FAMILY Man Magazine June 2011

FREE to Good Family Men

JUNE 2011

THE MAN CAVE

COOLEST ELECTRONIC GADGETS FOR 2011

Insert Vasectomy

PUN Here

Sports•Golf•Health•Sex •Gun Safety•Video Games

THE SKINNY

ON BEING

NOT SO SKINNY Going Bald?

Here’s What You Can Do About It

GREAT MONOGAMOUS SEX WANTED:

Translation Services for the Well-Meaning Married Couple

REAL MEN COOK: The BEST Grill Guide The Science of Brewing

MEN’S

FASHION

101 GOT

Tickets?

...to the GUN SHOW?

Mr. Mom

So, You Want to be a Stay-at-Home Dad?

It’s Not ALL

About the

SWING

Contributors Publisher & Editor-in-Chief: Betsy Tavernier Betsy@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com The Family Magazine Editor: Kerri White Kerri@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com Advertising Account Manager: darci Freeman darci@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com Creative Director: Jena Bontrager Jena@MichianaFamilyMagazine.com Fashion Editor: Kathy Friend Kathy@MMProd.com Medical Editor: S. Jesse Hsieh, M.D. Distribution Managers: Richard Cox – St. Joseph County & Cass County Don Tavernier – Elkhart County Michiana Family Magazines would love to hear from you!

Please submit press releases, event information and inquiries to: Media@Michianafamilymagazine.com Michiana Family Magazines 5230 Beck Drive Suite #3B Elkhart, IN 46516 PH: 574.293-FAM1 (3261) • FX: 574.217.4700 www.michianafamilymagazine.com Michiana Family Magazines June 2011, Special Edition.

Established in 2006.

All rights reserved.

Permission from the publisher is required for any reproduction or reprint of this publication.

Volume 1 : Number 1

The FAMILY Magazine is a proud member of PPA

www.MichianaFamilyMagazine.com

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Please use the information compiled by Michiana Family Magazines for your research. Michiana Family Magazines recommends that parents and families interview each business or organization to make sure that it is safe and a good fit for your family. The information presented here and provided by Michiana Family Magazines is for informational purposes only and although every effort has been made to present accurate information, Michiana Family Magazines does not, in any way, accept responsibility for the accuracy of or consequences from the use of this information and/or for the businesses and organizations presented herein. We urge all parents and families to confirm any information given herein through additional research. The views and opinions expressed by the writers, event organizers and advertisers do not necessarily represent those of Michiana Family Magazines LLC, its officers, editors, staff or contributors.

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Beyond Big Box. Expert Advice Exceptional Pricing Exclusive Products

The new 800 Series Diamond by Bowers & Wilkins

Jonathan Wesco, chief guru and owner of Allegro I invite you to discover a new level of personal expert advice, exceptional pricing and world-class products. Let us show you what life looks and sounds like beyond big box stores.

910 East UnivErsity DrivE • grangEr, inDiana • 574.255.HiFi Bowers & Wilkins Miele JVC

Rotel Epson

Paradigm Anthem Bose DaLite Stewart LiteTouch

McIntosh Panamax Furman

SpeakerCraft Séura

Samsung American Leather

Pioneer Elite BDI Evo

• discoverallegro.com

Sony Sonos Salamander

Control4 Ayr Cabinetry

Man

to Man

An Intro to The FAMILY Man

By Dr. Jesse Hsieh Medical Editor

The Man Cave 6

The Coolest Gadgets for 2011 and Beyond

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Equipping The Man Cave

Men’s Health 10 Going Bald?

Let’s face it; we men need help. We often take care of everything except ourselves, oblivious to the fact that often the only thing keeping us alive is women, but then we perceive that as harassment.

q

Sure would be nice to get some practical information on health and life without those other men magazines that smell like perfume and have fashions we wouldn’t be caught dead in.

11 Ask Dr. Irreverent

What makes this magazine different? There’s lots of great practical information, with a local twist: Want to know how to keep from going bald? How to actually communicate successfully with women? Read on.

It’s inside.

Did you know that the difference between men and women can be distilled into dresser drawers? Each drawer represents a different life issue or topic. Women have several drawers open at the same time; in fact they often need to know what’s going in multiple drawers. Men can only deal with one drawer at a time. They need to finish dealing with one and close it before opening a new drawer. They cannot sustain having too many drawers open at the same time, or they start to make funny noises and explode.

By the way, their favorite drawer is the one that’s empty….

Just imagine how we would approach and communicate with each other better if we knew that?

Dr. Jesse Hsieh has practiced at Granger Family Medicine for over 20 years. He serves on the Memorial Hospital Board, is Clinical Associate Professor at IU Med School-SB, President of the South Bend Clinic and lead guitarist for Vyagra Falls.

The Latest in Electronics and Gadgets and Must-Have Furniture and Gaming

Here’s What You Can Do About It

By Dr. Jim Harris

Got a Medical Question?

He’s Got an Answer.

By Dr. Scott Eshowsky

12 Insert Vasectomy

Pun Here...

By Mitchell Robinson

Stuff Men Do

14 The Skinny on Being

“Not So Skinny”

A Guide to Putting on More Muscle

By Jim Turnbo

15 It’s Not ALL About The Swing

Learning How to Really Play the Game of Golf

By Tim Firestone

16 Got Tickets?

...To The Gun Show?

By Rich Freeman

18 Recapturing the Magic

Man’s Quest in Achieving Video Game Nirvana

By Gavin Hagens

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Mr. Mom

24 So, You Want to be a Stay-At-Home Dad?

By Doug King

26 Dad’s On The Go

When Your Kid Melts Down in Public and What To Do So You Don’t

By Michelle Wegner

28 Rights You Didn’t

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Men’s

Fashion

101 The Basics

By Kathy Friend

Know You Had

Tips for Non-Custodial Parents

By Michael Wandling

great Monogamous

SEX

32

Advice for the Married Man

By Dr. John Petersen

Real Men Cook

20 The Man’s Grill Guide

By Mike Miles and Ryan Shriver

22 The Science of Brewing

30 The Sensitive Guy

34 Wanted: Translation Services for

Well-Meaning Married Couple

By Lucas Miles

A Crash Course in Discovering Your Perfect Beer

By Tom Schmidt

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T H E M A N C AV E

The

2011 & Beyond

Coolest for GADGETS Samsung’s LED D8000

The TV is super thin in depth. Most noteworthy about the LED D8000 series is its ultra-thin brushed metal bezel, a fine line that subtly frames the rich content on the screen and enhances the TV’s light form factor.

With a 240Hz refresh rate, 2 millisecond motion picture response time (MPRT), the D8000 offers true-to-life 2D, 3D and HD images with outstanding clarity. In addition to the Ultra Clear Panel, the TV is the first to offer Micro Dimming Plus technologies to provide rich, lifelike pictures with deep blacks and pure whites.

Samsung 46” Class LED 8000: $2,799.99.

Samsung 55” Class LED 8000: $3,599.999.

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Sony HDR-PJ30V Handycam Camcorder

Sony’s new Handycam camcorders with a built-in video projector offer the ultimate playback experience, even on the go. A compact, LED-based projector is built into the 3-inch flip-out LCD panel, maintaining the camcorder’s compact size and allows video and images to be projected at up to 60 inches (diagonally, when projected 18 feet away) onto walls, ceilings or other flat surfaces.

Stereo speakers with Clear Phase and S-Master digital amplifiers produce clear, dynamic sound and when combined with the integrated projector, provide a whole new way to enjoy video playback without needing to plug into an HDTV. Price: $700 - $950

Nintendo 3DS

Nintendo introduces portable entertainment in 3D – without the need for special glasses. The Nintendo 3DS system is in stores now. It comes with a collection of pre-installed games and fun features, with more on the way.

The device not only plays 3D video games, but it can take 3D pictures as well. It’s really a sight to see.

Price: $249.99

Lenovo IdeaPad U1

This is a unique two-in-one device combining the mobility of a media-rich, high-definition slate and a keyboard base that provides a full Windows 7 computing experience. This means you can easily use the slate when you’re on the go, but when you need to do more substantial work, simply slide it back into the U1 base, and it essentially turns into a laptop.

At under two pounds and only half an inch in thickness, the extremely portable LePad slate keeps users incredibly mobile all day with up to eight hours of battery life. The 10.1-inch widescreen, high-definition LePad slate runs in landscape and portrait modes. Users can watch video, surf the Internet and access social networks from their fingertips, as well as tap out messages and email. It also has a front camera for taking pictures or for video chat.

Price: As of now, this product has only been released in China and costs the equivalent of about $1,300. Keep your eyes out for its U.S. debut, which has yet to be announced.

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T H E M A N C AV E

Equipping the Looking to stock your man cave?

Here are some awesome products and gadgets to help you get started.

Man Cave

The Latest in Electronics and Gadgets Bowers & Wilkins P5 Headphones – $299

Enjoy your favorite music everywhere with noise-isolating headphones. Drawing on 45 years of Bowers & Wilkins hi-fi innovation and expertise, P5 headphones bring you remarkably natural, highly detailed sound on the move. Experience a luxuriously comfortable fit that makes longer listening sessions a pleasure.

Bowers & Wilkins Zeppelin Air – $599

Zeppelin Air is the ultimate iPod dock. It features the new, Apple AirPlay technology allowing you to stream wirelessly from your iPhone or iTunes. Bowers & Wilkins gives your music an open, lifelike presentation with highly detailed, room-filling sound.

Sonos Wireless Whole House Music – starting at $399

Sonos is a wireless music system allowing you to play the same music or different music in every room of your home. You can control it from a Sonos touch screen or even right from your iPhone. Play music from your computer or access music from the Internet, using services like Pandora, Rhapsody and Napster.

Built-In Miele Coffee System – $2,699

Enjoy the perfect cup of coffee at the push of a button. This built-in unit features a whole bean system which freshly grinds and brews the beans for each cup of espresso, coffee, cappuccino or latte.

Ultimate Man Cave Home Theater System – starting at $4,999

For the next big game, you can be the envy of the neighborhood with your custom home theater. Experience hi-def picture and surround sound professionally designed and installed in your home.

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*Images and descriptions provided by Allegro Home Entertainment in Granger.

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M I C H I A N A FA M I LY M A G A Z I N E . C O M

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Must-Have Furniture and Gaming Berkline Home Theater Seats – The Metro Collection Imagine the impact of a full cinematic experience right in your own home!

Berkline Theater Seating combines unparalleled comfort, sophisticated design and all the features you need to help create the ultimate home theater.

Brunswick Shuffleboard

Family-friendly fun begins with this classic shuffleboard table. Featuring a North American maple wood playfield and polymer resin surface, this table is exquisite in its playability and appearance.

Available in 12 and 14 foot sizes with a contemporary chestnut finish. Features convenient storage shelves found at the center leg and accessories (including four black pucks, four red pucks, stainless abacus scorer, table brush, and wax bead can). Includes black table cover. Optional scorer and light set (set of two) available.

Brunswick Allenton Billiard Table A great addition to any home, the Allenton comes in traditional cherry or chestnut, with two leg options. Select the clean, strong lines of the veneered tapered legs or opt for the solid wood ball and claw leg. Solid wood rails, Brunswick-certified premium slate and pearlized diamond-shaped sights enhance the experience.

