summer 2013
mitera ministry in motherhood
Trusting God to bring you through the fire, heal your broken heart, and keep you running the race He has set out for you
volume 2, issue 1
welcome to mitera! Mitera magazine was born in 2012 out of a vision from God, calling me to create a magazine just for Christian moms to help support them during their time of ministry during motherhood. Even though most moms wouldn’t think of mothering as a ministry, it truly is, and it truly is one of the most crucial ministries on earth. You and I are raising up children who will one day change the world. It is our responsibility as their primary influence on their thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs to encourage them to seek God each day, to love other humans, and to fulfill God’s chosen role for them in relation to making Christ known on the earth.
writers photographers
Erica Bertram Rebecca Ashbrook Carrell Grace Fox Jill Hart Susan Penning Vicki Tiede Lisa Ellis Williams Becky Zale
All photographs in this issue are from 123rf.com, a royalty free online photo bank, unless otherwise noted.
disclaimer The views and opinoins of the magazine contributors are not related to the views and opinions of mitera magazine, its editor, or its affiliates. All submitted work is assumed to be of original quality and content from the contributor and any misrepresentation from this falls on the contributor of that work. Mitera Magazine is not responsible for any actions, damages, or distress resulting from adherence to any information made available through the magazine. This magazine is not a substitute for professional advice.
Mitera magazine is different than other magazines because we accept article and photo submissions from the public. We believe that people who’ve experienced real life are highly qualified in helping other people live real life. We don’t need psychologists and therapists to help us traverse through our parenting journey, but just real people...people who feel led by God to share what they know and what they’ve experienced. Enjoy the magazine, which is full of articles written by mothers, people who have mothers, and people who know mothers who help shape the world....one little blessing at a time. And if you feel led by God to share something with our readers, please follow that call! See our submissions page at www.miteramagazine. com or inside this magazine for more details. I hope you are blessed by mitera.
Molly Lasater founder and editor
For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. 1 Peter 3:5
Five secrets of a
successful
woman
By Susan Penning I recently attended the funeral of my Great Aunt Kay. Although it was a sad time for those of us who had to say goodbye to her in this life, it was also a joyful occasion as we celebrated the memories we had with her and the legacy she left behind. Aunt Kay spent most of her 94 years in the same humble home in the same small, rural community. Most of her days were spent caring for her husband and children and keeping house. Nowadays, that may be considered a fairly small contribution to the world. However, it was evident to all who had the privilege of knowing her that her contribution was anything but small. I can’t think of one person who ever had an ill word to say about Aunt Kay. And when she left this world, an entire community felt the loss. So how could a woman from a modest home in the middle of nowhere have touched the lives of so many people? During the meal after the funeral, I looked around at everyone who was sharing fond memories of Aunt Kay and I realized this
was a woman who had discovered the secrets of being successful in this life. I thought about what I knew of Aunt Kay, and I came up with five virtues that she regularly exhibited. If we practice the same virtues, perhaps we can leave as rich a legacy as she did.
1. Be hospitable. I wrote about how my Aunt Kay helped shape my own ideas about being a gracious hostess in my blog post “To entertain or not to entertain.” Aunt Kay knew how to make people feel special and welcome in her home. When we visited her, she would greet us at the porch with a big smile and hugs and kisses. Then she would start setting the table and bringing out the food and drinks. She never asked us if we wanted anything (Don›t most people say, «No,» anyway to be polite?); she just started loading up the table. Then she sat down with us to eat and seemed to genuinely enjoy our company. She always made us feel important.
2. Be humble. When we spent time with Aunt Kay, she asked us questions about ourselves and really listened with interest as we talked about
In everything he did he had great success, because the Lord was with him. 1 Samuel 18:14
the latest details of our lives. In fact, I rarely heard her talk about herself. She was modest and courteous. She displayed a real servant’s heart, epitomizing Philippians 2:3, which says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”
3. Be positive. Aunt Kay always had a smile on her face, even toward the end as her earthly body was failing. I never remember Aunt Kay saying an unkind word about anyone. And I never remember hearing her complain about anything.
4. Be excellent. Aunt Kay kept a beautiful home. It wasn’t the biggest or fanciest house on the block and it wasn’t filled with the most expensive furniture or the newest gadgets. But it was clean, tidy, inviting, stocked with food and ready to be enjoyed by her husband and children as well as extended family and friends. Above all, Aunt Kay truly understood what it meant to be a homemaker and she gave it her all, remembering that people were more important than jobs and things. She was an expert at knowing when to shift attention away from tasks and onto loved ones.
