BOOM Magazine February 2013

FEBRUARY 2013

A Meaningful Relationship with Your

Daughter-in-Law gordy Young

Host: Experience Michiana

Myths about

Social Security

Get the Most out of Your

Doctor Visit Community

Theatre Needs You!

Vocal Veterans

Extraordinary moments happen when extraordinary people... . . . come together as one.

Our community is generous in its response to help others. That’s why we’re asking for your donation.

The Ronald McDonald Family Room at Memorial Children’s Hospital provides food and comfort to families of critically ill or injured children 365 days a year/24 hours a day. Last year, we served almost 2,000 families – and our numbers continue to grow.

The need is always there, and as we eagerly anticipate the new year, we know that we face even more challenges. That’s why your support is so important – and appreciated.

Our staff, volunteers and our families thank you!

Here’s what one of our guests had to say about being extraordinary.

The Gift of Togetherness We invite you to be an extraordinary supporter of the Family Room. Please choose one of the following options.

When my son was brought to the hospital after an automobile accident, I didn’t want to leave his side. But after awhile, I needed a break – food and a place to get away for a bit. That’s when a nurse directed me to the Ronald McDonald Family Room. It was a place to ‘just be’, a place of peace, and a place where others understood my tears and sometimes shared in them.

If I had to use one word to describe the experience, it would be ‘EXTRA-ordinary.’

The staff and volunteers asked us every day if we needed anything. When I forgot to eat, there was always a home-cooked meal brought in by extraordinary people doing extraordinary things for me and other guests.

Thank you for keeping the Ronald McDonald Family Room going!

JULIE ROGERS ZACK ROBBINS’ MOTHER

1. Donate online at our secure site: rmhcmichiana.org.

2. Complete this form, chose a donation amount, and enclose with your check in an envelope addressed to Ronald McDonald House Charities, P.O. Box 1274, South Bend, IN 46624.

The Ronald McDonald Family Room at Memorial Children’s Hospital has recently celebrated its 10th Anniversary. We are proud of our past, but are eager to face the challenges and rewards of the future. Here is a brief portion of the message we received from Ronald McDonald House Charities – Global: NAME _______________________________________________________

We know that it takes each of us, committed to a common mission,

ADDRESS ____________________________________________________

sharing values and working together, to directly improve the health and

CITY________________________________STATE____ ZIP ____________

well-being of children. Thanks for the great work you do each and every

PHONE (___________) _________________________________________

day to provide comfort and care to children and their families.

EMAIL_______________________________________________________

We appreciate the support of our community and would like to count you as one of our “extraordinary” contributors.

When we all give, we make the biggest difference.

EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR

ON THE

COVER

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CONTENTS

EVERY MONTH 04 Letter from the Publisher 05 Contributors, Letter from the Editor 06 BOOM Time 08 Book Review: Shiver by Karen Robards

cover story: Gordy Young & Rufus Photography: CLASSIC IMAGE Photography stylist: Maria Gonzalez

Reviewed by Melissa Hunt

boom THE ARTS 36 Community Theatre Needs YOU!

By Marcia Fulmer

boom CONNECTIONS 38 Vocal Veterans

By Stephanie Graham

SPECIAL FEATURES 10 Apps to Keep you Savvy

40

Creating a Meaningful Relationship

boom HEALTHY LIVING 12 Supplement or Scam?

42

Boomerangs to Boomers

By Jennifer Warfel Juszkiewicz

14 16

Recipes by Diane Fisher Get the Most Out of Your Doctor Visit

THE PLANNER 44 Boom events to put in your planner

18

Keeping Warm

THE SCENE 50 Read about events around town

20

Snow Shoveling the Safe Way

By Michael Rotkis, M.D.

By Evelyn Kirkwood

An Interview with an Almost-Daughter-In-Law

By Charrise McCrorey When Adult Children Move Back with Their Parents

By Margo Bell

By Henry DeLeeuw, M.D.

boom THE TRAVELER 24 Aspen the Beautiful boom COVER STORY 26 Experience Gordy Young

By Stephanie J. Salisbury

boom LOVERS' LANE 28 Routine Spontaneity

By Lucas Miles

boom SECURITY 30 Eliminate Fraud‌ Almost!

By Barbara Brownell

32

Myths about Social Security

34

Tax Time is Here

By David Seymour

By Michele Kulp

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letter from the

publisher

Photography: Classic Image photography Makeup: CamellIa Cosmetics, Granger

Publisher & Editor-in-Chief: Betsy Tavernier Betsy@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com

EXECUTIVE Editor:

Stephanie J. Salisbury Stephanie@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com

Advertising Account Manager: Nicky Graham Nicky@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com

Creative Promotions manager: Jena Bontrager Jena@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com

GRAPHIC DESIGN Manager: Zuzanna Zmud Zuzanna@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com

MEDICAL EDITOR: Dr. Jesse Hsieh

Where did 2012 go?

Whoa, Nelly!

Welcome to 2013 and the third issue of BOOM Magazine! I hope you are enjoying this new publication and I truly appreciate the feedback we've received from you. BOOM Magazine is growing in editorial and readership strength and also with our advertising partners so I appreciate your support very much and I'm excited to see what BOOM and 2013 will do this year. We have big plans for you!

Speaking of plans, I'm curious to learn about your plans for the new year as a boomer ... do you enjoy putting together your bucket list each year? Or do you just wing it? What do you want to do this year that is special and different? What do you want to accomplish? What are you doing to live your best life, this year?

We want to tailor our articles and information around the topics that you want so please keep the feedback coming. As you will see on the following pages, this issue highlights some fantastic articles from our local boomer writers and many of the topics were from readers' suggestions and feedback. If you get a chance, please drop me a line or an email and let me know what you want to read or to learn about in 2013: Betsy@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com.

Distribution Manager: John Ferguson

BOOM Magazine is a division of Michiana Family Magazines, LLC established in 2006. All rights reserved.

We would love to hear from you! Please submit press releases, event information and inquiries to: Media@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com The FAMILY Magazines 1233 E. University Dr. Granger, IN 46530 PH: 574.387.5420 • FX: 574.217.4700 www.MichianaFamilyMagazine.com Permission from the publisher is required for any reproduction or reprint of this publication.

Read BOOM Magazine online each month!

Go to www.MichianaFamilyMagazine.com and flip the pages, cover-to-cover the organic and green way!

February 2013 Volume 2: Number 1

I hope this new issue of BOOM Magazine finds you enjoying all that you want out of life and a good plan for a fulfilling and peaceful 2013.

LOOK WHO’s TALKING

Betsy

follow us on Twitter, and become our fan on Facebook. @FAMILYMagazine www.facebook.com/Family-Magazine

Betsy Tavernier Publisher & Editor-in-Chief 4

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pinterest.com/familymags/

february / contributors

letter from the

editor

Henry DeLeeuw Henry DeLeeuw, M.D. is a board-certified orthopedic surgeon with fellowship training in spine surgery from the University of Pittsburgh.

He graduated from Michigan State University and earned his medical degree from the University of Chicago, Pritzker School of Medicine. He is originally from Michigan and enjoys living in northern Indiana with the close proximity to Lake Michigan. He is married and has four children.

Barbara Brownell Barbara Brownell is the Crime Victim Advocate for the Older Adult Crime Victim Program at REAL Services.

She has been a victim of both personal and property crime and has much empathy for victims of crime and those trying to prevent crime.

Michael Rotkis, M.d.

Michael Rotkis, M.D. is a general surgeon with a special interest in breast surgery at General & Vascular Surgery, a practice of Allied Physicians of Michiana. He routinely works with other specialists to provide a multidisciplinary approach to the treatment of breast cancer.

Marcia Fulmer Marcia Fulmer is a native of New Jersey who worked for The Elkhart Truth for 36 years as writer/ reporter and eventually entertainment editor. She has a background in theater and music from Centenary College in NJ. Marcia interned in summer stock in Woodstock, NY and worked in the publicity department of Buena Vista Films division of Walt Disney Productions, also in New York City. During years at The Truth, she interviewed diverse personalities including Colm Wilkinson, Billy Graham, Tony Bennett, Christine Ebersole and Faith Hill. Since retiring in 2008, Marcia continues interviews and theater reviews on website marciamarciamarcia.net.

Photography: Classic image Photography Makeup: CamellIa Cosmetics, Granger

Dear Readers,

Happy Valentine's Day and welcome to 2013. (It’s still weird to me that there’s not a 19- in front of the year. I keep thinking I’ll get over that, but it hasn’t happened yet.) As always at the new year, we’re setting goals, making resolutions and getting ready, once again, to take better care of our health.

This issue is chock full of great tips and advice for you. Dr. Michael Rotkis gives us some direction on what to focus on to make the best of our appointments with doctors this year, and Dr. Henry DeLeeuw points us in the right direction to avoid injuries while shoveling snow during our fabulous Midwest winter. And have you ever wondered what’s really going on with vitamins and supplements? Jennifer Warfel Juszkiewicz took an indepth look at whether or not we’re being scammed – don’t miss her article for some helpful information and things to watch out for.

I had the delightful opportunity to interview our cover man, Mr. Gordy Young, a 20-year Michiana resident and all-around great guy. You can read about him and learn about the exciting things happening around the community with his WNIT show “Experience Michiana” on page 26.

Relationships are so important, aren’t they? Lucas Miles has some wise advice for ‘scheduling’ spontaneity into our marriages to keep the spark alive, and Charrise McCrorey has a heartfelt interview with her soon-tobe daughter-in-law that provides us with insights into the best ways to interact with our sons’ wives. You’ll love it!

And one more thing: as a director of community theatre, the arts are very close to my heart. Marcia Fulmer has a fantastic article on how you can become involved – not just on stage, but behind-the-scenes sewing, building or making yourself available for anything your local theatre might need. You’d be surprised at how much work goes into a production that you might not even think about, and I guarantee you: community theatre needs YOU! Whatever your aspirations this new year, be happy, be healthy and be true to yourself.

Stephanie boom | FEBRUARY 2013

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FAMILY Magazines recently invited our readers, writers and local Moms' groups to meet and greet with Amy Allen Clark, author of the book, "The Good Life For Less". Amy has been one of the FAMILY Magazine's treasured writers for many years, and we were happy to have her here at our offices, signing books and meeting with our staff and readers. The food was catered by Temper Grille, and two lucky attendees won some fun prizes in our drawings! You can read more about Amy's writing and parenting adventures at her website www.MomAdvice.com.

Magical Ice Carving Festival, St. Joseph, MI

Happy Valentine’s Day

Quotes:

“Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home.” ~ Edith Sitwell

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"The Good Life for Less"

Groundhog’s Day

Winter Walk, South Bend

“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says "Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.” ~ Lewis Carroll

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Rock of Ages, Morris Performing Arts Center

“What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.”

