The Miami Hurricane - Apr. 1, 2013

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?

That’s how some students see it.

BETRAYED

BY A BIRD THE MIAMI TROPICAL STORM Vol. 91, Issue 44 | April 1 - April 3, 2013 4

APRIL FOOLS’

THE MIAMI TROPICAL STORM

April 1, 2013

said a spokeswoman for the disgraced mascot, who has not made a public appearance in three weeks. “The thing is, Wilma was supposed to be a mild storm. Sebastian would never strand his university in a time of real need.”

The footage represents a startling fall from grace for the previously beloved figure. Many people around campus question whether Sebastian ever actually stayed put as a litany of storms approached in 2005.

The implications for UM are severe. Needless to say, the top priority for most people is finding a worthy replacement.

Dr. Patricia Whitely, vice president for student affairs, insisted that the criteria for a new mascot would be numerous.

“Our foundation is still honesty and dignity,” she said in the wake of the ibis indiscretion.

“But when it comes down to it, if you can’t do the spell-out, don’t waste everybody’s time.”

The search will begin immediately to fill the school’s sudden void.

Some students tried to keep level heads, while others feared the worst.

“I heard they might pick one of those intrusive ducks that chills by the lake,” an incredulous senior said. “Pretty sure they can all spell C-A-N-E-S by this point.”

STAFF EDITORIAL

For more information, visit themiamihurricane.com/ congressvisitstheU.

WHAT: 114th Congressional Hearings WHERE: BankUnited Center WHEN: Exact dates will be announced by the end of the spring 2013 semester

IF YOU GET TO GO

An announcement made Friday disclosed Capitol Hill’s plan to host some of next year’s Congressional hearings at the BankUnited Center.

Plans for whether the Supreme Court will relocate its upcoming sessions have not yet been revealed.

“It just made sense,” President Donna E. Shalala said. “With all the attention from the media we’ve been getting and all the politicians’ visits, it’s only logical for governmental functions to be held at the U. It’s all about the U.” President Barack Obama, former Gov. Mitt Romney, Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor and Condoleezza Rice, former Secretary of State under the Bush administration, are among those politicians who have visited campus within the past two years.

Junior Emily Young, who shared French fries and burgers with President

BY ERIKA GLASS COPY EDITOR

BY STEPHANIE PARRA NEWS EDITOR

licans. Ticketing distribution is set to reflect the majority in each house of Congress.

The Division of Student Affairs has sent emails regarding details for ticketing to students who meet the aforementioned qualifications.

All other students who wish to obtain a ticket will be placed on a waiting list, but they are not guaranteed entrance to any of the session’s hearings.

Some of campus’s most involved students, like junior Dustin Lamoto, are upset that they did not receive tickets.

“Just because I choose not to disclose my political party, doesn’t mean I don’t want to be part of our nation’s history,” he said. “As a member of Student Government, it’s my civil duty to take an active role in politics. I’ve been to all of the other events, so why wasn’t I invited to this one?”

Junior Ike Radentino expressed similar sentiments.

“I just don’t see why they wouldn’t send me an invite,” he said. “I’m really involved and well-known on campus.”

Rudy Fernandez, vice president for government affairs, feels that the decision to limit tickets is a fair one.

“It’s basically beyond our control,” he said. “We could only do so much.

If we tried to fit all our students at the BUC, we would exceed maximum capacity.”

Vice President for Student Affairs Patricia Whitely is excited about the prospect of having so many prominent figures on campus.

“It’s truly an honor,” she said.

“This is another great example of the university’s academic tradition. It truly is all about the U.”

Editorials represent the majority view of The Miami Tropical Storm editorial board.

we know. Well, the whole world is at Ultra. Our future boss is waiting for us to fist pump with him to Avicii.

UM, listen to Lloyd: “You gotta get with it or get lost.”

Yale

2–3

APRIL FOOLS’

University of Washington

April 1, 2013

filled with enough twists and turns to keep you in the fetal position rocking back and forth throughout the entire movie.

“Evil Dead” tells the story of a group of teenagers who get stuck in a cabin trying to help their friend overcome a drug addiction. However, after reading from an ancient Sumerian Book of the Dead (which of course is bound in human flesh and the words “don’t read outloud” are

written all over it) unleash a demon that is out to claim their five Souls and rain hell down on Earth.

The effects in this movie will keep you on the edge of your seat and your food on the edge of your mouth. According to the director Fede Alvarez, minimal CGI was used and most of the effects were done live so as to make them look as real as possible. “For the vomit scene, we shoved a tube into her mouth that spewed the red

liquid into her throat and then back out so it was like she was really throwing up,” he said. Nice.

And just when you think everything is over and the nice music starts playing, think again - there is so much more coming at you.

If you’re a horror fan, then Evil Dead is a movie you don’t want to miss. If you’re not a horror fan, Evil Dead is definitely a movie you want to miss.

As the future of the University of Miami’s football program remains unclear in light of the NCAA investigation, Duke Johnson and Anthony Chickillo announced Friday that they would not be returning for the 2013 season.

Instead, the two will be spending their fall semester founding UM’s first cricket club.

“Football isn’t all that fun when your school is always under the microscope,” said Johnson, the Canes’ former running back. “Cricket Club allows us to still be athletic without all the pressure.”

Chickillo, previously a defensive lineman, said

BY JORDAN COYNE COPY EDITOR

Johnson, Chickillo announce their new Cricket Club

he first thought of the idea after taking a trip to London, England over winter break. During a VIP tour of Buckingham Palace, Prince Harry invited him to play the traditional English pastime, and he was immediately smitten with the game.

“I’ve grown up playing a sport where all I used was my body and a pigskin,” Chickillo said. “Who knew playing with a ball and a bat could be so exhilarating.”

Upon returning to the United States, Chickillo called up his teammate, Johnson, and the two began planning. As the two work to complete the Committee on Student Organizations’ (COSO) paperwork, the Prince has set up a meeting with COSO President Bibi Yasmin Moghani.

“Cricket is something that deserves to be shared with all college students in America,” Harry said. “I just want to do what I can to help them found their program.”

Players leave team to start club

ERIKA COYNE // ASSISTANT TO THE ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR SUN LIFE TO CLUB LIFE: Duke Johnson, left, and Anthony Chickillo practice cricket anticipating their new club.

CLUB SPORTS

It has been about two weeks since I went to the pre-screening of “Evil Dead.” Coincidentally, it’s been about two weeks since I was last able to sleep. Normally, I’m not inclined to believe a movie poster that reads “the most terrifying movie you’ll ever see,” but I definitely became a believer about 5 minutes in. While you will find the typical cast of idiots that just loves to do exactly what you tell them not to, “Evil Dead” is

This is a special wrap-aound for the April Fools’ issue of The Miami Hurricane.

