Married in Montana

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Married in Montana Contents: Dressing the part . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4 Vows changing with the times . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 Getting married in a recession . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14 Location, location, location . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18 Wedding insurance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22 Cover Photo by Deserae Pollack Photography

317 S. Orange St. Missoula, MT 59801 Phone number: 406-543-6609 Fax number: 406-543-4367 E-mail address: independent@missoulanews.com

Thea Delameter, Random Task Engineer

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Dressing the part By Ali Gadbow Before the caterer and before the flowers, one of the first decisions to be made when planning your wedding is how the wedding party will be clad. In reality, this may be your only chance to see your best friends and family dressed the way you want them to dress, so make the most of it. Of course, what everyone else wears ultimately depends on what you’re wearing and how you want to show it off. First and foremost: Brides, find your wedding dress early. You pretty much sealed the deal when you decided to get married, so don’t dither when it comes to choosing a dress. Be deliberate. Plan to spend some time in the store. At first glance,

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a bridal shop can look like an ocean of white gowns; you’ll need some time to orient yourself. Take advantage of the experts. These people think wedding all day, so it is definitely worth your while to ask questions. Give yourself a dress budget before you go shopping. If you tell the retailer what you want to spend upfront, she can navigate that sea of dresses for you, providing an efficient, positive shopping experience. At Rococo Bridal & Formal Wear, wedding gowns ranging from $99 to $999 fill the cozy shop just next to its parent store, My Sister’s Closet. Co-owner Rebecca Wagner says that after a few years in the consignment business, she and her sister, Deborah Stebbins, noticed an unmet need for affordable bridal gowns.


“We try to keep all of our gowns under $1,000, and we have quite a selection. People are surprised how many dresses we have in a town this size.We do tuxes, bridesmaids... pretty much a full-service bridal shop.We stock all sizes, from zero to 28, so if people are in a time crunch they can buy off the rack if they need to, and plus it’s nice to be able to try something on in your size.” Wagner teaches a seminar on choosing a wedding gown to flatter every body type at Missoula’s wedding fair, and she knows that what flatters a size six may not be right for a size 18. “I do carry one designer that only does size 14 and up,” she says. “A lot of designers just take the same dress and make it bigger, but these dresses are actually made for a curvier person, so it’s nicer.” Rococo’s offerings for this year, purchased through bridal shows in Dallas and Los Angeles, include the newest trends in cuts and fabrics. One-shoulder styles are popular, and ball gowns are coming back, with tulle, netting, elaborate flowers and plenty of detail. On the other hand, ultrasimple dresses are also in, according Hohanna Rose Photography

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to Wagner. Either way, she says, “sleeves—unless you need them for religious reasons—are pretty much nonexistent.” White gowns with just a touch of contrasting color have been common over the past few years, but that look is losing ground. Instead, a subtle, all-over non-white shade is in. Champagne, gold, lilac, and mother-of-pearl are popular. “I saw, this year, a lot of feathers,” says Wagner, “not just on the headpieces but incorporated into the dresses. I saw feathers everywhere: in bouquets, headpieces; I saw feather flowers on the dresses, like at the waist.” Tie-on belts are also hot, with silky backing in mix-andmatch whites and sparkling crystal beadwork. Veils aren’t as much a part of the bridal costume as they used to be, but birdcages—made of that structured netting you see on

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Dawn Alicia Photography

fancy hats—are making a retro splash. It never hurts to call before you shop. Doreen Breza, owner of Beautiful Weddings, always recommends making an appointment. Her fittings are free,

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and you are guaranteed two hours of personal attention if you schedule with her first. Breza, who has owned and operated the store for eight years, does her own custom alterations.“I’ve made dresses from scratch,” she says. “I

know the dresses inside and out. Whatever the girl wants, I customize it to her, so even though ten different girls might get the same dress, they never look the same.” Breza also knows weddings inside and out. Anything

you might be curious about, she probably has a word of advice. For example, secure your beaded belt with a favorite brooch, maybe a family heirloom. Getting married outside? Put plastic stoppers over your spiked heels and you won’t sink in the grass. Want to carry a handkerchief to keep your mascara from misbehaving, or lipstick for a quick touch-up after the kiss? Check out dresses with pockets. They can come in handy. Plus, says Breza, “If you’re talking with someone, you can put your hands in your pockets, and you won’t cross your arms in front of you. Crossed arms can say ‘I’m sick of talking to you’ so pockets are absolutely huge.” And while you’re at it, don’t forget mom. Most mothers go a little nutty when their children get married. Make sure that, in all her planning, she remembers to get herself a nice dress.


