Migrant woman magazine issue 1 by Migrant Woman

www.migrantwoman.com

APRIL 2014

£2

LY H T MONAZINE MAG ION EDIT .1 NO

In Love with London FRANCESCA MORESI OZDEN BAYRAKTAR SILVI DACI IRIS RADULIAN ANNA SERVO

JUDY PIATKUS

The secret to my success

MIRELA SULA

Don’t let your mind go

HUDA JAWAD

I aim to be a better human

TESS HUNNEYBELL

Kristale Rama

“Treat your journey as an adventure”

Make love your goal

SARAH ALEXANDER

Keep your dreams alive

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OUR MAIN AREAS OF WORK Immigration Business immigration/highly skilled worker programme Asylum claims/appeals Entry clearance applications and appeals Working visas/work permits Student applications Investment/retirement in UK EEA Association Agreement Applications EU Residence applications Naturalisation/Registration for British Citizenship Legalising the status of illegal entrants or overstayers Family reunions Marriage applications/applications for unmarried partners Challenging deportation or administrative removals Outside the Rules applications (eg. on medical grounds, carer option) Statutory Review/Judicial Review Long residency concessions Travel Document applications Applications based on special Home Office concessions Human Right submissions and appeals Bail applications Applications for discretionary leave or humanitarian protection Detention Centre/Prison visits Representations for Returning Residents

We are qualified English Lawyers (solicitors) regulated by the Solicitors Regulation Authority. If you need advice you can send us a confidential email at: info@morganpearsesolicitors.com

Employment Employment contracts Salary problems at work Bullying and harassment Unfair Dismissal Redundancy Disciplinary process Whistleblowing Employment Tribunal proceedings

Family

Defended divorce petitions, judicial separations and nullity petitions Financial settlements Injunction Applications Maintenance Domestic violence Out-of-court settlement Parental rights/responsibilities Contact/residence orders

Civil Litigation

Issuing claims at the County Court and or High Court Business, contract, corporate and partnership disputes Collection of debts and accounts receivable Property litigation Negotiation of alternative methods of dispute resolution Mediation Enforcement of judgments

ADDRESS: Morgan Pearse LLP, (Suite 6) 63 Broadway, London, E15 4BQ Telephone: 0203 583 2129 Website: www.morganpearsesolicitors.com

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StafF Editor in Chief Mirela Sula

COVER ARTICLE Kristale Rama Love underpins everything that I do

Kristale is an energetic young woman, who dreams boldly and lives life with a passion... PAGE 08

dossier

In Love with London, the stories of five migrant women

PAGE 14

interview

Judy Piatkus: I was driven to make a success of my business

PAGE 20

Editorial team Kristale Rama Lira Sejdini Ermonela Kapedani

interview

Tess Hunneybell: Make Love Your Goal

PAGE 32

meditation

Don’t let your mind go

PAGE 35

interview Huda Jawad: I aim to be a better human being every day Rebecca Riofrio, Follow your guts

PAGE 24

PAGE 38

Tips

london’s diary

Sarah Alexander, 3 Tips for keeping your Dreams Alive

PAGE 26

Kath Roberts: Shapeshifting Into a New Reality PAGE 28

When you step in your 40s

PAGE 42

online dating

A modern option for new immigrants

PAGE 44

Board Members Adelina Badivuku Kath Roberts Avi Esther Shekinah Huda Jawad Marylin Devonish Ozden Bayraktar Contributors Sarah Alexander Iris Radulian Rainela Xhemollari Anna Servo Bobby Bicker Francesca Moresi Art Director Henrik Lezi DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY Steven Clarke marketing DIRECTOR Rudina Suti Marketing Lola Ahmeti Elisjada Canameti Amarilda Canameti ADDRESS Migrant Woman LTD Company Number: 08839812 E-mail: info@migrantwoman.com Web: www.migrantwoman.com London, UK

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Letter from the

edit r Mirela Sula

Founder and Editor- in- Chief

Where are you from?

here are you from? This is the first question people ask me when they realise my accent is not British. “I am part of this Universe,” that is usually my reply. I didn’t choose where I was born, but I have chosen where to live. In London, I feel at home, and not like a person who migrates typically feels when they move away to a foreign land. I was born in a small village, in a small country. This is where my story begins. While I was growing up, I asked my parents – “What is beyond this place?” I had to wait until my wedding to see that beyond my village was a small town. But one day, beyond my small town, I discovered a bigger place: it was the capital of my country. After going through a separation, I touched what was beyond it, and came here to feel the beauty of London.

Check our website for all the articles, posts & news www.migrantwoman.com

Today, we live with our suitcases in hand, running to stations, catching flights, constantly in motion. We come and go. Visit, travel, work and return, as we move from the places we are presently at, to the places we want to be. Where are we going? Wherever we go our memories come with us, and often they lead us to our origin, that place within ourselves. Our mind turns inward, to the place that we started from, so that we can relearn the first steps; so that we can speak our first words, before we can gain confidence in our, now, much bigger world. We are in London for a better life, for ourselves and for our children. But this giant leap has its emotional costs. This is a cost that is mostly paid by the women who are the pillars of the family. Coping with a new country, a different life. It can be challenging. Nobody said it was going to be easy, but it will certainly be worth it! This is the message we, at Migrant Woman, would like to convey. In this great country, everyone learns to develop and exercise his/her freedoms. Migrant Woman will promote the freedom of expression of migrant women from all over the world, and will bring their voices together. Stories that are not told cannot be heard. Here, we will use our voices to tell the world that we exist, here and now. We are ready to explore the expanses of the Universe within and around ourselves.

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news

Representation for UK women in Europe Over a third of candidates placed first on the parties’ lists are women, and although many of these are MEPs seeking re-election, there are enough new candidates at this level to make a difference if they are elected. Similarly, 44% of candidates ranked second on the lists are women, and 40% of candidates ranked third.

Illegal immigrants may be granted free access to NHS

The proposals call for women migrants with no right to stay in the UK to be entitled to free health care, social housing and to send their children to state schools. The Government would also be banned from imposing any legal duty on public sector staff to report suspected illegal immigrants to the Border Agency. The proposals, in a draft policy document

by the European Parliament’s Committee on Women’s Rights and Gender Equality, are due to be put to a vote next month. The report, by a working group led by Romanian Euro-MP Norica Nicolai, calls for the phrase “illegal immigrant” to be banned. It argues that “undocumented” women migrants and their dependants are especially vulnerable to ¬discrimination. Read more : http://www.express.co.uk

Immigrant entrepreneurs 14% of start-up businesses in the UK were founded by immigrant entrepreneurs, according to a newly released report. The report says that there are 456,073 immigrant entrepreneurs working in the UK who have founded 464,527 businesses which employ 8.3m people. The report calls on the government to ‘fly the flag for Britain’ by ‘encouraging entrepreneurs from all corners of the world to settle and launch businesses in the UK’. The Report; Migrant Entrepreneurs: Building Our Businesses, Creating Our Jobs, was prepared by the Centre for Entrepreneurs and DueDil, a company that provides online information on UK companies. Read more: http://www.ukimmigration.com

Romanian Euro MP Norica Nicolai wants the phrase ‘illegal immigrant’ to be banned

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news

Lilian Seenoi, a refugee from Kenya, was recognised as Woman of the Year for her work setting up North-West Migrants Forum – the only migrant forum in Derry/ Londonderry, from her kitchen table. Lilian sought asylum in the UK after her work rescuing young girls from early marriage put her life in danger. Her work in Northern Ireland now brings together diverse migrant groups and local communities who have suffered years of tension.The award for Young Woman of the Year was given to Tatiana Garavito who, since fleeing Colombia at the age of 18, has worked tirelessly on behalf of exploited workers from the Latin American community in London first with IRMO and now as the Director of the Latin American Women’s Rights Service. Tatiana said: ‘Migrant women are not usually recognised for our hard work but instead very much portrayed as second-class citizens and for taking advantage of the system. This is a great platform to expose who we really are and what we really do.’ The ceremony also celebrated outstanding media coverage of the protection needs of refugee

Women on the Move Award winners 2014

London celebrates the outstanding contributions of extraordinary migrant and refugee women. The Forum, MRN and UNHCR have hosted the Women on the Move Awards, celebrating the achievements of refugee and migrant women across the UK in the run up to International Women’s Day on 8 March. and migrant women. This year the Media Award (Print) went to A.A. Gill for his series of articles on refugees in DRC, Jordan and Lampedusa published in The Sunday Times Magazine. Accepting his award, AA Gill said: ‘In Congo I realised a truth I’ve known all my life. Whilst women are often victims, they are also often the catalyst for making things better.’ The Media Award (Broadcast) recognised Sue Lloyd-Roberts for her BBC Newsnight film on women fleeing female genital mutilation. Special recognition was given to the London Evening Standard, for

its consistent reporting and campaigning work on female genital mutilation. A special jury award was was made to Diana Nammi, Director of the Iranian Kurdish Women’s Rights Organisation, for her courageous work to protect vulnerable women from so-called ‘honour’ killing. A new category, the Champion Award was given to the AIRE Centre, which for twenty years has helped ensure that individuals and families benefit from the rights they are entitled to under European law. Read more: http://womenonthemoveawards.org.uk/

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cover article

Kristale Rama Love underpins everything that I do Kristale is an energetic young woman, who dreams boldly and lives life with a passion. She is continuously realising her dreams while pursuing an active and healthy life. She was born in America and has been living in London for the past four years with her husband Perparim Rama, a successful and talented Albanian/British architect... By Mirela Sula

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cover

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cover article

he two, together, have a loving and mutually supportive relationship. This has helped Kristale explore new opportunities and has encouraged her to continuously strive for and invest in her personal and professional development.We wanted to know more about this lady who radiates optimism and beauty. Her story explains how she overcame early obstacles and how anyone can create a happy life – whatever the circumstance - by using the power of their will and mind.She has just accepted our offer to be a part of our editorial staff. Before we start this journey together, please allow us to introduce you to Kristale Ivezaj Rama.

If I ask you “Where are you from” what it would be your answer?

I’m first- generation American from a suburb of Detroit, Michigan. My father was raised in Michigan, and is an ethnic Albanian from Montenegro. My mother is from Paris, France and is of Montenegrin and Albanian origin. Do you think that migration stops women from achieving their dreams, or helps their dreams become a reality? What is your experience?