We’re all here, so we might as well make the best of it. Even though the boys at this school are more concerned with protein shakes and bro tanks than going to class, these serial underachievers will find their niche eventually. Never mind the fact that professors can see their nipples through their ripped up shirts, they actually do clean up nicely. They can even sometimes surprise you with intelligent conversation … but don’t count on it. If you’re into the gorilla-guido look and crave some Latin spice in your life, take the HurryCane Shuttle to the Wellness Center and make yourself seen. Wear your tightest Under Armour yoga pants and bright pink sneakers, and you should be good to go. Make sure you’re well-versed in “Ultra Speak” because chances are that’s the only way they’ll understand you.

5.

University of Miami

We have all indulged in the crappy vampire fantasies time and again, but if you’re really into neck-biting and super-fast Volvos, located in Seattle, the University of Washington is the place for you. Edward Cullen is fake, but I’m sure some of those creeps that hang around the original Starbucks establishment are drinking more than just coffee. If you get the chance, check out their fridge … it’s probably stocked with 500 cases of TruBlood.

Lend the pale student employee your neck … he’ll have a field day. If you plan on making this relationship “endgame” (as you should), convince him to turn you into one of his kind – a la Bella Swan. His family is probably super cool and ultrabeautiful. Who wouldn’t want eternal youth and beauty? We all know the Ponce de Leon fountain doesn’t work.

4.

if you don’t end up finding love on the UCLA campus, try to catch Nick Jonas shopping for Sperry’s or in the driveway of your hotel like professional fangirls have done in the past.

THE MIAMI TROPICAL STORM

For those of you who enjoy the sun’s shiny rays and bleach-blond hair, look no further. UCLA is the perfect place to find a husband with the right combination of sporty and slightly gay. Their washboard abs mirror the surfboards they spend so much time on. Have a Sex on the Beach (the cocktail, don’t be that girl), plan a picnic to the Hollywood sign and make sure to see the sites. Rumor is that the Grove is plagued with celebrities, so

3.

UCLA

Chances are these boys didn’t get into Harvard, and that’s the reason why they’ve decided to relocate to New Haven, Conn. But worry not, you’ll still have enough money to buy yourself eight Birkin Bags and 15 pairs of Louboutin heels. These gentlemen have other skillsets. Even though none come to mind as genius entrepreneurs, you will definitely find a sensitive, slightly douchey Son of the American Revolution to satisfy your white-boy fantasies. Find yourself a Wiffenpoof (it’s their acapella group, go with it), have him serenade you in the quad and let your wildest dreams come true.

2.

If Mark Zuckerberg is any indication of the kind of men you’ll find here, you’ll be set for the rest of your life.

This geeky entrepreneur managed to create the world’s largest social media phenomenon in a drunken stupor. Talk about a catch! Catch a flight to Beantown, take your favorite crimson nerd to the nearest pub, get him drunk and let the chips fall where they may. In 10 years, you’ll be making hogies for one of Forbes Top 100 wealthiest men. Forget your life plans, you’ll be swimming in approximately $13.3 billion worth of happiness

1.

Harvard

BY ERIKA GLASS COPY EDITOR

BY DANNY CEPERO MULTIMEDIA EDITOR

New movie keeps viewers awake

Top five colleges to find a husband

diocre and useless campus improvements that no one is going to use when they’re at the beach anyways.

Our exam can wait. Our sunkissed glow cannot.

And, what’s up with this expensive tuition we pay if we’re not getting VIP Ultra tickets for Friday, Saturday and Sunday? Our professors always say it is all about who

‘Evil Dead’ causes audience members to eat nachos, finger nails

rays in the parking lot. Since everyone skips class to go to the beach, there are always empty parking spaces available. And, we know how to put them to good use.

That Momentum 2 campaign that has raised millions of dollars should be going to draining Lake Osceola and making a giant sandbar-style pool, not toward those me-

MOVIE REVIEW

class in our bathing suits and flip flops. After all, Sun Tan U is what it’s all about.

Who needs to get an education when the sun is beaming and our bodies need that Vitamin D? Not only can you tan on the intramural fields, at the pool or in front of the library – you can pull out a chair and soak up those UV

CAMPUS LIFE

Every year, hundreds of students flock to the University of Miami. It isn’t for our world-renowned faculty, state-of-the-art research facilities or our nationally recognized prestige.

We all know the deal: It’s to be located in the one and only 305, where we have the luxury of tanning 365 days a year and going to

UM should focus more on tan than education

Betrayed by a bird? That’s how some students see it.

The NOAA has released disturbing footage that shows Sebastian the Ibis f leeing Coral Gables well before Hurricane Wilma made landfall in 2005.

Ibises, deeply admired for their refusal to take f light before a storm, are generally recognized as the last species to abandon ship.

“This is what we’re told to believe in as Hurricanes,” a disgruntled junior said. “We’re talking about fundamentals here. Tradition has gone out the window.”

Sebastian, the won’t-backdown face of Miami’s iconic athletic brand, is clearly shown weaving through traffic on I-95 more than 48 hours before Wilma struck.

“Egrets, storks, pelicans – those are the weaklings on the avian spectrum. Those guys head north if someone even whispers ‘tropical storm,’” said Stuart Shenanigans, a UM biology professor. “But this is unprecedented. Never an ibis.”

Sebastian was unavailable for comment at press time.

“It was a stupid decision,”

BY SPENDER DANDES SPORTS EDITOR

Beloved icon abandons home

Obama earlier this school year, is excited for the prospect of meeting more political figures.

“I want to have lunch with everyone on Capitol Hill,” she said. “Hopefully, President Obama will make an appearance, and we can share a full meal.”

The decision to move from chilly Washington, D.C., to sunny South Florida stemmed from the Congress’ upcoming legislative debates on student loans.

Former President Bill Clinton will join Congress, along with Shalala, to speak on behalf of the students.

Shalala, who served on Clinton’s cabinet as Secretary of Health and Human Services during both of Clinton’s terms, called the former president so that he could input his advice.

“I have him on speed dial, and I figured, ‘Why not?’” Shalala said.

Clinton is excited to return to UM’s campus.

“I’ve visited UM several times before, and I enjoy the campus,” he said.

“When Donnie called me, I immediately booked a flight. Though Hillary won’t be joining me, I look forward to spending my off time catching up on my tanning.”

