May 2015 by Minnesota Parent

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May 2015 • mnparent.com

VOLUME 30

CONTENTS

ISSUE 5

28 FEATURE

46 FEATURE

Free-range debate

Carry on

How can parents balance their kids’ need for healthy exploration as well as their own worries about the world?

Which babywearing device is right for you? That depends on your needs and the age of your child.

36 FEATURE

Up north Grand Marais, though oft-overlooked, is a family-friendly destination worth checking out this summer with the kids.

40 FEATURE

See the world! You can travel — even internationally — while your kids are still young, but you have to make planning a priority.

10 CHATTER

Dress up!

Two new companies founded by local moms are offering cool kids’ clothes. 12 BABY ON BOARD

Learning to dance The art of parenting isn’t so different from learning or teaching ballet. 14 TODDLER TIME

Stop entertaining You don’t have to play with — or delight — your kids every second of every day.

May 2015 • mnparent.com

16 SCHOOL DAYS

22 ASK THE PEDIATRICIAN

Traveling smarts

Spicy is nice

Taking four kids across the country? It’s fun if you keep expectations realistic.

If your toddler likes hot foods, it’s OK to let him go for it!

18 TEENS AND TWEENS

24 BOOKSHELF

Tweenage friends

Funny faces

Middle schoolers must learn to choose (and be) good friends.

Two Minnesota dads have created a series of hilarious, wearable books.

20 GROWS ON TREES

26 IN THE KITCHEN

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Out & About

On the cover

Name: Reginald Milton McKeever, III (“Scooter”) City: Minneapolis Age: 8½ months Parents: Reginald McKeever, Jr. and Batala McFarlane Personality: Intense, focused, jubilant and engaging Favorite toy: The Big Red Car Favorite book: Lamaze Peek-a-Boo Forest Book and First 100 Words by Roger Priddy Favorite activities: Exploring Mommy’s books and Daddy’s record collection Favorite foods: Apples and blueberries Photos by Heidi Sakallah / Kinderbella Photography / kinderbellaphotography.com Dickerson's Lake Florida Resort MNP 0515 S3.indd 1

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mnparent.com • May 2015

FROM THE EDITOR

Free-range kids? A

re you a free-range parent? Or do you, like me, fall into the “reluctant helicopter” camp? Do you let your children play unsupervised, running around your neighborhood for entire afternoons without knowing their exact whereabouts? Would you let your kids walk home from the park even if it were a mile away and crossed a six-lane highway with traffic lights? Ever since Lenore Skenazy’s 2008 editorial for The New York Sun — titled Why I Let My 9-Year Old Ride the • Lights or power out • Fuse to circuit breaker Subway Alone — went viral, many parents have been panel upgrades • Troubleshooting asking themselves these kinds of questions. • Bath exhaust fan • Storm damage Photo by Tracy Ann Walsh / Poserdesign.com installations & servicing In Minnesota, where many of us lost a certain level of • Emergency service trust in our communities when Jacob Wetterling went missing from St. Joseph in 1989, it’s a complicated issue, close to our hearts. 763-544-3300 • Harrison-Electric.com We fear the worst. We want to do all we can to protect our children from harm, of course. God forbid, we make a parenting mistake in public. Social media, today’s judge and jury, Harrison Electric MNP 0115 12.indd 1 11/24/14 9:10 AM would have us skewered in a matter of hours for being terrible parents. But I have other worries, too: If I don’t let my child run free, like I did when I was a kid — despite the haunting tragedy of the Wetterling story — will my son enter the real world ill-equipped to evaluate risk? Will he fail to develop street smarts in time for the rough-andtumble world of adolescence (never mind college)? Are our children over-insulated because we can’t manage our adult fears? In this issue, writer Jen Wittes explores these questions, along with the cultural roots of our paranoia. She also shares the local guidelines parents might want to follow to avoid being investigated for child neglect. Why? Many parents have been accused of neglect in other states for intentionally — happily and vehemently in some cases — letting their children exercise far more autonomy than their peers. Because, even if you’d like to become a bit more free with your parenting style, nosy neighbors and local authorities may feel a need to stop you. This is our world. As with all things parenting, it’s a balancing act. We have to make our choices — and live with them. As always, we never know if we’re doing it quite right. And it isn’t easy!

Sarah Dorison, Editor

May 2015 • mnparent.com

mnparent.com

CO-PUBLISHERS Janis Hall jhall@mnparent.com Terry Gahan tgahan@mnparent.com GENERAL MANAGER Chris Damlo • 612-436-4376 cdamlo@mnparent.com EDITOR Sarah Dorison • 612-436-4385 editor@mnparent.com CONTRIBUTORS Eric Braun, Starla Clement, Peter Dehnel, Megan Devine, Jennifer Gilhoi, Shannon Keough, Jen Wittes, Jennifer Wizbowski CREATIVE DIRECTOR Dana Croatt dcroatt@mnparent.com SENIOR GRAPHIC DESIGNER Valerie Moe GRAPHIC DESIGNER Amanda Wadeson CLIENT SERVICES Zoe Gahan zgahan@mnpubs.com • 612 436-4375 Mattie Eslinger meslinger@mnpubs.com • 612-436-4386 CIRCULATION Marlo Johnson • mnparent.com/find-a-copy 612-436-4388 • distribution@mnparent.com ADVERTISING 612-825-9205 • sales@mnparent.com 55,000 copies of Minnesota Parent are printed monthly, available at news stands statewide. Get Minnesota Parent mailed to your home for just $12 a year. Call 612-825-9205 for more information.

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mnparent.com • May 2015

CHATTER

Get crafting with fun boxes by local moms

LOCAL CLOTHING COMPANIES CATER TO KIDS Twin Cities parents: If you like to get creative when it comes to outfitting your kids, you’re living in the right city! The Patchery — the brainchild of Amber Gunn Thomas of Plymouth, a marketing professional and mother of two — is inviting parents to become part of the clothing-design process. Here’s how it works: Visit the thepatchery.com, pick an item to design and mix and match fabrics to create a unique piece of clothing (see above). With more than 400 million possible combinations to choose from, you’re bound to create a one-of-a-kind piece. Minnesota teams will then cut, sew and inspect your items, which typically arrive three to four weeks later by mail. Meanwhile in St. Paul, local crafty mama Nadine Ryther has launched a new clothing line that caters to girls.

May 2015 • mnparent.com

Audrey Grace & Co., named for her two daughters, Audrey Faith and Meredith Grace (at right). Ryther’s love for sewing and design started in high school, when she made mostly special-occasion garments for herself and friends. She kept on sewing over the years. Then, after the birth of her daughter in 2006, Ryther found a new passion — making play clothes “as happy, fun and adventurous” as her daughters. “I didn’t want them to look like mini-grownups,” Ryther said. “I like that they are girly, but still want to jump off the furniture.” Look for Audrey Grace & Co. clothes, sizes newborn to 5T, at Teeny Bee Boutique in St. Paul. Learn more at facebook.com/ audreygraceboutique.

Two local stay-at-home moms — Nikki Anderson of Plymouth and Bethany Wilde of Minneapolis — have started a new service that delivers boxes full of simple, nature-inspired crafts to your doorstep. Blossom Box Kids’ subscription options include three months of boxes for $55, 6 months for $100 and a year for $200. Or you can go monthto-month for $19.95 per box. (Shipping’s not included.) Each box includes three crafts or activities — with open-ended features to allow for creative expression — plus a healthy recipe, a newsletter explaining the month’s featured theme and one bonus/surprise item. Learn more at blossomboxkids.com.

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Learning to pay attention “Y

our form is perfect,” said my dance instructor as he analyzed my pliés. “But it’s frozen. You need to bring yourself to the movement.” I used to take an entry-level modern dance class every week. I started these classes as an absolute beginner, with no formal dance experience. My instructor, John Munger, was a local dance legend, and I very much wanted to impress him. I’d been taking his class for a few years when he made this assessment of my pliés. I knew what he said was true. My form wasn’t always perfect, but sometimes I got close. I knew just how to hold my arms, where to focus my gaze, the importance of equal weight on both feet. But that’s part of the problem with technical mastery — it’s easy to check out once you’ve figured out the formula. The reason I’m talking about dancing and not babies is because the way John used to talk about teaching dance actually sheds a lot of light on the way I want to parent. Whenever I start getting bogged down in the information overload that is modern-day, Western-world parenting, I try to take a step back and remember the things he used to say and how they might apply to my particular situation. What follows are some of John’s insights that have been especially helpful to me over the years.

