Age 50
Theatre Stage Door Supervisor and student Psychotherapist
Buying coffee
Outside Little Theatre Cinema
The massive paradox about menopause, is losing, but equally gaining, confidence. Shedding constraining stuff, like body image.You’ve taken my photo and that’s difficult, I don't like looking at myself. Growing up, appearance was spoken about and evaluated in the family, and I took that on. In early adulthood I felt I presented well - got good jobs, had partners and weirdly thought that was about how I looked, to the detriment of developing myself.
Having children, partners, failed relationships, an abusive marriage which was horrendous, make you question your identity, where you’ve got to and how Then menopause hits, like a seismic shift. De-mystifying it is important, so that it’s real. Women sharing their experiences is imperative. Hopefully it will shift, and challenge the misogynistic medical profession. Women coming out of doctor’s surgeries with anti-depressants; I had mental health issues around my pregnancies, and hormones where never thought about.
Multiple panic-attacks hit really badly within 6 weeks of me having my daughter (she’s now 19) and then a couple of years ago I had another one. When that happened, it was devastating. I panicked, thinking “I can’t go back there”, and started reading about peri-menopause.
I was fortunate to go to a specialist who had accreditation up to the hilt, an absolute expert. I said “I’m anxious, gaining weight and lost libido”. I had barely any examination and she said “Right, you’re going on gel”, because it’s that basic. Every woman should get access to the same level of expertise, but a lot don't get to that point.
I feel very political about how women’s talents are retained in the workplace; I fear that without continuing education and awareness, there’ll be lip service to it but not proper consultation with people like us who can speak the truth. When you speak out and stand tall about these things people’s responses are to put you in a box. “She’s a loud mouth”, or “an angry middle aged woman”, all those tropes which really fuck me off. If I’m angry it’s for good reason, there’s rationale there. We think we’re such a sophisticated society in England, when actually there’s still so much systemic misogyny. I’d like all women to be supported so we can have that dialogue together and love each other
I’m more keyed into women, and female community, we’re amazing. I love being around women because women support women - they wrap around each other. I’m proud of my daughter and what I’m doing as a mum which I sadly didn't have - support, empowerment, and education.
I was talking to her about vaginal atrophy - she was horrified - I said you’ve got to know about it.And masturbation - I said “use it don't lose it”.
Emma