Alise started in BMX when she was 6, went pro at 15, and is a four time Olympian. When asked what she has learned from her family, Alise responded, “Everything, really!”
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GIVE YOUR KIDS AN ALLOWANCE $hould WHY YOU
By Tanni Haas, Ph.D.
Today is a great time to consider whether it’s advisable to give kids an allowance and, if it is, at what age should you start giving it to them and how much should you give.
Experts agree that an allowance can teach kids important money management skills, like how to save for things they want, how to budget their money, and how to choose between competing spending goals. Personal finance expert Brad Munson says an
allowance “is a great way to teach kids about the real value of money, how to be organized and responsible, and how to plan for the future.” Financial counselor Ray Martin, who’s the author of several books on money management, adds that an allowance is a great opportunity for kids to experiment with money and to learn from their mistakes. “It’s a way for them to learn big lessons with small amounts of money at an early age.”
by
Photos
Sherry Ritter
It’s important that you talk to your kids about the value of money, and it’s best to do so in the context of an actual allowance. Certified financial planner Marty Allenbaugh says that talking to your kids about money without giving them an allowance is like trying to teach them how to play the piano without ever letting them sit at the keys.
Research shows that giving kids a regular allowance while discussing with them the importance of money makes them more financially responsible as adults. They become, as personal finance expert Evonne Lack succinctly puts it, “less likely to arrive on your doorstep years from now with a duffel bag full of dirty laundry and a mountain of credit card debt.”
If an allowance is such a great tool for teaching kids money management, at what age should you start giving them one? Many parents start at age 8, but experts agree, as Mr. Martin puts it, that it’s the kid’s “aptitude not the age that really matters.” So how do you know if your kids are ready to receive and learn from an allowance? Research shows that they are ready to benefit from an allowance once they have reached certain developmental milestones, like 1) understanding that money can be exchanged for things they want, and 2) they can confidently add and subtract.
And, here, kids differ widely. While some kids reach these milestones at age 4 or 5, others get there by age 8 or 9. “So if your child tends to shrug at money, losing it before it can find its way to his dusty piggy bank, hold off until you see signs that he enjoys saving it or thinking about how he might use it,” says Mrs. Lack.
Finally, but not least importantly, what amount should you give your kids?
Experts agree that, as a rule of thumb, you should give them $1 per year of age on a weekly basis: for example, a six-yearold would receive $6 a week and a ten-year-old $10 a week. The advantage of this approach is that kids get an automatic raise every birthday, eliminating the question of when their allowances will be increased. If you are really lucky, it may even reduce sibling arguments, because the younger kid will understand why the older siblings get more.
Parents should feel free to deviate from this rule of thumb depending on whether they live in an expensive or inexpensive area, their particular financial situation, how many kids they have, and which regular expenses they or the kids are expected to pay for. As Susan Borowski, the author of “Money Crashers,” puts it, “If a straight $5 or $10 per week (or even per month) makes more sense to you than paying a dollar per year of age, then pay what works for you.”
If your kids are very mature, you can discuss this issue with them and reach a mutual agreement on a reasonable amount. It’s useful to go through such a process with your kids, says Mr. Martin, because it “helps to develop budgeting skills, teaches
“It’s a way for them to learn big lessons with small amounts of money at an early age.”
Ray Martin Financial counselor
responsibility, and prepares them for the realities of personal money management.”
However, the allowance shouldn’t be too high. If you give kids too much, they won’t learn how to budget and allocate money because they never get a chance to prioritize among competing spending goals. Ron Liebler, the author of “The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money,” says to “give your kids just enough so that they can get some of what they want but not so much that they don’t have to make a lot of difficult trade-offs. Let them own those, so they know what it’s like to make financial decisions that resemble grown-up ones.”
Whatever amount you ultimately decide on, make sure to follow a consistent schedule and stick with it - whether weekly or monthly. As child psychologist Dr. Mary Kelly Blakeslee says, “random payments will be frustrating and confusing, and will reduce the opportunity for learning.”
Creativity How
Shapes Successful Children
By Sandi Schwartz
How much time do your children spend dabbling in the arts—to freely express themselves in creative ways? Creativity is the ability to think in unusual, divergent ways. It does not only refer to artistic and musical expression; it is also essential for science, math, and social/emotional intelligence. Creativity has been shown to develop so many positive characteristics and to help children lead happy, successful lives. Unfortunately, creativity is becoming somewhat endangered in this generation because technology and busy schedules are taking priority over the arts. We can guide our children’s growth and impact their success by incorporating creativity into their daily routine.
Benefits of Creativity
When children grow up with opportunities to be creative, they can develop a number of key skills that will help them succeed throughout their lives.
Develop Problem Solving Skills
The arts help children learn how to think in innovative ways when making decisions and solving problems. Many experts find that creativity actually rewires the brain to think ‘outside of the box’, a very important skill for all aspects of life. When children are creative, they tap into intuition, imagination, and playfulness, which help to solve complex problems. Without even realizing it, children working on creative projects are being challenged to solve problems like what colors to use, how to make a line, what size to make something.
Researchers from the Michigan State University have found a strong correlation between childhood engagement in the creative arts and measurable success later in life. Children who were exposed to a wide variety of arts and crafts were more likely to create unique inventions worthy of patents, come up with ideas good enough to start a new company, or publish provocative papers on science and technology.
Express Emotions
Creativity also provides an outlet for children to express and cope with their emotions in a safe, calm way. Art offers a way to communicate ideas, feelings, and solutions without speaking or writing. When children have this capability to express emotions in this way, they can better manage challenges issues like anger, anxiety, and depression.
Improve Concentration
Creativity helps children learn to concentrate and focus more effectively on the task at hand, which is so important for studying in working in the future. Artists can become so absorbed in their project that they reach a state of flow, or the sense of being completely engaged in an activity to the point of being in a near meditative state.
Persevere and Work Hard
Creativity helps children build patience and perseverance as they develop new skills and even face frustration and setbacks. Art allows them to try different approaches until they are satisfied with their creation. Perseverance is a critical skill to have in an increasingly competitive world, where people need to continually adapt to changes and develop new skills.