Both the Senate and the House of Representatives will only allow select students to sit in on the Congressional hearings.

The audience in the Senate will be predominantly comprised of political science majors, Democrats and members of UM’s Young Democrats.

Similarly, the hearings for the House of Representatives will be attended by political science majors, Republicans and members of UM’s College Repub-

Capitol Hill, Congress to relocate meetings to BankUnited Center

SEBASTIAN IS MISSING Washington, D.C. proves too cold

POLITICS

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The Miami

Vol. 91, Issue 44 | April 1 - April 3, 2013

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HURRICANE

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STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI IN CORAL GABLES, FLORIDA, SINCE 1929

PHOTO BRIEF

Holi Festival colors the Green, celebrates spring

MONICA HERNDON // ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR TRUE COLORS: About 100 students attended Holi Festival of Colors on the Green Saturday afternoon. Holi celebrates the arrival of spring with the tossing of colored powder and water.

PHOTO BRIEF

CaneLink system spurs controvery

DROPPIN’ BEATS WVUM DJ TAKES PASSION FOR MUSIC TO SOUND BOARD PAGE 2

Complaints pile up, plans for student portal tutorial in the works

BY ERIKA GLASS | COPY EDITOR

The integration of the new CaneLink system has sparked some dissatisfaction around campus. With registration right around the corner, students feel this new program leaves much to be desired. “[It is] useless and a waste of money,” sophomore Daylin Reyes said. “It’s not prettier or more convenient.”

Justin Borroto, chair of the Student Government (SG) IT Advisory board, said the decision to switch to CaneLink stemmed from the desire to keep UM on a standardized system.

According to Borroto, there had been coding concerns that led the university to outsource its student portal to Oracle PeopleSoft, a company that looks at ways to improve the student on-

line registration experience.

“CaneLink is the name that is assigned to it, but PeopleSoft is a software made by Oracle the company, and UM purchased it,” he said.

The system strives to integrate all aspects of student life into one interface in order to facilitate the student portal experience.

SEE CANELINK, PAGE 3

POP CULTURE GURU AN EXCLUSIVE Q&A WITH ANDY COHEN BEFORE HIS CAMPUS VISIT PAGE 7

TENNIS TITAN DIEGO SOTO LEADS MEN’S TENNIS TEAM AS SINGLES PLAYER PAGE 9

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PROFILE

WVUM DJ turns up volume with her passion Katie Sullivan sparks radio waves with show

BY SKYLAR FRISCH CONTRIBUTING NEWS WRITER

Senior Katie Sullivan can always be found at her second home, the WVUM studio, from 3 to 4 p.m. Wednesdays.

“Being a DJ helped me find balance within the hectic, sometimes crazy life of a college kid,” said Sullivan, a media management and English literature double major.

Sullivan lives life to her own beat with her radio show "DJ KSull." Now in her last semester at UM, Sullivan continues her musical tradition that started in the fall of 2010. "KSull" provides students with a midweek pick-me-up show.

“It’s an hour to spend by myself and do what I love to do,” Sullivan said.

Sullivan provides her listeners with tunes old

and new and an escape from the pressures of college. Her refreshing humor and original personality shine through during her Wednesday slot.

Sullivan is not one to be taken too seriously.

During her show, she spends most of her time either laughing or making others laugh.

“It’s amazing to reach people through your voice and the music you choose to play,” she said.

Sullivan’s parents ignited her passion for music when she was growing up.

“My dad especially introduced me to great music when I was little and just made me want to become versed in music,” she said.

Although the Lido Beach, N.Y., native’s alltime favorite band is the Grateful Dead, she mostly plays electronic because that is the station's format.

"I also like to play things that are not usually on the air," Sullivan said. "I go to the music library in the radio station and find things from Ray Charles or Dr. John, or live recordings from bands from the 1960s, because it’s what I really like.”

On air, Sullivan does not use a script and says

she never gets nervous. She said she relies on her musical instincts during her show.

“I get to the studio 10 or 15 minutes before my show and look at the guidelines for songs I should play,” she said. “From there, I adjust an order in my head so that each song transitions well into the next.”

Senior Matt Cacciaguida, host of Electric Kingdom Live, has been a WVUM DJ for two years. He said he has noticed Sullivan’s ability to develop a relationship with her listeners.

“Over the airwaves, Katie is laid-back and informs her audience about music she plays on-air as if she is discussing music with a close friend,” Cacciaguida said. “She cracks some corny jokes occasionally, but makes up for them with her passion and knowledge of music, which is evident to anyone that tunes into her shows.”

It is Sullivan’s ability to laugh at her own jokes that reflect her signature on-air personality.

“As long as you can laugh at your jokes, it doesn't sound weird,” she said. “I try to have fun with it and hope my listeners do too.”

Her spontaneity makes her a breath of fresh air to her listeners.

“It brightens my day when someone texts me something like, ‘Wow, that last song you played was awesome,’" Sullivan said. “I’m really connecting with my listeners.”

Senior Claire Miller is one of Sullivan’s listeners and also her best friend.

“Katie is the epitome of a DJ," Miller said.

"One second she'll be jamming to Janice Joplin, and the next she'll throw on some Big Gigantic.

She's always mixing it up. I think a fourth of my iTunes Library has come from killer tunes I've heard DJ KSull spin.”

Sullivan said her three years as a DJ have greatly impacted her college experience.

“It definitely helped me find new music that I never would have listened to and opened my eyes to different music events and festivals,” she said.

“I’ve become friends with people just because we have the same taste in music, and we’ve been able to go to a lot of concerts and festivals together.”

Being a DJ was instrumental in helping Sullivan land an internship last summer with CID Entertainment in New York City, a company that specializes in VIP packages for music festivals.

“Them seeing me involved in something on campus in the music industry definitely helped me get it,” she said.

When she graduates in May, Sullivan has plans to work at some music festivals for CID over the summer. From there she’ll do what she does best – “improvise.”

FOR MORE INFORMATION WHAT: DJ KSull WHEN: 3-4 p.m. Wednesday WHERE: 90.5 F.M. WVUM NICHOLAS GANGEMI // STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER FACE THE MUSIC: Senior Katie Sullivan is a WVUM DJ. Her show “DJ KSull” airs from 3 to 4 p.m. every Wednesday. She plans to work at CID music festivals after she graduates in May.

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NEWS

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

April 1 - April 3, 2013

CONTACT: k.sullivan7@umiami.edu

Check out what’s exclusively available at TheMiamiHurricane. com.

The Miami-Dade County Fair and Exposition ended on Sunday. If you missed the festivities, check out Cayla Nimmo’s photo brief of Saturday’s events.

