Miami … Merged: Written in the stars?
The participants
One application for Miami … Merged was very particular about something rather specifc.
“If I get chosen for this, PLEASE no Aries men. Please. I can’t do it again. I wholeheartedly believe that every Aries man lives up to all of the negative stereotypes,” Mariza wrote in her application for the project.
The senior media and communication major said she was looking forward to the chance to try something new. In her application, she wrote she likes to read, work out and listen to Fleetwood Mac, and she enjoys the occasional night Uptown and loves to hang out with her cat, Olive.
“She’s a little angel — she’s the light of my life,” Mariza said, grinning. “If a guy doesn’t like cats, that’s an immediate no.”
She said she saw a fyer for Miami … Merged hanging near a printer one day in Armstrong and was intrigued.
“I feel like I have confned myself to a very tiny bubble of what I feel my type is and the people that I should
KETHAN BABU SPORTS EDITOR
When Max Edling frst arrived at Miami University in 2021, he quickly joined the club dodgeball team, looking for a fun extracurricular activity.
The senior sports management major played dodgeball all four years of high school, and he heard the team found some success before the COVID-19 pandemic.
He was half-right in his expectations for the club.
“Everyone graduated from [the previous year], and there were only three returning players my freshman year,” Edling said. “We weren’t very good … We won our frst game on the last day of the season on day two of nationals.”
The team improved slightly the following year before taking a big step forward in 2024. The RedHawks made it to the Elite Eight of the national tournament after defeating Pennsylvania State University 4-3. They fell 6-1 to The Ohio State University in the following round.
SAM NORTON
EDITOR AT LARGE
Each year since 1970, people across the globe have banded together to celebrate our planet on April 22, better known as Earth Day. While some confne themselves to just one day, Miami University students are able to celebrate for a week.
Miami’s 2025 Earth Week will be from April 21-27, culminating in the annual Earth Fest in Uptown Oxford on April 26. Before that, the week will be flled with sustainability-focused events for students to attend across campus.
The Student Sustainability Council (SSC), which organizes Earth Week, brings together multiple green organizations to create one week full of activism and education. John Day, a junior psychology and English double major, Secretary for Infrastructure and Sustainability in Miami’s Associated Student Government and president of SSC, said he enjoys the exposure Earth Week provides.
date. It would be a very interesting experience to have someone chosen for me, and I’d love to see how that could go,” she wrote in her application.
For her, kindness, respect and a good sense of humor are essential to a healthy relationship.
“It’s better when things happen organically,” Mariza said. “It’s just kinda nice to do things a diferent way. I’m so over the dating apps.”
Josh, a sophomore cybersecurity and robotics engineering double major, is both introspective and extroverted. In his free time, he fences, plays the drums, marimba, and banjo and skateboards.
Despite the loss, Miami pushed farther than ever before in program history. The RedHawks only made one Elite Eight appearance before 2024. However, Edling wasn’t satisfed just yet.
In his fourth and fnal season, he helped the RedHawks put forth their best season performance ever, culminating in Miami’s frst National Collegiate Dodgeball Association (NCDA) championship on April 6.
The win marked Miami’s frst championship in program history and the frst time an Ohio team had won it since 2006, when Ohio State took the title.
Miami Club Dodgeball originated in 2006, one year after the formation of the NCDA. However, the club shut down after seven years due to a lack of interest. It returned in 2016, and the team saw some success, even reaching the Elite Eight in 2019.
After COVID-19, the RedHawks went from a top-fve team in the NCDA to nearly winless the following year.
“I’ll be honest, I’ve never really been in a sincere relationship before,” he said. When asked what he was looking for in a relationship, he mentioned that he had been into stargazing recently. While that might not seem especially related to going on his frst-ever blind date, that seize-themoment attitude impacted his mentality about dating.
“I went to a blood moon yesterday,” he said. “That was fun. I kind of couldn't bring myself to go to sleep.”
CONTINUED ON PAGE 4
Edling witnessed the early version of the team before its national success. He especially liked that the club was entirely student-run, even though other teams like Michigan State University have a head coach and sponsorships.
“There’s something to be said about how truly student-led our club is,” Edling said. “Three of the four Final Four teams have a head coach that travels with them for every tournament [and] coaches them and goes to their practice. We’re the one that doesn’t have a head coach, and we beat two of them.”
As a student organization, the players don’t feel that the team becomes too much of a time commitment. Philip Hampton, a junior computer engineering major and a team captain, still enjoys spending extra time at practice.
“This is a great sport if you want to play [something that’s not] a big time commitment,” Hampton said.
“I really wanted to get exposure to diferent greener works on campus,” Day said.
This year, the week will kick of with Miami’s Ofce of Sustainability hosting a LEGO building competition in Armstrong, with prizes for winners including new LEGO sets. That event will be on Tuesday, April 22 in Armstrong 1082 at 7 p.m. On Wednesday, April 23, therapy dogs will be in the Armstrong Pavilion from 11:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. to help students cope with climate anxiety. Following that, on Thursday, April 24, EcoReps will host “cards for a cause” and highlight service opportunities on and of campus. Throughout the week, students can browse second-hand clothes and more at Zero Waste Oxford’s, pop-up thrift shop. The store will be open Monday through Friday across Armstrong’s tech lounge on the frst foor.
At the end of the weekend, on Sunday, April 27, Miami Activities and Programming (MAP), Leaders of Environmental Awareness and Protection (LEAP) and Miami’s Amer-
ican Conservation Coalition (ACC) are collaborating to lead a hike in the Marcum Woods. This section of the Miami Natural Areas follows the Four Mile Creek and is bordered by Miami’s Equestrian Center and Ruder Preserve. Despite changes in higher education that could limit discussion of climate change in classrooms, the environmental traditions at Miami are continuing. Day said he does not see this changing soon, especially as it is spearheaded by students.
“Even if the conversation is stifed in the classroom… our [student] presence on campus will still be here,” Day said. The main event of Earth Week is the popular Earth Fest, which will be held in Uptown Memorial Park on Saturday, April 26 from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. After a unique change during last year's festival, which included circus-like performances and collaborations with entrepreneurial clubs on campus, Earth Fest will return to its traditional roots this year.
PAUL GOLLIS
THE MIAMI STUDENT
Martin Dining Commons, located in North Quad, will be changed into a small recreation center and ghost kitchen, similar to Bell Tower Commons, by the beginning of next semester.
The current building houses a dining commons and convenience store with a to-go pick-up window on the upstairs foor. The basement holds a smaller rec space with a mix of strength and cardio machines, as well as a multipurpose exercise room.
Mike Arnos, senior director of programs and academic partnerships, said the renovations will transform the bufet and seating areas into three primary rooms.
The main room will contain equipment similar to that of the South campus rec center, including strength machines, free weights and treadmills. The second area will be a turf room with 1,000
of
boxes and
for a
The fnal
and
will be
dio with hardwood foors, AV
ment and mirrors. Arnos said that currently, there are no plans to change the basement area, which will be open for informal use and will also be available for organizations like ROTC, fraternities and sororities to reserve for group workouts.
The kitchen will be getting small renovations to make it ready to serve as a ghost kitchen.
SYDNEY MULFORD STAFF WRITER
After nearly a year of anticipation from Miami University students, ‘Alarum,’ the flm that took over Oxford’s Uptown areas and Hueston Woods, is out. Starring Sylvester Stallone, Scott Eastwood, Willa Fitzgerald and Mike Colter, ‘Alarum’ was ofcially released on Jan. 15, but it did not make much of an impact in the box ofce.
The plot follows two former spies, Joe (Eastwood) and Lara (Fitzgerald), from rival organizations who went rogue after they met on a mission. Now, they are suspected of joining the organization Alarum.
The movie opens with a shot of Action Lake from Hueston Woods, and is followed by shots of the Hueston Woods Lodge and Conference Center, where Joe and Lara are on their honeymoon in Poland. The fagpole outside of the lodge is replaced with a Polish fag in the flm, and the setting is modifed to look like a resort.
When a plane crashes near the resort, Joe fnds the pilots shot by an assassin and a fash drive in one of the pilot’s stomachs. He quickly fnds himself under the attack of an international spy organization who wants the fash drive and him dead.
Eventually, Joe’s former spy organization sends Agent Chester (Stallone) to fgure out what is going on and “help” Joe. In less than 24 hours, Joe, Chester and Lara embark on a mission to fght of the other spies and determine where their alliance falls.
Outside of flming, Somerville-native Tammy Anders found the plane crash while horseback riding with a few of her friends. Anders said she and her friends saw a lot of white vans driving around nearby before fnding the plane crash 25 feet into the trailhead at Hueston Woods. However, they quickly realized that the crash was staged.
MARIZA AND JOSH SAID THEY WOULD BE OPEN TO KEEPING IN TOUCH AS FRIENDS. PHOTO BY LAUREN AURIANA
OLIVIA PATEL
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
SARAH FROSCH
ANNA REIER
MANAGING EDITOR
TAYLOR STUMBAUGH
SENIOR CAMPUS &
COMMUNITY EDITOR
KETHAN BABU
SPORTS EDITOR
TAYLOR POWERS
OPINION EDITOR
STELLA POWERS
CULTURE EDITOR
CONNOR OVIATT
HUMOR EDITOR
SARAH KENNEL
GREENHAWKS EDITOR
KISER YOUNG
SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR
AUSTIN SMITH
BUSINESS MANAGER
DIGITAL MEDIA EDITOR
OLIVIA MICHELSEN
DESIGN EDITOR
MADELINE BUECKER
ASST. DESIGN EDITOR
LAUREN AURIANA
PHOTO EDITOR
SHANNON MAHONEY
PARKER GREEN
ASST. CAMPUS & COMMUNITY EDITORS
JEFFREY MIDDLETON
ASST. SPORTS EDITOR
FRED REEDER JR.
FACULTY ADVISER
SACHA BELLMAN
BUSINESS ADVISER
AIM MEDIA MIDWEST PRINTER
Our Awards
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First Place in the Best College Newspaper category
Martin Dining hall to be converted into full recreation center and ghost kitchen
Cody Powell, associate vice president of facilities planning and operations at Miami, said students have enjoyed the Bell Tower-style dining a lot more than the bufet style.
“Martin is the least used dining commons on campus,” Powell said. “It makes more sense to put in more ftness space and give students food that they enjoy more than to keep the dining hall open.”
Rhett Butler, a marketing account
manager of retail and programming in the Farmer School of Business, said Miami originally planned to shut down the bufet-style dining location.
However, the Physical Facilities Department pitched the idea of creating an expanded ftness space on north campus.
“We’ve been hearing from students for a while about how the ftness center in the [main] rec is not enough space,” Powell said. “Especially around peak hours when students think it’s best to work out, peo-
ple say it is overcrowded.”
Powell said another complaint students have about the rec center is the location. Many students who live on north campus do not like walking across campus to the rec center.
Brynnly Webb, a frst-year mechanical engineering major who lives on North Quad, said that when she heard the news of the renovation, she was “so excited” that she wouldn’t have to walk across campus to the rec.
“The rec center is so far from North Quad, having one so close by
will make me go more.”
The current hours of operation for the North Quad rec center are limited. It’s open from 7 a.m. to 9 a.m. and afternoons from 3 p.m. to 9 p.m. However, after renovations, Arnos said the goal is for the ftness center to be open seven days a week from 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. Sydney Daily, a frst-year accounting major living in the North Quad, said that she would like the new rec center more if it would be open at similar times to the
gollispd@miamioh.edu
Vehicle theft and extortion reports plague Oxford University Senate discusses
AUSTIN SMITH BUSINESS MANAGER
Between April 4 and 14, ofcers responded to 17 diferent incidents, according to Oxford Police Department (OPD) reports.
On April 7 at 5:20 p.m., in the 331 block of S. College Ave., ofcers responded to a male who was punched in the groin area by a known individual. An investigation started following the incident.
Later that day, at 7:09 p.m., a female came into the OPD lobby to report fraud. Her Snapchat account had been hacked, and explicit videos of her were leaked onto the internet. There are no known suspects at this time.
At 11:38 p.m. that same night, in the 5720 block of College Corner Pike,
an ofcer noticed a suspicious person in a parking lot. After making contact with the individual, the ofcer found that he was trespassing and had an active warrant within the agency. The suspect was taken into custody and transported to Butler County Jail.
On April 9 at 11 a.m., in the 5262 block of Brown Road, ofcers met with a student whose vehicle was reported in a crash on Morning Sun Road. The student was not aware that their vehicle had been stolen. The vehicle was totaled, and the victim requested a vehicle theft report.
At 2:56 p.m. that same day, in the 5301 block of University Park Blvd., it was reported that a Talawanda High School student had left school early with a friend and traveled to West Chester. The student did not have his parents’ permission.
On April 11, at 7:04 p.m., in the 5329 block of College Corner Pike, offcers responded to a male who stated he had sent a sensitive photo to a girl he met on TikTok, and he is now being extorted for money.
On April 12 at 12:42 a.m., in the 200 block of E. Church St., ofcers were dispatched to a fre in the yard. Upon arrival, ofcers determined that an unknown person had set the fre.
On April 13 at 12:17 a.m., in the 118 block of E. Vine St., ofcers responded to a report that an intoxicated female walked into a house where she did not live or know the residents. Ofcers determined that she was underage, and she was then transported to the hospital and issued appropriate citations.
smith854@miamioh.edu
SHANNON MAHONEY ASST. CAMPUS AND COMMUNITY EDITOR
The University Senate convened for its annual budget symposium. It covered the new zero-sum budget model, cuts to certain majors and workload requirements at the April 14 meeting. David Creamer, senior vice president for fnance and business services, presented on university fnances. He introduced the new “zero-sum” budget system that Miami University hopes to implement, although he did not give a specifc time frame for when the new budget system would go into efect.
Creamer emphasized the need for reform to the budget system as Miami experiences the same kind of pressures faced by universities all over the country, including declining enrollment, laws like Senate Bill 1 and changes within the Department of Education.
The new budget system will pivot from being focused on colleges in general to being more department-specifc. Funding will go to majors and departments that show strong enrollment trends.
Some senators questioned the wisdom of relying only on enrollment numbers to decide where to spend funds. Several senators who teach in the College of Arts and Science (CAS) said these policies would likely harm humanities majors much more than their STEM counterparts.
“Your metrics here are entirely skewed towards STEM,” a senator in CAS said. “Every one of the things you listed are not things that are relevant to those of us in the humanities. This feels to me like an efort to eliminate the humanities.”
Creamer said he hesitated to say the university should make decisions solely based on budget policy, and
other qualitative analyses should be used with hard data.
“It should be driven by judgements, knowledge, experience and other data,” Creamer said. “All the data is lagging data; it’s not always a forecast.”
One senator asked how double majors would factor into the calculations. The new budget guidelines direct funds towards students’ “primary majors.” Since many students, particularly students in the humanities, enroll as double majors, there is some concern that allocating funds based on the primary major designation won’t accurately refect students’ studies.
Another senator also voiced concerns about the new arena district plans for Cook Field, saying, based on enrollment numbers, students will be paying about $621 per student per year to help build the arena, even with the predicted cost ofsets from fundraising.
“If we build a new arena, it’ll cost $100 million more than it would to renovate Millett Hall,” the senator said. “If we’re able to make that up in donors, it will be the biggest fundraising we’ve ever managed to do by a long shot.”
Creamer said that if Miami cannot hit its fundraising goal, the cost for students will be closer to $14,000.
Senators also said they were still concerned about plans to implement the new workload system next semester, which was created in response to budgetary issues.
“I understand you need to stay aware of national trends, but if we only inform Miami’s future to follow what others are doing, we’re going to lose what makes it special,” one senator said.
mahones5@miamioh.edu
ASG elects new speaker and two secretaries
GRACE GROVER STAFF WRITER
Miami University’s Associated Student Government (ASG) started cabinet elections during its April 15 meeting. Student Body President-elect Danny Martin and Student Body Vice President-elect Kirsten Osteboe introduced themselves to senators and presented on future campaign goals. In addition to this, senators passed a standing-rules amendment.
