The Miami Hurricane: January 28, 2020

Vol. 97, Issue 13 | January 28, 2020 - February 3, 2020

STANFORD’S LAST SEMESTER NEWS//Page 2

EDITORIAL: UM NEEDS AFFORDABLE HOUSING OPINION//Page 8

A LOOK INTO LAKESIDE NEWS// Page 5

THE HOUSING EDITION .

Graphic by Julia Sanbe

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NEWS

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

January 27, 2020 - February 3, 2020

HOUSING

Students, faculty prepare goodbyes for Stanford

PEACE OUT: Stanford Residential College, which houses many of UM’s freshmen, is scheduled to be demolitioned in the coming months as part of the university’s new housing plans.

By Inés Eisenhour Staff News Writer

The impending demolition of Stanford Residential College has inspired students and faculty to remember their experiences within the building, which is scheduled to be torn down this summer.

Stanford Residential College, which houses many of UM’s freshmen, is scheduled to be demolitioned in the coming months as part of the university’s new housing plans. Photo credit: File photo Housing roughly 960 freshman students per year, a large portion of the student body can say they shared the Stanford experience.

In 1985, it became the second hall converted to a residential college. Later, it was renamed Stanford Residential College after former

President Emeritus Henry King Stanford.

While a large majority of the freshman class has to use communal bathrooms, no one seems particularly pleased about the arrangement.

The most frequent comment on it, however, was expressed most concisely by freshman biomedical engineering major, Connor Tarbet.

‘You eventually get used to it,” he said.

Freshman economics and math major, Romir Basu, currently lives on the sixth floor in Walsh Tower and says he is looking forward to the new housing facility that will replace Stanford. Basu was no stranger to things going wrong in Walsh. He said one morning he came back to the floor and the entire bathroom was flooded with an inch of water, which seeped out of the bathroom and into the hall as well.

Basu’s story is not unique, and is a testament to the potential for improvement in new student housing.

Infamous stories regarding the aesthetic and structural integrity of the towers are not unique to Stanford’s last year. Catie Sautter, a sophomore majoring in English and history, recounted a time when her ceiling fell in.

“I was deeply upset by the water damage to the ceiling tiles as well as to my entire closet,” says Sautter. “And I am not looking forward to the continued noise pollution on campus throughout the demolition and construction process.”

Progress presents challenges in addition to improvements, and some students lament the loss of what they consider to be the home of many memories. Tarbet, for example, said he loved his experience in Rosborough Tower and credits the camaraderie that is built on each floor with making him feel at home at the University of Miami.

The floor style of the towers has lent itself

Jared Lennon // Photo & Visuals Editor

to a tight-knit community where students feel comfortable leaving their doors open to student passersby.

Vanessa Kay Herrera, the area director of SRC, agrees that Stanford feels like home home.

After being area director of the University Village, Herrerra said that “taking on a high energy staff like Stanford was certainly an adjustment, but I wouldn’t have changed a thing.”

Herrerra said that she believes the students have made her a better professional and a better person.

Concerning Stanford’s last semester, Herrera said she considers it exciting to think that all the students, faculty, and professional staff will be a part of history.

“We will all be the last people to live and work in Stanford,” she said.

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

NEWS

January 27, 2020 - February 3, 2020

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NEWS

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

January 27, 2020 - February 3, 2020

HOUSING

What to expect from the Lakeside Village

By Parker Gimbel Contributing News Writer

Progress at the University of Miami’s Lakeside Village is on course for a May opening, with the flooring process nearly complete and structural inspections set to begin in coming weeks.

“They have been doing a lot of interior work that students don’t get to see,” said Jon Baldessari, UM’s director of housing operations and facilities.

After being delayed one year from its initially planned fall 2019 opening, Lakeside Village has steadily progressed and met all anticipated deadlines for construction. Students attending UM for the summer semester will have the option of applying for residence at Lakeside Village, which will also serve as housing for conference attendees in the area.

Baldessari said this period will serve to work out potential minor issues in the building’s operating procedures.

“When we were pushed back to 2020, the opportunity came to have this sort of soft opening, to be able to have our university facility staff get more familiar with the building,” said Baldessari.

The layout of the complex was designed with college students in mind. The open spacing and tall ceilings may help to mitigate the oppressive feeling that can often accompany dorm life, and with a barber shop and UPS store on campus, residents at Lakeside will hardly have to leave the dorms at all.

The facilities will also welcome local conference goers during the university breaks and offseason to ensure that the building is in use 365 days a year. Students who do not live in Lakeside will be welcome to utilize some of its resources while residents will have the ease of 24 hour availability of amenities.

Prospective students can

anticipate updated 2D models of Lakeside’s different units to be available on the university website in the coming days, while 3D models are expected next month. As for touring, Baldessari says the timeline is still unclear.

“Once we are able to occupy the building this summer we would like to set up a process for touring, but it’s a little early right now to say how and when that might be accomplished,” he said.

One concern raised by university students over the development of Lakeside Village is it s potentially prohibitive cost.

There will be over fifteen types of units at Lakeside Village with prices ranging from $5,975 to $11,650 a semester; however the majority of prices are between $8,000 and $10,000, nearly double the rates of Hecht Residential College double units. Students that were guaranteed affordable on-campus housing their first year are worried that they may run out of options, bu Baldessari said that the pricing is a result of detailed market studies based on off-campus housing prices in the surrounding area.

“Anytime there’s a new project with student housing, the primary driver there is the revenue that the building can generate, and that kind of sets your project budget for the complex,” Baldessari said.

“We want it to be an asset to the university,” he added. “So the rates really come from whatever that project and construction budget came out to be, making sure that it worked so that it’s something that sustains itself and the university doesn’t have to put other dollars towards it.”

The pricing factors in location, accessible resources, as well as maintaining independent solvency. Some of the resources that will be afforded to the Lakeside residents include a smoothie bar, late-night diner and a plethora of study spaces.

The complex will have a wide

range of common areas, leaving students with no shortage of options for late-night cramming.

“Between all of the individual and group study spaces throughout the floors and all of the unique architecture, which allows people to walk through and within the building without feeling these massive structures around you,” Baldessari said.

“We sort of look at it as the next generation of student housing. It’s definitely not just a dorm, and it’s definitely not just an apartment complex. ” Image Courtesy of Housing & Residential Life

BIG PICTURE: Lakeside Village is aimed at creating a more comprehensive residential experience.

Jared Lennon // Photo & Visuals Editor

LAKESIDE LUXURY: Construction of Lakeside Village has been ongoing for over a year and the project is expected to open its doors to students May 2020.