5. Be faithful. Aunt Kay was a deeply devoted Christian. She was a woman who truly feared the Lord (Proverbs 31:30). It was evident in how she lived her life and what she taught her children. As a result, her children (and grandchildren and great grandchildren) «rise up and call her blessed ...» (Proverbs 31:28) There are thousands (if not millions) of books, articles, podcasts and conferences dedicated to the topic of success. I doubt my
Aunt Kay read, listened to or attended any of them. Yet she became an example of what we all strive for in life: to be loved deeply and to feel significant. Her formula for success was not complicated; it’s actually refreshingly simple. In a world that now moves at a frenetic pace, I fear we may miss what Aunt Kay discovered: that true success is not measured by how much we accomplish, how much money we make or what fancy titles we hold. Rather, it is the result of loving and serving God and others to the best of our abilities, and by cultivating a spirit of gratitude. “To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children ... to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child or a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
In addition to having her work published in more than 20 different media outlets, Susan is the creator of the humorous frugal living and inspirational website, livingrichonless.com. A self-proclaimed cheese and chocolate addict, Susan also professes a deep faith in God and a desire to make her home happy, healthy and gorgeous. Her goal is to minister and bless others by sharing her secrets to “the good life.” Susan holds a master’s degree in psychology and counseling, a bachelor’s degree in print/electronic journalism and an associate degree in public affairs. For more than a decade, she’s enjoyed rewarding careers as a professional writer, photographer, graphic designer and public relations director. Much of that time was spent on active duty in the U.S. Air Force and she continues to serve her country in the Air National Guard as a public affairs specialist. In her spare time, Susan leads praise and worship at her church and travels with a local singing ensemble. She also loves the outdoors – fishing, hiking, boating and biking – and revels in the company of family and friends. Susan lives with her husband, children and Irish terrier in the mountains of rural Pennsylvania. (Aunt Kay photo courtesy of Susan Penning)
In everything he did he had great success, because the Lord was with him. 1 Samuel 18:14
Running with Perseverance
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2) By Jill Hart Almost a year ago I began running. No, I wasn’t being chased. I was trying to lose weight. And it’s worked – I’ve lost nearly 50 pounds in the last year. For any of you who, like me, struggle with losing weight, you’ll know just what a big deal losing weight is. I recently committed to running a half-marathon with my husband this fall, (yes, I may have lost my mind) so I’ve just started training at longer distances. This past weekend I completed my longest run so far, 7 miles (yes, I thought I was going to die for the last 6 of them). Although it’s hard (SO hard!), there are some beautiful things about running. First, it allows me to eat dessert. And I love dessert. It also makes me feel free and allows me to clear my head, which as a mom is priceless. On those rough days where I find myself constantly snapping at my kids and my husband, I actually like running. I can take off down the trail and let it all go. I burn up all that excess energy and pent-up frustration. My body begins to release endorphins and my mind slowly begins to unclench from the problems that have been plaguing me all day. On those days, I return tired but refreshed. And I know my kids are thankful for it. Now, I know that not everyone can be a runner, due to physical limitations and illnesses. But I’d like you to consider what you might be able to do to help relieve stress. Studies show that the chemicals created and released during exercise are a big part of
what help us handle stress. And we all know what stress does to our bodies. Exercise is also a way to set a good example for your children. This last year has been an eye-opener for my family as my husband and I have struggled together to lose weight, get in shape and learn to eat well. I believe we’re teaching our kids not only that they need to stay active and pay attention to what they’re fueling their bodies with, but also that they can accomplish whatever they set their minds to. The same holds true in our spiritual lives as well. As Hebrews 12 reminds us, our lives are a race that has been set out before us by God. Just as we can run physically, with our goal in mind, we can also run the race spiritually, focusing on Christ instead of the world around us. So, take a moment today to consider what messages your lifestyle and spiritual life are currently sending to your family. What can you do to make some changes in areas that you see that need improvement? Jill Hart’s entrepreneurial career began in her teens when she spent a summer working with her father who ran his own business. When he put her in charge of a Coke machine and allowed her to keep the profits, she saw the benefits of being her own boss. She is the cape-less founder of Christian Work at Home Ministries and the co-author of So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom. Jill has articles published in In Touch Magazine, P31 Woman magazine and Focus on the Family’s Thriving Family, as well as across the web on sites like DrLaura.com. She speaks to audiences around the country about faith and business topics. Learn more about Jill at JillHart.com and connect with her on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/SpeakerJillHart) and Twitter @ cwahm.
