September 2014

SEPTEMBER 2014

ROAD TRIP: IOWA

Page 28

HOW TO HOST A FAMILY MEETING

Page 18

A guide for

Grandparents How to find joy — and balance — in your special role Page 32

Embrace the Future

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CONTENTS

28

32 GRANDPARENTING 101 Learn how to make the most of it — ­­­ and why it’s good for you in moderation. Plus: Discover the Twin Cities’ best places for grandkids.

RIVER CITY RENAISSANCE Stay in a restored Frank Lloyd Wright hotel. Walk a pretty city.

And enjoy great eats, too, in Mason City, Iowa.

GOOD START

GOOD HEALTH

GOOD LIVING

FROM THE EDITOR 8 Family, friends matter most

ASK THE PHARMACIST 14 Heartburn may mean acid shortage

FINANCE 20 Heat your home wisely

MY TURN 10 Two legacies that have lasted

HOUSE CALL 16 Watch for signs of melanoma

HOUSING 22 Don’t buy your adult child a home

MEMORIES 12 Up in the air with famous folks

CAREGIVING 18 It’s time for a family meeting

TECHNOLOGY 24 Adventures in Netflix

THIS MONTH IN MN HISTORY 12 Tonka trucks: Born in Minnesota

CAN’T MISS CALENDAR

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SEPTEMBER 2014

IN THE KITCHEN 26 Easy s’mores for the grandkids

36 42

BRAIN TEASERS

48

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CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Teresa Ambord Corey Butler Suzy Cohen Zoe Gahan Carol Hall Skip Johnson Dave Nimmer Kathryn Ringham Dr. Michael Spilane Tait Trussell Dick Wolfsie CREATIVE DIRECTOR Dana Croatt dcroatt@mngoodage.com SALES ADMINISTRATOR Kate Manson 612-436-5085 kmanson@mngoodage.com GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Valerie Moe Amanda Wadeson PAGE DESIGNER Kylie Beran CIRCULATION Marlo Johnson 612-436-4388 distribution@mngoodage.com

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SEPTEMBER 2014

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FROM THE EDITOR ////// SARAH DORISON

FINDING FAMILY W

hat matters most in life? If you ask me, the answer is family and friends.

People.

Sure, people — especially family — can drive us crazy. And, of course, there’s meaning in our work, our play and personal development. But when you get down to it, solitude has its limits.

I realized this the other day when I was deleting photos off my iPhone to create more space. In just two years, I had taken 4,000 photos. Of what? Vistas from vacations and bike rides, plants from around my yard, fabulous food from dinners out, sunsets, wildlife.

Though these images seemed quite meaningful when I took them, over time, they had lost their power. Sure, I saved some of those shots. But the images that meant the most to me were of my friends and family. I was repeatedly drawn to the faces of my son and husband, my sister and her kids, my parents and all our friends. Now that’s worth keeping on film, along with a few flowers.

After all, what do our surroundings mean with no one to share them with?

In this issue, you’ll find a lot of stories that follow the thread of family. Dave Nimmer kicks things off with memories of his mother and father. She gave him a love of classical music. He passed on a passion for fishing. And even though they’re both gone, Dave’s parents are still with him to this day because of their time together.

Spending time together — and navigating the nuances of family life — isn’t always easy, of course. Take for example our Grandparenting 101 story in this issue in which a couple from Northfield share their strategies for taking on the joyous but sometimes challenging role of Grandma and Grandpa. With 11 grandchildren, and another on the way, it’s no small feat! But it’s also not a journey to be missed. Caring for grandchildren, a recent study found, may actually boost mental sharpness among older adults. (Don’t have grandkids? You can join a Foster Grandparents program!)

Finally: Do you know how to host a family meeting? This month’s Caregiving column includes concrete steps you can take to successfully bring everyone together when a family member becomes seriously ill, has an accident or is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

“Done right, family meetings can be a classic picture of consensus in action by providing a space for sharing feelings, dividing up the care needs and developing meaningful action plans,” writes social worker Kathryn Ringham.

Now that, like parenting and grandparenting, sounds like a super skill — not just for building strong families, but also for sustaining them.

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Sarah Dorison, Editor SEPTEMBER 2014

GOOD START MY TURN ////// DAVE NIMMER

UNWRAPPING THE GIFTS OF FAMILY LEGACIES W

hen it comes to family legacy stories, I think of my mother sitting at a baby grand piano in our living room playing Clair de Lune and my father in the stern of a rented fishing boat, cranking like crazy on the handle of his Zebco reel as he battled a feisty smallmouth.

Music from Mother. Fishing from Father.

Those were my gifts and I’m still unwrapping them every day.

My mother started playing the piano when she was 4 years old. Within a year, she had her first recital and was declared by the folks in Fond du Lac, Wis., a child prodigy. She went on to attend Lawrence College’s Conservatory of Music in Appleton and interned with the Chicago Symphony.

Although she never had a career of her own, she gave piano lessons to 20 students a year — charging a hefty hourly rate — and played the organ at the Presbyterian church.

She and her mother, my grandmother Edith, tried their best to uncover my music gene. I got as far as a labored rendition of Edvard Grieg’s Peer Gynt Suite — I hammered out In the Hall of the Mountain King — before they decided that, at the age of 9, I was more of a problem than a prodigy.

I’m still sorry I quit taking piano lessons, but I’m ever so grateful I never lost my love of music and recently developed an interest in the classical version.

I thought of my mother at a Minnesota Orchestra concert this spring, unveiling the newly renovated Northrop Auditorium and reprising the first concert ever heard in that landmark building.

They played stuff I knew, and I got goose bumps. The English horn solo in Largo from

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SEPTEMBER 2014

Dvorak’s New World Symphony was delicate and delightful; one music critic wrote that the player “caressed” the solo as if she were singing a beautiful song.

What brought me to my feet was Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture, when the orchestra was joined by the University of Minnesota choir and — in the finale — the brass section from the university’s marching band, whose members came strutting in from the back of the auditorium.

They blew the room away. My mother would have loved it. You didn’t get to hear this kind of music in Fond du Lac. What you did get to do in Fond du Lac was fish. My dad, who never spent as much time fishing as he wanted, always took me along —

whether the water was soft or hard.

When Lake Winnebago froze, we’d drive out on the ice in his old Pontiac, chop some holes with his ice chisel and set out the tip-ups. When the flag went up, you ran from the car to the hole as fast as you could, set the hook, grabbed the line and started pulling.

In the summer, we’d head to northern Wisconsin to fish perch, walleyes and bass. My father was at his best on the water: talking softly, smiling frequently, fishing intently.

He was in the moment, his cares and concerns held at bay.

I thought of “the old man” this summer as I fished a little lake in the metro area. The bass were hitting plastic worms. The crappies inhaled little white jigs. And I had just landed a northern that attacked a crank bait.

I estimated it at about 10 pounds, maybe 12, larger than any fish I’d seen my dad catch.

He would have been thrilled to have such a day on the water. I’d never been with him when we caught fish all day long, so I never did see him get “giddy.” He was not, by nature, a giddy man. But he was a generous man and his legacy has left me with a lifelong passion.

The water is where I go when I need comfort. Now, if I could have Emmylou Harris sitting in the bow of the boat singing Till I Gain Control Again, I’d have it all — courtesy of my parents and their legacy gifts.

Dave Nimmer has had a long career as a reporter, editor and professor. Now retired, he has no business card, but plenty to do. Send comments or questions to dnimmer@mngoodage.com.

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SEPTEMBER 2014

GOOD START MEMORIES ////// CAROL HALL

UP IN THE AIR: FAMOUS WOMEN, MEN G

et three retired Northwest Airlines stewardesses together and the stories start flowing!

Beth Burt recalled having former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt as a passenger on one her flights in 1961. This spurred Linda Peck’s memories aloft of “Second Lady” Muriel Humphrey in the 1970s.

Alas, I had no stories about women connected with the U.S. presidency to share. But in 1984, Minnesota Sen. Eugene McCarthy, who’d run for the job of president, provided me with a particularly memorable flight.

Each of these individuals surprised us. The seemingly indomitable Mrs. Roosevelt relied heavily on a cane to climb the ramp stairs to the aircraft. Muriel Humphrey always traveled with her pet cat and dog. Sen. McCarthy wore a flowing black cloak, ala Orson Welles!

