holds rows of elegant designer dresses, plush shoe-shaped chairs for trying on heels and an impressive selection of recycled jeans. While they carry brands like Marc Jacobs, Citizens of Humanity and BCBG, the twin co-owners also support local designers by selling their items, like Christina Olympiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s jewelry or Coquetteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s silk dresses.

To the Wilson sisters, running their own business is a way of protecting the local economy, as well as the environment.

Making a conscious effort to keep textiles out of the landfills, they have set up a system in which customers can sell their quality recycled clothing to Ooh La Loft in return for cash or trade. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We wanted to have a store that was in the best interest of the environment and included fashion,â&#x20AC;? says Michelle. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Recycling clothing is our contribution to the environment and our local community.â&#x20AC;? 109 Petaluma Blvd. N., Petaluma. 707.769.7787.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;T.M.

Pedal Pretty Who doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t love handmade,

functional art? Furthermore, who doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t love a way to carry this art around by bike? Lucie White, the mastermind and craftswoman behind Santa Rosa based Luce Goods has set the trend for North Bay hipsters with her fabulous bags and hats. Fashioned after the musette, a WW II shoulder satchel, Luce Goods Lucette Bags ($60) are each one-of-a-kind, constructed of recycled fabric with a variety of lively and often amusing prints and colors. Each Lucette Bag comes complete with an outer pocket, a tab to attach your bike light onto and a carabiner hook that fastens to belt loops while you ride across town looking totally stylish and cool.

With batches of Luce Goods cycling hats custom made for local cycling companies like SoulCraft, Sycip and Custom Frame Builders, Luce Melon Hats ($30) are available for individual purchase as well, as are the cycling caps with ear f laps more formally known as Melon Sorbet Hats ($40). You can soon find these kick-ass, one-of-a-kind scores at Sycip (111 Fifth St., Santa Rosa; 707.542.6359) and the Bike Peddler (hats only, 605 College Ave., Santa Rosa; 707.571.2428). In the meantime, order directly at www.f lickr.com/ photos/lucegoods. Custom bags are also (' available!â&#x20AC;&#x201D;D.B. THE BOHEMIAN

12.09.09-12.15.09

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Lickable Sensuous Beautyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bodycare products are so delicious, it is difficult to resist the urge to pour them into a bowl and gobble them up like a dairy-free sundae. Made with all natural, plant-based ingredients, essential oils and in some cases even chocolate, the line includes products like Milky Oat Bath ($10.40), Bay Rum Aftershave and Cologne ($18) for men and, my personal favorite, Honey Rose Kissing Balm ($12). Made by hand in Sebastopol by the ladies who brought us that townâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sensuality Shoppe, Sensuous Beauty products not surprisingly also include an entire line of massage oils and aphrodisiacs such as Chocolate Body Paint ($10) and Aphrodisiac Love Nectar ($10), which are sure to entice your lover into the warm confines of your bed this winter. While Sensuous Beauty products are available at grocery stores and specialty retail outlets, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re reliably found at the Sensuality Shoppe (2371-A Gravenstein Hwy. S., Sebastopol; 707.829.3999) or online at www.sensuousbeauty.com.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;D.B.

High Hats Artistry, whimsy and craft define the decorative hats handmade by Phyllis Beals at her home studio in Santa Rosa, and perhaps the advertisement for her haberdasher

32

12.09.09-12.15.09

THE BOHEMIAN

handiwork is Beals herself, hardly ever seen without one of her smart chapeaus atop her head. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I feel naked without a hat. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m always wearing one,â&#x20AC;? Beals says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;and I sometimes forget that I even have one on.â&#x20AC;?

Beals, who drives a sea-foam green 1957 Morris Minor, is a pert, stylish woman whose fascination with hats goes back to childhood, when her family owned a trunk of vintage hats from the â&#x20AC;&#x2122;20s and â&#x20AC;&#x2122;30s. Making them came later. While a teacherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s assistant in the design department at UC Davis, she took part in a project called â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hats in a Hurry,â&#x20AC;? making five wearable hats from celluloid, lampshades and even menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s underpants.

Beals remembers, â&#x20AC;&#x153;People would say, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;You could sell those hats! I want to buy one!â&#x20AC;&#x2122; And thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s basically how it started.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;?

That was 20 years ago, and Beals has made and sold countless hats since, mostly from felt, that have been worn by everyone from Twiggy to Nancy Pelosi. Recently, sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s started making her own felt and sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s acquired a vintage 1920 straw-braiding machine for making authentic art deco weaves. She then adds a dash of vintage buttons and ribbons or â&#x20AC;&#x153;whatever seems to call to me and says, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;This would be great in a hat.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;?

Selling for between $90 and $350, Beals makes eye-catching headwear to turn any modern gal into a silent-film star. Bealsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; hats can be bought at the Sonoma County Museumâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gift shop (425 Seventh St., Santa Rosa; 707.579.1500) or by contacting the milliner herself at www.phyllisbealshats.com.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;G.M.

@A.42

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Ham for the Holidaysâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; celebrates radioâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s golden age

By David Templeton

8

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tâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an old theatrical conceit, the anticipated arrival of someone who may or may not ever arrive,â&#x20AC;? says Shad Willingham, director, author and star of Sixth Street Playhouseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new comedy Ham for the Holidays. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Playwrights love writing about people who never show up,â&#x20AC;? he says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I, personally, have always loved stories about normal people faced with extraordinary circumstances. So when I started writing this play, I decided I would have normal, everyday radio actors, waiting around on Christmas Eve for Orson Welles to appear.â&#x20AC;?

Why Orson Welles? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the definitive radio icon,â&#x20AC;? Willingham says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;With War of the Worlds, he proved you can reach and affect people deeply with the radio. Plus, he was a bit of a pompous ass.â&#x20AC;?

For Willingham, a teacher of drama at Tulane University in New Orleans, and a former company member at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, this production is momentous in many ways. A graduate of Santa Rosa High School, Willingham was a cofounder of the Sonoma County Repertory Theatre. Last year, he dressed in drag for Sixth Streetâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Leading Ladies, and now makes his Sixth Street directorial debut with Ham, which is having its world premier in the Studio Theater.

The play, which opened last weekend, evolved from a 20-minute sketch Willingham wrote two decades ago while attending the North Carolina School of the Arts. Called

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Ham for the Holidaysâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; runs Fridayâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;Sunday through Dec. 20. Fridayâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;Saturday at 8pm; Sunday at 2pm. Sixth Street Playhouse, 52 W. Sixth St., Santa Rosa. $17â&#x20AC;&#x201C;$22.

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Dead Air, the experimental piece, which had no mention of Orson Welles, featured four characters, all 1930s-era radio actors, performing Lucile Fletcherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Hitchhiker. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The sketch was all about watching these four terrible actors trying to get through this story,â&#x20AC;? Willingham says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;That sketch was written over a 14-day period when we were all assigned the task of creating somethingâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;a fight scene, some Shakespeare, a monologue, whatever. We were given two weeks, and then came back together to perform our pieces for each other. That assignment was an annual thing, and in the four years I was there, ours was the only original script. The greatest compliment we got was when one of our instructors said to us, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Unlike most of the other presentations, I can tell what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been doing for the last two weeks.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;?

Willingham is taking a few minutes off from rehearsing to talk about the production, hanging out in the theater lobby, where he is eventually joined by actor Norman P. Hall, as fellow cast members Dodds Delzell and Christmas Collins run lines nearby. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I love radio,â&#x20AC;? says Willingham, who plays the part of Dexter Armstrong, the fledgling writer whose play the radio company ends up doing. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I love the romantic aspects of classic radio. When I was growing up, one of my biggest aspirations was to become a DJ. I wanted to be a DJ so bad, spinning Billy Joel records, sending my voice out to hundreds of thousands of listeners.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an American thing, wanting to be a DJ,â&#x20AC;? says Hall, 72, who plays the part of an old, narcoleptic Shakespearean actor recruited to step in for the absent Orson Welles. Hallâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s character is chosen partly for his previous acting experiences, but mainly because he lives in the rundown trailer right behind the radio station. â&#x20AC;&#x153;My parents were European, so they had little interest in the radio, except as a source of information. For me radio was all about the serialsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Tom Mix, The Shadow, The Lone Ranger. Boxing, also, was really big on the radio when I was growing up.

So when I imagined being a part of the radio world, it was always as an actor.â&#x20AC;?