Five students have been selected to attend the ACC Leadership Symposium in Boston next Friday to Sunday.

Amanda Pena has the story.

Check out Jess Swanson’s story on the Equity Playhouse put together by the School of Law. Check out our bloggers’ opinions on food, fashion and entertainment at themiamihurricane. com.

Have a question for V? Ask at dearv@ themiamihurricane. com.

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PROFILE

SG president-elect looks forward to her new post Bhumi Patel brings energy to platform

BY JORDAN COYNE COPY EDITOR

When she’s not running around campus between meetings and classes, newly elected Student Government (SG) President Bhumi Patel can be found in the cozy confines of her University Village apartment watching “Friends” surrounded by her friends.

“We all love tea, so we have teatime,” said Patel’s roommate, Kate Maier.

The two met in middle school in Englewood, Fla., and became friends in high school when they both joined student council.

“She’s always been really involved,” Maier said.

Patel, a junior majoring in exercise physiology with a business minor, will be inaugurated on Wednesday, along with her Power of U running mates, Vice President Justin Borroto and Treasurer Robert Chiste.

The ticket’s platforms include creating and fostering internships abroad.

“She really cares about things she does … and that’s infectious to the people around her,” said Borroto,

who first met Patel during IMPACT their freshman year. “I look to her for strong guidance in all things that are going on.”

Also at IMPACT was one of Patel’s closest friends, Zak Seed. The two met when they moved in early before freshman year. They now live a floor apart.

Seed feels Patel's kind nature makes her stand out.

“She’s always smiling,” said Seed, who also worked with Patel in UM Ambassadors, the Hecht College Council and Iron Arrow.

Seed said he expects only the best things from her.

“She’s got an incredible team standing behind her," he said. “I think a lot of different areas of the student body are on board together with her visions and her goals.”

Toward the end of her freshman year, Patel campaigned in support of the Taking U Forward ticket. When its leader, Brandon Mitchell, was elected president, he encouraged her to apply for an advisory board position. During the 2011-12 school year, Patel was the co-chair of the Dining Services Advisory Board.

At the end of her sophomore year, she supported Inspired by U and was chosen by current SG President Nawara Alawa to be the executive-atlarge external cabinet member.

It wasn’t until the fall of 2012 that she began thinking about running for SG president. After her Power of U ticket won the election in late February, she immediately began formulating the rest of her team.

“She’s definitely the type of pres-

ident that doesn’t care about recognition,” SG Advisor Danielle Howard said. “She always cares about her board, the people she’s working with, events to make sure they go well for students. She wants to make sure everything’s perfect.”

As she gets ready to take the reins from Alawa, Patel said she is eager to get the ball rolling.

“I’m most excited about all of our initiatives and the team that we’ve put together,” she said. “I’d say my biggest strength is the team.”

CAYLA NIMMO // PHOTO EDITOR CHEER: Junior Bhumi Patel cheers during the SG election results. She will be inaugurated on Wednesday.

ACADEMICS

Students plead for more information about new system CANELINK FROM PAGE 1

The new shopping cart option allows students to plan out their schedules before their registration dates. This allows students to register in a single click, according to Borroto. There is also an option that allows students to be placed on a waiting list if the classes they are looking for are full.

Although this is efficient, these new features have not been enough to win some students over. Senior Anthony Lopez, who works for CaneNet Connection, the IT student support service, said he thinks it is important to educate campus on the new system.

“They haven’t taught anybody anything about it,” he said.

Lopez said that the program is func-

tional, but the problem is that the user interface is not intuitive.

“How you would want things to be organized is definitely not,” he said. “Things feel a little scattered.”

Lopez also said that CaneLink’s search function does not help its cause.

He mentioned that the system does not recognize key words. It only directs students to the correct link if the exact name is searched. “… I don’t know where to find it, I don’t know what it’s called, so how would I know to search it?” Lopez said.

According to Borroto, the SG IT Advisory Board is looking to have a live tutorial for students to be able to get used to the new system. There are also tutorial and FAQ pages on the CaneLink website that

serve to answer students’ questions about the new service.

“All the advisers have pamphlets on how to use CaneLink, and they’ve been trained on how to use it,” Borroto said. “I think that any time people have to adjust to something new, it’s a little difficult at first. … People don’t like change … it’s just a matter of people getting used to the new system rather than the system itself being inherently wrong or flawed.”

Other students, like junior Michael Delgado, do not see CaneLink as a problem. But Delgado believes that the timing of its launch is the dilemma.

“I don’t think Canelink is all that bad, honestly,” Delgado said. “They should not have implemented it right before registration for classes, since it takes time to get April 1 - April 3, 2013

used to it.”

Lopez explained that the program is only as functional as it is easy to use.

“You can’t automatically assume … that everybody is going to be tech savvy or have the time to be wasting on figuring out where things are,” Lopez said.

FOR MORE INFORMATION Registration appointment times begin April 8 Video and PDF tutorials at miami. edu/erpupk/students/index.html (for best view, use Safari, Internet Explorer or Firefox) Student FAQs: miami.edu/erpupk/ faqs/index.html#StudentFAQS

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

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CAMPUS LIFE

International Week chair shares love of diversity Multicultural students join to promote cultures

BY ASHLEY ZIMMERMAN CONTRIBUTING NEWS WRITER

Sophomore Hope Hua got involved in the Committee on International Student Organizations (COISO) in a round-about way. It started two years ago with a plane ride.

Before she was a student at UM, Hua was visiting family in China in the summer of 2011 when she met UM study abroad students on her flight. They exchanged names and kept in contact through Facebook.

A few months later as a newly enrolled freshman, Hua was at CaneFest when she heard someone calling her name. She turned and saw Alex Kurtz, one of the students she had met on the flight. Kurtz, who was president of COISO at the time, encouraged her to join, and she agreed to take a cabinet post.

“I feel like joining COISO was definitely meant to be,” said Hua, a neuroscience major.

Hua is the current chair of COISO’s International Week, which begins Monday. This

year's theme for the week is “The Kid in U: Growing Up Around the World.”

Hua was chosen to be International Week chair through an internal application process.

“We’d seen her leadership in the past and based on her application, her resume and interview, we chose her as International Week chair,” said senior Hong-Uyen Hua, president of COISO. The two are not related.

Hua grew up outside of St. Louis, which she said lacks the cultural diversity she sees now.

“There’s so much diversity on this campus, it’s crazy," she said. "I think that’s one of the great things UM has to offer.”

