Milton Magazine Spring 2012

spring 2012

What is a friend?

fe atures what is a friend?

6 The Alchemy of Friendship A progressive idea among friends from the ’5os penetrates students’ lives today.

by Cathleen D. Everett

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The Support to Fly: Two Stories of Risk and Its Reward

According to My Friends: Students parse how friendship flows

When Ronnell Wilson ’93 and Nafeesah Allen ’02 arrived in Class IV, the School looked much less like the face of America than it does now.

Direct answers to fundamental questions from Class I, transitioning from Milton to college, and Class IV, working toward friendships that last.

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20 26 How We Stay Connected: A Survey of Students How many Facebook “friends” do you have?

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1–200 No answer

Flocking Together The thrill of observing songbirds, hawks, warblers and the shorebirds of New England strengthened friendships that Andy Ward ’51 relies on 60 years later.

1,200+

200–400

1,000–1,200 400–600

800–1,000 600–800

by Erin E. Hoodlet

28 Friends Become the Mirror that Middle Schoolers Seek Counselor Nicci King has her finger on the pulse of Middle School life and knows her students well.

She explains how sorting out who you are takes time, and effort.

depar tment s 2

44

Across the Quad

On Centre

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News and notes from the campus and beyond

Faculty Perspective “Please take care of yourself, and take care of your friends.”

49 In•Sight

by Dr. Elihu Selter

32 Head of School Daring to be honest

by Todd B. Bland

34 Sports An Individual Sport Where Team Culture Is the Winner

by Liz Matson

50 Class Notes

56 Post Script “From a place of joy and not fear”

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by Annie Moyer ’97

A Fond Farewell Ann Carter, 1917–2011

by Harold Janeway ’54

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Editor Cathleen Everett

Campus Walls Speak About History Milton honors friends in many ways. Today’s students frequently find alumni clustered around photographs on a well-traveled hallway, locating an image that unlocks a trove of memories.

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Associate Editors Erin Hoodlet Liz Matson Photography Kendall Chun, Caitlin Donnelly, Michael Dwyer, John Gillooly, Akintola Hanif, Erin Hoodlet, Liz Matson, Greg White Design Moore & Associates Front cover by Stoltze Design

Milton Magazine is published twice a year by Milton Academy. Editorial and business offices are located at Milton Academy where change-ofaddress notifications should be sent.

As an institution committed to diversity, Milton Academy welcomes the oppor tunity to admit academically qualified students of any gender, race, color, handicapped status, sexual orientation, religion, national or ethnic origin to all the rights, privileges, programs and activities generally available to its students. It does not discriminate on the basis of gender, race, color, handicapped status, sexual orientation, religion, national or ethnic origin in the administration of its educational policies, admission policies, scholarship programs, and athletic or other school-administered activities.

Printed on Recycled Paper

across the quad

Banners of This Millennium Girls’ Volleyball New England Champions 2000, 2003, 2004 Field Hockey New England Champions 2000 Boys’ Tennis New England Champions 2000, 2001, 2006, 2007 Girls’ Basketball ISL Champions 2000 Boys’ Skiing NEPSAC Class B Champions 2001, 2002 Girls’ Skiing NEPSAC Class B Champions 2002

Baseball ISL Champions 2003 Girls’ Squash ISL Champions 2004, 2009 Girls’ Tennis New England Champions 2007 Football New England Champions 2008 Girls’ Skiing ISL Champions 2010 Boys’ Ice Hockey New England Champions 2011

Sailing National Champions 2002

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All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy

Friendly RE ADS Searching for books about friendship, it turns out, is unfriendly business. Looking past the standbys of young adult fiction (think of A Separate Peace), we find ourselves staring out at a stark landscape: the last two centuries of fiction favored exploring the loneliness of individual consciousness, not the pleasures of the BFF. Alas, the genre that yields my personal favorites, American literature, turns a cold shoulder, too: tales of rugged individualism do not accommodate bosom buddies. From Douglass to Thoreau to Hemingway, American fiction broadly asks if one can render selfhood in a hostile environment, not if one has a friend’s back. Even a Google search (you now know the depths of my desperation) offered nothing

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but snubs: again, authors seem to warm up to alienation, not bromance.

However, after a conversation with my colleagues Walter McCloskey and Mark GwinnLandry, I was cheered to think of a few titles from our Upper School curriculum that make friendship central, bittersweet, and as complicated as it is in our lives.

Sula by Toni Morrison This story chronicles the blood sisterhood of the young, black women Nel Wright and Sula Peace in post-World War I Ohio.

Never flinching, Morrison gives us a sweet, raw friendship tested by nothing less than murder and marital infidelity, asking the question, “Is understanding a complex friendship after estrangement a cause for uplift or sorrow?”

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travel and shifting identities, the novel makes us question the structures and boundaries of friendships in a Facebook world.

Are we indentured to lives of partial, fleeting friendships as we chat, tweet, and otherwise orbit each other at great physical distance? (And now you may take up the refrain of my students: “Happy books, Mr. Chung…why don’t we ever read happy books?”)

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In stark contrast to Morrison, Cormac McCarthy is criticized for his inability to write the interior lives of women, but this story features the unexpectedly tender friendship of two teenagers who flee from south Texas into the beauty and brutality of 1950s Mexico. Fighting in the bowels of a prison, they find their allegiance both holds fast and falls short, exceeding our expectations of the bond between a couple of mere cowboys.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain As male bonding goes, none in American fiction is more fraught than that of Huck and Jim—a friendship that always takes our students by surprise. While this choice may seem obvious, it has to make this list for the high stakes it lends to the seminal coming-of-age story. All of Huck’s literary cousins—Scout, Holden—continue to relive his humbling moral education at the hands of Jim.

Sputnik Sweetheart by Haruki Murakami To step beyond American texts, we find a distinctly modern, globalized friendship. As three lonely characters form a love triangle that re-forms through

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen So, we end in a happy place. The sisters Dashwood, Elinor and Marianne devote themselves to each other as much as they do to their heart-wrenching marriage plots. Siblings place their own unique pressures on a friendship, and Austen’s heroines take their union to the breaking point. Yes, we know how it ends, but Austen’s account of young women against the odds thrills crowds even today (consider the dawn of the thinking girlfriend movie announced by Bridesmaids). Of course, the best books, the ones that reach us acutely, become, over the years, friends themselves.

Tarim Chung English Department

WHERE IN THE WHER

WORLD

IS MR. MILLET?

Millet House Members of Millet House (dedicated in 2008) developed the house crest, featuring a white star—honoring FDM’s grandfather—and Mr. Millet’s own calligraphic lettering.

Squash Courts Mr. Millet founded the boys’ squash program in 1964. Longtime coach and avid fan, he attends boys’ and girls’ matches in the Williams Squash Courts.

Wigglesworth Hall FDM joined the faculty in 1942, teaching Latin and English. He’s a curator of recognition plaques and photographs of veteran teachers lining Wigglesworth Hall.

Admissions From his office in the admission department, Mr. Millet has calligraphed the diplomas of many decades of Milton graduates.

The Quad Gifts given in Mr. Millet’s name are directed toward the Frank Millet Scholarship, now supporting its third recipient. Generations of Mr. Millet’s advisees planted the FDM tree in his honor.

Warren Hall In 1946, Mr. Millet organized and formalized what were then Class V talks. Today, the Class IV Talks program is a rite of passage and badge of honor.

Milton Spring Magazine 2012 3

4 Milton Magazine

What is a friend?

Milton Magazine considers the meaning of friendship—its power and rewards. How do you make and keep friends? How do friends interact? How does friendship change over time— and, how does it change you?

Is today’s electronic environment affecting students’ ideas and experiences of friendship? What social conventions shape interactions between “friends” now? What is a real friend, today?

Spring 2012 5

The Alchemy of Friendship A progressive idea among friends from the ’5os penetrates students’ lives today

T

wo weeks after the cataclysmic events of September 11, 2001, a group of friends met to begin planning their 50th Milton Reunion. From their school days in the ’50s through the turn of the century, they had all ably tended families and careers. Now they struggled with a new, incomprehensible chapter.

Ned Felton, the boys’ head monitor in 1952, was sure that these friends could and should organize around an idea. “Ned was sure that we could identify a common project, memorialize our class, and help—in our small way—to make the world a better place,” classmate Jim Fitzgibbons said.

Ultimately they succeeded, in a way that may not have been predicted. The Class of 1952 set in motion a speaker series on religious pluralism, now in its tenth year. Further, members of the class took up their own challenge. The founders identified and brought seminal movers, shakers and thinkers to campus, each year.

These challenging speakers annually prod an audience far more diverse than the class itself, to engage.

These challenging speakers annually prod an audience far more diverse than the class itself, to engage. Student newspapers argue, faculty opine, and advisor groups explore—before, during and after these visits. Year after year, members of the class return to campus at 9:15 a.m. on a given Wednesday, to join students and faculty in mind-expanding experiences.

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Steve Swett ’52

The idea that a group of graduates from the “tranquil” 1950s would execute such a bold plan holds a certain irony. Steve Swett points out that thinking people everywhere were searching for the right response to the events of 9/11. Everyone in the class wanted to be constructive. Steve says his classmates were wondering about an initiative “that would be peaceful, purposeful, and enduring.” According to Steve and others in his class, Ned Felton surfaced the idea to explore religious diversity throughout the country and the world. Not everyone agreed. Steve himself had reservations; he was more an observer than a proponent.

Ultimately, Ned’s personal influence was great enough to mobilize this idea that would break new ground. “Acting together to bring an idea to life requires trust, and the perception of shared values,” Steve says. Why did so many in the class trust Ned, and for so long? What kind of a friend was he?

“Others might create a sense of awe, or amusement or intimidation; Ned created a sense of affinity.”

“Acceptance is key here,” Steve explains. “A friend accepts others for who they are; a friend does not have an agenda to impose.

Ned was that way. Others might create a sense of awe, or amusement or intimidation; Ned created a sense of affinity.”

Prep-school students in the 1950s were homogeneous, put simply. Still, among its peers, Milton was known then—as it is now—for nurturing a broad range of individual personalities. “We all liked people who were interested in more than one thing,” Jim Fitzgibbons explains, “athletes who were also actors, debaters who played instruments. We had more choices in developing friends. No matter who you were you could bring together a group of friends that would feel good. Ned was in the middle of it all and had many friends.”

“I was an athlete who loved the arts,” Bonnie Gardner says. “That interest was probably what connected my closest friends and me for years after Milton. Sarah [Garrison] played the cello; Kitty [Benton] played the violin; I played the piano; Kitty [Hok] played the flute; and my closest friend, Jean Valentine, is a poet. I love that Milton so accepted and encouraged those different interests.

In the journal he kept at Milton, Steve Swett wrote on January 9, 1952, about a Chapel talk Ned Felton had just given as head monitor.

“Jean McCauley always arranged for Bob Freeman to play the oboe with us in a chamber group. He was never teased about these sessions. At Milton, you were accepted immediately for whatever you did.”

Demonstrating competence in your chosen interest was a factor, and Ned was skilled at his sport. Steve shares a photo of Ned as a Class IV pitcher on Frank Millet’s Warren Hall team. Steve had written “undefeated” over the 1949 photo of Ned, about to deliver his pitch.

“A friend cares about others,” Steve points out, thinking through Ned’s persona. “He wants people to do well; he’s pleased when things work out for them, and feels badly when they don’t.”

In the journal he kept at Milton, Steve wrote on January 9, 1952, about a Chapel talk Ned had just given as head monitor. Steve wrote: Ned gave an excellent Chapel talk, along the “Dare to be true” lines: don’t be cynical or critical! “In words and deeds, Ned encouraged the high road, and attracted believers.”

Ned Felton, Class IV pitcher, spring 1949 Spring 2012 7

Bonnie noted that although they dated in high school, she was “always in trouble” and Ned was “more interested in being a leader.” She remembers that he wasn’t among the boys and girls that occasionally raided the Hathaway House kitchen together, having great fun with otherwise inaccessible “barrels” of peanut butter, sardines and crackers, out of the housemother’s earshot.

“Ned was quiet and serious,” among a group of roommates with robust personalities, Jim remembers of their Harvard years. To some degree, he may have been working out his own identity and role, vis-à-vis his large, lively and prominent Boston family. “I don’t remember Ned as particularly competitive, outside of baseball,” says Jim. “I don’t remember his being very religious, either.

None of us were.”

Moving away from Boston, even to New York, was more than unconventional in Ned’s family’s eyes. The couple began to chart a singular course for their family. “My parents are products of the ’50s,” Ned’s daughter Sarah (’79) says, “but both were fascinated by cultural differences in the world.”

They moved to Brussels when their youngest was nine-monthsold, beginning what Molly describes as a wonderful and wild time. The Feltons lived in Europe for ten years, with intervening years in Princeton and then New York. Ned began with Morgan’s business in Europe and Canada, but by 1973 was put in charge of Morgan’s business in the Middle East and Africa. At the height of the oil crisis in the United States, Ned concentrated solely on the Middle East for Morgan.

At Harvard, Ned majored in American history. “The learning experience at Milton and the exposure to the liberal arts curriculum at Harvard provided me with a continuing curiosity about things international, which I carry on today,” Ned wrote in his Milton 50th Reunion book.

…the University of Virginia “had just started the Darden Business School, and needed Yankees to balance its student body. I was the lucky beneficiary of an effort at diversity in 1956.”

He volunteered for the draft, but was rejected because of his eyesight. Although it was then August, the University of Virginia “had just started the Darden Business School, and needed Yankees to balance its student body. I was the lucky beneficiary of an effort at diversity in 1956,” Ned wrote.

He met and married Molly McBride, soon had “three wonderful daughters,” and joined the international division of Morgan Guaranty Trust Company.

Jim Fitzgibbons ’52 8 Milton Magazine

Class of 1952 Endowment for Religious Understanding Established in 2002 by the Class of 1952, this endowment provides one or more forums for the discussion of the diverse faiths that exist in the United States and throughout the world.