Achieve Academic Awards
Children who participate in arts-based programs are more successful academically, according to a Stanford University study. Some of their achievements included being more likely to win an academic award such as the honor roll, to receive a community service award, and to participate in a math or science fair. These students also scored higher on the SAT.
Adopt a More Flexible
and Worldly View
When children are exposed to the arts, they experience multiple cultures and ideas that they are not familiar with. This helps them learn to think with an open mind realize that there are multiple points of view. A study at the University of Kansas found that during a visit to an art museum, students displayed higher levels of social tolerance, exhibited more empathy, and developed an interest in art and cultural institutions.
Build Confidence
Children who are encouraged to think creatively tend to have higher self-esteem and confidence. One reason for this is because children learn to feel pride in their original work. Also, many types of art forms, like drama and dance, require individuals to build these attributes in order to perform in front of an audience.
How To Raise More Creative Children
You may be surprised to find out that creativity can be learned. It is not necessarily a natural talent that we are born with. Actually, there is so much that we can do to expose our children to opportunities for creativity so they can develop these amazing skills.
Here are 10 ideas to get your children excited about being creative:
1 Sign them up for art, music, drama, or dance classes.
2 Frequent creative performances such as concerts, theater, ballet, and art festivals.
3 Keep a bin of art supplies in the house and ask them to use their imagination to create.
4 Use art to teach science, math, reading, and other subjects.
5 Invite your children into the kitchen to cook or bake with you.
6 Include fun arts and crafts projects during playdates and birthday parties.
7 Allow for plenty of artistic free play in your home, such as singing, dancing, puppet shows, and reading books aloud with expression.
8 Point out interesting art all around you during your daily routine—while shopping, at parks, while traveling, at friends’ houses, and even at the doctor’s office. Talk to your children about what they observe.
9 Study famous artists and their works by getting books at the library or watching videos. Challenge your children to do their version of the famous artwork.
10 Play games that involve creativity like Pictionary (drawing) and charades (drama) or make up your own like a songwriting or poetry contest.
By Tanni Haas, Ph.D.
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KIDS ARE Stressed
Consider how you can tell if your kids are overwhelmed by stress or are just experiencing some minor challenges that they’re coping with in a healthy manner. How do you know if the stress they are experiencing has reached the level where it has become a real problem? Experts agree that you should pay close attention to the following physical, behavioral, and communicative symptoms of stress:
Physical Symptoms
Child psychologist Dr. Michele Borba says that seriously stressed kids frequently complain about various physical pains, including headaches, neck aches, backaches, and stomachaches, and often suffer from a variety of gastro-intestinal problems, including constipation, diarrhea and nausea. They also often feel lightheaded and experience changes in appetite – either a lack of appetite or overeating.
Stressed kids often have trouble falling asleep and when they finally do fall asleep they often have nightmares. Heidi Murkoff, the author of the best-selling What to Expect When You’re Expecting book series, says that “sudden changes in your child’s sleep pattern can be a red flag that he’s feeling stressed. Kids who are overly worried may be unable to fall asleep or have trouble staying asleep, leading to night terrors, sleepwalking, or a refusal to sleep alone.” Kids who are stressed are often tired and because of their persistent lack of sleep, they tend to get sick more often than other kids.
Kids often exhibit different physical symptoms of stress. It’s important to be on the look-out for multiple symptoms that seem to go together, since these could be an indication that your kids are suffering from serious stress.
Behavioral Symptoms
While it’s important to be on the look-out for physical symptoms of stress, it’s also important to pay close attention to possible behavioral symptoms. Dr. Borba says that common behavioral symptoms include restlessness, irritability, moodiness, forgetfulness, confusion, and problems with focusing on a task for a sustained period of time. Kids who suffer from acute stress also tend to develop new worries, anxieties, and outright fears over time. In turn, says Mrs. Murkoff, “Children who feel stressed sometimes try to soothe themselves with repetitive behaviors like nail-biting, hair-twisting, or skin-scratching.”
Some stressed kids have a difficult time controlling their emotions, act out, and engage in aggressive behaviors like throwing tantrums or fighting with family and friends. Other kids regress, developing dependent, baby-like behaviors, including excessive crying or whining. Still other kids withdraw from the social activities they used to enjoy and are unwilling to interact with family or friends. “A sure sign of something being wrong with your child,” says child psychologist Dr. Robert Myers, “is if they start to lose interest in their friends.”
In school, stressed kids have a difficult time focusing on the task at hand. Their minds often go blank when called upon by the teacher and they perform poorly academically. They ask to stay home from school or claim to be sick so they can leave school early.
Dr. Borba says it’s especially important to pay attention to the behavioral symptoms that really young kids exhibit since they often have a difficult time putting their feelings into words. Mrs. Murkoff agrees: since young kids can’t explain what’s bothering them, parents need to become “behavioral detectives, tuning into changes that are likely triggered by stress.”
Communicative Signs
Licensed clinical social worker Jay Rosenstein encourages parents to pay close attention to the language their kids use to describe themselves and how they feel, and then to talk to them about it in more detail. For example, when a kid says “everyone hates me,” parents often imagine the worst-case scenario. Yet, the reality might be that s/he is being lightly teased by another kid at school which could easily be addressed by contacting the teacher. On the other hand, statements such as “I feel trapped” could be a cause for real alarm.
The point is that you cannot always tell from the statements alone whether your kids are seriously stressed and in need of professional intervention, or whether the issue is fairly small and easily solved. Instead of either overreacting or dismissing what your kids say about how they feel, Mr. Rosenstein suggests sitting down with your kids and talking to them about how they are doing: “Kids come home from school and go upstairs to their rooms and close the door and spend the night on the computer. A parent often has no idea what’s really going on for that child behind a closed door. Keep the lines of communication open with your kids and make room and time for connection.”
Out the door on time:
9 Tips for a smooth morning routine.
By Cherie Gough
I am not a morning person. Life at home with my toddlers used to be filled with mornings cuddling in PJs. Arriving at preschool on time was a challenge; I was often late. When my son started kindergarten, I was determined to get my act together and break the cycle. I gleaned ideas from the web, talked to other moms and put a system in place. I use these tips to get up and out the door in 45 minutes each morning.
Use Sunday Wisely
Think ahead and prepare for the week on Sunday; it helps save time in the long run.
