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Female Wrestlers Grapple with Gender Bias on the Mat Maya Virdell and Hannah Whobrey Sports and Features Editors
For Lily Clark and Lena Hardisty, pursuing their chosen sport — wrestling — means challenging the stigma that has surrounded this traditionally male-dominated sport for years. In the US, there are only seven states — Alaska, California, Hawaii, Tennessee, Texas and Washington — with designated high school competitions for female wrestlers. Girls in other states must choose between not competing at all or wrestling against boys. In Hawaii and Texas, however, girls and boys are prohibited from wrestling against each other. With little opportunity for female wrestlers in high school, this co-ed sport typically has very few girls on the team. This year, MIHS Wrestling has hit a high in female enrollment. “The first several years I coached, we had no girls at the team at all, and then we would have one or two,” head coach Lee Jahncke said. “This year is on the upper end; we’ve got six female wrestlers, which is exciting and positive.” There are 26 wrestlers total on the team this year. “Lena Hardisty and Lily Clark are both experienced wrestlers,” Jahncke said. “We also have four foreign exchange students, I was not expecting it, but I was super excited and pleased, and they’re doing a great job so far this year.” For Clark and Hardisty, the lack of other girls on teams has been a constant. “I think not a lot of girls join wrestling because it’s known as a guys’ sport, similar to the gender stereotypes of football,” Clark said. “A lot of girls don’t know you can join wrestling [or] they don’t always feel comfortable wrestling with boys.” For Italians Irene Cozzi, Ines De Francisco and Guili De Benedetti, and German Lydia Riedel, wrestling is a chance to try something different. “I feel excited because it is a new opportunity that we as girls are given,” Cozzi said. “It can be scary at first, but the fact that we are given the same opportunity [as boys] to have fun and be successful in what we do is challenging and exciting at the same time.” Although female wrestlers follow most of the same rules as guys, there are a few exceptions to account for physical differences. “The weight classes for girls are a little bit different, [and] many female wrestlers have longer hair, so they have to wear a special hair covering to keep their hair under control so that it doesn’t get pulled or hooked — it’s a safety issue,” Jahncke said. At practice, Hardisty and Clark usually partner with their male teammates. In competitions, the gender of their opponent varies. “There’s not quite as many opportunities for female wrestlers as there are for male wrestlers,” Jahncke said. “Most of the other teams within our league either don’t have any female wrestlers or have very few, so they may not match up at the same weights as our female wrestlers.” “Girls have the option to choose to wrestle in boys’ competitions against boys, under the boys’ weight classes, if they want to,” Jahncke said. “Sometimes, girls who are really, really good will choose to do that, because they feel like sometimes they can get more or better competition, but there’s no expectation or requirement for anything like that.” As a co-ed sport, the wrestling team strives to be inclusive of all its athletes. (continued on page 5)
MERCER IS SCHOOL DIST 400
December 14, 2018
IN THIS ISSUE FEATURES 3
Seniors Look Towards Military Sevice
FEATURES 4
Students Follow Passions with Part Time Jobs
SPREAD 6-7 The
Unsung Heroes of the MIHS staff
OPINIONS 9
Class and Privilege on Mercer Island
A&E 10 The MIHS
Islander’s Top Songs of 2018
A&E 11 The Effects of Fast Fashion on Student’s Wardrobes
Photos by Hannah Whobrey Hardisty faces Rebecca Bonsi from Newport. Clark was unable to participate after her male opponent refused to wrestle a girl.
2 INSIDE
Letter From the Editor Islanders, right now our school is entering the gloomiest, darkest and arguably most stressful time of year. Seniors are gearing up for the final sprint of college application season, and teachers are frantically packing material into the last couple weeks before winter break. We then get two weeks of respite going into the new year: a fresh start full of newfound energy and sleep, but marred by final exams shortly after we return. It’s easier to be involved in both the school and the Mercer Island communities when we don’t feel overwhelmed with homework, extracurriculars or even just bad weather. Yet it is for this reason that now is the most important time to support our fellow students — and there are plenty of ways to do so. The food drive run by ASB-Leadership last week was one example of an easy way to help others this holiday season. Despite the stereotype of Mercer Islanders as uniformly wealthy, our community still has people who are food-insecure and need our help. This food drive is benefitting the food bank run by
mihsislander.org
by Print Editor in Chief Grady Short
Mercer Island Youth and Family Services, which deserves our help now more than ever after being crippled by city budget cuts. In just a couple weeks, the Marching Band will be en route to the Tournament of Roses in Pasadena. Though we’ve all heard about it already, we should make sure to appreciate how significant an achievement this is. Their big performance will come after a year of hard work and intense rehearsals culminating during these last couple weeks. Finally, the winter sports season has begun, with basketball games generally drawing a majority of fan attendance. We shouldn’t forget about the other sports; Gymnastics, Ultimate Frisbee and Boys Swim and Dive deserve our support just as much. So, too, does the Wrestling team, which is featured in the cover story of this month’s issue. As our elected student government, ASB-Leadership in particular has a large role to play in promoting spirit and a sense of community within the school, especially in the most stressful times. Yet for
Volume VIII, Edition III
this to work, the entire student body must cooperate by helping out others in a similar way. The burden doesn’t fall solely on any one group or person, and we all have an obligation to do our part, whether that means donating to a food drive, checking in with a friend about their mental health, or cheering on the Islanders at a home game. This issue of The Islander is meant to give you a glimpse at some of the most fascinating stories, students, and staff at our school. One thing I’d like to stress is that we are an open student forum, free of administrative or district control. This independence allows us to fairly represent students’ perspectives without censorship or bias, even on controversial issues; it also means that we welcome the feedback and opinions of just about anyone. In light of this, if you’re interested in guest-writing or have a letter for the Editorial Board, please send us an email! Our journalism program can sometimes feel insulated from the school at large, and we’re always searching for opinions and news to cover.