People choose to migrate for various reasons, but mostly I believe it is to enhance their quality of life. Sometimes it is a choice, and sometimes a necessity. This, of course, depends on the individual and their circumstances. My experience was initially challenging, even with the support of my now husband, who finally lived nearby as opposed to across the Atlantic. Initially, there were feelings of confusion and homesickness. I think that culture shock--no matter how well prepared the individual--happens to any person who moves to a new country, or even a new city. Leaving an already established life as an adult and starting from scratch in an unfamiliar place requires a positive outlook and patience. It took about a year or so before I was able to fully adapt and feel a renewed

sense of confidence and independence. It turns out that moving to London was one of the best decisions I have ever made. You are a young beautiful lady who has invested a lot for many dreams in life. Which dreams have come true for you thus far?

A solid work ethic and the drive to stick to my beliefs and to further improve myself has helped me realize several dreams in various areas of my life, including within my relationships, spiritual development, health and fitness, academia, career and personal finance. I’m continuously setting goals for myself, and turning visions of the future into reality. You are by the man you love and together you are experiencing many successes- do you think this is also the underlying force of your love?

Love underpins everything that we do. We are both hard workers and enjoy seeing the fruits of our labor blossom, but the underlying force of our love is a deep connection. It is a real force. Because we both know and understand ourselves first, we are able to appreciate one another and share a love that is selfless and unconditional. Success is just one of the outcomes of our love.

How would describe your relationship with your husband at the present stage? Where are you now?

We are in love, and expecting the greatest joy, the ultimate blessing a person can experience- the arrival of our first child in June. We are creating a family, and the visions of the future and feelings of having two heartbeats are exhilarating. It has brought us closer than ever. Our relationship is multi-dimensional—we help and support one another in so many ways. He truly is my soul mate and other half. Often such ties are inspiring and empowering for couples- what did this relationship provide you with, and how do you maintain it?

It offered me a whole new perspective. I didn’t know that I could love someone outside of my family unconditionally. I felt very vulnerable, because in order to love someone completely one must also reveal oneself completely. It is a risky leap of faith! But I followed my intuition that he was worth it, and I am now stronger and wiser than ever. I feel very fortunate, because I was able to recognize that this was a man who is genuine, and who truly loves me for me. It wasn’t always because of the creative ways he expressed himself, but rather the

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sincerity I felt from his affection. We are both molding our relationship every day. The amount of time that we spend with each other, as well as all of the experiences we have moved through side by side, have taught me a great deal about the human capacity to love. We have merged lifestyles, and recognize our differences as a strength. We embrace each other’s differences -- there is often a lot of debating between Perparim and I! – and we constantly discuss different topics, from our beliefs through to current events. We maintain our relationship’s vibrancy by staying involved with each other, recognizing what is important, and laughing a lot. This relationship has given me everything – it is very fulfilling and continues to evolve. In fact, how was the history of your love born (what you can share with the public)?

Through fate. We met by accident, through a work email. I was working for a company in the Middle East, organizing conferences for world leaders and royal families of the Gulf. Perparim was invited to be a speaker on urban planning at Future Capitals, in Abu Dhabi, but he was unable to attend due to personal reasons. This communication sparked a series of emails between us. Months later, he was running the London

Who is Kristale?

Kristale is Director of Communications of 4M Group an award-winning design/build practice in London. She is also the Founder and Director of the Balkan Artists’ Guild (BAG), an upcoming gallery and virtual platform that will promote and support an extraordinary pool of artists from the Balkan region. Kristale also consults as a copy editor of large works and speeches of and related to Balkan and Middle East politics. She is fluent in Montenegrin, Albanian, and French, and holds a master’s degree from The School of Oriental and African Studies, University of London where she studied diplomacy, international security and economics. Kristale graduated from Wayne State University with a bachelor’s in journalism and international relations

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Marathon for an Albanian charity to which I had made a donation. Perparim returned the gesture by getting me a gift for my birthday- he arranged for 27 trees to be planted in Senegal after the 2009 drought, through an organization called World Vision. This was absolutely the most inspirational gift I have ever received. We continued to write to one another, and fell in love with each other through writing. When we finally met in person, one year later, it was love at first sight. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been together now for four and a half years, and we are inseparable. A few weeks ago, your husband was honored with a prestigious award in London? How did you experience this event?

Very happily. I am very proud of Perparim. He is a design hero, whose entrepreneurial and creative spirit will continue to gain recognition. This is an important award, and I am happy and proud to have been a part of the process, and to help make a 4M Group project recognized as one of the best designs in the world. What is an ordinary day like for you two?

An ordinary day for us is not so ordinary. There is always a lot of travel, long hours, social occasions, and surprises that we respond to. This is a difficult question because every day brings something different. What is your message to the Migrant Woman who will read this interview?

Treat your journey as an adventure. You are leading change, and that takes courage and perseverance. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s important to be honest with yourself and ask: What do you need to a lead a happier, more fulfilling life? How can you make it happen? Being a woman means having immeasurable strength and ability; everything and anything is possible if you put your mind to it. Once you have a goal, fulfilling your desires is possible by commitment and total belief in yourself. Regardless of any situation you are faced with, good or bad, your attitude is your choice. Life can take its toll on a person, but focus on joy, identifying solutions and the brighter side. The more a person gives into positive thinking, the stronger they become. The long lasting effect is -- a more optimistic world view.

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dossier

The stories of five migrant women

By Lira Sejdini

When I immigrated to the UK, less than 8 years ago, I was drawn to London to start my new life. I liked the capitalâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s multiculturalism and the many opportunities that it offered. I still remember the challenges of moving to a new country and living in a big city like London. For one, there were the long commuting hours to and from work, the homesickness, the frustration f not being able to transfer my qualification and getting used to the British weather! However, now, I look back with a sense of achievement. I have created my family and pursued my career of choice and most importantly I have found a second home here in London. I have always been curious to know how other women like me, migrant women, live their lives. What are their stories? What is the key to their successes? What do they have in common? We have interviewed five women from five different European countries about their immigration experiences and their new lives in London.

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rancesca is an Italian psychotherapist, who is in love with London. Iris left Romania when she was 21 years old to do an internship here and is now a social worker in charge of a community project. Ozden works in an organisation that provides psychological services and does voluntary work with Turkish Immigrants. Silvi is a celebrity stylist of Albanian origin who runs her own beauty salon. Anna arrived from Poland ten years ago and since 2011 runs Polish Saturday School in Newham in partnership with Shpresa programme. These women represent different cultures and have different stories but they share the same goal-personal growth in a modern and stimulant city such as London. They are young, full of dreams and willing to invest and work hard for their futures. Some of them are more focused on their careers while also aspiring to create their families; for the others it’s a juggling act between fulfilling their ambitions and managing their family responsibilities in a new country. Not an easy journey, they tell us. We asked these women what their dreams were when they decided to come to London and what their biggest achievements have been so far. What challenges did they face Do they feel connected to their respective communities here in London and what is it about their cultural origins that makes them feel special. The stories that unfolded were fascinating and inspiring.

Dreams and Achievements

“My dream was to hit big” says Iris, who now successfully runs an organisation that focuses on empowering Romanian community in London. “My story is the story of a dreamer”, says Francesca, “but also that of a brave woman who has a lot of faith in creating her destiny”. For Ozden, the dream was to study her masters in psychology at a great university such as UCL. She currently gives seminars, workshops and talks , writes columns in two different newspapers and takes part in TV programmes that informs the viewers about different mental health issues. Anna set up her own organi-

sation MYPOLACY which offers advocacy, befriending and signposting. Challenges

They reveal that it has not always been easy. “Every day brings a new challenge” says Silvi who then adds. “You need to be very strong to get through the challenges”. Francesca admits that the biggest challenge for her was transferring her qualifications. Nevertheless, she has obtained a qualification in Occupational psychology and lives happily with the man she loves. Iris felt terribly lonely in the beginning and surprised that people did not know about Romania. This had a strong impact on her and inspired her to work towards improving her country’s image and offer support and help to people who needed it such as the new arrivals to the UK: “We believe that without

this it is hard to succeed, talents are wasted and the image of our community is jeopardised”. Anna said that her knowledge of English was almost inexistent when she arrived in the UK because she had studied German and Russian in Poland. However she was determined to succeed. Therefore she started a job in health and social care while studying and improving her English. Her own experience of settling in a new country inspired her to help other Polish people. The challenges of settling in a new country helped them to develop new qualities and discover what helps to overcome obstacles. Iris said that she developed patience and is grateful for all the guidance and support that she has been given. Ozden revealed that she has learned more about herself and how to be tolerant and non-

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judgemental. She also feels more confident and more competent in her profession. Francesca said that she surrounds herself with positive people, likes a good laugh and has determination and faith in fulfilling her dreams. Culture

They come from four different countries, but have lots of things in common such as love for travelling, interest in psychology and desire to help other people. However, as Ozden, who has studied psychology, pointed out, cultural background has an important effect in shaping our lives. Being a woman

“Albanian women are very intelligent, talented, hard-working and very loyal friends.”said Silvi proudly. Iris empha-

sised the positive qualities and the ones she identifies with:“Romanian women are passionate, extremely energetic, beautiful and positive. We have strong characters and fiery tempers and put effort and soul in every action we take”. Ozden said reflectively:“Turkish women are very sensitive, caring, protective (sometimes overprotective). They are hard working and don’t hesitate to make sacrifices for their families. They are very strong women”. Francesca talked about what makes her feel special: “Italian women are able to pursue their ambitions and achieve, but also have strong family values. And never forget to be alluring and stylish of course”. Their comments made me think that acceptance and pride about where you come from and what makes you special is

also perhaps a key ingredient in leading a successful and fulfilling life. Their stories don’t end here. Silvi says that despite being independent and a successful entrepreneur she has lots of other dreams and is working hard to achieve them. She is also trying her best to help everyone in her community. Iris tells us that the project she runs is expanding and is bringing more people together. Francesca has faith that she will obtain a qualification in Clinical Psychology and do the work that she loves to do. Ozden is currently working towards completing her PHD in mindfulness. These stories speak for themselves. Francesca, Iris, Silvi, Ozden and Anna are great role models for every immigrant woman. I wonder what other stories are there, waiting to be told.

