Mix Race Love Magazine December Magazine

Merry Christmas to everyone! I hope all of you receive what’s on your wishlist. In most of my organizations we’re doing a pick a name out of a hat or secret santa. It was springtime earlier in November. By this third week it’s been cold and windy. As you know wintertime is not a season I’m fond of. I’m hoping winter goes by quickly so spring plus summer can roll in. I have even more spring and summer clothes rather than winter.

Merry Christmas to all, Lakia Shavon Lightner-Padgett

2 Table of Contents -Merry Christmas to Everyone -What’s on Your Christmas List?

-Christmas Music -New Christmas Movies -Birthday Acknowledgements -How To Pray The Rosary -Advice -3 Fall Ending Racism Roundtable -These 12 Pairs of Fall Boots Will Go With Half Your Closet -Tre Brown For Her Heart Only Book & From the Heart of CD Pierre Diamond Chambers I trusted You Memoir -Ashley Jacques Thanks for Dedication -’’But Where Are you Really From? An Exploration of Identity and Belonging’’ -Why We Don’t Like the Term BAME? -Olga Marano Poetry -Advertisements -January Schedule

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16 Advice If your family members never accepted you. In addition, always disrespectful and toxic. Even though it’s the holiday season. You don’t have to spend your memories with them. This applies to relationships and if their family doesn’t like you. Don’t be in the presence of these people.

However, spend time with those that love you, the way deserved. In life you have to replace toxic and dysfunctional people with decent ones. Never be afraid to do this life adjustment. Why should your Christmas or other holidays be miserable? This season is for happiness, cheer and lifelong memories.

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18 These 12 Pairs of Fall Boots Will Go With Half Your Closet 1. Low Wedges 2. Chelsea 3. Riding 4. Combat 5. Tory Burch Kira 6. Bernardo Izabella 7. Stuart Weitzman The Lowland 8. Andre Assous Lace-Up 9. Isabel Marant Leoul 10. Gianvito Rossi Buckle Suede Ankle 11. Sam Edelman Laguna 12. Chloe Eileen Hiking

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22 Ashley Jacques Thanks for Dedication Well it’s the end of Ashley and I contract. Since January 2020 Ashley has designed masterpieces for Mix Race Love Magazine. Starting January 2021 I will have full control of all digital designs for my magazine. No worries if you want Ashley to design or provide other services. Ashley’s advertisement is added each month. We will miss you Ashley Jacques!

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“But where are you really from?” An exploration of identity and belonging

By Mandeep Mudhar and Jenny Stapleton With all that’s happened lately around the Black Lives Matter movement, there have been many emotions and conversations about race, and the systems and collective mindsets that have created, perpetuated, and sustained inequality and oppression. It’s clearly time for change.

However, the BLM movement has had a wider impact on those a little further removed. This impact has included people of differing race, background, and ethnicity to consider the meaning of identity, belonging, and connection.

This thought-piece begins to explore these concepts, starting from our own personal experiences and perspectives.

“But where are you r​ eally​ from?”. This is a question I, Jenny, get asked a lot when I first meet people. Most people start off with ‘Where are you from’, which leaves me feeling anxious

because I don’t really know what they are asking – where I live, where I was born, where I grew up or where my parents are from – as for me they all have different answers. At least when they ask, ‘Where are you ​really​ from’, I know they want to know about my heritage. However, that

isn’t a simple answer that fits neatly into one sentence, for me either. I usually start with saying my father is English, and then have to clarify that yes he is white, shock! Then I go on to explain that my mother is from Guyana. Most people don’t know where that is or anything about it, so then that takes several more sentences to explain where it is, the language spoken and the culture. This is usually met with confused looks and the statement, “But you look Asian / Indian”. So, then I have to go into the whole history of Guyana, the different races there and how they got there. That’s a whole different article, but basically when people hear Caribbean they think black, when in fact that’s not always the case. There are six different races in Guyana for example, and my mother is Indo-Caribbean.

Then the question of where I was born may come up, which adds another layer to my identity as its not England or Guyana but, surprisingly to many, Australia. Then people are interested as to how and why I was born in Australia, which requires more explanation.

25 The way I answer this question has evolved over time, especially as I learnt more myself about my own heritage. Sometimes I think, do I need to go into all this detail and explain it all to everyone I meet? I could answer with a simple, “Brighton” but I don’t feel like I’m fully from there or that I fit in 100%. As although I have an English name, English accent, English father and have spent most my life in this country my skin colour and mixed background leads to the treatment and feeling of ‘otherness’, such as the question ‘Where are you ​really​ from?’.