Playing Dick McCann in Ham has been especially fun, Hall says, because he can enjoy the attitude of the character, a guy so confident in his own classical training that he keeps insisting he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need a microphone to be heardâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;even though heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s performing in a radio show. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hilarious and very well written,â&#x20AC;? Hall says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not just saying that because Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m sitting across the playwright.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Of course you are,â&#x20AC;? Willingham laughs. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Well, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not only saying it because Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m sitting across from the director,â&#x20AC;? Hall retorts. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is a very funny play.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;With any luck,â&#x20AC;? Willingham says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;this play will become one of those shows that can be brought back year after year, as an alternative to shows like A Christmas Carol. I almost titled this one Not a Christmas Carol just to make it clear that this is a definite departure from the Christmas norm.â&#x20AC;?

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F4;;4B 4=>D67 Norman P. Hall, center, fills in for Orson Welles.

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12.09.09-12.15.09

THE BOHEMIAN

pendant by Saundra Messinger

8

n considering Me and Orson Welles, I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t help but remember Pauline Kaelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lead for her review of the 1982 film My Favorite Year: â&#x20AC;&#x153;[Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s] about hero worship, andâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; surprise!â&#x20AC;&#x201D;itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s for it.â&#x20AC;? Me and Orson Wellesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; take on Welles is no such surprise. No one gets a Pulitzer for pointing out that Orson Welles is a more fascinating figure than Zak Efron. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also not news that Efron has something. The star of the phenomenally popular High School Musical franchise is an accomplished songand-dance man; he canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t resist a little stepand-slide while waiting for his date to climb the stairs to her apartment.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s likely some director will find the right way to graduate Efron from the juvenile stage, and such a director should emphasize his hard shiny shell. Efron would make a great Pal Joey, for instance, and eventually heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to have some of Gene Kellyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s slight ruthlessness. Here, Efron just takes the spotlight away from a far more fascinating figure. Director Richard Linklaterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s focus is more upon an innocent pup of 1937 than in the rising of Welles.

Efronâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Richard is a high school student who literally wanders into a small part in Wellesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; production of Julius Caesar at the Mercury Theater. The theater itself is a ruin

with gaping trapdoors that tend to swallow actors whole. Richard will be working for free in his three- or four-line role as Lucius, playing a ukulele disguised as a lute. Dealing with the moods of the already notorious Welles, Richard is drawn by two women: one is Wellesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; assistant, Sonja (Claire Danes); the other is a yearning would be writer (Zoe Kazan) who longs to get into the New Yorker.

Shooting at a restored old theater in Douglas, on the Isle of Man, Linklater recreates Wellesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; New York staging of Julius Caesar in fascist black-shirt costumes. This was a stripped-down shocker of a production that lasted one hour and 45 minutes without intermission. The stage scenes are the most compelling in the movie; we can see effect of â&#x20AC;&#x153;Nuremburg lightingâ&#x20AC;? in the finale and the quotes from Mussoliniâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s anthems in Marc Blitzstienâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s score.

Welles played Brutus, and in Wellesian fashion he bent the heavily edited text around the noble assassin. But his acting was apparently not the true thrill of the production. And Linklater sensibly concentrates on the graphic fist of this Caesar. It was a preview of the intensity Welles would later bring to the cinema.

Christian McKayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s version of Welles is routinely delightful and unpredictable. He misses a little of the real manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s impudence; the emphasis here is on the man under stress, as opposed to his startling playfulness. The voice isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t overdone but it sounds very right on the ear. McKay is fleshy enough, but he distractingly resembles Carl Reiner. James Tupper also gets the essence of Joseph Cotten through voice and mannerisms, though this Cotten here is seemingly more interested in girls than acting.

Simon Callowâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s excellent book Orson Welles: The Road to Xanadu is a helpful background to the parts Linklater canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get on screen. Callow notes that Wellesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; version hadnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t been the only proposed staging of Caesar that alluded to fascism.

The actor-turned-historian also notes the textual limitations of a Brutus-centered production, and how much sound effects and lighting helped a cash-strapped theater company of the 1930s. And the interviews are enlightening; Norman Lloyd, here played by Leo Bill, described Wellesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; take on Caesar as â&#x20AC;&#x153;Costa-Gavras.â&#x20AC;?

The problem is that Richardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s weeklong rapture with Orson leaves him where he started. Kazan, button-cute as she is, doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t hold up her end of Richardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s triangle, particularly when we see her muttering â&#x20AC;&#x153;Truth is beauty, beauty truthâ&#x20AC;? to an actual Grecian urn. Linklaterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s unforced handling of the cast is a plus; as Wellesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; expression has it, Linklater doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t push the river.

Tasty bits of history and the even-handed approach to Claire Danesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; lively character arre a plus. But one feels that had the movie come out in favor of hero worship, it wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have hurt. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a kind of moral monstrosity placed on Welles, making him an ungrateful brat who turns on people. And I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get behind the moral outrage weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re supposed to feel when Welles shows interest in Sonja. If a man is a genuine king, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hard to resent him a little droit de seigneur. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Me and Orson Wellesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; opens Friday, Dec. 11, at the Rialto Lakeside Cinemas, 551 Summerfield Road, Santa Rosa. 707.525.4840.

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12.09.09-12.15.09

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Film capsules by Richard von Busack, Eloy Camacho, Michael S. Gant and Gretchen Giles.

FOR NORTH BAY MOVIE TIMES, GO TO www.sonomamovietimes.com www.marinmovietimes.com www.napamovietimes.com THE BOHEMIAN

12.09.09-12.15.09

37

38

12.09.09-12.15.09

THE BOHEMIAN

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On the Money

Bounty Hunter

Uptown Girl

Short Shorts

You might want DJ Hero. You might want a f lat-screen TV. You might even want, for reasons we canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite understand, an Amazon Kindle.

But who wants two tickets to Paradise? Eddie Money, who gets his last name from the very currency that makes December go â&#x20AC;&#x2122;round, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s who. In a benefit performance for the Marine Corpsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; annual Toys for Tots campaign, the 60year-old rocker and ex-cop drops in for a runthrough of all his hits, including â&#x20AC;&#x153;Baby Hold Onâ&#x20AC;? and the 1986 smash â&#x20AC;&#x153;Take Me Home Tonight.â&#x20AC;?

Too old to rock? Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry, grandma, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an all-acoustic set. Bringing a new, unwrapped toy to the show gets you in a half-hour early for a meet-and-greet with Money himself, where you can congratulate him for completing, earlier this year, his most recent rehab stint. Be his little baby on Sunday, Dec. 13, at the Mystic Theatre.

23 Petaluma Blvd. N., Petaluma. 8pm. $30.

707.765.2121.

Always on the hunt for new sounds and new contexts, the Berkeley-bred eight-string jazz guitarist Charlie Hunter is something of a Pat Metheny for the funk generation; last year, he was seen with Meters drummer Zigaboo Modeliste at Yoshiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, and for his upcoming album, Gentlemen, I Neglected to Inform You You Will Not Be Getting Paid, he picked up seasoned players from Antibalas and TV on the Radio.

Always with a tight group, Hunter is an unstoppable touring machine with a bounty of musical ideas and great sidemen. This weekendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s show features Hunter along with jazz trumpeter Ron Miles, the Lounge Lizardsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Curtis Fowkes, trombonist Alan Ferber, and Eric Kalb, whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s guested with Sharon Jonesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; band, the Dap-Kings, on drums. Get down to new tracks like â&#x20AC;&#x153;High Pockets and a Fanny Packâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Every Day You Wake Up New York Says Noâ&#x20AC;? on Sunday, Dec. 13, at the Hopmonk Tavern.

230 Petaluma Ave., Sebastopol.

8:30pm. $20. 707.829.7300.

Since shutting its doors in the late 1980s, the Uptown Theater in Napa has been one of those dream projects of restorationâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;everyone wants to see it shine like the architectural diamond it once was when it first opened in 1937, but whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got the money? Alas, good intentions and good benefactors have recently combined to save the decaying theater, and the Uptown is slated to reopen in early 2010, with full restoration to its original art deco splendor. The job hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t been easy (when it closed, its ceiling fresco was covered and the large auditorium was subdivided into four smaller theaters with separate screens), but the results are reportedly beautiful. The public gets its first chance to witness the restoration when Napa County Landmarks leads its 21st annual Holiday Candlelight Tour, which begins inside the grand theater with a full presentation and Q&A with the new owners before covering vernacular residential architecture northwest of town. Fulfill your curiosity and toast to historic preservation on Saturday, Dec. 12, at the Uptown Theater.

1350 Third St., Napa. 4pm to 8pm. $30.

707.255.1836.

Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s presented the quirky North Bay holiday show Twisted Christmas Live for seven years, and now, longtime Bohemian stage reviewer, playwright and general man-about-town David Templeton hosts Twisted Shorts, an evening of short films celebrating the off beat side of the 25th.