James Carroll: National Book Award-winning author; journalist published in the Boston Globe and the New Yorker among other publications; historian; former Catholic priest

American bishop of the Episcopal Church; formerly the Bishop of Newark (New Jersey); theologian, religion commentator

October 2002

October 2006

Rabbi J. Rolando Matalon:

Dr. Karen L. King: Hollis Professor of Divinity, Harvard Divinity School; scholar of comparative religions and historical studies

Leader of B’nai Jeshurun, Manhattan’s Upper West Side, a synagogue dedicated to education, social justice, and interfaith cooperation November 2003, February 2010

Dr. Ingrid Mattson: Director of the Duncan Black Macdonald Center for the Study of Islam and Christian-Muslim Relations at the Hartford Seminary, Connecticut March 2005

Professor Janice Willis: Professor of religion at Wesleyan University; scholar-practitioner of Tibetan Buddhism; named a top spiritual innovator by TIME Magazine April 2006

The Right Reverend John Shelby Spong: Retired

February 2008

The Reverend Dr. James Forbes: Senior Minister Emeritus, The Riverside Church, New York City; President, Healing of the Nations Foundation October 2008

The Reverend Scotty McLennan: Dean for Religious Life, Stanford University; minister, Stanford’s Memorial Church; professor October 2010

Ray Suarez: Author of The Holy Vote: The Politics of Faith in America; senior correspondent for “PBS NewsHour” November 2011

Bonnie Gardner ’52

“The highlight…proved to be our five years in London, when I was seconded to be the first CEO of Saudi International Bank,” Ned noted. “This was part of a 15-year period when I was involved in banking business in the Arab world.” Ned, and often Molly, traveled extensively during these years, and he continued to retain an interest in the Middle East. He replicated his role with the Saudi bank when a group of Kuwaitis were interested in establishing a bank in New York City. He then moved on to head the Bank of Bermuda New York for the last years before retirement. “I found the shocking events of September 11 particularly disturbing because I have known so many fine people of the Islamic faith,” Ned wrote.

Ned’s daughter Sarah, Milton Class of 1979, considers her dad as someone who did not close himself off from change as he grew older. “When things made him uncomfortable, he tried to explore what that meant, and why,” she says.

“He had an evenness about him. People had the sense that he didn’t judge them. As his daughter, I felt I could go to him and have a conversation about the changes in my life. He always listened, and was very thoughtful in how he responded. That said, he was a real person, and we’re all human. He, too, had his blackand-white side.”

Both Sarah and Molly describe Ned as absolutely devastated by September 11. “He worked and lived in New York,” says Sarah.

“He spent so much time in the Middle East. A close business colleague from his days working on the Kuwaiti bank died in Spring 2012 9

The Friendship Oak from the Class of ’52 As his 80th birthday approached, Steve Swett ’52 made a request of friends who might have considered a gift for him: plant an oak tree, somewhere, instead.

Classmate Dan Pierce’s idea, planting an oak in front of Forbes House, came to pass. The tree is named “The Friendship Oak.” At the dedication, after a celebratory watering, friends from the class joined Frank Millet for a luncheon on campus.

Dan Pierce, left. Steve Swett, right.

Ned Felton ’52 with his wife, Molly

the towers. My dad had a strong sense of the diversity in the world, and he knew what it meant to be a spiritual person.” David Morse ’52 pointed out that in Stonington, Maine, where Ned and Molly retired, “Ned had long and quiet winter months, and no doubt did lots of thinking.”

“My mom and dad maintained friendships over all these years that absolutely blow me away,” Sarah says. It’s true that many families linked to Milton in the ’50s were also woven together in a vast network of siblings and cousins, parents, shared uncles, aunts and grandparents. Marriages expanded or deepened the links. The Class of 1952 boasts three marriages, despite the fact that the Milton Academy Boys’ School and Milton Academy Girls’ School were two very separate endeavors in that period.

Certainly, New England was home base—sailors and bankers tended to see one another as family members, professional colleagues and competitors on the water. “It was a small world, our world,” says Bonnie.

“That class had a base for what could, or just as easily could not, have worked out as friendships over the years,” Ned’s wife Molly notes. Dynamics could have shifted as classmates found spouses, for instance. Marriages can make simpler relationships more complex, and the opposite, too. Husbands and wives were warmly and immediately embraced. Loyalty and support, those venerable attributes of friendship, thrived, and still thrive.

The people who took seats around the planning table in October 2001 shared, on some level, 53 years of experience. Some, as David Lee ’52, Ned’s second cousin, points out, had been together since the sandbox. Yet the opinions around the room spanned the gamut. The idea that Ned proposed—a purposeful, progressive effort to expand everyone’s appreciation of difference, particularly for young people in their formative years—was consistent with his style. “Ned’s values were articulated by inference,” Steve says.

“He did not wear them on his sleeve.” Nevertheless, as David Lee

says, “Once Ned became interested in an idea, he became passionate about it. He thought that misunderstanding about religions was at the root of many of the world’s problems.”

Bonnie Gardner agreed with Ned, and supported his proposal in the most tangible way: Bonnie had pursued her interest in the religions of the world for years. She was ready with a roster of potential well-known speakers and the connections to them.

Bonnie had studied with Dr. Dorothy Austin, now at Harvard, when Dr. Austin was a professor at Drew University. Through Dr. Austin, Bonnie was familiar with Diana Eck, founder of the Pluralism Project at Harvard. Bonnie’s exploration connected her with many prominent religious thinkers, writers and academics.

She was ready to help bring some of these people to the Milton campus.

Gifts from a number of men and women from the Class of 1952 endowed the series, and a core group defined the series’ mission explicitly. Bonnie and Ned worked as a team to identify and secure each lecturer. Author and reporter James Carroll was their choice to launch the series; Mr. Carroll shared his own examination of religion in October 2002. Ned Felton died in February 2010, and this past December, Molly and Sarah joined the steadily growing number from ’52 in the audience. They listened as PBS journalist and author Ray Suarez gave the tenth lecture in the series. Classmate Judy Millon was particularly helpful in making Ray Suarez’s visit possible. Over the coming year, Bonnie and Judy will shift the lead role for implementing the series’ now well-established mission from the class to the School.

“The need to understand the role of the world’s religions,” classmate Dan Pierce says, “has only increased in relevance over the years since the series began.”

As they plan to celebrate another decade as classmates—at their 60th Reunion this June—the Class of 1952 can rely on rich experience, both in understanding and honoring the endurance of friendship.

Cathleen D. Everett

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Spring 2012 11

Flocking Together Andy Ward ’51

During a birding excursion at Russell Farm in 1947, Andy (pictured), with faculty member Pete Morrison and friend David Perry ’50, came upon a baby rough-legged hawk that had fallen from its nest. Andy cared for it over the summer months, feeding it hand-caught grasshoppers, frogs and mice.

W

hen Andy Ward came to Milton in 1944, the Milton Academy Bird Club had been active for nearly 20 years. The thrill of observing songbirds, hawks, warblers and the shorebirds of New England strengthened friendships that Andy relies on 60 years later. Early encouragement from biology faculty member Pete Morrison drew the group together. He orchestrated weekend birding trips to Newburyport and other areas around Boston. “Bird-watching is widely accepted now, but during our time at Milton, birding was thought to be a little off beat,” Andy says.

Birders must have several things in common, Andy explains. They have to be patient, enjoy science, appreciate the outdoors and “not be bothered by pesky insects.”

Oliver “Waddy” Wadsworth ’51 and Ted Raymond ’54 continued the birding tradition with Andy for decades. These friends from the Bird Club of the 1950s still enjoy

an annual fall outing. During the ’90s, Andy organized trips to Chatham after Labor Day, once the crowds of tourists cleared out. The group would visit South Beach, or venture to Monomoy Island, led

by Bob Prescott from the Wellfleet Audubon Sanctuary. In 2002, the group made an expedition to Prince Edward Island and watched part of the maritime fall migration.

Birding’s role in environmental advocacy is widely appreciated now, but was a vanguard activity at the time. Andy’s father, Milton Class of 1926, was a birder. Andy absorbed his father’s passion for science and birding.

His father never became a duck hunter like so many of his contemporaries. It was a popular sport and a social hobby, but shooting the birds whose majesty and habits were so compelling to him was unfathomable.

Birders want to preserve species’ habitats and their populations. This support and harmony is another thing the friends share, and hope to pass on.

“One of the many things I learned at Milton was to find balance in life,” Andy says. “Waddy and I were in the investment business at one point, but we had various ambitions. I was interested in baseball and pitched at Harvard. I majored in geology and joined the geophysical division of Texas Instruments as a seismologist. I lived in a tent in the Middle East for two and a half years, which allowed me to observe different cultures and working styles. Learning about the world is important—it provides balance and perspective. Birding does the same for me, on a smaller scale.

“Of course, interests change over time, people move away, priorities shift. But Waddy and Ted were there all along. Neither lived far away. Our children and wives became friends. The main focus, however, was definitely birding—getting out, walking, enjoying the fresh air, sharing meals in between.

Birding has been a lifelong avocation of mine, and the relationships I developed through it long ago still last today.”

Erin E. Hoodlet

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The Support to Fly Two Stories of Risk and Its Reward

S

tarting anything new is at least partly scary. When the people in your new setting look mostly like you, you make some assumptions, consciously or not, about shared experiences. Knowing that you share common ground makes opening up, or making friends, a bit easier.

When Ronnell Wilson ’93 and Nafeesah Allen ’02 arrived in Class IV, the School looked much less like the face of America than it does now. Today, 45 percent of our new students self-identify as students of color. Still, most students of color, as well as our international students, come to Milton from schools where they have been the majority group. When they arrive here, the comfort of being in the majority disappears.

Although their Milton years are nearly a decade apart, a cornerstone for both Ronnell and Nafeesah was the Transition Program for students of color and international students.

The Program connects our students with each other, and it helps make the Milton terrain feel more familiar, just before they jump with both feet into the life of the School.

Nafeesah Allen ’02 is a Foreign Service Officer serving at the U.S. Embassy in New Delhi; Ronnell Wilson ’93 is an assistant U.S. attorney in Newark. These are their Milton stories, as told to Cathy Everett, about finding friends, and evolving their friendships over time.

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Ronnell Wilson ’93 I lived in North St. Louis, Missouri, alternating between my grandmother’s and my aunt’s houses. The students in my elementary schools were all black American. In sixth grade I was bused to a public magnet school; it was diverse—both in terms of students and teachers, except there were no Latino students or teachers. The school was economically diverse, but certainly didn’t represent the entire economic spectrum. In general, the black and Asian students were poor, bused from inner-city communities.

The white students ranged from poor to solidly middle class; they lived in various city neighborhoods and in adjacent, more affluent counties. As a magnet school, the academic program was atypically strong.

North St. Louis was a tough neighborhood.

It had the pitfalls and distractions of any city where jobs are scarce and the educational system lacks resources and consistency. In eighth grade, I didn’t know boarding school existed. However, Hotchkiss and Exeter gave recruiting presentations at my school early that year. Because it meant getting out of class, I went to those presentations, but the prospects of wearing a suit jacket every day, and going to class on Saturday, were nonstarters. Later, after two teens in a passing car pulled over and pointed a shotgun at me for wearing “the wrong color,” suit jackets didn’t seem like the worst option.

My mom, who lived in Brooklyn, New York, learned from a friend at work about boarding schools and about the ABC (A Better Chance) program. She made sure I applied. Once ABC accepted you, the program sent your profi le and SSAT scores to prep schools they believed were the best fit.

Schools would follow up if you represented a match. Several schools sent me acceptance letters, but Milton’s admission brochure stood out. I found a picture of a girl reading a book under a desk lamp. She appeared to have the room to herself. I loved to read and had never had a room to myself. The idea that you could go to a school in a safe environment, and read a book in a room that you called your own, resonated. It struck me that at Milton, I could be a student and not be chastised simply for wanting to learn.

My mom liked other things about Milton: the safety, the structure, the supervision (the blue card system), the location in a 14 Milton Magazine

I was a Missourian: I dressed differently; I spoke with a different accent. I fit in academically, but socially and economically I was… lost.

Spring 2012 15

suburb but near a city, and the educational opportunity. Moms usually want their children close by, but my mother was used to my being far away. I was not outgoing, so she thought that Milton’s size would be about my speed. My mom accepted Milton’s admission offer before we had the opportunity to visit the campus. After looking through the brochure and having a brief conversation with Neville Lake (an admission officer), she was confident that Milton was the right place for me.

I was not as confident. Milton didn’t have much in common with North St. Louis and all that I had known. I was a Missourian: I dressed differently; I spoke with a different accent. Thanks to St. Louis’s magnet program and my education at home, I fit in academically. However, socially and economically I was, for lack of a better word, lost. The cars and homes that were part of the Milton scene were completely outside my experience. The unmistakable wealth and opportunity made for a foreign environment. I did what comes instinctively when surrounded by the unknown: looked around and clutched tightly to anyone and anything that seemed remotely familiar. Milton’s Minority Orientation program was a godsend. It afforded me a brief, essential window for getting my bearings and recalibrating my inner compass. After Orientation, Milton opened the year with a tea in the library for everyone in the class and their families, along with faculty. Making my way in and out of the crowd, I felt as if I were drowning. I was overwhelmed. To talk with someone and keep myself afloat, I looked around desperately. Thank goodness Sheldon Ison’s head appeared above the throng: a buoy for me at that moment. I knew him from the Orientation Program and he was a fellow midwesterner. I’m not sure how I would have made it without Orientation. It connected me with a base of friends, and with a number of Milton adults, including Mr. Hardy and Mr. Hilgendorf. After school started, my support system shifted to people in my dorm, which quickly became my primary base. To this day, the core group of friends I met in Orientation are close friends.

They played a crucial role in my transition.

I was a focused student and never really struggled with academics. My struggles

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Coping with an unfamiliar environment is tough, and tougher if you’re inclined to steer clear of new people and things.

were on the social side. I’m a socially introverted guy; it’s just my nature. Coping with an unfamiliar environment is tough, and tougher if you’re inclined to steer clear of new people and things. Large rooms filled with people made me uncomfortable; school dances frightened me. I didn’t even like people showing up to watch my football games. I was comfortable only in Milton’s small classrooms (in which we were working, not technically socializing) and in the dorm. My core group of friends, including Doug Chavez, Sheldon Ison, Steven Clarke, Juan Fernandez, Kem Poston, Julian Cowart, Joseph Golden, and a handful of others, helped me break out of that shell. If I didn’t want to go to a dance, they applied that light pressure that got me to stop by for just a few minutes. If I didn’t want to hang out in Harvard Square, my friends who lived in Boston invited me to their homes for dinner with their families, smaller and quieter settings. Once I concluded that they were looking out for my best interest, I caved in more and more, attended an increasingly larger array of social events, and in the process, uncovered aspects of my personality that I would never have developed.