From the Website
November’s most-read stories at mihsislander.org
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EDITORS IN CHIEF Print | R. Grady Short Online | Ellie Gottesman Business Manager Managing Editor Features Editor Sports Editors Spread Editor Opinions Editor A&E Editor Copy Editor Photo Editor Cartoonist A&E Columnist Humor Columnist
Jacob D’Souza Isabel Funk Hannah Whobrey Ethan Preston Maya Virdell Ellie Gottesman Lucille Shield Annie Poole Annika Bhananker Annie Poole Teddy Fischer Ben Capuano Spencer Klein
Staff Writers: Tahssya Avant, Natalie Chen, Kiran D’Souza, Charlie Fischer, Baran Fotouhiyehpour, Nico Galvin, Lena Hardisty, Max Hense, Sabrina Hubbell, Alex Isbell, Alex Levin, Declan McSherry, Jeff Parkinson, Sandra Pedersen, Jordan Snyder, Roni Talby Adviser
Chris Twombley
SOCIAL MEDIA
What’s Up With BRIDGES? Photos by Annie Poole and Tahssya Avant
Girls Soccer Progresses to State Quarterfinals Mercer Island’s Drug Problem Band Prepares for Rose Parade » PUBLICATION NOTICES Purpose | To provide news to the Mercer Island High School student body and members of the surrounding community in a manner that accurately reflects readers’ interests. The MIHS Islander is an open student forum, and the opinions expressed within do not represent those of the high school or district administrations. Ads | To print an ad in a future issue of The MIHS Islander, contact Business Manager Jacob D’Souza at mihsislander@ gmail.com for rates and information. Privacy | All electronic mail messages in connection with Mercer Island School District business which are sent or received by this account are subject to the Washington State Public Records Act and may be disclosed to third parties. Corrections | We pride ourselves on accurate, fact-based journalism. If you believe the Islander has gotten a fact or quote wrong, please contact us and we’ll print a correction in the next issue. Nondiscrimination Notification | The Mercer Island School District does not discriminate in any programs or activities on the basis of sex, race, creed, religion, color, national origin, age, veteran or military status, sexual orientation, gender expression or identity, marital status, disability, or the use of a trained dog guide or service animal and provides equal access to the Boy Scouts and other designated youth groups. The Mercer Island School District offers classes in many College and Career Readiness Programs, admission to which is non-discriminatory. Lack of English-language proficiency will not be a barrier to admission and participation in these programs. The following people have been designated to handle inquiries regarding the nondiscrimination policies: Civil Rights Compliance Coordinator; Harrassment, Intimidation and Bullying (HIB) Coordinator; Title IX Compliance Coordinator: Erin Battersby, Senior Director. (206) 230-6227, erin.battersby@mercerislandschools.org Section 504 & ADA Coordinator: Dr. Lindsay Myatich, Director. (206) 236-3326, lindsay.myatich@mercerislandschools.org
FEATURES 3 Seniors Look Toward Military Route for College December 14, 2018
Charlie Fischer staff writer Despite being in the midst of college applications, many seniors remain undecided about their future after high school. Some students, however, have already committed to a more unconventional route: education through the armed services. Andrew Motz is one of approximately 1,000 applicants that apply each year for a full-college scholarship at the students’ choice of school through the Navy’s Reserve Officers’ Training Corps program. “You start the official application anywhere from summer to the fall of your senior year,” Motz said. “But I started the process a little bit earlier.” “It’s kind of like rolling admissions,” Motz explained. “The selection board meets every month [and] the more times that they look at your application, the better chance you have of getting in.” The ROTC is a military program at universities that allows students like Motz to engage in a traditional college environment while simultaneously preparing to become a commissioned officer in the Armed Services. College students involved in the program take an ROTC elective each semester and adhere to several physical and academic standards specific to their respective branch. After graduation, each cadet is promoted to an officer (or the branch-specific equivalent) and is obligated to complete a minimum service require-
Photo by Hannah Whobrey The physical aspect of service holds no challenge for these seniors: Motz plays for Boys Soccer while Benson runs Cross Country and Track.
ment that can range anywhere from three to eight years depending on their branch. For students who are torn between college and the military, balance can be found in ROTC. At college, Motz is looking to complement his interests with his service. “I went with Navy [because] they put more of a focus on science and technology,” Motz said. “I [also] applied because both my parents were in the Navy. My dad did ROTC, my uncle did ROTC, so I have some history there.” For others, like Alex Benson, service academies provide more opportunities. “I want to make sure I have options
and [time] to think about it before I make my choice,” Benson said. As with ROTC scholarships, academy graduates are required to serve at least four or five years. However, student life at service academies like the Navy and Air Force is much more disciplined and regimented than that of an ROTC Cadet, with every attending student assigned to units and squadrons, mandatory drill practices and limited social freedoms — cell phone use is prohibited for freshmen. Also in contrast to ROTC, every single service academy student is guaranteed a free college tuition. Although many academy courses are geared towards military specialization,
MIHS Teachers Love Alex Levin staff writer While it may not seem like it, teachers have a life outside of school just like their students. Many teachers have interesting hobbies: Eric Goldhammer is a perfect example. This English teacher takes running to a whole new level, going for 20 to 30 mile runs just because he wants to get outside. “It isn’t really about time, and it isn’t really about winning races,” Goldhammer said. “I think it’s kind of just having these goals in the back of your head — these large numbers that you never thought you could achieve.” A member of the soccer team while in high school, Goldhammer had to run a little bit during practices, but running wasn’t a huge part of his life after graduation. “I took 15 years off of running,” Goldhammer explained. “I got back into it three or four years ago.” Goldhammer’s running regimen — about 30 to 40 miles total per week — has had a positive impact on his teaching. “Strangely, I have a whole lot more energy because of it,” Goldhammer said. On Nov. 17, Goldhammer completed a 31mile run in
to
Portland, one of his longest yet. “It this trail Wildwood, which a rite of passage,” said. “You have it one end to the other.” While Goldhammer’s family is very supportive hobby, they do join him. “My daughseven and a little
was on called was kind of Goldhammer to run
of his not usually
ters are only nine, and they have bit of interest in it,” Goldhammer said. “I’ve done a little ‘pickthem-up from school’ on a run, and they’ll run home with me, but that’s not very far.” Surprisingly, Goldhammer is not the most extreme runner amongst MIHS staff: science teacher Danny Naylor also takes running to the extreme. Naylor has been running Photo courtesy Danny Naylor
it is still possible to pursue more normal courses. “I’m looking at aerospace engineering,” Benson said. “But if I go to an academy, [I] don’t have to major in [a subject] related to [my profession]. You could be an English major and still fly fighter planes.” Like Motz, Benson was initially inspired by his family. “My uncle’s in the Army and he went to West Point,” Benson said. “That was one reason why I started looking at the military academies. And then my brother is doing Army ROTC in college.” Applying to the service academies can become complicated, as each applicant must earn a nomination from at least one of three congressional representatives from their state, which involves a separate interview request with the representatives. Only after receiving a nomination, passing a medical exam, completing a candidate questionnaire and finishing a physical fitness assessment — on top of the bells and whistles of a typical college application — will students officially be considered for admission. “At times, it’ll seem like no one really knows what they’re doing, including you,” Benson said. “It takes a lot of communication to work your way through it.” However arduous, ROTC scholarships and service academies give students a shot at earning not only a potentially free college education, but job security after college, all while serving their country.