Combining live commentary with weird short films, Templeton and co-organizer Dan Zastrow are going for a vintage late-night-television, movie-show feel, and the results should prove to be hilarious. Among other films, the 90-minute program includes Santalicious, in which Santaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reindeer investigate Mr. Clausâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; sudden weight loss; Present Tense, a mock home movie in which a Christmas morning gift swap turns horribly awry; and the bright and chipper Suicidal Christmas Trees, a look into the various miseries and ailments of our arboreal companions. Take a walk on the wild side with Twisted Shorts on Thursday, Dec. 10, at the Rafael Film Center. 1118 Fourth St., San Rafael.

7pm. $10. 415.454.1222.

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12.09.09-12.15.09

39

TWICE THE PURPLE. TWICE THE BLONDE. TWICE THE HOT!

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Honky Tonkinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Rockâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;n Roll 4:00pm / In the Bar

PETTY THEFT Dec 18 The Ultimate Tom Petty Tribute Fri

8:30pm

Sat

Dec 19

SHANA MORRISON

Shana and Santa Together!

8:30pm

SANTA & MRS CLAUS 2:00â&#x20AC;&#x201C;4:00pm Dec 20 TIM CAINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S CHRISTMAS SING-ALONG 4:00â&#x20AC;&#x201C;6:00pm Sun

THE HOT CLUB OF SAN FRANCISCO 7:30pm

Sat

4th Annual Holiday Bash!

Dec 26 THE 85â&#x20AC;&#x2122;S

80â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Party Band 8:30pm

Sun

Dec 27

FIREWHEEL

Roots Rock 4:00/In the Bar

New Yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Weekend Thur

New Yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Eve Party!

THE ZYDECCO FLAMES Dec 31 9:00pm Fri

Open New Yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day for

Jan

1 CHAMPAGNEE BRUNCH

Sat

ROY ROGERSS 2 8:30pm

Jan

Reservations Advised 11:00amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;3:00pm

Outdoor Dining 7 Days a Week

415.662.2219

B42A4C 70=3B70:4B

On the Town Square, Nicasio www.ranchonicasio.com

40

12.09.09-12.15.09

Geoff Muldaur, a blues musician of invigorating technique, is at Schoenberg Guitars in Tiburon Dec. 11. See Concerts, this page.

THE BOHEMIAN

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TROI may cause dizziness at noise-rock convergence in Sebastopol it singles, perfect hair, million-dollar production, glossy spreads. Who needs it! Making a name for oneself in music is sometimes such a daunting prospect that the more attractive option is to go in the completely opposite direction. Take the bands of traveling troublemakers like the Reatards and the Mummies, who gained notoriety for being thrown out of clubs simply for being utterly annoying and antagonizing. If you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t beat â&#x20AC;&#x2122;em, beat â&#x20AC;&#x2122;em.

Last month, an intentionally abrasive noise band called TROIâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;a moniker shortened from their former name, Drinking Coffee from Counselor Troiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Headâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;joined the select group of bands so loud and irritating as to warrant being thrown out of a venue in the middle of their set.

At a small show at Unity Music on Piner Road in Santa Rosa, after 15 minutes of noise so gut-churning that the guitarist himself had to take a break to step outside and vomit in the parking lot and some questionable activity with wooden stools, the management turned the lights on.

The band, cut short. The ďŹ nger, pointing toward the door.

It was probably just an awkward billing, as freely improvised, gut-churning noise actually does have a local following. Just look at the lineup this weekend at the Odd Fellowsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Hall in Sebastopol, hosted by tireless West County curator A DJ N Front of the Coffee Shop. Billed simply as â&#x20AC;&#x153;Party & Lounge Art and Music Show,â&#x20AC;? the multi-genre evening features Moira Scar, a transvestite experimental band made of Roxy Monoxide and LuLu LaCorpse, who live in a barn with a bunch of feral cats by Santa Rosa Creek; some â&#x20AC;&#x153;downtempo chillnessâ&#x20AC;? from Gabby La La and Zach Morris; acoustic groove-soul from Kyle Williams; hellďŹ re and brimstone from Shrew Florist; prog-rock locals PATHOS; the downtempo electronic sounds of OKnotOK; and many, many more, including the return of TROI. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s easily the weirdest thing going on in West County this weekend, and thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s saying a lot. Witness the madness on Friday, Dec. 11, at the Odd Fellowsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Hall. 195 N. Main St., Sebastopol. 6pm. $7. www.myspace.com/indiemixn.

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COYOTE GRACE

GLENMORANGIE G LENMO M R ANGIIE TASTING T TA STING

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Wed, Dec 9 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45 Jazzercise 10am-12:15pm Scottish Dance Youth and Family 7:00-10:00pm Singles & Pairs Square Dance Club Thur, Dec 10 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45pm Jazzercise 7:25â&#x20AC;&#x201C;10:30pm Circle Nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Square Dance Club Fri, Dec 11 8:45-9:45am Jazzercise 7:30pm California Ballroom presents a Holiday Hors Dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Oeuvres Potluck Evening with an Evening of Dancing $10 Sat, Dec 12 8:00-9:00am; 9:15-10:15am Jazzercise 10:30-11:40am Salsa Workout with DJ Steve Luther 7:00pm Positive Image Fundraiser Benefiting LGBTQ Youth featuring COYOTE GRACE $10 Sun, Dec 13 8:30-9:30am Jazzercise 10:30â&#x20AC;&#x201C;11:30am Zumba Fitness with Anna 1:30-3:30pm Vintage Dance with Gary Thomas 5:00â&#x20AC;&#x201C;9:30pm DJ Steve Luther Country-Western Lessons & Dancing $10 Mon, Dec 14 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45pm Jazzercise 3:30pm WEIGHTWATCHERS MEETING Weigh in 3:30, Meeting 4:00 7:00-10:00pm New! Scottish Country Dancing Tues, Dec 15 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45pm Jazzercise 9:30am WEIGHTWATCHERS MEETING

Weigh in 9:30, Meeting 10:00

7:15-9:00pm AFRICAN DANCE with Victoria Strowbridge

feat. West African and Congolese Dance

Santa Rosaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Social Hall since 1922 1400 W. College Avenue â&#x20AC;˘ Santa Rosa, CA 707.539.5507 â&#x20AC;˘ www.monroe-hall.com THE BOHEMIAN

12.09.09-12.15.09

41

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EVERY MONDAY ! DEREK SMITHâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S OPEN MIC EVERY TUESDAY ! UZILEVSKY KORTY DUO WED ! DEC 9 ! 9PM

DIAMOND ORTIZ HUMP DAY PARTY

THURS ! DEC 10 ! 7PM ! $12

ELLEN ELIZABETH

AND THE VINTAGE CITY ALLSTARS FEATURING MONROE GRISMAN

FRI ! DEC 11 ! 9PM ! $25/$30 DOS

ENGLISH BEAT

SAT ! DEC 12 ! 9PM ! $10

KORTY AND FRIENDS SUN ! DEC 13 ! 5PM

2ND SUNDAYS WITH JAZZ LEGEND JULES BROSSARD & GUESTS HOT UPCOMING ACTS

12/18 SAN QUINN W/DJ AMEN 1/2/10 MICHEAL SHENKER GROUP 1/22/10 KONSHENS

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42

12.09.09-12.15.09

THE BOHEMIAN

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43

:B@60

=0<4;4BB 0=3 B70<4;4BB â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Untitledâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; is the latest deranged emission from the president of Freakalloveryoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;bootyland.

CWT 3dST 8b =dcb R. Kelly delves deeper into undiagnosed sex addiction

By David Sason

4

veryone has an opinion about R. Kelly the man, but when it comes to his music, the self-proclaimed â&#x20AC;&#x153;Pied Piper of R&Bâ&#x20AC;? has two distinct groups of fans. One is made up of admirers of the Chicagoanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s more conventional â&#x20AC;&#x2122;90s singles, like the sensual â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bump nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Grindâ&#x20AC;? or the inspirational â&#x20AC;&#x153;I Believe I Can Fly.â&#x20AC;? They are now disgusted or perplexed.

On the other side are enthusiasts of his increasingly odd, colloquial and hilarious releases, from the sidesplitting serial â&#x20AC;&#x153;Trapped in the Closetâ&#x20AC;? and his voicemailmessage â&#x20AC;&#x153;Leave Your Nameâ&#x20AC;? to the aweinspiring â&#x20AC;&#x153;Real Talk,â&#x20AC;? where he basically croons through a profanity-laden threeminute argument with his girlfriend. The former feel heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s squandering his buttery smooth, angelic voice, while the latter believe thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no better use for his golden pipes than double entendres like his impassioned declaration from 2005â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;In the Kitchenâ&#x20AC;? that he wants to, you know, toss your salad.