During their presentation, Martin and Osteboe said their administration pillars are civic engagement, community building and transparency. They proposed a Philanthropy Fest, with the objective of organizations having space to promote their charities as a part of the community-building pillar. Martin said he is always open to questions. Martin and Osteboe said they plan on holding “out-of-ofce hours” as an informal way to connect
with students and hear concerns. The initiative is a part of their transparency pillar.
“I’m everywhere and always open for a yap,” Martin said. Prior to nominations, Speaker of the Senate Shelby Alford instructed senators on how the executive session works. Alford said the session is typically used to talk about people, like cabinet nominees. Secretaries, nonASG members and nominees are excluded from the session.
“It keeps things confdential, so we don’t come of like we’re slandering people,” Alford said.
Senators approved Jack Isphording’s chief of staf nomination put forth by Martin and Osteboe. He is the current secretary of the Safety & Wellness Committee.
Isphording said during his term, he will focus on supporting cabinet members, providing assessments, like surveys to track progress, and improving general ASG relations. He said he will attend all senate meetings and work on forming relationships
with senators.
“If I’m in ASG, I should be a resource for all those involved in ASG,” Isphording said.
ASG elected the current Secretary of the Treasury Hunter Rode to another term; the election was uncontested. He said he wants to work on restructuring ASG funding, because it is no longer running on a surplus of funding. Rode said he is still working on what the change would look like.
“Right now, [the current structure] is not very sustainable, budget-wise,” Rode said.
Senators elected Senator Susanne Morrissey as the next speaker of the senate. She ran uncontested. Morrissey said she wants to work on fnding balance in ASG while still lifting up others.
Morrissey said she wants to explore a new judicial system for transparency and to restructure the steering committee. Morrissey said she will empower senators to pass such legislation by forming deep connections.
Senators elected Senator Katherine Allison as secretary of the Campus Afairs Committee. Senator Connor Wike and Meenal Khurana, a junior, also ran for the position. Allison said she wants to increase ASG’s visibility by collaborating with the Communications & Media Relations Committee.
“One of the main issues ASG faces when it comes to the student body is that people don’t know what we are, what we do and the opportunities that we provide students,” Allison said.
She also said she wants to hold renters’ rights workshops and a renters’ Mega Fair, because moving of campus is the next step for many underclassmen. Senators amended the ASG standing rules. Pro Tempore Nicholas Barry proposed the amendment. Alternative senators, those fling in absences, will be excluded from executive sessions. Other changes include grammatical issues and adopting items that have already been passed. Barry also shared a student con-
cern about green space on Western campus, specifcally the feld near Hillcrest Hall. He said his concern is rooted in Miami placing solar panels there.
Barry said that though he approves the use of solar panels, he is concerned students in Western campus will have to travel a long distance to access green space if Cook Field is removed. He said he used that space frequently when he was an underclassman. Senators assigned the concern to the Infrastructure and Sustainability Committee.
“It made me cry a little bit inside,” Barry said. “I really did love that space, and the plan is literally to cover all of that space, plus Cook Field.” Senators will continue with cabinet elections during ASG’s next meeting at 6 p.m. on April 22 in the Joslin Senate Chamber.
grovergc@miamioh.edu
GRAPHIC BY MACY CHAMBERLIN
BY GRACE GROVER
CAMPUS & COMMUNITY
Miami … Merged: It starts with friendship
said.
LILLIAN WAHL
SENIOR STAFF WRITER
TAYLOR STUMBAUGH
SENIOR CAMPUS & COMMUNITY EDITOR
The participants
For Maggie, it all started with a bet.
The frst-year botany major, soon changing to emerging technology in business and design (ETBD), said she only signed up for the Miami … Merged blind date because of a bet from her friends.
“I’m not gonna lie, my friends were walking by and said, ‘You won’t do that,’ so I did!” she said.
Some of Maggie’s favorite things include reading, playing Stardew Valley, painting and drawing, according to her application.
Maggie’s only listed type is a lesbian. In the interview, she said she’s looking for someone she can talk to; someone understanding, kind and an overall chill person. Most importantly, though, she’s looking for friendship, which she determined to be the basis for a strong relationship.
Jane, a sophomore majoring in ETBD, was encouraged to sign up by her two friends, who also applied “just for funsies.”
In her application, Jane wrote that she wants someone who is confdent in themselves and, similarly to Maggie, particularly feminine. She also wrote that she enjoys photography, video games and reading.
Jane also expressed that she’s “tired of being the woman people experiment on.”
“[My dating history] with women has not been great,” Jane said. “... It’s been more like situationship-type things where they just want to date me to have the experience of dating a girl and going out on dates with a girl, and girl-on-girl stuf. They’re experimenting, pretty much.”
Both women expressed the red fags they have in relationships.
Maggie sees dishonesty as a blaring red fag and doesn’t believe in “icks.” Jane, who does believe in “icks,” doesn’t want someone who cares too much about dating to the point where they don’t have friends, or someone who chews loudly.
When asked if she had any expectations for the date, Jane said she hopes for a friendship and, “if a partner comes out of this, that would be beyond my expectations.”
“I’m a lesbian, and typically, females don’t want as serious of a relationship with another female,” Jane said. “Typically, they just want some-
Miami … Merged: Written in the stars?
CONTINUED FROM FRONT
Josh didn’t have anything specifc in mind for qualities he was looking for in a partner, other than an emphasis on communication, sincerity and kindness.
“People are really variable,” he said. He added that it wasn’t that he didn’t have standards, but that he was open to anything.
“Set me up with an evil wizard or something and I’d be like, uh, not cool man,” Josh said.
Smiles seemed to fow easily from him. The catch? The question on his application about his zodiac sign noted something peculiar…
“Aries, don’t know anything more than that :(” The date
Mariza and Josh walked into Oxford Sushi King on Friday at 5:30 p.m., both with the knowledge that they don’t like sushi.
“I tried to get him to order for me to see what he would pick out,” Mariza said while smiling. “But that was a lot of pressure, I think.”
To start the meal, Josh ordered an appetizer of dumplings, which Mariza said was a very good choice. For entrees, she got the chicken teriyaki and he got the chicken katsu. They seemed relieved to fnd options that didn’t involve raw fsh.
“We thought we should both try new things because that would be sweet, but then we both ordered things we already had had,” Josh said. “Neither of us tried seafood that day.”
In between conversations ranging everywhere from their own life goals to their discomfort at the current political landscape, Josh taught Mariza how to use chopsticks.
“It was crazy how easily the con-
versation fowed,” she said.
When asked about his frst impression, Josh said she was someone “who stands on business.”
“We lack a lot of honest and kind people, sometimes people are unnecessarily cruel … She’s a naturally kind person,” he said.
He added that he found her pretty. She had a similar reaction to seeing him for the frst time. Multiple times during the date, she mentioned that he “out-accessorized her.”
“One thing that stood out to me a lot was how smart he was,” Mariza said. “He knows what he’s talking about, he knows what he’s doing. He has very clear goals for himself, and I really respected that.”
She also said she liked how compassionate he was, and that he’s not a judgmental person at all.
When 7 p.m. rolled around, the pair had to part ways. They swapped numbers before he walked her to her car, but there was also a mutual understanding of their difering futures.
“Logically, I’m about to graduate, and he has two more years to go, so it just wouldn’t work out,” Mariza said sadly.
While the stars may not have aligned for the pair, Mariza said she changed her mind about rejecting all Aries men, and Josh said it was a pleasant way to fnd a new familiar face on campus.
“I felt like it was something I really needed to do,” Mariza said. “I’m happy that I put myself out there to do that.”
Participants rate the date: Mariza: 9/10
Josh: 8/10
wahllm@miamioh.edu stumbata@miamioh.edu
one to mess around with or just have as a friend. I feel like a lot of people in my age group aren’t comfortable enough with who they are in their identity to want that serious of a relationship with a same-sex partner.”
Maggie said she’s nervous but excited because, coming from a small town, she doesn’t have a lot of opportunities.
“[I’m expecting] a fun experience, hopefully a second date,” Maggie said. “Hoping for a good time!” The date
At 12:30 p.m. on a rainy Saturday, Jane and Maggie met at Calendula, a new restaurant in Uptown Oxford.
“It’s much fancier than I’m used to,” Jane said.
Maggie ordered a southwest salad, and Jane had veggie tacos with a “notably tasty sauce.”
Jane had a great frst impression of Maggie.
“She was super nice, and I felt like our conversation fowed super well,” she said. “We have a lot of similar interests, which I think is good,” she said. “I loved her style; it was, like, boho and hard to describe. I feel like you don’t see that as much on campus – people just wear sweatpants, myself included.”
This positive frst impression also included her reaction to their conversations.
“We went down a lot of rabbit holes about past pets’ deaths … I don’t know how we got on that topic,” Jane said, laughing, “[but] I don’t think we really had any lapses in conversations at all.”
Maggie also had a positive frst impression of Jane.
“She was very pretty,” she said while smiling.
She also mentioned that she felt more comfortable around Jane than she had expected.
“Meeting new people isn’t as scary as I think it’s going to be, because I was terrifed, to be honest,” Maggie said.
After about an hour and a half, they exchanged phone numbers and went their separate ways. They messaged back and forth briefy after that, but were busy at the start of the next week.
“I probably will text her, because I defnitely like her,” Jane said. “I’m the kind of person who needs to get to know someone more before I can be sure about feelings.”
Maggie also enjoyed the date, but had trouble envisioning what a relationship would look like.
“I think we were matched well, but matched better as potential friends rather than a future relationship,” she
Maggie also said that her identity as a lesbian requires her to be a little more introspective when dating.
“It’s a really hard thing when you are [starting to] go on dates with other women,” Maggie said. “It just is natural to immediately be friends.”
Even if she wasn’t sure exactly how she felt, she was happy she tried something new.
“I come from a very small town, with not a lot of people, so there weren’t a whole lot of opportunities for me,” Maggie said. “This was something that, I want to say, broadened my experience, but I don’t want to say I just did it for the experience because so many things could have happened.”
Jane said the date also exceeded what she thought she’d get out of it.
“I defnitely didn’t expect much going into it,” she said. “I mostly signed up as a joke because my friend sent me the link … Overall, my expectations were blown out of the water. Participants rate the date:
Jane: 7/10 Maggie: 7.5/10
wahllm@miamioh.edu
stumbata@miamioh.edu
Miami … Merged: ‘The best version of myself’
LILLIAN WAHL
SENIOR STAFF WRITER
TAYLOR STUMBAUGH
SENIOR CAMPUS & COMMUNITY EDITOR
The participants
Natalie loves reading, checking out new cofee shops and the musical Wicked. Her bubbly and positive nature can make even a stranger feel like an old friend.
“Life is hard, and everybody needs a cheerleader,” Natalie, a frstyear education major, said through a laugh. I like meeting new people, which is really why I did this.”
When asked about what she was looking for in a partner, she grinned, gushing about the things she cares about.
“A zest for life, and a drive to do something really well,” Natalie said. “I feel like I have that in music; that’s been my whole life growing up.”
For her, a sense of mutual respect and understanding is also a priority in a relationship. She mentioned that she grew up Catholic, and while a partner didn’t have to share her exact political beliefs or religious denomination, a similar philosophy about life would be helpful. Finding a partner who shares her values, like family and kindness, is special to her.
Christian is a sophomore sales management major who likes to travel and play chess. He collects currency from every country he visits.
He wasn’t overly concerned if the date didn’t go well.
“The worst that could happen is I get a good story,” Christian said.
For him, politics weren’t of the table as a frst-date conversation, as long as everyone remained respectful. He shared that he’s open-minded and values critical thinking, but leans
conservative and is occasionally put of by how others react to his beliefs.
His application mentioned that he was looking for “someone who is kind, sweet and down to earth.” He elaborated on this in the initial interview, saying that who you partner yourself with can change who you are as a person, too.
“I would say someone who would make me the best version of myself … the main thing is just being optimistic because you’re around your partner the most and what they’re like is going to rub of on you,” Christian said.
The date When Natalie walked to Tous Les Jours on Sunday, she could see Christian through the window. She said she thought he was cute, as she confdently walked through the door to meet her date.
“I could tell that she was a kind person and extroverted, so that was comforting,” Christian said.
Upon meeting each other, the pair discussed pastry and drink options before fnally settling on a lavender iced latte with oat milk (Natalie) and a cold brew (Christian).
Once they took their seats in front of the front window, Christian said they talked for a couple of hours about “typical frst date things,” like how the weekend went, hobbies and why they picked Miami.
“She was easy to talk to,” he said. “Obviously, there were the typical awkward silences that you get, but those stayed minimal for the most part.”
Natalie said she liked how he was very smiley, because it made her feel more comfortable and that during their conversations.
“It didn’t feel like he was sitting there, staring me down,” she said.
“He just had a very chill presence. I think he was nervous … but like, he was very chill and the conversation fowed.”
Natalie also said this frst date helped her better understand her type.
“I think I fgured out that I like someone who’s a little more loud, personality-wise, or assertive,” she said. “I felt like I did a lot of talking about myself, and I didn’t want to just talk about me.”
The pair exchanged Instagram handles at the end of the date. Christian said he didn’t feel “an immediate connection” with her, but if she reaches out, he will respond as a friend. He also added that between their date and the interview, he was too busy to message her.
Natalie agreed in that she said she didn’t think it would work out “big picture-wise” because of their difering religious beliefs, and she couldn’t tell if he was romantically interested in her.
“I did ask him during the date what his impression of me was, and all he said was ‘Oh, good,’” Natalie said. “I was like, that’s not specifc. So, I was like, OK, you’re not interested.”
Natalie and Christian both seemed to be glad they had participated in Miami … Merged, saying that it was an interesting way to meet somebody new, even if it wouldn’t pan out long term for them.
Participants rate the date:
Christian: 7/10
Natalie: 7.5/10
wahllm@miamioh.edu
stumbata@miamioh.edu
MAGGIE AND JANE MET AT CALENDULA FOR THEIR DATE. PHOTO BY LAUREN AURIANA
NATALIE AND CHRISTIAN BOTH SEEMED TO BE GLAD THEY HAD PARTICIPATED IN MIAMI ... MERGED. PHOTO BY LAUREN AURIANA
MARIZA AND JOSH HAD THEIR DATE AT OXFORD SUSHI KING, DESPITE NOT LIKING SUSHI. PHOTO BY LAUREN AURIANA
CAMPUS & COMMUNITY
‘I’m really, really scared’: How dismantling the Department of Education may impact college campuses
RAQUEL HIRSCH SENIOR STAFF WRITER
In March, President Donald Trump signed his 95th executive order: plans to begin dismantling the Department of Education (ED).
According to the order, “closing the Department of Education would provide children and their families the opportunity to escape a system that is failing them,” and it will attempt to address “historic lows” in student testing scores.
While dismantling the entirety of the department itself will likely require an act of Congress, Trump’s decision allows the U.S. Secretary of Education, Linda McMahon, to begin breaking down certain aspects of the nearly 50-year-old department.
In addition to Trump’s executive order, higher education at the state level has also seen changes in legislation, such as Ohio’s Senate Bill 1, which sparked protests on campuses across Ohio, including Miami University.
While federal and state changes to higher education have not yet gone into efect, students are already anticipating the impact. Senior social work and social justice major Mónnica Gay said that while she is graduating in May, she is concerned about how changes in education will impact her 13-year-old sister.
“I’m nervous. I’m really, really scared,” Gay said. “I’m mostly scared for [my sister’s] education because I’m on my way out the door. I feel like I got kind of lucky in a weird way of getting the very last moments of when education was at least a little more what I would say [is] normal.”
A brief history of the ED
In 1979, former President Jimmy Carter signed a law separating federal oversight of education from the U.S. Department of Health, Education and Welfare (now the Department of Health and Human Services) into an independent department: the Department of Education.
