February 2017• Moms Just Know
valentine Traditions to Start with Your Kids
Indoor Winter Activities
How to Juggle Extracurricular Activities
From a Side Hustle to a
“Piece of Heaven” Serving: Granger • Mishawaka • Elkhart • South Bend • Goshen & Surrounding Communities
The FAMILY Magazine Presents...
2017
Starting Monday
March 20th, 2017 The Virtual Camp & Kid’s Care Fair starts March 20th and will continue to be online through August 31st 2017!
JOIN US!
• Summer Camps • Summer School • Classes & Workshops • Daycares • Athletic Camps • Art Camps • Specialty Camps • Faith Based Camps • Day Camps • Many More!
Contests and giveaways during the month of March on www.MichianaMom.com and the FAMILY Magazine’s Facebook Page!
WANT A REMINDER?
Sign up to receive the FAMILY Magazine’s eblast reminders on our homepage online!
Come visit local and regional summer camps and kid’s care from the comfort of you own home! Want to be a part of this year’s Virtual Camp Fair? Contact Amanda Oiler at amanda@michianafamilymagazine.com for advertising details!
On the Cover:
Contributors
FAMILY Magazine is honored to have M.J. Kocovski grace this month's cover along with her husband, Mark, and their three beautiful children!
Cover Photographer: We find joy in visually capturing the unexpected. The throw your head back in laughter kind of moments. The raw emotion of a first look. The tender welcome of a new life. She said Yes. The Big Day. Fresh 48. Lifestyle photography. your life. your story. our lens. www.brittanirenee.com brittanirenee.brp@gmail.com 574.309.3309
TheFamilyMagazineOfMichiana
President & Publisher:
Family Magazines of Michiana would love to hear from you! Please submit press releases, event information and inquiries to: Jessy@Michianafamilymagazine.com
Managing Editor: Jessica Haviland
The FAMILY Magazines P.O. Box 577 Granger, IN 46530 PH: 269.228.8295 • FX: 574.217.4700 www.MichianaMom.com
Sue Heinrich Sue@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com
Jessy@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com
AD COORDINATOR & INSIDE SALES MANAGER Amanda Oiler
Amanda@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com
GRAPHIC DESIGN Manager: Zuzanna Zmud
Zuzanna@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com
Event Coordinator & Outside Sales Representative Denise M. Longley denise@michianafamilymagazine.com
Medical Editor: S. Jesse Hsieh, M.D. Distribution Manager: Chad Haviland
The FAMILY Magazines February 2017 Established in 2006. All rights reserved. Permission from the publisher is required for any reproduction or reprint of this publication. Read The FAMILY Magazines online each month! Go to www.MichianaMom.com and flip the pages, cover-to-cover the organic and green way! Volume 11: Number 1
Find the Hidden Acorn! For your enjoyment and fun!
www.MichianaMom.com Please use the information compiled by Michiana Family Magazines for your research. Michiana Family Magazines recommends that parents and families interview each business or organization to make sure that it is safe and a good fit for your family. The information presented here and provided by Michiana Family Magazines is for informational purposes only and although every effort has been made to present accurate information, Michiana Family Magazines does not, in any way, accept responsibility for the accuracy of or consequences from the use of this information and/or for the businesses and organizations presented herein. We urge all parents and families to confirm any information given herein through additional research. The views and opinions expressed by the writers, event organizers and advertisers do not necessarily represent those of Michiana Family Publishing LLC, its officers, editors, staff or contributors.
@FamilyMagazines
TheFamilyMag
FamilyMagazine
F R O M T H E P U B LI S HER
T
he old adage that says that the older you get, the faster time flies is definitely true. I can’t believe that it has been a year since I took over the FAMILY Magazines! It has certainly been a learning experience! In that one year’s time, we have published 30 magazines, held a Virtual Kid’s Camp Fair and hosted a successful Glitz & Sass Fashion Show. This could not have happened without the amazing team I inherited - Jessy Haviland, managing editor; Amanda Oiler, ad coordinator & inside sales; Zuzanna Zmud, graphic design manager; and our newest member Denise Longley, event coordinator & outside sales.
We have had some ups and downs throughout the year as might be expected in the first year of any business. Now, with a year under my belt, we are ready to move forward with new vigor. We will be making some changes as we move through the coming year, some small, some larger. You may see some changes in focus, content, and format of the magazines themselves. We are looking at our distribution channel and may make some changes there as well. The first change we are implementing is to put BOOM Magazine in semi-retirement so that we can focus more attention on FAMILY and SASSY. We will review that decision in six months. If you are a fan of BOOM, please be assured that we will be bringing some of the regular BOOM content, such as travel, into SASSY, and some, such as grandparent activities, into FAMILY. If you have any suggestions or have any special requests for content or changes you would like to see in FAMILY, please let me know. I would love to hear from you. Coming up in February are two important activities. First is Valentine’s Day. You will find some great ideas for things to do with your kids to celebrate as well as a Valentine Craft. The second is that February is Heart Month, a reminder to look after your own heart health as well as that of your loved ones. One more thing, mark your calendar for the 27th Expo for Women on March 2, 2017 at the Century Center and stop by our booth to say hello. Since this is our first issue of 2017, we wish you a wonderful, happy, and prosperous New Year!
Things We
Love Right Now! (at FAMILY)
1. Eskimo Kisses 2. Date Nights 3. Chocolates 4. Flowers 5. Everything Pink and Red 6. Embracing Heart Health 7. Long Cardigans 8. Weekly Family Dinners 9. Supportive Husbands 10. Accomplishing New Year Goals 11. Heated Blankets 12. Glass Water Bottles 13. Finally Finishing A REAL Book (Not Children’s Book!) 14. Yoga Classes – Zen Time!
Congratulations!
December 2016/January 2017 Coloring Contest Winners!
FEBRU ARY
Check it Out!
2017
free!
WHEN IT TO YOUR COMES HEAR T,
Dial 9
Love
COMM UN FOR LAS ICATION RELATI TING ONSH IPS 6 QUICK STARTBUSIN ESS IDE UP AS
11
4 Ways to
YOUR H
Laila - Age 10
Heidi - Age 12
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PLEASE TAKE ONE!
4Keeps
By: Casey Kiel
Like '4Keeps' on Facebook or visit CaseyKiel.com
FAMILY contributors
Meagan Church is married to her high-school sweetheart and is the mother of 3 kids. She is a writer and children’s book author. She is also the brainpower of the online resource Unexpectant, exploring the realities of birth, babies and beyond.
Cole Pollyea is an aspiring film critic and a senior at Penn High School. Cole is also a loving older brother to three younger siblings.
Reader Testimonials
Jill Lebbin is a wife, mother, craft fanatic and DIY blogger at www.EveryDayisanOccasion. com. She and her husband Marcel have been married for nine years and love living in Granger with their two spunky kids, Marcel Jr. and Lilly.