Camella Bar with Fridge Pocket

The Camella Decorative Panel Bar with Burl inlay front panel features a black laminate top, fridge pocket, lockable storage cabinets, removable wine bottle cradles, stem ware holders and Cobalt hardware. *Images and descriptions provided by The Great Escape located in Mishawaka.

M E N ’ S H E A LT H

Going

?

Bald

Here’s What You Can Do About It

By Dr. Jim Harris Every morning in America, guys look in the mirror to check their hairline. Is there as much as yesterday? How much will be there next week? Next year? Can I comb it differently, so it doesn’t show as much? Grow it long and comb it over? Wear a hat? A hairpiece? Do I just grin and bear (and bare) it? While most men eventually have some hair loss, for some, it can start when a young man is still in his 20’s.

What causes it? Well, it’s all about hormones. We all know about women and the hormone issues they face, but we don’t hear about it with guys as much. In fact, hair loss is due to an excess of testosterone, the male hormone, at the hair follicle level. On our heads, it causes hair loss; elsewhere on our bodies, it makes the hair grow even more – just where we don’t want or need it.

So, if you’re one of the many balding men out there and want to do something about it, here are your options, two are medications and one is surgical.

Minoxidil or Rogaine

This drug was first used as a blood pressure medication.

Then it was realized that men using it were growing more hair on their head. Unfortunately, it was growing everywhere else as well (not always attractive). So, it was developed for topical use – that way the hair would only grow where you wanted it, on your head. It’s not really clear how it works, but it definitely does, and there are almost no side effects when used topically.

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Used on a regular basis, it can slow down the loss of hair, or even re-grow it. It’s available over the counter now without a prescription. But you have to take it forever to maintain the gains you’ve made. Once you stop, your hair will start falling out again.

Finastera (Propecia)

This drug was also developed for another reason, to help with prostate problems. It can shrink the prostate and fix a lot of urinary symptoms, which also plague us men as we get older. It turns out it also helped grow hair back as well. So, for many of us guys, it’s kind of a two-for-one benefit.

Hair Transplants

We’ve all seen them on the late night infomercials with those fantastic results. Do they work? Sure, and they can look that good or even better. But be ready for a big price tag (probably thousands to get the look you want). It may also take many months and multiple treatment sessions before it will look the way you want. These procedures are available locally from qualified physicians. Results can be excellent, and, unlike the drugs, the results are permanent.

“...women care

less about what’s on a man’s head than what’s in his heart.

How does it work? It works by blocking the conversion of testosterone to a more potent male hormone that causes hair loss. It does work better than minoxidil. In fact, studies have shown that it stops hair loss in nearly every man that takes the drug, and up to half see new hair growth. But you have to be patient because it may take months to see the difference. Also, like minoxidil, you have to use it forever if you want to keep your new hair. But unlike minoxidil, it can have other, more significant side effects, even sexual dysfunction in rare cases, which is why it is available only by prescription. Talk to your doctor if you are interested.

But men, before you go running to your local pharmacy or family doctor, perhaps you should first talk with that special lady in your life. Truth is, most women care less about what’s on a man’s head than what’s in his heart.

Women are better about that than men, the often shallow creatures that we are. What’s important to women is that we treat them with love and respect. In other words, show them that they are the most important part of your life. Chances are your wife didn’t marry you for your hair and doesn’t care if you have a mane like Fabio. So, before you worry too much about what’s on your noggin, remember that it’s what’s in your heart that really counts.

”

Dr. Jim Harris is a practicing allergist and pediatric pulmonologist at the South Bend Clinic and plays keyboards with Vyagra Falls. His dermatology consultant for this article was Dr. Holly Hake Harris. She also happens to be his wife and says she doesn’t care if he has hair or not.

M E N ’ S H E A LT H

Ask Dr. Irreverent

Got a Medical Question? He’s got an Answer.

By Dr. Irreverent, aka, Dr. Scott Eshowsky

Hey doc! How about that Viagra?

“Still Got That Lovin’ Feeling” – South Bend

Lovin, This is honestly the most frequent question I get at the end of an office visit – when I’m almost out the door! The truth is that erectile dysfunction is extremely common in men and absolutely nothing to feel shame over. If you want to prevent it as long as you can, make sure you keep your blood pressure and cholesterol down and don’t smoke. If you’re having trouble with erections AND your sex drive is down too, it’s worth checking your testosterone level. And for you younger guys, the most common reason for erectile dysfunction is stage fright; these meds probably won’t help much.

There are three meds on the market – Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis – all effective, each with its own claim to fame. They require a prescription and are generally safe to take. Your doctor will assess for any reasons that you shouldn’t take these meds. The most common is if you also take nitro or nitrates, which if combined can cause a fatal drop in blood pressure. Another potential side effect, priapism (the four hour or longer erection) is very rare, but serious, so if you’re “Little Johnny” is “saluting the flag” and won’t relax, go to the ER!

I’m only 24 years old and already going bald.

Is there a legitimate way to prevent and reverse baldness? “Badly Balding” – South Bend Badly Balding, There are definitely ways to slow down the progression of male pattern baldness. It is important, however, to first be sure which type of hair loss you are experiencing. It’s always best to see your doctor to make sure your hair loss pattern doesn’t point to a nutritional, metabolic or infectious process. The most common type of hair loss is what we all dread, male pattern baldness. While some of us guys actually look pretty good with a squeaky-clean scalp, for most of us, it completely ruins our chances of becoming a 40-year-old rock star.

If you’re doctor determines there isn’t anything going on other than a rapid reduction in your need for hair gel, there are some things you can try. Topical Rogaine is now

available without a prescription. Propecia is available in pill form, but needs a prescription. But beware, when you stop these, hair loss will resume and potentially at a more rapid pace – since you’ve been delaying the inevitable. Either way, as your hair thins, don’t forget to put sun block on that noggin of yours. A nice sunburn on the scalp will leave you with a week’s worth of bad dandruff from peeling, not to mention risk of skin cancer!

I often need sleep aids (melatonin, Unisom, Nyquil) to help me get a decent night sleep, and I usually still toss and turn. Any helpful hints to get a better rest without sleep aids? Will my body become dependent on them if I take these on a regular basis? “Sleepy Boy” – Mishawaka Sleepy Boy, Sometimes I find people are really good at convincing themselves they won’t be able to fall asleep at night. But remember, our brains were developed to sleep and were designed to fall asleep around the same time each day.

Anxiety, depression or stress are common roadblocks to good sleep, and if you’re having trouble, talk to your doctor about these potential issues.

There’s a concept called “sleep hygiene” that can help. Set a bedtime and wake time that’s consistent every night, even weekends. Give yourself seven to eight hours to sleep. Develop a bedtime routine and stick to it – nothing fancy. Lock the doors to the house, turn out lights, PJ’s, brush teeth, potty, lay down to bed. Do NOT read or watch TV in bed. People who have trouble sleeping should use bed for only two things, sleep and sex. Nothing else. Otherwise your mind associates bed with those other activities, not sleep.

A fan or other white noise to drown out those sounds of the night can also make a big difference. Most over-thecounter sleep aids aren’t addictive, but you can develop a tolerance, so try to minimize them.

Dr. Scott Eshowsky serves as the medical director of Memorial’s Main Street Medical Group. He received his medical degree from Indiana University School of Medicine and completed his residency in family practice at Ball Memorial Hospital in Muncie.

He is board-certified in family practice.

M E N ’ S H E A LT H

Insert

y m o t c e Vas

Pun Here

By Mitchell Robinson

Words can be scary. I’m perpetually nervous about writing

the word “tomorrow” because I can never spell it correctly (how many m’s are there? Thank god for spell check). But few words can elicit a fear in men more than a word signifying a procedure that is exclusively male.

Vasectomy.

Regardless of how it is written (VAH-SEKT-OH-ME, Vasectomy, VASECTOMY, vasectomy, fasekdomy), and regardless of how it is pronounced, it elicits a strong reaction in men.

When I told family, co-workers and friends that I was writing an article about vasectomies, the range of reaction was varied. When talking to men who hadn’t had the surgery, their expression turned into a scrunched face, and they would exclaim with false bravado, “I would never do that. My boys will forever swim upstream!” However, from those who have had the procedure, it was as if there was a camaraderie, a “The Fellowship of the Vas.” They would expound on their own vasectomy, and when around more than one member of this fellowship, they would share their tales as if their new-found comrade was a combination of war buddy and frat brother.

I spoke to Dr. Mark Toth, a urologist with Memorial Hospital, about the divide of those pre-procedure and those post-op. Men who are considering the procedure are often concerned that their “manhood will be challenged” and will have “erection inability,” as well as troubles from the procedure such as infection.

However, Dr. Toth assured me that vasectomies are a fairly simple procedure in which none of these concerns come to fruition, stating that “a vasectomy does not affect the testicles or the parts of the male anatomy that affect testosterone.” Regarding the erection inability, my friends and family who have had vasectomies were more than willing to share, without my provocation, that their sex lives remained vibrant and full. (Thanks, Dad.)

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As mentioned, the procedure doesn’t even touch the parts of the male genitalia that affect erection. The procedure does not affect the testes or the production of testosterone. The procedure doesn’t stop the production of sperm but rather, it redirects it. Dr. Toth continued, noting that after the procedure, the sperm is absorbed into the bloodstream. The sperm is a very minor component of the ejaculation. Dr. Toth even said that despite one having undergone a vasectomy (there’s that word again), it is as if nothing has changed. To give an example of how little will change: if aliens were really smart and wanted to destroy the world, they could do it by giving every man a vasectomy while they slept, and men wouldn’t even know that it happened, resulting in an end-of-the-world scenario with none F A M I LY M A N

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knowing why there was mass male infertility. This sci-fi vasectomy scenario that is reminiscent of Alfonso Cuarón’s film “Children of Men,” of course, is dependent upon the recommended rest period of 48-72 hours with a week of “taking it easy.” The procedure itself requires a tiny incision, a point or a “poke hole” over the vas (or vas deferens), which Dr. Toth described as “a spaghetti like tube” that facilitates the flowing of sperm from the testes into the ejaculatory duct, allowing the sperm to hitch a ride on the rest of the ejaculation. During a vasectomy, as Dr. Toth described, the doctor takes a small needle and pulls the vas out. The procedure takes a small piece of the vas out thus interrupting the flow of sperm. The doctor then cauterizes the lumens (the opening of the vas).

The procedure is simply meant to interrupt the flow of sperm into semen. The sperm that is still, and forever will be, produced is absorbed into the blood stream without consequence. After the rest period, the “family jewels” are back to normal.

not be deemed a success until there are at least two samples that have absolutely no sperm. Of course, everything may be in working condition, but the ejaculation is still lacking the special ingredient.

This is, as Dr. Toth had repeated numerous times, a “permanent procedure.”

Yet, I had heard of and remember seeing a billboard for discount reverse vasectomies in South Bend. I asked Dr. Toth about this procedure as well to which he responded, “Reverse vasectomies are costly procedures that are rarely covered through insurance, and there is no promise that they will be successful. It is a 50/50 shot that the vasectomy will be reversed, and that rate goes down as time passes.” A vasectomy, then, is essentially a permanent decision that must not be made lightly.