⊲⊲‘Perceive what they need’ In a brief essay that he wrote in the months before he died, John wrote about the time he taught an “intellectually heartfelt” class that he later realized had been “terrible.” “[The students] didn’t like it, and rightly so,” he wrote. “It was about my theories instead of what they needed.” I cringe when I think about all the times I’ve turned a blind eye to the needs of my kids, choosing to focus on the needs of my theories instead. One of the most painful examples of this is related to my breastfeeding experience with my first baby. I simply never made enough milk for her, despite my frantic and grasping efforts. What I thought she

May 2015 • mnparent.com

needed — breastmilk and only breastmilk. The theories I’d internalized urged me to “try harder” and confidently announced that “low milk supply” is basically just an excuse for mothers who don’t want to try harder. What she really needed? Calories. It seems so obvious now, but at the time, it wasn’t.

⊲⊲‘Know who you’re teaching’ One time John taught class to a group of middleschoolers. He attempted to teach them an exercise that always went over fabulously with adults — but it was a disaster with the tweens. “The little boys, in particular, destroyed the whole thing,” he wrote. I try to keep this in mind whenever I notice that I’m setting my expectations too high. “Oh yeah — he’s a toddler,” I have to remind myself when I get irritated at my son for, say, emptying the cat’s water bowl on the floor for the third time that morning.

⊲⊲‘Know your strengths’ One day John walked into the studio to face a class of about 65 attendees (a huge number for a dance class), all of varying abilities, and knew he had what it took to handle the class. “I suddenly realized, right in my gut, that I possessed the hard-earned experience and know-how

I’m not sure that I have the hardearned experience it takes to raise a good kid — after all, I’m just starting out here. But that doesn’t mean I need to phone it in for the next 15 years.

BABY STUFF

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to handle this situation. I proceeded with joy and confidence, and we had a wonderful class.” I’m not sure that I have the hard-earned experience it takes to raise a good kid — after all, I’m just starting out here. But that doesn’t mean I need to phone it in for the next 15 years. This reminds me of another experience I had in John’s class. One day I was completely out of sync. The combination was baffling to me and I was frustrated as I struggled to keep up. I felt ridiculous and out of my league. I skulked out of class and wondered whom I thought I was, taking these dance classes — clearly I was a fraud. Later I ran into John in the hallway. “You were wonderful in class today,” he said. He wasn’t being a jerk; he really meant it. “One of your best classes ever.” Shannon Keough lives in Minneapolis with her husband and two children. Send questions or comments to skeough@mnparent.com.

Make-believe — and marmosets — again? A

friend of mine recently confessed, “I don’t have the make-believe gene. I love my kid, but I don’t like to play with him.” While I consider this mama to be one of the very best I know and saw absolutely no shame in her confession, I felt something shamefully “superior” inside. Pride? Relief? Accomplishment? I consider myself a playful parent. I’m goofy. I love waterslides. Video games, too. As these admittedly smug thoughts and emotions occurred, I didn’t think of myself as a better parent per say — but maybe better equipped with the right amount of playful to more easily enjoy the ride.

I’ve also hidden certain obsession-level books and movies, just to take a break up the monotony; and I’ve taken the batteries from a sinister vibrating, cackling Elmo chair, too. Toddler play and entertainment can be extremely basic, repetitive and mundane. While there are joys that we document endlessly on the stacked camera roll — first mud puddles, merry-go-round rides, apple picking and dance class — there are also times in which the word “Again!” makes our skin crawl. If I have to sing this song one more time. If I have to watch that one episode of Diego one more time. (You know — the one with the pigmy marmoset?) If I look at the clock one more time while bouncing this stupid little plastic sheep and it’s still one hour ‘til naptime ...

Maybe we realize that our generation puts way too much pressure on the parents to provide endless entertainment. Maybe we shift focus, now and then.

⊲⊲Wash, rinse, repeat But to say I’ve enjoyed every minute of every day and every game of make-believe would be a giant crock of dried out Play Doh. I’ve fallen asleep — yes, actually asleep — during games of make-believe. Especially hard is the type of toddler play that simply involves making one little animal figure trot and bounce around the general vicinity of another little animal figure. Robots, dollhouse residents, lunch scraps: We’re all familiar with the old toddler bounce and trot. There’s barely a dialogue, let alone a point or a plot.

TODDLER STUFF

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May 2015 • mnparent.com

And yet, we do these mind-numbing, repetitive things because we’re certain that one day it will STOP — all of it — and we’ll miss them and the way they say “sheep” and even the way they say, “Again!” And we’ll wish for a shared bowl of halved grapes and the blasted pigmy marmoset episode. We do these things because we really, truly, madly love our kids.

⊲⊲Follow your bliss But maybe there’s a better way. Maybe we can let ourselves off the hook once in a while. Maybe we realize that our generation puts way too much pressure on the parents to provide endless entertainment. Maybe we shift focus, now and then, to the kind of play we genuinely feel enthusiastic about. For me it was always redesigning the train table tracks, hide-and-go-seek and Play Doh (if I was in the right frame of mind to deal with the mess). I liked outings and baking and reading certain books aloud. Dance parties. Sprinklers. These were areas in which I not only stayed awake, but also shined. I’m not saying we stop honoring toddler requests of “again and again and again.” I’m saying we take it easy on ourselves, as parents, and allow our specific little brand of playful to shine. Sure, we’ll continue to sit through Diego and we’ll bounce and trot inanimate objects, but we aren’t in danger of “missing something” if we occasionally decline, push for an early nap or shift focus to something that we find fun — maybe train tables, maybe bubbles, maybe LEGOs, maybe gardening. To your own enjoyment, Toddler Parent! You do so much for your kid. You don’t have to delight in make-believe and you don’t have to LIKE reading Skippy Jon Jones eight nights in a row! It’s loooong. Maybe it’s time for a library card? Jen Wittes lives in St. Paul and is a mother of two. Send questions or comments to jwittes@mnparent.com.

This will be our second big trip out of state with our four kids. We’ll be visiting Maine, Vermont and New Hampshire. Our first big trip was a couple of years ago, when we flew to Alaska and rented a camper for a week: That was an amazing trip we’ll never forget! How do we do it? Here are our tips:

⊲⊲Make a plan. Doing anything with four kids is a considerable endeavor, and traveling to Alaska was quite a feat! Prior to our trip, we spent a lot of time researching the area where we were planning to travel, so we went into the trip with general ideas about timing for the places we wanted explore. We’re doing the same with our upcoming trip, searching the Internet and travel guides for kid-friendly attractions, activities and events.

⊲⊲Make a budget and try to pay ahead.

Traveling with (four) kids! O

ur family is gearing up for a much-anticipated family trip out of state. This experience has been in the works for several months now, and I’m so happy to see the date creeping closer on our calendar. Both my husband and I have fond memories of family trips growing up and we’re doing our best to set aside the time, the money, (and the energy!) to make sharing similar experiences with our children a possibility. Our reality is that we have a limited income and we have four young children. But we’re making a strong effort to travel with our kids as much as we can while they’re all living under our roof. Because we live in Northern Minnesota — one of Minnesota’s top destinations — we spend much of the year playing and exploring close to home. We also spend several weekends a year visiting family across Minnesota, where we make memories at holiday gatherings, family reunions and celebrations. These closer-to-home excursions are fun, but there’s an added element of excitement and adventure when we travel as a family somewhere a bit unfamiliar.

May 2015 • mnparent.com

Our reality is that we have a limited income and we have four young children. But we’re making a strong effort to travel with our kids as much as we can.

We try to plan our big trips early so we can pay much of it in advance. With our Alaska trip, we saved a significant amount of money (50 percent off the camper rental!) by paying a couple months in advance and by traveling prior to the peak summer season. For our upcoming trip we’re trying to create a general daily budget for activities, lodging and food with some flexibility built in for some spontaneity. Paying ahead seems to alleviate the stress associated with the possibility of overspending, and it’s helped me be more focused and in the moment.

⊲⊲Go in with realistic expectations and a positive attitude. When we traveled to Alaska, we were prepared for the unpredictable weather and the limitations of traveling with young children. We know we have to go at the pace of our family. We still have a napper in the mix, which really cuts into that noon to 3 o’clock time frame for activity. But slowing down for a bit each day isn’t the worst thing in the world. We all need a break sometimes, even on vacation!

⊲⊲Cook. Try to save some money by not eating out for every meal. In Alaska, we cooked meals in the camper, and on our upcoming trip, we’re seeking out lodging with kitchenettes and microwaves. It can even be fun to check out local grocery stores. In Alaska, when we did eat out, we made a point to eat fresh and local fare, which was amazing!

SCHOOL-AGE STUFF

f may be mi l o g ni, r u O t the fun is BI G bu

Made-in-MN maps ⊲⊲Map Your Travels, a St. Louis Park-based small business, has just the thing to inspire travel planning — a “50 States, 50 Place” map with the top U.S. sites for families (easy to check off with the enclosed stickers) and a “Ballparks of Major League Baseball” map, which shows 60 stadiums (past and present). Both posters are 19 inches by 26 inches and laminated to last. Find them online or at local stores such as Creative Kidstuff.

