FAMILY Magazine October 2015

October 2015 • Moms Just Know • Free

Celebrating the Little

Milestones

Father's

Special Section:

Role

A Positive Role Model

Save The Ta-Ta’s Celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Cyber Expo 2015

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Christmas Break Fun If you would like your business and/or service to be included in the next issue, call The FAMILY Magazines at 574.387.5420 to reserve your space. Space is limited.

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Betsy@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com

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Jessy@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com

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Amanda Oiler Amanda@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com

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Volume 9: Number 10

Find the Hidden Acorn!

On the Cover:

For your enjoyment and fun!

Happy Halloween from brothers Danny & Joey Reiff!

Ann Reiff is one of Michiana’s Premiere Real Life

Photographers. Her heart and soul define her style, as she is able to capture the moments we wish to always remember. Ann shoots all varieties of sessions at her studio in Southwest Michigan and also loves doing shoots on location.

Contact her at: www.studio513east.com ann@studio513east.com 269-228-0373

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TheFamilyMagazineOfMichiana @FamilyMagazines FamilyMagazine TheFamilyMag www.MichianaMom.com Please use the information compiled by Michiana Family Magazines for your research. Michiana Family Magazines recommends that parents and families interview each business or organization to make sure that it is safe and a good fit for your family. The information presented here and provided by Michiana Family Magazines is for informational purposes only and although every effort has been made to present accurate information, Michiana Family Magazines does not, in any way, accept responsibility for the accuracy of or consequences from the use of this information and/or for the businesses and organizations presented herein. We urge all parents and families to confirm any information given herein through additional research. The views and opinions expressed by the writers, event organizers and advertisers do not necessarily represent those of Michiana Family Magazines LLC, its officers, editors, staff or contributors.

THE

FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

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F R O M T H E PU B LI S HER

7

Things

We Learned Making

The October Issue

1. Embrace fall activities. Check out what you can do with the kiddos on page 10.

2. Embrace the small milestones in your child’s life. Find out how you can celebrate your child’s triumphs on page 12.

3. Grieving doesn’t end when losing a child. Turn to page 16 to read six things that one mom wished everyone knew about losing a child.

1. Falling Leaves 2. Silly Costumes 3. Warm Hugs 4. Fall Decor 5. Sloppy Joes 6. Hayrides 7. Pumpkin Anything!

8. Leggings 9. Mom-Time!

12. A Clean Garage

6. Expensive fire logs burn only minutes longer than the off brand. Turn to page 34 to read more on our fire log product testing.

7. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Learn how you can celebrate and bring awareness on page 36.

FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

Right Now!

11. Apple Cider

5. Teenagers can enjoy trick-or-treating too! Read the debate on how old is too old for trick-or-treat on page 28.

THE

Love

(at FAMILY)

10. Being Thankful

4. More children are hurt on Halloween night than any other night. Don’t make your child become a statistic by following our Halloween safety tips on page 26.

4

Things We

13. Carmels

Check it Out!

Don’t forget to pick up your copy of the NEW SASSY & Boom Mag azine!

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20 15

4Keeps

By: Casey Kiel

Like '4Keeps' on Facebook or visit CaseyKiel.com

FAMILY craft

Glittered polka dot pumpkin By: Jill Lebbin For more information and how-to pictures visit my blog, Every Day is an Occasion, at http://everydayisanoccasion.com/gettingcrafty-flourish-boutique Materials: -Faux Pumpkin From Your Local Craft Store -Gold Spray Paint -Glitter -Circle Dauber Sponge -Mod Podge -Container To Sprinkle Glitter Over Steps: 1. Spray paint pumpkin.

2. Use circle dauber sponge to adhere mod podge all over pumpkin after spray paint is dry.

4. Sprinkle glitter on top and shake excess off.

5. Enjoy!

Photo Provided By: Jill Lebbin

the FAMILY magazine table

Of

contents

Cyber Expo 2015

Live Your Best

4 7 Things We Learned Making This Issue

26 Halloween Safety 101 By: Lt. William Redman

4 Things We Love Right Now 5 4Keeps Comic 7 Contributors 8 The FAMILY Month Calendar 20 Centerfold Calendar

Family Craft

5 Glittered Polka Dot Pumpkin

By: Jill Lebbin

Family Recipe

9 Mandarin Orange-Topped Chocolate Chip Cookie By: Katie & Theresa Slott

Family Book Reviews

22 Book Review: Tinkerlab: A Hands-On Guide For Little Inventors By Rachelle Doorley Reviewed By: Anne Britton

22 Student Book Review: Catching Fire By Suzanne Collins Reviewed By: Faith Johnson

Family Kids

10 Family Fall Fun

28 How Old Is Too Old To Trick-Or-Treat By: Lara West

By: Lara West

12 Celebrating The Little Milestones By: Noelle Elliott

14 6 Parenting Rules You Can Break By: Kerrie McLoughlin

38

Family Pregnancy 16 What I wish You Knew About Losing A Child By: Meagan Church

18 Why Writing Your Birth Story Matters By: Meagan Church

Mommy and Daddy 34 Dear Mom, Engage The Jellybean Argument By: Meagan Church

36 Product Review: Fire Logs By: Lara West

38 Save The Ta-Ta’s By: Jackie Folkert

40 A Father’s Role: A Positive Role Model By: Jackie Folkert

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FAMILY contributors

Meagan Church is married to her high-school sweetheart and is the mother of 3 kids.

She is a writer and children’s book author. She is also the brainpower of the online resource Unexpectant, exploring the realities of birth, babies and beyond.

Noelle Elliott works in publicity.

She is a writer and has been published on several websites and print publictaions. She is the owner and creator of the esteemed bowchicabowmom.com where she humorously shares the triumphs and failures of raising her four young sons. She is also the creator of the succesful local staged production, The Mamalogues. She happily lives in South Bend.

Jackie Folkert is a mother of three and lives in South Bend.

She is a freelance writer and an English teacher.

Jill Lebbin is a wife, mother, craft fanatic and DIY blogger at www.EveryDayisan Occasion.com. She and her husband Marcel have been married for five years and love living in Granger with their two spunky kids, Marcel Jr. and Lilly.

Reader Testimonials “I devour all three of The FAMILY Magazine’s publications.”

– Kendra C. “I love reading the FAMILY Magazine not only because the great articles always hit home, but I love looking at the monthly calendar to see all the different family oriented events in the area.”

– Ashley C. “I have to tell you, I subscribe to a lot of national parenting magazines and FAMILY is still one of my favorites. Can’t believe it’s free!”

