Lives in Sheffield Age
54
Freelance artist, tutor and cleaner
On bed with her art
With Tonks, her bird
I was in my early/mid 40s when I went into perimenopause. I didn’t know what was happening to my body but I knew I felt as though I was going crazy As well as the well-known symptoms, women can experience reckless behaviours, mood swings and disordered thinking. I had a vague idea about menopause but didn’t think I was old enough and imagined your periods suddenly stopped and you got hot flushes. Perimenopause was a total mystery,
As a teenager starting my periods, my mum gave me very little information or support. 35+ years later, when I asked her experience of menopause, unsurprisingly, she went straight into denial mode and remarked curtly, “I had no symptoms”. That was the end of the conversation! Typical of her generation, she grew up in a time when female biology was shameful and cloaked in secrecy. I’d always looked young for my age and I think my sense of identity was affected by menopause as I associated it with much older women than myself and found it difficult emotionally to relate. We live in a youth-obsessed culture and ageing, particularly in women, is not celebrated. I had a lot of negative feelings about older women that I have had to confront.After all, I am one now and I don’t want to participate in the kind of self-hatred that women and girls are conditioned to indulge in.
We all carry around this internalised misogyny and it affects our interactions with other women and our own sense of self-worth. On reflection, I wonder how I could have thought like that. I feel I've grown out of that mindset now. I've been on that journey, which is like fighting with yourself about who and what you are. My daughters have encouraged me to come to terms with, and value, myself. They are such confident and accomplished young women. We have a duty to make sure we talk openly about menopause as younger generations will live longer post-menopause and need positive role models.
I eventually went on HRT. I have lived with rheumatoid arthritis for many years and I couldn't have coped with the extra symptoms of menopause. Recently, I got a new GP who explained to me that when you go on HRT, you still go through the menopause but symptoms are greatly eased and positive benefits outweigh any risks. HRTguards against osteoporosis and can reduce the development of dementia.
I feel a real sense of having reclaimed my life. Menopause often comes at a time in a woman’s life when elderly parents die or need care, kids leave home and other health issues become more common. I have found that my interests and focus has shifted and invest much more of my time in my precious friendships and my family. I really have drawn such mutual comfort and support from my female friends who are all on their own unique journeys. Women do support each other