The FAMILY Magazine November 2011 by FAMILY Magazines of Michiana

COMPLIMENTARY • PRICELESS • FREE

M A G A Z I N E S

O F

M I C H I A N A

Ow! My Aching Toe!

The Signs and Treatment of Gout

Coping with Cold

Lessons from our Furry Friends

Giving Kids a Second Chance Through Foster Care Adoption

Preparing for Your Adopted Child

November 2011

Tips on transitioning your adopted child into your home and family Serving: Granger • Mishawaka • Elkhart • South Bend • Goshen • Niles • Edwardsburg • Middlebury • Plymouth

Congratulations!

To the talented August & September Coloring Winners.

Contributors Publisher & Editor-in-Chief: Betsy Tavernier Betsy@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com EXECUTIVE Editor: Kerri Hagens Kerri@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com FAMILY MAGAZINE Advertising Account Manager: Abby Jane Klug Abby@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com LAKESIDE FAMILY MAGAZINE TERRITORY Manager: Marcy Blesy Marcy@LakesideFamilyMagazine.com

Taylor – Age 5 Meadow – Age 6 Rachel – Age 12

Creative Director: Jena Bontrager Jena@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com Fashion Editor: Kathy Friend Kathy@MMProd.com Medical Editor: S. Jesse Hsieh, M.D. Distribution Managers: Richard Cox – St. Joseph County & Cass County Don Tavernier – Elkhart County Michiana Family Magazines would love to hear from you! Please submit press releases, event information and inquiries to: Media@Michianafamilymagazine.com

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Michiana Family Magazines 5230 Beck Drive Suite #3B Elkhart, IN 46516 PH: 574.293.FAM1 (3261) • FX: 574.217.4700 www.michianafamilymagazine.com Michiana Family Magazines November 2011 Established in 2006. All rights reserved. Permission from the publisher is required for any reproduction or reprint of this publication.

IN THE NEXT ISSUE:

Great Gifts • Michiana Concerts and The Arts

If you would like your business and/or service to be included in the winter issue, call The FAMILY Magazines at 574.293.FAM1 (3261) to reserve your space. Space is limited.

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the family magazine | november 2011

Read The Family Magazines online each month! Go to www.MichianaFamilyMagazine.com and flip the pages, cover-to-cover the organic and green way! Volume 5: Number 9

www.MichianaFamilyMagazine.com Please use the information compiled by Michiana Family Magazines for your research. Michiana Family Magazines recommends that parents and families interview each business or organization to make sure that it is safe and a good fit for your family. The information presented here and provided by Michiana Family Magazines is for informational purposes only and although every effort has been made to present accurate information, Michiana Family Magazines does not, in any way, accept responsibility for the accuracy of or consequences from the use of this information and/or for the businesses and organizations presented herein. We urge all parents and families to confirm any information given herein through additional research. The views and opinions expressed by the writers, event organizers and advertisers do not necessarily represent those of Michiana Family Magazines LLC, its officers, editors, staff or contributors.

The FAMILY Magazine:

Live Your Best:

7 Find the Acorn Contest 9 They Were Adopted? 10 Easy Make-Ahead Recipes for Thanksgiving 12 In The News 14 Beauty Recipes

Book Review: 8 The Ideal Man

Reviewed by Melissa Hunt

Kids Book Review:

8 The Mysterious Benedict Society Reviewed by Heaven

Family Health:

28 Family Fun:

A very special thank you to the Rodino Family from Bristol for being our November Family Magazine cover family!

26 Coping with Cold

Lessons from our Furry Friends

By Evelyn Kirkwood

Charity Spotlight:

28 Shared Grief, Shared Healing The Story of Ryan’s Place By Chelle Costello

SPECIAL FAMILY FEATURES 36 Giving Kids a Second Chance Through Foster Care Adoption By Chelle Costello

38 Preparing for Your Adopted Child

Tips on transitioning your adopted child into your home and family By Meagan Church

16 Better Not Take Your Vitamins?

40 Fashion Lessons Through Adoption

18 Ow! My Aching Toe!

42 Lessons in Financial Management and Fostering Community

By Michelle Wegner

By Dr. Jesse Hsieh

The Signs and Treatment of Gout By Dr. Brent Mohr

20 Calming Foods for Kids and Moms When They Need to Unwind

By Janice Baiden and Cynthia Harington

Frugal Family:

24 Thank Goodness for Baked Donuts! By Amy Allen Clark

By Kathy Friend

First Federal Savings Bank

40 It’s All Good

The Benefits of Corporate Giving By Charrise McCrorey

Calendar of Events:

42 Go to www.MichianaFamilyMagazine.com for tons of additional family events – updated daily!

Lakeside Family Magazine: 38

Special Parenting Feature Section targeting St. Joseph, Stevensville, Bridgman, New Buffalo and surrounding communities. A very special thank you to the Welch Family from Stevensville for being our November Lakeside Family Magazine cover family!

MiChild Magazine: Special Parenting Resource Section

LAKESIDE LIVING:

54 What is Thanksgiving?

MiCorner:

56 Traditions and Thanksgiving Memories

Story Time:

55 Dreams of Joy

72 Yadda Yadda 73 Extra Lean Family: Get Lean and Achieve Your Family’s Best Health Ever Reviewed by James Facer

Baby:

74 Baby, Get You Sign On

Before they are verbal, babies can still communicate By Meagan Church

Expecting:

BOOK REVIEW: Reviewed By Mary Czarnecki

LAKESIDE PETS:

58 What to Expect When Visiting a Veterinarian By Dr. Ed Blesy

LAKESIDE COOKING:

60 Cooking Up Warm Memories By Diane Fisher

76 Taking Some of the Ouch Out of Labor

LAKESIDE PARENTING:

By Sorah Stein and Shanti Bradley

Tips for Talking With Your Children

Tips to Natual Pain Relief

78 Finally Pregnant!

Ways for the Older Mom to Prepare for a Healthy Pregnancy By Amy Murray

62 Worried About the Economy? Your Kids Are, Too. By Amy Cahill

64 Forget Balance. Choose Flexibility. By Meagan Francis

Mommy & Daddy:

LAKESIDE BUSINESS:

By Jane Suter

Helping Women One Outfit at a Time

82 BIG

66 DK Boutique

By Dawn Williams

84 Fight Less, Love More

Loving and Liking Your Spouse By Laurie Puhn

LAKESIDE COE:

68 Go to www.MichianaFamilyMagazine.com for tons of additional family events – updated daily!

We have it all more at &

St. Thomas the Apostle Catholic School!

• Outstanding Academics • Safe Environment • Excellent ISTEP Scores • SMART Board Technology • Before and After School Care • Christian Family Atmosphere • Community Service Activities and Involvement • Specialty Classes: Art, Music, Computer, Physical Education • Extracurricular Activities ranging from Sports, Band, Scouting, Drama & More! • 21st Century Learning Facility Recently Renovated and Expanded St. Thomas the Apostle School is Catholic in character, but open to all faith traditions. Approximately 12% of our current enrollment is non-Catholic. Please call our school office at 574.264.4855 for more information or to schedule a tour. Visit us at www.stselkhart.com or www.stthomaselkhart.com! St. Thomas the Apostle Catholic School 1331 North Main Street • Elkhart, IN 46514

the family magazine | november 2011

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

Things We

FROM THE PUBLISHER Thank you! From my family to your family … Thank you so very much. The last year has been a very blessed year with wonderful adventures I will be able to share with you over time. My family has had the privilege of having two young foster children with our family for most of 2011 and it has been a very challenging, rewarding and wonderful experience all at the same time. I can’t share much about these special kiddos yet but I can tell you that I have learned more about myself in the last eight nine months than I ever had before. With November being dedicated to adoption, I couldn’t let this issue go by without sharing a small piece of my world of fostering and pre-adoption. There are too many kids in our small community without parents … or I should say, without good parents. Really one child without good parents is one too many in my book. The system is broken. The system tries. The system needs to improve, but how? With people like you and me and anyone with love in their heart that has love and patience to share with kids who don’t have much going in their favor. I could talk about this topic for hours as it has been a major part of my life for the last year. But all I can do today is encourage you to open your heart to kids that need your love and guidance right in our own backyard. It is an epidemic and it is extremely serious here in northern Indiana and southwestern Michigan. Serious. Our bonus children are precious and I wasn’t sure I could love a child as much as my biological son … but it is amazing and when I’m able to share more in the future, I will. Thank you for your loyal readership, your good parenting and your support of family in our community. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family – I’m sure we all have so much more to be thankful for.

(at Family)

Love

Right Now!

1. A Harvest Sunset 2. Watching the Flying Pattern of Geese 3. Bird Seed for our Feathered Friends 4. Footloose! OMG – We enjoyed the remake a ton! 5. November 18th – Twilight Saga I 6. A Beautifully Set Dinner Table 7. A Walk in the Leaves 8. Angels 9. The Crock Pot 10. Holiday Open Houses 11. Pumpkin Cookies 12. School Field Trips 13. A Thankful Heart

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Find the Hidden Acorn... ...that looks like the acorn pictured to the left for your chance to win a $30 Gift Certificate to Sally & Company Hair Designs!

NEW Way to Enter Contest!

Go to: www.michianafamilymagazine.com and click on the acorn symbol on the bottom left side of the website’s home page. Fill out a short entry form and tell us on what page you found the acorn, and you will be entered into this issue’s drawing! Contest ends October 25th, 2011.

Congratulations to Dianne Hoist of South Bend for being the October Acorn winner! (Page 72).

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Don’t forget to pick up your copy of the NEW SASSY Magazine!

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live your best

The Ideal Man

By Julie Garwood

Reviewed by Melissa Hunt, Reference Services Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Public Library

Dr. Ellie Sullivan is an up-and-coming trauma surgeon who is finishing her residency. She needs to choose to sign with the current hospital she is working at or move to another area and begin a new life somewhere else. Before she can make this life-changing decision, she becomes entangled in an FBI sting operation. While exercising in the park next to the hospital, after a long night of surgeries, Dr. Ellie unknowingly becomes a target of the Landrys – a modern day Bonnie and Clyde – when she witnesses them shooting an agent and fleeing the scene. Not only is Dr. Ellie on the Landrys bad side, she has to go home and attend her ex-fiancé and sister’s wedding and deal with a stalker from her past. FBI agent Max Daniels meets Dr. Ellie when he takes her statement on what she saw when a fellow agent was shot. He becomes her protector when he realizes the Landrys are after her. Agent Daniels also realizes Dr. Ellie needs protection from her past stalker, Evan Patterson, who is now missing from a private mental hospital. Agent Daniels becomes Dr. Ellie’s plus one for the wedding activities that she may or may not attend. Who does Agent Daniels need to save Dr. Ellie from first: her sister, Evan or the Landrys? And is Agent Daniels the ideal man for Dr. Ellie? You may like Julie Garwood if you enjoy Nora Roberts, Linda Howard, Catherine Coulter or Lisa Kleypas. If you are a historical fiction reader, try Julie Garwood’s historical series set in the Scottish Highlands and England.

The Mysterious Benedict Society Reviewed by Heaven

By Trenton Lee Stewart

Written by Trenton Lee Stewart, “The Mysterious Benedict Society” was published in 2007. Soon after publishing, it topped the charts as a New York Times best-selling adolescent book. First in “The Mysterious Benedict Society” series, this story invites readers of all ages into this mysterious world. “Are you a gifted child looking for special opportunities?” When this peculiar ad appears in the newspaper, dozens of children enroll to take a series of mind-bending tests. In the end, only four very special children will succeed. Reynard Muldoon, George (Sticky) Washington, Kate Wetherall and Constance Contraire have all been successful in the test with one thing in common: they have no parents. Their challenge is to go on a secret mission only the most intelligent and resourceful children could complete. With their newfound friendship at stake, will they be able to complete the most important test of all? Danger is stalking Reynard and his friends, and the mission gets more dangerous by the day. “The Mysterious Benedict Society’s” author has the Lemony Snicket style, with suspense and mind-twisting puzzles on every page. Full of kid power, clues and adventure, this book brings in readers of all ages in. I would recommend this and the many other books in the series to children everywhere.

My name is Heaven, and I enjoy reading books and spending time with my friends and family. I am currently a ninth grader.

the family magazine | november 2011

y e Th

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

Were Adopted

Sarah McLachlan? Steve Jobs? Some of our favorite celebrities, inventors and politicians have been shaped and transformed by the families who took them in. Check out some of these famous celebs you might not have known were adopted. John Hancock

Did you know that John Hancock was adopted! Yes, that famous forefather who scribbled is name, big and bold, on the Declaration of Independence was adopted. When his father died and his mother was living in poverty, his uncle adopted John when he was 7.

Steve Jobs

The late Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple, Inc., was also adopted. Steve was the product of a interracial couple. His mother, Joanne Schieble, was white and his biological father was a Syrian Muslim immigrant named Abdulfattah "John" Jandali, who today is a casino executive in Reno. According to Jandali, Joanne’s father didn’t approve of her relationship with him, and she gave Steve up for adoption. Ironically, Joanne’s father died not long after, and Jandali later married her. The two had another daughter and later divorced. According to Jandali, he only recently learned that Steve Jobs was his biological son and tried to reach out a few times when he learned Steve was sick. The two never met.

Dave Thomas

Dave Thomas is known for more than making delicious hamburgers. He was also adopted and was a passionate advocate for foster adoptions, leading him to start the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption in 1992. Today, the foundation helps provide information and resources regarding foster care adoptions to families nationwide.

Faith Hill

eedback Have you slowed down this month to appreciate what you have, instead of focusing on what you don’t? Check out what some of our Facebook friends say they are most thankful for this year. Kristie: Life...thankful to be alive. Thankful for every day that I can hug and kiss my daughters. Michael: Plymouth Rock and Maize. Kris: For every customer that supports our local business. Jessica: I’m thankful for each and every day that I get to spend with my husband and three beautiful boys! Michele: Naps! Cheri: My family!  Karen: I’m thankful to be a 7 year cancer survivor, and for my health, great husband and family and my crazy dog. Kevin: My family, our health being fine, Our God making life good. Thankful I have enough that I can share some with people I care about. Thankful to all the US military who protect the greatest country on earth: The USA. Mostly thankful to come home to my wife and kids, it makes work worth doing.

One of the most popular country artists of our generation, Faith Hill was adopted when she was just an infant. Adoption is near and dear to her heart, and you might have seen her in previous years as the host of “A Home for the Holidays with Faith Hill,” a Christmas special that celebrates adoption.

Sarah McLachlan

Sarah McLachlan found out she was adopted around the age of 9. According to an interview she did with Parents.com, the news came easily to her: “Perhaps I was too young to understand it really, but it just never was a big issue to me. I never had this empty place in me thinking that I've missed out somewhere, or that I was abandoned. I met my mother several years ago -- my birth mother -- and I'm thankful that she gave me up. Because she was an artist, she was way too young, she was 19 years old. She would have had to go and live in rural Newfoundland, and she wouldn't have been able to pursue any of her dreams. And instead I've got a great family, who loved me and gave me every opportunity to pursue my dreams. It was a gift. It was probably the hardest thing she ever had to do. I'm glad she did it.”

Join our lively Facebook community and get in the convo! Facebook.com/The-FAMILY-MAGAZINE-of-Michiana

live your best

Easy Make-Ahead Recipes for

Thanksgiving Recipes courtesy of Amy Allen Clark

Don’t get me wrong – at The FAMILY Magazine, we adore the holidays, especially Thanksgiving. But we’ll be the first to admit that with all the cooking, baking and entertaining of family and friends, Thanksgiving can get a little hectic. That’s why we are in love with these make-ahead recipes from local celeb and regular FAMILY Magazine contributor, Amy Allen Clark of momadvice.com. Check out these great recipes from Amy that allow you to do a little preplanning to avoid some of the holiday hassle.

Thanksgiving Day: Put potatoes in the fridge 1-2 days before to allow them to completely thaw. Spray slow cooker with cooking spray and put potatoes in the slow cooker. Brush the top of the potatoes with a tablespoon of butter and sprinkle with paprika. Cook on low for two to four hours.

Make-Ahead Mashed Potatoes

Cranberry Spread

Serves 15. I have found a recipe for mashed potatoes that not only freeze beautifully, but they also can be reheated on low in the slow cooker. Both of these qualities make them a winner because I can keep the oven freed up for the other dishes, and I can make them early. Here is my recipe, adapted to our personal taste and perfect for any holiday get together! These are creamy and have a hint of tang to them from the sour cream. Sprinkle with a little paprika, if you so desire, and enjoy the convenience of pulling these out of your freezer for this holiday season. Recipe: 5 pounds of potatoes 1 block (8 ounces) of low-fat cream cheese, softened 3/4 cup low fat sour cream 4 tablespoons butter 3/4 cup milk (or more if desired) 1 1/2 teaspoons salt Peel potatoes and cut into small cubes. Throw the potatoes in a large pot filled with cold water. Cook for 25 minutes or until fork-tender. Drain the potatoes and put them back into the hot pot. Add cream cheese, butter, milk and salt. Mash with a potato masher or use a hand mixer to whip the potatoes. Spoon mixture into a freezer-safe container and label.

the family magazine | november 2011

If you would rather bake these, bake the potatoes at 350 degrees for thirty to forty minutes or until completely hot.

This spread is unbelievably addictive and so festive on your holiday table. Just try and eat one cracker, and don’t be surprised if you are scraping the bottom of the bowl by the end of the day. This was a hit with everyone in our family and a nice change from the traditional cheese ball. Recipe: 16 ounces cream cheese, softened 1 cup dried cranberries 1/4 cup orange juice Do-Ahead: Mix all of the ingredients together and mold into a ball or leave loose as a spread. Wrap in plastic wrap and then wrap in foil and store in a freezer bag. Make sure to label your bag so that you can find it again. Thanksgiving Day: Let the spread thaw in the refrigerator 1-2 days before Thanksgiving. Place dip in a bowl (or on a platter if it has been molded into a ball) and serve with gingersnaps or crackers.

Spinach Balls

Recipe: 2, 10 ounce packages frozen spinach 1 package chicken-flavored stuffing mix 1 cup grated parmesan cheese 6 eggs, lightly beaten 3/4 cup butter, melted Salt and pepper to taste

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

This was my appetizer dish for a New Year’s Eve bash my husband and I attended. My husband absolutely hates spinach, so I wasn’t sure how well these would go over. If you can believe it, he really loved them, so even if you aren’t a spinach lover, these are definitely worth a try. The chicken-flavored stuffing throws you off from the spinach, and because the spinach is fully cooked, the texture of these is great.

Because Because you you have have more more important important things things to to

than than haul haul salt.... salt.... We We deliver! deliver!

Do-Ahead: Cook spinach according to instructions, drain in a sieve, use back of a wooden spoon to press the spinach against the sieve to get as much moisture as possible out. In a bowl, combine the spinach, stuffing mix, cheese, eggs, butter, salt and pepper. Mix thoroughly and roll into small balls – 3/4 to 1" size. Place on a cookie sheet and freeze. Thanksgiving Day: To serve, place frozen balls on a cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees, 10-15 minutes or until lightly browned. If you are doing them fresh or thawed, only bake for 7-10 minutes. Serve hot.

Pumpkin Cranberry Cornbread This treat is stuffed with cranberry deliciousness. Because these are better the second day, this is just another example of something you can make in advance, so you can kick your feet up while the turkey is cooking!

Recipe: 1 1/4 cups flour 3/4 cup cornmeal 2/3 cup light brown sugar 1 tablespoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 3/4 cup canned pumpkin puree 3/4 cup buttermilk (I substituted with regular milk and a teaspoon of vinegar to sour) 1/4 cup butter, melted 2 eggs, room temperature 2 tablespoons honey 1 cup dried cranberries Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease an 8" x 8" baking pan or a 9" pie pan. In a bowl, toss together flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, salt, nutmeg and cinnamon. In another mixing bowl, mix with a wooden spoon, the pumpkin puree, sour cream or buttermilk, butter, eggs and honey, until well combined. Add the pumpkin mixture to the flour mixture just until combined. Mix in the cranberries. Transfer to a prepared baking dish. Bake for about 40 minutes, or until edges just begin to color. Cool to room temperature.

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live your best

ADOPTION In The

Adoption Class at Saint Joseph Regional Medical Center

Individuals or couples preparing to adopt or those with a newly adopted baby at home can find answers to their questions with SJRMC’s new adoption class. Adoption is a private, emotional and special experience. The adoption class at SJRMC enables adoptive parents to learn how to prepare and care for a newborn baby in an environment that understands their unique situation and specific needs. The class was developed with support from local pediatricians, our Clinical Education Department and nurses from our Family Birthplace. Classes will be run by our registered nurses and include time for Q & A with both nurses and a physician. The class offers parents the opportunity to meet other families going through a similar experience and connects them with resources for adoptive families in our community.

the family magazine | november 2011

Topics will include: • What to expect at the hospital • Involvement during the birth • How to prepare for and address legal matters • Birth certificates & social security cards • Visitation • Bonding with your child • Caring for your newborn o Circumcision o Immunizations o Feeding, sleeping, bathing, etc. o Car seat safety o Basic newborn care 2011 Class Schedule November 21 Classes will be held at Saint Joseph Regional Medical Center at 5215 Holy Cross Parkway in Mishawaka, Indiana, on the 4th Floor

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

Education Room. Class time is from 6:30 - 8 pm and includes a tour of the unit for those who are interested. Class is free of charge. Donations are accepted and appreciated as we continued to develop this program for adoptive families in our community. Registration is required. For more information or to register call 574.335.2323.