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⊲⊲Visit more than one attraction. During our Alaska trip, our family was able to see and experience amazing scenic views and first-hand wildlife experiences. We saw an ocean, mountains, rivers, glaciers, active volcanoes, moose, brown bears, sea otters, sea lions, many sea birds and even whales! On our upcoming trip, we’ll be able to see the Atlantic Ocean, the White and Green Mountains and share with our children the experience of crossing several new state lines.

⊲⊲Take a lot of pictures. Pictures can help adults and kids remember. Our at-the-time 2-year-old in the pictures may not remember standing in front of that glacier, but we have the pictures to prove he was there! Upon our return from Alaska, I created an album of pictures. We often page through that album to trigger our fond memories of that trip. Megan Devine lives in Northeastern Minnesota. She blogs at kidsandeggs.com. Write her at mdevine@mnparent.com.

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of it when I see her lunchtime phone pics, but she’s charting her own course, steering her own vessel.

⊲⊲Part of development Libby Marx, a Twin Cities therapist who works with families, teens and children, believes strongly in the importance of teen friendships. Peers have special ways of supporting each other during these turbulent, exciting and, often scary, years of their lives. “Friendships are an essential part of adolescent psycho-social development. It is within these relationships that teens take risks by being vulnerable outside of the family,” Marx said. “They develop their own style of communication, conflict resolution and learn about loyalty. Friendships are vital in the lives of teenagers.”

⊲⊲Finding friends

The power of friendship I hope I’ve taught my daughter enough about love and respect. I don’t have any other tools to send her off with right now.

here’s a sweetness in child’s play that sounds like nothing else. And I’m not eager for that to go away when it comes to my tween daughter. She’s in both worlds right now, still playing with dolls, but also Instagramming selfies with friends. I can’t say she does one or the other more. I see the days of make-believe arching into a world of reality. I hear the conversations and the play between her friends, and it’s a strange feeling as parent. It’s an area of her life she can learn only by working it out for herself. This is yet another part of her life that I’m not physically a part of: I’m invited to peer into a sliver

May 2015 • mnparent.com

Middle school can change friendships that once seemed forever in the heart of the elementary years. In the younger years, you’re friends with the kids in your class that year. In middle school, personal (and hormonal) changes can affect friendships, even if the intent was for them to stay the same. This means that, maybe for the first time, they’re choosing who their friends are. They’re no longer just there waiting for them in class. I hope I’ve taught my daughter enough about love and respect. I don’t have any other tools to send her off with right now. And that’s daunting when healthy relationships are so vital to a healthy future.

⊲⊲What do tweens want? I asked my daughter and her friends what they felt were the most important traits in a friend. Honesty and kindness — and the ability to really understand you — were at the top of their list. I was surprised to see how much they wanted from their young friendships, and how much they were willing to give. While “having fun” and sharing similar interests were on their lists, too, I found they weren’t overly focused on frivolities. They seem motivated to make their relationships work. “You have to be willing to be respectful,” said Madaleen 12, “I always treat others the way I want to be treated.” Emilie 11, prides herself on being a strong friend. “I give in big ways and little ways. A good friend will never turn on you,” she said.

TEEN STUFF

Liberating book ⊲⊲David McCullough’s book urges kids to stop trying to be perfect. Born from a commencement speech by the author (a high school English teacher and a father of four), the book aims to “liberate kids from the me-centered attitudes encouraged by our culture.” They aren’t special. “Let them be, rather, part of something bigger than themselves.” $16.99 • eccobooks.com

⊲⊲Who’s at your lunch table? In my life, through all of the moves we’ve made and new cities we’ve been a part of, I’ve been lucky enough to have a full lunch table — friends who brought things to my life right when I needed them. Often, they weren’t people I might have chosen for myself. But they’ve been there, loving me and teaching me to love in return. I don’t know how, exactly, to teach this to my daughter. Though, by the sounds of it, she’s starting to grasp this all on her own. I’m not her friend, just her mom. But I sure love the kind of friends she is choosing, and seeing the kind of friend she wants to be. It makes standing back and watching it all a pleasure. Jennifer Wizbowski lives in Excelsior with her husband, and daughter and son, ages 12 and 14. Send comments, questions and story ideas to jwizbowski@mnparent.com.

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4/23/15 4:41 PM

mnparent.com • May 2015

Resell that old baby stuff A

couple weeks ago, we had some friends over for dinner. They’re younger son came, too, and our boys were charged with entertaining him while the grownups hung out doing grownup things. The guys rose to the challenge by digging through their bins and shelves for toys that a younger dude might be interested in. That turned out to be a pretty good plan. They came down with action figures, army men, Captain Underpants books and — the most well-received find of all — hundreds of Pokemón cards. Their guest was thrilled. “You still have those?” I asked my son, picking up the cards I hadn’t seen in years. “Guess so,” he said, shrugging. Who knew what else was up there? Not him, apparently — a thought that gave me pause. Living in a small Minneapolis house with virtually no closet space has taught me to abhor clutter while somehow living amidst it all the time. My wife and I have a simple plan for dealing with clutter: Donate. But seeing that kid’s joy at the old Pokemón cards got me thinking: A lot of this old stuff has some real value, if only we had the patience and desire to sell it. Now, I’m not typically organized enough to hold a garage sale. Hence the donation strategy. Last fall, I helped my mom with a sale at her house, and it was miserable — cold wind blowing, crossing our fingers that somebody would come by and pay at least a fraction of what we were asking for these old Barry Manilow CDs, Christmas decorations, picture frames and pieces of grandma furniture. But if you’d like to get a little something back for your old kid stuff, a garage sale might be worth it. Alternatively, you can sell items on Craigslist or — to cast a wider net — eBay. (Need a place to make a safe Craigslist hand off? Some local police stations will allow you to use their lobbies.) You can also try a store that will resell the items for you, like Once Upon a Child, or an online resale marketplace like Kidizen.

May 2015 • mnparent.com

Finally, you could also become a consignor at one of the local kids consignment sales such as Just Between Friends and Munchkin Markets. These events, held many times per year, are massive and well-attended — and organizers are always looking for new consignors. You do have to give the sale a cut of your earnings, but you often have the choice of getting items back that don’t sell or letting the sale just donate the stuff for you when it’s all over. Here’s a short list of items that have enough resale value to make selling worth the hassle. You probably have a bunch of these piled up somewhere right now. Kids’ clothes: Especially for babies and toddlers, which get outgrown quickly and therefore don’t wear out too much. Don’t forget outerwear like jackets, snow gear and boots. LEGOs: Everyone loves LEGOs. Sell them loose by the binful or, even better, sell whole sets if you have all the pieces. Older sets such as Harry Potter can fetch a pretty penny. If you have the assembly booklets, you’ll make a lot more (and you’re a lot more organized than I am). Other collectibles: This includes those Pokemón cards, action figures, dolls and stuffed animals.

Big plastic toys: There’s always a market for play kitchens, play work benches, toy strollers, riding toys and activity gyms. Building toys: Blocks, stacking rings and many more. Books: Assuming they haven’t been too well-loved. Games and puzzles: If you have all the pieces. Costumes: Also dance clothes, shoes and bags. Big baby gear: Pack-and-plays, swings, strollers, Burleys, bouncers, play centers, high chairs, boosters, baby carriers, walkers, gates, monitors and more. You might want to find out if any of that stuff has been recalled before you put it up for sale. Nursery furniture: Bassinets, changing tables, rockers and gliders, cribs and cradles. When pricing your items, put yourself in the buyer’s shoes. If you wanted this item, how much would you be willing to shell out for it? Check similar items on eBay and Craigslist as well as other garage sales and flea markets to see what they’re selling for, and stay close to that range. A good rule of thumb is to look at what the item sells for new, and price yours at about 10 to 20 percent of that (depending on the condition and demand). For certain in-demand items like bike strollers you can get a little more. Give yourself some room to bargain, too. Many people expect to haggle a bit. If you’ll take $20 for your old Wii, mark it at $28. It’s important to know your purpose. Are you trying to make some serious money, or do you mainly want to get rid of stuff? If it’s the latter, price it that way — and prepare to be flexible. Eric Braun is a Minneapolis-based writer, editor and dad of two boys. Send comments or questions to ebraun@mnparent.com.

