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mi Corner Our tips, picks, news and advice.
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Story Time
MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011
Extra Lean Family: Get Lean and
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Achieve Your Family’s Best Health Ever By Mario Lopez Reviewed by James Facer Reference Librarian Mishawaka-Penn-Harris Public Library Celebrity fitness guru and New York Times best-selling author Mario Lopez returns with another installment in his “Extra Lean” series, “Extra Lean Family.” While his first book, “Extra Lean,” focused on the best practices for individuals looking to change their diet plan and improve their health, “Extra Lean Family” focuses on family-size meals that are healthy and can be completed in a timely manner, sometimes in less than 20 minutes. In his latest release, Mario Lopez not only provides delicious, easy-to-make recipes, but he also stresses important lessons in achieving and retaining your perfect health. Throughout the book, he reiterates and thoroughly explains three key principles for weight loss and achieving a healthier lifestyle: 1. Balancing protein, carbs and fats at each meal 2. Eating at regular intervals throughout the day to boost your metabolism 3. Exercising proper portion control to ensure you’re eating the right amount “Extra Lean Family” is an excellent resource for any parent looking to change the eating habits of their family. It functions as a cookbook with easy-to-make recipes as well as a guide for understanding what to eat, how much to eat and when to eat in order to live a healthier lifestyle.
Baby, Get your
M i C H I L D • S P E C I A L PA R E N T I N G F E AT U R E S E C T I O N
Baby
Sign On!
Before they are verbal, babies can still communicate. By Meagan Church
My firstborn child came into the world a bit disgruntled. Being a firsttime mom with no baby experience, I scrambled to know how to understand him, so when I heard about using sign language with your baby, I figured it was worth a shot. Around 9 months, we started using some simple signs with him, such as “eat” and “more.” I remember the evening we were sitting on the couch, and suddenly he took his chubby little hands and tapped them together in front of his chest as he looked at a container of Cheerios. He looked at me and repeated the action a few times before I caught on, but finally I realized he was saying he wanted more Cheerios. I was so elated that I wanted to shower him with cereal. Yet, I still wondered, could he really be using sign language and intentionally communicating with me at such a young age? “Signing gives parents and their babies a head start on their relationship,” said Nancy Cadjan, author of “Baby Signing 1, 2, 3: The Easy-to-Use Illustrated Guide for Every Stage and Every Age.” She explained, “Babies are born needing to communicate their needs, but it is a long time until they master the muscles needed to speak. Their only tool in the early months is crying, and that is still hard for parents to understand. However, babies have the ability to make simple signs as early as six months – that’s about a year earlier than most kids start talking. When a baby can sign, she can let her parents know what she is thinking and what she needs with less stress and crying. That is a winwin for both parents and babies.” It definitely was a win-win for us. We continued teaching more signs. In a few months, he began to use words as well. I can’t help but consider how many tantrums and breakdowns in communication we avoided because, before his mind could verbally form words, he was already communicating to us with his hands. Another local mom, Jami Kamp, experienced the same advantage when she taught her children to sign. “I used sign language for both of my children. Jacob is five [years old] and Jordyn is 13 months. Both were able to communicate their wants to us, and I thought this was especially helpful because we avoided the biting and screaming children do out of frustration, at least with Jacob. Jordyn so far has not exhibited these behaviors. She can sign “more,”
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Pictures from illustrator Lori Sume. Copyright holder, Sign Babies.
MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011
“milk,” and is working on “done.” I see huge advantages to signing with kids – avoiding the aforementioned behavioral communication patterns of frustrated children, the ability to teach an ask/receive form of communication, and I think it gave my children confidence. They learn at an early age to feel good about something they are doing.” Maria Haut, a local developmental therapist, said she has seen great successes in her own practice when parents taught their babies sign language. Haut explained, “The children who I have encouraged parents to use baby sign language with have increased their verbal vocabulary and their frustration level has decreased significantly. By giving babies tools to express their wants and needs, I see much happier babies and parents.” Beyond the initial benefit of less confusion and stress, Haut discussed the link between baby signing and benefits beyond the first years, including earlier talking, larger vocabulary, advanced cognitive skills, less frustration and better attention. Local mom, Amy McGuire, told of one other advantage. “It was great in church and other places we needed to be quiet, yet still communicate. This was a hidden benefit I hadn't anticipated.” Some skeptics have wondered if teaching a child to speak with his hands could mean a delay in verbal speech. “If taught correctly, teaching a child baby sign language will not delay their speech. Studies show that babies who are exposed to sign language talk earlier and have larger vocabularies,” Haut said. So how does a parent begin? Cadjan recommends starting around 3 to 6 months. “Your baby won’t have the fine motor skills needed to make a sign back until after 6 months, but she can still recognize signs and respond to them. If your baby is older, don’t worry. You did not miss a golden window. Unless your baby is a fluent conversationalist, it is never too late. Just start signing.”