Adoptive Families of Michiana: A Resource for Those Needing Information and Support.

Adoptive Families of Michiana (AFM) was established in 2008 by local adoptive parents and is not affiliated with an agency, attorney or religion. It is a volunteer-run, parent-driven, free organization that offers a local network of friendship and support from the early stages of adoption research through the wait and placement of a child. Assistance continues with play groups that offer parenting guidance for the baby, toddler, pre-school and school age years.

• Waiting families meet throughout the year to discuss the journey to parenthood. The support group shares in the challenges and milestones of the adoption process. • Post placement families provide a large knowledge base for AFM members to tap into when questions about the process, health and attachment arise. Many families opt to engage in social, cultural and educational activities as well as playgroups. AFM embraces inclusiveness and diversity. They understand that the adoption community is stronger when the gifts of all people are respected and embraced. AFM does not discriminate against any person on the basis of race, creed, color, gender, national origin, sexual orientation, marital status, age or ability. To get involved in this community, visit AFM’s website: www.adoptivefamiliesofmichiana.info.

• Prospective parents receive direction and answers to common adoption questions. A reference list of agencies, attorneys and home study providers used by AFM members is available to all who register and request it.

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Beauty

live your best

Recipes

To Boost Your Holiday Spirits! Recipes Provided By Erika Katz

Cranberry Anti-aging Face Mask → You’ll need:  1 cup fresh cranberries  1 cup seedless red grapes  2 teaspoons grapefruit juice  1 envelope unflavored gelatin

Directions: Mix ingredients until it becomes paste-like. Cover and refrigerate for 45 minutes and let it thicken. Remove from the fridge and let sit about 10 minutes. Spread the mixture on clean, dry skin, avoiding the eye area. Relax for 15 minutes, and then rinse off with warm water. The fruit acid is a gentle exfoliant, and the grapefruit juice is a toner. Cranberries are rich in vitamin A which has antioxidant properties. They are also rich in vitamin C, helping with collagen production.

Holiday Body Scrub

→ You’ll need:  1 cup brown sugar  1/4 cup almond oil or olive oil  1 tablespoon vitamin E oil  2 teaspoon nutmeg  2 teaspoon ginger  2 teaspoon cinnamon

Directions: Mix all the ingredients well and add to a pretty jar and tie with a ribbon for a beautiful homemade gift. To use: massage the scrub all over your body to gently exfoliate the dead skin. Rinse with warm water.

the family magazine | november 2011

About Erika Katz

A beauty writer as well as a former child model and actress, Erika Katz has been a beauty junkie nearly all her life. Using her experience from her days working in the beauty department at Seventeen, cosmetology classes and lessons learned through her extensive work in television and modeling, Erika created a beauty guide that served as the foundation for “Bonding Over Beauty, A Mother-Daughter Guide to Self-Esteem, Confidence and Trust.”

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

Expo

Thank You to everyone who attended our Kids Expo on October 15th! The day was a HUGE

success and couldn’t have been made possible without Great thanks to all of our participating our awesome sponsors and vendors! vendors, sponsors and talent: Menno Travel Elkhart General Hospital McDonalds AmSafe Safe Kids of Elkhart County Elkhart Sports Center XTreme Fun Bounce Houses The Stream Greatest Hits U93 Kathy Nowicki, Face Painter Steve Vaught, Magician Lamar Yoder, Juggler Yoder Stephen J Coyne, Baloon Artist HealthWorks! Jessica Dixon, Fun Hair Extensions Star Martial Arts Growing Kids Learning Centers Ronald McDonald House Charities Eby’s Family Fun Great Wolf Lodge American Heart Association The Kroc Center Once Upon a Child Hoosier Dad’s Music Splash Universe

Thank You to our Premium Sponsors...

family health

Better NOT Take Your

Vitamins? By Dr. Jesse Hsieh

“So doc, is there a problem with me, because since I’ve been taking these vitamins, my urine is a very bright fluorescent green and orange, and it just seems kinda…weird.”

seem to help the average healthy person. The difference with this study, though, was a warning that the patients who took vitamins actually had a higher mortality rate.

I looked over the large bag of multivitamins and supplements that he had brought in and noted that they were definitely not cheap.

The Medical Study

“Hmmm, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, but I’ll bet that you have the most expensive urine on the block. I think that’s where your vitamins are winding up.” So summarizes the latest research study, just another one of several to show that vitamins and supplements don’t really

the family magazine | november 2011

Published October 10th, 2011, in the Archives of Internal Medicine, researchers from the University of Minnesota and University of Finland assessed supplement use in 39,000 women over a 19 year period. They found a slightly higher risk of death in those who did take supplements, by 2.4% over those that didn’t, with the exception of calcium. When iron was included, the risk of premature death went up by 3.9%. The researchers controlled for factors such as weight, age, diet, smoking, exercise and other existing health conditions such as diabetes and high

blood pressure to isolate the effects of vitamins, so that those factors would not skew the results. According to the Nutrition Business Journal, Americans spent about $11.8 billion last year on vitamins and supplements. Over half of the population is estimated to be taking them. With all the marketing firepower from the staggering dollars of sales, the commercialization of public opinion regarding vitamins and supplements is a daunting task for clinicians to deal with. For instance, vitamin E and vitamin C for decades were considered important to take, but has been proven to be not only useless, but also harmful. Vitamin E can cause an increased tendency to bleed. Yet it still enjoys brisk sales.

When Are Vitamins Necessary?

That doesn’t mean all vitamins are bad, when used for the right reasons. For example, pregnant women need a vitamin B called folic acid to prevent certain birth defects. Some people are deficient in vitamin B12 or vitamin D due to malabsorption, which can lead to certain health problems. And calcium, although not a vitamin, is an important supplement for many older women to protect against osteoporosis if they do not get enough in their diet. The triathlete who watches his diet carefully and may want to supplement those extreme needs, of course, may need something more. But the vast majority of the time, taking a handful of vitamins “just to get a boost” in otherwise healthy people may be as useful as the man with the fluorescent urine. “So doc, what vitamins should I be taking?” My patient asked. I looked up from reviewing his chart. “Uh, why do you ask? You’re already smoking a pack a day, have high blood pressure and cholesterol, break out in a sweat getting the mail, and your diet is whatever the two for one burger or taco sale is of the day.” “Well, cause I know I ain’t eatin’ good, so I figured vitamins outa even that out. You know, get the stuff in my system that I oughta have.” And that’s the real danger of vitamins and supplements. It’s the attitude – thinking we can do something simple and quick to replace old-fashioned hard work. When you were little, your mom told you to eat your veggies; you didn’t want to. You may have complained, whined, fed it to the dog, but you knew it was good for you. Now that you’re older – hey, how about a vitamin instead? The fundamentals of health, which is a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, fresh meats and dairy products, sunlight and exercise, would give us all the essential minerals and vitamins that we would ever need. Although this has yet to be drilled down by further research, the theory is that the higher mortality rate in those who take vitamins may not be from the actual product. The attitude that vitamins and minerals may compensate for an otherwise unhealthy diet and lifestyle may be the real problem. There will always be exceptions, like people with deficiencies who really do need specific supplements. But for the rest of us, maybe mom was right all along.

Dr. Jesse Hsieh has practiced at Granger Family Medicine for over 20 years. He serves on the Memorial Hospital Board, is Clinical Associate Professor at IU Med School-SB, President of the South Bend Clinic and lead guitarist for Vyagra Falls.

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

As you are preparing for your Thanksgiving Holiday, we at InspiRED would like to take the opportunity to say

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family health

Ow!

My Aching Toe! The Signs and Treatment of Gout

By Dr. Brent Mohr

Imagine the following scenario:

Joe, a middle aged man, and his wife are celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. They go to a nice restaurant where Joe has a juicy steak and a few glasses of wine. Later that night, he is awakened with severe pain in his big toe that causes him great distress until he can see his doctor. In all likelihood, Joe is suffering his first acute gout attack. Gout is one of the oldest diseases known to man. Detailed descriptions of an acute gout attack date back to the 17th century. It is a clinical arthritic disease associated with high levels of uric acid in the bloodstream and is caused by the deposition of uric acid crystals in and around the tissues of joints. Uric acid is produced from many of the foods we eat and the normal breakdown of old cells in the body. High levels of uric acid may occur because of diet, medications or the inability of the kidneys to eliminate enough uric acid from the system. Often, there may be more than one reason for a person to have elevated levels of uric acid. In some individuals with high levels of uric acid, the uric acid crystals deposit in the joints and cause excruciating pain and dysfunction.

the family magazine | november 2011

The Three Stages of Gout

Typically we talk about three stages of gout. The first stage is asymptomatic hyperuricemia (elevated uric acid without symptoms). Risk factors for having hyperuricemia include being male, obesity, high blood pressure, medications â&#x20AC;&#x201C; especially some diuretics â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and consuming a diet high in red meats, dark green vegetables, seafood and organ meats. Alcohol also leads to high uric acid in two ways. It is metabolized to uric acid and hinders the kidneys ability to get rid of excess uric acid from the body. So, as with many of the common conditions we face, we can do a lot to prevent hyperuricemia. The second stage of gout is defined as the acute stage. This is the acute arthritis that drives many sufferers of gout to seek medical attention. In men, the first attacks typically occur at or after 40 years of age. Women tend to experience symptoms a little later, often after menopause. The onset of attack is often denoted by the rapid onset of pain, redness and swelling of the affected joint. The pain is usually severe, escalating over several hours and may last several days if left untreated. Involvement of the great toe is the most common scenario, occurring in up to 90% of those with acute, intermittent flairs.

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

However, the midfoot, ankles, heels, knees and, less commonly, hands and wrists may all be affected. Moreover, systemic symptoms of low-grade fever, chills and malaise may occur during an acute episode. Sometimes an acute gouty attack can be confused with an infection of the joint or surrounding skin.

An acute attack is often easily recognized and can be definitively diagnosed by having joint fluid removed and analyzed to see if it contains uric acid crystals. A uric acid blood test will often be abnormal, but should not be relied upon to rule in or rule out the diagnosis.

The last stage is referred to as chronic tophaceous gout. Many people who suffer an acute attack may never have another. But there are some, if they are left untreated, who will develop frequent attacks and eventually may develop deposits of uric acid in the skin around the joint or in other areas around the body. These deposits are called tophi and can lead to permanent damage of joints.

or steroids given by injection are helpful, as is a medication called colchicine. Your doctor can discuss these treatments with you. There are also medications to lower uric acid levels, but they should never be used if you are having an acute attack as they may worsen the attack or make it last longer.

Back to AnSchool acute episode can usually be aborted with the use of antiinflammatory Specials drugs such as ibuprofen or naproxen. Oral steroids

Treatment

If you have more than two or three attacks a year, then a maintenance medication to lower uric acid makes sense. Allopurinol is the most common drug used for this purpose, but others such as probenecid and a recent newcomer called Uloric (febuxostat) may be used. Again, your doctor can help you with these decisions, or he or she may send you to a rheumatologist to help with your management.

Fortunately, gout in large part can be easily treated. The routine measurement of uric acid is not usually performed, and indeed, some experts would say that not all people with hyperuricemia should be treated. But remember, watching your weight and moderating your diet and alcohol intake could prove to be beneficial. Also talking to your doctor about your medications may be worthwhile.

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Dr. Brent Mohr has been a doctor at the South Bend Clinic since 1992. He graduated from medical school from Indiana University, did his internal medical residency at St. Joseph Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and completed his Rheumatology fellowship at Cleveland Clinic in Ohio.

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family health

Calming Foods

for Kids Moms When They Need to Unwind By Janice Baiden and Cynthia Harington

Scream therapy has been tested, but with limited success. Next time you feel the tension building at your house, try grabbing some healthy snacks that will help everybody “chill.”

“Go-go-go season” starts now and doesn’t let up for months, so before you find your family in a total frenzy, stock up on some foods to help smooth out everyone’s emotions.

Avoid Those Sugar Blues!

Sugar buzz can turn kids into monsters (even when it’s not Halloween)! Limit your child’s sugar intake – eating too many sugary items can cause swings in blood sugar levels, which in some children can lead to behavioral problems. According to Cynthia Harington, certified nutritionist and founder of the Rose Quest Nutrition Centre in Mishawaka, “Sugar is one of the biggest culprits as the holiday season gets in full swing. Kids who eat a lot of sugar crave it, and as they eat more and more, it tends to drive up their activity level, often resulting in less than desirable behavior.” Harington suggests limiting sugar intake for both kids and adults. “Sugary breakfast cereals should be avoided in favor of healthy, organic oatmeal which can be sweetened with a teaspoon of raw, organic honey. Choose organic fruit snacks like a banana or an apple instead of sugar-sweetened cookies or candy (or make your own healthy treat; see our recipe for banana bread near the end of this article). Organic yogurt can be a good choice, but watch the amount of fat and sugar – some yogurt products are loaded with sugar.” Artificial sweeteners, used in all kinds of low-calorie drinks and foods, are not necessarily an answer to avoiding the issues with eating too much sugar. While diabetics rely on artificial sweeteners, they can be harmful in other cases. For instance, allergies to aspartame (a popular artificial sweetener) are not uncommon. Harington suggests, “If diabetes is an issue, first check with your medical doctor. Others can try substituting a natural sweetener like sucanat (non-refined cane sugar).”

the family magazine | november 2011

Why Eat Organic?

Organic produce products (fruits and vegetables) are grown without the use of products containing harmful chemicals, petroleum-based fertilizers, genetic modification or irradiation. Organic farms treat plants, soil and animals with natural products instead of synthetic chemicals and drugs. Children, due to their low body weight, can be especially susceptible to harmful chemicals in their food. Eating organic can help kids and adults develop a better immune system and stay healthier.

Avoid Additives and Artificial Colors

If the snack is brighter than holiday lights, avoid it! Brightly colored snacks get their “glow” from additives most of us are best off avoiding completely. They not only can cause hyperactivity in children, but can also result in skin breakouts and rashes. “If your child has gobbled up a whole bag of jelly beans or eaten a cupcake with bright blue icing and is bouncing off the wall, you might just blame it on the sugar. But the food dye might be another culprit,” Cynthia Harington explains: “Blue lips are no laughing matter,” adds Harington. “I’ve seen kids at the ballpark who have eaten so many foods with artificial dyes that their skin is actually discolored. Artificial dyes are no joke – they have been associated with headaches, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea.” • While the FDA has cited studies that have found no ill effects from artificial dyes, the Center for Science in the Public Interest believes that these dyes are harmful and said that the FDA, at the very least, should place a warning label on products containing them. They further challenged the FDA to ban eight of the most common artificial dyes.

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

• There are many safe, natural dyes. Their names do not begin with “FD & C.” Some are derived from beets or carrots. Names of natural colorants include: chlorophylls (green), riboflavin (yellow), turmeric (yellow), betacyanins (red), caramel (beige to brown), anthocyanins (orange-red to red to blue) and carotenoids (yellow to orange to red).

Re-define “Treats”

A Good Egg

Need a healthy lunch idea? Consider a hard-boiled or soft-boiled, free-range egg served with organic, whole-grain bread and slices of organic avocado on the side. This combination is proteinpacked and has the good “brain food” in it as well. A lot of times, hyper people have a difficult time focusing, so this assists them in that function.

Here’s a yummy alternative – a pineapple-banana-mango smoothie. Throw these fruits in a blender, add your favorite organic, low-fat vanilla yogurt, maybe a bit of ice and organic, raw honey and give it a whirl! Harington suggests, “Your child will love these, even if they aren’t fruit fans. It is rich, creamy and very satisfying for a sweet tooth – great for a pick-me-up.”

Have Happier Holidays

Hum with Hummus

The season of partying is upon us, starting with sugary Halloween and culminating with New Year’s Day munch-a-thons. This year, try replacing “frazzled” with “friendly” holidays!

Try humming a tune you like to help dispel a moment of stress. Then reach for the organic pita crackers and hummus. These crackers are hardy, come in various flavors and make a great snack when dipped in hummus. They are much healthier than your standard potato chip, too. Hummus is made of chickpeas and is highly flavorful. It is protein-packed and sensational with these chips – an energizing snack on the go!

Cook from Scratch

When you cook meals yourself, controlling each ingredient, you know what’s in there. Cooking more meals from scratch is the best way of knowing exactly what your children are eating and controlling the amount of sugar and additives they eat. Before you say you don’t have enough time to do this, think about the time and stress you can save by not having to deal with unacceptable behavior caused by “hidden” ingredients that could make your child agitated. Planning your meals ahead for the week and making a shopping list will help assure you keep within your budget and have the necessary ingredients. One potentially calming food that is rich in B vitamins is organic brown rice. If you prepare it once a week and keep it in the refrigerator, you’ll find that it’s a healthy addition to soups and perfect as a bed for stews or casseroles (a better choice than pasta).

Flax Oil Capsules Could Make a Difference

Harington says, “Initial studies and anecdotal evidence suggests that increasing the amount of the Omega 3 oils in your children’s diet can improve disruptive behavior. Nerves may be calmed over a period of time by giving an overly active child over the age of 7 an organic flax oil capsule once a day with food.”

If you fix kids tons of pastas, white breads, pizza, white rice, chips, sodas, sugary cereals and pastries, you could be fueling behavior problems. Harington adds, “All that starch is not good since it can make their behavior uncontrolled and agitated. They can’t contain all their energy, and they don’t feel well, either.”

Eva’s Banana Cake

(Note: It’s worth using the exact ingredients without substituting the flours, etc. The “cake” has the consistency of banana brownies – delicious!) In a blender blend: 2 eggs 1/2 cup honey or agave nectar 1/4 cup sunflower or canola oil 2/3 cup applesauce 3 very ripe bananas In a bowl mix: 1 cup spelt flour 1 cup oat flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 cup chocolate chips Combine both mixtures and bake in a greased 9” x 13” pan at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes.

Snack on Sunflower Seeds

Choose a handful of organic sunflower seeds for a healthy snack. They are a healthier choice than potato chips or a calorie-packed candy bar and could help keep a sugar-sensitive child grounded and more satisfied.

Janice Baiden is an experienced freelance writer with a passion for eating healthy foods. Cynthia Harington is a nationally recognized nutritionist and founder of Rose Quest Nutrition Centre with offices in Chicago and Mishawaka.

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ÂŠ 2011 MarchÂŠof2011 Dimes March Foundation of Dimes Foundation

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family frugal

Thank Goodness for Baked

Donuts! By Amy Allen Clark

Fall is in the air, and with the beautiful sights and scents of autumn, come all of the amazing fall foods. We have been enjoying the typical fun fall foods like my loaves of pumpkin bread and homemade soups, but this year we have started a new food tradition – baked donuts.

Yes, if there is one thing our family has truly enjoyed indulging in this year, it has been a small investment into two donut pans that I bought to try to recreate some of our favorite donut treats. While large, bulky donut-maker appliances can be bought, you can achieve the same results with a donut-shaped baking pan (for under $15), or even utilizing a mini-muffin tin to make baked donut holes at home, perfect for those of us blessed with smaller kitchens and fewer storage spaces. As a special treat after church, I have been making the family donuts to go with our Sunday paper. I mix all the dry ingredients before we leave for service, and I add the wet ingredients and bake these delicious donuts when we get home. We all love these homemade, fresh-from-the-oven donuts. I love that these baked varieties are healthier than the fried versions and how much I save our family by creating donuts at home rather than buying them at the store. Ever the foodie nerd in the kitchen, I am constantly dreaming up and testing recipes for baked donuts to mimic the flavors of the seasons. For Christmas last year, we feasted on baked gingerbread donuts. For Valentine’s Day, we enjoyed light and fluffy cake donuts in pink and red sprinkles. Birthday donuts are baked with chocolate glazes and the birthday child’s favorite colors. And chocolate donuts seem to be a favorite all year round. I can’t seem to find a time where a baked donut would not be appropriate in a celebration! I don’t want to be the only one who is thankful for baked donuts though, so today I wanted to share with you two delicious fall donuts that you can enjoy.

the family magazine | november 2011

Baked Pumpkin Donuts with Maple Syrup Frosting

These Baked Pumpkin Donuts are flavorful and almost like a great glass of wine because you can taste all the different flavors as you eat them. As you bite into these, you can taste the hints of cinnamon and nutmeg, the rich pumpkin flavor and then the maple syrup sweetness from the light-glaze drizzle. The texture of a baked donut is different than a fried donut and more like a muffin or a good piece of cake. They are not overly sweet though, and the pumpkin really seems to add a savory quality. Recipe: 2 cups flour 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder 1/4 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon salt

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

2 teaspoons cinnamon 1 teaspoon nutmeg 1/8 teaspoon cloves 1/2 cup brown sugar 4 tablespoons butter, softened 2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 1/2 tablespoons milk 1 cup pumpkin purée For the Maple Syrup Glaze: 1 1/2 cups confectioners’ sugar 1/4 cup milk 1/8 cup maple syrup

Recipe: 1/4 cup of lightly packed brown sugar 1/4 cup of white sugar 1 1/2 cups of bite-size chunks of apple, peeled and cored (approximately 2 apples) 1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour 1 3/4 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt 1 teaspoon nutmeg 1/3 cup of cold butter, cut into small pieces 1 egg 1/4 cup of milk

Directions: Preheat the oven to 375 degrees and grease two donut pans. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and spices. In another medium bowl, cream together the brown sugar and butter. Beat in the eggs one at a time and then the vanilla extract, milk and pumpkin puree. Gradually beat the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients just until combined. Fill each donut mold 3/4’s full with batter. Bake 8-10 minutes or until the donuts spring back when touched. Remove from the pan and cool completely. For the maple syrup glaze: In a small bowl, combine confectioners’ sugar, maple syrup and milk; stir well. Add additional milk, if needed, to reach desired consistency. Drizzle over donuts.

