Cary Living Magazine by Midtown, 5 West, Triangle Family

kids HEALTH

Empower your teen for true happiness BY KATE TURGEON

A lot happens on the sidelines of kids’ athletic events. If you’ve been there, you understand. But a few months ago I heard something new. A coach was talking to the older sister of one of his players. Red-faced, uniform-clad and toting a half-full sports drink, she looked like she had just finished a game. He asked her how she played. She launched into a quantifiable answer: 10 shots on goal, one shot went in and her team won 4-0. She added her team’s season record, 5-1-1, for good measure. He smiled and replied in a gentle way, “I asked how you played.” She looked confused. He explained. He wanted to know if she had fun, tried a new move or felt success from a play. For me, that overheard conversation packed a big punch. It was about more than the old “it doesn’t matter if you win or lose.” It was about the ways the girl felt successful – happiness, friendship and progress. It wasn’t long after that sideline experience that a book landed in my hands. It was from my mom, who often helps people by giving them appropriate literature. She had given me The Myth of the Perfect Girl by Ana Homayoun. I read the tagline, “Helping our daughters find authentic success and happiness in school and life.” I thought about that coach and player. And I thought about my daughter, who was just the right age for her pushy mother to get with a good program. Truthfully, it was perfect timing. The more I read, the more I nodded my head. Page 68 –

constantly focusing on numbers and achievement (i.e. let’s turn that B+ into an A) may make a previously happy child want to give up. Got it. Page 77 – micromanaging (helicopter ride, anyone?) disempowers children. Roger that. Page 79 – bribery techniques prevent girls from discovering their intrinsic motivation. Duly noted. (No more “pay” for achievement. Although at my house that just means no more free-for-alls at Yogurt Mountain.) The book was an invitation to examine my attitude and practices. No guilt or shame; just anecdotes, exercises (try Homayoun’s Game of Threes) and practical advice. I perked up on the sections about technology addiction and self-regulation. Homayoun suggests that mothers read the book with their teen and preteen daughters. It’s meant to begin the motherdaughter (and parent-daughter) conversation about wellness, she says. “Many girls have this idea that they need to do it all, all the time. Or that nothing they do is ever good enough. The idea of perfection is different for every girl … but every girl has an image. And women do too,” she explains, noting that many of her adult readers identified with some of the emotions and experiences. “We’ve had a lot of mothers and daughters read it together … and that’s been cool.” In the book, Homayoun writes about YouTube, Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, video chatting and other mediums. “Technology has utterly changed the way girls are learning, communicating and interacting,” she says, adding that

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calendar

OF EVENTS

MAY | JUNE 2013

WESTERN WAKE FARMERS’ MARKET Every Saturday in May & June | 8am-12pm Carpenter Village Marketplace 1225 Morrisville Carpenter Road | Cary www.westernwakefarmersmarket.org

MOVIE UNDER THE STARS May 3 | 7-11pm www.fuquay-varinadowntown.com

CARY DOWNTOWN FARMERS MARKET STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL May 4 | 8am-12:30pm | 301 S. Academy Street Cary | www.caryfarmersmarket.com

CARY DOWNTOWN FARMERS’ MARKET May 7, 14, 21, 28 | 2-6pm 301 S. Academy Street | Cary www.caryfarmersmarket.com “PROTECTING YOUR IDENTITY AND YOUR BUSINESS” WITH CAROLINE FARMER May 8 | 11:30am-1:30pm | WBON Prestonwood Country Club | Cary RSVP at www.womenbusinessassociation.com PETER LAMB & THE WOLVES May 8 | 5:30-8:30pm Koka Booth Amphitheatre | Cary www.boothamphitheatre.com

FOOD ON WHEELS FOR MEALS ON WHEELS May 4 | 5-8pm | The Pavilion at Durham Central Park | 501 Foster Street | Durham www.mowdurham.org

STRIKE UP THE BAND! May 11 | 7:30pm | Koka Booth Amphitheatre Cary | www.boothamphitheatre.com

FAMILY FUN SATURDAY (AGES 5-11) May 4, 18 | 10am & 1pm North Carolina Museum of Art | Raleigh www.ncartmuseum.org

SPRING CRAFT FAIR May 11 | 8am-12pm | Western Wake Farmers’ Market | Carpenter Village Marketplace 1225 Morrisville Carpenter Road | Cary www.westernwakefarmersmarket.org

SPRING FAMILY FESTIVAL: MEDIEVAL FAIR May 5 | 1pm | North Carolina Museum of Art Raleigh | www.ncartmuseum.org

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Former NC State coach and ESPN analyst Jim Valvano (left) is playfully lifted through a crowd of students at Duke’s Cameron Indoor Stadium. Older brother Nick Valvano (previous page, smaller image) has helped the V Foundation raise over $105 million. Coach Jim Valvano (right) pictured at his famous ESPY Awards speech.