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Francesca Moresi Italy

to eone ver y determined amer. It’s the story of som dre a of ry sto the is ry My sto man man in love: a lucky wo ut. It’s the story of a wo abo ed am dre at wh e achiev of a brave day, it’s also the story man. At the end of the ul erf nd wo a nd fou who has n destiny. faith in creating her ow woman who has a lot of

Iris Radulian Romania

for organizations more and I volunteered n eve ng rni lea for y rst Few years ago I felt thi .I of migrants and refugees wellbeing and welfare the for le sib pon res are that s. e asset on people’s live as I could bring a positiv ul erf pow s wa I d ere discov

Ozden Bayraktar Turkey

self. I learned to and I love working on my nce to discover myself cha the me e gav don Lon others. I learned to have great empathy for to d rne lea and rt hea connect people from the f and also others. ing and tolerant to mysel ept acc al, ent gem jud be non

Silvi Daci Albania

has made me highs and lows which beautiful journey with and g lon y ver a n bee It has n my suppor t to my family that has bee ul tef gra y ver I’m ay. the woman that I am tod in every step of my life

Anna Servo Poland

I had to me in 2004. Since then, and my children joined 03 20 in UK the to e I cam I say it has been ambitions. I would lie if h wit n ma wo a and r manage being a mothe it. I’m fulfilled I can say it was worth h hard times but today oug thr n bee e hav I y. eas wife. as mother, woman and

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interview

Judy Piatkus

I was driven to make a success of my business Meeting Judy has been an inspiration and has also made me curious to learn more about her. Formerly a prominent publisher, she is a successful businesswoman living in London. For Judy, it is important to strike a balance in life - this is how she defines success. She is born in England, but I interviewed her as her vast knowledge in publishing and life experience can be a source of guidance for us all. We could all learn a lot from Judy. By Mirela Sula

ou are a successful entrepreneur. Can you tell us the story of your journey?

I believe that my purpose in life – so far - has been to open people’s minds to new ideas. I was fortunate that I understood from an early age that I wanted to work with books and this became the vehicle for me to express myself. I have always had an independent streak and am comfortable breaking rules and this enabled me to take the risks which every entrepreneur will be familiar with.

You were still working from home when you started your publishing company “Piatkus”. How did it grow further and how did you become a successful leader in publishing?

When I started my company, my vision and focus was to publish books that we believed we could sell and to continue to sell them for many years. My vision was in fact so simple that I did not realise it at first but over a period of more than 25 years, that is what my colleagues and I at Piatkus achieved. With hindsight, I realised that I was gifted with a good business brain and a flair for publishing. I was able to be both creative and practical. Many people are either one or the other (right-brained or leftbrained). From an early stage in the company’s growth, I was able to gather an exceptionally good team to work with me. I believed that work should be enjoyable and that if it were fun, people would want to get up in the morning and look forward to their time at Piatkus. We offered training and flexi-time and a relaxed atmosphere with few rules and regulations, and the people who worked at Piatkus did indeed give of their best so that, although we were few in numbers, we ‘punched above our weight’. We worked from my home for the first five years of the company and were able to set money aside as our overheads were low. In 1986 we succeeded in purchasing a freehold office building in the centre of London and as it grew in value, we were able to increase our overdraft alongside and did not have to take in outside investors. As we gained in

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experience, we worked brilliantly as a team, understanding each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and all pulling in the same direction. As a result we were able to become pioneers in such diverse areas as personal development and in some niche areas of commercial fiction, both of which gave us our USP (Unique Selling proposition) so that authors wanted to be published by Piatkus and offered us excellent books. What do you consider your biggest successes in life?

My biggest successes in life have been my loving relationships with family and friends and special people who I have met along the way. I am also proud of the books that were published during the time that I was responsible for Piatkus and I continue to be delighted when I see so many of them continuing to find new audiences. Very often, women find it difficult to balance their careers with their family lives. What was your experience?

I was fortunate in that when I was endeavouring to get the work/life balance right, it was before the days of the internet. I aimed to be home every night to have supper with the family and although I would often continue to work after that, there was no pressure on me to respond to emails and I felt that I had control of my time in a way that now seems very distant. In addition, before the internet, the pace of the workplace was slower and it was easier to manage the work/life balance. I was blessed with a supportive husband and family and I was able to work from home one day a week for many years which also helped. Above all though, much as I was driven to make a success of my business, I never took work too seriously. I made an effort to do the best I could and when I was tired, I stopped. I have never been a perfectionist. Why did you decide to sell your business? Do you still think this was the right decision?

Everything came together in the spring of 2007 and it became the perfect time to sell Piatkus Books. I had been in business more than 25 years and we had reinvented Piatkus several times as market conditions

Who is Judy?

Self-made entrepreneur Judy Piatkus founded independent publishing company Piatkus Books from the bedroom of her home in Loughton, Essex during the 1970’s. It was her second publishing company. At the time, she was married with one small daughter who had cerebral palsy and was pregnant with her second child. Over the next 25 years, she and her colleagues grew the company to become one of the world’s leading independent global publishing brands. Piatkus started out in business publishing fiction for the library market. Over the years, the company expanded into a wide range of areas and became very well-known as a pioneer in the personal development, mind, body and spirit and lifestyle market. During the last decade, the Piatkus fiction range grew at a very fast pace, successfully publishing novels by many of the world’s leading commercial fiction writers. Judy Piatkus sold her (still completely independently owned) company in 2007 to Little Brown who have continued to develop the imprint. Along the way, Judy Piatkus achieved a diploma in psychodynamic psychotherapy and counselling and worked in an NHS surgery in Harley Street, London for 450 hours, as well as in her own private practice. She also had a third child, became divorced and has been remarried since 1990. Judy now works with a wide range of organisations and businesses as a leadership development coach, consultant and mentor. She is also in much demand as a speaker on the topics of entrepreneurship, future trends, angel investing and building a great business. In January 2009 The Times of London described Judy as ‘one of the world’s leading thinkers’. Therefore we invited her to share some of their wise thoughts for Migrant Woman Magazine.

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For more information check out the website www.judypiatkus.com

changed. My colleagues and I could see that publishing was about to be heavily disrupted and we did not want to reinvent it for the digital age. In addition, we were aware that the financial markets were heading for a crash and we had achieved all the financial goals within the company that we had set for ourselves. It felt time to move on and have different experiences. This is a publication dedicated to migrant woman. What is your message to its readers?

Although my parents were English, both my grandfathers were Polish and one of my grandmothers was Russian. I come from a Jewish family where the women have always worked hard and, as I look now at the women in my family of origin, I see that everyone is very talented in different ways, works hard, and is trying to do their

best and achieve what they are capable of. None of us ever expected that achievement would come easy and all of us believe that we are here to make a contribution. I can only speak from my personal example to women from different cultures. I believe that when you give of your best, people respect and value you and they want to work alongside you. It does not matter what your background is. Not everyone will want to work with you and there will always be those who you do not want to work with. Stick to the battles you know you can win. Visualise what you want to achieve, stay focused and enjoy life. The world is changing very fast now and gradually every door that has been closed is opening and there are many opportunities for everyone to find their passion and give of their best. I wish you success.

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interview

Huda Jawad â&#x20AC;?I aim to be a better human being every dayâ&#x20AC;?

our contribution as a researcher has been mainly on gender issues - what motivated you to focus on this field?

I am technically a research coordinator rather than an actual researcher but have been intimately involved in the data collection for the project so far. Before joining Solace Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Aid I worked in the area of Middle Eastern politics, Islam and international relations. Events in life and the course of my career brought me to work in the field of domestic violence, which has been a real awakening for me. Although I have been very interested in issues of female representation and gender politics, it never crossed my mind to work on front line issues or at a grassroots level with women who suffer more because of their gender and the system they live in rather than anything else. I think one of the reasons that I see a link between my previous roles and my current work with SWA is the need to give voice to those who are voiceless or hidden in society yet are also the most vulnerable. I think that, along with my own realisation and personal experience, the fact of being born a woman and working in a Western society can put you at a real disadvantage. This motivated me to work in this field and come as close as possible to living by the values of equality and justice that I hold very dear.

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As a professional what is your opinion about the integration of migrant women in the UK?

I think integration is really important, because it is only through being part of society that you can both benefit from it and also help and support others. Integration has sometimes been used to force or compel people to abandon central aspects of their identity or belief, but I feel that is wrong. I think assimilation describes the latter rather than the word integration. I feel women in particular can face multiple barriers as migrants, and need to work extra hard to ensure they have access to the same opportunities or chances in life as others. You work for Solace Women’s Aid, a well respected organisation which works to help women who are affected by domestic violence. What is your perspective about DV related to migrant women?

Doing this research has revealed that domestic violence does not discriminate. It can affect all women at any time, from any race and any background, any class or educational attainment. However, by being a migrant woman you may also face hidden obstacles and pressures on top of what is suffered by settled / British women experiencing domestic violence. Factors like language, immigration status, and cultural expectations as well as racism from wider society can make things more complicated and painful. It may also make gaining support and the right kind of advice more difficult. Also you have a significant experience working for Forward Thinking with the aim to empower Muslim communities. What can you say about Muslim women integration in UK, and what is being done to empower Muslim women?

The issue of Muslim women has become a very controversial subject politically. Women are used by mainstream British society and by certain parts of the Muslim communities as political footballs to accuse the other of prejudice and injustice. I feel that this is a theme running throughout history, in the way in which women are talked and discussed but

Huda Jawad is a self-motivated, multi-dimensional woman with clarity of vision on what is important to her. She is a research coordinator for Solace Women’s Aid, a Londonbased charity with a primary focus on supporting women and children affected by domestic and sexual violence. Her interests lie in the areas of Middle Eastern politics, Islam, international relations and gender issues. Huda’s success illustrates her work ethic, passion and drive to be a role model not only for the women in her community, but also everyone who knows and works with her. Yet although she says that she has always had a keen interest in women’s issues and gender politics, it never crossed Huda’s mind to work on front line issues, or at a grassroots level with women who suffer because of their gender and the system they live in. Our interview with this remarkable woman follows here:

never spoken to or asked their views/opinions on issues. Muslim women in the UK come from many different cultures, linguistic, social, economic and educational backgrounds. We cannot generalise about their views and thoughts or lives, just as it would be silly to make generalisations about Christian or Hindu women. But again, the media and general society often use labels politically to ascribe certain stereotypes, rather than to accurately describe an aspect of someone’s identity. I have met many Muslim women and most of them don’t need empowering, but there are certainly some women in Muslim communities across the UK who have had very negative experiences, whether through treatment from their fellow community members or the wider society. We need to work with such women and their communities in a respectful and non-judgmental way to meet their needs and secure their safety and sense of worth. Everyone has a mission in life. What is your mission?