We’d LOVE to hear from you! CONTACT US AT....jessy@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com
“I love FAMILY Magazine! Great local publication for any mom with children in any age group!”
“I get the FAMILY Magazine every month from my kid’s school! I always read it and look forward to seeing next month’s magazine!”
“The Centerfold Calendar is perfect if you need to find something to do with your kids last minute. Especially during the winter when you feel like nothing is ever happening!”
– Lindsey R.
– Natalie V.
– Molly H.
THE
FAMILY MAGAZINE | FEBRUARY 2017
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the FAMILY magazine
Of
table
10
contents 22
10
Live Your Best 4 From The Publisher 4 Things We Love Right Now 5 4Keeps Comic 5 Contributors & Testimonials
18
8 The FAMILY Month Calendar 16 Centerfold Calendar
Family Movie Review
Family Fun
7 Best Of The Year
10 7 Indoor Winter Activities
By: Cole Pollyea
By: Tiffany Doerr Guerzon
Family Craft 9 Heart Door Hanger By: Jill Lebbin
18 Eating Out On The Cheap: Save Big Money On Family Restaurant Dining
28
By: Christina Katz
Family On The Cover
Family Recipe 13 Cheesecake Pops
24
22
14 From A Side Hustle To A “Piece Of Heaven” By: Meagan Church
Family Kids 22 7 Valentine Traditions To Start With Your Kids By: Sarah Lyons
24 Loves Me, Loves Me Not: Supporting Kids Through The Ups And Downs Of Friendships By: Heidi Smith Luedtke, PhD
26 Potty Training Mommy By: Cheryl Maguire
30 Mommy and Daddy 28 Dear Mom, Schedule Slow Days By: Meagan Church
30 Overwhelmed Mom To In Control Mom By: Meagan Ruffing
FAMILY movie review
By: Cole Pollyea
Best of the Year With the 89th Academy Awards just under a month away, it’s time to reflect on this past year at the movies. Most years, the general public is restricted in their ability to see all of the nominees due to limited releases for many notable films; this year was no exception. With that in mind, here is a list of my top five favorite films from 2016 that were granted major releases:
1. Manchester by the Sea It seems that all of the buzz surrounding Manchester by the Sea sounds like this: “man, that is one depressing movie!” Critic Richard Roeper responded to this common reaction best when he said that just because a movie may be depressing doesn’t mean that “it can’t be very inspiring and exhilarating and uplifting to experience such great work”. Like Richard Roeper, I feel that this masterpiece by writerdirector Kenneth Lonergan ranks among the best works of the year and, in fact, is my pick for best film of the year. But it’s not just the captivating and moving writing and the flawless sense of time and place that make it so powerful. What also makes it so profound are the masterful performances from Casey Affleck, Lucas Hedges, Kyle Chandler and Michelle Williams. Affleck gives the best performance of his career as an uncle who, after his brother’s passing, is faced with the responsibility of becoming the legal guardian of his nephew. Yet, there’s so much more to it. To me, Affleck’s performance is more deserved of the Best Actor award than any other nominee this year; it is one that I find myself constantly revisiting, in fascination, admiration and horror, in my mind. 2. La La Land La La Land is one of the most honest romance films in recent years. It follows the trying journeys of two aspiring artists–a young woman played by Emma Stone who’s trying to make it as a movie actress but can’t seem to land any work, and a young man played by Ryan Gosling who wants to open his own jazz club but can’t seem to find the right opportunity. Set and filmed in Hollywood, this movie sets up the competitive struggles for these two characters beautifully and allows us to empathize with their professional tracks the whole way. The two finally hit it off after a number of chance meetings and find themselves in a relationship that, at first, truly blossoms. It’s once this relationship begins that we realize that this is the movie that Gosling and Stone were meant to make together. Their chemistry makes the film an organic and unforgettable account of the lives of two
talented lovers. Its costume design, elaborate choreography by Mandy Moore, innovative direction by Damien Chazelle and musicality add to the sophisticated style of the picture and, in addition to the genius writing and performances, make it one of the frontrunners for this year’s Best Picture award. 3. Fences Fences succeeds on a number of levels, but the first and most obvious is with its performances. What we get from Fences is an unforgettable, spit-fire performance from Denzel Washington that may very well rank among his finest performances of all time. As phenomenal as he is, Washington finds his equal here in Viola Davis, who won a Golden Globe for her convicting performance. Set in 1950’s Pittsburgh, Davis plays the wife of an ex-athlete (Washington) who couldn’t find his way in the world of professional baseball because of a racist, rigid society. Their son, a talented high school football player, seeks to pursue sports at the next level but is held back by his father’s control despite the fact that he tries to convince him that it’s a new world out there. Washington directs this brilliant, Nobel Prize winning play by August Wilson with deliberation and admiration for its source material. Bringing this to the silver screen 11 years after the death of its writer was a major achievement and passion project for the talented filmmaker and it clearly shows. As for the play itself, it is chock full of insightful, thought-provoking observations about the persistence of belief, the influence of a father, religion and even good versus bad. Fences may be long and talkative–with only three or so settings–but it is one of the finest character studies this year. 4. Silence When it comes to passion projects, it’s fair to say that after 28 years of trying to get Silence made, Martin Scorsese has realized his vision and added another deeply insightful and historically rich film to his already momentous repertoire–his devotion to this venture makes it all that much more meaningful. Silence follows two Jesuit priests (Andrew Garfield
and Adam Driver) who travel to 17th century Japan in search of their mentor (Liam Neeson) who, rumor has it, has renounced his devotion to Christianity to save his life. Shortly after their arrival, the two priests realize the danger that being Christian presents and subsequently question what is really true in the face of persecution. Watching Silence, it is clear that there was so much thought, effort and passion that went into this beautifully filmed picture. And that pays off in the meaningful themes that are impressed upon the viewer and the burning questions that are answered as the movie progresses. The film is a disturbing study of the endurance of faith and the explored perspectives are invaluable. Boasting impressive performances all around, including its lead from Andrew Garfield, Silence is among the best of the year and it is certainly the most historically significant. Overlong and failing to find a major audience, Silence did not earn Oscar nominations for Best Picture or Best Director. However, it's safe to say that it will remain one of the most effective and potent religious films that I have seen to date. 5. The Edge of Seventeen The Edge of Seventeen is a movie that truly sneaked up on me. In the same vein of Richard Linklater’s Boyhood, Seventeen is a perceptive depiction of the burden of growing up and experiencing the universal feelings that many people think they are alone in feeling. It’s funny, refreshing, full of life lessons and entertaining. Boasting a phenomenal performance by Hailee Steinfeld, who shows us what it means to be good-hearted but vulnerable, The Edge of Seventeen may not receive much Academy attention (technically, it’s not a terribly impressive movie). Nonetheless, it will definitely be remembered as a timeless tale of growing pains and what it means to be a part of a family. Honorable Mentions (in order) for 2016 include Arrival, Snowden, 10 Cloverfield Lane, The Jungle Book and Passengers
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Daddy/Daughter Dance, 6:00 P.M., Century Center – South Bend
Groundhog Day
4
Science Alive, 10:00 A.M., St. Joseph County Public Library-South Bend Wagon Wheel Jr. Presents Haphazardly Ever After, 2:00 P.M., Wagon Wheel Theatre-Warsaw
FEBRUARY
Beauty & The Beast Jr., 7:00 P.M., The Lerner – Elkhart
Chasing A Dream “Winter’s First Snowflake” 10Year Celebration With Local Children’s Author, Cheri L. Hallwood, 6:00 P.M., Niles District Library
14
8 10
Passport To Play: Inner Tubing, 7:30 P.M., St. Patrick’s County Park-South Bend
#LearnToSkateUSA With Irish Figure Skating Club, 5:30 P.M., Ice Box – South Bend
Valentine’s Day
22 18
Preschool Tubing, 3:00 P.M., St. Patrick’s County Park – South Bend
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15
Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, 7:00 P.M., Morris Performing Arts Center
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Mardi Gras/ 2017 Elkhart County Go Fat Tuesday Red For Women Luncheon, 10:30 A.M., The Lerner Theatre - Elkhart President’s Day/ Washington’s Birthday Elkhart Municipal Band Free Winter Concert, 2:30 P.M., The Lerner – Elkhart
Tapping Day, 10:00 A.M., Bendix Woods County Park – New Carlisle
26
1 3 5 6 11 12 16 17 19 21 24 25 27 W Th F Sa Su M Tu W Th F Sa Su M Tu W Th F Sa Su M Tu W Th Fr Sa Su M Tu
Repurpose Old Sweaters Into Boot Cuffs Have a bunch of old sweaters of yours and the kids? Don’t give them away just yet! Turn those old sweaters into cute boot cuffs for you and your daughter! Directions: 1. Grab your old sweater (or go thrift shopping and find a few!).