Still, my thoughts and loyalties were focused on home in North St. Louis and friends there. At Milton, I found myself wondering why I was given this opportunity while other smart kids had to stay home and deal with the perils of living there.

My sense of guilt for being at Milton got so severe that I packed my suitcase, called my mom and told her I was coming home.

She asked, “Why?” I didn’t tell her that I was homesick, or felt guilty. Instead, in my adolescent confusion and indignation, I told her that I felt disconnected from the “real world,” and no longer had any idea of what was going on back in St. Louis. My mom simply said, “If you want to know what’s happening in the real world, then buy a newspaper.” She hung up the phone.

I unpacked and figured that I had to give Milton a go. Turning to my friends, I began the long, difficult process of learning to open up and expand.

My friends’ constant nudging felt like a lot of pressure initially. One particular spring Saturday I actually crawled under my bed and hid out to avoid the “pressure.” My friends were going to a School dance, and I didn’t feel like going. I never felt like going.

Just as I was starting to doze off, Doug Chavez and Sheldon came into the room to convince me to join them. Remaining quiet in my hiding place, I heard Doug say, “I’m trying to convince Ronnell to come.

I think he’d really enjoy himself.” I then understood that they wished me no ill.

What felt like pressure was simply their trying to get me to try new things. Eventually, I rolled out from under the bed, found my friends and went to the dance. I was learning to trust and rely upon them, a feeling that would grow over the years. When they suggested a dance or School play, I usually went. When they suggested I dance with them in a talent show, I did. When they suggested I run for head monitor, I did. When my good friend Bill Moore (my French teacher) suggested I sign up for the French exchange, I did. Left to my own devices, I would not have done any of those things. They forced me to push my limits and become more well rounded.

As my Milton career drew to a close, I decided not to apply to the colleges I knew my friends wanted to attend. I was unsure whether the social growth I had experienced was really me, or whether I had simply responded to others’ expectations.

To find out, I needed to walk alone for a bit, and see where the road led. Realizing that my growth at Milton was indeed real did not take long. It took even less time for me to realize that my life’s road would repeatedly intersect with the roads of my friends. Our paths cross often and intentionally. We have networked and helped one another professionally and personally. We have careers, interests, families and the friendships that have evolved naturally, over time. I have never had to walk alone long. I received an invaluable education at Milton, both inside and outside the classroom.

Nafeesah Allen ’02 I’m from Newark, New Jersey: a complicated city with a religious, riotous past. I went to an Islamic preschool and kindergarten and then to one of the best public schools in the city, thanks to my mom. For several years, the Peck School, in Morristown, New Jersey, had hand-selected the four top students from my school for their sixth to eighth grades. After another of my mom’s executive decisions, I left my elementary school friends behind to go to Peck. Of the 30 students who graduated with me, four of the five black students were classmates from my old school.

The economic gap between families in my new school and my old school made me feel like I was in two worlds. That wasn’t a big problem; I bonded with the students I wanted to. Issues of race and class did play out silently in our classrooms, however. One key memory was a teacher’s mishandling of Huck Finn. How many times can you read or say the “N-word” without acknowledging its impact on people of the time, or students in the room?

At Peck, I learned from a project about our family histories how diverse white people are. I could identify more than five generations of African Americans on both sides of my family. Four generations were alive through my elementary school years. But I found that my American experience was unique. Even my black friends’ families had immigrated—from Barbados or Jamaica. For the first time, I was really hanging out on my own, separated even from other blacks.

That shifted the paradigm for me. I realized that I had to value my own story, even if it was less common, and learn to think about all elements of heritage, not just race.

Everyone at Peck was applying to boarding schools, so wanting to do that was not pushing the envelope. Chukwuka Nwabuzor (’01) headed off to Milton the previous year, so I was comfortable following in his path.

Milton was visibly more diverse than other schools I considered. I didn’t feel that I’d be the only black girl—the personification of diversity. The whole philosophy felt right: Milton wants people to be comfortable in their own skin. I felt that, and I could see myself there.

At Milton, everyone had a place. Everybody’s story was valid. The discussion was dynamic. Questions about culture and

privilege were always coming up, even if nobody had an easy answer to the hard questions. The elephant in the room was on the table, and everyone was talking about it.

I’m a huge supporter of the Transition Program. Milton acknowledged and tried to address the fears and needs that students of color had, struggling with what it means to join a majority white school. Even my parents took comfort in the fact that this institution, where their 13-year-old would live, would take on such a bold parenting role.

Feeling comfortable at Milton was pretty simple for me. People had already chosen me, it seemed. I’m a freshman, and apparently these Robbins House girls have already decided they’re my friends. Eventually, community service brought me into Boston, where I could be part of a larger community.

I finally had access to a city, one as complicated as home. I needed this escape from the Milton bubble at this point. Although I treated my friends at Milton like family, I also took them a little for granted. I assumed they’d always be there, like siblings would. I didn’t think ahead to the day they might forge their own paths.

How does a black girl from New Jersey who left Boston to go to Spain explain that she’s American, though she’s of African descent…, but has never been to Africa?

Sr. Ryan, my Spanish teacher and dorm parent, suggested that I apply for School Year Abroad, and I was restless enough to want another challenge. My family is tight-knit and everyone—grandparents, cousins—lives within a 20- to 30-block area. They could not understand why I would go so far from home and from them. Why learn Spanish in Spain when Jersey City is 30 minutes away?

At 15, I needed to answer for my family, and myself, what my set of decisions said about them. Once again, like at Peck, I was being misunderstood because of an experience that seemed normal to me. Further, living with a family that year in Zaragoza, Spain, meant questioning what it means to be an

American once again. How does a black girl from New Jersey who left Boston to go to Spain explain that she’s American, though she’s of African descent, clearly she’s not white, but has never been to Africa? I was grilled about how it was possible for George Bush to win the 2000 election and I wasn’t even old enough to vote.

Senior year, back at Milton, I felt prepared for anything. I’d struggled with identity. I’d lived abroad. Once the worst Spanish student in the group, I’d passed the AP exams with the highest grade achievable. “Who’s going to stop me now?” I thought. On the other hand, I really appreciated people more—in particular, those who’d made an effort to stay connected, even when I was an ocean away.

At Barnard, I was pretty convinced that all things Milton were part of the past. “I’m moving on,” I thought. Then, I realized that the friendly faces of people I saw who had gone to Milton were not just nagging reminders of my past. They were really smart people who had shared a unique experience with me, people I could call on for help, and I did. I only passed Calculus 1 by teaming up with Jennifer Cohen (’02) to share notes and study. Still, years would pass before I learned to credit these bonds to my Milton experience.

In junior year, not stressed by the issues that typically worry most college students, I wondered if I’d reached a plateau. I visited my Robbins House roommate, Anna Asare ’02, at Penn. She related to my experience, feeling equally out of step with our peers’ angst. It was still not clear to me that I was reaping the benefits from the years of sowing at Milton.

After college, reality sets in. Your loans come due. You eat ramen noodles every night because that’s what you can afford.

You send résumés to people’s friends and then don’t hear anything back. I luckily found myself working for a small, New York City agency revamping how the city communicates with the public about disasters and emergencies. In Spanish, I gave presentations that would begin, “When most people think of emergencies they think of 9/11. Do you know where I was that day?” I was in Algebra; two of the planes had left from my hometown and the other two from the town I called home. I remember the fear, then relief, when I discovered my friends and family were safe. I remember the comfort Spring 2012 17

18 Milton Magazine

I realized that the friendly faces of people I saw who had gone to Milton were not just nagging reminders of my past. They were really smart people who had shared a unique experience with me, people I could call on for help, and I did.

of the Milton community during a time of trauma for many of us. During those work presentations, before an audience of perfect strangers, I drew on that sense of community and comfort to try to convey ideas of preparedness and resilience.

During another restless college moment, I visited Tanya Everett ’02 in London for a few days. We applied for and got into a program that allowed us to go to Ghana for ten days. When I was wondering whether the malaria medicine was going to make me hallucinate, I called Anna whose family is from Ghana. When I graduated from college and needed a place to stay in New York, I stayed for a year in Chloe Walters-Wallace’s (’03) mom’s basement apartment in Harlem.

When I finally got that job in New York, a Milton alum who was working at Brooklyn Borough Hall helped me launch events that would bring some of my programs to life.

These lessons from Milton kept building up in my toolkit without my realizing where they began and how they affected me. Then I moved to D.C.—the town of hard-nosed politicos, budget cutting, streets closed in the middle of the day for security. It wasn’t the New York City I loved. When it became clear that I would be in D.C. longer than I’d anticipated, I knew that to survive the transition I needed to take inventory of my support system. That was the “aha” moment: When I looked around, my best friends were my Milton friends.

These folks are my rock. I did not have to justify to them, during the Bush era, why I wanted to be part of the State Department.

They relate to my choices, my need for challenges, my desire to travel. We share so much. Our conversations have substance, and they’re organic.

I’ve had ten years to think about my Milton experiences—the support, the advocates, the laughter—and I’m proud. My perspective has shifted back and forth along the way. I’ve realized that’s a crucial part of being a critical thinker and a discerning individual.

This community can be demanding and it can be rigorous, but it generates people who are socially conscious, globally minded, forward thinking and bonded for life. We’re dynamic and mobile. We are diverse, and not just because of our skin color. We lead lives that change lives. This is our charge and our inheritance, our Milton legacy.

Spring 2012 19

According to My Friends

20 Milton Magazine

What is a friend?

Students parse how friendship flows Direct answers, to fundamental questions, from Class I—transitioning from Milton to college—and Class IV, working toward friendships that last.

Here’s what they said.

You can be quiet, relaxed and comfortable around a friend.

A friend is trustworthy.

Otherwise, you can’t be open.

A friend makes you feel good about yourself, but doesn’t necessarily always tell you what you want to hear.

You have fun with a friend; he makes you laugh, no matter what you’re doing together.

A friend watches your back.

Becoming a friend should be effortless. You can try to force friendship, but that usually doesn’t work out. The connection has to be genuine.

You have only a few very close friends that make you comfortable being completely honest.

With a real friend, you talk about things beneath the surface—feelings, thoughts, beliefs. You trust them with those things. You can talk about things that don’t mean very much, and things that mean a lot.

A friend is there to listen, to help you when something is going on, to help you improve the situation somehow—even if that’s just by taking your mind off things.

Close friends don’t need to have plans or to talk; just being with each other is comfortable, normal. There are no awkward silences.

With friends, your conversations don’t need to be situation-based.

You don’t need to impress your friends. They already know how great you are.

Spring 2012 21

About finding friends Finding friends is easier when everyone else is looking, too.

I usually gravitate to people who I sense are responding to a situation the same way I am—we already have that in common.

When you try new things, you make friends. You don’t have to seek out new friends—you make them when you’re doing things that you enjoy.

Most of my friendships began through something that we have in common—having similar personalities, being involved in the same activities, enjoying the same things. If you can find one point that connects, sometimes things will just click.

I try to get to know the people in my classes. We automatically have something to talk about; sometimes just getting to know a person leads to making a friend.

Freshman year you grab onto anyone around you. It’s proximity—who’s in your advisor group, in your class, on your team. Your first “friends” freshman year are not usually your close friends senior year.

Living at Milton, your social life stems from your dorm at first.

The people you live with might be very different from you, but you get to know them well right away.

Friendships can be linear: you move from your roommate to your hallway to the whole dorm.

Eventually, you choose roommates. My roommates and I can talk for a long time, very comfortably, after lights-out.

Friendship usually builds on shared principles or values.

Even if you don’t have the same opinion on everything, I think sharing a basic moral code is important. Having different opinions on things is good—it broadens your perspective, and makes for an interesting dynamic.

Sometimes friendships jump stages, especially when you share a lot about yourself.

Making friends is easier when you’re little. As you get older, you tend to prejudge people and make assumptions, which can close you off to a relationship before it begins.

At the beginning of the year you try to make friends with everyone you meet; over time you realize what works and what doesn’t. Some relationships stick, and some don’t go anywhere.

I like to take a risk in meeting people. I met my best friend by embarrassing myself during orientation. If you can laugh at yourself, other people are more likely to want to spend time with you.

22 Milton Magazine

You get to know as many people as possible right away; you can connect with most people about something.

Milton does a good job of helping you to make friends organically. People here encourage you to take risks and try new things, to meet people you otherwise may not.

There are stages, but in the dorm, relationships are accelerated. You become close with people quickly, for better or worse, simply because of the amount of time you spend together.

When you go home, you make assumptions about your friends’ friends. You know you’ll probably be compatible with them, and you move beyond the superficial.

Are your friends like you?

I’m drawn to people who are different from me—people I think are interesting, and who seem curious.

At first I’m drawn to the people who are nicest to me, but as time goes on I gravitate toward different people.

The person in the group who initially rubbed you the wrong way can wind up being your best friend.

I do have something in common with each of my friends. That’s not always visible to the outsider—how we look, how we dress, what team we’re on—but we have something in common.

Having a shared sense of humor is important to me.

My friends and I laugh at the same type of thing—we like the same music, the same movies.

That’s more important to me in my relationships than having the same political leanings or sharing the same opinions and values.

You shouldn’t confuse discussing current events with friendship. I can have intellectual, heated debates with people who aren’t my friends.

Being at Milton changed my idea of friendship. I figured that my close friends would be people just like me, but I’ve found the opposite to be true.

My best friends are all very different from me. Or, the things that we have in common aren’t as obvious.

I’m outgoing and physically affectionate, and my best friend is the opposite. She’s honest, though, and she keeps me in check.

When you’re too similar, you can get on each other’s nerves.

A person can understand and respect you and still have a different perspective.

Opposites attract in friendship.

Being around people who aren’t like you—who have different ideas and opinions—rounds you out and helps you reach.

Friends like that can open your eyes and make you better.

I almost have telepathy with my best friend. We can tell what the other is thinking or feeling without saying a word.

Spring 2012 23

How does friendship work?

You don’t expect something in return from your friends. You help each other out, but you’re not keeping track.

Long-lasting friendships have to grow and change, and we have to grow and change with them. If the individuals don’t grow, and the relationship stops evolving, it usually dies.

When you get a new phone, you know instantly who your friends are, because theirs are the 15 numbers that you need on it immediately.

Even one person missing can cause a huge gap in your friendship circle, and in your life.

