North Bay Bohemian December 4-10 2019

SERVING SONOMA & NAPA COUNTIES | DECEMBER 4-10, 2019 | BOHEMIAN.COM • VOL. 41.29

An ancient flame burns during the season of lights

Finding Hanukkah

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Bohemian

CEO/Executive Editor Dan Pulcrano

Publisher Rosemary Olson, ext. 201

Interim Editor Daedalus Howell, ext 202

Arts Editor Charlie Swanson, ext. 203

News Reporter Will Carruthers

Contributors Rob Brezsny, Harry Duke, Bill Forman, Karen Hess, James Knight, Richard von Busack, Nicole R. Zimmerman

Copy Editor Mark Fernquest

Editorial Assistant Alex T. Randolph

Korbel Annual Holiday Shopping Spree

Add some romance to this year’s holiday gift giving.

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FRI–SUN, DECEMBER 6–8 10:00AM–4:30PM Get your holiday shopping done early and cross those items off your list! Enjoy great discounts on many of our best sellers. Don’t miss Santa’s visit, Saturday and Sunday from 2:30 to 4:30pm.

Design Director Kara Brown

Art Director Tabi Zarrinnaal

C E L E B R AT E R E S P O N S I B LY 13250 River Road, Guerneville, CA 707-824-7316 | www.korbel.com

Production Operations Manager Sean George

Senior Designer Jackie Mujica, ext. 213

Layout Artist Kathy Manlapaz

Advertising Director Lisa Marie Santos, ext. 205

Advertising Account Managers Mercedes Murolo, ext. 207 Lynda Rael, ext. 204

LOCAL

Financial Good Guys

Fine Dining for Wild Birds

Local depo sits repurpose d as LOCAL loa ns!

Office Manager Liz Alber

Cover design by Tabi Zarrinnaal.

NORTH BAY BOHEMIAN [ISSN 1532-0154] (incorporating the Sonoma County Independent) is published weekly, on Wednesdays, by Metrosa Inc., located at: 847 Fifth St., Santa Rosa, CA 95404. Phone: 707.527.1200; fax: 707.527.1288; e-mail: editor@bohemian.com. It is a legally adjudicated publication of the county of Sonoma by Superior Court of California decree No. 119483. Member: Association of Alternative Newsweeklies, National Newspaper Association, California Newspaper Publishers Association, Verified Audit Circulation. Subscriptions (per year): Sonoma County $75; out-of-county $90. Thirdclass postage paid at Santa Rosa, CA. FREE DISTRIBUTION: The BOHEMIAN is available free of charge at numerous locations, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased for one dollar, payable in advance at The BOHEMIAN’s office. The BOHEMIAN may be distributed only by its authorized distributors. No person may, without permission of the publisher, take more than one copy of each issue.The BOHEMIAN is printed on 40 % recycled paper.

Published by Metrosa, Inc., an affiliate of Metro Newspapers ©2019 Metrosa Inc.

HERE FOR GOOD! Not-for-profit financial cooperative 707/546-6000 comfirstcu.org

71 Brookwood Ave., Santa Rosa 707.576.0861 Mon–Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 11am–4pm • www.wbu.com/santarosa

Birdseed • Feeders • Birdbaths • Optics • Nature Gifts • Books

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847 Fifth St., Santa Rosa, CA 95404 Phone: 707.527.1200 Fax: 707.527.1288

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FORGET BLACK FRIDAY.

Skip the chaos and catch deep discounts at Lavish storewide during our week-long sale.

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nb search is on for the Festival of Lights in the North Bay

(CLOSED BLACK FRIDAY. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!)

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Cash Crop A RTS & IDEAS P1 8 Rhapsodies & Rants p6 The Paper p8 Community p12 Swirl p14 Feature p15

Arts & Ideas p18 Crush p19 Stage p20 Film p21 Music p22

Calendar p23 Press Pass p26 Classified p27 Astrology p27

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VOTE MOMBO'S BEST PIZZA

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Rhapsodies BOHEMIAN

Friendsgiving Friendsgivings are a tradition that brings together one’s intended family.

I have been fortunate enough to spend the past seven years celebrating Friendsgiving with the same group of people. This year, we added a new element to the festivities. We gave 5-minute talks on something we are passionate about. I gave a speech about dementia, including Alzheimer’s. I asked a room of 25 people that I have known

for over a decade, “Who here has been impacted by dementia?” Nearly everyone in the room raised their hand. Over the weekend people told their stories about how dementia had impacted their lives. Many of us had never discussed these stories before and were surprised that these experiences had remained unshared. The end of my talk focused on what we can do to provide more resources to those living with Alzheimer’s and their caretakers. I am very grateful to Mike Thompson for his

THIS MODERN WORLD

leadership in Congress to support these efforts. Most recently, he co-sponsored the Improving Hope for Alzheimer's Act (HR 1873) which would educate primary care physicians on Alzheimer's and dementia, to give them the knowledge and tools to better help their patients.

Speaking about these issues and recognizing those who help make change can bring us closer together and closer to finding a cure.

Local Ownership Limitations

KATE DEVINE

Thank you so much for your coverage of the connection between PG&E and Darius Anderson, one of the local owners of the Press Democrat and founder of Rebuild North Bay. Though these links have gotten brief mention in the local rag, they point to the problems inherent in "local" ownership when power and money are involved—as they usually are.

By Tom Tomorrow

Another local owner of the PD is Sandy Weill, former CEO and Chairman of Citigroup, and a chief architect of the Great Recession.

Santa Rosa

Weill single-handedly took toxic mortgages mainstream. He then broke the law by merging the risky insurance industry with the banks of ordinary folks.

When confronted, he said he’d get the law changed and legislators and Bill Clinton obliged by doing away with the GlassSteagall Act, which protected your money and mine. Then he bragged about it.

Weill retired from Citigroup right before the economy collapsed, but his two actions were foundational to the Great Recession.

Three million families lost their homes to foreclosure in 2008 alone, while trillions of dollars in bailout money was put in the pockets of Wall Street and Big Banks.

And when the Weills give a tiny fraction of that stolen money back, the Press Democrat makes it front page news and calls it "philanthropy." Doling out ill-gotten gains to institutions is not philanthropy, no matter how worthy those institutions may be.

Theft, in its many guises, "legal" and illegal, is the name of the game for this country’s economic “elite.” The poor and homeless are swept up daily and sent to jail. The thieves at the top end up on 362-acre hilltop estates.

Once upon a time, one could get this information into the Press Democrat, but not now that Weill is an owner. One can't even get the editors to respond to inquiries.

As we are all finding out, local ownership has some very serious limitations.

SUSAN C. LAMONT

Santa Rosa

Write to us at letters@bohemian.com.

Rants

7 NO RTH BAY BO H E M I AN | D EC E M BE R 4-1 0, 2019 | BOH EMI A N.COM

Kincade A poem BY PAMELA SINGER open the gate open the door evacuate 4 a.m. to a church distant city given cots, blankets, air mattresses 3 meals a day pancakes, cheese chicken and rice desserts aglow with fallen snow chocolate chips apple crisps the melting sun the orange sky windy nights tears and pain fire and flame people weep cannot move take your bag walk, trot whisper, scream earthquake, flood, fire this is it give or take fire fighters from far away house your horses cows, chickens, pigs and goats cats, dogs

in carriers move some place far away Paraguay Uruguay walk on a beach on a trail de-energize re-energize re-populate re-covery mental health emotional support talk to a grief counselor see a dr. meet a friend retail therapy dye your hair fire red lime green/purple stripes pray for rain thunder clouds raging rivers emerald hills eagles soaring songbirds singing ospreys roosting resiliency tragedy emergency hug a friend help to mend attitude, gratitude

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NORTH BAY BOH EMI A N | DEC E M BE R 4-1 0, 20 19 | BO H E M I AN.COM

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people without shelter this winter.

All told, there are an estimated 2,951 people experiencing homelessness in Sonoma County, according to a count conducted by the county in January 2019.

Nearly 2,000 of those people are without shelter, meaning that they are sleeping on the street, in a car or in another improvised structure. The roughly 1,000 sheltered people at the time of the count include those staying in emergency shelters.

The county offers 699 shelter beds year-round. With the addition of 184 winter beds for the next few months, they are offering 883 beds this winter, Gause told the Bohemian.

Last year, the Armory offered about 115 additional beds.

Permanent supportive housing is not included in the homeless count because the solutions are, hopefully, permanent, according to Gause.

All in all, that leaves about 2,000 without shelter this winter.

Outpouring of Support

TEMP TOILETS Sonoma County residents funded eight temporary toilets for

a homeless encampment along Joe Rodota Trail.

Helter Shelter Locals support homeless BY WILL CARRUTHERS

S

onoma County will have one less winter shelter to offer respite to people living on the street through the rainy and cold months this year.

In recent years, the county has

contracted with the California Military Guard to offer beds at the armory building behind the Santa Rosa Junior College’s main campus between November and March. This year, the state is using the space for another purpose, according to Michael Gause, who leads the Sonoma

County Community Development Commission’s efforts to house people experiencing homelessness.

One thing is for sure: The loss significantly reduces the number of spaces for people seeking refuge from winter conditions, leaving approximately 100 more

A sizable portion of that number have gathered in an encampment along the Joe Rodota Trail on the outskirts of Santa Rosa.

In recent months, dozens of people without homes have gathered in the encampment, which is visible from Highway 12.

For a few reasons, the encampment has garnered a lot of public attention this year. And, although not all of the reactions have been good, the publicity has resulted in an outpouring of support, says Adrienne Lauby, a co-founder of Homeless Action!, a local activist group.

The Sonoma County Bicycle Coalition gathered more than 1,300 signatures calling on the county to “legally and humanely” relocate the residents of the encampment to a “safe, sanctioned location.” Meanwhile, members of a new Facebook group, Sonoma County Acts of Kindness, have focused on raising funds and donating goods to those living along the trail.

It all culminated at a ) 10 Sonoma County Board of

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A percentage of the Faire proceeds will go to local community in need.

Northern CA Women’s Herbal Symposium

EMPOWERED Sonoma County Sunrise members participate in a rally in front of PG&E’s San Francisco headquarters after the Kincade Fire.

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Supervisors meeting on Tuesday, Nov. 19. After a lengthy debate, advocates won a concession from the county: Permission from the Parks Department to install temporary toilets for use by residents.

Last week, activists put in eight portable toilets, funded by a range of Sonoma County residents, to serve the encampment, which groups estimate to have more than 150 residents.

