Own Our Journey

Iwas born in Digboi, the oil town of Assam in Northeast India. Digboi is a very small townshipbut claims its place in the world mapbecause it has one of the world's oldestoil refineries.

My father worked in the oilcompany, making us one of the oilfamilies of Digboi. Some of my happiestmemories are the growing up years,with stories of Ramayan andMahabharat from my grandmother, andEnid Blytons, picnics, classical dancing,tennis and swimming. We lookedforward to the visits to ourgrandparents’ house where we had a lotof local food and love.

When I was just 12, life threw an unexpected curveball at us. It was September 9, 1984. A day that still comes with pain as I remember how I lost my father. He went to work as usual, and never came home again. When a person is missing, you wonder what happened. Did we hurt him in some way? Did something untoward and unimaginable happen at work? Was it an accident? Something else?

Holding the Fort

Twelve is hardly an age to come to terms with such a calamity. I grew up overnight, because my sister is three years younger than me and I had to hold the fort though I didn’t know how to. The next few months saw various authorities, detectives and media personnel pouring in. My father was fairly senior in the refinery and so, it was a big case in those days.

From there, somehow we moved on. My mother got a compensatory job which was nowhere close to what my father’s — both in designation and earnings. We moved homes to Gauhati. It is a sprawling city now (renamed Guwahati). We had to make new friends and introduce ourselves to new neighbours. It was a completely different life to what we were used to in that gated community in the oil town. We were out there in the open — three women: my mother who was just 35, me at 12 and my sister just 9. Every day, our hopes would rise when the bell rang or the gate opened, thinking father had come back to us.

I continued my studies and did fairly well in grade 10. A lot of the credit goes to my tiger mother. There was no excuse for not doing well. I loved my mother even more after this tragedy happened. Life was a big struggle. We lived on scarce resources. There was never enough for us to go by the whole month but my mother never lost the smile on her face. She would always tell us, “No matter what's there on the table, no matter what fear we may have at night, there is always a sun that comes out in the morning.” I have grown up with that philosophy. I may fall under pressure but I'll rise up again.

The Pivot of My Journey

Fast forward to my MBA in Gauhati University. MBA was not my choice at all and that is where a pivot of the journey happened. I wanted to be two things — a teacher and a dancer. I had learnt classical dancing — Odissi and Sattriya, and I was determined to be either a teacher or dancer.

I would wear my mother's sarees, my grandmother's spectacles and deface the walls of our house with colour chalk and teach and nurture imaginary students. That was my dream, but my mother wanted me to be economically independent and she thought a corporate job would give me security. It was based on what she saw at that point of time.

I had graduated in economics and, just before my MBA decision and exactly ten years after that 1984 incident of my father being reported missing, news came that my father's remains were found in a giant kerosene tank in the refinery. We had by then managed to settle down and overcome some of the grief. It was once again back to dark days with the same people, same media coming back and asking the same questions. We kept asking, “Why did this happen to us?”

Different people react differently to situations. My sister could not come to terms with the news as she loved my father so much. She now needed love and protection from us. I became hardened, as I had to keep the household going. I could not see my mother without her smile. I knew that if she wanted me to do an MBA, I would do MBA. So that journey where I wanted to be an academician or a classical dancer just remained my passion.

When it comes to profession or business or if there are changes in our lives and critical decisions have to be made, you can see that more than one person owns our journey.

I did my MBA and walked into the corridors of J. Walter Thompson in December 1996. I have been in the same company since then. The company's name has changed many times from J Walter Thompson to Hindustan Thompson Associates (HTA), JWT, Wunderman Thompson. I now lead GTB India from the same WPP group.

When I got my job after my MBA, I called my mother from Calcutta (renamed Kolkata now) and told her that I had got a job in advertising. She wondered if I wanted to be a model, as in her world, advertising was only modelling. I convinced her that I would be behind the scenes.

Conquering My Demon

I worked in three cities—all out of my own choice—Calcutta first, then 10 years in Bombay and now 10 years in Gurgaon. All the three cities have had a profound impact on my journey. Different categories of jobs and brands in advertising have fallen into my lap and there is hardly any category left.

I had to overcome many demons —some my own—that I was a small-town girl. People then were not so well connected. They had a fixed notion of Assam—of seeing Assam tableaux with dancers in Republic Day parade and Assam being one of the seven sister states of north­-eastern India.

Therefore, I would be hesitant to speak up in meetings or share a point of view. But I was very lucky to have a lot of mentors—Mythili Chandrasekar being one of them. Not just women but men too have always encouraged me and said, “Go for it. Because if you don't go for it, you'll never get an answer. Don't be afraid of a ‘No.’ ”

That is what prompted me to take on some of the most challenging businesses and roles. Mythili and I have worked together on many businesses. Though her role was strategic planning; to me, she was always a partner. I could feel the power of two women, when there is understanding and partnership. When faced with huge challenges, I was not afraid of shedding tears. A lot of women feel that they should not cry. They forget that it is just an expression and it is okay.

On one such business related incident, my tears were not of fright but they were of rage, frustration and emotion. I knew if I talked to Mythili, I would come up with a solution. It is important to have partners whom you can trust with every single problem. You may have different roles, in different departments and different businesses with varying levels of seniority. But finally, we are all people and we connect together.

Who Owns Our Journey?

When it comes to profession or business or if there are changes in our lives and critical decisions have to be made, you can see that more than one person owns our journey. We are also comfortable with that as women, because the enemy behind not owning our own journey is not a vicious enemy. That enemy is actually love and concern, and it includes parents, siblings, friends and mentors, who care for us.