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Here are a few simple steps to get you started: • Find a resource such as a book, flash cards or website that shows you how to sign. Cadjan recommends using the standard American Sign Language (ASL) signs. • Choose a few signs to start with, such as milk, more, eat, bath, sleep, change and finished. • Make the sign every time you say it. For example, sign “eat” when saying, “We are eating dinner. Do you like to eat?” • Point to the object if the sign refers to something specific. Seeing and hearing reinforces the connection. • Make the sign in front of you, so your baby can see your hands and face. • Be consistent and repetitive, using the same signs day after day. • Add more signs once your child begins to respond. Regardless of how quickly your little one picks up on signing and begins communicating with you, the time you spend focused on one another deepens your bond. As Haut said, “Whether you are teaching your baby how to make signs by moving her hands, pointing to and labeling the names of objects being signed, or looking at pictures in books and signing the picture, you are spending priceless time with your baby, and to me this is the greatest benefit of all!” We realized one more benefit once our second child came along. We used sign language with her as well, but it didn’t only improve her relationship with us. It helped her bond with her brother at an earlier age. With him being just two years her senior, he eagerly waited for her to grow in to his playmate, and he couldn’t contain his excitement when she moved her little hands and signed to him for the first time. And they haven’t stopped talking since. Meagan Church is a writer and mother of 2.5 kids. Her current projects include DefiningMotherhood, and Unexpectant where she explores the realities of modern motherhood for her book project.
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M i C H I L D • S P E C I A L PA R E N T I N G F E AT U R E S E C T I O N
Expecting
Taking Some of the Out of Labor
Ouch
Tips for Natural Pain Relief
By Shanti Bradley and Sorah Stein
The Good Old Days?
Childbirth has changed over the years. Remember, women gave birth for thousands of years without the help of the pharmaceutical industry (or doctors, for that matter). Once pregnancy and childbirth became medical issues, there was a huge swing in the opposite direction. The initial result: most mothers were heavily medicated and even “knocked out” for the births of their babies. Fortunately, we don’t do that anymore, and today moms have many options from which to choose (no, your partner cannot hit you over the head with a frying pan). When signs of labor start, moms don’t necessarily go running to the hospital immediately, unless of course, there are special circumstances which would dictate doing so. What normally happens is that mothers first labor at home for a while. Guidelines concerning when to go to the hospital can vary from one care provider to the next, so please check with your OB/GYN or midwife concerning when to head out to the hospital or birthing center. While at home, there are many ways for mothers to be proactive in keeping themselves comfortable while at the same time keeping labor moving along. In early labor, it is wise to rest often and as much as possible to conserve energy for later when it will be needed most (the laundry and roast can wait). Eating small amounts if desired to keep energy at optimal levels is also well advised (small amounts is the key phrase here). Labor involves enough discomfort; there’s no need to add hunger pains to that as well. Keep in mind that most hospitals have policies against eating during labor, so eat at home while you still can!
F
rom the moment they see the positive pregnancy test, many expectant moms start to wonder about their options for pain control during labor. The media would have us believe that women can waltz through the doors of the hospital at the first contractions and demand an epidural. Can that happen? Sure. Does it happen often? No. Despite what media often portrays, not all mothers opt to have an epidural during labor. While this is for a variety of reasons, the point is that there are many other options for pain relief.