– Michaela R. We’d LOVE to hear from you! CONTAST US AT.... jessy@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com THE

FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

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1

Tea Time For The Arts, 2:30 P.M., Morris InnNotre Dame Annual Oktoberfest Festival, 4:00 P.M., St. Peter Lutheran ChurchMishawaka

2

9

Beauty And The Beast, Jr., 7:00 P.M., Elkhart Civic Theatre-Bristol

11

Comic Book, Toy & Collectible Show, All Day, Firefighters Hall-South Bend

Kids Night Out, 5:00 P.M., Downtown South Bend Goshen First Fridays: Homecoming, 5:00 P.M., Goshen Courthouse

3

Pet Supplies Plus 10th Anniversary Pawty/Adoption Event, 11:00 A.M., Pet Supplies Plus-Goshen

24

20

12

15

Zombie Walk, 10:00 A.M., Eby’s Pines RV Park And Campgrounds- Nature Munchkins: Bristol Bats & Owls, 9:30 A.M., St. Patrick’s New To You Children’s County Park-South Bend Clothing Event, 11:00 A.M., Grace Community Church-Goshen

Laser Fright Light, 6:30 P.M., PHM Digital Video Theater/PlanetariumMishawaka

Talents & Treasures Bazaar, 9:00 A.M., Trinity EFC-South Bend

Breastfeeding Class For Moms And Dads, 6:00 P.M., Lakeland Hospital-Niles

Columbus Day

10

28

17-18

Halloween Ghost Train & Fall Festival, 11:30 A.M., Hesston Steam Museum-La Porte

21

Big Bird: One World, One Sky, 6:30 P.M., PHM Digital Video Theater/PlanetariumMishawaka

26

31

Happy Halloween!

30

Make-ADifference Day, Trunk-Or-Treat, All Day, St. 5:00 P.M., Humane Joseph County Society Of St. 4-H Fairgrounds- Joseph CountySouth Bend Mishawaka

4 5 6 7 8 13 14 16 18 19 22 23 25 27 29 Th F Sa Su M Tu W Th F Sa Su M Tu W Th F Sa Su M Tu W Th F Sa Su M Tu W Th F Sa

Apple Cider Homemade

How Well Do YOU Know Your

Halloween Facts?

Below are five fun facts about Halloween but only THREE of them are true! Can you spot the incorrect facts?  The first Jack O’Lanterns were actually made from turnips.  Samhainophobia is the fear of Halloween.  The first known mention of trick-or-treating in print in North America occurred in 1927 in Rochester, Indiana.  The largest pumpkin ever measured weighed 836 pounds in 1993.  Romania is typically believed to be the birthplace of Halloween.

Answers: 1. True 2. True 3. False: Occurred in Blackie, Alberta, Canada.

4. True 5. False: Ireland is believed to be the birthplace.

Information found at www.facts.randomhistory.com.

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FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

Ingredients: - 8-10 Gala Apples

- 4 Tbsp Cinnamon

- 1 Cup Sugar

- 4 Tbsp Allspice

Directions: 1. Cut apples into quarters and add to a large pot. Fill pot with water just enough to cover the apples and then add your sugar.

2. Wrap the cinnamon and allspice in a doubled up cheese cloth and tie and add this to the apples and water. Boil on high for one hour, checking frequently. Then turn down the heat and let simmer for two hours.

3. Remove spices and mash up the apples to a pulp like consistency. Once cooled, pour into a strainer over a large bowl. Store in an air tight container in your refrigerator for up to a week. Enjoy!

ADVERTISERS IN THE NEWS Kohl’s Donates More Than $60,000 To Memorial Children’s Hospital During Memorial Children’s Hospital’s 30th Annual Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Family Reunion on September 27th, Kohl’s Associates in Action volunteers presented Memorial Children’s Hospital with a check for $60,689. Funds will go to support Kohl’s Fit Festival, an innovative program that teaches kids about fitness and nutrient. This program provided by HealthWorks! Kids’ Museum provides community outreach to schools, church groups, fairs and festivals, company picnics, family reunions and other special events. Kohl’s has donated more than $830,000 to Memorial Children’s Hospital.

FAMILY recipe

Mandarin Orange-Topped

Chocolate Chip Cookie

By: Katie & Theresa Slott

Pizza

Time: 12-15 Minutes Baking Time, 10 Minutes Cooling Time, 15 Minutes To Decorate Makes: 16 Servings Ingredients: For The Cookie:

• • • • • • • • •

1 1/2 C. Flour 1/2 Tsp Baking Soda 1/2 Tsp Salt 1/2 C. Unsalted Butter, Softened 1/3 C. Sugar 1/3 C. Brown Sugar 1 Large Egg 1 Tsp Vanilla Extract 6 Oz. Semi-Sweet Or Dark Chocolate Chips

For The Topping:

• 1/3 C. Semi-Sweet Or Dark Chocolate Chips • 8 Oz. Cream Cheese, Softened • 1 Tsp Orange Zest • 1/2 Can Mandarin Oranges, Well Drained And Patted Dry • 1/4 C. Mini Chocolate Chips

Steps: To Make The Cookie:

1. Preheat the oven to 350F. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, and salt.

2. In the bowl of a stand mixer, cream together the butter and sugars for a few minutes, until the mixture is fluffy. Add the egg and vanilla and beat together.

Scrape down the bowl with a rubber spatula.

3. Add the flour mixture to the bowl and mix well. Stir in the chocolate chips. On a pizza pan or baking stone, roll or pat the dough out into a circle. If using a rolling pin, be sure to flour it well. Bake for 12-15 minutes. The cookie should be golden brown. Cool.

Loosen from pan with an offset spatula.

To Make The Topping:

1. In the microwave, melt the chocolate 20-30 seconds at a time. Stir frequently. When melted and smooth, beat the chocolate with the cream cheese and orange zest in a stand mixer until there are no streaks of white. Spread evenly over the cookie to about 1/2" from the edge.

2. Arrange the mandarin oranges over the topping and sprinkle the mini chocolate chips over the top.

Katie and Theresa Slott are sisters-in-laws who write the food blog, Cooking for the Fam, where they share lots of tips, family-favorite recipes and meal plans. For more recipes like this one, or to see step-by-step photos of this recipe, check out their website, www.cookingforthefam.com.

Tips:

If you bake the cookie on a baking stone, you can serve it straight off the stone.

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FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

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FAMILY kids

Family Fall Fun

Did you grow up with a family game night, but now life seems too busy to allow for everyone to get together for an entire board game? What if you didn’t a board and only a few materials are needed for an exciting game where setup, play time, and clean-up took less than 10 minutes and guaranteed a lot of laughter, would you make it happen?

Of course, you would!

Because we all know family game night is hard to schedule, and minute-themed games are proven to hold the highest laugh factor, let’s plan ahead and have some quickeasy games already to go in our back pockets. Here is your quick guide to six exciting “Minute to Win It” game ideas games that will have your family of all-ages laughing and bonding in no time. You will probably have everything you need for these games already hanging around, but if you want, you can collect all the materials and store them together by game. When you recognize everyone is home at the same time ring the family competition bell, and laugh as hard as you can for the next 10 minutes.

By: Lara West

Game 1: Stack It to the Bank!

What you need: One roll of pennies per family member, a flat surface.

How you play: Give each person their own roll of pennies and dump them out. See who can stack all their pennies the fastest, or the most within a determined time limit.

Game 2: No-No, Gravity!

What you need: A different colored balloon for each person.