1 Bag snacks, fruits and veggies for the week to save time on busy sports practice and running-around days. Doing this in advance also gives you a heads up if stocking up on lunchbox staples is necessary, thereby avoiding lastminute shop-ping trips.
2 Use an organizing system to put together school outfits for the week. I bought a hanging system for my son's closet with a compartment for each day. Every Sunday, we check the weather for the upcoming week and put outfits in each compartment. Sometimes my son wants to choose his clothes; sometimes he lets me choose. There is never an argument, question, or decision to make about what to wear in the morning.
3 Put an organizing system by the door for shoes and backpacks. Professional organizers often recommend an area with hooks for backpacks and a rack below for shoes. Having homework and permission slips ready in the backpack the night before is crucial.
The Night Before
4 Make lunches the night before. This includes filling water bottles.
5 Set the table for breakfast after doing the dinner dishes. You're already in the kitchen; getting it all done at once makes sense.
In the Morning
6 Keep breakfast simple. Cereal with toast, yogurt or fruit keeps us on the go. Try to sit down and have breakfast as soon as the kids get up. This avoids the grab-and-go breakfast that research shows can lead to obesity. It also helps avoid last-minute spills on school clothes that could cause a meltdown for kids or parents.
Try this savvy breakfast trick: Always bake a double batch of muffins land freeze the extras. That way, the kids can just take one out and warm it in the microwave."
If you have a picky eater who wants a hot breakfast, try toaster waffles, make-ahead egg muffins or bagels.
7 Have your child use an alarm clock. We bought a Yoda alarm clock and gave it to our son as a present as he entered kindergarten. He was excited by the unexpected gift and in turn, was excited to use it. I was amazed when he skipped into the dining room each morning at 6:15 a.m., ready to start his day.
8 Most parents agree with this rule: No electronics before school. They are way too distracting.
9 With older children, get creative! A fun way to get tweens and teens out of bed and moving is to turn on music in their rooms. Make it nice and loud and then sing and dance (if necessary), substituting words with phrases about waking up and getting moving. Groans may soon turn into laughter and they start preparing for the school day.
There is no magic and no two families are alike. Figure out what works for your family, then put a system in place. Planning ahead will help start the day in a more positive, less frazzled way.
DEBORAH KRUMP
Why Family Dinners Matter: The Science of Eating Together
By Tanni Haas, Ph.D.
Consider why it’s so important that families eat together as often as possible. Most families find it difficult to get everyone together at the dinner table on a regular basis. We’re all so busy with after-school activities, late meetings at work, and long commutes; it really is too bad. Researchers have learned that eating dinner as a family is extremely important to kids’ physical, mental, and emotional health. As Dr. Anne Fishel, professor at Harvard Medical School and an expert on the benefits of family dinners, says: “Sitting down for a nightly meal is great for the brain, the body and the spirit.”
Healthier Eating
Kids whose families have regular dinners together are much healthier than those who don’t. They eat more fruits and vegetables, and less fried foods and soft drinks. They eat a wider variety of foods, and they continue to do so once they become adults. They’re also less likely to become obese. Researchers believe that’s because homemade meals are healthier than those in restaurants: we eat smaller portions, at a slower pace, and spend more time talking with one another.
Increased Vocabulary
Dining with the family impacts kids’ minds as well as their bodies. Researchers have discovered that dinner-time conversations increase young kids’ vocabulary much more than being read to out loud. So if you have a choice between coming home early for a family dinner or reading your kids a bedtime story, choose the dinner over the bedtime story. Kids who have a large vocabulary learn to read earlier and more easily than those with a more limited vocabulary. Researchers think that’s because that kids constantly hear parents use new words during conversation.
Higher Grades
These intellectual benefits carry over into academic achievement. Researchers have discovered that how well kids do in school is determined more by how often they participate in family dinners than by whether they do their homework consistently. Kids who dine regularly with their families are twice as likely get A’s in school than those who only do so rarely.
Fewer Risky Behaviors
Having family dinners is also good for kids’ emotional health. When they dine with their families, they’re much less likely to suffer from eating disorders, abuse alcohol or drugs, or stress and depression. Researchers believe that’s because parents who spend time with their kids at the dinner table are more in touch with their emotional well-being and can offer advice and support when needed. As a result, these kids also have higher selfesteem and trust others more.
Stronger Family Bonds
Finally, researchers have learned what we all probably know already: eating dinner together enhances family bonds. Kids whose families have regular dinners are much more likely to have good relationships with their parents and siblings. Kids say that talking, catching-up, and just spending quality family time are much more important to them than what’s on the menu. Simply put, eating dinner together creates a strong sense of togetherness and feeling of belonging to a family. Dr. Fishel puts it well: “Dinner is a time to relax, recharge, laugh, tell stories and catch up on the day’s ups and downs, while developing a sense of who we are as a family.”
Happy Dinner!
The Bus Stops Here
Need a ride? Tri-CAP can help!
If you live in an area not serviced by MetroBus, we offer ondemand, curb-to-curb public transportation across five counties Our service is affordable, accessible for all ages and income levels, and all buses are handicap accessible
Are you struggling to pay your home heating costs? If you live in Benton, Stearns, Sherburne, or Morrison Counties and your household income is at or below 50% of the state median, you may qualify for assistance! Join Tri-CAP’s Rebuilding Lives Program! We’re here to help households in Benton, Chisago, Isanti, Kanabec, Kandiyohi, Pine, Stearns, Sherburne, and Wright Counties Our services are free for those who qualify!
The State of Minnesota Department of Employment and Economic Development (DEED) funded (or funded in part) this training through a grant The grant recipient created this training DEED does not endorse this publicity or training or make guarantees, warranties, or assurances
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8
Ways to Encourage Thankfulness
By Jill Morgenstern
As Thanksgiving approaches it's natural to be thinking about gratefulness and how to encourage it in our kids. According to Harvard Health, gratitude is associated with greater overall happiness, can help people deal with adversity, and even help form strong relationships. These are qualities we want for our children all year long!