For Sugar and Cinnamon Topping: 1/4 cup of butter, melted 1/3 cup of sugar 1 teaspoon cinnamon powder Directions: Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Whisk the flour, baking powder, sugars, salt and nutmeg in a bowl. Add the cold, chopped butter, cut into tablespoons. With a pastry blender or fork, cut the butter with the flour mixture until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs.

Baked Apple Pie Donuts

The dominate flavor in these Baked Apple Pie donuts is definitely the apple followed by the earthy, nutty flavor of ground nutmeg that helps round out the donuts’ flavor profile. Once these delicate donuts are done baking, they are brushed lightly with butter and then dipped into a cinnamon and sugar coating that helps bring all of those delicious fall flavors together and that little bit of gritty, yummy crunch that just so happens to be my favorite thing about donuts. These would be the perfect ending to any fall activity, whether it is a round of jumping in the leaves, sitting cozily by the fire, picking apples together in the sweet sunshine, or just a lazy Sunday afternoon with nothing else on the agenda. It is also a fantastic way to use up any apples you might have in your fruit basket this week.

In a separate bowl, beat the egg. Mix in the milk and fold in the chopped apples. Add the egg mixture to the flour mixture. Stir using a spatula or spoon, making sure not to over mix. Place two spoonfuls of batter into a greased donut mold pan. Bake for 15-18 minutes or until the donuts are just golden. Allow to cool for five minutes. Unmold each donut gently and lightly brush each with the melted butter. Dunk in a bowl with the sugar and cinnamon mixed in. Shake off excess sugar and serve immediately.

Amy Allen Clark is a stay-at-home mother of two and creator of the nationally-known Website, MomAdvice.com.

family fun

Coping with Cold Lessons From Our Furry Friends By Evelyn Kirkwood

Sometime between the holiday turkey and decorating trays of cookies, you may entertain fanciful thoughts of sleeping though winter. And when the seasonal chaos and chilly temperatures really set in, the thought of bypassing the whole season becomes even more appealing. That’s when we can learn a thing or two from other mammals as we gear up for frosty temperatures. Just Leave!

One appealing strategy is catching a flight south. Bats, for example, migrate to warmer climates where they roost in communes in caves. It’s really not much different from “snowbirds” escaping to Florida to roost in condos!

Sound Asleep

If you haven’t noticed any woodchucks recently, there’s a reason. After gorging themselves to put on extra fat, they retreated to a cozy burrow to hibernate. This may sound like the Thanksgiving ritual in your house! The guy with the remote in your living room may seem sound asleep, but compared to a woodchuck, he’s just dozing. Hibernators

the family magazine | november 2011

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

reduce their metabolism to burn fewer calories. In the case of the woodchuck, its heartbeat and breathing rate drop to one or two times per minute. A tap on its shoulder wouldn’t wake this furry fellow up. The fellow in your living room would probably stir, unless it’s time to do the dishes!

Den Up

Most other mammals may den up several days to several weeks in periods of foul weather. Scientists have observed that some seem to sense oncoming changes and may forage for extra food before a storm. Like humans who rush to the store for milk and eggs, mammals get “groceries” at a variety of locations. Wetlands have bountiful berries. Woodlands have nuts and buds. Backyards have seed-laden feeders.

Winter Wanderers

Still other mammals stay active, wandering woods and fields during Michiana winters. Rabbits, foxes and deer do not hibernate. Akin to our layering on fleece and sweaters, these animals grow additional fur in fall for insulation. Opossums, however, have nearly hairless tails and ears. When they venture out on a cold winter night, bits occasionally freeze and fall off. It’s a good reminder: as the thermometer drops, remember your hats and gloves! Eating is the other part of the survival equation. Food calories fuel their metabolism and keep animals warm. Another piece of pie anyone?

Family Activity

Dress for the Weather Relay

If you are cleaning out closets and getting rid of clothes, save a bagful for a fun relay next time you have company. This game helps younger children think about what clothes are appropriate for winter wear. At one end of the room, or lawn, pile clothing that might be worn in winter. You can intersperse a few summer clothes, too. Try to include things like socks, mittens, long underwear and boots, anything you might wear outdoors in winter. Divide the kids (adults are welcome, too) into two relay teams. Runners bring back one item appropriate for a winter wardrobe. As each runner brings clothing, other team members lay out the cold weather outfit. If any runner brings an inappropriate item (a sandal for example), or grabs a duplicate item (a second pair of long underwear), the next runner has to take it back to the pile. See which team gets the most complete outfit in five minutes. Not enough kids for teams, or want a non-competitive version? Two or three children can work together to select items and lay out an outfit.

Evelyn Kirkwood is Director of St. Joseph County Parks in Indiana and host of Outdoor Elements, which is broadcasted Sundays at 9am and Wednesdays at 5:30 pm on WNIT Public Television.

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family charity spotlight

Shared grief Shared healing The Story of Ryan’s Place By Chelle Costello

 A balloon launch at Ryan's Place where grieving kids tied messages to their loved ones on balloons.

The tragedy happened in 1992: Ryan Gleim,

a teenager, was killed in an auto accident. Knowing that his younger brother Damon would need help dealing with the death of his sibling, Ryan’s parents, Rex and Nancy Gleim, took their younger son for counseling. But it became apparent after some fruitless counseling sessions that Damon wouldn’t do well in one-on-one therapy; he needed normalcy, a community where he wouldn’t feel different from his peers, separated by the vale his brother’s death had drawn around him. But the idea of community grief, while recommended by Damon’s counselors, was simply an idea, and nothing like it was available in Michiana. That’s when the Gleims began working with therapists Don and Eunice Munn to open Ryan’s Place in January 2002. I spoke with Aileac Deegan, executive director, to find out more about what Ryan’s Place does and what they’ve learned in the past ten years about healing.

the family magazine | november 2011

What is the focus here at Ryan’s Place? Q “We focus on peer-to-peer support groups,” Deegan says. “Families come and can participate in groups for kids or adults,

divided up by age. There are groups for adults who have friends who’ve died, children who’ve died, a suicide survivors group and a family support group.”

The evening begins with a community meal, eaten together by peers and facilitators. After that, everyone breaks up into groups and is given one question for the evening. “These questions are usually topical,” Deegan says, “like, ‘where were you when your loved one died.’ This gives everyone a chance to talk about the death – to get out the guilt, anger, fear or whatever – and give them space to do that in a nonjudgmental environment.”

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

While adults may know how to express their emotions, in the kids’ groups, however, Deegan says there are usually activities based around getting children to talk about a loved one, perhaps by making a memory of their loved one. This is specifically to help them find out what their emotions are in the first place. “It helps them to open up and process,” Deegan says. “We have three goals for the kids here: one, to realize the person is dead and not coming back. Two, feel feelings about the person being dead – anger, guilt, sadness, etc. And three, be able to have grieved for the loved one and continue to if need be, but also continue to invest in life and relationships. We want the kids to know they don’t have to feel guilty about going out and having fun and living their lives.” How is being a part of something like Ryan’s Place more Q helpful than being on one’s own? “Well, I think at first, a family doesn’t necessarily need a place

to go. They have support; they have friends, and no one expects them to be happy or normal. The most helpful time to come to Ryan’s Place is a few months after everyone has stopped supporting them and bringing food, that time when everyone else is getting back to normal, and the family just isn’t. They can’t.” That being said, Deegan notes, when the time is right, Ryan’s Place offers a haven away from expectations. “I think it normalizes things for children,” she says. “When a child is at school, they are different. No one understands what they’re going through, and people expect them to get over death. But when a child is with others who’ve experienced death themselves, they know they’re not alone. When they say what they feel, and others respond with, ‘Yeah, I feel that, too,’ it can be very healing. A little boy we work with recently said to his mom, ‘You know, it’s okay to cry at Ryan’s Place.’ He just doesn’t have another place he can do that without being judged.”

• “Children are often terrified that someone else will die, so we want to help them with their fears. Your child might be frightened every time you leave. Be gentle with them about that, and tell the child that there’s a plan if something happens to you,” Deegan says. “Oftentimes, we want to shield our children from the idea of death, but if they know you have a plan, it can be comforting to them.” • “When a child grieves and then seems okay, it doesn’t mean he or she’s done – grief is cyclical; it comes and goes. There are good and bad days.” Deegan gives an example of children at a funeral, who may sit inside and cry, go out and play, then come back and cry once more. “They’re not just looking for attention,” she says. “Kids grieve in installments; they don’t do it all at one time. They grieve as long as they can, then go take a break and come back to it again. The point is that the breaks should get longer and longer.” • Be patient and let the child work through the grief. “If kids aren’t allowed to grieve properly, they can get into risky behavior later on,” Deegan warns. What if the person dealing with grief is yourself, or a friend? Qjourney • “Don’t expect to get over it right away – everyone’s grief is different. Some people get through it quickly;

some take longer,” Deegan says, “and to the friend, never tell someone they need to get over it.”

• “Know that you’re okay the way you are,” Deegan says. “Your grief doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.” • “Adults try to take care of kids and themselves through grief. Try to have people around you that can support you, and accept that help from others. Just having someone show up and babysit to give you a break can be helpful.” For more information, please visit ryans-place.org.

So, is there a program, or a cost? How is Ryan’s Place run? Q “We’re providing this service for free,” Deegan says. “We’re volunteer run, and our volunteers are trained to walk as

facilitators. Most of them have experienced death in the family at some stage and just want to help others going through a similar experience. As for a program, we have no “Ten-Steps-andYou’re-Healed program.” Families can come anytime they want and stay until they want to leave.” Deegan thinks a moment. “We’ve had some families come for just a few sessions, and some families stay for as long as three years.” Ryan’s Place, she says, understands that the process of pain is as unique as the individual and doesn’t try to crowd everyone through a similar program.

tips do you have for guiding a child through a death? QtendWhat • “Oftentimes, children don’t think things are permanent. Kids to have their own death data bank. For example, when they

watch TV, sometimes a person is killed, and the next minute he’s fine – like The Roadrunner,” Deegan says. “So you must make death concrete. Use the real words, death and dead. We use these words – we don’t say a person was lost or passed on.”

Chelle Costello lives in South Bend and teaches English at Indiana University.

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the family magazine | november 2011

family | family homes

31 Menno Travel

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

Dorothy Shirk Vacation Department Manager 210 S. Main St. Goshen, IN 46526

Hey Kids!

NAME: _________________________________________ AGE: ______ ADDRESS: __________________________________________________ CITY: ___________________________ STATE: ______ ZIP: _________ Color this page and 3 coloring winners will each receive a $37 Value Disney Prize Pack (includes Mickey Ears, Plush Throw DAY TIME PHONE: __________________________________________ Blanket & Squeezable Pillow)! One winner will be selected PARENT’S NAME: ___________________________________________ from each of the three following age categories: 3-5, 6-9 and E-MAIL: ____________________________________________________ 10-12 years of age.

For your chance to WIN, color your best picture and mail or drop entries to: MENNO TRAVEL • 210 S. Main St. • Goshen, IN 46526 Coloring contest is open to children 12 years and under, and entries must be mailed or dropped by December 2nd. Winners will be notified via phone or email service by Menno Travel by December 12th, and their artwork will be featured in an upcoming issue along with their first name, age and city. For additional coloring contest entries, this coloring page may be photocopied and printed off.

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C M L O Q D S L E R D Y M I C U B C G U X H E R I U H U K B P P E D A M C B E Z

G K I N U A E N T Z M P C K L T G P R V Q V U T M Y W I W C A E O O L J A L W I

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the family magazine | november 2011

Menno Travel

Dorothy Shirk Vacation Department Manager 210 S. Main St. Goshen, IN 46526

G S M U U M B F T H X R E Y U R Y N T M M Z N E B F F B N L D N F D O O O S K X

A G O X M F H E U K U Y Y M E P X K F C A O V D V V E Z O B X A I U I E I D H X

Y D M L L K W S U T E N N F K E H J G T S R A E V O F Z R K A W P B S R Y G P V

E N I I S S S L F T D B S W S F C Y S K

S X C M Y I B N R A J H P I Q L D J B I

F E O X K P U H N Y Q N A N V D F Z W F U Y L M A I R W G A A H K T T S E S A G K L U Z A G R X P R C E R T E W J H Y Q

Find the words below in the Menno Travel Crossword puzzle. Words can be forwards, backwards, diagonal, vertical or horizontal.

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family features

Giving Kids a Second Chance Through Foster Care Adoption By Chelle Costello

A close childhood friend of mine used to show up for unexpected visits. I’d walk home in my native Ohio to find police cars parked in the driveway, their frantic lights spinning in the evening air. I wouldn’t even have to think – I’d just start running. I knew Stephanie would be there. After her third visit, Stephanie was finally sent into the care of a foster parent. She was relieved, but also angry and confused. She was in a new home, with new faces and new rules, but she was also safe. She no longer feared coming home from school after her father had been drinking, or of being locked in the closet, or of what he would do to her after she ran away and caused a scene. It was hard, but Stephanie had a second chance now. This is the power that every foster parent has – that you have: to protect an innocent child, and give them a second chance at life.

Be Flexible, Be Teachable.

A lot of parents wonder if they have what it takes to foster or adopt. I spoke to Betsy Kuhn and Michele Hadary, regional and clinical directors of The Villages, a regional nonprofit family service organization that focuses on fostering and adoption, to find out what it takes to be a great foster or adoptive parent. “You have to be teachable,” Michele says, “because not every child will behave according to a textbook description.” For example, adopted kids may have attachment issues or problems that might not manifest till even teenage years, and parents need to be ready to respond differently to that child than one who’d been loved and held all her life.

the family magazine | november 2011

Since this can be hard, a big mistake is to place unrealistic expectation on yourself as well as the child. “Authoritarian attitudes in parenting can run a family into trouble,” Michele warns. “Foster parents in particular need to be flexible. For example, if the child follows a different religion, allow them to continue in that. If the foster parent is a vegetarian, the kids don’t need to be.” Foster parents have to come out of their comfort zone for the sake of the child – who has, after all, been taken out of her comfort zone in a much scarier way.

Matching: Be Specific, Be Patient.

When children are matched to families for potential fostering or adoption, the process can be long and stringent, but is necessary. Jennifer Cygert, family rescue specialist for Kidspeace, says, “We always interview parents and gather what info they have on what kind of child they want, for example, a girl, a sibling group, or no sex offenders. Then, we as a team decide what child may fit in with which family. We call the family, tell them as much info as we have gathered, and start a conversation about fostering or adoption.” So, be honest – if some behaviors cross the line for you, let your case worker know.

Open vs. Closed Adoptions

“Open” and “closed” adoptions refer to the level of biological family contact and interaction, which can differ greatly depending on the circumstance. “Sometimes it’s beneficial when the child maintains identity and has a relationship with some family members; this is helpful especially if the child is older and the bio-family of origin chose

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

the adoption process,” Michele says. “And yet, if there was severe abuse or neglect, it would probably be better if the adoption was closed.” But no matter what, it’s important to gather information about the child’s history: medical history, family talents, family traditions, anything that fills in those questions about “who I am” and “where I came from.” This is helpful, Michele says, in aiding children to understand the abstract concept of adoption. Annie Johnson, adopted herself at age 9, says that this is exactly what she’s done with her adopted son, Brady, age 4. “We wanted our kids to know they were loved by their birth family, so we went through an open adoption agency,” she said. “Growing up in a closed adoption, I know there’s a lot of unanswered questions. You don’t have a medical history or access to genetics; you’re always reminded that you don’t have your own life story. So we created a life story book for Brady that tells his story of adoption. I’m glad I can provide this for my son.” In Annie’s open adoption experience, the birth parents were counseled, then chose the family they wanted to be the adoptees. “It’s really neat to know you’re handpicked,” Annie says. “I think sometimes adoptees have a fear of the birth parent taking their kids back. For the most part, birth parents are making a gut wrenching experience, and they want to provide the best scenario for the child, so the portrayal of birth parents as villainous is unfair. You’re a team, even if you don’t have regular contact with them.” For Brady, his birth mother is now “something like a godmother” to him, who cared enough about him to give him the best home possible.

Fostering-to-Adopt

Not sure if you want to foster or adopt? You can do both! Fosteringto-adopt has its advantages, Jennifer says. “When you foster to adopt, you have a child in your home for six months before adoption can be considered, so you really get to know each other. Also, fostering gives you added case management and family services, things you won’t receive from a straight adoption. And when you adopt a kid with special needs, you may be eligible for funding until they’re eighteen.” Benefits aside, Michele says, fostering-to-adopt can be a great option for families and children who just don’t want to make a decision on adoption yet. “Sometimes kids aren’t ready to be adopted and are still loyal to their bio-family,” she says, “so there’s less pressure for everyone psychologically.” And if the adoption does work out, it won’t be so much of a shock to the parents or the child, after having spent six months getting training and resources, building a relationship and integrating into the community.

Ask For Help

A fostering or adopting agency will walk you through the entire process of finding the right child for your home and give you tons of resources besides. Michele says. “If you go with an LCPA (Licensed Child Placing Agencies in Indiana), you should receive stronger support than you’d have if using just a private attorney.”

It’s important, Michele says, to count on these resources and ask for help when you need it. “Foster parents love these kids so much, but it can be draining. Asking for help when you need it is the key to keeping a balance and making the whole experience successful. That’s just part of giving up perfection.” But resources go beyond the agency you choose, Annie notes. Finding families that are going through the same experience is important. “The best support you can have is through fellow parents who have fostered or adopted and have understood the process,” she says. “Even if you’re just considering adoption, find people who have been through it themselves, because they’ll give you a clearer picture of what it’s like.”

Consider Older and Special Needs Children

“If there’s one thing I could tell every parent considering foster care or adoption, it’s that teenagers need a home, too!” Jennifer says. “There are benefits to having a teenager in your home instead of a young child: there’s less supervision needed, you don’t have to potty train or teach basic things, and teens have more independent living skills, yet you’re helping shape their future at a pivotal point in their lives.” Teens are having to stay in group homes, she says, and need a loving family to influence their lives, until they can be adopted or are transitioned into the community on their own. The difference between traditional and therapeutic foster care is the amount of therapeutic intervention the child needs, whether for learning or physical disabilities, that won’t be as extensive in a traditional home. But, Michele says, the agency is there to help. “We provide therapy, and we offer training beyond belief. We want to train our folks in what we see the parents need to know about kids with PTSD, trauma, abuse, or attachment disorder.” The harder the case, the more the agency will be there to help you succeed.

Love

“All children want someone to love them,” Michele says. “They will push every button to see if you will stick by them. We are here to help you through those tough times, but the end result is a beautiful thing. It’s like a marriage; you go through the good times and bad, and the children thrive.” She gives me a simple summarization of how it feels to be a foster parent, given to her by a mother: “‘I was needed in a child’s life for a period of time. The next step in the child’s life might be someone else’s time.’ So even if it’s just for a season, your time in a child’s life may be the turning point that he or she takes with them for the rest of their days.” And this is the power of fostering, the power of adoption – trusting that your time with a child will be worth it. Chelle Costello lives in South Bend and teaches English at Indiana University.

family features

Preparing for Your

Adopted Child Tips on Transitioning Your Adopted Child into Your Home and Family By Meagan Church  The Faust Family at the airport picking up Caleb.

TOP: A picture of Ava Mitschelen her first week home. LEFT: Ava’s kindergarten school photo taken last year. RIGHT: The whole family: Ava, Bailey and Griffin (left to right) The Faust Family.