This result may not have happened in years past. After the county removed residents of a predecessor encampment from the Joe Rodota Trail last year, several residents of the encampment, activists and attorneys sued the county and other local agencies, arguing that the agencies should have to offer the residents of the trail a suitable

alternative to living on the street before forcing them to move.

Ultimately, Federal Judge Vince Chhabria brokered a temporary deal between the parties. The current agreement lasts until June 30, 2020.

It seems that the combination of public calls for a long-term solution, the outpouring of public support and the legal agreement has created a new conversation around the Joe Rodota Trail encampment, Lauby says.

Still, it’s unclear what Sonoma County can or will do for the roughly 2,000 other people experiencing homelessness throughout the county.

Climate rally planned

This week, dozens of heads of state joined thousands of

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“Attending SRJC was one of the best decisions of my life.” NICK RILEA

SRJC GRADUATE, FUTURE LAWYER

attendees in Madrid to discuss the ever-grimmer reality of our heating planet at the two-week COP25 climate conference.

On Monday, U.N. SecretaryGeneral Antonio Guterres launched the gathering with a grim message. Previous efforts to curb climate change were “utterly inadequate” and the effects of global warming could soon pass a “point of no return.”

It’s heavy, overwhelming stuff, but Sonoma County activists are doing their part to draw attention to the problem. This Friday, Dec. 6, climate activists will take to the streets of Santa Rosa for a twopart protest to draw attention to the unfolding threats of Climate Change.

At noon, they will stage “dieins for life” at six local schools and Santa Rosa’s Courthouse

Square. Then, between 5:00pm and 7:30pm, they will march through downtown, culminating in a climate vigil in Courthouse Square.

The Sonoma County chapter of the Sunrise Movement, a recently formed group intent on holding politicians accountable for inaction on climate change, organized the actions.

Guterres agrees about the root problem.

“What is still lacking is political will,” he said at the start of the climate conference. “Political will to put a price on carbon.

Political will to stop subsidies on fossil fuels. Political will to stop building coal power plants from 2020 onwards. Political will to shift taxation from income to carbon. Taxing pollution instead of people.”

CLASSES START JAN 13 The Sonoma County Junior College District does not discriminate on the basis of race, religious creed, color, national origin, ancestry, ethnic group identification, physical disability, mental disability, medical condition, genetic condition, marital status, sex, gender, gender identity, gender expression, genetic information or sexual orientation in any of its policies, procedures or practices; nor does the District discriminate against any employees or applicants for employment on the basis of their age.

This non-discrimination policy covers admission, access and treatment in District programs and activities--including but not limited to academic admissions, financial aid, educational services and athletics--and application for District employment.

Happy Holidays

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Sonoma County Sunrise Hub

santarosa.edu/choose-srjc

Community PHOTO CREDIT: Jocelyn Boreta

NORTH BAY BOH E MI A N | DEC E M BE R 4-1 0, 20 19 | BO H E M I AN.COM

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TICKET TO HEALTH Georgina Rivas, a Botanical Bus participant, chops dandelion root.

Get on the Bus

The Botanical Bus Bilingual Mobile Herb Clinic Helps Share Indigenous Herbal Knowledge BY KAREN HESS

E

ighty-six-yearold Georgina Rivas grew up in the Peruvian countryside. Her mother’s pregnancy was difficult and Rivas owes her very life to herbal medicine.

Now, Rivas shares her lifelong

herbal knowledge with her Sonoma County community.

Another Sonoma County woman, also from Peru, struggles with intense anxiety. The deep herbal knowledge of her own ancestors has proven to be the right medicine for her.

These women are part of a growing community coordinated

by the Botanical Bus Bilingual Mobile Herb Clinic. The mobile clinic has coordinated free group workshops for four years in community gardens across Sonoma County, where it facilitates the sharing of indigenous herbal knowledge via recipe sharing and herbal remedy-making. In Spring 2020,

it will fundraise for the bus itself, which will include a tincture bar and provide mobile integrative medicine on a sliding scale to workshop participants and others.

Other programs include medicine gardens and the Promotora Program, (“promotora” meaning “community health worker”) which empowers women to lead culturally-relevant wellness workshops in their communities.

“It’s a large percentage of immigrant women at the workshops, and usually the remedies or recipes they are sharing are plant medicine from the land where they were born and raised,” says Jocelyn Boreta, cofounder of the Botanical Bus. “Herbal medicine is a pillar of what we’re doing because herbal medicine works and also because herbal medicine in the Latinx population is really alive and culturally relevant.”

According to Boreta, who worked with Global Exchange in the Fair Trade program for 10 years, many immigrants come to the United States with a knowledge base and cultural integrity that the next generation can lose.

“We are empowering a traditional form of medicine that connects people to place too— maybe it’s even connecting them to the place where they came from,” she says.

Participants in the workshops include all ages and generations, from service and agricultural workers to students, cooks, herbalists and organizers, all sharing what they know with each other. They meet in gathering places that are already community hubs for participants: Latinx health and resource centers, social justice organizations and community gardens.

The Botanical Bus is unique in

Boreta, Quiñones and Lily Mazzarella, owner of Farmacopia, an Integrative Health Clinic in Santa Rosa, decided the time was right to begin the nonprofit Botanical Bus. The goals stated on their website for 2020 are ambitious— fundraise and launch the bus itself; engage 1,000 wellnessworkshop participants; empower a team of six promotoras (community health workers) to lead wellness workshops; connect 650 mobile-clinic clients with holistic health practitioners and cultivate three communitymedicine gardens.

It’s a positive path to wellness on many levels. Secondgeneration Latinxs’ benefit healthwise from their ancestors’ knowledge, while immigrant women like Rivas also benefit from sharing their knowledge with the next generations.

“It’s really empowering people and that’s the main goal,” Boreta says. “They leave feeling empowered to be healthy.”

Bus Stops

To celebrate meeting their crowdfunding goal, a “dine and donate” fundraiser for the Botanical Bus commences at 5pm Wednesday, Dec. 4 at Fern Bar 6780 Depot St., Suite 120, Sebastopol. Proceeds from the dinner will benefit the Botanical Bus until 10 pm. The Botanical Bus organizers will be at the event from 5–7pm for meet-and-greets.

The Botanical Bus Workshop, Corazon Healdsburg (in the Healdsburg Community Garden “Jardin de Sanacion”), 1557 Healdsburg Avenue, Healdsburg, every first Saturday of the month.

The Botanical Bus Workshop, Sonoma Centro, La Luz, 17560 Greger St., Sonoma, every last Friday of the month.

For more information, visit thebotanicalbus.org

13 NO RTH BAY BO H E M I AN | D EC E M BE R 4-1 0, 2019 | BOH EMI A N.COM

that it doesn’t provide resources top-down but enables people to share the knowledge they have with each other.

“We are not trying to ‘serve underserved populations.’ It’s an empowerment project,” Boreta says. “Even a really progressive free clinic is passing out limited resources from the top-down. In this time of deepening disparity, the people’s knowledge is an unlimited resource.”

The workshops have no teachers, are two hours long and begin in the garden with everyone sharing their own plant knowledge, then making a remedy like a sleep tincture or an immunity elixir. Every workshop has a different theme, defined by the group at the beginning of the year. Trauma, stress and sleep emerge as top health concerns.

According to A Portrait of Sonoma County: Sonoma County Human Development Report commissioned by the County of Sonoma Department of Health Services, Latinxs outlive white populations despite having the least access to healthy food, clean air and outdoor space, all of which are social determinants for good health. Furthermore, although second-generation immigrants generally have more access to health resources than their parents, they have lower health outcomes.

Since the 2017 North Bay fires, the Botanical Bus has partnered with La Luz Center, Corazon Healdsburg and North Bay Organizing Project to host clinics throughout Sonoma County. During the Kincaid fire, the Botanical Bus distributed donations of herbal syrups and teas for stress, sleep and lung support to recipients at evacuation centers.

It all began in a garden.

“The birth of the organization was really organic; women coming together,” Boreta says.

She and Angeles Quiñones from Farming for Health connected by talking in a community garden about remedies and recipes for wellness. After the Tubbs fire,

NORTH BAY BOH EMI A N | DEC E M BE R 4-1 0, 20 19 | BO H E M I AN.COM

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n December, thoughts turn to Tom and Jerry.

And brandy. Any cheap brandy will do for that winter warmer cocktail, right? That’s what I thought until I was wowed by a mere $4 upgrade to a California VSOP brandy.

Might there be more to this under-appreciated spirit that is, after all, distilled from wine, in North Bay wine country?

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spiciness from aging in rye whiskey barrels. Grapes from another vineyard contribute to Chauvet Pinot Noir brandy’s ($60) sweeter, red-fruited flavors. A whiskey lover’s brandy, Chauvet brandy XO ($75) is aged in both French oak and American bourbon barrels.

of people’s leftover wines,” says distiller Fred Groth. He can’t say which wineries, but he can say that he distilled this brandy from leftover Chardonnay from the highly regarded Durell vineyard in Sonoma Valley. It’s got an earthy

brandy every year,” explains 13thgeneration master distiller Marko Karakasevic. An understatement?

This was actually his father’s first brandy made in the U.S., in 1983, from Folle Blanche—the traditional grape of Cognac. For all of its 27 years in French oak, it smells like fresh timber sawed the other day, along with subtle orange peel and spice. The other current release is the Charbay No. 89. Made from Pinot Noir and Sauvignon Blanc, it’s also ethereal, but shows richer hints of citrus and rice syrup. Charbay brandies are near impossible to find in retail—I found one full bottle ($299) and one split ($149) of No. 83 at Santa Rosa’s Bottle Barn. charbay.com.

SONOMA BROTHERS DISTILLING GRAPE BRANDY ($50): Do grapes

make a difference in brandy? Here, the proof is in the Pinot Noir. Made as a rosé wine at Paradise Ridge Winery before being distilled and aged just two years-plus in used Pinot Noir barrels, this delicious brandy pops with cherry, vanilla and an almost meaty essence of red-wine barrel. Tasting room only.

7759 Bell Rd., Windsor. Saturday and Sunday, noon to 5pm.

KORBEL BRANDY AGED 18 YEARS ($59.99): More than age sets this

apart from Korbel’s VSOP Gold Reserve brandy ($16.99), which is column-distilled in Bakersfield and gets caramel flavors from aging in charred American oak. They make a third of the 18 from Russian River Valley grapes on an alembic still and aged in Chardonnay barrels, lending notes of orange oil, butcher block and cashews warming in a nut hut—as cozy-sounding as the Korbel tasting room, which is the only retail location where this can be found.