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Tricks of the Trade
Here are a few things you can do while at home, at the birthing center or hospital to help you ease discomfort: Take a walk. Walking works to the advantage of the laboring mother in a few different ways. Being upright puts gravity to work for mom to help move baby downward. The movement also assists by continuing to work the pelvis. The more you allow gravity and motion to help along the labor, the less work your body has to do, which means less pain or discomfort (and this is a very good thing). This is
MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011
something that is often encouraged in hospitals and birthing centers. Lying down throughout the labor serves one purpose only: to drag out the length of the labor, which no mother wants. Try taking a warm shower or bath. The use of water to relieve pain or discomfort, also referred to as hydrotherapy, is known to help many women during labor and childbirth. Some mothers even choose to give birth in the water. There are a handful of care providers locally who offer this option. If water birth is something that appeals to you, be sure to discuss it with your care provider early on. Using water for pain relief during labor, however, is an option that is open to nearly all laboring mothers. If you experience what is commonly referred to as back labor, it can be exceptionally helpful. This is an option available both at home and in the hospital. Get a massage. A massage is generally a welcomed thing. This is also a tool that can be used even if mom is confined to bed. Should you find this to be relaxing then utilize it! The more relaxed you can be, the more labor will move along and the less pain you are likely to perceive. Be creative with it. Have your partner or other support person use tennis balls on your back. A foot massage or a hand massage can also go a long way to keep mom relaxed and focused during or between contractions. It is, however, important to note that there are some mothers who do not want to be touched at all during labor and others who enjoy a massage at some points, yet cannot tolerate being touched at other times during labor. This is all well within the range of normal and should be expected. Set the mood. Other tools such as aromatherapy, music or the use of a birthing ball also all play roles in easing pain and making mothers more comfortable. These can all be used at home or the hospital. If at home, a large exercise ball can be used in place of a birthing ball; the only difference is in the size.
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pack them to bring to the hospital. The same applies to using music during labor. You are getting very sleepy‌ There are some approaches to natural childbirth that promote and utilize methods of hypnosis during labor. These have rather good success rates and are known to be effective for those who use them properly. They require a lot of practice leading up to the labor, so this is not a good option for mothers who are looking into it (desperately) at the last minute. It should be researched early in the pregnancy, and if selected, practiced carefully and diligently until the birth of the baby (there very likely will not be any certified hypnotists wandering the floors of labor and delivery looking for clients). There are many ways to ease the pain of labor (the frying pan is still not an option). Even for the mother who plans on having epidural pain relief, there still should be a pain management plan until the epidural can be placed and given time to take effect. Few realize that even after walking through the hospital doors, it can be two hours or more before experiencing relief from pain medication. Having ways to make you more comfortable in the meantime is key. Planning how to handle and cope with the discomfort of labor is important. It means becoming educated about what to expect and what the options are in the way of dealing with it. Have conversations with your care provider about what will be available to you and also what your wants and needs are. Consult with or hire a doula who is both knowledgeable and experienced in helping mothers effectively work through labor and easing overall levels of pain or discomfort. By arming yourself with knowledge, information, practice and adequate support, you can help make the experience as beautiful and memorable as it should be. Shanti Bradley, BA, CD, CLS, lives in South Bend with her husband and two children. She is available for prenatal informational support, continuous labor support, postpartum care and education. Sorah Stein, MA, BCBA, CSE, lives in South Bend with her husband and three children and is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst and Certified Sexuality Educator, working primarily with individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities.
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M i C H I L D • S P E C I A L PA R E N T I N G F E AT U R E S E C T I O N
Expecting
Finally Pregnant Ways for the Older Mom to Prepare for a Healthy Pregnancy By Amy Murray
T
oday, many women are delaying pregnancy past the age of 35. Why are we seeing this trend? Some say it has to do with better access to birth control or a desire to first establish a career, finish school or just enjoy the freedom that can come with “life without kids.” While this trend may simply be a manifestation of our changing lifestyles and priorities, it’s still important for women to take a step back and really examine all the risks and benefits inherent in this important decision of when to start their family. By having access to all the information and weighing all of their options with their doctor, women can be sure to discover the time that’s right for them and their partner.