~ John Steinbeck

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Author Rebecca Skloot, St. Mary’s O’Laughlin Auditorium

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“If winter comes, can spring be far behind?” ~ Percy Bysshe Shelley “Are ye the ghosts of fallen leaves, O flakes of snow, For which, through naked trees, the winds A-mourning go?” ~ John Banister Tabb

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Top Songs 1948

Top Songs 1962

2. Nature Boy – Nat King Cole

2. I Can’t Stop Loving You – Ray Charles

3. I’m Looking Over a Four-Leaf Clover – Art Mooney

3. Telstar – The Tornadoes

4. Twelfth Street Rag – Pee Wee Hunt

5. Good Luck Charm – Elvis Presley

1. Buttons and Bows – Dinah Shore

5. Manana (is Soon Enough for Me) – Peggy Lee 6. The Woody Woodpecker Song – Kay Kyser 7. Now is the Hour – Bing Crosby 8. You Call Everybody Darlin’ – Al Trace 9. All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth – Spike Jones

1. Speedy Gonzales – Pat Boone

4. Return to Sender – Elvis Presley 6. Let’s Dance – Chris Montez 7. Zwei Kleine Italiener – Connie Froeboss 8. The Loco-Motion – Little Eva 9. Roses are Red – Bobby Vinton 10. Can’t Help Falling in Love – Elvis Presley

10. A Tree in the Meadow – Margaret Whiting

Valentine’s Did-You-Know

Hallmark made its first Valentine card in 1913.

Approximately 85% of Valentine cards are purchased by women.

You can burn up to 26 calories by kissing for one minute.

In Shakespearean times, the liver (not the heart) was associated with love.

Jimmy Hoffa, Florence Henderson and Michael Bloomberg were all born on February 14.

Enchiladas Ala Jeannine Ingredients:

1 lb ground beef (or shredded) Taco seasoning* (make your own, see recipe below!)

Tortillas Corn Black beans Mozzarella cheese Salsa Sour cream Directions:

Brown ground beef in a large skillet. Add 1 C water and taco seasoning. Bring to boil then simmer 15 minutes until most of the water is cooked out. Warm tortillas in microwave for about 15 seconds. Layer meat, corn, beans and cheese in tortilla (or mix the meat, corn, and beans together

in a bowl – a wee bit easier than layering everything separately.) Roll up tortillas and place in greased 9×13 pan (I also like to spray the tops of the tortillas to make them a bit more crispy.) Sprinkle tops with cheese and salsa. Bake at 350 for 30-40 minutes.

Serve with dollop of sour cream. *Make your own taco seasoning:

Per pound of meat (all ingredients are to-taste): 1T chili powder 1t cumin 1t garlic powder 1t onion powder Dash of salt

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Book review

Shiver

By Karen Robards

Reviewed by Melissa Hunt

Reference Coordinator, Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Public Library

Trying to make a life for herself and her son Tyler, Samantha (Sam) Jones is doing what she’s always done: just trying to get by. On her own in East St. Louis, the woman tries to support herself and her son by repossessing cars. When she goes on a call to repossess a BMW, the last thing she expects is to find a body in the trunk. This job has cast her into a terrifying fight for survival.

Danny Panterro is minutes away from dying when Sam discovers him. Bleeding from a gunshot wound, he's been snatched from protective custody by a vicious gang of drug runners who will stop at nothing to see him dead. Danny takes Sam hostage, forcing her to help him, while he tries to make her understand that she's a target too. When the gang invades her house and threatens her son's life, Sam finally understands there is no way out of this situation. She and Tyler are on the run with Danny in a desperate effort to reach the authorities who have promised him protection before the killers can silence all three of them forever. In the face of harrowing danger, Sam has no choice but to trust Danny with her life and, more importantly, her son's. Against her better judgment, Sam starts to fall for the dangerous stranger.

What Sam doesn't know is that Danny has a secret that could destroy them all.

If you enjoy Karen Robards try titles by these authors: Catherine Coulter, Linda Howard, Sandra Brown, Karen Rose and Jayne Ann Krentz.

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Destination

Meals

Great Local Places to Eat in Michiana

A Temper You Want to Have Trendy and elegant at the same time, Temper Grille has a bold, exciting style that makes you want to come back again and again. Bite by delectable bite, you can taste the passion in each and every dish. Let your Temper flare!

Temper Grille, Granger

Grilled Norwegian Salmon with Sauce Pipérade This dish originates from the Basque region of France. It’s a flavorful pepper and cured ham tomato sauce, finished with fresh herbs and egg whites, served with steamed broccoli and herbed jasmine rice.

Uptown Dining Group Restaurants – Uptown Kitchen, Granger

Black Tiger Shrimp Tempura

Irish Themed and Delicious

Try this delicious Black Tiger Shrimp Tempura! Served with Edamame Salad, a spicy Miso glaze and Toasted Sesame Seeds it has just the right zing of Asian flavor with a dash of excitement!

Uptown Dining Group Restaurants – The Mark Dine & Tap, South Bend

Overlooking the St. Joe River, upscale Irish-themed McCarthy’s is known for its fresh, personable approach in delivering unique food and hospitality solutions. Chef Javier Mendez offers Ahi Tuna, Lamb Chops, Barramundi and hand-cut Hereford Beef.

McCarthy’s on the Riverwalk, Elkhart

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special features

Apps to

Keep you Savvy TRIP ADVISOR

Browse literally millions of reviews on hotels, resorts, restaurants and destinations to help you decide where to go on vacation this year. Research weekend getaways, business trips or leisurely vacations to plan everything you need for your trip.

NAV FREE

A GPS application with full features, no time limits and turnby-turn navigation for anywhere and everywhere in the United States. Whether you’re going across the country in an RV or to a new friend’s house on the other side of town, check out this app for directions.

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Instagram

TIP N SPLIT Tip Calculator

OPEN TABLE

FLIXSTER

A wonderful way to organize and beautify your photos. Instagram is taking the online world by storm – have you ever wished you could be an incredible photographer? Try your skills by taking a picture and making it as perfect as you like on Instagram.

Make your reservations for Valentine’s Day – make sure you can get into the restaurant you really want to eat at on February 14th or any other day!

Quickly calculate a tip for your hairdresser, server, bartender or anyone else OR split the bill with any number of friends for a simpler way to finish your meal.

Are you a homebody? Often, going to the movie theatre is a lousy experience, with people texting, talking, making noise – now you can watch movies on your phone or tablet with the Flixter app, and never have to leave the house! Snuggle up on the sofa and enjoy one for Valentine’s Day, or any other day! boom | FEBRUARY 2013

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healthy living

Supplement or

Scam?

Taking the Lid off Vitamins and Supplements

By Jennifer Warfel Juszkiewicz

When the Division of Chemistry (today known as the Food and Drug Administration) was formed in the late 19th century, the goal was to protect the populace from ‘snake oil salesmen’ – peddlers who sold mystery ‘oils’ made from snakes or other plants and animals that they proclaimed were cure-alls. Today, the FDA is still on the case, but this time the names have changed: essential oils, herbal remedies, natural cures, dietary supplements and even vitamins can fall under the heading of health fraud scams.

The problems are manifold. Some products are labeled incompletely and may include substances that are dangerous to certain people. Some products rely on unfounded claims that they cure illnesses or disorders. Some products are simply ineffective.

In short, as the FDA website explains, “Health fraud scams refer to products that claim to prevent, treat or cure diseases or other health conditions, but are not proven safe and effective for those uses. Health fraud scams waste money and can lead to delays in getting proper diagnosis and treatment. They can also cause serious or even fatal injuries.”

The FDA and Your Medicine Cabinet But wait – doesn’t the FDA regulate all these products?

How can there be scams? Well, vitamins are not regulated by the FDA in the same way that medications are. In fact, since they are considered ‘supplements’, they have little to no regulation whatsoever. Unless they are proven to have caused harm or they have labels that make unfounded, definitive claims to ‘cure’ some aspect of a disease (such as cancer, AIDS, diabetes, multiple sclerosis, etc.), they are relatively unaffected by the FDA. According to federal law, while these products must be labeled as dietary supplements, once they are, “Federal law does not require dietary supplements to be proven safe to FDA’s satisfaction before they are marketed.” (FDA.gov) So how do you know what you’re taking even works? Unless you’ve done your research and talked to a health care provider – you don’t.

“The consumer needs to know a fair amount about the manufacturer to be a smart buyer,” explains Marcia Prenguber, ND, FABNO, director of Integrative Care, and Emily Moore, ND, LAC, FABNO. Both Dr. Prenguber and Dr. Moore specialize in naturopathic medicine at IU Health Goshen.

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Overwhelmed? You’re not alone. But let’s back up a step – do we even need vitamins in the first place?

Finding Answers, Staying Safe Maureen Jamieson, MSN, RD, is a clinical manager at Memorial Hospital and a registered dietitian. She also teaches a class on nutrition at Indiana University South Bend. She says that there are a few ways to be safe.

First, get to know yourself and what you actually need. Check out the 2005 Dietary Guidelines for Americans at Health.gov to learn what the recommended amount is for each vitamin your body needs to operate. “We are careful with the dosages of medicines like aspirin, so we should have a similar respect for the daily recommended allowance of vitamins as well.

Taking more isn’t better,” advocates Jamieson.

To ensure that you aren’t already meeting the recommended requirement with your daily intake of food, consider keeping a food diary for a few days and note the amount of vitamins from food you’re ingesting, not just the number of calories.

You might be surprised that you’re meeting most of the recommendations already.

Now, if you find that you’re coming short in a few areas, you’re on a restricted diet (either for medical or ethical reasons), or are pregnant, take the next step. Bring your calculations and concerns to a health care provider, such as a doctor or registered dietitian.

This is important – don’t go to a health shop or vitamin company representative to determine if you need vitamins.

They have a vested interest in your purchasing their products, explains Jamieson. After all, “The supplement industry is huge. In 1994, their sales were around $8 billion. In 2008, that had boomed to $24 billion.”

Not only are such company representatives biased, but they don’t know your health background and what other medications you are taking. Some supplements can harmfully interact with other medications.

However, your doctor should be able to give you an informed and objective opinion about your needs. And even if you’re meeting all the recommendations, tell your doctor if you’re feeling sluggish, have noticed memory lapses, or if your menopausal symptoms are affecting your quality of life (hot flashes, night sweats, skin health, weight loss). These may

indicate that you have special needs or a vitamin deficiency.

Once your doctor has confirmed that your body needs and can benefit from additional nutritional supplements, it’s time to choose a good brand.

Making The Right Choice There are a few ways to ensure that a brand is safe and effective. First, study the label. As we stated earlier, ensure the amount listed is the amount you need. Next, Jamieson says to see if the product has been tested by the United States Pharmacopeial Convention. There should be a line on the label stating that the product has been approved or certified by USP. USP’s website explains that they are “a scientific non-profit organization that sets standards for the identity, strength, quality and purity of medicines, food ingredients and dietary supplements manufactured, distributed and consumed worldwide. USP’s drug standards are enforceable in the United States by the Food and Drug Administration, and these standards are developed and relied upon in more than 140 countries.”

However, when I riffled through all the cabinets in my house, pulling down vitamins and supplements from half a dozen different companies, only one had been approved by USP, and it was written in small print below the list of ingredients.

I own at least thirty kinds of supplements, and USP had only approved one.

Now, that doesn’t mean that the rest of my vitamins are unsafe, but I need to take the next step to check them. I need to call the company. Each kind of vitamin should have a tollfree number printed on the packaging where you can call with questions. Some questions you might want to ask, according to Drs.Prenguber and Moore, include: • Does the manufacturer follow good manufacturing practice?