Over a year ago, Rachel Visser and her husband Josh decided it was time to add a new member to their family. They had a 4-year-old daughter and 1-year-old son, but someone was missing. Instead of going the biological route again, they turned their attention to adoption and began filling out the paperwork in December 2010. In May they got their referral and a picture of their son. They sat down with the kids to tell them about their baby brother from the Congo. Full of excitement, their daughter exclaimed, “He is so cute!” Since then, they have been waiting and preparing, as much as they can, for Levi’s homecoming within the next few months.

Don’t stop at just talking with your children. Speak with other family members and friends. Get them involved and excited. During these conversations, mention that you will need their help once your child comes home. If they offer to help, suggest they bring meals, take care of the yard, pick up groceries or do any other tasks that will allow you to spend more time bonding with your child.

Prepare Yourself

Explore online courses, read books and look into seminars that are often hosted by adoption agencies. Rachel attended one that covered topics such as medicine and adoption, fathers and adoption, cultural explorations, and skin and hair care.

Many parents who are going through the adoption process find themselves in that same waiting game, wondering what they Local resources and classes also exist, including the Adoptive Families should do to prepare for the child. Here are a few tips on preparations of Michiana group and a newborn care course at Saint Joseph and transitions for bringing home an adopted child. Regional Medical Center in Mishawaka. The course started after one adoptive mother confessed that she had never changed a diaper.

Prepare Your Family

It is important to talk openly with family and friends. Just as the Vissers did, if you already have kids, be sure to include them in the process and get them excited about their new sibling. Reagan Faust had a 10-month-old daughter and 5-year-old daughter when she and her husband began the adoption process. They spoke to the girls in age-appropriate ways.

“When you are pregnant, they offer these classes, but if you are adopting, and especially if it’s due to infertility issues, you don’t want to go to a class with a bunch of pregnant women,” said Jill Jaronik, who adopted two girls domestically. She and her husband, a doctor at Saint Joseph, discussed the possibility of offering a newborn care class designed specifically for adoptive parents. It came to fruition earlier this year. The class covers basic, yet “We put pictures by Riley’s bed. We prayed for Caleb all the time, important information, including diapering, feeding, formula and both she and Caroline, who was almost 2 by then, hugged and kissed even how to support the birth mother in labor and delivery. his picture goodnight every night.” Reagan went on to say, “For the girls, it wasn't that much different from seeing my belly growing or Take Time to Bond an ultrasound picture. We had a picture and a knowledge he was Once your child comes home, it is important to put your focus and there, but he hadn't been “born” into our family unit yet.” emphasis on bonding. Take time off work and be with your child. “With a biological child you don't have to worry about any of that.

the family magazine | november 2011

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

They are born attached and bonded to you. That bond between parent and child is such a beautiful thing. I took it for granted in my girls before we adopted Caleb,” Reagan said. She and her husband took the primary care role for the first few months. They stayed home and didn’t allow anyone to hold, feed or change his diapers during that time. “We wanted him to learn that we were his parents now. We were special. We were going to take care of him. We loved him. He was used to having his needs met by any number of women at his orphanage, or not, depending on if they had the resources or not.” Bonding can take different forms and happen at various rates, according to the age of the child. When Jenny Mitschelen brought home her 13-month-old daughter from Russia, she had to ease into bonding on a different timeline than what she did with her biological sons. “With my boys, I rocked them to sleep for every naptime and bedtime. It was a bonding time until they were 2 or 3 years old. Ava would climb in her crib and rock herself back and forth on her hands and knees. That’s what she was used to, but I wanted her to have that closeness I had with the boys. It took some time for her to get used to having that closeness and being held like that.”

Make a Space

The Mitschelen family prepared for Ava by working together on her nursery. Even though they were just a few months away from moving, they took the time and effort to create a special room just for Ava. “People asked why we were bothering since we were moving. To me and the whole family, it was a special thing. Even though she couldn’t have cared less, to the rest of us, it made it special that we had made this beautiful bedroom for her to come home to…Put a lot into making a space in your home, and your heart, for yourself as much as for the child.”

Set the Palette

Realize that food sensitivities, preferences and desires can be present. Reagan said, “Caleb was on a formula in Ethiopia which was not the healthiest for him. It kept him full, but it was definitely not as nutritious as the formula we get here in the States. We hoped to switch him cold turkey, but that did not go well. He started to refuse to drink anything, even the old formula!” Jenny’s daughter Ava was very malnourished. When she came home at 13 months of age, she was still wearing clothing for those 0-3 months. “That was a big challenge – that you had to teach her that there will be another meal. There is going to be plenty of food. It would be so easy to let her eat and eat and eat. We had to know how much to give her that would fill her belly and then we would have to cut her off.”

Be Confident

Jenny quickly realized the importance of setting boundaries and treating Ava just as she would her other children. “You have a baby who was an orphan; it would be so easy to give in to her at her every whim. We tried to tell other family members that you couldn’t do that because then she will grow up thinking that life is about getting whatever she wants. The challenge was that people thought I was being tough. We had just brought her home and were enforcing boundaries, but I wanted her to learn right away that she can’t always have what she wants.” As Jenny went on to say, in the end, there’s only one thing that matters: “Give them love. That’s my best advice. It’s like when you are pregnant and get all hyper about it, and it never turns out like you thought. Prepare for the practical things like travel and medical, but when you come home, be a good parent and be natural.” Meagan Church is a writer and mother of 2.5 kids. Her current projects include DefiningMotherhood, and Unexpectant where she explores the realities of modern motherhood for her book project.

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family features

Fashion Lessons Through Adoption

By Kathy Friend

A year and a half ago, we adopted our daughter from Russia. Our battle to bring her home has been well documented over the nearly six years it took for us to get her here. During that time, I found myself immersed in a plethora of adoption-help books. I was prepared for anything, for RAD, PTSD – you know, all of the adoption buzz acronyms. The one thing I wasn’t prepared for was a tomboy. Early on, she was very particular about what she was going to wear. Looking back, I remember her caregivers at the orphanage telling me she liked to choose her own clothes. During our first few months together, I had grand plans of my little girl wearing frilly dresses with bows in her hair. I daydreamed about her and me playing dolls and shopping for new dolly things together. I was sure she would love to have her nails painted and wear lip gloss. Nothing could have been further from the truth. My daughter had never been able to wear jeans and comfy pants. Initially, I am sure she loved the “newness” of it all. But the newness quickly became a battle of the wills every morning. I realized my little princess would rather be wearing basketball shorts than a tiara and tutu. I don’t know anything about wanting to wear soccer pants and tennis shoes. I don’t understand really hating to wear skirts and bows in your hair. I simply do not get it.

the family magazine | november 2011

Maybe it was okay – allow her to be her own person, chose her own clothes. I mean, it’s just clothes, right? Wrong. Unless you are a PAP (post-adoptive-parent), you won’t understand the notion of not allowing choices with an adoptive child initially. For those who don’t understand, let me be clear – it is a bad idea! Choices with what to wear every day became a struggle between what I wanted my daughter to wear and her need to control that one part of her life she thought she could control. But it occurred to me: what if my mother didn’t allow me to be girly. What if I was forced to wear soccer pants and tennis shoes rather than cute skirts and Mary Janes? This made me understand the need for balance; you can’t give a growing kid an endless array of choices, but you can work with them to find compromise. This led me to my first parenting rule:

Parenting Rule #1: choose your battles wisely.

I decided to do the seemingly obvious thing. Remove everything from her closet that wasn’t okay with me. It worked! Yes, she still has some track pants and basketball shorts. When we go shopping, I get her input on what we purchase – we do this together. During the school year on Sunday nights, I choose four outfits for her to wear for the week. Each day that week (Monday – Thursday) she can choose which of these outfits to wear. And then on Friday, she can wear whatever she wants.

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We also battled over her hair. When we first got home from Russia, her hair grew at a crazy rate. My fantasy was for her to have long, flowing hair that I could adorn with the most precious pink bows I could find. Well, my darling daughter had none of it. She hated to have her hair brushed let alone to sit still for me to curl and decorate it. To avoid this issue every morning, we cut her hair. Honestly, it is much cuter on her than the long hair, and we are both happy. I am still struggling with her shoes. Getting her feet out of flip flops and into a nice patented dress shoe will probably never happen. And then there is the general fit of things. She calls it “tight.” I say “it fits.”

Accepting New Patients

But, with all that said, her choices are getting better and better, and I am getting better and better at letting go.

• Comfortable atmosphere and the latest technology

15045 State Road 23 Granger, IN 46530 All Insurances Welcome!

• Serving patients of all ages • Family-friendly • Patient-focused Kathy Friend is a fashion expert, image consultant, speaker and writer. She is a regular on the WFRN Morning Show and on WSBT-TV. She is also the fashion expert for Goodwill stores. She is joyfully married to Marty, and a mom to one little fashionista in training.

WELCOME WELCOME OUR NEW PEDIATRICIAN

Katie Elms, M.D. Katie Elms, M.D. joins the Pediatric Department at The South Bend Clinic. Dr. Elms completed her pediatric residency at Helen DeVos Children’s Hospital in Grand Rapids, Michigan. She received her medical degree from Michigan State University College of Human Medicine. Dr. Elms graduated magna cum laude from Hope College in Holland, Michigan. To schedule an appointment with Dr. Elms, contact The South Bend Clinic, 574-233-7337. You can also visit us online at www.SouthBendClinic.com.

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NUMBER 115 NOW SERVING YOU!

• Convenient Scheduling Saturday appointments available!

Don’t forget to visit our redesigned, comprehensive website! www.32pearlsfamilydentistry.com

family features

Lessons in

Financial Management

Fostering Community First Federal Savings Bank

By Michelle Wegner

In our home, we are teaching our kids financial responsibility at ages 13, 11 and 7. We give the girls a weekly allowance based on their age and capabilities because we want them to feel what it’s like to work hard for something, not just be given magic dollars from what they perceive as our seemingly bottomless purse and wallet. They are learning the value of money and the rewards of hard work and independence. These are life lessons that take effort to master, so our goal has been to start them on this path sooner rather than later. But as I learned from First Federal Savings Bank, it’s never too late to start! The bridge from financial dependence to independence is never an easy one. The reasons for true poverty are all different, as each person and life circumstance is unique. Once someone is stuck in that cycle of poverty, it is increasingly difficult to pull out of it and provide a better life for the following generations. There are several low-income families in the inner city of South Bend who are crossing that bridge out of poverty and into financial security. Many of these families have been stuck in the cycles of poverty for generations and are making their way out with the help of First Federal Savings Bank and their Financial Literacy program.

Monroe Circle Financial Literacy Program

First Federal Savings Bank decided they wanted to share their expertise in financial management and donate time, resources and training to help bridge the gap out of poverty for people living in low-income housing around South Bend. Romy Shortz, compliance officer for First Federal Savings ensures that First Federal Savings is giving back to the community in accordance with the Community Relations Act. According to this act, banks have to do some sort of community outreach such as teaching finances to those with low income. First Federal Savings has found their new “home” in the inner city of South Bend, and has immersed time, resources and volunteers at Monroe Circle and Edison Gardens Community Centers in South Bend. They showed up with knowledge and resources to share, never dreaming how significant an impact their students would have in their own lives.

the family magazine | november 2011

Under the leadership of Romy Shortz and Maribeth Roncz, Financial Literacy volunteer program coordinator, the bank began teaching a financial literacy course at the Monroe Circle Community Center in downtown South Bend. The program has had remarkable results so far. It started last October and has been running a full year with almost a hundred participants between the children, teens and adults. After a participant has completed three weeks of training, they are given $50 for their own new savings account held by First Federal Savings. After every three weeks of attendance and completed materials, they are given another $50, so at the end of the 13 week course, the participants have $150 in a savings account, much more than most of them have ever had in a bank account of any kind. The training is not just for adults. First Federal Savings also has a program for young children. They meet once a week for a story hour and are taught the importance of financial management at their age level. They are challenged each week to complete their school work or do extra chores to help out at home. When they accomplish tasks, they are given “play money” for a store that is set up with little trinkets they can buy with their play money. The prizes range from little token toys to bigger, more expensive items that a child can save up to purchase. One 6-yearold student asked if First Federal Savings could please include press-on nails in the store because she really wanted them. Teenagers in these low-income areas are also encouraged to participate in the Financial Literacy program. They are given the opportunity to earn money toward a real savings account just like the adults, only they have the chance to make some extra cash on Thursday nights babysitting for the children of the parents attending the Financial Literacy adult classes.

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One of the things that employees of First Federal Savings did not expect in volunteering for this program was the relationships that would result after leading discussion groups at the same tables with the same people for the 13-week course. The evening always starts with a meal provided by First Federal Savings, so there is a time to get to know each other over these shared meals and to discuss what is being taught, how the lessons are affecting their lives, and what changes they are going to make as a result. One young woman with children was in an abusive relationship with a man she was living with. By the end of the 13-week course, she had built up confidence in her own abilities to escape her financial situation. She found the emotional support she needed from the table group she met with on a weekly basis at the community center and ended up leaving the man who was abusing her. She said that she could not have done it without the confidence gained from attending the class. Another individual was living at the Center for the Homeless when he began the course. At the end of the course, he got a job, was able to set aside enough money to get his own apartment and moved in. His friends were so happy for him that two separate individuals gave him a television set for his new apartment. Since he had two, he gave one away. He told Maribeth Roncz, First Federal Savings volunteer, that he could not believe the great feeling he had

when he was able to give away something that was his. He was never able to do that before, and that was truly a remarkable feeling. Cathi Mills, a First Federal Savings employee from the Plymouth branch fell in love with the children in her Financial Literacy kids group. She and her family have built strong bonds with them and have even taken them on a day trip to the Plymouth race car park. For the employees at First Federal Savings, the Financial Literacy program started out as something they “had to” do, but has turned out to be something they are passionate about, look forward to and give hours of their own time and resources to help run. They are excited to see the changes in the lives of the low-income families they are equipping with new financial skills. One of the younger girls in the teen program proudly explained that she is not going to spend her money for a really long time, so she can save a whole lot of money. “That,” Romy Shortz smiled and said, “is why we do what we do.” Michelle Wegner is mom to three spirited little girls, Maddie-12, Whitney-10 and Isabelle-6. Her husband is a pastor at Granger Community Church, and they have been married for 17 years.

UMSH DIAGNOSTIC IMAGING CENTER SERVING MICHIANA Providing Michiana with State-of-the-Art Diagnostic Technology The Diagnostic Imaging Center at Unity Medical and Surgical Hospital (UMSH) provides both inpatient and outpatient medical imaging and radiology procedures. Our Board Certified Radiologists and expertly trained staff offer exceptional quality in both images and diagnoses. Conveniently located in Mishawaka, the Diagnostic Imaging Center is only steps away from the parking lot providing convenience and ease of access service to patients. We are a full service center with a caring and personal touch.

4455 Edison Lakes Parkway • Mishawaka, Indiana 46545

family features

It’s All Good The Benefits of Corporate Giving By Charrise McCrorey

According to a recent survey by The Chronicle of Philanthropy, big business gave cash donations totaling $4.9 billion last year. That’s an increase from $4.3 billion in 2009, with figures based on the financial information given by 113 companies. Topping the list is Wal-Mart’s $319.5 million dollar cash giving, with The Goldman Sachs Investment Bank coming in second at $315.4 million in cash donations. In spite of the “recession” and corporate grants being down the past few years, businesses are still giving back. Dozens of community programs that exist right here in our area are made possible by cash and in-kind donations from companies large and small. But companies who donate their time, money and energy also benefit as well. Philanthropy is often a key ingredient in the intentional culture of a company. As a business owner, developing your corporate giving program isn’t just good for your heart and the community; it’s a solid business decision that makes a tremendous impact for so many reasons.

company does good things that bring positive press, it’s good for business. When a company finds itself in the news for something negative, having positive news out there as well helps to balance the scale. On the marketing side of things, corporate giving increases name recognition and branding, which ultimately sells products. The proverbial act of “getting your name out there” does indeed serve a company’s bottom line.

Public Relations

Corporate giving programs often involve employee participation in campaigns. This allows companies to create leadership development opportunities that might not otherwise exist.

Companies are concerned about the way people perceive them as that perception can make or break their success. When a

the family magazine | november 2011

Leadership Opportunities

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

Teamwork is enhanced as people pull together to satisfy their need to make a difference in the world. Goodwill among employees creates improved morale, which results in lower turnover. Again, all of this positively affects a company’s successful performance in the marketplace.

Sometimes companies with a strong social conscience give not only cash, but in-kind donations like volunteers, printing, rent or products they manufacture. These donations often keep the lights on for local non-profit organizations and provide a winwin for all concerned.

Customer and Employee Loyalty

We are all here to make a difference. One of the ways we do that is to give of ourselves. We are surrounded by so much abundance; it’s important to give something back for the greater good. It’s not a purely unselfish act because giving just feels good. Creating a plan for giving back is good karmic balance in return for all the blessings that abound.

When we as consumers spend our money, we not only want to get a good deal, but we also care about how the company we’re buying from treats people. With the increased transparency that social media and the internet provide, it’s more important than ever to create goodwill among employees and customers. Corporate giving programs enable both customers and employees to have a good reason to buy from or work for the company.

Supports Community Involvement

The community in which a company is based is important to a corporation’s sustained ability to stay in business. Community matters, and corporate giving encourages more involvement in programs and services that support the employees and their families who live the community.

It’s the right thing to do, and when companies do the right thing, they are richly rewarded. If you’re a local business owner, you may consider boosting your corporate giving programs. It’s just good business.

WELCOME WELCOME OUR NEW INTERNIST

Rita Schmid, M.D.

Rita Schmid, M.D. has joined the Internal Medicine Department at The South Bend Clinic. Dr. Schmid diagnoses and treats adult patients at The South Bend Clinic’s Granger location. She partners with her patients to prevent or manage illnesses, diseases, injuries and chronic conditions. Dr. Schmid completed her internal medicine residency at the University of Cincinnati. She received her medical degree from Indiana University School of Medicine. Dr. Schmid received her undergraduate degree from Northwestern University in Evanston, Ill. Dr. Schmid is board certified by the American Board of Internal Medicine. To schedule an appointment with Dr. Schmid, contact The South Bend Clinic, 574-204-7060. You can also visit us online at www.SouthBendClinic.com.

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NUMBER 117 NOW SERVING YOU!

Charrise McCrorey is a writer, speaker and certified business coach. She founded a business coaching practice in 2006, is creator of the coaching program Full Out & Fearless and works with corporations to facilitate change leadership. She and her husband live in Elkhart.

November 2011 Calendar of Events Sunday

songs, finger plays and fun for children up to two years. Call 574.282.4641 for more info.

Imagine That! Toy Store, Mishawaka

Toddlertime

Drop-in Craft Day Every Sunday enjoy “Drop-in” Craft Day from 1 to 5 PM. All ages are welcome and an adult must accompany children. Pay $5 for the craft of the day to create and then take home with you! Call 574.254.1600 for more information and for a schedule of upcoming classes also available at the store.

Monday

Storytime Sampler Bittersweet Branch Library, Mishawaka

Storytime Sampler is held every second and fourth Monday of the month from 10:30 AM to 11 AM. This fun library time provides a sampling of the materials used in the preschool and toddler programs. Registration is not required. Call 574.259.0392 for more information.

Tuesday

St. Joseph County Public Library, Storytime Room

Every Wednesday at 10:10 AM and 11 AM, enjoy early literacy activities for children ages 2 to 3 ½, including stories, songs and games. Pre-register at www.libraryforlife.org or at 574.282.4607.

Storytime at the Library 10:15 AM– Centre Township Branch, South Bend; Lakeville Branch, Lakeville 10:30 AM – South Bend Branches: River Park, Tutt, LaSalle, German Township

Every Wednesday enjoy stories, music, and movement that build early literacy skills and help your young child prepare for future learning success while developing a love of books. Open to children ages 5 and younger; families welcome. Visit www.libraryforlife.org for more info.

Drop-in Craft Day Imagine That! Toy Store, Mishawaka

Every Thursday enjoy “Drop-in” Craft Day from 3:30 PM – 5:30 PM. All ages are welcome and an adult must accompany children. Pay $5 for the craft of the day to create and then take home with you! Call 574.254.1600 for more information and for a schedule of upcoming classes also available at the store.

Friday

Downtown South Bend’s First Fridays The first Friday of each month explore downtown South Bend from 5 PM-9 PM. Visit www.dtsbfirstfridays.com for a listing of events taking place, including activities and experiences for kids, adults and families.

Saturday

Storytime at Borders Borders Bookstore, Mishawaka

Every Saturday at 2 PM, kids can enjoy a new

book read aloud, along with an occasional craft or Storytime at Hammes Notre Dame Drop-in Craft Day activity. Storytime is free and lasts no longer than Imagine That! Toy Store, Mishawaka Bookstore Every Wednesday enjoy “Drop-in” Craft Day an hour. Call 574.271.9930 for more information. Every Tuesday near the fireplace in the bookstore, join story time with books, interactive songs and an art project or other activity for young children. Story time is at 11 AM and 1 PM and lasts 45-60 minutes. Check out the Hammes Notre Dame Bookstore Facebook page for an upcoming list of readings (click on the ‘Storytime’ tab).