How do we cultivate a sense of gratitude in our children? Christine Carter in her book Raising Happiness says that "Gratitude is a learned skill to be practiced like kicking a soccer ball or speaking French." Here are eight ways you can help to build that skill in your child:
1 Be a Good Role Model
Model please and thank you just the way you'd want to see it in your children. Children are keen observers of how you treat others in your life and will naturally follow your lead. When eating out, for example, your server may or may not notice whether you thank them as they present your meal, but your children definitely will. The importance of being a good role model can not be overstated and may be one of the most important ways to encourage gratitude, so keep your thank yous at the ready!
2 Volunteer
Volunteering can contribute to well-being in multiple ways, including increasing self-confidence, providing a sense of purpose, and even improving physical health. There is also evidence to suggest that volunteering increases both gratitude and happiness. But there are even further benefits to volunteering. Depending on the activity, kids are given the opportunity to learn essential skills and increase their sense of responsibility.
3 Chores
Believe it or not, doing chores can increase gratitude. By participating in housework, children get a first-hand look at what it takes to run a household. This can raise their awareness of what is being done for them on a day-to-day basis and can awaken a sense of gratitude.
4 Encourage Thank You Notes
Actual thank you notes seem to be going out of style as our forms of communication become almost exclusively electronic. However there is still something quite meaningful about writing and receiving a thank you the old fashioned way. If your child resists, try making sure he or she writes a thank you note before using a gift. This will encourage even the most reluctant child to complete the notes.
5 Count Your Blessings
Whether it's each night at dinner or as a bedtime routine, have children recount the best parts of their day. This can be a reminder that even a bad day had good points and help end the day on a positive note.
6 Let Them Earn Some of Their Possessions
Children can learn not only gratitude from earning some of their own possessions, but also a sense of responsibility. When they have worked for a toy or other item, they have a better sense of its value, potentially increasing their gratitude not just for that item but for their other possessions as well.
7 Extending Thank You
According to the Raising Grateful Children Project at UNC Chapel Hill, 85% of parents prompt their children to say thank you. But going beyond common manners can help increase gratitude. Try asking children how a gift makes them feel, or why they think they received the gift.
8 Look on the Bright Side
Try looking for the positive when things get hard. Asking yourself or your child what good could come out of a hard thing is a way to see the best in situations and can help increase gratitude. Next time things aren't going as expected try and point out the bright side to your children. It might be helpful to your own mood too!
All of these skills can help build gratitude in your child, which can lead to a happier overall child as well as a more resilient one. These are great skills to build not just at Thanksgiving but all year round.
THE POSTS
Tell us about your family.
Mark: Cheryl and I were married in 1980. Jeremy is our oldest child; Nick came 3 years later, and Alise was 8 years after that. We were sort of surprised with Alise, selling off all the baby stuff at a garage sale not knowing Cheryl was pregnant with Alise. I would say we are a close family unit involved in each other’s lives, even as adults. Nick married Kim Evavold in 2005 and now has 3 girls, Kaya, Kali and Khloe. Alise brought the young Australian boy Sam Willoughby into our lives in 2008. He needed a place to live in the U.S. to explore his BMX dreams, that’s all.
Sam and Alise married in 2017. Cheryl never got to meet Khloe, it was devastating to lose Cheryl to cancer in 2014, the same year Khloe was born. Cheryl was the leader of our family and lived life in a very positive and giving way. Her loss is felt deeply by all every day. She left a great legacy and an example of how to live life to the fullest for all of us.
Alise: I feel very lucky to have a family that will always be there for me. They test my patience at times for sure, but I love our chaos and wouldn’t change it - We are the full spectrum of personalities! While we definitely have our differences, we ultimately enjoy the same simple things in life. Nothing flashy but we show up for each other, and I think that’s the most important thing you can have in this life.
How does it feel to compete in the Olympics?
Alise: It’s an incredible honor to represent your country on the global stage. There’s honestly nothing like it! For me, BMX racing has taken me further than I ever could’ve dreamed as a little girl from small town MN, competing in a male dominant sport that was not part of the Olympics, or even a professional career option for women at the time. So, it’s pretty crazy to think how far my journey and the entire sport has come since that first day when I was scared to ride down the starting hill at the track 27 years ago.
How does it feel to have a daughter compete in the Olympics?
Mark: Very proud and always ready to brag her up! It is such a compliment to be known in the BMX community as Alise’s Dad. To have accomplished making the Olympic BMX team once is huge, to have done it 4 times is unbelievable. It speaks to her perseverance through injuries and dedication to her training.
What has the experience of watching your daughter compete in the Olympics been like?
Mark: Nerve racking. I know she put the work in and deserves the result, but it is not a given. Everyone competing at that level has worked hard to get there and they all have their own stories.
Favorite memories growing up?
Mark: Fishing with my dad on Clearwater Lake, we slaughtered the crappies. Also, going to the cabin for a week in the summer with the family.
How has your family contributed to the person you are?
Mark: I was the youngest of 5 growing up. My Mom and Dad had 40 hour a week jobs and money was not always available for everything us kids wanted to do. Being the youngest, I was a little more spoiled. I had a lot of freedom thanks to my brothers and sisters “breaking in” my parents. I was the only one that got involved in athletics, spending all my spare time playing with the neighborhood kids and eventually school sports. That created friendships that shaped who I am.
Favorite moments as a parent?
Mark: Seeing my kids and grandkids succeed.
Favorite memories of your children when they were young?
Mark: All of it.
Favorite memories growing up?
Alise: Piling in the minivan with my mom and older brother and his friends to the track.
When did you realize Alise was at the level to compete in the Olympics and going to the Olympics was a reasonable goal for your daughter?
Mark: After she turned pro at 15 years old and won the USA title. The first time BMX was in the Olympics was in 2008 and Alise was 17 years old and you had to be 19 years old to compete
When did you realize going to the Olympics was a reasonable goal?
Alise: I think as soon as I heard BMX was going to join the Olympics in 2008. I knew I was too young for Beijing but I set my sights on London and was never limited by myself or those around me to ever think that that was unachievable..
What advice do you have about goals?
Mark: Write them down, long term and steps to get there. Evaluate and reset as necessary.
Alise: Don’t be afraid to set ambitious goals and create a plan to tackle them! Carrying out that plan being the most important part.
What does it take to raise your level of performance?
Mark: Attention to every detail.
Alise: Planning and Consistency, especially on the days when you’re not as motivated. What is most important to you?
Mark: Being happy and sharing it with everyone I meet.