3250 River Rd., Guerneville. Daily, 10am to 4:30pm.

15 NO RTH BAY BO H E M I AN | D EC E M BE R 4-1 0, 2019 | BOH EMI A N.COM

COUNTDOWN

Hanukkah begins at sundown on Dec. 22.

Finding Hanukkah in the Happy Holidays Nikola Johnny Mirkovic

Every year a similar scenario unfolds

BY NICOLE R. ZIMMERMAN

R

udolph the RedNosed Reindeer blares over the loudspeaker as I wade through a sea of Christmas trees and Frosty the Snowman figurines. A store clerk leads me to a shelf of scented cinnamon tapers, but the candles I’m looking for are for lighting my menorah, a candelabrum used by Jews for more than 2,000 years.

“Did you try the garden center?” he suggests with a shrug.

Another clerk directs me to the ethnic-foods aisle packed with matzos and gefilte fish—staple foods for Pesach (Passover), a springtime holiday. I’m ready to call it quits on my detective work when I discover an entire table of Hanukkah merchandise. Here are window decals of dreidels, cookie cutters shaped in the Star of David and plastic plug-in menorahs made in China. There’s even KosherLand, a Jewish-themed board game modeled after Candy Land, with Marching Latkes taking the place of Lord Licorice.

Tossing aside bags of goldwrapped gelt, or chocolate coins,

I hit the jackpot with boxes of blues-and-whites. The candles are half-price—but the eightnight Festival of Lights hasn’t even begun.

Every year a similar scenario unfolds. Of the 19 local stores I once surveyed, only 10 sold Hanukkah candles. Meanwhile, Santa’s surplus overwhelms shoppers as early as Halloween—a confirmation of Yuletide’s prominence during the so-called Holiday Season.

I shouldn’t be surprised by the scanty representation.

According to a 2018 commissioned report by the

Jewish Community Federation, the North Bay (Sonoma, Napa, and Marin counties) comprises just 13 percent of the Bay Area’s Jewish population of 350,000.

Might these statistics account for the paltry acknowledgement of my faith?

Hanukkah candles, sold as commodities, certainly look pretty displayed on a windowsill—similar to the twinkling lights on an evergreen. Yet they aren’t meant to be decorative. They’re symbolic.

The flames stand as emblems of religious freedom, a remembrance of an ancient uprising ) 16 against oppression.

16 Hanukkah ( 15 NORTH BAY BOH E MI A N | DEC E M BE R 4-1 0, 20 19 | BO H E M I AN.COM

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SEARCHING Of 19 local stores surveyed only 10 sold Hanukkah candles.

Translated from the Hebrew as “dedication,” Hanukkah commemorates a successful revolt led by Judah the Maccabee in the second century B.C.E. As the tale of triumph is told, Antiochus IV Epiphanes, the Hellenistic Greek king of the Seleucid Empire who ruled the Syrian throne, enforced brutal decrees that required Jewish worship of other deities. His armies ransacked the Second Temple in Jerusalem and stole its ritual objects, including Torah scrolls and a gold menorah.

Upon repossessing and ritually cleansing the sanctuary, the Maccabees discovered what is now known as the miracle of Hanukkah: a vial of oil, enough to illuminate the eternal flame for only one day, lasted for eight.

It wasn’t the military coup or the

miracle, but the candle-lighting ritual, that captivated me as a young child. I recall the warmth of my mother’s illumined face as she used the ninth “helper” candle, called a shammes, to ignite the others, then recited the blessings over them. Each night the number grew by one, until all eight shone in the darkness. Our family of four ate potato latkes cooked in oil. We played games of dreidel, gambling for gelt using the Hebrew letters on the four-sided spinning top, while the last flame flickered.

The candles held the promise of returning light during the dimmest time of year.

By lighting the menorah, Jews perform a mitzvah, translated as a commandment or social obligation of communal value.

The practice connects us to a Jewry of nearly 15 million

worldwide. Kindling these oil lamps is a holy act.

Hanukkah, however, is not considered one of the high holy days; it holds far less religious significance than Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, which mark the Jewish new year during the Days of Awe. So how was it elevated from a simple domestic ceremony to the most widely celebrated Jewish holiday?

Traditionally in Europe, parents would present tokens of money to children at Hanukkah.

We added gift giving in the late 19th century, after Christmas became a federal U.S. holiday.

Initially, the push to heighten Hanukkah was an effort “to resist assimilation to American culture so influenced by Christianity,” according to Dianne Ashton, a professor of religion studies at Rowan University, in her book Hanukkah in America: A History.

Then, with the increase in post– World War II consumerism, Hanukkah followed suit with its embellished status: an “effective means of making [Jewish kids] immune against envy of the Christian children and their Christmas,” according to What Every Jewish Woman Should Know, a book published in 1941.

Growing up in the 1970s, my older brother and I wrapped homemade gifts for our parents—a macrame cup holder or hand-drawn coupon for a car wash. Each evening we opened a modest present until the eagerly anticipated final night, reserved for something more substantial like a baby doll or a model airplane kit.

“No fair!” a friend complained.

“You get stuff for eight days and we only have one.”

While I knew that Santa did not exist, I found myself pining for what he delivered down her chimney. The pack of synthetic yarn ribbons I received, which frayed like my frizzy hair, could not compare to the Barbie Dreamhouse towering under her tree. Suddenly Hanukkah did not shine as brightly. My parents might have argued for its separate-

but-equal status; but I realized, at least in material terms, that the holidays weren’t equivalent.

In 2018 Americans spent an average of $1,007 per person on food, gifts, and decorations during the Winter Holidays, notes The National Retail Federation.

This year they predict that number to increase between 3.8 and 4.2 percent, with holiday sales totaling upwards of $728 billion.

Hanukkah banners, garlands, cardboard cutouts, sequinsprinkled ornaments—even inflatables for the front lawn— have joined the party. “If you’ve been lusting over the luscious greenery in your neighbor’s Christmas decorations, consider a natural take on a Star of David for your Hanukkah display,” states an article on decor ideas in Southern Living magazine. “Our stock of oversize decorations puts the reason for the season on full display,” promises Zion Judaica, an online superstore with a mission to “make these eight special nights bigger and brighter than ever before.”

I wonder if these efforts to emulate America’s biggest consumer holiday succeed in affirming Jewish identity. Or does the attempt to rival Christmas with its commodification actually diminish Hanukkah’s significance and blur the distinction between Jews and gentiles?

Years ago I worked at a school where a first-grade teacher directed her students to write “Dear Santa” letters in class. The compulsory activity put a Jewish boy in tears. I tried to address the inappropriateness of the assignment—how it ostracized the few non-Christian students. Why enhance their sense of difference during a time of year that magnified their minority status?

“Well, Santa isn’t really Christmas,” the teacher replied, in defense of secular joy.

She didn’t understand that Old Saint Nick wasn’t in the boy’s holiday lexicon. The remedy: he could write to a relative instead!

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SPIN A dreidel is a four-sided spinning top, played during Hanukkah.

there was no substitute for the man in a red suit.

That year my students gave me enough presents to fill a sleigh: CDs, soaps, coffee, cookies, lotions, chocolate, a jewelry box, gift certificates, a writing journal and bottles of wine. Plus, a sparkly ornament for my nonexistent tree.

“You don’t want to wait until Christmas to open them all?” a colleague asked.

“It’s hard being a Jew at Christmas,” one third grader explained to her classmates after sharing a picture book about a girl who asks her parents for a Hanukkah bush. Although they refuse to grant her wish, they do help her to reconcile her conflicted feelings.

I could relate. My mother, who agreed to my father’s stipulation that his children be raised Jewish, converted from Christianity after my brother was born. (“I look forward to becoming a Yiddishe Mama,” she wrote to my grandparents.) When I turned 11, my parents divorced. For the next few years, she subjected us to a clandestine Christmas. Our frenzied exchanges felt as hollow as the giant stockings she quilted, which we were now obligated to fill.

My stepsister, who lived in an interfaith household that blended both customs, married a man who also converted. Together, they’ve raised two Jewish children in San Francisco. Each year they string dreidel-shaped lights across a mantel bedecked with blue-andsilver wrapped presents and multiple menorahs aglow. She considers these items, however, to be conciliatory. Putting less emphasis on material objects and more focus on “togetherness,” she says it’s the family time that matters.

I, too, am eager to reclaim the sanctity of those earlier traditions—without all the trappings. My brother, on the other hand, switched to Christmas just six years after his Bar Mitzvah. At least his three boys don’t have to hide their tree from their dad. I just hope they know what Hanukkah candles look like.

This year's Hanukkah begins at nightfall on Dec. 22.

Hanukkah candles and other ritual objects are sold at these Judaica gift shops: Congregation Beth Ami (4676 Mayette Ave., Santa Rosa; 707.360.3000) and Congregation Shomrei Torah (2600 Bennett Valley Rd., Santa Rosa; 707.578.5519).

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Arts Ideas Photo courtesy The Emerald Cup

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CANNABIS COUTURE The Emerald Cup’s awards ceremony host Mighty Mickey is all dressed up and ready to go.

Cash Crop

Emerald Cup advocates for local cannabis, honors Tommy Chong BY CHARLIE SWANSON

T

he largest, mostrespected organic outdoor cannabis competition in the world returns to the North Bay this month when the 16th annual Emerald Cup returns to the Sonoma County Fairgrounds on Dec. 14 and 15.

Encompassing over 500 contest entries from sungrown flower cultivators and currently licensed California cannabis businesses, the Emerald Cup is the premiere place

to support local, small-business growers and vendors still struggling to make their way in California’s newly legalized cannabis industry.

“I wish I could say it’s been an easier year (than 2018), but it’s actually in most ways been even harder for most people,” says Emerald Cup founder and producer Tim Blake. “Continued over-taxation, restrictions, lots of regulations—it’s a perfect storm. You’ve got not enough dispensaries opened up, so you don’t have enough places to sell product to, you don’t have enough product

makers because they haven’t got their license from the state.”

While Blake foresees the market doing well in the next few years, he cites the state’s inability to be proactive in helping cannabis businesses thrive as a major problem for small-time merchants.

“The Cup’s going to do well this year, but we’re still watching people go through a lot of challenges,” he says.

As the Cup’s grown in size and status over the years, it’s been a boon to small farmers and makers

who enter the respected contest, as well as a magnet for larger brands to make a splash on the scene.

