Mindful Magazine December 2014 Issue

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december

36 High Anxiety Anxiety disorders adversely affect the lives of about 40 million Americans. They are plagued by insecurity, dread, persistent stress, and irrational fears. Noted essayist and author Barbara Graham reveals her personal story of a lifelong struggle with high anxiety, and details her expansive search for relief and peace of mind.

44 The Game Changer Most coaches impose standards from the outside. Pete Carroll, head coach of the Super Bowl Champion Seattle Seahawks, asks his players to go inside— to find the confidence to be the best they can be. He coaches the whole person, and it changes their view of the game, and of life. Hugh Delehanty reports.

Sidebar: 3 Big Ideas that Molded Coach Carroll’s Philosophy p 47 Sidebar: Taking the Lead: Reducing Head Injuries p 52

PHOTOGRAPHS BY ROD MAR (TOP) AND MARVIN MOORE (BOTTOM)

Fifth Installment of our Getting Started Series

44

54 Bringing Mindfulness into Your Relationships Mindfulness can help us de-stress, but where it really gets put to the test is in our connections with others. Here’s how to bring attention and caring into your most important relationships—at home, at work, and in love.

62 Rising Awareness Author and baker Samuel Fromartz is fascinated by bread—as sustenance, culture, memory, and meditation. In his own kitchen, he finds his mind transported from an obsessive thinking machine to an intuitive organ of the senses.

“ . . . he realized that to succeed as a head coach, he needed to develop a clear philosophy of coaching that he could call his own.”

62

Hugh Delehanty on Seattle Seahawks’ coach Pete Carroll

December 2014 mindful 3

contents

december Departments 6 Your Thoughts Readers write, tweet, post.

7 The Mindful Quiz Answers to our reader survey on holiday habits.

32

74

It’s Not McMindfulness Our editor-in-chief on the rapid growth in workplace mindfulness programs and why that’s a very good thing.

12 Top of Mind Things that spark our minds, touch our hearts, and make us smile—or sometimes roll our eyes.

14 Mindful-Mindless Some people go above and beyond to be helpful; others, not so much. Our take on who’s paying attention and who’s not.

16 Bookmark This Writings, recordings, and apps that are capturing our attention.

18 Research Roundup Research is trying to keep pace with the explosion of interest in mindfulness.

Here are studies from the frontier.

20 Mindful Science Why Music Strikes a Chord Why can just a few notes of a familiar melody make us tingle with elation or twitch with anxiety? Sharon Begley explains music’s powerful sway on the brain.

84 MindSpace Artist Maira Kalman’s anguish during her annus horribilis.

4 mindful December 2014

Mindful Living

Mindful Practices

26 How to Live a Mindful Life

68 Techniques

Your Guide to Enjoying the Holidays Here are 11 ways to take time for what really matters and be more mindful this holiday season.

30 Body The Reluctant Yogi Yoga practitioner Sean Hoess reveals why, although he struggles and sweats through the poses, he keeps coming back for more.

32 Food Baking with Love and Cranberries Resident foodie and mindful eating advocate, Béatrice Peltre loves the tart flavor of the cranberry and says it’s a perfect ingredient for holiday baking.

Beware the Habit-Forming Brain!

How to tame your constant cravings by getting to know your brain better.

70 At Work Rightsizing Blues; Unstable Boss Syndrome Michael Carroll and Janice Marturano answer your workplace questions.

72 Ms. Mindful on Relationships Sex and Meditation are Perfect Bedfollows Although mindful loving requires paying deep attention, the results can be very satisfying: Better sex and orgasmic bliss!

74 Insight

Don’t Fall into the Self-Esteem Trap: try a little self-kindness Kristen Neff argues that instead of striving for self-esteem, we need to get in touch with ourselves in any given moment.

On our cover: Current Super Bowl Champions Seattle Seahawks Head Coach Pete Carroll. Photograph by Mike McGregor/Contour/Getty Images.

PHOTOGRAPHS BY BÉATRICE PELTRE, © SLASNYI / DOLLAR PHOTO CLUB, © MAGDALENA KUCOVA / DOLLAR PHOTO CLUB

8 Our Point of View

your thoughts

THE

MINDFUL QUIZ

you answered our reader survey on holiday habits What December holiday do you celebrate?