Heart Disease in Women: Know The Facts! - -
Heart disease is the number one killer of women causing one in three deaths each year! Warning signs are not the same as in men. You can experience shortness of breath, nausea/ vomiting and back or jaw pain. Dizziness, lightheadedness or fainting, pain in lower chest or upper abdomen and extreme fatigue are also signs of heart attacks!
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Heart disease can affect women of all ages! Birth control pills and smoking boosts heart disease by 20 percent.
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Heart disease doesn’t have to run in the family. Making healthy choices early on will help decrease your chance of having heart issues.
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Heart disease can affect women who are physically fit. Factors like cholesterol, eating habits and smoking can counterbalance your other healthy habits!
(Information found at www.goredforwomen.org)
2.
Cut the sleeves from the body and then cut a section three to five inches long up from the cuff.
3.
Whipstitch the ragged end so it doesn’t unravel.
4.
Put on your leg and put your boot on!
5. Enjoy!
Valentine’s Day Presents From The Kids
My “Love” Hand Print Sign
Mommy Has My Heart
Valentine’s Day Coupons
(www.fabulesslyfrugal.com)
(www.flickr.com)
(www.bhg.com)
FAMILY craft
Door Hanger By: Jill Lebbin
Supplies: • Burlap • Ribbon
• Fabric Marker or Sharpie Marker
• Polyfill
• Hot Glue Gun • Scissors
Photos Provided By: Jill Lebbin
Directions: 1. Fold your burlap in half and draw a heart. I just free handed this because I’m not too particular but you could use a template. 2. Make sure to cut both pieces of burlap (remember, it’s folded in half). Then cut some ribbon or ric rac to your desired length. About an inch will go inside the heart shape so plan accordingly. The length depends on how long you want your door hanger to hang. 3. Trim the top layer down because I like the depth it gives the heart. This is where you can add paint to the burlap. I added white polka dots to our front door hanger. The heart door knob hangers I decided to leave as-is since they are smaller. 4. Place ribbon on top of the bottom piece of the burlap and hot glue the ribbon to the back of the burlap. 5. Hot glue the top of the heart on top of the bottom heart but leave a little opening to put the polyfill. 6. Put polyfill in heart shape and hot glue opening shut. 7. Hang on the front door and enjoy!
For more projects ideas stop by and visit me at EveryDayIsAnOccasion.com. THE
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FAMILY fun
7 Indoor Winter Activities By: Tiffany Doerr Guerzon
If the weather is too frightful to play outside, or if your kids are longing for snow, try one of these indoor winter activities. Play with pretend snow, grow crystals, jazz up plain old playdough, paint like Jack Frost or create three-dimensional painted snow people to liven up a dreary winter afternoon.
Pretend Snow: Pour one cup baking soda into a large bowl. Add shaving cream, a squirt at a time, mixing after each addition with a spoon. When the “snow” starts to form a ball, continue mixing and kneading the mixture with your hands. Kids love this part! Once the “snow” is the consistency you like, stop adding shaving cream. If it gets too wet, simply add more baking soda. This pretend snow molds well and is lots of fun for kids to dig into and create their own snowballs, snow people or mountains. Refrigerate the snow before play for a “cool” sensory experience.
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Vanilla Scented “Cookie” Play dough: Add one teaspoon vanilla extract to the ingredients to Cooked Play dough Recipe and then cook, cool and knead as directed. Give kids this delicious smelling dough along with a rolling pin and cookie cutters to create pretend cookies.
Cooked Play Dough Recipe: Ingredients: 1 cup flour 1/2 cup salt 1 tablespoon cooking oil 2 teaspoons cream of tartar Instructions: Combine all ingredients in a saucepan and cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until the mixture forms a ball. Remove the dough from the pan to a plate or cutting board and allow to cool completely. When cool, knead the dough with your hands until smooth. Store in a sealed container or bag in the refrigerator.
Scented Sparkle Playdough: Add three drops lavender or peppermint essential oil, plus a few drops food color to the ingredients in the Cooked Playdough Recipe, and then cook and cool as directed. Place the dough on a cutting board or mat and sprinkle with glitter. Let the kids knead in the glitter, then play! Experiment with fine and chunky glitter in a variety of colors.
Coffee Filter Snowflakes: Flatten a white coffee filter into a circle. Fold the filter in half, then into quarters, then eighths. It should look like a pie slice. Cut shapes along the edges of the wedge, then open and smooth out for the perfect snowflake! The great thing about this project is that kids can cut the folded coffee filter on any side it will still open into a single, beautiful snowflake. THE
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Jack Frost Paintings: This is another fun activity that uses Epsom salt to form crystals. Mix equal parts Epsom salt and warm water. Give kids paint brushes of various widths and they can dip the brushes into the Epsom salt solution and paint snowflakes or other designs onto dark- colored construction paper. Dark blue and black-colored paper works best. As the water evaporates from the paper, beautiful crystals are left behind.
