SASSY Magazine June 2012

midlife CRISIS OR CROSSROADS?

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Charrise McCrorey is a Certified Transformative Coach, business consultant, writer, and speaker. She works with individuals and business leaders worldwide, with offices in Elkhart and Chicago. She is a catalyst for assisting others in creating a magnificent life and rewarding work.

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ARE YOU AT RISK? Women are

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Each woman will experience different symptoms of a heart attack. Some women experience some symptoms while others show all symptoms, and there are women who show no symptoms. The sooner you can recognize symptoms and take appropriate action, the better. These are some of the warning signs: • Discomfort, tightness, uncomfortable pressure, fullness, squeezing in the center of the chest lasting more than a few minutes or comes and goes • Crushing chest pain • Pressure or pain that spreads to the shoulders, neck, upper back, jaw or arms • Dizziness or nausea • Clammy sweats, heart flutters or paleness • Unexplained feelings of anxiety, fatigue or weakness TAKE A FREE - especially with exertion HEART RISK • Stomach or abdominal pain ASSESSMENT • Shortness of breath and difficulty breathing

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For more information on organizing and tips to reduce the clutter in your home, visit our website: www.goodwill-ni.org and click on: The Clutter Diet.

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SASSY

healthy living

Midlife

Crisis or Crossroads?

By Sarah Boulac

D

o you remember that Oil of Olay commercial from the 80s where the ageless model declares she doesn’t intend to grow old gracefully but will “fight it every step of the way”?

Thirty years later and much is the same in our culture where youth remains coveted and aging is fought rather than revered for the earned perspective and wisdom that comes with time. But what exactly are we fighting? Does a midlife crisis loom on the horizon? What possibilities lurk beyond the constraints of youth that may have the next generation anxious to arrive?

Biology

Somewhere in the vague neighborhood of age 40 to 55 – though for some women it happens earlier – comes perimenopause. Ellyn Stecker, M.D., Family Medicine Physician, explains that this is a time when your monthly cycle becomes lighter and lighter and begins to phase out. Women may experience hot flashes, sleep disturbances, or marked shifts in mood.

“It is a time of a lot of fluctuation and change,” says Connie Chalko, clinical pharmacist and certified menopause clinician at Mar Main Pharmacy. She points out that symptoms can vary from month to month and that perimenopause can last several years before women actually go into menopause and periods stop altogether.

Maybe this is what we’re fighting – this biological shift into an unknown realm where our hormones go wacky and our bodies feel foreign. Is this the impending crisis? Will the loss of estrogen lead to a loss of our femininity, of who we know ourselves to be? Not if we don’t let it.

April Lidinsky, associate professor in the Women's and Gender Studies program at IUSB says, “Women all over the world age, and in very few countries is it a medical crisis. And there’s no reason for it to be.” As women journey to midlife and beyond, we can decide how to approach the aging process. “We have to think about our bodies as adventurous objects as we age and to be 26 JUNE§JULY 2012 | SASSY

interested and mindful and not to see it as a loss of something, but an evolution,” says Lidinsky.

This is a smooth shift for some women, but can be more disruptive to others. “Every woman is different,” says Chalko, who suggests working closely with your doctor to help navigate any unpleasant changes.

Swiss Cheese Syndrome

Besides the biology of “midlife,” women have a myriad of other pressures that can push them to the edge. Women are socialized to be relational, explains Lidinsky: “The large pattern of women’s lives is to care for others during our twenties and thirties.”

Aging parents and children, work and volunteer responsibilities can make women “feel like they’re torn in so many directions,” says Chalko, who calls this the “Swiss cheese syndrome.”

When our lives are filled with caring for others, often our own needs and desires get pushed aside unless or until there comes a point when we’re able to stop and look beyond the minutia of the day-to-day to wonder what’s next? What’s possible? This ability to peek out of the clouds comes with maturity, experience and children who are old enough to take care of some of their own needs – things that happen to come with age. This can be a very exciting time for women.

Says Lidinsky, “I don’t see people in crises; I see people having a moment to pause and think about all the possibilities of what might be next.”