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. Hebrews 10:36
The Christian family’s
dirty little secret When your husband is addicted to pornography By Vicki Tiede Imagine if your pastor asked all of the women in the church body to stand shoulder to shoulder around the perimeter of your sanctuary. Then he instructed every second woman to go back to her seat. Those left standing – 50% of the women in your church – would represent the number of women whose husbands are addicted to pornography in the church. The number is staggering. Picture them. We most often hear about the men who are addicted, but rarely, if ever do we consider the women who love them. Now imagine that these women’s husbands really are addicted to pornography. If you looked into the eyes of these women you would see a range of emotions: anger, fear, sadness, depression, guilt, rejection, and shame. Above all, you’d see wariness, because she trusted her husband enough to share everything with him— her heart, her mind, her body. He was her safe haven, the one whose arms she sought when she felt weak or afraid. When her
husband chose pornography over her, trust was broken and now she wonders If I can’t trust my husband, who can I trust? Will I ever trust anyone again? I know this is true, because at one time in my life, I would have been standing among the 50%. Two years after graduating from college, I met and married the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life loving. I was born planning things and this new chapter of my life was no exception. After planning a beautiful wedding, I had a plan for our married life. We would write our last wedding gift thank you and get onto the important business of marriage. I had visions of us coming home to share stories about our day. After dinner, we would snuggle on the couch and do a little work that inevitably made its way home, then we would fall asleep in each other’s arms. In a couple of years we would start our family. Proverbs 16:9 says, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” When the last stamp was stuck on its
There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 23:18
envelope and the thank you cards were mailed, I learned how very true this passage is. Weeks into our marriage, I knew something was wrong. With rings on our fingers and a covenant before God, we could at last enjoy sexual intimacy as God intended. I knew God was going to bless our commitment to wait for marriage. I wasn’t prepared for my new husband to crawl in bed night after night and turn his back to me. I never dreamt I would be the one asking him to make love to me, and be rejected. There was no question in my mind that I was insufficient in the bedroom, unattractive, and a disappointment as a wife. I immediately made a plan and set about making things right. I began a strict diet and lost 20 pounds, dropping from a size 10 to a 6. I was meticulous about keeping the house clean and neat. I fixed his favorite meals or agreed to eat out wherever he chose. I asked questions to determine what he liked/disliked, wanted/ didn’t want … When asked, he said I was enough, the house was fine, and I looked nice. But nothing was going according to plan. During one of my cleaning frenzies, I chose to tackle his office, which was a pit! I sat on the floor in front of a basket of magazines and began sorting out seriously dated copies to go into the recycling bin. Not far into the pile, I came upon magazines that were NOT Men’s Health, Popular Mechanics, or Field and Stream! I was horrified, but determined not to overreact. I set them aside and that evening I broached the subject. He seemed genuinely surprised, suggesting that a friend must have left them when he came for the weekend. Though that seemed unlikely, I loved my husband and was eager for any plausible explanation. Three months into our marriage, I sought out a Christian counselor to help me figure out what was wrong with me. This was vital as I was ashamed to tell anyone else what was going on in my marriage and I desperately needed someone to process what I was experiencing and feeling. Our marriage was a mess. My husband didn’t want me opening credit card bills. He was spending more and more time on the computer. I found additional magazines. Granted, they were dated too, but when I asked, he said he’d bought them a long time ago and assumed they were thrown away years before. Though the magazines bore the same title and were bought within months of those I’d found before, his stories didn’t line up. I went to bed alone nearly every night of the week. Many times, I would wake at 2 or 3 in the morning, tiptoe down the hall and find a light shining under the office door. Sometimes I would spout something sarcastic. Usually I would sneak back to bed, curl up in a ball, and cry myself to sleep. To everyone who knew us, we were the perfect couple. We both enjoyed achievements in our careers, we attended church, and we almost always had smiles on our faces. That was our public personas. At home, I was miserable, he was avoidant, and neither one of us ever smiled. As ludicrous as it may sound, I hoped having a baby would draw my husband to me. Though we were rarely intimate, I prayed that God would bless us with a little one, and He did. We were both over the moon with joy. Then one day, 11 weeks pregnant, I arrived home from work before my husband. I was in search of some paperwork in the office. Instead I found a drawer of our filing cabinet full of chat room conversations and obscene pictures he’d printed. Not until