When my best friend was in the hospital, I would look around and think, “Where are all my friends?”

alliance

Good friends can be out of touch for a long time and come back together like no time has passed. You pick up right where you left off.

Anyone can talk idle talk. At Milton, though, people are opinionated and informed.

Friends have adult-type conversations mixed in with high school-level stuff.

A senior once told me she was thinking about the idea that friends should be reflections of your more positive self. She found herself reassessing her friendships on that basis.

Friendships should never be static, or taken for granted.

Summer will be a good indication of how things will go in college—who you’ll stay friends with and who you won’t.

Most of my close friends were a year older, and then they graduated. I had to deal with that and adjust—I had to connect with the people around me when our grade had already done that. That affected my Milton experience.

Arguing with one of my really good friends affects my whole day. I can’t stop thinking or worrying about it.

Once you don’t need a filter with the other person, once the judgment period stops, you find a sense of ease with a close friend. A friend seems more like a sibling, like family.

Close friends can be critical, in a way that shows they care.

You want each other to be the best you can be, and you can say things honestly to help the other person.

In the deepest stage of friendship, you can cry, or be mad or irrational or grumpy in front of the other person, and they don’t take that as an indicator of who you are. They’ve seen you in all kinds of moods, and they let you have them.

Sometimes, though, those friendships with people you don’t see for a long time fade. If you’re constantly trying to catch up, you can’t move forward.

24 Milton Magazine

truth loyalty

What do your friends give you?

support

laughter advice entertainment comfort venting help with physics

Spring 2012 25

How we stay connected: A survey of students

316 students

Do you own a…?

took the survey

Laptop computer

96%

MP3 player (e.g., iPod)

79%

Smartphone (e.g., iPhone, Android)

65% 55%

Game console (e.g., X-Box, Play Station) 38%

Desktop computer

130 boys

Portable gaming device (e.g., PSP, DS)

26% 20%

Tablet (e.g., iPad, Sony)

186 girls

17%

E-book reader (e.g., Kindle, Nook) 0

On how many social networking Web sites do you have a profile?

17% 15%

MySpace

2% 1% 6%

No answer 0

On an average day, about how many calls do you make and receive on your cell phone?

Don’t know

7+

Not answered

20

On an average day, about how many text messages do you send and receive on your cell phone?

Don’t know

0 100+

1–10

51–100 1–3

26 Milton Magazine

40

60

80

100

People use social networking sites for many different reasons. What are your reasons—major, minor, or not at all?

Not answered

0

4–7

100

34%

LinkedIn

2

80

92%

Tumblr

1

60

Facebook

Google+

3+

40

On which social networking sites do you have a profile?

Twitter

0

20

21–50

11–20

Major

Minor

Not at all

Staying in touch with family members

17%

53%

26%

Staying in touch with current friends

84%

10%

3%

Connecting with old friends who have been out of touch

46%

46%

5%

Making new friends

5%

25%

66%

Connecting with others who share your hobbies or interests

5%

18%

72%

How many Facebook “friends” do you have?

17%

3%

1–200

of students prefer to get in touch by voice

16%

200–400

20%

400–600

49%

21%

600–800 16%

800–1,000 6%

1,000–1,200 4%

1,200+

14%

No answer 0

5

10

15

20

25

24%

What percentage of these Facebook “friends” are close friends?

0%

of students will call if the message is urgent; otherwise, they will send a text

<1%

1%–5%

33%

6%–10%

25% 12%

11%–20% 21%–30%

76%

8%

30%+

6%

No answer

15% 0

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

What percentage of Facebook “friends” have you never met in person?

0% 1%–5%

31%

of students rely on face-to-face contact with friends

7%

11%–20% 2% 21%–30%

1%

30%+

19%

No answer

15% 0

5

of students have sent a text message that was interpreted differently from what they intended

78%

25%

6%–10%

of students prefer to get in touch by text message

10

15

20

25

30

If you had to use a single word to describe your experience using social networking sites, what would that word be?

35

58% of students have checked their phones during class

Spring 2012 27

Friends Become the Mirror that Middle Schoolers Seek Sorting out who you are takes time, and effort

N

icci King has her finger on the pulse of Middle School life, and she knows her students well. Nicci is Milton’s Middle School counselor. She began at Milton in 2005, and she responds to the needs of students, parents and colleagues as they try to understand adolescent behavior.

familiar and some will want to stretch.

Seventh graders are also starting to understand themselves and the world in a different way. Friendships begin to take the place of the parents’ role.

Eighth graders are starting to pull back more from their parents, seeking more independence. They spend time with certain groups of friends when they’re feeling silly; they hang out with other groups when they’re feeling sophisticated. It’s nice for them to have a secure place within a distinct group, so they don’t feel pressure to be either silly or sophisticated. This social distinction can be the first real budding of identity through social connections.

Nicci helped develop and co-teaches the 360° affective education class, a program that fosters empathy, respect and perseverance in our middle schoolers. It promotes the development of constructive communication, problem-solving and conflict-resolution skills. At the same time, it places great value on self-awareness and social responsibility. Nicci is a one-on-one counselor; she also provides day-to-day individual student assessment and crisis intervention.

In this article Nicci talks about the role of friendship in her students’ lives.

Early in middle school, students are usually drawn to what’s familiar and what they know, so when they step beyond that comfort zone, it’s usually very purposeful.

Around eighth grade, they make conscious decisions to explore, to take some social risks.

Erin Hoodlet: What role does friendship play in the life of a middle schooler?

Nicci King, Middle School Counselor

Nicci King: At this age, students are sort-

EH: Do you see the dynamics change from sixth to eighth grade?

EH: Are the dynamics predictable?

NK: Sixth grade is a transition year, and

moods. Their hormones have a natural fluctuation; thus, their likes, dislikes and emotions fluctuate daily. That’s reflected in their relationships. That’s also why their reactions, and investments in their relationships, can be so heightened.

ing out who they are through their relationships. They use friendship to try on different identities. Spending time with classmates who are into alternative, or pop, or country music is one way of trying on a different hat. This exploration is valuable for young people—it stokes different fires in them and helps them figure things out for themselves.

28 Milton Magazine

those friendships may have more of a hierarchy of acceptance based on previous connections. Students are less willing to take social risks at that age, choosing instead to maintain familiar, comfortable connections.

Students get past this as they get older.

In seventh grade students begin to branch out, but not all necessarily at the same time. Some students will stay with what’s

NK: Teens are impulsive, and so are their

As they begin to pull away from their parents, they can feel untethered, and they seek that grounded connection in their friendships. If a friend stops being

supportive, or disagrees, or changes his mind about something, the student feels untethered, unsupported and insecure.

EH: How are girls and boys different, socially, at this age?

NK: Girls and boys are both going through a tumultuous time developmentally, and at this age they are often in different places in their social-emotional development.

Generally, I see girls having more blatant and public emotional reactions than boys, and girls can appear more comfortable being emotionally expressive. Girls are actively invested in exploring and shaping each social connection at this age.

Boys tend to present as more “stable” in their peer relationships. As adults, we may not see when a boy is upset or hurting.

He might become quiet, sarcastic, act out behaviorally, or just play harder at sports.

A herd mentality is often still present in middle school boys, and breaking from the pack to explore different social relationships can feel risky.

EH: What can adults do to help students navigate this landscape?

NK: Adolescents are so focused on the present and short-term future. What we see as an unmemorable bump in the road is hugely significant to them. It’s their reality.

Often adults say, “You won’t even remember this in a month,” but that’s not helpful, because it dismisses the strong emotional reaction the teen is having now. They live their lives so in the moment.

We want them to build resilience, problemsolving skills, confidence, and we can negate all of that by being dismissive.

Middle schoolers are looking for friendship, but they are also looking for adults other than their parents who can relate to them, validate them, know them, and look out for them.

EH: What role do social media and electronic communication play at this age?

NK: One of the effects of electronic communication is that students realize this false freedom of expressing themselves without having to deal with the physical and emotional reactions of the people they’re communicating with. These mediums give kids license to say things that are really out of character for them. Again, they’re trying on different identities and testing Spring 2012 29

limits—personal, social, societal. Social networking can take a negative turn very quickly. People are typically much more careful with how they express themselves when they’re faced with the burden of watching someone’s face crumble, or seeing the immediate effects their words have.

This dynamic makes friendship more challenging for adolescents today, but I also think the community students can connect with online can be valuable. On the one hand, the 24-hour accessibility of texting and email and Facebook broadens the reach of bullies, extending beyond the school day. On the other hand, adolescents have broader access to other people dealing with the same things they’re dealing with. They might realize that they’re not alone in something, and that other people are dealing with what they’re going through as well.

For better or worse, this generation is charged with sorting out electronic communication and how it affects us. It’s hard for parents, because they can’t exactly relate to the experience. I think we’re all learning as we go.

EH: What do middle schoolers depend on from their friends?

NK: At this age, girls and boys count on their friends to validate who they are.

Friends fill a void that develops as the students are pulling away from their parents, seeking independence but still needing to lean on someone, something. Friends are their support, advice-givers, touchstones.

In middle school, what your friends think tends to be far more important than what your parents think.

Middle schoolers want to be seen as individuals, as part of groups, sometimes by what they enjoy. They don’t know who they are exactly, and they change every day, but they’ll remind you of how they’re changing—“You know I actually don’t like that (music group, book genre, academic subject, television show) anymore.”

Of course, the students will likely say that none of this is true. They don’t want to be defined.

30 Milton Magazine

facult y perspec tive “Please take care of yourself, and take care of your friends.”

O

n Wednesday, November 16, our students contemplated the fate of “Todd” and “Amy”—the players in a courtroom drama that had unfolded during assembly. High school students don’t lightly sacrifice their recess period; yet, that morning, second period bled into the precious 15 minutes of free time, and no one even noticed.

That morning’s speaker, attorney Brett Sokolow, had appointed our students as the jury of a complicated, real-life case involving college students, alcohol, and a sexual encounter. Presenting the facts of the case, he charged the “jury” with deciding whether or not to find the defendant, “Todd,” guilty of sexual assault. After 50 minutes of fact sifting, thinking and weighing, the group was split down the middle—clear indication that these topics are complex.

What impressed me—even more than the students’ engagement in Mr. Sokolow’s presentation—were the myriad conversations I heard in the following weeks. In the hallways, in classrooms, at lunch, in the Student Center, people were talking.

My conversations with the Class I leaders of the Individual Student Support team, as well as those in my Class IV Health sections, were robust. They were heated, full of questions, answers, curiosity, need for clarification, more questions. Students are hungry for candid discussions of these topics.

The Samuel S. Talbot ’65 Memorial Fund was established to bring an array of professionals to Milton, educating our students about behavioral and mental health issues.

Presenters have discussed body image, gender equity, eating disorders, sleep deprivation, self-mutilation, substance abuse, and the influence of the media. Every day, news headlines remind us that we must do all we can to bring these topics to light for young people.

We cannot always stop our children from making poor choices, but we can—and must—provide them with the information necessary to make the right ones—or, if they’ve lapsed, to know where to turn for help. I’m grateful to be part of a school committed to arming students with the tools to make healthy choices, and supporting them as they navigate these years.

Dr. Elihu Selter

As a counselor and psychologist, I am all too aware of the pressures high schoolers face. Being an adolescent is not easy, and today’s world presents more challenges than ever. Our culture bombards children with information at a dizzying rate. Helping them manage this information is our responsibility.

Milton’s affective education classes provide students with a forum and the guidance of a trusted adult—a venue in which to carry on a conversation, and a time dedicated to that task. Through outside speakers, affective education classes, Independent Student Support and SECS leaders, through Human Sexuality and Relationships classes and the availability of both adults and specially trained student peers, Milton makes clear that these topics are important.

Mr. Sokolow closed his presentation with a simple but powerful message: “I can not stop you from drinking alcohol or from engaging in sexual activity. What I hope to have done this morning is make you think, and make you aware of the potential consequences involved in taking these risks.

Please take care of yourself, and take care of your friends.”

Dr. Selter is a member of Milton’s counseling staff.

He lives on campus with his wife, Abby, and their two sons, Jonah (pictured) and Myles.

Spring 2012 31

he ad of school Daring to be honest

“T

odd, did you realize that your collar is flying free, like a wing?” my friend asked. I had missed a collar button. We laughed. How many people had noticed my weird look that morning but didn’t want to embarrass me, or embarrass themselves? True friends will clue you in on a missed button, a piece of parsley in your teeth, the occasional need for a Tic Tac or—heaven forbid!—the advice to adjust your zipper altitude. Even these simple comments are not easy to offer or, sometimes, to receive. Respectful, honest friendships, however, help protect us from “blind spots,” small and large.

Good friends share with one another a responsibility that headmasters face: providing trustworthy mirrors. Headmasters hold up the mirror for their schools, and for the many people involved in the school. When they are clear and honest, these relational mirrors allow us to see ourselves at our best, as well as our less than best.

The greater the consequences, the more difficult it is to hold up that mirror. What if more than someone’s appearance is at stake? What if a friend has acted in a way that challenges his own well-being, or his family’s? A school can do the same thing—act in inherently detrimental ways. These situations are complex, and tricky. You don’t want people to think you delight in pointing out others’ faults. Nor do you want to be known as someone who regularly judges others on standards that you don’t meet yourself. You want to be sure that you are close enough, as a friend, to offer the criticism you’re sharing. Self-awareness is a crucial attribute in a good friend.

I hope we are all fortunate enough to have trusted friends who will risk speaking with us about concerns. Being this kind of friend takes strength and courage. It’s a treasured role, but it carries great responsibility. To communicate honestly about difficult issues, this friend must accept awkward feelings and fear of judgment—even risk the friendship itself. The love of a friend—the desire to do what he or she needs most—can motivate courage of that kind.

Thinking about what defines the Milton experience, I go back to how students and alumni describe it: Miltonians always point to the depth and quality of their relationships. They point to the lasting impact of their teachers, and of their friendships. I know Milton students (past and present) and faculty members as

32 Milton Magazine

“beautifully opinionated.” Their opinions are grounded in humility and self-awareness; these are the kind of opinions that good friends share with one another.

As Milton students move into the larger world, I hope they find the honesty and strength to “Dare to be true” to their friends.

Hundreds of stories substantiate my claim that generations of Milton students care for each other in this way. Those stories make me proud of this Academy.

In daring to be true myself, I promise to be careful how, and when, and why I hold a mirror up to our School. My praise for our faculty, staff and students outweighs any list of concerns.