My mission is to learn more every day, to speak about injustice whereever it may be, to bring a little sunshine to those who cannot see any light and to consume less...though the last one is proving very difficult! I aim to be a better human being every day.

MIGRANT WOMAN #1 MARCH 2014

tips Welcome to the United Kingdom, our wonderful country of vast culture, incredible beauty and a fascinating history with stunning architecture to match. I hope you will be very happy here and able to fulfil your dreams and aspirations. I would like to give you three tips on how to fulfil your vision as you settle into life here in the UK By Sarah Alexander

Have a Clear Inner Intention About What you want to Achieve

It is always worthwhile spending the time to gain absolute clarity on your intentions. Consider: what exactly do you want to achieve here? Why do you want to achieve it? When we have inner clarity, the reticular activating system in our mind acts like a laser beam that focuses on our aspirations. It draws our attention to the subtle clues that appear in our lives that are going to take us to the fruition of our desires. This is why we need to stay completely open to how to achieve our dreams because the Universe will have a plan that is perfect and unique for us.

Tips for keeping your Dreams AlivE

Keep your Focus on What you Want to Achieve

It is easy to get distracted away from our personal outcomes. This is especially likely when it seems that nothing is happening, or working out, in line with our dreams. At this time we become focused on the problems, the issues and the lack. This is the time when we are often tempted to give up. We know that what we focus on expands, so during the challenging times keeping a clear focus on our intentions is imperative. We too have to call upon the qualities of determination and persistence… and just keep going knowing “this too shall pass”.

Sarah Alexander runs transformational programmes to help people make the most of their life’s work and make friends with their inner Intelligence. See www.sarah-alexander.co.uk

Follow Your Intuitive Guidance to Achieve Your Dreams

Know that there is an inner Intelligence working within you that has your best interests at heart. This Intelligence knows how you can easily achieve your dreams and it may also have an even better plan for you. Be willing to take notice of those gut feelings, intuitive hunches, moments of inspiration, creative thought and synchronicities that are guiding you from within to all you want to achieve. By following these three steps, you will be able to achieve all that you wish to achieve and more in the UK. I wish you well.

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MIGRANT WOMAN #1 MARCH 2014

Shapeshifting Into a New Reality

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In mythology, folklore, and modern fantasy fiction, shapeshifting is the ability of a being to physically transform into another form or being, either as an inherent faculty of a mythological creature, or by means of magic... By kath roberts

n many ways we’re all facing how to shapeshift and dream our world into being no matter where we’ve come from or our personal circumstances. It typically starts with a strong desire to change things and that might involve, switching countries, letting go of relationships that have run their course and attempting a new skill to improve ourselves in some way. Having a strong vision of how our lives could be and the world more specifically gives us the hope and the momentum to move beyond where we are. In some regards we might be facing all of these changes at once and that can feel very extreme and overwhelming at times. Nor does it matter whether that desire to change is born out of pain or because of a need to seek pleasure because when the soul calls us we’re compelled to answer that call. It’s our soul that wants to lift us from merely existing and surviving to the land of thriving yet as a modern day alchemist I know that more than anything our external reality, the everyday world we find ourselves in is merely a reflection of everything that we’ve been thinking and feeling. So this article is dedicated to the many people who are changing, transforming those old outdated modes of thinking, knowing that change begins inside ourselves and when we live our lives with love, unity and inner peace in our hearts

we bring about healing not just into our own lives but to the world as a whole. We do literally dream our worlds into being so as Einstein once famously said of the three things that are most important for our growth and potential out of knowledge, experience and imagination, it is imagination! Seeing is not believing, in fact, believing is seeing!

If we can dream it we truly can achieve it because we construct the image in our heads first then infuse it with strong desires and feelings as if it has already been achieved. All of physical matter is alive with vibrating energy. We may not be able to see the flow and movement of this energy but the same natural laws that govern nature and life in the physical world also exist in the unseen vibrational world that we are all part of. This understanding is now supported by modern physics. So we are beginning to move away from the old isolating and separatist thinking patterns that have disconnected us all and we are becoming more aware of the interconnected web of life. Knowing this shows us that each of us has the power to change the energy we set in motion purely by the way that we choose to think and to feel. We can consciously grow the changes that we wish to see happen in ourselves and the world around us.

Who is Kath?

Kath Roberts is a Life and business coach and Master Practitioner of Neuro Linguistic Programming, Hypnotherapy and Timeline Therapy as well as a Reiki Master and Teacher and Colour therapist. Her holistic approach to transformational change synthesizes a wealth of material from the fields of Quantum Physics, Neuro Linguistic Programming, Metaphysics, Consciousness Studies, Transpersonal Psychology and some of the best leadership thinkers of the day all combined with a healthy dose of ancient wisdom to create uncommon sense to help you thrive and win in business without losing out in life. Kath is not just a theoretical coach, she has a hands on track record of developing leaders and talent gained from an extensive leadership career spanning 20+ years where she climbed her way up to the position of Managing Director in the UK for a FTSE 200 Company before finally leaving the corporate environment at the end of 2008. As a self -employed business owner for over 3 years she has integrated these practices into her own life and coaches others full time around these principles. She understands the day to day realities of working in a commercial enterprise and the barriers and obstacles that can impede growth due to increasing complexity and information overload. She values creativity, authenticity, wisdom over knowledge and firmly believes that we’re all masterpieces in progress and that it’s never too late to be the person you want to become. She has a compassionate and whole-centered approach to people development. Find her at http://www.alchemy4thesoul.com http://www.linkedin.com/ http://www.twtter.com/alchemy4thesoul

MIGRANT WOMAN #1 MARCH 2014

So the starting point in dreaming a new reality is to let your imagination wonder for a while and to do this it helps to get curious again, like a child does, because children believe that anything is possible. Manifesting Through the 5 Elements

In the world of energy thoughts are electrical and feelings are magnetic so we start by imagining what we want our lives to look like and who we want to become in the process. When we listen to the whispers of our soul, our spirit we get into a rhythm and a flow that can feel truly magical. Spirit

That’s because spirit is the energy of all life, it represents the all-inclusive open circuit of energy with no beginning or end, just endless streams of possibility. Everything exists first in the subtle realms of spirit and from here all matter takes form. Fire

Fire represents the spark of life so its’ both thinking and action combined. The choices we make stabilise these streams of possibility and create a catalyst for change. Fire is the spark of inspiration and the imagination, the initiator that transforms what is on the inside of us into that outer action and manifestation. So fire is the passion we have for something or someone. Water

Water represents the element of our inner world, our unconscious needs, desires and feelings that influence what we bring to life and directing the flow of possibilities. It brings movement and life. When we enhance emotions such as trust, appreciation and gratitude and loving kindness we develop a generous open hearted energy flow. This influences us and others in many unseen ways, creating better health, happiness and becoming more of who we really are. Earth

The earth is the physical world of mat-

What do I know about leadership? I know quite a bit as it happens, about delighting customers from my current focus and from my hands-on experience gained during my retail and recruitment days. That’s where I started to weave my own brand of intuitive magic and left brained analysis to rise to the dizzy heights of the corporate boardroom. It took 17 years in total, a journey full of constant challenges, successes and failures through the heights of the upturn years and the depths of recession. I ran start-up teams to multi location/dimensional divisional sales legions and created a few legends on the way. I thoroughly enjoyed searching for the talents of blue-chip clients to one man bands and then one day I realised I really could have authentic success. So I set about mastering the Internet, finding my true voice and four years on now feel completely at home being digital, fully creative and awesomely social. I’ve coached a hotbed of talent over the last couple of decades, many of whom are now running their own shows. I have a handful of certificates in the dark arts of NLP and a Reiki Teacher /Master capability. As an expert in Transformational Leadership I‘m totally and passionately committed to achieving results that matter, however unconventional my methods may be. My focus is on vision, values and authentic power which are the starting points to creating an empowering culture geared to high performance and full engagement.

ter and form and is the natural energy of creation. New life always begins with a period of incubation in the dark buried within the earth, in a womb or in our imaginations. Take a seed, an egg, an idea, a feeling, and our vision for the future we wish for. The earth brings in the balance and regeneration, death and rebirth and of activity then rest and renewal to sustain us. Air

Finally air is the element of vibration, sound, communication and connection. Our words and thoughts are constantly

creating waves of vibration that travel through the web of life, setting off change and manifestation as they proceed. So air is the circulating energy and the thoughts and words we send out return to us and become our belief patterns and the philosophy that we choose to live by. Beliefs always influence what we manifest over time. Believing that we’ve already created a positive outcome in our imaginations is the basis of all manifestation. So we hold the key to our futures, irrespective of our pasts, by the beliefs we set in motion in the present moment.

Alchemy for the Soul

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Transforming Your World Starts with Self Discovery Would you like to let go of the past, go with the flow and live from your heart in peace, joy and ease, manifesting your dreams and becoming all you’re supposed to be instead of fearing the unknown?

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Provides support for emotional, mental, physical and spiritual issues aiding the release of stress and negative emotions.

It is essentially an energy system as colour is vibration and we are also energy vibration so it interacts directly with our own energy helping to stabilise on many different levels by magnifying and amplifying what’s getting in the way of any progress. Colour therapy is not new, it is an ancient technique that was

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MIGRANT WOMAN #1 MARCH 2014

interview

Make Love Your Goal By Ermonela Kapedani

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Tess Hunneybell “There is no light at the end the tunnel. There is no tunnel. As long as the waves keep rolling in all is well in our perfect World …” This message appears in MakeLoveYourGoal.com, making you feel imediately optimistic and wanting to know more about what we constantly look for: love and happiness! We also want to know more about the person who can help us in the challenge of being more knowledgeable about love and happiness, Tess Hunneybell.

ou were born in London but you live in Italy – what is your story?

