spring 2013
mitera ministry in motherhood
what ever happened to the 1950s housewife?
confessions of an introverted mother • raising a teen who won’t date too young • parenting with grace
volume 1, issue 4
welcome to mitera!
123rf: Dmitriy Shironosov
Mitera magazine was born in 2012 out of a vision from God, calling me to create a magazine just for Christian moms to help support them during their time of ministry during motherhood. Even though most moms wouldn’t think of mothering as a ministry, it truly is, and it truly is one of the most crucial ministries on earth. You and I are raising up children who will one day change the world. It is our responsibility as their primary influence on their thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs to encourage them to seek God each day, to love other humans, and to fulfill God’s chosen role for them in relation to making Christ known on the earth.
writers photographers
Elizabeth Behrens Nathan Clarkson Craig Ford Christina Fox Sheila Wray Gregoire Catherine Hooper Christin Hunnicutt Molly Lasater Beverly Payge Kathy Pitcher Monica Swanson Edie Wadsworth
antikainen Luca Bertolli Bonita Cheshier Kai Chiang David Castillo Dominici Brian Eichhorn Iakov Filimonov Nagy-Bagoly Ilona Ryan Jorgensen (cover) konstantynov Molly Lasater James Martin Dmitriy Shironosov Kheng Ho Toh Vladimir Voronin Cathy Yeulet
disclaimer The views and opinoins of the magazine contributors are not related to the views and opinions of mitera magazine, its editor, or its affiliates. All submitted work is assumed to be of original quality and content from the contributor and any misrepresentation from this falls on the contributor of that work. Mitera Magazine is not responsible for any actions, damages, or distress resulting from adherence to any information made available through the magazine. This magazine is not a substitute for professional advice.
Mitera magazine is different than other magazines because we accept article and photo submissions from the public. We believe that people who’ve experienced real life are highly qualified in helping other people live real life. We don’t need psychologists and therapists to help us traverse through our parenting journey, but just real people...people who feel led by God to share what they know and what they’ve experienced. Enjoy the magazine, which is full of articles written by mothers, people who have mothers, and people who know mothers who help shape the world....one little blessing at a time. And if you feel led by God to share something with our readers, please follow that call! See our submissions page at www.miteramagazine. com or inside this magazine for more details. I hope you are blessed by mitera.
Molly Lasater founder and editor
For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. 1 Peter 3:5
the parenting
pause
(and why you don’t want to miss it)
By Monica Swanson The four boy tuck-in routine can be exhausting. Our two-year old has turned out to be the most challenging of any of our boys at bedtime, seeming to come to life just about the time we are ready to collapse and enjoy a few minutes of quiet. If, and when we finally get him down, there are still three more boys to read to (on a good night,) say prayers with, and get into their bed. By the time I get to my thirteen year old, it is usually an abbreviated tuck-in. He doesn’t need much. He reads to himself. One hug and kiss is plenty. He is easy.
love you and was just about to hurry out to tackle the next thing on my nightly to-do list, I’m not sure what made me PAUSE.
So that one night not too long ago, when I said goodnight and I
And that young teenager actually had something to say.
But I did.
123rf:antikainen
And I just sat there and was quiet for maybe ten seconds. I looked right at my son, with a relaxed expression. I expected nothing, but instead just enjoyed his presence for those few seconds.
Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Psalm 127:3
It wasn’t a shocking confession, or any super sensitive issue. He simply shared something that he was frustrated with personally–a goal he hadn’t reached in a certain sport. Being a first-born perfectionist type, this kid is really hard on himself. He works things out quietly, and doesn’t need to talk about little issues. I suppose I have seen this as not only a great quality, but one that simplifies my parenting requirements. And maybe one I’ve taken for granted…
pause may deliver pure silence, and sometimes it brings NO conversation. Even then it opens the door for communication when your boy is ready.
On that particular day, I don’t think he needed me to share wise counsel or really to say anything at all.
“I am interested in you.”
He simply decided to let me in on things. And that moment pierced my heart a little bit. It made me ask: WHAT have I been missing? These little moments… they are treasures. A peek into the heart of my child. A chance to know what he ponders. What bothers him. How I might pray for him. Yet I am so busy, with the daily tasks and the managing of the family and the disciplining of the younger ones…that I am afraid I have rushed past the one that might just need a listening ear the most.
A pause says “You are worth my time.” “You are valuable.”
“No one else matters more right now.” “I’m not just here to speak AT you.” Sometimes a pause is the best “I love you” that I could give. Have you paused enough recently to hear what might otherwise be missed? Monica Swanson lives on the North Shore of Oahu, where she is raising (and homeschooling,) four boys. She and her husband spend a lot of timing between beaches and skate parks where her boys are competitive in both sports. They call kids like that “grommets,” or “groms,” thus Monica’s blog, “www.thegrommom.com” Monica and her husband live up country where they raise tropical fruit, and enjoy a simple island life with their family.
Obviously we are all human. We can only do so much in a day. If we are blessed to have one (or more!) independent kids who are self directed and don’t require a whole lot of special attention, it is a gift from God. However, the brief moment with my son that night, followed by a few more purposeful PAUSES since then, have taught me that I don’t want to MISS them any more. I don’t want to miss his heart. His thoughts. His questions. His funny observations or his creative ideas.
A pause can come in the form of a question. It can happen in the car when I turn my music low, and my blue-tooth OFF. It can happen while we eat breakfast, or sit at the beach. A
Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Psalm 127:3
123rf: Kai Chiang
So, I’m learning to PAUSE. When I greet him in the morning, I remind myself to pause. To look into his eyes as I ask “How did you sleep honey?” And mean it. When he gets home after surfing, or a youth group event, to actually STOP what I’m doing and ask “How did it go?” And yes, at bedtime…I am trying to cut DOWN a little on the time I spend battling my two-year old, and giving a little more time to the teenager. The eleven year old can use a little more of my quiet readiness as well. And the eight-year old…Oh a listening ear means the WORLD to that one. He is surrounded by noise on all sides.
on feeding people well By Edie Wadsworth “Eating with the fullest pleasure is perhaps the profoundest enactment of our connection with the world. In this pleasure, we experience and celebrate our dependence and our gratitude, for we are living from mystery, from creatures we did not make and powers we cannot comprehend.” The above quote is from Wendell Berry’s book, The Unsettling of America, and I highly recommend it.
123rf: Wavebreak Media Ltd.
We, as Americans, have lost the art of eating well. And we, as moms, have lost the art of feeding people well. We belittle this task because it’s seems so menial and repetitive. Or we say to ourselves, “I’m just not a good cook.” I used to say the same thing. And then it dawned on me that these little people I live with are gonna want to eat everyday. And not just everyday, but several times a day. This need for us all to eat is not going anywhere. So I taught myself to cook. I watched Foodtv and cooking videos and read cookbooks and practiced a lot. Why? Because I really care about these people that I live with everyday, and I want to feed them well. We seem to have left the feeding up to the ‘experts’ and we’ve become so distanced from actual food that grows in the ground that we wouldn’t recognize good food even if we saw it. Our prepackaged, precooked, over processed food has led to a similar superficial lifestyle. Ease of preparation and speed have become our idols. We have forgotten that some things take time, as well they should. Food reminds us that for some things in life, we have to slow down. We need to sit. To savor. To enjoy. And it’s not just the quality of the food that suffers. We’ve left the mystery and the sanctity of the table for a lifestyle of running.