One of the largest student organizations on campus, COISO was founded in 1967 to represent the interests of UM’s international students, help them integrate into campus life and provide an avenue for cultural and social activities.

All international students are automatically members of COISO, but anyone can join and participate in meetings and events to experience the culture of students from more than 100 countries.

Through COISO, Hua said she has met students from all around the world, including a

Jamaican student who fluently speaks Chinese.

“It’s interesting meeting people from all these different countries and realizing that everyone is linked in this one web,” Hua said.

Though it’s not always easy to find the time, Hua is passionate about her work with COISO as a cabinet member, a chair of volunteer committee and former international dance competition chair. She manages all of these roles on top of her schedule as a pre-med student with a research job on campus.

“My passion and my drive of loving COISO get me through it,” she said. “And I make sure I find time to balance everything.”

Hua has found inspiration from a close friend in high school, who always gives his all in everything he does, and also Hong-Uyen Hua. "The president of COISO is somebody else who’s definitely inspired me to push myself even further and put myself out there and believe in myself," Hua said. "Before college, I wasn’t too confident in my abilities.”

Hong-Uyen Hua said that she has known Hope since her freshman year, and she has been a hard worker right from the start.

"I saw so much potential in her," HongUyen Hua said. "And this year she’s definitely

stepped up to the plate and gone above and beyond in each of her leadership experiences. I only see great things for her in the future.”

IF YOU GO WHAT: International Week, featuring free cultural games, snacks and activities WHERE: The Rock WHEN: 7 to 9:30 p.m. Monday through Saturday Monday - Africa, Middle East, Europe Tuesday - Latin America, Caribbean Wednesday - Island Styles Thursday - Asia Friday - I-Week Concert (7 p.m.

Foote Green) Saturday - COISO banquet (6:30 p.m. Newman Alumni Center)

PHOTO BRIEF

Ocean Awareness Week encourages beach, mangrove clean-up

NICHOLAS GANGEMI // STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER CLEAN UP: As part of Ocean Awareness Week, junior Juliana Prieto removes trash from mangroves at Matheson Hammock Park, which is located along the coast of Biscayne Bay.

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ACADEMICS

Musical theater program grows Bachelor of Fine Arts gives students chance to perform

BY HANNAH MEISTER CONTRIBUTING NEWS WRITER

With a passion for performing arts and strong academics, choosing to enter a conservatory was difficult for junior Alanna Saunders.

Being raised on the stage in a performing family, Saunders has grown fond of performing, but also has developed a love for learning.

In most performance majors and conservatories, all classes are taken within the program, with little opportunity for exploration in other subject areas. UM's bachelor of fine arts program in musical theater is unique in that it allows students to pursue interests in other subjects, while still completing all of the requirements of a musical theater major.

“I didn’t originally want to go into a conservatory, but I like that Miami allows you to also take classes outside of musical theater,” Saunders said.

The undergraduate students studying musical theater are trained and conditioned for more than four years by taking courses ranging from music theory to ballet to singing for the stage, so that they may go out and be the most successful performers they can be, all while still completing the same general education requirements as any other student in the College of Arts and Sciences.

The program is selective with admissions and competitive for students who are chosen. There is an audition process in order to be accepted, as well as continued evaluations at the end of each semester to determine if each student is eligible to continue in the program.

Although the numbers fluctuate at times in the combined group of musical theatre and acting majors, there are about 80 students total.

The theater arts department lends itself to low student-to-professor ratios, which allows working relationships to grow much stronger. The sophomore class of musical theater majors, for example, only has 10 members.

“I know my professors very well, and I am able to get a lot of personalized feedback,” sophomore Josh Jacobson said. “All of my professors are my mentors."

Saunders added that the musical theater students see each other at their worst and at their best.

Under the direction of new department chair Henry Fonte, the program has created many new opportunities for students.

“Fonte’s desire is to bring new works into the program,” said Robert Wright, the department manager. “He brings in writers to create, and he enjoys doing musicals that haven’t been done before.”

The conservatory requires each student to participate in at least one show a semester. Such performances require upwards of 26 hours a week in rehearsals.

This spring the department is performing “Towards the Sun.” The opportunity to perform every semester is unique to theater arts students at Miami.

“The program is completely undergraduate, which means the undergrads are on stage,” Wright said. “In other conservatories with graduate students, undergrads may not have the opportunity to be on the main stage.”

The program aims to prepare them to be as successful as possible, and many graduates of the conservatory have dreams of going onto Broadway or moving to Los Angeles.

Among the recent theater arts alumni who are making names for themselves are Sarah Schennkan, who is an understudy for the good witch Glinda in the national tour of “Wicked,” and Ken Clark, who has had a role in “Rent.”

NEWS BRIEFS MEDIA

IRON ARROW

FREE STORE

Univision President and CEO Randy Falco will discuss the future of media and communication during a USA Today CEO forum at 2 p.m. April 10 at the Cosford Cinema. Falco, the former head of NBC Universal, joined Univision Communications, the leading media company serving Hispanic Americans, in 2011.

USA Today’s Technology and Digital Entertainment Reporter, Mike Snider, will interview Falco. He will also discuss Fusion, an English-language news and lifestyle channel for Hispanics that is a joint venture with ABC News, slated to launch later this year. For more information, email Julia Proby at j.proby@miami.edu or call 305-284-2198.

Iron Arrow is now accepting nominations for the 2013 Sophomore Leadership Award until 5 p.m. April 8. This annual scholarship award goes to one current sophomore who has contributed exceptionally to UM and embodies the Five Pillars of Iron Arrow: Leadership, Scholarship, Character, Humility and Love of Alma Mater. Any member of the UM community may nominate a deserving sophomore student by filling out the form found at ironarrow.com/ nform.html. Nominations should be emailed to Chief Ashley Taggart at ironarrow@miami.edu and kept private. The award recipient will be honored at the Celebration of Involvement on April 23.

The first annual Free Store at the University of Miami organized by the Energy and Conservation Organization will be featured during the farmers market on Wednesday. Students, staff and faculty are welcome to donate all sorts of items, such as clothing, school supplies and electronic appliances. The concept behind the Free Store is that anyone will be able to pick up any of the donated items from the stand and thus reduce waste. Any items left over at the end of the day will be donated to Goodwill.

Lyssa Goldberg may be contacted at lgoldberg@themiamihurricane.com.

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April 1 - April 3, 2013

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OPINION

“

When UM teaches us how to use CaneLink, we will learn how to embrace it.

”

The Miami Hurricane

UP!

What do you think about CaneLink?