Run Wild “ultra-marathons,” defined as any race longer than a 26-mile marathon, for over seven years. “I’ve done a handful of 50-mile races, and a lot of other runs that will last from five to twelve hours,” Naylor said. For Naylor, the ideal casual run lasts two to three hours, or around 13 to 20 miles. “It’s just long enough that you’re out there for a while, but short enough that you can push hard,” Naylor explained. While Goldhammer and Naylor share the same hobby, their approaches are very different. Naylor ran track in high school; Goldhammer played soccer. Goldhammer listens to music when he runs; Naylor prefers silence. Naylor coaches cross country; Goldhammer does not. For these teachers, their hobby provides a happy place. “I just love being outside, and running gives me a chance to do that,” Naylor said. Naylor during an 18 mile friendly run near Leavenworth, WA on Oct. 21, 2018.
4 FEATURES Natural Helpers was first implemented at MIHS in 1979. By the mid 80s, most schools across the nation had adopted the program. The club began at MIHS when administrators wanted a way to create social connections between students, after becoming concerned about issues like teenage suicide. It was a different approach to student mental health, as it was more peer focused. According to Mount Si’s Natural Helper webpage, “ P rograms using fear and information alone produce little change. Positive peer pressure has been shown to be quite effective.” “Knowing that students listen to their friends before anyone else, [MIHS] created a system where students representing a cross section of the school could effectively reach out to oth-
mihsislander.org
Photo by Hannah Whobrey
After 37 years, Natural Helpers has disappeared.
Where did it go?
ers in need,” the website continued. Although each school’s program had its own nuances, the overall message was to train selected students to provide support for their classmates. However, many
of these programs closed down due to insufficient curriculum. The program officially came to a close at MIHS in 2016 due to low attendance. “I know it was really good a couple years be-
Students Follow Passions Through Part-Time Jobs Nico Galvin staff writer From ski instructors to veterinary assistants, MIHS students are taking the opportunity to work jobs alongside school, building valuable skills and pursuing their interests. Junior Melissa Haist has been working part time since this June. “I work at MercyVet,” Haist said. “I help the vets clean the clinic and I help take care of the pets that
Freshman Ethan Zhang has skied for seven years, and is now training to become an instructor. “I’m just training right now, but I’m still on the slopes with some kids,” Zhang explained. “I lead classes of three. Getting a job is obviously not what everyone wants, but once you get into it, especially something you like, it’s pretty fun.” One of the main reasons why Zhang wanted to work was to fund
Photo by Hannah Whobrey Haist currently has five pets — two dogs and three cats. Pictured here is Marmalade.
come in.” Haist’s interests for the future influenced her choice of workplace. “Veterinary Studies is one of my top [choices for future career],” Haist explained. “I always had pets growing up, from dogs and cats to chickens and chinchillas...I had always had a particular interest in anything involving the care of animals.”
another interest of his. “I’m training to be a pilot at flight school,” Zhang said. “I needed to pay for my instruction. It’s not much, but it’s a start.” Senior Ashley Rudd is working two jobs: one at Aritzia, a boutique, and another as a model for TCM Models and Talent. “I’m really passionate about fashion,” Rudd explained. “So both
fore,” Maggie Baker said. Baker was a member of the club as a freshman in 2015. “It had been really strong, but by the time I was in it, it had just completely died. Nothing happened. We did nothing,” Baker said.
of [the jobs] kind of went with that. I’m not good at drawing, so fashion is kind of like my art.” Rudd can work up to 20 hours a week, which sometimes leads to challenges with balancing her two jobs and school. “It’s hard to manage,” Rudd said. “I do have two off periods, so that helps me get my work done. I just can’t procrastinate, that’s my main thing.” Haist also cites her off periods as a major factor in helping her manage time. “I have a very small amount of hours every day,” Haist explained. “Having a free period has been a major lifesaver.” Zhang has had similar experiences with balancing work and school. “It’s a lot of challenges, especially with time,” Zhang said. “It’s kind of hard to keep up with school while doing it.” Despite this, Zhang still enjoys his job. “My favorite part is when someone — after I teach them — says they really like it,” Zhang said. “Just putting a smile on their face, getting them into skiing is something I really like.” Rudd noted that the process of finding a job was initially difficult. “Actually, I got declined a few jobs,” Rudd said. “You gotta just keep on going — have tough skin. You’re going to get rejected. That’s just part of life.” In the end, though, Rudd is happy she found her current jobs. “I like [my jobs] so much,” Rudd said. “I love fashion, I love clothes. If I looked back to the other jobs I applied at, I just wouldn’t have loved it as much.” For students looking to further pursue their interests, gain valuable experience or just earn some extra cash, a part-time job may be the way to go.
Former club leader Cathy Gentino believes that a lot of the problem stemmed from students not having enough time. “It was hard to get students with busy schedules to commit regularly attending the club,” Gentino said. “Over time, it just seemed like our attendance was really dwindling. Whether it was related to the focus or the club, or just [workload], I don’t know.” “People couldn’t always see what Natural Helpers did, because [the members] were doing their thing behind the scenes,” Gentino continued. “But I could see, and sometimes [a member] would bring someone in crisis, or would come and consult about how to help a friend. That was really what the program was initially designed for.”
: Spotlight how islanders Celebrate by Sabrina Hubbell We often hear about preparations for popular winter holidays like Christmas or Hanukkah, but what about students that don’t celebrate these holidays? Junior Tara Manhas celebrates Diwali — the Indian festival of lights — during the fall. “We spend time with our family,” Manhas said. “And eat Indian food!” “We wear new clothes to celebrate the year and ward off bad spirits,” Manhas added. Although she doesn’t celebrate any holidays over winter break, sophomore Munasip Ertakus comes from a Muslim family and fasts during the month of Ramadan. “The perspective you get after seeing everyone eating Graphics by Hannah Whobrey around you and you’re not eating, you understand that other people in other countries, that’s how they are living every day and we don’t really realize that in this modernized world,” Ertakus said. “Fasting is kind of hard here because not many other people are doing it,” Ertakus continued. “Nobody here has a similar thing, except for maybe Lent.” Many students celebrate traditions that are often unheard of — learning about these cultures and traditions expands the knowledge and diversity of our school.
SPORTS 5
December 14, 2018
Winter Sports Preview
Staff writer Alex Levin examines the upcoming sports season for MIHS
Boys Basketball
Gymnastics
The Boys Basketball team had a lot to learn from last season after finishing with a 12-12 record. With more experience this year, the team has the potential to improve and possibly succeed in the playoffs. “The expectation is that things will come a lot quicker this year,” head coach Gavin Cree said. The team has an overall height advantage, with several players over 6 feet 4 inches and one player, David Pickles, who is 6 feet 8 inches. “We should be able to rebound really well, put the ball inside, and play inside out basketball,” Cree said. With a solid start so far, Mercer Island hopes to maintain this momentum through the rest of season.
After narrowly missing districts last year, the Gymnastics team wants to win more than ever. “We are definitely all working a lot harder this year,” captain Mya Levin said. In addition to putting in the work and major dedication, the team is also very focused on creating a supportive environment for the entire team. “We try and make it so upperclassmen are interacting with underclassman,” Levin said. Between the hard work and the eagerness to try new things, other teams should watch out for the Mercer Island Gymnastics Team at districts this year as they attempt to rebound from last year’s disappointment.