But the table has always been a place of rest and soul nourishment. “The table is the place where you connect and belong. It is a place where the past remains alive in the memory of the very old, and future sparkles with possibility. It is enchanted. We lean close together, we share a glass, we tell a story. Through this simple human relating, the universe feels it is right again.” My journey to liturgical Christianity has taught me more of this than anything else. The climax of the liturgical service is the meal. Everything builds to communion, the Lord’s supper. For it is here that Christ feeds us His very body and blood for forgiveness and salvation. That life that He won for us on the cross is precious and sacred. And how did He choose to deliver it to us? In a meal. In simple bread and wine. In the waters of baptism. He chose menial, everyday items to bring us Himself. It speaks so powerfully of the mystery of this communion, of eating together. We are not just filling our bodies when we sit together and eat. This is our little communion, if you will. We are learning to live from the profound mysteries of life, to be thankful for this food and to cherish those with whom we share it. I would even venture to say that there is no way to love someone more than to feed them well. Food is powerful and full of mystery and as we prepare a table for others, we are making a place for them in our hearts. There is a certain mixture of reverence and joy as we break bread together. We do it in gratitude, to our Father who provides our daily bread and to the hands who have cared enough for us to grow it and prepare it. And if we have failed in this blessed task (as we do daily) then let us come to our Father, who lavishes forgiveness and ask Him to help us see the meal in a new light—to learn to
When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Deuteronomy 8:10
cherish it as He cherishes it and to live in gratitude for this good trash and throw out the McDonald’s from breakfast. The irony is gift from heaven. not lost on me. Have mercy! But I think any effort we can make to hallow our table fellowship, to make it special, to cook our William Carlos Williams said of the meaning of food: own food, is so worth it. It teaches our kids that we think this is so important that we are willing to sacrifice our time to do it. There is nothing to eat, This is meant to inspire, not to incite guilt. There are seasons in our lives when this is just not possible, trust me, I know. Which seek it where you will, is why it’s important to feed others when you can. You’ll need but the body of the Lord. them to feed you at some point and you’ll be so thankful that someone took the time and effort to love you like that. Xoxo The blessed plants and the sea, yield it to the imagination intact. p.s. There are times for all our use when we need to eat on the fly. Trust me, I do it more often than I’d like. I drove through Chick-fil-A last week and as I left there, I had to stop at their
Edie Wadsworth decided to give up her career as a family practice physician to stay home full time with her family six years ago. Shortly thereafter and by God’s grace and providence, she found another place to channel those creative wellsprings in her heart–thus, her blog (www.lifeingraceblog.com) was born. In short order, this southern belle and mother of four became a blogger, a homeschooler, a Lutheran, and a self-proclaimed goddess of the domestic arts. She documents her faith journey, her mother love, her insatiable appetite for classic literature, lipgloss, cooking, C.S. Lewis…… and her eclectic, retro-cottage decorating style.
Speaking of feeding people, when was the last time you cleaned your oven? Take 30 minutes this week and get this done! You will feel so accomplished! Four Simple Steps: 1) Remove oven racks and place into a bathtub filled with warm water and some dishwasher detergent (I used two powder packs). Let soak for at least 20 minutes.
Molly Lasater
2) Set your oven to self-clean. (open a window if it adds a strong smell to the house)
3) Wipe oven racks with a Dobie cleaning pad, then dry. Wipe down the interior of the oven (after it’s completed the cleaning cycle and cooled off) with a wet washcloth, then dry with a separate towel. 4) Place racks back into oven and admire it’s beauty!
When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Deuteronomy 8:10
Simple Service
It’s Simple. God’s word instructs us to serve others. Beyond the scope of tending children, running a household, working inside and outside the home, and volunteering at school and church, we might just think we don’t have an ounce of ourselves left to give to anyone else. But we do. Here’s an easy and simple way to serve others without feeling like it’s a burden. life, meaning you can keep them with you without worrying they will expire before you feel encouraged to give them to someone.
123rf: Brian Eichhorn
By doing this, you will be able to easily provide some nutrition as well as HOPE to these less fortunate people. A simple “God Bless You” as you pass the food through your vehicle window will plant a seed in their ear that GOD met their need. This may be the first God-seed planted for that person, and they may desire more of Him as a result. Allow God to use you to bless others in this simple way. Be prepared. And you will also feel God’s goodness rise up in your heart as you help the beggar rather than turning away and ignoring him. When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
By Molly Lasater Whether you live in a big city or a small town, there’s a good chance you have seen people standing on street corners, looking disheveled, dirty, and tired while clutching a cardboard sign. What do you do when you see these people? Does your heart ache for them? Do you wish you could help in some way? Or do you take a different route so you don’t have to look the beggar in the eye? If Jesus was walking the earth today, what do you think HE would do for them? I’m certain he would not avoid or ignore their cries for help. He would reach out and offer encouragement or assistance. And we should be prepared to do the same. “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:1-5)
“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ (Matthew 25: 31-40)
The poor will eat and be satisfied; those who seek the Lord will praise him— may your hearts live forever! Psalms 22:26
Molly Lasater
There is an easy way to be prepared to serve the beggar. The next time you are at a grocery or convenience store, pick up a couple of packages of raw nuts, beef jerky, trail mix, or bottled water. (The slim packages of peanuts can be purchased for 50 cents each, and peanuts are a protein-packed, filling food.) Keep these items in your glove box or console of your car. They do not melt, they don’t take up much room, and they have a long shelf
t a Wh
r u o Y o D
Words Say Ab out Yo u?
123rf: Luca Bertolli
By Kathy Pitcher Women talk. Women talk to their husbands. Women talk to their children. Women talk to other women. Oftentimes, we talk to ourselves. In fact, most statistics show the average person speaks roughly 16,000 words daily. Words are very powerful. The effect they have on others can be very strong. A simple, kind word can encourage someone and brighten their day, while an unkind word can do detrimental damage. A tell-tale sign of a virtuous woman is a kind tongue. The manner in which a woman regularly speaks will tell you a lot about her. Proverbs 31:26 says of a virtuous woman, “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” What a statement. A lot of times I find myself in a situation that would very easily lead me into speaking unkind words about another individual. Women are emotional creatures. God made us that way. Our emotional state will often determine many of our actions as well as the words we speak. It’s quite an undertaking to exercise self-
control when you are hurt or angry. It may even seem impossible at times, but it’s not. The Bible has a huge collection of scriptures regarding the tongue and the importance of controlling it: Psalms 19:14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Matthew 12:36-37 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. Colossians 3:8-9 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalms 19:14
Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; From the scriptures referenced above, I’d conclude that the words we speak are very important to God. The solemn warning in Matthew 12 verses 36 and 37 tells me that God is paying very close attention to the things that come out of my mouth. So, why aren’t we as concerned with what we say as God is? It’s human nature to say what we feel. Jesus said in Matthew 12:34 “… for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.” Many times unkind words are a result of feelings of hurt or anger. I find in those times it’s best to talk to God about the way we feel. We can speak freely to Him and take comfort in His Spirit. God can minister to our hearts and give us wisdom and guidance in handling these situations. However, there are times when people speak unkind things about others as a result of spite, hatred, or envy and even guilt. Perhaps when we feel like we are lacking in some way, or if we aren’t getting the attention or acknowledgement that we feel entitled to, we might be inclined to speak a negative word or falsehood about another. James Gordon Bennett said, “Falsehood often lurks upon the tongue of him, who, by self-praise, seeks to enhance his value in the eyes of others.” If you ever find yourself in this state of mind you should seek God about it. The knowledge that your words are being recorded is something that you should keep in the front of your mind as often as possible. There are consequences for speaking untrue and unkind words about others, especially those of the household of faith. The Word of God tells us that if we so much as hate our brother, we are murderers (1 John 3:15) and there is no eternal life dwelling in us. How can we speak unkind things about someone we love? Perhaps you are on the receiving end of such words. Jesus taught us to love and pray for those who speak unkind and false words about us: Matthew 5:11-12 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you. Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. Today there is a need for women of God to live according to the standard the Word of God has set. There’s a lovely saint of God that said something during a service once a long time ago. She said, “Lord, we have cell phones now. We used to have to wait until we got home to share some juicy gossip about someone, now we can pick up the phone in the car and say, ‘Girl, guess who I just saw, and let me tell you…” Sadly enough, that’s how many people perceive Christian women to be. Why is it so easy to speak negative words about other people? It shouldn’t be easy. If it is, my friend, there is a good chance that your heart is still of a sinful nature. I encourage you to seek God regarding the condition of your heart. Remember I mentioned above what Jesus said about the heart. It’s the source of our words. The things we say come from the heart.
Paul encourages us in Romans 12:1-3 to become a new creature in Christ by the renewing of our minds. Romans 12:1-3 12 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. 3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
The transformation that comes with the renewing of the mind includes a transformation of the heart. We’ll find ourselves more inclined to love than hate and more inclined to encourage than to tear down. Ephesians 5:26 says that Christ gave Himself for the Church that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of the water by the Word. Take time daily to get into the Word of God. “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (Heb. 4:12) The Word of God will show you your heart’s condition and help to change it all at the same time. I believe that we all have a recording angel. He takes down every word we say and records every action we perform. Train yourself to be mindful of that. Perhaps memorize Matthew 12:36-37. Make a mental note to be mindful of the words you speak. Try to write a title line for yourself. I have one, and I use it often. My title line would read, “Kathy. Daughter of the Most High God. Blessed and Highly Favored.” That’s because I am all of those things. At the end of the day, think about your title line and compare it with the conversations you’ve had throughout the day. Do the things you’ve said go well with your title? If your day’s word content contradicts your title, perhaps you need to make some revisions to the words you speak. God is so merciful and just. His patience is enduring. He will help you. If you ask Him with a sincere heart to aid you in improving the way you talk, you’ll be amazed at the encouragement and gentile guidance He’ll send. There’s one last thought I’d like you blessed women of God to consider. We all have that one person that calls us either looking to get gossip or share it. Don’t encourage this behavior. Lead by example. Encourage your sisters in Christ to abstain from such talk. Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Admonish them with love and lead them to speak with love. The following scripture is a wonderful guideline to topics of conversation between sisters in Christ. Kathy Pitcher is a happily married thirty-two year-old southern girl. She lives in the beautiful state of South Carolina with her husband Chuck, and two dogs, Elvis and Fonz. She is a passionate homemaker. Her hobbies include sewing and singing, days on the shore, and social media. Above all she is a child of God. She loves to study the Word of God and share the things she’s learned from it. You can follow Kathy’s writing at her blog, The 30 Something Christian Wife.