How you play: Blow up each balloon and assign one color to each person. Toss the balloons in the air and jump around each other to see who can keep theirs in the air the longest. Make it even more fun by giving each player up to three balloons to keep up.

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FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

Game 3: Cookie Monster!

What you need: Lots of cookies.

How you play: Place a cookie on each players forehead. Race to see who can get the cookie from their forehead and into their mouth the fastest without using their hands. Add pressure by setting a timer and see who can complete the task the most in a minute.

Game 4: Stack It Up! What you need: Six empty cans and five paper plates.

How you play: One contestant is given the cans and plates. They must stack the cans with a paper plate between each one without having the tower fall over.

Game 5: Rapid Fire!

What you need: Six empty cans, bag of rubber bands How you Play: Line up the cans and have each player take a turn shooting a set number of rubber bands to knock down as many cans as possible. Make it more difficult by giving each player only one minute to knock down as many cans as they can.

Game 6: Stringing Noodles!

What you need: Penne pasta, spaghetti noodle and a flat surfaces edge.

How you play: Lay the penne pasta on the edge of the table. Have each player put a spaghetti noodle in their mouth and try to “string� as many penne noodles as they can without breaking the spaghetti.

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FAMILY kids

By: Noelle Elliott

Celebrating the little Milestones

B

efore I had my first son, I was given a book, What to Expect the First Year. This book was my parenting 101 manual that I couldn't live without. I took every word as the truth. Especially the chart about monthly milestones. My son passed over certain milestones with ease and when this happened, I was convinced he was a virtuosic baby. However, there were certain tasks that he was delayed, which caused me to panic wondering if I needed to take him to the doctor to get examined. I wondered if I had done something wrong. I doubted my ability to do anything right. Should I have given him more tummy time? Did I give him rice cereal too soon?

By the time, I had my fourth son; my go-to manual was tucked away in a closet somewhere. I realized that children develop at his or her personal pace, and although parenting is a big factor, it isn't the only thing that determines whether or not they are reaching the standard milestones.

After the first year, there isn't much of a reference guide for milestones. There certainly isn't a book about your child's first crush, or for the first time they feel left out.

I'm still waiting for my second son to begin loving sports.

He is 10.

It's hard not to compare your child with other children the same age. Facebook is a platform where parents get to brag about their children. I'm not saying this is a bad or good thing; it is a reality. A friend of mine has a son who is a swimmer. He has won more medals than all of my boys combined. She dotes on his achievements and she should. But her son's achievements are not my son's failures. It took me a little bit of time to figure that out.

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FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

Sure, my children can swim, but they aren't interested in it. Therefore, I'm not going to push it to fulfill a false milestone that I have created for them.

Instead, I began to look at what my children have done that they have worked hard for. This realization didn't come easy for me. After a particularly long baseball game, I found myself criticizing my son for not getting a hit. He listened, tears in his eyes, and asked me if I saw him catch the fly ball. That stopped me in my tracks.

I was so focused on what he hadn't done that I missed what he had done.

I decided to start celebrating the little milestones that are just as worthy as the big ones. The best part is that that it forced me to look at what I call the negative space.

The space between objects that goes unnoticed most of the time. The shoes that get tied without my help or the argument that is resolved on its own. I take note of these things and give my children a pat on the back.

The following are a few ideas to celebrate the little milestones in your home:

MAKE A DIFFERENCE MAKE A LIVING

1. Applaud the Effort

My 5-year-old hasn't mastered tying his shoes yet. I told him I was proud of him for trying and that in a few days he will have it down. He was so happy that I noticed that he untied his shoes and kept trying until we had to leave.

2. Celebrate the Uncelebrated

Did your child fail miserably at something?

Celebrate it. It may not be the outcome that they are wanting. Failing at something can give a lesson in humility and empathy for a friend who may face this in the future.

BRING YOUR WHOLE FAMILY to enjoy

WHOLESOME FALL FUN! Venture Through a Maze of Corn and Discover the Pumpkins on the Other Side

It may not be anyone's birthday, but it is another day we are alive. Although health is a big milestone, it can often go overlooked.

Celebrate another day that is a blessing.

Discuss children who are suffering, whether it is from illness or circumstance and give thanks for the blessings you have. Think of ways of sharing kindness with someone in need.

When you take the time to notice the little things, you realize that they might be even more special than the major milestone you have been focused on previously.

Saturday October 1 th 0 9am-5pm ,

FAMILY FUN

Enjoy a Hayride Out to Our Pumpkin Patch

3. Have cake on a Tuesday

ARTS & CRAFT FA IR,

Pick Your Own Pumpkin from the Fields Play on Our Wooden Play Structures

HOURS:

September 26th through October 31st, Saturday 10am-5pm, Sunday 10am-4pm

Relax in Our Picnic Pavilion

Teachers,

Talk With the Animals at Our Petting Zoo

SCHEDULE YOUR FIELD TRIPS NOW!

Groups Welcome – Call for Reservation and Special Group Rates Located at 57754 Crumstown Hwy. South Bend, IN 46619

2 miles west of the Sample-Mayflower intersection

574-287-1935

Open for Field Trips Monday-Friday from Mid-September — October 31st

www.matthysfarmmarket.com THE

FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

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FAMILY kids

Parenting Rules You Can Break

By: Kerrie McLoughlin

It’s true that I can be a lax mom because I had my first kid “late” and so it’s been all fun and games since then. I see a lot of “freaking out” going on in parenting and I want to inspire some parents to relax a little bit. I break all sorts of parenting rules all the time. And now I will corrupt you with them, as well!

Here you can find out all about my parenting rule-breaking rebelliousness: #1 Rule to Break: Always Have a Healthy Breakfast I don’t do this every day, but maybe once a month we’ll have popsicles or ice cream as part of our breakfast. I figure it’s not so different from Pop Tarts or Froot Loops and ice cream has calcium, which builds strong kid bones. Every now and then shock your kids by serving them a bowl of ice cream for breakfast … followed by some oatmeal or sausage or something with decent protein.

#2 Rule to Break: Eat Before You Play at a Play Restaurant You could go the route of rewarding the kids with playing after they eat their entire Happy Meal, which they could vomit up in the tubes (yes, I’ve seen it happen) once they get over-zealous. Or you could just let them play for a while and come back to their Happy Meal like a bee to a flower, over and over again, nibbling a little here and there. (If you are concerned about germs, just have them sanitize their hands after every play session!) You don’t have to agree with me, just think about it! Don’t you have bigger battles to fight?

#3 Rule to Break: Never Climb UP the Slide If your kid is climbing up the slide at the park and a kid comes down and takes him out like its Human Bowling, it’s a lesson learned, right? I see parents harping on their kids over and over about not climbing up the slide. I love it most when they say loudly, “No, Templeton, WE don’t climb up the slide. It’s not SAFE.” Got your message loud and clear, lady. Now move your kid so mine can climb up. I’m done trying to impress you.