Point guard Nigel Seda, a Skyline transfer, goes in for the layup against Liberty.
Boys Swim and Dive
After a second place finish in the state competition last year, Boys Swim and Dive is striving for a better finish this season. While the team went undefeated in the dual meet season, as well as winning the KingCo Championship meet, there is still room to improve. “In terms of postseason, I would like to compete and Photo courtesy try and win [state] this year,” head coach Evan Moline said. One important factor of their performance Jim Jantos last year was the depth of the team, but after losing a few key seniors last year, the team may have to rely on younger swimmers to fill the gaps. “We have some kids who were freshmen last year who made immediate impact at state, who are going to step into some bigger roles,” Moline said. Led by senior James Richardson, the team should have a promising season.
Captain Scott McClellan powers through in the breastsroke to help defeat Bellevue.
Girls Basketball
Wrestling
Led by new head coach Dennis Black, the Girls Basketball team will try to flourish in the playoffs this year after an up-and-down season last year. Many of players are convinced that the team has what it takes. “I think we have a lot more potential,” varsity captain Angelina Barokas said, “This year the team has a lot more heart, and I think will truly go far.” Besides achieving the vital goal of having fun, the team would also really like to make it to districts, according to Barokas. If they continue to play efficiently on defense and communicate with each other, their goals will be in reach.
With a solid postseason run from several individuals last year, including a second place finish at state from current senior Donnie Howard, the wrestling team hopes to repeat their performance this year. The team has a strong group of returning wrestlers, as well as a large group of less experienced wrestlers. “[The goal is] a combination of trying to bring all of our newer wrestlers up to speed,” head coach Lee Jahncke said, “As well as really pushing our more experienced wrestlers.” The team is a lot younger this year, according to captain Andrew Motz. Given the circumstances, it will be interesting to see how the team performs this season.
Photo courtesy Nicholas Huang
Ultimate Frisbee Newly categorized as a winter sport, Coed Ultimate Frisbee came close to beating Bellevue in their final match last year, but head coach Larry Bencivengo still strives to prioritize the team’s values. “Ultimately, our main goal is to go out and have fun and get the boys and girls to have a chance to play together,” Bencivengo said. “That’s really more of our focus this season than our win/loss record.” Bencivengo hopes all the frisbee players will gain the spirit of the game, relating to how the sport is completely player officiated and how players have to make tough and difficult decisions regarding fouls and playing fair. With that in mind, it should be fun to watch the team play throughout the season.
Lena Hardisty attempts to lock down her opponent in the KingCo Jamboree at home. Photo by Hannah Whobrey
Female Wrestlers Grapple with Gender Bias (cont.) “We treat our female wrestlers pretty much in a very similar fashion as we treat our male wrestlers,” Jahncke said. “We want them to have a good experience. I want our wrestlers to have fun and feel like they can be successful when they step out on the mat.” “The coaches do not care whether it is a girl wrestler or a guy wrestler on the team — they just make sure everyone works really hard,” Hardisty said. “The head coaches for the
two programs I have been in have been very nice and very accepting and kind to me,” Clark said. “But to some of the players, my opponents and assistant coaches, I do have to prove myself as a person, and that I can do whatever needs to be done.” Unfortunately, female wrestlers often face biased and heavy stereotypes. “There definitely is just that unconscious bias that I think a lot of people have,” Hardisty said. “A lot of guys — right before I wrestle
— apologize, and I’m like, ‘You wouldn’t be saying this if I was guy; you feel uncomfortable because I am a girl.’” These challenges do not end once the girls step onto the mat, either. “There have been times during my matches that my opponents have said very vulgar things that nobody except me could hear,” Clark said. “For the most part, it is pretty awkward to get people wrestling with a girl at the beginning of the
season. Once I do prove myself, it is fine.” Wrestling typically is not a very common sport in Italy for many girls, and for all of the exchange students, this opportunity to compete will definitely not go to waste for them. “We are trying a sport that, back in Italy, we never would have had the courage to sign up for,” De Francisco said. “I don’t feel different than any of the other wrestlers of either gender. Girls can practice any sport,
even if it isn’t typically seen as ‘feminine.’” Despite the obstacles and discrimination they face, these girls have discovered their true passion in wrestling. “I am definitely really proud to be able to be a female wrestler,” Hardisty said. “I am glad I can be in a community that will let me do what I love and not have to face much pressure or discrimination, because I know there are places that do not let girls wrestle.”
“I wouldn’t be able to teach my students without [Para Pros]. My kids require specially-designed small group instruction in order to be able to gain skills,” Personalized Learning Program teacher Kelsey Boosman said. “They are the backbone of the program.” PLP offers a separate learning environment and additional support for students. ParaPros, trained paraeducators who work one-on-one with special-needs high schoolers to complete alternative paths to graduation, are one of several groups that supports PLPs. Their support and involvement in student education is instrumental to the programs’ success. Boosman lauded the ParaPros for their commitment to serving their students in every way
possible, including acting as bus drivers and chefs, and joked, “They are trained to do almost 18 different jobs.” “One of our students really likes to write scripts for things and he also really like dogs... so one of our Para Pros, [Dawn], came in and asked me if she could start working with him on writing a book about Finley, because she’s written a few books before,” Boosman said. “It wasn’t anything someone had given her the direction to do, but it ended up really forming this bond between that student and her,” she explained. “That’s just one example of what they do an a regular basis,” said Boosman.
ParaPro Dawn Schiller converses with her students in the commons and the classroom.
para pros Assisting students throughout the school
UNSUNG HEROES OF THE MIHS STAFF
Custodial Staff Cleaning and caring for the school Shannon Allen, a member of the MIHS custodial staff, has been working at MIHS for nine years. Throughout the school year, Allen and the rest of his co-workers maintain the upkeep of the school. Custodians are responsible to care for the building and clean the campus each night. “I think the janitorial staff
A feeling of safety at school is something that most students take for granted. However, this atmosphere of protection is developed by a highly trained security staff. Kelly John-Lewis has been monitoring activity
Linnea Sundholm enjoys lunch with her friends and ParaPros everyday.
Athletic Helping athletes stay out of harm's way Trainer Lesinger cares for her patients with a smile.
Any student that plays sports at MIHS probably knows or has visited Jo Lesinger. She helps MIHS’ numerous student athletes with injuries and physical therapy. Not only does Jo provide sports medicine services, but she acts as a friend, mentor, and advisor. “She’s the nicest person you’ll ever meet. I always
hang out with her her before soccer games” Amy Braman said. “She’s easy to talk to and helps me with all of my injuries,” Nate Wenzel added. “I love being able to help the student athletes succeed at something that they love doing,” Lesinger said. “When my student athletes succeed, I succeed.”
is really impactful for MIHS,” senior Mary Vanderwall said. “Throughout the day they do the tasks that we don’t necessarily always notice.” In the summer, the janitors focus on detailing the school. “We clean every surface from the carpet, lights, walls, tables and chairs,” Allen said.
