Minnesota Family Summer 2022 by MinnesotaFamily

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

CONTENTS

02 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

Children, Caregivers, and Creating Safety through Love and Attachment

Carving Fun

Getting a First Job

The Fight for Our Families’ Health and Well-Being is Now

Communication Game Plan

Big League Family

Marley’s Mom

Earthing and Curvy Trees

Helping Your Child Navigate the World of Work

Table of Contents Continued

Summer 2022 | Minnesota Family 03

More than just a store. . .

04 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

Your complete experience!

47 E Broadway / Little Falls, MN 56345 710 W Germain St / St. Cloud, MN 56301

38 06 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

5 Pillars to a Healthy Family Plan

Youth Participation in Sports

The Benefits of Play Stations: Active Youth Lead Healthier And More Productive Lives

A Pizza Floatie, Yoga, and the Beach Boys

Understanding Autism

Contributing Writers

Publication Letter

Advertiser Index

Next Edition

CONTRIBUTORS Thank you, to our writers for contributing articles out of the kindness of their hearts. JR Burgess

contributed The Fight for Your Families’ Health is Now, and 5 Pillars for a Healthy Family Plan. He found his purpose for helping people be free from pain at a young age. As a high-performance coach to doctors and clients he regularly shows his commitment through transparently communicating and being vulnerable on how he has overcome a life of physical and emotional pain. His family has been through it all together and they will continue to grow and learn as a unit because that’s what family is about, being a team! JR believes we have a responsibility to lead our families by living a loving and fulfilling life while helping as many people as possible along the way. He is a husband, father of four, three-time #1 bestselling author and international speaker.

13 30

Emily Carlson Goenner

contributed Getting a First Job, and Helping Your Child Navigate the World of Work. She is the mother of four young adult sons and an assistant professor of Business Communications at St. Cloud State University. She is the author of the Business Communication Workbook: Skills and Strategies for the Working World. She hopes by contributing through Minnesota Family to help families be healthy and happy.

20 36 Dr. Maegan Jones

contributed Children, Caregivers, and Creating Safety through Love and Attachment. Maegan is an Assistant Professor of Developmental Psychology, in the Department of Psychology at St. Cloud State University. One of her main research goals is to understand how families, and specifically parents, can promote the healthy body image, eating habits, and overall mental health of children and adolescents. In other words – how can caregivers help their children lead their happiest and healthiest lives possible?”

Matthew S. Vorell, PhD

contributed Understanding Autism. He is a college professor in the Department of Communication Studies at St. Cloud State University, is the internship director for his department, and has worked with businesses as a consultant. He earned his PhD through University of Colorado at Boulder. Matt lives in Saint Cloud, Minnesota, is a husband, and father of two young boys.

Copyright © 2022 Minnesota Family. Content in contributed articles, and content in advertisements, is not verified by Minnesota Family. Minnesota Family will consider submissions from writers with a good message on their heart. Minnesota Family reserves the right to select articles for each edition based on fit, and values diversity. Minnesota Family offers advertising space, advertisers submit print ready ads to Minnesota Family. Arrangement, information, and format protected by copyright laws. No information may be reproduced in any form without written consent of the publisher. Minnesota Family and its members assume no liability for errors or omissions. Information is provided directly by the corresponding agencies. It is considered “selfreported data” and is not verified by the publisher. Contact Minnesota Family | Advertising: Info@MinnesotaFamilyMagazine.com | Editorial: Editors@MinnesotaFamilyMagazine.com

08 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

16 40 Bryan Zollman

contributed The Benefits of Play Stations, and Big League Family. Bryan graduated from HillMurray High School, and with a Bachelor Degree in Journalism from Mankato State University. Bryan is the publisher of Let’s Play Hockey, professional writer, and is head coach for the Sauk Centre High School baseball team. He is a husband, and father of three boys.

24 32 Heather Zollman

contributed Earthing and Curvy Trees, and A Pizza Floatie, Yoga, and Beach Boys. She is the founder of Yoga Mama’Z Healing Center in Sauk Centre, MN. She is a teacher, life coach, author, speaker, wife, mom of 3, tree hugger, chocolate and coffee lover. She hopes by contributing through Minnesota Family readers will deepen their connection to nature, the world and their spirit. She promotes simple daily practices to help us feel our best and find even more beauty in life than we thought possible.

34 48 Jason Roering

contributed Youth Participation in Sports, and Communication Game Plan. Jason graduated from Sauk Centre High School, earned an Associate Degree from Ridgewater College, a Bachelor Degree, and a Professional Communication Certificate, from St. Cloud State University, and is a Qualified Neutral after completing a course certified by the Minnesota Supreme Court. Jason is yet to be married or have children. He lives in Saint Cloud, Minnesota, with his dog Hudley. He hopes by contributing through Minnesota Family, children and families will benefit from a better quality of life, by applying concepts.

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Summer 2022 | Minnesota Family 09

PUBLICATION LETTER You immediately began creating your heart after you were conceived. Your heart existed first. Put your hands on your heart. Feel your heart beat. You may notice the M of the Minnesota Family logo start to look like a heart. Now you can feel the heartbeat. Life is precious. We can see our common understanding of the preciousness of life regardless of geographic location or language. We know what it is like to love, and the strong feelings that come with life. The agony of a loss, and the strength and empowerment new life brings to a family. These pains and joys transcend the details of your situation and connect all of humanity.

John Roering, on a beautiful sunny day on his way to Music in the Gardens in Saint Cloud, Minnesota. John is the father of Minnesota Family founder, Jason Roering. Inspiration for Minnesota Family, thanks to John. Dedicated to John Roering, a loving husband, and loving father of three children.

The Fight for Your Families’ Health and Well-Being Is Now is a wake up call to owning your health. The 5 Pillars of a Healthy Family Plan give your family specific areas to focus your effort. Children, Caregivers, and Creating Safety through Love and Attachment is a guide to the power of unconditional love. Open up your thinking to all the ways you can make an impact on your well-being, from participating in sports, to getting your hands and feet into the soil and hugging a tree. Your family can get ready for your child’s first interview with help from Getting a First Job. Helping Your Child Navigate the World of Work is filled with important reminders about challenges of any job, and being supportive and considerate while your child is going through a new experience that may not be easy. Consider talking about your communication as a family, and choosing positive and empowering communication. You are reading the premiere edition of Minnesota Family. Minnesota Family is thankful for your support. Please thank our writers who contribute articles out of the kindness of their hearts. Please thank our advertisers for making our vision possible. Special thank you to my dad, John Roering.

Thank you for reading,

Minnesota Family Your Family Inspired

10 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

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THE FIGHT for Our Families’ Health & Well-being Is Now By JR Burgess

wife Kyla and I understand what it feels like to have four kids while attempting to balance all areas of life. We know that it’s so easy to let our family get what’s left of us, instead of the best of us. As parents try to model good health, we are flooded with contradictory messages about what constitutes a healthy life. There’s big responsibility in providing for the family, children’s activities and health, all while attempting to find consistency with selfcare. We live life so fast that we rarely think about what we are doing, why we are doing it, where we are headed, and how the choices we make right now will be our future reality!