You’re Not Alone (Stats) · 56% of divorce cases involve one party having an obsessive interest in online porn · 40 million U.S. adults regularly visit Internet pornography websites · 47% of Christians said pornography is a major problem in the home · According to numerous studies, prolonged exposure to pornography leads to: o a diminished trust between intimate couples o the belief that promiscuity is the natural state o cynicism about love or the need for affection between sexual partners o the belief that marriage is sexually confining o a lack of attraction to family and child-raising Go to www.covenanteyes.com for more statistics *Get a discount on your Covenant Eyes subscription at www.vickitiede.com then did I fully grasp what I was dealing with. First, I went into the bathroom and cried until I threw up. Then I ransacked the office. I discovered videos and love letters that he had received at a post office box, which I knew nothing about. I’m not sure words can do justice to the range of emotions I experienced. I wish I could claim that no matter how I was feeling, I leaned heavily on the Lord and handled myself with grace. That would be a lie. The truth is I alternated between curling up in a fetal position and full-blown rage, saying and doing things that were unimaginable and completely out of character. That was eighteen years ago. One of the things I learned is that if your husband struggles with his addiction to pornography, you are among the lucky ones. When there is no struggle and he excuses his behavior as “normal” according to the world’s standards, restoration is more difficult. That was my experience. My husband chose not to take responsibility for his choices, repent, or stop his behavior. A lukewarm attempt at counseling was made on his part but soon stopped. When he took a clandestine trip across country with someone else, my physical, emotional, and spiritual health was
There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 23:18
at risk. At the counsel of my pastor and counselor, I made the heartbreaking decision to end our marriage. Our baby was three months old. From my journey of being married to a man addicted to pornography, I also learned that we can only do the best we can with the information we have at the moment. That’s what I did. On the darkest nights, I felt God assuring me that in His economy, nothing was wasted and He could use even this for His good. I couldn’t imagine. I began a slow dance of healing in the arms of the Almighty and He wooed me into a deeper relationship with Him. I grew spiritually mature and piece by piece, He began reconnecting the fragments of my heart. When I believed there was no hope, He showed me in His Word that He is my hope. When I was drowning in feelings of rejection and inadequacy, He reminded me that He chose me and that I’m the apple of His eye. When guilt and shame threatened to overcome me, He assured me that my husband’s addiction was not my fault. When I cried to the Lord and said I didn’t believe I could ever trust anyone again, He demonstrated that I could trust Him with every detail of my life. He also taught me that I should never give anyone the same degree of trust that is meant for Him alone. The Scriptures marked the path of every single step of my healing. Three years after my divorce, I met and married Mike, and we added two more children to complete our family of five. I thought my journey of healing was over, but God wasn’t done with me yet. Instead, He called me into a ministry of speaking. Though I spoke on many topics and taught from God’s Word, I was always prompted to share my testimony, and every time I did, I met more women who would have joined me in the 50% standing around the sanctuary. I stayed connected with many of them and I watched God restore marriages. As a result of my speaking ministry, I began writing. In time, it became clear that God meant for this to be a 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 experience for me.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. Though I confess, the idea of revisiting my most painful memories was not high on my list of things to do, I make it a practice to say “yes” to God, when He asks something of me, and so I began interviewing 25 other women about their own experiences. I transferred the healing work God did in my heart into the pages of When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart. As I did so, my scars further faded and I found myself weeping and rejoicing for the women God would take on their own journey of healing as they read this book, because I know He can and will do beautiful things with the broken pieces of their hearts. Just as He did with mine. God restores many marriages that have been infected by porn, but He restores every broken heart when it’s given to Him.
Vicki Tiede (MEd., MMin.) is an inspiring Bible teacher, conference speaker, and author. Her passion is to open the Scriptures with women in order to share God’s grace and enduring faithfulness. Vicki transparently relates life experiences that resonate and draw others into a lifelong pursuit of knowing God. Vicki’s candor and humor are a delight to her audiences, who feel like they’ve met a new friend moments after she begins to share a glimpse into her life. Vicki consistently points her audiences back to God’s Word and presents fresh insights into the Scriptures. Living in Rochester, Minnesota, Vicki is a wife, homeschooling mom, and the coordinator of women’s ministries in her local church. Vicki holds master’s degrees in Ministry and in Education. Vicki Tiede is the author of WHEN YOUR HUSBAND IS ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY Healing Your Wounded Heart, New Growth Press, 2012. She has also written and contributed to several other books. She can be followed at www.vickitiede.com, www.facebook.com/vtiede.
My Husband is Addicted...Now What? · Accept that your husband’s addiction is NOT about you no matter what you’ve been told. · Believe that there is hope in Christ for your marriage, for your husband, and for your heart. · Know that ignoring the addiction will not make it go away. · Realize that you can’t cure it. You are only able to change your own heart with God’s help, but you can’t force change in your husband. · Talk to God about this first, then get yourself some support. Ideally this would be with a Christian counselor, a support group for women whose husbands are addicted, a godly, mature, Christian woman, or perhaps a pastor. · Read Vicki Tiede’s book, “When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Broken Heart.” Jesus will meet you in the pages of this book.
There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 23:18
Simple Service
It’s Simple. God’s word instructs us to serve others. Beyond the scope of tending children, running a household, working inside and outside the home, and volunteering at school and church, we might just think we don’t have an ounce of ourselves left to give to anyone else. But we do. Here’s an easy and simple way to serve others without feeling like it’s a burden.