Security
at MIHS since he began working here in 1998, ensuring that students are safe and responsible. “I feel like a lot of things he does goes unnoticed,” Brooke Comstock said. “My main job is to be a positive deterrent in the school,” John-Lewis said. John-Lewis is responsible for student safety at all school activities. “Kelly ensures that everyone feels safe and and in a protected environment,” Scott Pirak said.
John-Lewis likes to spend time with the students he protects.
Keeping MIHS on lock Compiled by Annika Bhananker, Kiran D'Souza and Ellie Gottesman.
8 OPINIONS
mihsislander.org
Inclusion Must Apply to Conservative Opinions, Too of their classmates, students with more conservative views often feel uncomfortable sharing their views. On topics that are not as black and white as events like the Holocaust or American slavery, discussions at MIHS usually remain respectful towards differing beliefs as long as they are still rooted
in “liberal ideals.” However, when students staff writer share more conservative Most MIHS students are perspectives, they typically not shy about sharing their draw unwarranted criticism opinions, whether they are from classmates. debating school traditions, Non-conservative stuBRIDGES or politics. Howdents sometimes associate ever, while many students right-leaning ideas with radifearlessly share their opincal right-wing racism, sexism ions and enjoy the support or homophobia. As a result, conservative students are often attacked because their ideas are more reactionary. O n e right-leaning student, who wished to remain anonymous, observed that some students would regard conflicting opinions as simply wrong rather than different. However, the student felt comfortable talking Graphic by Natalie Chen with liberal According to The New York Times, 2 in 10 Mercer Island residents voted for Donald Trump. Natalie Chen
Schedules Need to Reflect Rising Sleep Deprivation Issues Kiran D’Souza staff writer
Many MIHS students have experienced exhaustion or difficulties focusing due to a lack of sleep. Although many attribute these negative effects to a part of the high school experience, the detrimental effects of sleep deprivation on academic productivity and mental health are unhealthy for the livelihood of high school students. The school day should start after 8:30 a.m. every day so MIHS students can get more sleep. Teens are more prone to the negative effects of sleep deprivation than younger children and grown adults, the most common of which are memory gaps and an inability to focus. These can drastically hinder the learning abilities and grades of a student. Driving while suffering from sleep deprivation can also provide a danger for yourself and other drivers. In 2014, the American Academy of Pediatrics did a study and stated that “adolescents who don’t get enough sleep often suffer physical and mental health problems, an increased risk of automobile accidents and a decline in academic performance.” Other health organizations like the Center for Disease Control have agreed to their claim. Most MIHS students participate in after-school activities and have long hours of homework and studying that
will keep them up later, affecting their sleep schedule. According to Nationwide Children’s, a pediatric hospital, teens on average get approximately seven hours of sleep when they should be getting at least nine. Because of the hormonal shift teens endure following puberty, biological sleep patterns change and instead of going to sleep early, teenagers want to stay up later and sleep in. Furthermore, the increase in technology is problematic for teens and getting a healthy amount of sleep. According to a survey done by Pew Research Center in 2018, 95 percent of teens have access to a smartphone, and 45 percent of those teenagers are online “on a near constant basis.” The 1:1 iPad program on Mercer Island encourages students to use technology daily in order to complete their schoolwork. For many teens, this program affects their sleep cycle. The blue light that technology emits prevents the production of melatonin, the hormone that regulates the sleep and wake cycle. Thus, students will have a harder time falling or staying asleep. Additionally, the use of technology before bed engages your brain to makes you think you are awake. The effects of sleep deprivation that students suffer from negatively affects students’ ability to focus and learn in school. If the school day is not adjusted to meet the needs of the students, our health and academic capacity cannot improve.
friends who they knew would act respectfully despite different perspectives. “Don’t disagree with the person, disagree with the idea,” the student said. The student’s concern represents the concern of the small community of right-leaning students. The uncomfortable environment discourages such students from speaking out and sharing their true thoughts in class. Timothy Yung, another right-leaning student, believes that this liberal bubble affects some students’ inclination to listen to differing views. This bubble makes some students unwilling to accept opinions that lean towards more conservative values. “A lot of left-leaning students seem like they are not willing to welcome other views because they believe these things so strongly and those are the only things they are told because of the environment they grew up and around in,” Yung said.
Grace Zhang, who identifies herself as a liberal student, views the situation differently, pointing out that only a small amount of students disregard opposing opinions and that it’s natural for a few people to be apathetic towards contrasting ideas. “I think both sides are guilty of [being disrespectful],” Zhang said. However, Zhang agrees that students should feel free to voice their ideas without fearing harsh judgement. Debate and discussion are necessary not only for learning how to support personal beliefs, but also for examining other sides of an argument and broadening perspectives. Sharing diverse perspectives and experiences help students learn about both each other and the world at large. While not everyone must agree, respectfully acknowledging other viewpoints is important for developing mutual respect, which is a foundation for humane education.