Everyone has an opinion about what to teach our children or how we should live. If our world was thriving, we wouldn’t need a desperate change of direction. There comes a point, though, when you realize that YOU actually are the authority on what is best for your family. You have the power to take back your family from a culture with no shortage of profits over people, corruption, lies, materialism, vanity, divisiveness, band aid health solutions, and success at all costs. Relationships are the greatest gift of life. You can prioritize them with safety, love, understanding, connection and ease.

Summer 2022 | Minnesota Family 13

Our Westernized Culture has accepted exercise and nutrition as important foundations to health and well-being, yet in our school and hospital systems, the food is contributing to the obesity and mental health epidemics. In most insurancebased healthcare practices, there’s no profit, time and space for education, connection, and exploration of all treatment possibilities. The United States’ current conventional system is world-leading for emergency care, yet has failed miserably when it comes to chronic pain and disease, addiction and mental health solutions. The typical physician reports burnout from work and is twice as unhealthy as the average American. From a purely energetic and vibrational perspective, you can see why the health system isn’t working. Do you like to be around people who consistently emit love, joy and enthusiasm, or frustration, fear, hopelessness?

today,” compared to, “how are you feeling right now in this moment?” As adults, do we talk through family suffering, pains, hurts and challenges from all parties’ perspectives, or do we sweep sore subjects under the rug? How can we shine light on the shadows? How can we face the past and while moving forward? How can we really listen to allow our loved ones to been seen and understood? We must change the perspective of shame that comes with seeking mental health support to one of mindset and brain enhancement, practice, and play. Entrepreneurs have taken this approach without stigma, regarded by most as a necessity to invest significantly into enhancing their relationships with others (leadership) and themselves (mindset) for optimal performance and business results. The tools and skills learned at these entrepreneurial events that are integrated into daily routines are the same that could benefit anyone. For example, how you treat a growing plant, is how you would treat a dying plant. The right pot, fertilizer, water, sun, and gardener consistently speaking loving words to the plant would create the same result in time. So whether one has anxiety, depression, or type 2-diabetes, the game plan to restore health or a relationship is about the impactful actions we take that create the positive changes.

To address the on-going crisis, medical experts are building Integrated, Preventative, Functional, Regenerative, and Direct Primary Care Clinics in every major city across the country. We have also seen the rise of Corporate Wellness, Health Coaches, Bio-Hacking Centers and other alternative medical health models that usually are not covered by insurance carriers. So, for parents it may be important to find a budget to invest in health-related services Let’s stay courageous and and continue to seek information Perhaps in response to current on how to secure the best care. By mental health crises, the newest curious about new strategies continuing to educate ourselves trends show more medical to free our minds and open and seek treatments that lie outside professionals are acknowledging to the wisdom of our hearts. the conventional medical system, the importance of alternative health my wife and I fight for the current providers or incorporating , Mind, well-being of our four children and Body, Emotional, and Spiritual invest in their future health. Practices, as well as Lifestyle Medicine. Happily, most of these areas can be addressed from the comfort of your own home at little to no cost. What is meant Relationships are possibly the greatest gift of life as well as the by “lifestyle medicine”? Lifestyle medicine is a medical approach cause of the most human suffering. Given this astronomical that uses evidence-based behavioral interventions to prevent, weight, it is surprising our schools teach us a minimum of treat and manage disease. Many would benefit from the service twelve years of science, history, math and geography, and yet of a health professional who focuses on lifestyle medicine. These very little about health, finance, relationships and making them include doctors, advanced practitioners, nurses, health and life thrive. If the health and school systems’ strategies for health coaches, dieticians, nutritionists, therapists and community and well-being are less than optimal, it’s up to our families and communities to foster greater responsibility and possibility health leaders, all of whom could help as you navigate a heathy living plan. down another path. Unfortunately, seeking mental health support can come with perceptions that may impact one’s personal, social and professional life. Navigating this space can come with even greater challenges for families. It may be easier as a parent to hold accountability with our children by saying “brush your teeth, eat your veggies, do your homework and play outside

14 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

The fight for our families’ health and well-being is now. Let’s stay courageous and curious about new strategies to free our minds and open to the wisdom of our hearts. It’s up to you to face the challenges and hurts of the past in a way that creates understanding and a new perspective on how to move forward.

Z By Bryan

ollman

nthony Bemboom’s story of becoming a big leaguer is one of resiliency, hard work, commitment, and a willingness to never give up. It’s also a story of sacrifice, and one of support. Greg and Deb Bemboom were both star high school athletes so it’s no surprise Anthony and their daughter Bailey were star athletes as well. But to make it to the Big Leagues? Well, sometimes you have to have a family that supports you big time to make those dreams come true. Anthony’s love for baseball started almost immediately. Greg was playing for the Sauk Rapids Cyclones when Anthony was a baby and attended games with Deb. When Anthony was old enough he served as the team’s bat boy and by the time he was a junior in high school, shared the dugout with his dad as a Cyclones player. “That was really special,” said Greg. “I played baseball since four or five years old and through college. Anthony followed suit, and then some.” After earning all-state honors at Sauk Rapids High School, Bemboom set out for Iowa Western Community College, a twoyear school where many top players attend with hopes of being signed professionally or proving their skills are good enough to warrant a Division I scholarship. Bemboom, a catcher with a solid bat and rocket arm, had two stellar seasons at Iowa Western, earning all-tournament team

honors as a sophomore when his team won the Junior College World Series. That earned him a chance to play at the Division I powerhouse Creighton University. After his senior season he was chosen in the 22nd round by the Los Angeles Angels. For Greg and Deb, it was a dream come true not just for Anthony, but for them as well. “It was a step-by-step process starting with youth baseball, making the team in high school and being recruited to play junior college in Iowa, and then getting recruited to play at Creighton,” said Deb. “And then finally being drafted.” It was also a bittersweet day in the Bemboom household. The same day Anthony received the best news of his life, Deb received the scariest of hers. She was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer. “The hardest part for me was having to tell Anthony about my diagnosis on the day that should be the happiest of his life,” Deb said. “I didn’t want to take anything away from that.” It was difficult for Anthony because he was so far away from his family. He felt helpless. “But we told him becoming a pro athlete and following his dreams was a Godsend for all of us.”

Summer 2022 | Minnesota Family 17

times, his dream of playing in the majors would sometimes dim his hopes. But all he wanted was an opportunity to prove himself. “There were many big decisions we tried to help him with,” said Deb. “Whether it was picking what college to go to or which team to sign with as a free agent…you never knew f it was the right decision. You just went with your gut.” The Bembooms also helped Anthony financially during his time playing in college and the minor leagues. Because players don’t make a lot of money, Greg and Deb chipped in to help Anthony focus on his nutrition and training. Many players end up retiring from baseball at a young age because they want to start a family or a career that will help support a family. Or they see the writing on the wall and the long bus trips seem longer and longer.