For more new coverage, visit themiamihurricane.com

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

January 27, 2020 - February 3, 2020

NEWS

HOUSING

On campus vs. off campus housing: Students weigh in

By Leena Yumeen Contributing News Writer

As Lakeside Village gears up for incoming residents, students both on and off campus have begun to decide their housing plans for next semester. Although the Lakeside Village promises a unique and convenient residential experience, many students are forced to consider whether the glamor is worth the price tag.

“I think that you’re going to see a divide on who can afford to be in the new dorms versus who cannot afford the new dorms,” said Stephanie Walcott, a second year computer science major currently living in the Mahoney residential hall.

The least expensive apartment style residence at Lakeside is nearly $3,000 more expensive per semester than the single suites of Stanford and Hecht. Those Lakeside units are almost $2,000 greater than those in Mahoney, Pearson and Eaton.

Yet, many students acknowledge that it was due time for the university to revamp its living facilities, considering its reputation for these student amenities.

“I think for what you’re paying, it’s really not as nice as it could be for a school that likes to boast about its facilities,” said Aaron Bissoondial, a sophomore majoring in jazz.

The apartments feature kitchenettes and comfortable furnishings, and common spaces include 24-hour study areas and an outdoor recreation center.

But for most students, choosing to remain anywhere on the university campus also offers beneficial factors such as convenience and safety. With Cane Card access required for

all current residence halls and security patrolling campus, the campus’ safety infrastructure puts both students and parents at ease.

“It comforts my mom to know that there’s constant security on campus,” said Bissoondial. “I know some kids whose houses got robbed, so it’s definitely nice not worrying about that too much when you’re high up on a floor with card access.”

But others argue that the affordability of off-campus housing is unattainable on or near campus. And while commuting makes reaching class on time more difficult, it can be manageable from certain Miami regions said Delphine Djomo, a sophomore who lives in Brickell.

and indoor pool, her complex feels far more accommodating for less of the financial strain that may be presented by oncampus options.

Djomo does, however, acknowledge that it has become more strenuous for others living further from the Metro, which can become unreliable on weekends or at night.

But for others, a short distance from the heart of campus may be what’s needed for a breath of fresh air and a new sense of community.

“It’ll be kind of nice living off campus, having a single room and hopefully throwing some crazy parties,” said Bissoondial, who plans on moving into the University Village next semester with a group of friends.

Tel Aviv University Sackler School of Medicine

New York State/American Program The Tel Aviv University Sackler School of Medicine-New York State/American Program offers an outstanding four year medical school curriculum, taught in English, leading to the M.D. degree. The Program is chartered by the Regents of the University of the State of New York and is accredited by the State of Israel.

Students do their clerkships and electives in hospitals in Israel, U.S. and Canada. One of these hospitals, Sheba Medical Center, was selected by Newsweek magazine as one of the top 10 hospitals around the world.

“Although I don’t think that the metro is the best public transportation system, for getting to and from the campus it’s pretty great,” said Djomo.

By living near the Brickell metro stop, Djomo is able to get directly to campus from her apartment. Being near grocery stores and other shops also means that she does not need a car— another possible added expense of living off-campus.

“I know some people who spend $2,000 to $3,000, but personally I pay $950,” Djomo said.

Also, with more space and access to amenities such as a gym

Graduates participate in the National Resident Matching Program and return to the United States for their residency training. The 2019 graduating class had a 100% match rate!

Since its commencement in 1976, over 2,000 alumni have completed their residency training at the most distinguished hospitals in the United States and Canada.

Applications for the class of 2024 are available on our website. www.sacklerschool.org provides extensive information about Sackler SOM For further information, e-mail sacklermed@sacklermed.org

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NEWS

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

January 27, 2020 - February 3, 2020

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

January 27, 2020 - February 3, 2020

NEWS

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ENVIRONMENT

Students affected, devastated by Australian wildfires

By Natalia Rovira Senior News Writer

Jarryd Yun was 9,000 miles away from home, just north of Sydney when news of catastrophic bushfires caught the attention of American media.

Yun, a sophomore who attends the University of Sydney and studies marine science, completed an exchange program with the University of Miami last fall.

While abroad, he kept a close eye on the damages caused by wildfires ripping across much of his country, mostly in the southeastern states of New South Wales and Victoria.

Images of roaring flames and scorched wildlife went viral on social media virtually overnight.

However, the comfortable distance between Yun and the fires ceased to exist when he returned from the states.

“What really hit me was when my plane was landing and seeing the smog that these fires have created,” Yun said. “I couldn’t see my house from the plane like I usually could. I guess that sort of put me into the reality of things here.”

Air quality has become a serious concern in many parts of Australia. “There is a constant smog about which looks gross and blocks the sun,” Yun said.

He compared the air quality to that of China, where Yun vacationed as a child. The country is known for its dangerously high levels of air pollution, which poses a great health risk to many people in the country.

Recently in Melbourne, dust in the air caused brown rain to fall from the sky.

For Yun and many others around the world, the Australian bushfires have been devastating.

The scope of the cataclysmic natural disasters is record breaking in many ways; Australia is being ravaged by the worst wildfires

Photo Courtesy of Jarryd Yun FIGHTING FLAMES: A firefighter volunteer witnessed harsh bushfire conditions in Eden, Australia, where the blaze spread to an industrial location.

seen in decades.

Over 25 million acres of bush, forest and park space across Australia have burned, 46 percent more than what burned in the Brazilian Amazon last year. In addition, an estimated one billion animals have died over the past several months.

“The stories about the koalas have been particularly devastating because koalas are already a threatened population,” said Catherine Chase, a senior UM Global Ambassador who studied abroad in Sydney during the fall of 2018. “I think they’re such an amazing symbol of the country,” said Chase, who is majoring in public health and microbiology.

It is unclear yet whether or not koalas are functionally extinct, meaning that they are unable to reproduce on their own in the wild. Close to one-third of the wild koala population has perished in the fires according to an estimate

by Australia’s Minister for the Environment, Sussan Ley. Despite the damage already done, the majority of flames have yet to be contained, and there are still several weeks to go until the bushfire season ends. Stories of strained firefighter volunteers who work without pay, overwhelmed wildlife rescue groups and farmers that have been forced to kill their

livestock have shed light on how dire the situation has become.

Despite heavy rain in parts of New South Wales over the past week, residents were warned that the worst of the bushfires may be to come.