• Do they have third party inspections of the raw materials, of the process, of the finished product?

• Where do they get their raw materials?

• Are those raw materials organic?

• Are the herbs tested for contaminants such as heavy metals and pesticides?

• Are the fish oils purified?

• Do the labels accurately reflect what the quantities are that are in the product?

• Are the herbs the correct species and family and accurately reflected on the label?

• Are the probiotics accurately reflected in the strain that is contained in the product?

• Are there non-nutrient ingredients that do not need to be in the product (such as coloring agents)?

The company should be able to answer your questions, and they may even provide you with links to information about their production quality and sourcing guidelines.

You should note that some vitamins are made in ways that make them more difficult for your body to absorb, thereby making them ineffective. This is particularly the case for Vitamin E, explains Drs. Prenguber and Moore. Vitamin E is a combination of eight compounds, one of which is often created synthetically and is difficult for the body to absorb.

Adding to that, less expensive Vitamin E is often made into a hard tablet, the production of which requires binding agents, which also complicate absorption: “This becomes a problem when someone is taking a medication that inhibits or reduces the body’s normal acid production, or medications that inhibit digestion of various nutrients in some fashion.

Capsules, powders, and liquids are often a better choice for absorption concerns.”

You can also check the reputation of certain companies or products by running their names through the FDA website or one of the other websites listed in our sidebar. Also, consider bringing the supplement you’ve chosen into your doctor’s office. He or she can check to be sure you’ve made the best choice.

While this all seems rather complex, the takeaway is relatively simple: be sure you need a vitamin, talk to a health care provider to ensure taking one is safe, and then take one that has a good reputation on the market. As Jamieson emphasizes, “We need to have a healthy respect for what we put in our bodies.” •••

For More Information The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics: eatright.org The American Council on Science and Health: acsh.org Quackwatch: quackwatch.com The National Council Against Health Fraud: ncahf.org The National Institute For Health: dietary-supplements.info.nih.gov The United States Food and Drug Administration: FDA.gov The United States Health Department: health.gov The United States Pharmacopeial Convention: usp.org

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healthy living

Mom’s Homemade

Apple Cake

By Diane Fisher

Catering was an obvious choice for me after becoming an empty nester, but I've had to work hard at it. I love making people feel loved and cared for and, in doing so, it has become quite a fulfilling career. I was raised to be a hard worker and am proud of my small, but growing, business.

But let's face it.

When we get to be our age, we can tend to be a little moody with all of the pressures we have of caring for elderly parents or children returning to the home, not to mention all of the changes going on inside of each one of us! This is where my faith carries me. When I need to 'chill out', I fix a cup of hot tea and sit down and reflect on all I have been blessed with.

My mother used to say, "No matter what your issues are, it could always be worse!" Her wisdom has seen me through a few tough times and I am thankful that she was chosen to be my mom. Though she has been gone many years, I still treasure those times I had with her, even when she was the age I am now. I now understand some of what she was facing, and it has made me appreciate her all the more.

We did a lot of canning, cooking and baking together when I was growing up and I am still lucky enough to remember some of those old recipes. Her homemade apple cake was delicious! Don't tell anyone, but I will share the recipe with you. Just make sure Theresa gets the credit if you slip up and share the secret! Although, truth be told, she got it from a very old “Home Cooking” cookbook where it was submitted by Mrs. P. B. Brothers! •••

Apple Cake 2 C sugar 1 C butter or margarine 1 t soda ½ t salt 3 C diced apples ½ C chopped nuts ½ C raisins 3 C flour 3 eggs, well-beaten 1 ½ t vanilla 1 t cinnamon Cream sugar and butter. Add eggs and beat well. Add dry ingredients and vanilla; beat. Add apples, nuts and raisins and stir by hand. Bake in tube pan at 350 degrees for 1 hour and 20 minutes.

Glaze: ½ stick margarine ½ C brown sugar 2 T milk Combine all ingredients in small saucepan and cook over medium heat 3 minutes. Cool and drizzle over warm cake.

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Soup-er Supper!

Recipes By Diane Fisher

Chicken Noodle Soup 3 boneless skinless chicken breasts 2-3 stalks celery, chopped 1 medium sweet onion, chopped ½ pound carrots, coined 1 gallon water Salt and pepper to taste Chicken bouillon paste or powder to taste Parsley (optional) ½ pound whole wheat Orzo noodles, or other small noodles Put water in large stock pot and bring to boil. Add celery, onions and carrots. Allow to cook for about 10 minutes. Add chicken and continue to slow boil. Add remaining ingredients, tasting to season appropriately. Parsley will add a little color and vitamins to the soup and adding it after the noodles have cooked will retain more of their nutrients.

Note: If you wish to make ahead and freeze, do not add noodles until re-heated. Recipe is very low in fat and can be multiplied.

Yellow Split Pea Soup 1 – 1 ¼ pounds yellow split peas, examined and washed Enough water to cover peas in pot by 2-3 inches Leftover ham bone and scraps, or 1 lb. of fat free ham chunks (sugar-cured is best) 1 cup chopped celery 1 cup chopped carrots 1 cup fresh spinach leaves, torn in half 1 medium red onion, chopped 2 cups fat free chicken broth Salt and pepper to taste Bring peas and ham to boil in pot with water. Cook for 20 minutes. Remove ham (if using bone or scraps) and prepare to put useable ham back into pot. Place celery, carrots, and onion into skillet with a small amount of olive oil and sauté.

Add to pot with beans and ham. Add the chicken broth, spinach, salt and pepper then bring to a low boil. Peas will fall apart and may even disintegrate. Stir occasionally until well heated. Serve.

Note: if you would like a totally smooth soup, use a blender or immersion blender to smooth the soup before serving. boom | FEBRUARY 2013

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healthy living

Get the Most Out of Your Doctor Visits A Physician’s Advice for Patients

By Michael Rotkis, M.D.

W

e’ve all experienced it at some point – that appointment with a doctor that left you feeling uneasy, unsure or uncomfortable. When it comes to your health, there’s no worse feeling.

As a physician, I can tell you that a healthy doctor-patient relationship is essential to good healthcare. And like any relationship, communication is the most important element. Unfortunately, I’ve met many patients who take too passive a role when it comes to doctor visits. They show up, answer the doctor’s questions and accept his or her advice without any questions of their own. Not good.

As a patient, you have both a right and a responsibility to be proactive about your health. The following tips will help you stay in control and get the most out of your doctor visits.

Educate Yourself

Whenever your general physician refers you to a specialist, it helps to learn about your particular diagnosis or condition. Being more informed will help prepare you for a productive conversation during your office visit.

Note: this doesn’t mean you should Google anything and everything on the topic. Stick with trusted, accredited resources. For example, if you’re researching a heart condition, start with the American Heart Association. You can be certain the information there has been checked and vetted by boardcertified cardiologists.

When it comes to online medical research, avoid individual blogs, threads and general question and answer sites like Yahoo! Answers and Ask.com.

Websites like these are full of anecdotal advice than can do more harm than good. Everyone is different, and you don’t want to form a preconceived notion about your health based on one person’s experience with a similar condition.

Know your Doctor’s Credentials

This is an easy one that many patients either forget about or don’t feel comfortable about doing. But knowing your physician’s credentials is important. During your first visit, ask what his or her experience is with your particular condition. Qualified physicians will be more than happy to discuss their training and experience with you. If they aren’t, you’ll know something isn’t right.

Ask the Right Questions

During office visits, you have your doctor’s undivided attention. Use this time 16

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wisely by asking the right questions. First, you’ll want to know specific details about your particular diagnosis.

Don’t let your doctor skim over anything. The more you know about your condition, the better.

if you eventually decide that your doctor’s initial recommendation is the best option for you, you’ll feel more sure about it than you did before, which will give you a better outlook.

Next, make sure your doctor clearly lays out his or her recommendations for you. Again, get as many details as possible, including risks, time frame, costs and how it will affect your quality of life. Ask your doctor what to realistically expect during your treatment and, most importantly, when you’ll feel good again.

That said, never feel like you’re personally obligated to get a second opinion. If you’re happy with your doctor’s recommendations, that’s great. Nothing wrong with that.

The general rule of thumb about second opinions is: if you want one, get one.

Finally, inquire about your other treatment options. At the end of the day, the decision is yours. Never forget that. You have every right to disagree with your doctor’s recommendations and pursue another option. Just don’t do so without following the next tip.

Before you leave, always ask your doctor what you should do if you have a question in the future. Most likely you will get a feel for how open he or she is about communicating with patients. Are you welcome to call the office? What kind of time frame can you expect to hear back? Most physicians who value open communication will get back to their patients within 24 hours, barring some kind of emergency.

Get a Second Opinion if You Want One

Sometimes patients are embarrassed to tell their doctor they’d like a second opinion. As a physician, take it from me: it’s perfectly okay. Any doctor confident in their training and recommendations will have no problem in you seeking a second opinion. If you ever meet a doctor who becomes offended by this, consider it a red flag in the doctor-patient relationship.

A second opinion is particularly important if you’re unsure about your current doctor’s recommendations.

Anytime you feel this way, get a second opinion. Even

The Last Thing You Should Always Ask Your Doctor

These tips will help you get the most out of your next doctor visit. Remember, you have a right to know as much as possible about your diagnosis and treatment options. If you don’t understand something, just ask. A good doctor will want you to feel confident that you’re getting the best care possible. •••

Choose the gift of time.

– Vicki, Joseph’s Daughter

“My dad was in a lot of pain with lung cancer. We called Center for Hospice Care and they admitted him to their Hospice House. Their nurses got dad’s pain under control, and he was able to go home. They taught me to be a better caregiver and gave our family the gift of time together.

Don’t wait to call them.”

To learn more or self-refer, call anytime.

800.HOSPICE (467.7423) or CenterForHospice.org Services from Center for Hospice Care are typically covered by Medicare, Medicaid or private insurance. No one is turned away due to inability to pay.

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©2011 Center for Hospice Care boom | FEBRUARY 2013 17 10/23/12 11:32 AM

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healthy living

Keeping

Warm Air is the Biggest-Kept Secret!

By Evelyn Kirkwood

Time to ratchet up the cold weather clothing strategy. Too often, I hear people complain about the cold. But I walk in temperatures that curl most people into their recliner. It’s all about dressing right.

On a very chilly morning, my husband called me to the window to ask what kind of bird was on the telephone pole.

“A sapsucker,” I replied.

“Can’t be; too fat,” he said.

It was a sapsucker, but the bird’s feathers were all puffed up and it looked about twice its normal size. Juncos at the feeders were puffed up, too, and while cracking seeds, they hunched down to cover their feet with their body feathers.

Birds don’t don extra clothes when frigid weather arrives, but instinctively they add insulating air around their bodies. We have a lot we can learn from those birds.

Air is a terrific insulator. When birds fluff out their feathers, blood vessels in the skin warm the blanket of air trapped against their bodies. Their heart doesn’t have to work quite as hard to maintain overall body warmth.

So, how does that relate to humans dressing for the cold?

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Too often, we pull on bulky clothes that are too tight and don’t trap air.