By Molly Lasater My husband and I are in the midst of a move to another city. Less than a week ago, we found the perfect home for us in our new city. It was exciting! The area we are moving to is a tough market and homes sell within hours of going on the market, so we were feeling blessed and joyous that we were able to get a contract on this home that was in the perfect location for us! Shortly after viewing (and loving) the home, we decided to drive through the neighborhood to check the cleanliness and general “personality” of that area. We were pleased with the way most of the homes were well kept and tidy from the outside. We loved seeing small children playing outside since we have three young boys ourselves. But then….we noticed the house located directly behind the house we are buying had a horrendous yard! The home was a newer build, you could tell, but the weeds in the front and on both sides were over FOUR FOOT TALL! How could someone build a nice new home and not even tend to the yard a bit? The home looked abandoned, yet there were vehicles in the driveway. So what could possibly be the issue here? Don’t these people CARE about the appearance of their home? We drove back around the block and spoke with our “new” neighbors who we had spoken to earlier in the day. When asked about the condition of that home, they informed us that the man who lives there is a disabled veteran and simply can’t tend to his yard. That single statement from them spoke volumes more about the “personality” of this neighborhood than all the curb appeal in the world. And it quickly put our thoughts in check as well. This
man is probably more distraught over seeing those weeds each day than we were. Those weeds are a constant reminder that he CAN’T do it. He’s DISABLED. And that disability happened while fighting for our country….the same country where now not a single neighbor can take the time to drive their riding mower over and chop down some weeds for him. So we vowed to take care of our neighbor’s yard for him. After we move, we plan to either drive the mower around the block and take care of it, or hire it out if it’s just too wild to manage with our mower. The thing is, it will be done. That man will feel loved. Respected. Honored. And it’s a joy for us to serve him in this way after the sacrifices he’s made to serve US. So, as you leave your garage today and drive down the street to work or your next errand, look at your neighbor’s yards. Does God point anything out to you that maybe you could do to SERVE your neighbors? It might not be a yard full of four-foottall weeds and bushes, but does someone need their sidewalk swept? Some weeds pulled in the flower beds? A new pretty flower placed near their doorstep? Allow God to speak to your heart, and follow that prompting to bless someone near to you that maybe you do not even know yet. Molly Lasater is the founder and editor of Mitera Maagzine. She enjoys encouraging other women as they traverse the unknown territory of motherhood by creating and contributing to Mitera for each issue. Molly has three boys who she homeschools and a loving husband who works hard so she can stay home with the boys. You can follow Mitera magazine on the website www.miteramagazine.com
The poor will eat and be satisfied; those who seek the Lord will praise him— may your hearts live forever! Psalms 22:26
Trusting God...when you’re in the fire By Becky Zale Trials are hard and I can’t think of anyone that enjoys them. And yet, God allows trials in our life to draw us to Himself, to burn off the sinful nature that still clings to us and to show more of Himself to us during those times. Most people when they find themselves in the midst of a trial become much more open to prayer, and believers especially, are drawn to the Word and prayer during difficult times. When we are in a trial by fire, we can know that we are not alone. Christ is with us in that fire just as He was with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. If we hide under the shadow of the wings of the Almighty during those difficult times, people will see Christ walking in the fire with us. God is more than able to sustain us when we lean hard on Him. I Peter 5:7 NLT says, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you.” But it wasn’t until recently that I read the following verses in conjunction with that one. Verses 8 and 9 say, “Be careful! Watch out for attacks from the Devil, your great enemy. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for some victim to devour. Take a firm stand against him, and be strong in your faith...” In tough times, it is easy to be devoured by our thoughts and our worries, our endless anxiety and fear and yet, Christ, who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think (Eph. 3:20) is more than able to once again shut the mouth of the lion so that we will not be consumed (see Daniel 6). During trials we must submit our requests to God with thanksgiving. Philippians 4:6-7 NLT says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (This passage is put to song on this CD. It is one of my favorite songs because of this truth.) This peace according to Isaiah 26:3 is perfect and is promised to those who trust in God. We must choose to trust Him! Trials teach us not to worry, but to pray, and to say, “God, I trust
you to bless me in the way you see fit.” To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory. Isaiah 61:3 NLT God is able to see beauty when all we see are ashes. Just as during a forest fire there are often devastating effects, afterwards new life takes the place of the dead and beauty is born. I know how hard it can be to trust God during difficult times, but if we do, and if we lean on His Word, we will see Him work in ways we never expected. His hand of blessing will be upon us and we will see Him fight on our behalf. I am greatly encouraged by the story in 2 Chronicles 20 where the Israelites were outnumbered by their enemy in battle, but still gained the victory when they praised God and sang. Here is the account: “Early the next morning the army of Judah went out into the wilderness of Tekoa. On the way Jehoshaphat stopped and said, “Listen to me, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Believe in the Lord your God, and you will be able to stand firm...the king appointed singers to walk ahead of the army, singing to the Lord and praising him for his holy splendor. This is what they sang:
“Give thanks to the Lord; his faithful love endures forever!” At the very moment they began to sing and give praise, the Lord caused the armies...to start fighting among themselves. [They then] turned against their allies...and killed every one of them. After they had destroyed the army of Seir, they began attacking each other. So when the army of Judah arrived at the lookout point in the wilderness, all they saw were dead bodies lying on the ground as far as they could see. Not a single one of the enemy had escaped.
He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.” Daniel 3:25
King Jehoshaphat and his men went out to gather the plunder. They found vast amounts of equipment, clothing, and other valuables—more than they could carry. There was so much plunder that it took them three days just to collect it all! On the fourth day they gathered in the Valley of Blessing, which got its name that day because the people praised and thanked the Lord there. It is still called the Valley of Blessing today. Relinquishing control and choosing to trust rather than fear is never easy. But when we do, the path will be easier, the light will
By Erica Bertram
be brighter and our faith will be greater. The fire will burn the dross away and new life will flourish. Will we choose to trust God in the midst of our fears and let Him bless us in the way that He knows is best? Becky is a simple girl who is passionate about making a home for her family. She realizes that having a husband and children are a blessing and she wants to be purposeful in making life beautiful for them. You can find her blogging at Purposeful Homemaking where she shares recipes, homeschooling ideas, curriculum reviews, money-saving tips, and healthy living inspiration.