According to Dr. Toth, the success rate of vasectomies is a high

99.85%.

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be charged (it’s only possible to find this out during the procedure). It is also possible to be lacking a vas, in which case, you probably don’t need to have a vasectomy.

Vasectomy ought not to be a feared term. It is a term that allows for family planning after much consideration by both the male and female of the relationship.

According to Dr. Toth, the success rate of vasectomies is a high 99.85%. With few complications, with the assumption of the rest period and week of “taking it easy” this is typically a simple procedure that does not affect sexual activity or manhood.

It is important to make this decision carefully as it is as Dr. Toth continually reminded “permanent.” He considers it unethical to perform the procedure on a young man. He gave the example of a mid-twenties divorced man with a child. If this man were to remarry and want children, the decision that he had previously made would render that decision mute. It is permanent birth control. The wife, as Dr. Toth explained, often has the mindset of “I gave birth. You can do this.”

And this is much less painful than birth, fellas.

FOR FAMILY FUN ALL WEEKEND FOR FAMILY FUN

After the vasectomy, there will still be sperm in the “tubes,” and it will take anywhere from 10-20 ejaculations to “clean out the pipes.” The procedure will

Dr. Toth told me that the vasectomy itself runs in the range of $750-$1000. On rare occasions, the male may only have one vas instead of the usual two. In which case, this is a biological coupon in which full price cannot

W

Mitchell Robinson hails from Northern Indiana and is a recent graduate of Indiana University with a BA in English and a minor in Film Studies.

FRIDAY JULY 15 ALL WEEKEND JULY15 16 SATURDAYJULY FRIDAY SATURDAY JULY 16 Join Barry Alvarez, Desmond Howard and Join Barry Alvarez, Desmond Howard and at theEnshrinement 2011 Enshrinement Festivalinin others atothers the 2011 Festival Downtown Downtown SouthSouth Bend.Bend.

EVENTS INCLUDE:

EVENTS INCLUDE:

Ribs Cook-Off & Downtown Block Party Ribs Cook-Off & Downtown Spectacular Fireworks Show Grand Parade Block Party FanFest Spectacular Fireworks Show the Hall of Famer Pep • featuring

Grand Parade FanFest www.enshrinementfestival.org • featuring the Hall of Famer Pep

Rally, Youth Football Clinic & more!

Complete details online:

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Rally, Youth Football Clinic & more!

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STUFF MEN DO

The Skinny on Being NOT So Skinny

“

A Guide to Putting on More Muscle

By Jim Turnbo

Eat lots of food, lift heavy weights combined with high intensity interval training, add a gallon or two of water a day and get plenty of rest.

There you have it: the skinny on being not so skinny!

If it where honestly that simple, there would be no need for all the muscle and fitness rags you see in every book or corner drug store. The techniques used to put on muscle are a little more in depth than the quote above, though not by much.

Most marketers and supplement companies over-complicate the weight gainer’s problems by providing a supplement solution: “Buy our Hydro-Oxide-Muscle-Gainer-3000 (totally made up name) and your skinny-twig days are over!”

Many of us “skinny guys” can relate to this because most of the muscle magazines are riddled with these types of products. I’ve bought many of them (yes, magazines and products.) They all are the same: a muscle bound person, one who probably doesn’t even use the product they are selling, looking at the camera with a “You will never look like me” face.

The Skinny

After several years of helping people achieve their weight loss goals, I often fell into their weight loss routine simply by association. Not that I needed to lose weight. It has always been the opposite. The trap by association came as I focused all my efforts on helping people lose their unwanted weight. This started to leave a void in my own goals as I basically, especially in the beginning, became a guinea pig for everything I do now. I was testing the very same successful weight loss formula so many Michiana residents are using to this day.

Until that time, my entire life had revolved around ways to gain weight. Growing up, I was too small to go out for football and never made the cut for basketball because of my height. So, as I grew up, most of my efforts

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”

went into ways to gain weight through exercise and some really asinine nutrition plans.

But you can benefit from my past experiences in trying to bulk up. Below is a guide so you can do it the right way.

Packing on Muscle

The number one factor in packing on the weight is the amount and type of food you consume. You need to take in more calories than you normally would, and those calories need to be from specific kinds of food. If you want to lose fat, then you cut out ALL processed carbs, dairy and eat close to what is considered a paleo (hunter and gatherer) nutrition lifestyle: high fat, moderately high protein and very low carbs.

If packing on muscle size (and gaining strength) is your goal, eating a lot of protein, moderately high fat and still very low carbs is the key to success. The hidden secret is in cycling your high protein and high fat days with a “treat” day as well as up to a 24 hour fast.

First of all, you need to find out how many calories you need to be consuming per day. To do this, you need to know your total weight and your body fat percentage.

Here’s the Math

As I type this article, I weigh 172 pounds at 11% body fat.

I’ve laid out a plan for myself to get up to 195 pounds by the end of fall while maintaining 7% body fat. And I’ve laid out some strength goals for myself as well.

Once you know your body weight, take your body fat percentage and turn that number into a decimal. Once you do, subtract that number from your total body weight.

Example: (172 pounds body weight times 11% body fat equals 18.92 pounds fat weight) 172 x .11 = 18.92 To find out LBM (Lean Body Mass), subtract 172 (total body weight) from 19 (18.92 pounds of fat weight rounded up from above) equals a Lean Body Mass of 153 pounds.

Finally, decide whether you want to lose lots of fat and gain some muscle or build lots of muscle and burn some fat.

Lose lots of fat and gain some muscle (13) Gain lots of muscle and lose some fat (16)

In my case I want to gain muscle and lose some fat. So, I would multiply 153 (LBM) x 16 = 2448. I need to shoot for 2448 calories a day to help me stay in line with my goal.

The Weekly Meal Plan

Over the course of a week, I will leave Monday and Tuesday as very high protein days. (70% of calories from lean protein: eggs, chicken, turkey, fish, protein powder and very lean cuts of beef; 15% from fat mostly from coconut oil and/or avocados/nuts and 15% carbs all from veggies and a little fruit).

Wednesdays are a fasting day to help my digestive system recuperate for the rest of the week. My stomach won’t be idle, though; I’ll be drinking nearly two gallons of water.

Thursday through Saturday consists of 47% protein, 42% fat and 11% carbs. Sunday is the day where I don’t count or keep track of anything. It’s just a day to eat when I am hungry and to not be so strict with my food choices.

All-in-all, this is a general template for the skinny guy looking to not be so skinny. The workouts are created to go along with the different days of eating along with how the calories are broken down. Training takes place everyday except for Wednesday and Sunday.

My advice on training: never walk away from your workout wishing you did more. Give your all, give it all the time or go home!

Jim Turnbo III owns CrossFit Michiana and has helped hundreds of Michiana residents achieve their fitness goals through strength and conditioning as well as nutrition. He specializes in working with both adults and youth athletes ranging from volleyball, football and basketball.

M I C H I A N A FA M I LY M A G A Z I N E . C O M

T H E W H O L E PA C K A G E

It’s Not ALL About the Swing

Learning How to Really Play the Game of Golf Golf, like many sports, has two different aspects one must learn in order to enjoy the game and become a better player.

First, there is the technique of swinging a golf club and then there’s the occasionally forgotten or ignored aspect of how to actually play the game. This is similar to hockey, where you have to learn to skate well and then also learn how to play the sport – shoot the puck, pass the puck and be in the correct position to make a play.

So many times golfers are enamored with learning how to swing the club and hit certain shots that they forget the most important part of the whole thing, playing the game of golf. I’ve seen and played with many different golfers who didn’t have the most beautiful golf swing and couldn’t hit a lot of different shots, but they knew how to play the game, and it resulted in better scores and a more enjoyable experience for everyone.

You may have trouble hitting the perfect shot, but “Golf is not a game of perfect” as said by Bob Rotella, a decorated sports psychologist. You can still become a better player and shoot better scores if you learn how to play the game correctly. Here are some tips to help you improve your game.

Driving

Play To Your Strengths.

Understand what shape your shot typically takes and play that shot. Don’t try and hit shots you can’t execute. For example, if you hit a fade or slice, don’t try and hook your shot on a dog leg left. Hit your fade even if it means that you will not maximize your distance on a hole.

Hit Away From Trouble.

Hit the ball away from the trouble spots on the hole. So many times when golfers hit the ball out of bounds or into the water, it could have easily been avoided if they stopped and concentrated on hitting away from trouble. If there is an out of bounds right of a hole and your ball flight is left to right, aim further left than you normally would to ensure that you keep the ball in bounds.

Approach Shots

Take The Extra Club Most amateur golfers never hit enough club on an approach shot. Nine times out of ten,

Blackthorn Golf Club

Blackthorn Golf Club will offer $10 golf lessons every Saturday from 10 AM to 11AM beginning on April 30th.

Blackthorn will be hosting “9 Wine and Dine” events on June 4, July 16, August 13 and September 10. Cost is $99 per couple, per event. For more information, call 574.232.4653.

Christiana Creek Country Club

Offering affordable membership options for the entire family.

• Junior (under age 35) Family Memberships only $70/month • Regular Family Membership only $140/month • Youth, Social, Driving Range & Pool Memberships are also available

Think Ahead If you know that you can’t reach the green on an approach shot, stop and think about where you would want to hit your next shot. If there is a bunker in front of the green on the line to the pin, don’t aim at the pin and hope for a miracle shot. Hit it to an area where you will have the best chance of getting your next shot close to the hole.

$200 Initiation Fee Waived & F Locker for the first year!

For more Membership information, call 574.264.3060.

The South Bend Country Club

Are you a young professional interested in picking up the game of golf? Our Junior Executive and Social Memberships are very affordable and will get you acquainted to the country club lifestyle. For more information on this and other programs, call Christine at 574-282-2527.

Chipping and Putting

Easy There, Tiger Don’t try to hit an amazing shot every time.

So many times, golfers of all abilities try to hit a miracle shot to get the ball close to the hole.

If you have a shot that requires you to hit very high to carry a sand trap or water and the pin is on the front part of the green, be sure to hit a safe shot and get the ball on the green and give yourself a chance of making the next putt.

You will have a much better chance of making a decent score on a hole if you are putting rather than hitting from a sand trap or dropping out of a hazard with a penalty stroke.

Tim Firestone is the PGA general manager of Blackthorn Golf Club in South Bend. He has been with Blackthorn for a total of 14 years.

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Check these local hot spots!

golfers will be short of the green and end up in a trouble area. Always take the extra club and get it to the green. Chances are you’re not going to hit it pure, and most of the time the trouble is in front of the green. There are always exceptions, but if you use this general rule, you will improve your game.

If the average golfer would stop and think their way around a round of golf and follow these simple steps, they would definitely become better players and their scores would go down significantly. Take the time to learn how to play the game of golf, and it will result in a much more enjoyable round. As the famous saying goes, “It’s not how; it’s how many!”

JUNE 2011

Looking for great places to GOLF?

By Tim Firestone

Set It Up Every putt is not makeable. There are certain putts, even for Tour Professionals, where a great score would be to get the ball in the hole in two strokes. Always concentrate on getting your first putt in a position to make the next one.

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Bone and joint pain got you sidelined?

Our team of orthopaedic specialists will help you get back in the game.