Yes, I was born in London to Irish immigrant parents. Even though I felt home was our house, they always called Ireland home. Every year we would all ‘go home’ on holiday. When I was 18 I was planning a trip to Spain for a week with friends. The cost was high and the desire to go was low. I saw an advert for a flight to Delhi in a student paper and decided then and there that was to be my first journey that was not ‘going home’. My mum thought that as I had a second cousin who was a priest in Delhi the trip would be fine. 1979 I was on a flight to the first step in what has turned out to be a life journey of travel. I have lived and worked all over the

world. Before we came to Italy we lived on the tiny Caribbean Island of Dominica in the West Indies where we built and ran an award winning Eco Tree House Resort. Before Dominica we lived on rural surf beach in Southern Mexico for 5 years. There is an expression that states “Home is where love is” – where is your home Tess?

I spent many years traveling hoping to find a place, a person, a calling that would be home for me. Along with the adventure it was also a lonely at times. When I finally allowed myself to drop in to and feel the love in my own heart I found ‘Home’. By keep my heart full of Love each day I always have a comfortable, relaxed, joyful home, no matter what soil my feet are standing on.

MIGRANT WOMAN #1 MARCH 2014

Tess is one of Positive Psychology’s new happiness experts. She holds a certificate in Happiness Coaching from The Happiness Project UK, the longest running scientific study on happiness in the world. The Happiness Project was first set up by the NHS in the UK and has been featured in two BBC documentaries that have been viewed by over 30 million people worldwide. Tess is also a certified Success Intelligence Coach, working with corporations and running courses along side individual personal coaching. She is also the founder of Make Love Your Goal, a teaching on love, and a member of “The Ethical Team”, helping to set new standards of ethics in UK corporations. Tess has travelled the world and, along with her husband Kevin, has designed and built restaurants and a small private resort. They recently sold their prize-winning “Manicou River Tree House Eco Resort” in the Caribbean and are currently renovating a 10C monastery in Italy which will open its doors this year as a retreat centre. During her travels Tess has been a voluntary teacher in five locations where she has financed and set up schools, education and health projects. Her latest project is a certified Hospitality Training Course in a second chance centre for Caribbean teens. Teaching happiness in the Caribbean, Mexico, USA and now the UK and Europe, the happiness expert explains that happiness is much more than just a reward you can obtain, a goal you can achieve, or an emotional response. It is a spiritual path… and can be YOUR spiritual path! In this interview she has more to share about herself, love and happiness.

Do you consider yourself a migrant in Italy or is it just another home to you?

San Flaviano, in the mountains of Umbria is the answer to the prayer, “Love take me to a place of peace, love and light that I may teach only love”. At exactly that moment an advert for this beautiful 15C monastery came into my inbox. We went to see it and bought it. Today it is where we live. Due to changes in politics and circumstances in Mexico we had to leave our beautiful home on the beach. We also had to leave our 2 foster children and our friends. This was one of the hardest lessons I have learned. Letting go of physical attachment to a building and the attachment of physical connection to the people. Now I know that Love is the only attachment that is real and it needs no building, no touch or no conditions. Living at San Flaviano monastery, we enjoy its beauty, its breathtaking surroundings and the comfort we have added, but I have no attachment to it at all. You already have established your company “Make Love your Goal” – what does it mean, and can you tell us a bit more about it?

I travel constantly; I set up new exciting projects, I teach internationally and coach professionally specialising in Love, Happiness and Authentic Success. I use Love as my compass to show me where to go next, what to do next, what to say and counsel. The name came about when I was teaching Love and self-acceptance to teens on Dominica. Love is my only goal in my life. When we use Love as our only goal, towards ourselves first and then to all others, we see and

feel the magnificence of our being here on the Earth, our Heaven. According to you what is the definition of love? / What is your definition to love?

Our Universe is made of Love, from Love by Love. It is the energy that nurtures and nourishes all life. Love is the only thing that is real. Everything else is a call for love. When we awaken to the reality that only Love exists and all else is only our human imagination we are free of all pain, all fear, all lack. We ARE Love. Only Love. Is there any gender difference in the way that women and men express love?

Love is our essence, our unconditional selves. Love is what we are, whether we are male or female. From the moment we are born we experience life’s knocks and hurts, and these ca build up blocks in our consciousness to unconditional self love and acceptance. We have each created a ‘Love Contract’. The contact states “I will be Love when...” Each one of us has his and her own set of conditions depending on our experiences and beliefs. Due to gender roles, expectations, media and cultural beliefs these maybe different for men and women. The expression of Love is not different but the self-imposed blocks to Love may differ. What is your personal goal in life?

Love is my Goal. To touch each person I meet in person or through my writing with unconditional Love and total acceptance. It makes every moment of my life amazing! MakeLoveYourGoal.com TheHowToBeHappyCourse.com

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Don’t let your mind go By Mirela Sula

MIGRANT WOMAN #1 MARCH 2014

Acknowledging Our History

y being lost in memories of our past we are not doing anything but blocking ourselves from moving forward. This blockage complicates our lives and prevents us from finding our well-being and our inner peace. The past is a place to visit from time to time but if we stay there too long it can hinder us in attempts to continue our journey forward. We often encounter memories that keep us stuck and this can make us feel guilty. There are people who do not like their past, however, they are unable to detach from it. How can this resistance be explained? I have heard many people blaming themselves for the past. I have seen people who have been ruthless and kept themselves hostage in their past, almost as if they felt a need to be punished. It often happens that we want to suffer the punishment for mistakes that we did not even make ourselves.

In any event, if we truly want to detach from the past, what is it that holds us hostage? First we need to learn how to accept ourselves. To feel the accomplishment of simply living we should appreciate the richness of the past and feel good with our history and its roots, whatever they are. It is inevitable in the memories of our history that we will have painful moments that come to surface through external stimuli. We think that we have erased stories from the memory by not accepting some part of our history. However, what is recorded in long-term memory remains there forever. Erasing the memories is simply an attempt to escape from pain that some memories cause us. Repressing them every time they come up to threaten our peace does not work because they resurface.

But what is the solution to escape from them? By denying them? No, the denial is worse than the burden they present. The best way is to accept them as a part of the history and to also forgive our ancestors who have constructed the context of our history. They are the authors but they do not have the copyright to use the history. We are the owners of our past and have the rights to this history. We can certainly choose to enrich it with other stories. It is likely that we are stuck in the script that others have written for us (by using us as co-authors when we were young). But now as grown individuals we do not need co-owners, life is a personal mission that we can administer ourselves. Others may be our associates or may simply be in our lives in the present time but we can no longer allow them to be

jointly responsible for our history. How the history will continue or if it is going to end should only be our decision and not someone elseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. We cannot change the beginning but we can change the end. This long journey starts by taking the first step which is the forgiveness for all of those who will have written our history, the forgiveness of our predecessors, the acceptance of ourselves with all the burdens of the past. By starting NOW to decide by ourselves which burden will we keep and which will we discard. Do not go to graze where others push you but create your own gardenâ&#x20AC;Ś

I decided one day to learn the story of my past by heart. After numerous attempts to for-

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get my past and sometimes even to deny it, one day I started to become conscious that this was the right way to liberate myself from my past. I felt the ease from unloading the burden. When I decided to accept my story and to forgive all of those who laid heavy burden on my past, I felt better inside. The first were my parents. No matter how I felt, they still decided to get divorced and that event not only devastated them but it also affected me and my little brother. After this trauma nobody laid eyes and us, listened to us or provided us with any affection to ease the internal pain. The past history of our childhood was written by them and we as children had no other choice but to let things happen. One day when I grew up and I became responsible for taking my history into my own hands,

I decided to meet faceto-face with my past and started a journey to visit all of its roots. Only in this way was I able to face the people who had hurt me and find strength to forgive them

I looked back and I felt a lot of pain. I had to make a decision: to let the pain of my past defeat me and become dead weight that I would carry around which would hold me back or I had to move forward and start to write a new chapter. I decided to meet face-to-face with my past and started a journey to visit all of its roots. This was the only way I could believe it myself. The past would never deny me my history regardless of how it was written. Only in this way was I able to face the people who had hurt me and find strength to forgive them. Because I understood that only by forgiving them would I be able to be liberated from the past. I was prepared for the reality that on this journey it might be that I would meet the same people all over again. I started writing chapters where I did not leave out the characters of my past. I simply assigned the roles to them and dictated the positions they held against me. To acknowledge the past does not mean to give up when facing it but to feel the pain and the loss that the past has written in the book of our history. With acceptance comes the freedom allowing us to move forward and realize the potential of our present and the possibility for future freedom from emotional pain. Do you often believe that life is a book where sometimes it has nice chapters and sometimes painful chapters? In many cases we do not know what the new chapter will bring about therefore, if we do not turn the page, we will never know what is waiting for us nor will we know how it will end. However, many people do not want to know the end. It is their right to decide if they want to turn to the next page or if they want to close the book without reading it all the way to the end. There are cases where continuing on the path will put us face to face with painful memories where to walk through them means to face them. Of course this is not easy and if we decide to face the pages of the past, we will have to forgive and forgiveness is a process that requires courage. In my job I have met many people who are unable to forgive because to do this requires great mental power. It means allowing access to open all the chapters and analyze their meaning in order to let it go. There are people who are unable to endure this process. *From the book â&#x20AC;&#x153;Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t let your mind goâ&#x20AC;?

MIGRANT WOMAN #1 MARCH 2014

interview Rebeca Riofrio - The leader of ART in Fusion TV

Follow your

guts I feel privileged to get an interview with my very good friend and super talented CEO of Art in Fusion TV amongst other things Rebeca Riofrio. I have been interviewed by Rebeca for her TV channel couple of times, now I am turning tables, as this time I am going back to my Journalistic roots for this special Interview. Please read her inspiring story below. By Bobby Bicker

ou are already very famous in the UK, connecting together business and art. What has inspired you to come with this innovative idea?