When I do share criticism, however, I offer my reflections based in respect and love for Milton.

I am as proud of Milton’s past and present as I am confident in its future. The courage and care that Milton nurtures in children and adults, as they learn how to be the best of friends, buoys my belief in our School. More than ever, in today’s world, we need friends to help keep us safe, strong and self-aware. Milton friends are well prepared to help us with dangerous blind spots, as well as with the occasional missed button.

With great respect and admiration, Todd B. Bland Head of School

David H. Ehrlich, Class of 1954

“Lengthy labors,” rare skills, and gratitude

David made music with students in Straus Library during his 50th Reunion in 2004.

D

uring my six years at Milton, I studied French. Exhaustively.

I went to bed with irregular verb wheels and woke up mouthing them to my roommate. Under the graceful tutelage of my teachers, I learned my French history, as well. (Merci, Messrs. Carter, Gray, Gallenkamp and Sturges.) At Yale, I filled in my knowledge of French art, architecture, music, fashion and cuisine.

Appreciating the value of all that work took me the better part of 60 years.

In 2011, my wife, Barbara, and I visited the baronial setting of a 15th-century chateau and enjoyed the best of French cuisine. One evening, one of those magnificent dinners proved to be my downfall, and I found myself en route to a French hospital.

The doctor confessed that English had never been his strong subject. So ...quoi faire? To simply state that I had a mal à l’estomac was insufficient. It was going to be nager ou aller au fond (sink or swim) en français, and I had no desire to go au fond (to the bottom).

Relying on my fond recollections “du temps perdu,” I managed to explain what (and how much) I had eaten and helped the kind man to understand what hurt and where. When he discharged me, he told me how rare it was that a foreigner could express himself so clearly in French.

I told him of my lengthy labors in his language and the marvelous school where I had been instructed so completely. He was filled with admiration.

Meanwhile, I was filled with gratitude— for the excellent school that encouraged me to invest so much time and energy in the pursuit of knowledge, the value of which I could only guess. As an expression of my gratitude, I have bequeathed to Milton the vast part of what I will leave behind. I hope that my experience may inspire others to consider endowing generations yet unborn with a similar legacy.

For information on gift planning, contact: Suzie Hurd Greenup ’75 suzie_greenup@milton.edu 617-898-2376

Spring 2012 33

sp or t s An Individual Sport Where Team Culture Is the Winner

I

n New England, swimming is a winterseason sport. Swimmers come in from the cold, peel off the layers, pull on their suits (still wet from the day before, in some cases), slip into their lanes and push their bodies to exhausting limits. Their motivation comes from their love of the sport, and at Milton it also comes from a supportive and fun team culture that the coaches work hard to foster.

Twenty-four years ago, with David Foster (English faculty and, earlier, college counselor), Coach Bob Tyler brought the coed Milton swim team from club status to an interscholastic, competitive team. Today, Bob coaches with Jamie LaRochelle, or Coach “La,” as the swimmers call him. Both are science faculty members whose friendship goes back to their swimming days at Deerfield Academy.

“Our coaching styles complement one another. Neither one of us feels the need to be more in charge,” says Coach Tyler.

As the practice starts, all the swimmers are “on the wall chatting.” The swimmers selfselect their lanes, and the stronger swimmers tend to group together. The coaches accommodate the range of swimmers (from well-tested competitors through less experienced swimmers) by focusing on sets of timed swims: for example, four four-minute swims. All the swimmers begin together.

Distances vary; swimmers in the fast lane might do a 300 and a swimmer in a slower lane might do a 200. Every student is focused on his own swim. The swimmers seem to appreciate the coaches’ approach.

34 Milton Magazine

“In practice, you decide how hard you want to work, and then you see your work pay off in your results,” says Kasia Ifill (II).

“The coaches do push us, and it’s amazing what they do to help us improve in three months.”

The coaches are especially interested in stroke technique. Coach Tyler periodically uses an underwater camera to capture every swimmer so he or she can see strokes precisely.

On the day before winter break, the mood on the bus going to practice is festive. A few students are belting out Taylor Swift songs as the swimmers get settled into their seats.

This is going to be a “fun” practice according to Coach Tyler. The swimmers are going to work hard, but he will mix up the regular routine with games.

Pool time for Milton swimmers is more limited than both coaches would like, due to travel time to get to the UMass Boston pool and sharing the pool with other schools.

“We do a lot of stroke instruction and drills; if we had more time in the pool, swimmers could repeat the stroke change enough times for it to really sink in,” says Coach LaRochelle.

“The upside is that we don’t develop a myopic team culture,” he says. “We are swimmers who are violinists. We are swimmers who are poets and scientists. That’s a good thing in the big picture, even though the limited pool time can be frustrating.”

Times to Beat Boys 200 Medley Relay

1:43.01

200 Freestyle 200 Individual Medley 50 Freestyle 1 M Diving (11 Dives) 100 Butterfly 100 Freestyle 500 Freestyle 200 Freestyle Relay

1:44.09 1:58.35 22.31 287.40 54.40 48.17 4:45.76 1:29.73

100 Backstroke 100 Breaststroke 400 Freestyle Relay

54.22 1:01.56 3:17.54

Alvin Tin ’10, Alex Tin ’08, Joo Young Song ’08, Robert Bailey ’09 James Fee ’06 Ben Bullitt ’04 James Fee ’06 Christopher Lamont ’07 Charlie Everett ’94 James Fee ’06 Arkady Rasin ’05 Robert Bailey ’09, Robert St. Laurence ’07, Alvin Tin ’10, Alex Tin ’08 Ben Bullitt ’04 Alex Tin ’08 James Fee ’06, Alex Tin ’08, Thomas Bailey ’05, Arkady Rasin ’05

Girls 200 Medley Relay

1:53.35

200 Freestyle 200 Individual Medley 50 Freestyle 1 M Diving (11 Dives) 100 Butterfly 100 Freestyle 500 Freestyle 200 Freestyle Relay

1:56.64 2:14.95 25.17 334.60 1:00.70 53.62 5:20.87 1:43.82

100 Backstroke 100 Breaststroke 400 Freestyle Relay

1:00.15 1:10.23 3:44.69

Meridith Nelson ’05, Claire Schultz ’02, Courtney Fitzpatrick ’05, Krista Nylen ’03 Meridith Nelson ’05 Meridith Nelson ’05 Krista Nylen ’03 Kate Brodie ’02 Catie Lee ’95 Meridith Nelson ’05 Rachel Reichard ’99 Grace McDonough ’10, Josette LaRochelle ’11, Erin Yang ’12, Kasia Ifill ’13 Meridith Nelson ’05 Claire Schultz ’02 Meridith Nelson ’05, Francesca Izzo ’06, Courtney Fitzpatrick ’05, Christina Fish ’06 Spring 2012 35

Every swimmer has the support of her teammates, who take positions on either side of the pool for each race to cheer, leaning over the sides to yell encouragement.

Sometimes the loudest cheers are for the last swimmers, pushing themselves to the finish.

“The best part of our team is that we really support each other during the races.

Someone is always cheering for each swimmer,” says Eric.

The coaches multitask: tracking each swimmer’s split with a stopwatch, and keeping track while also keeping an eye on the race.

“When they time my splits, I can see if I’m going out too fast or slow. It helps me better pace myself in the next race,” says Genevieve Iwanicki (II).

Many Milton swimmers are very experienced and successful, and a number have competed on year-round club teams since their single-digit years. Some juggle both the Milton team and their club team during the season. The sport demands commitment, but all of the swimmers know what their priority must be.

“School has to be first. You have to use your time efficiently. It’s not always easy, but I love swimming, so it’s worth it,” says Eric Zhang (III).

The team competes against nine to eleven schools in a season, in dual meets or in three-team contests. The meet against Deerfield requires the furthest distance away for a regular meet. On one bitterly cold Saturday in January, the team heads to the UMass pool for a home meet against Worcester Academy. Their previous meet against Exeter, a longtime swimming powerhouse with post grad swimmers on the team, was a tough one. The coaches, however, are focused on the swimmers.

“They’re swimming well,” says Coach LaRochelle.

A swim meet is a coordinated, collective effort that relies on the swimmers, coaches, officials and volunteers. Coach Tyler arrives early to set up Milton’s timing and sound system. The empty pool quickly fills up.

Eighty swimmers and coaches fill the pool

36 Milton Magazine

deck; spectators take seats above, in the stands. The room is wet and noisy as swimmers get in the pool to warm up.

The meet includes 22 individual and relay races, alternating between girls’ and boys’ competitions. When one race finishes, the next one begins within a minute or two. Until they arrive at the pool and see the lineup list, the swimmers don’t know which races they are swimming. Some groans emanate from swimmers who aren’t too happy with their lot. A few pleas to the coaches to make a switch are quickly rebuffed. This is a team effort, and everyone must do a part.

Team captains Vincent Kennedy (I) and Erin Yang (I) will swim the 500 (20 laps)— the longest race. Both seemed unfazed by the assignment, though neither usually swims this race. Erin will win her 500, as well as the 50 Freestyle and 200 Freestyle Relay, where she swims the last leg. Her talents shine in this meet. Vincent places second in the 500 and is surprised by how much he enjoyed the pace of a long race.

In each race, swimmers compete both for the team and for themselves. Can they improve their time and beat their splits?

Will they place in the top three and earn points for the team? Will they hold up their end in the relay? Not every swimmer is going to earn points today, but the effort and meeting personal goals count and are noticed.

Each coach has a unique cheer. Coach Tyler, who once dyed his hair pink to celebrate a girls’ relay team breaking a record, uses a loud, staccato “Come on! Come on!” Coach LaRochelle purses his lips into a piercing whistle that rings out across the pool.

The swimmers say they can hear it during certain races, depending on the race and stroke.

As racers finish, they run over to the coaches to hear their splits and feedback.

“You’re a rock star!” “It’s all right. No worries.” There are high-fives and good-natured joking as well as brief one-on-one talks about strokes and form.

“The coaches are my favorite part of the team,” says Erin. “They understand that I have trained a lot more yardage than you normally do in high school swimming, but they got me over the idea that hard yardage was the only way to get faster. I’m a lot smarter in my races, which is why I’m dropping time.”

Midway through the races, after the 50 Freestyle, the teams break for the diving competition. Milton’s two diving coaches are Interfaith Chaplain Suzanne DeBuhr and Kristi Jacobi, an assistant director of admission. They work closely with Milton’s four divers during practice, critiquing and encouraging. Even when an opposing team does not field any divers, the Milton divers still compete and earn the points. Milton swimmers line one wall to cheer for their teammates. In a show of sportsmanship, the Worcester swimmers gather on the

other side and lend their support. In this moment, the individual on the one-meter board and his or her impressive twists and turns into the water is everyone’s focus.

In a regular meet, divers need a repertoire of six dives. Ian Kennedy (IV), brother of Vincent, is new to diving and has only three, so Ian dives as exhibition and his points don’t count. You wouldn’t know that from the cheers. The other three divers are Matt Rohrer (II), Josh Ellis (II) and Tiffany Nguyen (I). The two judges sit in chairs, their faces grim and hard to read, but their scores make the divers and crowd happy. In the end, Tiffany earns her highest score of the season at this meet. Matt earns second place for boys, while Josh places first and receives his highest score of the season.

Unlike the other divers, Josh competes in the races despite using the practices for diving only. A natural in the water, today he places first in the 50 Freestyle and the

200 Freestyle Relay, and second in the 200 Medley relay. Josh swims the last leg in both relays.

When diving concludes, it’s back to the races. Rex Li (III) has a strong day with two second-place finishes in individual races, and first- and second-place finishes in relays. Brian Trippe (I) and Eric also finish strong in their races. For the girls, Kasia Ifill (II) places first in the 100 Butterfly and second in the 200 Individual Medley.

Maura Gately (III), Laura Barkowski (IV), Faith Pang (IV) and Zoe Kurtz (II) also have strong races. Credit goes to Steven Char (IV), sick all week, who still gets in the pool and swims both the 200 Freestyle and the 500, where he misses third place by a hair.

Sophie Kaufman (IV) is swimming with a recovering shoulder injury, but she still places third in the 100 Backstroke. All of the swimmers, regardless of finish, have given their best effort.

In the end, the meet goes to Milton 177–161.

The girls win 103–73 and the boys, who are missing a couple of swimmers today, lose 74–88. “Gang, a fabulous meet today! Great energy and great job!” says Coach Tyler as the swimmers crowd around when the meet finishes. After a cheer of support for Worcester, the tired swimmers head off to the locker room to change while the coaches start breaking down the timing system, to store away for the next meet.

“The first goal, year after year, is to make sure the swimmers have a great team experience,” says Coach LaRochelle. “That’s true regardless of how fast you swim, how high you can dive, or whether your stroke is technically correct. The swimmers on the team love the swim team. Our focus is on personal effort and improvement, teamwork, and sportsmanship.”

Liz Matson

Spring 2012 37

A Fond Farewell

Ann Carter 1917–2011

Ann and Ad out of doors, where they were happiest.

O

mountains and cliffs and ski trails that could be reached from School, for a day or for a weekend. A smaller number of us took part in summer expeditions to the Rockies, Alaska, the Alps and the Andes.

In her Christmas letter to family and friends, she wrote of her marvelous, active summer at her family’s place on the Cape, surrounded by her offspring, swimming in Pleasant Bay and sailing her ancient catboat. More good times followed in Jefferson, New Hampshire, at the Carter family place, so familiar to generations of Milton skiers and climbers.

In the early years, the forays from School were made under the banner of the Ski and Mountaineering Club, with Ad as faculty advisor, leader, guide, driver and equipment supplier, and with Ann as support. Today’s Outdoor Program, officially and appropriately the H. Adams Carter ’32 Outdoor Program, carries forward an expanded and endowed operation, thanks to the generosity of Gil Butler, Class of 1955. Through Ann’s extraordinary hospitality, the over 60-year tradition of winter weekends in the White Mountains at the Carter family home in Jefferson continued.

ne of my—and Milton’s—oldest and best friends, Ann Carter, died in December in Hanover, New Hampshire. She was the wife of Ad Carter ’32, longtime faculty member and renowned mountaineer.

Ann was in her 95th year, yet her death was surprising to those who knew her. She seemed ageless. Her parents lived to 100. I believe that Ann expected to reach or exceed that mark.

