The Great Gift of Life

We catch up with long-time friend of Minty, Elise Grossman, in their beautiful 100 year old cottage in the Perth Hills, Western Australia. As a single mother of Peyton who is 7, Xander who is 5 and Willa who is 3, Elise has just begun an incredible journey of surrogacy.

LET’S CHAT SURROGACY.

I can’t think of a more selfless gift to another family than carrying their baby. How did you come to find yourself on this journey?

I first heard about surrogacy when I was in my teens. I was watching a reality TV show with a celebrity couple that had a baby via surrogate and it really stuck with me as something I wanted to do some day if I could! Fast forward a few years and I struggled in my own way while trying to conceive.

After a miscarriage, misdiagnosed PCOS and nearly a year of trying to fall pregnant, I became very familiar with that "desperately wanting a baby" feeling so many women have! When I finally fell pregnant and then very easily with my second and third, I knew I wanted help a couple to fulfil that ache of wanting a baby.

I was first introduced to my Intended Parents (IPs) through a mutual friend online. We chatted a lot and quickly realised we were on the same page when it came to surrogacy. After meeting in person, I knew straight away they were the couple I wanted to do this for! I had been told you would "just know" and that was definitely the case.

What is the process of surrogacy in Australia?

The laws in each state vary slightly. Here in Western Australia, the main laws are focused on the intended parents (IPs) who have to be in a heterosexual relationship, which means single people and same sex couples cannot legally use a surrogate in WA.

The process of surrogacy is quite long. I met my IPs a year ago and we are only just about to do transfer! About half of IPs in Australia use a family member or friend and the other half meet through agencies or

via support groups or word of mouth (like we did).

After deciding to go ahead, finding a fertility clinic is the first step. There were only two clinics in Perth that were familiar with surrogacy. After choosing, we had to wait months to get a consult with the fertility specialist. At the consult, I underwent medical testing which included blood work and an ultrasound. The IPs also had to do blood work. From there we underwent several counselling sessions and a psychiatric assessment where you discuss every possible outcome, which was quite confronting.

Both parties need a lawyer for surrogacy who write up a legal agreement between the surrogate (and her partner if she has one) and the intended parents. This outlines a plan for pre transfer, pregnancy, birth and postpartum, including things like a birth plan and visitation after baby is born as well as what level of care will be provided for the surrogate.

After doing another round of counselling both on our own and as a group we submitted our case to the Reproductive Technology Council (RTC) who review your case. We then entered a three-month cooling off period during which either party could change their mind. After being approved by the RTC, we underwent the same medical tests previously done and another counselling session.

The kids were super excited about mummy having a baby for someone else who couldn't.

There are a few different types of transfer, which one you do is determined by your doctor. I'll be doing a low dose transfer, so during the first week of my cycle I have blood tests done and a daily injection of hormones followed by an ultrasound after finishing my period, a trigger shot and on day 17 of my cycle the embryo is transferred! Another round of injections is done a week later and at two weeks post transfer I will have a blood test to confirm pregnancy! At seven weeks pregnant you would transfer to obstetric or maternity care.

Once you give birth, the surrogate (and her partner) are legally the parents and their names are on the birth certificate. However, the intended parents take the baby home. After six weeks, the IPs have to submit a parenting order which essentially means they are adopting their own baby.

How did you approach the idea with your family? Has it been well received?

I'd spoken about wanting to be a surrogate in the past and my family know how much of a birth advocate I am! They were all very supportive, as were my friends and my online community. The kids were super excited about mummy having a baby for someone else who couldn't.

What are you most looking forward to along the way?

I have always loved being pregnant and feel most myself when I am. I am really looking forward to giving birth as well, I find it so empowering! But mostly, I'm looking forward to handing over a newborn baby to the most deserving couple! I don't think you could beat that feeling!

Do you a have any fears that you’d like to share?

As a single mum of three kids and about to become pregnant, it does sometimes cross my mind if I will be able to juggle it all. But I have a really great support system and together with the intended parents as well as some outsourced help I'm really confident I will be able to manage it all! Oh, and I'm a little nervous about all the injections!

How do you prepare yourself, mentally and physically, for this epic adventure?

We go through a lot of counselling and psychological assessments to make sure everyone is mentally prepared to take on this huge journey! There's a lot of conversation about potential things that might not go to plan, some of these conversations are quite confronting but it's important to be aware of the risks and have plans in place for if they ever did occur. I found this part of the process to be really reassuring that we were all on the same page and wanting the same things out of surrogacy.

For the months leading up to transfer it's really important to get your body healthy, so eating nourishing foods, moving your body, taking folic acid supplements, limiting alcohol and no alcohol for the month leading up to transfer, oh, and keeping your feet warm! It's also really important to have a great support system, this could be your partner or friends or family and for me it also includes my online community!

Where can other women that may be interested in surrogacy find more info?

Finding information in Australia was pretty difficult as it is still such a new thing here! For anyone looking into surrogacy in Australia they should look at the SASS page. www.instagram.com/surrogacyaustralia

I would suggest to stay away from American information as their surrogacy process is very different to ours.

Now, it wouldn’t be Minty if we didn’t have a sneaky peak in the kids’ rooms!

What was the brief for the kids’ rooms? What is your favourite feature in the kids’ rooms?

We live in a beautiful 100 year old cottage and I really wanted to work with the same vintage charm that the house has! It was really important to use as much of the existing furniture we had to keep costs down and focus the budget on decorative pieces. I wanted their rooms to be inviting and keep that homely feeling that's throughout the rest of the home. Making sure that the spaces were both practical and aesthetically pleasing was one of my main focuses.

What was your inspiration?

I follow many European pages on Instagram and I just adore how they mix vintage pieces in with new modern decor! I've always had a soft spot for vintage pieces!

How did you select your colour palette in Peyton & Willa’s room?

Definitely the wallpaper! Every time I walk into their room it's the first thing I'm drawn to. It has such a lovely soft feminine feel that it brings to the space!

What was the biggest challenge?

I found it really difficult to get the right layout in the girls’ room as it's a square shape. I can't tell you how many times I moved everything around! Originally, I had the girls’ beds side by side but now with them both up against walls they've got a huge amount of floor space to play on, which is so important in a small home like ours.

Xander's room is really small and the bed can only go in one place, so it was a bit of a Tetris game trying to fit everything in!

I wanted to keep the tones quite pastel throughout, ensuring to not over-power the wallpaper as that was the focal point in the room. I chose to add small pops of pink to draw out the warmth in the wallpaper and also used lots of greys to create some mood. I originally had chosen a grey rug but this one popped up on market place and I fell in love. I added the yellow Numero 74 pieces which were a similar tone to the rug.

"I love that they have rooms that they can grow with, I can imagine the girls still loving this space as young teens with just a few minor changes, and I can see Xander doing his homework at his desk for years to come."

What is your overall favourite thing about the kids’ rooms?

I love that they have rooms that they can grow with. I can imagine the girls still loving this space as young teens with just a few minor changes, and I can see Xander doing his homework at his desk for years to come.