Thank you for your kind compliment. It’s always a pleasure to talk about Art in Fusion. This company was born out of my passion for all art forms and the fact that I saw the need for a platform to promote talent in London. The initial plan was to create opportunities for some amazing talent that is out there and would otherwise be neglected. Taking advantage of my business background, we offer the artists advice in where and how to initiate a proper registered company and point them in the right direction in regards with everyday running of a business, such as accounting, tax, legal, etc. We provide help with the logistics that sometimes artist don’t think about or have little or no experience in doing themselves but are crucial for the enhancement of any business. In addition to that, we create various ways to promote them via our TV Channel; Shows and Art Exhibitions. The Art Exhibitions are particularly successful as we create an environment where creative people can showcase their art to patrons from the cor-

porate world, as well as to a wider range of art lovers hence promoting potential business links with them. We feel it is important to nurture such talent and help it grow for the sake of our future society. Can you tell us more about your beginnings of your career?

I have been working since the age of 16. It was necessary to work from young to finance my own education. I’ve always been very ambitious and goal focused. When I arrived to the UK, for a long time I held down four jobs simultaneously and my life consisted in rushing from jobs to college. I had no time for parties, clubs or boyfriends. I could only afford to enjoy these things once I got my last degree out the way. I can probably count the start of my career when I took a job for a very interesting character that left a huge print in my heart. I became the “eyes” of American novelist, travel writer and renowned war correspondent, Martha Gellhorn, whose eyesight had sadly deteriorated by the time we met. Martha first achieved international recognition for bravely covering the Spanish Civil War with her then husband Ernest Hemingway. I used to do her shopping and assist her constantly. The legendary war reporter inspired me to be more than I could possibly think.

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She encouraged me to balance creativity with today’s world affairs and open my eyes wildly to something indescribable. My life changed drastically for the best. What is your opinion about migrant women who came here for a better life and challenged the reality becoming successful?

This is a question with millions of pos-

sible answers. In the last 20 years, traveling around the world and in living in the UK I’ve met many migrant women seeking success. Some are achieve it and some aren’t so lucky. But the reality is that success is there in plain daylight. It’s obtainable to anyone that has determination, doesn’t give up and just goes for it. However, a lot of the time migrant women come to the UK to seek a better standard of living for their family

A new beginning in a strange and cold country is as painful as is giving birth. For someone to be able to start again from scratch you require humility, understanding a vision. Humility to know that every decent job no matter how unglamorous or little the pay is – is dignifying

and their immediate plans of providing a roof over their heads and having food on the table soon becomes long-term and takes priority over any dreams or aspirations. But this isn’t the be all and end all. I believe that there are a few principal methods that help to obtain success, and as surprising at its sounds, they’re less glamorous than you think: Those are humility, understanding, opportunity, patience and perseverance. We travel to gain a better life but wrongly believe success and commodities will be obtained by the simple fact of passing through Heathrow’s Immigration port. We’re all to blame for this. Our friends and family back home think London’s streets are paved with gold and constantly remind us how “lucky” we are in living in a country full of luxuries. They think we’re constantly rubbing shoulders with celebrities and popping down to Buckingham Palace to have tea with the Queen. It might sound funny but it all somehow rubs off on us, and we start believing it. Until we’re crushed with reality. No one can adequately prepare for the dramatic change. No matter how much we research and hear stories; a new beginning in a strange and cold country is as painful as is giving birth. For someone to be able to start again from scratch you require humility, understanding a vision. Humility to know that every decent job no matter how unglamorous or little the pay is – is dignifying. Understanding that not everything that shines is gold and be wise from day one with who we make friends with. To be able to be active and progressive in any circle we are in and not be afraid in taking risks that goes towards our vision. Be patient and take the time to walk instead of running and taking short crooked paths and have perseverance and self-motivation. What is the way you make things happen in life - are you the kind of person that thinks “everything is possible”?

Once you understand that luck doesn’t exist you begin to take control of your own life. London is a land of opportunities but they don’t come to you if you are feeling sorry for yourself lying in bed all day. You need to keep your eyes and ears open. Things only happen if you keep yourself active in mind and body, everything is possible!

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Do you think there is still discrimination in the world about migrant women?

Unfortunately, discrimination is part of any society. You even get discrimination back home, probably even worse than in more developed countries. I can’t speak on behalf of the world but I do consider myself lucky to live in the UK in this aspect. As a whole British people are very fair and welcoming. Also, the laws and legislations in this country make it difficult for employers to discriminate against anyone. Speaking in general, we need to avoid letting ourselves be victimised. By learning English, integrating with society and keeping up to date with relevant news and legislation you’re empowering yourself with essential skills and in doing so making it difficult for anyone that tries to discriminate you. Remember, knowledge is power! Do you think that the appearance is important? Is it true that beautiful women have more advantages to have a better life/career or this is a myth?

To answer the first part of your question; appearance is always important! Any good job website will tell you that “first impressions are everything” and to “always look presentable for an interview”. Clearly

this demonstrates that people will always judge you on a superficial level before you even tell them your name. However people confuse appearance with beauty. You don’t have to be a supermodel to look presentable. Appearance is more related in how you carry yourself. How you talk and how you make others feel. You’d have to be fooling yourself to think that appearance wasn’t important. Unfortunately, there’s an unhealthy emphasis on beauty in todays world that blurs the line between good looks and presentation. In the workplace we see this happen also. You might have got the job because of your looks, but to get recognition and respect you need skills. The flipside to this is when a genuinely smart, hardworking, beautiful woman obtains a highly skilled job some might say it was “because of her looks”. Your beauty could potentially put you at a disadvantage, impeding your growth. There is a quote that summarise this “Strength without wisdom falls by its own weight”, beauty without brains will soon end. In general women tend to pay attention to look good outside - is it important what a woman feels within?

Definitely that goes vice versa, if you feel good inside your attitude will make you shine even if you’re not a supermodel, and even if you are pretty but feel miserable you won’t be able to show off that beauty. How can you describe the women you work with?

That’s a tricky question as I work weekly in different fields from finances, marketing, accounts, media, education, arts, beauty pageants and fashion! However, I notice that each and every one of them has a set of common qualities. They are determined, smart, ambitious and of course, fabulous! What would you say to the women who would like to invest to their career or set up their own business?

Rightly Confucius said; “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” If you have an idea for a business you feel passionate about, my advice would be that before putting all your eggs in one basket to do a self-evaluation. Be truthful and

ask yourself questions like, if you would be able to do this every day 24/7? Are you able to handle constructive (and sometimes hurtful) criticism? Do you have the skills and abilities to convert this passion to a successful business, and if not, how will you obtain them? Also, think about how you will react to the possibilities of changing systems and concepts around such business? Finally check your finances and see how feasible it is for you to go all the way in regards to time and monetary investment. This is my pragmatic but straightforward advice and I encourage you to follow your guts and incorporate your passion in whatever you do. Where do you see yourself after 10 years?

I believe in immediate goals, a lot can happen in a decade! So the maximum time I plan ahead by is 5 years. I love the thrill of the unexpected and the unknown. To know that there is still so many things left to discover and explore that my mind can’t even think of right now is what it keeps me going. My business projection for the coming years is to further develop into creating my advertising company in video marketing, more movies, international shows and at least 10 new TV stations around the world. 18 years ago I left my country, Ecuador, with nothing. I was one of thousands of migrant women in the UK, but somehow i flourished in art and business. I can proudly say after many tears and struggles I become a key contributor to the development of a multi-million pound company. In 2006 and 2010 my employer was awarded the Queen’s award for Business and Enterprise, hence I was presented an award by Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, in a reception at Buckingham Palace (I guess my friends and family were right about the tea on this day!). Alongside this, my passion for art is properly projected in my business, Art in Fusion, which is just under 2 years old. A small idea quickly became an important and vital media platform. To date I’ve been involved in over 300 shows, made a movie, 6 TV commercials and hosted 4 major art exhibitions. My TV Channel has 108,000 weekly viewers, and is viewed in 86 countries.

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MIGRANT WOMAN #1 MARCH 2014

londonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dairy

When you step in your

40s

I have heard others say that life begins at 40. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been that year for me and definitely new things have started to happen, but few of them give me the feeling of an impressive start... By Valbona Luta

hat kind of a good beginning is it when the moment you wake up in the morning you start with some groan falling from the sky, some back ache, a hurting leg or some other part of your body in pain. Almost every day you wake up with some new ache! And to put a stamp on this whole new beginning, you have the most trusting reminder. The mirror never lies to you! Forget the physical pain, the moment you turn your eyes towards the mirror you see the pillow marks that have covered your face overnight, and it takes them more than half an hour to disappear. These get on your nerves more than the lines that have formed on your face over the years. You start and blame the mirror: ‘I don’t know why, but this mirror reflects the image slightly skewed.’ You look at it and your reflection reminds you of some aunt of yours, a neighbor or some woman that you have no relation to her whatsoever! Your hair is glued to the back of your head as if all night and day you leaned your head on something. You try hard to give your hair a different shape but... without success. Could something new begin when everything starts going down with the pull of gravity? Look, or maybe I’d better say don’t look at some women, my age, who think it is the right time to experiment with their looks more than at any other time in their lives. They wear very short mini skirts; reveal a very low cleavage, thinking that exposing their bodies could win them some points. No, no, no, not at this age! Something I found hard to believe when I was younger was women discussing their concerns about their sight. I had the impression they were doing this just to show off! Start wearing spectacles in order to look more ‘sophisticated’ or more ‘intelligent’. How would the eyes know when you step into your forties? It’s not that I don’t like the way the others look when they wear glasses. On the contrary, those who have been wearing glasses for a long time seem to me better looking with them on than without them. It’s because my body used to be ‘allergic’ to them - whenever I tried them on

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(until quite recently) I needed a long time for my sight to get back to normal. I have bought a pair of them with a number (dioptre) that I have set myself (just like our grandfathers used to do). I can see better with them – when I have no other options sometime – but I must admit, nobody has seen me wear them yet. We can talk about hormonal changes, when you start getting on people’s nerves, blaming them, with no reason at all. Why did you take this picture of me from so close up?! In fact, as soon as you meet someone new, you run to your photo albums to say to them, ‘This is how I looked.’ Or with those that you have not seen for years who ask you to send them some pictures over the internet, you go and look for some old photo and keep quiet the fact that this picture was taken ... you have forgotten actually how many years ago! You do not know whom to trust: those who say to you that you’re looking good or those who suggest that you try and look after yourself more. Mostly you listen to those who are more experienced that say to you “you are not young any more; you should ‘rejuvenate’ yourself.” Not that you don’t want to try new things but usually you end up even more disappointed. You go and powder your face, you coat your eyelashes with black, smear a few shadows on your eyelids and, a few moments later, it’s better not to look at yourself in the mirror at all. You look as if you had been holding your face over steam or that you had been caught in some heavy rain – doodling that reminds you of circus actors. So, I have decided to stay true, until the end, to my lipstick only. You start getting fewer and fewer compliments but you enjoy complimenting yourself on qualities you really had once and to add a hundred others that you never had. You look at your husband enjoying the comments that people have been making about his looks. Of course you are happy about that but this does not help the way you feel about yourself. How did I imagine myself getting old?