“I encourage women over 35 to be pregnancy aware and to try to get into the best health possible before pregnancy,” says Michael DeStefano an OB/GYN at Women’s Reproductive Medicine, Memorial Medical Group. “This means discussing any health issues, such as diabetes, hypertension and thyroid problems with their primary care doctors. Also, women should start taking up to four milligrams of folic acid per day when contemplating pregnancy.”
Tick Tock?
You might wonder – what are some of the risks to waiting? For one, it can become more difficult for a woman to get pregnant in the later part of her 30s and in her 40s due to blockages of the fallopian tubes, endometriosis, fibroids, decreased ovulation and other health issues. And it’s not just women. Men may also become less fertile beginning in their late 30s. Older women are also more likely to have health issues such as diabetes and high blood pressure, which can complicate the pregnancy. Once pregnant, it’s also more likely for older moms to develop gestational diabetes or high blood pressure, which can cause problems with the growth of the fetus or problems with the placenta. Diabetic women are more likely to have large babies, which can cause complications at the time of delivery.
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Studies have also shown that older couples are more likely to have a baby with birth defects due to chromosome abnormalities, the most common being Down Syndrome. While one in 1,250 babies born to mothers at age 25 have Down syndrome, the risk increases to one in 400 at age 35, and one in 30 at age 45. Older moms also have an increased risk of miscarriage and are more likely to have a cesarean birth. And the likelihood of having twins and other higher-order multiples also increases with age.
Here’s The Game Plan!
So, as an older mom, what can you do to help prepare for the healthiest pregnancy possible? Gather Your Team If you’re looking to start a family soon, schedule a pre-conception appointment with an obstetrician or midwife. Discuss your risks and consider together if genetic counseling may be necessary. A genetic counselor will take a thorough family history from you and your partner and possibly perform lab work such as blood tests. Based on the information, he or she will be able to predict the likelihood of your child having certain genetic anomalies.
Eat Smart! One of the best things you can do for you and your baby is to eat a nutritious diet. By beginning your pregnancy at a healthy weight, you will feel better throughout pregnancy and can help decrease the risk of potential problems for your baby. The “Don’t Forgets” All moms, no matter their age, should always remember to take a prenatal vitamin, try to reduce stress as much as possible and to not drink alcohol, smoke or use illegal drugs. If you’re already pregnant, begin prenatal care right away and continue this care throughout the pregnancy. Are There Benefits to Waiting? Many factors contribute to your decision to have a baby and to the health of your pregnancy and child. Age is only one. Some women who delay having children until they have a secure support system and are financially able to provide for a growing family report greater overall satisfaction with their lives. They are also less likely to become depressed and are more likely to breastfeed, both of which can boost their children’s health and even their IQ. More mature women also tend to take better care of themselves by eating well and exercising. With the guidance of your doctor or midwife, women and their partners are more equipped than ever to experience a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby, no matter their age.
Amy Murray is a registered nurse and Lamaze certified childbirth educator at Memorial Hospital. She works part time as a labor and delivery nurse while coordinating childbirth classes and operating the Mother’s Own Milk Project at Memorial.
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M i C H I L D • S P E C I A L PA R E N T I N G F E AT U R E S E C T I O N
Mommy & Daddy
Love More Fight Less,
Loving and Liking Your Spouse
By Laurie Puhn
“I love my husband, but I don’t like him.” That’s a comment I hear quite often in my couples mediation practice. Over the years, I discovered something: Many people are nicer to strangers than they are to their spouses. The “liking” feeling tends to disappear as everyday job stress, parenting decisions, financial woes and child-induced sleep deprivation start to bring out the worst in us. When overwhelmed by life, small things may seem like “the last straw,” and you might even wonder if you are married to the right person. As a lawyer, couples mediator and author of “Fight Less, Love More,” people turn to me for my expert relationship advice. Many assume that because I have the answers, I must have a perfect marriage. The truth is, I have a happy marriage and I love my husband, but still, we have the good and bad days that strain the liking feeling and require me to put my own communication advice into practice. Conflict is normal, especially for parents, but how we choose to respond to it will either strengthen or weaken our relationship.