“One cool thing that we’ve been able to maintain in the contest is the personal-use category,” says Associate Producer Taylor Blake. “The Cup started as a competition among friends—there were no brands—and it was important that a grower who wanted to have their six plants in their backyard could participate in the Emerald Cup. Last year was our first year with the personal-use category and we just did it with flowers. This year we are extending that to Solventless Concentrates, which we are excited about and had a lot of interest in last year.”

In addition to the cannabis competition, this year’s Cup boasts musical acts from headliners like dancehall-inspired indie-pop star Santigold and reggae legends Steel Pulse (see music, pg 22), as well as informative sessions on everything from federal cannabis legalization efforts to regenerative agriculture to psychedelics and plant medicine.

This year also features special guest Tommy Chong, who will receive the Willie Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award.

“We’re excited to have Tommy come and join us,” says Tim Blake.

“He’s been an amazing advocate for our industry and our community.”

Other Emerald Cup highlights include live art, expos, organic food and a marketplace packed with vendors.

“Between all the speakers, music, VIPs and community; we’ve gone to great lengths to make it a unique experience,” Blake says. “Knowing that the whole tribe comes in to hang for the weekend is what it’s all about.”

The Emerald Cup takes place Saturday and Sunday, Dec 14–15, at the Sonoma County Fairgrounds, 1350 Bennett Valley Rd., Santa Rosa. Sat, 11am to 10pm; Sun, noon to 8pm. $90 and up. 21 and over. theemeraldcup.com.

The week’s events: a selective guide

GUERNEVILLE

Friends with Books

There’s something for the reader in your life at the annual River Friends of the Library Winter Book and Bake Sale this week. The four-day sale at the Guerneville library includes hardcover books, paperbacks, young adult books and comic books, as well as audio books to purchase, along with homemade cookies, brownies and other sweet treats available. Support the library this week Wednesday to Saturday, Dec 4–7, 14107 Armstrong Woods Rd, Guerneville. Sale opens at 10am each day. Free admission; last day is a $5 Bag sale. 707.869.9004.

SONOMA COUNTY

Healing with Food

Each year, hundreds of people with serious illnesses are fed and cared for

by Sonoma County’s Food For Thought, which provides healthy meals at no cost to their clients. Each winter, the nonprofit welcomes the public to get in on the culinary goodness with the annual Dining Out for Life event, in which over 70 Sonoma County restaurants generously donate 10-to-25 percent of their sales for one day to Food For Thought’s programs. Simply find your favorite restaurant on the list of participating locations and dine out to help on Thursday, Dec. 5. Find a list of restaurants at fftfoodbank. org/dining-out-for-life.

CALISTOGA

Festive Town

Everyone knows it takes a village to celebrate the holidays properly, and this week, Calistoga comes together for one of the most celebratory events of the season and turns into a Holiday Village. Friday night’s Tree Lighting Ceremony features fun crafts, warm drinks and a street fair of shops open late and decked out for the holiday. On Saturday, Santa will be at the Calistoga Welcome Center for photos before the 24th Annual Calistoga Lighted Tractor Parade lights up the town with vintage vehicles decorated in dazzling displays. Join the fun on Dec 6-7, in downtown Calistoga. Friday tree lighting, 4pm; Saturday parade, 7pm. Visitcalistoga.com.

SONOMA

In Concert

For over a decade, Northern California events producers and promoters (((folkYEAH!))) have curated memorable concert events throughout the North Bay. This week, the group presents a one-two shot of live shows at the historic Sebastiani Theatre. First, Washington-based songwriter Phil Elverum brings his longstanding project Mount Eerie to town, performing with vocalist Julie Doiron off Mount Eerie’s recent album, Lost Wisdom Pt. 2. The next night, Los Angeles punk pioneers X headline a special “Xmas” concert with support from Los Straightjackets. Friday and Saturday, Dec. 6 and 7, 476 First St. E, Sonoma. 8pm. Fri, $25; Sat, $40 and up. folkyeah.com.

—Charlie Swanson

FROM HAWAII WITH LOVE Maui-native and pop-vocalist Anuhea performs as part of her ‘All Is Bright’ tour in Napa on Thursday, Dec. 5.

See Concerts, pg 23.

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Crush CULTURE

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iss Bennet: Christmas at Pemberley, Lauren Gunderson and Margot Melcon’s “continuation” of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, made quite a splash at the Marin Theatre Company in 2016 and since then has become a staple of holiday theater programs.

The Spreckels Theatre Company brings it to Rohnert Park with a production running through Dec. 15.

It’s Christmas time at Pemberley Manor, where Fitzwilliam and Elizabeth Darcy (Matt Cadigan & Ilana Niernberger) are hosting a reunion of the Bennet sisters— Elizabeth’s sister Jane (Allie Nordby) and her husband Charles (Evan Held), precocious sister Lydia (Ella

Park) and their somewhat neglected sibling Mary (Karina Pugh). Mary sees little future for herself but the caretaking of her aging parents. Her chances of finding love are as limited as her chances of exploring the world outside of books.

Enter Arthur de Bourgh (Zane Walters), a somewhat nebbish neighbor who has come into his own estate. His interests align with Mary’s and there’s definite interest in Mary, but Arthur’s experience with women is severely limited.

Heeding the advice of the gentlemen of the house, Arthur writes a letter expressing his feelings, which, of course, gets in the hands of the wrong person. As that misunderstanding plays out, in swoops Anne de Bourgh (Taylor Diffenderfer), Arthur’s cousin and self-declared fiancé. Will everything work out for Mary and Arthur or are they doomed to lives of spinsterhood and loveless marriage?

C’mon, it’s a Christmas play.

And a charming one at that.

Director Sheri Lee Miller brings the right touch and the perfect cast to the material. The writing is so good and the characters so clearly defined that you really don’t need to know a thing about Pride and Prejudice to “get it.”

Everything you need to know comes from the characters, and the cast surely “gets it” with each member delivering a strong and delightful characterization via Gunderson and Melcon’s witty dialogue.

The characters and their relationships are the root of the show’s humor. Pugh’s Mary is a tower of strength and vulnerability who meets her match in Walters’ spot-on bumbling and loveable Arthur. Niernberger, Nordby and Park’s sisters all seem like sisters and Cadigan and Held’s gentlemen lovingly exist in their world.

Diffenderfer’s Anne is a great villain whose need for security leads her to say and do some awful, terrible and very amusing things.

Love conquers all and it will conquer you should you spend some time at Pemberley Manor.

Rating (out of 5): HHHHH ‘Miss Bennet: Christmas at Pemberley’ runs through Dec. 15 at Spreckels Performing Arts Center, 5409 Snyder Lane, Rohnert Park. Fri–Sat, 7:30pm; Sun, 2pm; $12–$26. 707.588.3400.

Film

21

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Splitting up is hard in episodic drama ‘Marriage Story’ BY RICHARD VON BUSACK

I

n Noah Baumbach’s Marriage Story, anguished husband Charlie (Adam Driver) notices a throwpillow in the office of his saber-toothed L.A. divorce lawyer, Jay (Ray Liotta). It’s embroidered with the words “Eat, Drink and Remarry.”

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Baumbach previously directed The Squid and the Whale, about the tumult between a divorced pair (Laura Linney, Jeff Daniels); if there are similar autobiographical elements here, it proves we cannot learn from our parents’ mistakes.

In voiceover, Nicole (Scarlett Johansson) reads aloud the things she loves about her husband—the way he came out of a Midwestern background and became “more New Yorker than New Yorkers.” Charlie is a theatrical director, but his wife composed this apparent love note as part of a counseling program carried out just before the divorce. The idea is that if Nicole writes down the reasons she married Charlie, it’ll make the exit graceful. No such luck.

The quarrel between this couple is reminiscent of the split found in Woody Allen’s Annie Hall. He’s a serious New Yorker, she’s L.A. born and bred; her mother (the ageless

Julie Hagerty) was an actress, as is her sister (Nurse Jackie’s Merritt Wever, very funny). The split becomes irrevocable when Nicole gets a role in a TV show, leaving Charlie to take his production of Electra to Broadway.

This leaves custody battles for their kid Henry (Azhy Robertson) who is not above manipulation in dealing with his parents.

Baumbach finds new depths in his performers—in Driver’s wounded side and Johansson’s macho side. The passing of various Halloweens gives this film a sense of time’s passage. One year, Johansson dresses up as Let’s Dance-era Bowie: the 1983 edition of Bowie, the year before she was born.

Marriage Story authentically portrays that aspect of the tragedy of breakup wherein the person wounding you is the person to whom you once looked for solace. In the end, the bond between Charlie and Nicole endures, through a matched pair of songs from Sondheim’s Company—one sung at an L.A. family party, the other at a Broadway bar. Marriage Story would be the worst first-date movie ever, but more seasoned couples can see it and huddle for comfort.

‘Marriage Story’ is playing in select theaters and is available to stream on Netflix Dec. 6.

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Music

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MUSICAL JEWEL Reggae-legends Steel Pulse co-headline this year’s Emerald Cup in Santa Rosa.

Mass Appeal

Steel Pulse returns BY BILL FORMAN

BHS19_BohoSQ1.pdf

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10/30/19

E

ven if Steel Pulse had called it quits after releasing their debut album Handsworth Revolution and its subsequent single “Ku Klux Klan,” they still would have earned their place as the most politically charged reggae band to emerge from England.

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As the sons of working-class West Indian immigrants, the young Birmingham musicians were naturally drawn to the nascent Rock Against Racism movement of the late 1970s. Soon they were sharing bills with the Clash, the Specials and other like-minded bands, while expanding their own Bob Marleyinfluenced sound to incorporate elements of jazz, Latin and punk music. Onstage, they crossed even more boundaries, stirring up controversy as they donned white hoods and robes to perform “Ku Klux Klan” in punk clubs and on BBC Television.

“We tend to be more direct in what we’re saying,” says Steel Pulse co-founder and lead vocalist David Hinds. “If you listen to Bob Marley’s lyrics, he never really mentions specific individuals or collectives.

Whereas I’ll write about the Ku Klux Klan or the National Front. It’s like the

iron fist in the velvet glove—and then what softens that blow is the music.”

As time went on, Steel Pulse created a different kind of controversy. By the mid-’80s, the band’s resistance to record-industry pressures weakened. Meanwhile, the success of perfectly polished singles like “Steppin’ Out” prompted accusations of selling out. It took more than a decade for Steel Pulse to return to its militant roots on albums like 1997’s Rage and Fury and 2004’s African Holocaust, after which they unceremoniously dropped out of sight for 15 years.

“I was going through some domestic issues at the time, and I just got up and left England and started hoboing—for want of a better phrase— around the world,” Hind says.