90% you asked Q: How does this “Meditation Diet” (“Getting Started,” October 2014) work? Will I lose weight?

MATTHEW KAPLAN Washington, DC

A: Nope. This meditation diet has nothing to do with your weight. Diet just happens to be a really good metaphor for fitting meditation into your life.

And we’re not talking about the sort of diet that’s directed toward a goal. We all have a diet: a set of things we eat at different times in the course of a day. We can treat meditation the same way. We can engage in different types of meditation for differing lengths of time and adjust them to the unique circumstances of our life. There is no one-size-fits-all meditation program.

you wrote in Meditation has taught me not to fear aging or the loneliness of old age (“Power Boost Your Aging Brain,” October 2014).

Ultimately, meditation reminds me I’m one part in a greater thread of humanity than myself.

Smita Malhotra Los Angeles, California

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Thanks for mentioning McGill University’s Programs in Whole Person Care—it’s the only medical school with a mandatory mindfulness course (“The Doctor is Not Well,” October 2014). So brilliant and obvious and much too rare, at least for now.

Susan Weseen Brooklyn, New York

There’s no scientific evidence that babies need to cry themselves to sleep! (mindful.org/ parentinglite) It’s well understood in child development and psychology that the first year in a child’s life is about building trust.

Katie Calagui San Rafael, California

connect To learn about future issues and upcoming events, sign up for our email newsletters at mindful. org. To share your feedback on this or other issues, email us with your full name, city, and state or province at mindful@mindful. org. You can also visit facebook. com/mindfulorg or tweet us @ MindfulOnline. For subscription questions, email subscriptions@ mindful.org.

Letters chosen for publication may be edited for length and clarity. All submissions and manuscripts become the property of The Foundation for a Mindful Society.

CHRISTMAS, 7% Hanukkah, and 3% the winter solstice. A few readers do not observe any holiday, but confide they enjoy seasonal decor and shortbread—except for one reader who fetes his dog’s birthday!

What’s your favorite holiday drink?

45%

HOT CHOCOLATE but 19% will try anything, as long as it’s spiked.

How stressful do you find the holidays?

55%

A LITTLE STRESSFUL 30% breeze through relaxed, without a care in the world.

12% find it stressful enough to chew fingernails (and toenails!).

When do you start your holiday planning?

63%

THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING, 20% start the day after Halloween, 9% the day after Labor Day, and 8% report that they started their planning three lifetimes ago (and are still not ready!).

Your favorite type of get-together can best be described as:

48%

AN INTIMATE DINNER PARTY, 12% prefer a casual open house, while 4% like to indulge in noisy bacchanals.

Sensibly, 28% of readers like any type of party—as long as they don’t have to host it.

When do you take your holiday decorations down?

61%

NEW YEAR’S DAY Confirming the smartass status of our readers: 20% responded “What decorations?” while a sizable portion commented, “You’re meant to take them down?”

Your idea of the perfect holiday season consists of:

90%

A LEISURELY TIME SPENT WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS but 7% would chuck it all in for a 10-day all-inclusive on the Mexican Riviera. Don’t forget the tanning lotion.

Happy Holidays to our readers and thanks for answering our quiz. We love to learn more about you, so watch out for our next quiz—it’s coming your way soon.

VOLUME TWO, NUMBER 5, Mindful (ISSN 2169-5733, USPS 010-500) is published bimonthly for $29.95 per year USA, $39.95 Canada & $49.95 (US) international, by The Foundation for a Mindful Society, 1776 I St, NW, #90046, Washington, DC 20006 USA. Periodicals postage paid at Washington, DC, and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Mindful, PO Box 469018, Escondido, CA 92046. Canada Post Publication Mail Agreement #42704514.

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December 2014 mindful 7

our point of view

It’s Not McMindfulness

Our must-read story this issue: A sports writer who also meditates, Hugh Delehanty, visits the Seattle Seahawks training camp, where they train the mind as well as the body. page 44

8 mindful December 2014

Pilates to violin to firefighting—mindfulness teachers need ongoing training and practice. Like health-care providers they need a code, which must include that real mindfulness may begin at stress relief but doesn’t have to end there. It naturally leads to inquisitiveness about our own minds and examination of how we’re connected to other people, of the causes and effects of our actions. Good mindfulness teachers are encouraging people to use the power of their minds—steadied through meditation—to look inside, outside, and all around.