The mostly down-tempo Untitled should appeal to the first faction more than last yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s unreleased 12 Play: Fourth Quarter, his first album since his 2008 acquittal of child pornography charges. Leaked prematurely then shelved, Fourth Quarter brazenly

44

12.09.09-12.15.09

THE BOHEMIAN

dripped with blatant sexuality, including the self-explanatory â&#x20AC;&#x153;Wanna Make a Baby,â&#x20AC;? the even more self-explanatory â&#x20AC;&#x153;Kiss Your Candy,â&#x20AC;? an incorrigible paternity-scare tale â&#x20AC;&#x153;Might Be Mineâ&#x20AC;? and munificent lead single â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hair Braiderâ&#x20AC;? (â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m doing my hair braider / She do my hair so good that I gotta tip herâ&#x20AC;?).

This record still packs a fair amount of Kellyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s quirkiness, mind you. As one of R&Bâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most brilliant minds, Kelly doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t lack talent; he only lacks a filter. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d think the man whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sung about midgets that â&#x20AC;&#x153;shittedâ&#x20AC;? and who now wants to â&#x20AC;&#x153;bury myself all in you as if you were my graveâ&#x20AC;? could conjure a title with more f lair than Untitled, but this is actually less weird than the sequels to his debut 12 Play, which share no thematic link with the album and feature such puzzling, garbled monikers as â&#x20AC;&#x153;TP.2.COMâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;TP.3 Reloaded.â&#x20AC;?

Untitled reminds us that even at age 42, Kellyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a player, and his kingdom remains (of course) the club. Opener â&#x20AC;&#x153;Crazy Nightâ&#x20AC;? sets it off with a sparse finger-snap and drumbeat before devolving into a dated, mock T-Pain chorus, complete with generic party sentiment: â&#x20AC;&#x153;If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re drinkinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; what Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m drinkinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; / Put your hands up in the sky.â&#x20AC;? Next up is â&#x20AC;&#x153;Exit,â&#x20AC;? a sprightly midtempo piano jam where Kelly plots an escape from the club. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Like a professor, babe, I give sex seminars,â&#x20AC;? he sings, proving that heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still the X-rated Smokey Robinson.

In R. Kellyland, the club always leads to the bedroom. The slow jam â&#x20AC;&#x153;Echoâ&#x20AC;? has Kelly calling his girlfriend in sick to work, and literally yodeling, Sound of Musicâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;style, through not only â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sex in the morning, sex all dayâ&#x20AC;? but also, yes, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sex in the evening, sex all night.â&#x20AC;? If this sounds like too much for one lucky lady, the next verse assures us that Kellyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still a gentleman: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Anâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; when you need a break, I let you up, I let you breathe,â&#x20AC;? he sings, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Wash yoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; face, get sumthinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; to eat, then come back to the bedroom.â&#x20AC;?

Next up, slow jams â&#x20AC;&#x153;Banginâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; the Headboardâ&#x20AC;? and Fourth Quarter remnant â&#x20AC;&#x153;Go Low,â&#x20AC;? in which Kellyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s affection goes deeper than ever. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wanna put you on my plate / Sop you up with some biscuits and eat you, baby,â&#x20AC;? he says, before urging her, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Grab my ears and pull my face / Tonight Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be giving you brain.â&#x20AC;?

While all this may be delicious fodder for those with a penchant for cheesy adult-film lingo, Untitled suffers from tired, unoriginal beats and mediocre refrains, even in the Southern-stomping single â&#x20AC;&#x153;Supaman Highâ&#x20AC;? and subtle closer â&#x20AC;&#x153;Pregnantâ&#x20AC;? (as in, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Girl, you make me wanna get you pregnantâ&#x20AC;?). The best track is the ambitious â&#x20AC;&#x153;Be My #2,â&#x20AC;? a discofunk banger that lyrically goes far beyond the Beatlesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x153;In My Lifeâ&#x20AC;? with Casanova Kelly wooing his mistress while downplaying their limitations. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I could take you out to dinner, but thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a couple places we wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t go,â&#x20AC;? he coos, â&#x20AC;&#x153;So I could take you to a hotel.â&#x20AC;?

Longtime radio sexologist Dr. Drew would have a field day with Kellyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hypersexualizing of everything from his refrigerator to the zoo, especially in the wake of his acquittal. But without the beats and melodies that made 2007â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Double Up so wholly enjoyable, no matter how captivatingly screwy, R. Kelly is starting to look like â&#x20AC;&#x153;that old guyâ&#x20AC;? at the club. And thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not a very glamorous title to have.

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Give â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Hollywood (Abridged)â&#x20AC;&#x2122; this February hat do you get if you combine the James Bond series with the Home Alone franchise? Spy kids? What if you combine Cinderella and Klute? You end up with Pretty Woman. Having proven that clever combinations can sometimes result in successful films, what about these future cinematic marvels? Snow White and the Seven Samurai. Taxi Driving Miss Daisy. The Godfather of the Bride. Independence Day of the Dead.

These and other filmic fun-and-games are at the heart of Completely Hollywood (Abridged), the most recent literary stage show from Reed Martin (above) and Austen Tichenor of the legendary Reduced Shakespeare Company. Martin, who lives in Sonoma and teaches at the Santa Rosa Junior College, developed the show over the last few years and is gearing up for a run of the showâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; in which a trio of would-be filmmakers attempt to make the greatest movie ever filmed, by combining elements from every movie ever madeâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;at Washington, D.C.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Kennedy Center in June and July. As a special benefit for SRJC, which has seen devastating budget cuts to its theater programs, Martin and Tichenor will perform the spiffy new version of Completely Hollywood (Abridged) at the Burbank Auditorium on Feb. 10. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really great because we can help out one of the finest community colleges in the country,â&#x20AC;? says Martin, â&#x20AC;&#x153;and at the same time we can try out our new material on the JC crowdâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;so we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t end up trying it out at the Kennedy Center.â&#x20AC;?

The show, which Martin describes as â&#x20AC;&#x153;a parade of Hollywood clichĂŠâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s exploited to comic advantage,â&#x20AC;? presents a perfect gift-giving opportunity to anyone on your list whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d rather be given a memorable experience than a dust-gathering thingamabob. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tickets to this show make a perfect stocking stuffer,â&#x20AC;? Martin declares. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I guarantee they will not be what anyone expects, and they will probably fit in any traditional stocking.â&#x20AC;?

Completely Hollywood (Abridged) happens Feb. 10, at the Burbank Auditorium, SRJC, 1501 Mendocino Ave. $30.

Order early at the box office. 707.527.4343.

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Greg Mortenson an ad hoc ambassador reg Mortenson didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t start out to change the world.

All he wanted to do was to climb K2 and honor the memory of a sister who had recently passed away. But as his days spent trying to top one of the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s toughest mountains grew to number in the 70s, Mortenson realized he was beat. Retreating back down to ground level, he spent several weeks recuperating in a Pakistan village. There he saw children learning to write by using sticks to draw in the dirt. And there he saw how uneducated women suffered.

Mortensonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s efforts to educate children, particularly girls, in Pakistan and Afghanistan resulted in the bestselling book Three Cups of Tea. Now required reading for all top U.S. military leaders, Tea tells most Americans more than they would ever know about the tribal politics and indigenous ways of people Machiavelli never heard of but would greatly admire.

Mortenson returns with Stones into Schools: Promoting Peace with Books, Not Bombs, in Afghanistan and Pakistan, picking up where Tea left off as he further recounts his efforts to build schools, reach out to illiterate women and succor those injured and bereaved after the great 2005 earthquake decimated Kashmir and parts of Pakistan. Nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize this year, Mortenson is the cofounder of the Central Asia Institute and of Pennies for Peace, for which U.S. children have raised millions to build Central Asian schools just one penny at a time.

Copperfieldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Books presents Mortenson reading from and discussing his work on Saturday, Dec. 12, at 7pm. Sant Rosa High School Auditorium, 1235 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa. $10 with book purchase; $20 without. 707.823.2618.

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D=;8:4;H 43D20C>A Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst makes directorial debut Dec. 13 with â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Education of Charlie Banksâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; for SIFF. See Film, adjacent.

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THE BOHEMIAN

Sculptor Peter Forakis, 1927â&#x20AC;&#x201C;2009

mong the many pleasures of life in the North Bay is running into famous artists at the grocery store or the post office. They live here but show elsewhere, in such far-off metropolises as are sometimes called New York.