Beth’s flight was The Flight from Hell! She was brand new.

It was her first trip ever on Northwest’s newly acquired jet, the Douglas DC-8, and through a scheduling fluke, Beth was slotted in the top — lead position in First Class — including

serving the former First Lady. If that weren’t enough, Beth was still a probationary employee. A supervisor was on board, giving her a check ride!

Mrs. Roosevelt could easily have become angry with Beth.

During the flight, she was continuously disturbed as awed passengers kept spilling into First Class to greet her. The supervisor commanded Beth: “Keep them back!” But to no avail.

At that time, Roosevelt was one of the most esteemed women in the world. Meeting her was a great honor.

When Beth apologized, Mrs. Roosevelt reassured her, saying, “Don’t worry about it, dear. You’re doing a wonderful job.”

Mrs. Humphrey often took Linda’s 10 p.m. red-eye flight — Washington, D.C. to Minneapolis-St. Paul — her pets seated next to her, contentedly peering out of their zippered travel cases.

Linda found Mrs. Humphrey to be equally gracious.

“Mrs. Humphrey knitted and sewed. She commented on our new uniforms, touching the fabric and examining the workmanship,” Linda said. “She was so dear, sort of like

THIS MONTH IN MINNESOTA HISTORY

Tonka trucks get rolling Before there was Tonka Toys, there was Mound Metalcraft.

Founded in Mound, Minn., on Sept.

18, 1946, the company originally manufactured closet accessories and garden implements.

However, partners Lynn Baker, Avery Crounse and Alvin Tesch, decided to enter the toy business after meeting with the head of a local tooling company, who sold them designs for metal toys.

Their first toys, a crane and a steam

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shovel, became a big hit and the owners quickly shifted the focus of the business entirely to making toys.

They called the toys Tonka, a Dakota word meaning “great” or “large,” and created a logo that showed the name in red floating over waves, likely referencing Lake Minnetonka. On Nov. 23, 1955, Mound Metalcraft changed its name to Tonka Toys, Inc. Known for creating indestructible toys, Tonka introduced a popular

Mighty Dump Truck, Tonka Toys, Inc. PHOTO COURTESY MINNESOTA HISTORICAL SOCIETY

line of trucks in 1949. The iconic bright yellow Mighty Dump Truck hit the market in 1964 and became the company’s best-selling vehicle of all time. Following this success, Tonka

your grandmother. She always sat in the first row of the tourist section, never requesting to be upgraded to First Class.”

Chatting with Sen. McCarthy, realizing he also was an author and poet and that he came from the western part of the state, I mentioned I’d written a series of short stories about my experiences growing up in southwestern Minnesota.

And to my amazement, he asked me to send him my manuscript — which he in turn forwarded to his New York publisher! In addition, he mailed me an inscribed copy of his latest book of poetry: Gene McCarthy’s Minnesota: Memories of a Native Son. Beth, Linda and I agreed we’d been fortunate to meet such famous and influential individuals. But more important, we found much to like about each of them.

World-famous people. Nice people.

Orchids to them all!

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Carol Hall lives in Woodbury. She’s a longtime freelance writer, a University of Minnesota graduate and a former Northwest Airlines stewardess. Send comments and questions to chall@mngoodage.com.

made forays into manufacturing dolls, toy robots, stuffed animals, video games and more.

At one point, Tonka even produced barbecue grills.

Hasbro purchased the company in 1991 and continues to create products that are well received by children and adults. Several Tonka classics are on display at the Minnesota History Center exhibit, Toys of the ’50s, ’60s and ’70s, open through Jan. 4, 2015. Learn more at minnesotahistorycenter.org.

— Minnesota Historical Society Staff

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SEPTEMBER 2014

G O O D H E A LT H ASK THE PHARMACIST ////// SUZY COHEN

Strangely, acid may ease the burn You’ve said before that people with twitches, leg cramps, spasms or heart arrhythmias could be deficient in acid. What does this mean? I’m taking an acid pill for reflux.

Q&A

You’re not taking an “acid” pill; you’re taking an acid-blocking pill for reflux. Those drugs are suppressing acid so you don’t get reflux. This is important to know. If you run low on stomach acid, you’ll experience the symptoms mentioned above due to your inability to extract nutrients and minerals from your foods.

Acid-blocking drugs inhibit that process, causing undigested food to pass through your stomach, which can allow proteins to enter your blood stream. This can lead to autoimmune problems.

Stomach acid isn’t bad, it’s only bad if it’s produced in excess. Indeed, having sufficient stomach acid is important to your entire digestive tract. I’m not against acid-blocking drugs. Thank goodness we have them for when those spicy buffalo wings revisit us at 1 a.m.

Controlling a genuine problem is fine with me, but indiscriminate consumption of acid blockers — sold without prescription in the United States — isn’t a good idea.

ACID DEFICIENCY, HEARTBURN

Did you know you’ll experience symptoms of heartburn if you make too much acid, but also if you’re deficient?

Healthy amounts of stomach acid keep the tiny trap door shut between your stomach and esophagus. This sphincter is pH sensitive and in a healthy person, it stays shut because of the natural production of acid in the stomach.

When you reduce stomach acid, you then have insufficient amounts, and your stomach pH increases and this causes the trap door to swing open, causing heartburn. That’s why some people who take a digestive acid supplement (like betaine) sometimes feel better.

Small amounts of healthy digestive acids keep the trap door shut, and the acid where it should be — down in your stomach, as opposed to your throat.

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SEPTEMBER 2014

SIGNS OF LOW ACID

Signs of low acid (termed hypochlorhydria), surprisingly, include heartburn.

Also, you might experience irritable bowel syndrome, belching, cramps, food sensitivities, rheumatoid arthritis, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, gallbladder disease, osteoporosis, pancreatitis, yeast infections and rosacea.

You’ll certainly have chronic fatigue because acid is needed to give you minerals, which then participate in the production of both thyroid and adrenal hormones. No doubt, a little betaine can breathe life into some tired people. (But get your doctor’s approval, even though it’s sold over the counter.)

A Great Smile Says It All ACID SUPPLEMENTS

Digestive acids are sold at health food stores under names such as betaine hydrochloride, trimethylglycine or betaine with pepsin. Begin supplementation by adjusting your dosage based on symptom relief.

Take acid supplements during your meal or right after. And space them apart by five minutes if you take more than one pill. Ask a knowledgeable practitioner if acid supplements are right for you and ask if you need your zonulin and gastrin levels tested.

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G O O D H E A LT H HOUSE CALL ////// DR. MICHAEL SPILANE

Know the signs of melanoma M

elanoma is the least common type of skin cancer, but by far the most dangerous. It claims more than 10,000 lives each year in the U.S. — and it’s become more common over the past two decades, particularly in older adults.

Five-year survival rates for people with melanoma are highly dependent on the diameter and thickness of the lesion at the time of diagnosis.

Prognosis is good for small and thin lesions and increasingly poor for larger and thicker lesions.

The word melanoma is derived from the Greek word, “melas,” meaning “dark.” The darkness of melanoma comes from melanin, a pigment produced by cells in the skin and mucous membranes. Though usually elevated, a melanoma may be flat.

Unlike a harmless dark mole, the color within a typical melanoma tends to vary from one area to another. The border of a melanoma is usually irregular and not simply round, and is often indis-

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tinct from surrounding skin.

Melanoma is much more common in Caucasians than in darker races. Risk of developing a melanoma is higher in those with light skin pigmentation, blond or red hair, high-density freckling and light eye color. Risk is also increased if there’s a past history of excessive exposure to sunlight or sunburn, and if a person has multiple moles (known as nevi).

A melanoma can develop on any part of the body that contains pigment-producing cells termed melanocytes. More than 95 percent occur on the skin, but they can develop in the iris (the colored part of the eye) or even in the intestine.

The most common skin locations are the extremities, trunk, face and other sun-exposed areas.

Melanomas can occur on the lips, in the toe-webs, under the toe and finger nails, on the heels, under the arms or near the anus.

Early detection of a melanoma is vital, and it starts with common sense.

Keep an eye on your skin.

Don’t ignore a skin lesion that’s growing or changing shape or color. Be watchful of moles that have “been there forever” to make sure they’re not growing, spreading or adding new hues of color.