Storytimes Francis Branch Library, South Bend

Every Tuesday at 10 AM, enjoy stories, music and movement that build early literacy skills and help your young child prepare for future learning success while developing a love of books. Open to children ages 5 and younger; families welcome. Call 574.282.4641 for more info.

Lapsit for Prewalkers St. Joseph County Public Library, Storytime Room

Every Tuesday at 10:10 AM, enjoy books, songs, finger plays and fun for children up to two years who haven’t yet mastered walking on their own. Pre-register online at www. libraryforlife.org or at 574.282.4607.

Wednesday Lapsit

Francis Branch Library, South Bend

Every Wednesday at 10 AM enjoy books, the family magazine | november 2011

from 3:30 PM – 5:30 PM. All ages are welcome and an adult must accompany children. Pay $5 for the craft of the day to create and then take home with you! Call 574.254.1600 for more information and for a schedule of upcoming classes also available at the store.

Mom and Baby Exercise Class Thomson’s Physical Therapy, Niles, Michigan

Come get that pre-pregnancy body back while you stimulate your child’s development and learning. Classes are offered every Wednesday morning at 9:30 AM, and free childcare is provided for toddlers during the class (for mothers with more than one). Call for pricing info. For more info call 269.687.9110.

Thursday

Storytime at Hammes Bookstore & Café on Eddy Street

Every Thursday at 11:30 AM, join story time with books, interactive songs and an art project or other activity for young children. Story time is at 11 AM and 1 PM and lasts 4560 minutes. Check out the Hammes Notre Dame Bookstore Facebook page for an upcoming list of readings (click on the ‘Storytime’ tab).

Family Programs at Curious Kids’ Museum Curious Kids’ Museum and Discovery Zone, St. Joseph, MI

Every Saturday from 12 PM – 4 PM, the museum hosts family-friendly programs that are fun for all ages. Check out the new Discover Zone (for children ages 3 and up); also hosting Saturday family programming at the same time. Call 269.983.2543 for more information. Admission fee or membership to museum is required.

Ongoing Events Music for Munchkins

Wedertz Music Academy, Osceola

Join us every Tuesday from 10 AM to 10:45 AM for a fun piano group lesson. This music class is a great way for 3 to 4 year olds to get practice with note reading, rhythm, counting, movement and more! Only $12 per class. For more information, contact Alicia at 574.975.7776.

Cage Fitness STAR Martial Arts, Elkhart

Cage Fitness is tested and designed by 9-time Welterweight Champion, Matt Hughes. However, unlike MMA, there is no contact and

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*Please be sure to call ahead to confirm times and information. no partners! Cage Fitness is designed to work out your entire body in only 25 minutes! Come try a free class before you decide you love it! For more information call 574.522.5425.

Baby Boot Camp Central Park, Mishawaka on Mondays Granger Community Church, Wednesdays and Fridays

Baby Boot Camp stroller-based fitness classes are designed specifically to help moms get fit. Classes combine strengthtraining exercises with cardiovascular drills. Pilates, yoga and abdominal exercises help improve core strength. The stroller, resistance tubes (and even your child!) are used as an integral part of the workout. Starts at 9:30 AM. Free! For more info visit www. babybootcamp.com.

Who’s Hiding in the Bittersweet Branch Library? Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Library, Bittersweet Branch

Beginning November 1, Frederick, the field mouse from Leo Lionni’s classic story, is the character hiding in a different location each week in Children’s Services at the Bittersweet Branch Library. Find him and receive an entry slip for a drawing to be held November 30. Two lucky winners will choose books from a selection of new paperbacks. Children are allowed to enter the drawing one time per week.

Wee Discover Curious Kids Museum, St. Joseph, MI

Wee Discover helps preschoolers discover the world around them by reading different stories every week with hands-on learning play experiences. Parents enjoy sharing this experience with their children and meet other parents. Join us every Wednesday from 10:30 AM to 11:30 PM. Free with paid museum admission or membership. For more info, visit curiouskidsmuseum.org.

BRB Art as Interruption Bethel College Weaver Art Gallery, Mishawaka

This wonderful exhibit by Jessi Lentych Loyd up unitl November 11. Art sometimes interrupts what the eye expects and the landscape we anticipate. In truth, though, art can be found anywhere; it’s everything else that interrupts us. For more info, contact Laura at laura.anderson@bethelcollege.edu.

Girl Scouts “Bag It Up” Goodwill Donation Drive

Northern Indiana Service Center, South Bend

Girl Scouts are teaming up with local Goodwills to provide much needed donations. The second annual “Bag-It-Up” Campaign will continue through November 19. Anyone may participate with a donation by calling Girl Scouts of Northern Indiana-Michiana South Bend Service Center at: 574.273.3021 or 800.283.4812.

Sharing Box Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Library, Harris Branch

Enjoy reading “This is Thanksgiving” written by Harriet Ziefert and illustrated by Deborah Zemke. This rhyming story describes many of the delightful activities that this family enjoys during the Thanksgiving holiday. Next, make your own paper turkey to take home and decorate your Thanksgiving table. Ask for this Sharing Box anytime during the month of November at the Children’s Services desk.

November Events Tuesday, November 1

Fall Chamber Orchestra Concert Bethel College, Everest-Rohrer Auditorium

Enjoy an evening of musical entertainment that the whole family will enjoy. Admission is free and open to the public. For more information, contact the Bethel College department of music at 574.257.3393.

Ticket price includes a buffet lunch followed by a fashion show featuring models escorted by their “furry friends.” Other activities include raffles and a silent auction. To purchase tickets, visit www. elkharthumanesociety.org.

Friday, November 4 Community Interest Meeting Hyatt Place Hotel, Mishawaka

Is there a need for an autism center in the South Bend/Mishawaka area? Join us for a community interest meeting and give us your feedback! Friday at 6:30 PM or Saturday at 11 AM. For more info, visit www.littlestarcenter.org.

Maze featuring Frankie Beverly Morris Performing Arts Center, South Bend

Maze featuring Frankie Beverly has had a distinctive soulful sound with an irresistible silky groove for nearly 40 years. The original group caught the attention of Marvin Gaye, touring as his opening act. While many other groups have come and gone, Maze featuring Frankie Beverly has emerged as the era’s most consistently popular R&B band. Show begins at 8 PM, tickets start at $45. For more info, visit www.morriscenter.org.

Saturday, November 5 Tail Waggin’ Hayride

Bendix Woods County Park, New Carlisle

Bring your dog for a Tail Waggin’ tractor-

Humane Society of Elkhart Volunteer drawn hayride through the crisp autumn air. Light refreshments for dogs and owners are Meeting Humane Society of Elkhart, Elkhart

The Humane Society of Elkhart County Volunteer Association will meet Tuesday, November 1, at 7 PM in the Education Room of the Humane Shelter. Any adult interested in volunteering at the Shelter or with various fundraising projects, adopt-a-pet events or educational programs is invited to attend this monthly meeting. For more information, contact Bernice Simms, chairman, at 574.264.7264.

Thursday, November 3 Furry Friends Fashion Fair

Matterhorn Conference Center, Elkhart

The Humane Society of Elkhart County along with Stephenson’s will present the eighth annual Furry Friends Fashion Fair and Luncheon at the Matterhorn Conference Center from noon to 2 PM. The purpose of this event is to raise money for the care and feeding of the homeless animals at the Shelter. Tickets are $25.00 each.

available for purchase. Concession proceeds and hayride fees benefit park improvement projects. Pet-related donation items are accepted for a local animal shelter. Pets must be on a 6-ft. leash, costumes welcome. For more info call 574.277.4828.

Sunday, November 6 Holiday Open House Planet Canine, Elkhart

The Holiday Open House will include good food, canine massage, holiday photos, vendors, prizes, samples, canine swimming and shopping at the new Planet store! All proceeds from this event will be donated to the Humane Society of Elkhart County. From 1 to 5:30 PM. For more information call 574.522.5854.

NOVEMBER 2011 Calendar of Events Monday, November 7 Treetop Tales

Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Library, Harris Branch

Children of all ages are invited to listen to stories, sing songs and participate in fingerplays at Treetop Tales on Mondays, November 7 and 21 from 1:30 to 2 PM. Registration is not required and all ages are welcome. An adult caregiver must attend with children aged 7 years and younger. For more information, inquire at the Children’s Services desk of the Harris Branch Library or call 574.271.3179.

Tuesday, November 8

Cooking Class with Chef Laurent: Simply French and Italian Chef Laurent, Inc., Granger

Chef Laurent, a native of Brittany, France with a culinary background in European cuisine, offers various classes to enhance your cooking skills. Learn some fantastic recipes from 5:30 to 7:00 PM. $45. For more info visit www.ChefLaurentInc.com.

Wednesday, November 9 Stress Management

Lincoln Township Public Library, Stevensville, MI

Stress management presented by Lakeland Medical Health Education. Learn how to effectively manage your stress. This session is free and is from 7 PM to 8:30 PM. For more info, please call the library at 269.429.9575.

Saturday, November 12

American Girl Overnight Fashion Show St. Joseph High School Fieldhouse, St Joseph

The St. Joseph Public School Foundation has been selected again to host an official American Girl Fashion Show. Held on November 12 (two shows: one at 12 PM, one at 5 PM) and November 13 at 1 PM. The SJPS Foundation is one of only 65 groups chosen across the nation to host this event. This program showcases historical and contemporary fashions for girls and their dolls. Tickets include a light lunch, and you will be entered to possibly win some great door prizes. Tickets must be purchased in advanced. $25. For more info visit www. stjosephpublicschoolsfoundation.org.

11th Annual Art for the Mind Stanley Clark School, South Bend

the family magazine | november 2011

With the theme, “Wake Up and Dream,” The Stanley Clark School presents the 11th Annual “Art for the Mind” fine art exhibition, celebration and sale. Dozens of juried artists from a broad spectrum of expression will be showcased in Fannin Hall on The Stanley Clark School campus. The exhibit and sale is free and open to the general public on November 12 and 13, from 11 AM to 4 PM.

Pottery Made Easy St. Patrick’s County Park, South Bend

Join park staff and a local pottery craftsperson to learn the “slump” method of pottery making. Make a bowl, pot or cup using self-hardening clay that does not require firing in a kiln. All materials will be provided. Registration and payment are required by November 9. $10 per person. For more info, call 574.277.4828.

Saturday Morning Stories Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Library, Downtown Branch

Saturday Morning Stories is a non-registered program that provides a sampling of the materials used in our preschool and toddler programs. Enjoy stories, songs, finger plays and more! This program will be held from 10:30 to 11 AM. Adult caregivers are expected to attend with their children. For more information, call 574.259.5277, ext. 242.

Sunday, November 13 Concert Choir

Bethel College Music Department, South Bend

Join us for an evening of musical entertainment that the whole family will enjoy. Admission is free and open to the public. Starts at 6 PM. For more information, contact the Bethel College department of music at 574.257.3393.

Novel Writing Club for Teens Firehouse Youth Center, South Bend

Working on a novel? This workshop will support you as you wrestle with character development and plot design. Bring your novel in progress or start one with us. Classes are once a month on Sunday, 4 to 6 PM: November 13, December 11, January 15, February 12, March 11. Cost: $100 (that’s only $20/ class) Registration is required. Visit www. michianawriterscenter.pbworks.com to register.

Monday, November 14 Mother/Daughter Book Club

Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Library, Harris Branch

The Mother/Daughter Book Club for junior/senior high students and their mothers will meet at the Harris Branch Library on Monday, November 14 at 7 PM. Mothers and daughters will read the same book and discuss it with others. New readers are always welcome. Meetings will be the second Monday of each month from 7 to 8 PM. For more information and the title of the book selected, call at 574.271.3179.

Storytime Sampler Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Library, Bittersweet Branch

Storytime Sampler continues at the Bittersweet Branch Library on Mondays, November 14 and 28 from 10:30 to 11 AM. Storytime Sampler provides a sampling of the materials used in the preschool and toddler programs. Adult caregivers are expected to attend and remain with their children. Registration is not required. For more information, call 574.259.0392.

Restaurant Week in St. Joseph, MI Participating Restaurants, St. Joseph, MI

Get out for dinner on November 14 thru November 17 and get a 3-course meal at participating restaurants for $20.11. Meal options will be preselected by the restaurant. No substitutions are allowed. Dinner starts at 5 PM. Reservations are required at most. The participating restaurants include Schu’s Grill & Bar, Grand Mere Restaurant, Cassava Latin American Cuisine, Pump House Grille, Tim’s Too and Vitale’s Subs. For more info, visit www.sjtoday.org.

Tuesday, November 15 Craft of the Month Group

Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Library, Bittersweet Branch

Visit the Bittersweet Branch Library on Tuesday anytime between 4 to 6 PM to make a Penguin Pail that can be used for holiday treats or as gift wrap. This program is open to teens, adults and children aged 7 and up with an adult helper. Registration is not required, and the free program will continue while supplies last. For more information, call 574.259.0392.

Wednesday, November 16

Cooking Class with Chef Laurent: Taste of Asia Chef Laurent, Inc., Granger

Chef Laurent, a native of Brittany, France with a culinary background in European cuisine, offers

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

Have an event you’d like to submit? Visit www.MichianaFamilyMagazine.com! various classes to enhance your cooking skills. Learn to cook sweet and sour pork along with other favorites from 5:30 to 7:00 PM. $45. For more info visit www.ChefLaurentInc.com.

Thursday, November 17 Fall Band Concert

Bethel College Music Department, South Bend

Join us for an evening of musical entertainment that the whole family will enjoy. Admission is free and open to the public. Starts at 7:30 PM. For more information, contact the Bethel College department of music at 574.257.3393.

Friday, November 18 Fall Jazz and Percussion Night

Bethel College Music Department, South Bend

Admission is free and open to the public. Starts at 7:30 PM. For more information, contact the Bethel College department of music at 574.257.3393.

Saturday, November 19

Moran Elementary School Holiday Bazaar Moran Elementary School, Osceola

Moran Elementary School is hosting a holiday bazaar from 9 AM to 3 PM. Please call the PTA at 574.254.2822 ext. 3511 for registration information and booth availability. Registration deadline is November 1st.

Sunday, November 20 Movie Nights

Auburn Birthing Center, Auburn

If you are a birth professional (DR, midwife, L&D nurse, lactation consultant, chiropractor, birth assistant, doula, massage therapist), an expectant or experienced parent interested in learning more about birth and birth related topic – you are invited to this free event! This event occurs monthly. Each movie night presentation will be held at the Auburn Birthing Center. For more info, call 260.525.0989.

Science and Stories: Can You Sense It? Elkhart Environmental Center, Elkhart

Once a month, the Elkhart Environmental Center is hosting Science & Stories, where all children, ages 6 to 10 (and those that are young at heart) can come and learn about scientific topics with scientist Michelle through hands on activities. On Sunday, Michelle will lead participants in discovering the wonders of our 5 senses. The fun begins at 2 PM. All supplies will be provided. A $3 donation per child is appreciated. Space is limited, please call to register. For more info, visit www.elkhartindiana.org/eec.

Wednesday, November 23

Cooking Class with Chef Laurent: Fall Pies and Quiche Chef Laurent, Inc., Granger

from 10 AM to 4 PM for family game days. Bring your favorite board game or play one of the library’s games and puzzles. Bring your friends too! Adult caregivers must attend with children 7 years of age and under. No registration is required. For more information, call 574.259.5277, ext. 242.

Monday, November 28 Children’s Booksale

Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Library, Bittersweet Branch

Everyone’s heard of “Black Friday.” What about “Book Monday?” Shop the Children’s Booksale Monday, November 28 through Friday, December 9 anytime during regular library hours. For more information, call 574.259.0392.

Tuesday, November 29 Help Build a Gingerbread House

Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Library, Harris Branch

Children in grades 1 through 6 can help to create a gingerbread house from 3:30 to 5:30 PM. Once completed, the gingerbread house will be displayed in the library during the month of December. The library will provide the gingerbread panels and the frosting. Children are asked to bring holiday candy to decorate the house. Registration is required and begins November 15. For more information, call 574.271.3179.

Chef Laurent, a native of Brittany, France

Opening Night with Jackie Allen and with a culinary background in European Hans Sturm cuisine, offers various classes to enhance La Porte Civic Auditorium, La Porte

Blue Note recording artist Jackie Allen is a singer whose versatility, range and infectious enthusiasm make her an accomplished jazz vocalist. Starry Night features passionate and elegant arrangements of Star Dust, Vincent – Starry, Starry Night, Come Fly With Me, Lost in the Stars and more. This romantic program, Billboard magazine called “a pop masterpiece.” Legendary double bassist Hans Sturm performs Frank Proto’s Carmen Fantasy. Starts at 7:30 PM. For more info, visit www.lcso.net.

Short Story Elements Firehouse Youth Center, South Bend

Sponsored by Michiana Writers’ Center. Come write a short story (or two). We’ll provide prompt idea and highlight writing strategies and elements of short stories. From 10 AM to 3 PM. Cost is $30. Registration is required. Visit www. michianawriterscenter.pbworks.com to register.

your cooking skills. Learn about fall pies and quiche from 5:30 to 7:00 PM. $45. For more info visit www.ChefLaurentInc.com.

December Events Thursday, December 1 Author Visit

Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Library, Harris Branch

Friday, November 25

Kids Day at the College Football Hall of Fame College Football Hall of Fame, South Bend

Kids tour the Hall of Fame free of charge the day after Thanksgiving! Bring the family for a fun day in the Hall of Fame museum with a scavenger hunt and prizes for children 12 and under. From 10 AM to 5 PM.

Celebrate Game and Puzzle Week! Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Library, Downtown Branch

Kids young and old are welcome on Friday, November 25 and Saturday, November 26

Indiana Young Adult author Mike Mullin will discuss his novel for teens, “Ashfall,” the story of a 15-year-old boy’s search to find his family after a volcano erupts at 5 PM. For more information contact Billie Clements at the Harris Branch Library or call 574.271.3179.

Friday, December 2

Angels Are Making Their Rounds Bethel College, Everest-Rohrer Auditorium

Join us for an evening of musical entertainment that the whole family will enjoy. $8 for adults, $7 for students and seniors. For ticket information, contact the box office at 574.807.7080.

Thank You!

DECEMBER

to our VIP distribution partners...

2011

who help to distribute The FAMILY Magazines to you and our community:

Calendar of Events Have an event you’d like to submit? Visit www.MichianaFamilyMagazine.com! Deck the Halls Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Library, Downtown Branch

Deck the halls with boughs of holly…it’s time to trim the tree! Children of all ages are invited on December 2 or December 3, anytime from 9 AM to 5:30 PM to help Children’s Services decorate their tree. Children may make an ornament to hang on the library’s tree and one to take home. For more information, call 574.259.5277, ext. 242.

Saturday, December 3

Children’s Activity Day: A Down Home Christmas Elkhart County Historical Museum, Bristol

Explore some of our area’s favorite holiday traditions through fun crafts and activities. $1 per child. From 1 to 4 PM. For more info, call 574.848.4322.

Recycled Wind Chimes t All s

St. Patrick’s County Park: Brown Barn

a s, yle

Make a wind chime out of recycled silverware. From 10 AM to 12 PM. Hang it up for beautiful music in the backyard or give it as a gift. If time allows, es us participants can also make a recycled pop can M leather gloves, if able. All craft materials will be an dbring n d le craft. Please a velprovided. s of DanceFor ages 10 and up, accompanied by an adult. Registration and payment are required by Nov. 30. Cost Fee $6 per person.

Be Sure to Check Out the Deal of the Week! Sign up for our e-newsletter @

Make her wish December 10 Saturday, comeScience true and Stories: Freeze It!

Sally & Company pagesintimeforever.com

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funlocations, begins at 2 PM. All supplies will be provided. A $3 donation per child • Multiple classrooms, programs Space is limited, please call to register: 574.293.5070. is appreciated.

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Mon-Thurs 12noon - 7pm Fri & Sat 10:00am - 9pm Sun 12noon - 5pm

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On Saturday, Michelle will lead participants in discovering the wonders • Friends & Fun

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-- Oprah Winfrey

FA M I LY T I M E I S A L W AY S B E T T E R N E A R T H E L A K E

Special Section What to Expect When Visiting a Veterinarian Cooking Up Warm Memories Forget Balance. Choose Flexibility. Worried About the Economy? Your Kids Are, Too. Tips for Talking With Your Children

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The Lakeside FAMILY Magazine Special Section is growing! Thanks to all families and businesses who have supported us!