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One day, my husband happily told me he’d be home from work earlier than usual. He even told me which train he would take. I put his early arrival time into my afternoon schedule so my son (who was 2 at the time) and I would be home to greet him and enjoy some playful “Daddy time.” When my husband’s designated arrival time passed, each additional minute pushed me into a worsening mood. At 50 minutes passed his planned homecoming, I was furious. Why wasn’t he here? Why wasn’t he answering his cell phone? Enraged at this point, the only excuse that could save him was a train delay. My husband showed up more than an hour after I expected him, displaying a freshly trimmed head of hair, acting like nothing happened. “So you got a haircut?” I asked. “Yes, I had time today, so I figured, why not?”
MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011
That was it. I ripped into his thoughtless selfish behavior and the fight began. But minutes later, reality hit. In our pre-child days, I would have been more understanding and explained how I felt about his late arrival. Now, with my energy drained from an active 2-year-old, I acted like his haircut was akin to finding out he cheated on me with his hairdresser. Frequently, I witness this overreactive response from my clients. We are our best selves early in our relationship. We show each other empathy, respect and patience. As time passes, we come to expect those things from our partner, but we tend to deliver them less and less. Use of the words “thank you” and “please” become sparse, replaced by comments like “You have to…”, and “Why didn’t you…” which are set-up comments for a fight. So what can a person say to prevent such unnecessary battles? The answer is to stop and ask yourself one wise question if you feel your blood beginning to boil: Ask “What do I want my spouse to do differently next time?” In my situation, I wanted him to call me in advance to tell me that his plans changed and that he would be home later than expected. If I had shared this future-oriented solution instead of yelling at him for what had already happened, we would have skipped an unhappy battle. As soon as I realized my short-tempered mistake, I apologized and asked for what I wanted. Interestingly, during that brief conversation my husband was flattered to learn that I was looking forward to his coming home early and was disappointed by his lateness. I also shared the fact that I had rescheduled a play date for my son so we would be home to greet him. Our 5-minute talk ended with the agreement that if his plans changed, he would immediately call to tell me. To this day, that agreement has a positive influence on our relationship. So my advice for couples who want to love, and like, their mate for a lifetime is: Don’t focus on the problem. Do focus on the solution. A little wisdom makes a big difference.
Laurie Puhn is a Harvard-educated lawyer, couples mediator, relationship expert, and bestselling author of “Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In,” who appears on Good Morning America, 20/20, Fox News and CNN. Most importantly, she is a wife and mother to two young children. Visit her interactive site at www.fightlesslovemore.com.
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As you are preparing for your Thanksgiving Holiday, we at InspiRED would like to take the opportunity to say
To Family Magazine for creating & distributing a terrific community resource for Michiana families and for allowing us to participate. To our InspiRED friends & family for their continued support. To the men & women serving our country, whether at home or abroad. To all the families of the men & women serving our country, thank you for staying strong while your loved ones are off protecting our freedoms. To all the teachers who tirelessly educate our children, sometimes, despite impossible conditions. To everyone who, throughout a normal day, is able to put a smile on the face of a stranger. To YOU for being who you are and doing what you do. To GOD for giving us His only Son and for loving each and every one of us for who and what we are. www.inspiREDhomes.com
M i C H I L D • S P E C I A L PA R E N T I N G F E AT U R E S E C T I O N
Mommy & Daddy
BIG By Jane Suter
Life is a box of chocolates – and Girl Scout Cookies and frozen pretzels, pizzas, popcorn tubs, magazines and submarine sandwiches. Yes, school has started, and it’s time to open those wallets and answer your front door to the line of neighborhood children begging you to purchase their wares. Not since the time of Charles Dickens have we seen such waifs begging for a shilling. Or should I say $12.99! Good grief. My stoop hasn’t seen this much action since I came home from the hospital after the birth of my son. Now I’m hiding behind the curtains, peeping out of my bedroom window like a felon. A SWAT team of little people armed with highly complicated order forms and unwavering terms of cash up front ring my doorbell. These sales tikes are relentless. They will keep coming back, hunting me like a wild dingo – their number 2
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pencils in clenched fists raised high above their shoulders ready to spear my order. I can run, but I cannot hide. These micro-mini selling machines must have a dreaded and powerful leader with a name so feared, it can only be uttered in initial form. The PTO’s and PTA’s who arrange the majority of these fundraisers are a well-oiled machine of uber amazing parents. The mafia only dreams it could be this organized. Using tactics outlawed in the 1930’s and breaking every child labor law currently on the books, they send out legions of these adorable indentured servants to do their bidding. These masters of money-raising are not to be trifled with. I am convinced they could easily solve the world’s problems in one donut-fueled weekend, yet they refrain from such grand aspirations and focus on hitting their monthly goal. And hit their goal they do! They acquire laptops, book guest speakers and get whole libraries built!