This decision came after almost 15 years of federal educational development when former President Lyndon B. Johnson signed the Elementary and Secondary Education Act in 1965, which included Title I to further support low-income students. Ten years later, Congress established the Education for All Handicapped Children Act, now the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, which helps states support students with
disabilities.
With the ED, Carter “sought to address systemic inequities and ensure equal access to quality education for all students” by consolidating federal oversight of education.
Miami has not released any public statements on changes that students, faculty and staf may experience regarding federal student aid (FSA) or protections on student civil rights, such as Title IX and sex-based discrimination.
“The university continues to review the executive order internally and does not intend to comment,”
Seth Bauguess, a spokesperson for University Communications, wrote in an email to The Miami Student.
Impact on FSA
Since 1965, the federal government has overseen fnancial aid for higher education. According to the department’s website, the ED is responsible for more than $120 billion in low-interest student loans, grants and work-study funds for 13 million students yearly.
Every year, millions of students fle the Free Application for Student Aid (FAFSA), which is then processed by the ED. Depending on where they attend school, students select where they would like their FAFSA loan or grant sent. After that, each school can provide students with these funds via the institution’s federal funding.
By dismantling the ED, student loan disbursement and repayment would have to be transferred to a diferent federal ofce for oversight, though this has yet to happen.
Beth Johnson, Miami’s director of student fnancial assistance, said the university has yet to receive correspondence on what this may look like.
“[The executive order] initially directed the Department of Education to come up with a plan to get rid of itself within six months,” Johnson said, “and then later it was more clarifed to basically direct [the department] to come up with what they do that’s not in statute, and then possibly those [responsibilities] would go somewhere else. So it went from abolishing, to maybe dismantling or rearranging of duties.”
While formal changes are yet to be made, Johnson said the displacement of federal aid oversight may confuse FAFSA recipients.
“I think [dismantling the ED] could also create massive uncertainty for the millions of students and bor-
Associate Student Government runs out of surplus funds, leaving student organizations worried
SYDNEY MULFORD STAFF WRITER
Miami University’s Associated Student Government (ASG) told student organization leaders that all tier four clubs would have to be changed to the tier three funding limits as ASG no longer had the surplus of money they relied on through an email on April 8. In 2020 and 2021, ASG had a surplus of money, following the COVID-19 pandemic. Since students were not on campus, fewer activities required funding, so when students returned to campus, ASG increased the amount of money organizations
could receive. Over the past four years, this funding cap has been the same. Now, the surplus has run out.
“We essentially ran out of funding at the beginning of March,” ASG Secretary of the Treasury Hunter Rode said.
Clubs that have achieved tier four level can request $12,500 of funding from ASG. In comparison, clubs at tier three level can only request $7,500, meaning all tier four clubs at Miami who budgeted for $12,500 now have $5,000 less than expected.
“We have a whole new set of students on campus that are used to the $12,500 limit,” Rode said. “It’s going to be a lot of baby steps trying to fg-
rowers that are out there,” Johnson said. “Without a federal body, it’s unclear who would manage loan payments and forgiveness programs, so borrowers could face maybe a chaotic transition or lose some of the federal benefts.”
According to Trump, federal oversight of the FSA service will transfer to the Small Business Administration. This includes the entirety of the student loan portfolio, totaling $1.6 trillion in outstanding loans for 43 million borrowers.
With such large amounts of money involved, tangible changes felt by Miami’s fnancial aid ofce and student recipients will likely take a long time.
“I think one thing that is important to know is this is a signifcant move that would require a huge reorganization of how the U.S. supports higher education,” Johnson said. “And I think it would not be a fast transition. I think this is something that could take years to rebuild.”
During her senior year, Gay received a Pell Grant as part of her fnancial aid package. During the 2022-2023 school year, as most recently reported, 13% of Miami students received this type of aid.
One beneft of FSA for Gay is the fexibility it provides her, allowing her to be involved in student organizations, like theLatiné Student Alliance, in which she serves as president, and holding membership in the Pi Gamma Chapter of Sigma Lambda Gamma National Sorority, Inc.
“I would not be at Miami doing all the things that I do and having all the involvements that I have if not for FAFSA,” Gay said.
Gay also emphasized how FSA allows students from lower-income backgrounds to receive an education and possibly get out of a difcult fnancial situation.
“I feel like when we talk about … all sorts of systemic marginalization, the key out and the way we always talk about getting out of your situation … is education,” Gay said. “So if we are eliminating the option for people of lower socioeconomic status to get that education, we are completely perpetuating the cycle of poverty.”
Title IX
The Ofce for Civil Rights (OCR) exists as part of the ED to protect student civil rights in schools at all levels. In 1972, Title IX was written into law as a protection against sex-based discrimination in education, which is
ure out what funding will look like next year, because I don’t want to put a ‘band-aid’ on it for a year. I want something that will last.”
When they ran out of the surplus in March, Rode said there was a twoweek period during which they had to take a break from answering funding requests.
“I had to come back to my advisor, and we had to fgure out a way to fnd additional funding just to get through the rest of the semester,” Rode said.
This two-week break created a backlog of clubs trying to request funding. Many did not receive any communication from ASG and were left wondering what happened to their requests, President of the Honors Student Advisory Board (HSAB) Samantha Darby said.
The HSAB is a tier four organization and is budgeted for $12,500. However, when they submitted their request for Honors Week, there was a lag in communication before they learned they were changed to the $7,500 tier three cap.
“I’m sympathetic to the budgeting situation,” Darby said. “I just would have preferred better communication on that front because that seems like the sort of thing they should have
Something old, something new: Married couples on Miami’s campus
PARKER GREEN
ASST. CAMPUS AND COMMUNITY EDITOR
Elizabeth (Liz) Nassmacher-Wintrow’s life is a rom-com: her partner was her brother’s best friend, they fell in love over deep conversations on the meaning of life, and she even had her dream wedding back in December, complete with a gorgeous white dress ft for a princess.
But this isn’t your average Hallmark movie. Liz is only 19 years old and a frst-year business major.
Nassmacher-Wintrow is one of the students at Miami University balancing their college experience with being married or engaged.
Despite not having the typical relationship status of a college student, she doesn’t feel like she’s missing out on much.
“[My college experience] has defnitely not been the same as everyone else,” Nassmacher-Wintrow said, “but it has little to nothing to do with
the direct fact that I’m married.”
She said she doesn’t like going out, and she’s always been a little more “mature” than her age group. With that in mind, she said it makes sense that she got married so young, especially because her husband is two years older than her.
Emma Baker, a frst-year bio-
chemistry major who has been engaged since the summer, agrees that her relationship has little to do with her not having the same college experience as everyone else.
“If I’m ever Uptown hanging out with friends, I see a lot of people who are looking for somebody they want to date or whatever,” Baker said. “I don’t have that experience, which I’m honestly very glad about, because it’s just scary to put yourself out there. The thought of trying to date in college sounds horrifying.”
They both added that it has helped to have such a supportive relationship through it all. Nassmacher-Wintrow’s husband is currently in the military,
overseen and enforced by the OCR.
Title IX applies in and out of the classroom for students at all institutions that receive federal fnancial assistance.
At Miami and other universities, this is the ofce where students fle reports of sexual harassment and assault. For many, this has been a way to seek justice after an act of sexual violence.
“I’m sure so many people, including myself, know victims and survivors of sexual assault that have had their life completely changed by the incident itself, but mostly by the aftermath and trying to get justice for themselves, against the perpetrator,” Gay said. “And it’s already so, so difcult, so eliminating and lessening the impact of Title IX is going to make it near impossible. It’s going to make any sort of harassment [or] sexual assault seem nearly admissible …”
Similar to procedures for FSA, changes have yet to be formally made regarding Title IX procedures on campus.
“The university continues to enforce the 2020 Title IX regulations and no changes have been made related to the Clery and SAVE Acts at this time,” Bauguess wrote in the same statement. In addition to protections for diverse students, Title IX has also impacted legislation like the Clery Act and SAVE Act.
The Clery Act was passed in 1990 and requires universities to report crime data that occurs on campus, in addition to publishing procedures taken to expand campus safety. In 2013, The Campus SAVE Act was passed as an amendment to the Clery Act, requiring universities to report more specifc crime statistics on interpersonal and sexual violence. Following the beginning of Trump’s second term, universities received a “Dear Colleague” letter informing institutions that they must adhere to 2020 Title IX guidelines. These guidelines difer from the previous administration, as former President Joe Biden rewrote Title IX guidelines while in ofce to include more protections for gender minorities, the LGBTQ+ community and pregnant students. However, these were eliminated to revert to Title IX protections introduced under Trump’s frst administration. As the new administration continues rolling out federal changes, non-
seen coming, at least a year in advance [or] at minimum a semester.”
Before last spring, the HSAB relied completely on the honors budget. Now, with ASG funding, they can put on events on a larger scale like submitting contracts to bring in a cofee truck or a mechanical bull.
“Once we realized we were going to have access to $12,500 more a semester, we began to scale up our activities,” Darby said. “This year has really been about, ‘What do we do with this money that’s meaningful and serves our mission?’ So to have spent a lot of time thinking about that [just] to lose some of it again the next year is unideal, but defnitely something we can handle. We’ve operated with a lot less. It’s just kind of disappointing.”
ASG also switched from Buyway to Workday at the beginning of this semester. This posed issues to clubs as they had to learn a new system.
ASG does ofer a Canvas course explaining Workday that club treasurers are required to take. However, this is not always the most straightforward for people who are not business majors, Treasurer of the Miami University Ceramics Club, Mel Hale said.
“My parents have not been supportive at all,” Jones said. “It’s very difcult and stressful, since [parents] are the people you look for to support your choices and support you as a human being.”
profts have begun responding.
A Better Balance is a “legal advocacy organization dedicated to promoting justice in the workplace, especially for women, caregivers, and people with health needs of their own.”
In a press release to The Miami Student, President of A Better Balance Inimai Chettiar commented on how marginalized students may be impacted if Title IX remains at risk.
“This represents an attack on all students, but especially groups that are more susceptible to discrimination, like LGBTQ+ students and pregnant students,” Chettiar said. “... This is a huge overstep of power that will nonetheless have a devastating impact for students, their families, and the overall fght for gender equity. We will fght back.”
In addition to A Better Balance, It’s On Us, a non-proft fghting against sexual assault on college campuses, also released a statement sent to The Miami Student.
“[The] executive order directing the Secretary of Education to take all necessary steps to facilitate the closure of the Department of Education and shift authority to the states will cause immeasurable, immediate harm to the millions of children and young adults enrolled in our nation’s schools,” executive director Tracey Vichers said. “... It’s On Us calls on the administration to immediately share their plans for enforcement of Title IX and other fundamental civil rights protections for our nation’s students.”
Students, faculty, staf and advocates remain waiting to see how these changes will unfold, though this has not stopped these groups from speaking out.
“I feel like at this point, everyone should be concerned,” Gay said. “This is no longer something that just targets specifc identity groups … in the situation we are currently in, I don’t think anyone can say they won’t be afected in the slightest because I feel like the amount of people that will not be afected is so few that it almost doesn’t exist.”
hirschr2@miamioh.edu
and Baker’s fance works in their hometown in Indiana.
Both women said the reaction to their early engagements has been largely positive.
“There were a few head turns,” Nassmacher-Wintrow said. “But everybody knew me, and everybody knew him, so it was more like, OK. You’re gonna do it with or without us, so we’d rather go with you.’”
Baker had a similar story.
“I think that I was the most shocked of everybody,” Baker said. “I would say the reaction has been very positive. I haven’t heard any negative responses to my face.”
Though their families have been supportive, their experiences are not refective of all engaged students.
John Jones, a frst-year computer science major, plans to propose to his girlfriend, Emma Worrell, before the end of the year.
While her family is all in, Jones’s family is less excited about their future nuptial.
Despite these setbacks, the couple plans to go through with the engagement and live together next year, skipping the two-year residency requirement.
Robert Abowitz, interim director of residence life, oversees things like student exceptions due to marriage. He said, though it’s not common, students can waive their residency requirement to live of campus in their sophomore year.
“The students would go to their housing portal, and they’d submit a request for an exemption from the two-year housing contract,” Abowitz said. “That submits a form, which goes to a committee that hears the request. You have to submit your marriage certifcate when you submit the form.”
That means frst-year engaged couples need to be legally married before trying to live of campus.
Abowitz has never heard of a married couple trying to live on campus together, but he said he assumes they would just be given a double room
“A lot of clubs have a business person in the club who knows all the business-related funding information already,” Hale said. “But not every club has somebody who’s aware of that type of stuf. I’m not aware of that type of stuf.”
Sara Cardemon, a senior communication design major, and Hale use the SEAL ofce and ambassadors as a resource to get help when they need it.
“I met with the SEAL ambassadors once, and they are so sweet,” Cardemon said. “They know it’s a lot, and they know it’s very confusing, so it’s also confusing for them. It’s just mostly a problem with the system.”
ASG will have to implement new changes to the tier funding limits and the organization.
“We’re here to help [clubs] and empower them to do as much as they want and as much as they can dream,” Rode said. “But things will have to change, and we’ll be there to support them.”
Additional reporting by Taylor Stumbaugh, Campus and Community Editor.
mulforsj@miamioh.edu
like a pair of roommates.
Nassmacher-Wintrow said she hadn’t heard of any accommodations for married couples, and wished it would be better advertised.
“I tried to ask about it, especially when I was getting my name changed,” Nassmacher-Wintrow said. “They didn’t have anything. So if there are any accommodations, I don’t have them.”
Overall, the three couples stressed that while they might not have the same experiences as their peers, they’re not “crazy” or any of the stereotypes associated with people who marry young.
“[We’re] not stupid,” Baker said. “I know some people might think that, and it’s not always like a religious aspect where, ‘Oh, you can’t do X, Y, Z before you’re married, so we’re going to get married super young.’ I graduated valedictorian. I’m a science major. I would say I’m not a stupid person. And so I like to believe that [getting engaged young] doesn’t refect poorly on my intelligence or anything, and it doesn’t always end badly either.”
greenpt@miamioh.edu
Miami softball’s Holly Merritt is always striving for more
The Miami University RedHawks softball team has found itself in a great spot as the Mid-American Conference (MAC) tournament nears. Although the team has faced numerous challenges, the RedHawks currently sit at the top of the MAC with a 15-4 conference record.
The team currently has a 26-19 overall record and is still in contention for the MAC tournament, despite all of the major changes during the ofseason.
The 2024-25 RedHawks roster contrasts from the previous year with several key changes. This year’s team only boasts two returning position player starters, joined by fve frst years and fve transfer players.
First-year infelder Holly Merritt, who began her collegiate career against the University of Maryland Terrapins in Miami’s frst of two games on Feb. 7, is an important addition to the team.
Merritt holds impressive stats in multiple categories so far in her debut season. She has four home runs (the ffth-most on the team), 156 putouts (the second-most on the team) and seven double plays (the most on the team).
Merritt, originally from Chattanooga, Tennessee, started playing softball when she was 4-years-old. She and her sister both played, and
she joined her frst travel team when she was 6.
“My parents sacrifced so much to get me where I am now,” Merritt said.
“Now I want to do everything that I can to show them that it was all worth it. That all the hours we spent in the car and money used on equipment was all worth it.”
Merritt’s recruiting process differed from most, as she played on two travel teams simultaneously. Originally, this allowed her to get as much exposure as possible. During this time, Merritt received a phone call from the former coaching staf at Miami. After one visit to campus, she knew where she wanted to be for the next four years.
“The former coaches at Miami reached out to me and were very eager to talk to me,” Merritt said.
“When I got to campus, I fell in love with it. I loved the school, the people I met and the coaches. They were all amazing.”
Former head coach Kirin Kumar left Miami to coach The Ohio State University Buckeyes following the 2024 season. However, Merritt decided to stick with Miami under new head coach Mandy Gardner-Colegate.