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lakeside living

What is

Answers from Mrs. Ales’ Kindergarten Class

That’s the question Mrs. Ales asked her kindergarten class at Bridgman Elementary School. The answers she wrote down for them are absolutely adorable, mainly because when we asked Mrs. Ales to do this exercise with her kids, they hadn’t covered the Thanksgiving unit yet. Before you eat, you say "pray"! Samantha

Stuffing, turkey, and something good. Jaden

Making something for your mom like a cardboard table! Colton

Eating chickens! Bailey

Sharing food with everyone you know! Joshua

Jesus' birthday. Natalie

Making cards and putting lollipops in them. Jose

Getting chocolate kisses! Corey

Giving hearts and presents to your mom and dad, and you invite friends over to visit. Allie

A special day when you have turkey and corn. Brooke

A time when you have turkey and celebrate with your family, and sometimes see turkeys in the woods. Jill

A holiday when you eat turkey and sometimes marshmallows. Taylor

When we skip and give stuff to people. Leanna

When you have a turkey and a nice Thanksgiving dinner. Dalton

Eating trick-or-treat candy when I'm done eating. Praneel

Eating turkey and stuffing. Dylan

When you get Thanksgiving cards. Alec

Turkeys and heart chocolates. Xander

A time when people celebrate spending a lot of time with your family. Savannah

Eating turkey at dinner. That's the only thing I know! Jacob

Eating some grapes and some candies. Timothy

Getting candy, and last Thanksgiving I got a Lego set! Nolan

When you have so much fun, and you get to eat cake and play outside!

lakeside family magazine | november 2011

Austin

lakeside book review

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

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SUBSCRIBERS AND COUNTING...

Thousands of local parents are connected to The Lakeside FAMILY Magazine through Facebook, Twitter & E-Blasts.

Reviewed by Mary Czarnecki MEL Coordinator and Adult Services Maud Preston Palenske Memorial/St. Joseph Public Library Reading the adult fiction book “Dreams of Joy” was an unexpected pleasure as well as a history lesson about life in Communist China in the late 1950s. Joy is living with Pearl and May, her mother and aunt, respectively. When Pearl’s husband dies, Joy discovers that she has been deceived; her Aunt May is really her mother, and no one will tell her the truth about her parentage. Upset and angry, Joy is determined to find her real father in China, and all she has to go on is his name and that he is an artist. She is 19, a budding artist herself, and after learning about the new China and how Chairman Mao will take his people to new and exciting heights on the world stage and enamored with the Cultural Revolution, she leaves California for Shanghai with money taken from her family. This book picks up where See’s “Shanghai Girls” left off; Pearl and May, as girls in the 1930’s, were models for a talented young artist who created beautiful posters now seen as contraband in Mao’s China. The girls escaped to America and the artist, Joy’s father, stayed behind to become a famous and favored “artist of the people,” now painting peasants struggling to overcome the evils of capitalism. Shanghai, in years past, was called the “Paris of China,” and the sisters have fond memories of their exciting life there. But Pearl, more realistic about the dangers of Communism, follows her daughter, intent on rescuing her from the grip of corruption and hypocrisy. The story is exciting and harrowing as Pearl manages to sidestep dangers and disguise her motives when she arrives in China to search for Joy. The more riveting sections of the book include stark, horrifying descriptions of life in rural China, where Joy has settled, fallen in love and married – once happy to develop her talent, but now disillusioned and broken by hunger and brutality. It is estimated that 45 million people died or were killed in the “Great Leap Forward” as Mao led China on an insane, terrifying journey to prove his country superior. This was a fascinating read; I was compelled by the depth and souls of both mother and daughter, their voices and the outcome of their lives.

WHY? To connect with other parents, get instant updates on fun things to do and parenting news, enter Facebookonly prize giveaways and more. GET IN THE LOOP. SO YOU CAN GET THE SCOOP.

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lakeside living

Thanksgiving

Memories

Who doesn’t love Thanksgiving? It’s one of those few holidays that is still so rich in tradition. And when we think back to Thanksgivings past with families and friends, warm memories come flooding back.

Favorite Traditions

We asked our Facebook friends to share some of their own Thanksgiving traditions. Here’s what they said:

Keri: Annual shopping trip on the day after Thanksgiving with my mom and four sisters. We battle the craziness every year and love it!

Heather: Macy's Thanksgiving day parade...while we peel 20 pounds of potatoes!!!!

Sweet Memories

Kristen: Lots of turkey, but first we run the Thanksgiving Day Turkey Trot so that the turkey consumption is guilt free. Then everyone does some relaxing from all of the eating with some football watching.

We also asked our Lakeside FAMILY readers to share their Thanksgiving memories with us: Heather: We had a special Thanksgiving in July. My uncle was diagnosed with cancer in May, and they only gave him 3 months. All he wanted was Thanksgiving dinner with his family. With us not having the guarantee that he would be around this Thanksgiving, we wanted to make sure it was exactly what he wanted. It was the best thanksgiving EVER! He passed away in August. Three months and 2 days after his diagnosis. It doesn't matter when you have it as long as it's with your family you love and are thankful for the time together. This November will be hard, but we know we made his wish come true! Marcy: Every year we have the ongoing battle between Reddi-Wip and Cool Whip. Which goes on the pumpkin pie? I am a diehard Cool Whip fan, but to the boys in my family (including my husband) nothing can compare to eating Reddi-Wip directly from the can. Nichole: Eating so many mashed potatoes and gravy on my 12th Thanksgiving that I wound up in horrible bloated discomfort on my Grandma’s bathroom floor for a good hour! No one knows how to make mashed potatoes like Grandma does! Jill: All throughout my childhood each Thanksgiving and Christmas were spent with my mother’s brother and his family. We took turns going to each other’s houses....on this particular Thanksgiving we were at our

lakeside family magazine | november 2011

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

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house. I distinctly remember sitting with my cousins at the "kids" table, and that I had no desire to eat the peas that had been placed on my plate by my mother. My cousin Christie, who was always the one with the ways to get around things, suggested that I put a spoonful of peas in my mouth and then without chewing them I swallow them whole with a gulp of milk! If that is what it would take – I would do it! I am pretty sure the gulping the milk is what did it, but the peas didn't stay down long – and proceeded to end up all over our Thanksgiving table! I got out of eating the peas....and to this day we don't have peas with Thanksgiving dinner. Our families have grown, and we have children of our own so we don't see each other every holiday anymore, but still 35+ years later, we still laugh about the "peas at Thanksgiving" when we are all together!

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lakeside pets

What to Expect when Visiting a

Veterinarian By Dr. Ed Blesy

So, you finally have your new puppy. Many forces have been pushing you towards this fate. There was the desire budding in your soul since you were just a child, the saucer-like pleading eyes of this “unwanted” puppy at the animal shelter, and the persistent, begging voices of your children. Congratulations! But have you investigated veterinary care options for your new loved one? Investigating veterinary options should be done before acquiring a new pet. Use common sense. I suggest looking for the same qualities that would attract you to a good people doctor. In other words, a veterinarian who appears compassionate and has good communication skills is most desirable.

Vetting a Vet

Don’t be afraid to call a veterinary hospital and inquire about a visit. This will allow you to check the quality of the veterinary facility as well as meet the staff. See if the veterinarian has time to say “hello.” Is this the type of clinic where you would want your new friend to have surgery? Do the veterinarian and staff appear able and willing to answer all your future questions? If you would rather stay anonymous, check out the clinic’s website and Facebook page. You may be able to learn a lot about the policies of the clinic, take a virtual tour of the facility, or learn about the staff and veterinarian. While you’re examining your options, don’t just shop for the best price. For example, not all routine surgeries are done in a similar fashion. When checking into surgical procedures, I suggest asking the veterinary staff whether there are mandatory included items such as take home pain medications, IV fluids and warming devices for the patients.

The Check Up

Now that you’ve done your homework, you are ready for your first veterinary visit. During the visit, the veterinarian or staff should educate you on the vaccines and parasite preventatives that are recommended for their patients. Do not forget: you have an important voice in regards to the veterinary care for your pet. Also be aware that your pet’s lifestyle and age may affect the recommendations. Vaccinations and parasite control are especially important for puppies and kittens. Frequently I have clients who believe their pet has had all the shots and has been adequately dewormed. Unfortunately, sometimes they have been misled, which often leads to the puppy or kitten being inadequately protected from potentially life-threatening disease. Please discuss vaccination and parasite control as soon as possible with a veterinarian. The physical exam may be the most important procedure during your pet’s visit. Some of the items your veterinarian will be evaluating include various potentially acquired and congenital abnormalities, age confirmation and an external parasite screen (fleas, ticks, ear mites).

lakeside family magazine | november 2011

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

Your new veterinarian may suggest a variety of tests. These tests are not only for your pet’s health, but for you and your family’s health.

We all know about the dreaded stool, also known as the BM, the “big job,” or more simply, the fecal sample. I believe this test should be done on any new pet and again annually. Even after being dewormed, there are other parasites that should be checked for in a sample. This includes protozoan parasites, such as Giardia, that can be passed on to people. If the dog is old enough, there should be a check for heartworm and possibly Lyme disease exposure. All new cats and kittens should be checked for feline leukemia and feline immunodeficiency viruses. If there are ear or skin abnormalities, samples may be taken to examine under a microscope. Your veterinarian should also discuss spaying and neutering. Most veterinarians suggest these procedures before 6 months of age. Do not forget to discuss what is included with these procedures. Again, it’s ideal to locate a veterinarian that has a facility and personality that meets your standards before you acquire a pet. This will help to ensure many healthy years of unconditional love for you and your family.

Dr. Ed Blesy graduated from veterinary school in 1997, and later moved with his family to practice in beautiful southwest Michigan. In January of 2006, Dr. Ed opened St. Joseph Animal Wellness Clinic, PC in St. Joseph, Michigan.

Do the words “math homework” strike fear in your child…or you? What if we told you that we can change that fear into better grades and higher self-confidence, and eliminate the frustration, tears, and fights over math homework? Imagine how much better homework time would be. Discover how a better understanding of math can change your child’s attitude. Before you know it, your child could be crazy about math. Your neighborhood center is located next to the new Martin’s Supermarket at 5651 Cleveland Ave., Stevensville, MI. Visit to learn how convenient and affordable your child’s soaring selfconfidence can be! Also opening a Granger, IN location this winter!

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lakeside cooking

Cooking Up

warm Memories By Diane Fisher

I have some really great memories as a child cooking with my mother. She was amazing. Like her mother, she enjoyed making things from scratch, an art that many of us have allowed to pass by. When I make some of her recipes, those memories come flooding back, and I can feel her around me. She’s been gone for many years, but her legacy of love, patience and warmth, expressed in preparing good food with a loving touch, have lived on through me. I am thankful for my time with her, and there are still those moments when I smell a pumpkin pie baking or the scent of fresh bread straight from the oven that I feel a hug from inside. From my mother and grandmother, I have gained a love for serving others and making them comfortable, just as they did, and they did it so selflessly, too. That’s why I love teaching and encouraging others in the art of good food – comfort food. Catering and teaching have been my niche for about six years now, and in that time, I’ve discovered that some of my best students are children: attentive, eager, excited and ultimately empowered. When teaching children, one must have much patience. You will learn a lot about yourself through the process and can then proceed to better yourself along the way. This is what they teach me, and I love it! My most recent teaching experience was a birthday celebration for a 13 year old. We made homemade pasta (a favorite with that age group), sauce, salad and a decorative dessert. I typically use a stand mixer with a pasta cutting attachment for the ease of the training, but the same recipe can be used as my mother and grandmother used to do it, the “old-fashioned” way: They would create a large well of flour on the table, with eggs, water and oil in the center. They would then slowly pull in the flour toward the liquid center until it was all incorporated – kneading and kneading until the gluten developed (something you just have to feel and see to understand). Then they would roll it out until thin, allowing time to dry slightly, then fold it in that special way and cut it into strips, only to shake the noodles out and put them in the pot to cook. I still have the table my mother used. This is a basic, simple pasta recipe that I would encourage you to try with your children. They will love you for spending time with them and doing something you usually would do by yourself. Be amazing to someone you love.

lakeside family magazine | november 2011

Homemade Pasta Noodles

(Serves 6-10) 4 large eggs 3+ teaspoon water 1+ tablespoon extra virgin olive oil 3 cups all purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon salt (optional) Stand Mixer Directions: Using the paddle attachment, place the eggs, water and oil in the stand mixer bowl and stir to break up the eggs. Slowly add the flour, stirring on speed No. 2 for 10 seconds. Add the rest of the flour, salt and enough liquid to make an elastictype dough that is not too dry or damp to the touch. Continue to stir on speed 2, adding more flour or liquid to adjust the texture. It will almost have the feel that it is coated in corn meal. Remove from the bowl. Wrap in Saran Wrap and allow to rest for 1015 minutes. This allows the gluten to develop in order to strengthen and elasticize the dough. After resting, the dough will be softer and more pliable. Cut the dough ball into thirds and wrap the remaining dough to keep it from drying out until you are ready to use. Place the pasta roller attachment onto the stand mixer (dial should be at No. 1). Flatten the dough (1/3 ball) with your hands. Turn on the stand mixer and pass the flattened dough through the rollers. (Bring back memories of play dough?) You will need to pass this through on No. 1 a number of times, folding it into thirds each time. After the dough is “beaten into submission,” it will look smooth and soft to the touch. This is the time to move on. Turn the dial to No. 2 and pass the dough through only once – no need to fold from now on.

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

A fun-filled event for girls and their families, friends, and favorite dolls! Enjoy elegant refreshments, see the latest fashions, enter to win door prizes, and more! Hosted by

St. Joseph Public Schools Foundation Saturday, Nov. 12th, at 12:00 p.m. Saturday, Nov. 12th, at 5:00 p.m. Sunday, Nov. 13th, at 1:00 p.m. 2521 Stadium Drive, St. Joseph, MI 49085

Tickets: $25 ($15 is tax-deductible) *Tickets must be purchased in advance

For more information, call (269) 926-3252, or visit www.stjosephpublicschoolsfoundation.org American Girl Fashion Show is licensed from American Girl Programs, Inc. All American Girl trademarks, names, and characters are trademarks of American Girl, LLC, used under license. All rights reserved.

Then on to No. 3 and so on until you reach No. 5. You will need to cut the dough to shorter lengths as you progress as the dough will be about 5 feet long if you don’t (although this could be fun)! Switch to the pasta cutting attachment of your choice and pass the sheets of rolled dough through one at a time to cut. Place the cut noodles directly into salted, boiling water, or I like to put them on a clean sheet carefully placed on my outstretched dining room table to dry. It will take only 3 to 4 minutes to cook and will be a delicious treat with your favorite sauce. By Hand Directions: If you don’t have a KitchenAid stand mixer and attachments, you can mix it all by hand (as described earlier in this article). Allow it to rest and then roll it out into a thin sheet. It should be somewhat dry to the touch before you cut it. Fold from the long edge into 3-inch increments, making the length of the noodles about 12 inches long. Cut into thin strips. Grab the end and “shake out.” Place in a pot of boiling, salted water and cook for about 4 minutes. Drain, add sauce and enjoy!

Diane Fisher owns Catering By Design, LLC in St. Joseph, Michigan. She is married to Mike and they have three grown children and one granddaughter. She gives cooking classes for all ages at Perennial Accents in downtown St. Joseph.

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lakeside parenting

Worried About the Economy? Your Kids Are, Too. Tips for Talking With Your Children By Amy Cahill

A few weeks ago, my 8-year-old son overheard me talking with my husband about upcoming layoffs at my husband’s company. Because our family has lived in three states in three years due to various job situations, Patrick latched onto the word “layoff” and begged me to tell him we would not have to move AGAIN. The state of the economy remains unnerving. One day the stock market is up – the next day it’s down. Although the numbers look better than they did a year ago, Michigan’s unemployment rate continues to be above the national average, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (August 2010), and the state remains in the top 10 nationally for the number of home foreclosures. So, how do we comfort our children when we’re also worried about what the future may hold?

Be Honest

It is vital for parents to be honest with their children. If a parent loses a job or a family faces foreclosure, children need to be told in an ageappropriate way. “The child needs to be one of the first to know,” says Mary Frank, a psychologist with Southwestern Medical Clinic Christian Counseling and Psychological Services. “That’s really critical.” If a child hears about a job loss or foreclosure from a neighbor or relative, parents lose the opportunity to present the news in a positive manner and provide immediate reassurance. Telling the child what has happened in a straightforward manner with a positive attitude is best. “When you talk about it, you want to keep it really super simple,” says Megan Hines, guidance counselor at Roosevelt Elementary School in Stevensville, Michigan.

lakeside family magazine | november 2011

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

For example, parents might tell a child, “Daddy will not be going to his job, which means he will be home more while he looks for a new job.” Don’t tell your child you may have to move or you are afraid you won’t be able to pay the bills, unless they ask, Frank says.

While it may be harder to protect older children from news stories about the economy, it is still important to know what they are watching and reassure them. Stevensville resident Noel Bash makes sure to talk about what her children, Emily, 15, and Austin, 12, see on television.

She also adds, “Young children cannot deal with a lot of options.”

“We watch the news and we talk about it,” Bash says. “They’re very aware of what’s going on. Our kids know that we’re okay, that we’ve made good decisions and we’re going to be able to handle this.”

It is okay if parents don’t have all the answers. Sometimes, it takes time to figure out what the next step will be. But, don’t burden younger children with that process. Frank recommends telling them, “As soon as we have a plan, we’ll let you know.” With older children, parents can provide more information. You can discuss world events and the role they play in your family’s situation. A weekly meeting to update teenagers and solicit their input is also a good idea.

Bash also tries to put current events in a historical context and make sure her kids are educated about money. Bash tells them, “These are the things that happen and this is what you do, and you get through things as a family.” Parents also need to be careful about what their children overhear, as I found out when my son overheard me talking with my husband about layoffs at his company.

Reassure Them

To ensure their kids wouldn’t overhear their conversations, Frank and her husband often walked around the block and talked after their kids went to bed when they were young.

Hines suggests telling children, “We will get through it as a family.” Or, “You don’t have to worry about that, though, because that’s a grown-up problem.”

“Some of those issues, some of those fears – how are we going to pay the bills – can be talked about at those times,” she says.

Even in the worst case scenarios – perhaps a job loss that results in a foreclosure – resources are still available to help parents care for their children. If necessary, the family can move in with relatives or even go to a homeless shelter. “There’s many ways that parents can meet those obligations,” Frank says.

“Parents really need to work on dealing with their own anxiety because even if nothing is said, children are going to pick up on anxiety,” Frank says.

Children need to know that no matter what, their parents will take care of them.

Encourage your children to brainstorm ways they can help. Younger children can cut coupons and do extra chores, while older children may be able to mow a neighbor’s lawn or babysit. Although your kids need to know that you will always take care of them, you can still admit you are worried or do not know all the answers, says Ellen Thomasma, a licensed clinical social worker in St. Joseph, Michigan. When you name your stress, you can begin to deal with it. If a child is upset about something they have heard on the news or at school, parents can offer to help carry the burden. For instance, they can say, “Boy, what I heard today really scares me, too. But, we’ll work it out together,” Thomasma says.

Turn Off the News

Protecting children from news shows and adult conversations is one of the most important things parents can do. “Be very cautious about the information that comes into your home that is not necessarily meant for them, but may be overheard and/or misunderstood,” Frank says. Frank suggests parents get their news from the Internet or watch television news shows when children are not around. Even if stories about the economy don’t catch your child’s attention, stories about natural disasters can be scary. Children lack the perspective to understand an earthquake in Japan will not affect them.

Manage Your Stress

To help manage the stress in your home, Frank suggests talking with someone you can trust – a spouse, a friend or a counselor. “Everyone needs someone to vent to,” she says. There are other stress-management steps you can take as well, and they don’t have to add extra strain to your pocket book. Eating a balanced diet, getting regular exercise, getting enough sleep and taking time to relax can help you stay centered. Just a walk on the beach can make a huge difference in how you feel. “There’s a lot of things that aren’t necessarily costly that can be relaxing for many people,” Frank says. Try taking a moment to relax, slow down and appreciate the small pleasures in life. Thomasma encourages her clients to live in the moment. “If I’m worried about what’s going to happen, I’m going to miss the cool breeze, the clouds and the leaves changing,” she says. Finally, parents can use this time to reflect on their core beliefs. Like Bash, think about the lessons you want to teach your children. And, remember, attitude is everything. “If we believe the world is going to fall apart, then we’ll act that way,” Thomasma says. “If we believe we’ll be given the resources we need when we need them, then we’ll act that way.”

Amy Cahill is an award-winning freelance writer based in Stevensville, Mich. She and her husband have two children who provide most of the inspiration for her parenting articles.

lakeside parenting

Forget Balance.