Luckily for Yun, his family has not been directly affected by the flames, but not everyone has been as fortunate. To date, some 28 people have died so far since September, and nearly 2,000 houses have been destroyed. Fire crews predict that conditions will soon worsen as temperatures continue to rise, forcing more individuals to leave their homes, unsure of what they will find when they return.

Bushfires are a year-round phenomenon in Australia, usually peaking during the summer months when temperatures increase, rain becomes more scarce and winds strengthen.

However, recent fires have caused unprecedented amounts of demolition due to an extreme drought season and record-high temperatures around the globe; 2019 went down in the books as the second hottest year in recorded history.

Climate scientists and environmental groups across the board blame global warming for the severity of the blazes.

Greenpeace and Extinction

Rebellion are urgently calling for governments to declare a climate emergency as episodes of catastrophic natural disasters around the globe become more frequent. For the most part, however, they have faced pushback and inaction from world leaders.

Chase recently returned to Sydney and noted that the attitude of the Australians towards Prime Minister Scott Morrison has not been positive.

“They’re really disappointed in him. They have been calling him ‘ScoMo,’” she said.

“ScoMo” is a slang term that refers to a person in charge who leaves things to others when a difficult or emergency situation arises. This term was coined after Morrison flew to Hawaii to vacation in early January, just days after declaring a national disaster. Morrison has been tepid in acknowledging the role of climate change in fueling the blazes.

Sophomore Luke Arends, recruiting chair of UM’s Climate Reality Project who is majoring in meteorology and marine science, explained how these extreme fires are further advancing climate change.

“Because these fires were so large, it released a lot more CO2 than normal, altering the natural cycle of carbon by adding more [carbon dioxide] to the atmosphere,” he said.

The fires have unleashed about 900 million tons of carbon dioxide, meaning more sunlight will be trapped under the atmosphere by greenhouse gases.

As a result, the world warms up, changing the natural cycle of climates around the world and resulting in more frequent, atypical natural disasters.

The effects of the fires on the environment are already being noted. Smoke particles settling on glaciers in New Zealand are causing the snow to darken, reducing the reflectivity of snow and allowing it to absorb even

more sunlight. More sunlight absorption leads to increased glacier melt, which contributes to world-wide sea-level rise.

But Australia is not the only nation that needs to worry about how its air quality will be affected by the ongoing flames; the smoke has already traveled to surrounding countries, deteriorating air quality and changing their natural weather patterns. A satellite picture of smoke traveling from Australia to Chile that recently went viral demonstrated the extent to which these fires are already taking effect globally.

Biodiversity loss in Australia as a result of the fires has caught a considerable amount of international attention. Millions of dollars have been donated to wildlife rescue and charity organizations working to save and care for Australia’s birds, mammals, and reptiles, which have suffered due to the flames.

The scorched land will not be able to sustain life until plants begin to grow back, shrinking the habitat and reproductive range of many plant and animal species.

This means a less diverse genetic pool, restricting populations of wild species from successfully reproducing.

“Change would have had to be made years ago to prevent this fire from being as damaging as it was,” Arends said. Warnings about a deteriorating climate have been clear for decades; if governments around the world started implementing policies to work against a warming planet around the 1990s, today’s fires in Australia would not be as drastic, he said.

Arends went on to say, “It is time we open our eyes and realize that we cannot stop the change that is happening now, but we can influence what change happens in our future as this climate crisis continues.”

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OPINION

THE MIAMI HURRICANE January 27, 2020 - February 3rd, 2020 December 2019 - January 2020 THE MIAMI HURRICANE January 27,3, 2020February 3,21, 2020

Opinion

The Miami

HURRICANE Founded 1929

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EDITORIAL

The future of on-campus housing needs to be more affordable 2 02 0 i s b r i n g i n g a lot of c h a n ge s to t he U M com mu n it y. A q u ic k wa l k a c r oss c a mp u s w i l l show you how mu c h mor e v i b ra nt a nd l ively (a nd pa c ked) c a mp u s i s. O u r ph i l a nt h r o pic m i ssion i s p r og r e ssi n g a s we o p e ned a n of f ice i n Mex ico Cit y to con ne c t w it h s c hol a r s a nd i n novator s i n Ce nt ra l A me r ic a, Mex ico a nd t he Dom i n ic a n Re p ubl ic. A nd mos t not a bly, L a ke sid e Vi l l a ge, t he ne w s t ate of- t he - a r t a d d it ion to r e sid e nt i a l s pa ce s, is w rap pi n g up. T he se a r e a l l f a ce t s of U M’s l a rge r pl a n to b e come a le a d i n g i n s t it ut ion i n t he ne w ce nt u r y. But w it h t he p e r- se me s te r p r ice s of t he L a ke sid e Vi l l a ge b e i n g a l mos t a $3,0 0 0 i nc r e a se to t he c u r r e nt p r ice of a double r oom i n E aton or St a n ford, t he l a c k of a f ford a bi l it y cou ld c h a n ge t he way s t u d e nt s go a b out f i nd i n g hou si n g.

A s St a n ford i s b e i n g tor n d ow n , f r e sh me n w i l l now h ave t he o p p or t u n it y to l ive i n t he M a hone y a nd Pe a r son d or m s, wh ic h some s t u d e nt s h ave s a id m ig ht c h a n ge t he f r e sh m a n ex p e r ie nce neg at ively. T he L a ke sid e Vi l l a ge w i l l b e t he p r i m a r y l iv i n g s pa ce for c u r r e nt f r e sh me n who w i l l b e come so phomor e s nex t ye a r. Howe ve r, for some f i n a nc i a l ly c h a l le n ged s t u d e nt s a nd t he i r f a m i l ie s, who a r e a l r e a dy b u d ge t i n g

t he cos t of on- c a mp u s hou si n g w it h t he r e s t of U M’s a l mos t $70,0 0 0 t u it ion , t he ne w p r ice s of t he s u ite s a nd apa r t me nt s at t he L a ke sid e Vi l l a ge m ig ht come a s a hu ge s u r p r i se.

Accord i n g to t he hou si n g rate s, a s t u d e nt l iv i n g i n E aton , M a hone y or Pe a r son is pay i n g $ 8,4 6 0 per

b e s pa ce for t hose s t u d e nt s who wa nt to o pt- out of t he L a ke sid e Vi l l a ge.

St u d e nt s l iv i n g i n a l l ot he r d or m s w i l l a l so se e a sl ig ht $ 4 0 0 -50 0 i nc r e a se i n t he i r rate s a s wel l.