Prices at Beautiful Weddings range from $100 to $3,000. And if a dress is discontinued, Breza sells it off the rack for 50% off. “It’s sold as-is, which is usually pretty darned good,” notes Breza, “because we keep our dresses in top condition.” Kim Klages Johns has noticed that a lot of Montana brides have been breaking with tradition lately. As owner of J. Elaine’s, she has been providing Missoulians with prom and special event dresses for 15 years, and before that, she was in the bridal business. “I think a lot of people who live in Montana and get married in Montana do so for the aesthetic beauty of the countryside, and consequently get married outside,” says Klages Johns. “Being married outdoors does not lend itself to traditional wedding gowns with long trains

because they would be destroyed. I think a lot of brides, in particular in our area and probably across the state, do nontraditional bridal gowns, either small trains or no trains, just because it lends itself better to being outdoors.” If it’s your second wedding and you don’t want the big white gown, or if you’re saying your vows on a ski lift, a nontraditional dress might be the best way to go. Your perfect wedding gown might not be white satin, but it can still be a special, one-of-a-kind dress. Check out styles originally meant for gala events, for proms, or even for bridesmaids.You may find just what you were looking for. And As for the Bridesmaids…. Thirty years ago when Kim Klages Johns landed her first job at a bridal shop, she says, “bridal gowns were Hohanna Rose Photography

Missoula Independent

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bridal gowns, bridesmaid’s dresses were bridesmaid’s dresses. Nontraditional wedding gowns, that sort of thing, is probably within the last ten years.� And as for bridesmaids, she continues, “it was very consistent: you ordered a bridesmaid’s dress, all seven of your girls wore the same bridesmaid’s dress and that was that, whether they liked them or not. It’s definitely more popular now for the bride to say ‘pick your own dress.’ It’s not that the focus has changed from the bride, Hohanna Rose Photography but there’s more consideration for the bridal party than but losing control of the wedding’s there used to be.� look is another. Couples might discovUnless you have a very generous er just how much they care about budget, your attendants are probably consistency in the wedding party by shelling out for their outfits, so imagining the wedding photos. choose something, or let them pick Send your attendants color something, that they can wear again. If palettes or fabric swatches to match if none of your pals share your love of you plan to let them shop on their lilac, save it for the flower arrange- own, or if you have a more precise ments. A little guidance doesn’t hurt, vision, visit your favorite bridal shop though. Consideration is one thing, and choose the colors and fabrics

colors. And this was also completely unheard of in the past.� Hot colors for bridesmaids this year include burnt orange paired with hot pink, shades of gray, yellows, and bright greens.

yourself, then let your attendants choose the style. Consider going with a color theme instead of a single color, suggests Klages Johns. “Someone might say, ‘we’re getting married at 6:30, and all my bridesmaids are in sunset colors,’� she says. “You pick a theme. Everyone is in a pastel, or everyone is in a jewel tone. It’s not a specific color; it’s all different

The Men In ultra-casual Montana, grooms and groomsmen don’t have to do much more to make a big impression than put on a well-cut tux, but the little details really seal the deal. If the bride is in any shade of white, be sure to match the men’s shirts to her dress, or to the shade that their companions will wear. Ask your bridal retailer to help you match the men’s vests, ties, or pocket squares to the bridesmaids’ dresses. Lately, according to Rebecca Wagner, vests and long ties are the style, rather than bowties and cummerbunds, and gray is making a comeback in several shades. “Gray tuxes are definitely some-

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thing we haven’t seen since the late ‘80s, early ‘90s,” she says. My husband had a gray tux when we got married, so that’s twenty years ago!” Ask About Extras Bridal shops and formal wear retailers are full-service businesses, offering plenty of perks in return for your business. Most stores that sell formal wear can refer you to a trusted local seamstress or tailor. Such specialists rarely advertise because, as a seamstress named Kathy puts it,“my phone won’t stop.” Kathy says she gets plenty of business through referrals from several local stores. “It’s a dying art and it’s got lots of liability involved with it. You have to know what you’re doing, you have to build up trust with everybody, including your stores.” At Rococo Bridal, Rebecca Wagner says she likes to pass the savings on to customers whenever she can order in multiples. “For our bridesmaids’ dresses,” she says, “every time you order three or more you get a 15 percent discount on all of them. It’s not any more