Photo Courtesy: www.parentmap.com
Photo Courtesy: babbledabbledo.com
Overnight Crystals: This is a fun science project! Gather a few small, clear glass jars. Clear glass candle votives, mason jars or even wine glasses work well. This project grows delicate needle-like crystals, overnight! Ingredients: The recipe for these crystals is simple: equal parts Epsom salt and hot water. For a quart-sized Mason jar, use 1 cup salt /1 cup water. For a pint-sized Mason jar, use 1/2 cup salts/ 1/2 cup hot water, and for a small votive or wine glass, 1/4 cup salts/ 1/4 cup hot water. You can adjust amounts according to the jars you use, just be sure to measure the amount of Epsom salt you use so that you can add an equal amount of water. Directions: Pour the measured Epsom salt into the bottom of your jar. Next pour hot water over the salts. Use the hottest water you can get from your tap. Stir this mixture for two minutes. Repeat with other jars. You can add a drop of liquid watercolors to the hot water to tint the crystals before mixing the water into the salts if you like. It’s best to make a few batches, just in case one doesn’t grow. Next, put your jars into the freezer for 10 minutes. Remove the jars from the freezer and place in the refrigerator and allow to grow overnight. In the morning, gently pour off any excess liquid from the jars and enjoy your crystals! 12
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Puffy Paint Snow People: This fun, inexpensive puffy paint spreads like frosting and dries into beautiful 3-D paintings. To make puffy paint, mix equal parts white shaving cream and white liquid glue. This paint can be hard to wash out of bowls, so you can mix this in either a disposable container or in a gallon re-sealable plastic bag. If you mix up the paint in a container, give kids Popsicle sticks or disposable, plastic knives for “painting.” Paintbrushes don’t work well! If you use a plastic bag, mix ingredients by kneading the sealed bag with your hands until well combined. Squeeze the paint into one corner of the bag, and then snip off the corner with scissors. Kids can “paint” by squeezing out the puffy paint from the bag as they would a pastry bag. It is difficult to make precise lines and shapes with this paint. The best kind of pictures to create with puffy paint are ice cream cones, snow people, cupcakes, etc. Fun additions: You can color the paint by adding a few drops of liquid watercolor paint, or use food colors. Or, add texture to the paint by drawing lines with disposable forks before it dries. For added bling, give the masterpiece a sprinkling of glitter before it dries. Allow to dry 12-24 hours, more if the paint is extra thick!
FAMILY recipe
Cheesecake
Pops Ingredients: - - - - - - - - - - -
3 (8 Ounce) Packages Cream Cheese, Softened ¾ Cup Sugar ¹∕³ Cup Sour Cream 3 Tablespoons All-Purpose Flour 1 Teaspoon Vanilla ¼ Teaspoon Salt 3 Eggs 24 Lollipop Sticks 10 Ounces White Confectioners’ Coating Miniature Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips Toasted Coconut
Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. 2. Beat cream cheese and sugar in a large bowl until smooth. Mix in the sour cream and blend thoroughly, scraping down the sides of the bowl. Add the flour, vanilla and salt and mix well. Add the eggs one at a time, blending thoroughly before adding the next egg, but do not overbeat. Pour batter into a nine-inch spring form pan. 3. Bake in the preheated oven for 50 minutes or until the edges of the cake just begin to turn golden. Cool on a wire rack for one hour, then refrigerate for three hours or overnight. 4. Use a small cookie scoop to scoop out round balls of cheesecake. Roll them into one-in-a-half inch balls and place on a cookie sheet lined with waxed paper. Push a lollipop stick into each cheesecake ball. Place the tray in the freezer until firm, about 30 minutes. 5. Melt the white confectioners' coating (or semi-sweet chocolate). Dip each cheesecake pop into the melted coating. Then dip into one of the toppings. Place on waxed paper until coating is set. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Store in refrigerator.
Tip: You can use mini chocolate chips, toasted coconut, nuts or sprinkles or dip the pops into caramel topping!
(Recipe Found At www.allrecipes.com) THE
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FAMILY on the cover
From a Side Hustle to a
“Piece of Heaven” How one woman turned a dream into a mission to inspire kindness.
By: Meagan Church
I
t all started with some sticky notes. In 2012, M.J. Kocovski started the blog Pars Caeli (pronounced “pars kiley,” which means “piece of heaven”) to bring joy and cultivate a community of people. A few years later—and thanks to those sticky notes—that creative adventure has grown into the online shop Good in Store with a mission to encourage kindness. Good in Store offers apparel, prints, printables and more that are all designed by M.J. with encouraging messages. “My business is founded on hope and an experience that goodness inspires goodness,” she said. So, how did this designer with a full-time job, three children and a husband find the time to do it all? Let’s have M.J. explain:
Photos Provided By: Brittani Renee Photography 14
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What inspired you to start Pars Caeli? I began as an avid reader of blogs. I would bookmark my favorites and return daily to soak up projects, quality conversations, beautiful photography. But the more I read, the more I felt my own voice in the stories of these women who were working and mothering and creating and sharing. It’s the sharing part that finally tipped the scales for me. Four years later, in 2012, I hit publish on my own blog. And I ran hard, posting three to five times a week for the first few years.
How did you go from a blog to an online shop? I asked myself “What problems can I help solve for my audience?” I began taking pictures of the sticky note jokes that I packed in my daughter’s lunch. I was already finding and drawing them for her, and I wondered if these jokes could be helpful for other parents to see something simple they could add to their children’s lunches. Parents commented and used them! I’d get tagged in their versions of the jokes. One of those parents was the creative director at The Land of Nod, a children’s store headquartered in Chicago. I took a gigantic leap and emailed her, pitching the idea for 180 (total school days in the year) illustrated lunchbox jokes that Land of Nod could sell. I wasn’t in the practice of emailing corporate executives, and I knew this is not how products are officially developed, but my gut said try it. Fifteen minutes later, she said yes! Her willingness to take a chance on me pushed the best kind of snowball effect into motion. You were working a full-time job and you have three kids. How did you make time to start your own business? At a stage of life when I’d had infants and toddlers move to a more independent preschool/school age, I felt a new sense of energy. What I found as I nourished my own creative pursuits—first as DIY blogger and photographer, and then illustrator and product designer—is that I brought more excitement and skill to my job and more joy to my family. Truthfully, after a series of six years where I was either pregnant or nursing, I had grown used to little sleep, so I would write, craft, style or photograph at 10:00 P.M., and keep to my infant sleeping schedule, often working until 3:00 A.M. I’d also use my weekends to bank a lot of great content with my children. I was often tired, but incredibly energized, so I was committed to keep going. Why the focus on encouraging messages and kindness? I want to find ways to draw attention to the good happening all around us and to keep that desire for a kinder, gentler world. As a mom, I wondered if my children would benefit more from shirts that read Do Good or Choose Kind Over Cool over some of the more sarcastic designs available. And I wondered how wearing a Be Kind shirt might affect middle school.