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalms 19:14
1. Just listen: You don’t have to know the answer to their problems. You don’t have to take away their pain. You are not there to make their life all better. Just be present. Listen without judgment. Don’t be like Job’s friends who assumed they knew why Job was suffering. 2. Look beneath and to what is happening in the heart: Seek to really know them and what is going on in their heart. Get past the superficial. Find out what God is doing in their life. Explore with them where they are in the journey. Everyone’s story takes them down different roads. What is their story? How is God drawing them closer to Himself? How is He shaping and molding them?
123rf: Vladimir Voronin
to walk alongside the hurting By Christina Fox You’ve seen her before. The one who always sits in the back at church. She averts her gaze, fearful that her eyes will give away all her secrets. She never says much and quickly goes on her way. You want to help, to reach out, but you’re not sure...what if her problems are too much? What if you don’t know what to say? And what if her problems remind you too much of your own? Scripture calls us as Christians to love one another in the Body, to build one another up, encourage one another, and spur one another on in the faith. It’s hard to do those things for people we barely know. When small talk is the deepest level we’ve gone, we can’t encourage or build up another person. For some circles, it’s not acceptable to be real and honest. We keep our problems and secrets to ourselves. Perhaps we’ve been hurt or misunderstood in the past. Maybe we don’t even know how to let someone else in to see who we really are. God has given us one another in the body of Christ to speak words of truth and hope into each other’s soul. When two people who have the Spirit residing within them share real life with one another, there is a power at work within them. When we go beneath the surface and speak life affirming words to one another, it stirs the Spirit within, awakening hope. God will often bring someone into our lives with whom He wants us to encourage. It’s never an accident when we are put in the path of someone who is hurting. When that happens and you wonder what to do...
3. Encourage them with the truths of the Gospel: You may not be able to solve their immediate crisis, problem, or circumstance, but you can remind them of the truths that never shake or falter no matter how much the circumstance may cause them to tremble. Truth: they are a treasured possession of God (Ephesians 1:14, Isaiah 43:1), Truth: they are a dearly loved child of the Father (Ephesians 5:1), Truth: they are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17), Truth: they are an heir of the Kingdom (Galatians 4:7), Truth: they are pure and holy in the sight of God (1 Corinthians 1:30), and Truth: God will continue the work He started in them (Philippians 1:6). 4. Pray with and for them: Ask to pray for them, out loud or even write a prayer down to give them. Be sincere. Too often in our Christian circles we say we will pray for someone and then fail to do so. Ask for specific things you can pray about. Pray for the power of the Gospel to be alive and at work in their life. Pray that they would remember and appropriate the truths listed above. 5. Be real yourself: It is hard for someone to be honest with us if they look at us as though we are perfect and that we have it all together. Be honest about your own battles and the way God has worked through them. Show them that you, like them, are imperfect, yet saved by grace. We are all messes. We all struggle and falter. But we have the same Savior who died to rescue us. We need each other. We can’t do this journey all alone. God gave us community in the Body of Christ to help us run the race. Sometimes, we ourselves will stumble and need a fellow traveler to help us back up. Other times, God will call us to encourage someone else who is struggling. Let’s reach out to those who are hurting, trusting Christ to give us the wisdom and encouraging words to say. May we strive to be a community of mutual, authentic, and transparent believers who seek to do life together.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Christina Fox is a homeschooling mom, licensed mental health counselor, writer, and coffee drinker, not necessarily in that order. She lives in sunny S. Florida with her husband of sixteen years and their two boys. You can find her sharing her faith journey at http://www.toshowthemjesus.com and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ToShowThemJesus.
But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief. Job 16:5
the tried & true
easy, tasty, kid-pleasing meals in minutes Cheesy Bacon Biscuits
I can’t take credit for the creation of this recipe, but I can’t find who specifically DID create it originally. It abounds on the internet everywhere! And for good reason! This is so simple, and so filling, and truly does PLEASE all the palates in the house! {as you can see, my 8 year old couldn’t tolerate the two minutes I needed to take this photograph before serving him!} Ingredients A can of biscuits, the cheap ones will do Possibly another can of biscuits (trust me on this one) Bacon, cooked and crumbled, approximately 4 slices per can of biscuits Mozzarella Cheese, sliced or shredded Colby-Jack or Cheddar cheese, shredded (really any cheese you prefer would work here)
Remove from oven, serve it to your sweet family, and watch the smiles as they taste this delicious breakfast for the first time! This WILL become a family favorite, it WILL be requested often, and so I recommend you just keep these items on hand at all times. TIP: I usually prepare these items the night before I plan to make this dish in order to make my mornings a little easier. Bacon gets cooked in microwave and chopped while I prepare dinner, cheese gets sliced or shredded and saved in the refrigerator, and my morning meal is halfway prepared before I even finish cooking dinner!
Preheat oven according to biscuit can instructions. Place biscuits into 9-inch round pan. Place sliced mozzarella cheese over biscuits. Next, add crumbled bacon over top of cheese. Finally, add shredded Colby-jack or cheddar on top of it all. Cook in oven according to biscuit can directions, possibly adding 2-3 additional minutes. You want the cheese totally melted and the biscuits slightly browned.
Give us this day our daily bread Matthew 6:11
What ever happene d to the
123rf: James Martin
1950 s housewife?
finding our way back to the simple joys of keeping a home By Molly Lasater In our garage we have a two-basin washtub that my husband’s grandmother used to hand wash clothes in the 1950s. Now, from what I’ve heard, laundry in the 1950s and prior involved a full day’s work, scrubbing each item by hand on a washboard, rinsing in several different buckets of water to ensure all soap was removed, and hanging to dry. Even though this was a tedious process, the housewife was still able to provide two or three hot cooked meals for the family on those days as well. This seems unreal to the housewife of the 21st century! We have the luxury of automatic laundry machines and dishwashing machines, as well as microwaves and convection ovens…..and yet, for so many of today’s housewives, we never seem “caught up” on laundry, and we eat take-out food more often than we cook. So what’s changed? Where DID the 1950s housewife go? Recently, while eating lunch with my 80-year-old grandmother, I brought up this very topic. I asked her how DID they keep their homes so clean, the laundry all “done,” and manage to cook each meal, often times while wearing a nice dress and looking pleasant. (The Good Lord knows how much I love my yoga pants. I’m thankful to not be wearing a dress each day!) My grandmother’s simple answer immediately clarified it: “We didn’t have so much STUFF, and our houses were much smaller than homes are today!” So there you have it. So simple. LESS STUFF. Less rooms to clean. Less clothes to wash. Less to maintain. LESS. It got me thinking of all the excess in our lives. We buy bigger
homes to “have more room” for everyone (yet I’m only raising three kids and my grandparents raised FIVE in a house one-third the size of my current home!). We buy more decorations and knick-knacks to beautify our homes than they did 60-70 years ago. We purchase WAY more clothing today than they did. In the past, each family member might have only owned 3-4 total outfits and 1 or 2 pair of shoes. They wore those outfits 2-3 times before washing them, obviously, since washing them was such a tedious process. Women didn’t spend hours in shopping malls or home decorating stores, and they didn’t spend their money accumulating more STUFF that they would have to clean and maintain. The 1950s housewife spent her time tending her home and providing a loving atmosphere for her husband and children. The kids were not rushed to dance class, sports activities, piano lessons, and gymnastics. The kids were at home, playing with their siblings and neighborhood friends. A housewife was able to spend more time at home than today’s wife. There was LESS. And it was a good thing. Do you feel overwhelmed with the constant laundry piles, stacks of paperwork needing your attention, toy clutter, and floors and countertops that need cleaned? I do. The average home size in 1950 was 983 square feet, and today’s average home size is around 2,500 square feet. Compare a closet in a house built decades ago (clueword: TINY!) to a closet of today’s homes. Our house sizes and closet sizes are representatives of our entire American lifestyle: MORE is better! Well, I don’t agree. I used to be on this train of thought, but in the last year I’ve had a
Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. 1 Timothy 4:15
change of heart. My desire is to tend my home the way God wants me to. And having so much STUFF was getting in the way of that. It was (and sometimes still is) taking too much time to clean, declutter, organize, and repair all the STUFF we have. Two years ago we bought a new home. I love our home. But it is almost TWICE the size of our former home. It was too much for me to clean every day. So about a year ago, I started REDUCING. I started adopting the “less is more” mentality. And I found some peace. I sold or donated hundreds of items from our home: toys, décor, small appliances, clothing, and books. I’m still trying to find my inner 1950s housewife; the one who can take care of our belongings without drowning in them. Do you know what we do when we feel overwhelmed with our responsibilities of tending our homes? We give up. Instead of finding ways to get control of our homes and duties at home, we run away. We run away by filling our schedules with unnecessary distractions that we justify in various ways. Spending hours on the computer or internet, spending hours shopping, spending hours chauffeuring our children to the next event or activity…. all just big cover-ups for the fact that we are avoiding our duties at home. But is this what God wants from us?