Periodic self-examination of the skin is important for any older adult, but more important for those with increased risk of melanoma — sun-damaged skin, light complexion, a family history of melanoma, and presence of multiple moles.

It helps to know what you’re looking for. Search for sites with images of mela-

The border of a melanoma is usually irregular and the color within its boundaries tends to vary from one area to another.

nomas online. While you’re at it, search for images of basal cell and squamous cell skin cancers, the more common but less serious types of skin cancer.

Self-skin examination should be done at least once every three months, and the look should include all of the skin.

A mirror can be helpful for hard-tosee areas, but a spouse or other family member can be even more helpful.

The American Academy of Dermatology recommends that people with increased risk of melanoma have an annual complete skin examination performed by a skilled personal physician or a dermatologist.

Learn more at skincheck.org or or skincancer.org.

Dr. Michael Spilane, now retired, spent more than four decades practicing and teaching geriatric medicine in St. Paul. Send comments or questions to drspilane@‌mngoodage.com.

G O O D H E A LT H

CAREGIVING

It’s time for a family meeting!

BY K AT H RY N R I N G H A M

F

amilies brought together, talk together.

And when an older adult becomes ill, has an accident or is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, there are many issues the family needs to talk about — and a lot of decisions ahead:

What’s best for the older adult?

Who decides what’s best?

What kind of care will be needed?

What living arrangements need to be made?

How’s everyone feeling?

How much will this cost?

DON’T DELAY

In a best-case scenario, families should hold meetings before any health crisis develops. Communication about advance directives and planning for the future can be done at any time. Early involvement can ensure that the time ahead maximizes choices and autonomy in the best interest of the adult in question.

Most of the time, family meetings are triggered by a series of subtle changes or sudden health setbacks in an older adult, by caregiver stress or by end-of-life issues. Many families find it beneficial to schedule regular family meetings, rather than setting up a one-time event.

HIRE A PROFESSIONAL REF

When families have trouble working together or when the family is divided on critical issues, it often helps to invite a neutral outside facilitator to attend.

This person could be a geriatric care manager, a caregiver consultant, a clergyperson, community advocate

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SEPTEMBER 2014

A family meeting is a valuable and often, in the long term, a timesaving method of improving communication and decision making within a family circle.

Defined as a gathering to establish a plan that provides for the safety, health and emotional wellbeing of the older adult, a family meeting serves as a vehicle to get everyone pointed in the same direction.

Done right, family meetings can be a classic picture of consensus in action by providing a space for sharing feelings, dividing up the care needs and developing meaningful action plans.

or a social worker. In a clinical setting, when matters can escalate and decisionmaking is happening during an urgent situation, the physician, case manager, nurse, chaplain or even a family member, friend or any person deemed objective by the family can become the facilitator.

A facilitator can help families resolve issues that impede a good plan and communicate about difficult subjects during and after the meeting.

BE INCLUSIVE

It’s important to invite everyone who will be involved in the care of the individual. That may include in-laws, teenagers, close friends and neighbors.

You may consider inviting other people outside the family such as paid caregivers or legal/financial experts.

Don’t let distance inhibit participation. There are many technologies that enable everyone to be a part of the discussion, even if they can’t be there physically, including speaker phones,

conference-call programs and onlinevideo conferencing applications such as Skype and FaceTime.

Normally the person receiving care is included in the family meeting. Their feelings, choices and preferences are crucial to family decisions and plans made without their input are often difficult to carry out.

However, if the person receiving care is too sick, frail, emotionally distraught or is diagnosed with dementia — and if a meeting might leave him or her more exhausted or confused — perhaps that person shouldn’t be included. One solution is to have two meetings.

SET THE AGENDA IN ADVANCE

To make sure the meeting is productive, it’s helpful to draw up a list of topics to discuss. No topic is too big or small.

The Family Caregiver Alliance suggests addressing the following issues: the latest doctor’s report, fears about illness and caregiving, financial concerns, the person who will make decisions

about finances or medical treatment, what support role each family member should play and what support the primary caregiver might need.

Mail or email a copy of the agenda to all participants ahead of time. It’s also important to collect relevant brochures and materials to share. Be sure to identify a private and quiet space to meet.

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OPEN UP, LISTEN UP, FOLLOW UP

A successful family meeting gives everyone a chance to be heard.

The best way to manage this process is to begin with the understanding that all opinions are welcome and needed.

Disparate viewpoints will emerge at this meeting. Assure everyone that there’s no perfect answer and no solution that will please everyone.

SHARE THE LOAD

Each person should have a set of tasks and be accountable to the team for follow up. At the conclusion of the meeting, make sure to write down the action items and the names of the people responsible for doing them.

These notes will be remarkably helpful for follow-up.

Family meetings have many benefits: Participants come away feeling included, involved and informed.

By gathering together everyone concerned and opening the lines of communication, the family maximizes the amount of support. So reach out and get other involved — you’ll be glad you did, and so will they!

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Kathryn Ringham, a licensed independent clinical social worker, has worked at the intersection of seniors, families and illness for 25 years. She’s currently a clinical supervisor for the Minnesota Family Memory Care Program (tinyurl.com/ familymemorycare). She’s also a former member of the Metropolitan Caregiver Service Collaborative.

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GOOD LIVING FINANCE ////// SKIP JOHNSON

Staying warm without breaking the bank T

he Minnesota State Fair just wrapped up, kids are headed back to school and fall arrives later this month. As Minnesotans, we know cold weather isn’t far off.

The 2013-14 winter was tough on even the hardiest of us. The cold arrived and just seemed to linger — day after day, week after week, month after month. It took a toll on us, physically and financially.

But, looking ahead to this winter, a few steps now and a few more later can make the upcoming cold months a little warmer and a little more affordable.

weather stripping around your doors and windows — can block out a lot of cold air.

Electrical outlets on outside walls are another source of drafts: The boxes that hold them take up space that would otherwise be occupied by insulation. Many hardware stores carry pre-cut pieces of insulating foam designed to sit inside the cover plate and block drafts. A kit with enough pieces to insulate many outlets and switches costs just a few dollars.

Not sure where the cold air is getting into your home? An energy audit is one way to find out.

Your electricity, natural gas or propane provider can help arrange one.

CHECK IT OUT

Like any machine, the one that heats your home runs most efficiently when it’s operating correctly. Get it checked out now.

Better to know now that you have a problem now than to find out at a time when you really need heat.

If you plan to use a fireplace or stove to help heat your home, get your chimney checked out, too. This isn’t as much about savings as it is about safety.

A leaky or blocked chimney can be extremely dangerous.

SEAL IT UP

When I work with clients, I’m helping them create and implement a plan that will provide them as much certainty as possible that they’ll achieve their financial goals.

When it comes to home-heating efficiency, there are two low-cost investments that are nearly guaranteed to bring in substantial returns — caulk and weather stripping.

Cold air can sneak into your house through the smallest of openings. Adding a bead of caulk around any pipe coming through an outside wall — and adding

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SEPTEMBER 2014

But, looking ahead to this winter, a few steps now and a few more later can make the upcoming cold months a little warmer and a little more affordable.

A MATTER OF DEGREES

According to the University of Minnesota Extension, if you lower the temperature in your home just three degrees, you can save 9 percent on your heating costs. With the no-cost investment of a wearing a sweater during the day and adding an extra blanket at night, you’ll likely see a big return. Add a relatively low-cost programmable thermostat and you won’t even need to remember to lower the temperature before you turn in for the night.

The extension recommends opening the curtains and blinds on sunny days in winter, especially on south-facing windows. The air outside may be cold, but the warmth will still get through, providing you free heat. Just don’t forget to close them back up at sunset.

FURNITURE AND FILTERS

Need another free way to save on heating? Rearrange your furniture.

Large items like bookshelves can add insulation to outside walls. As for couches and chairs, move them toward the middle of the room or put them against inside walls so you don’t find yourself sitting next to a draft.

Cleaning or changing your furnace filter can also help substantially. A furnace with a dirty filter must work harder. Dirty filters can also reduce air movement, meaning your furnace may have to run longer.

We may not be able to control what Mother Nature sends our way. But we can take charge of the environment inside our homes.

Stay warm this winter!

Skip Johnson is a partner at Great Waters Financial in New Hope, Minn. Learn more at mygreatwaters.com.