Boots are a great example. My dress boots are close to my shoe size, but my serious cold weather boots are one full size larger than my shoes. That leaves room for a thin pair of silk or synthetic liner socks under a pair of wool blend socks. Those layers, combined with the air trapped by the felt liner in my boots, means that my toes are toasty and warm, even at three degrees.

Here’s another tip: ditch the cotton. No jeans, no cotton T-shirts, no cotton socks. Cotton does a poor job of wicking away perspiration, so it traps moisture against your body. That’s the opposite of the lesson learned from the birds. Moisture against your skin will only make you colder.

Mammals also trap air near their bodies in winter. In fall, beavers and deer grow hairs that are hollow. Extra air provides extra warmth.

Likewise, my base layer begins with a set of polyester long johns. They are terrific at wicking away moisture.

Over that is a layer of fleece pants and a wool or fleece sweater.

When wind adds to the chill, birds nestle into evergreens or tree cavities and deer bed down in protected hollows. Your outer layer of clothing should stop wind and be waterresistant or water-repellent. Many of the newer “3-in-1” jacket systems accomplish wind block and layering with zip-out liners.

Don’t let cold temperatures keep you from enjoying the outdoors.

Take a tip from nature’s creatures; layer up and add some air. •••

Gallery phone 574-241-0101 • www.DeanLoucksArt.com

G

Call Jan today to experience her personalized service.

ranger’s Real Estate Expert #1 Realtor® for Cressy & Everett 2003-2012 #1 Realtor® in St. Joseph County MLS 2007-2012

“Buying or selling a home is one of the biggest events in your life. As the top local real estate expert, I have the experience, the proven track record and the value of community you are looking for.” ~ Jan Lazzara

Jan Lazzara 574-651-1665

Broker associate, GRI Relocation Specialist Licensed in IN & MI

JAN@JANLAZZARA.COM

JANLAZZARA.COM boom | FEBRUARY 2013

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healthy living

Snow Shoveling

the Safe Way

By Henry DeLeeuw, M.D.

People tend to think of shoveling their sidewalk and driveway as just another household chore, but it really involves a lot of bending and heavy lifting, particularly in wet snow. In fact, snow shoveling is more like a trip to the gym than a simple chore. The average shovel holds about 16 pounds of snow. If you load your shovel 12 times a minute, you are lifting and moving 192 pounds or almost 2,000 pounds in just over 10 minutes!

That doesn’t mean you should go out and immediately buy a snowblower. If done properly and with the correct preparation, shoveling actually counts as a moderate physical activity. A 170-pound person shoveling for 30 minutes will burn about 250 calories, which is comparable to a round of singles tennis or speed-walking.

Safety and ergonomics are the key issues to avoid injury during this activity. According to the 2009 U.S. Consumer Products Safety Commission, more than 16,500 individuals were treated in emergency rooms for snow removal-related injuries. The types of injuries we see in our orthopedic practice include sprains to the back, arm and shoulders, bone fractures from slipping on the ice and lacerations due to improper use of equipment.

The lower back is the most frequently injured area of the body, accounting for 34% of all shoveling injuries. Using the wrong body mechanics when shoveling snow can put undue stress on the lower back and lead to a painful muscle strain, or a possibly more serious back injury such as a herniated disk. Also known as a slipped disk, a herniated disk is when one of the soft disks between the vertebrae comes out of position and pushes on a nerve.

Prepare Your Body As with any exercise or vigorous activity, you should warm-up your muscles before going out to shovel. Start with ten minutes of light exercise and stretching before you shovel. If you are inactive and have a history of heart trouble, talk to your doctor before taking on the task of shoveling snow.

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As we prepare for outdoor activities it is also important to pace ourselves. Listen to your body and take breaks.

Snow shoveling is an aerobic activity, so pay attention to what your body is telling you. Start slowly and work at a steady pace. Take a short break if you feel pain or shortness of breath.

We need to be aware of what we put into our bodies.

Avoid caffeine or nicotine before shoveling. These are stimulants which may increase your heart rate and cause your blood vessels to constrict. Drink plenty of water and stay hydrated. Dehydration can cause dizziness and fainting, and is just as important in the winter as it is during the summer months.

Use the Proper Equipment The proper equipment for the job can mean the difference between a safe activity and an injury. Dress appropriately in light, layered, water-repellent clothing. The best winter wear allows for both ventilation and insulation.

Dressing in layers allows you to remove a layer as needed.

Synthetic fibers may help wick away perspiration better than natural fibers.

It is also important to wear appropriate head coverings, as well as mitten or gloves and thick, warm socks. Again, two layers of socks may work better than one bulky pair.

An important safety concern with your clothing is clear vision. Choose hats and scarves that don’t obstruct your vision and don’t wear gloves that make it difficult to use the shovel.

The Center for Injury Research and Policy estimate that 20% of shoveling injuries are due to slips or falls. So wear slip-resistant footwear! Preferably snow or work boots with a heavy tread. Trying to quickly shovel your front sidewalk in tennis shoes is an accident waiting to happen.

Finally, pick the right shovel for the job. A smaller blade will require you to lift less snow, putting less strain on your arms and back. Use a shovel that is comfortable for your height and strength. Do not use a shovel that

is too heavy or too long for your body type. Ergonomic shovels are also available at most hardware and box stores. They have a contoured handle that’s designed to reduce or eliminate bending and make it easier to lift.

Use the Proper Shoveling Technique One of the best ways to avoid injury while snow shoveling is proper technique. We sometimes forget our age and want to go out and clear the driveway like we did in our 20s and 30s. Definitely not a good idea!

Here are some helpful guidelines to follow when shoveling this winter: • Push the snow instead of lifting it, and be sure not to overload the shovel.

• Shovel by sections and levels. If there is a foot of snow outside, take it easy and shovel two-tothree inches off at a time.

• Always face towards the snow you intend to lift – have your shoulders and hips both squarely facing it.

• If you have to lift, squat with your legs apart, knees bent and back straight.

• Your feet should point in the direction you are placing the snow.

• Lift with your legs, do not bend at the waist.

• Avoid twisting or throwing snow over your shoulder.

• Walk to the new location to deposit the snow rather than reaching or tossing.

I hope these tips and techniques help you have a safe winter. Warmup properly, dress accordingly and use good form to avoid injury when snow shoveling. I have one final piece of advice: if you are not physically active or have serious health conditions, let someone else do the shoveling! •••

Center for Hospice & Pallative Care

boom | FEBRUARY 2013

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The Heart of the Matter: Heart Disease & Stroke Prevention Open House Thursday, February 7, 2013 4:00 pm – 7:00 pm Elkhart General Hospital West Wing 600 East Boulevard • Elkhart, Indiana Heart disease is the number one killer of men and women. To prevent yourself from becoming a statistic, connect with the award winning Elkhart General Hospital Center for Cardiac Care as they provide numerous educational opportunities and hands-on activities that will improve your heart health.

Free Screenings Non-Fasting Cholesterol • Blood Sugar • Blood Pressure • Body Fat Review your test results with physicians and clinicians who specialize in heart care Free Carotid Artery and Peripheral Artery Disease Screenings will be conducted on a registration-only basis (must be at least 40 years old).

To register, please call 574-523-3303.

Heart Healthy Cooking Demonstrations will be held at 4:00 pm, 5:00 pm and 6:00 pm Free seminars will be held in the Prenatal Classroom including General Surgeon Luis Benavente, MD “How Weight Loss Improves Heart Health” Nurse Practitioner Jill Newcomer “Women and Heart Disease: Know the Risk Factors” Cardiologist Wai Lee, MD “Ultrafiltration: The Answer When Diuretics Fail” This event is free and open to the public. Door prizes and healthy refreshments will be provided.

Free gift bag to the first 200 attendees. Wine from Fruit Hills Winery of Bristol will be available for purchase.

For more information, visit www.egh.org.

boom

travel

ASPEN the BEAUTIFUL One of our writers, an awesome boomer named Charrise, took a recent trip with her husband to Aspen, Colorado.

Overcoming her great distaste for heights to traverse up a mountain in a gondola, and taking a long hike around Maroon Bells, Charrise got some breathtakingly beautiful pictures of the scenery for us. We're so glad the travel bug has bitten her, and we're happy to be able to share these spectacular photos with you!

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C ov e r st o ry

Experience Gordy Young Y

A 20-Year Resident Makes a Difference in Michiana

By Stephanie J. Salisbury

ou’ve seen Gordy Young. Sure, you have! How could you miss him? Before the newly popular Experience Michiana on WNIT, Gordy spent sixteen years as the meteorologist and co-host of the morning show on Channel 16 with Tricia Sloma. Between 1994 and 2010, the team won several awards and honors, and were #1 in the ratings for most of those years, too! “I’m very thankful that I can count Tricia as a really good friend and, aside from television, we’ve had great times together and I value her friendship,” says Gordy. They still find time to talk and have coffee every couple of months, even with his busy new schedule at WNIT. Gordy Young was born in Binghamton, New York where his father was a salesman in the construction business and his mother was both on the radio and on the stage, even appearing on Broadway for a short run of Lady Baltimore.

“I had a great childhood,” Gordy tells us. “Loving parents, an older sister who lives in Wisconsin now… a very happy childhood.” With his mother’s ties to broadcasting at the same station and same time as Bob Keeshan (later Captain Kangaroo) and Bob Smith (later the creator of the Howdy Doody Show), you’d think that Gordy also aspired to television when he was young. Not so.

“When I was a kid, I wanted to be either an astronaut, a DJ or one of the Beatles,” he laughs. “I ended up not becoming an astronaut, I DID become a DJ and then a weatherman but I never became one of the Beatles.” He does enjoy jamming with some of the local musicians from time to time, however, playing his guitar.

Early on, Gordy’s family moved to the suburban Chicago area, and Gordy graduated from Wheaton Central High in 1971, attended Grahm Junior College in Boston, then came back to Illinois to attend Northern Illinois University in DeKalb to study radio, television and mass communications.

Starting in 1978, he’s worked in Photography: CLASSIC IMAGE Photography 26

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commercial radio and TV most of the last few decades.

But working with public TV now on Experience Michiana is a whole different animal.

“I had so much fun with the morning show but, toward the end, I got burned out. It’s a grind!” Gordy says.

“Five days a week at quarter to three in the morning for sixteen years (and five before that on morning TV and radio)! I’m 59 – it gets a little harder to get up those hours of the morning,” he chuckles. “It was stressful. I knew I needed a change, and I didn’t know what I was going to do next, but knew I couldn’t do that anymore.”

Gordy planned to semi-retire, sell his house and move to Wisconsin where some of his family lives. The best laid plans, however, fell through when the economy was the worst it had been in years. His savings dried up while he was in transition, sprucing up the house which still wouldn’t sell. “I started thinking, ‘ya know – I better start looking around for a gig!’”

Enter the wonderful woman. Mary Wetzel and Gordy have been dating for a little more than a year, and she helped him decide his next steps. “She really helped me think things through and figure out what to do with the rest of my career, and pointed me in the right direction. She encouraged me to talk to WNIT. I didn’t know much about public television; I didn’t think it would be possible for me to host a show, but she was a

very positive influence and gave me the encouragement professionally and personally to go for it. I didn’t think I had more to offer. Mary said, ‘Yeah, ya do!’”