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. (proverbs 31:27) Ultimately, God did not create you, His precious child, to do nothing more with your time on earth than shuffle your children to various activities, or spend hours in shopping malls browsing man-made worthless “stuff,” or even to sit in front of a computer screen for hours each week. When you’re done with these “timefillers” you will still have a house full of responsibilities staring you down, waiting for action. And until you deal with your actual RESPONSIBILITIES, you will never have time to pursue the passions and interests God has already placed on your heart. We are on this earth to serve others. We have a purpose. What is yours?
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. (1 Peter 4:10) You may already know what your passion is. You may already be working towards that goal of serving others in some way, or you may not have the time to focus on that at this point. Maybe you don’t even know what your purpose on this earth is. But you can. God will speak to you. But first, you must clear the excess. REDUCE. HAVE LESS: less stuff, less time commitments to frivolous pursuits, less clutter, less wasted time. Create some SPACE in your life so that God can move in. And this begins when you focus first on your home.
Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. (Titus 2:4-5)
By now, I hope you are thinking, “But HOW? How do I get back the focus of a 1950s housewife?” My answer: REDUCE. (thanks grandma!)
REDUCE THE PHYSICAL CLUTTER •Closets: One way to control heaps of laundry that never seem to go away is to limit the number of items you own. Go through each closet and donate every single item that doesn’t fit PERFECTLY. (yes really! You can do it!) Also, throw out any item with a stain or hole. Aim to keep two weeks’ worth of clothing for each season (where I live that would be only two seasons: winter/summer). Also, keep three special occasion outfits. While you’re in that closet, go ahead and downsize your collection of costume jewelry, shoes, handbags, and accessories. Keep only what you TRULY LOVE. The other stuff is just cluttering your life. Aim to reduce your load by at least half. Toys: Depending on the personalities of your children, you may have to do this one while the kids are away, or you may need them home to help you. Go through the toys, one by one, and reduce the toy load by HALF. Recently, I did this with my children, and you cannot even tell we got rid of a single thing! Reducing the toy load is a beautiful thing! For example, my sons had over 150 toy cars. We lined them all up along the carpet, and the boys took turns selecting five to keep and then five to donate. We continued with that pattern until we had reduced our toy car collection to 75. Seriously, that’s still too many to play with at one time, but I’m choosing to focus on the fact that we have REDUCED our accumulation by half! By reducing the toys by half, I have also reduced the amount of time we are picking up toys as well as the amount of time I spend nagging my children to put away the toys. HUGE bonus! Home Décor: (This might hurt a little, but hang in there.) Your home does NOT have to look like Hobby Lobby (or any other home décor/furniture store). I love Hobby Lobby as much as the next gal, but you can walk through the aisles and enjoy their beautiful items without feeling like you need to bring them home and recreate that experience in your own home. After ridding myself of items in my home that I do not truly LOVE, I feel so much more peace. I don’t miss a single item that I have parted with. And, I LOVE how easily I can clean my tabletops now! Typically, I have 1-2 items per surface. That makes cleaning each surface easy and quick. If you will REDUCE the number of items that need your attention, you will subsequently REDUCE the amount of time needed to clean and care for your home. Just seeing less as you look around the room truly does provide a sense of calm and peace. There are not so many items screaming for your attention everywhere you look.
REDUCE THE DISTRACTIONS Technology: In order to focus more on tending your home a la 1950s-housewife-style, you will have to take some serious efforts to avoid technology. This one is particularly hard for me. I carry my cell phone in my pocket all day, even at home! Why?!? So that I can be immediately available if
Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. 1 Timothy 4:15
someone calls, texts, or tweets me. That has got to stop. When we are at home, we need to find a common location to keep our phones. A kitchen counter, a living room table, or even in your bedroom…..find a place where the phone won’t be calling out your name, pulling you away from your duties at home. 60 years ago, women were able to work all day at home without communication from others. And they accomplished more at home. If we want to find that focus, then we must avoid the communication more often as well. Seriously, who is more important anyway? The friend or acquaintance on the other end of the line, or that precious child or husband God blessed you with? I think it’s a clear winner here, and we need to start allowing our actions to PROVE who is more important. The computer (ahem….facebook…. pinterest….) is also a major time waster. Unplug it. Set up a password. Do whatever you can do to make it more of a disturbance to log on. If your computer is on and open, you will be easily sucked in. But, if you have to plug it in, wait for it to load, enter a password, THEN sit down to use it, you will be less likely to go through all those steps. It just won’t be worth the effort. I’m not a big television watcher, but if you are, then do the same with your tv. Unplug it from the wall. Unplug the cable/ dish box. Make it more difficult to sit down and watch it. Or, do what I do and switch your satellite station to a music only station. There’s nothing to watch and the music will actually motivate you to clean and get things done around the house! 123rf: Cathy Yeulet
Commitments: This is a touchy subject because many moms today think they are offering their children a better life by promoting the various events and activities for their children (sports, dance, music lessons, etc). I’m going against the grain here and I’m going to tell you to just stop it if these activities are causing you any stress at all. My son was a part of a traveling baseball team (he was 8 years old) for about 2 or 3 months last year. I LOVED the idea of him playing ball all year and us traveling to tournaments as a family. He loves playing baseball. It was a win-win. And then reality set in. Practices 3-4 times per week meant that I didn’t have time to cook dinner. I love cooking dinner for my family. We were picking up fast food about an hour past our usual dinnertime, rushing home to eat, and then rushing through bedtime routines. It wasn’t what I wanted for my family. And I honestly believe it wasn’t the way God wanted us to live either. So we quit. My son was disappointed for about 18 hours, and then an amazing thing happened. He never mentioned it again. I was shocked. It’s been MONTHS and he hasn’t mentioned it once. I think oftentimes we are putting our children in events and activities that they don’t really care one way or another if they are participating in. The child, as a common core, truly enjoys himself no matter where he is. He will enjoy his childhood with fond memories if you have time to spend with him, hug him, and play with him. And THAT can be done at home. Likewise, many women have their OWN commitments away from home: groups and clubs, social activities, set dinner dates with other women. If these commitments are interfering with your duties at home or your energy levels when you are finally back at home, then they need to stop. Just quit. Once again, those sweet blessings from God are at home and they need you.
The social clubs, women’s groups, and various activities you are participating in will survive and thrive without your presence. Your children won’t. Take a good look at your own personal time commitments and see if any of them need to be REDUCED. You will be surprised at the freedom you feel once you’ve walked away.
I realize the typical 1950s housewife did not work outside the home, and that today many women DO work outside the home. I understand that you don’t have as much time at home due to the hours you’re working somewhere else. But there’s still a way. The whole concept of REDUCING will apply to everyone, whether you are a stay at home mom or a working outside the home mom. If you can reduce your distractions and clutter, then you will be able to better manage your home, which is in line with God’s word for you as a wife and mother. Take small steps. Reduce something today and see the difference you will feel. Lighten your load. Reclaim your 1950s inner housewife and feel the glory of the Lord in your accomplishments at home! Molly Lasater is the founder and editor of Mitera Magazine. She was called by God to homeschool her three boys and called to start Mitera Magazine as an encouragement to mothers everywhere as they serve their families in the ministry of motherhood. She is married to her best friend, and loves spending time with her family and spending time cooking. Be sure to keep up with Mitera Magazine on the website!
Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. 1 Timothy 4:15
Kings
123rf: Bonita Cheshier
& Queens
why our boys have a noble responsibility to guard and protect girls May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you. Psalms 25:21
By Nathan Clarkson Recently, I went to a movie at the dollar theater with a couple of friends. Several people had told us it would be a good and entertaining two hours. It was fun, entertaining, filled with innocent laughs and punch lines. Good, though? Not so much. We were taken by surprise by an unnecessarily sexual scene involving two girls. As I walked out of the theater later that evening, my heart started to break. It was not just because I had been surprised by a raunchy scene (note to self: spend more time reading PluggedIn before the next movie). I was heartbroken because of the two young actresses who had given part of themselves away for a few seconds of attention. I wondered how those two actresses–those two girls–had reached a point in their young lives where they would allow themselves to be so demeaned for a few measly seconds of screen time. Perhaps it’s not so surprising, though. Turn on the TV and you will be bombarded by sexual overtones and undertones filling your screen and speakers. Check out at the supermarket and highly sexualized magazine covers placed at eye level will compete for your eyes. Drive down a billboard-infested strip of highway but keep your eyes on the road! I’m not even talking about pornography, but just all the subtle messages in the broader, “civilized” culture where we live, work, and play every day. How can we counteract the strong, demeaning, and damaging messages that saturate our culture and affect how young girls think about themselves and their place in the world? The answer I think is–we get our young men involved. “Nathan,” you may be thinking, “I am a parent of boys. I’m not here to read about girls. I’m trying to protect my boys from the perverted view of girls and sex out there! What does this have to do with me and my boys?” Everything. It is perfectly understandable that your first concern is to protect your boys from the sexualized influences of our culture. A good defense must be your first line of action. Controlling TV and computer, and avoiding other exposure is wise. However, you can’t just medicate a symptom and avoid the underlying illness. When I was about five years old, my mom was driving me home from an afternoon activity. We passed a billboard emblazoned with a women wearing clothing that left very little to the imagination. In my little heart I knew something was wrong, so I asked my mom why I felt this way, why was I sad. My mom did not react and make me feel bad because I had seen a lewd picture. She gently explained that the model on that billboard just had not had someone in her life to teach her how beautiful she was to God. She dressed that way because she had listened
to the diluted message of culture, but not to the pure message of someone who loved her just as she was, and because of who she was. She felt sorry for the girl, just as I felt sorry for the girls in the film. Even at a young age, my mom’s words made sense to me. The problem wasn’t just that the billboard was there. No mother will be able to hide every billboard, magazine cover, or commercial. The problem was also the message behind it that needed to be explained. Rather than making me feel guilty for seeing it, my mother talked to me about the truth behind the billboard. And that’s where you, Parents of Boys, come in. Of course you want to protect your boys from being exposed to sexualized images that pervert the real value and divine dignity of a woman. That’s important. But what is the best way to do that? Here’s what I think. Even at a young age, boys can learn to value and appreciate women as special creations of God. Boys are capable of understanding that they should love, serve, and protect girls in their lives. It is easy, as a parent, to react against culture’s billboards about women and inadvertently create fear in your boy’s heart and mind about women. Instead, they need to hear the positive message that God has given them, even as young boys, the noble responsibility to guard and protect girls. I think the biggest impact we can make on the world’s distorted and dangerous views of sexuality will come from training our young men to love women with true authentic love. If you do that, perhaps the girl that your boy loves, honors, and protects will be able to reject the perverted view that culture promotes simply because she will have someone telling her that she is loved just as she is, and that she is special because God made her. Because of your boys’ respect, perhaps she will feel secure, with a sense of self worth and a confidence to reject the temptation to seek attention in inappropriate ways. Maybe your boy’s properly trained attitude and words will save a girl from the destructive path of culture. You can make a difference in a girl’s life by training your boy. When you teach your boy to respect girls, you are showing them how to love them in the same way that God loves them. And that’s what makes it worth getting involved. Nathan Clarkson is a young passionate actor/musician/writer with a mission to bring light to a dark world. You might know him best as the son of bestselling authors and speakers Clay and Sally Clarkson. But you might also know him as the author of the collection of essays Wisdom Chasers (thoughts on becoming a mad of God) as well as an actor as having appeared in different TV shows, movies, and commercials. Nathan lives in Hollywood California and is right now in the midst of creating his own film which is a Moden Retelling of the Prodigal son. For more info on Nathan and how contact him visit his website: www.nathanjohnclarkson.com or at www.wisdomchasers.com
May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you. Psalms 25:21
123rf: David Castillo Dominici
the greatest lie of our generation
“If only I had...” by Craig Ford There’s an image that I suspect you’ve seen. A man is seated on a donkey. His hands are fully extended holding a stick in front of the donkey. From the stick hangs a carrot on a string. The donkey marches onward hoping to finally taste the sweet carrot. Yet, no matter how far or how fast the donkey walks, the carrot always remains the same distance away from the donkey.
middle class American. We have more gadgets, knickknacks, and comforts than most kings of history. Sure, they may have had maidens who would fan them to keep them cool, but we have air conditioners. They may have had the most talented entertainers in the land, but they didn’t have streaming movies, smartphones, and the Internet.
I used to feel sad for the donkey. Now, I feel sad for us.
Compared to many – historically and in our own time – we have so much.
Why?
Yet, we’re often longing for more.
Because so many times we are the donkey. We go forward believing that once we get that one last thing we’ll finally have enough.
Usually our list of items we wish to buy is greater than our income. Typically, people decide to borrow money to buy today what they can’t afford – all in hopes that tomorrow they’ll have enough.
“If Only I Had …” is the Greatest Lie of Our Generation
Why?
We Live Like Kings and Act Like Paupers I suspect most ancient kings would trade places with the average
Why do we chase after all these things, assuming that if we got that loan paid off everything would be perfect? If we got that raise, everything would be great? If we got that new car, all would be well? While it’s possible we might be better off, we surely won’t be fulfilled by these achievements.
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5
“If Only I Had …” Symptoms with what one currently has
Love to write?
•A future longing for something to
Get published!
•A general lack of satisfaction
fill or complete them •A constant desire to do one more thing in order to achieve ultimate happiness •A wish list that is always replenished
Mitera is looking for contributors for upcoming issues! We accept articles and photographs that are Christianbased and appeal to moms. If you feel God leading you to submit an article or photograph, please follow that leading! Other women will be blessed by your words and experiences!
once items are purchased
Submission Guidelines
What the Bible Teaches Instead
All submitted material should be original and reflect your personal work. (this includes recipe submissions)
The Bible teaches that we should be content with what we have: I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. – Philippians 4:11–12 NIV But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. – 1 Timothy 6:8 NIV Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5 NIV
The Contentment Prescription Contentment in Christ We shouldn’t look for external items to bring us satisfaction. We should seek that only from Christ. We must have a willingness to acknowledge the sovereignty of God. We need to understand that God has given us what He knows we need. We need to recognize that we already have so much and learn how to be content.
Thanksgiving We can either focus on what we do have or what we do not. Those who are always seeking something more focus on what’s missing. The truly blessed are those who recognize what they have and give praise and glory to God for all those things. With Christ, there is no need to create an “if only I had …” list because we already have more than we could ever ask or imagine. What are you thankful for? Go ahead, make your list. Craig Ford is a missional entrepreneur and former missionary to Papua New Guinea. He’s on a journey to discover how God wants Christians to manage their finances. Each day he’s searching for new discoveries about debt-free living, frugality, generous giving, and simple living. You can follow his teachings on these topics at www.moneyhelpforchristians.com.
All submitted material should be Christian-focused and designed to encourage living according to the word of God. Material should be encouraging as much as possible. However, controversial issues can be addressed in a loving spirit. Submitted material will be subject to editing for length, content, and grammar at the editor’s discretion. Submitted photos can be edited through cropping, color management, or enhancement at the editor’s discretion. Mitera Magazine is a free publication and no renumeration is provided for submitted material. However, contributors who write articles will be allowed a short biography which can include a direct link back to their blog, website, or facebook page. While all material will be considered for publication there is no guarantee that all submitted material can be published in Mitera. Mitera is currently published seasonally (4 times per year) and appropriate seasonal content is needed for each issue.
follow mitera on facebook to stay up to date on the magazine’s progress and special articles we will be requesting!
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5
7 Steps to Raising a Teen who Won’t Date too Young By Sheila Wray Gregoire My two girls are often the envy of some of the other moms in the youth group for one reason–they both have sworn off dating until they’re 18. It’s not because they’re geeks or they’re ugly; quite the contrary. They’ve both been asked out many times (even though my youngest is only 13), but they both give the same answer. They don’t date. Dating at this age, they say, is ridiculous. Several of the junior high moms keep asking my 13-year-old to convince their own girls of that fact, because they feel their girls are too boy crazy. Perhaps you think this is over the top. We are definitely not all in agreement on this one, because many people don’t see anything harmful in dating when kids are teens. It helps prepare them for real relationships, so the story goes. I understand, because I once felt the same way. Josh Harris’ book I Kissed Dating Goodbye changed my mind, but it was only the first in a number of things that did it. I want this post primarily to reflect how I raised my kids to agree with this, but here are just a few of the reasons we’ve adopted this idea with our family: 1. The purpose of dating is to marry. If you’re too young to marry, you’re likely too young to date. The only repercussion of dating is perhaps a broken heart. 2. Date too long, even if you sincerely love each other, and you open yourself up to a lot of temptation. In fact, perhaps even because you seriously love each other. All those legitimate feelings have nowhere to go, because you can’t marry yet. 3. When you date a lot, you often leave same-sex friendships by the wayside, and these are the years that you need to learn how to be a good friend. 4. Similarly, if you date a lot, you may decline other important things, like going on missions trips, or taking jobs, or doing some ministry you might love, because the person you’re dating isn’t involved. You miss out on finding out who you really are.
