Fairytalefusion

Fairy Tale Fusion

A.F. Stewart

Fairyland News and Views

Breaking Headlines from FTN (Fairy Tale News) This is Spider Bramble and my co-anchor, Aurora Gossamer, coming to you with information and updates about the latest buzz in Fairyland. Our top stories...

There is a manhunt on for the First Little Pig, in connection with a tragic domestic incident that left the other two Pig brothers butchered. A late night dispute, over what seems to have been long simmering family grievances, went terribly wrong, resulting in the stabbing death of two of the brothers Pig.

~ Goldilocks was back in court today, on yet another break and enter charge. Claims of her reformed behavior—made after her incarceration due to the Three Bears incident—seemed to have been premature. Evidence found at the scene of the Mother Goose robbery led to this arrest and she has been held over for trial.

~ Family Services finally stepped in and removed the children from the home of the Old Lady in the Shoe after she was taken into custody on drug charges. She is currently awaiting her day in court on allegations of neglect and abuse, and the children have been placed in foster care.

~ The body found last week in the woods was conclusively identified, through DNA results, as Little Red Riding Hood. The police are investigating the death as a homicide; they suspect it was a retaliation killing by the Wolf Clan.

~ The Fairyland SPCA investigated Old Mother Hubbard to determine the validity of claims of animal abuse. A complete inquiry was performed and she was cleared of any criminal misconduct.

~

Notorious alleged gangster Rumpelstiltskin was apprehended today. Police charged him with money laundering, extortion, kidnapping and violating child labour laws.

~ Defense lawyers lost the last round of appeals in the notorious “Peter Pumpkin Eater” murder trial. This is the latest in a series of unsuccessful appeals on behalf of the accused, convicted last year of murdering his wife and stuffing her body in a hollowedout pumpkin. With this newest loss, it seems “Peter” will serve out his life sentence in prison.

~ The Grand Opening of the new franchise of Mary’s Soft Wool and Yarn was a spectacular success with a packed house and record sales. This is the fifth Mary’s Wool Shop for this business savvy entrepreneur, and it all started with just one lamb.

~ Georgie Porgie has come a long way since making the girls cry on the playground.

He is now the computer genius responsible for Fairyland’s popular online dating service, EverMatch.com. EverMatch is celebrating its first anniversary with a month long free trial for the lovelorn.

~ Vegetarian spokesperson, Jack Sprat, buried his wife today. Lavinia Sprat died last week of a heart attack, due to clogged arteries, brought on in part from a diet high in fatty foods.

And now over to our entertainment news desk...

Hello, I’m Lucinda Lovedust with the latest entertainment news from FTN.

Divorce proceedings were finalized yesterday between Snow White and Prince Charming. The seemingly happy marriage fell apart last year when extramarital affairs came to light. Scandal erupted when a front-page exposé hit the newsstands, shocking

the fairy world with explicit details of the ongoing relationship between Snow White and Grumpy Dwarf, and revealing photos of Prince Charming cavorting with the Huntsman.

~ On a happier note, the wedding of Jack and Jill was held this afternoon with perfect fairytale flourish. The pair were wed, surrounded by family, in a hilltop ceremony. The bride wore a gown designed by Tailor Fashions.

~ In other news, Wonderland is abuzz with the revelation that the Mad Hatter and Alice are engaged to be married. The pair have been conducting a clandestine affair for years and only recently decided to make it legal and go public. This comes as a bit of a shock considering recent rumours regarding Alice and the Cheshire Cat.

~ It’s official! Puss in Boots and Sassy (a former kitten in the Three Little Kittens rock group) have finally confirmed the long time gossip and admitted they are indeed an engaged couple. Congratulations, Puss and Sassy!

~ Cinderella’s annual Spring Charity Ball, with all proceeds going to the homeless, takes place this weekend. Among those expected to attend: Princess Briar Rose, Princess Rapunzel, Princess Thumbelina, and the infamous duo, Hansel and Gretel.

The Case of the Missing Frog Prince I’m Detective Piper of the Fairyland Metro Police, and I’ve been called in to investigate the incident of the missing frog prince…

I stood in the Starlight Ballroom, surrounded by the remnants of the Spring Charity Ball, and dozens of shaken witnesses. The party’s host, Princess Cinderella, sat primly on a chair in front of me, ready for her interview.

“I know you’re upset, Highness, but can you tell me what happened here.”

“It was awful! The Snow Queen crashed the party! I mean, who does she think she is, just storming in here all cold and windy. She wasn’t even invited!”

“What did she do, after she entered the ballroom?”

“She was screaming and ranting, pushing her way through the crowd looking for Prince Ivan. It was so crass, Detective. She was carrying on about some grievance over the Prince’s engagement party. She confronted him and they had an argument, over an unpaid catering fee! She accused him of not paying her for the ice sculptures! I knew she was having money problems, but I had no idea she had been forced to sell her talents as menial labour. How very tacky.”

Considering her former status, I thought that remark a bit hypocritical.

“She was just so upset, livid. She disrupted the entire party shouting, threatening, and then…” The Princess stopped, a sob cutting off her words.

“It’s all right, Highness, take your time.”