OPINIONS 9
December 14, 2018
Classism in the High School: Not All Islanders are Wealthy Max Hense staff writer
It’s no secret that MIHS is part of a notably affluent community. Beside the Island’s reputation as one of the wealthiest areas in Washington state, our school benefits from our community’s privilege, giving us access to what are often the best and newest materials and curriculum. However, the assumption that all of our student body is as wealthy as much of the surrounding community can be damaging to MIHS students. Not all students at MIHS are as wealthy as they are stereotyped to be. 4.64 percent of Mercer Island residents — 1,128 people — live below the poverty line. A larger portion of families are middle class, meaning they are below the upper class but
above the poverty line. The automatic expectation that students are wealthy creates an unwelcoming environment to those who are not. “It’s kind of hard to talk to people about money stuff,” said one student, who wished to remain anonymous. “A lot of the time they don’t actually take it seriously, especially when I talk about money problems.” When the community promotes the idea that wealth is commonplace, it also creates an environment that encourages classism. Classism, or the discrimination of people based on socioeconomic status, often goes ignored by the student body and school, as it affects a smaller population. However, just because something is not applicable to a larger portion of the stu-
dents does not mean it should go unaddressed. Since people on Mercer Island are expected to be wealthy, the assumption that no one needs financial support puts students who may need help at a disadvantage. “I don’t even think people realize [wealth] is a problem at this school,” the student said. “But for some people it is, and it’s not fair to ignore that.” With the expectation of wealth, students could be less likely to ask for accommodations or help from the school because they fear judgement or ridicule because of their economic status. MIHS is a generally wealthy district, and thus students who do not fit this sterortpe may fear not being taken seriously. “I just don’t talk about it a lot [because it] makes me feel like
Students Should Seize the Chance to Learn Another Language Sandra Pederson staff writer
Like most schools in the United States, MIHS requires each student to take a minimum of two years of a language class. And while the chance to learn another language is appealing to most, many students see no point in the obligation to take the class as it isn’t helpful beyond high school. There are, however, legitimate benefits to learning a language in high school. A majority of employers are seeking employees with proficiency in two or more languages. New American Economy found that employers posted more than three times as many jobs for Chinese speakers in 2015 than they posted five years earlier. “[Taking a language] is pretty helpful, because it’ll stay with me past high school,” Bailey Rosengren said. Currently a sophomore, Rosengren has been taking Mandarin Chinese for three years. Between 2010 and 2015, the number of online job listings seeking candidates with bilingual skills increased from 239,000 to 627,000. According to the organization, U.S. job options with proficiency in Spanish and Arabic as a favorable skill have increased by 150 percent. There is also a high demand for the skill set bilingual people provide: communication with customers who don’t speak English, translation of products or services for foreign markets, the ability to work with a wider range of coworkers, etc. The Associated Press reports that as many as 66 percent of the world’s children are brought up bilingual, showcasing the importance being bilingual has as it is becoming a skill most people possess. Jobs for which bilingual employees are favored include social workers,
human resources specialists, bankers, court reporters, program managers, teachers, librarians, labor organizer, dieticians, marketing executives and medical practitioners. “The world is made up of a lot of people and English is one of the many languages out there,” Language Department Head Deana Wiatr said. “To think that we only need our language is pretty narrow-minded.” In addition to advantages in employment opportunities, learning a new language may benefit students while they are still in school. Establishing fluency in a second language helps students understand exactly how that language relates to English. In the process, they gain insight into how the English language works. “Language learning has several benefits,” Wiatr explained. “You get a much better vocabulary because many words in English are based on French words. [Students gain] a much broader vocabulary because of that.” However, some students disagree. Language classes are often viewed as less important than core classes because they have a less-obvious impact on life outside of class. But there are long-term benefits when work is put into it. Once fluency is attained in one language, the ability to learn another one increases. As the brain is trained to process different linguistic structures and techniques, students become skilled at focusing on information from the new language while reducing confusion from languages they already know. The ability to switch between the two languages is needed in order to attain fluency. As a consequence of this, psychologists Ellen Bialystok and Michelle Martin-Rhee noted that multitasking abilities tend to increase, as well as the perception a person’s surroundings. A study done by the Amer-
I’m being ignored,” the student said. It is impossible to ignore the presence of lower income families at our school. Ten percent of our student body, equivalent to 129 students, received free or reduced fee lunches in 2016 and 2017. This program lets students purchase food at a lower or no cost, and can be helpful to lower-income families, as it ensures that their student will have enough food to get through the school day. A problem should not go ignored just because it supposedly affects a minority in our school. The assumption that all students have access to resources at home like Wi-Fi, which is in many cases required for students to complete homework, further shows the ignorance of many MI residents towards those whose fi-
nancial situation is different. The anonymous student notes that they sometimes have difficulty managing their workload; they don’t have materials many teachers expect them to such as Wi-Fi, printers or access to a computer. “Sometimes I have to go different places to get what I need to just do my homework,” the student said. “It feels a little like my teachers just expect me to have [access to school supplies] when I don’t.” Classism should not be ignored just because it affects a smaller population. If MIHS is truly striving to be an inclusive environment, it is crucial we address and stand against all forms of discrimination, including classist behaviors and ideologies that are common in our school culture.
Political Cartoon: Overgrown Path
After Prop. 1 failed to pass, the City decided to cut support for many non-revenue amassing programs, including park funds.
ican Council of Foreign Languages showed that students who studied a foreign language received higher scores in the English components of a test. Aside from educational benefits, proficiency in a foreign language provides the opportunity to experience and learn about other cultures. “Learning another language opens your eyes to other ways of thinking,” Wiatr said. The French, Spanish and Mandarin Chinese AP classes focus not only on improving language skills,
Cartoon by Teddy Fischer
but also on learning about the culture and traditions in those countries. “I like taking Mandarin because it makes me feel connected to a different culture and lets me talk to a whole new group of people,” Rosengren said. “I think it’s very important for people to realize that not everyone thinks the way that Americans do,” Wiatr said. “Learning a language will help you be able to travel and not just see [the people and culture] through rosy glasses but to experience them as you have the ability to speak to them.”
10 A&E
mihsislander.org
Student Musicians Share Their Talents with Local Youth
them why they want to do it,” unteers into better teachers. Se- “And based on that experience, Sowers said. Sowers has vol- nior Bridget Navarro welcomed that’s how most students draw staff writer unteered through SMP for two the challenge that teaching up techniques to teach their Once a week, many students years and will be entering her brought to her during her time own students.” in orchestra and band at MIHS third year of tutoring in January. with SMP. The student volunteers make volunteer their Junior a strong impact musical talents to Eli Yen has on the students schools in the Seatentered his who go through tle area to educate third year at the program; acyoung musicians SMP. While cording to SMP, through the Seattle Yen was inithe number of Music Partners protially hesitant elementary and gram. to join, he middle school SMP connects ended up enstudents who high- school mujoying his expursue musisicians with eleperience and cal education in mentary and midreturning for high school has dle-school students the energetincreased since whose school music ic environSMP’s founding programs receive ment that the in 2000. less funding. Highyoung stuMIHS Students Photo courtesy SMP Photo courtesy SMP who school tutors as- Bridget Navarro teaches flute skills at Bailey Gatzert Elementary. dents created. Percussionist Otto Sharples finds joy in sharing his musical talents. participate sist in group music “You don’t in SMP encourclasses or tutor one-on-one. of show them how fun band can just teach kids music, you get to “It’s humbling because you age the spread of music and The program is perfect for stu- be or how much fun music can have fun with them,” Yen said. have to think [about]when you culture by sharing their pasdents who come from well-sup- be, because it’s not only giving The program not only im- were in that position and you sions, all while learning how to ported and exceptional music them the ability to use the in- proves elementary schoolers as have to think, ‘how did I learn be teachers and role models for programs like the ones at MIHS. strument but it’s also showing musicians but also develops vol- those things?’” Navarro said. younger students. Natalie Chen