Taking it further, how would we as adults act differently wearing advertisements for kindness all day long? Will wearing a shirt that says Always Be Kinder Than You Feel in pretty gold foil change the world? No, or maybe not. But it might cause you to pause and consider how you’ll approach the next person you encounter or cause the people in your life to reflect. How have your kids been part of your inspiration? My oldest was in kindergarten when I kicked off the blog and she saw me move it from family projects to brand collaborations to product development, and I noticed how it affected her. She started talking about what she wanted to create with such a light in her eyes. I knew that I wanted any business I run to support that light. She would help me develop products and tweak designs, think about packaging and messaging. We had great conversations over mailing orders and counting inventory.
As her siblings grew up, they too wanted to see what this was about, and as I heard them talk about inventions they wanted to bring to life and businesses they wanted to create and books they wanted to write, my heart just burst. I want all of my children to have a sense that they can and should change the world with their gifts. In a special way, I want my daughters to see that women can and do lead, create and move the world. Pars Caeli and Good in Store are much more of a family business than my own side hustle. And I feel really blessed to be able to open up the process to my children as a learning experience. Take a look at M.J.’s blog and store at ParsCaeli.com. Some of her apparel can also be found at Ali on the Boulevard in South Bend.
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7:30 P.M., Washington Hall – Notre Dame
Romeo & Juliet,
South Bend Civic Theatre
Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, 7:30 P.M.,
1
2 Groundhog Day
Hilton Garden-South Bend
4:30 P.M., Downtown St. Joseph, MI
13th Annual Magical Ice Fest,
H.U.G.E. Luxury Outerwear Overstock Shopping Event, 10:00 A.M.,
3
10:00 A.M., Hilton Garden-South Bend
H.U.G.E. Luxury Outerwear Overstock Shopping Event,
8:30 A.M., Downtown St. Joseph, MI
Science Alive, 10:00 A.M., St. Joseph County Public LibrarySouth Bend 13th Annual Magical Ice Fest,
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“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and a little stars come out of you.” – Karen, Age 7
FEBRUARY
2017
Get connected to our online calendar at MichianaMom.com to see additional events and submit events of your own!
Want to check out even more things to do in Michiana?
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The Lerner – Elkhart
Elkhart Municipal Band Free Winter Concert, 2:30 P.M.,
1:30 P.M., County City Building – South Bend
St. Margaret’s House Winter Walk 2017,
1:00 P.M., Morris Inn – Notre Dame
Morris Inn Culinary Academy – Italy,
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10:00 A.M., St. Patrick’s County Park – South Bend
Valentine’s Day Sweet Ski,
1:00 P.M., Morris Inn – Notre Dame Campus
Morris Inn Culinary Academy-France,
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5
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No Brainer Day
President’s Day/ Washington’s Birthday
20
6:00 P.M., Niles District Library
Chasing A Dream “Winter’s First Snowflake” 10Year Celebration With Local Children’s Author, Cheri L. Hallwood,
5:30 P.M., Elkhart Environmental City
Meditation Yoga,
Skiing Under The Stars, 6:00 P.M.,
St. Patrick’s County Park
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6
Elkhart Public Library
Valentine’s Day
Century Center – South Bend
Daddy/Daughter Dance, 6:00 P.M.,
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Mardi Gras/ Fat Tuesday
Lil Sprouts Preschool Program, 10:00 A.M.,
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7
Preschool Tubing,
Fit Together,
6:30 P.M., Jefferson Elementary School – Goshen
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The Music Village – South Bend
Swing Dancing Classes, 7:00 P.M.,
South Bend Civic Theatre
7:00 P.M., The Lerner – Elkhart
Beauty & The Beast Jr.,
Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, 7:30 P.M.,
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9
World Compliment Day
MAR 1st
6:30 P.M., PHM Digital Video Theater/Planetarium – Mishawaka
27th Expo For Women Ladies Day Out Celebration, 2:00 P.M., Century Center – South Bend
2
All Day, The Foundry in Eddy Street Commons at Notre Dame
Photographic Scenes Legends Of The Night of Notre Dame and the Sky: Orion & Legends – Perseus/Andromeda, Midwest by Gary Riggs,
3:00 P.M., St. Patrick’s County Park – South Bend
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7:00 P.M., Morris Performing Arts Center
Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood,
PHM Digital Video Theater/ Planetarium – Mishawaka
Bugs: Rain Forest Adventure, 6:30 P.M.,
St. Patrick’s County ParkSouth Bend
Passport To Play: Inner Tubing, 7:30 P.M.,
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8
Ice Box – South Bend
3
Morris Performing Arts Center – South Bend
Once, 8:00 P.M.,
7:30 P.M., The Lerner – Elkhart
The Secret Garden,
Video Theater/Planetarium – Mishawaka
Laser Beatles & Laser Pop, 8:00 P.M., PHM Digital
7:00 P.M., Battell Community Center - Mishawaka
Mishawaka Parks Department Daddy/ Daughter Dance,
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8:00 P.M., The Lerner – Elkhart
Scotty McCreery,
Ice Box – South Bend
Random Act of Kindness Day
#LearnToSkateUSA With Irish Figure Skating Club, 5:30 P.M.,
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7:00 P.M., The Lerner – Elkhart
Beauty & The Beast Jr.,
#LearnToSkateUSA With Irish Figure Skating Club, 5:30 P.M.,
10
4
Once, 2:00 P.M. & 8:00 P.M., Morris Performing Arts Center – South Bend
The Secret Garden,
7:30 P.M., The Lerner – Elkhart
Trivia Night, 5:30 P.M., Studebaker National Museum – South Bend
Starting Annuals From Seed,
Bendix Woods County Park – New Carlisle
Tapping Day, 10:00 A.M.,
2:00 P.M., Fernwood Botanical Garden & Nature Preserve – Niles
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Daddy/Daughter Valentine Tea, 3:00 P.M., The Lerner – Elkhart
Frosty 5K And Mitten Mile,
RV/MH Hall of Fame-Elkhart
SPA Women’s Ministry Homes “Building Hope – An Evening Of Dinner & Decadence,” 6:00 P.M.,
10:00 A.M., Studebaker Park – Elkhart
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FAMILY fun
Eating Out On The Cheap: Save Big Money On
Family Restaurant Dining By: Christina Katz
“
An impromptu meal out can be a real mood-booster when a child is in need of some extra TLC.�
O
f all of life's little luxuries, eating out is one of my family's favorites. Eating out together is a great way to teach young children dining etiquette. Grabbing a quick bite between activity drop-offs can provide valuable face-to-face time when eating at home is not an option. During especially hectic times, eating out can reduce stress and promote family unity. Best of all, eating out can teach kids how to splurge sensibly without blowing an entire budget. Why not rotate taking each of your children out to eat, so you can find some individual parent-child time? Even if it's only a spontaneous trip to the local sub shop, an impromptu meal out can be a real mood-booster when a child is in need of some extra TLC. Make a renowned restaurant the destination of a day trip for a laid-back family adventure. Sometimes we simply crave a tiny taste of luxury without spending a small fortune. Letting someone else do the shopping, prep work, cooking and cleanup can provide a much-needed break. If you think eating out is a luxury your family cannot afford, perhaps this list of tips will help you reconsider.