As Gardner-Colegate has gotten to know Merritt over the past few months, she describes her as someone who is “always striving for more.”
“She loves the game of softball and loves to compete,” Gardner-Co-
CONTINUED FROM FRONT
“[But] you’ll see students who want to get better, they’ll show up early, and they’ll stay after practice to keep working on throwing, catching, etc. It’s ultimately how much you want to put into the club.”
The team accepts any student interested in the club, and the RedHawks travel to several tournaments throughout the fall semester. In the spring, the captains fnalize an 18-person roster (12 players and six substitutes) to fnish out the season.
Each semester, the RedHawks compete in at least three tournaments, including the Ohio Dodgeball
Cup, before fnishing the year at nationals.
This year, Miami played its frst tournament at the University of Cincinnati. The RedHawks and the Bearcats faced each other fve times throughout the season. Everytime, Miami won the Battle for the Victory Bell. The RedHawks played two more tournaments in the fall semester. After getting back to campus at the end of January, Miami hosted Ohio State and Northern Kentucky University before hitting the road again for the Ohio Dodgeball Cup on Feb. 15. They lost to Ohio State early in the cup, but they defeated Kent State
legate said. “She’s really hard on herself, even when she’s doing well. She can just fat out play.”
The RedHawks used the preseason to acclimate to the new coaching staf and roster. Getting to know each other on and of the feld proved to be efective, but several players, including Merritt, also battled injuries during the ofseason.
Even though she missed several games in the fall, Merritt feels that having the ability to power through adversity proved to be benefcial once the regular season began.
“In the fall, we only had so many games to play and a lot of us, including myself, were injured, so we couldn’t play,” Merritt said. “That’s what a lot of our preseason was, and we played really hard, really good teams. Most of it was fguring out how to play with everyone else.”
Having the opportunity to fght adversity and build their team culture so early in the season turned out to be a great opportunity for the RedHawks to face those challenges early. It also infuenced the team’s main message going into the season-opener in February.
“We have to just focus on playing ourselves,” Gardner-Colegate said. “There’s an opponent on the other side, but we don’t need to worry about them. We just have to focus on what we can do to be successful.”
The RedHawks left their frst invitational with a 1-4 record, but Gard-
VINCENT JOLLIFF THE MIAMI STUDENT
When people think about college sports, they usually consider the incredible athletes on the feld or the coaches behind them. They get all the acclaim and reap all the fruits of their labor.
But if you look behind the scenes, you’ll notice a network of supporters who help bring the athletes into the limelight.
They range from public relations representatives to custodial staf. However, the brand and equipment staf are arguably the most important part of collegiate athletics. .
After all, players can’t play without their equipment.
Notice how the uniforms are always clean? Or how the athletes change cleats or batting gloves multiple times throughout the season, or even in a single game? The equipment manager staf makes this possible.
Sophie Culver, a senior sports leadership and management major, is the lead equipment manager for the Miami University baseball team.
Her job requirements range from keeping batting gloves in stock to daily laundry. With all of these responsibilities come long hours. On some
University and Cincinnati for the third time in the year.
The RedHawks fnished the year at the national tournament in Cleveland. They rematched against Kent State on day one. The team trailed 2-0, but a second-half push sent the game into overtime, where the RedHawks took the win.
“We have that big momentum boost going into our second game against UNL,” said Kaleigh Demeter, a sophomore history major and the social media manager for the team.
“We ended up winning like 5-0 that game, and then going into our third game against Akron, we all knew we were going to take a backseat on that one.”
Miami dropped the matchup against Akron, but its earlier wins solidifed a spot in the championship bracket against Saginaw Valley State University, whom Miami handled 4-1. Another win over Kent State in
ner-Colegate emphasized that despite the slow start, Miami showcased multiple positives, including the roster’s hitting power, that would boost the team once MAC-play began. Merritt showcased this when she hit the team’s frst homerun – and her frst collegiate homer – of the year on Feb. 7 against the Arizona State University Sun Devils.
“Being a freshman, and this being my frst one, everybody was just so excited,” Merrett said. “It really kind of cemented that I belong here.”
Merritt has since added another three home runs as well as 18 RBIs. As the team’s starting frst baseman, she also ranks second on the roster with 156 putouts and leads Miami with seven double plays.
Gardner-Colegate credits Merritt for saving the team in several big games.
“She has a great presence in the box, great presence at frst as well,” Gardner-Colegate said. “She’s defensively saved us in some games, and then she’s come up in big moments hitting for us as well. She’s just very mature, very poised and really fun to coach.”
Returning second-year infelder Erin Pinter echoed Gardner-Colegate’s sentiments and discussed the importance of a player such as Merritt for the team.
“Having a lefty-frst baseman and great power-hitter who sees the ball really well is very important,” Pinter
game days, she is there before the players arrive and leaves long after them.
“On game days, I make sure that we have jerseys and uniforms ready for [the players],” Culver said. “If they need batting gloves or bats, I’ll get that for them. Then postgame, I just do laundry.”
The work from the equipment managers doesn’t go unnoticed by the players, including senior catcher Ty Batusich.
“There’s so much work that she puts in,” Batusich said. “She’s there at about 9 a.m. for a 3 p.m. game, and she doesn’t get home till 9 p.m. cause she’s doing the laundry or something else.” Equipment is as important for baseball as it is for any other sport. Due to the high number of games in a season, it is vital to have ample equipment on hand. In addition, players may ask for a new piece of equipment that they feel is better for them.
“I just have the door open, and so players can come in before or after practice, and they will just ask if I have batting gloves for them or whatever else they might need,” Culver said.
Baseball difers from other sports when it comes to equipment. Base-
the quarterfnals sent Miami to the Final Four against Michigan State, the reigning champions from 2024 and 2023.
“We knew that they were a very good team,” said Ty Keller, a junior sports management major and a captain of the team. “It was going to take our best efort to play and beat them.”
In the past, Edling said Miami blew leads frequently. However, the RedHawks rebounded from a onepoint defcit and held onto their 3-2 lead until the fnal buzzer, sending them to the championship and to their ffth matchup against Cincinnati. A slow frst half concluded with Cincinnati taking the frst point of the game. Another point for the Bearcats found Miami down 2-0 with 13 minutes on the clock.
“We [knew] we had to put pressure on them,” Edling said. “We need to make a move, or our season’s over.” Miami took its frst point of the match in fve minutes. Cincinnati bat-
said. “She’s really impactful and just an uplifting presence. She’s done a great job gelling and ftting in with the team culture at Miami.”
As the RedHawks enter the home stretch of the 2025 season, Merritt said she keeps her focus on her main goal: making it to the NCAA tournament’s Super Regionals.
Miami won its third-straight MAC tournament last season, but the RedHawks’ season came to a halt in the frst round of the NCAA tournament. In the program’s history, Miami has never advanced past the regional round of the national competition.
“That’s something we’ve never done,” Merrett said. “They always got stuck right there in regionals, so that’s what we’re all trying to do, and I feel like I can be a part of that.”
Nine games remain in the regular season, which gives Merritt time to recover from an injury that has kept her out since March 29. The team hopes to have her back against the Ohio University Bobcats on April 18 and 19.. “She has this presence and this confdence about her,” Gardner-Colegate said, “and having a power lefty like that with such a pretty swing… It’s tough for pitchers to throw to lefty power hitters, so she’s kind of like a pitcher’s nightmare. We’re just excited to get her back.”
burbrikn@miamioh.edu
ball-specifc brands often sponsor a team’s gloves or bats. Miami has a deal with Adidas for shoes, jerseys and any other apparel.
But when it comes to baseball-specifc gear, other brands come in. DeMarini is Miami’s ofcial bat partner; however, players have the option to use other bat brands. The RedHawks’ glove partner is Wilson. Because equipment is so important to the players, DeMarini and Wilson come to campus in the fall and allow players to try out diferent bats and gloves.
“They come in, so we have a bunch of stuf we can use and try to see which one fts the hands the best,” Batusich said. “[It’s] the same thing with the bats, they let us actually swing the bats for a whole day to see [our preference].”
Baseball is a sport unlike any other. The daily laundry and constant restocking of batting gloves and cleats require a lot of work and attention to detail. The equipment managers put in long hours and receive no public acclaim.
Yet, it is impossible for the team to function without them.
jollifvm@miamioh.edu
tled back by catching four balls, and after a timeout, the RedHawks tied the game at two apiece to send the game into overtime.
The RedHawks ofcially took the title when Keller caught a ball to bring Edling back in and leave Cincinnati with one player. One fnal kill, and Miami took its 22nd win of the season and frst championship title.
“I was just thinking that if I can get a catch, I can get Max [back in],” Keller said. “I knew that if I could get Max back in, then we’d have a chance … I was just pure joy. I was jumping up and down.”
Edling will move on from the team after he graduates this spring, along with two other senior players. . With growing interest in the sport and more recruits, the RedHawks are confdent that the program will only improve from here.
babukc2@miamioh.edu
PHOTO BY SARAH FROSCH
Who are Miami’s alltime stat leaders, and where are they now?
ELIOT GEHO THE MIAMI STUDENT COLUMN
Miami University has a long list of impressive athletes and record-breaking stats. Many of these athletes left their marks on the Miami record books and represented the Red and White well during their time at Miami. While the NHL may have a new top goal scorer, these Miami names have so far stood the test of time.
Ben Roethlisberger - Football
Roethlisberger spent three seasons at quarterback for the RedHawks and amassed 84 total touchdowns, the most by any Miami quarterback. He also ranks second in the Mid-American Conference (MAC) for single-season passing yards with 4,486 in 2003. His success at Miami garnered him a lot of attention going into the 2004 NFL draft.
After three seasons at Miami, Roethlisberger was drafted 11th overall by the Pittsburgh Steelers. This ofcially made Roethlisberger the highest NFL draft pick in Miami history. The next-closest pick was in 1969, when the San Diego Chargers selected linebacker Bob Babich 18th overall.
During his 18 seasons with the Steelers, Roethlisberger became one of the most prolifc passers ever. He won two Super Bowls before retiring in 2022, and ranks frst in both career passing yards (64,088) and touchdowns (418).
Nowadays, Roethlisberger hosts a podcast, “Footbahlin with Ben Roethlisberger,” where he discusses the NFL games and interviews with special guests.
Travis Prentice - Football
Prentice was a redshirt frst-year running back who was passed over until his second year. After a breakout sophomore year, he won MAC Player of the Year in 1998. In three seasons, he amassed 5,596 rushing yards and 73 rushing touchdowns, the most in Miami history and third-most in NCAA history.
After breaking many school records, Prentice declared for the 2000 NFL Draft. He was drafted early in the third round by the Cleveland Browns and had a productive rookie season, with 512 yards and seven touchdowns before being cut and signed to the Minnesota Vikings.
Prentice only played a few more snaps in a relatively short career. However, he moved on to earn his masters degree in Occupational Therapy in 2014 from Spalding University.
Karli Spaid - Softball Spaid spent four seasons at Miami, fnishing her collegiate career in 2024. She holds multiple school
records, including 103 home runs, 274 hits and 258 RBIs, and she became the second player in NCAA Division I softball to hit over 100 home runs. This earned her four All-MAC honoree awards and the unanimous 2024 MAC Player of the Year award.
She graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Sport Leadership and Management. After her time at Miami, Spaid was signed to the AU professional softball league. She has also joined the University of Tennessee Vols softball team as a graduate assistant.
Ryne Robinson - Football Robinson played as a wide receiver at Miami from 2003-06. During this time, he captured the school record of 258 receptions and 3,697 receiving yards. Robinson’s consistency and impressive stats cemented him as one of the greatest wide receivers in school history.
In the 2007 NFL Draft, Robinson was selected in the fourth round with the 118th pick by the Carolina Panthers. During his one season with the Panthers, he was only used as a kickof and punt returner. He gained 860 returning yards total in almost 60 attempts. Because of injuries, Robinson was waived. He never played another snap in the NFL.
Robinson was also a left felder on the RedHawks baseball team in his Miami tenure. After his time in the NFL, Robinson moved on to play football for the Florida Tuskers of the United Football League in 2010.
Robinson now works in the tech industry selling software.
Adam Eaton - Baseball
Eaton was one of the most consistent hitters and baserunners in Miami baseball history. He holds the school record for triples with 18 and the fourth-most runs scored with 169.
Eaton was an underdog for most of his time in baseball, being a 5-foot-8 player with not a lot of power. However, he didn’t let that stop him, defying the odds and moving up through the professional ranks.
He moved on to play with four diferent teams in the MLB, most notably the White Sox and the 2019 World Champion Nationals. In 2016 on the White Sox, he was 17th in American League MVP voting with a batting average of .284 and 176 hits.
Eaton was truly a great contact hitter and felder, which made him a main contributor to the Nationals’ World Series title in 2019.
He married Katie Osburn, a former Miami softball player, and they’re among some of the most notable Miami Mergers.
gehoeb@miamioh.edu
‘This is a leap of faith, and I’m glad I did it’: AJ Brown speaks to Miami students for Stress Less Week
Miami University welcomed Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver AJ Brown to the Donald W Fritz Pavilion on April 7 to speak about his history with mental health as a part of Miami’s Stress Less Week.
Brown joined the Eagles before the 2022 season and played three straight seasons with more than 1,000 yards. He helped the Eagles win Super Bowl LIX on Feb. 9 by catching three passes for 43 yards and a touchdown.
Monday marked another milestone for Brown as he spoke at his frst college about his experience and struggles with mental health.
“This is a leap of faith, and I’m glad I did it,” Brown said. “It’s been amazing. So, don’t be afraid to go and put yourself out there. Be vulnerable. Just go out there and go for it. Put all the chips in.”
Nearly 750 Miami students packed into the pavilion to listen to Brown. Many wore their Eagles and University of Mississippi jerseys, showing Brown the already signifcant impact of his performance on the football feld.
First-year marketing major Mattison Moton and frst-year psychology major Mareyhana Scurry chose to attend Brown’s speech over the Matthew Lillard Lecture Series event on the same evening. Moton said hearing an athlete at the height of his career talk about his personal struggles was powerful.
“I think it’s inspiring,” Moton said. “Every day, we see other people going through mental health, but seeing a professional athlete who can use his platform and empower others [and] inspire others to be open about it and get help if they need it is just powerful.”
Student Body President Will Brinley welcomed Brown to the stage for a Q&A with Steve Large, the assistant vice president for health and wellness with Student Life.
Early in his talk, Brown admitted that the initial plan was to just
speak with the football team, despite not having prepared a formal speech. When he learned he was doing a Q&A, he became nervous, even though he consistently plays football in front of hundreds of thousands of people.
“I’m human,” Brown said. “Like I said, I try to translate everything to the football feld. How well I prepare on the football feld makes me comfortable. I’m never nervous out there.”
Now that he has his frst Super Bowl ring, Brown explained that this ofseason difered from usual. Instead of striving towards a long-term goal for the season, he now focuses on his day-to-day routine, highlighting the importance of staying disciplined.
After all, you can’t score a touchdown on every play. Sometimes, you just need a frst down.
“I think you need structure in everything,” Brown said. “It’s a foundation. Whatever your dreams or your goals you may have, if you do something every single day, I promise you, you will be better than the next person.”
As a professional athlete, Brown said he still doubts himself. To combat this, he snaps a rubber band against his wrist every time he starts to think negatively about himself.
As a college athlete at Ole Miss, Brown had to teach himself to rely on others for support. He said he didn’t want to bother anyone in college and wanted to be left alone.
Now, he recommends that anyone who struggles with mental health to not hesitate and reach out for help immediately.
Brown also touched on the importance of his faith in God in his career. He said that even the smartest people in the world don’t have all the answers, but he believes that God has a plan for him.
Whenever he feels anxious before a play or disappointed with his performance, Brown turns to God and trusts that he will guide him.