Mike Williams Photography

work for me to sell two or to sell four, just a few more measurements, so I pass that on to the customer, and I also save on shipping. We also press and steam all of our dresses; whether it’s from the $99 rack or the $999

rack, if you bring it in about a week before the wedding, we’ll press it for you.” Seal the Deal Whatever color scheme and style

you choose, it’s best to make sure your wedding attire is a good reflection of who you are and how you want to start your lives together. And remember... the pictures will last a lifetime. 0

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Saying “I do” Vows changing with the times By Jennifer Savage It seems the modern wedding ceremony lost “obey” a long time ago. But what are today’s couples promising each other as they tie the knot? The following is a list of a few of today’s more popluar themes. • Marriage is a big commitment but often people are entering into it after some life experience. They have lived a little and have a sense of who they are. They have goals and they are promising their future partners that they will help them meet their own goals and are expecting that promise in return. • Today’s couples are promising to nurture their partners and to help them grow. This may seem timeless but it speaks to a couple’s connectedness and willingness to embrace the idea that their partner will not always be the person they are on the day of

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the wedding. People grow and so do couples. Nothing says trust like giving someone the space to grow. • In these hard economic times, couples are promising to love each other through good times and bad, in times of prosperity and times of need, in times of celebration and times of challenge. These promises are likely taking on new and deeper meanings for today’s couples. • Some couples are choosing to use more inclusive language in their wedding ceremonies. Some are substituting “spouse” for husband and wife. Some are promising to be “spouses” for eternity as well. • Couples also seem to be aiming for mutual respect as they promise to spend the rest of their lives together. They are vowing to respect and honor each other. Much like promising to help each other grow, this vow seems to level the playing field and


put both partners on equal ground. • If you are considering writing your own vows for all or part of you wedding, the following are a few tips to help you avoid some pitfalls that might arise. • Talk to your partner. This may seem obvious but make sure you are on the same page with your soon-tobe-spouse about why you are writing your own vows and how you want the process to play out during your ceremony. How long are your vows? Are they meant to be the ceremony or only a portion of it? Will you have notes with you at the altar or memorize your vows? Are there any themes you want to work with? • Decide on a style with your partner. You don’t want to be cracking inside jokes about a rafting trip you took two years ago and have your

guide you to portions of your ceremony where your vows would fit the best. This person can also share stories with you from other ceremonies of what did and did not work well.

Sample vows:

Brooke Barnibbe Photography

partner quoting Rumi. Someone might get their feelings hurt. Are you going to be funny or serious? • If you are not going to carry notes the day of your wedding, practice your vows – a lot. • Consider a short reading as part of the vows you say to each other. It

can take some of the pressure off of you and your partner and still be extremely personal. Search for something together from writers you both like. • Lastly, talk to the person conducting your ceremony. This person has likely done this before and can help

You have captured my heart, my spirit and my imagination. From this moment forward, I promise to love you, to suppor t you and laugh with you. I promise to encourage you as you explore the world, support you in your desire to grow, and join you on life’s journey. I will listen to you and approach you gently and with sensitivity. I will do everything in my power to guard our friendship. I will never forget that you are my best friend. 0

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Jamie Lynn Photography 715 Kensington Ste. 8 Missoula, MT 59801 406-529-4466 Eastgate Party & Rental 500 E. Spruce Ste. C Missoula, MT 59802 406-549-5114 Royal Prestige 5500 Douglas Avenue Des Moines, IA 50310 515-270-0777 Badlander Catering 123 W. Broadway Missoula, MT 59802 406-529-9377 St. Char-Ro Floral & Rental 301 Main Street S.W. Ronan, MT 59864 406-676-0588 Rococo Bridal & Formalwear 1900 Brooks St. Missoula, MT 59801 406-327-0291 See our vintage dress exhibit! Lucky Strike Restaurant 1515 Dearborn Ave. Missoula, MT 59803 549-4152 Shear Art Salon 1804 North Avenue Missoula, MT 59801 406-214-3112 Dollar Rent-A-Car 1905 W. Broadway Missoula, MT 59808 406-542-2311 Montana Mobile Music 2120 S. Reserve #119 Missoula, MT 59801 406-543-3452

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Pyramid Printing 1118 W. Central Missoula, MT 59801 406-728-1503