Mindfulness may begin at stress relief, but it doesn’t have to end there. It can go much further.

Mindfulness practice, then, is not only about healing; it’s also about our actions and our performance. It has also been shown to draw out our creativity and caring.

Leaders touched by mindfulness may find innovations to solve real problems and help make a better life. Who knows what a leader—in workplaces from Ford Motor Company to the Los Angeles Fire Department—might do for the greater good with the aid of a little mindfulness?

Many companies offer counseling, because people are their most precious asset. And it’s helped employees become healthier personally and also better parents and spouses. But the counselors must be independent. If their mission is to counsel employees to follow corporate directives, they’ve crossed a line.

Just the same, people who teach mindfulness within organizations need to have a strong measure of independence. If they’re there, even subtly, to use mindfulness to cajole and control or merely to build focus—rather than help people to see their own choices clearly—then it’s not really mindfulness they’re teaching. ●

PHOTOGRAPH BY MARVIN MOORE

Barry Boyce, Editor-in-Chief barry@mindful.org

When Mae—the main character in Dave Eggers’ satirical novel The Circle— arrives naïve and fresh-faced on the campus of the Silicon Valley giant where she’s just been hired, she’s delighted to get a good job in a tough economy. It soon becomes clear, though, that Mae’s workplace is so insidiously controlling that it’s more like a cult than a company.

The culture there is all about connection, but the connections are forced and superficial. She has no room to examine her choices, as she’s mindlessly absorbed into a corporate culture where people don’t cultivate their own attention. They only seek it from others: see me, see me, like me, like me, share me, share me.

It’s a fictional account, but the concern about over-controlling workplaces is very real. Back east, Michael Lewis’ chronicles of Wall Street collapses—in The Big Short and Liar’s Poker—portray a culture of disconnection. The stewards of the world’s capital certainly didn’t care about Facebook likes, as they took massive risks that wreaked havoc on the lives of others while taking little responsibility for it. In their view, Lewis tells us, success is about individual achievement, while failure is a social problem.

Depictions like these of unchecked control or greed cause us all to be wary of corporate bad behavior, and some commentators are now wary that the rapid growth in workplace mindfulness programs will simply enable these kinds of excesses. The Economist, for example, worries that “the ancient art of meditation” is being cheapened and that “the whole point of the exercise is lost.” A blog on The Huffington Post warned of the dangers of “McMindfulness.”

Certainly, mindfulness can be oversimplified (it’s just about being present) or oversold (a few minutes a day will totally change your life), but it doesn’t have to be.

It can effect real change in a workplace.

Rather than enable bad behavior, it might actually decrease it, and in fact promote good behavior.

One key factor is the person teaching it. Like teachers of any discipline—from

When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed. —Maya Angelou

25 mindful December 2014

December 2014 mindful 25

PHOTOGRAPH © MIQUEL LLONCH / STOCKSY UNITED

PHOTOGRAPH © MIQUEL LLONCH / STOCKSY UNITED

mindful living

how to live a mindful life

11

Your Guide to Enjoying the Holidays The holiday season can be challenging.

Our “to do” lists are huge, so we race through each day, trying to get things accomplished, and often end up feeling stressed. This year, add some sanity pauses to your schedule to calm the chaos and help you embrace the potential for joy that the season presents. Here are ways to help you be more mindful this holiday season.

1

Go deep

Take time to reflect on what the spirit of the season means to you. Explore your feelings and become aware of how powerful and beneficial feelings of love and compassion toward others can be at this time of year. Then deepen that experience by reaching out to share it with others. Attend a group practice, go to a church service, or to your community center to volunteer. Being part of something bigger can help you remember your true focus.

Devise a bigstuff strategy 2

Plan well ahead, making decisions for yourself and jointly with others about what will happen during the holidays and who is responsible for what. Ensure everyone has ample time to make appropriate arrangements and everyone should agree at the outset that unless there are critical unforeseen events, plans will not change.

…and a small stuff strategy 3

Spend 5 minutes every morning planning your day. Sit with a cup of java or tea and write out an action plan.