Sculptor Peter Forakis, who died on Thanksgiving Day at age 82, was among the most influential sculptors quietly inhabiting the North Bay. Born in Montana to Greek immigrants, Forakis did his duty in Korea and then attended the California School of Fine Arts (now the SF Art Institute) before decamping for the East Coast. There he was a cofounder of the avant Park Place Gallery; in San Francisco, he helped to found Six Gallery. His gift was to understand how to make math visible and how to make geometry sing, even through the silent bulk of steel.

Reviewing Forakisâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; work in the San Francisco Chronicle, critic Kenneth Baker hailed him as â&#x20AC;&#x153;the originator of geometry-based sculpture.â&#x20AC;? As interested in absence as in presence, Forakis pioneered a method of cutting away steel forms rather than adding to them, allowing gravity and the materialâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sheer weight to balance his massive objects delicately.

As a master must, he influenced many younger artists, most notably sculptor Mark di Suvero, and was embraced by the pillars of our local arts community, including Voight Family Sculpture Foundation curator Debra Lehane, who helped to place two of Forakisâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; works with the Foundation in Healdsburg and Petaluma. Another of his large civic sculptures is readily seen at Santa Rosaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Juilliard Park. Forakis is pictured above in the garden of Forestvilleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Quicksilver Mine Co., sharing a laugh with sculptor Genevieve Barnhart. His memorial was held Dec. 4 and a public celebration is planned for March. His mortal coil may be sloughed, but his legacy is as vital and enduring as metal.

Gretchen Giles

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318943

PRETTY & SLENDER Bright and youthful SWF, 50+, enjoys listening to or playing music, travel, playing at the beach, and dating. Seeking nice-looking, kind, intelligent SM, 50s plus or minus, with sense-of-humor, financially secure, to share fun indoors and out, concerts and movies, dining out and walks, cozy fireplaces and sometimes campfires. 303711

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305007

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35-50. 314433

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Call costs $2.29/min. Must be 18+

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313126

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Men Seeking Women HANDSOME BM...

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Singles Parties

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LOTTERY WINNER if you respond to this ad you will in effect have won the lottery. I’m a bald 54 year-old, handsome man, well-traveled, love cooking, adventure, exploring. Ready to have a slender, attractive, sexy, happy girlfriend. 325270

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304990

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324312

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324795

ADULTS OF ALL AGES WELCOME!

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ONE GOOD MAN LEFT SHM, 32, N/S, likes soccer, running. In search of SA/BF for friendship first possibly leading to more. 319059

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ONE HONEST WOMAN LEFT Bright SF, 60s, with good values, flexible and honest, likes reading, camping, travel, taking walks. Seeking similar male, 50-69, for friendship, casual relationship, possible LTR. 309769

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I’M NOT THE GUY... ...for long walks on the beach, dancing the night away. Retiree, 48, moderately disabled with MS, SSU grad, into jazz, films, progressive talk radio.

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Call costs $2.19/min. Must be 18+ Men Seeking Women FRIEND LOVER SOULMATE SWPJM, 56, 5’10”, blue eyes, sandy brown hair, kind, passionate, artistic, sincere, committed and fun, enjoys ocean walks, travel, arts, food, wine and nature. Seeking SF, 50-62, kindred spirit, kind, soft, sensuous, for life’s adventures together. 309779

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FRIENDSHIP FIRST Caring, honest, nurturing SM, 60s, enjoys music, watching tv, walks, camping, coffee shops, hiking and museums. Looking for SF, 30-70, for dating possibly leading to LTR. 313144

LTR AND LOVE IN BOOTS Italian Taurus, SM, 45, 6’, 218lbs, N/S, N/Drugs, N/D, long hair, educated, published, financially/ emotionally secure, respectful, inspiring, tender, great sense of humor, enjoys alternative music, dancing, movies, animals, cooking, conversation, mountains. Seeking thin, dancing SWF, 18-33, in boots for LTR. 315055

LOOK NO FURTHER SWM, 30, 5’4’’, looking for a woman, 30-40, who wants to hang out and get to know each other. 317907

READY FOR LTR Shy, friendly, caring, cleancut, classy SM, 50s, enjoys music, camping, travel, long drives, hiking, beaches, seeks similar woman, 30-50, for LTR. 302300

LET’S MEET FOR COFFEE SM, 20s, bright, artistic, ambitious, optimistic, personable, likes dining, travel, the beach, walking, exercise. Seeking female, 20s, for possible relationship. 318319

Men Seeking Men LOOKING FOR LOVE Seeking one man to love and care for completely and forever.

Me: SBM, 50ish, affectionate, supportive, genuine, lots to offer. You: just be yourself, imperfect, mature older man, 70-90, with some humor, some laughter. Are you the one?

299175

LET’S HAVE FUN SM, 38, 6’2”, 200lbs, looking for a top or couples to get together and share good times with.

324363

CALL ME BiWM, handyman artist in Marin, 52, 5’6”, 180lbs, dirty blond hair, pale blue eyes, seeks couple or singles for fun in Marin or nearby. 293610

STRAIGHTFORWARD FUN SWM, 39, looking for SF, 18-50, who likes to try new things and isn’t afraid of having a little fun!

304707

COMPASSIONATE GUY Hard-working, classy, clean-cut, caring, honest male in search of a male, 58-69, who likes night clubs, television, travel, dancing, the beach, taking walks, exercise. 308996

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311573

Women Seeking Women

SHE-MALE SEEKS GOOD TIMES Want to spend time with a man or a woman. I am very affectionate, beautiful, and love to be held. Interested? 279657

READY FOR FUN? SWM, 30, feminine bottom, looking for a top WM, 20-60, for good times and fun. Let’s see where it goes! 311892

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LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 41, Santa Rosa area, looking for a SWF, 30-45, to hang out and have fun with. 318644

NATURE LOVER Health-conscious, honest, wise, spiritual, artistic, friendly female, 50s, enjoys philosophy, psychology, walking, reading, the beach. Searching for similar female, 50s, for long-term relationship. 302296

Alternative Lifestyles SPANK YOU VERY MUCH Woman, thou shalt be spanked.

Gentle or hard, clothed or naked, whatever you deserve, by a sexy man who knows how to do it. 288495

DISCREET ENCOUNTER BiHM, 50, 5’6”, 180lbs, nonsmoker, seeking males, females or couples to have some hot fun and more. 324668

COUPLE SEEKS WOMAN Very attractive, middle-aged, married white couple, she’s 5’2”, 125lbs, 34D. He is 5’11”, 172lbs. Both and very sensual and she is multi-orgasmic. We are N/S, light drinkers, heal-conscious, pleasant, non-pushy.

Please be N/S, H/W proportionate, white, Hispanic or Asian, under 55. Bi or bi-curious ok.

Discretion assured. Let’s have fun. 314002

KEEP IT DISCREET WF, 30s, dark/dark, light complexion, fun-loving, bi-curious, seeks discreet female, 28-55, to have fun and party with.

314779

WHATEVER YOU DECIDE! SM, 5’11’’, 170lbs, light brown hair, blue eyes, athletic build, shaved, smooth and sexy, wellendowed, into a wide variety of pleasures. Anything goes; role play, fantasy fulfillment, toys, porn, lingerie. Seeking couples and females to party and play.

316161

TURN THE TABLES Handsome, sane, married WM, 57 is looking for a woman, who knows how to use a strap on, for ongoing, mostly daytime play. I will please you in any way that you want and I take directions well. 318288

GREAT LEGS! Tall, slender cross-dresser, very nice legs, looking for men or a group of men. Give me a call, let’s have some fun!

318996

BD/SM SWM, submissive, wants one or two females or young male for BD/SM, watersports, torture, anal. Never did any of this before, but curious to try now!

319455

SEEKING COUPLES Good-looking bi male, 50, would like to meet bi man/woman couples for erotic interlude.

319986

TRIPLE PLAY Handsome, easygoing, discreet, polite gentleman, 57, enjoys couples. I am a WM, 6’, 190lbs, athletic build, well hung and Bi. I also like dominant women. 232423

LET’S HAVE SOME FUN Male looking for an older gentleman, 35-65, to teach me the ropes. I haven’t been with too many people. I like watching adult movies and trying new things. 321782

I NEED HELP! Married HM, 49, 5’11”, goodlooking, doesn’t get it at home.

Looking for a wild woman with a high libido for a discreet sexual encounter. 322196

FREAKY MAN... looking for a freaky, spontaneous, wild, erotic woman, 1855, to get together and have some fun, adult times together.

322361

JOIN US Bi couple looking for a stud, a muffin or both. Satisfaction guaranteed. 323336

SANTA ROSA AREA WM, 41, looking for open-minded people who enjoy adult fun. I like adult movies, toys and looking for a couples and females. I can be orally bi depending on the chemistry. 323130

18+

866.689.5312 Get ready to meet someone special.

Missed Connections AMAZON KINDLE Hello, I met you Friday June 27 at the Russian River Brewing Company on Fourth St. in Santa Rosa. She may be a computer programmer from St. Helena Hospital and watched on this day 3 movies back to back in the theater on Fourth St. in the town of Santa Rosa The Love Guru by Mike Meyers, Wall-E and another film.