Hou si n g a nd t he com mu n it y you l ive w it h a r e e sse nt i a l to t he col lege ex p e r ie nce. T h i s i s why

“Housing and the community you live with are essential to the college experience.”

a c a d e m ic ye a r. I f t he y move to L a ke sid e Vi l l a ge, t he c he ap e s t a ccom mod at ion , a d ouble s u ite, w i l l cos t $11,950 p e r a c a d e m ic ye a r.

T hou g h t he a me n it ie s a nd r oom s se e m exc it i n g, it r edu ce s t he p ossi bi l it y of s t u d e nt s b e i n g a ble to a f ford to l ive on- c a mp u s.

Wit h t he ne w i n f lu x of s t u d e nt s a nd t u r nove r to ot he r d or m s s u c h a s t he U Vs, t he r e m ig ht not e ve n

t he r e i s a n e mph a si s on show i n g p r os p e c t ive s t u d e nt s t he d or m s whe n t he y come on v i sit s a nd d ive r si f y i n g t he r e sid e nt i a l ex p e r ie nce w it h t h i n g s s u c h a s Fi r s t-Ye a r Fel lows a nd mu lt iple f a c u lt y me m b e r s a ssig ned to a r e sid e nt i a l d or m. For a s c hool s u c h a s t he Un ive r sit y of M i a m i, l iv i n g on- c a mp u s cou ld b e e sse nt i a l to t he comple te M i a m i ex p e r ie nce. It ’s a

te s t a me nt to why U M h a s a mu lt i-ye a r pl a n to r e va mp ou r hou si n g.

Howe ve r, r e va mpi n g a nd making t he ex p e r ie nce b e t te r w i l l me a n not h i n g i f h a l f of t he s t u d e nt s c a n not a f ford it.

O u r s c hool i s pa i n s t a k i n g ly ex p e n sive a nd it mu s t not b e forgot te n t h at a l a rge p e r ce nt a ge of ou r s t u d e nt s a r e on s c hol a r sh ips a nd a id. We k now t h at t he r e h a s b e e n a s te a dy pl a n to ra i se U M’s v i si bi l it y on t he n at ion a l col leg i ate s c a le, b ut we mu s t b e c a r e f u l not to wa r p ou r i m a ge i nto a n ove rly ex p e n sive a nd u n f a i rly exc lu sive s c hool a s ou r ove ra l l t u it ion rate goe s up e a c h ye a r.

Our a d m i n i s t rat ion wa nt s t he s c hool to b e mor e for wa rd a nd i n novat ive mov i n g i nto t he ne w ye a r.

T he y took a g r e at s te p by d oi n g t h i s whe n t he y a n nou nced t he i r pl a n s to me e t a l l f i n a nc i a l ne ed for a d m it ted F lor id a r e sid e nt s.

O t he r g r e at s te ps cou ld i nc lu d e g iv i n g a d eq u ate a id a l l fou r ye a r s to s ubse t t he r i si n g t u it ion cos t a nd h av i n g a f ford a ble on- c a mp u s hou si n g.

On t he r oa d m ap to ou r ne w ce nt u r y, we mu s t n’t ju s t b e i n novat ive i n look s or a r c h ite c t u r e, b ut a l so ou r va lue s a nd d ed ic at ion to t he s t u d e nt s.

Editor ial s re pre s e nt the major it y v ie w of T he Miami Hur r ic ane editor ial board .

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

January 27, 2020- February 3, 2020

OPINION

9

How gentrification is changing the future of Miami SOCIETY

Modernization is far too often correlated with high-rises and an influx of new businesses, restaurants and amenities. But with our metro ranking with the public transportation systems of Panama and Colombia

By Shruti Mishra and the number of Contributing Columnist students experiencing homelessness tripling in the past decade, we have to ask ourselves, who is Miami being built for?

Gentrification is defined as the process of developing and renovating a district or neighborhood to conform to the whims of upper-middle-class taste.

In theory, refurbishing housing, opening businesses and cracking down on crime comes across as an improvement, but it’s far too often done at the expense of historically disenfranchised black and brown communities. Here’s how it works: developers such a Limited Liability

Corporations hone in on disinvested and low-income communities, where property value is far lower, acquire the land and then raise the rent. “Cheap” areas attract new businesses and individuals, while minorities soon can’t afford the neighborhoods they once called home. Smaller establishments close and entire communities are forced to move away to accommodate new “investment.”

Gentrification transforms physical spaces and breaks coalitions of cultures; however, it is also cited to improve the economy and bring in new jobs.

Unfortunately, these promised fortunes rarely benefit the small middle class, who disproportionately rely on low-paid service jobs. The Miami Urban Future Initiative’s Report on Inequality and Poverty in Greater Miami, examines how Miami is shockingly divided and unequal. United Way’s 2019 ALICE report shared that Miami-Dade families who earn less than what it costs to live here have increased to 40 percent.

According to the Miami-Herald, the

median wage for a worker in MiamiDade is only $31,702.

With the threat of climate change, climate gentrification is a troublesome dimension to the housing struggle. As Miami emerged in the late 20th century as a tropical playground for vacationers from the Northeast, Europe and Latin America, black communities were pushed away from water-front properties and more inland. However, as sea level rises, coastal residents are now f locking across the bridge to higher foundations.

In a video for the Huffington Post, Valencia Gunder, founder of Make The Homeless Smile, said, “The water is starting to shift housing around a lot, which is different than any American city.”

Climate gentrification distinguishes Miami from its counterparts; however, the city is not alone in this struggle of balancing newfound wealth and increasing inequality. California and New York City are clear examples of how a surge in “innovation” is accompanied by disenfranchisement. The solution

doesn’t lie in the hands of profit-driven developers and companies, it’s up to our legislators to plan for our city’s future.

The Miami Urban Future Initiative recommends increasing the minimum wage, improving career prospects for service workers, and expanding affordable housing.

Miami is the third least affordable place in the country, with an income inequality ranked second-worst in the country (trailing New York City). The highrises that characterize Brickell and the designer stores that decorate the Design District makes us forget all that glitters isn’t gold. Modernization is not an issue if progress is made to be inclusive. In a prosperous tourist economy, there is room for all of us to live comfortably.

Shruti Mishra is a senior majoring in political science and Spanish

An ode to Portland, Maine: My true hometown PERSONALITY

I pick up the cold sweating glass to take a sip, staring out over the dock as a f isherman pulls his net out of the water. I wipe the foam from my upper lip and gently place my Stoneface IPA

By Megan Morrison back down on to the Contributing coaster. The hum Columnist of voices catching up over a drink is muff led by the cooing of jazz from the local band and the seag ulls cawing from above. The dogs bark at the lobster boats pulling in af ter a long day. The air is so salt y you can almost taste it.

