Michigan Golf News, September 10, 2010

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Michigan Golf News

September 10, 2010

Vol. 10, no. 36

Hidden River Golf & Casting Club http://www.hiddenriver.com • Golf Information: http://tiny.cc/xkf4m • Golf Packages: http://tiny.cc/ihm6o

Photo by Art McCafferty

Marsh Ridge Resort and the Natural Golf Course http://www.marshridge.com • Marsh Ridge Resort Television Network http://glsp.com/marshridge/ • 2010 Golf Package Rates: http://tiny.cc/yf99k

A happy European crowd left Oakland Hills on the final day.

In This Issue Treetops Resort http://treetops.com • Treetops Television Network http://glsp.com/treetops/ • Golf Packages, 2010: http://tiny.cc/497ku • 23rd Annual Pepsi Charity Invitational Registration: http://tiny.cc/ie75d Sandy Ridge Golf Course • New course video introduced by Jerry Matthews http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhDSOrxw3z Half Off Golf • Jeff Lesson'sWebsite: • http://lessonongolf.com Michigan Golfer Magazine

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Ryder Cup Thoughts: By Jack Berry Remote Observations: By Terry Moore Correction Tom Doak, Midnight Golf, Marygrove College and Intter City Youth Make for Great Foursome PGA Suspends Pro-Am DQ Rule New Shows on GLSP Network Tom Werkmeister Wins Third Consecutive GAM Mid-Amateur Thad Gutowski - The Cyber-Geezer - Part IV of a Series Don Hooper Wins GAM/Detroit News Hold-In-One Contest IMA Brookwood to Host Fall Senior Scramble The Light at the End of the Tunnel Continues to be a Train Minzey's Musings Michigan Golfer Magazine - Fall Issue Coming Next Week Michigan Golf Calendar Michigan Golf Archives http://michigangolfer.com/mgn/archives.html Michigan Golf History http://michiigangolfer.com/mgn/history.html Michigan Golf Association Links http://michiigangolfer.com/mgn/associations.html

CIRCULATION 16, 347 Subscribe http://lyris.dundee.net/read/all_forums/subscribe?name=michigangolfnews Edited by Art McCafferty artmccaf@glsp.com

================================== RYDER CUP THOUGHTS: By Jack Berry ================================== Earlier in the summer, when Europeans seemed to be winning everything in sight including the United States Open – shoot, Northern Ireland and France finished 1-2 at Pebble Beach and a German won the PGA Championship – I didn’t think much of America’s chances of retaining the Ryder Cup.

Photo courtesy of PGA

Michigan Golfer Magazine http://michigangolfer.com/#pastissues Editor - Jennie McCafferty Archived, graphic, Michigan Golf News: http://issuu.com/michigangolfer

Ryder Cup Trophy

Now, after Corey Pavin made his four captain’s picks to complete the 12-man American team that will meet the Europeans at Celtic Manor in Wales in three weeks, I don’t think there will be a return to the two straight embarrassments at Oakland Hills and the K Club in Ireland when the Yanks suffered their worst defeats in history.

The Europeans will have a crowd as loud and strong as those Kentuckians who shouted “U-S-A! U-SA!” at Valhalla two years ago but I think the Americans will do well. I didn't say win.

Seemingly out of contention for a spot three weeks ago, Tiger Woods played himself onto the team with his performances in the Barclays and Deutsche Bank tournaments in New Jersey and Boston. He even smiled in post-round interviews.

Tiger hasn’t been World No. 1 in Ryder Cups, though. His record is 10-13-2 won-lost-tied in five Ryder Cups and the United States lost three of them.

For that matter, not one of the seven veterans on the team has a winning record. But the U.S. has felt better about itself after the stirring victory two years ago and the Presidents Cup decisive victory over the rest of the world outside of Europe last October in San Francisco. Woods teamed with Steve Stricker to win all four of their matches and then he hammered Y.E. Yang who’d beaten him for the PGA Championship. Seven of the Presidents Cup players are on the Ryder Cup team and it’s hardly a stretch to think Pavin will pair Woods with Stricker.

There’s been some concern over Pavin’s pick of 22-year-old Tour rookie Rickie Fowler but I think Pavin sees some of himself in the 5-foot-9, 150-pound two-time All-American from Oklahoma State.

Pavin said it was a “gut decision.”