From minimally invasive knee surgery to hip reconstruction, rotator cuff repair, hand surgery and arthroscopic procedures, we provide advanced care for bone and joint issues.

Ron Clark, M.D.

Sylvan E. Clarke M.D.

John Halstead III M.D.

www.SouthBendClinic.com

STUFF MEN DO

Got Tickets?

Gun Show?

...to the

By Rich Freeman

Guns. They can collect dust for 100 years until a person puts one in their hands, and then the possibilities are endless.

I found that people automatically view those associated with law enforcement and the military as experts on the topic of guns. After 10 years of law enforcement experience between being a Marine MP and a police officer, I’ve been asked numerous questions from random people, friends and family members about guns. Several of those questions are asked over and over again, which makes me think that many people are wondering the same things. Some of the questions are serious and are related to safety, and other questions are just ridiculous. Below you’ll find a little bit of everything.

Before reading any further, please read the weapon safety rules. They are universal: 1. Treat every weapon as if it were loaded.

2. Never point a weapon at anything you do not intend to shoot.

3. Keep the weapon on SAFE until you are ready to fire.

4. Keep your finger straight and off the trigger until you intend to fire.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: So if I had a gun in the house and someone tried to break in, could I shoot them?

A: Yes, if your life or the lives of your family are in

danger, then you have the right to defend yourself, which includes taking someone’s life in order to prevent death or serious bodily injury to you and your loved ones.

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Q: But what if a guy breaks in and steals my T.V.

and then runs out the door. Can’t I shoot him in the leg or something?

A: No! Call 911! Once the person is running away, especially since he or she is out of your home, they no longer pose a threat to your life.

Therefore, it’s not self-defense anymore… it’s murder. (However, if they are shooting at you as they are running away, then, yes.)

Q: What’s the best gun to buy?

A: Guns are like cars. Each one has a specific

application. You wouldn’t take a Lamborghini off road, nor would you take a Hummer to the racetrack, yet they are both awesome.

Then there is personal preference. Some people like Chevy’s; some people like Fords. The same goes for guns. My best suggestion is to narrow your search to a specific application. Ask yourself some questions: Do you want to conceal it?

Is it just for home defense? Target shooting?

Find out what you’re interested in and then go to your local gun store and ask them to show you various guns for that application. See how it feels in your hand. Ask yourself some more questions: Do you like how it fits in your hand?

Is the trigger pull too hard, or too long? Does it have a safety? Do you want a safety?

Finally, ask if there are guns to rent. Some shooting ranges have weapons that you may rent and shoot. Although they may not have the exact gun you are interested in buying, see if one fires the same bullet so you can gage what that particular recoil feels like.

M I C H I A N A FA M I LY M A G A Z I N E . C O M

Q: Once I buy a gun, how do I store it?

A: This is a big question that involves many variables.

There has to be a balance of accessibility and safety.

You can have it locked up and unloaded, tucked inside a 15-digit combination safe where it will be secured from your kids – or burglars. The problem is that you can’t get to it in a timely fashion either.

Personally, I keep my weapons in a locked safe; however my “home defense” weapon is loaded with a round in the chamber in a hidden wall safe. People are always shocked to hear that I keep it loaded. In comparison, most people have several fire extinguishers in their homes, although very few people have experienced a house fire. For the sake of being prepared for a fire, all of the fire extinguishers are “loaded.” The same can be applied in preparation for a home invader. In a highly stressful situation, your brain starts to go into survival mode and shuts things down in order to conserve energy in preparation of a fight. One of the first things to shut down are fine motor skills, which makes it difficult to near impossible to complete a task such as turning the dial of a combination lock, loading bullets into the magazine or trying to find your keys at the bottom of your purse.

Just as you can keep the weapon too “inaccessible” by being locked up and unloaded in a safe, you can keep it too “assessable” to where it becomes a safety issue for your family.

Never keep a weapon under your pillow! Keep in mind that kids can reach your weapon if it is left exposed on the night stand, too. I found a few “hidden safes” on-line and in catalogs. They are disguised as clocks or picture frames and various other wall hangings. Visually, they are unassuming. Functionally, they just swing open with a hinge – no combination or key locks to fumble with. They are wall hangings, which can easily be placed in an assessable area for adults and out of reach from children. As long as you

never tell your kids that there is a gun there, they will always assume that it’s just a family picture or a clock on the wall, and, therefore, never think to “snoop” there.

Q: What if I don’t have a carry permit? How do I transport the weapon to the shooting range?

A: The weapon and the ammunition need to be separate

from each other and at least one of the two have to be locked up. You can have the unloaded weapon and the ammunition in the locked trunk of your car. Or, if you have a truck, you can keep the weapon (pistol) unloaded and locked in the glove box and the ammunition on the floorboard. If it’s a rifle or shotgun, transport it unloaded behind the seat and the ammunition in the locked glove box.

Keep in mind that if you do NOT have a carry permit, then these methods of transporting are ONLY applicable when transporting the gun from the store to your house, your house to the gun store and to and from the shooting range. If pulled over for a traffic violation, keep your hands on the steering wheel and always advise the police officer of the exact location of the weapon. Trust me; you don’t want them to be surprised if they find it on their own.

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The reason NOT to carry the gun in a purse is simple; the bad guy wants the purse! As a police officer, I have responded to many victims of purse snatchings.

They happen mostly in the parking lots of malls, stores, movies theaters and places of business. Most security cameras are inside these places to protect against theft, and very few are in the parking lot.

Bad guys like to just rip the purse off the shoulder and run. Now, not only do they have your ID, money and credit cards, now they have your gun, too!

Women should carry the gun on their body and a small wallet or money clip in their pocket with their driver’s license, main credit cards and a small amount of cash. If encountered by a purse-snatcher or rapist, give them the purse. If that’s all they want, then they will leave having stolen nothing but hygiene products and chewing gum. If they intend to rape you, then giving them the purse can be used as a distraction and provide the few seconds to draw the gun and protect yourself.

When it comes to firearms, there can be infinite questions. Media and movies can demonize and distort the image of guns. Firearm ownership requires training and education.

Q: Can women carry guns in their purse?

A: Can they? Yes. Should they? NO! Women are easy prey for male criminals, either to rob them of their money or rape them. There are a smaller percentage of female concealed weapon permit holders than there are males. With proper training and education, I hope this number increases. I have never heard of a rape victim who was carrying a gun, have you? Once women have jumped the personal hurdle of owning a gun, where should they carry it? They should carry it on their person. They should find a place on their body such as the waist or ankle that feels comfortable, conceals the weapon and is easy to draw.

Rich Freeman joined the Marine Corps after high school and served as an MP on the Special Reaction Team. Rich is currently a Mishawaka Police Officer where he serves on the Honor Guard and is a Close Quarter Combat Instructor.

STUFF MEN DO

Recapturing the

Magic

Man’s Quest in Achieving Video Game Nirvana

By Gavin Hagens

If you’re anything like me, you consider yourself pretty well acquainted with video gaming. Just as the television shed its negative stereotype as the generations who grew up with it reached their 20’s, so too have video games evolved from a low-brow waste of time to a high-culture medium, rivaling that of the most innovative films and books. Anyone who rode shotgun alongside Capt. Price through the horrors of WWIII, led Kratos up the mountain of Olympus to challenge the gods themselves or stood side-by-side with Link when he went toe-to-toe with Gannon, Prince of Thieves, knows what I’m talking about.

If you’re anything like me, you’re an adult now, and you’ve played all the classics.

You’ve laughed, you’ve cried and you’ve died many, many times. The quest for, well, a quest, is a force that compels you to keep trying new games, re-live old ones and read articles like this.

And finally, if you’re anything like me, you’re on the hunt. Your keen puzzlesolving intellect needs exercise. You’ll settle for a good game, but what you really want is magic. That’s right, magic. You want those games that take on a life of their own, games that hum with that weird and terrific power that keeps you coming back.

It seems like only yesterday that I was 13 years old, standing in the video game section of Hollywood Video with my younger brother, praying to the video game gods that what we ended up with that weekend wasn’t a total piece of garbage. The budgets in this multi-billion dollar industry grow yearly, and the modern gamer reaps the benefits. There is a wealth of reviews to read before committing to a new game. But the magic is still so very hard to find; I’ve played games with 9.5 or greater on the 10 point scale and still have been disappointed.

For those of you who have played the games in the following list, my hat is off to you. You have tasted magic. But my real feelings are for those who haven’t; I’d give much to trade places with you right now. There are lots of good games, but these games are pure hocus pocus, Harry Potter-level magic. I’d love to go back and play them for the first time.

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The Magic List

Demon’s Souls (PS3) This one is more obscure, but definitely worth tracking down. Set in a dark and dismal medieval past, Demon’s Souls is an absolute ten, serving up magic, monsters, heroes and mysterious artifacts in deliciously equal portions. You’ll fight your way across six unique worlds, searching for powerful weapons, other heroes, but most of all, mighty demon souls, the keys to unlocking your own immortality.

Demon’s Souls is in this article for a reason you may not guess. Though its classic topdown style hack-and-slash game play allows for plenty of amazing boss battles and near-death close calls, the real reason this game made the magic list is for its incredible difficulty. Its black, unyielding design inspired some desperate behavior on my part, not the least of which was trying to see if I could get anywhere by simply slamming the controller against my forehead. But there may be few video game experiences more satisfying than Demon’s Souls when you finally overcome an epic boss, tearing his stillbeating heart from his chest.

Diablo II (PC) One of the original ultra-addictive titles, Diablo II is a dungeon crawling roller coaster that you find yourself getting in line for over and over again. Go straight to the multiplayer, start killing waves of enemies and watch your pile of loot grow. Playing with dolls has never been so fun.

Portal (PC) A game like nothing you’ve ever played before. Made by the crew who brought you the Half-Life and Dead or Alive series, Valve turned the modern puzzler upside down and gave us something totally unlike any game before it. And just wait until you meet GLaDOS (Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System). You will laugh harder and longer than you thought possible while playing a video game.

God of War (PS 2) Being the bad guy never felt so good. Unlike the later two installments, this story of redemption feels so simple in execution and epic in scale that you will be unable to quit until you reach the finish line.

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                     

Call of Duty - Modern Warfare II (XBOX 360/PS3) Unlike other Call of Duty games, Infinity Ward took the look and feel of a war game and brought it very, very close to home. From the first bullet to the last, you will feel that you’re part of something, well, important somehow. The multiplayer deserves a special mention. If you’ve ever tried a shooter and found yourself dying all too often, this game is for you.

Infinity Wards innovative rewards, character creation and radar system gives you room to learn and grow.

Feet holding you back?

Our podiatrists will get you moving again. With expertise in disorders of the feet, ankles and lower extremities, we provide many treatment choices, both surgical and nonsurgical, for your optimal care.

Gavin Hagens is currently serving as a second lieutenant in the United States Air Force. He may not know much, but he does know where to find all the Pieces of Heart in The Legend of Zelda.

W. Douglas Kolmodin, D.P.M.

Brandon R Gumbiner, D.P.M

Jeffrey L. Niespodziany, D.P.M.

www.SouthBendClinic.com

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REAL MEN COOK

The

Man’s

Grill

Guide

By Mike Miles and Ryan Shriver

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JUNE 2011

As the days get longer and the temperature rises, it means that grilling season is finally upon us. But before you fire up the grill, here are some general tips, followed by a few recipes, to aid you in your grilling exploits. Take them directly or customize to your liking.