W hen I think of home, I think of Por tland, Maine in the summer time.

As you stroll through the cobblestone streets, you can’t help but admire the brick buildings and antique str uct ures, with green vine falling gracef ully down

the sides. With ever y step you take, you are welcomed by a local coffee shop, boutique, brewer y or restaurant.

You follow the ocean breeze down to the marina to eat a fresh lobster roll, so fresh that you share a smile with the lobsterman as he takes his catch off the boat.

It wasn’t until I moved away that my hear t began to ache for Por tland.

I took the charming cit y for granted, convinced myself I needed more than it could offer me. So I lef t.

I’m sure you’re familiar with the saying, “you don’t k now what you got ‘til it’s gone.” Well, it’s painstakingly tr ue. W hat used to be a boring lit tle town f illed with people I already k new is now a magical cit y that inspires me in new ways ever y time I come home.

W hether it’s the Street Eats & Beats food tr uck festival with local bands or the summer-long ar t show along the water, Por tland stimulates me to be the best version of myself. It lights a

f ire in me that gets bur nt out when I’m any where else.

I miss who I am when I’m home. I feel grounded and at peace when I’m walking down the nar row sidewalks of the lit tle cit y listening to disco music, or when I’m the only human on the white sandy beach that goes on for miles, sit ting in the cold sand in the early mor ning watching the surfers catch the f irst wave. My creativit y is sparked as soon as I cross the state line. Being away feels like a long-term writer’s block, except ever ything is blocked: My mind feels fogg y and I feel detached from my genuine self.

In my opinion, Por tland, Maine is one of the greatest cities in the entire countr y. Yes, us Mainers do have electricit y. No, I did not ride a moose to grade school. We like taking the boat out to one of the 4,600 islands off the coast, window shopping at the local boutiques, drinking coffee while we read a book at the fer r y dock and dancing the night away in the

cobblestone streets while the music echoes off the brick walls. Mainers are f unky, passionate individuals who love groov y music, fresh seafood and good beer.

I think it’s impor tant to step away from your comfor t zone, to experience an unfamiliar place with new people.

You lear n a lot about yourself that way.

Leaving Maine has opened other wise closed doors for me and has helped shape me into the young woman I am today. And although I now miss my cozy cit y, I needed that drastic change in order to appreciate what I had lef t behind. W hat used to be a place I wanted to escape, is now a salt y, lively place I feel blessed to call home.

Meghan Morrison is a senior majoring in public relations.

10

CULTURE

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

January 28, 2020 - February 3, 2020

Editor’s Note: As part of the Hurricane’s mission to expand our coverage to represent all aspects of the UM community, our staff decided to change the name of this section from Edge to Culture. While Edge refers only to arts and entertainment, Culture allows for broader coverage of other topics, inlcuing beauty, lifestyle and identity.

MUSIC REVIEW

‘Circles’: A beautiful goodbye to Mac Miller

By Jarrod Houseknecht Staff Culture Writer

Just a month after his Grammynominated project “Swimming” was released, news of Pittsburgh rapper Mac Miller’s death by drug overdose sent shock waves through the hiphop community and greater music industry. Sixteen months later and bringing closure to his career, Miller’s first posthumous album “Circles” dropped Friday, Jan. 17.

Composer-producer Jon Brion, who collaborated with Miller, expressed how important it was for him to finish the vision Miller had for “Circles.”

“When the family came to me was one of the more memorable days of my life, because a little bit of time had passed, but it was very, very, very fresh for parents who had lost a kid,” Brion said in an interview with Vulture. “They asked me to see it through. I said I would.”

“The only thing I care about is people getting to hear it. The people who are affected by it have the benefit of being affected by his insight and his articulation.

Everything else doesn’t matter,” Brion said later in the interview.

This 12-track LP that was reportedly meant to be a companion to “Swimming” and part two of

a three-part saga is eye-opening and emotional. “Circles” matches the energy of “Swimming”, with its powerful lyrics and smooth production that discusses many of the hardships Miller was battling towards the end of his life.

Late rapper Mac Miller’s final album “Circles” dropped this past Friday, Jan. 17. Photo credit: spotify.com Issues such as addiction, depression, and pain from his broken relationship with singersongwriter Ariana Grande are clear inspirations for much of the lyrical content on this project. It is beyond clear that Miller had finally found himself on “Swimming.”

The record was deemed his most personal release at the time. This claim is further strengthened by the empowering messages and crooning vocals that followed on “Circles.”

Right from the start of the title track “Circles,” there is nothing but bliss coming from Miller’s voice. A powerfully raw track, this opener proves that Miller’s spirit is not gone. He still has more artwork for us to embrace, even after death.

“Circles” and following tracks “Complicated” and “Blue World” showcase Miller in a way that audiences have never seen before.

Although he was known for his ability to spit a hard-hitting rap verse early in his career, it is evident

that “Circles” is not that. Rather, he brings a soft, passionate approach.

The next two songs, lead single “Good News” and “I Can See,” are perhaps the most gorgeous from the LP. “Good News” is a strippeddown, guitar strings example of Miller’s emotional duality on the project. “I Can See” dishes out a smooth, syrupy production over Miller’s whisper-like voice that’s highlighted with hidden, milky harmonies that many believe to be those of ex-girlfriend Grande.

“Everybody,” “Woods” and “Hand Me Downs” use their lyrics to dive into the depths of Miller’s depression. On “Hand Me Downs,” he pleads for sanity and safety from his thoughts, perfectly complemented by light production

by Brion. Miller’s discussion of death on “Everybody” is haunting, opening as a quiet, piano-like ballad that expands into soft rock.

By this point in the album, it is clear that “Circles” will never open up into a full rap album like Miller’s early projects, and that’s perfectly okay. “Circles” is introspective and thoughtful, filled with meaning.

However, the rhythm and flow Miller developed early in his career is certainly not completely absent, appearing on tracks such as “Hands.”

Closing tracks “Surf ” and “Once a Day” serve as reminders of the introspective lens that Miller

Photo source: Spotify

used to look at life. He was always stepping back and viewing things from new perspectives. On “Once a Day,” there is no beat drop, no bass. There’s just Miller’s voice pondering regret and the fast-pace of life. And it’s a stunning ending to the album.

It’s crushing that some of the rapper’s most insightful songwriting was just coming to

light right before he died. “Circles” showcases that he was someone who was truly taking time to try and rebuild himself from darkness.