Against all expectations, Steel Pulse have now returned with Mass Manipulation, a 17-track condemnation of police brutality, human trafficking and other social injustices. Hinds and co-founding keyboardist Selwyn Brown deliver a lyrically uncompromising and musically engaging album that stands alongside the band’s best.

Steel Pulse performs at the Emerald Cup on Saturday, Dec. 14, at the Sonoma County Fairgrounds, 1350 Bennett Valley Rd., Santa Rosa. $90 and up. theemeraldcup.com/attend.

Concerts SONOMA Modest Mouse

Alternative-rock band achieved massive success while retaining an independent state of mind. Dec 10, 8pm. $50-$55.

Luther Burbank Center for the Arts, 50 Mark West Springs Rd, Santa Rosa, 707.546.3600.

Mount Eerie

Independent songwriter Phil Elverum performs music with vocalist Julie Doiron off the recent album, “Lost Wisdom Pt. 2,” on which the two collaborated. Dec 6, 7pm. $25. Sebastiani Theatre, 476 First St E, Sonoma, 707.996.9756.

Santa Rosa Symphony Conductor Francesco LecceChong leads the orchestra in a program titled “Mozart’s Swan Song.” Dec 7-9. $24 and up.

Green Music Center Weill Hall, 1801 East Cotati Ave, Rohnert Park, srsymphony.org.

X

Los Angeles punk legends take the stage for a special “Xmas” concert with support from Los Straightjackets. Dec 7, 8pm. $40 and up. Sebastiani Theatre, 476 First St E, Sonoma, 707.996.9756.

NAPA Anuhea

Hawaii-based vocalist performs as part of her winterthemed “All Is Bright” tour.

Dec 5, 8pm. $29-$55. JaM Cellars Ballroom at the Margrit Mondavi Theatre, 1030 Main St, Napa, 707.880.2300.

Mat Kearney

Platinum-selling Nashville artist makes genre-bending folk-pop to widespread acclaim. Dec 6, 8pm. $35-$50.

Uptown Theatre, 1350 Third St, Napa, 707.259.0123.

Clubs & Venues SONOMA 3 Disciples Brewing Taproom

Dec 6, Decent Criminal with Slugger and Slumped. 501 Mendocino Ave, Santa Rosa, 707.978.2459.

Arlene Francis Center

Dec 5, Weston with SkyHigh and Luznote. 99 Sixth St, Santa Rosa, 707.528.3009.

Barley & Hops Tavern

Dec 5, 5pm, Dave Hamilton. Dec 6, Motif. Dec 7, Scot Guberman and Zach Nugent. Dec 8, 6:30pm, Ruben Valtierra and friends. 3688 Bohemian Hwy, Occidental, 707.874.9037.

The Big Easy

Dec 7, Beckylin & Her Druthers with Greenwaldo. Dec 11, Sinatra Holiday Spectacular with Ned Rifken Wednesday Night Big Band. 128 American Alley, Petaluma, 707.776.7163.

Elephant in the Room Dec 5, Timothy O’Neil Band.

Dec 6, John Courage Trio. Dec 7, Blue Luke Andrews. 177-A Healdsburg Ave, Healdsburg, elephantintheroompub.com.

Flamingo Lounge

Dec 6, Monophonics with Boots & the Kats. Dec 7, Sinister Dexter. 2777 Fourth St, Santa Rosa, 707.545.8530.

Healdsburg Community Church

Dec 8, 3pm, Healdsburg Community Band Christmas Concert. 1100 University Ave, Healdsburg, 707.433.8886.

Hermann Sons Hall

Dec 9, Folk Dance Party with Orchestra Euphonos. 860 Western Ave, Petaluma, 707.762.9962.

HopMonk Sebastopol Dec 5, the Steel Wheels. Dec 6, UZ. Dec 9, DJ Konnex. 230 Petaluma Ave, Sebastopol, 707.829.7300.

Occidental Center for the Arts

Murphy’s Irish Pub & Restaurant

Dec 6, Jeff Falconer. Dec 7, Muted Jewel Tones. Dec 8, 4pm, Parts & Labor. 464 First St E, Sonoma, 707.935.0660.

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Dec 7-8, 3pm, “The Many Colors of Christmas” with Healdsburg Chorus. 115 North St, Healdsburg, healdsburgchorus.com.

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TRIVIA NIGHT THU, DEC 12 • 7:00 GOLDEN GATE WINGMEN FRI, DEC 13 • 7:00 DAVID LUNING ACOUSTIC SAT, DEC 14 • 7:00 DAVID LUNING ELECTRIC SUN, DEC 15 • 7:00 RAINBOW GIRLS MON, DEC 16 • 10:00

Redwood Cafe

Dec 5, Harpdog Brown. Dec 6, Hangman’s Daughter. Dec 7, Foxes In the Henhouse. Dec 8, Irish jam session. Dec 9, the Blues Defenders pro jam. Dec 10, Bandjango Collectif. 8240 Old Redwood Hwy, Cotati, 707.795.7868.

Reel & Brand

Dec 6, Three on a Match. Dec 8, 2pm, Fanora Jams Holiday Recital. 401 Grove St, Sonoma, 707.343.0044.

MONDAY NIGHT EDUTAINMENT

ROCKER-T

JAH WARRIOR SHELTER WED, DEC 18 • 7:00

G. LOVE

Spicy Vines Tasting Room Dec 7, Pa Furnace. 441 Healdsburg Ave, Healdsburg, 707.927.1065.

St Seraphim Orthodox Church Dec 5-6, Cantiamo Sonoma Candlelight Christmas. 90 Mountain View Ave, Santa Rosa, cantiamosonoma.org.

Twin Oaks Roadhouse

United Church of Christ

Dec 7, “Black Sabbath PreXMass” with Electric Funeral.

490 Mendocino Ave #104, Santa Rosa, 707.890.5433.

WED, DEC 4 • 7:00

Dec 6, Easy Francais with Silk June and Phantom Motor Kid. 201 Washington St, Petaluma, 707.762.3565.

Lagunitas Tap Room

Local Barrel

The Abbey

The Phoenix Theater

Dec 6-7, Whitherward.

691 Broadway, Sonoma, 707.935.9100.

Dec 5, Ragtag Sullivan. Dec 6, Radiokeys. Dec 7, Hop Sauce. Dec 8, EZ Street. 1280 N McDowell Blvd, Petaluma, 707.778.8776.

SEBASTOPOL

Dec 6-8, Occidental Community Choir Winter Concert. 3850 Doris Murphy Ct, Occidental, 707.874.9392.

Dec 6, Hunka Hunka Hula Revue. Dec 7, Stone Cold Mollie. 5745 Old Redwood Hwy, Penngrove, 707.795.5118.

HopMonk Sonoma

HOPMONK .COM

Dec 6, Illeagles with Johnny & June Forever. Dec 7, Asleep at the Wheel.

Dec 8, the Grouch with Murs and Pure Powers. 23 Petaluma Blvd N, Petaluma, 707.775.6048.

Dec 9, 7:30pm, “A Glorious Noel” with the Petaluma Chorale. 825 Middlefield Dr, Petaluma. 707.763.2454.

NAPA

TWIN OAKS PENNGROVE 12/6 Monophonics,

The Grand Ballroom

12/7 The Laugh Cellar presents

WED, DEC 4 • 7:30

Boots and the Kats Funk, Soul Sinister Dexter

COUNTRY LINE DANCE

BLUEPRINTS PRESENTS

12/20 DJ; Bass. House

The Laugh Cellar presents

12/21 A HOLIDAY COMEDY SHOW!

Rich Little Band Rock, Dance Covers

12/28

THE POYNTLYSS SISTARS ROCKIN’ SHOW BAND

Rock, Dance Covers, ‘50s—Current

12/31 NYE with UB707

Soul, Funk, R&B Covers

Dec 6,Toys for Tots Soiree with Genavieve and friends. Dec 7, Napa Valley Community Foundation fundraiser with Grass Child. Dec 8, 2pm, Duo Quartet featuring Nina Gerber and Chris Webster. 1030 Main St, Napa, 707.880.2300.

Dec 6, Chris Pierce.

THE PITCHFORKS

funk, soul covers

Blue Note Napa

JaM Cellars

MAUREEN LANGAN

) 24

1/4

konsept Party Band Funk, R&B Covers

Aqua Nett

1/18 ‘80s Hair Metal and Beyond Bachata Thursdays • Salsa Sundays 2777 Fourth St • Santa Rosa 707.545.8530 • Flamingoresort.com

THU, DEC 5 • 7:00 FRI, DEC 6 •8:00

HUNKA HUNKA HULA REVUE SAT, DEC 7 •8:00

STONE COLD MOLLY MON, DEC 9 • 7:00 • EVERY MON OPEN MIC WITH BRANDON EARDLEY TUE, DEC 10 • 7:00 • EVERY TUES TUESDAY NIGHT TRIVIA FRI, DEC 13 •8:00

PARTIAL CELL

SAT, DEC 14 •8:00

WEEKEND AT BERNIES FRI, DEC 20 •8:00

MISS MOONSHINE 20+ SHOWS PER WEEK VISIT HOPMONK.COM FOR FULL CALENDAR

SEBASTOPOL | SONOMA NOVATO | PENNGROVE

23 NO RTH BAY BO H E M I AN | D EC E M BE R 4-1 0, 2019 | BOH EMI A N.COM

Calendar

Mystic Theatre & Music Hall

NORTH BAY BOH E MI A N | DEC E M BE R 4-1 0, 20 19 | BO H E M I AN.COM

24

Fireside Dining Sat & Sun Brunch 11–3 FRIDAY

ILLEAGLES W⁄ JOHNNY & JUNE

GV & The Ramble Band Dec 6 8:00 ⁄ No Cover Fri

SATURDAY ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL

Sat

SUNDAY

THE GROUCH WITH

FRIDAY

JONNY LANG WITH

& PURE POWERS DEC 8 MURS HIP HOP • DOORS 7:30PM • 21+ CARNEY DEC 13 ZANE BLUES ROCK • DOORS 7:30PM • 21+ SATURDAY POOR MAN'S WHISKEY

DEC 14

WITH THE

EASY LEAVES DUO

BLUEGRASS • DOORS 7:30PM • 21+

THURSDAY BONE THUGS-N-HARMONY

DEC 19 FRIDAY

WITH

MH THE VERB (DJ SET)

Danny Click’s Birthday Party w⁄ The Hell Yeahs 8:00 Sun 8 Kevin Russell & Some Dec Dangerous Friends 4:00 ⁄ No Cover Dec 7

OZOMATLI WITH

12⁄27 Tommy Castro & The Painkillers with Chris Cain, 12⁄28 Monophonics, 12⁄29 Cracker & Camper Van Beethoven, 12⁄31 Charlie Musselwhite, 1⁄4 Velvet Teen with Sabertooth Zombie, OVVN & Lord Mountain, 1⁄10 Super Diamond, 1⁄11 Black Flag with The Linecutters, 1⁄17 Elvin Bishop's Big Fun Trio, 1⁄25 Fleetwood Mask, 2⁄4 The Green, 2⁄5 Jackie Greene, 2⁄14 Melvins

WWW.MYSTICTHEATRE.COM 23 PETALUMA BLVD N. PETALUMA, CA 94952

Mike Duke Project

Celebrate WILLIE K WEEKEND! loha!