After describing a magical, hot-air balloon ride with son Peter over the fall foliage, she told us in straight-up fashion: “Unfortunately, life brings its unexpected.” She had been diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. She died on December 28, 2011.

Ad and Ann arrived at Milton in 1946. They remained an integral part of the School for the rest of their lives. Ad taught French, German and Spanish until his retirement in 1979. I had the honor of presenting him with the Milton Medal in 1993.

For several generations of students, myself included, his greatest connection and contribution, in addition to having Ann as a partner, was beyond the classroom—on the 38 Milton Magazine

That same hospitality was evident at their 361 Centre Street home, where Ann was surrogate parent to countless boarding students and foreign students with whom she remained connected throughout her life. Reflecting her practical side, and the winter-equipment requirements of her three skiing sons, she conceived of and launched Milton’s Annual Swap-It sale, to everyone’s benefit.

When three of our children attended Milton and I joined the board of trustees for a lengthy stint, I was again the beneficiary of Ann’s hospitality and friendship. The welcome mat was always out, as it was for countless others.

One weekend, when the American Alpine Club’s annual meeting was held in Boston, the house was full of notables

Ann welcomed generations of Milton students into her home in Jefferson, New Hampshire, including these outdoorsmen and women: Michael Berke ’11, Zach Perzan ’10, Caroline Owens ’11, Kate Elkind ’10, Sarah Kechejian ’11, and Sophie Bechek ’10.

from the climbing world. At breakfast were three Carter friends who had summited Mount Everest. Heady stuff for one who’d never climbed much over 11,000 feet.

Ann’s personal convictions, reflecting her Quaker upbringing, were strong but never strident. She was exceptionally and naturally kind. She balanced Yankee thrift with personal generosity. A basket of mending was often by her chair.

After Ann’s doctor cautioned that she had little time left, she was walking with son Peter, who told, “Instead of saying ‘Woe is me’ or ‘This isn’t fair,’ she grabbed my arm and said, ‘You know what the silver lining is about this? Now I’ll never have to grow old.’ And she was serious,” said Peter.

And she was right, say I. When Betty and I visited her after Thanksgiving, she was cheered by the company of numerous grandchildren. We reminisced about many good times. She said, “I’m ready for the next adventure,” and she was.

Farewell, Ann. I thank you. And Milton thanks you.

Harold Janeway ’54

Ann and Ad married in 1942 and enjoyed the world outside together for 53 years.

Spring 2012 39

Campus Walls Speak About History

M

ilton honors friends in many ways. Today’s students frequently find alumni clustered around photographs on a well-traveled hallway, locating an image that unlocks a trove of memories. Not only along hallways, but also in entryways or nooks, and showcased on walls that frame a key public space, Milton celebrates students, alumni, faculty and benefactors dating back to 1798. Many alumni in search of a memory enjoyed meeting Cathie Farrington, director of stewardship, who tended Milton’s collection with great care for many years before retiring in December 2011.

Until her retirement in December 2011, Cathie Farrington, director of stewardship, cared for tributes to friends that line Milton’s walls.

The Louis Andrews Memorial Scholarship is awarded each year to a student in Class II who has best fulfilled his or her potential in the areas of “intelligence, self-discipline, physical ability, concern for others and integrity.” The plaque hangs in the Robert Saltonstall Gymnasium, the original athletics facility of the Milton Academy Boys’ School. Robert Cook, Class of 1938, sculpted the wrestling figures that surround the wording; Robert Cook also created the familiar wrestlers sculpture on the front of the building.

Recipients of the Alfred Elliott Memorial Trophy, given for “self-sacrifice and devotion,” are listed on a plated plaque in the Robert Saltonstall Gymnasium (RSG).

Trophy winners are young men who “with inspiring example, either in practice or in competition, have given most unsparingly for the good of all.” Alongside this memorial is a similar plaque listing the recipients of the Robert Saltonstall Medal.

Boys’ athletic team photos begin in 1893 with the football team, and in 1895 with the baseball team, on the top floor of the RSG. The first hockey photo appears in 1907, tennis in 1915, and basketball and track in 1923.

The team photos wind down the RSG stairs, following chronologically, and fill the foyer before tracking down to the lower floor. The lower level of the gymnasium, where alumni will remember locker rooms and the uniform and equipment distribution office (“the cage”), is lined with team photos dated through 1996.

40 Milton Magazine

The Athletic and Convocation Center (ACC) opened in 1998 and features team photographs, of both boys’ and girls’ varsity teams, beginning in 1997.

Just outside the Fitzgibbons Convocation Center, the Sacerdote Family Trophy Gallery showcases Milton’s athletic victories. The case—given by Laurence Sacerdote ’93 and his father, Peter Sacerdote, a trustee from 1991 through 1995— includes plaques, trophies, championship cups and award plates.

In the Athletic Center, hand-painted, wooden plaques list the members of boys’ varsity teams from the early 1900s.

Past co-head monitors are listed in pairs on hand-painted plaques. The most recent Class I boys and girls who have led the Self-Governing Association are listed on plaques in the Student Activities Office, located at the heart of the Schwarz Student Center.

The Independent School League Squash Championship Cup, established in 1998, perches in the hallway of the Williams Squash Courts next to a photograph of Richard “Scotty” Stewart, Class of 1949. Scotty was a three-time U.S. Amateur Hardball Champion and coached Milton’s squash team from 1999 to 2005. Each season, the team’s most improved player receives an award in his name.

The interior walls of the Williams Squash Courts showcase the history of Milton’s squash program, spearheaded by Frank Millet in 1964. Among the images and plaques are team photos; most valuable and most improved player listings; tributes to the program’s former coaches; and “team” photos from the Graduates’ Invitational Tournament, affectionately known as “The FDM.” Spring 2012 41

On the third floor of Wigglesworth Hall—home to the history department— memorials honor graduates who served in the United States armed forces and gave their lives. Forty-four men and one woman—Portia Appleton Miller ’39— were killed in action during World War II.

“What the Students Saw: Piece for Guy” is a sculpture by John Bisbee ’84, memorializing Guy Hughes, English faculty member from 1968 to 1997 and former department chair. The sculpture weaves together in graceful, integrated arcs, welded, 12" spikes.

Cum Laude Society inductees from 1923 to 1984 appear on hand-painted plaques on the second floor of the William Coburn Cox Library, above the fiction bookshelves. The Milton Academy Cum Laude Society chapter was established on May 23, 1921. Milton was the 27th school in the United States to join the society.

Wigglesworth Hall is a trove of Academy history, beginning with the portrait of George Wigglesworth—president of Milton Academy from 1918 to 1921, and member of the board of trustees from 1894 to 1921. Photos of veteran, wellremembered faculty that line the Wigg main floor hallway are sought out by alumni; they often collect fascinated viewers who are visiting Milton for the first time and are moved by the memories honored in these images.

The School’s most recent Cum Laude Society inductees line the wall of the reference section of Cox Library; these plaques list members from 1985 to 2011.

Along the walls connecting the head of school’s office and the Schwarz Student Center, Milton visually memorializes those faculty who have taught at the Academy for 25 years or more. Many of these favorite men and women are teaching today.

42 Milton Magazine

Girls’ varsity team photos through 1997 decorate the Caroline Saltonstall Building, which was the original Girls’ School gymnasium. This photograph collection honors the legacy to girls’ athletics of athletic director Priscilla Bailey and devoted coach and faculty member Dorothy J. Sullivan—a pair affectionately referred to as “Sully-Bail.”

In Ware Hall, the original schoolhouse of Milton’s Girls’ School, a pictorial history of the Girls’ School from 1901 to 1981 includes photographs from the daily life of the school, and painted portraits of Sarah Storer Goodwin, first principal of the Girls’ Upper School from 1901 to 1928, and of Margaret A. Johnson, principal of the Girls’ School from 1950 to 1981.

This stone carving, dedicated to George Wigglesworth, greets visitors entering “Wigg Hall” from Centre Street: “We hope the time will never come when devotion to high ideals, unselfish service and heroic self-sacrifice will not command the admiration of mankind. Such service, and such living, are the beacon light which leads humanity forward and upward.”

Photographs by John Gillooly

Spring 2012 43

on centre

Isabel Chun, Class III, Illustrates a Recently Published Book

I

sabel Chun ’14 has illustrated her first published children’s book. Her childhood love of painting ultimately led her to this project. Isabel’s vivid and colorful illustrations appear in The Kwik Adventures of Baxter Brave and Tommy the Salami, the story of a young boy who sets off with his dog from the high-rise buildings of Hong Kong for an aroundthe-world adventure. Traversing four chapters—The Desert, The Ocean, The Jungle and The Mountains—the duo encounter storms, beautiful landscapes, and a variety of animals that help them along the way.

“My favorite chapter to work on was The Jungle, but my favorite illustration is the starry sky that appears in the desert chapter,” says Isabel.

The book contains nearly 100 illustrations, each artfully created

by Isabel’s hand. Each illustration was formed in two parts:

44 Milton Magazine

an ink drawing, which provided the outline, and a watercolor element that filled in the color and texture. Isabel scanned both portions into a computer and merged the two in Photoshop, creating vibrant images that reflect a child’s sense of whimsy.

“The part I most enjoyed was combining the watercolor and ink and seeing the result. The most challenging part of the process was learning how to tell a story through art. This was my first experience with this challenge, and I had to figure out what perspectives would appeal to children.”

Isabel attended the Hong Kong International School (HKIS) before beginning at Milton this year, following in the footsteps of her brother, Tze-Ngo Chun ’98 and sister, Tze-Cheng Chun ’02. (Both siblings are also artists—a fi lmmaker and dancer, respectively.)

Last spring, Derek Kwik, a Hong Kong–based financier and HKIS alumnus, returned to his alma mater in search of a student with artistic talent to help him with the story he was writing. Isabel’s portfolio of paintings, drawings and fabric designs impressed him. The two worked closely on the project over a period of eight months. When the book was first released in Hong Kong, Isabel was completing her first semester at Milton and missed the initial launch party.

“I saw the first copy about a month after it was published,” says Isabel. “I flew home for winter break and after a 16-hour flight, I walked into my bedroom and saw stacks of the book. I was so happy!”

While home in Hong Kong, she attended a second book launch held at her former school. She says it was rewarding to see young students reading her book.

At Milton, art is part of Isabel’s daily life. She takes a Studio Art class and always keeps a sketchbook close at hand. Fashion is another of Isabel’s passions; last summer she took courses at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York. She has a sewing machine in her dorm room and makes her own dresses for special occasions.

“In my future, I don’t necessarily want to be a professional artist, but I want art to be a part of what I do.”

The Kwik Adventures of Baxter Brave and Tommy the Salami is only available in Hong Kong, but the publisher is working to make it available through an online bookseller here in the United States. All profits from the book go to the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

messages “If you define your gravity, you can’t be held down.

You are about excellence, and the only person holding you back is you. Stay hungry. Stay lean.

Follow your dreams, have a purpose and go after it.”

Ben Vereen Tony Award–winning performer and humanitarian, Mr. Ben Vereen, joined Milton students this fall in class and in performance. He has acted in film, in television and onstage in shows including Roots, Pippin, Wicked, Hair, Jesus Christ Superstar, The Muppets and Grey’s Anatomy. For his humanitarian contributions, he has received Israel’s Cultural and Humanitarian Awards, three NAACP Image Awards, and an Eleanor Roosevelt Humanitarian Award.

“This history of lynching and racial violence has had an enormous effect on our criminal justice system today, where we still see racial imbalances, bias and prejudices in everything from police treatment to capital punishment.”

Amy Louis Wood Professor Amy Wood, author of Lynching and Spectacle: Witnessing Racial Violence in America, 1890–1940, delivered the eighth Henry R. Heyburn Lecture in History in January.

With students, she examined visual representations of lynching and the construction of white supremacy in the Jim Crow era.

She specializes in American cultural history in the late 19th and early 20th centuries and the history of the U.S. South. Professor Wood teaches at Illinois State University.

Ray Suarez Broadcast journalist Mr. Ray Suarez wove together evidence, from quotes and video clips, that demonstrates the complex relationship between religion and politics in this country. Mr. Suarez is senior correspondent on the “PBS NewsHour” and author of The Holy Vote. He visited with students and faculty in November as the Class of 1952 Endowment for Religious Understanding Speaker.

“We have come to a crazy place in our national life.

Politicians are using religion as a marker or a quick reference meant to signal to voters, ‘I am like you.

Vote for me!’ It’s identity politics, pure and simple, in its most naked form.”

Rick Moody American novelist and shortstory writer Rick Moody was this fall’s Bingham Visiting Reader.

Best known for his highly acclaimed novels, The Ice Storm and Garden State, Mr. Moody read to students his short story “Boys,” from his 2001 collection, Demonology, and answered questions about his approach to the writing process.

“Boys enter the house. Boys enter the house. Boys, and with them the ideas of boys (ideas leaden, reductive, inflexible) enter the house.”

—opening line from Rick Moody’s “Boys” Spring 2012 45

Stephen Elliott ’99 Having studied engineering and computer science at Yale, Stephen Elliott ’99 became a commissioned Naval officer and served on the USS Henry M. Jackson, a ballistic missile submarine. He’s enrolled in a dual program at Harvard Business School and the Harvard Kennedy School. After earning his degrees, he plans to work in the clean-technology industry. Stephen was Milton’s 2011 Veterans’ Day Speaker.

“Military experience is so different from generation to generation, service to service, individual to individual. However, there’s a common thread: being willing to face hardship and adversity to support your values and to commit the most valuable asset you can possibly offer others: your time.”

Eliza Byard ’86 Dr. Eliza Byard ’86 is the executive director of the GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, a national organization working to ensure safe schools for all students, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression.

She has over 20 years of experience in nonprofit development and spearheaded the first-ever Ad Council campaign on LGBT issues, ThinkB4YouSpeak. On campus she was hosted by the student group GASP! (Gay and Straight People).

“The good news is that when you make the case well, carry the message in a way people can hear, and are willing to meet them where they are, they are willing to respond. There is significant common ground. Everywhere, people care about the well-being of young people and want them to succeed.”

46 Milton Magazine

“We’re told, as adoptees, that we were saved from a dire fate. I realized my fate would have been different—I wouldn’t be a filmmaker—but it would not have been dire. The women I met during my trip to Korea had led challenging, difficult lives, but they had led meaningful lives.”