One Woman’s Wake-Up Call

Jeanine Wicker, a 38-year-old single mom of a 15-year-old drummer, had reached the point where she was looking at recreating her future. She says she was facing “a collision of all the aspects of my life that weren’t working” with a gloomy financial picture, issues with the house she thought she had

owned for the past nine years necessitating a move for her and her son, preparing for her son to fly the nest – and all this while also looking at a career change after being a massage therapist for 13 years.

“Am I doing this forever?” she asked herself. She wondered about her career while simultaneously struggling with how to let go of something that had been good to her. Ultimately, she took a position as an administrative assistant with the Salvation Army and soon moved into the event sales manager position for the Kroc Center, all the while continuing her massage practice on the side.

She was designated the “quarterback” for the Kroc Center’s grand opening weekend, and she and the rest of the team were all working very long hours and enjoying it.

As she swirled through the vortex of what wasn’t working in her life, she was looking at what she wanted for her future and recreating her career along with her living arrangements and other elements of her life.

“I was pushing myself hard,” she says. “No one was forcing me to work hard or work long hours … I was having a good time; it was exciting.”

But something was missing, she explains, “I had forgotten something along the way and that was to take care of myself.”

Her wake-up call came in the form of back-to-back grand mal seizures while sitting at her desk this past January. She looks back on her seizures as a “blessing in disguise.”

The Importance of Self Care

Wicker says if you’d have asked her, she would have told you everything was fine. But in the weeks leading up to her seizures, she began experiencing a recurring “sense of incredible dread” she couldn’t pinpoint a reason for and went on doing what she was doing. But what she wasn’t doing was meeting her own needs, which is essential for a woman wanting to create the path she desires for the next stage of her life.

Wicker explains that she was ignoring her body’s cues to eat, sleep, and even to use the bathroom.

Two days after the Kroc Center’s grand opening, she says she felt like something wasn’t right.

She realized she hadn’t yet eaten that day so got something to eat and went to her desk with the sensation that she was about to pass out. “And then I woke up, semi-naked, in the hospital.”

Looking back, Wicker learned that the sense of dread is a common warning symptom of a grand mal seizure. She also realized how much she was ignoring her body’s cues and her own needs. She learned the hard way that “it really is true; if you don’t take care of yourself you won’t be here to take care of other people or to do the things you love to do.”

UChoose from MutualBank

Aging Gracefully

“This is a stage of self-invention,” says Lidinsky who says as women mature, they are able to look beyond packing lunches, carpooling and counting rolls of TP and begin “looking outward, figuring out how they can be of use, how they can share their talents, how they can make their communities happier [and] healthier.”

But women must also remember that during this time caring for yourself is the foundation for successfully creating the journey you want in the next phase of life. And when you get there, you will be sharing a message of wisdom and peace with the next generation. That is something worth fighting for. As Lidinsky learned from a wise mentor from her past, “Great things are ahead” and she says, “I see women in their 60s and I think, ‘That looks fantastic!’” 

Reminders to Nurture Yourself Eat Breakfast. Underlying good health has to be “adequate nutrition,” says Stecker. And this starts with breakfast, the most important meal of the day. Chalko says, “One of the best things a woman can do … is to eat breakfast every morning, a protein containing breakfast.”

Keep Track.

When you’re struggling with negative symptoms, Stecker recommends writing down what you eat for three to four days along with how you’re feeling and share this with your doctor to review with a critical eye.

Drink Water. Staying hydrated is important to function at your best. Avoid diet soda and artificial sweeteners, says Chalko.

Limit Alcohol.

Stecker recommends avoiding excess

alcohol and other drugs.

Gentle Exercise. Chalko explains that intense exercise

can be stressful to your body. She suggests doing something gentle and fun.

Sleep.

“Women can do amazing things if they can sleep,” says Chalko, who cautions against relying on over-the-counter sleep aides.

Relax. Find time each day to slow down and breathe, and remember to laugh.