A Dec 20, 21, 22

DELIRIANS DEC 20 THE REGGAE • DOORS 7:30PM • 21+ FRIDAY

Beluga & Bee Studio

…took a while 7:00

GROUNDATION WITH

MISA NEGRA DEC 20 LA LATIN ROCK • DOORS 7:30PM • 21+

featuring Stella Heath 8:00

Dec 15 CD Release Party #2

RAP • DOORS 7:30PM • 21+

Gospel Christmas Eve Dinner Show

Sons of the Soul Revivers

7:00

“Year End Beatle Fest” The Sun Kings “The Beatles Never Sounded So Good!”

Dec 28 8:30, Dec 29 7:00

Our Annual New Year’s Eve Party with Dec 31 The Zydeco Flames Tue

Our #1 Party Band! 9:00

Reservations Advised

415.662.2219

On the Town Square, Nicasio www.ranchonicasio.com

®

HAPPY H O U R 3-7 M-F THURSDAY FIRST THURSDAY:

12.05

OPEN MIC NIGHT Hosted by Randall Burrows 8-10 / no cover

THURSDAY THE SEAN CARSCADDEN TRIO

12.12

8-11 / no cover

THURSDAY LIVE BAND KARAOKE:

12.19

STARLING HOLIDAY PARTY 8-10:30 / $5 cover

SATURDAY JOHN PAUL HODGE

12.21 TUESDAY

12.31

8:30-11:30 / no cover NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY

AFROFUNK EXPERIENCE Music starts at 9:30pm

Tickets: brownpapertickets.com

19380 CA-12 SONOMA CA 95476

707 938 7442 starlingsonoma.com

Dec 7, Vintage High School Choral Music presents Sounds of the Season. Dec 11, United States Air Force Band of the Golden West. 100 California Dr, Yountville, 707.944.9900.

High Lonesome Twang To Lowdown Roots 8:00 ⁄ No Cover Rancho Debut!

Dec 14 The Billie Holiday Project Sun

Dec 7, John Vicino. 1460 First St, Napa, 707.265.7577.

Art Opening

“West Marinicana” Dec 13 Lowatters Fri

Sat

Calendar ( 23 Lincoln Theater

Din ner & A Show

DEC 6 FOREVER TRIBUTE • DOORS 7:30PM • 21+ TEXAS CHRISTMAS Y'ALL" DEC 7 "MERRY COUNTRY• DOORS 7:30PM • 21+

Lunch & Dinner 7 Days a Week

BRINGING THE BEST FILMS IN THE WORLD TO SONOMA COUNTY

Schedule for Wed, November 27 – Tue, December 3 Bargain Tuesday - $7.50 All Shows Bargain Tuesday $7.00 All Shows Schedule forFri, Fri,April Feb -16th 20th Thu, Feb 26th Schedule for –– Thu, April 22nd Schedule for Fri, June 22nd - Thu, June 28th

DINE-IN CINEMA

Award “Moore Gives •Her BestNominee Bruschetta • Academy Paninis Soups • Performance Salads • Appetizers 8 Great“Raw Beers onYears!”

Tap + Wine by the Glass and Bottle Best Foreign Language Film!

In – Box Office and Riveting!”

– Rolling Stone

“Raw and Riveting!” – Rolling Stone Demi MooreWITH DavidBASHIR Duchovny WALTZ A MIGHTY HEART PG-13 R CC DV (1:00) THE 3:00 5:00 (12:30) 2:45 JONESES 5:00 7:00 7:20 9:15 9:45 R (12:10 (12:30) 2:40 5:05) 7:20 9:40 No 9:40 Show Mon 2:40 4:50 7:10 9:20 2 Academy Award Noms Including BestRActor!

THE AERONAUTS

2 Academy Award Noms Including Best Actor!

DARK WATERS

“A Triumph!”

– New Observer “A Glorious Throwback ToYork ThePG-13 More CCStylized, DV THE WRESTLER Painterly Work Of Decades Past!”

–Show LA Times 5:10 9:45 R Mon LA2:45 VIE EN 7:30 ROSE (1:00(12:20) 3:45) 7:10 9:50 No 9:50 (12:45) 3:45 6:45 9:45 PG-13 THEAward SECRET OF KELLS 10 Academy Noms Including Best Picture!

PG 9:00 CC DV NR (1:00) 3:00 5:00 7:00 SLuMDOG MILLIONAIRE “★★★★ – Really, –Show Mon (11:50 2:10 7:00 Truly, 9:20 Deeply No 9:20 “Superb!

No4:40) One4:00 Could Make This 7:10 R Believable One of (1:15) This Year’s Best!”9:40 – Newsday If It Were Fiction!” – San Francisco Chronicle

FROZEN II

A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE ONCE 8 Academy Award Noms Including PRODIGAL SONS (1:00) 3:10 5:20 9:40 R No Passes Best Picture, Actor7:30 & Best NEIGHBORHOOD PG Director!

CC (2:20) 9:10 Best NR No 9:10 Show TueDV or Thu

MILK9:50 (12:00 2:30 and 5:00) 7:30 No 9:50 Stone Show Mon “Haunting Hypnotic!”

– Rolling

“Wise, Humble and Effortlessly (1:30) 4:10 6:45 Funny!”

9:30 R – Newsweek

THE GIRL THE TATTOO KNIVES OUT CC Thu DV Please Note: 1:30 Show Sat, 6:45 PleaseWITH Note: No No 1:30 ShowDRAGON Sat, No NoPG-13 6:45 Show Show Thu WAITRESS

WAITRESS (1:10) 4:30 7:30 NR 4:00) 6:50 9:30 No 9:30 Mon (1:30) 4:00 7:10 9:30 R Show 5(1:10 Academy Award Noms Including Best Picture! “★★★1/2! AnFROST/NIXON unexpected Gem!” – USA Today FROST/NIXON QUEEN AND SLIM (2:15) 7:20 R GREENBERG

R CC DV

“Swoonly Romatic, Mysterious, Hilarious!”

(1:20 4:15) 7:155:00 9:509:50 No 9:50 (12:00) R Show Mon

– Slant Magazine REVOLuTIONARY ROAD “Deliciously unsettling!”

– RLA Times PARIS, JE T’AIME R Subtitled (11:45) 4:45 9:50 (1:15)GHOST 4:15 7:00 9:30 R 9:45 THE Fri-Sun/Tue/Thu: 6:55 Kevin Jorgenson presents(12:15) the WRITER California Premiere of (2:15) 7:15Wed: PG-139:00 Mon: (12:15)

PARASITE

PuRE: A BOuLDERING FLICK Michael Moore’s Feb 26th at 7:15 THE Thu, MOST DANGEROuS THE IRISHMAN R CC DV SICKO MOVIES THE MORNING MANIN IN AMERICA Fri-Tue/Thu: (3:00) Wed: (2:45)

Starts Fri, June 29th!

Fri, Sat, Sun &PENTAGON Mon DANIEL ELLSBERG AND THENow PAPERS Advance Tickets On Sale at Box Office!

9:50 AM (12:10) 4:30 6:50 6:50 Show Tue or Thu FROZEN RIVER (12:00) 2:30 NR 5:00No7:30 10:00 10:15 AM VICKY Their CRISTINA BARCELONA First Joint Venture (1:30) 6:45 R In CC 25 DV Years!

10:20 AM CHANGELING Venessa RedgraveAND Meryl CHONG’S Streep Glenn Close CHEECH RACHEL GETTING MARRIED PG-13 10:40 CC DV AM 10:45 AM HEYSHORTS WATCH THIS 2009 LIVE ACTION (Fri/Mon EVENING (12:20 3:30) 6:40 9:45 NoOnly)) 9:45 Show Mon 10:45 Sat, Apr17th at 11pm & Tue, Apr 20th 8pmAM 2009 ANIMATED SHORTS Only) Starts Fri,(Sun June 29th!

MARRIAGE STORY

FORD V FERRARI JO JO RABBIT

PG-13 CC DV

Fri-Sun/Tue-Thu: (4:20) 9:40 Mon: (4:20)

Dec 7-8, “Krampus Group Show,” representing the folkloric holiday monster in artwork and accompanying an open house. 24 10th St, Santa Rosa. 707.318.9760.

Bump Wine Cellars

Dec 5-Jan 5, “Lisa & Scott Summers Exhibit,” see drawings and paintings from the Sonoma Valley couple. Reception, Dec 7 at 5pm. 521 Broadway, Ste A, Sonoma. 707.228.9214.

Neon Raspberry Art House

Dec 6-Jan 21, “Eating Honeyed Pomegranate Seeds,” solo show from Catherine Sieck features paper cut-outs, sculpture and ceramic works. Reception, Dec 6 at 5pm. 3605 Main St, Occidental. 415.314.8001.

Ren Brown Collection Dec 7-31, “Spiritual Landscapes,” artists Chiyomi Longo and Seiko Tachibana display works that offer a sense of place and mindfulness. Reception, Dec 7 at 2pm. 1781 Hwy 1, Bodega Bay. 707.875.2922.

Santa Rosa Arts Center Dec 5-Jan 31, “Small Works,” see tiny masterpieces from local artists at affordable prices. Reception, Dec 6 at 5pm. 312 South A St, Santa Rosa. santarosaartscenter.org.

Sebastopol Center for the Arts

Dec 6-Jan 5, “Sebastopol Center for the Arts Members’ Show,” annual non-juried show features a breadth of talent and creativity. Reception, Dec 6 at 6pm. 282 S High St, Sebastopol. 707.829.4797.

Sebastopol Gallery

Dec 7-Feb 1, “Round and Round: A Celebration of Circularity,” Kalia Kliban shows functional wooden items created on the lathe

and Sharon Eisley displays paintings. Reception, Dec 7 at 5pm. 150 N Main St, Sebastopol. 707.829.7200.