Fowler starred in the United States’ Walker Cup victories over Great Britain & Ireland in 2007 at Royal County Down – Rory McIlroy’s last start as an amateur – and last year at Merion, outside Philadelphia. He was 3-1 in 2007 and 4-0 last year. There will be more pressure in the Ryder Cup but Pavin obviously feels the former dirt bike racer (he quit that after breaking bones in his feet) will handle it.

Dustin Johnson was on the 2007 Walker Cup team with Fowler and he certainly has had a six-pack of pressure this year, blowing the Open at Pebble Beach with a triple bogey, double bogey, bogey start that wasted a three shot lead and led to an 82. Then, by not reading the rule sheet, he cost himself the PGA Championship by grounding his club in what he thought was a waste area because fans were standing in it. The players had been told that all those areas were considered bunkers. Two shot penalty and no playoff.

In contrast to so many in the game today, Fowler and Johnson play fast when pausing for a moment might be the prudent move. Maybe Pavin will get that message across.

Matt Kuchar, Jeff Overton and Bubba Watson are the other rookies. Kuchar has been on the best run of his career with 10 top tens including a victory, Overton hasn’t won but he’s finished second three times and third twice and Watson scored his first PGA Tour victory and has two seconds and a third.

Of the seven veterans, Phil Mickelson, going into his eighth Ryder Cup, is the most questionable to me. His record is 10-14-6 and his record in Europe is poor. He’s had only two top 15 finishes in 18 British Open starts. Which Phil will show up? The Thrill or the FORE LEFT! Jim Furyk hasn’t been much better in Ryder Cup play, going 8-13-3. But he won twice this year and had two top tens in August and probably has more alarm clocks now than Wal-Mart after oversleeping and being disqualified two weeks ago.

Steve Stricker, Stewart Cink and Zach Johnson are low-key and dependable, Hunter Mahan was unbeaten in 2008 with two victories and three halves.

Missing are Boo Weekley and Anthony Kim who energized the crowd and the team at Valhalla. Weekley’s had back problems and Kim didn’t have enough time to recover his game after surgery on his left thumb in May. And don’t look now but all six of the European veterans have winning records and two of the rookies are PGA champion Martin Kaymer of Germany and Northern Ireland's Rory McIlroy who finished 66-62 to win at Quail Hollow and was third in both the British Open and the PGA. Then there's McIlroy's Ulster mate Graeme McDowell, who won our Open, the Molinari brothers, Edoardo and Francesco, who prove Italy is more than tenors and pasta makers, and my favorite, Miguel Angel Jimenez who just won for the third time this year. The pony-tailed, cigar smoking, red wine drinking Spaniard doesn't walk, he strides, the way Grand Rapids Blythefield pro John Barnum used to go, like the Queen Elizabeth slicing through the ocean with hardly a ripple.

We'll get the Euros and Celtic Manor next week. ===================================== REMOTE OBSERVATIONS: By Terry Moore ===================================== To make it on the PGA Tour, a player must play well on the weekend. Even par or even a few under, U.S. Open excepted, just doesn’t cut it. You have to go low and stay there. That’s what Michigan native Tom Gillis did last weekend at the Deustchland Bank Open by firing 65-65 over his last two rounds, vaulting him into a T-5th finish, earning over $273,000. More importantly, his finish allowed him to advance in the FedEx Cup playoffs and play in this week’s BMW Championship at Cog Hill in Chicago. For the season, the former Michigan Open champion has now won $1,070,017 (74th place)

and is in the 48th spot in the FedEx rankings. Suffice it to say, Gillis will keep his Tour card for next season.

I happened to be in the car listening to the PGA Tour on XM Radio when the announcers were interviewing Gillis after his superb final round on Monday. Gillis reflected back on those dark days in 2007 when he had no playing prospects on any tour. He spent three months during the winter in Michigan trying to decide if he should continue with his Tour aspirations. Gillis said enduring the cold, dreary weather in 2007 convinced him to give the Tour another shot in 2008. He made the most of sponsor’s exemptions that season and worked himself back in playing shape on the Nationwide. Last season, Gillis finished in the Top 25 in 11 of his 15 starts and his total winnings secured an automatic card on the PGA Tour. (Gillis first earned his regular PGA Tour card back in 2002 via the National Qualifying Tournament.) Gillis said his putter was red hot last weekend. “I was making everything I looked at.”

Incidentally, Gillis was the subject of a nice profile yesterday in The New York Times. Visit http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/09/sports/golf/09golf.html?_r=1 Another Michigan player made his debut on the Nationwide Tour last weekend, thanks to his Monday qualifying score of 67 and where he later survived a playoff for the final thee spots with a birdie on the first hole. Former M.S.U. and Wayne State University standout Steve Cuzzort, Birmingham, competed in the Mylan Classic outside Pittsburgh and shot 71-78, missing the cut. As Gillis discovered, it’s a long learning curve for Tour-level golf. Getting into tournaments, making the cut, and going low on the weekends are all part of the process.