When will you fit in meditation, some fitness, time for yourself? Have you planned a healthy dinner? If not, what’s the plan for buying one? If there’s a hectic day ahead, your plan will help you stay calm and focused.

Banish stress by making time to meditate 4

Our lives can be very hectic during the holidays, so it is important that you schedule some regular meditation practice. Remember that in moments of stress, it is in our power to step back, breathe, feel the sensations in the body, examine them with curiosity, and move on.

Manage expectations 5

People often have unreasonable expectations about what constitutes a “perfect” holiday. Don’t be drawn in, stay true to yourself and learn to say “no.” You cannot be present for yourself or others if you’re feeling taken advantage of. Or if you find yourself reverting back to old, negative patterns of behavior with family because of their expectations of you, give yourself the gift of breakingfree by politely extricating yourself—go for a coffee, take a drive, and spend some time alone. →

PHOTOGRAPHS: © AFRICA STUDIO / DOLLAR PHOTO CLUB, ©ISTOCK.COM/BAIBAZ

ways to take time for what matters

Read the rest of this article in Mindful’s December 2014 issue. Subscribe at mindful.org

The Reluctant Yogi I don’t find yoga easy. I struggle and sweat through the poses. But what I get from it is a sense of space in my body and mind, and that keeps me coming back for more.

By Sean Hoess Photograph by Joshua Simpson

Name: Sean Hoess Age: 43 Activity: Yoga Profession: Cofounder of Wanderlust Festivals Location: New York, New York

Read the rest of this article in Mindful’s December 2014 issue. Subscribe at mindful.org

science

Why Music Strikes a Chord Just a few notes of an old favorite song can make us crank up the volume, dance like there’s nobody watching, and take us back in time. Sharon Begley explains why music has the power to enable the recall of incredibly vivid memories from the corners of our mind.

Sharon Begley is the senior health and science correspondent at Reuters, author of Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain, and coauthor with Richard Davidson of The Emotional Life of Your Brain.

20 mindful December 2014

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip… You probably don’t care that I can remember every word and note of the Gilligan’s Island theme song, and you definitely don’t want to hear me sing it. But maybe you’re curious why you, too, can remember many more song lyrics than passages of prose, and even more melodies, and why meaningless sounds arranged in meaningless patterns have the power to calm, energize, frighten, inspire, cheer, or depress you, and sometimes move you to tears. What is it about

Samuel Barber’s Adagio for Strings that evokes pathos so reliably that it was played at the announcements of the deaths of FDR and JFK and at the funeral of Albert Einstein, among many others?

The roots of that raw emotional power are sunk deep within the brain, which seems to come pre-wired for music.

Long before babies have any significant experience with music, they can detect changes in pitch, tempo, and melodic contour. They can even recognize a tune when it’s played in a different pitch or tempo. According to

psychologist Sandra Trehub of the University of Toronto, infants also seem to have an innate preference for sounds, such as perfect fourths and fifths, that we label consonant, but recoil from dissonant sounds. This apparent innateness would suggest that musical understanding has ancient evolutionary roots, and indeed the oldest known instruments—sophisticated flutes made of vulture bones and mammoth ivory found in a cave in Germany—date to 42,000 years ago. Surely our ancestors must have made music, with simpler instruments and their own voices, much earlier.

This long evolutionary heritage has carved out neural systems dedicated solely to music: circuits that process and respond to music seem to be specialized for that and → Illustration by Sébastien Thibault

Cranberries are a nutritional superfood containing a stellar cast of phytonutrients that offer antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and anti-cancer protection.

• very good source of vitamin C, dietary fiber, and manganese • good source of vitamin E, vitamin K, copper, and pantothenic acid • rich in antioxidants and flavonoids Source: whfoods.com

food

Baking with Love and Cranberries Resident foodie and mindful eating advocate, Béatrice Peltre loves the rich, deep color and tart flavor of the cranberry.

When the French travel, it’s our custom to return home laden with the delicious foods indigenous to the place we visit.

When I discovered cranberries after moving to North America, I fell in love with these deep red, flavorful berries.

So, when family and friends visit from France, I make a point of sending them home with an abundance of cranberries.