In His Presence
It all started one morning, I woke up, way earlier than usual, and I felt God’s presence all around me and heard a whisper in my Spirit “Wake up, I am ready to spend some time with you.” I would love to tell you that I bounded out of bed shouting “Hallelujah! I am ready Lord!” but I must admit, I rolled over and went back to sleep. You see, as a mother of 2 boys, ages 2 and 4, and a little girl on the way, I love sleep…I cherish it. Later, I felt guilty, and after a day of absolute chaos, and not getting to spend my daily time with Him until about 2 that afternoon, I understood why I needed it earlier than usual that morning. So you can imagine my absolute astonishment when it happened again this morning, but this time, I was obedient and got up. I still wasn’t so happy about it, but I did it. I was then immediately reminded of Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness...” God wants us to seek Him first, above ALL else, absolutely EVERYTHING! I have heard this verse since I was a child and have always taken it as a very vague “Put God first.” Okay...God is first, moving on...
but wait, even before sleeping? “But God, I need to sleep, I am so tired…” To which I hear a resounding, “Not more than you need Me.” There is nothing like being in the still, quiet presence of God. No screaming boys, no drums, no tv, it’s just me and Him. I am reminded I have been blocking out the background noise for too long, I realize it’s now so much easier to hear Him, without all the distractions. His voice is so clear, and I understand the reason He woke me...and I’m thankful...thankful for His overwhelming love and thankful that He desires this precious time with me as much as I do with Him.
Erica Bertram is a stay at home mom of 2 boys and a newborn baby girl. She currently has 2 children’s books that are in the publication process. She has dedicated her life to the call God has placed on it to share His message and encourage others with the talents He has given her. Erica’s website is www.spiritledgeneration.com which has a link to her blog and links to her facebook page and twitter as well as more info on upcoming projects.
But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul. Deuteronomy 4:29
Pacifiers: They aren’t just for babies anymore
By Rebecca Ashbrook Carrell Ah, the pacifier. Some call it the passy, some say it’s a binky; that beloved rubber device designed to soothe our precious newborns. We try with all our might to sway sweet baby into taking it even before we take them home. We cite the benefits, such as, “It helps them fall asleep,” or “It clears their little ears during a flight.”
arguing over who sat where and who got the red crayon), I rearranged the seating arrangement so Caitlyn and Nick were neither next to each other or across from each other. Mike, in his wisdom, asked the sweet waitress if she would please bring another set of identical crayons so they could both have a red. It matters, trust me.
It’s ironic, isn’t it? We encourage them to form a habit that we will desperately try to break anywhere from 1-4/5 years later. Kind of like coffee; we force ourselves to down it in college to cram for exams, then curse it a decade later when the coffee pot gives out and we instantly discover our absolute dependency on this hot, brown substance that stains our teeth.
Once we were settled and our kids were coloring semi-quietly (which really only means not screaming), I glanced back over at our neighbors. How do they keep their kids so quiet? What in the world could they know that I don’t that would result in their children sitting quietly without fighting, or even speaking?
Perhaps the biggest irony of all lies in the new pacifier trend we are witnessing today. This time, it’s a simple swap. We say “goodbye” to the binky once and for all around age 3, then shove a newer, slicker, even-more-habit-forming device into their pudgy little hands without missing a beat. Allow me to illustrate. My husband and I, with our two children (then ages 4 and 5), went to Chili’s on a Friday night. As we made ourselves comfortable in a booth (always a score on Friday nights), I glanced at the table across from us. We were sitting next to a near-mirror image of our family: A mom, a dad, an older sister and a slightly younger brother. The biggest difference was that our kids were loud and squirrelly while their kids sat quietly.
The answer came in the soft sounds of a familiar tune. Aha! Angry Birds! Both children were sitting silently, yes, but completely oblivious to their surroundings. Their glazed-over eyes stared intently at the screen. I can’t say for sure, but I’m fairly confident all blinking had ceased, so captivated were they by the enchantment of flinging angry birds into happy pigs. I looked back at my own children; Caitlyn had turned around and was staring down the people behind us, while Nick had escaped underneath the table and was happily chomping away on a halfeaten, dirty chicken strip. Oy! My husband lovingly but firmly told Caitlyn to turn around and act like a lady. Less lovingly but more firmly, I wrestled the chicken strip away from my son, who promptly began to cry.
Amazing, I thought to myself, as I immediately turned to ensure that each child got the same number of crayons.
“Kids,” said Mike, “this is not how we behave at a restaurant.”
As our kids continued to act like four and five year olds (a.k.a.