“The anniversaries are bittersweet because it makes you miss Jim more,” the 71-year-old Nick Valvano says, pausing to collect his thoughts and fight back tears when asked if he still visits Oakwood Cemetery in the heart of Raleigh, his brother’s final resting place. “And for me the anniversary of his death makes me really sad. “I think the hardest thing for me doing this job is that every day, every single day I’m reminded that my brother is gone. You don’t get a holiday from it. Even when somebody wants to say I saw that ESPY speech or someone tells you I was a kid and went to one of his camps, you don’t get a chance to get away from it. It’s hard to believe that he’s gone 20 years because we celebrate him every day.” Nick Valvano admits he hasn’t reflected much on the remarkable accomplishments of the V Foundation over the last two decades – until now. “In athletics you really don’t look backwards until there is nothing more to look forward to,” he said. “When I sit down with Susan Braun, who is our new CEO, and we talk she’ll say to me, ‘Do you realize what you did here?’ Now I do, but at the time you didn’t think about it. I don’t think I’ll ever let myself be satisfied because I still don’t have my brother. I wish I could say that helping others fills the void, but that would be a lie, it would be a lie.” Just like in basketball, the stats don’t lie. The V Foundation’s staying power in its efforts to raise money to fund cancer studies across the country is significant, having donated more than $105 million (including $14 million in 2012) in 39 different states, money that has fueled an additional $1.1 billion in research grants. “When Jim got sick and the idea of the foundation came up, no one that he asked said no,” Nick Valvano said. “But when you think about it what could you reasonably expect to accomplish, to do something for somebody you love who you knew was going to die? After awhile

we saw that we could help, that we could make a difference. “You get a whole new perspective on life when you get touched by cancer. It puts things into proper order. We started to become involved with more people

ABOUT 90 CENTS OUT OF EVERY DOLLAR DONATED IS TARGETED DIRECTLY TO CANCER RESEARCH, AN INCREDIBLE FIGURE BY INDUSTRY STANDARDS. who felt the same way. Everybody always tells me that I have such a passion for this. But look, I’m Italian, I’m passionate about lunch; it comes with the territory. We were supported by friends when we started and their friendship and their volunteering kind of fueled the engine to keep going. Then you meet the scientists and you find out that of the $600,000 that you gave; how much it means to their career and maybe treating a patient. I guess you wake up one day and say, ‘You know, there are a lot of ways to fight this disease and there is a role for us, for some organization our size to be in it.’”

Nick Valvano said one of the keys to the success of the V Foundation, or any charity for that matter, is running a tight ship. About 90 cents out of every dollar donated is targeted directly to cancer research, an incredible figure by industry standards. In the fall, Nick Valvano will become president emeritus for the foundation. He’ll remain in Cary, close to a group of friends he met while Jimmy V was coaching the Wolfpack 30 years ago. “I’m still on the board of directors, I haven’t retired from being Jim’s brother either,” Nick Valvano says. “The only way I would consider leaving is to put some distance between me and this, but Susan (Braun) doesn’t want that; my sister-in-law wants me to keep going. We’ve reached a compromise to give me some part of my life back.” Sit with Nick Valvano for five minutes and it’s quite apparent finding a cure for cancer is still quite personal – just like most of the foundation’s donors. “We have been able to give people a personal connection to fight cancer,” Nick Valvano says. “We’re not saying the American Cancer Society is good or bad, but they are big. I’ve had some big CEOs across this country donate to us and I ask them, ‘Why, because you can donate anywhere?’ They say, ‘because you guys let me get engaged, that I really feel a part of this.’ I owe a debt to the people who have helped us for 20 years that I just don’t walk away and say, ‘okay, it’s somebody else’s nickel.’ I want inevitable handoff done in a way that they say, ‘I feel good, I can still support this.’”

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Unsung Heros BY CHRIST A

GALA

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When Nancy Lee gave birth to her daughter Meredith 21 years ago, oxygen to Meredith was cut off for a period of time; as a result, Meredith has severe cerebral palsy. “Our daughter requires the same type of physical care as an infant,” says Lee, who lives in Raleigh. “Her physical abilities are very limited, which makes it hard to judge her mental abilities.” For 12 years, the Lees cared for Meredith at home and were determined to do it for the rest of their lives. But as Meredith began to grow, the family struggled. “By 2003, both my husband and I were starting to have repetitive stress type injuries, and I could not get Meredith into or out of her wheelchair without help,” says Lee. “Every parent of a special needs child has to face the question of their child’s future, and our own physical limitations made this clearer than ever. “The final straw for us was when a potential medical problem arose; we had to wait for test results and go to multiple appointments,” continues Lee, the mother of one other child. “It made us realize that if either one of us became ill or injured, even for a few weeks, there would be no way for our family to survive. Fortunately for us, the Tammy Lynn Center is located in Raleigh.” The Tammy Lynn Center was founded in 1969 by three local families who wanted care for their special needs children but didn’t want to place them in an institution or hospital. The Tammy Lynn Center provides early intervention services for kids birth through age five, respite care services for caretakers and a residential community for children and adults with special needs. For the Lees, just deciding to tour the Center was hard. “It was the first step in admitting that we couldn’t take care of our daughter forever,” says Lee. “It took us another two months to fill out an application. As parents, this waiting period was like mourning, and when the actual move came, we went through all the classical stages of grief. It really felt like our daughter had died, even though we could visit her every day for as long as we liked. The closest description we can give to other parents is this: imagine turning over the 24-hour care of your three-month-old baby to strangers. It was a hard adjustment for all of us and, at times, it still is.” Meredith has been at the Tammy Lynn Center for nine years now, and it has been a godsend for the Lee family. “There is 24-hour nursing, which has been