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Getting married in a recession You don’t have to break the bank to have a special day By Jennifer Savage When so much about planning a wedding has to do with budgeting and the give and take between what you can and cannot afford and what you can and cannot live without on your big day, getting married during one of the worst recessions in recent memory can’t be easy. But today’s couples seem to be rolling with it. The bottom line on planning a wedding on a budget and still having the wedding they want seems to come down to a couple things: creativity and communication. They’re prioritizing their wants and balancing them with how much money they have to spend. And during this recession it seems they are willing to take it one step further and are really taking the time to figure out what is most important to them about their wedding day – not what’s expected from everyone

Deserae Pollock Photography

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else or what traditional bridal guides say they should want. The following are some areas where couples are trimming costs and still getting the wedding of their dreams: Venue Some couples are putting a spin on where they get married, choosing places that are public (and cheap), retail spots that are fully decorated, or heading back to church. Significant savings on where the ceremony takes place can free up cash for a live band at the reception or an extra few days on the honeymoon. Honeymoon But speaking of honeymoons, some couples are opting for a “staycation.” Instead of spending thousands of dollars on a trip, they are working on house projects like painting the kitchen, or just


enjoying private time in their own space after such a monumental event as a wedding. They are choosing rest and relaxation over travel and some are happy saving a bit for a destination vacation in the future when they can more easily afford it. Guest list Couples are trimming the guest list and opting for smaller, more intimate weddings. Fewer people – even just ten fewer – can cut down significantly on the cost of the reception. Couples seem to be inviting exactly the people they want to see on their wedding day and feeling less guilt about not inviting distant family members or family friends that live across the country. Colin Ruggiero Photography

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Decorations In Montana, the scenery can do all the decorating for you any time of year. Couples are choosing to take advantage of it by getting married in beautiful locations and keeping decorating to a minimum. Some are getting creative with low-cost table centerpieces made out of things such as mirrors, lights or small rocks. Rather than flowers, some attendants are instead carrying streamers, which add color but not a lot of cost to the occasion. Groomsmen are wearing boutonnieres made of all sorts of things – from baling twine to fall leaves – in lieu of flowers. A little creativity, and perhaps some helping hands from friends, can not only save you money in this area, but can help make the occasion uniquely yours. Reception The reception is often one of the most expensive line items on any wedding budget but couples are finding ways to save money and still celebrate. Rather than having a band or DJ for the entire evening, some couples are cutting that time down to just an hour or so, and playing their iPods the rest of the night. Kegs and cases of wine can keep alcohol costs down and a pareddown menu can feed the masses without draining your bank account.

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photos and save the rest by asking friends for help. Going local Because the cost of travel can be prohibitive and destination weddings require asking guests to pay to attend nuptials, many couples are sticking close to home and using local vendors instead of asking their friends and family to fly to Hawaii for their wedding celebration. They save money (as do their guests, usually) but they also put money into their local economy and give their business to local shop owners.

Colin Ruggiero Photography

Some couples find they can’t live without live music and choose to hire a band and have a barbeque instead of a salmon dinner. Others can’t handle the thought of not serving elk steak but can live with a playlist or two for background music. It’s all about priorities. Photos With the one thing that many say you just can’t scrimp on, couples are finding ways to get great photos at

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less expense. Many couples hire a professional photographer for the more formal pictures and are asking friends to supplement by taking additional pictures on the big day. Websites such as Flickr and Picasa allow many users to upload to a single album so guests can share their pictures. Couples can send the link to wedding guests to view and order prints. In this way couples get the best of both worlds: they spend a portion of their photo budget on professional

Staying true During a recession, couples still want a day they will remember forever. They still want to look back and think of it as the day they promised to love each other forever and it seems unlikely that they will even remember all the places they had to trim to stay within budget. But the process of planning a wedding on a budget during a time when money may not be as flush as it was three years ago, couples are coming back to what a wedding day is all about: standing in front of friends and family and, with their support, pledging to be to together forever – in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. 0


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Location, location, location Choosing your Big Sky stage By Jennifer Savage Choosing a place to get married can be a daunting task. A venue is often one of the largest expenses of a wedding and given our financial times, couples are looking to trim that expense. It means that some people are getting creative and looking at some not-so-likely places to get married and saving their money to rent an ideal spot for a reception.Take a look at some of the types of venues that won’t bust your budget: Go public When you start to consider public spaces, take a look at your local county courthouse. Is it historic and stately? Could you imagine getting married there in a private ceremony then throwing a party somewhere else afterward? Consider museums, libraries, spaces on the university campus. Mike Williams Photography

Missoula Independent

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Often these places are free or lowcost. But remember you may have to trim your guest list if you use one of these spaces because they may not be able to accommodate a giant wedding. Back to church It seems it’s come around again. Even if you are not a regular church attendee but you grew up in a local congregation, you could tip your hat to tradition and plan your ceremony there. You would have built-in dÊcor and plenty of seating. Get outside Consider a local park for a small outdoor ceremony. Missoula is dotted with them in varying sizes, with a range of accommodations. Tree-lined with a creek running through, or a large open space, in the heart of town or on the edge, Missoula has a lot of low-cost outdoor options. Check with the city parks and recreation department before you make a plan and they can help guide you.