After a change and starting this new chapter of his life, Gordy couldn’t be happier. In talking with WNIT, he says, “I had an idea for a show, they had an idea, and Experience Michiana is what came out of that. We put our heads together. Angel Hernandez, who is tremendously creative, is my new mentor (even though he’s only a few years older than I am). We’ve really clicked, and he’s been very supportive and saved my career.” Experience Michiana, which airs Monday through Friday at 6:30 PM on WNIT, is an interview-based program that highlights local people and events. “We’ve done more than 200 shows and talked to around 800 guests,” Gordy says excitedly. “It’s fun. I’m really having a fun time, and it seems to be going over well.”

This new chapter of his life is a great one, though. “I feel very comfortable in my own skin now. I know who I am, I know what I like to do and what I don’t like to do, and I’m having fun whenever I can. I feel that, with age, you acquire some wisdom. I don’t feel old. I’m lucky that I’m in pretty good health and I pay more attention to that now, but for the first time in a long time in my life, I’m doing things I want to do. I still have a lot to offer. With the show and with my personal life, I feel better about things in this stage of my life than I ever have before.”

In conjunction with that, Gordy says, “My dad gave me some great advice, and I still do this. He said if you have a big decision to make or don’t know what to do, sit down with a piece of paper and put the pros on one side and cons on the other. After you list them out, sleep on it, look at it the next day, and do as you damn well please! And he was right! If it works for you,” Gordy says, “then follow your heart!” •••

"I feel that, finally, I am giving something back to the community by highlighting all the different things that are going on..."

- Gordy Young It’s important to have a sense of community, too. “I feel that, finally, I am giving something back to the community by highlighting all the different things that are going on, people that are interesting, artists, musicians, people who are giving back, all the non-profits,” Gordy explains with passion. “If I can do a little bit to highlight all these individuals and groups, it gives me a sense that I’m giving something back to this community that I’ve lived in for almost twenty years. I feel like this show really does that, and a lot of people work very hard behind the scenes to make it a good show. I feel it’s starting to make an impact,” he says, humbly. “We’re doing some good work at WNIT.” Gordy speaks very highly of his family and is extremely proud of his children. His son, Quinn, is 28 and lives here in South Bend. Quinn is a musician who plays both guitar and drums, and works in a local café – just recently, he has been doing some volunteer work at WNIT behind the scenes in the production department. Gordy’s daughter, Megan, lives in Wisconsin and has a son of her own – which made Gordy a grandfather about a year ago.

Megan is a hard-working young woman who is studying Early Childhood Education, has a job as a hostess and server and works at H&R Block during tax season as well.

In his ‘spare’ time, besides playing the guitar and jamming when he can with local bands (including the Elwood Splinters Blues Band), Gordy plays ping-pong and enjoys genealogy. Recently, after having an artist on the show, Gordy was inspired to pick up some pastels. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” he laughs. “I’m taking some lessons in learning how to draw and paint. I’m not any good at it, but it’s something fun to do.” boom | FEBRUARY 2013

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boom

Lovers' Lane

Routine Spontaneity

The Art of Scheduling Meaningful and Exciting Time Together

I

find most people are creatures of habit. You know how it goes – same routine, different day. For me, it usually involves letting out the dog, followed by a trip to the gym, writing in one of my favorite local cafés, making some phone calls and dinner at home with my wife or maybe meeting up with some friends. Perhaps your days are similar. Perhaps your days are way different but my guess is that, regardless what your routine entails, you still have a routine. Overall, routines can help greatly with time management, maintaining responsibilities and even creating balance in our lives, but when it comes to relationships, routine sometimes equals boring.

To combat the mundane, I’ve seen some couples mistakenly think that keeping life and romance fresh means not keeping a schedule at all – trying to live life ‘in the moment’. This sounds romantic and may have worked back in college, but eventually life catches up.

Bills need to be paid, the sink needs to be repaired and the lawn certainly isn’t going to mow itself. Life needs our attention. Even though many of us fear a life which becomes too predictable, by not following a schedule we fail to make time for our spouses by default and can easily find ourselves in a rut. This doesn’t mean that romance and freedom are a luxury of the past, but that romance and freedom are such a high commodity that they deserve to be scheduled.

Therefore, may I suggest developing the habit of routine spontaneity? Routine spontaneity is a relationship technique whereby one purposefully schedules blocks of time (an hour, an evening or even a weekend) to spend with a spouse or significant other. Do you mean at this stage in our marriage you’re suggesting we schedule a ‘date night’? That’s right. For many of you, ‘date night’ might be the day when your kids drop off the grandkids 28

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By Lucas Miles

for you to watch so that they can go out and have a great time. The good news is that date night isn’t just for kids anymore and that developing a date night of your own may just be exactly what you need to keep your relationship fresh.

The first benefit of date night is that it creates expectation. On a Friday night, when you walk in and say, “Baby, we’re going to dinner. Go get dressed.” Sure that’s spontaneous, but that kind of request does little to prepare your spouse’s heart to spend time with you.

In contrast, I’m currently on a flight back from a week of work in L.A. I haven’t seen my wife in five days, but I know that when I land in South Bend, she’s picking me up and we’re immediately going ‘out on the town’ to enjoy a night together. I don’t know where we’re going to eat or what we’ll end up doing, but I know that we’ll be together and we’ll have an amazing time. Scheduling opportunities together like this adds to the excitement in your relationship and creates positive expectations.

The second benefit of mastering the art of routine spontaneity is that it ensures you’ll actually spend time together. I’m often amazed at the couples who come to me for help and haven’t been on a real date in years and haven’t even made love in months. Most of the time, these couples love each other and desire to spend time together but, instead of managing their lives, they’ve allowed their lives to manage them.

Routine spontaneity reserves time on your calendar and communicates value regarding your intimacy as a couple.

It gives you a chance to shut off your phones, cut out the outside world and enjoy the freedom and excitement of being together. What you do during that time is up to you – so be spontaneous!

Here are a few tips to help you get started: Start Simple – Dating, even in the context of marriage, can at times cause anxiety and pressure; after all, we all want it to be perfect. If you haven’t been on a date with your spouse in a year, then you might want to start simple: perhaps dinner and a movie or dessert at one of your favorite restaurants. Try something that is fun and relaxing to reduce the pressure.

Take Turns – In order to help your scheduled time together stay spontaneous, consider taking turns with your partner planning a creative date. Surprising your spouse with sports tickets or a weekend shopping trip are both great ways to spend time together and keep romance alive.

Look Your Best – The more comfortable we become with someone, typically the less we think about what we look like when we’re around them. While it’s great that you are comfortable with your spouse enough to wear your favorite old sweatpants, that may not be the best wardrobe choice for your night out. When scheduling your date together, make sure to leave time to dress your best. (Gentlemen, yes, this does mean that you might need to take a shower.)

In conclusion, you can plan to be spontaneous. So don’t wait!

Grab your calendar and set aside time this week to spend with your spouse. Remember, the most important contribution you can make to your relationship is giving time to the person you love. Do this and spontaneity will happen naturally. •••

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12/21/12 11:23 AM ®

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boom

Security

Eliminate Fraud…

Almost!

What you Can Do!

By Barbara Brownell

“I can’t believe I gave out that information.”

“I never thought I would be a victim of fraud.”

“I am too educated to do that!”

These are common statements uttered by baby boomers when discussing fraud. Fraud is the wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain.

Fraud can happen to you; it can happen to anybody. There are some simple ways you can almost eliminate fraud from your life. Following some suggestions can save you heartache and many hours of frustration trying to set the record straight.

Keep your personal information safe Don’t give out personal information when someone contacts you, whether it comes in an email, a phone call or a text message. Sometimes, for security reasons, your bank might want identifying numbers and that is okay – as long as you are calling them.

Most often, your Medicare card number is your Social Security number.

Guard it, don’t share it!

Make sure you know who you are working with • Don’t play a foreign lottery. All foreign lotteries are illegal whether it is online or by mail. Obviously, if you did not enter a contest, certainly you did not win.

• Don’t take a check from someone you don’t know even if their story is convincing. Banks make funds available from a deposited check within a few days, but it might take weeks to uncover a fake check.

• Don’t send money to someone you don’t know or an online company you have never heard of. If you do buy something from an on-line auction, use a credit card for payment, as you can dispute the charges if needed.

• Don’t support charities unless they are well-known and established. Especially true after a natural disaster, fraudulent charities pop up and your money will go nowhere but in someone’s pockets. For more information, go to ftc.gov/charityfraud.

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Review your bills, credit card statements and insurance claims • Do read your monthly credit card statements and bills carefully. If you see charges you did not make, be sure to contact the card issuer or company as soon as possible and ask that your account number be changed. Insurance fraud happens, too; paying attention to your benefits statement is important.

Research and ask questions before making any decisions • Do take time to research investment opportunities and investment companies. Sales pitches touting lowrisk/ high-return investments requiring immediate action are dangerous! Stay away and report them to the Federal Trade Commission.

• Do talk to your doctor before buying any products (such as weight loss pills or vitamin supplements) or before signing up for medical testing. Sometimes these pills or testing can be dangerous or have serious side effects and may interact with your current drug regimen. More detailed information can be found at ftc.gov/health.

• Never pay to play by wiring money to enter a contest or get a special promotion. Wired money is like cash and you will not get it back.

• Use your Better Business Bureau (bbb.org) if you get an offer for a discounted roof or other services, especially when you have not been looking for them.

Look for negative reviews and determine how long they have been in business.

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Sometimes, no matter how careful we are, we still fall prey to fraud. When this happens, you will have to close accounts, file a police report, contact the Federal Trade Commission or place a ‘Fraud Alert’ on your credit report.

What you can do to safeguard yourself Law enforcement and agencies around the world work together to stop scammers and provide consumers with the information they need to avoid fraud.

If you believe you have been scammed, file a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) at ftc.gov, or call 1-877-FTC-HELP.

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‘Fraud Alerts’ can be made by contacting just one of the three consumer reporting companies:

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Equifax:1-800-525-6285 Experian:1-800-397-3742 TransUnion:1-800-680-7289.

You are eligible for a free credit report by calling 1-877-322-8228 (or visit www.AnnualCreditReport.com).

To learn how to avoid internet fraud and how you can secure your computer and protect your personal information, visit OnGuardOnline.gov. •••

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security

Myths About SOCIAL SECURITY

By David Seymour Social Security Public Affairs Specialist in South Bend

Like any other successful and long-standing program or organization, there are a number of myths surrounding Social Security. Some of them are grounded in truth but just slightly misconstrued. Others are completely out of line with the truth. Let’s take a look at a few.

Myth 1: Social Security is just a retirement program.

Social Security is more than a retirement program. It provides benefits to retirees, survivors and people with disabilities who can no longer work. In fact, almost seven million disabled workers and nearly two million of their dependents get Social Security disability benefits. Six and a half million dependents of deceased workers (including two million children) get Social Security survivors benefits.

Social Security is more than just retirement.

I don’t need to save because Social Security will take care of me when I’m retired.

Myth 2:

Social Security was never intended to be a person’s sole income in retirement; it should be combined with pension income and personal savings and investments. Your Social Security Statement, available at www.socialsecurity.gov. mystatement, is a great place to get an idea of what to expect during retirement. You can also visit the Retirement Estimator at www.socialsecurity.gov/estimator.

