Writing Hell

Writer Hell

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“And ye shall be forced to dwell in the dark places, and toil without ceasing, and suffering will be your only lot, and none shall be your recompense.�

Thomas Crowley, 1684 to his writing students?

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Writer Hell

by Michael Finley

Presented to The Maccabee Group August 14, 2002

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About me • The “Dean of Minnesota Freelance Writers” • The NEW Why Teams Don’t Work, and 99 other books • Pioneer Press columnist • Computer User columnist • weekly weblog (mfinley.com) • copywriter • speechwriter • annual reports • yadda • yaffa • yadda Dean 02/07/09

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Truth is ...

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Third Weirdest writing job I ever had

I, Norm Perl A disgraced Dalkon Shield lawyer hired me to write, in Sheldon Leonard novel form, a stinging rebuke of the accusers who had him disbarred and ejected from his own firm. The novel included, at the author’s insistence, fictional sex scenes.

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Second weirdest writing job I ever had

“Brothers in Christ�

A pastoral letter from the Archbishop of St. Paul to priests in the diocese, urging them to come forward on matters relating to child sexual abuse.

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The weirdest writing job I ever had

Doerflinger A Milwaukee manufacturer of artificial arms and legs. 100% legitimate, but God help me, I found it psychically impossible to express their mission and vision to consumers in a way that was not hideously jarring.

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Inherent contradictions

a writer’s lot 02/07/09

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What the job description asks writers to be • Wildly creative ...

• But have terrific judgment • Exceptionally intelligent...

• But not go over people’s heads • Be a wild individualist ...

• And work well with others

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How writers think of themselves

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How people think of writers

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Hell is the place where writers dwell

(PUBLISHER)

Why? 02/07/09

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What the problem is • Writers are under lots of stress • Little mistakes cause BIG problems • Sometimes it’s hard to care about clients • Also, nobody understands us

• And that includes us

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We work alone ...

... not just spatially but spiritually.

And while solitude beefs up mental muscle, it atrophies our social intelligence, which is critical to writing.

We must be strong in both ways to be successful -- able to be alone, but not to become so eccentric that we can't communicate.

Left to our own devices and rituals, we tend to get neurotic, or as our ancestors put it, "set in our ways.“

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And there’s a lot to remember!

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Demons want to swallow our souls

In the form of ...

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And no one wants to pay us for think-time.

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Tsk, tsk!

As a result, despite an explosion in overall content there are actually fewer opportunities for writers.

And those who would like to try something new don’t dare, which is bad for everyone.

Dorothy Parker 02/07/09

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The high cost of bad writing • • • • • •

Reduced sales More returns Increased reliance on customer service Loss of identity Loss of competitive advantage Loss of trust

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In short, what’s a writer to do?

The short view (How to do your job better right now)

The long view (How to hang around for a while)

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The very short view

for writers in crisis right now • Breathe in ...

• Breathe out ...

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The merely short view

1. Write better 2. Get faster 3. Make fewer mistakes 4. Please clients 5. Stay alive

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1. Write better.

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When writing sucks Good writing is good in a million different ways

Bad writing is horrifyingly similar 02/07/09

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Bad writing • Is vague ... Leaves people unsure of your meaning • Repeats itself ... To pad out the available space • Goes through the motions ... Is not committed to communicating • Is irresponsible ... “I’m just telling you what they told me.”

• Is self-pitying ... “I’m doing the best I can with the gifts God gave me!”

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Bad writing ... ... is the outcome of bad thinking

Don’t be misunderestimated!

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Writing Hygiene Go easy on the adjectives and adverbs.

Avoid

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Writing Hygiene Never fall in love with a phrase.

“And there was honey in the head.�

Practice monastic communication.

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Writing Hygiene • Ask yourself, “Is this something that matters to the reader?”

• "Don't write a check with your lead paragraph that your body text can't cash."

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Writing Hygiene The Latinate Form

The English Version

"Objective consideration of contemporary phenomena compels the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account."

"I returned and saw, under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, not the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all."

Ecclesiastes IX, 11

G.O.

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Chose English over Latin

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Writing Hygiene Never use a metaphor, phrase or figure of speech that you have already encountered in print three times. “chatter” “connect the dots” “gravitas” “the whole nine yards”

Zero Sum Cliches!

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Writing Hygiene Avoid qualifiers ...

John Lennon called them “nothing words� very, rather, pretty, a little, just Be lean, mean!

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Writing Hygiene Never use a

big word

when a

LITTLE ONE

will do.

utilization = use

Eschew obfuscation!

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Writing Hygiene If it’s possible to do without a word or phrase, do without it.

Condense and distill!

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Writing Hygiene Esquimaux Questions Italiano Lies Never use an obscure or exotic word or phrase when an everyday American phrase exists.

No one likes a show-off.