123rf: get4net
I frequently get moms asking how I got my girls to agree not to date, and so I’d like to share it with you. And if your kids aren’t teens yet, read on, because you have to start these things when they’re young if they’re going to be effective later! 1. Start Early You can’t wait until they hit puberty and then start lecturing them on how dating is counterproductive and can be harmful.
Start when they are young children. Otherwise you’ll just end up getting into a fight about it. Your kids likely have friends who all want to date, and it’s very hard to go against the tide unless you’ve been brought up to believe that that’s what you would do. Teach them, from a young age, that we as a family believe in marriage, not dating, and it’s better to wait until you’re ready for marriage. 2. Talk Up Marriage I always talk to my girls about how their aim should be to find someone to marry. And frequently, when we’re talking, we talk about what sort of person is important. They want someone who loves God, who they can debate with, who will be a good provider, who will be good to them, who wants to have a close relationship, who doesn’t believe in divorce, who does believe in family. And many of these traits don’t come out in boys until they’re older, anyway. We also talk about how you could miss this person if you’re dating too young, because you could get sidetracked from the one who really is right for you. Dating too often is about self-esteem rather than choosing a mate, and that doesn’t bode well for the future. Part of creating a marriage focus in our house is also watching what media we consume. Cut down on TV time for kids. Don’t let them watch shows or movies that are all about teen dating, even if you think the shows are cute. If you’re watching a movie that emphasizes dating over marriage, talk to your kids about why that’s a dumb idea, and why marriage is really the purpose of dating. Monitor your kids’ movie, TV, and music intake to make sure that the stuff they watch actually teaches the values you have. Marriage matters. We help our kids to focus on marriage, and we talk about where the most likely places are that they will meet such a man. So they’re focused on the future, they’re not focused on right now. 3. Talk Honestly About Relationships Talk to your kids about anything and everything. Whenever they want to talk, even when they are little, talk to them. Tell them what you are thinking, too. Don’t just let them set the stage; if you think something is important, or if you’re confused about something and trying to work it out, tell them. Let them know that your relationship is one in which people can bounce stuff off of each other; that you are a person that they can turn to for guidance in any subject.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
Then, when they start hitting the age where kids their age are dating (let’s say grade 6 or 7), make sure you ask them what they think. Tell them what you think. Encourage them to talk to their friends about it (in a nice way). Help them to be leaders. The more you talk to them, the more they will come to you. Keep open doors of communication all the time. Find time one-on-one with your kids, even if it’s during certain chores, like washing dishes, you always do together, or taking walks or jogging, or chatting before they go to bed. Talking has another side effect, too. It’s not just about explaining why you shouldn’t date. Kids who are able to talk to their parents are far less likely to date. They already will have high self-esteem, so they don’t have to prove it by finding someone to “like” them. 4. Encourage Your Children’s Relationship with Their Dad Whether you have boys or girls, encourage their relationship with their dad, as much as you can. Girls especially need to feel loved by their father. My husband and I take ballroom dancing lessons every week, but every now and then I get sick and can’t go, or I’m out of town. So Keith takes one of the girls, and he teaches them how to dance. It’s fun, and it’s something they’re doing with their dad. My husband doesn’t spend as much time with the girls as I do, but they still love him, and they still talk to him a bunch. Sometimes I encourage them to take walks by themselves. But the other thing I do is that I leave. I speak a lot on weekends, so I’m not here all the time. And when I’m gone, they have their own routine of what they do and what they eat. It’s fun.
much. They can practice guitar or piano; they can work on their own business; they can go on missions trips in the summer. Talk to them about what you see in them; affirm the giftings that you see that God has given them, and then look for ways for them to live that out. My 15-year-old, for instance, has a jewelry business with a friend. They have tables at several craft fairs near Christmas time, and they make a decent amount of income. They spend a lot of time researching their craft, and figuring out what next year’s line is going to be. Rebecca also teaches piano, and works with little children at our church. And she’s starting to teach swimming lessons a few hours a week. Now we homeschool, so she’s home the majority of the time. I don’t know if I’d want my teen involved in that many things if she also went to school, because I’d never see her. But encouraging teens to be involved in things that they’re passionate about, and to concentrate on creating something new, is wonderful because it harnesses a lot of their intellectual and emotional energy. 7. Pray Lots Pray about your children and their relationships and their hearts. Pray for their future spouses–and let them know that you’re praying for their future spouses. Many times kids want to date because they’re afraid if they don’t, they won’t get married. Show them that you are confident God will lead them to a spouse, or that God has something even better in store. And show them that dating now can actually undermine these plans. If you’re not nervous, they won’t be nervous.
Don’t be afraid to leave your kids with your husband. From a young age, start leaving them occasionally so that your husband is free to establish his own relationship with them. Both girls and boys need that sense that dad thinks they’re okay, because if dad thinks they’re okay, both genders are less likely to need to date when they’re too young.
And that’s about it! Notice how I haven’t said “forbid it” or “ground them for life”. That’s never been an issue in our home. One day, of course, it may be. The girls might meet someone that they really do love, and might really want to date. They’re still young, and I have no guarantee that they’ll keep the mentality they have now until they’re 18. Would I forbid it?
5. Keep Them Busy with Friends
I’m not sure. I think “forbidding” dating doesn’t end a relationship; they just move that relationship to Facebook and phone and texting. I would likely forbid one-on-one dates and just encourage them to spend time at our house, where I am there.
Encourage your kids to have friends over as much as possible–and mixed groups are absolutely fine. Encourage your kids to have friendships with the opposite sex–as long as that is what they are: friendships. We often have youth at our house, or if there’s a youth activity, I’ll make sure my girls attend. Kids need friends. But group events are the best to get that need met. This way they learn how to act with the opposite sex, and they’ll learn what sorts of character traits are important to them. But they’re not as interested in one-on-one (and indeed, they don’t have as much time for it). 6. Encourage Hobbies/Jobs/Adventures Teenage years are great years to discover your giftings, uncover your passions, and learn who God made you to be. Encourage them to do these things. Get them excited about something, whether it’s writing a novel, starting a business, earning their own money, or playing the guitar. Encourage them to serve in church, or to go on missions trips. Give them a wide range of experiences, as much as you can, and you’ll find they’re less likely to fixate on whether or not they have a boyfriend/girlfriend because they’re just too busy with better things. Now I don’t believe in making families overly busy, but many of these things teens can do without affecting your time very
But so far it hasn’t been an issue because I’m not trying to be negative about it–“you can’t date”–as much as I’m trying to be positive about it–“marriage is worth the wait”. And I’m giving them the reasons, and I’m helping them to get involved in other things. That’s worked for us. So if you want your children to put off dating until they’re 18 or so, then follow these things. Talk to them a ton. Create a very close family relationship. And pray lots. UPDATE: Just thought of one more, so it’s really 8 ways to raise a kid who won’t date too early: model a great relationship with your spouse. Let them see how marvelous marriage is, and they won’t settle for something counterfeit. They’ll want that. And if you’re a single parent? That’s okay! Just talk about how much you pray and want a strong, healthy marriage for your children. Comment on those who have strong marriages. Talk about the benefits of a strong marriage. Make sure your children know what you want and what you expect, and they’re more likely to walk in that direction! Sheila Wray Gregoire is the author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. You can find her at http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
Confessions 123rf: konstantynov
of an introverted mother By Elizabeth Behrens I was the kid who made up her own games at recess and was happy to play them alone. I was the teenager who hung out, quite contentedly, in her own room a lot. I was the college student who had her own dorm room instead of a roommate. And now I’m the mom, clinging to her sanity as two small children find happiness in crawling all over me, pulling at my legs while I cook, and wanting to sit in my lap while I eat my lunch. Now I adore my children with every fiber of my being. I stare at them while they watch a movie so I can absorb the adorable reactions that cross their face. I secretly record them singing so that I can listen to it over and over again because they won’t repeat it once they realize they have an audience. I savor teaching them new things and watching the glow they get in their eyes when the light bulb clicks on and they get it. None of these things change the fact though that God created me to be an introverted person and spending every waking hour surrounded by little people exhausts me to no end. My love for them doesn’t keep me from counting down until naptime so that I know I can have a few moments where I’m all by myself. I’ve finally reached the point where I can openly say that I love my children; that they feel like little bits of my heart walking around outside my body, but I need time away from them. That used to induce great amounts of guilt for me. Huge quantities of it. And I would be lying to say that twinges don’t still arise
from time to time. But the truth of the matter is that parenting is hard work, and that work takes on a different dimension when you are introverted. One of the biggest moments of letting go of that guilt came during a sermon I heard where the pastor confessed that we was an introvert that loved people. I wanted to stand up and say, “me, too!” That’s me! I love people, I love spending time with them, getting to know them, hosting small and large groups of them in my home, entering their lives and supporting them. But people exhaust me! I need time away to be all by my lonesome. A quick glance through the gospels shows Christ himself going off for time alone (Matthew 14 and 26). Time to pray. Time to meditate. Time to recharge. Not only did I not have to feel guilty about it anymore, I no longer had to see it as a character flaw either. Because it’s really, truly not. Wanting and needing to be alone in order to recharge and feel like yourself again is perfectly acceptable. Making that happen in a house full of young children is not an easy task. For me, setting up times during the day when I know I will be able to have a few moments of peace makes the rest of the day where children are clinging to me much more manageable. Here is what works for me: Either start your day before your children awake or have your
Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Psalms 62:5
husband help with the kids for a little while in the morning so that you can take a shower, have some time in prayer, or just a moment to plan your day without your little helpers.