Choose Flexibility. By Meagan Francis

lakeside family magazine | november 2011

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

I’ve always been a magazine lover, so I have a funny way of internalizing whatever the catchphrase of the day is. For example, when I was a teenager, I was quite well-versed in the concept of “quality time” – a popular parenting term at the time – from reading my stepmom’s issues of “Ladies Home Journal” and “Redbook.” Lots of other faddish magazine terms have made their way in and out of my consciousness since then. For a while, “gams” were “glam,” and when it came to new shades of shadow, the “eyes” always “had it.” As I moved into parenting magazines I became aware of “tummy time,” “mommy wars” and “cry-it-out.” But above all the rest, one word in particular has managed to endure over the last decade or so, infiltrating all kinds of publications from parenting magazines to women’s magazines and beyond. Balance. We’re supposed to aim for balance by penciling “me time” into our day-planners (sorry, was that a really antiquated reference there? I meant “plugging me-time into our personal digital assistants”) scheduling date nights with our spouses, pursuing our passions, simplifying our lives by purging and hiring experts to help us. I don’t know about you, but to me this “achieving balance” thing sounds kind of like a lot of work. Don’t get me wrong, I think balance is a great thing. And overall, it’s important to me that my kids, my work and myself each get enough attention. I’m just not sure if “a balanced life” is possible to achieve for a mom, especially a mom of young children. And I wonder if it actually adds to all the stress and guilt and “shoulds” moms sometimes feel when they are faced with the (inevitable) truth that their life is out of balance. I can’t control my kids (not really) or the weather. I can’t control how much my editor loves or hates the story I just turned in and when she may require a revision. I can’t control checks going missing in the mail or my transmission blowing up on the toll road. So the best-laid plans to get my butt to yoga class sometimes get thwarted by a virus or a flat tire, the day I planned to spend with my kids is postponed because of an unexpected last-minute work need, the morning I planned to spend reading is interrupted by a kid who woke up earlier than I expected, or the date I planned with my husband gets canceled because he has to work late or the babysitter cancels. All I can control in any of those situations is my reaction and outlook. And if I let any one of those very very likely scenarios wreck my sense of balance, then the balanced life I thought I had created was really pretty superficial.

Some days I work two hours, then blow off the afternoon to go to the children’s museum with the boys (ahem – yesterday). Some days I work 10 hours, use the TV as a sitter a little more than I should, and toss a little steamed broccoli alongside the ramen noodles so I don’t feel like a total loser mom. Some days everything goes haywire and nothing gets done at all, for me or anyone else for that matter. And some days, things just fall into place, and we float through the day with the perfect balance of my needs, the kids’ needs and the needs of the rest of the world being met. Thing is, it’s not always possible to predict ahead of time which days will be which. There’s just no way to plan out balance on a day-to-day basis. As authors Devra Renner and Aviva Pflock of Parentopia.net say, balance is a lot of hot air. Since something will always come up to tip the scales – leaving Mom feeling inadequate if she’s too hung up on the idea of balance – it’s not really an attainable goal, they point out. Instead, Devra and Aviva recommend giving yourself permission to adjust priorities as necessary, whether you need to do that monthly, daily or even moment-to-moment. So, instead of balance, I advocate aiming for flexibility. It won’t sort your life into neat, equal compartments, but when I am flexible, it helps me feel in balance even when my life is out of balance. (As it pretty much always is, for all the reasons I stated above.) Flexibility might mean deciding at noon that it’s time to knock off work for the rest of the day and enjoy some time with the kids. Or it may mean deciding that today this deadline really needs my attention more and not feeling guilty about a temporary lack of focused attention on the kids. It may mean deciding at the last minute that I really need an hour to myself at the bookstore or coffee shop, even if I already had an hour to myself earlier, or letting the boys play too many video games so I could work, just because I really want to. Or it may mean deciding to skip an outing I had been planning because I’d just rather hang out with the kids or because they seem to really need it. Like Devra and Aviva said, it’s all about deciding which need has priority in the moment and making a decision based on that. If I allow myself the flexibility to make those decisions in the moment without feeling mom-guilt or its equally evil cousin, “I-should-bepaying-more-attention-to-my-own-needs guilt,” or any kind of should or regret at all, a funny thing happens: my life is still just as chaotic and unpredictable as ever, but in the midst of it all, I feel strangely…well…balanced.

Meagan Francis is a mother of five and lives in St. Joseph, Michigan. She is also author of “The Happiest Mom: 10 Secrets To Enjoying Motherhood.”

lakeside community

DK Boutique Helping Women One Outfit at a Time By Dawn Williams

lakeside family magazine | november 2011

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

n 1975, John Molloy penned the now infamous book “Women Dress For Success.” In it Molloy drafted a compelling campaign for how the female executive could achieve success in corporate America by dressing better. His recommendation? Start by trading in floral frocks and sweater sets in exchange for the more conservative matching suit. As it turned out, Molloy was right on target because soon after his book was published, women everywhere became very familiar with the term “power dressing.” This new trend spread faster than a run in pantyhose – from the United States to Britain and then throughout Europe. At this same time, southwest Michigan resident Deb Craig was newly married and searching for a job. “Getting over the whole hippie stage, I was very conscious of how I looked and did try to dress the part,” states Craig. “It wasn’t so bad because everyone was wearing the same thing to go out in.” Then with the arrival of the crazy 80s, Craig was busy raising her family, but does admit to falling hard for the blazer craze. “Very powerful!” laughs Craig, who finally allowed her fashion interest to blossom into a business 10 years ago when she opened the doors to the divine DK Boutique, a heavenly shop for women´s clothing and jewelry located at 213 State Street in downtown St. Joseph, Michigan. “Unfortunately we have gotten so casual. I think looking professional and put together is still important, and women feel more confident when they look good,” says Craig. Her insight is not just shop talk. Her uber fashionable boutique has given Craig a front row seat to experience the important difference that just one outfit can make in the life of a woman. For the past six years, her store has generously contributed clothing and business attire to various charitable groups, namely, the local women’s safe shelter. “I donate because I

believe all women should be able to have new clothing when they go on job interviews and for when they return to work,” stated Craig, who sees to it that every donation goes to women who won’t have to pay for it. In addition, Craig organizes a popular regular event called “Fashion for a Passion.” These fashion show fundraisers help to raise awareness and funds for a variety of heroic organizations, including Birthrite as well as 6Degrees Resale Shop who works to end homelessness in Berrien County. Erika Langbehn is the store manager for DK Boutique and has also shared in the joy of seeing this simple yet rewarding transformation. “When we help a woman find an outfit that she really loves, you can see it on her face. Suddenly she feels more comfortable in her own skin, and she’ll carry herself differently, and that really shows on the outside, especially in the workplace,” said Langbehn. For those in search of the most desired fashions in town, DK Boutique is always stocked with the latest clothing and jewelry lines including designs by Joseph Ribkoff, Cookie Johnson Denim, the charmingly fun Pandora jewelry and Chan Luu gems. And behind the scenes, among circles of brave women fighting to win back their sense of self worth, Craig´s store is a liberator.

Dawn Williams is a freelance writer from southwest Michigan with a passion for meeting new people and uncovering what makes them tick. Her husband and three kids share this creative spirit, but aren’t nearly as nosey.

November 2011 Lakeside Calendar of Events Mondays Baby N Me

Bridgman Public Library, Bridgman

A program for parents, caregivers and their babies from newborn to 24 months. Parents guide their babies through creative movement, songs, dance, story-time and more with the help of instructor Teri Sue Wines. Parents will have the opportunity to interact with their babies, meet other parents and give their babies a chance to play with others. Registration is required. Free event. From 10:45 to 11:15 AM. For more info, visit www.bridgmanlibrary.com.

Bedtime Story Time Lincoln Township Library, Stevensville

Stories, songs and crafts for preschool and early elementary ages. Free event. From 7 to 7:30 PM. For more info, visit www. lincolntownshiplibrary.org.

Tuesdays Baby Laptime

New Buffalo Township Library, New Buffalo

Enjoy a special time for songs, stories and lap rhymes for you and your baby, ages 3 to 18 months. This is a free event. From 11 to 11:30 AM. For more info, call 269.469.2933.

Story Hour Bridgman Public Library, Bridgman

Come join Teri Sue for lots of fun as she reads stories and sings songs. Make great crafts and have a snack, too! Registration is required. For 2-5 year olds. Free event. Starts at 10:30 AM. For more info, call 269.465.3663.

Toddler N Me Bridgman Public Library, Bridgman

For parents, caregivers and their child from 2-5 years old. Parents guide their toddlers through the joys of toddlerhood with creative movement, songs, dance, finger plays and more with the help of Teri Sue Wines. Parents will have the opportunity to engage one on one with their little one, meet other parents and give their little one a chance to play with others. Registration is required. Class offered 9:30 to10 AM or 11:30 to 12 PM. Free event. For more info, call 269.465.3663.

Story Time St. Joseph/Maud Preston Palenske Memorial Library, St. Joseph

Story Time for kids up to age 3 and story time

the family magazine | november 2011

for ages 3-5 are held in two locations within the library at the same time. Free event. 10:30 AM. For more info, call 269.983.7167 or visit www.youseemore.com/maudpreston

Wednesdays Story Time

St. Joseph/Maud Preston Palenske Memorial Library, St. Joseph

Story Time for ages up to age 3 and story time for ages 3-5 are held in two locations within the library at the same time. Free event. 10:30 AM. For more info, call 269.983.7167. www. youseemore.com/maudpreston.

Wee Discovery Curious Kids’ Museum on the Bluff, St. Joseph

Preschool story and hands-on discovery activities. Free with admission of $4 per person or your membership. 10:30 AM. For more info, visit curiouskidsmuseum.org.

Mom and Baby Exercise Class Thomson’s Physical Therapy, Niles, Michigan

Thursdays

Walk-in Story Time Lincoln Township Library, Stevensville

Enjoy stories and songs for preschoolers. Free event. From 10:30 to 11 AM.

Fridays

Storytime Fun New Buffalo Township Library, New Buffalo

A program designed for preschoolers, bring your child and enjoy stories, songs and crafts!From 10:30 to 11:15 AM. Free event. For more info, call 269.469.2933.

Fun Friday Lincoln Township Library, Stevensville

Stories, songs and take-home crafts for preschoolers. Free event. From 10:30 to 11 AM. Visit www.lincolntownshiplibrary.org.

Saturdays

Lakeshore Learning Store, Sterling Heights, Michigan

Every Saturday from 11 AM to 3 PM, Lakeshore Learning Store offers free craft activities for kids ages 3 and up at all of their locations! Please visit www.lakeshorelearning.com.

November Events Wednesday, November 2 Fall Concert

Lincoln Township Public Library, Stevensville

Don’t miss Steve and Sarah Dowell in concert. This local father/daughter style ranges from bluegrass to classical to Broadway show tunes! Free event. From 7 to 8:30 PM. For more info, visit www.lincolntownshiplibrary.org.

Thursday, November 3 Kids on Stage Presents 13 Orchards Mall, Benton Harbor

Watch as they perform the Broadway show 13 as their premier production. Tickets are $8 and the show starts at 6:30 PM. For more info, visit www.dougskidsonstage.com.

Saturday, November 5 Free Crafts for Kids

Lakeshore Learning Store, Sterling Heights, Michigan

Every Saturday from 11 AM to 3 PM, Lakeshore Learning Store offers free craft activities for kids ages 3 and up at all of their locations! Please visit www.lakeshorelearning.com.

The Buckinghams Lake Michigan College Mendel Center, Benton Harbor

Come check out this popular band that had hits in the 60s and 70s such as “Don’t You Care” and “Susan.” Tickets start at $18. Show starts at 7 PM. For more info, call 269.927.1221.

Holiday Market & Gift Shop Open House Fernwood Botanical Garden and Nature Preserve, Niles

There will be crafts, arts, jewelry, glassworks, food and lots of other things to look at. From 10 AM to 5 PM. For more info, visit fernwoodbotanical.org.

Sunday, November 6 Bill Cosby!

Morris Performing Arts Center, South Bend

See him live at the Morris! Price starts at $42.25. Show starts at 7 PM. For more info, visit www.morriscenter.org.

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

*Please be sure to call ahead to confirm times and information.

FA M I LY T I M E I S A L W AY S B E T T E R N E A R T H E L A K E

Monday, November 7

Amazing Monday for Teens & Tweens Bridgman Public Library, Bridgman

Attention tweens and teens: The Bridgman Public Library announces “Amazing Mondays.” Every Monday there will be a fun activity between 3:30 to 4:30 PM. Which activity will it be this week? Wii, Zumba, Popcorn Ball making, cookie making? Join the fun and be surprised. Free event. If you have any questions, call the library at 269.465.3663 or check on line at bridgmanlibrary.org.

Tuesday, November 8 Pawsitive Reading Program Bridgman Public Library, Bridgman

This program will be on the 2nd Tuesday of the month through May 2012. Pawsitive Reading is a program that can be a tool to help all children who have difficulty reading. A teacher, parent or guardian may call the library at 269.465.3663 for a 15 minute appointment between 6 and 7 PM with the service dog and handler. Free event. The session helps the child improve his or her reading skills.

Wednesday, November 9 Stress Management

Lincoln Township Public Library, Stevensville

Wee Discover Curious Kids Museum, St. Joseph

Wee Discover helps preschoolers discover the world around them by reading different stories every week with hands-on learning play experiences. Parents enjoy sharing this experience with their children and meet other parents. Join us every Wednesday from 10:30 to 11:30 AM. Free with paid museum admission or membership. For more info, visit curiouskidsmuseum.org.

Saturday, November 12 American Girl Fashion Show

St. Joseph High School Fieldhouse, St. Joseph

to host this event. This program showcases historical and contemporary fashions for girls and their dolls. Tickets include a light lunch, and you will be entered to possibly win some great door prizes. Tickets must be purchased in advance. $25. For more info visit www. stjosephpublicschoolsfoundation.org.

Sunday, November 27

Monday, November 14

Tuesday, November 29

Participating Restaurants, St. Joseph, MI

Lake Michigan College Mendel Center, Benton Harbor

Restaurant Week in St. Joseph, MI

Irish Session

The Livery, Benton Harbor

Enjoy Irish music on the last Sunday of each month. From 2 to 5 PM. For more info, visit www.liverybrew.com.

Student Recital

Enjoy an evening of music at this student recital! Works include Friedrich Burgmuller, Claude Debussy and more. Starts at 12:40 PM. For more info, call 269.927.8100, ext. 5237.

Tuesday, November 15

This is a great show! Watch this beloved Disney film turned Broadway music onstage! Show starts at 7:30 PM. For more info, visit www.morriscenter.org.

Scrapbooking Class

Lincoln Township Public Library, Stevensville

Rebecca Ludens, About.com scrapbooking guide and local author of “Teach Yourself Visually: Scrapbooking,” will be teaching participants how to make a foldout mini memory book and will share tips and tricks for scrapbooking large photo collections. Supplies to bring to class: Acid-free glue stick or tape runner, scissors, up to 10 family or travel photos (optional).This program is limited to 18 participants! From 6 to 8 PM. Class is free. For more info, visit www.lincolntownshiplibrary.org.

Friday, November 18 Luminary Festival Downtown, St. Joseph

Get in the mood for the holiday season or start your holiday shopping during this fun festival. Downtown businesses will be decorated in festive décor, free horse drawn rides from 5 PM to 8 PM and a free dessert at The Bistro on the Boulevard if you come in for dinner.

Saturday, November 19 15th Annual Arts and Craft Show Dowagiac Union High School, Dowagiac

Don’t miss all the great crafts, arts and foods available! This is in conjunction with Dowagiac’s Old Fashioned Christmas Celebration. Free admission to craft show. Foods available for purchase. From 9 AM to 2 PM. For more info, call 269.580.2331.

December Events Friday, December 2

Disney’s Beauty and The Beast Morris Performing Arts Center, South Bend

Saturday, December 3 Bridgman Public Library, Bridgman

On Saturday, the Bridgman Public Library will host a “Superhero” ice cream party from 1 to 2 PM for children ages 4 to 10. We will have a story, a superhero craft and ice cream in the Louise Christensen Room. Superheroes may come dressed as their secret identity or in their costume. Free event. Call the library at 269.465.3663 to register as the program is limited to 30 participants.

The Osmond Brothers Christmas Lake Michigan College Mendel Center, Benton Harbor

Get in the Christmas spirit with the Osmond Brothers! Show starts at 7 PM. For more info, visit www.lmcmainstage.org.

Saturday, December 10 Family Game Day

Bridgman Public Library, Bridgman

On Saturday, from 1 to 3 PM, the Bridgman Library invites you and your family to a Family Game Day. Bring the kids, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends; be prepared to have a great time! For more info, call 269.465.3663.

The Local Parenting Resource for Expectant Parents and Families with Younger Children

Special Section

Yadda Yadda

Baby, Get Your Sign On Before they are verbal, babies can still communicate

Taking Some of the Ouch Out of Labor Tips to Natural Pain Relief

Finally Pregnant!

Ways for the Older Mom to Prepare for a Healthy Pregnancy

Fight Less, Love More Loving and Liking Your Spouse

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M i C H I L D • S P E C I A L PA R E N T I N G F E AT U R E S E C T I O N

mi Corner Our tips, picks, news and advice.

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mi child magazine | november 2011

Story Time

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

Extra Lean Family: Get Lean and

Achieve Your Family’s Best Health Ever By Mario Lopez

Reviewed by James Facer Reference Librarian Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Public Library Celebrity fitness guru and New York Times best-selling author Mario Lopez returns with another installment in his “Extra Lean” series, “Extra Lean Family.” While his first book, “Extra Lean,” focused on the best practices for individuals looking to change their diet plan and improve their health, “Extra Lean Family” focuses on family-size meals that are healthy and can be completed in a timely manner, sometimes in less than 20 minutes. In his latest release, Mario Lopez not only provides delicious, easy-to-make recipes, but he also stresses important lessons in achieving and retaining your perfect health. Throughout the book, he reiterates and thoroughly explains three key principles for weight loss and achieving a healthier lifestyle: 1. Balancing protein, carbs and fats at each meal 2. Eating at regular intervals throughout the day to boost your metabolism 3. Exercising proper portion control to ensure you’re eating the right amount “Extra Lean Family” is an excellent resource for any parent looking to change the eating habits of their family. It functions as a cookbook with easy-to-make recipes as well as a guide for understanding what to eat, how much to eat and when to eat in order to live a healthier lifestyle.

Baby, Get your

M i C H I L D • S P E C I A L PA R E N T I N G F E AT U R E S E C T I O N

Baby

Sign On!

Before they are verbal, babies can still communicate. By Meagan Church

My firstborn child came into the world a bit disgruntled. Being a firsttime mom with no baby experience, I scrambled to know how to understand him, so when I heard about using sign language with your baby, I figured it was worth a shot. Around 9 months, we started using some simple signs with him, such as “eat” and “more.” I remember the evening we were sitting on the couch, and suddenly he took his chubby little hands and tapped them together in front of his chest as he looked at a container of Cheerios. He looked at me and repeated the action a few times before I caught on, but finally I realized he was saying he wanted more Cheerios. I was so elated that I wanted to shower him with cereal. Yet, I still wondered, could he really be using sign language and intentionally communicating with me at such a young age? “Signing gives parents and their babies a head start on their relationship,” said Nancy Cadjan, author of “Baby Signing 1, 2, 3: The Easy-to-Use Illustrated Guide for Every Stage and Every Age.” She explained, “Babies are born needing to communicate their needs, but it is a long time until they master the muscles needed to speak. Their only tool in the early months is crying, and that is still hard for parents to understand. However, babies have the ability to make simple signs as early as six months – that’s about a year earlier than most kids start talking. When a baby can sign, she can let her parents know what she is thinking and what she needs with less stress and crying. That is a winwin for both parents and babies.” It definitely was a win-win for us. We continued teaching more signs. In a few months, he began to use words as well. I can’t help but consider how many tantrums and breakdowns in communication we avoided because, before his mind could verbally form words, he was already communicating to us with his hands. Another local mom, Jami Kamp, experienced the same advantage when she taught her children to sign. “I used sign language for both of my children. Jacob is five [years old] and Jordyn is 13 months. Both were able to communicate their wants to us, and I thought this was especially helpful because we avoided the biting and screaming children do out of frustration, at least with Jacob. Jordyn so far has not exhibited these behaviors. She can sign “more,”

mi child magazine | november 2011

 Pictures from illustrator Lori Sume. Copyright holder, Sign Babies.

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

“milk,” and is working on “done.” I see huge advantages to signing with kids – avoiding the aforementioned behavioral communication patterns of frustrated children, the ability to teach an ask/receive form of communication, and I think it gave my children confidence. They learn at an early age to feel good about something they are doing.” Maria Haut, a local developmental therapist, said she has seen great successes in her own practice when parents taught their babies sign language. Haut explained, “The children who I have encouraged parents to use baby sign language with have increased their verbal vocabulary and their frustration level has decreased significantly. By giving babies tools to express their wants and needs, I see much happier babies and parents.” Beyond the initial benefit of less confusion and stress, Haut discussed the link between baby signing and benefits beyond the first years, including earlier talking, larger vocabulary, advanced cognitive skills, less frustration and better attention. Local mom, Amy McGuire, told of one other advantage. “It was great in church and other places we needed to be quiet, yet still communicate. This was a hidden benefit I hadn't anticipated.” Some skeptics have wondered if teaching a child to speak with his hands could mean a delay in verbal speech. “If taught correctly, teaching a child baby sign language will not delay their speech. Studies show that babies who are exposed to sign language talk earlier and have larger vocabularies,” Haut said. So how does a parent begin? Cadjan recommends starting around 3 to 6 months. “Your baby won’t have the fine motor skills needed to make a sign back until after 6 months, but she can still recognize signs and respond to them. If your baby is older, don’t worry. You did not miss a golden window. Unless your baby is a fluent conversationalist, it is never too late. Just start signing.”