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7/24/14 4:44 PM

SEPTEMBER 2014

GOOD LIVING HOUSING ////// TAIT TRUSSELL

Should you buy a house (or condo) for your adult child?

“T

hink Twice Before Helping Your Children Buy a Home,” read the headline in a recent Wall Street Journal feature story.

How true, how true.

Many years ago, when my younger son was first married and had a new job in Washington, D.C., he had inadequate savings for a home down payment.

I had the brilliant idea of buying a condo in a large apartment complex, which had just been converted to condos. The building

was just across the river from the fashionable Georgetown area of Washington and it was a mere block from the subway.

So I bought a one-bedroom condo. They were being offered with no down payment.

The unit was to be for the new couple. They paid me a small rent. I paid the condo fee and mortgage.

LIVING WITH THE INVESTMENT

It seemed a perfect deal — at least for them – until the new couple decided to start a family and needed more room. This meant I had to rent the condo to someone else.

Unfortunately for me, many others had also bought in the condominium complex and were competing with me for renters. It had become a losing proposition.

It’s always been difficult for many young people to come up with enough cash for a down payment.

But it’s gotten harder in recent years with growing student-loan debt and a slowly recovering job market with limited stable career opportunities.

That’s partly why first-time owners make up a relatively small share of buyers — according to the WSJ story — just 29 percent of existing-home sales in April 2014, lower than the average of 35 percent since 2008.

MEET YOUR NEEDS FIRST

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For many financial experts, including those cited in the WSJ, the most important SEPTEMBER 2014

advice for parents is: Don’t part with more than you can afford.

That means not just making sure you can still meet your own current needs, but also that you aren’t going to lose money you’ll need for ensuring a comfortable retirement.

“The first priority is to make sure that as parents you have enough, so that, even if a loan turned sour, it wouldn’t risk the parents’ financial situation,” H. Debra Levin, an estate-planning lawyer at the Chicago-based law firm Seyfarth Shaw, said in the WSJ. STRATEGIC GIFTING

If you give a down payment as a gift, here’s what you should know, according to the WSJ: • The benefit of a gift to the child is profound: A gift doesn’t add to the child’s debt burden and it doesn’t

hurt his or her chances of qualifying for a mortgage like a loan might, especially for children who may be in debt from student loans.

• Parents who give their children money for a down payment should do this far in advance of a home purchase. That’s because some banks want assurance that the money isn’t a loan, though standards vary from lender to lender.

• Parents who lend their children money need to be sure the loan is documented properly — with a legal contract that spells out the terms — so the Internal Revenue Service can’t deem the money a gift because of the lifetime gift-tax restriction.

can be given away by an individual in any given year free from any federal gift-tax consequences. In other words, a once-a-year gift or even a series of gifts made to the same person during the course of one calendar year that don’t exceed the annual gift-tax exclusion aren’t really considered gifts. Instead, they’re considered freebies when it comes to federal gift taxes. The annual gift-tax exclusion used to be $13,000. It increased to $14,000 in 2013 and will remain at $14,000 throughout 2014.

Tait Trussell is a former managing editor of Nation’s Business magazine.

• With regard to gift taxes, the annual gift-tax exclusion is the amount that

SEPTEMBER 2014

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GOOD LIVING TECHNOLOGY

Adventures in Netflix, Blu-ray

BY DICK WOLFSIE

W

hen my wife and I try to decide which film to see in a local movie theater, it’s a pretty simple process, one developed by Mary Ellen: She picks a movie (that’s Movie A) and then I suggest a movie (that’s Movie B).

Then my wife says: “Why would we spend $15 to see a B movie when we can see an A movie?”

This is why I’ve never seen Jennifer Lopez on the big screen. There has to be a better system.

I began investigating some online movie services and decided to subscribe to Netflix, but I had to justify the new expense to Mary Ellen.

Here’s roughly how the conversation went: Dick: Mary Ellen, I think it’s time we sign up for Netflix.

Mary Ellen: Why? Dick: Because they stream movies.

Mary Ellen: What does that mean?

Dick: I have no idea. But it’s only eight bucks a month.

Mary Ellen: How do we get our movies now — the ones we watch on cable?

Dick: We download them.

Mary Ellen: I thought we uploaded them. What’s the difference?

Dick: Not a clue.

In order to enjoy Netflix, we were advised to ditch our old DVD machine and buy a Blu-ray player. Then we hired someone to hook everything up and that night Mary Ellen and I sat in front of the TV for hours — not watching a movie, but trying to figure out which of three remotes to use.

We did a lot of scrolling, pressing and pointing the remote

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SEPTEMBER 2014

at the TV. Nothing happened.

We called the young man who had connected everything.

“Spencer, it’s Dick Wolfsie. We’ve been looking at a blank TV screen all night.”

“That’s weird. Why not watch a movie?”

“There’s a problem. We can’t get it to work.”

Spencer mumbled something about the Blu-ray’s ON button. (Pushing it made a big difference and I’m going to remember that advice if we purchase any other new technology.)

OK, now it should’ve been easy to find something we could both enjoy.

After all, there were more than 3,000 choices. This would

be a piece of cake. (Sadly, we can never pick out a type of cake we both like, either.)

There were dozens of different categories like crime, mystery, fantasy, adventure, romance and Westerns, to name a few. We didn’t know where to begin.

The only thing we really agreed on was that we didn’t much like Nicolas Cage, which narrowed down the options considerably.

Then we both made a list of the other elements in a movie that allowed each of us a veto.

Mary Ellen: No blood, no hour-long car-chase scenes, no gratuitous sex, no juvenile bathroom humor.

Dick: No subtitles, no flashbacks, no Victorian mansions, no sappy love stories, no prequels, no sequels. (Ungratuitous sex was OK.) We also axed all movies with less than a two-star rating by Netflix viewers and canned the few hundred films we had already seen.

This narrowed our choices down to a couple dozen, but it turned out they were all animated features, which really does pretty much eliminate sex, blood and flashbacks. There was a castle in Beauty and the Beast, but I was willing to let that slide.

We settled on the DreamWorks’ mega-hit The Croods. We made popcorn and cuddled up.

Yes, it started out to be the perfect evening. Except for one thing. Who was doing the voice of the caveman Grug, one of the main characters?

Yeah, you guessed it: Nicolas Cage.

Dick Wolfsie is an Emmy-award winning TV personality, feature reporter and longtime humor author. His newest book, Mopey Dick, is a compilation of his funniest humor columns. He lives in Indianapolis with his wife Mary Ellen and their beagle, Toby.

SEPTEMBER 2014

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GOOD LIVING IN THE KITCHEN

simply scrumptious S’mores

VARIATIONS

BY SARAH DORISON S’mores are easy: Toast your marshmallow, then squeeze it — and a piece of chocolate — between two graham crackers.

But there’s a serious problem no one ever seems to talk about with this traditional recipe: The chocolate never melts. And the result is a dry treat.

Solution: Use Nutella — silky smooth chocolate-hazelnut spread — instead.

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SEPTEMBER 2014

Slather it on a plate of graham cracker squares before you roast your marshmallows. Then roast and assemble. You’ll marvel at how well everything stays in place with no shifting, melting or dripping.

This is the ultimate recipe to try with the grandkids around the campfire or firepit, especially as the nights turn cooler this fall.

Try some of these other tasty alternatives to a hunk of Hershey’s: • Peanut butter • Peanut butter cup • Peppermint Patty • Chocolate-caramel square with sea salt • Coconut (ideally toasted) plus a chocolate-caramel square to create a Caramel Delight-style s’more!

WHAT ABOUT JUMBO MARSHMALLOWS? They’re just too much for standard s’mores (even if you like a high ratio of fluff).

Solution: Cut them in half with kitchen shears or scissors. The resulting marshmallow puck provides the ideal surface area (no more squishing the treat into oblivion to get the fluff to spread out).

It’s also the perfect ingredient ratio for a sticky-sweet totally sublime s’more.

DON’T HAVE A CAMPFIRE? If you have a gas cooktop, you can easily roast

marshmallows over the open flame if you’re extremely careful. Simply use a regular fork to spear your marshmallow. Hold it about 4 inches over the flame, taking care to make sure it doesn’t catch fire or fall, as you rotisserize.

NUKE ‘EM! Wanna skip the flame?