#4 Rule to Break: Don’t Make the Screen a Babysitter Here’s what I don’t understand. Parenting experts, who generally either have no kids or a maximum of two kids, as well as the money to pay someone to watch their kid for them, say your kids should only partake in X minutes of screen time per day. Got it. So then why are we giving two-year-olds mini-iPads and tablets and telling them to run along and go “learn” for hours at a time on those things? Some of them have internet and I’ve seen little kids get onto sites that would curl your hair.

Look, in the summer we don’t watch much TV because there’s more daylight and we are outside a ton. In the winter we hunker down more with movies.

Some are educational shows, some are pure brain candy. It all evens out.

“Sometimes mama or papa needs a break.”

And I’m sorry if I’m the first you’ve heard admitting this, but sometimes mama or papa needs a break to cook or do laundry or make some money for the family or sit in the tub eating Russell Stover coconut crèmes.

#5 Rule to Break: Never Stray from the Bedtime Routine Sure, I’ve had to deal with a kid who did not get enough sleep the night before.

I get why you would want your kid in bed at X p.m. every single night. You want the best for them. You don’t want them sleepy or grumpy. You don’t want to have to deal with them that way, either, especially out in public.

But, sometimes it’s fun to let them stay up on weekends, holidays or in the summertime! Go to a drive-in movie that starts at 9 P.M. Go to a friend’s house and stay way past their bedtime if they are playing nicely and having fun and so are you. Stay up and read one more chapter of their favorite book if they are really into it. My husband travels so sometimes staying up late is the only way my kids can see their dad, so we make it work that way. Enjoy the parenting ride as much as you can!

#6 Rule to Break: Never Let Your Kids See You Mess Up Of course we should try to be a good example to our kids. We want them to see us being kind, working hard, not texting while driving and putting on makeup, all that jazz. But, we are not perfect and trying to appear to be is only going to frustrate everyone around us. I want my kids to see that I am trying to be the best person I can be and that I am real.

My kids certainly know I make mistakes and, instead of covering them up or ignoring them, I talk to my kids about them. Some might say I’m trying to be their friend or their equal. Really, though, I’m just trying to shape them into decent adults who are honest about their shortcomings.

Enjoy the ride!

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FAMILY pregnancy

What I Wish You Knew About

By: Meagan Church

Kristina Horner has become the source of advice on a topic she never wanted to know personally. “I never wanted to be the go-to person for advice on how to help a family member or friend through the death of their child,” Kristina said. “I know the journey through this loss is cruel and lonely. I know because I lost my Annika when she took her last breath only 48 days after her first.”

Due to a congenital heart defect that affects 1 in 110 births, Annika died just 48 days after she was born on December 15, 2010. Kristina and her husband Evan have spent the last four-and-a-half years navigating their grief and loss, something that time never fully heals. Along the way, they have learned a lot. They have comforted other parents who have lost children and they have tried to help those who haven’t lost a child to better understand how to comfort those who have.

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FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

The following are six things that Kristina wished everyone knew about losing a child:

I still think about my baby numerous times a day.

“At first, she consumed my every thought. I have learned that this sadness I feel will never go away. Although I live with a sadness, I’m still genuinely happy. Sometimes there are feelings that become as intense as they once were, they just occur much less often.”

We want others to remember her.

“The first year of her death, it was obvious that others thought of her and that they were hurting too. On her first birthday we invited immediate family to join us as we ‘celebrated’ her birthday. On the first anniversary of her death, family gathered at our house to help raise money for The Ronald McDonald House, in memory of Annika. Four years later, people don’t even place flowers at her headstone on these special dates. This breaks my heart. Obviously, Annika doesn’t care if the flowers are placed on her stone, but I see them. I care and it warms my heart to know that others do, too. It makes me sad to think that she has been forgotten.”

The grieving doesn’t end.

“Before I lost Annika, I didn’t understand grief. I knew that it had five stages, but what I didn’t realize is that these stages are visited time and time again. These stages don’t happen in a nice, organized fashion and they aren’t moved through one stage at a time. I have accepted Annika’s death, but I still get angry, sad, depressed and even bitter. Grief is messy—not organized and neat.”

Sometimes I lie to make others feel more comfortable.

“In order to spark conversation, people ask how many children I have. And sometimes, it depends. Sometimes, I simply reply ‘three’ because it’s easier than explaining that I have four, but one died. You might wonder why I just don’t say four and leave it at that. Most of the time I have my three living children with me. If I answer four, it’s inevitable; they always want to know where the other one is. On occasion, when it feels right, I am able to answer with the truth and share a snippet of Annika’s short time here on Earth. That feels great because every time I answer ‘three,’ I feel like I am cheating her.”

“Grief is messy

not organized and neat.”

The isolation doesn’t go away.

“I notice when people avoid us or pretend she never existed. People are still very awkward and often they don’t want me to cry or be sad, so they just don’t talk about her. For them, it has been four years and there’s nothing new happening. But for me there is. I’m still dealing with the aftermath of her death and the emotion of it all. I still want her to be part of my life.”

I count my blessings.

“While others whine on social media about what a ‘terrible’ day they had, I count my blessings because I know just what a terrible day looks like. Her life has taught me so much about who I am and how I can be a better person. I feel I have deeper relationships with people and especially with my kids because I know these moments can be taken away. Before losing Annika, life was just life. Now I feel like I have more of a purpose.”

THE

FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

17

FAMILY pregnancy

Why Writing Your

Birth Story Matters

Every mother has a birth story. Some are funny. Some are embarrassing. Others are full of unpredictable twists and turns. Some went according to plan and others were rude awakenings. But every woman has one. And every story matters.

As the creator of a website that discusses modern motherhood—including the reality of birth, babies and beyond—I have heard many birth stories. And, I’ve come to realize just how important they are. A while back, I was speaking with a doula about writing her own story. She wasn’t sure where to begin or what to say. This is a woman who has cared for women as they have birthed their own babies. She has been a part of other women’s stories, but she hadn’t fully considered what her own story was. After I asked a few questions, she said, “Thank you for helping me come to the revelation that I have a story.”

By: Meagan Church

What I’ve come to realize is that writing your story matters. The act of putting your story into actual words can have a very therapeutic and cathartic effect on you.

But, the benefits aren’t just for you.

The following are four reasons why you should write your birth story: To Remember

Let’s face it, memories fade and especially so when sleepless nights and infant care are a part of your daily life. Taking the time to put your story into words as soon as possible will preserve details that your mind won’t recollect later. For instance, I nearly forgot about the guttural moans and groans that emerged from me during my third labor. It’s hard to believe something like that could slip my mind, but it happens. That’s why it is important to write your birth story to preserve it, reflect on it and remember it for your lifetime.

To Educate

Through the research and interviews I’ve done for Unexpectant, I have come to realize just how important the stories we hear are, and how much impact and influence they can have over our lives. I’ve learned that if stories of C-sections are all a woman hears, she has a different perspective of birth than a woman who has been surrounded by women who believe in natural birth. Every birth is different, but the more stories we hear, the more perspective we have and the more educated we are on what the possibilities of birth are. So tell your story not just for your own benefit, but for the benefit of others, so they can learn from your experience.