The Rules of the Grill

1. Make sure your grill, grill area and tools are clean and in good working order.

2. Mise en place (French for everything in place.) Prep your ingredients and double check your recipe.

3. Season more and cook less. Use quality/fresh seasonings. Remove your steaks, burgers, pork chops and other meats early. They need to rest for five to ten minutes before cutting them. And, they will continue to cook during this time (carryover cooking).

4. Know your grill. Where are the hot and cool spots? Quick cooking or searing

on the hot spots will give a delicious caramelized texture to the exterior. And cooler spots cook the well-done items, so the outside will not char or burn.

5. Stay hydrated!!! Also, be prepared with extra water for flair-ups.

The Goods

Don’t forget to start with high quality, fresh products.

Check local markets for great seasonal items and fresh meats. If you’re not sure what you’re looking for, ask your butcher to help with choices. Make sure you’re comfortable with the tools. And don’t get caught in the trap of huge utensils. Make sure they are easily managed over the open flame.

The Grill

We won’t get into the debate of gas or charcoal. But don’t use lighter fluid unless you want your food to taste like it.

If you use charcoal, get a chimney to light your coals.

You don’t need the absolute biggest grill with all the bells and whistles to be a great cook. Get a grill you’ll actual use and that meets your needs for space. In other words, don’t overcompensate for any technical deficiency by having a giant grill.

A Note on Veggies

By all means, grill your veggies and fruits, too. Leave the core in your veggies to help with handling and then trim the core out before serving. The grill is a great tool for caramelizing fresh fruit in the summer time.

The Rundown on Rubs and Sauces

Let’s talk about rubs and sauces. An all purpose rub could include garlic, sea salt, seasoned salt and black pepper.

Customize to your taste with fresh herbs (ginger, rosemary, thyme, basil, sage, etc.). Try different international spices as well. (We like 5-spice for chicken and fish, found in the Asian section of your market.) Add brown sugar, sugar, cumin, mesquite/bbq seasoning for your BBQ rub.

Sauces – a whole article in itself – can be purchased or made. For most, a combination is a good way to go. Buy a good sauce and customize it by adding hot sauce, sweetness from honey or jam. Beer or whiskey make a great addition to sauces, and the grill will cook out the alcohol for family events. Thin your sauce, so it will not burn so quickly.

The Meat of The Article

like texture. If you cook them ahead, even the day before, coat them with your sauce before grilling. Otherwise, wait until they’re almost ready to begin basting with sauce, so they don’t burn.

Shrimp Shrimp is great on the grill. Do yourself a favor by putting the shrimp on skewers, that way you won’t have to chase them around the grill individually. If you’re using wooden or bamboo skewers, soak them in water for 15 minutes before putting the shrimp on them. This will help keep the skewer from catching fire. Season or marinate your shrimp how you like them. Be careful not to add citrus for a long period of time, unless you want “ceviche.” Sweet Italian dressing is great with grilled Shrimp. Or Cajun spiced and remoulade goes great as well.

Tuna We love to sear Tuna. Make sure you buy a great steak or loin. Check to make sure you’re getting sushi-grade. You won’t have to overcook it then. And make certain the grill is screaming hot when you’re ready to sear your tuna.

Quickly sear each side, and the center will still be rare or even raw. Slice thinly for salad or appetizer presentation.

Or serve whole for an entrée style plate. Many sauces, salsas or fresh citrus make great pairings with tuna. We like to mix soy, fresh ginger and lots of wasabi to serve with ours.

Steak It doesn’t matter if you’re using burgers or prime steaks, season well – as simple as salt and pepper, or your favorite rub. Watch for doneness. If you want rare, it should be spongy. Well done will be firm. Also, you can watch juices for color. If the juice is red, it’s still more on the rare side.

If clear, it’s on the done side. Don’t flip it too much. Let the grill do the work.

There are many helpful resources for planning. Don’t be afraid to check the internet. Many sites will list the time for prep and real reviews and ratings by people who have already tried the recipes. Try things before you attempt to serve them to a big group or an important function. This will help you create the item the way you want it. Get grilling!

Ribs Whatever kind you like – spare ribs, baby back, St. Louis, or beef ribs – prep them and make sure to trim any excessive fat. Depending on your taste, slow cook them ahead by wrapping them in foil and roasting in your oven for two hours at a low temp, 225-250 degrees for the fall-offthe-bone effect. Or, cook directly on the grill for a steak-

quality care for your family The physicians of Urology Associates of South Bend specialize in the medical and surgical treatment of the urinary tract in men, women and children, and the reproductive tract in males. We treat urological conditions including incontinence, impotence, prostate cancer, bladder cancer, stone disease and prostate disorders.

For more information or to schedule an appointment, call 574-234-4100 or visit www.apom.com.

Scott A. Blickensderfer, D.O. Kathleen M. Delnay, M.D. A. Philip DePauw, M.D., F.A.C.S. John A. Hudak, M.D. William H. Stonehill, M.D., F.A.C.S.

WE ARE MOVING TO OUR NEW LOCATION JULY 5, 2011: Mike Miles was born and raised in Elkhart and is the owner of Miles Lab, formally Bulldog, which opened in 2010 and is located in Elkhart. Mike is married with two teenage boys.

Ryan Shriver is a Northern Indiana native and has a daughter. He is the kitchen manager at Emporium and has worked at Miles Lab since its opening. He and Mike Miles have been working together since 2001.

University Commons Medical Plaza 6301 University Commons, Suite 350 South Bend, Indiana 46635 (corner of State Road 23 and Hickory) 574-234-4100

The Science REAL MEN COOK

of

Brewing A Crash Course in Discovering Your Perfect Beer

By Tom Schmidt

The immortal words of Homer Simpson, “Mmm...... beer” says it all for many beer drinkers, especially those likely to think that Duff’s beer is the ultimate. But times have been a changin’.

Over the last twenty plus years, the beer scene in America has seen a dramatic change with more and more microbreweries opening every day. In 1992, there were only three breweries in Indiana: Indianapolis Brewing, Broad Ripple Brewpub and Mishawaka Brewing Company. Today there are 47 Small Brewer permits issued in the state with several more announcing their intention to open. There are close to forty more in the application stage in Indiana. In the Michiana area, two newcomers have announced their projected opening, including Four Horsemen Brewing Company in South Bend and Bare Hands Brewing Company in Granger.

With this many breweries in Indiana alone, the choice in beer styles is growing to an almost unmanageable level for the average beer drinker. Add in the hundreds of other breweries in the U.S., and it has become harder to order a beer than an item from a Chinese restaurant menu.

The best way to narrow down your choice to your personal taste is to understand the basics of beer.

There are two major areas to understand which will make choosing easier: one is understanding the basic ingredients and the other is having a basic knowledge of different beer styles.

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Beer consists of four primary ingredients: malted barley, hops, water and yeast. Other ingredients are sometimes used to supplement the primary ones. This can include adjuncts such as malted wheat, corn sugar, rye, rice syrup or even sorghum. These adjuncts are often used to lighten the taste and body of beer or to increase the fermentable sugars, thereby increasing the alcohol content or reducing the higher costing malted barley. Some specialty beers use fruit, fruit flavors and/or spices to deliver a unique flavor.

JUNE 2011

What’s in a Beer?

Malted Barley is to beer what grapes are to wine.

It is the source for fermentable sugars that are converted by the yeast into alcohol, carbon dioxide and flavors. The malt is responsible for the malty taste and slight sweetness in many beers. The finished color of the beer is also largely determined by the selection of specialty malts. A standard U.S. Pilsner style beer is a light straw color that is achieved by using only pale malts whereas a Red Ale has a reddish copper color accomplished through the use of specialty malts such as one or more caramel/crystal malts, Munich malt, Biscuit malt and chocolate malt, in addition to the base pale malt.

A portion of a beer’s flavor can be attributed to the malts used in a beer’s formulation. The body or mouth-feel of a beer can be modified through the use of different malts or adjuncts as well as by the mashing process itself. By controlling the temperatures at different points during the mash, different results in the final beer’s flavor and body can be achieved. For a lighter bodied beer, the second or third mash step is conducted at 142 F to 144 F. A more full-bodied beer would have the mash temperature in the 155 F to 158 F range.

Hops are to beer what herbs and spices are to soup. The expertise of many chefs is due to their unique use of spices and other flavor sources. The expertise of many brewers is due to the magic they are able to work with the judicious use of hops. One of the most distinguishing differences in the beers from craft brewers versus the large breweries is the generous use of the relatively expensive hops. Hops are used to give beer bitterness, a sharp crispness and a spicy, citrusy or herbal character. The bitterness helps to cleanse the palate. Hops are used to balance the sweetness of the malt, for flavor and for the bouquet of the beer.

M I C H I A N A FA M I LY M A G A Z I N E . C O M

There are many different varieties of hops with each having different flavor and aroma characteristics such as earthy, spicy, citrus-like, floral, herbal, bitter, grassy and grapefruit. Furthermore, hops are added at different points of the boil with results dependent on the time in the boil.

Bittering hops are added at the start of boil to allow for maximum time to extract the bittering oils from the hops. All flavor and aroma components are lost from hops added at this point.

Hops added for flavor are added 10 to 15 minutes before the end of the boil.

Aroma and more flavor hops are added at end of the boil. Many craft breweries add hops in the beer during late fermentation and during storage to attain a more intense hop bouquet in the finished beer.

Yeast is perhaps the most overlooked ingredient in beer and yet is the most important. Without yeast, it is very difficult to make an alcoholic beverage.

Yeast provides the enzymes and metabolic pathways required to convert the fermentable sugars to alcohol, carbon dioxide and a multitude of flavor and aroma compounds (some good, some bad.) Yeast is King and provides the signature of the beer.

Although there are thousands of different strains of yeast used, there are two major species of yeast incorporated in the fermentation of beer, Saccharomyces cerevisiae and Saccharomyces uvarum. These are only mentioned in order to explain the difference between lager beers and ales. A brief summary of each species is below:

Saccharomyces Cerevisiae

1. Used to produce ales and most wines 2. Top fermenting yeast 3. Most efficient at warmer fermentation temperatures (typically 67 F to 70 F) 4. Produces “fruit-like” flavors characteristic of most ales 5. Creates an uneven flavor profile with many varying accent points

Saccharomyces Uvarum

1. Used to produce lager beers 2. Bottom fermenting yeast 3. Most efficient at cool/cold fermentation temperatures (typically 42 F to 46 F) 4. Produces mellow, smooth flavors 5. Creates an even flavor profile with no outstanding accent points

Water accounts for over ninety percent of the finished beer and is, therefore, the main ingredient. The alkalinity/acidity of the water as well as the mineral and chemical profile of the water plays an extremely important role in the finished beer. However, modern technology allows the skilled brewer to tailor almost any water to fit his requirements. Basically, that means that Rocky Mountain water or “water from the clear blue lakes” does not much matter with today’s technology.

Beer Styles

The major division in beer styles is lager and ale.