Except it is, I thought to myself. It’s exactly how kids behave at
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6
critical if they are to have any hope of interacting with adults (who will someday employ them so they will move out of your house). What kind of training do they receive when, instead of interacting with them, we pacify them with TV, video games, and small pocket-sized computers that not only download games, but access pornographic websites, too? (Oh yea, and they also make phone calls.) A year and a half ago we made the decision that we would allow absolutely no electronics during the week. And much to our astonishment, the sky did not fall down. Rather, our children started using their imaginations, cooperating, and playing together. They started running around, breathing fresh air, and banging up their shins just like children should. Just like we used to do. The only troubling discovery that came out of our life-style shift was this: We realized just how few parents were willing to do the same. Even on the nicest days, there are almost no children playing outside. What are your kids doing right now?
a restaurant, until we train them to behave. My mother recalls a dinner excursion with my father and younger sister. “Liz would absolutely not behave,” she said, “so there I was, eight-months pregnant, and wrestling with my two-year old.” So she and Liz sat in the car while my father and I finished dinner. Oh by the way, that was Mother’s Day. My mother knew something that we seem to have a hard time grasping. When it comes to discipline, say what you mean and mean what you say. If you threaten your child that you’re leaving if they do that one more time, then you’d better be prepared to follow through. This is one way our children learn how to behave. The problem today is this: children are no longer learning how to behave. Instead of taking the time to teach our children how to wait patiently at a restaurant or a doctor’s office, we shove a modern day pacifier into their hands so we can have a moment’s peace. Pacifiers are not limited to the iPhone or iPad. Even though the American Academy of Pediatrics has been telling us for years that children two years of age and younger should have zero television, most homes have the TV on all day. I watched someone’s 18 month old a while back, and before the mother told me where her diapers were, she listed her baby’s favorite TV programs. “She’ll be quiet for you if the TV’s on,” she exclaimed cheerfully as she sailed out the door. As I attempt to nurture and discipline my children into Jesusloving, socially-contributing, hard-working members of society, I reflect often on the words of King Solomon: Proverbs 22:6 – Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. We are parents, not babysitters. Our world is rapidly moving away from person-to-person contact as more and more of us live our lives vicariously on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. The examples we set and the teaching they receive from us are
Ephesians 6:4 – Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Rebecca Ashbrook Carrell is the wife of one, mother of two, and the morning show co-host on 90.9 KCBI out of Dallas, Texas. She can be found online at kcbi.org or you can follow her Christ-centered writings and reflections on her blog at www.LoveServeShine.com.
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Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6
WHY he listens to “the other woman”
By Lisa Ellis Williams
Have you ever wondered why many wives express difficulty communicating with their husbands in a way that moves him to action? “Honey, will you take out the trash?” can easily be met by a long sigh followed by “in a minute”. Minutes give way to hours and sometimes days as the wife waits for task completion. Over time her repeated requests for help with housework, reviewing kid’s homework, and even keeping date night appointments can become a source of conflict or lead to disagreement. Since when did talking to him get so complicated?
not suggesting that you attempt to manipulate your husband into doing crazy stuff. The spirit of the verse suggests that you give detailed information when asking for something and make it appealing or enticing. My mother in law described the sleek sporty car she was interested in and the high priced dealer she had already consulted. Such details were enough to entice him to help her find that car at a great price. Let flattering lips be an asset that will seduce him. I don’t see anything wrong with a wife who chooses to compliment and flatter her husband! Again, I am not encouraging you to lie or say things that are not true just because you want something. Use character and wisdom by selecting words that build his selfesteem and let him know the positive traits you see in him. My mother in law always lets my husband know how much she relies on him to negotiate purchase price for her because he is so good at it! Who says flattery will get you nowhere?
Over the years, I noticed that my husband often responded differently to the requests of “other women”. His mother called to ask his advice on purchasing a car. He immediately began to research cars and compare prices. My mother called and asked him to repair something in her house. He was there in a few days to work. These “other women” got an instant response from my husband! More recently I have coached wives who have endured adultery in their marriage and noticed this complaint: “the other woman” was able to steal him away. What is it about the “other woman” that draws husbands to listen? The answer I These two strategies for making requests get immediate action found came swiftly, and it was compelling. according to the writer of Proverbs. Not only will your husband come after you, but he will follow you without hesitation or With her enticing speech she caused him to yield. With question. Wives no longer have to ask why he listens to the her flattering lips she seduced him. Immediately he went “other woman.” You can use these tools and begin speaking so after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter or as a fool to the he will listen to you. correction of the stocks. (Proverbs 7:21-22 NKJV) Wives must change the way we speak to our husbands if we desire positive results. If the “other woman” is able to captivate a man with her words and move him to follow her requests, then wives might spur action by adopting a few of her strategies. Here is what I have learned: Using enticing speech and persuasive words when describing your request will cause him to yield or to let you go first. I am
Lisa Ellis Williams is a dynamic speaker, teacher, and author of Wife School, “using God’s Word to build a stronger marriage.” Since 2005 her message to “Wives On Purpose™”has encouraged, educated, and empowered women to apply biblical principles for marriage in practical ways. She resides in Washington, DC with her husband of Stuart and they have three children. Find out more about Lisa and subscribe to her free newsletter at http:// www.lisaelliswilliams.net
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
A Mother’s Role Changes By Grace Fox My hands shook as I pinned a rose on my son’s tuxedo lapel. “Are you ready?” I asked. “I am,” Matthew said. “I’m glad today’s finally here.” Eight months prior he’d proposed to his sweetheart and she’d said yes. Together they’d planned and prayed about this day. Friends and family had gathered, and the ceremony was about to begin. I stepped back and surveyed my boy, the groom. He towered over me, tall and confident. He’s ready, I thought. But am I? Am I ready for our relationship to change forever? Am I prepared to assume a role of lesser importance in my son’s life? A collage of images flashed through my mind: The newborn letting out a lusty cry. The preschooler holding a wiggly garter snake by its tail. The child digging a “hole to China” in our family’s vegetable garden. The grade school student perfecting his science fair project. The teenager driving our family’s Suburban alone
for the first time after earning his license. I’d baked this boy’s birthday cakes and bandaged his scraped knees. I’d read his bedtime stories, cheered at his baseball games, and boasted about his academic awards. I’d driven him to trumpet lessons, paid for his braces, and cried when he left home after graduation. I’d played the role of leading lady on his life’s stage throughout his growing up years, but that was about to end. In a few minutes, my 22-year-old son would take his place at the marriage altar. He’d watch his veiled bride walk the aisle toward him and take her from her father’s arm. He’d hold her hands, promise to cherish her forever, slip a gold ring onto her finger, and seal his vow with a kiss. His heart would be knit to hers, and rightfully so. Leave and cleave—that was God’s plan, and I didn’t want it any other way. Still, the question remained: Am I ready for this change?