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Myth 3: If I work after I retire, I’ll be penalized.

Once you reach your full retirement age, there is no penalty and no limit on the amount you can earn. You can determine your full retirement age by visiting www.socialsecurity.gov/ retirecharted.htm. The earnings limit for workers who are younger than ‘full’ retirement age (age 66 for people born in 1943 through 1954) is $15,120 in 2013. (They deduct $1 from benefits for each $2 earned over $15,120.) The earnings limit for people turning 66 in 2013 is $40,080. (They deduct $1 from benefits for each $3 earned over $40,080 until the month the worker turns age 66.) Keep in mind that, if they withhold some of your benefits due to work, they will re-compute your monthly benefit amount when you reach full retirement age to account for those months that they withheld your benefit. There is no limit on earnings for workers who are full retirement age or older for the entire year.

Myth 4: To apply for benefits or do business with Social Security, I need to go to an office.

Not only is this false, but they encourage you to do business with them the most convenient and fastest way: at www.socialsecurity.gov.

At their website, you can apply for benefits, use the Retirement Planner, get an estimate of your benefits, request a replacement Medicare card and much more. You’ll find it all — along with answers to your questions — at www.socialsecurity.gov. •••

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security

Tax Time is

Here!

By Michele Kulp

I

t’s that time of year again! Time to gather your information and get your ducks in a row. You will want to become knowledgeable about tax deductions so you can claim them on your tax return. There are a number of deductions you can take if you qualify.

Some of the expenses you could claim on your tax return include medical, charitable donations, interest payments and unreimbursed job expenses.

Basic Personal Information: You will need the Social Security numbers for each person filing, plus any dependents. Don’t forget to verify that the Social Security numbers are correct, as a wrong or misplaced number may cause a delay in processing your tax return or cause the IRS to question the information that you have provided. You will also need the tax ID number and address for any person providing childcare for you. If you are divorced or someone else might be eligible to claim a dependent child, make sure that you have a copy of the court order or other information that lets you claim that child as an exemption.

Income Information: Collect your W-2s and 1099s. (You probably already know, but the W-2 is a type of form sent to employees by their employer, while businesses issue 1099s to Independent Contractors who performed a service for the business during the year, but were not an employee.) The United States Government also issues 1099s for unemployment compensation, tax refunds and Social Security benefits.

List any additional types of income that you may have had during the year. This should include any type of income you received, even if you did not receive a W-2 or 1099.

Rental income, alimony, child support and even the pay for jury duty are all types of additional income.

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When you get your W-2, you might notice some new information on the form. Box 12 is where employers will report the cost of your workplace's group health insurance coverage. This amount is both the amount the business pays as well as the premiums paid via payroll deductions by the workers.

Don't freak out. The amount, which will be designated by the code DD, is not taxable income. It's informational only, designed to help Uncle Sam confirm taxpayers have coverage. However, if you don't see anything in Box 12, it’s ok. The IRS ruled that reporting 2012 health care data is optional for employers.

Home Data: Have a list of all of your home addresses for the year. Any bank with which you have a mortgage will send you a statement detailing what you paid in interest on the loan.

Keep copies of any real estate tax bills that you paid, and any closing statements on homes you bought or sold during that year. This will help establish a basis for the value of your house. If this is a home that qualifies for any homebuyer's tax credits, this could mean some extra money for you as well.

Donations to Charity: If you donate cash or goods to charity, you can deduct the value of the contributions as an itemized deduction on your tax return. A receipt is required for donations over $250 and an official valuation of goods over $5,000 is

required. The deduction is limited to no more than 50 percent of your adjusted gross income for cash donations, 30 percent of your income for property donations and 20 percent of your income for donations of stocks or other items that, if otherwise sold, would be subjected to capital gains taxes. If your donations exceed these limits, you can carry over any excess for up to 5 years. I like to take a photo of my donations – it helps jog the memory!

Medical Deduction: Make a list of all medical and dental expenses such as prescription medication, lab, clinic and hospital care. Add the supplemental part of Medicare B insurance and premiums paid for Medicare Part D. Include expenses for eyeglasses, contact lenses and surgery to improve vision. Lodging expenses while away from home to receive medical care -- no more than $50 a night – should also be included. Add travel costs for all of the above. Include the cost of hearing aids, guide dogs and wheelchairs, including maintenance costs.

Unreimbursed Employee Expenses: Your employer may require that you use your car or cell phone to conduct company business.

If your employer does not reimburse you for the use of your personal items, you can claim this deduction on your taxes. Expenses must be more than 2 percent of your adjusted gross income before they can be claimed.

Include current year employee business expenses that are ordinary and necessary for the trade or business. Examples include uniforms (or clothing not suitable for any other use) and the cost to keep them clean. Medical exams required by an employer, tools that last less than a year and union dues are included in this category. Claim business-related expenses for travel, entertainment, gifts and transportation. Lodging and 50 percent of meals and entertainment can be claimed.

These are only a few of the items that can help reduce your tax bill. Please consider a verified tax return preparer for your tax filing if you are confused by any of the items on the tax form.

Your preparer does not have a crystal ball, so make sure to bring anything you think may be a deduction and ask questions. When in doubt, BRING IT! It’s better to have a piece of paper there that you don’t need than not have one you do. Here’s hoping for a refund for you – I’m sure you could make better use of a refund than the government spending it on your behalf!

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the arts

Community Theatre

Needs YOU!

T

his is aimed at all those who have some spare time and the urge to try something different.

Different, in this particular case, is linked with the area of endeavor referred to by “Showboat” lyricist Oscar Hammerstein II as “Life upon the wicked stage.”

There are all stages (pun intended) of that life; not the least of these, and the one requiring little or no expertise, is participation in a local civic/community theater.

One of the major plusses in this economy is that is does not (or rather, should not) require any financial investment in the way of dues or fees.

I will admit that actually being up on that stage can be daunting. Having attended many performances where the general audience reaction was, “I don’t know how they do that,” referring to acting/singing/dancing performers, I must now reveal the many, many, many areas where no performing talent is required but without which the show — any show — could not go on.

Doubtless, you are aware that much goes on behind the lights before the curtain actually rises or, in most cases today, the lights go up. However, you may not be aware of those areas where the only talent required is the talent for being interested and dependable and available. For most of these areas, the work, like the rehearsal period, all occurs before the opening of the show. Several also require participation during the scheduled run and some are one-time-only endeavors.

The last covers the per-performance crew of ushers who show up about an hour before curtain time, distribute programs, help patrons to their seats and remain onhand for any audience emergency that may arise. Part of these ‘house’ chores may be serving in the box office to make sure the right buyers get their pre-paid seats. The plus here is getting to see the show for free, even with a

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By Marcia Fulmer

seat, if it is not sold out.

Pre-show work is definitely as rewarding, but in a different way. Production committees — set, wardrobe, props, costumes, lights, sound — begin work almost as soon as the rehearsal process is underway and continue until (and sometimes beyond) opening night.

If you can paint, hammer and saw, you will fit perfectly into set construction, especially if you are available during the day when most of the building is done. Don’t worry about expertise. There is always someone who knows what’s to be done who will help you acquire that knowledge just by doing!

Costumes are, obviously, an important part in creating the right setting for any play or musical. With one look, they tell who and what a character is. Some groups rent costumes (which always need adjustment) and some build them from scratch, especially for the leading characters, if a pool of seamstresses is available.

Assembling the right props, which range from furniture to wall décor, can be a fascinating job and often requires ingenuity with a glue gun and imagination if the actual object is not found. Doing-it-yourself can be a great deal of fun and is extremely rewarding.

For the last two, back stage assistance can be required during the show for set changes of locale or costumes, and a ‘running crew’ may include some of the builders or be made up of completely new personnel. It can be one way of getting on stage (during scene changes) without ever having to learn a line.

Working on lights and sound is a bit more technical when it comes to design, but running the light and sound boards during the show can be an acquired skill if the interest is there.

Whatever the area, there is a good and easy way to find out if your expertise or budding interest can be useful.

Especially today, communication with any community/civic theater can be achieved just by . . . wait for it . . . Google! Insert the name of your group of choice and wait while the magic search engine does its thing!

For those still hovering on the edge of technology, check the phone book.

Most theaters are listed and will be more than happy to add your name to their mailing list. This will let you know when auditions are scheduled for an upcoming production. This is not only the time for actors to submit their talents, but also for possible production people to meet staff members and committee heads to take advantage of their wish to participate.

Oh, and if I forgot to mention this, one of the most intangible but longlasting perks of participation is the definite possibility of making some very solid and life-long friendships!

See you at the theater! •••

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In addition to these ‘standing’ (i.e. required for every show) commitments, others may spring up as the production demands. For a musical, there is always a need for instrumentalists who are willing to donate their time. In cases where electronics are required, it takes someone with special knowledge of power points and projections to fill the bill.

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Connections

Vocal

Veterans The Importance of Their Stories

By Stephanie Graham

It wasn’t until I was 18 years old that I realized how little I knew about my grandfather; mainly regarding his time in the Navy. On one particular family vacation, it was my sister’s boyfriend, of all people, who inadvertently brought this to my attention. He became a sudden fountain of questions, and I ended up learning more in that ten minute conversation than I ever had thought to ask about my grandpa’s time on a Navy ship.

Unfortunately, I think I was among the majority of grandchildren who didn’t seem to realize that their grandparents were ever young, let alone understand the impact they had on our current freedom. But anyone who knows a veteran can offer the courtesy of interest and a listening ear, and hopefully encourage more and more veterans to open up and share some of their stories.

Tell Me a Story Local veteran John Keb was in the Navy Seabees doing construction in the Vietnam War. “We built up living conditions for the support bases for the Marines, the Army and also the Koreans,” he says. Keb’s case was somewhat rare. Not only did he not see combat, but he came back feeling good about what he had done in his time of service.

Still, though he’d had a relatively satisfying experience, he didn’t open up much about it. He says, “When I first got out, the only people that knew I was in the service were close friends. I did not talk about it; I did not bring it up.”

When his son was old enough, however, Keb opened up some about his experiences. “[My son] sat down with me and I’ve shown him slides of Vietnam and things we did over there, how we helped people,” Keb says. “He was kind of surprised about what we actually did.”

With time, and now being involved in his local Veterans of 38

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Foreign Wars (VFW), Keb has had the opportunity to share his story and listen to many others talk about their time in the service.

Dr. Ron Barker, who also served in Vietnam, likens being a veteran to belonging to a fraternity. “We’re a group that shares common core values and shares a lot of experiences.

Bonds are built that way.” Of the veterans he knows now, Barker says, “They have shared the experience of being part of something larger than themselves. They understand what it’s like to be pushed by a drill sergeant or to roll out of bed at 6 AM and to have a work ethic all day.”

Mission: Possible Because of these and myriad other things veterans have gone through, they have more to offer than perhaps even they know, let alone their children and grandchildren who are removed by generation and culture from what their loved ones faced. Those veterans who want to share parts of their story (and family members or friends who want to hear about it) can reap great rewards.