KAHDEEM DE SOUZA FRESHMAN “I think CaneLink is pretty convenient, the way everything is put together. It’s going to take a while to get used to, but I’m liking it.”

such as the ability to save your schedule and set up alerts, the student body has no idea how to use it. Therefore, the benefits aren’t being put to use.

UM is constantly trying to improve our campus, and that is definitely something we are grateful for.

We understand that new systems always make people uneasy and adapting to change is never a comforting feeling.

However, it is even more frustrating when our university changes our system without teaching us how to use it.

It isn’t easy to teach yourself either because it is not even remotely close to the system we had before.

Registration begins in a week, and the majority of stu-

dents don’t know how to maneuver CaneLink.

The IT department should host an info session on how to go about using CaneLink or create online tutorials that teach us where everything can be found.

With a new academic year quickly approaching, we need to learn how to use CaneLink before negative results arise such as registering late for required classes and not knowing if our financial aid is complete.

When UM teaches us how to use CaneLink, we will learn how to embrace it.

Editorials represent the majority view of The Miami Hurricane editorial board.

MELISSA OLSSON JUNIOR “I think it’s a really cool concept. I wish it was more up-to-date now with course registration coming up, but I think it’s going to be really cool in the future.”

MARYAM ATTIA SOPHOMORE “As far as CaneLink goes, I think it’s a great tool. As far as planning goes, that planner section really helps students plan their four years. But, I think it was launched way too early, and there are parts incomplete. It’s just frustrating, and there hasn’t been training for students.”

Speak Up answers are edited for clarity, brevity and accuracy.

Check out video Speak Ups at themiamihurricane.com. compiled by

Daniel Cepero

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OPINION

Founded 1929 An Associated Collegiate Press Hall of Fame Newspaper

For advertising rates call 305-284-4401 or fax 305-284-4404.

Tool useless without training Last month, the University of Miami changed its myUM software system to CaneLink.

The look of our own personal portal where we are able to access our financial aid information, exam grades, student employment and degree audit has been completely revamped.

The interface is different, the navigation is different, and the simplicity is different.

The CaneLink system was previously implemented at Florida International University and Miami-Dade College.

Now, we have gotten with the times.

Though it is said to be equipped with useful features,

HURRICANE NEWSROOM: 305-284-2016 BUSINESS OFFICE: 305-284-4401 FAX: 305-284-4404

STAFF EDITORIAL

speak

The Miami

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Demi Rafuls ART DIRECTOR Mariah Price PHOTO EDITOR Cayla Nimmo ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR Monica Herndon NEWS EDITOR Stephanie Parra OPINION EDITOR Elizabeth De Armas EDGE EDITOR Margaux Herrera SPORTS EDITOR Spencer Dandes ASSISTANT EDITORS Lyssa Goldberg Alexander Gonzalez COPY CHIEF Nicky Diaz COPY EDITORS Jordan Coyne Erika Glass Ashley Martinez

BUSINESS MANAGER Tara Kleppinger ACCOUNT REPS Halima Dodo Kristyna Fong Jaydev Hemrajani Carlos Parra ADVERTISING EDITOR Demi Rafuls MULTIMEDIA EDITOR Daniel Cepero ONLINE EDITOR Alysha Khan DESIGNERS Ali Fishman Carlos Mella Amilynn Soto SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR Rob Finn ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT Isabel Vichot FACULTY ADVISER Bob Radziewicz FINANCIAL ADVISER Robert DuBord

WEBMASTER Kateryna Gontaruk To reach a member of the staff visit themiamihurricane.com’s contact page. ©2013 University of Miami

Fans join the basketball bandwagon s I sat at an empty Mark Light Stadium watching the Hurricanes baseball team give up four runs in the first inning to unranked rival Virginia, I couldn’t help but think Miami has drifted to another sport.

Maybe there’s a reason people swarm to watch winning teams in KYLE RAMBO CONTRIBUTING an air-conditioned venue instead COLUMNIST of having their clothes drenched in sweat under the sun while their team again fails to impress. Basketball has taken over all of Miami, and no other sport looks like it can return to the throne.

Students walking around with 2013 ACC basketball champion T-shirts just seems like a cruel joke to play on a football program that’s never won one. Suddenly the March Madness brackets and Dick Vitale seem a lot more interesting than the BCS changing to a playoff and NCAA allegations.

I can guarantee LeBron James and Dwyane Wade aren’t reserving seats for any upcoming Marlins or Dolphins games. I’m pretty sure the tide shifted when people started running to Downtown Miami to see the Heat’s championship trophy, while the biggest news of the Dol-

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April 1 - April 3, 2013

phins season was that Ochocinco head-butted his wife.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining that the successful sports teams in South Florida are not the ones that I would want. We could have no winning sports teams, or even worse we could be Cleveland. It’s sad enough that we took King James from them, but they live in below 30-degree weather, and they have to root for the Browns. Sorry Cleveland, I’m guessing it’s still too soon.

If there’s anything South Floridians love more than ragging on their own teams, it’s joining the bandwagon of teams they never root for until they win.

Chances are that your friend who doesn’t miss a second of Hurricanes basketball during March Madness, had no idea what the jersey of Miami’s basketball team looked like last season.

Maybe the fresh sunny outdoors of Miami is too mainstream, so the LED-lighted enclosed dome may be just what desperate South Florida sports fans are craving.

Next time you see some guy wearing a Heat snapback and Hurricane’s basketball shoes calling everyone haters, just accept it.

Once James retires and Al Golden is leading his team to a national title, basketball will no longer rule the Sunshine State. So, we only have 15 more years to go.

Kyle Rambo is a junior majoring in education.

The Miami Hurricane is published semi-weekly during the regular academic year and is edited and produced by undergraduate students at the University of Miami. The publication does not necessarily represent the views and opinions of advertisers or the university’s trustees, faculty or administration. Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of The Hurricane’s Editorial Board.

Commentaries, letters and cartoons represent only the views of their respective authors. The newsroom and business office of The Hurricane are located in the Norman A. Whitten University Center, Room 221.

LETTER POLICY The Miami Hurricane encourages all readers to voice their opinions on issues related to the university or in response to any report published in The Hurricane.

Letters to the editor may be submitted typed or handwritten (please make your handwriting legible) to the Whitten University Center, Room 221, or mailed to P.O. Box 248132, Coral Gables, FL, 33124-6922.

Letters, with a suggested length of 300 words, must be signed and include a copy of your student ID card, phone number and year in school.

ADVERTISING POLICY The Miami Hurricane’s business office is located at 1306 Stanford Drive, Norman A. Whitten University Center, Room 221B, Coral Gables, FL 33124-6922.