Now I cook and bake using the fruit quite regularly because of their health properties as well as their taste. I once went to see them being harvested and it’s quite a production. Cranberries are grown in large, boggy fields that are flooded so the ripe cranberries float to the surface. Men in big Wellington boots use hoses to vacuum berries from the top of the water onto truck beds that will carry the berries to be packaged.

I was fascinated to learn that while the berries are floating on top of the water, their exposure to more sunlight increases the level of anthocyanin in the berries— this is the substance that gives the berries their intense color. Anthocyanins are phytonutrients with anti-inflammatory and other health benefits, and because I love to bake using healthy, organic ingredients, I think cranberries are a perfect ingredient for the holidays.

I have chosen a basic cranberry and apple crumble but I think the pecans and the orange zest adds a new taste dimension and the flavors are very seasonal.

My other recipe choice is a biscotti, made with an unusual combination of flours, yet gluten free, and made unique with the addition of cranberries and beautiful green pistachios from Sicily—absolutely delicious—and they make wonderful gifts. As I always say, food is love, and here is my latest offering. I hope you enjoy it. A votre santé et bon appétit! ●

Cranberry and Apple Crumble Serves 12 4

tablespoons unsalted butter, diced, + butter to coat baking dish 4 apples, peeled, cored, and diced 1 cup cranberries, frozen or fresh, chopped 1 teaspoon finely grated orange zest 1 ½ tablespoons pure vanilla extract ½ cup demerara sugar ⅓ cup millet flour ⅓ cup rolled oats ⅓ cup coarsely chopped pecans 1

Recipes, food styling, photographs, and narrative by Béatrice Peltre. Find more of her work at latartinegourmande.com.

tablespoon golden flaxseeds confectioner’s sugar, to serve

Preheat the oven to 400°F and butter a 7" x 10" baking dish; set aside.

In a large bowl, combine apples, cranberries, orange zest, and ¼ cup demerara sugar. Toss to coat well; set aside.

In a bowl, combine the millet flour, rolled oats, pecans, flaxseeds and the rest of the sugar. Add ½ tbsp vanilla and the butter. Make crumbles with the tip of your fingers.

Transfer fruit to baking dish and cover with the crumble. Bake for 35 to 40 minutes, or until the top is golden and you can see the juice of the fruit bubble lightly.

Remove from the oven and let cool. Serve lukewarm dusted with confectioner’s sugar, with plain yogurt, or thick cream.

Read the rest of this article Mindful’s December 2014 in mindful 33 December 2014 issue. Subscribe at mindful.org

PHOTOGRAPH BY ROD MAR

performance

The Game Changer Most coaches impose standards from the outside.

Pete Carroll, head coach of the Super Bowl Champion Seattle Seahawks, asks his players to go inside— to find the confidence to be the best they can be. He coaches the whole person, and it changes their view of the game, and of life.

By Hugh Delehanty

The hip-hop music is blaring and Pete Carroll is loving it.

Boom dada dada da da boom.

Up on a hill overlooking the Seattle Seahawks’ practice field, an army of fans, wearing blue-and-neon-green jerseys, ski masks, and war paint are pounding drums, waving flags, and screaming love chants to their heroes. Meanwhile down on the field, quarterbacks are throwing bullets, linemen are crashing into each other, and running backs are charging up the field as if it were the Super Bowl. And Carroll, the team’s energetic 63-year-old head coach, is dancing from one corner

to the next, clapping his hands, shouting props to players, and revving up the beat.

Boom dada dada da da boom.

Then just when it looks as if things couldn’t get any crazier, a task force of Marines arrives by helicopter, drops into the lake next to the field, and stages an amphibious attack on the training camp. It’s not a real attack, of course, just a show for the fans. But as the Marines swim ashore and take the beach, Carroll and the players crowd around to greet them. And in a moment of warrior solidarity, lineman Russell Okung offers to trade helmets with the sergeant in charge. →

December 2014 mindful 45

Carroll doesn’t force players to conform to a rigid, alienating system. He focuses on cultivating each player’s unique qualities, and asks them to contribute those to the team.

46 mindful December 2014

Most NFL coaches—especially the control-freak variety—would find this kind of hyper-charged atmosphere unbearable. But for Carroll, this is an awareness exercise. He believes in immersing his players in a world of distractions to train them to quiet their minds in the midst of chaos.