“That’s when I reverted back to God,” Brown said. “I say a quick little prayer, ‘God, teach me to remain humble in this situation.’ Everything will work itself out.”
Audience members asked Brown questions to end the event. Several students asked about his game day routine, his favorite teams to play against (the Pittsburgh Steelers) as well as his top fve wide receivers in the league. Others asked about how he overcame difculties in his career.
Students in attendance, like senior accounting major Jacob Frasu, took to heart what Brown said about his mental health, especially as an athlete sitting at the top of the sports world.
“I think it’s interesting to hear him talk about how he’s dealt with his mental health this year and still being at the top of his sport,” Frasu said. “Everyone deals with self-doubt. Everyone deals with diferent mental health issues. It is inspiring to see that you can push through it [and] achieve whatever you want.”
Another student, junior chemical engineering major Steven Lorenz, is a Detroit Lions fan who appreciated Brown’s authenticity throughout the event. The event being unscripted and open to any and all questions from those in the audience gave it a more down-to-earth feeling that not many professional athletes broadcast in the media.
“I thought it was cool that he wasn’t doing anything scripted there,” Lorenz said. “It was all authentic. He wasn’t talking [in] perfect, articulated English. There were some stutters, some thoughts in there. You don’t get to see that a lot from professional athletes.”
Lorenz attended the event with Eli Obrist and AJ Bennett, both graduate students studying sports psychology. They agreed that gathering an introspective account of a professional athlete is encouraging for their future careers.
“It just brings me more motivation with what I want to do as a sports psychologist,” Bennett said. “A lot of times, we think that the best of the best don’t have any mental problems, but that’s just not the case. Everybody is human at the end of the day.”
babukc2@miamioh.edu
middleje@miamioh.edu
Women’s tennis earns MAC regular season championship, clinches spot in 2025 conference
KETHAN BABU SPORTS EDITOR
The Miami University RedHawks women’s tennis team (9-9, 8-1 in conference play) secured a spot in the Mid-American Conference (MAC) tournament with its win over Western Michigan University on April 13.
The RedHawks’ 5-2 victory on Senior Day brought them their eighth win in conference play and solidifed their spot as regular season conference champions.
The long road to the MAC tournament started in late September. Before the 2025 regular season began, the RedHawks competed in six tournaments, including winning the conference fall championships.
“Last semester, we had some good wins,” senior Sara Zalukar said. “That
was a really good start to our ofseason. And then coming here, before school started during winter break, we had some tough matches because we played really good schools, but I feel like they set us up for success.”
When the RedHawks opened the season at Youngstown State University on Jan. 25, they slid to six-straight losses. They earned their frst win 7-0 against the University of Dayton on March 2, but two more losses sent Miami into MAC play at 1-8.
However, the tough competition before conference play didn’t damper the RedHawks. After taking a 4-3 win over the University of Toledo Rockets, Miami embarked on a six-game winning streak.
“We weren’t too worried about it,” Zalukar said. “We know what to expect from our conference, and those matches before were really tough. It
was just good preparation.”
Head coach Ricardo Rosas emphasizes facing adversity as a vital factor for the RedHawks. Any tennis match can turn around at a given moment.
“He’s always going to say, ‘Try to raise your level and play even better,’”
senior Catherine Denysiewicz-Slowek said. “Get that intensity up and just keep fghting to the end.”
The RedHawks dominated the Bowling Green State University Falcons twice (6-1 on March 21 and 7-0 on March 28) and the University of Bufalo Bulls (6-1 on March 23). However, Miami’s winning streak includes four 4-3 victories.
During those matches, the RedHawks refect on what Rosas tells them and keep looking for the next point.
“Every point matters from the be-
tournament
ginning,” Denysiewicz-Slowek said.
“It’s really [just] stepping on the court and really being focused, ready for every point and giving it your all.”
One of the biggest obstacles the RedHawks face halfway through the season is switching to playing outdoors in late February. However, this year’s weather conditions added to the difculties.
The players keep their focus on the factors that they can control. Everything else is something they just have to deal with.
“It’s a little more frustrating with all the wetter conditions,” Zalukar said. “[Is it] cool, sunny or windy? Wind is the biggest thing, but our approach [is] always to control controllables. We just have to focus on ourselves to do the best [we can].”
On April 11, Toledo handed Miami its frst and, so far, only loss in MAC
play, 4- 3. The Rockets have ended the RedHawks’ run in the past three conference tournaments. Last season, Miami lost the MAC championship 4-1 to Toledo. Miami has one more match before the MAC tournament begins on April 24. Toledo hosts the tournament, and the RedHawks are preparing for a potential rematch with the Rockets in the postseason.
The RedHawks close out the regular season on April 18 against the Northern Illinois University Huskies. One week later, they will begin fghting for the team’s frst MAC championship title since 2019 and the second under Rosas.
babukc2@miamioh.edu
KETHAN BABU, SPORTS EDITOR
JEFFREY MIDDLETON ASST. SPORTS EDITOR
AJ BROWN SMILES AT THE CROWD IN DONALD W. FRITZ PAVILION ON APRIL 7. PHOTO BY JESSICA MONAHAN
THE VICTORY BELL SITS AT YAGER STADIUM DURING A BATTLE FOR THE VICTORY BELL. PHOTO BY RYAN TERHUNE
CULTURE
STELLA POWERS CULTURE EDITOR COLUMN
Seeing “Saturday Night Live” live in the studio has been a dream of mine since I was 14 years old. However, it isn’t exactly easy to do.
There are a few ways to be in the studio for the taping of the show, including the lottery and the standby process. At 10 a.m., the Thursday before the show, an online form opens to request standby numbers for both dress rehearsal and the live taping that weekend. The available spots fll up within seconds, so getting through this frst step successfully is difcult.
If you’re lucky enough to get through the form, you’ll receive standby numbers through email at some point that day that refect where you’ll be placed in the standby line Friday night.
This past weekend, I got the numbers 35 and 36 for the live show with host Jon Hamm and musical guest Lizzo. More often than not, they let the frst 50-80 into the show, but that isn’t always the case, so there’s no guarantee for entry regardless of what number you end up with.
Since I knew my numbers gave me a really strong chance of getting into the taping, I booked a fight to New York. Getting numbers isn’t the fnal step to the process, though. For the lucky few to actually get a numbered reservation, the next step is to wait outside for fve hours on Friday night. This past weekend, it was raining — a lot.
My friend and I met at Rockefeller Center around 6:30 p.m. on Friday
night, grabbed a slice of pizza and some cofee and made our way to the 49th street marquee to check in for the standby line.
We brought blankets and chairs with us, which made the cold weather more tolerable, and set up our little area in line. We also befriended the people next to us.
After about an hour, NBC pages came around with chicken noodle soup for those of us waiting in line.
A few hours later, we went inside to warm up and walk around Rockefeller Center. Finally, at midnight, the pages came around and passed out our standby cards, which would act as our “tickets” for the following night if they had space for us. While we started with 35 and 36, so many people didn’t show up that my friend and I ended the night with numbers 10 and 11 for the live show.
On Saturday night, my friend and I met in Rockefeller Center about an hour before we had to check in for the show. We checked in right outside of the NBC shop just before 9:45 p.m., and they lined us up in groups of 10 according to our reservation number. They took the frst group through security, which was very similar to what you go through at the airport, and we waited on the staircase. Eventually, my friend, who was number 11, joined me on the staircase. We waited outside the studio for a while until all regular admission seats were flled, and they eventually came out and handed out wristbands to as many people as they were able to admit.
I got a wristband.
Around 11:05 p.m., my friend and I were seated in the studio. There was absolutely no cell phone use allowed,
non-college life. That doesn’t mean I’m losing all of my mini skirts and crop tops, but it does mean I have to do some serious thinking about what I really wear and what needs to go.
As a self-proclaimed shopaholic, I have a lot of clothes. I can thank countless hours spent at Goodwill for that. Unfortunately, my eccentric style doesn’t always translate well to the professional world.
So, for the past few weeks, I’ve taken on the task that many have before me: purging my closet of all of my “inappropriate” clothes.
Like a lot of other girls, I often put on a silly little outft to go out on the town, but these short skirts and spaghetti straps won’t cut it in the ofce. However, I’m attached to my clothes and determined to make the best of the situation.
So, what’s my game plan?
Step one: The purge I go through all of my clothes. Yes, all of them. Anything that I haven’t worn in the past year is on the chopping block. This should probably be common practice anyway, but nobody is perfect.
Unused clothes aren’t the only thing to go. I’m going after anything that I can’t see myself wearing in my
Step two: Eviction I decide where all of my unwanted garments will end up. Whether it’s selling online, donating or even gifting to your friends, these clothes have to go. Pro tip: If it’s not in good shape, throw it away. Even people at the thrift store don’t want stained and ripped clothes.
Step three: Making do with what’s left
If you’re anything like me, there are some outfts that you just love to wear but just don’t look right “professionally.”
There are little tweaks you can make, like adding an undershirt under spaghetti straps or wearing a sweater over a sleeveless dress to elevate. And, of course, we can take it back to when we were kids and wear tank tops under shirts that are too short.
What’s most important to me is still letting my style shine through.
rothra2@miamioh.edu
AYLA PEDEN ASST. CULTURE EDITOR
COLUMN
so as soon as we were past the lobby, our phones needed to be powered of and put away.
Not long before the show started, Michael Che, host of Weekend Update, came out and gave a speech, which was followed by Ego Nwodim, Heidi Gardner, Chloe Fineman and Kenan Thompson performing a musical number to get the audience excited for the show.
They then set up for the cold open, and the show began. Seeing everything in the studio was incredible — Kieran Culkin made a cameo in the monologue, so we got to see him right before he entered. We also got to see Lorne Michaels, the executive producer, walk around the studio all night. Adam Scott and Paul Rudd were in the audience that night, too. Seeing what isn’t shown on the broadcast made everything so much better and more special.
On top of all that, it was a great episode. It had incredible cameos, the full group said “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night,” the sketches were brilliant and it was the frst Weekend Update of the season to have three guests instead of two.
Seeing my favorite show live was everything I had expected and more — it was genuinely the most incredible night of my life. After the show ended, my friend and I went to the shop to purchase our golden tickets, an item exclusive to studio audience members, and we went outside to the barricades where we got to speak with cast members Ego Nwodim and Emil Wakim.
Everything about the night was magical, and I can’t wait until I can do standby for “Saturday Night Live” again.
powers40@miamioh.edu
PARKER GREEN
ASST. CAMPUS & COMMUNITY EDITOR
COLUMN
Last semester, two of my friends and I decided we were going to eat at and review every restaurant in Oxford. Far-fetched? Maybe. Harmful to our wallets? Defnitely. But it’s something to do, and sometimes that’s all you can ask for.
Though we haven’t yet completed our challenge, my friends and I have found several hidden gems. So, the next time you’re thinking about hitting up Skipper’s or Bagel and Deli for the 1,000th time, consider one of these four places instead.
Happy Kitchen Oxford has a lot of Chinese takeout spots, but the best one is handsdown Happy Kitchen.
Serving everything from American-Chinese classics to authentic street food, Happy Kitchen has a little something for everyone, regardless of preference. I suggest going family-style and picking out several appetizers and entrees to split among a few people. One entree can easily equate to three full meals. And trust me, my love is legit. In all of Oxford, there are only two restaurants my friends and I have eaten at over three times, and Happy Kitchen is one of them.
My order (for 3+ people): Scallion pancakes, pork wonton in chili oil, chicken lo mein, sichuan cold noodles and chicken pad thai.
Ohana Island Grill
Ohana Island Grill is a place that everyone who tries it loves, but nobody seems to remember when picking out their favorite Oxford restaurants. With generous portions and plenty of classic Hawaiian foods to try, I am confdent that everyone can
For as long as I can remember, I have loved sitting back and reading a nice, cozy book. However, with classes taking up every waking moment, I haven’t been able to read as much as I would prefer. So, I have made it my mission to actually read something other than theories on sociology. As I got back into reading more for myself, I fgured that many people may feel the same way. Or, maybe, they need a place to start. Luckily for everyone, I have compiled a list of cozy, easy-to-read fantasy books that will let you escape into a world where fnals are not just around the corner.
“Before the Cofee Gets Cold” — Toshikazu Kawaguchi Kawaguchi’s novel is a compelling collection of four stories centered around a café in the backstreets of Tokyo that has been serving cofee for more than 100 years. However, this is not just any café – this one serves its customers one chance to go back in time.
“Before the Cofee Gets Cold” is an excellent examination of grief and closure when you can no longer speak with loved ones. The book, while hitting on important topics, reads like you’re talking to an old friend. The setting and characters feel familiar and comforting from the very frst page.
“The Night Circus” — Erin Morgenstern
I was very surprised by how much I loved this book when I read it. In Morganstern’s story, a circus has arrived seemingly out of nowhere. There is no warning for when it will come, but that is not the only thing odd about it – there is a magic that surrounds this circus, too.
Behind the scenes, two magicians are chosen from childhood to compete in a ferce competition. The story spans the magicians’ lives as they
grow, fnd love and discover that no matter what they do, their fates cannot be changed.
“Uprooted” — Naomi Novik
Have you ever found yourself in the mood to read a fantasy novel that gives you the cozy feel of a fairytale? Well, if you have, this is the perfect story for you!
This story has everything from a mysterious wizard in a tower, a village girl who does not realize the power she is able to hold and an evil magic that takes the form of a forest and destroys anything that is in its path. Novik is known for her ability to write a good fairytale. One of her other stories, “Spinning Silver,” also embodies this fairytale-like atmosphere. However, “Uprooted” invokes a nostalgic feeling like no other book has been able to match.
“Sorcery of Thorns” — Margaret Rogerson
While the other books on this list leave you with something to ponder, this one is just for good vibes – and that’s OK! This does not make it any worse than the other books shown above. In fact, I had such a fun time reading this one.
In the world of “Sorcery of Thorns,” sorcerers are seen as evil beings, born to harm those around them. However, our main character, Elisabeth, while not a sorcerer, grows up surrounded by their tools — magical grimoires. They whisper and shake and need to be calmed if provoked, and that’s precisely what Elisabeth is trained to do. She plans to do this for the rest of her life until she is implicated in a crime, which brings her plans to a halt. Throughout the rest of the story, we are introduced to other characters that bring so much life to the story, which would not be the same without them.
All of these stories have allowed my love of fantasy to grow, and unlike many other fantasy books, these do not leave you feeling confused throughout the frst chapter. I cannot recommend these books enough.
pedenae@miamioh.edu
fnd something they like, whether it’s seafood, soup or BBQ. While this spot is open for dinner, I honestly prefer it as a lunch spot, especially because the leftovers keep really well. Though it’s not my order, I would like to shout out the Spam Musubi for only $3.30. It’s a great snack or light lunch option and a bright taste of Hawaii right here in OxVegas.
My order (1 person): Chicken katsu with white rice and macaroni salad Halal Food Inc. Despite the dining hall’s valiant attempts at recreating Middle Eastern cuisine, nothing in Oxford has quite measured up to Halal Food Inc. Open until 9 p.m., Halal Food Inc. ofers your classic halal cart options, including gyros, hummus, fries, grape leaves, falafel and more. Since there is never a line, you can pick up your food super quickly and then walk it over to some green space for a little picnic moment, which is what my friends and I have done in the past and loved. Plus, everything
is, as the name suggests, halal, and the restaurant accommodates a variety of other dietary restrictions to boot. My order (1 person): Chicken shawarma plate, side of fries, hummus and pita Little India Finally, we enter the classic Little India vs. Krishna debate. As you can probably tell, Little India has my vote. The portions are large, the food has more favor and better textures and there’s a discount for Miami students. It is absolutely worth the additional 10 minutes of
GINA ROTH STAFF WRITER
GRAPHIC BY STELLA POWERS.
STAFF WRITER GINA ROTH IS WORKING ON DRESSING MORE PROFESSIONALLY. PHOTO BY GINA ROTH.