But, it is only fitting that Miller’s final project was one where he was focused on self-reflection, and hopefully, he found the peace he sought in his final days.

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

January 28, 2020 - February 3, 2020

CULTURE

11

MUSIC

Best and worst moments of 2020 Grammy Awards

By Jarrod Houseknecht Staff Culture Writer

The 62nd annual Grammy Awards at the Staples Center in downtown Los Angeles aired live this past Sunday, Jan. 27. As always, it was a night of victory, defeat, surprise and, of course, a few snubs. If you happened to miss the year’s biggest night in music, here is a look at of some of the event’s biggest moments, good and bad.

Best: Alicia Keys’ tribute to Kobe Bryant

Joined by R&B group Boyz ll Men, host Alicia Keys delivered a short, a cappella performance of “It’s Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday,” commemorating late, long-standing NBA legend Kobe Bryant. The widelypraised Los Angeles Lakers alum tragically passed away Sunday in a helicopter crash alongside his daughter and several others. Keys’ message to the audience was one of love. Beautifullyspoken, it seemed to touch the hearts of many in attendance.

Worst: The constant bleeping

At one point in the show, it seemed as if there was not going to be a single performance or acceptance speech not riddled with the censorship. From

Lizzo to Billie Eilish to Ariana Grande, everyone was restricted by the constant bleeping. In the future, it would be nice, assuming they don’t already, if they warned artists to steer clear of profanity ahead of time, instead of bleeping out entire sections of a performance due to one swear word.

Best: Tyler the Creator’s heartfelt acceptance speech

After winning his first Grammy for Best Rap Album, Tyler the Creator delivered a heartfelt thank you speech.

Usually outlandish and vulgar, the speech was pleasant as he kept things personal by thanking his mother who was proudly standing next to him for “raising him right.” Later, he mentioned how much of an inspiration singer and producer Pharrell Williams has been to him, saying that Williams let him “be comfortable with himself and has opened up doors you cannot imagine.”

Best: Demi Lovato’s triumphant return

After a tough year and a half, Lovato returned to the Grammy’s Stage for her first televised performance since the heart-wrenching news of her overdose shocked fans in 2018.

She struggled to sing through her tears at first, but ended up delivering an insanely moving

and touching performance of her new single “Anyone,” which received a standing ovation. The single addresses the hardships she has faced throughout her relapse. This graceful performance was definitely one of the greatest of the night.

“Thank U, Next” to honor her mom and dad in attendance, a gorgeous rendition of The Sound of Music’s “My Favorite Things” and even featured Grande in a full split that looked like something straight out of “Bring It On.” What a queen.

Shortly after Lizzo’s commanding opening performance, Keys took the stage in what seemed like an attempt to show love to the night’s biggest nominees. However, the act went south when the celebrities in attendance seemed confused as to what was happening; the moment felt like it lasted fifteen minutes. A for effort, though.

With a set that came off as a little too blaring and messy, the Aerosmith performance featuring Run-DMC was seriously underwhelming. The medley of songs from the iconic band did not seem to rile up the crowd or bring much energy to the lengthy show– the one exception being Lizzo, who was caught rocking out, earning her a shout out from Steven Tyler himself.

The reigning pop princess may have left empty-handed, but with the looks she served, she still stole the show. After shutting down the red carpet with the debut of a gorgeous new blonde hairdo and rocking three gorgeous Cinderellainspired gowns, the highly awarded performer killed a medley of hit songs from her past album.

The smash performance was complete with a stunning costume reveal, a twist in the lyrics of

Perhaps one of the biggest cultural moments of the 2019 was the success of smash hit “Old Town Road,” which snatched the record for longest-running number one in history from Mariah Carey. This “biggest song of all-time” clearly deserved its own performance, which Lil Nas X delivered while rotating through featured artists including BTS, Mason Ramsey, Billy Ray Cyrus and even hip-hop legend Nas himself. The rapper, singer and songwriter was also able

Worst: Alicia Keys’ extremely awkward piano monologue

Best: Anything Ariana Grande

Worst: Aerosmith

Best: Lil Nas X

to showcase his insane fashion sense on the red carpet in a bright pink outfit from Versace. It’s clear the 20-year-old is here to prove that he’s no one-hitwonder, leaving the show with two coveted trophies.

Best: Moments of sisterhood

It is hard being a woman in such a male-dominated industry, but last night’s show proved that many of today’s female musicians are in it together. From the moment when Album of the Year winner Billie Eilish shouted out Ariana Grande for being another incredibly deserving nominee to when Lizzo was seen praying for her idol Beyonce to win, the 62nd Grammy Awards was dominated by women supporting women.

Worst: Lack of Grammy’s veterans

powerful

It was a bit saddening to see that in almost every category of the night, there was someone who was not in attendance. Many of these nominees who did not attend were some of the most celebrated musicians of recent decades, such as Lady Gaga, Beyonce and Taylor Swift. It is unknown why a lot of these acclaimed performers opted not to attend, but the night was certainly not the same without them.

Best: FKA Twigs and Usher’s tribute to Prince

Though it was a bummer that critically-acclaimed R&B singer FKA Twigs never found herself behind a mic, this perfectly executed set was still blissful. With Twigs showcasing her impressive pole dancing ability and the hot tango between her and Usher, this performance was anything but boring.

Best: Lizzo

It is safe to say that 2019 was Lizzo’s year, and she left the celebration with three trophies in-hand to prove so. She opened the show with an enticing performance of songs, “Cuz I Love You” and “Truth Hurts.”

The energetic R&B singer was also seen many times throughout the event cheering on every winner and performer. Lizzo is the type of energy we need in 2020.

TMH CULTURE Photo source: Instagram @RecordingAcademy

12 SPORTS

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

January 28, 2020 - February 3, 2020

FOOTBALL

With King’s arrival, Williams enters transfer portal

By Isabella Didio Sports editor

Miami’s 2019 football season was defined by inconsistencies at the quarterback position.

But it seems like the Hurricanes may have found some clarity that should have fans feeling hopeful for the 2020 season.

Last week, former Houston quarterback D’Eriq King decided to transfer to Miami for his final year of eligibility.

Three days after King made his decision, Jarren Williams, Miami’s starting quarterback for 10 of the team’s 13 games last season, announced that he entered his name into the transfer portal.

“First, I want to start by saying that these decisions are never easy,” Williams said in a statement on Instagram. “But, after prayer and counsel, I have decided to enter my name into the transfer portal.