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Spicy food for toddlers? Our 2-year old loves spicy food (really spicy!). Is there any harm in him eating these foods? Spicy food isn’t a problem for children. Usually the problem is getting them to try spicier than normal foods. There are only a few rare foods that can actually cause a chemical burn to the skin and mucous membranes, and most families stay away from them. The higher level of spiciness doesn’t generally cause allergies, so this concern is also minimized. The overall level of spiciness in foods is usually determined by cultural or ethnic factors. In some cultures, for example, children get exposed to high levels of “hot” foods and do just fine. On the other hand, if children aren’t exposed to spicy

foods early in life, they may not acquire a taste for these later in life. As always, the most important consideration for food is offer your child a healthy variety of foods. That, in combination with a healthy amount of physical activity each day, will serve your child well in the long run.

Help! Our teenage son has terrible acne. OTC products are just not working. Is this a hormone issue? Would prescription medications fix it? Yes, it’s a hormone issue. And, yes, there are many prescription options that can work if the over-the-counter products aren’t helping. Acne results from increased sebum (oily substance) accumulating within pores of the skin. Pores can subsequently become plugged by increased production of skin cells, which can lead to infection of the pores and even inflammation of the surrounding skin. In severe cases, you can get serious disruption of the underlying skin structure (cystic acne) and subsequent scarring after the acne has cleared. Many teenagers can control the eruption of pimples through a

May 2015 • mnparent.com

combination of diligent face washing and application of over-thecounter products, such as benzoyl peroxide. If these measures aren’t working, then talking with your primary-care clinician is the next step. The next level of treatment is typically a combination of topical antibiotics and a “desquamating agent” to reduce some of the extra skin cells blocking the pores. If that level of care isn’t working, oral antibiotics in combination with stronger desquamating agents can be used. If these don’t work, referral to a dermatologist is often suggested. A dermatologist may have other treatment methods that other clinicians generally don’t prescribe, including the use of Accutane (isotretinoin) for very severe cases. There are a number of very important cautions people need to be aware of with this medication, but it can also be gamechanging in terms of its effectiveness in managing severe acne.

Our daughter is 21 months old and not talking beyond the word “Mama.” Should we be concerned? Her older sister was talking in sentences much earlier. This is a great question and important issue to address with your pediatric clinician sooner rather than later. Optimal speech and language development in toddlers depend on a lot of factors — good hearing, normal muscle development of the mouth and facial structures and normal cognitive development, just to name a few. There are also inherited family factors that can cause both early as well as delays in speech development. Environmental factors can also influence how quickly a child is likely to start talking. An older sibling, for example, can delay a toddler’s language use. If the older sibling is always talking in place of his or her younger sibling, the younger brother or sister may not have much need to use actual words: Kids in this situation sometimes do little more than grunt and point. The good news is that a lack of language development is more concerning for children older than 24 months. Your daughter may just suddenly start talking on a much larger scale, just like a switch has been turned on. On the other hand, you should bring it up the next time your daughter is at the doctor. Dr. Peter Dehnel is a board-certified pediatrician and medical director with Blue Cross Blue Shield of Minnesota. Send questions to drdehnel@mnparent.com. This column is intended to provide general information only and not medical advice. Contact your health care provider with questions about your child.

BOOKSHELF

Books-o-fun! Two Twin Cities dads publish four ‘wearable’ books By Sarah Dorison Donnie Lemke, a children’s book editor and father who lives in St. Paul (right, bottom photo, with his daughter, Cleo), and Bob Lentz, an art director and father of Bloomington (right, top photo, with his son, Lincoln), have joined forces — as Lemke & Lentz — to create a cool collection of interactive, die-cut books. Their super-sturdy Book-O-Beards, Book-O-Hats, Book-O-Teeth and Book-O-Masks board books feature colorful illustrations, catchy rhymes and a variety of wearable masks, ideal for make-believe games and Instagram snapshots. “What parent doesn’t love seeing their baby’s face on the body of a giraffe?” Lemke said. “Or their own face, for that matter.” Learn more about these books — $7.99 each and recommended for ages 1 to 6 — at capstonepub.com. Books are available at Red Balloon Bookshop in St. Paul.

May 2015 • mnparent.com

WIN THESE BOOKS! Send a description of your favorite kidsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; book to editor@mnparent.com by May 31, along with your first/last name and city for a chance to win all four of these books!

IN THE KITCHEN

Easy almond cookies Photo by Sarah Dorison

Zest of 1 large lemon 2 ¼ cups almond flour or meal ¾ cup granulated sugar 1 egg white 1 teaspoon almond extract 1 teaspoon vanilla extract ½ cup powdered sugar

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line two baking sheets with parchment paper.

Makes 2 dozen cookies Gluten free

Cut the log with a sharp knife at 1/2-inch intervals and form the pieces into 1-inch discs for a rustic look. You can use a tablespoon measure to shape the cookies if you want them to have a uniform look (pictured above).

Whisk together lemon zest, sugar and almond flour in a medium-sized bowl. Beat egg white with almond and vanilla extracts in a separate bowl until soft peaks form. Stir the egg white mixture into the dry ingredients using a wooden spoon, making sure to mix thoroughly. Form into a 1-inch thick log of dough. It will be sticky and crumbly.

Roll cookies in powdered sugar, coating all sides and gently tapping off excess powdered sugar. Place cookies 1 inch apart on prepared baking sheets and bake until only slightly browned with a cracked exterior, about 15 to 20 minutes. Don’t overbake. Cool for 5 minutes before transferring cookies to a wire rack to cool completely.

This recipe was adapted from the Star Tribune, which named the recipe the winner of its 2014 Holiday Cookie Contest. William Teresa of Minneapolis adapted the recipe from a traditional ricciarelli biscuit he tried while living in Italy. Read the full story at tinyurl.com/strib-cookies.

May 2015 • mnparent.com

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Almond flour?

COMPENSATION WILL BE PROVIDED.

Almond flour and almond meal are both made of ground almonds. Two brands that work well for this recipe are Bob’s Red Mill Almond Meal/Flour and Trader Joe’s Just Almond Meal, which includes skins. Trader Joe’s almond meal produces finely textured cookies with a darker color. Bob’s almond meal creates coarser cookies, but with a lighter, prettier color (pictured). Both versions are winners in our book!

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Nutrition Facts When compared to traditional all-purpose white flour, almond flour contains twice the protein, three time as much fiber, 50 times more fat and about a quarter of the carbohydrates. Nutrition Information (100 g) Protein Carbs

Fiber

Fat Cal

Almond 21.4g

21.4

10.7

571

White

76.3

2.7

364

10.3g

Source: See calorieking.com to compare foods easily.

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mnparent.com • May 2015

May 2015 â&#x20AC;˘ mnparent.com

“I am not lost. I am a free-range kid.”

e Our children need mor time outdoors. Letting er, them roam free, howev makes many of us a bit nervous, to put it s mildly. How can parent find balance between d healthy exploration an excruciating worry? And what does Minnesota law say?

By Jen Wittes

e’ve all seen those Facebook posts and chain emails that recall a simpler childhood — free of cell phones and full of outdoor adventures with boundaries in the form of a neighbor’s corner lot and the end of play time determined by the street lamps flickering on at dusk. We look back fondly on biking to school and epic games of tag, twisting through a dozen semi-familiar backyards. But now, parents ourselves, we question the previous generation’s seemingly apathetic lack of concern for our safety, and we become our own generation’s inevitability — helicopter parents — overscheduled, over diagnosed, over concerned, overworked, over informed. Pinterest perfect, tightly wound, earnest and FUN, and worried sick.

INSPIRED BY A SUBWAY RIDE The pendulum, without fail, eventually swings the other way. A counter-movement has been building in recent years. It’s called free-range parenting. Fueled at first by a desire for less screen time, mnparent.com • May 2015

–> Free-range kids parents were determined to get kids out of the house and to pass on the gifts of their own independent childhoods, lived autonomously and, almost entirely, outdoors. The movement began in earnest in 2008, when Lenore Skenazy’s editorial for The New York Sun — titled Why I Let My 9-Year Old Ride the Subway Alone — went viral. Readers nationwide responded with polarized views: Many applauded Skenazy for raising a strong, DIY kid while others dubbed her “the world’s worst mom.” The explosive attention only strengthened Skenazy’s belief in her decision. She coined the term “free-range kids” — and founded freerangekids.com — to describe her nonhovering parenting style. She also wrote a book: Free-Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry). There’s an app now as well. Though Skenazy’s original goal was to help parents let go of delusional levels of fear, she (and parents like her) are now facing push-back

for exercising their free-range parenting rights when bystanders, police and even Child Protective Services get involved: • A brother and sister, ages 10 and 6, were spotted walking home from the playground in Maryland last December. Their parents were investigated for neglect. In April, police picked the kids up again (on another walk home) after a call from a concerned citizen. Instead of bringing the children home like they did the first time, police took them directly to Child Protective Services without the parents’ knowledge, leaving them worrying for hours. • A 6-year-old boy was allowed to play alone in a field 150 yards from his house in Austin, Texas. The family’s children were questioned extensively by CPS after a neighbor called the police. • Chicago author Kim Brooks detailed her story with a piece on Salon.com last year: She left her 4-year-old son in the car playing with an iPad while she ran into a store for five minutes.