Lager Beers are brewed at relatively cold temperatures of 40 F to 46 F using yeast strains that function well at these lower temperatures. By fermenting at low temperatures, all chemical reactions are slowed and no predominate flavors are produced. In the late stages of fermentation, a sulfur odor can be predominate as well as a butter like aroma. These are reduced by slowly raising the temperature to allow the yeast to metabolize these compounds to below the detection threshold. Lager beers take six to 15 days to ferment to completion and then must be aged (lagered) for several days. The resulting lager beer has a smooth, rounded flavor.

Lager beers include light beers, Pilsners, Amber lagers, Dark lagers and bock beers.

Hybrid beers have some characteristics of both lagers and ales as a result of using lager yeasts at warmer temperatures or using ale yeasts at a lower fermentation temperature. They include cream ales, blonde ales, Kölsch, Steam beers and Alt beers.

Ales are brewed at warm temperatures, in the range of 66 F to 72 F using strains of Saccharomyces cerevisiae. These strains working at warm temperatures ferment the sugars at a relatively fast rate with many flavor and aroma compounds created. The resultant ales have fruity, fragrant aromas and flavors. Ale can be fermented to completion in two to four days.

Ales include English pale ales, ESB’s, Scottish and Irish ales, India Pale Ales, American pale ales, brown ales, porters, stouts, wheat beers, Witbeers, Belgian ales and various versions of these styles. In the current market, Double IPA’s, Imperial IPA’s and Imperial Stouts are very popular. A double (2X) IPA is brewed with 50% more malted barley and 100% more hops. An Imperial IPA or Stout is usually brewed with 100% more malted barley and 100% more hops.

Many strains with different characteristics of both species exist, and it is the brewery’s prerogative to select the yeast strains that best helps them create the flavor profile that they desire.

Tom Schmidt is now a retired owner/brewer of The Mishawaka Brewing Company. Until the brewery was sold in February 2011, he and his son Rick had actively brewed for a longer time than any brewer in Indiana with almost 19 years under their belt. He is a graduate of Purdue University and of the University of Florida.

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JUNE 2011

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Homework For those who want to study beer styles further, they can download mobile apps by searching for “BJCP” in the Apple app store or Android Market.

Looking to learn about beer styles through some hands-on experience?

Some of the “beer bars” in Michiana include: • The Pub – Mishawaka • Fiddler’s Hearth – South Bend • Bar Louie’s – Mishawaka • Constant Springs – Goshen • Big T’s – Lawton & Dowagiac, MI • The Mark – South Bend • Kildares/O’Rourke’s – South Bend

You Want So, Stay-at-Ho

MR MOM

“Mess, Daddy!” my two-year-old shouts while stand-

ing in a pool of spilled milk. As I am distracted by her sudden announcement, my newborn decides it’s time to turn on his built in sprinkler system while I have his diaper off. I think about calling my wife to help, but she’s at work. Yes, I am alone with my kids all week; I am a stay-at-home dad.

Three years ago, I was a partner in a successful computer services company. We worked hard, but had an awesome time doing it. I was used to having meetings with other business owners, making important decisions and working 50-60 hours a week. Once our daughter was born, my wife and I decided that one of us should stay home. Long story short, I decided to sell my business interest and be that person. Nothing in my work experience could prepare me for what was to come.

Almost immediately after being home for a few weeks, I felt completely useless. Sure, you might say, “But you’re doing the most important thing, taking care of your child,” or some other endearing statement. That’s all well and good, but when you’re used to installing entire computer networks for business critical applications, staring at a drooling three month old doesn’t seem too productive.

In order to feel somewhat useful, I decided to start a very small company that I could run from home. It wasn’t a lot of work, but at least I felt like I was doing something. Later, as I got more acclimated (and the kid started walking and talking), being at home with our daughter got more exciting, to say the least.

The Lay of The Land

Being at home means you’ll probably be picking up some new jobs, like grocery shopping and cooking. Can’t cook? Better learn, dude. Here is the cool part; you decide what the family eats! I learned how to make barbeque ribs, fantastic steaks and pot roasts. So man up and learn how to cook all of your favorite foods. Since you have to go through all of the trouble, it only makes sense you get what you want, right? But make sure you take into consideration your wife’s tastes and prepare her favorite dishes on occasion. Otherwise, you run the risk of her attempting to overtake the menu planning, thus overruling your beautiful char-grilled steaks in favor of salads, or worse, tofu.

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to be a

me

?

Dad

Below the Belt Treating Men’s Health Issues

By Doug King

Playgroups Ah, wonderful playgroups. I’ll never forget the day I first showed up at one. The entire room of mothers and grandmothers fell completely silent as I walked in. Yes, I just entered a female dominated world, and I was the odd one out. After some time, I was slowly welcomed into the club and felt at ease. But I can’t help but feel from time to time that they’d rather be talking about the next big jewelry party or sale at Kohl’s, but out of respect for me, don’t.

Thank you, playgroup friends. You’re right. I don’t want to hear that. At least no more than you want to hear about my new chainsaw.

You’re Still the Man of the House Conveniently for your wife, the gender reversal role is nowhere near complete. You’ve been to playgroup, changed diapers all day, went to the grocery store and had dinner ready when she got home. Guess what? That lawn still needs mowed, the water heater is flaking out again and the gutters need to be cleaned. It seems almost unfair that the stay-at-home dad gets to keep all of his traditional household jobs while taking on additional duties. But the nice part of those responsibilities is that you get time to yourself and a small reprieve from the kids. Trust me, you’ll need it.

Avoiding Jealous Spouse Syndrome One issue that arose was jealous spouse syndrome.

Not sure if this is normal or not, but for some reason my wife believed the kids would love me more because I spend more time with them. The key here is to give your wife plenty of alone time with the kids while you are out doing manly things like shooting guns and chopping wood.

My wife also enjoys a picture snapped with my phone of that one adorable moment of the day I send her from time to time. She feels included and acknowledged that way. Look, I am not Dr.

Doug King and his wife have two children. He operates a small computer consulting company that helps small businesses. He is active in church and is vice president of the Bristol Lions Club.

Phil or anything; I’m just saying that helped us. That’s as much of a disclaimer as you’re going to get when it comes to my advice.

So, I kind of make it sound like being the stay-at-home dad is something to endure, not really enjoy, right? All jobs have their issues, and staying home with the kids is no different. The fortunate part is you no longer are faced with the wonky manager or cranky customer. Ultimately, the time spent with your kids is very rewarding and important. After some time home, you will adjust, and believe it or not, you’ll feel more peaceful. I can’t tell you how less stressful our lives are with me taking care of the kids and house so my wife can earn a living and then come home and relax. We simply get to enjoy being a family. And that, my friends, is what it’s all about.

If you are looking for a physician for the man in your life’s health issues, call for a referral from the Unity Medical and Surgcal Hospital team.

574-231-6898

Dad’s On TheGo.

MR MOM

When Your Kid Melts Down in Public and What to Do So You Don’t

By Michelle Wegner

Disneyworld – the place where dreams come true. Where families go to

make the best memories of their lives. Where kids beam with joy and parents nudge each other because they know they’re the most awesome parents on the planet in their kid’s eyes for taking them there.

Until about 2 p.m., when dads have spent every last Disney Dollar, and moms have ridden one time too many on the tea cups. It’s past the kids’ nap time, and they are over stimulated by the sights, sounds and smells of the most magical place on earth.

Strolling through Adventureland with our own family, giving my husband the nudge because of our awesomeness as parents, I witnessed something I will never forget. A family of four was coming toward us. The 3-year-old boy in his wagon was sobbing hysterically and out of control. His sister was rocking back and forth covering her ears from the noise. Their poor mother had every hair out of place and what looked like melted chocolate ice cream down her white shirt. The dad lagged behind the family with a scowl on his face. The mom yelled something like, “He just wants his shoes!” The dad literally whipped the boy’s shoes at the mom, just missing her ankles. My 8-year-old daughter and I stood with our mouths wide open, not believing what we just saw.

I can only imagine what could have happened in that dad’s day to push him to the point of whipping his son’s shoes at his wife in a public place. No dad would do that.

I am sure they laugh about it today – at least I hope so.

The Iron Will

In our family, we know what it’s like to be pushed to that point. Our kids are at an age now that they normally don’t melt down in public places, but believe me, we’ve been there, done that.

As soon as Whitney could walk, she was ready to take on and explore the whole world. Whitney wanted to run like a wild stallion – free. We would find ourselves in situations where we had to intervene quickly before she brought damage to herself or others. Whitney found our interventions insulting to her new independence. She tried to outsmart us with her clever red-headed, chubbycheeked style and developed a couple escape strategies that many parents might identify with.

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The Runaway In this technique, when the child sees that a parent is coming to secure control in any fashion, they run like the wind; it makes no difference what direction: in the highway, in front of cars, into walls, just away from the parent. They’d much rather be run over by a semi than hold the parent’s hand.

The Stop and Drop Here, the child stops all motion and flings all of their weight toward the ground in hopes of breaking the grasp of the parent. Face down, kicking and screaming, usually follow the drop, then stiffening up like a board to make it all the more difficult for them to be scooped up off the ground.

And the most clever of all moves…

The Runaway, Stop and Drop Combo In this move, the child first stops then drops then runs towards moving traffic and away from their parent’s grasp at a high rate of speed.

This backfired on Whitney one time. She saw her daddy coming to grab her hand, and before he could secure his grasp, she arched her back and flung all of her weight toward the cement sidewalk. The first part of her body to make contact was the back of her head. Wham! Being moved with compassion as she was lying on the sidewalk wailing, he said, “What did you do that for?”

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27

2011 Home Schedule

PAR IN PARENTING

www.silverhawks.com

Our family friend and child psychologist Ron Craker shared a handy acronym to help us outsmart the chubby-cheeked, red-headed defense maneuvers.

He explained it this way: In golf, par is when you’re doing more than just getting by. You’re actually doing well. Golf can be a frustrating sport when things aren’t going our way.

Many of us feel that way about parenting – frustrated and at our wits end. We can give up golf, but we cannot give up on parenting.

We’ve all been on that pathway. We need to make a course correction; get off the pathway of perfect common sense and get on the road less traveled.

Day

Date

Opponent

Time

Wednesday

June 1

Cedar Rapids

7:00 PM

Predict and Prepare If we can predict the problem behavior, we can prepare for it. We can create a plan that moves us toward the specific outcome we are shooting for. We know our kids need a nap at 1 p.m. They will start to melt down after that. Predict the melt down. Leave the situation and plan for a nap.