Perhaps as an old lady who has put on a lot of weight and can hardly wait to gather

Valbona Luta

her family at weekends and impress them with cooking that she has been learning for half a century; or some eccentric old lady that would ride a motorbike to the end. Maybe like some old lady who has reserved this part of her life to write, something she has wanted to do all her life but has kept postponing for later because of someone or something... But never as one who may try to hide her looks. ‘Forget the onset of forties,’ a colleague of mine once said to me, ‘in a while you’ll start being afraid to laugh because your urinary organs begin to give you signs that they are not under your control any longer. Then, probably your mind will start to play other games – not that you remember how you had imagined yourself as an old person, but probably you will wonder yourself if you have ever been different.’ We can only wish ‘to be happy and healthy for as long as we can be,’ and as for the nuances that the life brings with the passing of time, as spices to flavour our lives, we are only left with the option to greet them. Salute!

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Online Dating

A modern option for new immigrants Online Dating has been around for the last 20 years and it appears to have gained an amazing momentum during the last 5 years. More and more people choose this option to meet new people. It is worth mentioning that through online dating people connect with other people who actually live locally and yet, they never met before. Nowadays, forming new acquaintances in big cities has become quite a tricky task as people lead a busy, yet often isolated daily life. By Rainela Xhemollari - Counsellor

rriving in the UK can be a very exciting experience; this is a developed country with deep rooted democratic values and has diversity as its main feature, especially in the big cities. At the same time, it can be a very frightening experience as one may find daily life here much more complicated and stressful than in other countries. So, where does one start from to rebuild a life here? It is universally accepted that first priorities for an immigrant are finding a job and finding an abode. What about a personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s social and personal life? Many immigrants speak of isolation and emotional distress when they first arrive. How does one find new friends and hopefully a romantic partner in the new country? This question has a number of valid responses depending mainly on the individualâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s needs and natural ways of socializing. In my extended experience as a consultant for one of the biggest worldwide dating websites, online dating can prove an amazing tool for the new immigrant in starting to build his/her new life.

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What could online dating offer (to a newly arrived immigrant)

A city or a town defines and is defined by the people that live in it. How could you learn about the city you have come to live in, if not by those who already live in it? By participating in the online community you gain access to so much interesting and useful local information. In online communities, finding a romantic partner is not the only target of its participants. Instead, socialising and sharing are the first ones on the list. A new hot spot in the city, a traditional festival, a local community issue, all that could be part of a conversation with a person you meet online. More importantly, for an immigrant, online dating can offer the privilege of choice. Some people prefer to socialise exclusively with people from the same ethnic background and they love the online community as it links them with so many of their compatriots who they don’t know how to locate otherwise in the city. For others, their ethnic community may be helpful in many respects but the online community offers an opportunity for them to meet people who are different from them. Some prefer to chat exclusively with native English speakers and others feel more comfortable speaking with a person whose English is not their first language. It is worth mentioning here the generic benefits of online dating and socializing, as they apply on a new immigrant as well. Top of the list are choice and variety as one gets to meet online people from all areas and paths of life. The privilege of time is another benefit, as you can be chatting with a person online while on the bus to work. Apart from practical benefits, there are also psychological reasons for which this way of meeting is appealing to more and more people. Most of these websites offer the option of controlled exposure of a person’s description of self (profile) and they offer choice to participants as to who they want to be contacted by. This overall sense of control increases active participation and encourages users to carry on searching through profiles for those they may like, rather than wait passively for things to happen, as it is often the case in daily life. Finally, it has been noticed that this kind of interaction,

Prejudice vs truth 1. Online dating is only for those who are looking for sex In mid-90’s it cases couples getting married after having met in the Internet were reported as shocking news. Nowadays, 25-30% of married or long term couples (in the Western world) have met online. 2. Only a few losers seek to meet people online Dating websites have hundreds of millions users who actively seek friendships and dates online. 3. It is not safe to meet people online Yes, same applies offline! Online safety of users is taken seriously by dating websites who offer all needed advice on how to remain safe while dating online.

non-physical, bears less fear of rejection and yet, it can generate all the emotional excitement that a face to face meeting does. Who do I find in online dating?

Once you join a dating website you can create a “profile” that will be your way of presenting yourself to the others. The online community now has millions of participants of all kind of backgrounds. It is up to the person to identify what they are looking for i.e. friendship, dating, rela-

tionship or any other form of human interaction. Then one needs to identify the characteristics of the people they would like to become acquaintant with i.e. age, gender, appearance, profession etc. Of course, relationships between people are not built only upon mutual interests! Meeting a person online is only the start! Then as with everything in life one invests time and much more from oneself in order to build a romantic partnership with a significant other.

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Norman Rosenthal

You must take your life into your own hands Dr Rosenthal is a renowned psychiatrist, and bestselling author. Last year, several days before Christmas, he visited London and met with a large crowd who wanted to know more about his philosophy, career and the positive energy he conveys through his books. I had the privilege of meeting Dr Rosenthal during a talk he gave about Light Therapy at Lumie, hosted by the Meditation Trust. He was invited by The School of Life to talk about his latest book The Gift of Adversity. Following that meeting, I had a chance to speak with him further about his his views on life which he so kindly agreed to share with Migrant Woman during an interview. By Mirela Sula

ou recently published a new book, The Gift of Adversity. What motivated you to write this book?

Initially, I wanted to write about the lessons I had personally learned from my own life and the lives of others. But when I looked over these lessons, I realized that I learned most when bad things happened -- setbacks, disappointments, imperfections. So that became the organizing principle of my book. As they say, you cannot become a master sailor on calm seas. So, adversity brings gifts -- surprisingly. There are a lot of personal stories you used in your book - did you have a

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purpose when you decided to disclose yourself?

My purpose in telling stories from my own life was to illustrate that I am human, imperfect and vulnerable like everyone else. Before this, I had written mostly from the vantage point of the expert. Here, I wanted to step down from the podium and talk to people eye-to-eye. Readers can recognize themselves very easily in this book - does it mean that everyone can take a lesson from adversity?

Yes -- everyone can learn from adversity. And since we are going to encounter adversity -- whether we like it or not -- it would be a shame to waste the lessons it contains. Your book Healing and Transformation Through Transcendental Meditation became very popular. Is this a sign that people need to believe a professional when talking about spirituality?

I hope that people liked my book Transcendence for reasons other than the fact that I am a professional. Yes, credentials can add credibility to a book, but ultimately it is no substitute for a book’s being well written, interesting and important. I think the most important thing about Transcendence is the technique it describes – Transcendental Meditation (TM ) -- an amazing tool for personal healing and transformation.

tion addresses the stress at its core (which is also the only part you can really control) -- your own self and how you choose to respond to your environment. From your experience, what would you say are the main concerns that women bring into therapy? What are the main issues facing women’s mental health?

Areas that I often encounter are: 1. Depression: Women tend to blame themselves a lot (often too much). Besides all the other ways to treat depression, they need to learn to go easier on themselves. 2. Anxiety is also common. Women have evolved to worry about the health of the whole family, to spend a lot of time thinking about what is needed to enable the family to survive. That continues in our modern era. 3. Finally, women need to be supreme jugglers. Somehow they are expected (even today) to shoulder the major burden for keeping the family going, while at the same time having to work and make a living.

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Many studies argue that migrant women experience high levels of stress due to various factors. Do you think that meditation could be a useful tool for coping with stress?

I think meditation is a great way to deal with ALL sorts of stress, including the stress encountered by migrant women. Medita-

Migration is always difficult -- leaving so much behind (people, places, things) to which you have grown so attached throughout your life; and getting used to the strange climate, people and behaviours of your new home (strange even to think of calling it home). And that is even if you are well treated, which is not always the case for migrants, who often face hostility and discrimination. Another successful book you’ve authored is Winter Blues. Would you be able to share with our readers on how we can overcome the “winter blues?”

Winter Blues has recently come out in its fourth edition and each time I have sharpened and updated it. If I were to summarize its lessons, they are: More Light and Less Stress. Of course, the details matter -- and these I have learned over 30 years and distilled down to their essence both in Winter Blues and its spinoff -- The Winter Blues Survivors Manual. What is the most useful lesson a woman can learn from The Winter Blues Survivors Manual?

The most important lesson is that you must take your life into your own hands. Of course, others are often needed to help, but you are with yourself ALL the time, so if you are looking for first aid (be it for the Winter Blues or any other problem in your life), look first to yourself for the solutions. That’s what I hope to teach in the Winter Blues Survival Guide.

When you started to meditate, what kind of transformation did meditation bring into your life?

Meditation has made me calmer and less reactive to minor stresses -- and major ones. But it has also made me more creative. Can you imagine a drug that could have both of these, apparently opposite, effects? I can’t -- and all of this without any sideeffects -- amazing!

From your perspective, how has migration impacted women and their families?

Dr Rosenthal has recently released ‘The Gift of Adversity’. It’s a look back at his life - from growing up in South Africa, moving to the U.S., family and relationships, loss and depression, work and scientific discovery - and the lessons he learnt along way. In his familiar and highly readable style he uses his wealth of experience to show ‘the unexpected benefits of life’s difficulties, setbacks, and imperfections’

Since this is the first edition, what it would be your message to the readers of Migrant Woman Magazine?