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At the Tammy Lynn Center, Meredith Lee (center), (l to r) her grandfather, Joseph Cordaro; dad, Alan Lee; and mom, Nancy Lee.

invaluable for emergencies, day-to-day needs and recovery from surgery,” says Lee. “The staff has knowledge of technologies and treatments. Our daughter has learned patience, social skills, and a type of independence from us. “She has to communicate her needs to many different people,” continues Lee. “As parents, we have been able to spend more time and energy with our other child as well as on our marriage. We have had the opportunity to meet and communicate with the other residents. Most importantly, we have gotten to know the Tammy Lynn Center staff – a community of caring, bighearted, and hardworking people. They are the unsung heroes whose main reward is a smile from residents like our daughter.” ‘AN EXPERIENCE NONPROFITS DREAM ABOUT’ Unsung heroes: that’s what Matt Strickland saw 18 months ago when he began vetting beneficiaries for Band Together’s annual charity concert. Since 2001, Band Together has raised more than $2.1 million for local nonprofits, using live music as a platform for social change. Each year a different charity is selected. “We take on their story and their cause and we help tell their story to the community,” says Strickland, the executive director of Band Together. “Together we raise a lot of money for their cause and it all culminates in the springtime with a huge concert.”

Last year Band Together raised $566,000 for Urban Ministries; the goal for the Tammy Lynn Center this year is $850,000 with a concert May 4th at the Koka Booth Amphitheater in Cary featuring Lyle Lovett, Delta Rae, Chatham County Line and Wilmingtonbased Mac and Juice Quartet. (See box for concert details). Holly Richards, the CEO and president of the Tammy Lynn Center, is over the moon about being selected. “It’s an experience that nonprofits dream about,”

GO!!! What: Band Together Concert Featuring: Lyle Lovett, Delta Rae, Chatham County Line, Mac and Juice Quartet Benefitting: The Tammy Lynn Center, Raleigh Where: Koka Booth Amphitheater Tickets: $34 and up Time: Gates open at 5pm; music starts at 6pm For more information: Visit www.bandtogethernc.org

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cary living

sightings

18TH ANNUAL KITE FESTIVAL

3RD ANNUAL SHARE TO CARE EVENT

BEYOND THE RIBBON BALL

ST. BALDRICK’S SHAVE EVENT

On March 9th, family and neighbors welcomed in spring at Cary’s Fred G. Bond Metro Park with the 18th Annual Kite Festival complete with a kite-making class, demonstrations by professional kite flyers and a kite-flying contest for seasoned and amateur kite fliers.

On January 26th, Karen Cheng and Dipali Aphale, co-presidents of the Apex High School DECA club, held the Beyond the Ribbon Ball. The event raised $5,000 for Pretty In Pink Foundation. The dinner/dance was held at the American Institute of Architects North Carolina Center for Architecture and Design in downtown Raleigh.

On February 23rd the 3rd Annual Share to Care Event benefitting Guiding Lights was held at Cypress Manor in Raleigh. The event featured a silent auction, music, and great food from nine of our finest long-term care communities serving the Triangle.

J & F Gemelli Hair Salon in Stonecreek Village held a St. Baldrick’s Shave Event on March 16th. Twenty-six people decided to shave their heads for the event, and they raised about $9,000 for the cause.

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WANT YOUR EVENT FEATURED IN SIGHTINGS? Contact us to have a photographer attend your event!

jennifer@caryliving.com • 919-782-4710

TOBACCO ROAD FULL & HALF MARATHON

GOLF TOURNAMENT

DINNER EN BLANK

SPRING FASHION SHOW

Approximately 4,000 athletes participated in this year’s Allscripts Tobacco Road Marathon & Bay Six Half Marathon on March 17th. This year alone the TRM was able to raise $90,000, presented to all the beneficiaries at the TRM VIP party on March 21st.

On March 3rd, Resurrection Lutheran School Parent School Organization hosted a live dinner auction, “Dinner en Blanc”, emceed by Steve Daniels at The Stockroom (catered by The Meat House) in downtown Raleigh. Guests arrived in black and white attire. Some of the ladies even wore wedding dresses. Proceeds went to benefit educational enhancements and scholarship at Resurrection Lutheran School (K-8).

On April 8th, the Apex Chamber of Commerce held their annual Golf Tournament Sponsored by Modern Woodmen of America at Brier Creek Country Club in Raleigh. The chamber’s membership enjoyed a day of friendly competition on the course to raise funds for upcoming chamber events and programs.

Peachy Keen was transformed into a whimsical wonderland for its spring fashion show: HIGH tea & HIGH fashion on April 6th. With over 90 fashionistas in attendance, everyone enjoyed the 36 trendy spring outfits prepared by creative director Karly Hankin. If you missed the show, be on the lookout for the fall fashion show in October. caryliving.com | 73

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