OPINIONS & COMMENTARY My Mental Health Is Bad, How About Yours?

Mental health is probably the most important kind of health care. It trickles down to everything else. If you are depressed, for example, you won’t want to take care of the rest of your body. It all starts at the top. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I have for decades but only did something about it a few years ago.

I wish I had taken it seriously when it started in high school. I couldn’t always focus, and my moods went from super happy to super sad. I didn’t really think anything of it because I just described a basic teenager.

By the time I got to Montclair State University, I was telling my teachers that I might have to leave early because I can’t sit through classes. “It’s not you, it’s me,” I said. Remember that Far Side cartoon where the kid asks if he can be excused because his brain was full? That was me. After about a half an hour, I couldn’t handle any more stimuli. I was pressing my fi ngernails into my arm to try to keep my mind from wandering.

You would think that would be a warning sign, but no... I thought I was too tough for that. I had created a bunch of crutches to get by instead of dealing with the problem in my head head-on.

About 5 years ago, I fi nally gave in and started taking a happy pill every day. I didn’t even have to go to a psychiatrist – my own general practitioner was able to prescribe.

The fi rst pill took the edge off, but didn’t solve the problem. So, we upped the dosage. That was ok but it didn’t get the job done. So, we tried a different med. That pill worked even better but I still had some freak-outs for no reason. Finally, the pill I’m on now is pretty good. There are still bad days but I think I’m mostly in the groove with it. I share these trials and errors because I want you to know that simply taking a pill isn’t going to solve everything. You’re still going to have to adjust it, and put the work in. But it’s work worth doing.

Now that I’m on the mend, I can’t believe how long I let myself suffer. I could have been happier for 25 years. A quarter century of “just getting by.” I’m kicking myself now. Why did I wait?

I’ve never been at the point where I was going to hurt myself or others so, to me, I didn’t think I really needed help. I didn’t realize that all this time I really was hurting myself. And I could have been a better husband and friend during those years if I was able to crawl out of my cave long enough to do so. And worst of all, having a toddler while dealing with extreme mood swings was bad. Real bad.

There’s a connotation to being “crazy,” obviously. No one wants to be called that – or to think of yourself as that. But we’re all a little nuts, honestly. I’ve never been to a therapist. I check in at the GP every so often, fill out a questionnaire, and I’m done. What I’ve said to people is “My life is great, but my brain doesn’t let me enjoy it.”

Our brains are full of

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chemicals and electrical impulses. Sometimes, your wiring will be off. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. If you need a cup of coffee to get your head on straight in the morning, why not also take meds?

What’s the difference between taking a pill for a migraine and taking a pill for depression? They both make your head pain go away.

Part of the problem was that I’ve always been so independent that I would never ask for help. I kept thinking “I can handle this. I can fix this.” And I would ignore the evidence that I couldn’t.

I never played a sport in my life, how could I be macho? It turns out that it’s ingrained in us. Men especially are told never to ask for help. Americans got their start by literally fighting for independence. That self-sufficiency is in our DNA. Add to it that Jersey strength and damn, we will fight like crazy and never back down. Never get help. Never admit weakness.

The strongest thing you can do is admit a weakness. It takes amazing bravery to swallow your pride and ask for help.

May is Mental Health Month, where caregivers are trying to eliminate the stigma that keeps people from getting the help they need. So, if I can admit my mental health issues to our tens of thousands of readers, I encourage you to tell the people you love and to tell your doctor. Don’t wait for 25 years like I did.

Chris Lundy News Editor

If we want to sustain our beachfront backyards, we need to start investing in our environment. Clean energy is coming to the shore and we can’t afford to miss it. Ocean Wind 1 will be the first offshore wind project in New Jersey and stands to represent a pivotal moment in fighting climate change as a society. I firmly believe that our communities, coastline, and wildlife can only benefit from supporting and utilizing clean energy.

With the looming threat of climate change, our environment requires more support

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The Southern Ocean Times welcomes all points of view for publication and provides this page as an open forum for residents to express themselves regarding politics, government, current events and local concerns.

All letters are printed as space allows unless deemed offensive by the editorial staff, and provided they are signed and include address & phone number for veri�ication. Letters may not be printed if we cannot verify them. Names will not be withheld from publication. While most letters are printed as submitted, we reserve the right to edit reject than ever. The future of our coastline faces an increased risk of flooding, diminishing marine life, and extreme weather. Many argue that we aren’t prepared to take on clean energy, and that we need more time to prepare for such an immense change in New Jersey. I would argue that we aren’t prepared for the consequences of our inaction. We cannot afford to sit idly by and wait for climate change to take our shores. According to the Barnegat Bay Partnership, New Jersey is “experiencing one of the highest rates of sea-level rise in the US” (Climate Change Impacts on the Barnegat Bay, 2020). Rising sea levels and warmer waters can prove disastrous for our local ecosystems, and we are not prepared for the damage. With Ocean Wind 1, we are fortunate enough to be at the forefront of the fight for our environment.

The weekly deadline is 5 p.m. Thursday. Mail typed letters to: PO Box 521, Lakehurst, NJ 08733, fax 732-657-7388 or e-mail news@jerseyshoreonline.com. Letters may be limited to one per month per writer at the editor’s discretion.

The opinions expressed in the Letters To The Editor section do not necessarily re�lect those of the staff, management or sponsors of Micromedia Publications/ Jersey Shore Online. Letters to the Editor are the OPINION of the writer and the content is not checked for accuracy.

I urge New Jersey residents to do their own research and take the time to learn about Orsted and offshore wind. We have already seen the effects of climate change on the Jersey Shore, and I strongly urge our communities to take action now by supporting Ocean Wind 1.

Sources: us.orsted.com/renewable-energy-solutions/offshore-wind barnegatbaypartnership. org/protect/threats-to-barnegat-bay/climate-change/ Climate change impacts on Barnegat Bay: barnegatbaypartnership.org/protect/ threats-to-barnegat-bay/ climate-change/

“Our Offshore Wind Projects in the U.S.” Offshore Wind Energy & Our Wind Projects in the U.S. | Ørsted, us.orsted.com/renewable-energy-solutions/offshore-wind

Ashley Larsen Toms River

My problems as a homeowner continue at Paramount Escapes Ocean Breeze in Barnegat. As one of the 31 homeowners who experienced a significant delay in the construction of my new home due to Paramount’s failure to comply with Affordable Housing regulations, I thought my problems with Paramount were over. Unfortunately, this is not the case.

Fifteen months after I had selected the lot and model home I wanted, I discovered that my house would have both front steps and steps into the garage. None of the model homes have these steps, and it was too late for me to do anything to change it.

Fast forward another seven months to closing. I discovered that the cement entryway steps were uneven in height, narrow in width and lacked handrails. I also learned that the garage steps extended so far into the garage that I could not park my car on that side. My two-car garage is in reality a one-car garage, unless I decide to buy a Mini Cooper.

Paramount flatly refused to work out a compromise with me on the front steps. All they offered to do was bring the steps up to code by making the risers of equal height. It’s no surprise that I didn’t accept Paramount’s offer. There is no point in ripping out the steps a second time in order to achieve a safer result with a wider footprint and handrails.

I now regret that I didn’t get my deposit back from Paramount last summer and walk away when I had the chance to do so.

Dorothy Quail Barnegat