Alise: Relationships with my family and close friends. What advice do you have for people facing adversity?
Mark: Deal with it the best you can. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. The sun will come up tomorrow.
Alise: Figure out your ‘why’ and it will give you the strength to face it and grit to endure the hard parts.
How does your family inspire you?
Mark: Since Cheryl passed, they are my inspiration. Advice for children with a vision for greatness?
Mark: Hopefully visions of greatness are in all children. Some are lucky enough to have it come to them, others go and get it. I think more often it is taken by those who go after it.
Alise: Be ambitious and willing to try, especially when it scares you.
What type of work is involved to make it to the Olympics?
Mark: For me, having a daughter and son-in-law do the work and
I just have to get a flight and a ticket to the event. What encouragement do you have for parents?
Mark: Support your children in whatever activities they decide to partake in, they are always looking for your approval.
What is the greatest hope for your children?
Mark: To be successful and happy in their lives.
What do you hope for your family?
Alise: We all miss my mom dearly, but she left her mark on how important it is to be there for each other and I hope that we can all enjoy full, happy, healthy, long lives together.
Best piece of advice you've ever received, and/or your advice for parents?
Mark: Always drown people with kindness, no matter how they are acting toward you. (Cheryl Post)
Favorite moments as a grandparent?
Mark: Receiving all the “I love you” notes and pictures from the Grand kids.
Photos by Steve Diamond
Funniest grand kid story?
Mark: When Kali was learning how to do BMX gate starts and would not take advice from Alise, but chose to learn from her 7-year-old friend. Alise was baffled and frustrated. What have you learned from your family?
Alise: Everything, really! I’ve learned how important it is to support those who support you and that your time is the greatest gift you can give to others. Times are definitely not always smooth sailing, but just being there for each other throughout the good and tough times is the most important thing. Life is fleeting and you have to show up for those you care about.
What advice do you have for someone with Olympic aspirations?
Mark: It doesn’t happen without a plan and a willingness to sacrifice to get there. You must enjoy the journey.
Alise: Believe in yourself and your own path, whatever that may be. Everyone’s is different, and the beauty is that you get to write your own story.
Read the full interview, including how the Posts got started in BMX, what they love about BMX, and more at: MinnesotaFamilyMagazine.com
Does
sugar
By Sandi Schwartz
Our kids love sugar. When they have an ice cream cone, a piece of candy, or slice of birthday cake, they sure seem like they are on top of the world. We have been warned by health professionals for years that added sugar can lead to health problems like diabetes, heart disease, obesity, allergies, and even anxiety. Now a recent study looks at how sugar may actually make us sad and depressed.
What Experts Found
Experts explored the relationship between sugar and depression because they were seeing a trend of rising sugar intake along with increased cases of mental disorders throughout the world. Americans, for example, are consuming three times the amount of added sugars recommended by the World Health Organization (this does not include sugars found naturally in fruit, vegetables, and milk).
Cause Depression and Sadness in Kids?
The researchers then looked at whether having a mood disorder would make people more apt to choose sweets. They found no evidence of a reverse effect in which participants upped their sugar intake after suffering from a mood disorder. So people were not just eating more sugar because they were bummed out.
Other recent studies have explored whether sugar causes depression. A 2002 study from the journal Depression and Anxiety found that higher rates of refined sugar consumption were associated with higher rates of depression in the six countries explored. In a 2014 study, researchers found that sugar-sweetened and artificially sweetened drinks could increase one’s risk of feeling depressed. Finally, in 2015 a study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found greater chances of depression in people who consume a high level of added sugar, but not in those with a high intake of naturally occurring sugars.
In the study, researchers used sugar intake from sweet food and drinks to predict mood disorders in participants. They tracked the diets and medical conditions of 8,000 people over 22 years using surveys about their diet and information from their doctors’ visits. Reviewing what they ate and the types of medical conditions they were treated for helped the researchers to deduce any connection between sugar intake and mental health. They found that patients without a mood disorder who consumed over 67 grams of sugar per day had a 23 percent increased risk of suffering from a mood disorder within a fiveyear period than those who ate 40 grams or less.
It is important to understand how much 67 grams of sugar is–about six donuts or three chocolate bars. So, that is quite a bit of sugar for one person! It is also 25 percent higher than the daily recommendation. According to the American Heart Association, children ages 2 to 18 should not eat or drink more than 25 grams of added sugar daily, which is about six teaspoons.
Although the medical community isn’t quite read to conclude that sugar causes depression, these multiple studies certainly raise concern.
What You Can Do
The best advice is to stick to the sugar intake recommendations and to be mindful of the amount of sugar your children are consuming on a daily basis. The tricky part is that sugar can sneak up on us. It is added in foods you would never dream of. Be sure to check the nutrition labels of bread, yogurt, cereal, salad dressing, ketchup, salty snacks, smoothies, and granola bars. Also be very careful with drinks. About a third of our sugar consumption comes from beverages. Juices, soda, and even energy drinks are packed with added sugar. Before you know it, your kids could be consuming that 67 gram mark!
Also, if your child is experiencing symptoms of depression like persistent sadness, feelings of worthlessness, withdrawing from activities, or crying often, please seek professional help.
Should Your Kids With Their Homework? You Help
By Tanni Haas, Ph.D.
Here is a scenario most parents can relate to: it’s late afternoon and your children come home from school exhausted, weighed down like turtles by school bags full of homework. What do you do: 1) insist they do their homework or cut them some slack, and 2) sit down to help them with it, or encourage them to do it on their own?
The answer to the first question is a resounding “Yes! Make sure that your children do their homework.” The best available evidence shows that the more conscientious children are about doing their homework, the better they do academically. They retain more factual information, understand the material better, and even get higher grades. More generally, research shows that by doing their homework on a consistent basis, children develop good study habits and skills, learn how to plan and manage their time, and become self-directed and self-disciplined.
The answer to the second question is “It depends.” In the most comprehensive summary of the scientific literature to date, researchers from Duke University concluded that whether or not parents should help their children with their homework depends on: 1) the grade level of the children, 2) how knowledgeable parents are about the subject matter of the homework, and 3) how parents go about helping their children with it.