123rf: Nagy-Bagoly Ilona
Set a time mid-morning that is mommy’s time to spend doing Bible study. It may take time to train your children to be selfentertained and not disturb you during these 30 or so minutes, but with time it gets better. Set them up with a pile of books, a favorite show on PBS, a craft project, or a special toy and explain that they are to let mommy have a little time to do her quiet time with Jesus. As my children get older my hope is that they see that I value this activity and that they will join in and do their own private Bible study during this time. Line up your children’s naps. If you have multiple young nappers, you know what an accomplishment this is! As your children outgrow naps (a sad day, I know) try to have them still do a quiet rest time on their own either in their room, in a play room, or somewhere where they are somewhat contained with quiet activity. Consider setting up a childcare co-op with a small group of friends. I was in one for a short while and it revolutionized my week! One morning a
week we would get all the kids together. Half the moms would stay with them and the other half would go off and be able to spend a few hours doing whatever they chose. Those weeks off were like gold. When I set times during the day to rest and be alone, I find that I am not constantly trying to get a break from my children throughout the day. It’s freeing to let myself be worn out being their mom knowing that time to recharge is in the plan. Beyond that though, and more importantly, I can truly rest in the knowledge that I am not defined before my Heavenly Father by my performance as a mother. I can find my ultimate comfort in Him and in the truth of the gospel that says I am clothed in the righteousness of Christ. Elizabeth Behrens is the wife to an amazing husband and mother to two beautiful daughters, Evelyn and Annabelle and one handsome little man, Abraham. She began blogging when she moved to Kansas City, away from all our family and friends, in order to keep them in touch with their lives. It’s turned into her favorite place to record her family’s memories, share their struggles with Evelyn who was diagnosed with Celiac disease over a year ago, and tell the story of Abraham’s adoption and his health struggles. You can follow along with her family’s story at www.findingmercy.blogspot.com.
Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Psalms 62:5
stop the
y t i F F U 123rf: Kheng Ho Toh
T S n i
by Beverly Payge Our society is so bent on stuff that I say it’s high time that we stop the inSTUFFity! Even in my own life, over the past year, I reached the place of true contentment and found that it wasn’t material goods that gave it. I grew up in a family that bought stuff to feel good. They showed love for you by buying you stuff and my dad’s favorite phrase was “I bought it because I love you, Bev”. Now, in part that was true - buying others things is a selfless act and according to the Bible we SHOULD want to give good things to our children, but at the same time - money can’t buy love. I grew up just like my family, feeling that we need stuff to be happy. Even after salvation, I thought we must have stuff. My husband is totally opposite for he grew up in a very frugal family and could wear shoes out till they are literally falling apart! So God putting the 2 of us together was pure genius! However, over the years I only became a burden and millstone to my husband by using all his hard-earned money to buy myself “happiness”. Time and time again he would let me spend, spend, spend, only to find that it never made either of us truly happy. It took me YEARS to come to the realization that I had to stop the inSTUFFity! This past year has been transitional for me and life changing. God has really done a work in my life through the school of hard knocks and life’s experiences teaching me. I needed this. I needed the hard way because it was going to take that to reprogram my brain from the way I had been raised. It actually started back in 2007, when God stopped me dead in my tracks and I spent 13 days in the hospital. It was then that it really all began, but this past year it was finalized. I can now say in all honesty, that I’m truly content and happy and it isn’t because of stuff. I found out what I truly value and now see through the consumeristic fix for what it truly is - an endless pursuit of happiness that is never satisfied. Now, when I purchase things and bring them into my home - I
have to find how they will be useful. With my daughter, I let her buy what she wants with the money she earns. I also try and teach her to value things, but she is a kid and can’t seem to grasp that yet. I’ve also purged our home and am always continually purging what has no value, use, or that I don’t have a love for. I’m still struggling to let some things go, but day by day, God is helping me. We went to IKEA yesterday and years ago if I had gone there, I would have walked out with a house full of things on a credit card but now it’s just a few things with money I saved being frugal in other areas. This time I walked out with just a few items that will serve a use in our home. I can testify to you all right now that living simple is the way to go! You have more time to LIVE LIFE and less time taking care of your stuff! The more stuff you have, the more TIME you spend maintaining it. Now, I only clean once a week and have more time to do things I love and to spend with my family. You make time for the things that YOU think are important. I think my husband and child are important - so I make the time to homeschool my child and to meet my husband’s needs. I don’t love stuff more than them. I don’t need stuff to fulfill me. I THANK GOD for releasing me from my attachment to “stuff.” I read this quote at smallnotebook.org, and it just became so real to me: “People matter, not stuff, and your house is nothing more than a closet — just a big place to store all your stuff.” People should read that quote, frame it and put it on their shelf to remind them of this great truth! Our society is so fixed on stuff to the abandonment of our own families that it’s disheartening! I was one of them, but by God’s grace he has led me to a better way, and for that, I’m forever grateful. Beverly Payge is a Christian wife, homeschooling mother of 2 and lives in the Pacific Northwest. She enjoys writing, reading and teaching. She blogs at Christian Homekeeping about all things to do with keeping the home.
Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.” Luke 12:15
Parenting With Grace By Christin Hunnicutt The more experience I have with parenting the more I am able to see God’s grace and understand how God would so willingly forgive and forget any mistake we have ever made. I can see how He would use any means and any sacrifice necessary to create a path for us to find our way back to His loving forgiving arms. I realize I could never fully understand the extent of God’s love and grace but He has given us a pretty good idea on how he would wish for us to parent. The bible gives us lesson after lesson to learn from as well as examples to model behavior after. The Lord gave us the most perfect model of all in Jesus, who not only taught us God’s will for us but also taught us God’s love for us. Our Father God allows for us to make mistakes and learn from them without ever holding them against us, and we need to teach and model this same unconditional love to our children.
Unconditional Love Do not confuse unconditional love with spoiling a child, however. Unconditional love simply means that you will love them no matter what. It does not mean you support bad behavior, and it certainly does not mean you let your child do whatever or get away with whatever they want. Reprimands and positive encouragement are necessary ingredients in proper parenting. Most children that feel secure in their feelings of being unconditionally loved and cherished will act out less because they are not seeking attention from their parents. Holding your children accountable for mistakes teaches them to be responsible adults, it does not mean that reprimands and punishments are unloving…they need to be handed out mixed with love.
Examples from Jesus Another lesson Jesus gave us that is lacking these days is our children’s understanding of the golden rule; Treat others as you wish to be treated yourself. Jesus taught us this lesson in the Sermon on the Mount, but many children are not taught this simple and valuable lesson today. What better time for us to teach the golden rule than to toddlers hitting or taking toys away, or to middle schoolers gossiping about friends, or highschoolers not including ‘outsiders’ in their cliques. We can also bring our children to volunteer at various community help functions and teach them that if we were poor, hungry, or cold we would want to be fed or clothed and that is why we volunteer.