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FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

To Gift

Call me a narcissist, but I love talking to my mom about the day I was born. There is something about hearing the story of how I entered the world that somehow grounds and connects me. I don’t know if my son will feel that same way when he grows up, but the words are preserved for him nonetheless. Having written his birth story, I feel it is a gift to him (and his future wife) to understand how he was born.

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Birth is a life-changing event in many ways. Regardless of how perfect or imperfect it was, reflecting on the experience gives you the ability to work through the events and emotions. Some will feel a great sense of empowerment from birth. Others will need time to work through negative emotions and memories of what happened. One honest mother told me that her kids were spaced further apart than what she had hoped for because of how traumatic birth had been for her. She needed time and space before she could go through it again. She needed the chance to heal. Writing a birth story allows a woman to organize her thoughts and gain a better perspective on her experience. It gives her the opportunity to release the story and heal.

“Reflecting on the experience gives you the

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So take a few moments to write your birth story. Put away the inner critic and just write about what comes to mind. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be honest and real and uniquely yours.

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THE

FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

19

“Once in a young lifetime one should be allowed to have as much sweetness as one can possibly want and hold.” – Judith Olney

1

St. Peter Lutheran ChurchMishawaka

Kids Night Out, Annual Oktoberfest Festival, 4:00 P.M.,

Goshen Courthouse

Goshen First Fridays: Homecoming, 5:00 P.M.,

5:00 P.M., Downtown South Bend

8:00 P.M., Morris Performing Arts Center

Notre Dame Glee Club Centennial Concert, 2:30 P.M., Morris InnNotre Dame

Tea Time For The Arts,

2

Berrien County Youth FairgroundBerrien Springs, MI

36th Annual Chapel Hill Arts & Crafts Show, 8:00 A.M.,

Pet Supplies Plus-Goshen

Pet Supplies Plus 10th Anniversary Pawty/ Adoption Event, 11:00 A.M.,

Concord Mall-Elkhart

ETHOS Science Center Build It Competition, 10:00 A.M.,

3

OCTOBER

2015

Scan this QR Code to get connected to our online calendar at MichianaMom.com!

Want to check out even more things to do in Michiana?

Oktoberfest Begins!

11:30 A.M., Hesston Steam Museum-La Porte

Halloween Ghost Train & Fall Festival,

25

11:30 A.M., Hesston Steam Museum-La Porte

Halloween Ghost Train & Fall Festival,

18

All Day, Firefighters HallSouth Bend

Comic Book, Toy & Collectible Show,

Elkhart Civic Theatre-Bristol

Beauty And The Beast, Jr., 3:00 P.M.,

11

4

Columbus Day

World Teacher’s Day

All Day, St. Joseph County 4-H Fairgrounds-South Bend

Make-A-Difference Day,

26

– Robbie Coltrane

“It’s like going back to school. You know, autumn! Time for Harry Potter.”

19

12

5

6:00 P.M., Lakeland Hospital-Niles

7:00 P.M., Rieth Interpretive Center-Goshen

Zumba Fitness Class,

Shchrock Pavilion-Goshen

Adult Ballroom Dance Class, 6:00 P.M.,

27

Breastfeeding Class For Moms And Dads,

20

4:30 P.M., St. Joseph County Public LibrarySouth Bend

Energy Fair Extravaganza,

Zumba Fitness Class,

7:00 P.M., Rieth Interpretive CenterGoshen

13

6

6:30 P.M., PHM Digital Video Theater/PlanetariumMishawaka

Laser Fright Light,

28

National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day

PHM Digital Video Theater/ Planetarium-Mishawaka

Big Bird: One World, One Sky, 6:30 P.M.,

21

All Day, Downtown South Bend

Wednesday Wine Walks,

– Albert Camus

“Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.”

14

7

Monsters In The Garden,

29

– L.M. Montgomery

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”

10:00 A.M., Wellfield Botanic Gardens-Elkhart

22

Nature Munchkins: Bats & Owls, 9:30 A.M., St. Patrick’s County Park-South Bend

7:00 P.M., Rieth Interpretive CenterGoshen

Rieth Interpretive CenterGoshen

Adult Outdoor Boot Camp, 5:30 P.M, Zumba Fitness Class,

15

8

7:00 P.M., Niles

Hesston Steam Museum-La Porte

Halloween Ghost Train & Fall Festival, 11:30 A.M.,

Love Way-Middlebury

LoveWay’s 21st Annual Ride-A-Thon, 7:00 A.M.,

Grace Community Church-Goshen

New To You Children’s Clothing Event, 11:00 A.M.,

Zombie Walk,

10:00 A.M., Eby’s Pines RV Park And Campgrounds-Bristol

Flashdance, 2:00 P.M., Morris Performing Arts Center

7:00 P.M., Niles

The History MuseumSouth Bend

Mystery At The Mansion: Marauder In Masquerade, 5:15 P.M.,

P.M., Palais Royale-South Bend

U93 Monster Bash At The Palais Royale, 9:00

Niles Scream Park,

30

8:00 P.M., Newton Center-Lakeville

31

9:00 A.M., Trinity EFC-South Bend

Talents & Treasures Bazaar,

The Newton Center Haunted School,

Island Park-Elkhart

Walk From Obesity, 8:30 A.M.,

Niles Scream Park, 7:00 P.M., Niles

24

Valley United Church Of Christ-Osceola

Harvest Bazaar, 9:00 A.M., Pleasant

Niles Scream Park, 7:00 P.M., Niles

Arts And Craft Fair, 8:00 A.M., Friends Of The Bristol Public Library-Bristol

17

10

Flashdance, 8:00 P.M., Morris Performing Arts Center

The History MuseumSouth Bend

Mystery At The Mansion: Marauder In Masquerade, 5:15 P.M.,

23

The Round Barn Theatre At Amish Acres-Nappanee

Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, 2:00 P.M.,

Fiddler On The Roof,

7:30 P.M., The Lerner Theatre

Niles Scream Park,

16

Live Music, 7:00 P.M, South Bend Chocolate Café

Beauty And The Beast, Jr., 7:00 P.M.,

7:00 P.M., Niles

Niles Scream Park,

Elkhart Civic Theatre-Bristol

9

FAMILY book review

Tinkerlab:

A Hands-on Guide for Little Inventors

By Rachelle Doorley Reviewed By: Anne Britton, Reference Librarian Assistant, Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Public Library Tinkerlab: A Hands-on Guide for Little Inventors is a resource for parents, grandparents, teachers and caregivers who want to encourage creative and independent thinking in young children.

This is a book about helping parents engage and tap into their children’s creative processes by providing the opportunity to tinker. “At its core, tinkering begins with this kind of problem solving and a curiosity about how something works. The process of being curious about something, asking questions and exploring various solutions are all part of the fun of learning.”

The first section of the book describes how to make a child and parent friendly Tinkerlab. It focuses on how to set up a project area in your home and

provides a list of all of the materials and supplies that are needed to explore and create projects, most of which are already found in the home. Are you worried about the mess? Tips and suggestions are provided to make your space less messy and keep the mess contained.

concoct and discover.