ARE YOUR KIDS READY? ARE YOU? If you’re trying to determine your kid’s free-range or home-alone skills, check out these resources: Child Care Aware has a short checklist for determining homealone readiness at tinyurl.com/ home-alone-mn. You’ll find questions like, “Does your child know when and how to call 911? Can your child say and dial your home phone number and provide your home address? Can your child name five household safety rules? Have you created a plan for your child’s time at home?”

The Children Youth and Family Consortium at the University of Minnesota has an extensive to-do list for parents preparing their kids to stay home alone. Your children should know what to do if they are accidentally locked out, get into arguments with siblings or need to respond to a stranger at the door. See tinyurl.com/ home-alone-uofm.

The Jacob Wetterling Resource Center provides education, presentations and information on age-appropriate safety rules, cyber-bullying, sexual abuse, crisis assistance and Internet and cell-phone safety. See tinyurl.com/jacobw-center.

Curious about trying it? “Landing your helicopter,” according to Psychologist David Griffin, isn’t easy to do. If you’re an established helicopter parent, free-range parenting can feel unnatural. Griffin offers tips for parents who want to ease their children into more autonomy and risk management. He said: “While children need a taste for danger to develop coping skills, how they get those tastes does not actually require peril.” Read more at tinyurl.com/free-range-huffp.

May 2015 • mnparent.com

–> Free-range kids WE ARE OVERESTIMATING DANGER AND UNDERESTIMATING KIDS. ... IT’S A ‘WORST FIRST’ KIND OF THINKING, WHERE OUR MINDS JUMP TO THE CRAZIEST NEWS STORY WE’VE EVER HEARD AND THUS THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO. She avoided charges by doing 100 hours of community service and attending parenting education classes. Skenazy — who argues that crime rates are at a 50-year low and that car accidents are far more dangerous for kids than roaming free — believes free-range parenting is a civil-rights issue for parents and children. She’s become an advocate for parents who resent the so-called nanny state of nosy neighbors. Her book includes a card for kids to carry when they’re roaming free to set bystanders’ minds at ease. It reads: “I am not lost. I’m a free-range kid,” and includes parent contact information on the back, plus an explanation of the free-range philosophy.

EVALUATING RISK, REASONING Many Minnesotans are sensitive to the topic of child abduction because of the much-publicized 1989 Jacob Wetterling case, which remains unsolved 25 years later. Alison Feigh, the program director at the Jacob Wetterling Resource Center, a longtime friend of the Wetterling family and a former classmate of Jacob’s, said: “The Wetterling legacy is not to grab your kids tighter. It’s not fear-based. It’s about exploring safely.” Feigh is quick to mention that Jacob’s story — forceful abduction by a stranger, while playing with a group of kids — is a statistical anomaly and that “the danger is more likely in the person you let through the front door, not the person your child meets out the back door.” At first glance, it would seem that Feigh and Skenazy are on the same page. However, Feigh worries about the concept of freerange parenting as a blanket movement which encourages “all kids” to get out and explore in the same way. Instead, Feigh suggests an individual approach: Know your child’s capabilities, personality and comprehension of age-appropriate safety rules. Feigh also believes there’s a big difference between intentional free-range exploration as mutually agreed upon by parent and child versus need-based alone time dictated by a lack of child-care resources. Does the child want this? Does the parent need this? What safety preparations have been made? What practice steps led up to the hour alone at the park? These things make a difference.

May 2015 • mnparent.com

HOME ALONE IN MINNESOTA? Though Minnesota doesn’t have a home-alone age law or a law restricting leaving children alone in automobiles, the general recommendation is that children shouldn’t be left home alone until age 8. Parents who leave children age 7 and younger home alone may be subject to maltreatment evaluations. Factors such as the child’s ability, risks present, duration of time left alone and the reason for time left alone would be considered. Learn more about Minnesota’s child neglect laws at mn.gov/lawlib/children.html. Minnesota has a state-supervised, county-administered child-welfare system. Each county develop its own rules and policies. One county with clear, widely published guidelines is Dakota County, where child-supervision problems will be investigated if there are reports of: ⊲⊲Children age 7 and younger left alone for any period of time ⊲⊲Ages 8-9 alone for more than two hours ⊲⊲Ages 10-13 alone for more than 12 hours ⊲⊲Age 14-17 left unsupervised while parents are absent for more than 24 hours. In Dakota County, it’s acceptable for children age 11-14 to babysit with the expectation that the parent, guardian or caretaker will be returning to supervise the children later that same day. It’s acceptable for ages 15 and older to babysit younger children for more than 24 hours.

FIGHTING THE FEAR Most of us, as parents, feel confused about all of it — and very much caught in the middle. We don’t want to hover, but we do. We’re both scared of and impressed by Skenazy’s son’s subway trip. We’re inundated with horror stories and can’t help thinking, “What if? What if we’re the statistical oddity?” We’re unsure of the law, our rights and our responsibilities. In Minnesota, there’s no clearly defined law about kids being alone at home, at the playground or in cars. Regulations vary from county to county, and they are, in many cases, subject to individual police officer or social worker interpretation, depending on the situation. (Check out the sidebar with this article for some recommendations, however.) Neglect, as defined in Minnesota, means failure to provide “appropriate supervision” and protection from “conditions or actions that endanger the child.”

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WORST FIRST Most of us aren’t neglecting our kids. In fact, many parents sincerely worry about hindering their kids’ development, worried that, by over-worrying, we’re removing so much risk they’ll never be able to cope when we finally do set them free in the real world. But, most of all, we fear we couldn’t live with the consequences if something unthinkable happened while our kids were in our care. Why are we so darn afraid of the worst, most unlikely scenarios? Skenazy believes, when it comes to parenting, we’re an “overreaction nation.” “We are overestimating danger and underestimating kids,” she said. “It’s a ‘worst first’ kind of thinking, where our minds jump to the craziest news story

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mnparent.com • May 2015

–> Free-range kids

WHAT LOCAL PARENTS SAY Today, the greatest “stranger danger” threat to our kids is that the stranger will call the cops to report them. My 10-year-old daughter was questioned by a police officer less than two blocks from our house after a woman pointed her out to him. Fortunately, the cop had more sense than the woman and CPS is not a part of our lives. — Emily Metcalfe, St. Paul

Free-range parenting? It’s how we were raised in the ’70s. I lived outdoors all summer growing up, walking/biking to parks, stores, friends’ home. Most of my summers I was just with other kids. No cell phones, hardly any adult supervision while outdoors. I lived in the heart of St. Paul. How are kids going to learn to live on their own?

Amen! I had the same wonderful experience in the ’90s in south Minneapolis. We were totally safe in numbers and played outside without adults all day. We were just a holler or a sprint away from someone’s house if we needed something, but had independence! It’s sad to see that go away for today’s kids.

— Ellie McFadden Jacobson, Farmington Join the conversation at facebook.com/mnparentmag.

May 2015 • mnparent.com

— Laura Mitchell, Minneapolis

I think this is a hard one to be strictly on either side of. Yes, most of us had childhoods comprised of running loose, hanging in packs, going wherever the wind blew us. And do I want that for my kids? Yes. However, we also have all seen the stories of kids being taken, and I can’t help but to think when my eyes aren’t with my kids: What if this one time is ‘the time.’ The time something bad happens. I definitely think Jacob Wetterling changed a lot of things for people around here. He was our age and it happened just like that. And Elizabeth Smart was taken from her room. I don’t want to be a helicopter parent, but I also don’t want to be a devastated parent. — Holly Koenen, Chaska

we’ve ever heard and thus the worstcase scenario.” Skenazy blames media saturation for this phenomenon. “It’s like advertising. Repetition penetrates our thought process,” she said. “Your brain works like Google in this way. These horrific, yet rare, stories of random acts against children make the news headlines and the feeds and the talk shows and then — as we evaluate reasonable risk as a parent — those are the first things that come up on our internal search engine.” Adding to the sensationalist media onslaught is our modern turn toward a litigious society — everything’s seen through the eyes of risk. We’re also a culture of experts: There’s a blog on that, an app for that and a how-to manual. “In terms of parenting, that translates to a sort of thinking that every decision we make can either boost our kid to Harvard or ruin them forever,” Skenazy said.