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Writing Hygiene Ignore any rule if following it will make you sound stupid. sillily It is I. agendum The data are?

Sometimes it’s more right to be wrong.

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Writing Hygiene When you have written something, let it sit out overnight ... ... to cool down.

Time edits.

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Writing Hygiene Get yourself out of your writing ...

Even if you’re writing a poem.

“Wrote a dream, lose a reader.”

(Flaubert)

No one cares.

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2. Get faster. (more efficient, anyway)

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Planning

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Adopt a Project Manager’s approach ∀ • Establish ubergoal -- mission statement ∀ • Have a sponsor you can turn to for power ∀ • And a friend you can turn to for succor and support ∀ • Allot resources ∀ • Establish fallback plans 02/07/09

∀ • Break uber-goal into mini-me sizes ∀ • Follow the storyboard, day by day ∀ • Reward yourself for mini-me victories ∀ • When project complete, create a feedback loop -- write down what you learned for future project success

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Progressively better outlines #3

A Decent Outline I. Beginning II. Middle III. End

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Progressively better outlines #2 Still better than a poke in the eye

I. Stuff

II. Fluff III. Enuff

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Progressively better outlines #1 Getting There I. Intro II. State case III. Muster support for case IV.

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Conclusion

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Cyber killers How time flies •

Your computer is the worst time waster; maintenance chores

•

The Internet quintuples the computer's distractive power

•

If you need quiet, take your laptop to the lunchroom

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“Bizzy” The Fly

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Other major boogers  Telephones  Rotten filing habits  Stupidity ("keeping everything you need in your head")  The perfect office

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And the all-time efficiency killer

Productivity is a function of flow. Worry obstructs flow.

So relax.

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Start with ...

• Your favorite quote from an interview, and build around it • The best question your prospective reader will want answered • A detail from the story that may not be central, but is compelling • A challenge to the reader’s worldview • The most boring sentence ever written ... but at least now you’re moving 02/07/09

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How to shut it down A • • •

good ending ...

Loops back mentally to the beginning Tells the reader where he/she’s been Should snap! – like a book snapped shut • Leave no doubt there is a continuation on p. 89 Read for endings ...

See what other writers do ...

Steal liberally 02/07/09

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A useful question to ask yourself Are things different for the reader after reading your piece than before?

Remember, you are first and foremost a change agent.

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Dealing with false starts

A challenge to billable hours

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Coping with scope Take something big ...

... and smash it to bits

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3. Make fewer mistakes.

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Do rules matter?

NO We shouldn’t straitjacket ourselves to “Gramma.”

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YES Writing improperly makes us vulnerable to attack with no upside.

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How to resolve this conundrum?

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Break the rules if you dare ... but only after you’ve proven to the reader that you know what they are.

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The 80/20 Rules

Attend to these problems, and eliminate 80% of your complaints

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10 Most Frequent (And very Intelligent) Mistakes

based on editorial mark-ups of my work

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#10 standard confusions Its, it’s If it’s modifying something, drop its apostrophe.

They’re, their, there More of a typo than an error, but readers subtract points anyway.

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Really want to solve that apostrophe problem?

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#9 false parallelism Right: "lovely ladies of dubious virtue, kind gentlemen of low repute“ Wrong (but interesting): "I hate, in no particular order, housework, being cold, when people talk during a movie, to have to sing at parties, the way you are looking at me right now, and France."

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#8 $/%#*@ words comprise It is always active, and means “include.” Do not bend it into being passive with “is comprised of,” because that makes no sense.

Right: The zoo comprises four animal buildings.

Wrong: The zoo is comprised of four animal buildings. affect, effect flaunt, flout wrack, rack, wreck, wreak rung, rang, wrung, wrong

flounder, founder credulous(receiver), credible (sender) 02/07/09

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#7 fewer and less Less refers to a portion of a single whole. There is less milk than there was last night.

Fewer refers to number. There are fewer gremlins in the patio than there were last night.

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#6 Serial Commas My preference: commas go after each item in a series except the last White, black, and red Some style guides prefer deleting the comma before and.

At least be consistent from page to page!

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#5 Dangling participles A participial phrase starting a sentence must modify the subject: Wrong: Going to the bathroom, an idea occurred to me.

Right: Going to the bathroom, I stumbled on a toy.

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#4 data, phenomena, criteria, bacteria They’re always plural. In writing, use the correct verb form. (In speech, you’re on your own.)

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#3 all right, alright all ready, already

(alright’s not really a word)

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#2 hopefully Why not just say, I hope?

Likewise, be on the lookout for doubt-creating phrases like: frankly, honestly, to tell the truth, mark my words

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#1 Which and that that never follows a comma; which always must follow a comma

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Incidentally Split infinitives are fine.

To boldly go where no man has gone before is really the only way you can say it.