Bemboom reported to rookie ball in Utah and hit .250 in 40 games. But more important than his hitting was his ability to play the toughest position on the field – catcher – and play it extremely well. Over the next seven years Anthony toiled in the minors for three different organizations before getting the call up to the majors while with the Tampa Bay Rays on May 10, 2019. On May 12 he made his major league debut against the New York Yankees and on May 14 recorded his first major league hit, an RBI double. An injury ended his season and he was traded back to his original team, the Angels, in the offseason. In 2020 he led all Angels catchers with a 41 percent caught stealing ratio, well above the major league average. He was eventually placed on waivers and claimed by the Los Angeles Dodgers in August 2021, but was left off the 40-man roster without ever appearing in a game for the Dodgers. Then last December he signed a minor league contract with the Baltimore Orioles and made their opening day roster as a backup catcher. For Greg and Deb, watching their son chase his dream was fulfilling, but it was also filled with bumps in the road. Because Anthony was playing ball all over the country, it was difficult for him to make family functions. “A lot of sacrifices were made along the way,” said Deb. “Every summer he was away playing baseball. We would travel to see him play as much as we could.” Over the years of playing minor league baseball, Anthony was faced with difficult decisions. Being traded and reassigned several

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“We just wanted to give him the best chance at being successful so we were happy to help him,” Deb said. “There were many times he was having a hard time and we would give him pep talks to keep him grounded and help him realize that it’s one day at a time and sometimes it takes time for things to fall into place.” It appears as if those things have fallen into place. This season he has appeared in nine of the Orioles 16 games, splitting time with fellow journeyman catcher Robinson Chrinos. Greg and Deb are certainly proud of their now 32-year-old son. They watch him on television every chance they get. They often find themselves cheering for him the same way they did when he was playing in the Sauk Rapids youth program. Over all his years playing baseball, Greg and Deb never pressured him into playing, but always supported his passion, which was to play baseball. “Parents should support their kids in any activities they show interest in, even if it’s not what you would envision them doing,” said Deb. “Keep it fun, it’s not a job and most kids aren’t going to be professional athletes so you want it to be a positive experience. Let them enjoy it.” The Bembooms are certainly proud of Anthony’s accomplishments as a professional athlete. But they are most proud that Bailey graduated from the nursing program at Mankato, Anthony graduated from Creighton University, and that Deb was able to overcome breast cancer. Anthony will look to spend a full season in the majors this summer as mom, dad and sister cheer him on from a far. He is proof that achieving a childhood and lifelong dream and becoming a big-league player takes big league support from those who love you the most.

GETTING YOUR FIRST JOB By Emily Carlson Goenner

The time will come, for every young person, to look for a first job. Whether your child wants a job to increase their independence or to make their own purchases, or you want your child to get a job, navigating the first job search process can be tricky. A child may think about finding a job in their tweens or teens, and age is an important factor when considering how much help and guidance your child needs. An eleven-year-old considering babysitting needs significantly more oversight than a 15-year-old. The age and maturity of the child should affect the type of job the child works at and the number of hours you allow the child to work. A job should not replace other activities essential for child development and growth like school, family time, time with friends, church and volunteer activities, and athletics. A job should be one of the many aspects of your child’s life, just as it is one of the many pieces of your life.

to keep and which may be ended to provide an effective balance. Some children may appear lazy, just not wanting to do anything. With these children, your role is to help find a spark or motivation. What interests do they have? Could an interest in baseball lead to a job at the local park or the local sports store? Encourage children to try to relate their first job to their own interests.

If you are the person spearheading the job search, your child might need more convincing and help. Some children are reluctant to search for a job and add more to their to do lists. Talk with your child about their feelings; if they feel overwhelmed by life already, discuss which activities

In the job search, you will play an important role for your child. Consider the following tips as you help guide your child toward that very important first job.

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ACCEPT TECHNOLOGY—the world of the job hunt is vastly different than it was when parents were teenagers. Online applications, texting, Zoom interviews are common. Don’t discount the technology. Listen to your child and trust their assessment of the usefulness of technology. EMPHASIZE OLD SCHOOL WAYS—While your child may have knowledge of the latest scheduling app, you still have more experience with skills like talking to someone in person. Teach your child the importance of talking to someone face to face and making eye contact. Encourage them to visit the store at which they want to apply and talk to the manager. Most positions are filled by networking, not just filling out online applications. Finding a first job will be a combination of using your child’s tech skills and your knowledge of interpersonal skills.

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REMEMBER MANNERS—Remind your child manners are still important. Shaking hands, saying hello and goodbye, listening and not interrupting are all important skills that will help your child appear to be a good potential employee. PRACTICE—Suggest your practice answering some interview questions. Look up “interview questions” on the internet for examples. Consider a role-play scenario in which you pose questions like, “Tell me about yourself ” and “Why do you want to work here?” A youngster will do better at an interview if they have prepared and practiced. EXPLAIN FOLLOW-UP—If your child does have a successful interview, encourage them to follow up. Send an email or call a few days later to ask about the job. This shows interest and initiative that many young people don’t display. BUILD RESILIENCE—applying for a job and interviewing can be a scary process. Remind your child that interviewing skills take time to develop, not every job is right for every person, and not getting one job is not the end of the world. Encourage your child to keep trying and keep learning.

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A first job is an important step for children as they move toward independence and your role as a parent can help ease the child’s way into the new world of work.

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Nurses begin to crowd around, as Monique Reed is getting set up to give her daughter Marley a pedicure. Monique is letting the nurses know what she needs to allow her daughter on hospice the experience of full luxury spa pedicure complete with massage and custom polish. The head nurse came in, and now the nurses were officially on a break with the full nurse staff watching someone getting this luxury treatment who does not have the ability to sit up or speak. “When is it my turn”, said one nurse.

onique is a mother of three. One of her children is medically fragile, and non verbal. One day Monique took her daughters to a nail salon. The team at the salon welcomed back two out of the three girls. But refused to provide any service to her daughter Marley. After this experience, Monique began researching programs to become a nail technician, and three days later, she registered in online classes. She graduated from LA Beauty School in 2019. She has since worked in a salon and recently inside her home while caring for Marley. With experience under her belt and

22 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

more drive than ever since Marley went on hospice, Monique is ready to take her business mobile and create a nail salon for all. With the help of her friends and family, Monique has started a crowdfunding campaign on GoFundMe to raise funds for her new business: https://www.gofundme.com/f/moniques-mobile-nail-salon-for-all. Monique states, “I want to go mobile so that I can help other people just like Marley, along with their families. Even something as simple as a manicure or pedicure can provide so much relief to people in pain.”

“Having a medically fragile daughter has opened my eyes to not take things for granted or judge people for how they look. Marley, and others like her, are true walking angels.”, says Monique. According to the CDC, 22% of the Minnesota population, or 1-in-5 people, is living with a disability. Monique’s daughter Marley is part of the 1-in-5. Born with a rare genetic disorder called CDLK5 Deficiency, Marley experienced seizures in infancy, which caused extreme neurodevelopment and cognitive delays. At twelve years old, Marley is now in hospice and under the care of her mother. Somedays, the only thing that brings Marley relief is the 20-minute pedicure she receives from her mom. Marley adds joy to her family, and engages in a variety of activities, even collecting eggs each day from the chickens. A fun 12 year old, who laughs at the sometime odd singing at a music therapy session, or may blow kisses at the boy helping her.