Thursday

June 2

Cedar Rapids

10:35 AM

Friday

June 3

Quad Cities

7:00 PM

Saturday

June 4

Quad Cities

5:30 PM

Sunday

June 5

Quad Cities

2:00 PM

Friday

June 17

Bowling Green

7:30 PM

Saturday

June 18

Bowling Green

5:30 PM

A:

Sunday

June 19

Bowling Green

2:00 PM

Friday

June 24

West Michigan

7:30 PM

Saturday

June 25

West Michigan

5:30 PM

Sunday

June 26

West Michigan

2:00 PM

Sunday

July 3

Dayton

7:30 PM

Monday

July 4

Dayton

7:30 PM

Tuesday

July 5

Dayton

1:00 PM

Wednesday

July 6

Great Lakes

7:00 PM

Thursday

July 7

Great Lakes

7:00 PM

Friday

July 8

Great Lakes

7:30 PM

Wednesday

July 20

Clinton

7:00 PM

Thursday

July 21

Clinton

7:00 PM

Friday

July 22

Clinton

7:30 PM

Saturday

July 23

Kane County

5:30 PM

Sunday

July 24

Kane County

2:00 PM

Monday

July 25

Kane County

7:00 PM

Saturday

July 30

West Michigan

5:30 PM

Sunday

July 31

West Michigan

2:00 PM

Monday

August 1

West Michigan

7:00 PM

Saturday

August 6

Bowling Green

5:30 PM

Sunday

August 7

Bowling Green

2:00 PM

Monday

August 8

Bowling Green

7:00 PM

Ted Bryant, dad to five kids all under seven, offers this advice on public meltdowns:

Tuesday

August 9

Bowling Green

1:00 PM

Wednesday

August 10

Lansing

7:00 PM

Thursday

August 11

Lansing

7:00 PM

Early on in parenting, I realized that no matter how great of a parent I was, melt downs were going to happen. Better parenting does reduce the frequency, but they are inevitable to some degree. What is most important is not to try and eliminate them completely, but to remain consistent in your discipline and your own modeling of self-control when these moments arise. Children need to understand that they do not hold some sort of special power over you when you are in public – that is, that you are responding in very similar ways to how you would at home.

Friday

August 12

Lansing

7:00 PM

Wednesday

August 17

Lake County

6:30 PM

Thursday

August 18

Lake County

6:30 PM

Friday

August 19

Lake County

6:30 PM

Wednesday

August 24

Fort Wayne

6:30 PM

Thursday

August 25

Fort Wayne

6:30 PM

Friday

August 26

Fort Wayne

6:30 PM

Saturday

August 27

Lake County

5:30 PM

Sunday

August 28

Lake County

2:00 PM

Monday

August 29

Lake County

6:30 PM

Tuesday

August 30

Lake County

6:30 PM

There are two ways to look at PAR. The first pathway to PAR is the pathway of perfect common sense.

This is default mode in parenting. It feels like the path of perfect common sense, the path of conventional wisdom, the “natural” path, the “whatelse-would-you-do?” path of dealing with kid’s bad behavior. Here’s how it works.

P:

Adapt We can adapt to the degree to which we are prepared. The rest of Disney can wait. Your sanity is worth it.

P:

Predict.

We can predict what problems will set us off.

“When we’re at the store I just know he’s going to...”

A:

Anger.

We get angry even though we can predict the problem. Even though we know it’s coming – we still get angry.

R:

Respond and Renew Respond: We can respond to the situation in a calm manner instead of reacting in anger because we have thought about it ahead of time and prepared for it.

Renew: We sometimes fill every second of our day with activity that we forget about energy management. Parenting is tiring! Maybe it’s time for a restful vacation away from noise, crowds (and flying shoes).

R:

React.

We’re left reacting – we’re on the defense rather than the offense. This is when shoes start flying around.

Dad to

dad

Michelle Wegner is mom to three spirited little girls, Maddie-12, Whitney-10 and Isabelle-6. Her husband is a pastor at Granger Community Church, and they have been married for 17 years.

MR MOM

RightsDidn’t You

You Had Know Tips for Non-Custodial Parents

By Michael Wandling

You’re a dad – perhaps with children from a previous marriage or relationship – and many of you are the non-custodial parent.

Unfortunately, many non-custodial parents are unaware of their rights.

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As an attorney in the family law area, I see the following scene play out over and over again each week: the non-custodial parent comes in stating that the custodial parent won’t share any information or won’t allow him to participate in activities with his child. It’s important to know that there are a multitude of rights that the courts and the legislature have enacted for non-custodial parents. One specifically is the right to the schooling information of your child.

M I C H I A N A FA M I LY M A G A Z I N E . C O M

Access to Schooling Information

I am sure that a number of you who have gone to your child’s school and requested information have been told that you are not listed on the enrollment form; therefore, due to privacy rights, you are informed that the school cannot provide any information.

The Indiana legislature has enacted a statute that allows non-custodial parents to get this information. All you need to do is take the court order, whether it is the divorce decree or the order establishing paternity, with you to your child’s school and request the information.

In addition to, I recommend you contact the child’s teacher and provide them the same information. This will allow you an opened line of communication to your child’s teacher. Some of the local school systems have computer networks where parents can check the progress of their child’s homework and school grades. Be assured that you are entitled to access this network.

Court Orders

Most situations have a set parenting time involved in them. Usually, they revolve around Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines (which you can obtain of at www.in.gov).

Pursuant to Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines, the non-custodial parent is entitled to a weekly, mid-week visit for approximately a four hour time period, every other weekend from Friday at 6:00 p.m. until Sunday at 6:00 p.m., alternating holidays and five weeks during the summer, depending on the child’s age. Please understand that if your court order outlines a different visitation schedule than the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines, then you must follow the court order.

Medical Records

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29

Physical Custody of the Child

Physical custody of the child is based on where the child is residing. This was determined in the court order, either in your divorce or paternity action. This is not always representative of what is really going on at a particular moment.

For example, the mother was granted physical custody of the child during the divorce in 2007, and in 2009 the child comes to live with the father. Unfortunately, the father doesn’t file anything with the court stating that the physical custody has changed. The father just goes about life raising his child. Unfortunately, the court views the mother as still having physical custody of the child, and two years later, when the mother gets mad at the father, she then keeps the child at the end of her visitation. So even when the father runs to court explaining that he has been providing for the child for the last year – taking her to school, enrolling the child in his school district – the court will leave custody with the mother until they can do a full hearing.

Apparently, this is not in the child’s best interest, but this is the case law that is out there and what must be dealt with. Once the matter has gone to court, whether through the divorce or paternity action, changes need to be done in writing and filed with the court to make them official. Otherwise, personal agreements you may have made can later be disregarded.

As always recommended, you should seek advice from legal counsel concerning these matters. The court system has specific rules, regulations and requirements that need to be followed.

The medical records of your child are probably one of the more difficult items for a noncustodial parent to obtain. Depending on the court order in your divorce or establishing paternity, this can have a great effect on getting these medical records. If you are granted “joint legal custody,” it gives you the right to participate in the health, education and religious decisions involving your child. This joint legal custody would entitle you access to medical records. If you take your order specifying joint legal custody with you to the child’s doctor, then they should cooperate and allow you the information concerning your child’s medical records.

Michael Wandling has been married to his wife Diane for 19 years. The two have one 4-year-old daughter, Audrey, and another child due in June.

He is a solo practitioner with an office in downtown South Bend and works in the fields of family law, minor criminal, traffic tickets and bankruptcy.

Child Support

As the non-custodial parent, you are entitled to request a modification of child support if there is a substantial change of circumstances or a deviation of 20% and more than one year has transpired since the last modification.

Usually, most non-custodial parents are not aware they are entitled to these modifications of child support. They do not understand that they need to file something in court when they become unemployed to start the process for the modification. The court can make the change in child support start on the date the pleadings were filed and not sooner. Therefore, if you have been laid off since 2009, but did not file any pleadings with the court requesting a modification of child support until February 1, 2011, and have not been paying for more than two years, then the court cannot change the child support prior to February 1, 2011, when you filed the pleadings. This will cause you to have an arrearage and jeopardize privileges, such as the driver’s license and professional licenses granted to you by the State of Indiana.

In addition to, any outside agreement made between the parties concerning child support that has not been reduced to writing and filed with the court does not have to be honored by the court. What has happened on occasion is the non-custodial parent will make an agreement with the custodial parent to provide things other than the child support, or due to financial situations, the custodial parent might tell the non-custodial parent that they do not need to pay at this time.

Jump forward five years and the custodial parent and non-custodial parent’s relationship has drastically gone down-hill and the memory of the custodial parent is now very vague. All the court has to go on are their records and your failure to make payments. Therefore, any modification of child support needs to be put in writing and gone through the court system.

Arthritis putting limits on your life?

Our rheumatologists will help you get your freedom back. We use Natali Balog M.D.

innovative technology and the newest therapies to diagnose and treat diseases of the joints, muscles and connective tissue.

Brent W. Mohr M.D.

www.SouthBendClinic.com

THE SENSITIVE GUY

great Monogamous

SEX

Advice for the Married Man

By Dr. John Petersen

If you are a married man and looking for a little concrete advice for achieving mindblowing sex, keep reading.

You’ve stumbled onto the right article. By Cosmo and Maxim standards, I’m no sex expert. I won’t list the top 50 techniques that will send her into orbit and keep her

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coming back for more. But you don’t need 50 such tips.

After a few years together, most couples already know each other’s buttons and push them in all the right sequences to fire the rockets and achieve lift off. Mechanically flipping sexual systems into high gear is part of what stales the sexual relationship, and mixing up the sequence helps only for a time. So, put the sex-tricks strategy aside for a minute and open your eyes to an infinite horizon of fresh and vibrant sex, regardless of your marital stage and age.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

Not only are men often more easily aroused than women, they often want sex in order to connect whereas women more often want to connect in order to have sex. This can easily set up the familiar dynamic of men asking for it and women happily obliging, acquiescing or rejecting. Too often this is the primary feedback we get: yes, OK, or no.

M I C H I A N A FA M I LY M A G A Z I N E . C O M

Go for more by opening up a conversation with genuine and gentle curiosity. That’s right. Stop asking for it and ask about it. As a family psychologist and marriage counselor, I regularly see couples who are mutually disappointed with their sex lives resurrect passion and desire with a series of calm, honest conversations about sex, a subject too often broached only in conflict. Think about it. How often do you and your wife talk frankly about sex when it is not prompted by some disappointment or disagreement? Conversation about sex outside of conflict and humor are generally lacking in marriages.

Sex Talk

The timing of your pro-active sex talks is important. You must not broach the subject at a time that might suggest you are initiating a sexual encounter. Over a private meal and during a walk are fine opportunities. Talking right after sex can be ideal, especially if she has indicated that it was particularly good for her. The second step is to ask an exploratory question, one that invites your wife to explore meaning, value and preferences. Here are some sample questions:

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If diversity is still lacking, get some ideas from outside sources. I recommend Salsa Cards (mild, medium and spicy) from the Gottman Institute (www.Gottman.com) for introducing new ideas into your love-making, but a book from the sex/romance bookshelf at your local bookstore may do just as well. The general rules of thumb are that either person has guilt-free veto power, and that the more adventuresome partner is better off taking the more modest partner’s pace of change. Don’t be surprised if her initial focus is on foreplay and making the most of the afterglow of sex (a.k.a. after-play). If you are the less adventurous one, focus on what would give you the security and desire to sample some adventure. Hint: in my professional work, I’ve noticed the low-libido man is often in search of appreciation and less criticism.

Just Do It

If the emotional and psychological approach of this article strikes you as airy or esoteric, I urge you to simply start a conversation with your wife at a neutral time. You don’t have to analyze things to death. Just take one of the sample questions above and put it out there. Start a dialogue. Just do it and see what develops.

• What role do you think sex plays in our marriage?

• Can you recall the best sex we’ve ever had? I wonder what was so good about it.

• What does sex mean to you? What meaning do you think I ascribe to sex?