Deanne Borshay Liem For more than 20 years, Deanne Borshay Liem has developed, produced and distributed independent fi lms, including her Emmy Award–nominated personal documentary First Person Plural, which won the grand prize for the best Bay Area documentary at the San Francisco International Film Festival. For her latest project, Geographies of Kinship: The Korean Adoption Story, Ms. Liem received funding from the National Endowment for the Humanities. She visited campus as the 2011 speaker in the Hong Kong Distinguished Lecture Series.

“The relative privilege that all of us in this room have, compared to the vast majority of Americans, is not a reason to avoid questions of economic inequality—because it makes us uncomfortable, or because of where we sit on the ladder. Our relative privilege is an opportunity. It is power, and what is power but the ability to make change?”

Heather McGhee ’97 Heather McGhee ’97 is a director at Demos, a multi-issue national organization that combines research, policy and advocacy to influence public debate and catalyze change. She works every day to address economic inequality.

As the 2012 Martin Luther King Jr. Speaker, she urged students to think about difficult economic issues.

Alumni Authors: Recently published works

My Journey: How One Woman Survived Stalin’s Gulag

by Ann McClellan ’68 National Geographic Society, January 2012 Washington, D.C.’s cherry blossom trees have enchanted residents and visitors for one hundred years. This spring, the National Cherry Blossom Festival celebrates the centennial of the gift of 3,000 cherry trees from Tokyo to our nation’s capital.

To mark the event, National Geographic has published this richly illustrated history by Ann McClellan.

The book tells the story of how the gift spawned our country’s greatest springtime celebration, which has grown into an extravaganza attended by more than a million people annually.

Stunning photography by Ron Blunt helps tell the history of the trees and signature events of the festival; the book also features information about the life cycle of cherry trees, as well as the different varieties found around the nation.

by Harry Gratwick ’55 The History Press, April 2011

by Olga Adamova-Sliozberg Translated by Katherine Gratwick Baker ’55 Northwestern University Press, August 2011 In the spring of 1936, Olga Adamova-Sliozberg’s husband, a professor at Moscow State University, was arrested and accused of being a Trotskyite.

A short time later, AdamovaSliozberg herself was arrested as the wife of “an enemy of the people.” Torn from her children, she spent a decade subjected to grueling interrogations and a prison regime designed to crush inmates both physically and psychologically. Released in 1946, she was rearrested three years later and spent another seven years imprisoned and then exiled in Kazakhstan.

Cherry Blossoms: The Official Book of the National Cherry Blossom Festival

Mainers in the Civil War

After her first year in prison, the author began to “write” her memoirs in her head every night (paper and pencils were unavailable to prisoners), chronicling the day-to-day story of her own survival, as well as the stories of the many men and women who suffered along with her. Her story, translated from the Russian by Katherine Gratwick Baker, gives voice to the millions who passed through the slave labor camps in Stalin’s Soviet Union.

Early on the morning of April 12, 1861, a mortar shell arched across the sky and exploded over Fort Sumter in the middle of Charleston Harbor. For the next 34 hours, Confederate artillery pounded Federal troops with shot and shell until the fort’s commander, Major Robert Anderson, surrendered and agreed to evacuate his men.

Who’s Afraid of Post-Blackness?

What It Means to Be Black Now

by Touré ’89 Free Press, September 2011 In the 21st century, racial attitudes have become more complicated and nuanced than ever.

Inspired by a president unlike any Black man ever seen on America’s national stage, many are searching for new ways of understanding Blackness.

Commentator and journalist Touré begins his book by examining the concept of “PostBlackness,” a term defining artists who are proud to be Black but don’t want to be limited by identity politics and boxed in by race.

He discovers that the desire to be rooted in but not constrained

by Blackness is everywhere. In Who’s Afraid of Post-Blackness? he argues that Blackness is infinite, that any identity imaginable is Black, and that all expressions of Blackness are legitimate.

Far to the north, the great state of Maine did not witness any Civil War battles. Mainers, however, contributed to the war in many important ways. Hailing from the mainland to the islands, soldiers bravely fought to preserve the United States in most major battles. Men like General Joshua Chamberlain, the hero of Little Round Top, proudly returned home to serve as governor. Maine native Hannibal Hamlin was Abraham Lincoln’s first vice president. Maine’s women sacrificed and struggled to maintain their communities and support the men who had left to fight. In his book, Harry Gratwick documents the stories of these and other Mainers who preserved “The Way Life Should Be” for their state and their country.

The author divulges stories of how race and racial expectations have shaped his life, and he explores how the concept of Post-Blackness functions in politics, society, psychology, art, culture and more.

His book includes the thoughtprovoking ideas and opinions of cultural icons Cornel West, Henry Louis Gates Jr., Malcolm Gladwell, Melissa Harris-Perry, Chuck D, Mumia Abu-Jamal, and many more. Who’s Afraid of PostBlackness? delivers a clarion call on race in America and how we can change our perceptions for a better future.

Spring 2012 47

Fragile Beginnings: Discoveries and Triumphs in the Newborn ICU

New Members of the Board of Trustees

by Adam Wolf berg, M.D. ’88 A Harvard Health Publications Book Beacon Press, February 2012 Half a million babies are born prematurely in the United States every year. As doctors and parents make decisions about lifesaving care in the first hours of a premature infant’s life, they must grapple with profound ethical and scientific questions: Who should be saved? How aggressively should doctors try to salvage the life of a premature baby, who may be severely neurologically and physically impaired?

What will that child’s quality of life be like after millions of dollars are spent saving her? As a specialist in high-risk obstetrics, Dr. Adam Wolf berg explores those questions at the beginning of life from the frontlines of the NICU. Dr. Wolf berg is also the father of a premature child, and he describes his daughter’s precipitous birth that left her tenuously hanging on to life. His book examines the limitations of newborn intensive-care medicine as well as the field of neuroplasticity, which looks at how the brain adapts to injury and change.

Dr. Wolf berg also takes his readers into the lab, where researchers are hoping to dramatically improve the futures of children born too soon.

Wendy Nicholson ’86 is managing director of Citigroup’s investment research division and has been rated one of the best analysts in her sector. She has been involved with Milton in recent years as a member of the Head of School’s Council. Wendy completed her undergraduate studies at the University of Pennsylvania and earned her M.B.A. from New York University.

American Veterans on War: Personal Stories from World War II to Afghanistan

by Elise Forbes Tripp ’60 Olive Branch Press, November 2011

Wendy Nicholson ’86

American Veterans on War is a timely, oral-history collection that gathers stories of war as experienced by those involved firsthand. The words of 55 veterans—ranging in age from 20 to 90 years—raise questions about when the wars are worth fighting, what missions can and can’t be won, and the costs and benefits of the United States intervention, both around the world and domestically. Recent veterans tell stories of coping with hostile forces and of the lasting traces of combat they face once they return home.

Elise Forbes Tripp’s collection spans generations, race, class, sex, and branches of the military, providing a full and varied portrait of what it means to be an American veteran. This overview, of three-quarters of a century of American wars, grounds that history in the words of the men and women whose lives were on the line.

Claire Hughes Johnson ’90 is vice president of the global online sales division of Google.

She was a speaker at Google’s 2010 National Economic Impact conference in Washington, D.C. and was a panelist at the 2011 New York Times Small Business Summit. Daughter of the late Guy Hughes (English department), Claire has hosted events for Milton and served on her 20th Reunion committee. Claire graduated from Brown University and earned her M.B.A. from Yale University.

Claire Hughes Johnson ’90

Erick Tseng ’97 is head of mobile products for Facebook since May 2010, after having been a lead product manager at Google for four years. His team at Google launched the Android platform and led development of the Nexus One phone. Erick completed a dual bachelor’s and master’s degree program in computer science and electrical engineering at M.I.T., where he was the president of his class. Erick earned his M.B.A. from Stanford Graduate School of Business, where he was an Arjay Miller Scholar.

Erick Tseng ’97

48 Milton Magazine

in • sight Elizabeth Stanfield ’12 played the over-achieving Marcy Park in Milton’s production of The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.

Spring 2012 49

cl a ss notes

1950 Nancy Burley Chase is recovering well from illness and is back home in the Bahamas.

On her trip north last summer, she enjoyed spending time and speaking with many classmates: Nancy lunched with Joan Davidson Wilson and met with Rachel Felton Mullen in Buzzards Bay. She spoke with Suzanne Fitzgerald and Vinnie Corsini, and visited several classmates in Hingham and Scituate, Massachusetts. Alfred Bigelow visited for lunch on the boat; Tom Hall and his wife took Nancy and her husband, Graham, to lunch at the Cohasset Golf Club; and they met Betsy Stevens and her husband, Fred, one evening for dinner at the Harborside Restaurant. “It’s always nice chatting with classmates.”

1955 Classmates visited Al Scullin at the Belmont Manor Nursing Home this fall. John Parker Damon, John Arnold, Dick Reilly and Paul Robinson report that Al “is in good shape,” and they had a lovely time.

Katharine Gratwick Baker translated Olga Adamova-Sliozberg’s My Journey: How One Woman Survived Stalin’s Gulag from Russian to English. My Journey is one of the best known of all Gulag memoirs and one of the first to become widely available in underground circulation.

Katharine believes that the book may be a useful resource for students studying 20th-century history, Russian studies, and women’s studies, as well as the psychology of survival.

50 Milton Magazine

breathtaking space with detailed wood finishes at the reverse pulpit and balcony. Bill Weiler, husband of Duffy’s classmate Margie Horton, was the chairman of the building committee that helped maintain the structure’s integrity and meticulously worked with the building team to accomplish the rehabilitation. Learn more about Duffy and Rick’s work at www.monahonarchitects.com.

1982 Members of the Class of 1954 got together on October 18, 2011, at the home of Jim Perkins ’54 in Dedham, Massachusetts: Sally Sprout Lovett ’54, Liz Biddle Barrett ’54, Jean Worthington Childs ’54, Shannon Hartmann, Bill Hartmann ’54, Bob Lovett, Gunther Fritz ’54, Dan McSweeney ’54, Craig Haines ’54, Tom Rossiter ’54, Jim Perkins ’54, Rud Barrett, Larry Altman ’54.

1959 Phil Kinnicutt and his wife, Annetta, look forward to their “Pearls of Antiquity” Mediterranean cruise this summer. The Williams Society of Alumni is a sponsor, and the cruise will take guests from Athens to Istanbul, with stops at the Greek islands. Williams faculty members will offer lectures during the trip. Phil jokes, “I am sure I will pay closer attention to them than I did to my professors in Williamstown way back when!”

Ellen Gross Miles has recently married and is an emeritus curator at the National Portrait Gallery. She is finishing projects begun before her retirement and is considering writing another book. She and her husband travel quite a bit, “so life is busy and enjoyable, for sure. Hope to hear from anyone who comes to Washington.”

Duffy MacNaught Monahon and her husband, Rick, won a 2011 New Hampshire AIA Honors Award, for the restoration and rehabilitation of the Newbury Center Meeting House, which had fallen into disrepair. Its simple exterior opens to a stark,

Ben Jesup works in the solicitor’s office at the Department of the Interior in Washington, D.C., and helped negotiate a major settlement with environmental groups. “If all goes well, the settlement should greatly reduce litigation under the Endangered Species Act and allow the Fish and Wildlife Service to make decisions on the pending threatened and endangered status of over 250 species.” Ben reports that “life is sweet” with his wife, daughter (13), and good friends.

Ben plays tennis and bicycles to keep fit, and goes birding for fun.

1988

John Coburn ’59 was at Fenway Park on September 16, 2011, and met Heidi Watney, the NESN Red Sox on-field reporter.

Jonathan Lee works at Framingham State University in Massachusetts in the office of academic affairs. He is the director of grants and sponsored programs, garnering funding from foundations, corporations and governmental agencies. Prior to assuming this role, he worked in foundation relations at Brandeis University and Children’s Hospital Trust. “If you plan to be in the Boston MetroWest region, please let me know. I would be happy to meet for coffee.”

Harry Norweb ’66 (left) and Guild Tucker ’66 rode elephants in the Mekong River near Luang Probang, Laos. In April 2011, during a trip to China and Southeast Asia, Harry and his wife, Pam, toured with Guild for a week in Laos and Thailand. Guild lives in Laos and Thailand and travels throughout Asia for a company headquartered in Vientiane, Laos.

1989

1996

Touré released a new book in September titled Who’s Afraid of Post-Blackness?

Alexa Gilpin Janssen ’96 married Michael Janssen on October 15, 2011, at Khimaira Farm in Luray, Virginia. Alexa’s brother Blake Gilpin ’97, classmate Jessica Robinson Gemm ’96, and former faculty and staff members Annette Raphel and Susan Case attended the wedding. Alexa’s brother Christopher (Critter) Gilpin ’00 was not able to attend, as he and his wife, Allison, live in Australia and had a baby girl in September.

1995 Alejandro Amezcua and David Murray were married in Syracuse, New York, on July 25, 2011. A postdoctoral scholar in the Whitman School, Alejandro has been chosen as this year’s National Federation of Independent Business (NFIB) Dissertation Award winner by the Academy of Management. Titled “Boon or Boondoggle? Business Incubation as Entrepreneurship Policy,” his dissertation investigates whether incubated new ventures outperform those that are not incubated. Alejandro holds a Ph.D. and an M.P.A. from the Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs at Syracuse University.

Laura Semerjian Sherman, husband Terry, and big brother Alex are pleased to announce the birth of Henry Stanton Sherman.

Henry was born on December 1, 2011.

1999

Guild Tucker ’66, Ted Southworth ’66, Harry Norweb ’66 and Chuck Hunnewell ’66 enjoyed a lobster dinner at Harry’s home in Marion, Massachusetts. Guild lives in Vientiane, Laos, and Phuket, Thailand; Ted in Naperville, Illinois; and Chuck in Red Bank, New Jersey.

Ed Lintz ’89 married Mary Mazzello on August 13, 2011, in Hyde Park, New York.

Many Milton friends helped them celebrate: Arkadi Gerney ’93, Phil Lintz ’95, Olu Rodney ’89, Evan Hughes ’94, Helena Baillie ’97 with Isabel Luzzi, Claire Hughes Johnson ’90, Kathleen Lintz Rein ’92, Louise Lintz, Touré ’89, John Avlon ’91, Seth Reynolds ’90.

On October 3, 2011, Andy Houston and his wife, Katie, welcomed their second child, Maximo Alexander Houston.

Big sister, Lucy, loves her baby brother.