Before you sit down with your children to help them with their homework, you should consider their age. Sounds cryptic? Surprising as it may seem, researchers have consistently found that homework assistance is beneficial for children in elementary and high school, only not for middle-school-aged
children. So if your children are in middle school, you are better off letting them do their homework on their own.
Why? Researchers believe that parental assistance with homework for children in elementary school helps because they are young and impressionable, and your help is about more than just completing the homework: you are also teaching them how to study in the first place. Erica Patall, the lead author of the research summary, says “Homework is an especially good opportunity for parents to help young kids develop self-regulatory skills, by modeling study strategies and helping students set goals and make plans for completing homework.” Also, since their homework is still simple and straightforward, as a parent you are unlikely to make any mistakes when you help out.
The situation is quite different when it comes to highschool-aged students. Here, researchers speculate that your involvement adds value because you are only likely to help out when you have particular expertise to share. When you know little or nothing about the subject matter of their homework, you are more likely to let your children do it on their own. As Judith Locke, a clinical psychologist at Queensland University of Technology in Australia succinctly puts it, “Parental assistance with homework should slowly reduce as a child gets older.”
Why, then, would it be detrimental for you to sit down with your middle-schoolers to help them out with their homework? Here, researchers think that the issue is their specific developmental stage. As budding teenagers caught between childhood and adulthood, middle-school-aged children have a strong need
for autonomy and are likely to resist any effort on your part to interfere in their affairs. As Erika Patall says, “It’s probably because it’s a time when kids are trying to be independent …. Even if a parent is effective at helping a child develop skills, there’s a psychological barrier.”
As the father of a 14-year-old son who is about to enter high school, I recognize these behaviors from my own experiences. When my son was in elementary school, he absolutely loved when we did his homework together; it was a great occasion for father-son bonding. Over time, he developed some impressive study habits and skills that have served him well in middle school, and which I hope will continue in high school. Although we still share many great moments together, it is safe to say that they rarely involve his homework. In middle school he has undergone a noticeable change; now, he wants to take care of everything himself, especially his homework. Any interference by me or my wife is generally met with indifference or outright opposition, and is definitely unsolicited and unwanted.
Before deciding whether or not to help your children with their homework, you should also consider whether or not you are qualified to do so. Researchers have discovered that the more parents know about the subject matter, the more children learn from getting help with it. This makes intuitive sense. You may even teach your children how to use different ways to accomplish certain tasks. However, when you know little or nothing about the topic, your children are likely to get frustrated by your inability to help out, and you might even make mistakes in their homework.
Researchers have found that, in general, parents are better able to help their children with reading and writing than with math homework. They attribute that to the fact that when it comes to reading and writing, most parents are simply better at it. The opposite is the case with respect to math. Here, parents often know less, are less up-to-date with the latest instructional strategies, and a parent’s old instructional strategies often conflict with those contemporary methods taught at school.
I experience this with my son. While he has always been very receptive to my suggestions when I have helped him edit his book reviews, essays, and other types of writing, I cannot count how many times our math homework sessions have ended with him saying in frustration “That’s not how the teacher explained it in class. It’s not how we are supposed to do it!”
Helping when you can and where appropriate is important, but it is even more important that you stay within the proper bounds of involvement. One of the most consistent findings is that children benefit the most when parents support them in their own efforts to do the homework rather than help them out every step of the way. Linda Cameron, a homework researcher at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education in Canada, says, ”Be at the elbow but don’t hold the pen.”
There is nothing wrong with working very closely with your elementary-school-aged children on their homework since this will help them develop great study habits and skills. Yet, the most effective form of involvement overall is simply to set clear
expectations and guidelines, and then to reward good behavior when those expectations and guidelines are met.
One important aspect is to set clear rules for when, where, and how your children’s homework is supposed to be completed. As Erika Patall puts it, “Be as specific as possible about what the procedures are every day.” She argues that “students who have a clearly defined routine around homework — a set time, a set place and a set way to complete homework — are more likely to believe they can overcome challenges while doing homework, take more responsibility for learning, and ultimately do better in school.”
Research indicates that when parents engage in proper rulesetting, children spend more time on their homework, use that time more effectively, and most importantly, internalize those rules so that they become routine, good habits over time.
Whatever you ultimately decide to do, don’t despair if once in a while, you overstep your bounds. This can happen to even the best of people. Eva Pomerantz, a homework researcher at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign and a mother of two, occasionally finds herself taking over the process of doing homework from her children even though she knows better. She admits ”I do that because I’m naturally a controlling person … Then I always have to remember that the child is the one who needs to be in the chair doing the strategizing.”
GETTING KIDS TO FLEX THEIR
BRAIN POWER
THROUGH GROWTH MINDSET
By Cherie Gough
Is intelligence something you’re born with or something that develops? Is failure an opportunity to learn and grow, or something that impedes success? How a parent answers these questions greatly impacts children. Their responses have everything to do with how kids see themselves—how they perceive the ability to improve and learn from mistakes. Over the past decade, educators and psychologists have been researching the effects of words and actions on a child’s problem-solving skills and resilience. The ideology (called “growth mindset”) is very popular with educators. Here’s what you need to know.
What is Growth Mindset?
Carol Dweck, Stanford University psychologist and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, found during her study of children that the most successful kids were those who were open to new approaches to problems and willing to continue learning in the face of failure. She labeled this resilience and willingness to overcome obstacles “Growth Mindset.”
Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset
A fixed mindset is based on the belief that one’s abilities and talents are inherent or natural. Like many of my generation, I grew up with a fixed mindset. “I’m not a math person” runs through my head each time I try to calculate tip at a restaurant.
Why is this a problem? Those who adopt a fixed mindset are more likely to fear failure, give up and create labels for themselves.
The idea behind growth mindset is that with practice, the right strategies, and a willingness to learn from mistakes, people can grow to become more intelligent. By adopting a growth mindset, kids see mistakes more as a challenge and don't mind failure because they realize it’s a path to improvement when they persevere. When parents focus more on a child’s hard work, instead of how smart she is, it fosters growth. Failure doesn’t disprove that a child is smart, athletic or artistic. It simply indicates she needs to try a different approach.
The Power of Yet
Dweck’s research began when she observed a Chicago school district that gave the grade “not yet” instead of a failing grade. Teachers are using the concept to transform a student’s feeling of “I’ll never get this…it’s too hard” to “I don’t understand this yet.” It encourages students to try new strategies until they get it right. The power of “yet” creates persistence in children.
