When Red Flags Look Green

— Ariana González, Assistant Editor-in-Chief Sexual abuse is not uncommon. According to www.rainn.org, every 9 minutes, child protective services finds evidence for a child sexual abuse claim. 93% of perpetrators are known to the victims. A common tool used by the perpetrators is grooming; a manipulation tactic abusers use to get close to their victims so they can manipulate and/or exploit them. Generally speaking, most people have gotten the internet safety talk; be careful when talking to strangers, do not share personal information, etc. While there are a lot of interesting and fun strangers you can get to know on the internet, that does not take away the large amounts of creeps and bad people that also have access to the internet. Knowing the warning signs of grooming can keep you from falling victim to someone who is perpetrator of grooming. These students are sharing their experiences and perspectives dealing with the topic of grooming. Whether it is online or in person, anyone can be groomed. This anonymous student’s experience was online. “I met them in a groupchat with 3 other people on Instagram,” the student said. “I was 14 and they were 17, about to turn 18. We were online friends.” Like in most grooming situations, the conversations between the abuser and anonymous student were generally innocent, while the groomer gained the anonymous student’s trust. They made them feel like they could come to them for anything. “It was pretty harmless at first,” the anonymous student said. “They took a particular liking to me and we were really close. They trusted me with a lot of their issues, like their personal and family life, and I trusted them and asked them for advice about things.” Soon after gaining their trust, the groomer begins to sexualize their relationship with their victim. “It was not until 3 or 4 months into our friendship that things started to get uncomfortable. They started telling me things about their sex life, even going as far as sending explicit pictures and videos,” the anonymous student said. The groomer would also make strange comments about moving a step further in their relationship if the annonymous student was older. “They would always say that if I was their age, they would ask me out,” the annonymous student said. “They also asked me to send explicit pictures and videos to them a couple times.” A lot of the time, the groomer will make their victim feel as their maturity is very high for their age, in an attempt to excuse their actions. “They would always mask their intentions by telling me I was ‘mature for my age’ and I was ‘not like the others,’” the anonymous student said. Another anonymous student who was also groomed online mentioned that they were asked to perform sexual favors. “They would say they would want me to do sexual things with them, but then say I could not because I was too young,” the anonymous student said. Grooming does not always happen online. It can also be done by people who are close to the victim’s family, or they could even be a family member, like in this anonymous student’s experience. “When I was 7-8 years old, they would have me lay down on either my stomach or back and touch me in places I did not know were exactly wrong at the time,” the anonymous student said “I knew they were ‘private parts,’ but we were family and I thought I could trust them.” Often, victims struggle with coming forth with their stories due to guilt, shame or the fact that they still care about their abusers. “While you should tell someone, do not feel guilty if you do not. The first time I told an adult was very recently,” the anonymous student said. “I do not want to tell my parents because they are genuinely a better person now, but that does not mean I will just forget what happened.” Being a victim of grooming or sexual abuse will never be your fault. In a situation like that, you were being taken advantage of, and you should not blame yourself. A lot of the time people are blinded by their trust for the other person, or how much they may care for them. The first step to healing is beginning to accept that. If you or anyone you know is going through a similar situation, you can tell a trusted adult and/or contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE.

According to www.victimsofcrime.org, 28% of U.S youth between the ages of 14 to 17 have been sexually victimized.