And she sipped a little beer and read from her Amazon kindle. I would like to get in touch with this girl and ask her to edit my book. She is a perfect candidate for my book. Hope to hear from you. Phil. 274972

CORINA IN OLIVER’S Saturday at 4:00PM, You had 15-year-old twins with blacks belts in karate. I have two cute little kids. We talked about children and kale. Lunch?

311695

call 1.800.214.3435

The Bohemian is no longer servicing walk-in ads. Please call 1-800-214-3435 to become a member.

Dial 1.900.287.1222 or 1.800.273.8235

(with credit card or check)

Only $2.19 per minute • 18 and up • Or call toll-free 1.800.214.3435 to become a member.

THE BOHEMIAN

1203

12.09.09-12.15.09

51

BOHEMIANCLASSIFIEDS Placing an Ad

Classified Index ❶ Employment

❹ Professional Services

❸ Computer Market

➏ Real

❷ For Sale

➎ Music Scene

Estate

g Jobs

Seeking undercover shoppers urgently!!!

If interested in Undercover Shopping contact: Cook Depp Refer all resumes/applications to cook.depp@gmail.com.

MOVIE EXTRAS NEEDED Earn $150 to $300 Per Day. All Looks, Types and Ages.

Feature Films, Television, Commercials, and Print.

No Experience Necessary.

1-800-340-8404 x2001 (AAN CAN)

Electronics

**BODYGUARDS WANTED**

Get Dish-Free Installation

FREE Training & Job Placement Assistance for members.

No Experience OK. Excellent potential $$$. Full & Part Time. Traveling expenses paid. 1-615-228-1701. www.psubodyguards.com (AAN CAN)

$19.99 per month. HBO & Showtime Free. Over 50 HD Channels Free. Lowest Prices no equipment to buy! Call now for details: 877/2420974. (AAN CAN)

Cocktail Arcades for SALE Ms.Pacman, Galaga.

Shooting/Driving/Fighting/ Redemption/Amusement Games & More!

WWW.COINOPSTORE.COM CALL (888)378-9416

gg For Sale Appliances

Goldstar Microwave

I bought the Goldstar at Sears. It is medium size and is brown with black trim. $30.

Garage Sales

Festive Holiday Garage Sale!

Lots & lots of Xmas items, Mostly new or gently used.

Clothes, Shoes, Kitchenware, Books, Collectibles: Of all kinds. 119 McNear Circle, Petaluma. Sat & Sun Dec 5 & 6, 8AM-4P.

g g Wanted

Will Buy Your: Pre 1964 Silver Coins or Bars Cold Hard Cash for your coins and bars. Call me night and day! (415) 261-8511 Miscellaneous

Q UALITY G RAPHIC D ESIGN BUSINESS CARDS • BROCHURES POSTERS • T-SHIRTS • CD COVERS FLYERS • PHOTOGRAPHIC RESTORATION

general marketing materials

Mark Schaumann 707.795.0924

schaumann1@earthlink.net

52

12.09.09-12.15.09

THE BOHEMIAN

§ By Phone Call the Department at 707.527.1200 Mon.-Fri., 8:30a.m.5:30p.m.

➑ Home Services

gg Career Development

Employment

❼ Family Services

Sleek Office Space Dividers Available!

Office/Space Dividers Blonde Finish 7 L Shaped Dividers 4 Ft. High, x 3 Ft. Width x 5.5 Ft. Width Offered @ $600 per divider or Best Offer for the lot.

Located @ 847 5th Street, Santa Rosa, CA 95404 Call 707.527.1200 ext. 201 or email: rolson@bohemian.com

√ By Fax Fax your ad to the Classified Department at 707.527.1288

Contacting Us

∏ In Person Visit our office Monday through Friday, 8:30a.m. to 5:30p.m. at 847 5th Street, Santa Rosa ≈ Deadline Fridays, 2:00pm

Get Dish-Free Installation

707-794-7955 www.goebelbuilders.com

$19.99 per month. HBO & Showtime Free. Over 50 HD Channels Free. Lowest Prices no equipment to buy!

Call now for details: 877/238-8413. (AAN CAN)

Santa Rosa Plumbing

Computer Market MacAdvantage Macintosh

Water Conservation Experts.

Friendly, Honest Service.

Licensed, Bonded and Insured. License #871026.

Tankless water heaters, high efficiency toilets, recirculation, general plumbing needs 707.528.8228

with a click of the mouse!

Visit: www.Rentmates.com.

(AAN CAN)

g Family Services Adoptions

regnant? Considering Adoption?

Talk with caring agency specializing in matching birth Organic and Earth friendly mothers with families nation foods and supplies wide. Living expenses paid.

Scott Goree - Entertainment Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions. 866/413-6293 coordinator and business (AAN CAN) manager. 707.795.7358

Green Earth Catering

FREE Diagnosis, Friendly In-House Staff Hardware/ Software, DATA Recovery, Internet, Email,Wireless Net- home, 707.479.5481 cell work Setup & Security, redgore23@aol.com Apple Authorized Business Agent, Tam NguyenChief Tech, M-F 10-6 info@themacadvantage.com 707.664.0400

g Miscellaneous

Your Personality Determines Your Happiness

ggg For Sale

Get Dish with FREE Installation

$19.99/mo HBO & Showtime FREE - Over 50 HD Channels FREE Lowest Prices – No Equipment to Buy! Call Now for full Details 866747-5096 (AAN CAN)

Professional Services Goebel Builders Jay Goebel General Contractor, Lic. #812957 Quality Workmanship, Friendly Service, and Dependability You Can Trust.

Insured with Local references Repairs, Custom Builds, and Troubleshooting. Call today and get the job DONE!

Music Scene

Know why? Call for your free personality test.

Call 1-800-293-6463

Bohemian Classifieds 847 5th Street Santa Rosa, CA 95404 Monday through Friday, 8:30a.m. to 5:30p.m.

ph: 707.527.1200 fax: 707.527.1288

g Announcements

Love is Born- a cappella men’s ensemble christmas concert Dec 19 at 7pm Christmas picnic - bring your dinner, snacks and holiday cheer to enjoy during the performance. $15 Adults, students FREE! with ID Venue & tickets info www.musaicsf.org/ 415-475-5000

g Miscellaneous

Gain National Exposure Reach over 5 million young, active, educated readers for only $995 by advertising in 110 weekly newspapers like this one. Call Jason at 202/289-8484. (AAN CAN)

g Remodeling/Repair

Bands

Classes & Instruction

Lil Wayne, E-40, Snoop High School Diploma!

Dog, San Quinn Thug World Records explosive label features lil Wayne Snoop dog E-40 G-unit and more. Free Downloads, MP3s, RingTones, videos. www.thugworldrecords.com 408-561-1255

g Real Estate Rentals Shared Housing

ALL AREAS - RENTMATES.COM Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate

Fast, affordable and accredited.

Free brochure. Call Now!. 1888-532-6546 ext. 97 www.continentalacademy.com.

(AAN CAN)

Youth Failing School or School Failing Our Youth ?

Try Rancho Bodega School Small Group/One on One Instruction - Enriched Middle/High School Curriculum - Special Studies/Independent Study Emphasizing Music & Art Serving Grades 7-12 NOW ENROLLING !!

Call 707-795-7166 www.ranchobodegaschool.com

g Pet Services

ANIMAL LOVERS You can make a difference.

People for Animal Liberation (PAL) in Sonoma County advocates for animals.

More info email: jasminethevegan@yahoo.com

HEALTH&WELL-BEING g Healing & Bodywork

Lily Spa

Opening Specials

RELAX

â&#x20AC;˘ Excellent Massage

Asian Massage Thai â&#x20AC;˘ Deep Tissue Swedish â&#x20AC;˘ Hot Stone

â&#x20AC;˘ FREE Table Shower

1 HR/$65 90 MIN/$100 walk-ins or appt

707.528.2540 3401 Cleveland Ave #2 Santa Rosa

Massage for X-Mas

Petaluma Lavender Day Spa

â&#x20AC;˘ Relaxing Body Treatments â&#x20AC;˘ Large Steam Sauna

707.782.9898

131 Liberty St, Ste. D

Windsor: 4 Men Brent, C.M.T. 26 years experience. Nurturing, intuitive touch. Private, discrete studio. 707/477-0400.

RELAX!

Grand Opening!