Each section proceeds from simple to more complex ideas and you can easily jump from section to section depending on your child’s personal interests.

55 hands-on activities and experiments are provided so that children can explore, tinker and problem solve while they play and create. Some of these activities are child-driven while others require adult guidance, but they all have inquiry and experimentation at their core. The book goes beyond just providing the activities by sharing the reasoning behind each project. The activities are divided into four sections: experience, build,

Tinkerlab is a handbook of activities for all ages, but primarily focuses on children from birth through age six. While it is meant for use in the home, many of the ideas and activities could also be utilized in classrooms as well. If you are looking for a positive and encouraging resource to provide hands-on activities, with your child, then you need to check out this fabulous resource.

FAMILY student book review

Catching Fire

By Suzanne Collins

Reviewed By: Faith Johnson

Katniss remains traumatized by her experiences in the Hunger Games. Living uncomfortably in the Victor’s Village, she maintains uneasy relationships with both Peeta (who was upset to learn her love for him was a pretense) and Gale (who unexpectedly kisses her after she returns home). After her family and friends are personally threatened by Panem’s President Snow, Katniss tries to convince the country of her love for Peeta during their Victory Tour. Unfortunately, President Snow communicates that her efforts were not enough and Katniss wonders if she was destined to fail. Back in District 12, plans for the Quarter Quell, the 75th anniversary of the Hunger Games, are announced, and Panem learns that this special Hunger Games will feature previous tributes.

22

THE

FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

At the Reaping, Peeta volunteers to take Haymitch’s place, and Katniss knows he will sacrifice himself to keep her alive in the arena just as she will do anything to keep him alive.

Before long, the unlucky pair is swept back to the Capitol for preparation and training. Once the Hunger Games begin, Katniss and Peeta form an alliance with some other tributes that seem strangely determined to keep them alive. The allies include Finnick Odair, Johanna Mason, Wiress and Beetee. The group endures a variety of dangers (from poisonous fog to killer monkeys) as various tributes die. When the group’s plan to knock out the arena’s force fields goes awry, Katniss shoots an arrow into the force field and destroys it herself.

Amid the ensuing chaos, a hovercraft appears and removes her from the Games. She soon passes out. Katniss learns that Peeta was captured by the Capitol and that she is being sent to District 13 while most of Panem’s districts are in full-scale rebellion. As the book ends, Gale appears and tells Katniss that, though he rescued her mother and sister, District 12 has been destroyed.

I would recommend this amazing book to someone in my age group because not only should you read it to see what happens in the sequel.

Cyber Expo 2015 ENJOY THIS YEAR'S KIDS EXPO CYBER STYLE! Check out all the fun that the "live" Kids Expo had plus much, much MORE! Moms, you'll find valuable info and helpful resources from several local kid-focused Michiana businesses, get special discounts and coupon offers, catch fun videos, win prizes and more!

So sit back, relax and join in the CYBER fun of Kids Expo 2015!

Cyber Expo 2015

Kids Cyber Expo goes live

October 18th

and stays live through December!

Visit www.MichianaMom.com for details!

Get online to check out photos, info, videos, offers and discounts from local kid-focused buisnesses.

Want to win fabulous prizes?

Check out the Kids Expo Cyber Scavenger Hunt to win wonderful prizes from our Cyber Kids Expo partners from October 18th thru October 25th!

What is a Kids Expo without a little fun?

Visit www.MichianaMom.com to find info and clues in our Cyber Scavenger Hunt! Once you crack the code, you are entered to win some GREAT prizes! Let the searching begin!

TRICK OR TREAT AT TRINE UNIVERSITY Thursday • Oct. 22 • 5 to 7 p.m.

For a safe and fun Halloween experience bring your child in costume to Trine University - Mishawaka.

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Cyber Expo 2015

Halloween Safety

101

Costumes, face paint and candy galore!

By: Lt. William Redman

What child wouldn’t love to go trick-or-treating on Halloween night? But, according to safekids.org, more than twice as many children are killed in pedestrian/vehicle incidents on Halloween between 4:00 P.M. and 10:00 P.M. as compared to

Parents: - Always escort children.

the same hours on days throughout the year. Keep your child

- Be familiar with neighborhood where your children will be trick-or-treating.

safe by following these Halloween safety tips:

- Always know who your children are trick-or-treating with.

- Walk on the sidewalks and not in the middle of the street.

Trick-or-Treaters:

- Cross streets at crosswalks or intersections.

Never in between parked cars.

- Do not trick-or-treat alone.

- Instruct your children NEVER to enter any homes.

- Do not take short cuts, especially through alleys.

- Stay in well-lighted areas.

- Obey all traffic signals and cross streets safely.

- Inspect all treats before allowing children to eat them.

- Don't run. Be careful crossing driveways.

- Consider placing reflective or glow in the dark tape on your children's costumes.

- Only trick-or-treat at homes with their porch light on.

- Never approach a vehicle offering treats.

- Wait until you get home before eating any treats.

“Trick-or-treat, smell my feet or give me something good to eat!”

- Have children avoid wearing masks, which will restrict their vision.

- Teach children their home/or parent's cell phone number in case of an emergency.

YOUR CHILD’S EDUCATION CONTINES IN OUR

Homeowners: - Turn on your porch light so children know it's safe to visit your home.

- Hand out only commercially wrapped candy.

- Never invite children into your home.

- Keep pets away from children.

- Maintain clear sidewalks.

- If using candles, keep them away from the path of children.

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- Immediately notify law enforcement of any suspicious activity.

Motorists: - Look for children crossing the street, running, and darting in between parked cars.

- Be extra careful when entering and exiting driveways.

- Never drink and drive.

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Cyber Expo 2015

How Old Is

Too Old To Trick-Or-Treat?

By: Lara West

E

ither your child declares they are too old to trick-ortreat, or you suffer through that awkward moment when you have to tell them they are too old to trick-ortreat. But wait! How old is too old to trick-or-treat?

I asked this to fifteen neighbors in a small, but beautiful subdivision in the South Bend area, and the answers had quite the childhood range. One neighbor said from 2-8, another said up to 10, two thought about it and decided fifteen was the perfect time of life to hang up the costume, ten agreed that 12 was the golden age, while one old grump said, “How about at birth?” (I’m going to assume his porch is pitch black on trick-or-treat night.)

Again, we’re left with no clear-cut consensus on the daunting question of how old is too old to trick-or-treat?

Many cities have established this age to be 12, but some people disagree.

I spoke with sisters, Ashley (13) and Rachel (16) about the age limit for trick-or-treating. The fresh faced teenager thinks trick-or-treating is “meant for little kids,” and admits she hasn’t dressed up for the holiday in three years. Her older sister Rachel laughed, “My friends and I enjoy making our own costumes, and we have no place to go to show them off and just act goofy with each other in them. So, we still trick-or-treat.”

Rachel confirms they’ve rang the wrong bell a time or two. “It’s rare, but we have had people open the door and comment on our ages in some fashion, or they give us one piece of candy and a handful to the little kids.”