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BY HEATHER ZOLLMAN

It’s a beautiful summer afternoon at the beach! It looks like Tinkerbell came floating by and sprinkled her glittery fairy dust all over the surface of the water. Like shiny little diamond specks everywhere! I am here with my son and his friend. There are a million things I could be doing at home for work and family, but I chose to be here. I am grateful that I get to make that choice today. 24 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

ur summer days here in Minnesota can be unpredictable, so feeling gratitude for every beautiful day is a wonderful practice! Take every second you can to soak it all in. I am lying on a pizza slice shaped floatie that looks so realistic, my stomach is now craving pepperoni pizza. This is so comfortable that I actually fell asleep for a few minutes (don’t tell our friends mom). As I am lying here, working on diminishing my ridiculous tan lines, I found my mind drift off to a yoga class I taught this morning. It brings a smile to my face because it was awesome! Not because of the teaching, but because of the full room of women and their collective, beautiful energy. There was a wide range of ages, body types and personalities all gathered together in our space for one general reason-quieting their minds and bodies. Rest. Me time. Time to rejuvenate. New moms, grandmas, newly empty nesters, young girls…all breathing their combined energy together. This is a tribe. As I smiled I also felt a little jealous. About what?

That I wasn’t here as a student. Let me clarify, I am always a student, and my students are my best teachers! But this morning I was really tired. Dog tired. Like I could definitely down 6 more cups of coffee and lay in savasana (corpse pose) all day or binge watch a Netflix series with one of my kids. This is a sign that I obviously have not been getting my own yoga in for myself. I’ll get it in later, eventually, hopefully.

and…breather. Full breaths. I hope I get some physical yoga practice in today. If I don’t, I have this. A little chunk of time at the beach. Me, my floatie, the boys and my breath. That’s my yoga today. Gratefulness, breathing and a pizza floatie.

TAKE EVERY SECOND YOU CAN TO SOAK IT ALL IN.

As I lay on this pizza slice floatie looking to the water, I watch the boys play, laugh and splash. I find myself falling into a focused rhythm of breath, feeling the inhale fill the belly and up towards the heart and the exhale drawing in towards the spine. A steady, calming breath. I am grateful. Grateful to know this practice. Grateful that it doesn’t need to be done only on a mat. Grateful that I can lay belly to cheese and pepperoni, while observing children’s pure joy at the beach

The lady parked next to us at the beach just yelled to her kids,” What kind of pizza should I order for dinner?” I almost answered pepperoni. (I am not making this up.) Maybe my grounded floatie made her hungry too?

I love this crazy beautiful life! PEACE & LOVE,

Children, Caregivers, and Creating Safety Through Love & Attachment By Dr. Maegan Jones

Several years ago, I had the immense pleasure of working as an infant teacher. One day I was sitting on the floor, back propped against the wall, when the door to the room opened. In walked the mother of one of “my” infants, carrying nine-months-old Cal in her arms. Cal scanned the room, landed on my face, and squirmed to get down so he could crawl to me. His mom smiled and laughed, said goodbye, and I picked up Cal to give him a big hug before he started to explore the new toys we’d put out in the room that morning. “Life is best organized as a series of daring ventures from a secure base” – John Bowlby That same pattern of events had happened before, and would happen many more times before Cal outgrew the infant room. But I realized that day that I was watching Cal leave one secure base, his mom, to come see me, another secure base, before exploring his world. I was watching what happens when a child feels safe, and more importantly, loved, by the people around him. Attachment research was pioneered by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. They believed, and research over several decades in many cultures has supported, that the existence of strong, enduring emotional connections lead to feelings of well-being and openness, not only in the sharing of emotions, but in the exploration of our identities, and of the world. When we create secure attachments with children, we teach them that they will always have someone to come back to when they’re in trouble, whether that’s because they scraped their knee on the sidewalk, their friend was mean to them at recess, or they’re experiencing their first broken heart as a teen. In other words, they develop an internal working model in which someone will always be there to support them, emotionally or physically, if exploring the world doesn’t go as planned. 26 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

Life is best organized as a series of daring ventures from a secure base – John Bowlby

Summer 2022 | Minnesota Family 27

While others, like child care providers, can certainly be a source of secure attachment for children, parents and caregivers are usually the primary representation of this bond that children have. How can parents foster a secure attachment with their children? Sensitivity. Being sensitive, or aware of and responsive to, children’s needs, helps create a secure attachment. This might be responding to a physical need like hunger, or an emotional need, like seeking comfort during distress. Children not only learn that their needs will be met, but also get to practice regulating their feelings with their parents or caregivers, which helps them do it better on their own as they age.

Consistency.

Overall, unconditional love for a child is one of the best things we can do to help them lead their healthiest and happiest lives possible. Some days will be more difficult than others. Stress might be high and patience might be low. But when caregivers and parents can do their best to respond kindly and consistently, children thrive. Children with secure attachments have better mental and physical health, they make more friends and have higher quality friendships, they’re more likely to have healthy romantic relationships later, and they are even more likely to do well in school. They’re more likely to develop confidence and a sense of who they are and what they like, which leads to better life satisfaction. Overall, unconditional love for a child is one of the best things we can do to help them lead their healthiest and happiest lives possible.

While difficult days and moments are sure to happen, when we are able to generally respond consistently to children’s needs, they learn that the people close to them are usually good and safe. This is linked to having better friendships and romantic relationships in adolescence and even adulthood.

Perspective Taking. When we try to understand what children are feeling and thinking and why, we not only get better at responding sensitively, but we help validate that their feelings and thoughts are okay to have and to share. This helps them become more emotionally intelligent, which not only helps them in other relationships, but also helps support their mental health.

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Being Calm When Things Are Difficult. This can be difficult to do! But when we can model that new and scary and even painful situations will be okay in time, we teach children that even the hard moments will be, or become, safe again.

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Being Accepting. Sometimes, children will mess up. They’ll break something, they’ll lose their temper, they might be mean to a friend. We can certainly talk to them about why that behavior is wrong and how we can react differently in the future, but we can also remind them that we love them even when they make mistakes. This approach lets children know that they can behave differently, but they are still inherently good and loved, and that leads to better self-esteem and emotional health later in life. 28 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

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5 PILLARS of a Healthy Family Plan By JR Burgess

When we listen, learn, and understand our loved ones and ourselves, we can be truly at ease along our path to a thriving family. My 5 Pillars to a Healthy Family Plan will help you pinpoint what is most meaningful to you and your family, moving each family member toward their heart’s desires. Grab a pen and a piece of paper, and let’s get to work on your personalized and strategic family health plan! Heart’s Truth

Matters of the heart are matters of health. One of the secrets of health and personal mindset mastery is reclaiming your nervous system while learning to listen to and follow the vibration of your heart. When you are in control of your nervous system, you are literally in control of all your organs, cells and biochemical processes. Thankfully, nothing in your body happens by chance. Most disease comes from not feeling safe, connected or fulfilled in our environments.