CULTURE EDITOR STELLA POWERS WAITED OUTSIDE IN THE RAIN IN THE
PHOTO BY STELLA POWERS.
GRAPHIC BY AYLA PEDEN.
CULTURE
‘Yellowjackets’ season 3 is all the buzz
TAYLOR POWERS OPINION EDITOR COLUMN
I hope everyone who was furious about an all-female flm adaptation of “Lord of the Flies” in 2017 regrets their objections now, because Showtime’s “Yellowjackets” has certainly proved them wrong.
The season three fnale of “Yellowjackets” aired last Friday, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to gain back the hours of sleep I lost from staying up late every Thursday night since February. Was it worth it? Totally. I even made a bingo sheet with my predictions. Did I get a bingo? No, but I did fll 14 out of the 25 spaces, so I’d call that a win.
Season three drops us into the second spring/summer season for the teen “Yellowjackets,” having just survived a brutal winter. But some distrust in leadership begins to spread, and the tension could jeopardize their chance of rescue. In the adult timeline, we see that secrets left buried are uncovered as Shauna Sadecki (formerly Shipman), played by Melanie Lynskey, is convinced she’s being blackmailed again.
This season was pretty hard for Shauna enthusiasts (aka me), as she makes some pretty horrible decisions in both timelines. But, Shauna lovers were graced with some incredible performances by Sophie Nélisse, who plays teen Shauna, and Lynskey, who plays adult Shauna.
Nélisse has done an amazing job showing how Shauna’s time in the wilderness has completely changed her. She went from this doe-eyed, seemingly meek girl to a bloodthirsty dictator. And with each episode, Lynskey continues to amaze me. I’m in awe of how she can go from portraying an awkward mother who’s struggling to do her best to an insane, raging psychopath.
Both Sophies blew away audiences this season. Sophie Thatcher, who plays teen Nataile Scatorccio, gave a beautiful, emotional performance as we watch Scatorccio be involuntarily thrust into leadership and forced to make tough decisions. At the same time, she had amazing comedic timing, especially when her voice had a New Jersey-Italian accent to it.
The actual plot of the show was interesting; I felt like some questions were answered while new ones were raised, which is enough to keep me invested. One particular plot point I loved was the relationship between Shauna and her daughter, Callie (Sarah Desjardins). I’m obsessed
‘Alarum’ released following production in Oxford
There were shovels nearby, showing that the ground had been dug up to place the plane, and none of the trees were disheveled.
Scenes later on in “Alarum” happen outside of Oxford Pub (O’Pub). O’Pub is destroyed as the international spy organization tries to get Joe and Chester out of hiding. Signs outside the buildings used in the flm were replaced with Polish signs; however, any Oxford native can tell the buildings are clearly from Oxford’s Uptown landscape, and the Oxford Memorial Park can be seen in the background.
“Alarum” also features scenes from diferent streets in Oxford and uses the interior of Lee & Rosemary Innovation College on Elm Street.
“Alarum” received an estimated $5.9 million in refundable tax credits from Ohio, making it the ideal, budget-friendly place for the action-packed scenes. mulforsj@miamioh.edu
with their “like mother, like daughter” trope and the push and pull between them.
But this show — and this season, especially — still had its faws.
There were a few minor issues here and there. I found it odd that the writers decided to fast-track an entire personality for Melissa (Hilary Swank), who was previously a nameless background character, instead of Mari Ibarra (Alexa Barajas), who has been feshed out since season one.
Following the topic of Mari, I obviously cannot write this season’s review without addressing one of the most talked-about theories: pit girl.
This season, we fnally got the iconic “pit girl” reveal we’ve been waiting for since the cold opening of the pilot episode in 2021. I had a feeling it would end with this scene (it was one of my bingo spots), but my heart sank when I saw the white nightgown peeking out of Ibarra’s windbreaker.
I could rave on and on about the cinematography and how genius it was the way everything played out (it’s the flm bro in me, I’m sorry). But I won’t, because I feel it’s more important to address that yet again, another BIPOC character received a brutal, violent death.
Yes, we got a satisfying answer to our question, but at what cost?
Although Ibarra’s ethnicity has never been explicitly stated, her actress is Mexican/Canadian. Because of this, most of the fan base has assumed Ibarra to be the same. “Yellowjackets” has a history of giving its BIPOC characters unnecessarily violent deaths. I won’t get too deep into this, as I could say a lot, but it’s something I want the writers to improve, come future seasons.
I also thought some plot points were resolved by simple throw-away lines that deserved more of a resolution. For instance, why did we learn that Taissa Turner was impeached through one line at a dinner? Why didn’t we get to see her fall from power?
I still think the writers have done a good job of leaving certain questions unanswered to allow for future seasons to build upon. Here’s to hoping for a renewal for season four and that “Yellowjackets” won’t fall victim to the classic “streaming service cancels wildly popular shows that conveniently has gay and BIPOC main characters.”
Rating: 7.5/10
powerstj@miamioh.edu
‘Freaky Tales’ is precisely what it sounds like: Freaky
As I walked into the cinema this past Thursday to watch Pedro Pascal’s latest flm, “Freaky Tales,” I realized that I had no idea what the movie was even about. I read online that it was an action/comedy with the star of “The Last of Us” as one of the flm’s leads. What more do you really need to know?
Evidently, a bit more than that, because the frst 10-15 minutes left me very confused.
The structure in “Freaky Tales” consists of four diferent stories, and in time, it is revealed that each story is connected through their interactions as well as through a magical green light that allows the characters to perform in ways that they may not have otherwise been able to. These four chapters are easily distinguished by their fun titles. From frst through fourth, they are “Strength in Numbers: The Gilman Strikes Back,” “Don’t Fight the Feeling,” “Born to Mack” and “The Legend of Sleepy Floyd.”
The flm opens up with a narration from an unknown voice, informing the audience that we are travelling back in time to Oakland, California, circa 1987. From here, we jump into the world of punk-rock bands, organized crime, Nazi skinheads and weird psychic abilities.
The frst story focuses on two teens, Lucid (Jack Champion) and Tina (Ji-young Yoo), who frequent a local punk club. The main aspect that draws people here — aside from the music — is the club’s no tolerance of racism, sexism or homophobia.
However, with this outlet for expression comes those who want to tear it down. This comes in the form of a group of Nazi skinheads, who
‘The White Lotus’ season 3 transports audiences to Thailand
STELLA
POWERS CULTURE EDITOR
COLUMN
For those looking for a tropical escape from the gloomy Midwest weather, look no further than Mike White’s “The White Lotus.” Season three of the hit Max series just concluded and was flled with drama. Each season follows a diferent group of vacationers at a diferent “White Lotus” resort: season one took place in Hawaii, season two took place in Italy and season three took place in Thailand. The frst two seasons featured Jennifer Coolidge as Tanya, and her presence was certainly missed this season. However, her character’s beautiful ridiculousness was made up for by the inclusion of Parker Posey’s Victoria. Season three follows a few different groups of vacationers, all with their own quirks and faws that make them endearing characters. One of the main groups is the Ratlif family, consisting of Victoria (Posey), Timothy (Jason Isaacs), Saxon (Patrick Schwarzenegger), Piper (Sarah Catherine Hook) and Lochlan (Sam
Nivola).
The season also focuses on a group of three lifelong friends reuniting for a girls’ trip. This group features Jaclyn, a reality TV star played by Michelle Monaghan, Laurie (Carrie Coon) and Kate (Leslie Bibb). Walton Goggins and Aimee Lou Wood play Rick and Chelsea, a couple with a signifcant age gap, and Blackpink’s Lisa makes her acting debut as Mook, an employee at the resort. Mook’s love interest throughout the season, Gaitok, is played by Tayme Thapthimthong. Only two recurring characters make an appearance this season. Natasha Rothwell makes her frst appearance since season one as Belinda, the spa manager, who crosses paths with a familiar face, Jon Gries’ Greg (also known as Gary), the only character to appear in all three seasons. Belinda’s son, Zion, also makes an appearance. These groups bring lots of drama with them when they venture to Thailand, and the trip immediately starts to blow up in fames for most of the guests. The Ratlifs deal with legal troubles and Piper’s desire to move to Thailand, something Victoria is very against, and Saxon is trying to get his brother, Lochlan, to be more manly. Things get really weird really fast with
break into the club in an attempt to destroy the space, leading to a cartoonishly-violent fght scene. Chapter two starts with two girls, Entice (Normani) and Barbie (Dominique Thorne), outside of the local movie theater, which is frequently shown throughout the flm. While there, the duo meets a man who is familiar with their rap career. After some small talk, the fellow moviegoer invites them to perform with the rapper Too Short at his club.
Fun fact: Too Short is a real rapper who appears in a cameo later in the movie. His song, “Freaky Tales,” was a major inspiration for directors Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck, as Fleck grew up with his music while living in Oakland as a kid. By the halfway point, we have fnally made it to the story that I have been waiting to see: Pascal’s.
In this movie, Pascal’s character, Clint, is a retired hitman trying to leave his life of crime in the past because his wife is pregnant. However, as he tries to separate himself from criminal activity, people from his past manage to infltrate his new world.
At one point in this segment, Pascal enters a video story, which just so happens to be run by Tom Hanks. Hanks’ dry humor in this scene was perfectly executed and truly made me laugh out loud.
Lastly, the fourth chapter tells us the “Legend of Sleepy Floyd.” This part of the flm incorporates real-life events into the story’s otherwise fctional world as we get a look at the Golden State Warriors’ player, Sleepy Floyd, as he plays a record-setting game. While he plays, other members of the previously mentioned Nazi gang break into Floyd’s house, which eventually leads to the murder of the basketball player’s girlfriend.
As a result of his girlfriend’s death, Floyd seeks revenge on the Nazi gang and uses mind powers to do so.
In all honesty, this movie is exactly what it claims to be — about freaky tales. Many scenes in this flm are so ridiculous that you have to stop and wonder whether or not the whole thing was a fever dream. However, I believe that was a conscious decision made by the directors. I mean, there is a reason why every fght scene includes so much blood, and yet, somehow, these people still live. These scenes convey to the audience that you shouldn’t take any of this too seriously. However, I do have a couple of issues. As previously mentioned, there are many scenes where fashes of green lightning or a green glow appear out of nowhere. Alas, this is about as much information as we get on the whole ordeal. It made the world feel underdeveloped. Additionally, as is the case with all anthology stories, there is always one that does not feel as feshed out or important as the others. “Freaky Tales” is no exception. Chapter two, while a great story, feels very out of place within this story. Nothing connects them to the other characters other than an uncomfortable run-in with the leader of the Nazi gang. It felt like the directors only included this scene to show that they were drawing inspiration from Too Short. Don’t get me wrong, I had a fun time watching the movie. It was clever, hilarious and it perfectly invoked the nostalgic feel of the ’80s. However, the underdevelopment really takes away from the underlying messages. Instead of thinking about what the directors were trying to say, I was wondering why there was green lightning every time someone went outside. Rating 6/10
pedenae@miamioh.edu
the Ratlif family, and the best way to describe their dynamic throughout the entire series is dysfunctional. Rick and Chelsea also have a complicated relationship. Chelsea is convinced she can “fx” him, while Rick wants to get revenge on the man he thinks killed his father. The three friends deal with conficts involving lifestyle diferences, politics and personalities that clash, leading to rising tensions on the trip. Gaitok and Mook develop feelings for each other as Gaitok struggles to complete his job as a security guard and Belinda, convinced Greg killed his ex-wife (Jennifer Coolidge), is determined to get justice for her friend. Like any season of “The White Lotus,” it’s messy. The season is fooded with drama and twists, but this season didn’t have the same tension as the frst two. From the very beginning of the frst two seasons, tensions were so high that it seemed like everything could explode in a matter of seconds. In season three, however,
the tensions don’t start quite as high — instead, they build throughout the season, and nothing really blows up until the fnale.
The highlight of the season was, by far, Victoria. Her over-the-top southern accent and materialistic tendencies made it nearly impossible not to laugh when she was on screen, even when the scene itself was far from funny. She’s the perfect addition to the show, and I hope to see her return in the future.
So, what’s next for “The White Lotus?” Like many other fans have been saying online, I would love to see an all-star season featuring some of the most over-the-top characters from the show on a vacation together, just to see how messy that would be. Is it likely? Probably not. But whatever Mike White does next with the show is bound to be just as insanely entertaining as the frst three seasons.
Rating: 7/10 powers40@miamioh.edu
CONTINUED FROM FRONT
LANDON MORRISON STAFF WRITER
Ohio Senate Bill 1 (S.B. 1) was signed into law on March 28 by Gov. Mike DeWine, alumnus of Miami University.
S.B.1 is just one of many bills across the country trying to gut diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) in higher education.
The bill took over two years to pass through the legislature in order to “ensure an environment for intellectual diversity,” according to the Ohio Senate’s website.
The webpage notably includes a photo of Rep. Josh Williams, Sen. Jerry Cirino, DeWine, Rep. Tom Young, Speaker Matt Hufman, Lt. Gov. Jim Tressel and a photo of DeWine with the Cirino family.
The cover photo includes all white men over 70 who have minimal experience in higher education, aside from Williams for the 44th house district and Tressel, whose Ohio State University football career came to a controversial end after failing to disclose improper benefts recieved by his players, violating NCAA rules at the time. Interestingly enough, Williams received DEI scholarships and claims to have added amendments to save those types of scholarships, but they failed due to Supreme Court decisions.
Aside from “intellectual diversity,” the ofcial senate website claims the bill “ends discriminatory DEI litmus testing for faculty hiring, and it puts students and their hard earned tuition frst by protecting them from the risk of a strike by the faculty.”
Additionally, the bill requires posting syllabi online, which were previously only accessible to class takers and students, prohibits donations from China, enforces an American civics class starting in 2030 and forces a faculty questionnaire
question with the verbiage, “Does the faculty member create a classroom atmosphere free of political, racial, gender, and religious bias?”
So, where did this come from that universities are transactional and uncontroversial? Passing a class shouldn’t be expected or make you comfortable; it should be earned through hard work and force you to question your understanding, and this dangerous rhetoric will fail Ohio students.
This issue hits Miami’s campus directly.
Faculty Alliance of Miami (FAM) has been negotiating contracts with the university for over two years. FAM and Miami recently came to contract negotiation agreements on Feb. 24.
FAM’s FAQ section explains why they organized.
“Individually, Visiting Faculty (Visiting Assistant Professors and Instructors) have little control over our working lives, but together, we have the power to create a better Miami,” the website reads.
Lack of government guardrails for workers isn’t anything new; it is why unions were created in the frst place. The powerful will always want to make more money at the expense of the weak, even if that means controlling higher education in this case.
Punishing educators for speaking up against workplace mistreatment under the guise of helping students is a gross mischaracterization and vilifcation of higher education employees across the state of Ohio.
Additionally, the bill claims to declare that state universities will not “endorse or oppose any controversial belief or policy” unless of course it impacts funding, according to the Ohio Capital Journal.
But don’t fret, there is still hope.
This bill is a blatant attack on the First Amendment rights of Ohio stu-
PROFESSOR OF GEOGRAPHY
Miami University is a very special place. A lot has changed since classes began two centuries ago, but some things have remained constant: our commitment to educational quality and the beauty of our campus.
These have been shared by generations of faculty, students, parents and alums alike. A third century pushes us to adapt and innovate, but moving forward we must carefully safeguard our core values or risk losing sight of who we are.
I therefore write – as an educator with two decades of experience at Miami, teaching geography and urban planning – to express profound concern about the proposal to build a new arena and corporate hotel on Cook Field, especially amidst a bud-
dents and faculty alike.
On Feb. 21, a district judge in Baltimore, Maryland, ruled that President Donald Trump’s eforts to ban DEI likely infringe on the First Amendment and temporarily blocked those executive orders.
Additionally, the National Labor Relations Board states on its website, “Employees shall have the right … to engage in other concerted activities for the purpose of collective bargaining or other mutual aid or protection.”