I want to thank all my teammates for that everlasting brotherhood, the coaching staff for giving me an opportunity and the diehard fans for their support for UM.” Williams began the season as a young inexperienced quarterback who proved a lot by beating out Ohio State transfer Tate Martell and N’Kosi Perry for the starting job.

The redshirt sophomore performed well early on. In Miami’s second game of the season against North Carolina, despite losing, Williams completed 30 of 39 passes for 309 yards and two touchdowns. He threw three touchdowns against BethuneCookman, but struggled to score against Central Michigan.

Miami’s 35-42 loss to Virginia Tech on Oct. 5 was when things started going downhill for Williams.

After not having thrown an

Photo Courtesy Houston Athletics GO LONG: Former Houston quarterback D’Eriq King looks to throw a pass against Washington State on Sept. 1, 2019.

interception in the previous four games, the quarterback threw three interceptions on three straight possessions to open the game and was pulled from the game, with head coach Manny Diaz citing an upper extremity injury.

Perry started the next game against Virginia and led the Canes to a much needed win. Williams was reinserted into the game for one drive against Georgia Tech the following week after Perry struggled in the team’s 28-21 loss.

The following week, things began to turn in the right direction for Miami when Williams led the Canes on a game winning drive over Pitt. A 313 passing yard and two touchdown performance in a big win over Florida State preceded Williams’ record breaking six touchdown performance over Louisville in Miami’s final home

game.

All of that was nullified after Williams’ season-worst performance led Miami to a historic 24-30 loss to FIU. A 17-12 loss to Duke where Williams was pulled and replaced by Perry capped off a abismal end to the regular season. The final straw in Williams’ career as a Hurricane was a zero-point performance in the Independence Bowl against Louisiana Tech, where Miami fell 0-14.

Enter D’Eriq King.

The 5’11, 194 lbs quarterback from Manvel, Texas is exactly what the Hurricanes need to get the program back in the right direction.

King played in four games for Houston in the 2019 season before he decided to redshirt the rest of the season, granting him another year of eligibility.

In 2018, King threw for 2,982 yards and 36 touchdowns, rushed for 674 yards and 14 touchdowns, for a total of 50 total touchdowns, which was third-best in college football that year.

The Hurricanes new offensive coordinator, Rhett Lashlee, ran a high-tempo offense at SMU that ranked seventh in FBS, and is similar to the offense King ran at Houston.

He is arriving at Miami in a time of desperation and is not only expected to win the job, but lead Miami to a successful season.

“There’s a lot of history here, a lot of winning traditions and I was excited they even wanted me to be honest with you,” King said. “Just being here, and making the best of the year I have here. It’s a big deal. I don’t take it lightly. I know the history of the program is winning, has always

been winning. I’m coming here just ready to work, get to it and try to win as many games as possible.

King, equally as dangerous in the air as on the ground, has the experience to revive Miami’s offense, which ranked 98th nationally in total offense in 2019.

Current head coach at the University of Oklahoma, Lincoln Riley, who has produced some of the top quarterbacks in the country in recent years, had high praise for King.

“There aren’t five quarterbacks in the country better than (King) -- and that may be too many. He’s fantastic,” Riley said.

Along with King, Miami landed defensive end Quincy Roche, a grad transfer from Temple, who will likely play alongside defensive end Gregory Rousseau.

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

January 28, 2020- February 3, 2020

SPORTS 13

ROUNDUP

Roundup: Perez- Sommariba sets Miami singles record

By Isabella Didio Sports editor

Women’s Basketball Still without star forward Beatrice Mompremier, Miami finished the week with a 1-1 mark.

Having suffered recent losses to Notre Dame and North Carolina, where UM was outscored by 19 or more in the second half, the fourth quarter blues appeared to be returning when they faced Clemson Thursday night. After the Canes had led by as much as 22 in the second half, Clemson tied the game at 64 in the final minute. Luckily for Miami, Kelsey Marshall hit a 3-pointer on the ensuring possession and the Tigers were unable to respond as the Hurricanes held on for a 68-64 win.

Marshall’s late shot was the most important on a career night for the junior, with 22 points.

Mykea Gray added 16 points and Brianna Jackson registered 10.

Destiny Harden’s seven rebounds, meanwhile, were a team-high for Miami.

Head coach Katie Meier improved to 2-0 on the season against former colleagues in the win over Clemson coach Amanda Butler, who served under Meier when she was at UNC-Charlotte from 2001-05.

Unfortunately for the Canes, that is where the week’s good news ended, as Sunday’s trip to Florida State ended in a 79-61 loss. Miami’s undoing was giving up a run in the second quarter, allowing the ‘Noles to enter halftime up 40-26 after the game had been tied just over seven minutes earlier.

Marshall once again led UM with 21 points, and was joined by teammates Mykea Gray, Brianna Jackson and Endia Banks, who logged 12, 12 and 10 points respectively. However, Miami had just six combined points outside the aforementioned four

scorers, a recipe for defeat in ACC play.

Nicki Ekhomu led FSU with 19 points and Kiah Gillespie provided a doubledouble with 18 points and a game-high 10 rebounds.

The Canes drop to 11-9 and 3-6 in the ACC, having now lost five of their last six matchups.

They’ll return home to face Georgia Tech on Thursday at the Watsco Center with a 6 p.m. tip-off.

Men’s Tennis The Canes were in action for a pair of matches in California this weekend at the ITA Kick-Off at Stanford University. Taking on 13th ranked Cal-Berkeley first on Saturday, the Hurricanes fell 4-0 after they narrowly Jared Lennon // Photo & Visuals Editor lost the doubles point with TENNIS TITAN: Senior Estela Perez-Somarriba races to the ball during the second day of the Miami Spring Invited on Saturday, Francisco Bastias/Adria Jan 18.

Soriano Barrera falling in a a 6-0, 6-2 triumph, setting a UM between FAU and the victorious Women’s Tennis tiebreak. Miami was unable program record for most singles Seminoles. Freshman diver Mia to recover in singles, with Dane wins. It was part of a 4-0 team Vallee won the only individual No. 23 Miami headed up to Dunlap, Bastias falling in straight sets and Soriano Barrera losing Tallahassee for a pair of weekend sweep of UC Santa Barbara, event for the Hurricanes in the in three sets. The remaining matches, first against No. 18 where the Canes once again one meter dive.

The quartet of Carmen three singles matches were left Texas A&M Aggies, in a battle took the doubles point and rode additional singles wins from of ranked programs.

Miami fell San Nicolas, Zorry Mason, unfinished.

