Flick - Brighton

Lives in Brighton

Age 54

Artist, Director, Performer

In summerhouse

At Rottingdean beach

I’m pretty much out the other end. I haven’t had a period for a couple of years now. I still get a bit of hot flushing, but I can identify exactly when it is now; whereas before I was just a boiler that would happen randomly

One of the hardest things for me was the fact that I don’t have any children and the finality of that possibility that I was also dealing with. It became a kind of grieving. It’s really good to acknowledge that there is a grieving process with the menopause. It’s called “the Change” because you’re going through a change which is about almost becoming a new person, a bit like a snake shedding its skin. You can embrace that new person, but before that you need to go through grieving the younger you, the vibrant you. It’s quite easy to catch hold of what you see as something that you’re letting go of that you’re never going to have again. Some of that is shit anyway, so it doesn’t matter.

From that difficult part of navigating the menopause I’ve found a positive space to just do anything and become anybody you want. Those hormonal changes that go on during menopause shift the other stuff and you’re suddenly revealed. The anxiety probably was there before, but it didn’t present itself until I started the menopause. I would have panic attacks where I just couldn’t get off the sofa for whole days. I couldn’t move, it was like the craziest feeling.Anxiety is just a manifestation of something. I recognise that you go through this phase where you suddenly become really uncertain of things and scared of stuff that wasn’t there before. You lose your confidence as a person. It was harder for our mothers, but a lot of women of our generation are still working on having selfvalue from the society that we live in. When the menopause comes along you’ve got to work twice as hard to bring your esteem back up.

I discovered transcendental meditation. That was the first step to putting some stuff in place to look after myself better and give myself support structures. The other thing that I’ve always done is feldenkrais which is a brilliant movement therapy. Since the pandemic I’ve studied Marshall Rosenberg’s method of non-violent communication. The deeper you go into it, the more it becomes about self- awareness. You have to really sift through stuff and look at all your learned behavioural patterns, let go of them and move on. I found this amazing homeopath who works a lot with the menopause. She’s done loads and always put me back to before I had a menopause. I’m probably in a much better place than I’ve ever been, because I’ve learned to speak honestly and truthfully and not be in the face of conflict. Not being afraid to speak out is a big thing.