My message is: It’s great to have a forum of your own. Even though you probably want ultimately to blend in and become assimilated into the broader society, in the meanwhile, nobody is going to understand you as well as a fellow migrant. So I’m delighted you will have a new place where you can share your feelings, views and ideas.

MIGRANT WOMAN #1 MARCH 2014

t is possible to go through birth with full awareness and create a memory of the most precious moments of connection with yourself, the father and the child. This awareness, presence and deepened connection creates a miraculous occurrence of transformation and expansion for all involved, which in turn is experienced as ease and joy in birth. The main thing to remember about creating a short and smooth delivery is that it reduces chances of birth trauma for the baby dramatically. The lack of birth trauma means that baby will start life strong and healthy with an ease to stay present and connected with their parents and vice versa.

Is it too much to expect? No, it is not. I have seen it happen. So, I know for sure it is possible. Not that long ago, doctors advertised for cigarettes and said formula is healthier for infants than breastfeeding. Common knowledge has progressed, yet, the social portrait of child-birthing is still largely full of panic. Women are portrayed giving birth in popular media screaming in pain and cursing and bloody likened to a murder scene, which horrifies viewers. These perspectives can sometimes make young girls wonder why she would want to experience such horror. There has certainly been progress in western birthing facilities, allowing fathers in the birthing rooms and dimming light etc; the birth experience for the majority is mostly a devastating experience. Which is exacerbated and supported by the largely unconscious staff whom are the ones ‘in charge’ of the birthing facilities. From the perspective of the supporting medical staff, some doctors and midwives (or nurse practitioners) birthing is automatically assumed to start with pain and contractions, which from my perspective, is like wanting a BA degree and assuming that all it takes is to pass the final exams. Exploring the above metaphor, there are some people who are able to receive their degrees without years of studying by just passing the final exams. However, the rest of us need to study. Giving birth to a child consciously is like receiving a degree: you know how long you have to

Women and Conscious Birth What does it take to give birth to a child with joy and ease? The question might seem simple. Yet, the answer is not so simple, as it turns out. The search for the answers to this question can bring a pregnant woman a birth experience that will heal her soul, transform her lover into a father, and bring their relationship into deeper levels of connection and love... By Elena Tonetti-Valdemirova*

study and prepare for the final exam and the whole experience is life changing and gives you growth on every level, and at the end you have something tangible which gives you ‘status’ in life through the experience just gone through. Giving birth, just like studying at uni, can be full of stress and fearful and painful disaster which is

somehow survived with the help of drugs, then forgotten about as soon as the labour or exam is finished. Or, it can be enjoyable and expansive and educational, allowing the individual to grow into maturity of Self while being present and prepared to go out into the world with new skills or a new baby. It’s all in the willingness to be present and

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practice what is necessary to achieve the desired results. It is great if a pregnant woman prepares by going to Lamaze classes and watching her diet and does exercises. However, it all too often happens that a woman with a perfect diet has devastating morning sickness or a traumatic birth. It also happens that a midwife who has trained in all the necessary qualifications to assist birth, has to have a C-section herself because her cervix won’t dilate. Or a healthy and fit woman suffers through birth tremendously from not being able to relax and surrender to the energy of the birthing field. So, what sort of preparation and ‘education’ does one need to have an enjoyable, present, easeful birth? The quality of birth depends on the quality of preparation and of course the expression of genes. As supported by Professor Michael Meaney of the Departments of Psychiatry, Neurology and Neurosurgery at McGill University in Montréal, Quebec, who in a recent talk at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver pointed out that:

• The function of genomes is regulated by epigenetic signals that are a product of the social environment. • Epigenetic signals in the early years and guide the development and function of the brain. • Epigenetic changes may occur in germ cells and can be transmitted to one’s children. All of which simply says that a woman can effect their birthing experience through preparation, can alter the signals which effect her physical, emotional and mental processes and effects what she then passes on to her baby. Of course this effects her ability either positively or negatively to birth. Depending of her personal epigenetic transference from her mother and her conscious or unconscious birth preparation practices. In search for the key factors, a group of people in Russia that I worked with for a few years found some answers to the question. They found that there must be a clearing out of negativity from a pregnant woman’s emotions and mentality on a very deep level while bringing to peaceful satisfaction all the relationships in her family. First and foremost with her parents, grandparents, in-laws and of course with the father of the child. In some mysterious way all these relationships and feelings have a profound effect on the birthing experience. Another aspect that brings birthing into an advanced state is a spiritual practice. When a woman is able to take her time during pregnancy to meditate and pray every day, she discovers the whole universe of unlimited, gentle support. It helps her to stay above the stressful level of everyday activity, keeping her in an emotional and mental space of love and loving. Pregnant women experience an incredible mobility and flexibility of all systems in the body and in the mind! Think about it: every minute everything is changing and adjusting to the new life inside. All the hormones, all the tissues, the whole chemistry which

dictates the shape of her body, emotions and mind constantly flux and change. A pregnant woman by definition is a co-creator. Creating life should be fun, what an opportunity to place your orders! A pregnant woman could request, “While we’re at it, could we please clean our liver?” or “I’ve got some extra fat, let’s turn it into energy!” And --”Poof!” --In that conscious gestational co-creation the body responds “Your order, ma’am! Anything else?” So, all women have the chance to take charge and grow more conscious of the possibilities of being a co-creator. It is amazing how much a pregnant woman can accomplish in nine months when the basic care needs are met, such as good diet and exercises, while using essential techniques such as meditation, visualization, rebirthing, communicating with the unborn child and counseling. Pregnancy makes visualization especially powerful. I have watched pregnant women being able to heal some major physical conditions through visualization. Pregnancy opens up even naturally skeptic women. And from the first thought, “It doesn’t hurt to try,” they make a smooth transition to enjoying the results and keep practicing it. A pregnant woman working out the conflict from her system can change the flow of birthing process dramatically. Even if a woman and her partner didn’t have enough consistency or time during pregnancy to clarify the psychic atmosphere in their family, the birth itself is a great opportunity for it. Birth presents a wonderful possibility for a woman to dissolve many of her limitations and blocks, which otherwise could take her the rest of her life to resolve. If she consciously uses the tremendous energy of birthing available to her, she can accelerate this usually lengthy process. If for some reason the contractions start going weaker and slow down, the first thing for her to do is to relax, get really quiet and let go of fear or not get scared. She can ask herself a question like, “What is the reason that it is not going smoothly?” from this curiosity permitting herself to be as quiet as possible to allow the answer to come into her conscious-

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ness. It will surface, if given the space. Answers may vary: it could be some situation from her past when she was hurt or hurt somebody, a previous abortion, a lie, or old unhealthy relationships that keep taking her energy away. Whatever answer comes up, if she gives it her undivided attention for a few minutes, allowing herself to recall this situation in detail, very emotionally and then forgive herself, whomever or whatever is involved and ask them to forgive her, a shift will happen. Forgiveness is the key here. The divine energy of birthing will give her at that moment enough power to let go of any dead connections and all associated habitual grief which will allow her to experience liberation and the birth will proceed smoothly again. The potent energy of gestating and birthing a child is available to a woman only once or perhaps a few times in her lifetime. It makes sense to fully embrace

it, to use it to accelerate spiritual and emotional growth. In a very simple and sincere way, women have the possibility of creating and experiencing the miracle of birth. They may let go of fear and pain and give birth to their babies in ease and grace, free-of-trauma. Each woman has a choice to make about her life, conception, gestation, and birth. That choice is the integration of the premise that the quality of giving birth reflects the quality of self awareness that a woman gains by the time of giving birth. It greatly depends on her ability to relax and accept full responsibility for herself and the peace of mind that she accumulates during pregnancy. This state of being comes from diligent work on healing her relationships with her parents, grandparents, the father of her child, his family, herself, the baby and the Universal spirit.

I hope this information will inspire birth educators to help pregnant women to realize that they have the power to create for themselves a fantastic birthing experience. I hope it will inspire pregnant women to gain confidence and make positive changes including: turning their pregnancies into a spiritual journey by opening up to a higher power, getting in great physical shape by exercising, dieting and detoxifying their bodies and emotionally resolving any conflicts that may block the free flow of energy during birth. The outcome is worth every effort. Based on observations of babies born free-from-trauma, infants will grow into strong, healthy, intelligent, content, happy people. What a great step forward for the evolution of humankind! *Founder of Birth Into Being Method (1996) Edited and Updated by Avi-Esther Shekinah, Advanced Facilitator of the Birth Into Being Method (2014)

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books we suggest

You Can Heal Your Life Louise Hay

his is a book that people credit with profoundly altering their awareness of the impact that the mind has on our health and wellbeing. In this inspirational work, world renowned teacher Louise L. Hay offers profound insight into the relationship between the mind and the body. Exploring the way that limiting thoughts and ideas control and constrict us, she offers us a powerful key to understanding the roots of our physical diseases and discomforts.This practical self-help guide will change the way you think forever

for your bookshelf The Signature of All Things Elizabeth Gilbert

Loveability Robert Holden

The Signature of All Things brings to the fore all those forgotten women of science, whose trailblazing work was swallowed up by more famous men. But it also asks us to consider whether a life lived in the shadows, comprising of a million, small, unnoticed actions, is worth any less than a life of big gestures and public recognition. In the end, the reader is left with a sense that the one could not exist without the other. After all, for every tropical orchid there is a hard-working moss, creeping unseen along a stone.

In Loveability, Robert weaves a beautiful mix of timeless principles and helpful practices about the nature of true love. With great intimacy and warmth, he shares stories, conversations, meditations and poetry that have inspired him in his personal inquiry on love. Key themes include: Your destiny is not just to find love; it is to be the most loving person you can be. Self-love is how you are meant to feel about yourself. It is the key to loving others. When you think something is missing in a relationship, it is probably you etc.

Brand You John Purkiss David Royston – Lee In the modern workplace, clearly defined hierarchies are on the wane, few of us have ‘jobs for life’ and many of us have portfolio careers or are self-employed. In these self-reliant times, it’s essential to be remembered for the right reasons. Brand You helps you develop a powerful personal brand, both on- and offline, and shows you how to: Discover your talents, values and purpose.

MIGRANT WOMAN #1 MARCH 2014