For senior Katharine Sowers, the exciting aspect of SMP is educating younger students about one of her passions. “As tutors, we are able to kind
Estamos Unidos: Band Raises Over $50,000 for Puerto Rico
ing music and fine arts from all school curriculum. Therefore, staff writer Band is after [school] and on weekends. Uniforms, instruSince January 2018, the ments and band equipment is MIHS Marching Band has held all paid by the own band memfundraisers for Banda Escolar bers.” De Guayanilla, a municipal For some participants still Puerto Rican marching band dealing with the effects of Hurwhose scheduled appearance ricane Maria, the combination at the 2019 Rose Parade was has proved overwhelming. jeopardized by the devastation “Some kids gave up because of Hurricane Maria. of the amount of time and Eleven months later, money they need for this Band has raised over trip, and some parents $50,000 through fundcan’t afford it because raisers and donors. their houses are still on “We’ve been selling reparation,” Lopez said. t-shirts,” said Spencer Addressing this dilemKlein, MIHS Drum Mama has been one of the jor and president of the main objectives of the MIHS/BEG Leadership MIHS/BEG Leadership team. “We’ve been sellTeam. ing these cool wristbands The total cost for each that say ‘Island to Island student to go to the Rose estamos unidos’ which Parade is about $4,200. means ‘Island to Island “They’ve been having to we are united’ [that] netchoose, ‘Do I put a new ted about $15, 000.” roof on my house’ or ‘Do In addition to fundI send my kid to Pasaderaising events, Band has Photo courtesy Spencer Klein na,’” Klein said. “Our received hefty donations The MIHS Band marches with BEG in Puerto Rico in April 2018. mission is to make that from local third parties. “The Freemasons donated majority of students are putting choice a little bit easier.” Although this fundraiser was $3,000 to bring the BEG stu- [theirs] towards BEG.” In Guayanilla, Puerto Rico, for the Rose Parade, MIHS dents here [during Homecoming],” Klein explained. “The the funds come at a time when Band and BEG hope to extend Lion’s Club donated $2,000 BEG members are struggling their relationship beyond this with an additional $2,000 in to meet the financial burdens event. “Our goal is that in the commatching that we’re trying to of their trip to Pasadena, in adsecure from another organiza- dition to budget cuts from the ing years MIHS and BEG can local government. continue to learn from each tion.” “Our kids are in Band be- other, find opportunities to adThe majority of the funds, however, have come from cause they love music,” BEG vocate and share more incrediDrum Major Jonuel Lopez ble experiences,” Band DirecMIHS Band students. In October, the MIHS Band said. “Our island is eliminat- tor Parker Bixby said. Charlie Fischer
held a Run for the Roses fundraiser, where each student marched three miles, plus an additional optional three miles, to raise money for their trip to Pasadena. “That raised about $9,000,” explained Klein. “With the band fundraisers, [MIHS students] can choose to put it towards their own fundraising or put it towards BEG. The vast
Find the rest of the playlist on Spotify under the account @themihsislander or using the barcode to the right. Graphic by Annie Poole
A&E 11
December 14, 2018
Students Try on Different Views About Fast Fashion Sabrina Hubbell staff writer
laborers. Many of the clothing items from fast fashion stores are overproduced and may eventually end up in landfills to keep up with the ever-changing trends and demands in the industry. In addition to creating more trash, producing one pair of jeans wastes 28,800 cups of drinkable water. Junior Ava Wampold said she avoids fast fashion by thrifting most of her clothing from local thrift and vintage stores, such as Goodwill and Lucky Vintage. “You can be an environmentalist, but if you’re wearing clothes from Forever 21, H&M and even Urban Outfitters, you’re not really practicing what you preach,” Wampold said. According to Environmental Science teacher Julia DeBroux, donating your old clothes is also a way to keep your clothes out of landfills. “Most of us have many things in our closets that we hardly ever or never wear,” DeBroux said. “All of that clothing required so much water, energy, land and other resources for its production
and transport.” The EPA estimates that average Americans will throw away 81 pounds of clothing each year, which amounts to 26 billion pounds ending up in the landfills. Although, fast fashion companies, such as Forever 21, are trying to take steps to improve their sustainability choices. According to Forever 21’s website, they “have partnered with I:Collect, a leading global provider for the collection, reuse and recycling of apparel, footwear and other textiles, to extend the life of unwanted clothing and shoes in order to help reduce landfill waste.” It may take some time for the clothing industry to completely change its environmentally-damaging habits, but students and staff at MIHS are taking the first steps toward consciousness by making an effort to educate others on the impacts of their clothing purchases.
Photos by Annie Poole
Ava
Understandably, students are often drawn to clothing companies such as H&M, Zara, Uniqlo and Forever 21 for their affordable and stylish merchandise; however, many fail to realize the negative effects these ‘fast fashion’ companies have on the environment. Sophomore Annie Hochberg, who often shops at Forever 21, explains the benefits of these types of stores. “To me, compared to other stores, it’s a better [deal] because I’m growing and changing styles more often,” Hochberg said. “It’s aesthetic and super trendy.” However, The Faustian Bargain for the attractive prices that such ‘fast fashion’ companies offer, the items are often made in factories with Wampold underaged
Annie Hochberg
“Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” and My Nightmares Ben Capuano A&E columnist
“Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” feels colder than any movie I’ve ever seen. While most holiday movies take place in wintery places, they still make me feel warm on the inside; however, this movie is so detached from any semblance of humanity that it nearly makes me shiver. The title of this film is actually pretty misleading; it’s really the other way around. Martians use this convoluted education technology to educate toddlers enough so that they function identically to adults, but for some reason, all of Mars’ kids begin to feel unhappy around the holidays. Kimar, supreme leader of Mars, decides the only sensible solution is to go to Earth, kidnap two random kids, kidnap Santa and make a toy workshop on Mars. However, Voldar, Kimar’s underling, thinks that all this Christmas fun will weaken the strong military tradition of Mars so he plots to kill Santa and the earthlings in a variety of fun, family- friendly scenarios.
On a script writing and directing level, “Santa Claus Conquers the Martian” is an utter failure. The writing is full of jokes so corny that they barely make any sense. The acting ranges from eerily lifeless, like the earth children and Kimar, to infuriatingly goofy, like Dropo, described in movie as the “most useless man on Mars.” On the contrary, set design is actually a rather interesting aspect of the film. The interior of Martian buildings and Spaceship #1 give off a vibe similar to the first season of “Dr. Who” or John Carpenter’s “Dark Star.” The Martian landscapes look like the American Southwest fused with the 200 hall bathroom during BRIDGES.
A lot of this movie tends to come off as cheap though. Polar bears and the Martian death robot Torg are c l e a r-
ly just underpaid actors in rubber/ cardboard suits. In fact, when Torg busts down
door of Santa’s workshop to kidnap him, the entire room shudders like it’s going to fall down at any moment. This low budget aesthetic creates a rather vivid sonic atmosphere, however. If you’re at all a fan of lo-fi hip hop beats (the kind you study and relax to), this might be the movie for you. Occasional grainy voiceovers and s p a c e y, repetitive jazz-influenced m u s i c feature prominently in “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians,” so much so that at times it almost looks like a retro holiday visual for some obscure song on SoundCloud. And the main theme, “Hooray for Santy Claus,” is a classic in its own right.