“You can be extremely successful and smart, and there is always room for growth,” states 5th grade teacher Amy Jackson. “It makes learning fun because it is like a quest—you never have to reach an ending.” It also reduces anxiety in kids because they no longer fear having the wrong answer.
“The first year I tried this, I worked with a group of students from low socioeconomic [backgrounds] who faced issues that got in the way of learning,” says Jackson. “They started to feel like they had some control over learning. There was a willingness to try. The mood became lighter and kids started using words like ‘conquer’, ‘fight’, ‘struggle’ and ‘victorious.’ It was really neat to see.”
Big Kids
School Counselor Melony Schroh advocates for teachers and administrators to work together to develop a school-wide mission of growth mindset. The concept is especially important for middle school students. Toddlers often start off unstoppable and headstrong in their determination, but by the time they reach middle school, many struggle with academic and social demands and adopt lower standards for themselves. Dweck’s studies show that junior high students with a fixed mind-set are more likely to cheat than feel dumb by making mistakes or failing. Many middle schools provide opportunities for kids to discuss mistakes and develop strategies for handling failure.
How Parents Can Encourage Growth Mindset
Dweck advises parents to praise kids in effective ways. Instead of telling a child “You’re so smart”, be more specific. Praising effort and hard work makes kids work harder and want to grow. Praising intelligence just makes kids want to get the right answer. Dweck emphasizes the importance of praising a child’s process, effort, perseverance and improvement to help grow confidence and resilience. Be sincere; praise growth and good habits.
Jackson tells her students, “You can always improve if you work hard. You may not be the best, but you will be your best if you work hard and keep at it.”
Teachers Share How Growth Mindset is Embraced in their Classrooms
“When we go over the students' work, I’m not focused on the right or wrong answer. We look at the process that led to the answer and if the answer is wrong, where the understanding broke down. Students become very good at finding their own mistakes and knowing the difference be-tween a careless error and a breakdown in understanding. When you don't make mistakes, no learning is happening. I believe it is mistakes—and the analysis of those mistakes—that lead to success.” - Amy Jackson, fifth grade teacher.
“I use [youcubed math curriculum’s] Week of Inspirational Math lesson on making mistakes and the brain science that goes with it. Research shows that when you make a mistake, the neurons in your brain fire, which creates another pathway in your brain. When you work on fixing mistakes, yet another pathway, you physically grow your brain. All year we celebrate our mistakes and cheer that we’ve just grown our brains!”
- Tami Bromley, kindergarten teacher.
LOVE TO READ? ON A BUDGET?
Stop in and browse the Friends Bookstore
We have good quality used books and media, plus a variety of vintage and collectible books at bargain prices. You’ll find popular novels, classics, thrillers, history books, cookbooks, children’s books, and more!
Staffed Hours
Monday - Thursday
10 a.m. - 8 p.m.
Friday
10 a.m. - 6 p.m.
Saturday
10 a.m. - 5 p.m.
Located right inside the main door of the St. Cloud Public Library.
1300 W. St. Germain St. Cloud, MN 56301
Shopping while the Bookstore is not staffed?
Drop your check or cash in the secure drop box located at the front of the store!
All proceeds support the St. Cloud Public Library and the Great River Regional Library System.
5 Ways to Make a Family Activity
Why do you help others? Yes, it’s the right thing to do – but did you know that it also makes you happier and healthier? It may seem a bit selfish to look at how being kind to others is beneficial to us personally, but the recent science surrounding kindness is so fascinating that we can’t ignore it. Plus, it’s important for parents to understand why we want to instill kindness in our children so that we can provide all the reasons to them when they question it.
By Sandi Schwartz
What Happens When We Are Kind?
Kindness is a win-win for both the giver and receiver. Our brain chemistry actually changes when we do something nice for another person. Studies show that thinking about, watching, or practicing kindness stimulates the vagus nerve, which is linked to the production of oxytocin in our brain. Oxytocin is a hormone that soothes us, making us feel calmer and happier. Kindness also triggers the production of dopamine, the hormone responsible for positive emotions and that natural high feeling we get. As a result, we experience positive health changes including:
• Increased life expectancy
• Feeling less lonely
• Stronger immune system
• Fewer aches and pains
• Decrease in stress and anxiety
• Less depression
How Kindness and Stress Are Connected
How can helping someone else reduce our stress level? A study published recently by UCLA and Yale University School of Medicine linked acts of kindness to stress reduction. For 14 days, a group of adults was asked to report stressful events they experienced each day from several categories (e.g., interpersonal, work/education, home, finance, health/accident). They were also asked to report whether they participated in various helpful behaviors (e.g., held open a door, helped with schoolwork, asked someone if they needed help) that day.
Results showed that on any given day, helping others controlled the effects of stress on overall health. Researchers concluded that volunteerism can be an important way of coping with stress. According to the Association for Psychological Science, study author Emily Ansell of the Yale University School of Medicine said, “Stressful days usually lead us to have a worse mood and poorer mental health, but our findings suggest that if we do small things for others, such as holding a door open for someone, we won’t feel as poorly on stressful days.”
Ways To Expand Kindness In Your Family’s Life
Now that you know all the amazing benefits of kindness, don’t you just want to get out there and make someone smile? There are so many simple ways you can incorporate kindness into your family’s daily routine.
Find a local volunteer project to do as a family.
Do random acts of kindness with your kids and talk to them about the experience. How did it make them feel? Some ideas include leaving a treat on a neighbor’s doorstep, giving a very generous tip to restaurant staff, opening a door for a stranger, and helping the elderly with groceries.
Send a thank you note to someone who has done something special for you.
Bring kindness programs to your child’s school. Check out the following wonderful resources:
• Ripple Kindness Project: Provides a kindness school curriculum and an interactive community with stories and inspiration. They also offer kindness cards and other products.
• Random Acts of Kindness Foundation: Encourages the spread of kindness in schools, communities, and homes through inspiration, ideas, stories, and school curriculum.