Massage $55 hr

â&#x20AC;˘ Deep Tissue/Swedish â&#x20AC;˘ Sports â&#x20AC;˘ Shiatzu â&#x20AC;˘ Back Walking â&#x20AC;˘ Foot Reflexology â&#x20AC;˘ Chair $10/10 min massage

Happy Health Spa open 10-10, 7 days 525 Ross St, Santa Rosa

707-591-8899

Massage 4 Men

by Ron,

CMT Â&#x203A; JXk`]jp`e^ =lcc 9f[p Â&#x203A; Jn\[`j_&;\\g K`jjl\ Â&#x203A; JkXik`e^ Xk $+,&_i Â&#x203A; Gi`mXk\ Jkl[`f

Relaxing massage and bodywork by male massage therapist with 10 yrs experience. 707-542-6856

Tibetan Cranial Yoga Therapy, Ayurveda and Reiki treatments. Gift certificates available. Christmas Specials. www.anandawellness.org 707-579-1546

g

With a mature, playful CMT. Comfortable incall location near the J.C. in Santa Rosa.

Soothing, relaxing, and fun.

Visa/MC accepted. Gretchen 707/478-3952.

A Provider of Pleasure

With a deeply relaxing, pampering, sensual, massage. Holiday Special.

CMT in Santa Rosa.

Call Bliss - 415/717-9378.

SEBASTOPOL MASSAGE FOR GUYS Exquisite holiday pampering is yours with my full-body DEEP pain-relieving massage.

707-824-8700 or google search â&#x20AC;&#x153;James Dickson Massage Calendarâ&#x20AC;? for pics & availability.

Men`s Massage for Pleasure and Health Total relaxation $50/hr John (707)-536-1516 Santa Rosa www.completebodybalance.com

MEN! Get a Massage

Holistic tantric masseuse.

Unhurried, private, heartfelt.

Monday thru Saturday.

NEW CLIENT DISCOUNT. 707-793-2232.

Guerneville M4M Massage

Mitch, CMT. Mature.

Professional. Relaxing intuitive touch. Private discrete studio. 707-849-7409

Call the Bohemian NOW to advertise!

707.527.1200 | sales@bohemian.com

CMT offers great Swedish Massage at Chiropractor`s office. Downtown Santa Rosa.

Mary 707-228-3275.

$40 Half Hour Massage Holiday Stress Relief Special

the way you like it. Swedish and deep tissue techniques.

Relaxing and rejuvenating.

Flexible schedule for your To total Completion by a convenience. Outcalls mature male $40/hour. Napa available. Call James Valley location.

707-477-4365.

Roger 707-525-1771.

Take Care of Yourself

Affordable Therapeutic Massage

In a safe, relaxing, comfortable space by a â&#x20AC;&#x153;matureâ&#x20AC;?, compatible, easy-going gentleman! Since 1991 I`ve provided pleasure to women, men, couples. Good virtues.

NW Santa Rosa, Jimmy, (C) 707-799-4467 or (L) 707-527-9497.

Deep Relaxing Full Body Massage

Schedule Online

(.'. ,*-$((*-

Full Body Sensual Massage

Massage & Relaxation

QuietMassage.com Santa Rosa 8 am â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 8 p m

A healing touch through strong sensitive hands from Dan CMT. Give yourself or loved on a gift of massage for health, balance and reconnection. Swedish, hot stone, deep tissue techniques when required. Outcall and studio. Women, Men Couples. 707-332-7999 or massagefromdan@yahoo.com

For first time clients by Male CMT. 707-766-8269

A Safe Place To Be Real

g Psychics

Psychic Palm and Card Reader Madame Lisa. Truly gifted adviser for all problems.

827 Santa Rosa Ave. Call for Appointment 707-542-9898

Ayurvedic

Indian Head Massage

Best Chiropractor 2nd Place

Quality family chiropractic care for managing chronic and acute pain. â&#x20AC;˘ sports injuries â&#x20AC;˘ pediatrics

â&#x20AC;˘ relief from tension headaches, eyestrain, and sinusitis

post-partum discomforts

Therapeutic Massage Center Boody Massage $55/hr

â&#x20AC;˘ balances energy

Margery Smith 707.578.9642

By Joe, CMT. Relaxing hot tub and pool available.

Will do outcalls.

707-228-6883.

â&#x20AC;˘ pregnancy /

NOW OPEN

â&#x20AC;˘ improves mobility in neck and shoulders

Great Massage

â&#x20AC;˘ auto accidents

Jake Quihuis, DC 707-523-9850 1819 Fourth Street â&#x20AC;˘ Santa Rosa

Foot Massage $19.99/45 min

Open 7 days 9-10pm

2460 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa

707.578.3088

Chinese Medicine & Massage Therapy Center FREE CONSULTATION with a Chinese medicine expert & Qi Gong Master. Treatment for pain & injury. Extensive traditional Chinese herbal pharmacy

Relaxing Massage First time $45/hr. www.garywtmassage.com, Gary, CMT. 707-235-5423

Man of Your Dreams Men, women, couples. TLC, massage, Tantra, nurturing mutual touch.

William 707-548-2187

Strong Thorough and Intuitive 30 yrs experience. Excellent Rates! 1/2 hour, hour or 90 mins. Colin, CMT 707-823-2990.

TrueTone Skincare & Bodywork

Pamela Joyce Aesthetician/Owner

204 G St. Suit " etaluma " A " 4 707.7 4

MORE THAN 15 MASSAGE TECHNIQUES FOR PERFECT RELAXATION Swedish, Deep Tissue, Acupressure, Reflexology Qi Gong â&#x20AC;˘ Thai Chi â&#x20AC;˘ Acupuncture Cupping herbs â&#x20AC;˘ Infrared Sauna â&#x20AC;˘ Same-day Appointments Walk-ins Welcome â&#x20AC;˘ Treatments Start at $20 - Insurance Accepted Gift Certificates â&#x20AC;˘ Open 7 days, 10 AM to 8 PM

707.762.9111 â&#x20AC;˘ 172 Keller Street, Petaluma THE BOHEMIAN

12.09.09-12.15.09

53

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54

12.09.09-12.15.09

THE BOHEMIAN

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You can make a difference. People for Animal Liberation (PAL) in Sonoma County advocates for animals. More info email: jasminethevegan@yahoo.com

Place your

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E^hXZh '$&.Ä($'% Id egZeVgZ [dg ]^h ijgc id ]^i! V BV_dg AZV\jZ WVhZWVaa eaVnZg ha^eh V Ydj\]cji"h]VeZY e^ZXZ d[ bZiVa dkZg i]Z ide d[ ]^h WVi! bV`^c\ ^i V [Zl edjcYh ]ZVk^Zg i]Vc ^i cdgbVaan ^h# =Z i]Zc iV`Zh V cjbWZg d[ egVXi^XZ hl^c\h# I]Z i]Zdgn ^h i]Vi l]Zc ]Z gZbdkZh i]Z Ydj\]cji VcY hig^YZh je id ]dbZ eaViZ id VXijVaan ]^i V\V^chi V e^iX]Zg l]dÉh i]gdl^c\ i]Z WVaa Vi .% b^aZh eZg ]djg! i]Z WVi l^aa [ZZa a^\]iZg VcY ]ZÉaa WZ VWaZ id hl^c\ [VhiZg# 6h ndj egZeVgZ [dg ndjg dlc Zfj^kVaZci d[ \d^c\ je id WVi! E^hXZh! > jg\Z ndj id jhZ i]^h Vh ndjg deZgVi^kZ bZiVe]dg# In addition to this column, Rob Brezsny offers expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text message horoscopes. To buy access, go to www.realastrology.com. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1.877.873.4888 or 1.900.950.7700.

Low Cost Vaccination Clinics every Sunday, 9:30-11am

pet related ad here today!

Call 707.527.1200

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Doggie Boot Camp or

3 private sessions for $200 (reg $240)

Guest on the Discovery Channel’s K-9 Cops for his expertise Obedience training the natural way

exp. 12/31/09

10 acres of safe, country training grounds Exceptional for aggression issues Strong leadership skills taught for owners

707-322-3272 www.incrediblecanine.com

WESTERN FARM CENTER 707.545.0721 21 West 7th St. Santa Rosa

Meet Molly • Kitty of the Week MEET MOLLY – this lively little kitty just can't sit still – she's got so much to explore and experience. She investigates everything with her paw first (is she left or right-handed?) once she's covered her territory, however, she's ready to snuggle up for some love-time. That's where YOU come in! What are you waiting for? To learn more about adopting Molly or many other homeless animals at the Sonoma Humane Society, please visit us or check us out online.