When all this weird filmmaking comes together, you get an experience that’s kind of like a Christmas fever dream. Watching this half awake in the middle of the night in December, you’d see this surreal montage of smiling children, Santa laughing and Martians ruthlessly trying to choke each other to death. Luckily, this is one holiday experience that anyone with a working Wi-Fi connection can partake in. By some odd copyright quirk, “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” happens to be in the public domain, which means there are at least four free, full length rips of the movie on YouTube alone. “Mystery Science Theatre 3000,” a comedy show about watching bad old movies, did a holiday special on this film which is perfect for anyone wanting a lighter take on the occasionally terrifying original. I don’t know if this is an experience I can recommend to anyone in good conscience. But I can guarantee you’ll never forget your first viewing of “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.”
12 HUMOR
mihsislander.org
Who Won Prop. 1?
ORGANIZATION: Senior Citizens for Vigilante Justice CAUSE FOR ELATION: The freeze of police department patrol officer hirings
Jeff Parkinson staff writer
Many citizens of Mercer Island are up in arms over the failure of Prop. 1. However, there are several community organizations that are ecstatic about the resulting changes on Mercer Island. Here are just a few of them: ORGANIZATION: The Anti-Wedding Task Force CAUSE FOR ELATION: Reduction of Community Center operation hours
“Cleaning up weddings is much harder through rivers and rivers of tears. I’m so alone. Oh god what am I doing? If you’re reading this Cindy, I’m still here. I go to that bus stop everyday.” – Josh Goldberg, Organization President/ Community Center Custodian ORGANIZATION: Senior Citizens against Senior Citizens CAUSE FOR ELATION: Reduction of Geriatric Specialists “What? Who are you? Get out of my house! I don’t want nobody in my house! Where am I?” – Benton Irwin, Spokesperson
“You’ll never get crime off these filthy streets by following the so called “rules and regulations” of police work. We’re willing to do what we have to do to make this city pure again” – Ingrid Thorton, Board Member
“When I was a kid if you had a problem, you stuffed it deep down so that nobody could sense weakness. And I turned out great. Granted I’m physically incapable of crying, but if anything I think that that makes me stronger.” – George ORGANIZATION: Coalition Richards, Senior Board Member of Parents from Northwood, ORGANIZATION: Mercer Island Park and Lakeridge Islanders for Fire Self SufCAUSE FOR ELATION: ficiency The cut of the All Island CAUSE FOR ELATrack meet coordinator TION: Elimination of Deputy Fire Chief “The kids at West Mercer are too good. It’s like watching a massacre every “It’s like these people nevyear. I honestly think they might be juicing,” – er heard of a fire extinguisher before! When Melanie Silva, Vice President I start a fire, I put it out myself like a big ORGANIZATION: The boy!” – George Richards, Organization ‘Swimming Stops Drowning’ President Organization ORGANIZATION: The CAUSE FOR ELATION: Grinch Elimination of lifeguards CAUSE FOR ELATION: from Luther Burbank and The elimination of the event Groveland Park Beaches coordinators for the Christmas tree lighting and the egg “If you live on an island you should be able to hunt swim. Kids these days just want handouts. What a bunch of babies. Sometimes literally.” – George “Finally, a town that’s on my side!” – The Grinch Richards, Organization President
Jingle Bells or Jingle Hell? Spencer Klein humor columnist
All across America, rosy-cheeked children are waking up December 25 to open presents and share a warm cup of cocoa with their loving parents, who are all too happy to perpetuate the notion that Santa is some sort of hero, giving him a yearly PR boost that puts him on the same stage as homeless puppies. How does he achieve this godlike status every year? Santa profits off of free labor, using his army of little slaves to make plastic garbage for the greedy elite. In this piece, we will examine the effects that years of unpaid labor have
MIHS Vape Sloth Suspended After Being Caught Smoking Marijuana Nico Galvin staff writer
Vape Sloth, beloved school icon, was suspended this week after admins caught him in the 200-hall bathroom smoking weed. Pictured on the “Most of Us” posters around the school, MIHS students have come to love Vape Sloth and his positive, anti-vaping message. After catching him sparking up, the admins had a hard time deciding what to do. “It’s tragic to see such an integral part of the school
ORGANIZATION: Parents in Support of Independent Mental Care CAUSE FOR ELATION: The reduction of elementary school counselors in the 2019-2020 school year
had on “Santa’s [captive] Helpers.” The following is transcribed from an interview with “Janglecross Elderbells,” a captive of Santa’s workshop since birth, as is customary. “I specialize in circuit boards, specifically soldering. You see, since about 2000, we’ve had to adapt to the modern world. Starting in 2005, Santa started a rapid industrialization project. He cut all non-essential elves and assigned them to the lithium mines. I’m lucky enough to still have a job with heating.” Elderbells works within the soldering sector, which specializes in Apple products. “Santa never actually obtained the license to produce authorized iPhones, so we use a severely flawed blueprint.” Elderbells revealed that Santa’s workshop was responsible for the spur of Samsung explosions in
2016. Elderbells is part of the factory known as the “Chinese Finger Trap” division. “The average elf in CFT has seven fingers, and elves start with, like, waaaay more fingers than humans.” “Santa’s model is as flammable as Heat Miser’s brandy,” Elderbells continued. “Placing the solder just a half a millimeter from the correct position can trigger a small explosion.” “Santa stopped providing safety goggles following the industrial cutbacks. Lotta good elves losing eyes. It’s hard to watch.” Elderbells is just one example of the countless workers who suffer to provide American capitalists with the classic holiday experience to which they feel entitled.
fall from grace,” said Principal Vicki Puckett. “But in the end, 100 percent of MIHS admins agreed: Vape Sloth needs a suspension.” When asked about lighting up the green, Vape Sloth insisted that “it was for back pain” and that “it’s legal in Washington.” Many students agree with Vape Sloth’s sentiment, and are protesting his punishment. “What the admins did to Vape Sloth is messed up,” said one outraged student. “I’m personally smoking a bowl a day until Vape Sloth is freed.” The student did not comment on whether or not this was a change from their normal behavior. “I mean technically he didn’t vape,” said one anonymous student. “So he’s not really a hypocrite. If Vape Sloth says it’s okay, it’s totally fine. Just
look at his face; he would never do anything wrong.” Still, some students have felt blindsided by Vape Sloth’s wild ride on the ganja train. “Vape Sloth really helped me, man,” one anonymous student said. “His eyes pierced into my soul, and they said to me, ‘Using tobacco, including vape, is never a good thing for anyone my age to do.’” MIHS is currently considering replacing Vape Sloth with a familiar face as the new anti-tobacco mascot. Expect to see Herbert the No-Smoking Snail on posters around the halls in the coming weeks. Still, MIHS students are struggling to recover after Vape Sloth’s horrifying actions. Sometimes the most appalling things in the bathroom are the betrayal of the people you trust.