One final note: This weekend don’t be surprised to hear comments about the greens at Cog Hill. As noted in an earlier column, this summer’s siege of hot and humid weather has been ruinous to many greens in the Midwest. Chicago’s wet and hot weather this summer has compounded problems for bentgrass. This week, Tiger Woods described the Cog Hill greens, usually immaculate, as “spotty.”

Don’t blame the Superintendent; it’s the darn weather. At one time, Chicago had 59 straight days of temperatures 79 degrees or higher and most of them with high evening temperatures particularly stressful to greens. =========== CORRECTION ============ Jerry Rideout, mentioned last week in my column, MG On The Road, was actually the longtime Buick Public Relations Director who ran the Buick Open, not the Marketing Director as I had said. =============================================================================== TOM DOAK, MIDNIGHT GOLF, MARYGROVE COLLEGE AND INNER CITY YOUTH MAKE FOR GREAT FOURSOME =============================================================================== Midnight Golf, a wildly successful mentoring program for inner city youths that uses the game of golf to inspire achievement, is about to take its most significant step since founder Renee Fluker began the program in 2001.

The program, which has sent 351 students to 60 colleges and universities, is getting a new permanent practice facility, thanks to the generosity of Marygrove College, and golf course architect, Tom Doak of Traverse City.

The college on West McNicols is donating five acres on the east side of campus for the facility. Doak

and his Renaissance Golf team, two of who are from the Detroit area, will design and supervise the construction free of charge.

The new facility will have four short holes, two practice tee areas with 26 hitting bays, and a large sand bunker and putting green.

“It is a God-send for us to have someone of his reputation and stature to take the time to come down to Detroit and help us,” said David Gamlin, Midnight Golf’s program director. “We are elated beyond belief that someone of his caliber and stature would be interested in helping young people in Detroit to get a brighter future and we are very grateful.”

Doak has designed more than 30 highly acclaimed courses world-wide, and is currently working at the Country Club of Detroit where he is remaking the all tees and greens. He said it was an honor to be asked to help out with the project for midnight golf.

“All of my associates and I grew up playing public golf courses in towns where junior golf was affordable and close at hand; if it wasn't for that, we might never have found this thing we love to do,” he said. “We've noticed in the past 10-20 years that many new golf facilities fail to make room for the next generation of golfers. The pro formas all count on a maximum number of rounds being played at full retail prices, and once the course is developed with those costs in mind, they have a hard time finding ways to let teenagers onto the course, even when it's not full. We've been actively seeking projects where we can help to reverse this trend, and Marygrove was a perfect venue.”

Doak pointed out that two of his associates, Bruce Hepner and Brian Slawnik, grew up within 20 minutes of Marygrove. While he was overseeing the work at the Country Club of Detroit, Slawnik used his spare time to pull together plans for the Marygrove facility.

Leading turf grass expert Tom Mead developed the grass plans to launch the new facility. Mead is widely known in the golf industry for his sustainable turf grass practices with work at such top courses as Sand Hills, Whistling Straits, and Pacific Dunes.

The Midnight Golf program is a 30 week empowering and mentoring experience that teaches life skills including financial literacy, college preparation, community activism, as well as, learning to play golf.

Participants meet on Monday and Wednesday for three hours each day. Golf lessons are taught by three PGA of America professionals.

Midnight Golf and Marygrove have been working together since 2005 for after school programs.

Gamlin said because of Detroit’s limited resources students had to travel to Southfield for golf. He said the new facility will not only give participants a permanent home, it will be a good recruiting tool.

“It will help ignite the conversation on golf and get more of the people we are trying to recruit to discuss or think about golf in a more logical way when they are driving by and seeing what is going on over there at Marygrove,” he said.

Taken from a Resort & Golf Marketing release.

============================== PGA SUSPENDS PRO-AM DQ RULE ============================== It's a week too late to help Jim Furyk, but the PGA Tour announced it is suspending for the remainder of 2010 its rule requiring disqualification of any player who misses his tee time in the pro-am that precedes tournament play.

Last week at The Barclays, Furyk overslept when his cellphone alarm failed to sound. Upon waking, he rushed to the tournament site and arrived only minutes after his pro-am group teed off. But, since he missed the tee time, he was disqualified from The Barclays.