BUILDING COMMUNITY In the meantime, if you’re struggling with the balance between safety and independence, both tempted by and frightened by the idea of free-range parenting, building your sense of community might be a good place to start. Get to know your neighbors. Talk about it. Take turns supervising the park. Skenazy encourages us to “flood the streets with kids, as there’s strength in numbers.” With technology increasing our tendency to disconnect, it sometimes feels like we’re in each other’s business, but not in each other’s lives. This, naturally, makes it hard to feel safe, think rationally and parent intentionally. Neither kids nor adults were meant to explore this world completely alone.

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Jen Wittes, a frequent contributor to Minnesota Parent, lives in St. Paul. mnparent.com • May 2015

Grand M All the way to BY SA R A H DOR I SON

This Lake Superior harbor town is far-flung, but it’s quiet, quaint and a family-friendly place to unwind and unplug.

ake Superior’s North Shore is one of the most popular destinations in the state with hot spots like Duluth, Two Harbors and Lutsen at the top of the list for many Twin Cities families. Fewer folks go the 17 miles past Lutsen to make their final destination the far-flung Lake Superior harbor village of Grand Marais. Grand Marais, billed as the gateway to the Gunflint Trail, is also a portal to tons of family fun both in town and further north. Beloved for its scenery, tasty eats and quirky artistic vibe, this laid-back town of 1,400 won Budget Travel magazine’s “America’s Coolest Small Towns 2015” contest just a few months ago. Grand Marais is popular with all ages and it’s extremely family friendly year-round — though, admittedly, many of the town’s restaurants and stores shut down in the dead of winter, despite the ski season. The point is: Summer is the time to explore Grand Marais with the kids!

May 2015 • mnparent.com

Marais Getting there: Going to Grand Marais is about the journey as well as the destination. It’s about 270 miles from the Twin Cities, roughly 4½ hours by car without stopping. Stop, of course, on the way up, first at Tobies bakery in Hinckley for donuts. Second, we recommend you spend one night in Duluth, followed by a leisurely drive up the shore, stopping at Gooseberry Falls, Split Rock and Tettegouche state parks along the way. End with three nights in the incredibly quaint, walkable town that is Grand Marais. The plan: It’s low-key here: Throw rocks in the lake, bum around the shops in town, hike, drive along the shore and just … unplug. Where to stay: East Bay Suites, conveniently located next door to an outdoors store and a food co-op, is ideal for families. Almost all the rooms have lake-facing decks or balconies. Ground-floor units let you walk straight out to the shore. Many units include kitchens so you can cook breakfast (if you’re not fetching pastries from World’s Best Donuts, which is next door). Learn more about lodging at visitcookcounty.com. Where to eat: During high season, you’ll have numerous restaurants to choose from — and most are kid

mnparent.com • May 2015

Grand Marais friendly with phenomenal adult fare, too. Highlights include My Sister’s Place, serving a variety of burgers and dogs (even corn dogs); the Crooked Spoon, with crab cakes, mussels and fondue for you and organic peanut butter sandwiches for the kids (among other choices) and — finally — the beloved Gun Flint Tavern, featuring some of the tastiest food in town, live music and a brand-new on-site brewery. Get there early if you have a party of five or more. A few blocks away is another craft brewery newbie, Voyageur Brewing Co. Bring warm clothes: Yes, even in July and August, Grand Marais can be chilly. Bring coats, hats and gloves, but also pack sunscreen and bug spray. Take a hike on the shore: If the kids get tired of playing on the clean, pebbly beaches, put on hiking shoes and wander out to the tip of Artists’ Point, a rocky protrusion into Lake Superior. Trails begin behind the Coast Guard building near the shore in the town center. Little ones will definitely need handholding to navigate the root-strewn trails, but the views and the waves crashing on well-worn humps of rock are worth it. Then explore (with more hand-holding) the skinny cement breakwater to reach the lighthouse on Grand Marais Harbor. Explore woods, waterfalls: Short hikes and viewpoints abound if you travel even further north up Highway 61. At Judge C.R. Magney State Park, 20 miles from Grand Marais, check out the Devils Kettle falls, via a two-mile round-trip hike, enhanced with 200 stairs to help you and the kids with one steep section. Afterward, keep going north up the shore, making

sure to stop at the scenic viewpoints for some of the most sweeping panoramas of Lake Superior around. Stop at Grand Portage National Monument for a look at the historic fur trade as well as Ojibwe heritage. Then head about five miles north to Grand Portage State Park, which is right before the Ontario border. Explore the gift shop at the visitors center, then walk a 1/2-mile boardwalk to the three viewing platforms overlooking the 120-foot High Falls of the Pigeon River, Minnesota’s highest waterfall. Head back: Spend a final night in Grand Marais. Skip a few last stones on Gitche Gumee. When it’s time to drive home, set out early and make the trip all in one day — ideally on a non-holiday Monday to avoid heavy traffic. Stop in Duluth for lunch and one last look at the lake. Plan your trip: See visitcookcounty.com. Sarah Dorison is the editor of Minnesota Parent.

WIN A GETAWAY IN WALKER! Minnesota-based Odyssey Resorts and Minnesota Parent are giving away a three-night stay in a three-bedroom lake townhome (a $1,700 value, sleeps up to 9) at Trapper’s Landing in Walker, valid Aug. 23-28 (Sunday through Thursday). Learn more about the home (pictured at right) at trapperslandinglodge.com. Go to mnparent.com/getaway to enter. One winner will be randomly drawn on June 1. 38

May 2015 • mnparent.com

↑↑Grand Marais is family friendly, with numerous restaurants offering kid menus as well as sophisticated meals for parents. At the Gun Flint Tavern, check out the pork quesadilla, the Cuban sandwich or a plate of Dungeness crab, paired with a house-made craft beer.

More hot spots!

Here are some your favorite Minnesota resorts and hotels for family vacations, plus a few romantic getaways, collected from your nominations on Facebook. Don’t see yours listed here? Email us at editor@mnparent.com and share it with us. Next month, we’ll feature your favorite campgrounds and state parks!

NORTH SHORE Beacon Pointe Resort, Duluth — Robin Chambers, Andover

Comfort Suites Canal Park, Duluth — Xanthe Walker, Cottage Grove

The Inn on Lake Superior, Duluth — Kim Hjelm, Prior Lake

The Suites Hotel, Duluth — Teresa Beaudette, Prior Lake

Edgewater Hotel & Waterpark, Duluth — Brittany Pearson, Prior Lake

Larsmont Cottages, Two Harbors

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Lutsen Resort, Lutsen — Suzanne Bostwick, Shakopee

Bluefin Bay on Lake Superior, Tofte — Allie Andersen, Rosemount

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Gunflint Lodge on the Gunflint Trail — Beth Barth, Shakopee

BRAINERD LAKES AREA Breezy Point Resort, Breezy Point — Ellie Jacobson, Farmington

Grand View Lodge, Nisswa — Theresa Cooke, Coon Rapids

Madden’s on Gull Lake, Brainerd — Lyndsay Szymanski, Brainerd

NORTH CENTRAL Sugar Lake Lodge, Cohasset — Laura Carroll, Hugo

Knotty Pines Resort, Park Rapids — Jenny Bergstrom, Savage

Northern Pine Lodge, Park Rapids — Jill Stern, Savage

Trappers Landing, Walker — Michelle Wetter, Circle Pines

mnparent.com • May 2015

SEE THE Yes, you can â&#x20AC;&#x201D; even with kids! How? Start planning (and saving) when your kids are young.

May 2015 â&#x20AC;˘ mnparent.com

WORLD! By Jennifer Gilhoi

ravel is often thought of as a leisurely activity, a luxury that doesn’t fit easily into family life. When you’re caught up in the challenges of parenting, a run to Target may feel like the most ambitious trip you can manage. But if you want travel to be a part of your children’s lives, you can’t leave it to chance.

You’ll end up holding your bucket list of unchecked destinations as you send your teens off to college. In other words, you have to make it a priority. But how? One Minnesota company, Pique Travel Design of Excelsior, is urging families to plan family travel not a year or two out, but 5, 10, 15, even 20 years ahead. Jim and Linda Bendt of Pique Travel Design in Excelsior believe successful travel planning — much like home buying, saving for college and planning for retirement — requires taking a long view.

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SEE THE WORLD!

CREATING A WANDERLIST Pique encourages long-range travel planning to help families match their interests to the experiences they seek. They help families make those far-off “someday” destinations attainable. Family members take individual surveys in private, so as not to be swayed by outside (read: parental) influences. The result is a Wanderlist Travel Portfolio Plan — a wanderlust meets bucket-list concept. Pique’s survey measures interests and brings together travel goals for the family as far as 20 years down the road. It takes the kids’ ages and family’s life stages into account. “We see families planning for different types of trips when their kids are ages 0-5, 5-10, 10-13, 13 through high-school graduation and even when the kids are in college. Your kids are going to be ready for completely different experiences based on their age and interest, so planning accordingly allows your family to take trips at ages and life phases that are ideal for everyone’s enjoyment.”