However if I go to, or speak with, other Australians or Guyanese, while I have aspects of the cultures I don’t quite fit in there either as I’m not fully part of the culture and to them, I am English. So where do I fit in? Where do I belong? I know I’m not the only one from a mixed background or who have parents from elsewhere to where they live, but I’ve yet to meet anyone outside of my family who has the exact mix as me. This can be quite isolating and lonely and leads to feeling like you need to ‘explain yourself’ to people that you meet, and that no one fully understands you.

If I, Mandeep, tell the truth, I’ve never felt fully connected to any particular part of my background – and that was a struggle growing up. In some way, I admired those with a “clearer” or “simpler” answer to the question in the title above. Being a first-generation England born child of immigrant parents, parents of Indian descendant but from East Africa, not all people understood how saying that I’m a British Indian (as per options on Equal Opportunity forms) ignores a big chunk of my culture. To my white school friends I wasn’t really English, to my (non – East African) family friends I wasn’t fully Indian, to my cousins overseas I was Bri’ish, and to those kids in the temple or at community events I wasn’t Punjabi enough. At times I was called names that implied that I betrayed my race or culture. Working internationally for a good chunk of time, I got used to people assuming my origin before I opened my mouth. When people have asked me the question, “where are you ​really​ from?”, I often felt that it came from one of two places, 1) a genuine curiosity of what is sometimes seen as exotic or unusual, or 2) a need to quickly file me under a particular broad category for easy future reference.

It took me a long time to explore my identity, understand what belonging felt like, and feel connected to anything enough to call it mine. For me, belonging is feeling like I can and want to be a part of something bigger than me, and that I have something to offer. I feel connected to

26 people based on their values, and how they choose to act on them, and to places based on what they offer the soul. I cannot answer definitively what my identity it – it is what I am feeling at a specific particular time; the beauty is that I have many points to draw from, some of which I have mentioned here, as well as so much more that this article cannot include. But, what is most important to me, is that I do not feel the need to define my identity – what is important is that I feel connected with people in order to share, and empathise, and also out of solidarity.

This is some of what the BLM has influenced me to contemplate.

So, where am I r​ eally​ from? Loving parents.

Now, where does this leave us? Bringing together the “otherness”, the confusion, the detachment, and elements of impostor syndrome that both Jenny and I have felt through our different (but not unique) experiences (and let’s admit, we still do feel these), maybe there is another way of looking at this. How can we turn this into a positive perspective, rather than a negative and inevitably harmful one? In this day and age, it is becoming increasingly apparent and accepted that we do not need to fit neatly into a box of one identity. Is there something about those that don’t feel like they belong, or those that have a pretty diverse background that brings us all together? And is this not the future? Maybe we, and others like us, can embrace the melting pot of different cultures that makes us individual and unique.

Do our reflections and experiences resonate with you? What have you been exploring and digesting about your identity and feeling of belonging recently? What have you been moved to say or do differently as a result?

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Why we don’t like the term BAME

By Jenny Stapleton and Mandeep Mudhar The term BAME has been around for a while but it has been used more frequently in relation to COVID-19 and the recent discussions about diversity, race, and inclusion. But, the term BAME doesn’t resonate with everyone.

Its origin Personally, our initial reaction is that the term gives connotations of a hierarchy, with black first, followed by Asians and then minority ethnics or ‘others’. This might be due to the history of the term - it started off as black, then Asians were added, then everyone else. But this shows how outdated it is. This doesn’t however, mean that its origins are being criticised; on the contrary, the way with which the term was driven forward by people themselves, uniting groups on a deep level of identity, is something to be remembered and respected. We encourage anyone who is interested to read into the history of how this term emerged in the 70s.

However, this article was not an easy piece to write. There were, and still are, a real mix of emotions that we feel about the term BAME. Like we said, respect for the grassroots and collective nature with which it was formed. Anger towards the environment of inferiority experienced by these people. And confusion around whether this term has the same relevance and acceptance at this time. These are just to mention a few.

This issue Why is this discussion important? It’s easy to think that it’s just a word, so it doesn’t matter, right? However, language is very important. Just like media representation, language affects the way people see the world and the way the world sees you. The connotations behind words go deeper than the words itself. For example, language has helped to create a culture and system of white supremacy.

28 Not only does the term BAME indicate a hierarchy, but it lumps together so many people from different countries, religions and languages. All ethnic differences are grouped conveniently together under another category for cultural diversity. What is lost in the term is individuality, stripping people of individual identities, and the beautiful diversity of each race and cultural background. And if we’re completely honest, there are vast assumptions that the term refers to only people of colour, ignoring the diversity of white ethnic minorities.