The Miami Hurricane is published on Mondays and Thursdays during the university’s fall and spring academic terms. Newspapers are distributed free of charge on the Coral Gables campus, the School of Medicine and at several off-campus locations.

DEADLINES All ads must be received, cash with copy, in The Miami Hurricane business office, Whitten University Center, Room 221B, by noon Tuesday for Thursday’s issue and by noon Friday for the Monday issue.

SUBSCRIPTIONS The Miami Hurricane is available for subscription at the rate of $50 per year.

AFFILIATIONS The Miami Hurricane is a member of the Associated Collegiate Press, Columbia Scholastic Press Assoc. and Florida College Press Assoc.

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Pop culture icon talks celebs, campus visit

BY NICKY DIAZ COPY CHIEF

Andy Cohen has taken over the small screen. Not only does he host his own TV show, “Watch What Happens Live,” but he is also the man behind popular shows like “Real Housewives” and “Top Chef.”

But all of this success didn’t come overnight, and Cohen’s journey is just as interesting and entertaining as you think it is.

Along the way, he has had many memorable experiences as well as awkward encounters with celebrities like Diana Ross, all of which he talks about in his book, “Most Talkative: Stories from the Front Lines of Pop Culture.”

Cohen’s book is in stores now, but will be released in paperback on Tuesday. During his promotional tour, the pop culture icon will stop by the University of Miami for a Q&A and a book signing on April 8.

The Miami Hurricane got the chance to talk to Cohen before his visit about the first celebrity he met and who would save him from being stranded on an island.

The Miami Hurricane: Can you tell us a little about the book?

Andy Cohen: It’s my story, and so many people ask me how I got where I got. So I hope people laugh and get a real insight of what it’s like working in TV and being on the front lines of pop culture.

TMH: Who was the first celebrity you met?

AC: I write about that a lot in my book. It was Susan Lucci, and the book opens with me in college meeting her. There’s a really funny story attached to it.

TMH: What’s the most memorable experience you’ve had in your career?

AC: That changes every day.

I think just getting my own talk show after all these years of being a producer.

TMH: If you could pick any celebrity to be stuck on an island with you, who would you pick

and why?

AC: I would pick Sarah Jessica Parker because she is amazing and a good friend. She would get us off the island.

TMH: The Real Housewives reunion shows are always very popular, mostly for all the drama.

If you could reunite the cast of any TV show and hash out their problems, which show would it be?

AC: “Friends” because they are all such big stars now, so I think it would be interesting to see them all get together again.

TMH: What do you think makes reality TV so addictive?

AC: For Bravo, I think it’s the personalities, and you just never know what they’re going to do next. It’s just exciting and fun and funny.

TMH: What’s your favorite part about promotional tours?

AC: Meeting people who watch my show and hearing from them what they like and what they don’t like.

TMH: You pursued your dreams and were able to succeed, but students are often told to do what’s practical rather than follow our passion. Do you have any advice for students facing that dilemma?

AC: Get as many internships as you possibly can and try to get internships at places that you really want to work. Don’t narrow it down to just one place and make it as many places as you can think of.

IF YOU GO WHAT: Bravo TV’s Andy Cohen Q&A and book signing WHEN: 7:30 p.m. April 8 WHERE: BankUnited Center Fieldhouse For more information, visit andycohenumiami. eventbrite.com. Tickets are free for students and required for entry.

PHOTO COURTESY OF BRAVO

April 1 - April 3, 2013

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SPORTS

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runs scored in the first inning of the Canes’ 4-3 win over No. 9 Virginia on Sunday.

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current ranking of the FSU baseball team, which will be in town for a series with Miami this weekend.

MEN’S TENNIS

Soto leads team as singles player with 8-5 start Junior models game after Nadal, Ferrer

BY GABRIEL IBRAHIM CONTRIBUTING SPORTS WRITER

NICHOLAS GANGEMI // STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER READY TO POUNCE: Junior Diego Soto, Miami’s top singles player, gears up for a forehand during a late February match against North Florida.

A blur of fluorescent green sneakers slides around the court, as the body that fills the shoes uncorks. “Dale!” screams Diego Soto, filling the air with passion after his forehand falls triumphantly for a winner.

This sequence is pretty common on the courts at Miami’s Neil Schiff Tennis Center. In fact, it seems to happen every time Soto snatches up another game.

The less common element of the junior’s arsenal: his intensity.

“Warrior” is a word that comes up frequently when teammates, coaches and fans describe Soto’s resilient play. It’s a fitting description for a player whose movement is constant, and whose opponents can never seem to keep a ball out of his reach.

“He’s not a guy that you like playing against,” said Wilfredo Gonzalez, a sophomore for the Hurricanes. “He runs and hits back every single ball, no matter how good the shot is.”

Soto put his persistence on display against North Florida earlier this season.

In a match with Moritz Buerchner, No. 96 in the nation, Soto barely returned a deep ball just inside the baseline. Buerchner then rushed the net and hit a delicate drop shot. Soto charged forward more than 50 feet and still was able to secure the point.

This season he has made the leap from Miami’s fifth singles player to the first spot. The move makes him the leader of the team, and Soto is off to an 8-5 start.

“Playing in the first slot is completely different from last year,” he said. “The challenge is greater. You feel like there’s more pressure on you because the team needs you to win.”

Soto, who grew up in Madrid, models his game after Spain’s tennis idols. He perfected his slide on the popular clay courts, and he immersed himself in the play of Rafael Nadal and David Ferrer to learn how to attack.

“I always looked up at the top players to help my game, and those two are SpanApril 1 - April 3, 2013

ish so I always got to watch them,” Soto said. “Nadal plays a similar type of game as me, and everyone compares my backhand to Ferrer’s.”

Soto also sticks to a laundry list of ritualistic tasks during each match. For example, his first step on the court is with his right foot and he always touches his taped wrists between points.

“At first, it was just something that I thought would be lucky,” Soto said. “But then you do it every day, and you feel comfortable with it. You feel like you’re going to win if you do this.”

Miami’s ACC gauntlet has already kicked off, and the Canes will face some of the country’s top teams within their own conference. The team finished 1-9 last season in the ACC, and has lost to No. 25 Clemson and No. 16 Florida State in recent weeks.

Soto, however, is hopeful that he can power Miami over the likes of Boston College and North Carolina before the ACC Tournament kicks off April 25.

“We know we’re at the bottom this year,” he said. “But I think we’re ready to do it, and we’re definitely excited about it.”

MINI MARCH MADNESS While the men’s team tries to climb into ACC contention, the UM women are on an impressive streak.