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Set a monthly dining budget. If you don't have much money to put towards dining out, start with a small amount like $20 and get creative using the tips below. If you have more to spend, see how much you can stretch your dollars to maximize your eating-out opportunities. Check yelp. com to find out what other families are saying about quality and service before you go.
Look for kids-eat-free options. Some restaurants allow kids under a certain age to eat for free. Be sure you know about age limits and any other caveats before you show up. Check out kidsmealdeals.com for the most current offers in your area. If you live near a major city, do an Internet browser search by typing in city, state and "kids eat free."
Consider kid-friendly happy hours. Sometimes you don't need a full meal with multiple courses and boxes of leftovers. Sometimes you just want a quick, inexpensive bite. Many pubs in our area offer happy hour menus in their dining rooms, where prices rival those in fast food restaurants. If we have time to sit down, I'd rather soak in a little atmosphere than pay the same for extra salt and fat.
Order at the counter and sit. Sometimes you can save by tipping lightly or skipping the tip altogether. When you are eating out with a large group, your bill can be decreased significantly by going ordering your meal from the counter and then having your food delivered to the table. Just leave a couple of dollars on the table before you go.
Try buffet style. My husband fondly remembers frequenting an all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet at a local steak house with his father when he was a teen. If you've got growing tweens and teens with voracious appetites, an all-you-can-eat buffet may be ideal. Be sure to choose locations that offer foods your family enjoys eating. Search by city and state and "all you can eat buffet" for the best discounts.
Order a late lunch. We save a bundle at one of our favorite local restaurants by ordering from the lunch menu rather than the dinner menu. When the car-pool shuffle is especially tight, I grab inexpensive take-out lunches and we enjoy them as an early dinner between commitments.
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FAMILY fun Take it home. Pizza, Teriyaki, and Mexican food are all easy to grab and go. Subscribe to email lists of local chains your family frequents to stay in the loop. Also keep your eyes peeled for local coupons. On the back of my grocery store receipts, I find money-saving coupons for our favorite burrito place. Our local pizza shop has their daily specials listed on their website. With a little forethought, you can make local discounts work with your family's busy schedule.
Eat family-style. On special occasions,
out for dessert as a spontaneous
everyone orders their own meals. But you might have two eating-out modes: special vs. splitting. Splitting means getting only enough food for everyone. So if burgers or sandwiches are oversized, why not cut them in half? If the pasta dish feeds two, why not split it? As long as you don't incur spitting fees, you've got nothing to lose. Try ordering three meals for four people or two to split and see how it goes.
after-activity reprieve.�
Restaurant-hop. Eat an inexpensive
“
Have dinner at home and go
dinner at a lower-priced restaurant and then go somewhere fancier for dessert. You'll conclude the evening on a high note. Or better yet, have dinner at home and go out for dessert as a spontaneous after-activity reprieve.
Eat at a specialty grocery store. One of our favorite places to eat out is at our local organic grocery store. The quality of the food is excellent, although fairly expensive for shopping there regularly. But, by pulling together an eclectic in-store meal, we can feel like we're getting a taste of the good life without the extra costs of restaurant eating.
Request gift certificates. Instead of cash gifts, ask far-away family members to send gift cards to your favorite restaurants. Keep gift cards with your coupons for a planned outing or spontaneous bit of cheer on an otherwise gloomy day.
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Eat Out Like A Pro Prep: Create a coupon stash. I have a pocket in my purse where I stash all my restaurant coupons. To avoid overspending, I toss the junk food and only save coupons for destinations I enjoy supporting. Sometimes store receipts have coupons on the back. Also skim local newspapers and check fliers in your mailbox.
Keep Your Tab Low:
Compare coupons. Buy One, Get One (BOGO) coupons are the best values for your money. Buy one, get one half-price is only saving you 25%, so don't go that route unless you really long to order those items.
Sign up for loyalty programs. Cash in on those frequent customer royalty rewards and watch for annual birthday bonuses. Who doesn't getting enjoy a free meal or entrĂŠe?
Purchase coupon books. Coupon books cost money, so make sure they contain enough savings to cover the cost. Then clip coupons and add them to your coupon stash. There is nothing worse than showing up somewhere to claim your discount and not having your coupon with you.
Don't Order... Appetizers Drinks Desserts Alcohol
Do Order... Water Side dishes like veggies Extra rice or noodles One dessert for the table
Sign Up For Loyalty Programs For: Local chains Burger joints Sandwich shops Buffet places Places near your local mall Special occasion destinations
Save Even When You Splurge: Visit the website before you leave home Choose a family-friendly destination Consider Italian restaurants Go out for fancy appetizers and desserts Go out for afternoon tea instead of a meal
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FAMILY kids
7
Valentine Traditions to Start with Your Kids By: Sarah Lyons
Valentine’s Day is traditionally a time for couples to express their love for one another, but
Dessert first Just once a year it can’t hurt to have your sweets before your meal. Offer cake or ice cream first and let the kids enjoy their dessert without having to eat their veggies first.
it is also a great chance to show your
Make it heart-shaped
children how much you love them cards and small gifts on Valentine's
After your dessert first dinner, serve up some fun Valentine’s Day themed meals. Heart-shaped pancakes or heart-shaped pizza are both fun and easy. Get the kids involved in the kitchen and you will have more time to make special memories of your Valentine’s Day dinner..
Day, this year try starting some fun
Go on a “date”
new traditions for your family.
Many people go on a date with their significant other to celebrate Valentine’s Day but consider taking your child on a “date” to a place of their choice. If you have more than one child, each parent can pair off or take turns so all kids get to participate. Spending quality time together is a great way to show your kids you care and get the conversation flowing.
too. While children typically exchange
Cuddle up If going out isn’t for your family, set aside time to cuddle up on the couch with those you love. Make popcorn, put on some comfortable pajamas, rent some movies and spend some time together relaxing and cuddling in the comfort of your living room. To make it extra special for Valentine’s Day, add red sprinkles to the popcorn and choose movies that have a love theme. 22
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Bake and share Bake some Valentine’s Day themed cookies to share with someone you love. While you are at it, double the batch and share them with someone who may be spending Valentine’s Day alone this year. Cookies are a great way to show others you care and bring some cheer.