Beth Dietzel, Ph.D, clinical psychologist at the Battle Creek VA Medical Center, works mainly with veterans with PTSD. She advises that for those who want to ask veterans questions about their past, it’s best to take a considerate approach. Just starting to ask questions can leave them feeling like their past is being pried into, so let them know that you are curious about their experiences and you’d love to hear some stories they’re willing to share. “The veterans may be hypersensitive, so if a family member is persistent in asking about military history without sharing reasons why, it might appear to the veteran as if they are wanting to know details of those experiences rather than just sharing thoughts and feelings and general information,” Dietzel says.

As with any situation that is potentially sensitive, be thoughtful in how and what you ask. Dieztel says that conversations about the details of traumatic war experiences may not be beneficial to have with family; “Rather, we encourage our veterans to speak with loved ones, family or friends, about the impact of those experiences and their thoughts and feelings about them.”

Keb agrees with this course of action.

For those he’s spoken with at the VFW, “they know that I won’t ask prying questions. They’ll tell me what they want to and I don’t pry.” Of course, for those who were not traumatized by combat, the conversation will likely not be quite as sensitive.

TH E J O R DAN WAY

No Reserves Often on the other end of the spectrum are veterans who have stories they want to share, but don’t think anyone is interested. Dieztel says that essentially the same advice can apply to this situation as well.

If no one seems curious, take heart.

They may, like me, not even realize there’s something to be interested in. Just remember how valuable your stories are, and think of the people you’re talking to. Since younger people in particular may feel like they are being lectured if you start telling stories out of the blue, Dietzel says, “I would encourage the veteran to share why he or she would like to share those experiences.” When your potential listener realizes how important it is for you to share, it can often open someone up who would normally tune out ‘old’ stories.

A Service to Servicemen and Women Google the words “veteran help” and about 360 million options will appear. Education for veterans, home loans for veterans, foundations for veterans – the list goes on and on.

However, perhaps what veterans need most is a listening ear; for someone to take interest in their time in war or service for our country or, at a very minimum, to thank them for their sacrifice.

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Creating a

Connections

Meaning ful

Relationship An Interview with an Almost-Daughter-in-Law

By Charrise McCrorey

When I was asked to write an article about creating a powerful relationship with your daughter-in-law, I did some research on the web. I found a few interesting blog posts about the topic, and still I knew I didn’t have enough information to write a piece that would truly make a difference.

So I did something inspired. I asked my future Daughterin-Law what she would consider to be perfect Mother-inLaw traits.

It was a fascinating conversation. In fact, it was so enlightening that I encourage everyone who either already has a daughter-in-law or is about to have one to open the door to this kind of conversation. Before I elaborate on Melissa’s wish list for perfect mother-in-law traits, however, I’d like to give you a few of my own based on my experience with my own Mother-in-Law (MIL).

First and foremost, I appreciate the sacrifices she made to raise my husband to be a generous, caring and competent man. I am grateful that she raised him to respect me as his wife, and for teaching him to be resourceful. I am fortunate that my MIL taught him to do laundry, dishes and other household chores. She taught him the kind of independence that comes in handy in our 31-year marriage.

Now I’d like to share Melissa’s insights with you:

Charrise:

If we were to create the perfect Mother-in-Law/Daughterin-Law relationship, what guiding principles would I need to follow?

that could lead to me having a bias about your contributions to his life. I vow to you that I will keep my judgments in check. I want my son to be happy and if you are his choice for life partner, I trust that it’s the right choice.

Melissa:

Being able to talk to one another as friends/adults more than a superior/inferior relationship would be really important.

Charrise:

Wow! I think that is a great distinction because as parents, we sometimes do feel a sense of superiority to our children. We believe we know best and, at some point, we need to relinquish the responsibility of leading the relationship. I can see how that would be important in building my relationship with you, as well as with my son.

Melissa:

It would be great to get support in all aspects of both lives (Son and Daughter-in-Law) thinking of the two as a team rather than your son and the woman he married as separate entities.

Charrise:

I agree, and it’s clear that you will be a team, the same way that his father and I are a team. It helps to consider the two of you with the same mindset that I have about my own marriage.

Melissa:

Melissa:

I suppose openness is key in not judging the ‘girl taking your baby son away’ for things that might be done differently, but not necessarily wrong.

It would be cool to have a common bond, being able to enjoy something together without your son. Whether it be a movie, a hobby, activity, or just having a glass of wine together. I want to create a friendship with you that is not connected to being married to your son. This will help me not to feel like an outsider from the family.

Charrise:

Charrise:

That’s really great. I can see how I might struggle with the notion that I’m losing my son to another woman, and how

That’s brilliant. I understand the importance of me welcoming you into the family, even now before you

become my official Daughter-in-Law. Families can be intimidating, and sometimes it’s difficult to feel like part of it without a genuine, open-armed invitation. Families have a culture, and I want to recognize that you may have grown up differently in your own family. I promise to respect that and, at the same time, to welcome your differences and treat you as one of my own.

Melissa:

I think it’s useful to mention that I’m hoping you won’t meddle too much into our private business. I know you care about us, but I need you to understand that we are leading our own life, and we have to make our own decisions. We need to be free to make our own mistakes just like you did.

Charrise:

This will be challenging for me, I’ll admit. I do understand that my solutions will never be as meaningful as your own. My intention is to have clear, open discussions with you and to only offer advice if asked for it.

Melissa:

On the topic of grandchildren: I would want you to back us up on parenting issues/rules.

Charrise:

I remember that being the most challenging issue with my MIL when my children were small. Parenting styles are bound to be different, not simply from the perspective of culture, but also due to generational differences.

Grandparents feel like they’ve paid their dues and raised their own children, which gives them the right to preach.

I will zip it as much as possible, unless you ask me for something specific. I will quietly abide by your parenting choices without imposing my own on you. I will invite discussion if I think I have something important to share.

Charrise:

Here’s another question: is there anything that you worry about concerning our current and future relationship?

Melissa:

I worry I will anger you. I worry I will upset or disappoint you. I have fear about letting you down in any fashion.

Not living up to your expectations as a wife to your son or as a mom to your grandchildren.

Charrise:

I remember feeling that way too. My goal is to never make you wrong. I will love you for who you are. If I’m doing that, you will not make me angry and you will not let me down. I may be frustrated from time to time, if your choices don’t match my own values. I will love and respect you anyway.

Melissa:

I also want you to understand that I want what is best for your son.

Charrise:

I love hearing that, and will assume that you will lead your life together with that intention.

As you can see, this was a powerful conversation. It helps me see ways to navigate our relationship now, and even more ways to make it stronger in the future. My hope is that you will gain insight into your own possibilities for a meaningful ‘in-law’ relationship, and keep the lines of communication open. •••

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boom

Connections

BOOMERANGS to BOOMERS When Adult Children Move Back with Their Parents

By Margo Bell

You’re retired, or close to it. Junior has moved out into a place of his own, Susie is married with children, living out of state. Now Susie’s room can become a private reading retreat for Mom. You envision Junior’s man cave in the corner of the basement, now silent from the drum practice and video games, as a perfect place for workout equipment and perhaps a pool table. The empty nest is nice and quiet.

Here they Come!

Then the phone rings. Susie is getting a divorce and wants to move back with her two kids. Suddenly, your world is in chaos. You welcome Susie and her brood… but what next?

Susie is a member of the Boomerang Generation: those adults who lived outside the homes where they grew up but, because of a job loss or other problem, move back in with their parents. According to a recent Pew Research Center survey of more than 2,000 adults ages 18-34, 39 percent overall say they either currently live with their parents or have moved in for a time in recent years. This compares with 11 percent in 1980. The group is almost evenly split between men and women.

Why They Come

Most of the Boomerang movement is due to the downturn in the economy, resulting in unemployment, inability to pay back student loans, high costs of living and the adult children’s unhappiness with the reduced lifestyle compared to what they had while living with their parents. Add to that a high divorce rate among first marriages and perhaps emotional or mental issues or addictions.

“People tend to think of home as a safe haven, even if their relationship with parents and family members is imperfect and, of course, no family is perfect,” observes Brook Hardy, M.Psy., Licensed Mental Health Counselor 42

FEBRUARY 2013 | boom

at Feathergill & Associates in South Bend. “So, when a person is at a transition point in life, it is often a natural choice to go live at home until the next step is clear.”

What to Expect

This situation can be both a burden and a blessing.

Parents can see this as an opportunity to help their children through a difficult phase, to get help with chores or to find relief from loneliness or boredom. On the other hand, Boomer parents find, not surprisingly, that these children aren’t the same people they once knew. “Typically, these adult children are coming home reluctantly,” says John Petersen, Psy.D., psychologist and owner of Family Psychology of South Bend. “Attitudes and habits will vary between individuals.” Dr. Petersen recommends the parents consider how their child behaves in stress and when discouraged. “This may give you a reasonable expectation of what they will bring into your home during a difficult season of life.”

Both Ms. Hardy and Dr. Petersen encourage conversations among family members about expectations and goals for the arrangements. Discuss why the adult child is moving back in, why you’re willing to accept him back and what help you can offer. “Make [the expected outcome] something measurable and definitely discuss anticipated length of stay,” Dr. Petersen recommends. Length of stay can always be modified but with clear expectations, goals and methods in mind. Chores, rent and responsibilities should be discussed. For example, in the job hunt, tell the child the ways you can or don’t expect to help. Discuss what you expect of him in looking for work so that you know you’re helping and not enabling. Include how long those involved expect it to take.

Also, keep in mind that new boundaries will need to be negotiated. “Adult children have a right to make personal decisions without your input, such as friends, social life,

career choices,” states Ms. Hardy. “If they have their own room, they should be able to keep it any way they like.

However, you have the right to address anything that has to do with shared household responsibilities, living arrangements, your property and behavior that affects you.”

Complicating the situation is when a returning adult child wants to bring in others, such as a spouse or younger children. The same recommendations for the single child apply, explains Dr. Petersen. “Be open about the fact that we are family but need to figure out together what that means in the concrete when we all live together.

Co-parenting grandchildren is particularly tricky. In this scenario, I strongly recommend families meet weekly to discuss how things are going.” Ms. Hardy suggests that, in a case of divorce, grandparents can offer relief for the stressed mom or dad by positively interacting with grandchildren, such as playing board games or taking them to the park.

Other Challenges

Boomerang kids can add additional stress to parents who also have to care for their own elderly parents or special-needs family members. “My main advice,” says Dr. Petersen, “is that they must take care of themselves, too. Be generous and caring but not live as a martyr.” Dr. Petersen also advises that if functioning in the extended family situation is getting worse, not better, speak to a professional who can provide counseling if you or your child is becoming clinically depressed. Signs of Major Depressive Disorder include changes in appetite and sleep, low energy and poor concentration.

Seek professional help if these signs last for weeks.

struggled to take care of his family. Their home went into short sale and, finding themselves nearly homeless, they made the difficult decision to pack their belongings and head back East.

But Matt and Hayley saw this coming and had their home designed for two families. “Many [Boomers] like the splitranch concept,” observes builder Tom Morrison of T.H. Morrison, LLC, in Niles, MI. “It’s versatile and offers what they’re looking for: a private master suite with adjoining laundry room, a good-looking staircase, vaulted ceilings, a maintenance-free exterior, tile and wood flooring and upgraded cabinets.” If it seems the stay will be lengthy and cost is a concern, a home can be remodeled to add a room and/or bath, or simply convert a bonus room or portion of the basement into a bedroom.