Pro-Tip: Ask to share something vulnerable with

someone close and tell them the emotion you feel, if you feel it in your body, and why you may be feeling this way. Before you share, ask them to hold space and assure them that you’re not looking for a response but rather to fully feel, release or acknowledge your present emotions. If you feel hurt, rage, or intensity, it doesn’t mean you have to respond with those emotions. If you’re feeling uncomfortable feelings in your body while sharing, send your heart’s vibration to that location. This could be about one of your dreams and goals or about a challenge you’re experiencing. 30 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

Energy Reserves

When it comes to having the strength to juggle all life’s responsibilities and not just survive but thrive, understanding how to manage your energy is one of the most powerful pillars to be able to take care of yourself, family and network. If your body battery is dead, you won’t be able to jump-start another person who needs your energy. A plan that is personalized in a way that works for your budget, beliefs, time, and readiness is a crucial step. Energy is impacted by our thoughts, food choices, products and services we consume, the environment and the people with whom we surround ourselves, and anywhere you direct your thoughts and emotions. Making aligned choices can put you back in the driver’s seat to create the life you desire.

Pro-Tip: When you are feeling any pain or disease in your

body, journal what you have consumed, put on your body or who you’ve been around to begin the process of listening to your body. Only take arrows in a cause that matters to your family. I encourage you not to fight against what you cannot change. Rather, direct your energy toward a meaningful cause. Decide what matters and take action!

Loving Awareness When in doubt, love is always the answer. Your journey to your highest self begins with loving yourself enough to want to become the highest version of yourself. Collectively, we can create a loving world for ourselves and our children. Thankfully, there are infinite ways to express love.

Pro-Tip: Breathe in and out of your nose for 6 seconds, a

few times each day, to bring coherence between your heart and breath. Breathe in by filling up your stomach all the way up to your throat and breathe all the way out. Feel free to breathe out longer that your inhale. In stressful or intense situations, you can always recalibrate with the breath.

Transformational Communities

We are responsible for our own health and happiness.

Mentorship, Coaching & Community make up one of the most important aspects of health and longevity. A supportive community provides the context for ongoing healthy behaviors, and the key to reversing chronic illness and disease. Leaders and clinics facilitating community health groups to those who are passionate about health and family development can shift the collective focus to prevention and the root cause resolution to preventable disease and mental health challenges we face.

Pro-Tip: Do what the pros do. They have coaches in each

Activities

Movement is one of the greatest predictors of longevity. Moving in ways that align with your passions, goals and current body function is foundational work. Incorporating joyful movement, breathing and mediation practices are something that you can look forward to every day. They will bring a smile to your face, all while uniting you with both the present moment and your body.

Pro-Tip: Breathe in and out of your nose for 6 seconds, a

area of life in which they have set goals. They get there faster by working with someone who can teach them how to learn quickly and effectively. If budget is a challenge, be willing to listen, implement and be willing to exchange your time or value of another kind.

We are responsible for our own health and happiness. It’s been a process and evolution for my wife Kyla and me to create a family structure in which each of us thrives. The 5 Pillars have clarified our commitment to family health. We’re excited and honored to share our journey towards a connected, loving and impactful life.

Summer 2022 | Minnesota Family 31

By Heather Zollman

I pass by a particular little group of trees often on my walks. I am always drawn to the tree in the group of straight trees that is curved. The one that doesn’t quite fit the mold of the rest of the group. It makes me think of people. Have you ever felt like the one in the group that doesn’t quite fit the mold of the “rest”? The one that doesn’t follow the “norm”? At times, it feels like it would be easier to follow the group or stay inside of the lines that are set. I am here to tell you...keep your curve! Stay true to who you are and trust your gut. That nudge inside of you that is telling you to go a different way or do things differently, that’s your truth. It may be uncomfortable, but in the end it’s right. You may notice that the sun is shining more brightly on the one that stands out. A simple way to stay grounded in who you are and support your health is the practice of Earthing or Grounding. Minnesota is known for it’s unpredictable weather. We are definitely hardy here in this beautiful state! The only for sure part is that it keeps us on our toes. 32 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

Speaking of toes… Getting your bare feet into the earth has amazing health benefits! “Earthing” or “grounding” are words to describe the practice of allowing your naked feet to be in the ground…dirt, grass, sand, even concrete if it sits on a concrete slab…to soak up all the awesomeness the Earth provides! Gardening is also a form of grounding, as well as other activities where your bare skin has contact with the elements such as playing in the sand. “Earthing: The most important health discovery ever!” written by Clint Ober, Stephen T. Sinatra, M.D. and Martin Zucker is a fabulous resource that speaks on the benefits of this simple practice and success stories of healing through “Earthing”. Benefits include and are not limited to helping with depression and anxiety, reducing inflammation, preventing and treating auto-immune conditions, improving sleep, pain and so much more!

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go a different way or do things differently, that’s your truth. Earthing is available throughout all seasons here in Minnesota, we simply have to get creative. For instance, bring natural elements into the home. Plants and rocks that you can connect with are a good place to start. Other ideas for earthing include hugging trees and wearing shoes made from natural elements like leather. If the practice of earthing or grounding intrigues you, I encourage you to research ideas and create practices that fit into your days. Connecting with our precious Earth provides natural healing in so many ways!

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By Jason Roering

You may relate to scoring four touchdowns in a single high school game, which fictional character Al Bundy often stated was the highlight of his life as he had never been able to top the experience of this event. Or maybe you relate to knowing that if coach would have put you in during the fourth quarter you would have been state champs with no doubt in your mind, like Uncle Rico. Everyone seems to have an opinion about sports, if you can help me out please share yours. How do you articulate the benefits of youth participation in sports?

34 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Learning how to improve, to be

coached, and to take direction.

Working as a team. Learning how to communicate and collaborate toward a common goal.

Physical activity and caring for your body and mind. Training yourself mentally and physically.

Recreational therapy. You are improving and focused on a healthy interest, vs. idle hands.

Positive surroundings. A fun

environment. Focused on playing a game.

Growth mindset. Developing skills. Making friends with common interests.

Learning to learn. Learning to listen. These are skills that are easily transferable. It’s no wonder why employers may look with favor on candidates with successful history in athletics and athletic coaching. To get to the next level, it takes work ethic and dedication. Mastery of skills comes from hours of practicing and developing the skills. Thousands and thousands of hours. Your youth sports team will not be the last time you will be in a situation with a group of people working toward a common goal. Your experience on the field communicating with teammates will develop your communication and collaboration skills. Time and practice are irreplaceable.

back. There are many ways to explore interests, and share interests with friends. Go out there and have fun! Participating in sports is fun. It is a great place to concentrate your focus, and not have to think about the tasks of your life. It can release stress, and give your mind a break from other areas. As you make progress and develop your skills, you will gain confidence all while having a great time.