• If our sex-life started to spontaneously change in a good direction, what would be the initial signs of improvement?

How to Ask for Sex

Dr. John Petersen is a clinical psychologist and the owner of Family Psychology of South Bend where he specializes in couples counseling and relationship issues, including parenting and child behavior challenges. He is a married father of three children and has recently taken up the piano.

In our culture, we men are a bit handicapped when it comes to verbally expressing thoughts, meaning and emotions related to interpersonal connection, but that is exactly what is called for here. In a new romantic relationship, attraction is facilitated by a brain bath of hormones which predictably fades in six to 12 months. After that, the secret to keeping sex passionate and fresh is in the meaning, connection and cooperative creativity of love-making. Married men must make these elements a priority.

Badgering and begging are signs you are well off course. Speak her language and become conversant in her sexual meaning system, but also be able to express your desire, and especially gratitude, for what you get from sex. Physical release and climax aren’t enough. Contextualizing sex as a physical need can come across as coercive. You must get more personal or, better, interpersonal. Does sex mean you are accepted, desirable, appreciated, intimate, masculine, free, powerful, vulnerable? Share this with her so she knows she is providing you something of richer meaning, not just giving you her body.

Sure women want to be sexy as much as men, but your wife wants to know you are pursuing her for more than erotic arousal. So consider your own emotional and sexual development and boost your EQ in these matters. Even ask her to help you explore these areas of self-understanding.

Chronic pain keeping you from everyday activities?

When you have connected with your partner in this manner, initiating sex is initiating love-making that will take you to an exhilarating experience beyond your common emotional, physical and psychological ways of being. The very “going beyond” with another is where enduring passion and eroticism arises.

Position Yourself for Something New

Emotional and psychological connection often leads to the freedom to experiment.

Resentment and unconscious fear of rejection, awkwardness, judgment and underperformance fades while creativity surges. By creativity, I’m referring to spontaneity and emotional and physical absorption, not sexual gymnastics. At the very least, connection opens space for you to share: “You know what I’ve always wanted to try in our love-making?”

Kathryn Park M.D.

John Stavrakos M.S., M.D.

Our physicians specialize in acute and chronic pain. Using innovative treatment methods and advanced technology, we can help reduce or eliminate your pain so you can get back to living.

www.SouthBendClinic.com

THE SENSITIVE GUY

101

Men’s

Fashion

The Basics

There are some basics every man needs to have in his closet. Even for the guy who says he “doesn’t care about style,” I’m quite confident that he does care about having the right wardrobe “tools” in his closet.

a golfer tan (white feet or tan lines on your legs from socks), then please use some self tanner. ‘Nuff said.

Here are some basics to get you to start thinking about your style and about your wardrobe.

Guys seem to get stuck wearing the same colors: blue, tan and black. Am I right? The notion of “a little color” can be stepping WAY outside of a guy’s wardrobe comfort zone. Let me help you tread lightly into the world of color.

Under It All

Having the right under pieces is important to every wardrobe. Yes men, I am talking about underwear. It has been said that men’s undergarment purchases are a sign of the health of the economy. When sales are down, the thought is that men are saving and worried about finances. And, when men’s underwear sales are up, the belief is that the economy is stable. Aside from the basic boxers and briefs, I want to open your eyes to the notion of compression garments.

Shapewear, or compression garments, is a new category in men’s underwear. Even the widely popular brand, Spanx, has introduced a men’s collection (Spanx.com).

The Truth About Shoes and Socks

Your socks should match your pants, and your belt should match your shoes. Just remember, fabrics match, and so do leather goods.

By Kathy Friend

Colors

1. Keep color around your face. Color will make you look younger.

2. Blue (a lighter medium blue) is a good choice for everyone.

3. Always try on color before you buy it.

When you put it on, if you look in the mirror and say to yourself, “Wow, I look tired,” that is not a good color for you.

Find Your Style

Still baffled? Pick up a men’s magazine, and start paying attention to what guys are wearing. Go to the mall just to browse (during the week). You will quickly find those things your eye is drawn towards, those colors and styles you like. This is your style!

Shorts Jorts (or jean shorts) are a no-no. Never. We are past that “trend” (and I use that term loosely). The only exception I can think of is to work in the yard – then, and ONLY THEN, is the jort appropriate.

Biggest Wardrobe Mistakes for Guys

Cargos The cargo short is a great trendy short for many men.

The mistake most men make is with age-appropriateness. The large pocket, baggy style should be reserved for men in early stages of life (under 30). As a man matures, the structure needs to be more tailored, and the pocket not so grand.

Pants More specifically, the length of your pants. Guys – take note of the length of your pants. Your pants should have a slight break when they hit the top of your shoes.

Linen Linen shorts are perfect to wear to an event in the summer. They offer a mix of coolness (both in style and temperature) that will be a sure “win” with the ladies!

Legs I hate to even bring this up – but guys – if you have

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Pleat Front Pants I’ve gotten in many debates with male sales people over this issue, but the stylists and I agree, flat front pants are always more flattering.

Riding High To women, it’s called a “mom jean.” To guys, it’s called “riding high.” This refers to pants with a very high rise whose waistband rests above your belly button. Not attractive.

Not flattering. Ladies don’t like it.

Hair Honestly, I get calls from businesses asking me how to tactfully tell employees to trip nose or ear hair. Consider this your tactful warning: keep your hair (nose, ear, neck and otherwise) clean and trimmed.

Technology We all understand that technology is important, but please note that the Bluetooth device in your ear is not an accessory, and the cell phone case on your belt is not a fashion statement. If you’re dating, know that this is one of those things that we gals talk about.

Hands Women, clients, customers – we all look at the condition of your hands. We are impressed that you worked in the yard all weekend and are in awe that you change the oil in your car, but we don’t want to see evidence of that under your fingernails.

Socks and Sandals No socks with sandals, never ever, for any reason.

Novelty Ties Although the holiday tie is a great gift, it isn’t OK in a work setting.

Accessories Guys, your watch and glasses are your accessory statements. They say as much about you as your business card.

Make sure they are current, on-trend, clean and not broken.

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TOP 10

6

Men’s

9

Wardrobe

Basics Here is a simple list of ten things your wardrobe should include. Of course, there are a lot more that need to be on this list in order for you to have a completely functional closet, but these are the basics and a good starting point.

5

1 2

7

1.

Great jeans in a dark wash and a straight (or boot cut) leg

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

Flat front trouser Crisp white shirt Suit in a dark color, not double breasted A trendy button-up shirt ½ zip sweater type top Non-athletic tennis shoe (don’t know what this is?

Ask the lady in your life. She will help you!)

8. Dress shoe 9. Sport coat / blazer 10. Accessories (watch, belt, eye glasses & sunglasses) 4

3 10

8

Kathy Friend is a fashion expert, image consultant, speaker and writer. She is a regular on the WFRN Morning Show and on WSBT-TV. She is also the fashion expert for Goodwill stores. She is joyfully married to Marty, and a mom to one little fashionista in training.

THE SENSITIVE GUY

WANTED: Translation Services for Well-Meaning Married Couple

By Lucas Miles

Part of my job requires me to spend a few weeks a year out of the country. As a pastor and speaker, depending upon the country I’m visiting, I oftentimes hire local translators to help aid in the communication between myself and the audience. After years of traveling abroad and making some incredibly embarrassing remarks in my attempts to speak various foreign languages, I’ve come to love and appreciate a good translator, someone who can listen to what I’m saying, extract the exact meaning and then effortlessly translate it into the local tongue in a way that speaks to people’s hearts. It’s really a beautiful thing.

If only marriages could offer similar translation services, especially for us guys. Think about how many conflicts we could avoid if only we understood each other’s intentions and language. How many times have you had your words come out the wrong way or even offensively, simply because you chose the wrong words in haste or didn’t know how to fully communicate your point in a way your wife would understand? In another country, language blunders by foreigners are usually humorous, (like the time I accidentally ordered dog instead of chicken in a market in Germany), but in a relationship with the opposite sex, saying the wrong thing can create massive turmoil.

The Problem of Miscommunication

Conflict in marriage isn’t typically because of the reasons we assume. You might find this hard to believe, but selfishness, lack of love and apathy are rarely the real issues. More often than not, our conflict stems simply from a disconnect in communication, which if left unaddressed, will only contribute to further assumptions and judgment. The bottom line is that husbands and wives simply don’t speak the same language, and without decoding the hidden meanings behind what we say and translating our words into our spouse’s language, we become about as clueless and desperate as someone trying to play charades with the tribal people of East Africa in order to find a bathroom.

So, how do you learn the language of your significant other? Just like learning a foreign language, we must understand that learning the language of our spouse can take years to develop and even longer to become proficient in. But to give you a head start, I’ve put together a few translation principles that I’ve learned trotting across foreign soil over the last 10 years.

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Increasing Your Volume Doesn’t Get Your Point Across Often times, when speaking with someone of another language or culture, we mistakenly think that increasing the volume of our speech will compensate for a lack of understanding. Not so. Yelling at your wife isn’t helping to get your point across and bridge the great divide in communication. Also remember, in order to really have a chance of being understood, it’s their volume gauge that matters, not yours. What I mean is the volume I use when arguing with my buddy’s about who will win the next big game is probably a bit overcharged for getting a sensitive point across to my bride. If she perceives that the volume is too loud then you must decrease the volume in order to increase communication. It’s that simple.

Prepare the Listener For me, I studied German for a couple years and Spanish for a few semesters as well, but I’m not proficient in either. When traveling in Mexico, if I don’t have a translator present, I will usually start my attempts at communicating with, “No hablo español muy bien,” which means, “I don’t speak Spanish very well.” More often than not, acknowledging my lack of proficiency ahead of time causes the people to be quite sensitive in trying to understand what I might be saying.

The same can be true in a relationship. There are times when we frankly don’t know how to tell our wives how we are feeling in a way she’ll understand. So, instead of just grunting or giving her the silent treatment, try to let her know that you want to share some things with her, but that you aren’t really sure how to say it. Ask her for some grace ahead of time as you attempt to find the right words to best describe your feelings.

Remember the Heart Even the best translator in the world will fall short in communicating my intent if he doesn’t understand my heart. In marriage, we have to remember one another’s hearts. This woman you are convinced must hate you right now because you left your wet towel on the bed is the same woman who walked down the aisle to you and said, “I do.” This woman who is so hurt by something you said that she locked herself in the bathroom – that’s your wife. When speaking with each other, we need to remember that this spouse of ours is the same goodnatured woman that we married, and we need to give her the benefit of the doubt. On several occasions, my wife has responded to my sorry attempts in speaking her language by simply stating, “Ok, what I just heard probably isn’t what you meant – so why don’t you try that again?”

Continuing to give one another grace in our speech will certainly help to bridge the language divide.

Your wife speaks a completely different language than you do. Talking louder, faster or with more frustration isn’t going to help your cause. Sure, at times she might be hard to understand, but just think of it as a cute, foreign accent and embrace the challenge of comprehending each other’s language and needs. In the end, you might even become bilingual!

Lucas Miles is the President of the Oasis Network For Churches and the Senior Pastor of Oasis Granger. He and his wife, Krissy, have a passion for seeing couples experience God’s best for their lives and relationships.

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