“I’m trying to create a really thriving environment,” he says. “That means making it as rich as possible. So there’s noise, competition, activity, energy—like when we play. It’s better than a pristine vacuum-type environment, as far as I’m concerned. Because we never play there. We don’t talk about mindfulness that much, but that’s how we operate.

We focus on what’s right in front of us.

We don’t care about the other team or the environment we’re playing in. We just take every game as if it’s the most important in the world and focus right on that. That takes great mindfulness.”

It seems to be working. When Carroll took over the Seahawks in 2010 after

leading the University of Southern California (USC) Trojans to two national championships, the pundits were skeptical. Sure, they said, his positive, rah-rah approach might work with fresh-faced college boys, but not in the serious, hardass world of the NFL. But Carroll and general manager John Schneider slowly rebuilt the roster with players who were languishing elsewhere (e.g., star running back Marshawn Lynch), as well as out-ofthe-box draft picks, such as quarterback Russell Wilson and cornerback Richard Sherman. And last season the Seahawks not only won the Super Bowl, they dominated the formidable Denver Broncos in a surehanded, seemingly effortless manner that had other NFL coaches scratching their heads and wondering what exactly Carroll was doing up there in the coffee capital of the world.

Pete Carroll has never been one to follow the crowd. While other coaches clung religiously to outdated, my-wayor-the-highway tactics, he was creating

PHOTOGRAPH BY BRIAN BAHR/GETTY IMAGES SPORTS/GETTY IMAGES

In Carroll’s view, high performance results from building strong relationships with each player. Here he congratulates linebacker Leroy Hill, #56, and tackle Brandon Mebane, #92, on forcing the opponent to give up the ball.

performance

a groundbreaking approach to coaching, blending the ideas of psychologist Abraham Maslow, author Timothy Gallwey, and other thinkers with his own insights into the nature of competition and high-performance. “He’s like an independent artist,” says Yogi Roth, a TV football analyst and co-author of Carroll’s biography, Win Forever. “He’s going to sing his song the way he wants to sing it.”

“I’ve never seen a coach that players loved so much,” says veteran ESPN football writer Terry Blount. “These guys love Pete because he lets them be themselves. He gets criticized for being too freewheeling and easy, but the fact is the players are really engaged and committed.”

At the heart of his system is the revolutionary concept (in NFL circles) that the key to success is nurturing each player’s individual growth. Rather than force players to conform to a rigid, alienating system, Carroll and his coaches focus their attention on cultivating the special qualities of each player, then helping to incorporate them into the team.

“Our system is designed to allow players to be the best they possibly can be,” Carroll says. “That’s why we celebrate uniqueness, their individuality. They have to act with the team, but they can do that in a way that illuminates who they are. Most people think you can’t do that. They say there’s no space for people to be individuals within a team. I think just the opposite.”

The moment of truth for Carroll came in 2000 when he was dismissed as head coach of the New England Patriots. This was the second time he had lost a top coaching job, and he realized that, to succeed as a head coach, he needed to develop a clear philosophy of coaching that he could call his own. He came to this revelation while reading a book by legendary basketball coach John Wooden.

“It took him sixteen years to figure it out,” writes Carroll in his biography, “but once he did, he absolutely knew it. After that, he rarely lost, and he went on to win ten of the next national championships. It seemed he won forever.”

Inspired, Carroll began crafting a philosophy based, in large part, on his unique view of competition. Ever since he was a boy growing up in Marin

County, California, desperately wanting to be like his older brother, Jim, a threesport star in high school, Carroll had been an obsessive competitor. Although he was so small—five-foot-four and 110 lb.—he needed a doctor’s note to play football as a high school freshman, he persisted and eventually developed into a solid all-conference player for the University of the Pacific (UOP).

“Pete has always been an underdog,” says Roth, who was an assistant coach under Carroll at USC. “He always had to prove himself, whether playing in the backyard with his brother or making the team in college. I remember my first day at USC, all he wanted to do was play one-on-one basketball. He was in his 50s and I was 20 and he wanted to play for hours. He’s the most driven person I’ve ever been around. He competes to be a great husband. He competes to be a good friend. And now he’s competing to be a great granddad.”