Microwave assembled s’mores for as little as 10 seconds or up to

1 minute (until the marshmallow starts to expand, depending on your microwave).

SPREADABLE MARSHMALLOWS Another trick: Substitute a few tablespoons of marshmallow creme for regular marshmallows. Check out yummly’s Microwave S’mores Marshmallow Creme Recipes page at tinyurl.com/ microsmores with a wealth of ideas, including Easy Indoor No Bake S’mores Bars.

Sarah Dorison is the Editor of Minnesota Good Age magazine. She lives in Golden Valley with her husband and son. Write her at editor@mngoodage.com.

F N APPRECIATION FA FAN APPRECIA IATI IA ATION WEEKEND SEPTEMBER 2014

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River City Mason City, Iowa, isn’t just a rich treasure of Frank Lloyd Wright architecture.

It’s also a fun place to stay, dine and play.

3 The Stockman House, designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.

BY CARLA WALDEMAR

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am inside the brain of Frank Lloyd Wright. Well, that’s what it feels like — the shiver of awe inspired by sleeping in the only remaining hotel designed by America’s most famous architect, dining in its restaurant and relaxing in its wine room.

And where, exactly, is this gem of Prairie School design?

Smack in the middle of the prairie. In Mason City, Iowa, to be exact — 135 miles dead south of the Twin Cities on I-35 — a town boasting the largest collection of Prairie School architecture in the world.

Designed by Wright and his disciples, Mason City’s 23 notable buildings kept my camera busy on a self-

The Historic Park Inn Hotel

guided walking tour. I bumped into devotees from Holland and Japan on the same mission, as if tracing the path of a holy saint.

WHAT BROUGHT WRIGHT TO IOWA?

Why here, amid the corn and soybeans?

It turns out, one of the town’s patriarchs enrolled his daughters in the Spring Green, Wis., school run by Frank’s aunts. While visiting the town, also home to the architect’s studio at the time, the gent became so enthralled

by Wright’s design statements that he lobbied for the renowned architect to design the bank and hotel Mason City was planning.

The Park Inn Hotel debuted in 1910. And while in Mason City, Wright was asked to design a house for the Stockman family — the only residential Wright dwelling in Iowa. (Yes, it’s open to tour.)

In Mason City, the Prairie style was embraced with far more fervor than Wright himself, thanks to stories of his extracurricular romances.

He became persona non grata, so his associates and followers took on the call for homes honoring Prairie precepts — flat, horizontal roof lines; fireplaces in the middle of each dwelling with the floor plan rotating around it; symmetrical, geometrical details that connect to nature,

especially in the use of earth tones.

Visitors can spy these traits by touring the 1908 Stockman House (the shag carpet and lowered ceilings of later “improvements” removed) and the adjoining Architectural Interpretive Center, showcasing photos and models of the city’s treasured homes, plus a great gift shop.

HISTORIC HOTEL: RESTORED!

The Historic Park Inn Hotel, having fallen on hard times as the years went by, had been sadly spliced into offices and such.

More than 10 year ago, however, a visionary group founded a nonprofit to restore and reopen it.

“Spend money on what?” was the typical response of aghast locals — until it reopened in its original glory in 2011, authentic down to the art-glass ceiling in the parlor and plaster walls embedded with Wright’s original fanshaped motifs.

Not only was the iconic building saved by the $20 million renovation — so was the town.

The hotel anchors what even skeptics now hail as the River City Renaissance, a nucleus for attracting businesses and projects like the 1.6-mile sculpSEPTEMBER 2014

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Booth Manor Residence For Seniors 62+ • 1 Bedrooms • Based on Income • Utilities Included • Service Coordinator • Resident Activities & Programs • Community Room • Smoke-Free Building

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ture walk (River City Sculptures on Parade), an annually changing outdoor exhibit of two dozen statues (walking maps available) and a gussied-up Central Park facing the hotel with a Civil War hero on a pedestal overseeing picnic tables and barbecue grills amid swaying maples.

WHERE TO EAT, TREAT YOURSELF

The River City Renaissance lured young Catherine Field from Mankato to open CoffeeCat, where she serves homemade scones and lattes amid local art and live music in tandem with the bookstore next door.

“I decided to take a chance,” she says, “And in the eight years I’ve been here, I’ve seen Mason City explode with new energy.”

Bartender Zach Avila of the Historic Park Inn Hotel agrees as he stirs his signature 43N/43W cocktail, born of bitters and Templeton rye (Iowa’s “most renowned liquor,” favored by Al Capone).

Avila tipped us off to the Suzie-Q Cafe a block away, whose owner entertains

Scenes from Mason City, Iowa.

SEPTEMBER 2014

guests with magic tricks while they await over-easy eggs.

The Northwestern Steakhouse, circa 1920, has seen its customer count catapult as well with customers settling in for three-hour waits on weekends.

Though the town’s changed, the menu hasn’t: Iowa beef served with a side of parmesan-dusted spaghetti and the house salad — embellished, as it was in 1920 — with a quartered egg and a pickle.

Dave Escher, current owner of Birdsall’s, still scoops homemade ice cream (“get your licks here”) the way its founders did. He’s also noted an uptick of lickers since the renaissance, especially during peach season, when his bestseller sells out fast.

BEYOND ARCHITECTURE

62+ Independent Living The MacNider Art Museum — a Representing elder clients, including in 5015 35th Avenue South, Minneapolis maltreatment, injury, and wrongful death claims. thatched 1920s English Tudor home www.NokomisSquare.com that would make Wright shudder Other services include: • nursing home litigation • elder mediation We’re ideally located in a comfortable — enchants visitors with its proud • powers of attorney • speaker & consultant Minneapolis neighborhood. collection of all-American art, whose • financial exploitation highlight is a cache of 20th-century Suzanne M. Scheller, Esq. prints by boldface names like Call to schedule Scheller Legal Solutions LLC 6312 113th Place North your tour today!

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Wander through a cache of band Senior Housing • Assisted Living • Memory Care instruments, a silent-movie theater playing songs he wrote for Charlie Short-term Rehab • Skilled Nursing Care • Home Care Chaplin, the flute he tootled while Royce Place in Toscanini’s orchestra, and a repro Crest View Senior The Boulevard Apartments 5 GREAT Community at Blaine of the 1962 movie set, including the COLUMBIA HEIGHTS Columbia Village (under development Pleez-All Billiard Parlor.

LOCATIONS Crest View Lutheran Home and taking reservations) His Victorian boyhood home next Crest View on 42nd door (“just what Wright was trying to 4444 Reservoir Blvd. NE., Columbia Heights, MN | 763-782-1601 | www.crestviewcares.org get away from,” says our tour guide) discloses that his sister, Dixie, joined the circus.

“Music Man’s” Professor Harold Hill is said by some to represent bad boy Frank Lloyd Wright, whose morals As seen on the History Channel “Secret Passages” didn’t suit the folks of River City.

Hear, see, and explore stories of the sandstone caves. Hear the legends of In some twist of irony, or fair play, mining, mobster massacres, and ghostly lore in a truly unique setting. the river-spanning bridge leading to 45 Minute Walking Tour • No Reservations Needed that cache of Prairie homes is named for Willson.

Tour Times Year ‘Round: $6.00 Per Person To plan your trip, see Thursdays 5 pm • Saturdays 11 am • Sundays 11 am visitmasoncityiowa.com.

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Historic Cave Tours

Carla Waldemar is an award-winning food/travel/arts writer. She edits the annual Zagat Survey of Twin Cities restaurants and writes food and travel articles for publications around the world.

She lives in Uptown.

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What’s your role?

BY COREY BUTLER

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SEPTEMBER 2014

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hen Steve and Kristin Basinger traveled to Texas in March to see their newborn granddaughter — their 11th grandchild — they knew the visit would bring joy, excitement and, possibly, concern.

Their son-in-law had a vastly different upbringing than what they provided for their six children and, in turn, he’s parenting his young daughter differently, too.

During their visit to see 3-year-old Lilly and newborn Cora, the son-in-law scolded the elder daughter for playing a game on an iPad for more than a few minutes, even though he often plays computer games for extended periods.

Not only is he setting a bad example, the Basingers say, but he’s also missing out on quality time with his daughter.

“Every time he does something like that, it’s in her heart,” Kristin Basinger says. “She’s going to remember that.”