MichianaFamilyMagazine.com | november 2011
So I buy. I never say no. I buy because each adorable face begging for my order reminds me of, well, me. Flashback to the 1970s. I am going door to door selling Girl Scout cookies. There was this rotten, scowlyfaced lady who lived several doors down. Before I even finished my sales pitch, she slammed the door in my face. I can still feel my pleated, green Girl Scout skirt skimming my legs as I slowly cried my way home, rejected right down to my dark brown knee-high socks. I vowed that very day to never do that when I got “big.”
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So, here I am. Big. I have not forgotten my promise to my younger self, and I surely won’t pay the karmic debt of saying “no” to a child, topped with the metal swoosh of a door whizzing closed. So, I emerge from behind my iron curtain of “I really can’t afford to buy anything” and open the front door. I say “yes” to the blue eyes looking up at me. I see the relief on her polished face, and I smile. Yes, younger Jane would be proud, all the way up to her badge emblazoned sash and tasseled green beret. So, clean out those freezers ladies and gentleman. Make room in there for the bounty. Open your wallets, answer the doorbell and say “yes” to that box of chocolates! Your younger self will love it!
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Jane Suter is an award-winning writer and mom of two very energetic boys, one in kindergarten and the other in second grade. Born in Chicago, she is proud of her Midwestern roots.
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For those days when an apple isn't enough. Bittersweet Medical Associates 12340 Bittersweet Commons Blvd. Granger, Indiana (574) 271-8610 Shelley A. Morris, DO Mark P. Schmeltz, DO Bristol Family Practice 306 East Vistula Bristol, Indiana (574) 848-4427 Joyce A. Heald, MD Michelle R. Howe, MD Jeffrey T. Szuba, MD Center for Family Practice 1753 Fulton St. Elkhart, Indiana (574) 389-9881 Fernando S. Escovar, MD Edwardsburg Family Medicine 27082 Main St. Edwardsburg, Michigan (269) 663-8288 Jack S. Bartoszek, DO
Elkhart Gastroenterology 600 East Blvd. Elkhart, Indiana (574) 389-7362 Burton Boron, MD
Nappanee Family Medical Clinic 357 N. Nappanee St. Nappanee, Indiana (574) 773-3141 Verlin T. Houck, MD Angela V. Miller, MD
Family Medicine Center 2120 Rieth Blvd., Suite A Goshen, Indiana (574) 875-5126 Laura E. Munkel, MD Tamara L. Pinto, NP-C, FNP Marcy R. Showalter, PA
Osceola Clinic 5314 Lincolnway East Mishawaka, Indiana (574) 256-9032 Tonya M. Duguid, DO Cynthia L. Pascual, MD Robert R. VanderZwaag, MD
Family Practice Associates 3301 County Road 6 Elkhart, Indiana (574) 264-9635 David M. Dyck, MD Jeffrey A. Eck, MD Derek A. Oldham, MD Jeffrey S. Howe, MD Bethany L. VanderZwaag, MD
Sleep Consultants of Michiana 3301 County Road 6 Elkhart, Indiana (574) 262-0239 A. Majid Malik, MD Wakarusa Medical Clinic 207 N. Elkhart St. Wakarusa, Indiana (574) 862-2165 Eric J. Miller, MD Danielle R. Russo, MD Reba J. Goshert, MSN, CNP, FNPC
For Women Only OB/GYN 1215 Lawn Ave., Suite 100 Elkhart, Indiana (574) 293-2893 Booker T. Morris, MD Enrique E. Infante, MD Jeffrey L. Cain, MD Lauren G. Outlaw, MD Karey J. Hogue, CNM Amanda S. Winters, CNM
For more information on the Elkhart General Medical Group, visit egh.org.
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