GLOBAL CITIZENS Does that sound way too planful for your tastes? Too lacking in spontaneity for you? The truth is, travel doesn’t just happen. The finances and the logistics are just too complex to handle without an intentional effort. But long-range family travel planning isn’t just about scheduling and money management, it can be a pathway to global citizenship. That’s according to Virtuoso, a travel network of more than 350 travel agencies with corporate offices in New York, Fort Worth and Seattle. “Travel creates those incredible moments that allow families to bond, and it serves as a flashpoint for family values,” said Misty Ewing Belles, Virtuoso’s director of global public relations. “The concept is similar to financial planning in that you work with a trusted and knowledgeable advisor to create a strategy, only this one is based on the desire to make children citizens of the world.” Ewing Belles said parents can tell their children about the world, but it’s far better to let them see it for themselves. “Experiencing other people and countries also provides children with an advantage when it comes time to enter the workforce, as they understand global interdependency and cultural differences on another level,” she said. “Travel is an education like none other.”

MAKING TRAVEL RELEVANT

↑↑Jim and Linda Bendt of Chanhassen and their son, Andrew, 12, and daughter, Abby, 9, take in a view atop a Maya ruin in Belize.

Overlapping your child’s or your interests in what they’re learning in school, cultures, languages or sports is also more possible with planning. For example, if your sixth-grader will be spending three months on the structure of government and politics next spring, you could plan a trip to Washington, D.C., on the heels of that coursework. Planning early stirs their interest while they’re studying related topics, builds anticipation for your trip, reinforces classroom learning and, ultimately, provides you with a great tour guide. O’Reilly said travel has definitely helped enhance her kids’ learning. “While in Kauai, we visited volcanoes, and my son, because of his recent study in school, told us everything we wanted to know about cone volcanoes,” she said. “You could see this connection go off.” You can also tap into your family’s interests and celebrate accomplishments through travel: Your son’s been into soccer since age 3 and in a Spanish immersion school since age 5. He’ll be turning 16 around the time the 2016 Olympics are held in Rio, Brazil. Why not go? With the rise of immersion schools including Mandarin, Spanish and French, language skills are more engrained in our children, providing even more inspiration for travel and opportunities for them to use their speaking and leadership skills. mnparent.com • May 2015

SEE THE WORLD! When the language barrier is removed, it allows a full experience of another culture and develops empathy and understanding in our children.

ANTICIPATION

MOST POPULAR FAMILY TRAVEL SPOTS FOR 2015 1. Italy 2. Orlando 3. Mexico 4. Hawaii 5. England 6. Costa Rica 7. France 8. South Africa 9. Dominican Republic 10. Turks and Caicos

Another benefit of planning is heightened anticipation leading up to the trip. It’s just like working up to reaching a long-term goal. You know that post-trip Source: 2015 Virtuoso Luxe Report hangover experience? Those blues are magnified when you come back from a warm-weather destination to harsh winter weather conditions. You had such a great time, you’re now incessantly dreaming and scheming about how to move to Hawaii. These feelings can put a damper on your trip. Long-term traveling planning can help combat those feelings, said Jim Bendt of Pique. For example, reading a book about your next trip destination while on your current vacation or on the plane ride home, can ease the stressful feelings of re-entry into what can feel like a mundane existence, especially after highadventure travel.

DESTINATIONS, COMPANIONS Do you take the same trips every year? With thought and planning, you have the power to change your course and visit locations unexplored by anyone in your family. If you plan ahead, you can let Grandma and Grandpa know a few years out that you won’t be joining them in Florida over winter break. Maybe they want to meet up with you at your international destination? With a growing number baby boomers retiring, many grandparents are enjoying more freedom, making multigenerational travel a hot trend. This type of travel has been a top trend for more than five years now, said Virtuoso’s Ewing Belles. In 2014, half of the network’s clients were planning mutigenerational family trips. And those trips typically require even more planning because multiple families and budgets are involved.

PREPARATION Life is busy, and when you haphazardly plan trips, a few undesirable things can happen: You can get locked into many re-dos of the same destination or experience, or you might find

May 2015 • mnparent.com

↑↑Chad and you’ve become a slave to your kids’ Jennifer Gilhoi of daycare or school breaks and your limited Minneapolis have work vacation windows. put significant Families who plan can integrate travel time and energy into family travel into their lives, rather than cramming it planning. When into their tight family schedules at the last their kids were 4 minute. Linda Bendt with Pique Travel and 6, they visited Design said, “If you make travel a priority, the Black Hills. When the kids were schedules at school and work can bend to 8 and 10, the family revolve around travel, not the other way flew into Calgary around.” to see the Icefields of Canada and Travel-planning mindfulness can cause Glacier National you to be more intentional about things Park (pictured). you do between trips to prepare for More recently, the vacations, too. family road-tripped to the Great Smoky Register for that semester-long German Mountains National class at your community college and Park, stopping at Prost-away at the Hofbrauhaus during many cities along Oktoberfest. the way. Sign up for that snorkeling session — yes, they do teach snorkeling in the Twin Cities, see marthaburns.com — leading up to your Cozumel vacation. Dan and Val O’Reilly of Minnetonka and their son, 14, and daughter, 11 started traveling when the kids were young, begin-

are discussed and agreed upon by the family. Planning and plotting out destinations as a family can also call out travel pairings you might not have considered. Your son wants to see Glacier National Park and your daughter wants to explore Canada? Rather than two separate shorter trips, you might find efficiencies in planning a longer trip to combined destinations. Also, remember: Not every family member’s travel interests are going to align perfectly. That’s why timing, age appropriateness and balance in travel type are so critical. If your family trip out east involves visiting some ballparks on behalf of father and son, mother and daughter should also be able to visit historical sites and museums. Setting expectations and balance allows everyone to join in a new experience they may be hesitant about, knowing that their top activity of choice is on the horizon. ↑↑Dan and ning with camping trips in Northern Val O’Reilly of Minnesota. Minnetonka traveled “Because we’ve included them and with their son, Colin, broadened our travels over the years, 14, and daughter, Meghan, 11, to The they’re always prepared for what’s next Galapagos Islands. and they’re active participants in the planning,” Val O’Reilly said. The O’Reillys worked with Pique to set their long-term travel agenda to maximize their budget, time and their desire to see the sights, but also relax and recharge. “The advance travel planning process has cued us into how to seize the right timing for trips,” O’Reilly said. “We’re currently planning a family trip to Alaska based on our love of hiking, camping and the great outdoors. We also intentionally put our African safari on hold until after the kids graduate because we found that it was more of a top destination that only my husband and I share.”

SAVING MONEY, MULTITASKING Using the expertise of people in the travel-planning business has its perks. They know how to maximize your budget. For example, cruise lines know they have you hooked when you’re experiencing the lull of the Mediterranean Sea under the stars. They offer discounts if you book upcoming travel while you’re on your cruise. With no long-term plan or budget in place for this, you wouldn’t be able to take advantage of such a deal. However, through planning, you anticipate this and be ready to book your Grecian tour three years out on the spot and save 10 percent. All of this is now possible because your dates and destination

FAMILY BONDING Last but not least, family time is one of the most important benefits of long-range travel planning. Bonding during our day-to-day lives isn’t easy. We’re rushed and our schedules are hectic. Our priorities shift. Bonding can often happen much more easily when we’re in a traveling mindset, when we’re geared up for sharing new experiences together. No matter whom you’re with or where you go, your memories created through travel will last a lifetime. Jennifer Gilhoi is the owner of SparkTrack, a communications consulting firm in Minneapolis. She blogs about Parenting by the Vowel at edamomie.com.

GO AGE-APPROPRIATE ⊲⊲Reserve long-haul flights for kids 10 and older. Families with kids in this age range can head to Africa for a safari, South Africa to explore its rich history and Belize in Central America, home to the world’s second-largest barrier reef. ⊲⊲Mexico, due to shorter flights, is appropriate for families with kids in the 5-9 range. They can live out their own inner Indiana Jones adventures at the Mayan ruins. ⊲⊲Hawaii, meanwhile, is ever popular for families with kids of all ages. It’s part of U.S., has an authentic culture and truly makes you feel like you’ve been transported to a different world. Each island is so diverse in terrain and experiences including volcanoes with flowing lava, swimming with dolphins and historic Pearl Harbor.

mnparent.com • May 2015

The Sling There are two varieties of sling carriers — pouch and ring. The ring sling is adjustable; the pouch is not. Best for: Cuddling and soothing around the house, quick errands, parks and social gatherings. Works well into toddlerhood as a means of support for hip carrying. Cons: The one-shoulder approach isn’t very extendedwear friendly, as it becomes uncomfortable for the parent. It can also cause body-alignment issues for the wearer over time, if you favor one particular side. Watch out for: This isn’t a completely hands-free, mountain-trekking, fast-walking baby carrier. Also, babies can slip down deep in these carriers or, if you’re not careful, they can slip out. When cradling a newborn in a pouch, make sure she’s not crunched up at the expense of her airway and that her nose and mouth are free to breathe. Favorite brands: Maya Wrap for ring sling, Karma Baby for pouch.