When you take control of what you are focusing on, you are strengthening that ability. When you intentionally work toward improvement, that becomes a skill. You realize you can improve, that you have all this control over your situation. Game time also helps you understand that you can only control your preparation and effort, not the exact outcomes. What matters is not realize it’s happening, but development, with your are putting in those thousands your abilities, and personally.

The best is when you find things you love, and it happens to get you moving You may your body in an active and when you joyful way. Do you love shooting hoops, or skating? of hours of developing your skills into You may not realize it’s What about jumping abilities, the people next to you are happening, but when you are on the trampolines at putting in those thousands Airmaxx Trampoline Park? becoming lifelong friends. of hours of developing your Jumping on and playing skills into abilities, the people on trampolines is fun, and next to you are becoming lifelong friends. Even as years pass, the result is amazing health benefits. When you figure out you there is an unbreakable bond with teammates. I’m thankful want to improve your performance, you have a tangible reason for my experiences participating in sports, and the friends I’ve to eat nutrient dense foods and avoid junk. But even if you are made. It has given me an incredible foundation for my life. disciplined to one sport, mixing in a healthy active lifestyle is important. Find things you love to do that you need your body for. Use it or lose it they say. Parents have so much influence, and control, over if their Finding what you love may take effort. Explore many different activities and find many you enjoy. If there is any interest, give yourself a chance to orientate to it before letting it go. Play It Again Sports makes trying sports easier. You get great deals on entry level equipment for a variety of sports, and can get credit for the next sizes and interests when you sell your equipment

child is active and participating in sports in their youth. There is a point where the child has more say than they may realize. Did you experience benefits to participating in youth sports? What would you say to parents, and to youth, to encourage them to participate in sports?

Please let us know: Editors@MinnesotaFamilyMagazine.com

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MinnesotaFamilyMagazine.com Summer 2022 | Minnesota Family 35

Helping Your Child Navigate The World Of Work By Emily Carlson Goenner

As your children get older, they are likely to find part-time or summer employment to help pay for their needs and wants and, maybe, save for the future. Saving for a first car or college books is important for children to learn when they still have the safety of mom and dad to fall back on if life goes sideways. When your child gets into the work world, though, a new set of problems might arise. For the first time, your child is with an entirely different group of people. A new manager or two, new employees, and people from diverse backgrounds your child may not have encountered yet. These new relationships may cause your child some distress as they face common workplace situations like changing schedules, differing views, and differing communication types. 36 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

When your child mentions a problem at work, or you sense that a situation is less than ideal and want to address it with your child, how you navigate the problem is important. It’s always best to begin by listening to your child without judgment. Often, people—not just kids and teens—need to be heard. Especially in a new environment, your child may not have the opportunity or bravery to speak their mind. They

may need a safe place in which to express and/or work out their feelings and reactions. Provide that safe space. Listen. Ask follow-up questions like, “Tell me more,” or supportive questions like, “That sounds really hard.” Because a first job is a new experience in a new environment, you may need to help your child frame and process their experience. Try to guide your child’s thinking. Help your child consider other people’s points of view. You may ask questions like, ‘Why do you think they did that?’ or ‘How do you think that makes them feel?’ Such questions will help your child build empathy and emotional intelligence as they explore the reasons other people act the way they do.

Ask your child about their thoughts for action. The child might have ideas already and be willing to share them with you. If the best way to deal with an unfair manager is to quit, you may gently guide your child to a different solution. Maybe setting up a meeting to talk with the manager would be helpful, or offering to take extra shifts would help. Your child needs to take a firm stand on an issue or your child needs to ignore the situation. Learning when and how to address problems and when to adapt to situations is a skill that will help your child for life. Your child might have no idea how to deal with a rude co-worker, so you might offer a story or solution from your own life that will help guide them. Remember to be helpful and encouraging rather than negative and discouraging.

In addition to processing their own experience, your child may need help managing the situation at work. If it’s a co-worker who doesn’t show up to work, or a manager who treats employees unfairly, the situations a child may face at work may be frustrating and difficult. Often a child needs guidance to deal with these situations. You may offer some suggestions or ideas to help your child.

Part of our role as parents is to build resilience. Our children will always face difficulties; to train them for ideal lives is not practical or realistic. But, if we help guide them toward empathy and emotional awareness, we help them for life. If we help them manage negative emotions and situations, we help them build the ability to overcome difficulty situations. These are the real gifts we can give our children.

Summer 2022 | Minnesota Family 37

38 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

Active Youth Lead Healthier And More Productive Lives By Bryan Zollman

Driving through the central Minnesota countryside, baseball fields, playgrounds, outdoor hockey rinks, skate parks and more dot the landscape. The only problem is, most of the time there is nary a soul utilizing what those “play stations” can offer.

According to the National Recreation and Parks But those baseball fields, hockey rinks and playgrounds have to Association, children only spend on average four to seven get used and it is up to the individual to use them. According minutes per day in outdoor unstructured play. Since the to a 2018 study from Nationwide Children’s Hospital, advent of video game systems, outdoor play stations such only 5 percent of children ages 5 to 18 met the federally as playgrounds recommended and ballparks, amount of daily have been taken exercise of 60 Simply put, our youth are not getting enough over by the Play minutes per Station video day. One way to exercise and it could impact their long term game console. combat that is to physical and mental well being. And who can sign a child up for argue? It takes a sport. zero energy, you Not only does sport allow for a child to learn a new skill, it only have to move your fingers and thumbs, and instead of also helps them develop cognitive skills that lead to better having to run the bases or climb a wall, the graphic on the academic achievement. Studies show that high school athletes screen does it for you. Why go outside and pretend to be are more likely than non-athletes to attend college. Also, Byron Buxton when you can be Byron Buxton on a those who do not play a sport or get the required amount 65-inch television? of physical activity are twice as likely to suffer from mental Simply put, our youth are not getting enough exercise and it health conditions. could impact their long term physical and mental well being. There are also several other perks to being in a sport. Children meet new friends they may have otherwise not have A study by the Aspen Institute titled Project Play, regular met. They get a chance to compete with their friends seeking physical activity benefits health in many ways including a common goal. They learn responsibility for taking care of strengthening and maintaining healthy bones, muscles and their equipment. They get to wear a uniform and be part of joints; helping control weight and reduce fat; and helping a team. They learn life lessons such as discipline, teamwork, prevent or delay serious health conditions such as high accountability, communication and respect. blood pressure. One of the best ways to ensure your children are getting enough exercise is to enroll them into a youth sport or multiple sports. The Aspen Institute study determined sports participation is a significant predictor in young adults’ participation in sports and physical fitness activities. Adolescents who play sports are eight times more likely to be active at age 24. The study also found that the 10 healthiest cities invested heavily in sport and recreational infrastructure. 40 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

Sports can also become a fun family activity. Just because a parent did not play a sport growing up, simple games that increase physical activity can go a long way in ensuring your child is getting the proper exercise. Playing childhood games like tag, or capture the flag require running and agility and usually result in a belly laugh. And not every sport requires size or extreme athletic skill. Swimming is a fun sport and activity anyone can learn, enjoy and excel at. Cross Country running and track and field are other sports where

athletes can go at their own pace that feels comfortable, be competitive as they wish and yet still get much-needed exercise and develop lasting friendships along the way. Active kids, according to the Aspen Institute Project Play study, are 1/10 as likely to be obese, have up to 40 percent higher test scores, show less drug use and smoking, go to college 15 percent more than non-active kids, have lower levels of depression, have higher self esteem, earn 7 to 8 percent more in career earnings, have lower health care costs

are more productive at work and reduced risk of heart disease, stroke, cancer and diabetes. Whether playing on a playground, basketball court, hockey rink, hiking a trail, jumping on a trampoline, or playing a game of tag with mom and dad, studies prove over and over that active kids generally lead better lives. The outdoor play stations are everywhere. It’s up to families to use them.