Thanks to Mara’s and Tim’s energy and organization, the move-in went smoothly. Although there were the expected kinks—getting Katie and Daniel enrolled in school a week after school started, the stress of Mara and Tim finding new jobs, coordinating schedules and laundry room use, that sort of thing—the blending of the two families was a blessing for both. For example, Mara enjoys cleaning house, something Hayley dislikes. Tim helps Matt with the yard and keeps both Boomers up to date with technology. And, of course, the Mulligans are available to sit their grandkids and take them to appointments and events. “We’re making wonderful memories, especially at holidays,” Hayley says. •••

Arranging the Living Quarters

Matthew and Hayley Mulligan, a South Bend Boomer couple, were enjoying retirement in their new home. Then one afternoon the phone rang. Their daughter Mara announced she was moving back with her husband Tim and their two children Katie and Daniel.

Mara and Tim, married twelve years, were enjoying the good life on the West Coast when the bottom dropped out of the real estate market. Suddenly Tim, who was earning a six-figure income, now boom | FEBRUARY 2013

43

The

Planner February 2013

February 2013 Events The following listing includes events around town. Always call ahead for updates.

All Month

February 5

February 11

Studebaker National Museum, South Bend, IN

Mishawaka High School, Mishawaka, IN

Merrimans' Playhouse, South Bend, IN

A Trip Through the Studebaker Factory The Studebaker National Museum's “A Trip Through the Studebaker Factory” exhibit replicates a Studebaker factory tour through images from the Museum’s Archives.

Visitors can see how Studebaker’s South Bend plant appeared during its peak period in the early 1950s and the methods and materials used to build Studebaker automobiles. 10 AM to 5 PM. For more information, call 574.235.9714.

February 2

Lydick Lions Club Breakfast

Lydick Lions Club Clubhouse, South Bend, IN

The Lydick Lions Club breakfast holds a pancake, sausage, eggs and beverage breakfast the first Saturday of every month from 7:30 AM to 11 AM at the Lions Den, 26205 W. Edison Road, South Bend.

February 3

Twin City Players presents “Shakespeare in Hollywood” Twin City Players Playhouse, St Joseph Charter Township, MI

The 1930s huge silver screen production of A Midsummer Night's Dream is interrupted by the unexpected arrival of the real Puck and Oberon. Chaos ensues and soon love is turned upside down throughout the studio. A wild and energetic romantic comedy with a Shakespearean twist. 4 PM.

February 4

Theatre IV presents "Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad" Century Center Bendix Theatre, South Bend, IN

Co-produced by the Black History Museum and Cultural Center of Virginia This stirring drama with music is a classic tribute to the great American who freed herself and hundreds of her people from the bonds of slavery. Her courage helped to change the world. Share her adventurous life with your students in this accurate and deeply moving musical history lesson. 9:30 AM. For more information, call 574.235.9711.

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Aquacise

Are you an early bird? Do you like to get in a morning workout before your day begins?

Join Mary Ann in an early morning aerobics workout in the pool! 6:45 AM to 7:45 AM. Register at the Battell Community Center. For more information, call 574.254.7300.

Jazz Open Session with The Merrimans It's open to the public and free! Listen, play, woodshed, discuss. Based on Jazz Standards. It's a learning environment. Bring your instrument, your ears, your friends; egos stay at the door. 7:30 PM to 10:30 PM. For more information, call 574.329.3430.

February 8-10

February 12

Elkhart Civic Theatre, Bristol

Saint Mary's College: Carroll Auditorium, Madeleva Hall, Notre Dame, IN

Honk, Jr.

The last of Ida Duck's five eggs emerges with a loud "Honk!" and is one that only a mother could love. Called Ugly, he is humiliated by his dad and siblings and runs out into the world where he is immediately lost. How Ugly finds his way to home and self esteem is a classic tale with a solid message for all ages. For more information or tickets, call 574-8484116 or visit www.elkhartcivictheatre.org.

9th Annual Magical Ice Carving Festival Downtown St. Joseph, St Joseph, MI

New this year: ICE WARS! Watch professional carvers duel it out in 15-minute bouts of ice carving chaos (4 PM – 6PM on Saturday).

Professional Ice Carving Competitions: Saturday 10 AM to 3 PM and Sunday 10 AM to 2 PM. Friday's "Street Competition" will begin around 4 PM along State Street. Snow Biz Scavenger Hunt of the logo sculptures - check in at the Welcome Center for your scavenger hunt form. Begins Friday evening and runs through Sunday. FREE. For more information, call 269.985.1111.

February 9

Bob Marley Birthday Bash Goshen Theater, Goshen, IN

Come celebrate the life of Bob Marley with the Original Indika WSG Fada Wayne and Devon Brown. This all-age show will also feature Caribbean food and crafts. 8PM to 1:30 AM (February 10). VIP tickets, reserve seats and food $23.00 & $20.00. For more information, call 574.535.0808.

Special Q & A with David "Sonny" Lacks

Join David "Sonny" Lacks, son of Henrietta Lacks, in a special Q & A as he discusses the information surround Rebecca Skloot's book "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks".

Henrietta's cells, taken without her consent, have been used to further scientific research surrounding cancer, AIDs, gene mapping and countless other pursuits. FREE. 7:30 PM. For more information, call (574) 284-4626.

February 14

Bethel College presents “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat”

Bethel College Everest-Rohrer Chapel/Fine Arts Center, Mishawaka, IN

The biblical saga of Joseph and his coat of many colors comes to vibrant life in this delightful musical parable. Joseph, his father's favorite, son is a boy blessed with prophetic dreams. Joseph endures a series of adventures in which his spirit and humanity are continually challenged. Set to an engaging cornucopia of musical styles from countrywestern and calypso to bubble-gum and rock-n-roll, this Old Testament tale emerges both timely and timeless. 7:30 PM to 10:30 PM. For more information, call 574.807.7080.

February 16

Goshen College Performing Series: The English Concert Goshen College, Goshen, IN

Arts

The English Concert is among the finest chamber orchestras in the world, with an unsurpassed reputation for inspiring performances of baroque and classical music on their period instruments. Based in London, the orchestra has toured

extensively in Europe, the Middle East and the United States under Artistic Director Harry Bicket. Their Sauder Concert Hall performance will include works by Vivaldi, Purcell and Telemann. Tickets range from $25 - $45. 7:30 PM. For more information, call 574.535.7000.

February 17 Winter Walk

County-City Building, South Bend, IN

Walk a mile to benefit the women of St. Margaret's House, a day center in South Bend that improves the lives of women who struggle with economic poverty.

You may preregister online at http://www. stmargaretshouse.org/ or bring your registration form on the day of the walk.

Ask your family, friends and co-workers to sponsor you. Prizes will be given to those with the most contributions and to teams with the most walkers. Free. 1:30 PM. For more information, call 574.234.7795.

February 20

Mark Brazaitis, 2012 Sullivan Prize Winner

February 26 Yoga

Battell Community Center, Mishawaka, IN

This session is centered on creating a safe and mindful practice, using asana and breathing techniques. Arrive early the first day to register and bring a sticky mat. 9 AM to 10 AM. For more information, call 574.258.1667.

February 27

Author Rebecca Skloot – "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" Saint Mary's College O'Laughlin Auditorium, Notre Dame, IN

Henrietta Lacks (HeLa) was a poor Southern tobacco farmer who worked the same land as her slave ancestors, yet her cells – taken without her knowledge – became one of the most important tools in medicine. The first "immortal" human cells grown in culture, they are still alive today, though she has been dead for more than sixty years. Rebecca Skloot has written more than 200 feature articles, personal essays, book reviews, and news stories. Book-signing to follow. $5 - $10. 7:30 PM. For more information, call 574.284.4626.

Eck Visitors Center, Notre Dame, IN

Mark Brazaitis is the winner of the 2012 Sullivan Prize from the University of Notre Dame for his collection The Incurables. He is the author of The River of Lost Voices: Stories from Guatemala, which won the Iowa Short Fiction Award, An American Affair: Stories, winner of the George Garrett Fiction Prize from Texas Review Press, the novel Steal My Heart and a collection of poetry, The Other Language. He is the director of the Creative Writing Program at West Virginia University.

Free. 7:30 PM. For more information, call 574.631.7526.

February 22 Rock Of Ages

Morris Performing Arts Center, South Bend, IN

Tony Award Nominee and American Idol finalist Constantine Maroulis reprises his acclaimed performance when the five-time Tony Award® nominated smash-hit musical Rock of Ages comes to the Morris Center!

7:30 PM. For tickets or more information, call 574.235.9190.

February 24

Goldberg Variations

Snite Museum of Art, Notre Dame

Pianist Andy Schmidt performs the monumental and captivating keyboard work

by Johann Sebastian Bach. 3 PM. For more information, call 574.631.5466.

boom | FEBRUARY 2013

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FEBRUARY 2013 | boom

YOU HAVE A

VOICE!

BOOM Magazine wants to hear what you have to say about us -good, bad, or ugly!

Please put the following address into your web browser online or scan the QR code below and answer a few simple questions

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ONE LU C READER KY will win a $50 G i your cho ft Card to ice of UP TOWN KITCHE N or TH EM DINE & TAP rest ARK aurant just by fi lling out the survey!

BOOM Magazine promotes Michiana’s cultural offerings, personalities, attractions and local businesses, with a special emphasis on non-profit organizations’ events and activities. We expect this section of BOOM to grow significantly, and we’d like your help to get it rolling!

Please send us some of your favorite photos from your organization’s or charity’s best events and fundraisers.

They just may make the next issue of BOOM Magazine! We prefer snapshots of people that are full of life and enjoying the moment, so please send them our way: Stephanie@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com.

Palais Royale's New Year's Eve Gala The Palais Royale hosted its Annual New Year’s Eve gala to celebrate the turn into 2013. The Tom Milo Big Band played everything from Glenn Miller and Frank Sinatra to Billy Joel, and people danced the night away. Hors d’oeuvres, an elegant plated dinner, and midnight festivities with a champagne toast were all enjoyed along with the dancing. The Palais Royale Ballroom dates back to 1922 where it hosted all the major big bands of the day, including Duke Ellington, Tommy & Jimmy Dorsey, Harry James, Guy Lombardo and Cab Calloway! Since then, it has been used as a WWII Serviceman’s center, a boxing arena, bowling alley, roller hockey rink and a teen nightclub. After being left vacant for almost 30 years, The Palais Royale was beautifully and extensively restored, reopening on New Year’s Eve 2002. This year marks the 10th anniversary of the restoration.

Photo by Peter Ringenberg 50

FEBRUARY 2013 | boom

Photo by Peter Ringenberg

Photo by Peter Ringenberg boom | FEBRUARY 2013

51

Trust your heart to Elkhart General Hospital.

A place that provides collaborative care, and always has. A place that’s the leader in the region for clinical research of the heart. A place with diagnostics on par with anything you’ll find at a major university. These are the things that should be important to you.

This is your heart we’re talking about.

To learn more about the only hospital rated #1 for Cardiac Surgery in all of Indiana, visit www.egh.org.

600 East Boulevard • Elkhart, Indiana 46514