Strikes are included among the concerted activities protected for employees by this section under the National Labor Relations Act.
While I am not a legal scholar, I have faith that the National Association of Diversity Ofcers in Higher Education will step in to fght this bill as they did against Trump’s eforts that resulted in the temporary block in February.
The Ohio Capital Journal said it expects litigation as well, from various groups that testifed against the bill. This includes the Ohio Counseling Association, Ohio Federation of Teachers, National Association of Social Workers, Ohio Student Association, Ohio Faculty Council, CAIR, Undergraduate Student Governments of Ohio, the Ohio Education Association, the AFL-CIO and others.
To Mike DeWine, you have betrayed the community that built you.
I am shocked that a Miamian would directly attempt to turn away a diversifed group of people, ideas and experiences.
I am disappointed you do not embrace the spirit, academic rigor, opportunities and challenges of a Miami experience, preparing students to make the world a better place.
I am angry you did not defend the freedom of inquiry that is the heart of learning.
You do not demonstrate Love and Honor by failing to support and care for your fellow Miamians.
You are not Miami.
morri390@miamioh.edu
About Landon Morrison
Landon Morrison is a writer and designer passionate about storytelling at the intersection of culture, policy and public impact. He is currently pursuing a Master’s in Entrepreneurship at Miami University, where he earned his degree in Emerging Technology in Business and Design in December 2024. Landon has aspirations to work in journalism or communications in the non-proft sector.
pus life. Don’t take it from me. Thousands in surveys and petitions have expressed their outrage about losing Cook Field and what it would mean to our campus, our heritage and intramural sports/student experience. These voices matter and should not be ignored.
But the arena itself will also be very costly: in excess of $200 million (estimated before tarifs drove up construction costs). This is probably the biggest capital project in Miami’s history.
Generous donors will help, but the administration is still looking to borrow $100 to $200 million. Paying down this debt will cost $6 to $13 million annually. This is a lot of money, even in good times. But amid tight budgets and uncertainty – in higher education and beyond – is this the right time for such a huge fnancial gamble?
JAMIE GOWANS THE MIAMI STUDENT
Ohio Senate Bill 1 (S. B. 1) provides many changes to Ohio’s higher education standards, one of which is requiring universities to refrain from publicly sharing opinions on highly controversial political issues to keep access to federal and state funding. The goal is for universities to remain seen as objective and unbiased institutions. Following this policy can help to prevent universities from losing enrollment numbers. We have seen big companies and corporations like Tesla face public criticism because of Elon Musk’s political alliances he has shared publicly. We can see this drop mostly among younger generations, who tend to not separate the product from the company owner, just as we do not separate the art from the artist.
The goal of this policy is to make students more comfortable expressing their opinions in the classroom. If universities were to make its alignments known, then those of the opposing beliefs would feel cornered and unprotected. However, it is more important for professors to refrain from sharing their political opinions with students.
Dave Faller, my uncle and a high school history teacher, told me once, “I know I did my job well when the students don’t know my political opinions at the end of the year.”
This mindset is what needs to be taught to all educators to ensure that every student feels safe and comfortable speaking in the classroom. The goals of this policy are noble and admirable. However, they will have no true efect if professors can not teach their courses without sharing their political opinions. While legally binding neutrality sounds good and helpful for universities, no matter what universities do politically, they will lose half of the country’s support. If universities express their political opinions leaning one way, they will lose the support of the opposing opinion.
However, if they do not express their thoughts, everyone will assume that the university’s beliefs are on the opposing side of them. This will inevitably lead to losing more support than if they were to express a chosen side.
Even if universities refrain from expressing their opinions, people will then look to the leaders of the university and even make assumptions about their personal be based on religious afliation and more. No matter what universities do in today’s political climate, people will assume the worst, and there is not a single winning situation for the universities.
It would be a good idea for universities and other companies to stay out of the political world completely. This would not be a neutrality statement; it would simply be avoiding public political opinions. University would never address anything in the political sphere and refrain from entertaining either party, while allowing students to learn about each party and make the decisions for themselves.
Universities and companies adopting neutrality have noble intentions. However, they do not realize how they could be jeopardizing their enrollment numbers. There is no beneft universities experience from making a neutrality statement. It would be more advantageous to all universities if they stay out of politics all together.
gowansj@miamioh.edu
About Jamie Gowans
Jamie Gowans is a frstyear student in the Farmer School of Business. She is a marketing major with a history minor. She is a frst-year writer for The Miami Student.
are already deeply strained.
Faculty, our numbers reduced by attrition and many of our programs on the chopping block, are being asked to teach more sections to greater enrollments (after years without raises). It’s harder and harder for us to deliver educational quality and make time for students. We’ve understood that tight budgets require sacrifce, but the shocking proposal to spend $200 million on an arena betrays confdence in Miami’s leadership. Staf, I suspect, may have similar feelings. Students experience this erosion of educational quality frsthand in the form of larger classes, less writing/ more multiple choice and less attention from faculty. And now Miami wants to build on one of their cherished recreational spaces, for a sport that relatively few attend, upon the recommendation of a committee they were excluded from.
something to the overwhelming skepticism from all corners of the Miami community that this is not the right direction for us right now, that the costs are just too high. It’s not too late for us to pause and think more carefully about whether an “Arena District” is worth sacrifcing Cook Field and the risks to our core mission and brand. There are more creative, inclusive and fscally responsible ways to approach our challenges, which can unite and not divide us, while preserving what makes us special. But that will take raising our voices, especially those of donors whose generosity so shapes our university. If you share my concern for Miami’s future, now’s the time to be heard. Together, we can still save Cook Field and Miami from making a potentially historic mistake and losing its way. But it’s now or never.
get crisis. Like many, I was surprised by the sudden rush to build projects with such unprecedented fnancial and campus impacts. But the more I’ve thought about it, I’ve grown increasingly worried about even greater and more fundamental risks. Let me say at the outset, I support updating our athletic facilities and expanding campus amenities. Millett Hall needs to be renovated or replaced. Our athletic folks, including our talented basketball and volleyball teams, deserve high-quality spaces. An additional hotel would serve parents and visitors. Such investments could – in theory – bring economic development.
But these projects have costs, bigger than most realize.
Most obvious is the loss of Cook Field, an open space central to cam-
There are also opportunity costs (i.e., the loss of potential gain from other alternatives). Let’s start with fundraising. Every dollar raised for the arena could have gone to something else. Some donors are athletic boosters, but others are passionate about academics and student life. To focus fundraising on an arena will divert resources from scholarships and other investments that directly support students and faculty. Since any debt must be paid of from operating revenues (e.g., tuition), this will necessarily come at the expense of the classroom, exacerbating Miami’s deepening budget cuts to academics. Imagine what $6 to $13 million a year could buy in terms of scholarships, innovative programs or non-athletic facilities.
These are worrisome enough, but might the arena cost us in even deeper ways? Miami’s known for its red bricks, yet is built of people, relationships and trust. These, I hate to say,
What a bitter lesson in disempowerment! Though I’m not a Miami alum, I’m a parent of one. I believe most parents and alums are loyally bound to Miami for the same reasons as students and faculty, so they may feel similarly dismayed. Miami’s commitment to education and our campus, safeguarded for centuries, make us who we are. These are core to our brand and why people choose Miami over other schools. But they can be broken, sometimes more quickly than they can be repaired. Maybe the potential benefts are worth these costs. Yet, because Miami has not conducted any market research or cost-beneft analysis – the kind any department must do before launching a new curriculum – we can’t know with any confdence and are asked to trust in President Gregory Crawford’s instinct. Maybe he’s right, and Miami can be transformed into a sports school. Or maybe there’s
At The Student, we are committed to engaging with our audience and listening to feedback. This includes publishing a diverse array of guest editorials. For more information on guidelines and processes, email Taylor Powers, The Student’s opinion editor, at powerstj@miamioh.edu.
prythedl@miamioh.edu
About David Prytherch
David Prytherch is Professor of Geography at Miami University. He has played an active role in planning and sustainability eforts on and of campus.
DAVID PRYTHERCH
OPINION
An open letter to President Crawford
JOHN-CHARLES DUFFY ASSOCIATE TEACHING PROFESSOR
Dear Gregory Crawford:
In 2017, you announced that you had joined CEO Action for Diversity & Inclusion as part of their President’s Circle. This meant that you joined other university leaders in pledging to make the institution you lead a place “to have complex, and sometimes difcult, conversations about diversity and inclusion” and to “implement and expand unconscious bias education.”
Commenting to the newsmagazine Diverse: Issues in Higher Education on your decision to join CEO Action, you said, “Diversity has always been at the heart of Miami’s identity, enshrined in our Code of Love and Honor … ”
In 2018, you wrote an essay for HufPost in which you said, “I believe to my core that inclusive excellence is indispensable for fulflling our educational mission to prepare our students to fourish in the 21st century … As public universities, that responsibility has huge consequences for our shared future.”
In 2020, in the wake of the national outcry to George Floyd’s death, you created the President’s Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) Task Force. When that task force submitted its proposals three months later, you publicly promised to “move aggressively” to implement their proposals to “enhance the diversity that is part of our core values at Miami.”
Now, Mike DeWine, Ohio governor and Miami alumnus, has signed into law the controversial Senate Bill 1 (S.B. 1) – formally called the “Enact Advance Ohio Higher Education Act,” a name that makes no grammatical sense, though that’s the least of its problems. The new law bans DEI initiatives on our campus – initiatives that, since 2017, you have been pledging to “aggressively” pursue, because, you said, you believe in them “to [your] core” in addition to their being “part of our core values at Miami.”
You were quite public, quite vocal, in professing those convictions. Yet when S.B. 1 was being debated in our state legislature, you made no public comment expressing opposition, or even concern, about a law that will now dismantle initiatives you have
PARKER GREEN
ASST. CAMPUS & COMMUNITY EDITOR
I had just dropped my little sister of at basketball practice when the frst message on Instagram came through.
“Are you that bitch who killed that little girl?”
An odd message to receive on a random Wednesday, sure, but probably just some internet troll trying to get a rise out of me. I hit delete without a second thought.
But then, things started to escalate. Over the next week, I received hundreds of follower requests and increasingly violent direct messages (DMs).
I was physically threatened, called slurs and told to kill myself. I was informed I was worthless and a murderer, and that the world would be better of without me in it. One person even said they were trying to fnd where I lived.
It was terrifying. It’s still terrifying. But at the moment, I was mostly confused. I could not understand what was happening because I didn’t know who any of these people were or why they were targeting me.
That is, until I checked TikTok.
Now, I didn’t (and still don’t) have a TikTok account, but after one of the DMs mentioned seeing my face there, I knew I had to investigate. Commandeering my younger brother’s account, I searched for information using the few clues I had.
Here’s what I found: A middle school student died by suicide two summers ago. The mother of this student blamed the suicide on four minors, saying they cyberbullied her child into the resulting action. Because of their status as minors, they have legal protections that adults do not, including the protection of their identities. Regardless of this fact, internet vigilantes “doxxed” them, exposing their names, photos, addresses and social media profles, inviting harassment.
But those internet sleuths did a shitty job.
I know this because out of the four victims of doxxing, only one of them didn’t include their social media han-
said are core to our university and to your own values. Why were you silent about something you spent several years claiming was so important to you?
Obviously, you’re going to comply with the new law. I say “obviously,” because I can’t imagine that anyone in the Miami community mistakes you for someone who is likely to engage in civil disobedience or who is likely to resign rather than follow an order. You’re not John Lewis or Elliot Richardson. We get that.
But, how are you going to comply?
Will your compliance be meek and silent? Or will you, perhaps, comply with your legal obligations while also stating publicly that you believe this is a bad law which threatens part of Miami’s core mission and hurts Miami students, and therefore ought to be repealed? Will you pledge Miami resources to fght the new law in court as “aggressively” as you once pledged to implement DEI initiatives on campus?
Or, is it possible that you’re actually fne with implementing the new law because all those pro-DEI public statements you started making in 2017 were really just administrative bull---? Is this just you jumping on the latest bandwagon, saying what were then the right things to say, doing what prevailing opinion then said were the right things to do, raising your national profle a little in the process?
Shortly after you formed your President’s Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Task Force in 2020, several of the students you had appointed to it resigned. One of them told The Miami Student that he “felt the task force was performative.” Would it be fair to interpret your silence about S.B. 1 as evidence that there was truth to that allegation?
I’ll be transparent: I’m hoping that this open letter will provoke from you an indignant public response. I would most like to see you express indignation about the new law, but I would be content even if your indignation were directed more at me because you feel that I’ve unfairly characterized you. Either way, I would prefer transparent indignation to the cheerful, curated corporate-speak that’s usually issued to us over your signature. So – is there anything you’d like to say?
johncharlesdufy@gmail.com
GABRIEL SLARK THE MIAMI STUDENT
One of my earliest memories of artifcial intelligence (AI) is from sixth grade. My classmates and I were assigned individual projects, and we were expected to present the information we gathered without reading directly of the whiteboard. Presentations were running smoothly until my teacher came across a link pasted on the title box of one of my classmate’s slides. The link redirected the classroom to an AI that would complete your projects for you at the small price of $1.99. My face fushed with second-hand embarrassment.
But that’s all in the past now. Today, you no longer need to pay a friend or AI to do an assessment or test for you. AI has become so accessible and advanced that ChatGPT 4.5 can now pass the Turing test, which gauges the capacity of a machine to exhibit intelligent behavior equivalent to that of a human.
These days, it’s not too uncommon to come across a ginormous AI text box disguised as a peer’s project. We see it all the time – or rather, evidence of it.
Recently, I witnessed a student presenting to the class, empty eyes at the front of their face, and that distinct ChatGPT grey highlight glaring around the words on the board behind them. To make matters worse, the student struggled to pronounce all the long words, and they did so in such a way that when class ended, I left feeling deeply concerned. Concerned for the future of education in this country. Concerned for our future professionals and parents. Con-
cerned for our political future.
Evidently, such an issue is rooted in the same classroom culture it disrupts. At this moment in history, education is in peril. Coupling political challenges with the rapid involvement of AI (particularly ChatGPT) in our learning environments, the threat becomes magnifed.
We must confront this very real problem. Children are not learning. We are not learning.
I want to preface this by saying that AI tools aren’t entirely awful, but there is an undeniable codependency that has emerged since the launch of popular software, such as ChatGPT, and a new learning defcit has arisen.
While it has always been easy to blame the students and young people for this brewing education crisis, I never hear any criticism for the professors that burden their students with such equally excessive and time-consuming homework and material, which causes a desire to cheat in the frst place.
In fact, a direct result of this concerted efort of free-time theft is that if you open any social media app and scroll far enough, you will discover the humanization of ChatGPT (aka “Chat”) among users. Countless memes depict Chat as a divine force or a fgure. In the past week, I’ve probably seen more images of ChatGPT embodying a handsome brunette than I have blades of grass. Yet, there wouldn’t be a market for this behavior and technology without a driving force. People see AI as a savior, more meaningful than a Google search, which doesn’t have a suave name.
Nobody wants to spend their days working on the same tedious
assignment questions or meaningless busy-work. Time reclamation is the purpose.
I’m quite sure I will be met with plenty of dissent when I say this; however, academia’s prevailing obsession with over-educating everyone and over-complicating everything has brought us to a dangerous crossroads. We now live in a world where people spill their deepest secrets, question their worth and every decision they make, develop social anxiety and forfeit curiosity for the sake of a good enough grade, more daylight or praise.
These users aren’t stupid, only lambs running away from the slaughter.
Interestingly enough, amongst most of the student population, there is a remarkable lack of shame in using AI, which exemplifes just how assured they are in their reliance. By and large, students understand something many professors haven’t yet grasped: most people don’t want to spend their current life studying for the next exam or pursuing a more “prestigious” degree immediately after graduating.