2003 Sarah Gifford and her brother, Stephen Gifford ’05, started a company called Harding-Lane in the wake of the 2008 recession.

They are happy to announce that their unique needlepoint baseball caps are now sold in 35 stores around New England. Their ecofriendly hats will also be sold by Orvis as part of the spring 2012 line. A portion of Harding-Lane’s

Alexa Gilpin Janssen ’96 married Michael Janssen on October 15, 2011, at Khimaira Farm in Luray, Virginia.

Spring 2012 51

Lydon Friedrich Vonnegut ’95 and her husband, Eli, welcomed their daughter, Volney Jane Vonnegut, on November 1, 2011. She is, perhaps, a future Mustang—Class of 2029!

Jessica Robinson Gemm ’96 and her husband, Mike, welcomed their son, Nathaniel Derek Gemm, on July 25, 2011. He has already attended his first Milton wedding—Alexa Gilpin Janssen’s beautiful ceremony in October.

Katherine Hadley Cornell ’97 and her husband, Kevin, welcomed their son, Connor Elliott Chesterton, on June 14, 2011.

Katharine Burrage Schmitt ’98 and her husband welcomed their baby girl, Hayden Eleanor Schmitt. Katharine says, “She is awesome and we are loving every minute.”

proceeds go to environmental organizations. For more about their company and product line, visit www.harding-lane.com.

they have different taste in girls and don’t fight. John often sees Liz O’Neil, who also lives in the D.C. area. Thayer is unattached and gets his thrills by jumping off cliffs into the Potomac River.

Are you…

• searching for employment or looking to hire?

• seeking a career mentor or interested in advising?

• thinking about going back to school or making a career change?

Your Milton Academy alumni network is a great place to start, and we’re making it easier than ever with our new online career site.

The Milton Academy Career Advisory Network What’s in it for you?

How do I get started?

Search the directory by profession, employer name, college or university, graduate school, location, career stage or hiring role.

• Log in to Milton’s Alumni Community at www.milton.edu/alumni.

• Click “Career Advisory Network” on the left navigation bar.

• Complete a career profile.

Sign up to become a career mentor for a fellow graduate or a Milton student, or to find your own mentor.

Questions?

Contact Kristin Ostrem 617-898-2421 kristin_ostrem@milton.edu

52 Milton Magazine

or Rhianne Crowley 617-898-2375 rhianne_crowley@milton.edu

2005 Malcolm “Thayer” Dennison was working in Albany doing computer-assisted design of heating ventilation and airconditioning systems with an engineering firm. His brother, John Dennison, has been successful at retrieving lost billing for large academic, surgical practices at his firm, Accustream.

John recommended Thayer for a job at his company, and the twins now live together, commute together, and have twin cubicles at Accustream. Thank goodness

2007 Jeffrey Park graduated from Claremont McKenna College in 2011, traveled to Europe after graduation, and now works fulltime as a product-marketing specialist for Atlassian, a technology firm in San Francisco, California.

2010

2011

Catie O’Sullivan is a member of the varsity sailing team at Dartmouth and travels every weekend for regattas around New England. She is on the board of the Council of Student Organizations and works in the undergraduate admissions office. She also participates in the Rockefeller Foundation’s Management and Leadership Development Program, and is a member of Delta Delta Delta.

Wayne Chang is studying biomedical engineering at Washington University in St. Louis, rooming with James Meresman. Wayne lived in Taiwan over the summer, and visited Hong Kong with Mariko Azis. There they met up with Lauren Cheng, Jackson Tse, Jane Ma, Ainikki Riikonen and Natalie Jones.

David Lee is at Emory University, planning to concentrate in prelaw and international business.

David was elected to the SGA Residential Life committee and the international student advisory board. He continues playing soccer and lacrosse there as well. The summer before college, David was a member of the Korean National Lacrosse Team. He says, “All my experiences after high school relate to what I learned and experienced at Milton. I fondly recollect the memories I fostered with friends and teachers during my time there.”

Sarah Gifford ’03 and her brother, Stephen Gifford ’05, have started a company called Harding-Lane, which sells eco-friendly, unique, needlepoint baseball caps. A portion of HardingLane’s proceeds go to environmental organizations. For more about their company and product line, visit www.harding-lane.com.

Joshua Pressman ’00 married Florice Engler on November 20, 2010, in Closter, New Jersey. Mustangs in attendance included Merrill Feather Richey ’00, Prue Hyman ’00, Matt Heck ’00, Drew Konove ’00, Will Connors ’00, Shannon Gulliver ’00 and Ben Alschuler ’00. Flori and Josh live in Manhattan.

Members of the Class of 2000 celebrated the marriage of Merrill Feather ’00 to Keith Richey on July 9, 2011. In attendance were Molly Graham ’00, Ashley Carter ’00, Drew Konove ’00, Miji Choi ’00, Ben Alschuler ’00, Lauren Ng ’00, Prue Hyman ’00, Peter Smith ’00, Matt Heck ’00, Shannon Gulliver ’00, Josh Pressman ’00 and Dave Malkenson ’00.

Sarah Pease ’01 married Jerry Murphy on November 19, 2011, in Boston, Massachusetts. Mustangs in attendance included Cedar Goldman McKee ’01, Meredith Jalkut ’01, Alana Burke ’01, Christina Vinios ’01 and Jason Dillow ’97.

Sarah’s sister, Abby Pease ’96, was matron of honor. The newlyweds are living in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Sarah works in the development office at Tufts University and Jerry is in his second year at Harvard Business School.

Eugene Izumo ’00 and Angela Yee married in Malibu, California. Classmates Scottie Vasquez ’00, Vincent Lee ’00, Dave Chang ’00, and Eugene’s sister Alice Izumo ’02 helped the couple celebrate.

Spring 2012 53

Members of the Class of 2002 reunited at an event hosted by the Orange & Blue Circle Committee on November 25, 2011, in Boston, Massachusetts: Annie Mathews ’02, Hillary Frankel ’02, Jenny Cohen ’02, Anne Duggan ’02, Emily Cutrell ’02, Richie Howe ’02 and Talya Wyzanski ’02.

Taking a break from their studies Milton’s alumni office hosted events in cities around the Northeast for grads at nearby colleges and universities to enjoy good food and catch up—trading Milton memories and stories of college life.

Boston—September 22, 2011 New York City—October 5, 2011 Providence—October 20, 2011 Washington, D.C.—November 3, 2011 Ithaca, New York—November 20, 2011 Boston, Massachusetts

New York, New York 54 Milton Magazine

Providence, Rhode Island

Deceased 1930 1935 1936 1938 1939 1941 1944 1947 1948 1949

1959 1979 1992 2011

Perkins Bass Daniel S. Cheever Rosemary Crocker Kemp William E. Eustis John H. Meyer, Sr. Henry F. Mixter Conrad Wesselhoeft, Jr. Joan Harding King Richard H. Barbour, Jr. David Skinner Richard Flender Powell M. Cabot, Jr. Edgar Crocker Roger P. Griswold Minturn V. Chace Christopher C. Getch Christian P. Ciavarro Satto Tonegawa

Friends Ann Brooks Carter Dick Latch Margaret Saletta

Washington, D.C.

Club and was on the stage crew for several Gilbert and Sullivan productions. After Milton, Henry graduated from MIT and served our country by building Liberty ships and minesweepers. He then began a 36-year career at the Falk Company in Milwaukee.

Henry was much beloved, with a ready smile—a gentleman to the core, and an example of how to live life well while treating everyone with love and respect. His sense of humor is exemplified by his choice of an email address: “geezermix.”

Henry Mixter ’39 died on October 22, 2011, fewer than two months after his 91st birthday.

Henry lived in Upton House at Milton. He was a member of the Glee Club and the Science

Henry is survived by his wife, Clara, four of his children, eight grandchildren, and four great-grands.

Galen Stone ’39

Mike Chace ’59 died peacefully at home in Bedford, New York, on December 28, 2011, surrounded by family. The past three years of Mike’s life involved a gallant battle against cancer.

While attending Harvard, Mike met Helen Clay Symington. They subsequently married and were inseparable ever after. Mike had a distinguished Navy career, after which he earned his degree from Harvard Business School. Mike’s career was based in consulting and financial management, where his wide-ranging knowledge and inquisitive mind were important assets.

Richard Flender ’48 died on October 26, 2011. Having graduated from Yale and Virginia Law School, Dick was a banker with J.P. Morgan for 35 years. He and his wife, Norma, shared over 50 years of happiness. As described by his family, “He was loved and respected by all who knew him, and will be sorely missed for his humor, joie de vivre, certain flair, and lovely manner.”

Brad Richardson ’48

In addition to being an avid sailor, skiier and choral singer, Mike was foremost an exceptional father to daughters Martha and Susie, and grandparent to four.

During his last year, he produced and published a family history. In it, Mike speaks to his grandchildren about their future: “Your lives, if well led, can be full of joy. Yes, there are dark periods, but they at best serve as learning experiences. You cannot change the past, so do not dwell on it and miss out on your future. Just continue to do your best in what you are good at, and with good luck, and with God’s speed and blessing, your own journeys may be full of His Grace.”

Tom Claflin ’59

Ithaca, New York Spring 2012 55

p os t scrip t “From a place of joy and not fear”

by Annie Moyer ’97

I

recently married my partner of five years, Renée Coronado Martinez, at a courthouse in Brooklyn, New York. Four months earlier we held a formal ceremony in Renée’s home state of California. Our one witness at the courthouse was Emily Brooks, a friend since my freshman year at Milton. It was only fitting that Emily would stand there with us in the courthouse, and that so many of my Milton friends would celebrate with us at the wedding this past summer.

I cherish the experience I had at Milton; however, my memories of the school are complex.

For me, Milton was a place of deep traditions. Most of these traditions I hold dear, but not all of them. During my time at Milton, the mid-’90s, there was a prevailing and limiting notion of what is normal in relationships. Yet, my Milton friends were the ones who helped me when the cultural expectations I learned in high school and throughout my life began to run counter to who I wanted and needed to become.

I was 25 years old when I began to come to terms truly with being gay. The coming-out

56 Milton Magazine

reminded me relentlessly to operate from a place of joy and not fear. The list goes on and on.

process was harrowing. What I’d learned from society, from schools, from family and from peers about what it means to be gay was mostly negative.

In some cases these messages were painfully explicit, but in most cases they were passed on without thought or intention.

I had to face the deep sense of shame I had developed growing up. I had to break it down and let it go. That process could have been extremely lonely, and at times, it was. Mostly, however, I have experienced my growth within a community of loyal family and friends that love and care for me. For that I am lucky and eternally grateful.

My classmates from Milton, in particular, took on my struggle as if it were their own. Years ago, as we sat on the floor in the San Juan airport after a sailing trip with her family, Emily Brooks told me that she would never forgive me if I lived my life for other people and not for myself. Jared Miller talked with me for hours on the phone as I struggled to come to terms with myself and create new expectations for my life.

Lauren Wahtera Czapla comforted me when I was threatened on the train after holding Renée’s hand on the way home from work. Heather McGhee

While my experience of being gay is unique among my friends from Milton, the struggle, and ultimately the great freedom, in living an authentic life is certainly not. Over time I’ve tried to offer my friends the same support, the same challenging questions, and the same deep respect that they have given me. I value the fact that the bonds we developed at Milton, and the best of what we were taught at Milton, have years later allowed for such deep friendship. I’ve learned through experience that as we all grow up, and as our identities continue to evolve, this kind of relationship is one of life’s most precious gifts.

Post Script is a department that opens windows into the lives and experiences of your fellow Milton alumni. Graduates may author the pieces, or they may react to our interview questions. Opinions, memories, explorations, reactions to political or educational issues are all fair game. We believe you will find your Milton peers informative, provocative and entertaining.

Please email us with your reactions and your ideas at cathy_everett@ milton.edu.

Milton Academy Board of Trustees, 2011–2012 George Alex Cohasset, Massachusetts

Caroline Hyman New York, New York

Robert Azeke ’87 New York, New York

Harold W. Janeway ’54 Emeritus Webster, New Hampshire

Julia W. Bennett ’79 Norwell, Massachusetts Bradley Bloom President Wellesley, Massachusetts

Claire Hughes Johnson ’90 Menlo Park, California Lisa A. Jones ’84 Newton, Massachusetts

Bob Cunha ’83 Milton, Massachusetts

Stephen D. Lebovitz Weston, Massachusetts

Mark Denneen ’84 Boston, Massachusetts

F. Warren McFarlan ’55 Vice President Belmont, Massachusetts

Elisabeth Donohue ’83 New York, New York James M. Fitzgibbons ’52 Emeritus Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts

Chris McKown Milton, Massachusetts Erika Mobley ’86 Brisbane, California

John B. Fitzgibbons ’87 Bronxville, New York

Wendy Nicholson ’86 New York, New York

Catherine Gordan New York, New York

John P. Reardon ’56 Cohasset, Massachusetts

Victoria Hall Graham ’81 Vice President New York, New York

H. Marshall Schwarz ’54 Emeritus New York, New York

Margaret Jewett Greer ’47 Emerita Chevy Chase, Maryland

Frederick G. Sykes ’65 Secretary Rye, New York

Antonia Monroe Grumbach ’61 New York, New York

Erick Tseng ’97 San Francisco, California

Franklin W. Hobbs IV ’65 Emeritus New York, New York

V-Nee Yeh ’77 Hong Kong

Ogden M. Hunnewell ’70 Vice President Brookline, Massachusetts

Jide J. Zeitlin ’81 Treasurer New York, New York

Spring 2012 3

Milton Magazine Milton Academy Communications Office Milton, MA 02186 Change Service Requested

Graduates’ Weekend 2012 June 15–16 Come back to laugh, think, share, eat, reconnect, reminisce, listen, learn, cry, question, smile and sing.

Welcome back, members of the 2s and 7s. We miss you.

Join us.

• • • • • • • • •

engage your mind in faculty-taught classes indulge your artistic side with student performances stay overnight in the Milton houses revisit favorite campus spots and find new ones on a student-led tour suit up or cheer for your side at the alumni baseball game discuss Milton’s future with Head of School Todd Bland play in the sunshine on the Quad at the barbecue and family festival hear from a panel of students about Milton today connect with old and new friends over dinner, drinks and live music

Save the date, and learn more at http://www.milton.edu/alumni/reunion_weekend.cfm.

Non-Profit Organization U.S. Postage PAID Boston, MA Permit No. 58423