The PGA Tour news release stated: "Hereafter, should a player be late for his pro-am starting time, the situation will be handled as a matter of unbecoming conduct. Such player will be required to participate in the remainder of the pro-am round and may be required to perform additional sponsor activity. A player who misses his pro-am obligation in its entirety will still be ruled ineligible for the tournament unless he has been excused in accordance with the provisions of the regulations.

"The Commissioner has asked the Player Advisory Council and Player Directors to evaluate the current pro-am regulations to determine whether alternative measures can effectively ensure that players honor their pro-am obligations without placing them at risk of disqualification. The matter will be discussed at the Policy Board meeting in November."

Following Furyk's DQ, PGA Tour player Joe Ogilvie tweeted: "I was on the policy board when we made the DQ pro-am rule, a mistake. Miss pro-am, should be a day with sponsor on players' dime, no DQ." Furyk's DQ for missing the pro-am wasn't the first such DQ of 2010. It happened to Paul Azinger on the Champions Tour a week earlier, and to three players - including a past champion - at the LPGA major Kraft Nabisco Championship several months ago.

The DQ rule has been in place because most players hate playing the pro-ams. Without a stiff penalty for missing the pro-am, more players would probably come up with excuses not to play.

Taken and edted from a PGA Tour release ============================= NEW SHOWS ON GLSP NETWORK ============================= Michigan Travel Television Scenes From Porcupine State Park http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxIq0yBh1H0 Michigan Skier Television Stephen Kircher -Winter Olympics, the Golf Market and Pure Michigan http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8ecYP9c_cc Michigan Golfer Television Scott Hebert at the PGA Championship - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-B_2Y2PGJM Wisconsin Golf- Peter Allen and Mike Duff discuss their favorites http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTmzwSPmA7w

Sweetgrass GC - Jennie McCafferty interviews Dave Douglas, Dir. of Golf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQ5g4spcm40 Michigan Runner Television Marathon Oasis de Montreal - http://michiganrunner.tv/2010montreal/ The 2010 Crim Festival of Races - http://michiganrunner.tv/2010crim =========================================================== TOM WERKMEISTER WINS THIRD CONSECUTIVE GAM MID-AMATEUR =========================================================== Chalk up a three-peat for Tom Werkmeister of Kentwood. To start his Labor Day weekend off right, he clinched his third consecutive GAM Mid-Amateur Championship at Boyne Highlands Resorts Hills and Ross courses. Werkmeister shot a 71-69-140 – two strokes better than his finish last year. His best finish was two years ago when he shot a 138 for the two-day event.

“It’s pretty darn exciting,” said Werkmeister. “Especially after the first round; I wasn’t sure I had a chance to win.”

Werkmeister was five strokes off the lead with 10 golfers between him and the top spot on the leader board.

The first day of play featured perfect Northern Michigan weather -- sunny and temperate. Day two was very windy and there were several rain showers that lasted varied amounts of time. Admittedly, Werkmeister is a bit of a mudder and tends to excel when playing in inclement weather. He used that expertise to move into the lead.

“I just enjoy the challenge of playing in bad weather,” said Werkmeister. “It was nasty. It probably rained 15 different times throughout the day. That plus the gusty winds made for quite a challenge.”

Werkmeister thought he had missed his chance to tally a great score on the first day. But his solid, steady play on the second day garnered him the championship.

“I am always more excited in a tournament situation if it is windy or there are adverse conditions,” said Werkmeister. “I’ve had a lot of experience playing in that kind of weather so I think that is why.

I’m sure the bad weather at Boyne helped me come back and win.”

Werkmeister notes that the weather the first two years he played the tournament was picture perfect.

“I’ve only played in this tournament three times and won it all three times so I will be back for sure next year to defend the championship.”

In the senior division, John Lindholm (Grand Blanc) picked the perfect week to experiment with his new swing. He was able to fight through the extreme weather conditions and claim victory with a 7376-149 “I decided to try a new swing this week because the old one was hard on my back,” said Lindholm.

“It worked pretty well. I think I will be keeping the new swing.”

Lindholm said it was a fun round of golf but also a lot of work because of having to constantly battle the elements.

“Every five minutes it would pour rain, then it would stop, then it would start up again,” said Lindholm. “Then sometimes it would just keep raining and the wind would start up at about 30 miles per hour. Of course, now that I am standing here in the clubhouse, the weather is just fine.”

Complete results are available on the GAM web site.