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Dawn Alicia Photography

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Get out of town How about saying your vows on the banks of the Clark Fork, the Blackfoot or the Bitterroot rivers? Or taking a short walk up your favorite trail to that waterfall you walked to on your first date? Western Montana is filled with beautiful off-the-beaten-path spots to make your day special. Again, you may need to opt for a smaller guest list if choosing one of these sites but let’s face it, our little neck of the woods is known for its beauty, so why not take advantage of it. One note: make sure everyone on your guest list can access the site; in other words, make sure grandma can hike to the spot you’ve chosen. Think retail It may sound strange but some cou-

ples are choosing to get married in their favorite retail spaces. Everything from art galleries to bowling alleys is on the table in terms of options these days. Usually you don’t have to worry about too much decorating, set up or clean up. These spaces generally come with nominal fees. Just stay home Some couples are returning to the tried and true by getting married at home. A cozy ceremony in your living room or back yard would certainly keep expenses to a minimum and it could also allow you to put a much more personal touch on your day and ceremony. A home wedding could also redefine your living space in the most positive way, deepening your connection to your place. 0

Brooke Barnibbe Photography

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Wedding insurance Why adding a little expense to your wedding budget could save you in the end By Jarett Laden Brides spend weeks and months worrying about what could go wrong on their wedding day and doing all they can to deter a major wedding disaster. Unfortunately, no amount of planning can prevent some disasters.Wedding insurance – a relatively new insurance offering – can provide brides, grooms and their parents some peace of mind, so their big day isn’t ruined by a big financial disaster. Couples can purchase a wedding insurance policy that can help them deal with any number of situations that may arise, as well as provide liability coverage. As wedding costs soar, sometimes reaching the tens of thousands of dollars, the relatively inexpensive premium can help protect the couple and their family’s major investment in one of

the biggest events of their lives. Every bride crosses her fingers that her crazy cousin Bill or wild bridesmaid Anne will be on their best behavior at their wedding, but wedding venues have seen it all and know that this isn’t always the case. An increasing number of venues are requiring that their clients purchase a wedding insurance policy with liability coverage in case a guest is injured or causes damage to property. Wedding insurance is also a smart decision for couples or parents who are serving alcohol and want the peace of mind of having extra liquor liability coverage, especially if they are hosting the wedding at their own home or at a friend or family member’s property. Even when someone is monitoring alcohol consumption and driving, there is still a risk of a guest getting in an accident, and

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Page 22 Married in Montana 2011


no couple wants to start their life together dealing with a million-dollar lawsuit. Wedding insurance can also help cover those uncontrollable elements that disastrous wedding stories are made of – from repairing or replacing lost or stolen wedding rings, the bride’s wedding gown or groom’s tuxedo, to reimbursing a deposit if a vendor goes out of business, declares bankruptcy before the wedding or simply fails to show up. If severe weather washes out the big day or a sudden illness prevents the bride, groom or their parents from attending and forces the wedding to be postponed, wedding insurance can provide reimbursement for non-recoverable expenses. The insurance can also reimburse non-recoverable expenses if the wedding is post-

wedding photos are ruined due to a photographer’s film being defective, or if negatives or digital files are lost or damaged, wedding insurance can help reconvene the wedding party to take new photos or video. Wedding insurance can also offer couples comfort, so they can focus their attention on a meaningful wedding day and starting their married life together. People make sure they buy insurance to cover their cars and other major purchases. And now many couples are deciding that this very special (and expensive) occasion is also worth the peace of mind that insurance can provide. 0 poned due to the bride or groom unexpectedly being called to duty or if her or his military or service leave is revoked.

The coverage doesn’t stop after the wedding either. If gifts are damaged, wedding insurance can help with repair or replacement cost. And if

Jarett Laden is a Personal Insurance Sales Executive at Payne Financial Group in Helena: jladen@pfgworld.com

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