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where the joys of grandparenting cross paths with its challenges — conflicting parenting philosophies across generations, differing personalities and all kinds of other family dynamics.

Though the Basingers disagree with some of their son-inlaw’s decisions and actions, they don’t always rely on words to get their message across.

“What you do is a lot stronger than what you say,” Kristin Basinger says. “I think modeling is a lot better than speaking.

People watch your actions a lot more.”

The Basingers work hard to reinforce good behaviors by making positive remarks to their granddaughter, often loudly enough for her parents to hear. They’re also sure to praise their son-in-law when he shines, too.

Beyond that, they try not to push too hard, because they know their daughter has divided loyalties. And they want to respect her decisions and her position in the middle.

It’s not their role to raise the

grandchildren, but to offer their support and their wisdom, Kristin Basinger said.

“They’re all growing (in their roles), too,” Kristin Basinger says of their children. “As they get older and their kids get older, they come around a little bit. They realize we have wisdom, and it only came because we went through these experiences.”

So what can you — whether you’re a veteran Nana or rookie Papa — do to make the most of your role?

TALK ABOUT IT EARLY

Decide early on what kind of relationship you want to have with your grandchildren and discuss your ideas with your child, says Jenny West, a community educator for caregiver support at FamilyMeans, an organization that offers a variety of services, including family counseling throughout the Twin Cities, southeastern Minnesota and western Wisconsin.

“It’s a conversation you should have in the very beginning,” West says. “Do you just want to be that emergency resource

The Basinger family gathers for Christmas in 2013 in Northfield. Steve and Kristin Basinger have 11 grandchildren and another one on the way.

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SEPTEMBER 2014

I Iknow Medicare can help you learn about Medicare or do you want to foster a relationship — and how do you want to go about it? And are the parents OK with that?” West says.

Though grandparenting relationships evolve in the months and years that follow the birth, it’s important to keep an open dialogue with the parents, so the relationships — with your child, his or her spouse and the grandchild — stay strong or even deepen, West says.

“You should make your expectations known ahead of time,” West says.

That’s something Kay Fate of Dodge Center did with her son, Gabe, when he and his girlfriend, both in their early 20s at the time, announced they were expecting.

“I was not going to raise the child,” she says she told them of her first and only grandchild. “I raised my own kids and everyone else gets to, too. I love to be needed and I am glad I don’t have to be.”

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BABYSITTING BOUNDARIES

Indeed, grandparents needn’t be primary caregivers or on-call to babysit at all times. In fact, they probably shouldn’t, West says.

Though some grandparents are happy to provide many hours of free child care per week, that’s not for everyone. In fact, taking on too much child-care responsibility can be emotionally and physically overwhelming for older adults.

The Basingers, who live in Northfield, do babysit their grandchildren, but they place a high value on their time alone together, too.

“We don’t have a problem saying no,” Steve Basinger says.

Fate feels the same way.

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8/5/14 3:22 PM

SEPTEMBER 2014

Though she lives a mere six blocks from her grandson, she doesn’t see him daily. And she doesn’t always babysit either.

Recently, Gabe wanted Fate to watch Cooper while he played in a softball tournament. Brittaney DeLano, Gabe’s fiancee and Cooper’s mother, said they should save Fate’s goodwill for an upcoming wedding.

Fate says that give-and-take is key to a healthy relationship.

West says setting up time for grandparents to be with their grandchildren shouldn’t be a one-way street.

Grandparents can reach out to establish regular times they might prefer to visit their grandchildren to create a strong grandparent bond — not just to provide precious hours of freedom for the parents.

Steve and Kristin Basinger admire their granddaughter, Cora.

FIGURING OUT FINANCES

Maybe more important than setting babysitting boundaries is talking

Take the grandkids out!

FIREFIGHTERS HALL & MUSEUM

HISTORIC FORT SNELLING

Explore more than 12,000 square feet of historic items from Minnesota fire departments dating to the 1860s, including fire trucks, fire equipment, historic photos and interactive displays for children.

Discover an 1820s military outpost and take part in the fort’s everyday life: Mend clothes, scrape a hide or sing along with the soldiers. A livinghistory program with costumed guides is presented daily throughout the summer and on weekends in selected months.

Cost: $3–$6 per person When: 9 a.m.–4 p.m. Saturdays

a repurposed World War 2 armaments factory, features a large collection of permanent and rotating LEGO models, dioramas, sculptures and mosaics.

Kids can play with a large collection of bricks, including DUPLO blocks for younger kids. A Train Room (limited hours) features displays by the Greater Midwest Lego Train Club and Twin Cities Lego Train Club.

Where: Minneapolis

Cost: $6–$11 per person

Cost: FREE

Info: firehallmuseum.org

When: 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Tuesday–

When: 10 a.m.–4 p.m. Saturdays

FALL COLOR DRIVE When: Visit the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources

Saturday; 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Sundays

Saturdays); noon–4 p.m.

Info: historicfortsnelling.org

Sundays (Train Room closed);

website to see which parts of

BRICKMANIA

Minnesota are peaking in fall

This LEGO fan destination, housed in

colors. Then go for a drive.

Where: You decide!

Info: dnr.state.mn.us/fall_colors Cost: Gas

(Train Room open second

Where: St. Paul

5–9 p.m. first Thursday of the month (Train Room open) Where: Minneapolis Info: brickmania.com

MINNESOTA CHILDREN’S MUSEUM Kids learn by touching, climbing, splashing, crawling, pushing, pulling

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SEPTEMBER 2014

As [our children] get older and their kids get older, they come around a little bit. They realize we have wisdom, and it only came because we went through these experiences.

— Kristin Basinger

and more through both permanent and touring exhibits. See the Thomas & Friends: Explore the Rails exhibit through Sept. 21.

Cost: $9.95 for ages 1 and older When: 9 a.m.–5 p.m. Sunday– Thursday; 9 a.m.–8 p.m.

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Fridays and Saturdays Where: St. Paul Info: mcm.org

FAMILY DIRECTORY Do none of these outings sound right for you? Check out Minnesota Parent magazine’s indispensible online resource, Family Directory, sorted by category, at mnparent. com/directory, for a wealth of indoor and outdoor ideas. Need a printed copy? Email editor@ mnparent.com for details.

SEPTEMBER 2014

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about financial commitments.

It’s often a difficult topic to broach, West says, but grandparents should make their financial intentions clear.

Of course, grandparents want to help and purchase clothes, gifts and other items for their grandchildren. But, those items should be supplementary to whatever the parents are

The Basingers hang out with their grandsons, Oliver (left) and Milo, in a special room dedicated to their grandkids.

providing, not a primary source of support, West says.

Grandparents in a position to help with larger contributions, such as a $10,000 fund for college, should think beyond the first grandchild: Will you be able to make the same commitment to the fifth and 10th grandchild?

QUALITY TIME TOGETHER

OK, so you have some grandparenting time and boundaries for child care and finances all set.

Now what? Have fun!

Though it may be tempting to plop kids in front of the TV or iPad, don’t!

Avoid technology and instead share your special skills such as baking, fishing, knitting or woodworking. Though some children may resist at first, those are the memories that will stay with them, West says. (They won’t recall which 99 cent app you said they couldn’t buy.)

Disconnecting from screen time is a must with

Can grandkids keep you sharp?

BY TERESA AMBORD Your grandkids may be a joy to be around. But did you know they could keep your mind nimble as well?

According to an Australia-based study of 186 women ages 57 to 68, grandmothers who help care for children have less likelihood of developing disorders that affect memory and result in dementia.

In the study, two-thirds of the women had grandkids. All were postmenopausal. Women were given three mental assessment tests to measure their cognitive abilities. Those who scored the highest were the women who spent one day a week caring for the grandkids.

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SEPTEMBER 2014

That’s important: After menopause, authorities say, women are at increased risk for Alzheimer’s and disorders that affect mental sharpness.

If all this has you thinking you should become a nanny for your grandkids, wait just a second.

The Australian study also showed that women who cared for their grandkids five or more days a week got much lower scores, a good indication they were stressed out, stretched thin by too much responsibility at a time in life when they should have less responsibility.

With the economy still struggling, more adult children are turning to Mom and Pop to provide free or

nearly free child care. And a lot of those grandparents report that their children don’t really even ask, they just assume the grandparents will give up their retirement life or even quit jobs, to watch the kids full time.