Tie one on Babywearing doesn’t just soothe infants, it also makes for happier hands-free parents.

By Jen Wittes

arents and grandparents around the world have been wearing infants for centuries, using a variety of slings, wraps and other contraptions. Though the practice is only just becoming a mainstream habit in modern Western culture, companies are offering a dizzying array of devices that allow parents to easily carry children from the newborn stage well into toddlerhood. Most American parents purchase — or register for — at least one baby carrier, often two or three. There’s certainly a matter of personal taste when it comes to finding the right baby carrier for you. But it’s important to note that certain carriers are better suited for particular ages, needs and lifestyles. Consider your babywearing goals and needs and go from there: Is comfort a top priority? Versatility? Longevity? The benefits of babywearing — the use of baby carriers to keep your baby close to you during daily activities — have been said to include: ⊲⊲Quicker soothing of all babies, but especially those suffering from colic ⊲⊲Convenience of handsfree parenting, even while meeting Baby’s needs ⊲⊲Better digestion for infants with less gas and acid reflux ⊲⊲Easier breathing for an infant with a cold ⊲⊲Improved parent-child bonding ⊲⊲Encourages on-the-go breastfeeding ⊲⊲Increased mom-and-baby contact can boost milk supply ⊲⊲Temperature regulation for preemies

mnparent.com • May 2015

Tie one on

The Mei Tai Similar in function to the buckle carriers, mei tai-style carriers are simple in design — generally a large square of fabric with four sturdy straps extending from the corners. Best for: Though wearable with a newborn, this carrier is usually better suited for carrying babies 4 months and older. It also can be used through toddlerhood. It’s ideal for wearing your child on your back, simple soothing and relieving stuffy noses. Cons: This carrier, while fairly comfortable, can take a toll on your shoulders during extended use. Watch out for: Make sure you have adequate neck support for Baby, especially when you’re wearing your baby on your back. Favorite brand: Babyhawk (pictured, at left) offers a well-made product with a variety of options, including an extended neck tab.

The Wrap This is basically a long piece of fabric, used to bind the baby to the caregiver. It’s extremely versatile and requires no adjustments between users. Yes, you have to tie it fresh each time you use it, but because it’s just light fabric (and nothing else) you can also wear it throughout the day, so it’s always on and ready to go. Best for: Wraps are excellent for everyday use, especially for when you’re puttering around the house. Stretchy wrap carriers keep newborns cozy and close while you’re shopping, walking or doing the dishes. Added bonus for parents of multiples: You can wear two babies in one wrap. Cons: You have to learn how to put it on! Tying a wrap can be intimidating at first, but it’s easy once you’ve mastered the process. Watch out for: While the stretchier styles are super comfy and swaddle-like, they shouldn’t be used to carry Baby on your back. Also, they can loosen significantly throughout the day when used to carry bigger babies. Favorite brands: The classic Moby Wrap (pictured, at left) is a top pick for newborns. The Dolcino woven wrap works better for older babies and toddlers.

May 2015 • mnparent.com

Buckles-and-snaps carriers This broad category offers a wide range of products including the hugely popular ERGObaby carrier and even heavy-duty hiking backpacks. Best for: These carriers are especially useful for long days out and extended wear. Dads love them, too. Cons: You may need to readjust the straps between multiple users (Mom, Dad, nanny, Grandma). Watch out for: It’s important that your baby’s legs are splayed and flexed in a sort of frog-like position. Some buckle carriers encourage a position in which the baby’s legs hang straight down, which can cause developmental problems such as hip dysplasia. Favorite brand: The ERGObaby is by far the best for Baby and caregiver and can be used from birth into early toddlerhood.

TOP BABYWEARING TIPS Visible and kissable: Your baby should always be worn high enough on the chest so that you could kiss the top of his head. (When wearing Baby on your back, follow the same height rule, too.)

Be cost conscious: Carriers can be pricey. ERGObaby’s latest goes for $180. Ask your friends if they have hand-me-downs or spare carriers for loan or trade. Borrow one for a week to see if it’s a good fit before buying.

Study up: Learn more about best practices from TheBabyWearer. com, Babywearing International (babywearinginternational.org), and The Attachment Parenting Book by William and Martha Sears.

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mnparent.com • May 2015

Out & About

MAY

mnparent.com/calendar

Photo by by Brent Teclaw / Stages Theatre Company

One-Dog Canoe ⊲⊲A simple canoe trip with a youngster and her dog turns into an excursion fraught with adventure, music and creatures of the Minnesota wilderness. Based on the children’s book by Minnesota author Mary Casanova and filled with musical adaptations of beloved songs by the Grammy-winning Okee Dokee Brothers, this world-premiere production — at 55 minutes long — is appropriate for all ages. When: Through May 10 Where: Stages Theatre Company, Hopkins

Cost: $16 Info: stagestheatre.org or 952-979-1111

ONGOING

APRIL 30–MAY 3

MAY 1–2

Peter Pan: The Musical

Festival of Nations

⊲⊲Breathtaking sets, joyful choreography and infectious songs — including I Won’t Grow Up — are just a few of the highlights of this all-ages musical production.

⊲⊲One of the largest multicultural events in Minnesota, this beloved festival features food, demonstrations, exhibits and performances that showcase immense cultural diversity.

La Leche League Spring Conference

When: Through June 21 Where: Children’s Theatre Company, Minneapolis Cost: Tickets start at $10. Info: childrenstheatre.org or 612-874-0400

May 2015 • mnparent.com

When: April 30–May 3 Where: Saint Paul RiverCentre, St. Paul Cost: $13.50 adults, $8 for ages 6-18, free for ages 5 and younger with an adult admission Info: festivalofnations.com

⊲⊲May 1 is geared toward health care providers. May 2 focuses on breastfeeding families. Both days feature speaker Diane Wiessinger, co-author of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, now in its eighth edition, and Sweet Sleep: Nighttime and Naptime Strategies for the Breastfeeding Family. Babes in arms welcome both days. Children are welcome on May 2. Attendees can bring

along a second adult on May 2 to help with children. When: 7:30 a.m.–5 p.m. May 1 and 8 a.m.–5 p.m. May 2 Where: Marriott Minneapolis West, St. Louis Park Cost: $89 for May 2 only (includes snack and lunch); scholarships are available. Info: lllofmndas.org

MAY 1–17

Pecos Bill and Other Tall Tales

TRAIN DAY EVENT — MAY 9TH Food trucks • Music • Train rides Vendor tables • Give aways

Shuttles to James J. Hill House, Union Depot, Twin City Model Railroad Museum.

A Fun Way to Spend Your Wednesday Mornings! Upcoming Dates May 6 & 20

COME RIDE THE RAILS! Osceola & St. Croix Valley Railway Round trip trains depart from Osceola, WI every Saturday and Sunday, May — October

50 and 90 Minute Trips Available Tickets and More Info Online or Give Us a Call! 651-228-0263

HEAR IT. SEE IT. LEARN ALL ABOUT IT. TRAINRIDE.ORG Jackson Street Roundhouse 193 Pennsylvania Ave E, St. Paul, MN 55130 MN Transportation Museum MNP 0515 H6.indd 1

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⊲⊲Before everyone isolated themselves behind tiny screens, families gathered around campfires and told tall tales of Pecos Bill, Slue-Foot Sue, Annie Christmas and, of course, Paul Bunyan, Minnesota’s favorite son. Experience lively, unique Americans doing amazing things at this Youth Performance Company show. When: May 1–17 Where: Howard Conn Fine Arts Center (Plymouth Congregational Church), 1900 Nicollet Ave., Minneapolis Cost: $15 for adults, $12 for children and seniors Info: youthperformanceco.org or 612-623-9080

MAY 2

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Bloom ⊲⊲Meet local and national vendors, tour two new Park Nicollet facilities at Methodist Hospital and learn from parenting experts, including three panel discussions with physicians, a midwife, a lactation consultant and a labor-anddelivery nurse. Breakout sessions will cover baby sign language, postpartum self-care and other hot topics. When: 9 a.m.–1 p.m. May 2 Where: Methodist Hospital, St. Louis Park Cost: $14 per family Info: twincities.citymomsblog.com/ bloom

AT THE LAKE HARRIET BANDSHELL

Saturday, June 20, 2015 • 10am–1pm Music from the Teddy Bear Band, facepainting and many other activities!

FREE!