Carroll’s flash of insight was to make the idea of always competing the central theme of his philosophy. As he told Roth, “once you accept that you’re a competitor, you can’t turn it off.” But, in his mind, competition wasn’t about beating others, it was about pushing yourself as far as you could go. Opponents just happen to play a critical role in that process. “It’s really all about us,” he says. “We’re competing against ourselves to be our best. It’s no disrespect for our opponents. But I don’t want to place any value on our opponents from one week to the next. I want everything to be directed at us being at our best no matter who we’re playing.”

Similarly, Carroll believes it’s counter-productive to focus on results. “We don’t talk about championships,” he says. “We talk about performing at our best. And we’ve learned that that gets us what we want. As soon as we focus on something outside ourselves, it becomes a distraction and can keep us from what we have at hand.”

Carroll’s success with the Seahawks and USC has begun to shift the way many coaches think about competition. “If you look at the Latin root of ‘compete,’ it means ‘to strive together’,” notes Roth.

“But if you look up ‘competition’ on your iPhone, it says ‘to strive against.’ Somewhere along the way the definition of competition shifted. Now I think Pete is bringing it back to its original meaning.” →

3 Big Ideas that Molded Coach Carroll’s Philosophy

1

The Peak Experience

In psychologist Abraham Maslow’s study of high achievers, he found they frequently had moments of intense clarity that gave them access to parts of themselves that were usually hidden. Carroll wants to create these experiences for his players whenever he can.

2

The Inner Game

In Timothy Gallwey’s classic The Inner Game of Tennis he identified mental factors as the biggest sources of poor athletic performance. His prescription: quiet the mind by shifting attention to what is actually happening. Carroll believes the same approach can work at the level of the whole team.

3

The Long Body

In Native American tradition, “long body” refers to the notion that through our senses the body extends beyond its immediate boundaries and is part of an interconnected whole.

Therefore, when members of a tribe or a team are strongly connected to each other, they function as if they are a single body. Carroll creates the conditions for his team to find that level of connection to each other.

Read the rest of this article Mindful’s December 2014 in mindful 47 December 2014 issue. Subscribe at mindful.org

part 5 of a 6-part series

getting started: relationships

PHOTOGRAPH © PLAINPICTURE/AMANAIMAGES

BRINGING MINDFULNESS into your relationships

Mindfulness can help us de-stress, but where it really gets put to the test is in our relationships—at home, at work, in love. In this fifth installment of our Getting Started series, four experienced mindfulness teachers offer 15 key insights into how to bring attention and caring into the key relationships in our lives.

By Elisha and Stefanie Goldstein, Michael Carroll, and Cheryl Fraser

Read the rest of this article Mindful’s December 2014 in mindful 55 December 2014 issue. Subscribe at mindful.org

PHOTOGRAPH © SLASNYI / DOLLAR PHOTO CLUB

in practice

insight

don’t fall into the self-esteem trap

try a little self-kindness Striving for self-esteem is about trying hard to feel special, above average. It’s absurd. We don’t need to feel extra-special or over the top. We need to touch who we really are in any given moment.

By Kristin Neff

The great angst of modern life is this: No matter how hard we try, no matter how successful we are, no matter how good a parent, worker, or spouse we are—it’s never enough. There is always someone richer, thinner, smarter, or more powerful than we are, someone who makes us feel like a failure in comparison. And failure of any kind is unacceptable.

What to do?

Kristin Neff, Ph.D is an associate professor in Human Development and Culture in the Educational Psychology Department, at the University of Texas at Austin and is the author of Self-Compassion and, cofounder of the eight-week Mindful Self-Compassion training program.

One response has come in the form of the selfesteem movement. Over the years there have been thousands of books and magazine articles promoting self-esteem—how to get it, how to raise it, and how to keep it. It has almost become a truism in our culture that we need to have high self-esteem in order to be happy and healthy. We are told to think positively of ourselves at all costs, like Al Franken’s Saturday Night Live character Stuart Smalley who proclaims, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!”

But the need to continually evaluate ourselves positively comes at a high price. For instance, high self-esteem usually requires feeling special and above average. To be called average is considered an insult. (“How did you like my performance →

Read the rest of this article Mindful’s December 2014 in mindful 75 December 2014 issue. Subscribe at mindful.org

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