What about costs involved in taking the kids, like extra food, diapers and other supplies? Again, many adult children simply expect their parents will bear these costs.

If that sounds like your situation, it may be past time to have a talk.

Helping out in an emergency is one thing, but becoming the full-time babysitter, possibly without any pay for it or reimbursement for costs, is a lot to ask.

How about agreeing to lower the

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overall cost of child are by taking the kids one day a week, and occasionally a bit more?

If you enjoy having the kids stay over, maybe offer a couple of evenings a month so the parents can have a date night.

Or combine the two and keep the kids all day on Friday while the parents work, and then let the kids stay overnight. The parents can have an evening to themselves, and pick up the children in the morning.

That’s pretty generous, and protects your well-being while helping to keep you young, too.

Teresa Ambord is a former accountant. Questions or comments?

Write editor@mngoodage.com.

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the Basingers.

When the grandchildren visit, it’s all about hands-on activities and creative learning, Kristin Basinger says.

In fact, the Basingers have a special toy room dedicated to their many grandchildren, plus a secret carpeted hideout under the stairs where the kids can draw on the walls.

They also spend plenty of time at the nearby park.

Grandparenting time is also an ideal time to teach children about their family and its history, West says, adding that grandparents have a unique opportunity to build Milo, one of the Basingers’ 11 grandkids, plays in a special grandkids room in the Basinger home.

meaningful intergenerational bonds.

Children love to see photos of themselves. But take it a step further and show them photos of their parents and talk about what they were like growing up — “if they got in trouble, if they played sports, what their characteristics were,” West says.

“It helps children gain confidence when they hear their parents struggled. It helps build coping skills,” West says.

GENERATIONAL DIFFERENCES

Once you’re in the thick of grandparenting, it can be difficult to know how to speak up about your child’s parenting style or how to instill your own values in your grandchild.

“You have to remind grandparents that raising children now is different than it was 30 years ago, as it will be when those grandchildren raise their children,” says West.

That notion hasn’t escaped the Basingers, who have a 12th grandchild on the way.

“When we were raising kids, you just kind of winged it.

If you were going to do something, you just kind of did it,” Kristin Basinger says. “Now, you have to have a schedule, worry about the kinds of food (the kids eat) and everything is to the nth degree.”

That’s why, when they babysit a grandchild, they try to respect the parents’ wishes.

Fate only occasionally offers advice for her son, such as a

No grandchildren yet?

Don’t have grandkids — or at least none young enough to require day care? You might consider volunteering your time.

Foster Grandparents is a program for ages 55 and older, offered through the Corporation for National and Community Service, the federal agency that runs service programs such as Senior Corps and AmeriCorps.

Those who qualify for the Foster Grandparents program can volunteer a minimum of 15 hours a

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SEPTEMBER 2014

week, in schools, day care centers, hospitals and schools.

Foster grandparents receive a small monthly stipend based on income, and possibly transportation cost.

In Minnesota, foster grandparents serve one-on-one as tutors and mentors to more than 6,000 young people who have special needs.

Learn more at nationalservice. gov/impact-our-nation/stateprofiles/mn.

I really just have to have faith that I raised my child to know what’s important in life — values, morals, right from wrong. I have to trust him to pass that along as much as I can.

- Kay Fate

MOMENTS LIKE THESE ARE PRECIOUS. DON’T LET THEM FADE AWAY. stricter bedtime for Cooper.

But, she says, he appears to be raising his boy in the same way he was raised.

“I really just have to have faith that I raised my child to know what’s important in life — values, morals, right from wrong,” Fate says. “I have to trust him to pass that along as much as I can. And I have seen that.”

The Basingers remember well the difficulty and responsibility of parenting. Now they can more freely delight in the pleasure and not-sofull-time duty of grandparenting.

“You worry about everything,” says Steve Basinger. “As a grandparent, you’ve already been through that.

“You see the kid for who they are.

Your job is to help that kid be the best kid they can be. You have the freedom to have fun, spoil them and then send them home.”

“But also hold them accountable,” Kristin Basinger adds.

So far, the Basingers’ ability to support their grandchildren — but not take over their lives — has paid off, both with their children and grandchildren.

“A lot of (our children) come to us now for advice,” Steve Basinger says.

Kristin Basinger says she’s still learning, however: She has to work hard not to spoil the kids with sweet treats.

“I probably go overboard on the fruit snacks,” she says, laughing.

Corey Butler is a freelance writer who lives in Northfield with his wife, young child and Baby No. 2 on the way.

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SEPTEMBER CAN’T MISS

CALENDAR ONGOING

The Book of Mormon Wildly acclaimed by critics and audiences alike, this satirical comedy musical from the creators of South Park follows two naive Mormon missionaries on their travels in Uganda.

When: Through Sept. 14 Where: Orpheum Theatre, Minneapolis Cost: $49–$154 Info: hennepintheatretrust.org or 800-982-2787

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Apple Valley · Burnsville · Eagan · Farmington · Hastings · Inver Grove Heights · Lakeville Mendota Heights · Rosemount · South St. Paul · West St. Paul 2014 SENIOR SHOWCASE: THUR, SEPT 25 1– 4 P.M. Take a tour and learn more about the affordable senior housing options in Dakota County. Five of the 26 senior developments owned and managed by the Dakota County CDA will be open to the public for tours, including: Cahill Commons Inver Grove Heights • Cortland Square Apple Valley Cameo Place Rosemount • The Dakotah West St. Paul • Oakwoods East Eagan Maps available online or by calling 651-675-4432

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SEPTEMBER 2014

SEPT. 4–6

Safe As Houses This production from Minneapolis composer and avant-garde mainstay Chris Strouth centers on life in the “post-bubble” age, exploring safety and a sense of home using installations, music, dancing and projections.

When: 7 p.m. Sept. 4–6 Where: New Century Theatre, Minneapolis Cost: $20 Info: hennepintheatretrust.org or 612-455-9501

SEPT. 6

From Pig’s Eye to Summit Learn about St. Paul’s brewing past on a three-hour bus tour based on research by Doug Hoverson, author of Land of Amber Waters (this tour includes samples).

When: 2:30–5:30 p.m. Sept. 6 Where: Beginning at Minnesota History Center, St. Paul Cost: $35, $30 MNHS members.

Reservations are required.

Info: mnhs.org or 651-259-3015

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SEPT. 6

Neighborhood Buckthorn Buster Training Learn techniques for removing buckthorn and witness an area of Vista Hills Park now free of its thickets, allowing native wildflowers, ferns and tree seedlings to flourish.

When: 10 a.m.–noon Sept. 6 Where: Vista Hills Park, Maplewood Cost: FREE. Register online.

Info: maplewoodnaturecenter.com or 651-249-2170

SEPT. 7

Grandparent’s Day Experience an afternoon of activities that grandparents of more

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SEPTEMBER 2014

SEPTEMBER CAN’T MISS

CALENDAR than a century ago enjoyed with their grandchildren.

When: 1–4 p.m. Sept. 7 Where: Harkin Store, New Ulm Cost: $5, $3 for seniors, students and ages 6–17, free for ages 5 and younger and MNHS members.

Reservation are required.

Info: mnhs.org or 507-354-8666

SEPT. 7

Railroad History Tour Take a guided tour to discover the influence of railroads and learn about the future of Twin Cities rail.

When: 1 p.m. Sept. 7 Where: Mill City Museum, Minneapolis Cost: $14, $12 for seniors, students and ages 6–17, free for ages 5 and younger and MNHS members.

Reservation are required.

Info: mnhs.org or 612-341-7555

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SEPTEMBER 2014

SEPT 10–OCT. 17

Big Woods, Big Rivers Become a Master Naturalist: Participants will learn about the natural history of the maple-basswood forests along the St. Croix River. Learn techniques for teaching others, including children, about the natural world. Join in outdoor and classroom activities covering geology, ecology, human impact, water quality and more.

When: 9:30 a.m.–noon, Wednesdays and Fridays, Sept. 10–Oct. 17 Where: Maplewood Nature Center Cost: $200 Info: minnesotamasternaturalist. org or maplewoodnaturecenter. com or 651-249-2170

SEPT. 12-13

Test Pilot A new dance opera explores the legendary story of the Wright Brothers as seen through the eyes of their sister, Katharine, featuring a string quartet, six singers, four dancers and a video artist.