The Adoption Center is open 7 days a week from 12PM - 6PM and is located at 5345 Highway 12 West, Santa Rosa (just 5 miles west of Hwy 101 @ Llano Rd) www.sonomahumane.org

Meet Squiggy • Kitty of the Week

Meet Radar • Doggie of the Week

MEET SQUIGGY, the most gorgeous cat in the place.

This beautiful cat is a real STUNNER with his dark grey coloring and luminous eyes. He knows he's something special and walks around like the head lion in the pride....but that doesn't mean he doesn't like attention and affection, all of which he feels is only his due! To learn more about adopting Squiggy or many other homeless animals at the Sonoma Humane Society, please visit us or check us out online.

HI, I'M RADAR! Do you think I got my name because of my ears? I'm a very shy 1-year old Dach/Terrier mix Let me tell you a little about me. I was brought here as a stray and no one came for me. Lots of thing overwhelm me so I need a safe secure quiet home with no children but once I accept you I will be your loving and faithful companion. To learn more about adopting Radar or many other homeless animals at the Sonoma Humane Society, please visit us or check us out online.

The Adoption Center is open 7 days a week from 12PM - 6PM and is located at 5345 Highway 12 West, Santa Rosa (just 5 miles west of Hwy 101 @ Llano Rd) www.sonomahumane.org

The Adoption Center is open 7 days a week from 12PM - 6PM and is located at 5345 Highway 12 West, Santa Rosa (just 5 miles west of Hwy 101 @ Llano Rd) www.sonomahumane.org

BOHEMIAN FLIPSIDE

To place your ad call 707.527.1200

SANTA ROSA TREATMENT PROGRAM

1901 CLEVELAND AVE SUITE B SANTA ROSA 707.576.0818 www.srtp.net

We provide treatment for: Oxycontin, Vicodin and Heroin utilizing replacement medications. We also treat Methamphetamine and other stimulant dependence. s 3UBUTEX 3UBOXONE AVAILABLE s 0ROVIDING 4REATMENT SINCE s #ONFIDENTIALITY ASSUREd

SPIRITUAL CONNECTIONS Finding inspiration and connecting with your community The Journey Center: Christ-centered Spirituality, Healing, & Wholeness Reading room, art gallery, prayer/ meditation gatherings, spiritual journey resources, bodywork, bookstore, free WiFi. 1601 Fourth Street, Santa Rosa. www.journeycenter.org 707.578.2121 Santa Rosa Shambhala Meditation Center Free instruction and practice opportunities Tuesday 4:30-5:30 PM, Wednesday 7 PM, Sunday 10 AM - 11:15 AM. www.santarosa.shambhala.org

Mahakaruna Buddhist Meditation Center Offers ongoing introductory and advanced classes. Weds at noon, Tues & Weds evenings 7:30â&#x20AC;&#x201C;8:45pm Prayers for World Peace, Sun, 10:30â&#x20AC;&#x201C;11:45am Everyone welcome. 304 Petaluma Blvd., North, Petaluma www.meditationinnorcal.org One-Day Lamrim Meditation Retreat "The Four Noble Truths" Join us for a peaceful day of contemplation, meditation, and silence to meditate on the fundamental states of mind that lead to liberation and enlightenment. Each hour long session will include commentary and explanation for the 25 minute meditations which are preceded by recitation of prayers to request blessings. Everyone is welcome.

No prior experience required. $25 donation includes vegetarian lunch. RSVP info@meditateinpetaluma.org or 707-766-7720. Sat. Dec. 12, 10 am -3:30pm Mahakaruna Buddhist Center 304 Petaluma Blvd. North

Share your organizationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s inspiration with over 95,100 Bohemian Readers monthly!

Phone: 707.527.1200 email: sales@bohemian.com

Sons of the Season Comedian Brian Wezel MCs SonomaCounty Habitat for Humanity benefit, featuring gospel group Apple BlossomSpecial, a cappella stylings of BBC, Love Choir and others.

Dec 11 at 7. Free.Sebastopol Community Church, 1000 Gravenstein Hwy N, Sebastopol, 707.829.1872.

Light Up a Life Tree-lighting ceremonies throughthe county shed light, remembrance and holiday cheer, as well as raise fundsfor Hospice. Dec 12 at 6, Depot at Railroad Square, Santa Rosa. Dec 13 at 6,Star of the Valley Church, Oakmont. $10 to donate a light towards memory of aloved one. Hospice of Petaluma, 416 Payran St, Petaluma, 707.778.6242.

Heal Back Pain with Silver Cloud Align Spine, Relax Muscles, add Flexibility.

Lose Weight-Inflammation-Sleep Better.

Far-infrared Jade Massage Beds do it all.

Great Holiday demo model discounts.

Try it at 1030 Second St., Santa Rosa.

Hours and Info call: 707-888-7727

Golden Star Grafix Need a quality designer? Business cards, brochures, flyers, posters, digital collage, cd covers, photographic restoration, general marketing materials. Mark Schaumann 707.795.0924

Candle Lighting Memorial Compassionate Friends invite you tonon-sectarian celebration of children's lives, and to light a candle forchildren who have passed. Dec 13 at 7. Free. Unity in Marin, 600 Palm Dr,Hamilton, Novato, 415.457.3123.

Rocks and Clouds Zendo Meditation and Dharma Talk Wednesday nights, 7:00 p.m.

618 South Main Street, Sebastopol. www.rocksandclouds.org 707/824-5647.

Advent Reflections: A Candlelight Contemplative Gathering Each Sunday in Advent, we gather from 7:00-8:00 p.m. to create space in this busy season for encountering God and receiving the gifts of joy, peace and hope. All are welcome for this time of music and prayerful meditation.

Journey Center, Santa Rosa, 707-578-2121, www.journeycenter.org.

THE BOHEMIAN

12.09.09-12.15.09

55

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Your Personality Determines Your Happiness Know why? Call for your free personality test.

Call 1-800-293-6463

Medical Marijuana Evaluations Local. Independent. Comprehensive. Absolute lowest fee.

10% off for Seniors and Vets. Be legal. Be safe.

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;Spirits of the Earthâ&#x20AC;? sculpture art opening

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% % #%$ & & ]` dWaWb eeea`b^ \Sb

SANTA ROSA TREATMENT PROGRAM

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Medicann - Med. Marijuana Evaluations

Donate Your Auto 800.380.5257

New Cotati Office Now Open. 866-632-6627 Free I.D. card. 24/7 verification. Doctor/patient confidentiality.

Lic. MD. Discount for MediCal, MediCare and Vets.

We do all DMV. Free pick up- running or not (restrictions apply). Live operators- 7 days! Help the Polly Klaas Foundation provide safety information and assist families in bringing kids home safely.

Medical Marijuana Certifications $125. Santa Rosa. 707-575-7375.

D.G. Sculpture Studio Gallery presents new sculptures inspired by his travels in Peru. Opening Dec. 12, 2-7pm.

Show thru Jan. 7. 25A Maxwell Ct, Santa Rosa.

707-546-1541. dgsculpture@comcast.net info www.danielgraham.com

Golden Star Grafix Need a quality designer? Business cards, brochures, flyers, posters, digital collage, cd covers, photographic restoration, general marketing materials. Mark Schaumann 707.795.0924

SUBUTEX/SUBOXONE available for Safe Oxycontin, Vicodin, Other Opiate Withdrawal!

Toys 4 Tots Fundraiser for Toys 4 Tots and NapaFood Bank features silent auctions, raffles all day, barbecue and live music bySorry Lot, Audio Farm, Crashlanding, Pion 2 Zion, Ancient Mystics, Casket Caseand Rude Intoxicant. Dec 13 at 2. $3, unwrapped toy, or canned food. Billco'sBilliards, 1234 Third St, Napa, 707.226.7506.

Confidential Program. (707) 576 1919

Meth and Alcohol Treatment that allows you to keep your day job!

Santa Rosa Treatment Program can help.(707) 576-0818.

Green Earth Catering

Eddie Money

Scott Goree - Entertainment coordinator and business manager. 707.795.7358 home, 707.479.5481 cell redgore23@aol.com

Radio rocker performs a rareacoustic set of hits like "Baby Hold On" and "Take Me HomeTonight," in partnership with Toys for Tots. Bring a new, unwrapped toyand get in half an hour early for a "meet & greet" with the Moneyman!Dec 13 at 8. $30. Mystic Theatre, 23 Petaluma Blvd N, Petaluma, 707.765.2121.

Photography by Paul Burke

Northstone

707.664.0178 boomburke@hotmail.com

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HAVING A BAD DAY? EVERYDAY? Are your decisions mistreating YOU?

Michele T. Newmark, M.S., D.D., A.C.S., has been involved in the study of human sexuality for over 30 years.

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