It’s a catch-all term for what many people feel consists of non-whites, used lazily often by white people in power. Despite its grassroots formation, today many of us who fit in the category would never refer to ourselves or each other as BAME. The way it is used today is for monitoring diversity in the workplace and other Government organisations, and by the mass media.

What about mixed-race people? Mixed people come in all different races and colours. Some mixed-race people are perceived as racially ambiguous or white-passing, so where do they fit in this term? As someone who’s mixed-race and doesn’t fit into the first two categories, I (Jenny) would be in the ‘minority ethnic’ under BAME. It feels very othering and coneys us as being small and insignificant. Not to mention the fact that it totally negates my white side.

In a time and generation where labels carry significance, and “improper” or “inaccurate” use carries consequences (often highly visible to the public), there are so many individual and layers of categories, that even many of the most self-aware among us are left confused about to our identity.

What might a way forward include?

One thing we can say with pride about the term BAME is that it brings a sense of solidarity.

While we recognise our own unique cultures and experiences, we do have some shared experiences in the way that society views and treats us. Would that sense of solidarity be lost without BAME? Or could a new term still maintain that?

Although some of us don’t yet have a suggestion for a replacement, maybe it is time to put the term BAME to rest, and simply refer to people … as individuals. Earlier, we wrote about identity, belonging, and connection here. There are so many parts to what makes up someone’s identity,

29 such as ethnicity, nationality, religion, gender, class, sexual orientation, spirituality, and values; has the time come to let people choose for themselves? Or if a term is still needed, is there a better one we can replace it with?

Is it worth changing the language we use if behaviours and how we are viewed and treated in society isn’t going to change? Or is language, like media representation, one of the starting points to create that change?

How do you feel about the term BAME? Do you identify with it? If not, what term do you think could be use instead?

30 ​Short bio for Northern Women of Colour

Details Name: Mandeep Mudhar Location: Warwickshire, England Email: mmudhar@yahoo.co.uk LinkedIn:​ ​http://uk.linkedin.com/pub/mandeep-mudhar/31/b99/49b/ CoachMeFree:​ h ​ ttps://coachmefree.com/coach/ownviewprofile.php?id=7942

Bio Mandeep empowers women who want to make a difference in society, to make a positive transformation in their own lives. Having worked in the international humanitarian sector for over a decade, and also in healthcare, and business, she understands people, relationships, and life. As a natural “people person”, she has worked alongside people from all walks of life, and can connect with anyone who is open. Her coaching style is quiet yet explorative, empathetic yet challenging, intuitive and authentic. If you are looking to make a change, move forward in your life, are anxious, or need some help working things out, Mandeep can help you through it.

31 ​Details Name: Jenny Stapleton Location: London, England Email: hello@jennystapleton.com LinkedIn:​ ​https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenny-stapleton-55166820/ Website:​ ​www.jennystapleton.com Bio Jenny has a passion for helping people and has almost 10 years’ experience in personal development. She studied at the University of Sussex in Media and Cultural Studies, where she learnt about the portrayal and stereotypes conveyed in the media of people based on their gender, race, sexuality to name a few. She went on to a career in Marketing before discovering her passion of Coaching. Coming from a mixed background she never felt like she fitted in anywhere. She now works with fellow mixed-race women to stop their negative mind chatter, embrace their differences and work towards their purpose.

32 Olga Marano Poetry

Praises to God I go before God and say “Thank you, Lord, God for another day” and God “walk with me today “I give you my day” “Be in my thoughts” “I give you my mind” Let my thoughts and words bring light to the darkness “I give you my steps” “Direct me on which way to go this day” God, “I give you my mouth” That blessings, encouragement and forgiveness will go forth today I sing praises to your mighty name Oh God I declare it! Oh God Today I am yours, I give you ownership

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33Â Â I surrender to you completely so that your Holy Spirit will do as it will to create in me the person you designed me to be I settle for nothing less Lord, my God Thank you for being with me. Amen!

Written by Olga Marano

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53 January Schedule -Happy New Year 2021 -Self-Care Tips -​YES! EVERY DAY CAN BE A GOOD DAY: THE KEYS TO SUCCESS THAT LEAD TO AN AMAZING LIFE -​30 DAYS OF INSPIRATION

-Little brother Kemoni Birthday -June Archer A Celebration of Life -Birthday Love for Holly Belinda Chaney -Happy Birthday Little Sister Jestina Raceen Gilbert -Ina Scents by Recina V. Reynolds PopUp Shop - Kayla Ross Graduation Day -Advice -Generational Curses -Zodiac Signs -Frosted Fireworks Kits -Funko Pop TLC Dolls -Inside the Divide -Mission UnStoppable

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