Upstairs Art Gallery

Dec 7-29, “A Humane Holiday,” animal-inspired art shows in collaboration with Humane Society. Open House, Dec 7.

306 Center St, Healdsburg.

707.431.4214.

Comedy Jessica Inserra

Los Angeles standup comedian has an irreverent sense of humor. Dec 6, 6:30pm. $20$28. Charles Krug Winery, 2800 Main St, St Helena, 707.967.3993.

Maureen Langan

Award-winning journalist turned standup comic and radio talk show host is back in the North Bay. Dec 7, 6pm. $20-$28. Flamingo Lounge, 2777 Fourth St, Santa Rosa, 707.545.8530.

Dance Petaluma Community Center Dec 7, 6pm, Clara’s Enchanted Dream, travel to the Land of Sweets with the new production from Contessi Ballet. 320 N McDowell Blvd, Petaluma. $10-$20. contessiballet.org.

SRHS Performing Arts Auditorium

Dec 6-7, 7pm, ArtQuest Dance Company Winter Performance, experience the spirit of the holidays through movement.

1235 Mendocino Ave, Santa Rosa. $5-$15. artquestonline.org

Uptown Theatre

Dec 7, 8pm, Kerry Irish productions presents an Irish Christmas holiday-themed performance . 1350 Third St, Napa. $35-$55. 707.259.0123.

Events CIMCC Holiday Celebration

Event boasts holiday gifts, art and crafts from Native American vendors, raffles, family games and more. Dec 7, 11am.

Free. California Indian Museum & Cultural Center, 5250 Aero Dr, Santa Rosa, 707.579.3004.

Climate Change Theater Action

Full day of music, art, theater,

panels, interactive exhibits and more is a call to engage climate action and community.

Dec 7, 1pm. $10-$15. Arlene Francis Center, 99 Sixth St, Santa Rosa, 707.528.3009.

Cotati Shop & Stroll

Day of discounted shopping in downtown Cotati includes food trucks, live music, carriage rides and more. Dec 7, 11am.

La Plaza Park, Old Redwood Highway, Cotati, cotati.org.

Fine Craft & Art Holiday Sale

Fifty local artists offer handmade goods in ceramics, fiber, print and jewelry. Dec 6-8. Sonoma Community Center, 276 E Napa St, Sonoma, 707.938.4626.

Goddess Crafts Faire

A community celebration of the coming of winter includes art, music, dance and a collection of handmade gifts by local and regional women.

Dec 7-8. $5-$13. Sebastopol Community Center, 390 Morris St, Sebastopol, 707.823.1511.

Guerneville Art Barn Holiday Boutique

Russian River artisans sell hand-crafted gifts in a festive environment. Dec 7-8, 10am.

Free. Maresca Barn Studio, 16120 Watson Rd, Guerneville, 707.869.9419.

Hessel Guild Crafts Fair

Local items are available for sale with raffle and food on hand. Dec 7, 10am. Free.

Hessel Guild, 5400 Blank Rd, Sebastopol, 707.579.9788.

Holiday on Florence

Showcase of fine local crafts ranges from weavings and jewelry to cookbooks and paintings. Dec 7-8, 11am. Free admission. The Weaving Studio, 343 Florence Ave, Sebastopol, 707.280.2607.

Light Up a Life

Heartland Hospice honors lives lost with annual candle- and tree-lighting ceremonies. Dec 5, 5pm. Free. Montgomery Village Shopping Center, 911 Village Court, Santa Rosa, 707.545.3844.

Prohibition Winter Gala Come in your best 1920s attire for a speakeasy soiree. Dec 7, 7pm. $40; $60 per couple.

Siren’s Studio, 234 Hutchins Ave, Sebastopol, 707.239.7914.

The Reindeer Run

Dress in colorful garb and walk or run in the event hosted by KHOPE International poverty relief group. Dec 7, 8am. $20-

Lectures

can. Blue Door Gallery, 16359 Main St, Guerveville, pegasustheater.com.

River Friends of the Library Winter Book & Bake Sale

Birding Colombia

Le Cirque de Boheme

Find great reads and delicious treats while supporting the library. Dec 4-7. Guerneville Library, 14107 Armstrong Woods Rd, Guerneville, 707.869.9004.

Film CULT Film Series

See classic horror films “Rosemary’s Baby” and “The Devil’s Rain” in double-bill screening. Dec 5, 7pm. $10.

Roxy Stadium 14 Cinemas, 85 Santa Rosa Ave, Santa Rosa, 707.525.8909.

Home Alone

Christmas comedy screens as part of the Holidays in Yountville schedule of events.

Dec 6, 6:30pm. Free. Lincoln Theater, 100 California Dr, Yountville, 707.944.9900.

Food & Drink Crab Feed

Lagunitas and Cinnabar Theater team up for delicious crab-and-beer fest. Preregistration recommended.

Dec 9, 5:30pm. $65. Lagunitas Brewing Company, 1280 N McDowell Blvd, Petaluma, 707.769.4495.

Dining Out for Life

Dine out at one of many participating restaurants with proceeds going to Food for Thought. Dec 5. Food for Thought, 6550 Railroad Ave, Forestville, fftfoodbank.org/ dining-out-for-life.

Hanukkah Hootenanny

Latkes and libations rule the day in this annual event. Dec 8, 12pm. $55. Judd’s Hill Winery, 2332 Silverado Trail, Napa, 707.255.2332.

For Kids Hands-on Chanukah

Activities include dreidel spinning contests, menorah crafting, children’s book fair, gift raffle and more. Dec 8, 10am. Free. Charles M Schulz Museum, 2301 Hardies Lane, Santa Rosa, 707.579.4452.

Get a colorful international birding experience with Santiago Escruceria. Preregistration required. Dec 9, 6:30pm. $14. Laguna de Santa Rosa Environmental Center, 900 Sanford Rd, Santa Rosa, 707.527.9277.

Conversations at Copia: Setting the Equity Table Panel of culinary stars, moderated by chef and TV host Andrew Zimmern, discuss social change in the foodand-beverage industry. Dec 7, 5:30pm. $75. CIA at Copia, 500 First St, Napa, 707.967.2530.

The Paradox of Preservation

Presentation is on wilderness and working landscapes associated with Point Reyes National Seashore. Preregistration required. Dec 5, 6:30pm. $14. Laguna de Santa Rosa Environmental Center, 900 Sanford Rd, Santa Rosa, 707.527.9277.

Readings Napa Bookmine

Dec 9, 7pm, “We Draw Breath From the Same Sky” with Mary Anna Kruch. 964 Pearl St, Napa 707.733.3199.

Petaluma Copperfield’s Books

Dec 8, 4pm, “Pasture Bedtime” with Clo the Cow and Anne Vernon. 140 Kentucky St, Petaluma 707.762.0563.

Theater A Christmas Story: The Musical

Sonoma Arts Live presents the new Tony Award-nominated adaptation of the popular holiday movie. Dec 6-22. $28-$42. Sonoma Community Center, 276 E Napa St, Sonoma, 707.938.4626.

Escanaba In Da Moonlight

Left Edge Theatre presents the hilarious hunting tale filled humor, horror and heart.

Through Dec 15. $28-$42.

Luther Burbank Center for the Arts, 50 Mark West Springs Rd, Santa Rosa, 707.546.3600.

It’s a Wonderful Life

Pegasus Theater Company performs the holiday classic.

Dec 6–7. pay-what-you-

Old-style circus troupe presents a new show. Through Dec 22. $27-$55. Cornerstone Sonoma, 23570 Arnold Dr, Sonoma, cirquedeboheme.com.

Miracle on 34th Street: The Musical Heartwarming adaptation of the beloved film features music by the creator of “The Music Man.” Dec 6-22. $25-$40. Lucky Penny Community Arts Center, 1758 Industrial Way, Napa, 707.266.6305.

Oliver!

Sixth Street Playhouse brings Charles Dickens’ famous novel to musical life. Through Dec 15. $22-$38. 6th Street Playhouse, 52 W Sixth St, Santa Rosa, 707.523.4185.

25 NOW SERVING BEER & WINE 12/6–12/12

Honorable

A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood – CC & AD PG

10:30-1:30-4:00-6:45-9:10

Dark Waters – CC & AD 10:00-12:45-3:30-6:15-8:55

COMING SOON!

PG13

Honey Boy – CC & AD R 10:15-1:00-3:45-7:00-9:10 Waves – CC & AD 10:15-1:15-4:15-7:15

DEC 16

R

Jojo Rabbit – CC & AD

12:45-9:10

Harriet

10:00-6:30

– CC & AD PG13

Marriage Story 3:15pm

PG13

JAN 22

– CC & AD R

551 SUMMERFIELD ROAD • SANTA ROSA 707.525.8909 • SUMMERFIELDCINEMAS.COM

Polar Bears

Left Edge Theatre presents David Templeton’s one-manshow about a single father trying to keep the holidays alive. Dec 4-15. $28-$42. Luther Burbank Center for the Arts, 50 Mark West Springs Rd, Santa Rosa, 707.546.3600.

The Seafarer

JAN 30 RAVENFILMCENTER.COM HEALDSBURG Bistro Menu Items Beer & Wine available in all 4 Auditoriums

FOR SHOWTIMES: 707.525.8909

Christmas Eve-set story is about family, Ireland and the power of myth. Through Dec 21. $15-$30. Main Stage West, 104 N Main St, Sebastopol, 707.823.0177.

The Sound of Music

Celebrate the holidays with this collaborative production between SRJC and SSU students. Through Dec 8. Evert B. Person Theater, SSU, 1801 E Cotati Ave, Rohnert Park, 707.527.4307.

Tickets Make Great Gifts!

Order from the Box Office today!

707.546.3600 | yourLBC.org

Kindred

Fair Trade Handcrafts

Holiday Open House

Transcendence’s Broadway Holiday Spectacular

Award-winning creators of “Broadway Under the Stars” presents reimagined holiday celebration for all ages. Dec 6-8. $39 and up. Luther Burbank Center for the Arts, 50 Mark West Springs Rd, Santa Rosa, 707.546.3600.

The BOHEMIAN’s calendar is produced as a service to the community. If you have an item for the calendar, send it to calendar@bohemian. com, or mail it to: NORTH BAY BOHEMIAN, 847 Fifth St, Santa Rosa CA 95404. Inclusion of events in the print edition is at the editor’s discretion. Deadline is two weeks prior to desired publication date.