We must cut back on ChatGPT; nonetheless, we should recognize that our stubborn educators must be the ones to change frst. Professors don’t have the cards to make the demands they have because they can’t regulate Chat. Sorry, but that’s the inconvenient truth.
If professors assign less – but more relevant – work, there’s a greater chance that students will make honest attempts rather than highlight the text and send it of to Sam Altman’s favorite tab.
When you overwhelm students, you overwhelm data centers.
slarkgj@miamioh.edu
dles, and it just so happened to be the one who had a VERY similar name to my own.
It didn’t matter that they lived several states away, were almost seven years younger and didn’t even look like me. Because some person on the internet imperfectly doxxed a child, I was receiving threats. Worse, these people were fnding my actual pages and leaving comments, making it seem like I was the person they were trying to dox. I remember desperately calling my old high school teachers because internet strangers were leaving comments under actual videos of me posted on school channels.
The whole situation taught me two important lessons: media literacy skills are getting worse, and some people are way too confdent hiding behind a screen.
It is obvious I was not the person they were looking for. I was too old, from a diferent state and shared almost no resemblance to the girl. It would have taken fve minutes to
scan the page, read a news article about the details of the case or even check the victim’s mother’s social media accounts to see that I didn’t deserve any of it.
The four minors accused of bullying were cleared by the police, the school and the courts in relation to the suicide. Did they actually do it? It’s not up to me to decide. But legally, they are not accountable. This brings me to the second point: vigilante online justice. It is insane that in light of an al-
leged cyberbullying case, strangers decided to do the exact same thing to another person. These people, thinking they were defending a kid who they believed faced cyberbullying, ended up doing it in the process.
I will never forget the hate and threats that were spewed my way. I will never forget the way I feared for my future and the safety of me and my loved ones.
Nobody deserves to feel that way online – especially innocent people and children. The internet used to be a safe space for me. I had private accounts, posted only my most wholesome photos and was very careful of my digital footprint. That didn’t save me from being accused of a crime I didn’t commit. It didn’t save me from hate or fear. And it won’t save you, although I hope you never face the wrath of the internet. After the incident, I scrubbed myself from the internet. I changed my handles, deleted my bios and made sure any past videos of me have locked comments. But I can’t change the past, and I can never fully clear my name. Because while I didn’t do anything and had never heard of the case before that fateful summer day, I know some people just won’t believe. it. Now, things have mostly
died down. I still do random checks, making sure I’m not being dragged into the conversation again, but I’m cautiously optimistic. I’m also just cautious of the internet, of anger and of cancel culture. We don’t always blame
GRAPHIC BY CAITLIN WONG
GRAPHIC BY SYDNEY MULFORD
GREENHAWKS
A springtime spectacle:
MAURA ECKERLE
THE MIAMI STUDENT
Springtime not only brings better and brighter weather to campus, but also a reemergence of wildlife, such as a beautiful variety of wildfowers. One way Oxford residents and Miami University students are taking advantage of the season is by attending the weekly Wildfower Walks in Silvoor Biological Sanctuary every Sunday.
On Sunday, April 13 Amy Sullivan, associate teaching professor in the biology department, led one of these walks, teaching those in attendance how to identify the wildfowers around them.
At the beginning of the walk, Amanda Bentley Brymer, the curator of Silvoor Biological Sanctuary, informed attendants about the history of the sanctuary. The space was donated in 1978 by Robert Hefner, former chairman of Miami’s zoology department. It was formerly pig wallows and then a garbage dump, until Hefner converted it to a natural sanctuary, which now hosts an array of wildfower species.
Emma Halcomb, a senior biology major, said she attended the walk as
a member of Age Friendly Oxford, an organization that works to create a larger social environment in Oxford, especially among the older adult residential population. She also enjoys the ecological aspect of these walks.
“It was really interesting to fnd out more about the diferent invasive species and native species, and what to look for when looking for each one,” Halcomb said. “It’s really cool to hear about it from a biologist’s perspective.”
Speech pathology graduate student Jessica Arthur said she decided to come to the walk after hearing about the opportunity from a new friend during Graduate Student Appreciation Week.
“I love being out in nature and taking walks, but I have never really taken the time to stop and look at everything, especially wildfowers,” Authur said.
Taking a closer look at the sanctuary throughout the spring season will reveal new and diferent wildfowers blooming each week. Sullivan said this variety allows for the wildfower walks to be held all throughout the spring and remain unique.
“It’s diferent every time you come, and that’s the reason there are
walks through the whole spring,” Sullivan said. “You get to see the things that fower early, and then you can see the things that are getting ready to fower”
As well as seeing diferent fowers each week, Sullivan said that the guides, often volunteers and faculty members, also often change week to week.
“The people who guide the walks all have a diferent knowledge set,” Sullivan said. “They all bring something diferent.”
Towards the end of the walk, Sullivan directed the group’s attention to a formerly human-developed mound, now sprawling with bluebells and a variety of wildfowers. She said the hillside was cleared only two years ago, and it serves as a reminder of the origins of the sanctuary by showing how quickly nature can come back when given the chance.
The Wildfower Walks will continue to take place every Sunday at 1 p.m. until May 11, giving those interested several chances to attend before the end of the semester. The walks begin under Pefer Park Pavilion, located next to the sanctuary.
eckerlmh@miamioh.edu
The fractured future of Ohio: Current fracking legislation’s statewide implications on natural areas
SOPHIE KWIATKOWSKI STAFF WRITER
Shale is not just a rock learned about in the geology unit of a middle school science class. It also contributes to the majority of oil extraction in Ohio. This extraction is done through fracking, which involves injecting a high-pressure mixture of unregulated sand and chemicals into underground rock to extract oil and gas.
Over 200,ooo oil and gas wells have been drilled in Ohio since 1896, with over 60,000 currently subjected to drilling. While the majority of these wells are located in Eastern Ohio, where shale deposits are abundant, fracking activity still impacts Southwestern Ohio. These impacts can span anywhere from the migration of fracking byproducts into groundwater to noise and light pollution.
Less than a month ago, House Bill 308 was signed by Governor Mike
Dewine — a bill that included extensions of fracking leases on Ohio state parks and public natural areas. This bill’s passage sparked uproar, especially within the grassroots organization, Save Ohio Parks.
“It’s just a David and Goliath fght,” said Randi Pokladnik, a fracking researcher and member of Save Ohio Parks. “We get a few wins here and there, but for the most part, it’s really hard to get anything accomplished due to how gerrymandered the state is.”
Despite being up against Ohio’s current political administration, Save Ohio Parks rallied its members for a press conference in opposition to the fracking lease extensions during an Ohio Oil and Gas Land Management Commission meeting on March 28.
Focused not only on bringing together Save Ohio Parks members from all across Ohio, this rally also brought attention to the statewide
implications of fracking.
“People may mistakenly think fracking Ohio state parks and public lands is a regional issue because the majority of fracking takes place in eastern Ohio,” said Melinda Zemper, a steering committee member of Save Ohio Parks, “but the truth is, this state’s lax gas and oil waste management and storage practices are the entire industry’s Achilles’ heel.”
Because the majority of Ohioans rely on groundwater for their drinking water, the threat of fracking byproducts, like radioactive brine, seeping into their drinking water supplies is not a small one. For example, in Athens County, fracking-produced brine has been found migrating over a mile away from its source since 2019 — inching its way toward groundwater drinking wells. The migratory activity of fracking byproducts makes fracking a statewide concern, including in Southwest Ohio.
“If just one aquifer is poisoned in Ohio from migrating radioactive gas and oil waste brine, it could afect the drinking water for tens of thousands people who rely on well water for drinking,” Zemper said.
While Oxford is not close to a major fracking site, it relies greatly on the Great Miami Buried Valley Aquifer, which has been known to be susceptible to contamination. Some Miami University students are worried about Oxford’s natural areas because of this susceptibility and current pro-fracking legislative moves.
“Natural areas are a way for us to connect back to nature to fnd peace and tranquility,” said Alaina Fitch, a senior creative writing and professional writing double major. “It’s important to protect our natural areas not only so we have them to use as recreation, but also to help keep the quality of our Earth balanced.”
To address these concerns, some
Ohio legislators are taking steps to acknowledge the implications of fracking in Ohio. For example, Ohio State Senator Nickie Antonio has introduced Senate Bill 132, which aims to prohibit fracking under state lands. However, this legislative momentum requires support and awareness from Ohio citizens.
“We’ve got to hope for more than just hearings,” said Mary Huck, a Save Ohio Parks board member.
Other Save Ohio Parks members seconded this call for hope amid silence from Gov. Mike Dewine in response to their letter calling for a moratorium on fracking public Ohio parks and lands.
“They think that if they ignore us, we will go away, but that’s not going to happen,” Zemper said, “because we are dedicated, committed, knowledgeable and persistent.”
kwiatksk@miamioh.edu
A week of celebration: How Oxford and Miami are preparing for Earth Day
CONTINUED FROM FRONT
This year, the unique event put on by the Miami Environmental Professionals Association (MEPA) that showcases a deep collaboration between the Miami and Oxford communities, will see more organizations in attendance than ever before. MEPA President Anna Finkell, a senior biology major with a co-major in sustainability in the combined master of environmental science program, said she sees these collaborations as special to Earth Fest.
“Earth Fest really brings together the Oxford and Miami community,” Finkell said. “You know, we have Miami clubs that will table right alongside people from a church or from diferent organizations in Oxford.”
Live performances are also a staple of Earth Fest, and Finkell said there will be three performers during the three hours the festival is open. An infatable obstacle course will grace the park for kids – or college
students – to enjoy beyond the tables. Prizes, giveaways and educational opportunities are rampant at the different tables, and Finkell said she sees this as the best way to draw people in. MEPA will be giving away a Hydro Flask, clothing and gift cards. Previous gifts from other organizations in past years have included tote bags and potted plants.
Finkell knows how much the Oxford and Miami communities appreciate the festival, and she said she believes that the unique but fraternizing interaction between college students and townspeople helps create such a special environment.
“A lot of the people that live here just really care about things, and they want their voices to be heard,” Finkell said. “I think Earth Fest kind of gives them a platform to share their organization and share their love of the environment.”
nortonsm@miamioh.edu
Kerpranked! Miami’s
April Fool’s jokes
CONNOR OVIATT HUMOR EDITOR
As someone routinely called “unc,” you could say I’ve seen a lot on this campus. And, given that I am now the highest authority of funniness at our god-forsaken university, I feel it is my place to list the funniest pranks I’ve seen thus far. So without further ado, let’s get into it. Calling ourselves a public ivy with a ~90% acceptance rate
Listen, I don’t care that COVID caused the number to spike. It is objectively funny that this was a thing. Anyway, I’ll stop beating a dead horse. The dining halls claiming they have ice cream machines
Perhaps the dining halls, unlike McDonald’s, have fxed their ice cream machines. However, back in my day, it would be a cold day in hell if Western Dining Commons was serving ice cream. And don’t get me started on my favorite establishment – Garden. As someone who put on the freshman 25 (not joking) and has refused to get rid of it, you bet your behind I would’ve always been the frst person in line to get a nice cup of swirl ice cream. Quite frankly, it would have been a necessity to deal with Michael Pattee’s shenanigans on a daily – and nightly – basis.
That one dude who ripped the toilet out of Dodds
This one still gets me. The fact that a Miami freshman was, one, strong enough and, two, motivated enough to rip a toilet out of the ground is objectively hilarious. This completely real prank (not urban legend) was the basis of this article and continues to live in my head, despite the fact that I did not see the thinking stool thumper in person.
That one kid who sets of Havighurst’s fre alarm three times a week
Look, Havighurst Hall has its fair share of nicknames – and for good reason. However, I believe that their continuous run-ins with the Oxford Fire Department have to be planned.
Quite frankly, there is no conceivable way that the fre alarm is constantly set of by diferent people. Once you hear the story of how Brad didn’t put water in his Mac and Cheese, you would think that everyone else would catch on? I prefer to call this mischievous individual the Havighurst Heathen.
Me convincing my friends I was color blind for a month
Again, as this university’s token funny person, I have to give myself credit. In the spring semester of my freshman year, I convinced about 10 people in my dorm that I was color blind.
In an impromptu conversation about whether or not color blind people should drive, I let them know that I do, in fact, drive. I was able to continue this charade for over 30 days, which included a campaign for our mascot to be changed to the “ColorAmbiguousHawks” and to make the login screens in computer labs a more accessible color.
Unfortunately, my cover was blown when I asked my friend to get me an apple in the dining hall, only to throw a ft when she came back with a green one (although, a pretty solid move on her part).
This is not a comprehensive list of the best pranks I have seen (I have personally done far better). However, it is my goal to make a list over the course of the year to make next year’s addition of this article much better. Sike! oviattcc@miamioh.edu
Spring BINGO
SHANNON MAHONEY ASST. CAMPUS AND COMMUNITY EDITOR
It’s that time of year where tensions are high, allergies are persistent and all-nighters are widespread. This is a reminder that you can still make school fun!
Vertical
If you got a vertical BINGO, you win a crisp high fve! That’s right, you get to meet the crazy person who writes these humor columns – just send me an email with a photo of
your completed BINGO board.
Horizontal If you got a horizontal BINGO, you win a fun drink! Am I going to pay for it — absolutely not, but you can walk over to the store and get one yourself. That’s right, this is your free pass to go get that ridiculously-expensive smoothie without your mother judging you. This writer says — nay, demands — that you have a fun drink guilt-free, absolutely no judgement.
Four corners If you got four corners, you win
… nothing. I hate to break it to you, but in no universe does four corners actually count. I will die on this hill. Full board
If you got a full board, you win an ‘A+’ on your hardest fnal! You are so dedicated to this, and you deserve to be compensated for the hard work you put in. All you have to do is show up to your fnal and hand in your completed BINGO board, and they’ll be forced to give you 100%.* *results may vary.
mahones5@miamioh.edu
A super serious advice column
MICHAEL PATEE STAFF WRITER AND LIFE ADVICE CONSULTANT
It may come as a shock to some people, but I frequently receive questions from complete and total strangers. Admittedly, they’re usually scammers asking me to Cash App them. But hey, a question is a question, and since I hope to be hot enough to not have to be a sugar daddy, getting practice at saying no to people asking for money is probably a good thing. At any rate, over the weekend, I was asked some very serious questions from TMS readers that didn’t involve Arabian princes and sending money electronically, and I wanted to share the responses I gave, as I believe they are widely benefcial. Which shapes and colors have Farmer School of Business majors learned
at this point in the year?
Well, this one is a tough question, because it depends on whether correct spelling is required or not. As we all know, the fnal assessment for BUS 101 is a matching and fll-in-theblank test that includes some of the toughest shapes, like the dodecahedron. Don’t even get those students at our top 20 business school started on colors such as aquamarine and magenta. But by this point, frst-year FSB students should be able to go as high as the nonagon and recognize maroon and fuchsia. How should I go about talking to women?
DON’T!
But, Michael, our gorgeous king, we need your help! Fine, but I’d like to state that talking to women in a firtatious manner is a terrible idea. Women are terrifying, and there’s basically a
100% chance of rejection (especially if you aren’t as beautiful as the writers in our humor section). It’s better not to have a shooting percentage at all than to have a 0 shooting percentage. So take it from me: scrap the idea, it ain’t worth it. Did you skip leg day again? No comment. (Guys, I told you not to include this question in print!) How does this afect LeBron’s legacy?
Great question. For starters, you need to ask yourself, is it Taco Tuesday? If so, then it almost certainly does. That being said, if it is not Taco Tuesday, there’s a chance there is no impact. Assuming it is Taco Tuesday, this clearly brings up serious questions about LeBron’s G.O.A.T. status, and we need to ask ourselves if LeBron is a real G who moves in silence like lasagna.
patteemj@miamioh.edu
BINGO BOARD CREATED BY SHANNON MAHONEY
GRAPHIC BY HAYDEN JARVIS
GRAPHIC BY HANNAH POTTS