Hide the hearts Hide paper hearts around the house and have the kids go on a search for them. Whoever finds the most wins a prize such as a small toy or a book. You might want to have prizes on hand so that everyone gets a turn being the winner. You can enlist the winners to be their siblings assistant as a way of demonstrating their love for each other too.
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Declare your love The simplest way to show others you care is to tell them. Have each family member state one reason why they love the others. You can also write these on scraps of paper and read them as a group. Tuck them away in a special envelope and pull them out year after year to reread them.
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FAMILY kids
Loves Me, Loves Me
Not: Supporting Kids Though the Ups and Downs of Friendship By: Heidi Smith Luedtke, PhD
D
riving home, you ask your kids what happened at school today. Your son mumbles, “Nothing,” in his casual, I-dare-you-to-ask-for-more information kind of way. Before you can follow up, your daughter chimes in “I hate Maddie. She told Sarah she thinks my hair is ugly, and now Sarah won’t let me sit with them at lunch. They’re not my friends anymore. I hate them both.”
Catching Kids’ Feelings Whew! When you asked your daughter about her day, you were hoping to hear she had aced her spelling test. Instead, you’re sitting in the driver’s seat wondering how to navigate a tricky emotional situation. Kids may be overwhelmed if they don’t know how to handle their feelings, so they pass them on to adults, says Lawrence Cohen, PhD, psychologist and author of Playful Parenting. This eases their distress and frees kids to explore what’s happening without getting stuck on issues they can’t solve. Parents don’t have it so easy. We may feel our kids’ pain as if it were our own, especially if their experiences cause us to revisit our own childhood turmoil, says Cohen. As parents grapple with their own feelings, they may unintentionally make things worse for kids by asking probing questions like, “Why didn’t Sarah stick up for you?” or “Did something else happen between you three?” Michael Thompson, PhD, clinical psychologist and co-author of Best Friends, Worst Enemies calls this “interviewing for pain.” And, he says, this approach can backfire. It may cause kids to become more upset and confused instead of helping them move on. Although kids’ clashes are uncomfortable for parents, it’s best if parents support without intruding. Conflict is a crucible for social development. 24
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Why Conflict Occurs and What Kids Learn From It We all want to feel a sense of connection to others and to be recognized as competent, powerful individuals. Your child’s desires to sit with the cool kids at lunch, make the dance team and win an award in the science fair grow out of these needs for connection, achievement and status. The recipe for dissonance goes something like this: Create a close bond between friends, add a spirit of competitiveness and an ounce of I’m-better-than-you-are, and voilà, you’ve got conflict. Winning friends and earning bragging rights on Super Mario aren’t incompatible goals in the long term, but on any given afternoon they can cause friction. While it’s tempting to wish for perpetual harmony, a reasonable amount of conflict is good for kids. “There’s no doubt that some of the most important lessons our kids will learn don’t happen in the classroom but with a friend or two” during playtime, says Michelle Borba, EdD, author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me. A child’s sense of personal identity develops as he sees himself through the eyes of his friends. When disagreements arise, kids learn to negotiate, to stand up for themselves and to communicate their values. And when they mess up they learn to take responsibility and make apologies, reminds Borba. These social skills stick with kids into adulthood and are critical to school and career success. While parents can help kids learn from their experiences, we can’t learn these lessons for them.
How to Support Kids’ Friendship Skill-Building Getting involved in kids’ social lives can feel like stepping into a minefield – you don’t know where hot issues are buried and missteps can cause emotional explosions. Use these strategies to support your kids through trying times in social development.
family over for dinner and let the kids entertain themselves while the grown-ups talk. They may groan initially, but they’ll rise to the occasion. Step back and let kids get acquainted through play. Share family activities often if the kids hit it off.
Friendship Resources for Families
Put Problems in Perspective. Though it’s easy to dismiss kids’ social woes as insignificant, research conducted at University of California Los Angeles shows social rejection activates the same brain areas responsible for physical pain: Being left out really does hurt. Just don’t overreact. It’s likely your child will get over the hurt, reconcile with her friend, or find a new one.
Read Making Friends is an Art by Julia Cook with your child. http://www.juliacookonline.com/ books/life-issues/making-friendsis-an-art/ Help your child cope with cliques. http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/ talk/cliques.html Get special tips to help kids with ADHD make friends. http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/ article/924.html
Check Your Expectations. Kids vary widely in how many friends they have and the depth of their relationships. “How many friends our kids have isn’t the issue,” says Borba. What matters most are your child’s feelings about himself and his relationships with peers. Friendship should be a (mostly) positive experience. Be a Sounding Board. Resist the urge to clean up your child’s friendship fall out by calling the friend’s parent or telling your child what to do. Instead, listen compassionately to what happened and absorb the weight of your child’s sadness. With your emotional support, she’ll find her own way to mend the rift. Quarrels and breakups happen, and painful feelings may linger. Often but not always – after some time or a shift in activities – kids find a way to make up. To parents, it may seem like kids break up and make up too easily. They go from best friends to worst enemies and back again before we know what’s happening. Whether friends come or go, parents can offer an accepting smile, a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. But, we can’t make them empathize, sort out their feelings, force an apology or fix their friendships. Some lessons only friends can teach.
Create Opportunities. Kids don’t want parents to manage their social lives – that just isn’t cool. To help kids make friends parents have to be stealthy. Invite another THE
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FAMILY kids
By: Cheryl Maguire
Potty Training Mommy
According to the millions of potty training books, my twins demonstrated all the signs of being ready to finally use a toilet. In fact, my children have done everything short of pulling off their diapers and getting on the toilet to use it. All the potty training books fail to mention is how to recognize “mommy readiness”. Here, I will attempt to fill the void.
Enthusiasm to clean yet another mess Many moms spend the majority of their waking hours cleaning some sort of mess, whether it’s the food smeared on the furniture or the diaper cream used as finger paint or the toys strewn across every inch of the house. Just the thought of encouraging another mess can send some moms right over the edge. There comes a time, however, when the diaper messes become so revolting that the thought of cleaning up after potty training actually sounds appealing. This is what I mean by mommy readiness. If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, just wait. You’re much better off remaining in a state of blissful ignorance until then.
Motivated to do more laundry The endless amount of laundry a mom faces on a daily basis in another mess to deal with. Obviously when potty training a child, accidents will occur, leading to more laundry. Mommy readiness becomes apparent when you find yourself cleaning sheets, blankets and clothes every morning thanks to stripped off diapers. Suddenly, cleaning a few extra outfits seems minimal.
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Eagerness to spend all day in the bathroom
Admitting your child is no longer a baby
It’s difficult to imagine having to add another activity to an already busy schedule, much less one that involves running to the bathroom at a moment’s notice because your potty trainee needs to go. But when you add up all those dollars spent on diapers and wipes, you realize that spending some extra time in the bathroom might not be so bad after all.