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Summer 2022 | Minnesota Family 41

When Jason Prom first carved a bear out of a log with a chainsaw, it is because that is what he wanted to do. Jason enjoys carving with a chainsaw, and creating art even though he never identified as an artist before. Now, with a website, company banner for the many events he does, company branded clothing, and his son as his best sales person at events, this hobby you could say has grown. Some would call this hobby a business, and while it has technically become a business, Jason still considers it a hobby. This is what he wants to do. While sharing his carvings with the world, he also have found other offerings including Lucky the Gnome, a concrete gnome that you have an option of painting. Jason started out carving bears from logs, but also learned how to carve eagles, cardinals, owls, a variety of ideas, even Sasquatch. Jason said, “I just love doing it. I’m glad my wife lets me dedicate so much of my free time to it. I guess it helps that it brings in money.” q: How long does it take from start to finish for your carvings? It depends on the carving. New projects or larger carvings take longer. But, to carve a 4’ tall bear it takes about 2 hrs. Smaller carvings like cardinals may only take 45 minutes to carve. Then there is a lot of finishing work like sanding and painting and applying the outdoor rated urethane that also takes time. q: How did you find out you could carve a bear out of a log? I wanted to provide a unique birthday gift in 2010. I had a hand me down chainsaw, found a log and some step by step instructions. Once I started understanding what to do I was able to expand into other carvings. q: What is your process for your carvings? First, I need to think about what I want to carve. I may have a customer request, may need more inventory of specific item or it may depend on the shape of the log. If it is a new design I look up images on the internet for inspiration and provide details. Once that is determined I need to block out the shape. If it s a new carving or intricate (like a deer with antlers) it can take a lot of time. You can always take more off, but can’t put it back on. So, I tend to “whittle” it down step by step. Once the overall shape is created I can move on to detail like the wings or fur and refining the shape. This is normally

“Do what you love, follow your instincts and just get out there and try it.” - Jason Prom done with my smaller chainsaws. I then move onto sanders and rotary tools for the finer details like eyes and nose. After that I burn the sculpture with a torch to burn off the little “furry” parts of the wood. I then sand the burned part off with a flap sander to smooth it out. Next comes paint or stain and then a final sanding of the base. After that I apply two coats of outdoor rated urethane to protect it against the elements. q: You have a couple of unique forms of art, and notice you are attending shows and have a website. What advice do you have someone who is making their art and working on getting out there? Do what you love, follow your instincts and just get out there and try it. I have let self-doubt hold me back in the past and I have tried to put that aside and just keep trying new things and learning. It has been a fun journey and I am happy I have pushed myself. Summer 2022 | Minnesota Family 43

q: What has been most rewarding about discovering the demand for your carvings and art? It is a very fulfilling thing when somebody sees something that I created from a vision and they are excited about it. It validates what I do when I get a compliment or a customer purchases something. Everybody wants to “win” even if that is just a thumbs up telling you that they like what you created. q: How are your family involved with Prom Carving? My wife is very supportive and understanding of me pursuing these side hobbies which I really appreciate. My son Jackson helps me by peeling the bark from the pine logs, paint the carvings and applies the urethane coating on the carvings. My other son Nathan helps with stamping the bottom of the concrete gnomes. My wife and boys also help me at the craft shows which is a fun way to spend time together as a family. I especially love the social interaction they get during these shows and that they are learning business and entrepreneurial skills through this. q: You also have a full time job in addition to carving and sharing your art with the world, how do you balance it all? I have been working hard to focus on what I want out of life and constantly refining my thoughts, habits and activities to align with that. Many people have hobbies like watching football, golfing, fishing, etc. This is my hobby. This is the kind of thing I enjoy doing in the evenings, on a Sunday morning or

44 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

when I have a day off. But, I have to be careful on how much time I spend on my hobbies and ensure I prioritize what is most pressing each day. q: Does your passion for carving and creating inspire your family? I think so. I would like my family not to think about it as much as a “passion for carving”, but a “passion to pursue what excites you”. In other words others may not get as excited for carving as I do, but I want everyone to find what does make they happy and go after it. I hope that is the lesson my kids learn and I feel they understand that. q: What advice would you give others about pursuing their interests? Try new things to find what you enjoy doing. It is ok if that changes over time as that is part of the journey. q: What is the most important thing you would like your children to take away when they go out into the world? I am a big believer in it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish. Things might start out rough, but just keep going. You never know what is around the next corner. Some of the most inspiration stories I have read are of people who kept believing in themselves and never gave up. Eventually, they “make it” and they are thankful for the struggle because that got them to where they are today.

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Understanding Autism By Matthew Vorell

It’s funny the memories that stick with as you go through life. Sometimes, if you are really paying attention, even the most mundane memories, such as driving by a billboard on the side of a country road can give you a glimpse into your future. I am a college professor, a husband, and father of two young boys. Oh and by the way, I also have Asperger’s Syndrome. No longer an official diagnosis of its own, Asperger’s syndrome refers to Autism as occurring on a spectrum, Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), in order to reflect the wide variation in symptoms and severity of symptoms people experience. As the saying goes, “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met 1 person with autism.” ASD afflicts both males and females, with some estimates putting the ratio of autistic boys to autistic girls 4:1. While each unique, people on the spectrum are typically separated into two groups; nonspeaking and speaking. Nonverbal autism describes people who are (as the term would describe) only able to use minimal amounts of words or who don’t speak at all. Some studies put this number of people with ASD at 25-30%. Individuals like myself, who speak without obstacles, make up the rest. Along with language delays, another hallmark sign of autism is an inability to understand the social cues that nonautistic people take for granted. Even though I’m 43, my mother still likes to break out the story of when I was 3 years old and she took me to my older sister’s parent-teacher conferences. My sister’s principal, an older, and noticeably overweight nun named Sister Cabrini came over to greet us. Now non-autistic individuals (or neurotypicals) would predict that a 3 year old might shy away from this stranger or just throw out a quick hello. I responded to Principal Cabrini’s greeting with “Do you know what you look like to me?” My mother tightened her grasp on my hand, urging me to lose interest in the conversation as she knew what was coming. Principal Cabrini, taking the bait, asked, “What do I look like to you, Matthew?” I responded, “You look like a fat, little old lady.”