Here are a few simple steps to get you started: • Find a resource such as a book, flash cards or website that shows you how to sign. Cadjan recommends using the standard American Sign Language (ASL) signs. • Choose a few signs to start with, such as milk, more, eat, bath, sleep, change and finished. • Make the sign every time you say it. For example, sign “eat” when saying, “We are eating dinner. Do you like to eat?” • Point to the object if the sign refers to something specific. Seeing and hearing reinforces the connection. • Make the sign in front of you, so your baby can see your hands and face. • Be consistent and repetitive, using the same signs day after day. • Add more signs once your child begins to respond. Regardless of how quickly your little one picks up on signing and begins communicating with you, the time you spend focused on one another deepens your bond. As Haut said, “Whether you are teaching your baby how to make signs by moving her hands, pointing to and labeling the names of objects being signed, or looking at pictures in books and signing the picture, you are spending priceless time with your baby, and to me this is the greatest benefit of all!” We realized one more benefit once our second child came along. We used sign language with her as well, but it didn’t only improve her relationship with us. It helped her bond with her brother at an earlier age. With him being just two years her senior, he eagerly waited for her to grow in to his playmate, and he couldn’t contain his excitement when she moved her little hands and signed to him for the first time. And they haven’t stopped talking since. Meagan Church is a writer and mother of 2.5 kids. Her current projects include DefiningMotherhood, and Unexpectant where she explores the realities of modern motherhood for her book project.

GYMNASTICS MICHIANA Safe, Positive, Fun Environment

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Expecting

Taking Some of the Out of Labor

Ouch

Tips for Natural Pain Relief

By Shanti Bradley and Sorah Stein

The Good Old Days?

Childbirth has changed over the years. Remember, women gave birth for thousands of years without the help of the pharmaceutical industry (or doctors, for that matter). Once pregnancy and childbirth became medical issues, there was a huge swing in the opposite direction. The initial result: most mothers were heavily medicated and even “knocked out” for the births of their babies. Fortunately, we don’t do that anymore, and today moms have many options from which to choose (no, your partner cannot hit you over the head with a frying pan). When signs of labor start, moms don’t necessarily go running to the hospital immediately, unless of course, there are special circumstances which would dictate doing so. What normally happens is that mothers first labor at home for a while. Guidelines concerning when to go to the hospital can vary from one care provider to the next, so please check with your OB/GYN or midwife concerning when to head out to the hospital or birthing center. While at home, there are many ways for mothers to be proactive in keeping themselves comfortable while at the same time keeping labor moving along. In early labor, it is wise to rest often and as much as possible to conserve energy for later when it will be needed most (the laundry and roast can wait). Eating small amounts if desired to keep energy at optimal levels is also well advised (small amounts is the key phrase here). Labor involves enough discomfort; there’s no need to add hunger pains to that as well. Keep in mind that most hospitals have policies against eating during labor, so eat at home while you still can!

rom the moment they see the positive pregnancy test, many expectant moms start to wonder about their options for pain control during labor. The media would have us believe that women can waltz through the doors of the hospital at the first contractions and demand an epidural. Can that happen? Sure. Does it happen often? No. Despite what media often portrays, not all mothers opt to have an epidural during labor. While this is for a variety of reasons, the point is that there are many other options for pain relief.

mi child magazine | november 2011

Tricks of the Trade

Here are a few things you can do while at home, at the birthing center or hospital to help you ease discomfort: Take a walk. Walking works to the advantage of the laboring mother in a few different ways. Being upright puts gravity to work for mom to help move baby downward. The movement also assists by continuing to work the pelvis. The more you allow gravity and motion to help along the labor, the less work your body has to do, which means less pain or discomfort (and this is a very good thing). This is

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

something that is often encouraged in hospitals and birthing centers. Lying down throughout the labor serves one purpose only: to drag out the length of the labor, which no mother wants. Try taking a warm shower or bath. The use of water to relieve pain or discomfort, also referred to as hydrotherapy, is known to help many women during labor and childbirth. Some mothers even choose to give birth in the water. There are a handful of care providers locally who offer this option. If water birth is something that appeals to you, be sure to discuss it with your care provider early on. Using water for pain relief during labor, however, is an option that is open to nearly all laboring mothers. If you experience what is commonly referred to as back labor, it can be exceptionally helpful. This is an option available both at home and in the hospital. Get a massage. A massage is generally a welcomed thing. This is also a tool that can be used even if mom is confined to bed. Should you find this to be relaxing then utilize it! The more relaxed you can be, the more labor will move along and the less pain you are likely to perceive. Be creative with it. Have your partner or other support person use tennis balls on your back. A foot massage or a hand massage can also go a long way to keep mom relaxed and focused during or between contractions. It is, however, important to note that there are some mothers who do not want to be touched at all during labor and others who enjoy a massage at some points, yet cannot tolerate being touched at other times during labor. This is all well within the range of normal and should be expected. Set the mood. Other tools such as aromatherapy, music or the use of a birthing ball also all play roles in easing pain and making mothers more comfortable. These can all be used at home or the hospital. If at home, a large exercise ball can be used in place of a birthing ball; the only difference is in the size.

pack them to bring to the hospital. The same applies to using music during labor. You are getting very sleepyâ&#x20AC;Ś There are some approaches to natural childbirth that promote and utilize methods of hypnosis during labor. These have rather good success rates and are known to be effective for those who use them properly. They require a lot of practice leading up to the labor, so this is not a good option for mothers who are looking into it (desperately) at the last minute. It should be researched early in the pregnancy, and if selected, practiced carefully and diligently until the birth of the baby (there very likely will not be any certified hypnotists wandering the floors of labor and delivery looking for clients). There are many ways to ease the pain of labor (the frying pan is still not an option). Even for the mother who plans on having epidural pain relief, there still should be a pain management plan until the epidural can be placed and given time to take effect. Few realize that even after walking through the hospital doors, it can be two hours or more before experiencing relief from pain medication. Having ways to make you more comfortable in the meantime is key. Planning how to handle and cope with the discomfort of labor is important. It means becoming educated about what to expect and what the options are in the way of dealing with it. Have conversations with your care provider about what will be available to you and also what your wants and needs are. Consult with or hire a doula who is both knowledgeable and experienced in helping mothers effectively work through labor and easing overall levels of pain or discomfort. By arming yourself with knowledge, information, practice and adequate support, you can help make the experience as beautiful and memorable as it should be. Shanti Bradley, BA, CD, CLS, lives in South Bend with her husband and two children. She is available for prenatal informational support, continuous labor support, postpartum care and education. Sorah Stein, MA, BCBA, CSE, lives in South Bend with her husband and three children and is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst and Certified Sexuality Educator, working primarily with individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities.

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Expecting

Finally Pregnant Ways for the Older Mom to Prepare for a Healthy Pregnancy By Amy Murray

oday, many women are delaying pregnancy past the age of 35. Why are we seeing this trend? Some say it has to do with better access to birth control or a desire to first establish a career, finish school or just enjoy the freedom that can come with “life without kids.” While this trend may simply be a manifestation of our changing lifestyles and priorities, it’s still important for women to take a step back and really examine all the risks and benefits inherent in this important decision of when to start their family. By having access to all the information and weighing all of their options with their doctor, women can be sure to discover the time that’s right for them and their partner.

“I encourage women over 35 to be pregnancy aware and to try to get into the best health possible before pregnancy,” says Michael DeStefano an OB/GYN at Women’s Reproductive Medicine, Memorial Medical Group. “This means discussing any health issues, such as diabetes, hypertension and thyroid problems with their primary care doctors. Also, women should start taking up to four milligrams of folic acid per day when contemplating pregnancy.”

Tick Tock?

You might wonder – what are some of the risks to waiting? For one, it can become more difficult for a woman to get pregnant in the later part of her 30s and in her 40s due to blockages of the fallopian tubes, endometriosis, fibroids, decreased ovulation and other health issues. And it’s not just women. Men may also become less fertile beginning in their late 30s. Older women are also more likely to have health issues such as diabetes and high blood pressure, which can complicate the pregnancy. Once pregnant, it’s also more likely for older moms to develop gestational diabetes or high blood pressure, which can cause problems with the growth of the fetus or problems with the placenta. Diabetic women are more likely to have large babies, which can cause complications at the time of delivery.

mi child magazine | november 2011

Studies have also shown that older couples are more likely to have a baby with birth defects due to chromosome abnormalities, the most common being Down Syndrome. While one in 1,250 babies born to mothers at age 25 have Down syndrome, the risk increases to one in 400 at age 35, and one in 30 at age 45. Older moms also have an increased risk of miscarriage and are more likely to have a cesarean birth. And the likelihood of having twins and other higher-order multiples also increases with age.

Here’s The Game Plan!

So, as an older mom, what can you do to help prepare for the healthiest pregnancy possible? Gather Your Team If you’re looking to start a family soon, schedule a pre-conception appointment with an obstetrician or midwife. Discuss your risks and consider together if genetic counseling may be necessary. A genetic counselor will take a thorough family history from you and your partner and possibly perform lab work such as blood tests. Based on the information, he or she will be able to predict the likelihood of your child having certain genetic anomalies.

Eat Smart! One of the best things you can do for you and your baby is to eat a nutritious diet. By beginning your pregnancy at a healthy weight, you will feel better throughout pregnancy and can help decrease the risk of potential problems for your baby. The “Don’t Forgets” All moms, no matter their age, should always remember to take a prenatal vitamin, try to reduce stress as much as possible and to not drink alcohol, smoke or use illegal drugs. If you’re already pregnant, begin prenatal care right away and continue this care throughout the pregnancy. Are There Benefits to Waiting? Many factors contribute to your decision to have a baby and to the health of your pregnancy and child. Age is only one. Some women who delay having children until they have a secure support system and are financially able to provide for a growing family report greater overall satisfaction with their lives. They are also less likely to become depressed and are more likely to breastfeed, both of which can boost their children’s health and even their IQ. More mature women also tend to take better care of themselves by eating well and exercising. With the guidance of your doctor or midwife, women and their partners are more equipped than ever to experience a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby, no matter their age.

Amy Murray is a registered nurse and Lamaze certified childbirth educator at Memorial Hospital. She works part time as a labor and delivery nurse while coordinating childbirth classes and operating the Mother’s Own Milk Project at Memorial.

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M i C H I L D • S P E C I A L PA R E N T I N G F E AT U R E S E C T I O N

Mommy & Daddy

Love More Fight Less,

Loving and Liking Your Spouse

By Laurie Puhn

“I love my husband, but I don’t like him.” That’s a comment I hear quite often in my couples mediation practice. Over the years, I discovered something: Many people are nicer to strangers than they are to their spouses. The “liking” feeling tends to disappear as everyday job stress, parenting decisions, financial woes and child-induced sleep deprivation start to bring out the worst in us. When overwhelmed by life, small things may seem like “the last straw,” and you might even wonder if you are married to the right person. As a lawyer, couples mediator and author of “Fight Less, Love More,” people turn to me for my expert relationship advice. Many assume that because I have the answers, I must have a perfect marriage. The truth is, I have a happy marriage and I love my husband, but still, we have the good and bad days that strain the liking feeling and require me to put my own communication advice into practice. Conflict is normal, especially for parents, but how we choose to respond to it will either strengthen or weaken our relationship.

mi child magazine | november 2011

One day, my husband happily told me he’d be home from work earlier than usual. He even told me which train he would take. I put his early arrival time into my afternoon schedule so my son (who was 2 at the time) and I would be home to greet him and enjoy some playful “Daddy time.” When my husband’s designated arrival time passed, each additional minute pushed me into a worsening mood. At 50 minutes passed his planned homecoming, I was furious. Why wasn’t he here? Why wasn’t he answering his cell phone? Enraged at this point, the only excuse that could save him was a train delay. My husband showed up more than an hour after I expected him, displaying a freshly trimmed head of hair, acting like nothing happened. “So you got a haircut?” I asked. “Yes, I had time today, so I figured, why not?”

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

That was it. I ripped into his thoughtless selfish behavior and the fight began. But minutes later, reality hit. In our pre-child days, I would have been more understanding and explained how I felt about his late arrival. Now, with my energy drained from an active 2-year-old, I acted like his haircut was akin to finding out he cheated on me with his hairdresser. Frequently, I witness this overreactive response from my clients. We are our best selves early in our relationship. We show each other empathy, respect and patience. As time passes, we come to expect those things from our partner, but we tend to deliver them less and less. Use of the words “thank you” and “please” become sparse, replaced by comments like “You have to…”, and “Why didn’t you…” which are set-up comments for a fight. So what can a person say to prevent such unnecessary battles? The answer is to stop and ask yourself one wise question if you feel your blood beginning to boil: Ask “What do I want my spouse to do differently next time?” In my situation, I wanted him to call me in advance to tell me that his plans changed and that he would be home later than expected. If I had shared this future-oriented solution instead of yelling at him for what had already happened, we would have skipped an unhappy battle. As soon as I realized my short-tempered mistake, I apologized and asked for what I wanted. Interestingly, during that brief conversation my husband was flattered to learn that I was looking forward to his coming home early and was disappointed by his lateness. I also shared the fact that I had rescheduled a play date for my son so we would be home to greet him. Our 5-minute talk ended with the agreement that if his plans changed, he would immediately call to tell me. To this day, that agreement has a positive influence on our relationship. So my advice for couples who want to love, and like, their mate for a lifetime is: Don’t focus on the problem. Do focus on the solution. A little wisdom makes a big difference.

Laurie Puhn is a Harvard-educated lawyer, couples mediator, relationship expert, and bestselling author of “Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In,” who appears on Good Morning America, 20/20, Fox News and CNN. Most importantly, she is a wife and mother to two young children. Visit her interactive site at www.fightlesslovemore.com.

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Mommy & Daddy

BIG By Jane Suter

Life is a box of chocolates – and Girl Scout Cookies and frozen pretzels, pizzas, popcorn tubs, magazines and submarine sandwiches. Yes, school has started, and it’s time to open those wallets and answer your front door to the line of neighborhood children begging you to purchase their wares. Not since the time of Charles Dickens have we seen such waifs begging for a shilling. Or should I say $12.99! Good grief. My stoop hasn’t seen this much action since I came home from the hospital after the birth of my son. Now I’m hiding behind the curtains, peeping out of my bedroom window like a felon. A SWAT team of little people armed with highly complicated order forms and unwavering terms of cash up front ring my doorbell. These sales tikes are relentless. They will keep coming back, hunting me like a wild dingo – their number 2

mi child magazine | november 2011

pencils in clenched fists raised high above their shoulders ready to spear my order. I can run, but I cannot hide. These micro-mini selling machines must have a dreaded and powerful leader with a name so feared, it can only be uttered in initial form. The PTO’s and PTA’s who arrange the majority of these fundraisers are a well-oiled machine of uber amazing parents. The mafia only dreams it could be this organized. Using tactics outlawed in the 1930’s and breaking every child labor law currently on the books, they send out legions of these adorable indentured servants to do their bidding. These masters of money-raising are not to be trifled with. I am convinced they could easily solve the world’s problems in one donut-fueled weekend, yet they refrain from such grand aspirations and focus on hitting their monthly goal. And hit their goal they do! They acquire laptops, book guest speakers and get whole libraries built!

MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011

So I buy. I never say no. I buy because each adorable face begging for my order reminds me of, well, me. Flashback to the 1970s. I am going door to door selling Girl Scout cookies. There was this rotten, scowlyfaced lady who lived several doors down. Before I even finished my sales pitch, she slammed the door in my face. I can still feel my pleated, green Girl Scout skirt skimming my legs as I slowly cried my way home, rejected right down to my dark brown knee-high socks. I vowed that very day to never do that when I got “big.”

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So, here I am. Big. I have not forgotten my promise to my younger self, and I surely won’t pay the karmic debt of saying “no” to a child, topped with the metal swoosh of a door whizzing closed. So, I emerge from behind my iron curtain of “I really can’t afford to buy anything” and open the front door. I say “yes” to the blue eyes looking up at me. I see the relief on her polished face, and I smile. Yes, younger Jane would be proud, all the way up to her badge emblazoned sash and tasseled green beret. So, clean out those freezers ladies and gentleman. Make room in there for the bounty. Open your wallets, answer the doorbell and say “yes” to that box of chocolates! Your younger self will love it!

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Advertiser Index: 32 Pearls Family Dentistry . ........................ 41

Kangeroo Klippers . .................................... 57

Once Upon a Child ..................................... 83

barbZappia photography . ........................... 79

Kidsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Kollection .................Resource Directory

Physicians Hospital System ....................... 42

Budget Blinds ...................Resource Directory

Lakeland HealthCare .....................Back Cover

Power in Motion . ....................................... 59

Coach Charrise`......................................... 35

Lakeland HealthCare ..........Inside Back Cover

Re-max Excellence . ..........Resource Directory

Concord Ridge Equestrian Center .Resource Directory

Little Princess Treasures ............................ 57

Sally & Co. ................................................ 83

Debbie Werbrouckâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s . ................................. 30

Inspired Homes . ...............Resource Directory

Season Pass . ...................Resource Directory

Decorating Den .......................................... 61

Inspired Homes . ........................................ 17

South Bend Clinic . ..................................... 41

Decorating Den .................Resource Directory

Inspired Homes . ........................................ 81

South Bend Clinic . ..................................... 45

Dragonfly Designs . .................................... 23

KathyFriend.com ........................................ 35

South Bend Medical Foundation ................. 34

Early Childhood Development Center,Inc. .Resource Directory

March of Dimes ......................................... 22

St.Joseph Public Schools Foundation ......... 61

ECIC .......................................................... 33

March of Dimes ......................................... 79

St. Thomas the Apostle School .................... 6

Elkhart General .......................................... 84

Mathnasium . ............................................. 59

The Centre, P.C. . ........................................ 13

Elkhart General .............................Back Cover

Menno Travel ............................................. 23

The Howe School . ............Resource Directory

Fit Stop ...................................................... 19

Midwest Orthotics . .................................... 39

The Montessori Academy . ......................... 23

Gymnastics Michiana . ............................... 75

Midwest Orthotics . .................................... 77

Gymnastics Michiana . ......Resource Directory

Momadvice.com ........................................ 79

Hawkins Water Tech Inc ............................. 11

MutualBank . .............................................. 27

Heritage Square Mall .................................. 35

Notre Dame Federal Credit Union .................. 3

the family magazine | november 2011

Comprehensive Cancer Care Close to You Lakeland Cancer Specialists

 Experienced, board-certified oncologists who collaborate with a wide variety of caregivers to develop the best plan for your fight against cancer  Collaborating with leading regional medical institutions included the University of Michigan, Northwestern University, and the University of Chicago  Locations in St. Joseph at the Marie Yeager Cancer Center, and in Niles at Lakeland Community Hospital Call (269) 428-4411 for more information or to schedule an appointment.

Lakeland Cancer Specialists: Dr. Sapna Patel, Dr. Edmund Paloyan, Dr. Gerald Kozuh and the cancer care support team

At the new Marie Yeager Cancer Center, expert physicians will guide you through treatment options, in a healing environment, close to home. Health navigators support patients and their family members through the entire cancer detection, treatment, and follow-up process. The Marie Yeager Cancer Center offers: • Cancer screenings • Chemotherapy and infusion services • Holistic support services • Laboratory, Imaging, and Pharmacy • Medical oncology • Multidisciplinary clinics • Nutrition services and physical therapy • Outpatient surgery • Van’s Health and Appearance Center Commission on Cancer

Accredited by the Commission on Cancer for over 20 years. Participating in over 90 clinical trials.

Marie Yeager Cancer Center Lakeland Health Park, 3900 Hollywood Ave. St. Joseph, Michigan

To learn more visit www.LakelandHealth.org/CancerCare

CAR

S URGE

C IA

T R E P L AC

Think of it like a personal recommendation, only it’s from a really, really important friend. Ranked #1 in Indiana for Cardiac Surgery Recipient of the 2012 Cardiac Surgery Excellence Award Ranked among the Top 10% in the Nation for Joint Replacement Recipient of the Joint Replacement Excellence Award 4 years in a Row While we have always known we provide excellent care to our patients, it’s always nice to see that someone else agrees. HealthGrades®, the nation’s leading healthcare ratings organization, has once again chosen to recognize Elkhart General Hospital with multiple honors. For the complete list of our HealthGrades® recognitions, visit egh.org or healthgrades.com.

600 East Boulevard • Elkhart, IN 46514