“

As long as they are acting in the spirit

of the holiday, and putting in the effort for a costume then they should be allowed to enjoy it and the goodies they collect.”

These teenagers’ mom supports both their decisions, and says she’ll never scoff at a teenager on her doorstep as long as they took time to engineer a creative costume, and act with respect. “I think children outgrow the desire to trick-or-treat on their own timetable. I don’t want to greet a trickor-treater that is my size and is wearing a shirt that says, ‘I’m a Rock Star’ with no spiked colored hair or plastic guitar. It’s boring for me, and embarrassing for them.”

It’s obvious that giving up trick-or-treating is harder for some. For those stuck in the realm of becoming an adult and fighting for one more year of their youth, it can be a tough part of childhood to give up. If you or your neighbors honestly have an issue with older children trick-or-treating, then encourage your teenagers to dress up and dish out candy at the door. (They can buy any bag they want when it all goes on sale tomorrow.)

In general, I think the rule of thumb is that a child is too old to trick-or-treat when they decide it’s no longer fun. As long as they are acting in the spirit of the holiday, and putting in the effort for a costume then they should be allowed to enjoy it and the goodies they collect.

For some children, it really is about the fun, but all parents should do their due diligence to be sure their teenagers aren’t going out with cruel intentions on this haunted night, don’t you agree?

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FAMILY mommy & daddy

dear mom, Engage the

Jellybean Argument By: Meagan Church

Dear Mom, The other day I had a very smart, put-together, professional woman come to me for workrelated advice. I quickly responded, giving my thoughts, hoping that what I had to say would help, but doubting that my ideas would really be too important. Not only did she appreciate my thoughts, she went on to say that they hadn’t crossed her mind and that she’d like to buy me lunch to talk more. And I admit, it felt good. It felt good to have someone come to me and respect what I had to say, for someone to ask me a question and listen to my response.

Why did this mean so much? Because the next day I argued with a child about jellybeans.

Before you think I walk around trying to pick fights with toddlers, let me explain. The situation transpired as my youngest finished her dinner. Before taking her final bites, she said, “Mommy, I want some jellybeans.” While we sometimes have dessert after a meal, this was not going to be one of those times. I tried to brush off her statement with a soft no. I said, “Oh, well, I don’t think we’ll have those now. We’ll save them for some other time.”

The toddler then pursued the discussion with a hard, “But I want them.” This is her go-to defense when she realizes a situation is not going as she desires. I knew at that point that I could end the discussion with a compromise of two jellybeans and be done with it. Instead, I pressed on.

“I know you want them, but we are not going to have them right now.”

“But I want them,” she retorted with a huff.

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FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

I looked into her precious blue eyes that looked back at me with contempt. I felt my breath shorten and my muscles tighten in anticipation of an impending meltdown. But, I decided to stay firm.

“Yes, you want them, but you have asked and I have answered. Are we going to have any now?”

“No.”

“What we are

“When will we have some?”

doing is important

“Some other time.”

and what we are

Thankfully the standoff ended without a tantrum or tears, but I still felt exhausted nonetheless. Why? Because the jellybeans were just one example of the many decisions I make on any given day that are challenged.

doing matters.”

For instance, earlier that day, another child threw herself on the floor when I explained that a bathroom break was required before naptime. And, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Whether it’s the amount of screen time allowable in a day or the request for a child to put away their own laundry, it is pretty common for my decisions and requests to be met with pushback or questioning.

That’s why when this woman asked me for advice and then listened and even thanked me, I stopped in my tracks for a moment. What was this sensation I was feeling? Oh, yes! It was importance.

As a mom, it is easy to get sucked in to the minds and ways of little ones as we train them up. It is easy to feel discouraged and exhausted, as if we are fighting battles over things that really should be common sense. What I realized in that moment was just how exhausted I was from having to constantly and patiently explain my position. It felt good to feel like I was useful and helpful and appreciated, that I could offer something of worth, that my opinion mattered.

We all know that being a mom is a thankless job. It requires constantly stepping up and digging in. It means holding discussions over the necessity of jellybeans and chores and bathroom breaks.

It means continuing on even when we feel unappreciated and unimportant. But the truth is, what we are doing is important and what we are doing matters and sometimes we just have to engage the jellybean argument.

“Being a mom is a thankless job.”

THE

FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

33

FAMILY mommy & daddy

Product Review:

Fire Logs

By: Lara West

Aw, October. Probably my favorite month of the year, (and it’s not my birthday month!) There is a lot to love about this month, the chilliness that makes for perfect bonfire delight, and all the hayrides, festivals, scarecrows, bales of hay and of course, pumpkins. One of the downsides is that the comfortable chilliness quickly becomes just plain cold, and you need to stay in and look out.

I have always wanted a fireplace to warm my living room and provide a relaxing ambiance for my family to sit around and discuss life. Last year, I finally got that fireplace. We went to the store to pick up some fire logs, since we didn’t have a stash of firewood built yet, and found a six pack of three pound logs for $11 and another for $18.

The more expensive logs had a box designed to be appealing to the eye, while the least expensive box was primarily white with some box lettering and a small picture on it.

My husband was tempted to by the more expensive one, because it “looked like it would burn better”. Of course, that was never going to fly with me as a reason to spend more money on a product that mayor-may-not-be worth the extra money, so we bought both.

For this test, we burned the logs on separate nights to feel the warmth and measure the length of time they burned. If you know me at all, you know that I am always cold, so having a warm fire is important for me being comfortable in the living room.

The results were fairly competitive. The least expensive log burned for 2 hours 18 minutes and the more expensive log burned 16 minutes longer.

Collectively, that would be an hour and a half of more burn time per box for the more expensive brand. To gage warmth, we started fires on nights as similar in temperature and wind outside as we could, and had the furnace set to a most uncomfortable 65°F. With the more expensive logs raising the room temperature six degrees, the least expensive logs followed closely raising the room temperature to 70°F.

Recommendations:

If you want the warmest, longest burning fire log then pony up the bigger bucks, but if two hours is plenty of time to enjoy the fireplace then you can save money by purchasing the least expensive fire log.

Do you know a professional woman in the Michiana community that has a great concept of

WORK, LIFE, BALANCE & SASS? Does she have proven passion and drive for her work, her family and her causes? Does she consistently tackle new projects with a positive attitude, a little SASSY moxie and a significant commitment to excellence in all that she does?

Are you anxious to see what she does next with her flair for life? Does she have “IT?”

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NOMINATE this SASSY gal NOW for the 2016 class of

Sassy Women to Watch!

ALL WOMEN TO WATCH Will receive special VIP gifts from Sassy Magazine and its partners throughout the year. Each Woman to Watch will also be featured in the November and December issue of Sassy Magazine with their bio and a headshot on MichianaSassy.com

SASSY Magazine will select 20 fabulous women

site, social media and press releases and will also be included

from the nominations submitted to SASSY Magazine between

in several VIP events and special invitations/opportunities

August 17th – October 15th, 2015!