This is by far the most difficult step for any parent to make. On some level, they will always be our babies. After learning to use the potty, the next step is going to college – or that’s how it feels sometimes. Statistically, most college students end up moving back home anyway, so you need not worry about them leaving you anytime soon.
Readiness to deal with accidents in public
Hopefully, these signs of mommy readiness will help you know when it’s time to potty train your toddler. If you’ve got a friend clearly exhibiting these signs who’s also in denial, feel free to leave a copy of this article discreetly on her desk. I have a feeling I might find a copy on my own desk as well.
Going to public places with toddlers is extremely challenging. They are interested in all the new and fascinating items in front of them, which sends them in every direction except the one you want. Their attention span is also limited, so you find yourself moving at warp speed trying to accomplish whatever task you set out to do. “Accidents” in public create yet more obstacles in your outing. That said, discovering your child bathing in toilet water speedily enhances your readiness to deal with any accident in public.
Willingness to use public restrooms Many people avoid using public restrooms. Toilet training your child means using public restrooms on a regular basis. Finding your child throwing their dirty diaper across a room that is not a bathroom helps you overcome this hang up real fast.
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FAMILY mommy & daddy
Dear Mom,
All Mom's Can Use A Bit Of Encouragement!
Schedule Slow Days By: Meagan Church
T
he other day, the rest of my family got up from the breakfast table before me. I sat there by myself in silence. I took a deep breath and a sip of coffee, and I looked outside for signs of the deer family that frequents our backyard. This quiet, peaceful scene lasted about 10 seconds. It wasn’t a kid demanding my attention or a cat demanding his breakfast that broke up my quiet little scene. It was me as I grabbed my phone and started scrolling. I can’t remember what was so important that I needed to pick up my phone immediately after experiencing 10 seconds of silence. I am one who welcomes quiet, contemplative spaces. Or at least I used to be. In that moment, with that phone in my hand, I realized that perhaps I enjoy those moments less (or differently) than I had previously thought. I began to wonder if maybe I have forgotten how to be quiet, silent and reflective.
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A few days after my breakfast table revelation, I took an intentional “slow day.” I sat on the couch in front of the fireplace, wrapped up in a thick, warm blanket and I read a book. The day wasn’t without distractions. Lunch had to be made. The dog needed to go outside. The kids asked me to play a game with them. But the large portion of the day was spent relaxing, reading and reflecting. And you know what? I didn’t feel guilty about it at all. Could I have spent the day working on deadlines, doing laundry, vacuuming, visiting with neighbors…? Absolutely. But just as McKeown said, when things get noisier, we must build in quiet time. In our world, quiet time doesn’t just happen. “We need space to escape in order to discern the essential few from the trivial many,” McKeown said. “Unfortunately, in our time-starved era we don’t get that space by default— only by design.”
Our daily lives are filled with noise and chaos, demands and distractions. I think these things bother me. I think I want to limit them as best I can, but then I find myself with my phone in my hand as I sit at the quiet breakfast table. Instead of taking time to think or stare or just be still, I gave into the urge to scroll and like and comment and update.
That Slow Day did me a lot of good, but I can’t wait for another one to accidentally happen. Because it won’t. We are not designed to live at breakneck speed as many of us are. We live in a time when countless technologies have been designed to ease our load to free us up, but instead our calendars are too maxed out for any of that “free” time to be slow time.
Then a friend sent me a link to an article that quoted one of my favorite books, Essentialism by Greg McKeown. The book is all about setting your priority and focusing on what is essential, while being intentional. As he said, “The faster and busier things get, the more we need to build thinking time into our schedule. And the noisier things get, the more we need to build quiet reflection spaces in which we can truly focus.”
So this year, build ”slow days” into your calendar. Just as you make room for meetings, doctor’s appointments, sports and events, make time for quiet even if it scares you. Especially if it scares you. This isn’t a vacation; it’s time to think about things—work, family, life. And when it comes to your mental, spiritual and physical health, it’s essential.
FAMILY MAGAZINE | FEBRUARY 2017
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FAMILY mommy & daddy
Overwhelmed Mom to In
Control Mom By: Meagan Ruffing
“There is hope for you moms out there who feel overwhelmed.”
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f you are a mom, then you know the word “overwhelmed” goes hand-in-hand with the role of raising little ones. Whether you’re a first-time parent or a parent of multiples, the life you had before kids looks a lot different than the one you’re living now. When I first became a mom, I struggled with finding balance. Balance between who I wanted to be and what I thought a mother was supposed to be. It didn’t help that my first born had severe acid reflux, colic and a benign developmental delay in walking. Parenthood just wasn’t how I’d imagined it to be and the reality of this seeped into every crevice of my life. Fast-forward eight years, two more kids and a mom who is a little bit wiser than she once was, I am here to tell you there is hope for you moms out there who feel overwhelmed. The first step is taking a deep breath, grabbing a pen (or the nearest crayon) and writing down what it is that is making you feel overwhelmed.
Follow these steps below and you will be well on your way to going from overwhelmed to in control:
1. 2.
3.
4.
Once you have written down what it is that is overwhelming you (kids, lack of sleep, marriage, overeating, weight and so on), you can begin to tackle the very thing that has been causing you so much stress.
Ask yourself, “Why is this overwhelming me?” If it’s your weight that is bothering you, the reason might be something like, “My clothes don’t feel good on me. I can’t seem to stop snacking, etc.) Once you pinpoint why this overwhelming situation is making you frazzled, you can begin to take back control. State it for what it is and move on.
Write down your next small step. Literally, what is the next small step you can take in going from overwhelmed to in control? If it’s a rocky marriage that has your stomach in a ball of knots, maybe scheduling an appointment with a therapist is your next small step. It’s actually a big step but in the bigger picture, it’s one small step in taking control.
Decide how big of an issue this is. Is it an immediate problem? A problem that can wait a few weeks? Or maybe it’s something that can wait several months? Whatever your overwhelming situation is, decide where it falls on the urgency list and treat it as so. An example of each one of these might be:
•
Baby not sleeping = Urgent.
•
Want to lose weight = over the next several weeks.
•
Get my house back in order = Not Urgent but something I will work on over the next few months.
5.
Have an accountability friend. This is key. Find someone whom you can trust and who will hold you accountable. This might be your spouse, your closest friend or your neighbor. You might have different accountability people for different situations in your life and that’s okay. That is normal. Once you have decided and pinpointed what it is that is overwhelming you, and you have figured out what your next small step will be, go ahead and tell someone what your action plan is.
Becoming a mom is tough stuff. It’s great stuff but it’s tough stuff. Who you once were will come through again, you just have to be diligent and intentional about letting her peek through from time-to-time. Give yourself a break and a pat on the back for bringing this amazing child into the world and acknowledge things for what they are; tough. You will get through this and you will come out stronger from this. Your days of not showering and forgetting to eat will become a thing of the past before you can say, “I can’t believe he’s eight-yearsold. Where did the time go?”
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