Taken from a Susan Smiley GAM release ======================================================= THAD GUTOWSKI - THE CYBER-GEEZER - PART V OF A SERIES ======================================================= There’s a museum in Austin, Minnesota dedicated to Spam. But it’s all about the stuff in a can that you find on the super-market shelf, not the ubiquitous word that is synonymous with “junk email.”

There is no logical explanation for how this food/message connection began, but I found the following

by Brad Templeton after an exhaustive internet search: “Most people have some vague awareness that it came first in a skit by Monty Python's Flying Circus.

In the sketch, a restaurant serves all its food with lots of Hormel Spam and the waitress repeats the word several times in describing how much Spam is in each item on the menu. When she does this, a group of Vikings (don't ask) in the corner start a song: "Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, lovely spam! Wonderful spam!"

Thus the meaning of the term at least: something that keeps repeating and repeating to great annoyance. How did the two get connected?”

I’m not quite sure about all this except as an email marketer it is a word you must avoid at any cost.

Spam is a real problem that has had a significant effect on how we develop email programs. Lets’ face it. Very little Spam is created by relatively small-time operators like us. However, our outbound mail is subjected to the same standards as the notorious spammers - like Robert Soloway 27, who was arrested a few years ago for sending an eye-popping 70 billion spam emails a day. That’s ten for every human being on the planet… in a single day!

At risk of over-simplifying, the spam filters instantaneously scan content and subject line to determine if they are “legitimate” by relying on certain established word probabilities. The result is there are a host of words or phrases called “triggers” which the ISP (Internet Service Provider) filters will find unacceptable. The message is given a score for each infraction and if the total reaches the established maximum allowed it is stopped from going any further. Incidentally, one of the most popular filter programs is aptly titled Spam/Assassin. Sounds like it should be a character in Seinfeld!

Some of these triggers certainly seem innocuous. Here are just a few words and phrases that fail to make the grade: amazing; winner; risk free; congratulations; click here; dear friend. Using one or two of these in the same email will probably pass muster, but too many and your message is in the tank so to speak. I have a list of 100 that fail the filter which I can send you.

So how do you work within a system that doesn’t believe in the First Amendment? It takes a little time, but it is worth it to test your subject line and message content on one of several free services available on the net. Here is a few that I like: spamcheck@sitesell.net or mailingcheck.com. But my favorite is http://gravitymail.com.

But wait, there’s more! I touched on this in a prior issue of this publication. Even if the spam filters give you the green light your customers may brand you a spammer if your emails are mostly just unwanted promotional blasts. Too many of these and you risk being blacklisted which means even legitimate emails won’t get past the ISP. How about this?

I have been on the opt-in email list of one of Michigan’s more prominent multi-course golf resorts for few years, and have been receiving their interesting messages without any interference.

That is until a couple of weeks ago. Now their well-crafted email goes right to my Spam folder, not my inbox. I don’t know why, except previously there was a well known “Powered by” logo at the very bottom of the content page, and now there is none. If the resort does not have the capability or the desire to track their messages (which I covered last week) they will never know this is even taking place.

I continue to look for winners in my email marketing contest.

Please send to: cybergeezer@inbox.com ============================================================ DON HOOPER WINS GAM/DETROIT NEWS HOLE-IN-ONE-CONTEST ============================================================ Don Hooper (Livonia) was the winner of the GAM/Detroit News Hole-In-One Contest at Whispering Willows Golf Course in Livonia Sept. 7. Hooper landed 2 feet, 1 inch from the pin on the 127-yard par 3 No. 7. He used his 7-iron on a day when the warm winds provided a bit of a challenge for all of the contestants.

For his efforts, Hooper won a stay-and-play package for four at the Otsego Club Resort in Gaylord.

Anyone who has had a hole-in-one was eligible for the contest. Hooper has had three career aces.

A total of 234 golfers competed over the course of the day. Golfers competed in four categories: men 55-and-over; men under-55; women 55-and-over; and women under-55.