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Jodi began experiencing pain in her lower back and left leg. The pain interfered with her lifestyle, and everyday activities like work and exercise became unbearable.

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by

Amy TribbeTT

W

hen Vicki Reed’s dad was diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer in February 2009, her family was left with many decisions. “Center for Hospice Care was the right choice for our family because we needed someone with experience to help with dad’s care,” explained Vicki.

Vicki shared how her dad was just a very down to earth person. “He absolutely loved everybody – he was just a genuine, special person,” she recalled. “We wanted his care to be special, too. From the very beginning, Center for Hospice Care

help from the Center for Hospice Care team, Vicki and her mom cared for her dad at his home.

“It was comforting just to have them to talk to,” Vicki remembers of the caregivers. “They also provided spiritual guidance, which was excellent for dad.”

A couple of days after they began caring for her dad at home, Vicki and her mom needed additional support to manage his pain. “We took dad to Hospice House so we could get his pain under control,” Vicki noted. “The nurses there were wonderful. They were able to

“The nurses there were wonderful. They were able to manage his pain, while giving us a shoulder to cry on.

They truly were our heroes.” helped me be the better caregiver for my mom and dad during this time in his life.

“When my dad went through his first round of chemo he felt very good. We got another round of x-rays done and he was encouraged to undergo a second round of chemo.

The results after the second round were not good. My dad was told he had three months to live.”

Vicki said she remembers how depressed her dad was. And if that wasn’t enough, her dad then fell and ended up hospitalized with a broken foot. “It was then that I told mom we needed to call somebody for help,” Vicki said. “My friend told me about Center for Hospice Care, so we called them.”

Soon after, her dad was admitted into hospice care, and along with

manage his pain, while giving us a shoulder to cry on. They truly were our heroes. They gave us everything that we needed as a family to get through this, and made sure my dad had everything he needed.

“When dad came home from the hospice house, the nurse was there to meet us. He was able to tell us how to control his medication from home. He showed us how to care for him. And then he came to us as a family and told us what to expect when dad was nearing the end of

his life. He encouraged us to have one on one meetings with dad, as well as be with him as a family. He told us our dad could hear us and showed us what signs to watch for.

By doing all he did, he truly gave us the gift of time with dad. None of us will ever forget.”

To learn more or self-refer, call anytime: 800.HOSPICE (467.7423) or CenterForHospice.org.

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Heritage Square Summer Activities • Heritage Square Art Fair and Sidewalk Sales Saturday, June 2, from 10 AM - 4 PM • Heritage Road Show Saturday, June 23, 10 AM - 2 PM, Get verbal appraisals on antique items. $5 per item.

• Free Concert: Vyagra Falls at Heritage Square on Friday, July 13, music starts at 5 PM • Classic Car Cruise-In’s every Saturday from 5-8 PM • Books, Buddies, and Blankets (starts June 6) every Wednesday from 10:30-11 AM, at Urban Swirl facebook.com/HeritageSquare

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Jordan GivesBack g Gi vi n

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McKinleyPawn.com Family Owned

Not Your Old School Pawn Shop Jewelry, Gold, Silver, Electronics, Musical Instruments & Equipment, Tools, Autos and Much More!

If it has value, we’ll pawn it.

Open 7 days a week Monday – Saturday 9 am - 7 pm Sunday Noon - 4 pm 1101 E. McKinley Mishawaka, IN 46545 (574) 220 -1596

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Dedicated to your health.

Our physicians at For Women Only are dedicated to your health and committed to providing excellent care. Services include gynecologic exams, obstetrics, reproductive analysis, endometriosis, gynecologic surgery, prenatal and postpartum care, labor and delivery management, hormone replacement therapies, family planning and health consultations.

Booker T. Morris, MD • Enrique E. Infante, MD • Jeffrey L. Cain, MD • Lauren G. Outlaw, MD Michael D. Engel, DO • Karey J. Hogue, CNM • Amanda S. Winters, CNM

For Women Only is accepting new patients. To schedule an appointment, call 574-293-2893.

1215 Lawn Avenue, Suite 100 • Elkhart, IN 46514