When: 7:30 p.m. Sept. 12–13 Where: The O’Shaughnessy auditorium at St. Catherine University, St. Paul Cost: $17–$27 Info: oshag.stkate.edu or 651-690-6700

SEPT. 12–14

Where adults 50+ can interact, relax and be inspired.

American Pottery Festival This fundraising event for the Northern Clay Center celebrates the use of the ceramic pot.

When: Sept. 12–Sept. 14 Where: Northern Clay Center, Minneapolis Cost: Prices start at $5 for various events.

Info: northernclaycenter.org/apf or 612-339-8007

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Nature This unique outdoor walking play brings to life the story of Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau’s friendship, both known for their love of the natural world, including bagpipers, ancient flutes, drums and choral arrangements.

When: Sept. 12–Oct. 12 Where: Minnesota Landscape Arboretum, Chaska Cost: $25, $20 for arboretum members, $15 for students, free for ages 12 and younger.

Info: arboretum.umn.edu/ walkingplay.aspx or 952-443-1411 SEPT. 13

Selby Ave JazzFest Local, regional and national acts will perform at this free street festival celebrating the jazz art form.

Attendees can enjoy family activities, food and artist demonstrations.

When: 11 a.m.–8 p.m. Sept. 13 Where: Selby Avenue at Milton Street North, St. Paul Cost: FREE Info: selbyavejazzfest.com

SEPT. 18

Don Shelby Jumping Into the Mouth of the Wolf: The iconic Twin Cities broadcast

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SEPTEMBER 2014

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SEPTEMBER CAN’T MISS

CALENDAR

SEPT. 12–OCT. 26

Sever’s Corn Maze and Fall Festival Revel in the autumn season with live music, magic shows, a giant slide, petting zoo, food and a zip line.

When: 1–8 p.m. Fridays, 10 a.m.–8 p.m. Saturdays, 10 a.m.–6 p.m. Sundays, Sept. 12–Oct. 26 Where: 1100 Canterbury Road S., Shakopee Cost: $13 for ages 4 and older, free for ages 3 and younger Info: severscornmaze.com

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journalist will speak on the topic of creative retirement.

When: 7 p.m. Sept. 18 Where: Armstrong High School, Plymouth Cost: FREE Info: 763-504-6980

SEPT. 20

F. Scott Fitzgerald Walking Tours Celebrate the famous author’s birthday, Sept. 24, 1896, with a guided tour of the St. Paul neighborhood where he spent much of his youth, with stops at his birthplace and where he penned his first novel.

When: 1 and 3 p.m. Sept. 20 Where: Beginning at James J. Hill House, St. Paul Cost: $12, $10 for seniors and students, $8 for ages 6–17.

Reservations are required.

Info: mnhs.org or 651-259-3015

SEPT. 26–28

Minnesota Orchestra Season Opening Barber’s Cello Concerto and Mahler’s Symphony No. 2, Resurrection are the featured works at the 2014-15 Season Opening for the orchestra, which will

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be joined by cellist Alisa Weilerstein.

When: 8 p.m. Sept. 26–27, 2 p.m. Sept. 28 Where: Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis Cost: $25–$69 Info: minnesotaorchestra.org or 612-371-5600

SEPT. 27–28

Afton Art in the Park This year marks the 36th happening of this fine arts and traditional craft fair, featuring more than 75 vendors as well as food and live music.

When: 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Sept. 27, 11 a.m.–4 p.m. Sept. 28 Where: Downtown Afton Cost: FREE Info: aftonartfair.com

SEPT. 27

Mill City Oktoberfest Celebrate Minnesota’s brewing past and present at this eighth-annual event, and enjoy the sights, sounds and tastes of Germany throughout the museum grounds.

When: 8 a.m.–2 p.m. Sept. 27 Where: Mill City Museum, Minneapolis Cost: FREE Info: millcitymuseum.org or 612-341-7555

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BeeHive Homes of Excelsior • • BeeHive Homes of Excelsior offers 25 beautiful residential assisted living suites near Lake Minnetonka with specialized support for memory loss and high physical care needs. BeeHive is now open and accepting reservations!

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Crest View Senior Communities • • Crest View Senior Communities offers senior housing, assisted living, memory care, short-term rehab, skilled nursing, and home care. Five great locations in Columbia Heights, and Crest View Senior Community at Blaine is under development and taking reservations.

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Dakota County CDA • Providing adults 55+ with comfortable, elegant, and affordable housing where they can live well into their golden years.

We have over 1,500 apartment homes in 26 properties located in every major city in Dakota County. Visit our Senior Showcase in September.

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South St. Paul HRA • South St. Paul HRA manages one-bedroom apartments for ages 50 and over, which are designated for low to moderate-income persons. Rent is based on income. The building amenities include all utilities paid, an on-site caretaker, security building, after hours answering service, elevators, community room, resident activities & services, and laundry facilities. Call today to set up an appointment.

125 Third Ave N South St. Paul 651-554-3270 ssphra.org

Southview Senior Communities • • • Southview Senior Communities owns and operates six senior communities that feature independent living, assisted living, and memory care apartments. Our beautiful, spacious apartments have several size and floor plan options. Our staff provides a variety of engaging activities for residents all day.

Southview Senior Living 1984 Oakdale Ave

West St. Paul 651-554-4838 Lilydale Senior Living Villas of Lilydale 949 Sibley Memorial Hwy Lilydale 651-454-6853 Shoreview Senior Living 4710 Cumberland St Shoreview 651-484-9822 Oak Park Senior Living Villas of Oak Park 13936 Lower 59th St N Oak Park Heights 651-439-9995 Inver Glen Senior Living 7260 S Robert Trail Inver Grove Heights 651-450-0707 Arbor Lakes Senior Living 12001 80th Ave N Maple Grove 763-478-2141 southviewcommunities.com

St. Benedict’s Senior Community • • • St. Benedict’s Senior Community is a leader in health care and housing lifestyle options for seniors. Whether speaking about the campus in St. Cloud or Monticello, our philosophy remains the same; offer independence and choices for vital aging.

St. Cloud Campus: 1810 Minnesota Blvd SE St. Cloud 320-203-2747 Monticello Campus: 1301 E 7th St Monticello 763-295-4051 centracare.com

St. Paul Public Housing Agency • • • The Congregate Housing Services Program of the St. Paul Public Housing Agency provides services to assist persons with disabilities, mental health issues, brain injury, and challenges of aging to live independently in their homes.

Edgerton, Iowa, Montreal, Ravoux & Valley High Rises 651-292-6035 stpha.org

SEPTEMBER 2014

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BRAIN TEASERS

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1. Macbeth 2. Finches 3. Earlybird 4. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings 5. Martha, after Martha Washington 6. Ravens 7. “Give a hoot: Don’t pollute!” 8. All have played in — but not won — the Super Bowl.

9. A collision between a bird or birds and an aircraft 10. Alcatraz

TRIVIA

ANSWERS

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SEPTEMBER 2014

S

TRIVIA BIRD BRAIN 1. “The devil damn thee black, thou cream-faced loon! Where got’st thou that goose look?” shouts the main character in which Shakespearian tragedy, as he’s informed of the advance of the English army?

2. On his journey to the Galpagos Islands, Charles Darwin noted the differing, specialized beak shapes between various species of which type of bird?

3. American rock band The Eagles sang the lyrics “High up on his own, the eagle flies alone and he is free,” in which 1972 song?

4. Can you name the 1969 autobiography written by Maya Angelou about her coming of age?

5. The last surviving American passenger pigeon, which died at the Cincinnati Zoo in 1914, was named after what First Lady of the United States. What was her name?

6. In Norse mythology, the god Odin has two birds that were thought to fly daily across the world, acting as his messengers. What type of birds were they?

7. What was the motto of Woodsy Owl, the cartoon spokesperson for the U.S. Forest Service, in PSAs that aired between 1965–1985?

8. The NFL teams the Atlanta Falcons, Arizona Cardinals and Philidelphia Eagles share what Super Bowl statistic in common?

9. To what does the term “bird strike” refer?

10. The 18-century Spanish naval officer Juan Manuel de Ayala gave the name “Isla de Alcatraces,” meaning “island of the pelicans,” to what infamous island?

One of the best gifts you can give a child isn’t found in a toy store.

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