Sunday brought a welcome 4-2, even after getting off on Tahan (6-3, 6-1) and Cadar (6-4, Isabel Traba and Sydney Knapp change in results, with Miami the right foot thanks to doubles 6-4) to end the weekend on a high finished third in the 200 Yard Medley Relay. Clare McGinnis taking a 4-2 win over Tulane. wins from Selma Cadar/Maya note.

Miami’s next scheduled Tahan (6-4) and Yuna Ito/ logged a second-place finish in Soriano Barrera and Bastias won the decisive doubles match 6-4, Florencia Urrutia (7-6) in a nail- match is on Feb. 13 in Nashville the 1000 Yard Freestyle and San Nicolas clocked in second for the which set up the singles matches biting tiebreak. Defending singles against No. 9 Vanderbilt. national champion Estela Perez200 Yard Freestyle. nicely for UM. Junior Benjamin Swim and Dive Somarriba cruised to a 6-0, 6-0 Miami’s divers return to Hannestad was the first Cane to the boards at the South Florida win in singles (6-3, 6-2) while win in her singles match, but no The swim team joined the Diving Invitational at FIU on Franco Aubone prevailed next (6- other singles matches went the women’s tennis and women’s Feb. 7, while swimming returns way of the Hurricanes against 3, 6-1). And in spite of defeats by basketball team in Tallahassee to the pool for the First Chance the Aggies.

Dunlap and Bojan Jankulovski, One day later Perez- on Saturday for a tri-meet Meet at home on Feb. 15.

Soriano Barrera again won in the clutch, this time by a 6-2, 1-6, 7-5 Somarriba notched win No. 135 with Florida State and Florida scoreline to seal the overall win in her career as a Hurricane with Atlantic. Miami finished second for the Hurricanes.

The men are next in action against Mississippi State in Fort Myers, Florida on Feb. 2.

For more sports coverage,

visit themiamihurricane.com

14 FUN AND GAMES

THE MIAMI HURRICANE

January 28, 2020 - February 3, 2020

Fun and Games Across 3. Happening this Sunday

5. What to watch this week 7. Housing administration 9. Next century housing 10. The King has arrived Down 1. UM soccer star moving to Spain 2. Beloved Lakers legend 4. Remaining tower, 2020 6. Virus from Wuhan 8. Dorm cooking device Crossword by Anna Timmons

Scan this QR code for the answers!

for new content? Check out these recommendations Read, Watch, Listen: Looking from Hurricane staff member Inés Eisenhour .

Read: “Where’d You Go Bernadette” by Maria Semple

Watch: “Money Heist” or “La Casa De Papel,” Netflix Original Series

Listen: “Sweet Nothin’s”

by Brenda Lee

This wild epistolary novel, released in 2012, follows the crisis of a genius architect named Bernadette Fox as told through the eyes of her teenage daughter, Bee. I devoured this book in a single day of sitting in airports over Christmas break.

The unique patchwork of letters, memos, emails and messages creates a story that’s nearly impossible to put down.

To call this Spanish heist story a runaway sensation would be an understatement. For fans of heist films like Ocean’s 11 or Now You See Me, La Casa de Papel is a captivating show that presents viewers with the undeniable need to support the “bad guys” however illegal their actions may be. While the rapid and accented Spanish can be difficult to understand even for a native speaker like me, don’t let that keep you from giving this show a chance. I did not find the language barrier to make La Casa de Papel any less bingeable.

When you listen to this 1960 hit, the first thing your ear picks up is that “Uh huh honey” hook used in Kanye West’s “Bound 2.” I love discovering the origins of samples, especially when the original is relatively unknown. “Sweet Nothin’s” gives off “Twist and Shout” vibes, making me feel like I was in a movie montage while I swept my room. This is a fun song about young love and enjoying the small moments that make relationships special.

THE MIAMI HURRICANE 2019 January 21,2020 2020 THE THE MIAMI MIAMI HURRICANE HURRICANEDecember January January 21,3,28, 2020 2020 - -January - February 27, 3, 2020

V’S TAKE 15

Hooking up with frat boys

Have a question for V? Email

dearv@themiamihurricane.com.

There is a haunting memory I have of a drunken freshman boy knocking on my door to see the girl he was in love with. I was not that girl, but she did happen to be in my dorm that night. After stumbling in, he began to overshare his experience with rushing fraternities that spring.

He recalled sitting in an open suitcase across from the recruiters while two scantily-dressed girls proceeded to touch him. A series of questions then followed, including asking for opinions, like who the most f**kable freshman girl is, and surprisingly, a math problem. If you had to f**k two girls and their ages added up to 18, what ages would you choose?

I was absolutely disgusted. However, we still turn our heads to the blatant immoral attitudes of some of our fraternities. Well boys, you can’t get away with everything. You may haze your pledges with fingers crossed that administration won’t find out, but I have no problem doing it publicly. Also, to that poor drunk freshman, I hooked up with your girl like two weeks later.

I won’t name names or even frats. The point of this column is to start a real conversation about the hookup culture on campus, along with a laugh. Also, calm down. I already know your father is a lawyer. This is an anonymous hook up column, so suck my d*ck and my balls.

A story of betrayal unfolded at an infamous pool party, when a junior was invited by a brother she had been talking to. He invited her and her friend to enjoy some Miami snow upstairs. She denied the offer, only to find out that once he brought her friend upstairs, he

tried to make a move on her. After confronting him, he explained his sudden disinterest, “It’s because you won’t do coke.”

Speaking of pool parties, here is some advice. If you attend a pool party this semester, don’t get into the clearly infectious water.

You know those boys don’t put chlorine in there, and surviving sorority girl vaginas have produced enough yeast to open up a bakery after one naive dip.

After a night of heavy drinking required to make any frat party bearable, a sophomore invited a frat star over for some midnight hokey pokey. Not allowing a case of whiskey d*ck to deter him, he proceeded to put a condom on his soft penis and attempt sex with her for six hours. This sad attempt of shoving his toothless mole rat into a burrow eventually made her grow tired, while he grew nothing.

Allegedly, one brother demanded that his partner give his ass a tight squeeze and begged for more when she stopped. Y’all really trying to get your cheeks clapped so bad I’m starting to think you enjoyed the paddle.

Frat boys, I know some of you are the finest gentlemen of this country and can’t believe what you’re reading. Keep your brothers in check because I will say it again: You can’t get away with everything.

You may get off to girls calling you “daddy,” but you b*tches are my sons.

Your Daddy, V

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THE MIAMI HURRICANE

January 28, 2020 - February 3, 2020