PICK YOUR COVER GAL!

Submit your nomination by filling out the Women to Watch nomination form at the following link below: www.surveymonkey.com/r/MXSSFMX

throughout the year.

Each of the 20 Women to Watch gals will be featured on the Sassy Magazine Facebook social media contest promotion where you, your friends, colleagues and the public can vote your favorite Woman to Watch from the Class of 2016.

The gal that receives the most votes in this promotion will be featured as a FUTURE SASSY COVER GAL!

FAMILY mommy & daddy

Save The ta-ta’s Celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness Month By: Jackie Folkert

Jamie Briscoe of Warsaw doesn’t have breast cancer in her family history, and she nursed both of her babies. She ate right, stayed fit and examined herself monthly.

But she got breast cancer anyway.

At 32-years-old.

“I thought I had a slim to none chance because I had done everything right,” she said.

Briscoe is a fighter: She braved her way through radiation treatments, chemotherapy, a double mastectomy, having her ovaries removed and three reconstructive surgeries.

Two years later she is cancer free.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but Briscoe doesn’t need an annual reminder to take cancer seriously. She tells other women to “know your breasts . . . Get a mammogram earlier. You cannot be too careful. If you have questions, go straight to your doctor.” According to the National Cancer Institute, approximately 12 percent of women will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in their lifetime, based on 2010-2012 data. Approximately 89% of those with breast cancer will survive five years following the diagnosis.

Of course, screening for breast cancer from an early age gives you the best chance of beating it. Your doctor may recommend you be screened for breast cancer, even if you have no symptoms. The screening does not mean that your doctor suspects you have cancer. If the screening indicates a possibility of cancer, then you will undergo diagnostic tests.

Screening comes in different forms. You may have a conversation about your family history with your doctor, do blood work or pursue genetic testing. Keep up the monthly self-exams, though, and ask your doctor for tips if you question that you are examining yourself correctly.

Mammograms are important, too. Kelsey DeClola, a registered nurse at St. Joseph Regional Medical Center in Mishawaka, said that you should do your first mammogram between the ages of 36 and 40, unless your doctor suggests otherwise. “I can’t say enough about how important a self breast examination is. It’s so important to do once a month. Spouses can play a part in this, too. Also, know your family history and make those yearly appointments to have a mammogram,” DeClola said.

For Briscoe, a mammogram and an ultrasound aided in her diagnosis, but it was her self-exam that first alerted her.

“When I found the lump I remember thinking that’s weird. It was different. I thought it’s probably just a cyst,” she said. She could have talked herself out of calling her doctor, but she said she knew in her heart that she must make an appointment—right away.

“Approximately

12

After her diagnosis, Briscoe said she found comfort in the Patient Navigator Program. It pairs patients with Breast Cancer Navigators: breast cancer survivors who volunteer to counsel new patients. Briscoe said the counselor told her to “hit it with all you’ve got.” With the navigator’s help, Briscoe researched what she could expect at her appointments as well as her options for treatment.

percent

of women will be

Briscoe credits her faith for helping her endure her treatments. She knew that God would see her through. She said that on the day she got the cancer diagnosis, she also felt peace that she would be OK. “I had a gut feeling that it would be bad news, but I found the scripture from Psalms that says: She does not fear bad news, she who confidently trusts the Lord to take care of her. I trusted God to take care of me,” she said.

diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in their lifetime.”

THE

FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

37

FAMILY mommy & daddy

A Father’s Role: A Positive Role Model

By: Jackie Folkert

H

is parenting style might be less Ward Cleaver and more Phil Dunphy, but regardless, kids still need active dads.

Kids who have an active male role model are more likely to succeed academically, socially and emotionally.

While often moms successfully wear both hats, kids thrive when they witness men modeling positive lifestyles.

Shaun Wayman of Paw Paw is a father of two boys who knows that parenting is tough but single parenting is tougher.

His mother was a single parent who worked hard to give him everything he needed. When it comes to raising his boys, he puts in the time nurturing their interest in wrestling, a luxury that his own mother didn’t have. “My philosophy is I’m going to take care of my kids. Whatever gym they go to, I’m going to make it as healthy as possible. To have the best training possible, they need a good place, with good coaches,” Wayman said. He notices how the other student athletes who compete with his sons also have father figures who are committed to their sons’ progress in the sport.

If a father is unable to nurture his children, “the best thing is to have an uncle or a grandfather to play the role,” said Deborah Kay Clardy, LMHC, who is a counselor in South Bend at A Beautiful Mind. Permanent family members can help children understand gender roles and provide healthy relationships. One of the best lessons they can teach children is that they are valuable.

“Kids see any time spent with dad as quality time”

Kids who see a positive male figure have the tools to make healthy decisions when it comes to dating,” Clardy said. Libby Christianson, MA, LMHC, LCSW, LCAC, a therapist at the Stress Recovery Center in South Bend, affirmed that it is important for parents to expose their children to male role models who treat women respectfully. “Expose your child to men who treat women with respect so that little boys can learn how they’re supposed to view and treat women and so little girls can see how men are supposed to . . . treat a woman,” Christianson said.

Mothers know that active fathers are vital for their children to succeed, but sometimes the ideal parenting arrangement isn’t possible or the father doesn’t know how to engage his children. “Be the best parent that you can be in whatever situation you are in,” Clardy said. Fathers can learn how to relate to their kids. Solid parenting need not happen by chance.

Active dads know that playtime with the kids isn’t limited to Barbies and Legos. Kids see any time spent with dad as quality time—even if it’s just time spent weeding the flowerbeds or painting the shed. Any project, errand, job or game that involves Daddy is a thrill. Kids like to point to a project and brag that they accomplished it alongside their dad.

You don’t have to be a professional athlete to coach the little league team, either.

Volunteering to be your child’s coach, or simply establishing a consistent presence in the stands shows engagement and care.

While coaches, teachers and friends can teach kids to throw their first baseballs, kids treasure those firsts when they experience them with their dads. Dad can be the adult who teaches his kids to walk a dog, shuffle cards or tell a good joke. Only one role model gets the chance to introduce the traditional joys of childhood—why not let it be Dad?

Specializing in pediatrics, MOTC is committed to providing exceptional care, offering a full range of orthotic and prosthetic solutions. We strive to meet our clients’ needs in a way

2015

is winding down!

Be sure to call and schedule an appointment before the end of the year.

that enhances their independence, mobility and quality of life. Contact MOTC to see how our clinicians can play a role in helping you discover your full potential.

South Bend Office: 17530 Dugdale Dr. South Bend, IN | 574.233.3352 | midwestorthotics.com THE

FAMILY MAGAZINE | OCTOBER 2015

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We’ve got BIG plans!

Construction has started on a new home for YOUR Memorial Children’s Hospital.

The 100,000-square-foot facility will mean an even higher level of care for sick and injured children in our region when the expansion is completed in 2017. You can follow the progress on our construction cam or donate to the project by visiting MemorialChildrensHospital.org.

MemorialChildrensHospital.org