46 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

Being a new parent is hard enough, especially if it is your first time. If you add to the mix that your newborn could be autistic (a study as recent as 2018 put the this chance at 1 out of 44), along with a veritable smorgasbord of other potential illnesses; it’s no wonder why parents and families seem extraordinarily stressed. I have learned that we tend to fear what we do not know. In the absence of facts, we make guesses to fill in the gaps of our knowledge. Here’s what I know. My oldest son, James, who is now 13, did not act like a typical baby (if there even is such a thing). Before he could walk, he amused himself by pushing our bedroom door open, then army crawling over to where it stopped, then close it; over and over. When people came to the house, he would throw himself on the floor sobbing because of the unexpected change in his social situation. When other two-year-olds would rush to the window in excitement to greet friends coming to visit, my son would run to the window to make sure that visitors were indeed leaving. We typically see ASD diagnosed in young boys. However, I didn’t get my diagnosis until my late 30s. As Carter aged, I couldn’t help but notice certain similarities between him and me. We both were exceptionally intelligent, but only in the topics which we deemed interesting. For instance, as a pre-schooler, Carter obsessed about the sinking of the Titanic; not about the ship itself, but rather what happened as it hit the iceberg and sunk to the ocean bottom. For me, I was obsessed with professional wrestling from 11 years of age to 33. At the time, I could list from memory every heavyweight champion from the early 1960s to the present. We tend to fear what we don’t know, and the good news about Autism is that we know more about it now than ever before and how to treat it.

Here are some of the things we know about Autism

Different doesn’t mean less, it just means different. Though the amount of public attention on Autism seems greater now than in the past, Autism has probably existed for thousands of years, we just didn’t have a name for it. In days gone by, autistic children and adults were labeled as “quirky” or “socially awkward.” My point is, autistic individuals have always been around us; and this proves that being on the spectrum does not have to be an obstacle to enjoying a full and rewarding life.

Early intervention is key. Since we develop so many of our communication skills in the first years of life, the earlier parents identify their children as neurodiverse, the more autistic children can benefit from related training. My wife, James’ mother, has a background in education and knew what to keep an eye out for when he was just born. There is no universal list for early autism in children. Nonetheless, some commonly accepted evidence include:

· ·

Making little or no eye contact. Having a flat facial affect, in other words, have little or no range in facial expressions.

Being a late speaker (saying only single words by 15 months or only 2 word phrases by 24 months).

Engaging in ritualized play (Carter loved to line his toys up in rows that made sense to him).

Engaging in repeated or ritualistic play (i.e., opening and closing a bedroom door repeatedly).

Resources are available. St. Cloud State University, the Department of Communication Sciences and Disorders runs a Speech-Language and Hearing clinic. They have a history of offering programs that pair graduate students (overseen by a faculty mentor) with autistic children in our community in order to develop the social skills of the latter. You can call the department at 320-308-2092. St. Cloud State offers an outreach program for college bound adults on the spectrum. Supporting Autistic Students Success Initiative, you can learn more about SASSI at www.stcloudstate.edu/sassi The billboard which I mentioned at the beginning of this article read “1 in 168 babies born will be autistic”. This was back in 2008, and I remember thinking how hard it would be to raise a child with autism. Now with the gift of hindsight, I realize that my chances of autism are 100%. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Communication Game Plan By Jason Roering

Game Plan implies intention. STOP. Reflection is one of the most underrated experiences in our society these days. Committing in advance to how I will be in situations, is a strategy to make things easier. For example, if you believe that only good is ahead in your life, then it doesn’t matter exactly what happens because it will be good. The future is always a concept from the present moment. “I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can.” - The Little Engine That Could

We have infinite options in how we frame up what we choose to focus on and flow with, in our life. Having a plan, for example, that we will breathe through things and not let external events control our internal emotions, you already know what you will do in tough situations. Easier said than done, but at least you will have a plan and know what team you’re on. Communication can be the most ambiguous word in our language, after all communication constitutes everything that exists. Is there anything that isn’t communicating something, an opportunity to receive a message and simultaneously communicate back? We all have our own unique experiences in receiving messages, based on our perspective. Consider how we choose what we focus on, and choose what it means to us. When we are attempting to communicate with others, what we say can be interpreted in infinite ways. How we say it is part of the message. Some of these considerations are a topic for another article.

48 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

What Is Communication? “She doesn’t speak English or German,” he told me. We were in Spalt, Germany. “Let me try to find someone that could translate.”, he said. In my travels I have found that a smile says so much more than words could serve. How can we be new friends if we don’t speak the same language and we don’t have an interpreter? She was from Poland and we found a translator, but how much did that even help our communication? How much of communication is nonverbal? Communication becomes ambiguous as a term as it applies everywhere. What does how you care for your body say about your relationship with yourself? What does your positive posture say about the way you regard and carry yourself? Different physiology; the way we sit, walk, stand, lay, smile and even tilt our head, communicates influence with the chemistry in our body. We directly think thoughts, and we indirectly act on our beliefs. The thoughts that

repeat begin to get supported by emotions, and neurological pathways are made measurable in the brain where it’s easier to think similar thoughts. It is important not to see things for worse than they are to truly be realistic. Some thoughts connect with positive, joyful, healthy emotions. It is important to capture disempowering thoughts that are lies, and make them obedient to the truth. If a picture is worth a thousand words, how many pictures are you painting with the actions and behaviors in your life and what do they say?

Ask for

How did I know she was kind, if we couldn’t speak the same language? When someone you love passes, you will hope they know how much you love them. How we walk and talk communicate how we feel about ourselves and others. Maybe the gal from Poland and I had a great time together because we both love life. The experience is a great example of how much communication is beyond words. Showing up early, prepared, and on time, deciding in advance of a kind of helpful attitude, being clean in dress and language, and standing with humble confidence, says more about you than words could. Listening is one of the most valuable, and valued skills. Truly being a good listener will communicate more than a thousand words.

“People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” - Theodore Roosevelt

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” - Dr. Stephen R. Covey

“I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can.” - The Little Engine That Could We frame things up in infinitely unique ways through our perspectives. Let the truth empower you, evaluate thoughts, and don’t sit with lies that have you framed up in a disempowering perspective. Be intentional, it’s more than the words we use that communicate love, safety, support, stability, and health. It is in our choices, habits, and the way we carry ourselves and our attitudes. What do you want your communication to say about you? Include unconditional love in your communication game plan.

RECLAIM YOUR

GAME

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UP NEXT The theme for the Fall 2022 Edition of Minnesota Family is transitions. Fall is a time of transitions. Minnesota Family has been approached with multiple article ideas for the next edition. Dr. Maegan Jones shared there’s a lot of research about how parents can model healthy eating and exercise, how parents can talk to their kids about their bodies, the importance of family mealtimes, etc. We love these ideas, and hope to deliver this and more to you in the Minnesota Family Fall 2022 Edition.

Thank you for reading!

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50 Minnesota Family | Summer 2022

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