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:24
Tips from a Mom’s Perspective Ready or not, our relationship and my role changed. I’ll always be his mother, but I’m no longer the woman with whom he shares his inner thoughts. I’m not the one who cares for him when he’s sick. I’m not the one who waits for him at day’s end. Matt has established his own family unit, and I’m now a member of the supporting cast. It’s my job to encourage him and his wife, to respect them, and to give them the freedom to make their own way. Perfecting my role will take a lifetime, but I’m learning as I go. Here are a few lessons I’ve picked up so far:
Hold family traditions loosely.
My responsibility isn’t to insist they follow the same script as our family did, but to encourage them to write their own. Take Christmas traditions, for example. They’re under no obligation to spend it with me and my husband, opening gifts on Christmas morning as in Matt’s childhood. I might feel disappointed if their plans don’t mesh with mine, but accepting their new traditions graciously is a challenge that comes with a mother’s changing role.
Treat my daughter-in-law as the leading lady in my son’s life.
Never compete with her for his time and attention. Never criticize her to him or anyone else. Never tell her how to run her household, unless she asks for advice. And never exclude her from family conversations by referring to events or people in the past without an explanation to help her understand. If my relationship with her is positive, then my relationship with my son will also benefit.
Learn when to speak up and when to remain silent. It’s best to keep my opinions to myself if my son and his wife
make choices that I question, especially if those choices concern insignificant matters.
Respect their time and space.
This is critical when living in the same city, and more so since grandbabies joined the scene. I’d love to see them every day, but they have a life of their own, and it doesn’t revolve around me.
Encourage their relationship with each other.
My husband and I remember life’s busyness when our kids were young. We recall the tiredness, the difficulty in finding time alone, and the expense of paying babysitters. When our son and daughter-in-law had their first child, we told them we’d babysit so they could enjoy dates. We consider serving them like this as an investment in their marriage. The list goes on, based on a common denominator—love. On my son’s wedding day, I recall hearing a voice whisper from within: Ready or not, the time for change has come. Love Matthew enough to let him go. Love this woman who has captured his affection. Cherish her as a daughter, embrace her as a friend, and all will be well. “Are you ready?” asked Matthew as I straightened the rose on his lapel. “I am,” I said. “But please, I need one last hug.” Grace Fox is an author and sought-after international speaker described as “deep, daring, and devoted.” She’s written hundreds of magazine articles for publications including Focus on the Family, Power for Living, and Insights Canada. Grace has authored six books including Moving From Fear to Freedom: A Woman’s Guide to Peace in Every Situation and partnered with Stonecroft Ministries to produce a corresponding 7-part DVD-based Bible study for small groups (Moving from Fear to Freedom: A Woman-to-Woman Conversation). Grace is also the national co-director of International Messengers Canada, a non-profit organization that offers creative short-term and career ministry opportunities in Eastern Europe. She and her husband of 31 years live near Vancouver, BC and have three grown children and four grandchildren. In her spare time, she enjoys motorbiking and boating. You can connect with Grace at www.gracefox.com
Love to write? Mitera is looking for contributors for upcoming issues! We accept articles that are Christian-based and appeal to moms. If you feel God leading you to submit an article, please follow that leading! Other women will be blessed by your words and experiences! Please see our website for submission guidelines at www.miteramagazine.com All submitted material should be Christian-focused and designed to encourage living according to the word of God. Mitera Magazine is a free publication and no renumeration is provided for submitted material. However, contributors who write articles will be allowed a short biography which can include a direct link back to their blog, website, or facebook page. While all material will be considered for publication there is no guarantee that all submitted material can be published in Mitera.
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:24