SUCCOT 5784 Transforming the Relationship Rabbi Andrew Shaw Chief Executive, Mizrachi UK
It was unexpected. My uncle, the last of my immediate family in Dublin, passed away just before Shabbat Shuva. He would have been 91 next February. He had been recovering in hospital and seemed ok. We had spoken two days previously; friends had been with him the night before, he was seemingly fine – it was sudden. And so just like that, over 100 years of my direct family in Ireland had ended. My Grandfather arrived in Dublin in the 1920’s raised his two children, and we spent several summers there in the 70’s and 80’s, with our uncle and aunt. Now that connection was over. Or was it.. The levayah was on erev Yom Kippur. We flew as a family to be there and we decided to spend Yom Kippur in Dublin, firstly as we were worried about getting back to London in good time for Yom Kippur and second as we felt it was the right thing to do. To be with the community of my father, my grandfather, grandmother, uncle and aunt. It was a memorable Yom Kippur, there was beautiful davening andruach, helped by the recent influx of young Israelis, about 200 families now live in Dublin, working for Google! Several of them are Dati and having them and their families in shul was wonderful. There is another Dvar Torah I need to write about that! People were very kind about my uncle and shared wonderful memories of him, my father and my grandfather with me- I was very moved. However, there was a very powerful moment during thetefillah which made me realise a central idea in Judaism expressed by the tefillot of this time of year. Let me explain. We know that the tefillot of Elul onwards, build up to the climax of Yom Kippur. First, we have L David Hashem, then the shofar, then a week before Rosh Hashanah selichot begin, then from Rosh Hashanah onwards we add the insertions in the Amidah, Zachreinu L Chaim, Ha Melech Ha Kadosh etc added words in Kaddish and Avinu Malcenu.
Yom Kippur day has all of this and much more besides. We are building, praying, beseeching and then comes the final Tekia Gedola. We are exhausted, the fast is out and we daven Maariv, eager to break our fast. It is a Maariv that has nothing of note, no selichot, no insertions, no changes to Kaddish. It hits us, all that we have just gone through – all gone, we are back to normal in a second. We have worked and worked, pushing ourselves to Teshuva while climbing the ladder of a hoped closer connection to Hashem and then we find ourselves back in regular tefillot and it feels strange, almost unnerving. However, then it comes, right at the end of Maariv, just as we felt disconnected from Chagei Tishrei, we once again say ‘L David Hashem’ and we are back, we are reminded where we are. Yes, post Yom Kippur – but now on a new journey toZman Simchatenu. Yes, it is still ‘Shivti B Bvait Hashem’ ‘To dwell in Hashem’s house’ but now the focus moves from fasting to feasting, from fear and trembling to simcha and dancing, from Bet Knesset to Succat Hashem. The extra tefillot of Elul and the first 10 days of Tishrei are gone, but thanks to L David, they are not forgotten, we know that they are part of the journey fromYirat Hashem to Ahavat Hashem. My dear Uncle loved shul, loved singing in shul, he had a beautiful voice. When my brother and I came to visit him after the death of our father, we had to wait till Covid restrictions allowed us to come. When we came, we took him back to shul, he had not gone since Covid. Once there he began to sing. It was May 2022 but he decided to sing Avinu Malcenu, harmonised by my brother – it was beautiful. So, when it came to Neilah this year, and the lastAvinu Malcenu in the Terenure Shul in Dublin, all I could hear as we sung together, was my uncle, in that shul, singing with us. It reminded me, he may have gone, but he is definitely not forgotten. Just like L David does after Yom Kippur, we keep the memory of people alive by remembering those memories, those interactions, those special moments that framed the relationship. Just like we are encouraged by L David after Yom Kippur not to go back to normal but to transform our avodat Hashem. Similarly, when we lose someone we love, we have to transform the relationship. In the case of familial loss, it is a painful transformation, from existence to memory, from present to past, yet we must strive to make sure they live on in the actions that we here on earth continue to do both in their memory and in their honour. However, we must also realise, as Yiskor reminds us, that our lives should reflect the values that they lived for.
It's in the roots that we inherit when a generation ends. I wrote these words last Thursday, having no idea that 12 hrs later they would affect me very personally. The generation has ended, but the mission has been handed on to my brother and I, to our families, to keep the memories of the previous generation alive. To keep their connection to shul, community and Judaism alive. To uphold their values and priorities. As we sit in the Succah this week, and we welcome theUshpizin, we should reflect on the temporary and fragile nature of our existence and conversely the eternal nature of the neshama, of Hashem and the messages of Jewish History as
conveyed by our Avot and Imahot and generations of Jews, including my uncle, who understood deeply the last verse of L David.
Kav’e el Hashem, Chazak v YaEmaztz Libcha, V Kav’e el Hashem– Hope in Hashem. Be strong and of good courage – and hope in Hashem! Our Avinu Malcenu.. Chag Sameach
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