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Emotional Intelligence and Responsible Decision Making
Calmly and respectfully address the student, and acknowledge that you are aware they are upset. Let them know that you are there to help them through the difficult emotions they are currently experiencing. Gently redirect them to a designated area for de-escalation and reflection—it’s crucial to have a private space for one-to-one conversation (Edutopia, 2018a).
Once you have the student in a private space, allow them time to calm down by helping them redirect their thoughts, breathing, and feelings (Vollrath, 2020). This sort of redirection helps separate the individual from their internal experience. I have found that we teachers can help raise students’ awareness that they are temporarily experiencing negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I have also seen that teachers can eventually reduce de-escalation time by consistently practicing these techniques. For example, I’ve seen a trauma-informed teacher successfully get her student to de-escalate when lashing out by beginning with fifteen minutes of de-escalation time and getting it down to five minutes throughout a semester. Powerful techniques may also include using a timer and having the student journal, draw, and process what they experience in a volatile or highly emotional state (Edutopia, 2018a).
Whole-class discussions have many benefits for academic and social-emotional learning; they help students understand content, improve empathy for perspective taking, boost higher-order thinking skills, and practice speaking and listening skills (Common Core State Standards Initiative, 2022; Finley, 2013). Educators can effectively hold space for practical and effective classroom discussions using a circle practice structure (Davenport, 2018) and some of the norms and shared agreements discussed in chapter 8’s Use Circle Practice section (page 146).
Emotional Intelligence and Responsible Decision Making
It is tough for students to make good and responsible decisions if they don’t understand how to apply emotional intelligence skills. Because SEL focuses on self- and social awareness, we can assist students in exploring how their choices impact themselves and others.
Students have a long time to be adults but a short time to be young. Therefore, it benefits the students when we prepare them for the future by teaching them to apply their emotional intelligence skills as they make emotionally charged decisions. As students navigate the three broad stages of development—(1) early childhood (infancy to age five), (2) middle childhood (ages six to nine), and (3) adolescence (ages ten to nineteen)—they will encounter plenty of challenging choices to make. Although we cannot make their decisions for them, we can help them develop a
system for making the best possible ones with emotional intelligence. Enter SEL and the need for decision-making tools and resources. Situations that may put students’ emotional intelligence skills to the test and require them to weigh the consequences to themselves and others include the following.
Peer pressure (regarding drugs, alcohol, sex, gangs, and other pressures) Escalation of disagreements with peers Dating and social events (the prom, lunchtime socialization, and more) Decisions to skip homework for TV or a social event Choices to cut school to socialize with peers Attempts to discover themselves and find their place (discovering their sexual orientation, for example) Plans for after high school (college and career)
Students need to make many other difficult decisions during their time in school. After reviewing this list, you will no doubt realize the enormous amount of stress they face. Whether or not you choose to assist them with making responsible decisions outside your content area or classroom activities, the emotions that their personal lives evoke will enter your classroom with them. And at times, those emotions can impact their learning or the learning of others in their vicinity. That’s why SEL works best in schools where it’s implemented systemically, and aligned with academic curricula, by all adults in the building. I’ve seen examples of this in schools like FallHamilton Elementary in Nashville, Tennessee, whose staff identify students who need extra support in social, emotional, and academic aspects of life. The students are paired with an adult mentor (staff member) in the building who is not their teacher, and they do check-ins at the start and end of each school day (Edutopia, 2018b). Even designating a place in the school is powerful for fostering the SEL of students who require additional assistance to make decisions and not disrupt instruction.
When discussing the CASEL 5 framework in my professional development workshops, I hear many teachers express that they wish students were less impulsive and would take the time to think through their decisions. As an educator, I’ve often felt the same. Now that I better understand some of the science behind how decisions are made, I believe teachers must consider the following critical takeaways when they are approaching this component of SEL.
Emotions greatly affect people’s choices and behavior, and therefore, many decisions are made unconsciously (Ellis, 2019). Before the age of twenty-five, the human