Ranked ninth in the country by the ITA, Miami completed two shutout victories this past week. Saturday’s 7-0 win over Wake Forest means the Canes have executed an undefeated March.

Stephanie Wagner led the way with a 6-1, 6-4 victory in the top singles spot.

“This last segment of matches ... we have been doing really well as a team,” coach Paige Yaroshuk-Tews said. “The girls did a good job and stepped up.”

Next for Miami is a matchup with Maryland in College Park, Md., at noon on Friday.

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MEN’S BASKETBALL

Miami’s magic runs out in Sweet Sixteen loss to Marquette Cold shooting too much to overcome

BY A.J. RICKETTS CONTRIBUTING SPORTS WRITER

Miami’s thrilling season ended in disappointing fashion on Thursday as Marquette breezed past the suddenly flat Canes, 71-61.

“We didn’t have the juice you need to play great basketball,” coach Jim Larranaga said. “It started from the beginning and never really improved.”

Miami struggled mightily from the field and did not play with enough energy to make a run for the Elite Eight.

The Canes began the game 1-for-13 from 3-point range, and finished the contest 8-for-26, a 31 percent clip.

Still, most of those came late in the game with the victory already out of reach.

The Golden Eagles, contrarily, were full of hot shooting hands, led by junior Jamil Wilson (game-high 16 points).

Marquette stretched its lead to as much as 21 points, forcing Larranaga to

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SPORTS

use a full-court press early in the second half.

“We’re not a pressing team, so to start pressing with 16 minutes left was out of character. We tried to get something going, but we couldn’t,” he said.

Marquette brought double teams off every high screen for Shane Larkin.

The star sophomore, named ACC Tournament MVP just two weeks ago, said he expected this type of defensive scheme, but had trouble executing against the Golden Eagles.

“Illinois did the same thing on ball screens, but that night Rion [Brown] had the hot hand,” Larkin said. “Nobody had that tonight. It was frustrating.”

A key question heading in was how Miami would adjust without Reggie Johnson, whose size is crucial beneath the basket.

It seemed especially important in a battle against a Marquette team that has a reputation for crashing the boards with all five players.

“Just missing his body, just his size would have been able to affect their shot and their game plan,” Miami senior Ju-

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

April 1 - April 3, 2013

lian Gamble said. “But at this point there’s no excuses. You have to find a way to get things done.”

Thursday’s Sweet Sixteen loss ends arguably the most memorable and special season in Miami basketball history.

High preseason expectations gave way to a disappointing start, with losses to Florida Gulf Coast and St. Leo (Division II).

But after Christmas Day, the Canes embarked on their dominant 14-game win-

I haven’t had too much time to reflect on what we have accomplished this season.

But to win the ACC regular season and the ACC Tournament means a lot to me, my teammates and the school as a whole.

These guys are my brothers. These are the guys who are going to be at my wedding and funeral.

Trey McKinney Jones, Guard

ning streak, stealing the nation’s attention with blowout wins over Duke and North Carolina.

Seniors Durand Scott, Kenny Kadji, Julian Gamble, Trey McKinney Jones and Reggie Johnson led Miami to its first Sweet Sixteen since 2000, and achieved many firsts in program history.

To name a few: A win over the country’s No. 1 team (Duke), an outright regular season conference title, an ACC Tournament championship and a No. 2 ranking.

“I told the players how proud I was of them,” Larranaga said after the game.

“How they conducted themselves all season, the sacrifices they made and the great ambassadors they were for the university.”

The conversation will soon turn to next year’s squad, and how Miami will replace its veteran core.

“I think what we did this year is a lay a foundation of what the program could be like,” Larranaga said. “I told the guys that when they look back on this year, they’ll have so many great memories of what they accomplished, and they’ll be able to take that with them a lifetime.”

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HIRING HURRICANE HOODLUMS

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THE MIAMI HURRICANE IS IN THE MARKET FOR PHOTOGRAPHERS, BLOGGERS, CARTOONISTS, REPORTERS AND VIDEOGRAPHERS.

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Sophomores Juniors Seniors

ALL POSITIONS ARE PAID. FOR MORE INFORMATION, CONTACT EDITOR@ THEMIAMIHURRICANE.COM.

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Dear V: Are there catfights in the swamp?...

, I was spending a weekend in Gainesville, having a great time partying. One night, I found my ex-boyfriend hooking up with a sorority slut. I went up to him and slapped him across the face and got into a fight with the bitch. I felt better, but this might not have been the best route. What do you think?

Them Fighting Words Dear Gainesville Grind, Let me remind you that the only rule in Gainesville’s fight club is not to talk about how you provoked your ex-boyfriend and the spoils of his debauchery.

But since we’re in the business of breaking

rules and keeping it edgy, I am not one to ruin a great catfight. They are the heart and soul of the best reality shows: “The Real World,” “The Hills,” “America’s Next Top Model” and Paula Deen’s cooking show when she substitutes butter with margarine.

The beauty of Central Florida and Gainesville is that anything goes. Whatever happens in the swamp stays in the swamp. Don’t feel any remorse for getting down and showing that bitch who is boss.

You were probably close to alcohol poisoning, releasing some sexual urges, and sexually experimenting with another girl or having a threesome. Gainesville was your oyster. I’m proud.

But with any boring town in the middle of nowhere, social media is a form of entertainment.

You might have piqued the interest of local gossip columns, idolized by fraternities and loathed by

dear ... sororities.

Horny freshmen might have even posted your photo on the dorms’ bathroom stalls. Let’s just say that the RAs had to interfere to stop the f loors from getting any stickier.

I have had my fair share of adventures in Gainesville and Tallahassee. I can be as crazy or as different as I want because no one will judge me. I can wear a purple wig, sing in obscure languages like Sanskrit and strip to my heart’s content.

Everyone should have a “Gainesville story” because at the end of the day you’ll eventually need to impress your 20-year-old grandchildren.

Your story shows that small-town America is strong and burgeoning as the site of STD-infested college students. Behold the glory and continue to give those sluts the old one, two punch.

V

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THE MIAMI HURRICANE

THE MIAMI HURRICANE IS HOLDING ELECTIONS! The positions of EDITOR-IN-CHIEF and BUSINESS MANAGER for the Fall 2013 semester are up for election.

Elections will take place through the Board of Publications on Thursday, April 11 at 7:30 a.m.

To apply for editor-in chief, contact Bob Radziewicz at bobr@ miami.edu.

To apply for business manager, contact Bob DuBord at rdubord@ miami.edu.

April 1 - April 3, 2013