123rf: Iakov Filimonov
Knowing God’s Grace
A Hard Lesson Learned I feel I can speak for all parents when I say I will love my children no matter what they have done. As parents, we are willing to turn our children’s poor decisions into lessons, making them stronger and more Christ-like as they grow. We teach lessons and expectations, forgive, love and move on. Sometimes we are forced to stand back and watch our children make mistakes in hopes that they learn from them, even as painful as it may be for us to witness. We just hope our children know that we are always there to help them make things right. I believe this is how God would wish for us to parent, seems to me it’s pretty similar to how He parents. Take a second to go back over the characteristics I just listed…do these not fit in with how our Heavenly Father parents us? He is all this and so much more. We should expect mistakes, from both our children and ourselves, but that’s where grace comes in. If you make a mistake with your children always apologize and explain your mistake so that you both learn the lesson. There is great power in apology. If it is your children that make a mistake teach them what can be taught from that mistake, take it as lesson learned, and move on. Do not harbor disappointment throughout the day and do not bring up past mistakes unless they are about to be repeated. God set the example for us on how He expects us to parent, now we must set the example to our children by showing them love, forgiveness, and grace. This example will make it much easier for them to accept God’s love and grace as they grow, and also allow them to become loving and graceful themselves. You cannot love unless you feel loved and you cannot show grace without being shown grace. Parenting with grace can at times be a difficult thing to do, but it is also the most joyful and rewarding thing we can do for our children. Christin Hunnicutt started ModernChristianMom.com to help Christian woman and moms learn to balance their Christian life with their everyday lives. Christin’s site is a comfortable place where all Christian women and Christian moms can go to share and learn from each other, but most importantly be encouraged to go out into their lives and be all the things women were created to be, carrying with them the eyes and heart of God. Christin is a stay at home mom to her daughter.
For the sake of your name, Lord, forgive my iniquity, though it is great. Psalms 25:11
how to be
a happy introvert
because she doesn’t like those other moms, but because when tired and stressed, more social interaction is not what she needs to recharge. I know I have felt weird and awkward turning down invitations to such events (don’t even get me started on women’s retreats), not quite understanding why that - while it might be fun when I’m fully rested - is the last thing I want to do in the evening after a hectic day. Knowing what will best serve to energize me allows me to invest in those things that will truly support me (hello, quiet reading cave), rather than doing what everyone else seems to expect me to want to do.
Enforce daily “quiet alone” time regardless of age
mom
For me, letting a child give up their nap at 2 was just not going to happen. Although I’ve never been a sleep trainer, I found that when all the older children have a set early afternoon quiet time, the baby will naturally, for the most part, follow along. How to keep nap / quiet time going in your house? A few strategies that work well in our house:
By Catherine Hooper
I recently watched Susan Cain’s delightful Ted Talk, “The Power of Introverts.” It was fun in a “rah rah introverts are great!” kind of way, but it also got me thinking of the way that introvertedness affects my family life. My husband and I are both introverts, and we have naturally structured life and routines in a way that supports both our introverted tendencies. I have four children ages seven, five, four, and two years. And I homeschool. On paper that would look very frightening to an introvert - but it really isn’t. Here’s how.
· Mp3 players for each child the cheap kind. You can upload music they like, or my favorite, books on cd from the library.
Special “quiet time” coloring books or toys. April at Holistic Homemaking has a great post about her quiet time bins that she rotates daily, and lots of suggestions for putting together your own. In our family it’s more casual - I might give a kid the option between drawing pad or listening to a book on their mp3 player. My kids go to sleep late, so I prefer they read or sleep over playing, but for kids who are getting used to a quiet time initially, a special bin could ease the transition. ·
Mama, know thyself
123rf: wavebreak Media Ltd.
Somewhere along the way, “introvert” has picked up negative connotations. Have you ever been told, “you’re not an introvert, you’re so nice!”? Introverts aren’t necessarily shy or quiet, we are just people for whom social interaction is tiring rather than energizing. We don’t dislike people at all, they just wear us out. Consider how you feel after a morning playdate with lots of other moms. Do you feel energized when you get home, or do you need to take a nap? If you are on the napping end, you might be an introvert. (If you haven’t ever taken a personality test, consider taking the Meyer’s Briggs personality test here or a quick inventory here). Temperament isn’t good or bad, it just is. Knowing that the reason you feel like ripping someone’s head off is because you haven’t had any alone time really helps me calm down and look for a meaningful solution. Introverts are the minority in our culture, and need to be especially thoughtful about their self care while going through the trying season of mothering young children. Children as a rule need a huge amount of interaction to develop into secure, happy little people. But for introverts, the process of pouring out attention and interaction on our little people is exhausting in a whole other way than it is to our extrovert friends. What makes us feel better is different as well. An introverted mom, when stressed and exhausted, will generally not want to go to a large “girls night out” gathering of the local mom’s group. Not
·
Separate spaces for everyone: my kids share rooms, but everyone gets a space of their own for quiet time. They take turns in the favored locations like mom & dad’s room. My oldest sometimes spends her quiet time reading outside on the bench swing. As long as I have an area I can be alone in too, it works.
·
Set the time: Older children who don’t fall asleep will drive you nuts popping their head out of their spaces asking if they can get up yet. Clearly setting an end to quiet time solves this. For us its one hour from when we start, and I use digital clocks (time telling practice). There are also cool kid friendly clocks available that can help younger kids with this - my friend Christina swears by her bunny clock. I read on a blog once (which I’ve forgotten now arg!) about a mom who set up soothing music to play for an hour - and the kids knew that once the music stopped they could get up. Whatever works. Often at least two of my kids will sleep for a full two hours, so even when the hour is up, I still have everyone who is up be quiet until little nappers are awake.
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4
Don’t Over Schedule Yourself! Consider the effect that outside activities have on your energy level. Even if you love nothing more than to run from activity to activity, recent research heavily questions the enrichment activity craze, urging parents to allow children large stretches of unstructured play. You know, the kind that we had growing up. If you’re an introvert, you probably spent a nice chunk of that free play time happily reading or playing alone after being drained by the constant interaction of the school day. All the running around and interaction with strangers and acquaintances is wearisome. Are you tired and grouchy after a full afternoon of activities? Cut some of the activities and send your kids outside to play (or just to the next room) instead.
Don’t feel the need to constantly entertain the kids You should encourage your kids. You should spread before them a “feast of ideas” that inspires them. But you should also...wait for it....just leave them alone. Let them come up with their own games and play time. It’s really not your job to entertain them, and allowing them to amuse themselves (without necessarily turning to various screen based entertainment) will encourage creativity, problem solving skills, and overall independence. I love the picture education reformer Charlotte Mason describes as an ideal situation of children at play: Mother is in the room, working on whatever project she needs to be doing, like dishes or laundry or blogging :) and the children are close by, easy to observe and if needed, correct. But they are involved in their own play, not looking to Mother to tell them what to do next, or depending on her as a playmate. Which leads me to another not so obvious strategy for introverted mothering...
or two children wouldn’t, four children in close age range will entertain one another in a completely different way that one child alone or two children 3 or more years apart. The common sense approach to being an introverted parent would be that the fewer children, the better, right? The fewer people there are around you, the less stressed one would think you would be. But of course things work differently in mother world, and at least in my experience it has actually been the opposite. Children two years or less apart are closer to each other developmentally and naturally play together more easily. So even though I have 4 children, they are all so close together that I am almost never begged to come play with them in the way my friends with one or two children far apart are. I do have cuddlers, but that’s a different story. I don’t *have* to take them to play dates several times a week (although we actually do try to go the park with friends once or twice a week), because they pretty much always have someone to play with. I’m not saying you should necessarily have more kids if you don’t already want a larger family, but just want to encourage you if maybe you would like more children but are afraid they would drive you over the edge.
Make it known that a great gift for you is babysitting If your husband wants to support you, be real about what will really help you the most. For me, my husband taking out the trash or giving the kids a bath isn’t nearly as helpful as watching the kids while I run errands or go for a run alone. His time is very valuable, and I want to be able to spend time with him when he’s home, so I don’t usually prevail on him to watch kids while I go out alone - I try to rely on the daily quiet time for my regular dose of alone time. But when your husband/family/friends ask for gift suggestions, consider asking for a longer, restorative time alone. For me an afternoon of browsing shelves at the library alone or a solo Target expedition recharges like little else.
Have a play group that never goes home You may actually love having a larger than average family - they entertain each other! While I frequently get stopped by lots of eye rolling, “better-you-than-me” commenting people insisting that my hands are SO FULL - I know something they apparently don’t. Although four children pose logistical problems of scale that one
Catherine Hooper lives in Northern California with her Physics professor husband and four energetic offspring. She is home educating and much effort goes into trying to balance her crunchy-artsy-bookworm tendencies with her husband’s intense math/science bias. You can follow Catherine’s writing at http://runciblelife.blogspot.com.
We pray that you are blessed by what you read in this magazine...that you find motivation, enouragement, and clarity that all line up with the word of God. Please share this free magazine with your church, your friends, and your family by emailing the link or sharing it on facebook! Mitera Magazine is free so that ALL Christian women can be blessed by the content! Share this resource as a blessing to other moms around the world!
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4