Sometimes we tend to lose sight of our North star as we get overwhelmed and influenced and because of who we are as women; we embrace inputs and feedback and we are very affiliate and inclusive. Women have been conditioned to accept and embrace things around us.

So What Happens If We Don't Own Our Journey?

I have seen that every time we give in to something that is not part of our plan or desire, it ends up curbing our energy and passion and in turn our achievements.

There are five points that I want to talk about from my own journey.

• Have a clear vision of our north star

• Have a high degree of competence

• Find our voice

• Face our vulnerabilities

• Celebrate our milestones

Vision of North Star

The North Star in the far horizon was the only guide for travellers and mariners in yesteryears when there was no GPS. North Star in our context is nothing but our vision of our own future.

If we have to shut our eyes for a couple of seconds and imagine we are on a dark night road where the sky is lit up with stars and there is a North Star, what would we see? If there are words that we have to write about the North Star, about where we want to be three years from now, five years from now, 10 years from now, what would those words be?

Those words need to be our words. They are an amalgamation or an outcome of all the influences, good intent and feedback from around us. But finally they are our own journey.

Today, after a lot of introspection, I have managed to arrive at my own north star. It does not have to be only about work. It could be as simple as what you want out of life. Being in advertising, we use tag lines. I have tried to articulate my north star in a tagline and it is, keeping in tune with the hashtag trend —hashtag 'make it matter.' (#makeitmatter)

Every morning when I wake up, the mantra that I tell myself is that if I can make even one life or even one thing matter to one life. I think I have done something in the day—be it in my profession, as a mother, friend or colleague.

Enhancing Competence

Clarissa Estes has written a book called, "Women who run with the wolves." It's one of my favourites. She says, "Art is not meant to be created in stolen moments."

True. We are so busy “cleaning” whenever we get a break from work at home, especially with work from home, that before you realise it, the day is over. We contend with our own passion and interests only with some “stolen time”.

We must have a job list where our own name too finds a place in it. A high degree of competence is very important today and I realised it, because the advertising world that I joined is very different from what it is now.

Today, it is a world of data, analytics and behavior science, all linked to performance. Everything is measurable. At times, there is a risk of turning into a dinosaur. I have trained myself to be a student again and again. I lead a unit today whose main function is data analytics. I never thought I would do that. As I am highly creative in mind, I pushed myself to dive into areas that were outside my repertoire and comfort.

So never compromise on your competency. If we are competent, it is very easy for us to get a step closer to the life that we want to live, the job that we want to do or the business that we want to run. There is no shortcut to competencies.

I am reminded of one of my students, Charanya Kannan, who is from Chennai. I met her during a guest lecture I had given in her college. She was part of the student community that invited me to Harvard Business School for a session. Charanya has been an amazing student who has shown me that if you have a clear definition of where you want to go, you can achieve it.

If I remember correctly, when she got her first job, she was the only or one of the few women there. From there, she moved to the United States with her family. She was outstanding in her Harvard stint. She has a top job in a leading company. She is a prolific speaker. A wonderful mother. Awarded at various forums. When I look at her, I really think that if you have competency, skill and ability to learn more all the time, then the world is an open place for you.

Find Our Voice

Earlier women authors could not even write their own names on their books and they had to use aliases. We ourselves have a lot of demons in us. The world has changed but those demons haven't yet changed. Even now, I hesitate to make certain points in a public forum. It is very important to find our voice.

Today technology allows us and has given us so many platforms to explore and express ourselves which we didn't have when we grew up. Anybody can now blog and write an opinion, have a profile, create something and put it out there. You just need to find the right space and know what you want to stand for and have a point of view.

It is easy to have a stereotype or a label attached to your actions as very aggressive, very unwomanly, etc. But I feel the world is developing and we should not let these things deter deterrents to your progress. The strongest demon is really within ourselves. Every day, when I wake up, I ask myself, "Which demon am I going to kill today?"

In my organisation, we started off something called the "She-­Hour." It is for one hour duration where women drop their designations and inhibitions and network and talk about issues, challenges and opportunities. We do it regularly every month. Great bonding happens out of these sessions.

I have gone through a separation and I am fully aware of the legal challenges in the process. I do some kind of mentorship for those who struggle with the legal battle and offer them guidance based on my experience. I believe in happy families. But if there are any women who undergo challenges—not in the decision part but in the legal battle—I offer help free of cost.

Facing Vulnerabilities

We have worked on a brand which has this famous tagline in Hindi: Dar Ke Aage Jeet Hai! It means, 'Beyond fear lives victory.' I really believe in it. If you face your fears, there is victory ahead. Sometimes we are very scared of our own fears.

When I was waiting in those teenage years for our father to comeback, it was the worst fear that I could have had. Any other fear pales when I think about it. The day never seemed to end and the nights seemed so long.

When we face our fears, we always come up with a solution. Whenever there is a tough business problem, the first thing that we fear is, "Oh my God! What if I fail to come up with a solution? What if this or that happened?” The 'what if' is there in everybody. We have to just face it.

It is okay to be nervous. We must take a deep breath and say, "Okay. Now let me face it and get over it." You will get that strength of a warrior that is there in all of us.

Celebrate our Milestones

We don't celebrate enough. Our lives are worth a celebration. One of my colleagues on LinkedIn shared with us some interesting data. LinkedIn has a tool where you can write about your areas of expertise. Women apparently fill this up with restraint because they feel that if they write more, people will think they are showing off.

If we feel we have done something right, we must celebrate. A celebration can be as simple as a treat that we give ourselves, from something small with our family or writing and talking about it in a way that is a learning for others. Celebration gives us positive energy. It reinforces the fact that we can travel our own journey and we can do it with confidence.

I end by saying that if we don't own our journey, we will not own our lives the way we want to.