Hooper, 76, competed in the 55-and-over division and was the overall winner. Other top finishers were: Men's 55-and-over (125 yards): Don Hooper, 2 feet, 1 inch Hank Schultz, 2 feet, 8 inches Thomas Garnache, 3 feet Dave Yaris, 3 feet, 5 inches Michael Kramer, 3 feet, 6 inches Men's under-55 (135 yards): Paul Roe, 6 feet, 7 inches Tom Young, 9 feet, 1 inch Phil Farrugia, 11 feet, 6 inches Jim Van Boven, 12 feet, 8 inches Brian Gulick, 15 feet, 2 inches Women's 55-and-over (118 yards): Jan Bowerman, 9 feet, 1 inch Trish Young, 11 feet, 6 inches Women's under-55 (118 yards):

Sue Dunaitis, 25 feet, 10 inches Jennifer Layson, 26 feet, 11 inches The GAM / Detroit News Hole-In-One contest was also a fundraiser for the Folds of Honor Foundation. The event raised $2,010 for the foundation which provides post-secondary educational scholarships for children and spouses for military service men and women killed or disabled while serving our great nation.

Taken from a Susan Smiley GAM release ============================================== IMA BROOKWOOD TO HOST FALL SENIOR SCRAMBLE ============================================== IMA Brookwood Golf Club will host the 5th annual Fall Senior Scramble on Monday, September 27 with a 9:00 a.m. shotgun start. “This event is off to a great start with registrations coming in daily” said Chris Allard, Golf Course Manager at IMA Brookwood Golf Club in Burton.

The 4-person tournament is open to the public for men and women ages 50 and over. Two age divisions allow the tournament to be very competitive with the first division open to player’s 50-59 and the second division open to players 60+. The Fall Senior Scramble is affordably priced at $35 per person and includes 18 holes of golf with cart, donuts and coffee, luncheon, prizes and an awards presentation following play.

“This event sells out quickly every year so players need to register their teams as soon as possible to reserve their spot” said Allard. Golfers can register on-line at http://www.brookwoodgolfclub.com or they can register in the pro shop. For additional information, please contact the golf pro shop at (810) 742-4930 or email rmitchell@imarecreation.org. ========================================================== THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL CONTINUES TO BE A TRAIN ========================================================== After a weak June (down 2.1%), July rounds played remained negative for the golf industry. Rounds played in the U.S. fell 5.1% in July, according to the National Golf Rounds Played Report. Year-todate rounds are now down 3.3% through July. The reporting is based on data from operators at 3,660 golf facilities.

Rounds played for the entire year of 2009 were down 0.6% versus the 12 months in 2008. For 2008, they were down 1.8%. For 2007, rounds played were down 0.5%; in 2006, they had been up 0.8%.

Public access courses are showing a larger decline year-to-date than private courses. Public access courses are down 5.2%; private courses, 5.0%.

Taken from a USGA release

================== MINZEY'S MUSINGS ================== The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are: 1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3.. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4 esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6.. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men ============================================================= MICHIGAN GOLFER MAGAZINE - FALL ISSUE COMING NEXT WEEK ============================================================= Contents Senior Tournaments Put Michigan Golf Back on the Map– Jack Berry Dyebolical Pete– Jack Berry Strom Storms From Behind to Win Women’s Michigan Open – Tim Hygh Andy Matthews Wins the Tournament of Champions – Tim Hygh

Brehm Wins Second Michigan Open – Tim Hygh Ron Beurmann Wins PGA Championship – Tim Hygh Teaching Pros Compete with the Touring Pros –Brad Shelton The Golf Club at Harbor Shores Grand Opening – BR Koehnemann For Pete’s Sake, Enough is Enough – Bill Shelton Slice of Life: Terry Moore Past Issues 1996 - 2010 http://michigangolfer.com/#pastissues ============================= 2010 MICHIGAN GOLF CALENDAR ============================= September 11 MIAGT at Coyote Preserve GC, Coyote Preserve Golf Club, Hartland, MI http://www.miagt.com/index.php?pg=schedule 13-16 Michigan PGA Match Play, Oakland University, Sharf 18 MIAGT Tour Championship, The Grande Golf Club, Jackson, MI http://www.miagt.com/index.php?pg=schedule 26-28 23rd Annual Pepsi Charity Invitational, Treetops Resort, Gaylord, MI Registration: http://www.treetops.com/index.php?method=golf&subpage=pepsitournament Videos of Past Tournaments http://glsp.com/treetops October 1-3 Ryder Cup, Celtic Manor Resort, Newport, Wales 2 Golf League Championship Tournament. Eagle Eye Golf Course, Bath http://www.migolfleague.com or http://www.mgcoa.org 9-10 Toughman Scramble, Treetops and Black Bear GC, Gaylord and Vanderbilt, MI http://www.treetops.com/index.php?method=golf&subpage=Toughman_Tournament November and December 30 - Dec 2 Michigan Golf Business Conference and Vendor Fair,Amway Grand Plaza Hotel, Grand Rapids http://www.mgcoa.org - MG -