She sniffled, and dabbed at her eyes with a muslin hanky, before continuing. “The whole situation just got out of hand, with nasty words said by both. Then, well, the Snow Queen ended it. She turned Prince Ivan into a frog! A frog, Detective, a frog!”

“Yes, that was rather spiteful. Now, how exactly did the frog, uh, Prince Ivan go missing?”

“Well… as you might imagine the atmosphere was a bit chaotic, guests screaming and running. Everyone was frightened, you see. I’m afraid Prince Ivan simply hopped away unnoticed in the mayhem.”

Her story squared with the other witnesses I’d interviewed; Princess Briar Rose, Princess Rapunzel, Princess Thumbelina, and Hansel and Gretel all said much the same. That left me to track down the frog from the land of the missing. At least the Snow Queen had been apprehended, but she was swearing she had nothing to do with the disappearance. Now I had to get down to business.

~ Morning dawned, but I was no closer to locating the missing Prince Ivan.

Last night had been a busy one. The Prince’s fiancée, Princess Vassilissa, had been questioned, but told me little, spending most of the time weeping into her lace. We booked the Snow Queen and I’d put out an All Fairies Bulletin on the frog. At first light, I sent out search teams to comb the swamp, but nothing turned up so far.

“Detective Piper, I might have something!” Officer Simon waved from across the room; standing beside him was Jack Nimble. I motioned them both over.

“Detective, Jack says he might have seen our missing frog.” Officer Simon turned to Nimble. “Tell him, Jack.”

“Well, I was out on the Evergreen Forest Road, doing my night watchman rounds, just me and my candle. It was dawn, just before I finish up, when I see this shadow.

Well, I got my duty, so I go to investigate and I see this frog, jumping along the Enchanted Glade path. I don’t think nothing about it at the time; it ain’t unusual to see a frog headed that way. But later, when I heard about what happened, I figured I’d better come in and report it.”

“You did the right thing, Jack. That could very well be our missing frog.” I nodded at Officer Simon, dismissing them both.

So, the prince might be headed into the Evergreen Forest. It could be he’s on his way to the woodland witch, Rose Red, to get the spell removed. Smart frog, Rose was the best sorceress in Fairyland...

~ I rode out to the forest edge, and then took the path to Enchanted Pine Glade; Rose Red’s cottage was smack in the middle of the clearing. I knew something was off the minute I got to the cottage; the front door was open and Rose never leaves it open. I

found Rose inside trying to restore her home from a jumbled mess. Her place resembled a Fairyland bar after a brawl.

“Hey, Rose. Seems like you had some trouble.”

She looked at me. For a flicker of a moment she looked wistful and sad. “Should’ve known you’d show up. It’s been that kind of a day.”

“What happened? Had to do with a Frog Prince, didn’t it?”

“Oh, yes. He shows on the doorstep, wanting a potion to undo the spell. I say, sure, and in he hops, tracking enchanted frog slime all over my clean floor. Next thing I know I have dwarves busting in my front door, and kidnapping my client!”

Rose stamped her foot. “They thought they could just waltz in here and do what they pleased! The nerve! Well, I sent them running for their mothers! I just wish I could have rescued the frog, though. Stupid goons snuck him out during the melee.”

Rose tilted her head, in that endearing manner she had, and gave me a look. “What did that frog do, he’s so popular?”

“Got the Snow Queen mad at him, for starters.”

“Well, that explains the Frost Elves.”

“Frost Elves?”

“Yeah, a couple of them were driving the getaway carriage.”

I frowned. “That means the Snow Queen is still pulling the strings in this mess.”

Rose gave me a sympathetic smile. “They’re probably headed to the Winter Palace.”

I nodded, knowing she was right. I’d better get my parka and some backup. This investigation turned into a rescue mission.

“Thanks, Rose. Sorry you got caught in the middle of this mess.”

“Not your fault.”

I turned to leave, but hesitated, and looked back. “It was nice to see you again, even under these circumstances.” She smiled, and my heart did a flip-flop. The words tumbled out. “I still miss you.”

She stared at me with those gorgeous green eyes of hers. “So call me sometime, then.”

“Maybe I will.” I smiled and said good-bye. Then I headed back to the station to get things organized.

~ I stood outside the Winter Palace, bullhorn in hand, backed up by a Fairyland S.W.A.T (Spelled Weapons and Tactics) team. Inside were the Frost Elves and the frog.

“The Palace is surrounded, give up the frog peacefully!”

The front door creaked open and a Frost Elf popped his head out.

“Not going to happen! You’ll never take the Palace!”

So much for peaceful negotiation. I signalled the team and they let the enchanted swamp gas fly.

The canisters crashed through stained glass windows and engulfed the interior. I signalled again and the team stormed the Palace. It was all over in minutes and the Frost Elves were in custody.

I marched to the head Elf. “Where’s the frog?”

He flashed me a triumphant look. “You’re too late! The frog was sent to the Kitchen!”

I got a bad feeling and beat a quick path to the Palace kitchen. The smell of cooking meat greeted my arrival. The cook looked up and smiled.

“Just in time, Detective.” He picked up a plate. “Care for some frog legs?”

Oh, there was going to be a lot of paperwork to explain this fiasco...