NOTA BENE! The anti-split infinitive movement originated with scholars who believed English should imitate Latin – which has only one-word infinitives and thus cannot be split.

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Nitpicker's Ball purposely, purposefully a while, awhile -ible, -able They have more money than I. everyone = singular farther (distance), further (degree) more important > more importantly

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Vive le indifference

catsup, ketchup tenets, tenants as to, so far as

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And don’t trust your spellchecker

Order the lo mein top go.

(My spellchecker flags mein, but not top.)

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Books to read

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Books to read

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Books to read

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Where to read ‘em

NO

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YES

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4. Please clients

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Beware the dreaded first draft!

Most clients can’t understand a work-in-progress. It is the fatal moment in the client relationship.

So you have to prep them.

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What doth it profit a writer...

To be bold, creative, at the head of your class ...

But to have your client Boot you in the butt?

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It’s never the project...

... it’s always the relationship.

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The art of the interview Do’s

• Tape record sessions – but ignore the tape • Ask what the interviewee most wishes people understood better • Schedule your easy interviews first • Empathize: what’s the interviewee likely to worry about?

• Re-ask questions until you get a good answer 02/07/09

Don’t’s • Ask the wrong person the wrong question • Worry about silences – they can be your friend • Erect walls – make your draft available • Pretend you know things you don’t • Never show an early to a touchy customer • Never order soup 81

And don’t forget your reader

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Know your audience

Writing is dealmaking

You agree to play the role of: • • • • • •

Host/guide Teacher Clown/Trickster Inquisitor Friend Objective Historian • News reporter

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Get smarter.

The best path out of writing hell is to know how to do something besides write.

Specialize.

Be a creator of Knowledge, not just the purveyor of it.

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What I know besides writing.

• Teams • Management theory • Desktop technology • The religion business • Artificial limbs

Plus things I haven’t figured how to sell yet, but I’m working on: •Dog psychology •Brain tumors

What are you smart about?

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5. Stay alive.

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“Staying alive” brings us to THE LONG VIEW

What do you need to know to survive?

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Freud said there are only two kinds of writers

*

O

The Anal-Retentive

The Anal-Excitative

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X’s and O’s, baby

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O

constriction

flow

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But in truth there are four types

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Analytical

Driver

Amiable

Expressive

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Different strokes ...

Analytical

Driver

Advantage: Always right Disadvantage: Seldom interesting

Advantage: Eyes on the prize Disadvantage: Failure of empathy, swamps the boat

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Amiable

Expressive

Advantage: Willingness to communicate Disadvantage: Constipation or logorrhea

Advantage: Virtuosic gifts Disadvantage: Lousy team player

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... for different folks?

Analytical

Driver

Really good for financial writing Not so good for poetry Desire: perfection

Really good for persuasive work Not so good for touchie-feelies Desire: success

Amiable

Expressive

Really good for feel-good materials Not so good for manifestoes Desire: connection

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Really good for ad copy Not so good for clarity and accuracy Desire: special effects

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Who ... are you ... ?

And how do you compensate for the inherent weaknesses of your type?

Analytical

Driver

needs: flair, flow

needs: intuition, connectivity

Amiable

Expressive

needs: clarity, authority,

needs: accuracy, humility

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The buddy system

partner with a sponsor, a friend, a colleague in the opposite square – team up to overcome your weaknesses

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Analytical

Driver

Amiable

Expressive

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Knowing who you are ...

• Helps you decide what style to write in • Reminds you what your weaknesses are • Points you toward new skills to add to your set • Helps you forgive other folks – writer, clients – for being who they are • And it makes you part of a team 02/07/09

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Writing teams

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Writing as teamwork The great thing about teams is you mix the personality gifts to come up with the best result • Edit others, and become a better editor ... It feeds back in • Compensate for your weaknesses with others’ strengths But ... be strict with one another ... no log-rolling!

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Escaping writer hell

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Hope for the damned

Can a writer run the world?

Vaclav Havel, Czech Republic

Can a writer become a vice president?

Of an ordinary company, silly

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Why not?

•

Molly Ivins

Writers are natural entrepreneurs Writers must exercise decent judgment Writers are trained in tactical versatility Writers have great knowledge Writers are steeled to survive failure

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Hell, to write persuasively is to be a visionary leader!

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NOT ...

human pincushions 02/07/09

BUT ...

dynamic heroes 102

NOT ...

BUT ...

noxious crybabies

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shrewd visionaries

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All we lack is ...

•opportunity •credibility •confidence •a nice outfit

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“On top of the world, Ma!”

The way out is up...

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But in

the very long term you still have to ... breathe in ...

breathe out ...

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Know who you are ...

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and what you can do ...

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Define your task

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Then ...

... nail that sucker!

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And if that doesn’t work ...

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Mike Finley http://mfinley.com 651-644-4540

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