DEC 22ND

THE MAGIC TOY SHOP

DECEMBER 14TH & 15TH

JOHN MCCUTCHEON JAN 6TH

JOHN CARNEY JAN 18TH

www.SebastianiTheatre.com

Winter Knits scarves • gloves • beanies cardigans • socks • leggings sweaters • and more!

605 Fourth Street | Downtown Santa Rosa 707-579-1459 | M-Sa 10:30-6, Su 12-5

NO RTH BAY BO H E M I AN | D EC E M BE R 4-1 0, 2019 | BOH EMI A N.COM

$60. Wetlands Edge road and Eucalyptus drive, American Canyon, khopeinternational.org.

Press Pass Rock ‘n’ Roll Monkey

NORTH BAY BOH E MI A N | DEC E M BE R 4-1 0, 20 19 | BO H E M I AN.COM

26

DOMO ARIGATO Mr. Roboto.

I, Robot

You can’t spell media without A.I.

BY DAEDALUS HOWELL

HANDY JIM • carpentry/painting • seismic retrofit • structural work • stucco/concrete • gutter cleaning • roofing

FAR WEST RESTORATION & CONSTRUCTION 707.280.4891 • email: Kajunglejim@aol.com Jim Kennedy CA License #751689

Your vision… my resources, dedication and integrity…

Together, we can catch your dream.

Realtor Coldwell Banker

Suzanne Wandrei

cell: 707.292.9414 www.suzannewandrei.com

Eco Green Certified

use artificial intelligence the way an amputee might use a prosthetic leg. Without it, I have nothing to stand on. I rely on smart devices for nearly every conceivable intellectual task. Take the phone from my cold dead hand and you will essentially possess the central processing unit of my otherwise enfeebled mind (and maybe some embarrassing selfies).

I

In short, without smart devices I’m dumb. I know implicitly that my over-reliance on them is playing with Promethean fire. If I don’t get burned outright, then it’s only a matter of time before the robots chain me to a rock so that I may have my liver plucked at by vultures for all eternity. The irony that my winemarinated liver will prove a delicacy to scavengers is almost as galling as the foreknowledge that the robots will soon take my job.

AI scribes are already “writing” financial and sports stories,

pairing numbers and stats with boilerplate and spraying the web with search-engine-optimized “content.” That word, the c-word, that’s where we went wrong—when we let the system commodify our work as fodder to fill the gaping maw of infinitely-expanding cyberspace. Feeding that beast takes a lot of work, which is why labor-saving gadgets are such an intrinsic part of my process. The AI on my phone, for example, not only captured my voice dictating these words but it transcribed them into the text that you’re now reading. The medium is the message and data rates may apply.

At every step along my dark path to pixels and print, a digital presence lurks, listening, watching, and learning. My every tic, from utterance to keystroke, is cataloged and rendered through the algorithm and will surely produce a digital facsimile of me in the very near future. This sucks because the field is competitive enough—the last thing I need is to compete with a better, stronger, faster version of me. Don’t we already have Millennials for that?

I first noticed the AI was onto to me when autocorrect began to catch up with the esoterica I shoehorn into my vocabulary (why use a five-cent word when a 50-cent word adds ten times the literary value?). Now, the apps I use both anticipate and suggest complete turns of phrase— like this one: Bow down to your robot overlords. Weird, huh?

In a retelling of John Henry vs. The Mighty Steam Drill, my colleagues at Cards Against Humanity (the party game for horrible people) were recently pitted against an AI in competition for their writing jobs.

Who could create the more popular pack of humorous cards? “On the line,” wrote Nick Stack on The Verge, “are $5,000 bonuses for every employee if team human comes up victorious, or heartless termination in the event the AI takes the top spot.”

Guess who won? No, seriously guess—I can’t find the answer anywhere. Even if the writers at CAH won, the war is probably already lost.

That’s what autocorrect insists every time I try to write otherwise.

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “I’m drowning

a saint from waiting,” wrote Scorpio-poet Odysseus Elytis in his poem Three Times the Truth. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you may be in a similar situation. And you’ll be wise to welcome the break in the action and abide calmly in the motionless lull. You’ll experiment with the hypothesis that temporary postponement is best not just for you, but for all concerned.

in the things I never told you.” Famous make-up artist Alexandra Joseph wrote that message to a companion with whom she had a complicated relationship. Are you experiencing a similar sensation, Taurus? If so, I invite you to do something about it! The coming weeks will be a good time to stop drowning. One option is to blurt out to your ally all the feelings and thoughts you’ve been withholding and hiding. A second option is to divulge just some of the feelings and thoughts you’ve been withholding and hiding—and then monitor the results of your partial revelation. A third option is to analyze why you’ve been withholding and hiding. Is it because your ally hasn’t been receptive, or because you’re afraid of being honest? Here’s what I suggest: Start with the third option, then move on to the second.

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CANCER (June 21-July 22): Try saying this, and notice how it feels: “For the next 17 days, I will make ingenious efforts to interpret my problems as interesting opportunities that offer me the chance to liberate myself from my suffering and transform myself into the person I aspire to become.” Now speak the following words and see what thoughts and sensations get triggered: “For the next 17 days, I will have fun imagining that my so-called flaws are signs of potential strengths and talents that I have not yet developed.”

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): In composing this oracle, I have called on the unruly wisdom of Vivienne Westwood. She’s the fashion designer who incorporated the punk esthetic into mainstream styles. Here are four quotes by her that will be especially suitable for your use in the coming weeks. 1. “I disagree with everything I used to say.”

2. “The only possible effect one can have on the world is through unpopular ideas.” 3. “Intelligence is composed mostly of imagination, insight and things that have nothing to do with reason.” 4. “I’m attracted to people who are really true to themselves and who are always trying to do something that makes their life more interesting.”

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I’ve got some borderline sentimental poetry to offer you in this horoscope. It may be too mushy for a mentally crisp person like you. You may worry that I’ve fallen under the sway of sappy versions of love rather than the snappy versions I usually favor. But there is a method in my madness: I suspect you need an emotionally suggestive nudge to fully activate your urge to merge; you require a jolt of sweetness to inspire you to go in quest of the love mojo that’s potentially available to you in abundance. So please allow your heart to be moved by the following passage from poet Rabindranath Tagore: “My soul is alight with your infinitude of stars. Your world has broken upon me like a flood. The flowers of your garden blossom in my body.”

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LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): An interviewer asked singer-songwriter Leonard Cohen if he needed to feel bothered and agitated in order to stimulate his creativity. Cohen said no. “When I get up in the morning,” he testified, “my real concern is to discover whether I’m in a state of grace.” Surprised, the interviewer asked, “What do you mean by a state of grace?” Cohen described it as a knack for balance that he called on to ride the chaos around him. He knew he couldn’t fix or banish the chaos—and it would be arrogant to try. His state of grace was more like skiing skillfully down a hill, gliding along the contours of unpredictable terrain. I’m telling you about Cohen’s definition, Leo, because I think that’s the state of grace you should cultivate right now.

I bet it will stimulate your creativity in ways that surprise and delight you.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Poet Juan Felipe Herrera praises the value of making regular efforts to detox our cluttered minds. He says that one of the best methods for accomplishing this cleansing is to daydream. You give yourself permission to indulge in uncensored, unabashed fantasies. You feel no inhibition about envisioning scenes that you may or may not ever carry out in real life. You understand that this free-form play of images is a healing joy, a gift you give yourself. It’s a crafty strategy to make

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In accordance with current astrological omens, here’s your meditation, as articulated by the blogger named Riverselkie: “Let your life be guided by the things that produce the purest secret happiness, with no thought to what that may look like from the outside. Feed the absurd whims of your soul and create with no audience in mind but yourself. What is poignant to you is what others will be moved by, too. Embrace what you love about yourself and the right people will come.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “I swear I became

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “My

greatest asset is that I am constantly changing,” says Sagittarian actress and activist Jane Fonda. This description may not always be applicable to you, but I think it should be during the coming weeks.

You’re primed to thrive on a robust commitment to self-transformation. As you proceed in your holy task, keep in mind this other advice from Fonda. 1.

“One part of wisdom is knowing what you don’t need anymore and letting it go.” 2. “It is never too late to master your weaknesses.” 3. “If you allow yourself, you can become stronger in the very places that you’ve been broken.” 4. “The challenge is not to be perfect. It’s to be whole.” P.S. And what does it mean to be whole? Be respectful toward all your multiple facets, and welcome them into the conversation you have about how to live.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You can’t escape your past completely. You can’t loosen its hold on you so thoroughly that it will forever allow you to move with limitless freedom into the future.

But you definitely have the power to release yourself from at least a part of your past’s grip. And the coming weeks will be an excellent time to do just that: to pay off a portion of your karmic debt and shed worn-out emotional baggage.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Aquarian playwright August Strindberg didn’t have much interest in people who “regurgitate what they have learned from books.” He was bored by stories that have been told over and over again; was impatient with propaganda disguised as information and by sentimental platitudes masquerading as sage insights. He craved to hear about the unprecedented secrets of each person’s life: the things they know and feel that no one else knows and feels. He was a student of “the natural history of the human heart.”

I bring Strindberg’s perspective to your attention, my dear one-of-a-kind Aquarius, because now is a perfect time for you to fully embody it.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “It’s no fun being in love with a shadow,” wrote Piscean poet Edna St. Vincent Millay. And yet she indulged profusely in that no-fun activity, and even capitalized on it to create a number of decent, if morose, poems. But in alignment with your astrological omens, Pisces, I’m going to encourage you to fall out of love with shadows. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to channel your passions into solid realities: to focus your ardor and adoration on earthly pleasures and practical concerns and imperfect but interesting people.

Go to REALASTROLOGY.COM to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. Audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1.877.873.4888.

27 NO RTH BAY BO H E M I AN | D EC E M BE R 4-1 0, 2019 | BOH EMI A N.COM

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The Spirits of Christmas

Hi, I’m Richard Williams, Wine & Spirits Buyer for Oliver’s Markets and I’d like to invite you to check out our annual Holiday Spirits sale that runs the entire month of December. We spend the entire year negotiating great deals, and for this all important month, we go the extra mile to make sure that we not only have amazing prices, but really cool stuff too – perfect for your Holiday entertaining!

We have Spirits to craft any cocktail you can concoct, specialty ingredients, and from our friends at Martin Ray Winery, a couple wines for the holidays that you won’t find anywhere else outside the winery!

So, whether you’re stocking your bar, picking up gifts, or planning a party, you won’t be disappointed. Come in and put our wine folks to the test!

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