• Kindness Matters 365: This program delivers innovative programs to support the well-being of kids and teens. Grounded in the principles of Social Emotional Learning (SEL) and providing skill-building through experiential learning activities, KM365’s unique approach teaches kids to discover how to care for themselves, each other, and our world through exploring self-awareness, self-navigation, empathy, a growth mindset, and a dedication to service-learning. 1 2 3 4 5
Join a kindness challenge. Consider signing up with KindSpring. The site offers kindness challenges and an online community of people who practice small acts of kindness, share stories, and support each other.
Luminous Roots
Katie Jo Anderson
Find Some
Go for walks together
Why not combine a little exercise to make time spent together even better? Rollerskating, biking, or hiking can also be a way to combine exercise with the family. By exercising with your children you teach them the value of exercise at the same time as you gain a family bonding experience.
Board game night
Board games even for the youngest family members are more fun than they used to be! And board games offer lots of learning opportunities for children. Likewise, doing a jigsaw puzzle together can be a soothing way to spend some down time with each other.
Volunteer together
Whether you pack food at a food bank, visit a nursing home, or pick up litter, volunteering can be a great way to spend time as a family as well as impart family values.
Ask for help in the kitchen
Photo by Christina Johnson
Family Time
By Jill Morgenstern
Spending quality time together as a family is not only crucial for building strong relationships and lasting memories, it is also beneficial to a child's well being, emotional health, and even academic success. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Jolie Silva, "Quality family time can help with children's emotional health because it often brings joy and levity to the family dynamic. Doing things like playing games or sports together can also help with conflict resolution and problem-solving strategies. When children see other family members model healthy coping skills, they are more likely to engage in healthy coping skills themselves."
In today's fast-paced world full of school, work, sports, and other extracurricular activities, it is a challenge to find time to bond with our families. However, it is well worth the effort to prioritize family time, creating meaningful experiences that maximize your time together as a family and help create a nurturing environment where your child can thrive. According to Silva, "Family time can help with children's social development, as a time to practice navigating different personalities and dynamics, detecting social cues, boundary setting, and conflict resolution."
Depending on wheat you read, the average American family spends anywhere from a half hour to six hours a week together. If your family is closer to the half-hour mark, try some of these ideas to increase the time you spend together:
Have dinner together
The benefits of having dinner together are well documented. What better time to discuss the day than while having a meal together? Of course with schedules being what they are not all families can squeeze in dinner together every night. But it's well worth it to make the effort every chance you get!
Kids can be learning to cook as well as giving you a hand! Younger children can help stir or collect necessary items while older children can help cut and cook.
Watch TV together
Not every activity has to be educational. Try watching a TV program together instead of having each family member isolated on their own device.
Read aloud
There's nothing more cozy than reading aloud to your children and it can help your child appreciate books! Alternately, have your children read to you or take turns!
Go on an outing
After school or on the weekends, a visit to a museum or park can be the springboard to discussions as well as fun.
Get crafty
There are plenty of kits available on Amazon so that even the least crafty family member can join in the fun!
Plan a trip
A family vacation or a camping trip may be just the ticket to spending more time together.
The importance of family time can not be overstated. It fosters strong bonds and communication and is important to your child's development. By engaging in activities together such as walks and board games, families cultivate a nurturing environment as children grow. Prioritizing these shared experiences will ensure that children feel valued and connected.
Readers Developing Lifelong
By Emily Goenner Munson
When my boys were little, I'd load them up and take a trip to the library. Three little blonds ran in, the smallest in the car seat carrier. They greeted the hermit crab by the door, then raced to the book or video section. Sometimes, we'd sit at the rear of the reading circle and listen to Cyrene, the librarian, read a book aloud, but more often, they would paw through the bins of picture books. One found books on farm tractors, another found books on animals. The third searched for fire trucks and baby board books for his little brother. At night, I'd read aloud until I was hoarse and stopped to the chorus of "one more!"
Unfortunately, between those early years and high school, my boys, like many kids, lost their excitement about books and reading. In elementary and junior high school, I listened to complaints about the timed reading tests that asked silly questions about character's clothing or minor plot points. By high school, we commiserated over the terrible novels they were forced to read and located audio versions of other books to aid the reading process.
But what I tried so hard to cultivate in my boys—a love of reading—was taught out of them by high school. I'm trying to re-instill that love, with some success; one way to keep kids' reading is to expand our definition of "real" reading.
To reignite children's interest in reading, exploring a variety of formats may be helpful. For example, when kids are little, the pictures in their books engage and interest them. Then, at some point, pictures become "babyish" and not for serious readers. The vibrant pictures are replaced by dense pages of text that discourage readers. The visual appeal of books is extremely important. Books with photo inserts or chapter heading sketches, give the eye a break from blocks of text and encourage reading. In business communication for professionals, we discuss formatting as an essential element of communicating a message and the same is true for youth readers.
Some books, graphic novels for example, retain the picture and text combination and may appeal to reluctant readers or ones
Photo by Sue Dropp
who process information more visually. Graphic novels can have complex content and address deep themes. These books should be encouraged as valid and important reading options. I've read a few graphic memoirs with such power and impact that I now champion graphic texts as options for many readers.
Another format option is audio books. I have one boy who, even now as a young adult, can't sit still, so taking books with him is a great option. With books on phones and tablets, people can listen in the car, while doing chores, on a walk, and more. Libraries have increasingly robust audio book libraries and audio books are available at many price points (many are free) on a variety of apps. In high school, two of my kids read and listened to a book at the same time; the multiple formats, they said, increased their comprehension and appreciation of the books. While format is important, content is equally, if not more, important in engaging young readers. Adult readers don't read books they don't like, so why do we make children read books they don't like? Schools should offer options, and if they don't, parents should. There are books about any topic so you can tie into something your child likes—sports, environment, computers, horses, art, anything. There are to-do books and history books, stories and create-your-own adventure (even for adults). Finding the right books for your child may be time consuming, but it is worthwhile.
Ultimately, reading opens worlds as much as the belief in "I'm not a reader" closes them. With a little effort, parents can help build their children as readers by finding formats and topics that fit each child. When people see themselves as readers, the world of story and information opens and stays open. A book is a magical place to visit, and parents should encourage their kids to see themselves as constant travelers. By fostering a love for books from an early age and adapting your approach as your children grow, you'll be giving them a gift that will continue to inspire and empower them throughout their lives.
