Vol 1 Issue 4 by Tyler Byrne

Mobscene 3586 London Bridge Rd. Lake Havasu City, AZ. 86405 (928) 453-0954 www.mobscenemagazine.com Publisher Tyler Byrne Executive Editor Nicole Rodarte Co-Editor /Writer John Kissinger Chief Financial Officer Rebecca Rodarte Distribution Coordinator Walter Byrne Graphics / Layout EyeSore Graphics

top 10 reasons to go to work naked

beat a drunk month

sports on the river

hell bent 4 comedy

Laughlin ‘05 river run

alcohol mobscene style

Rockin’ or noonan

horoscopes

dj unique speaks out!

Mobscene nightlife

DON’T TRY TO PINCH YOURSELF... YOU NOT SLEEPING. WE’RE JUST GIVING YOU TEN REASONS TO BARE IT ALL AT WORK!

“HAVASU HAVOC V” SHOWS US

JUST HOW MUCH FUN IT IS TO WATCH SOME GUY GET HIS HEAD BEAT IN

Legal Disclaimer The content in this magazine is for the entertainment purposes only. Advertisers are responsible for their ads placed in this magazine. Mobscene Magazine is not responsible for any actions taken by their readers. We may occasionally use images/content placed in public domain. Sometimes, it is not possible to identify and or contact the copyright holder. If you claim ownership of something we have published, we will gladly make proper acknowledgement. Mobscene Magazine may not share opinions and or views stated by the writers and or photographers. Some of the content published may be of a mature nature; we do not, in anyway, condone under age drinking or any other illegal activity.

WE WERE THERE BOOZIN’’ AND RIDIN’ WITH THE BEST OF THEM, AND WE MANAGED TO GET A FEW PICS OF THE FESTIVITIES.

WE’VE LAID DOWN JUST A FEW OF THE LAME ASS THINGS WE DO AND A FEW OF THE THINGS WE SHOULD.

WE LET ONE OF HAVASU’S OWN DJ’S TELL US HOW HE REALLY FEELS ABOUT THE RIVERS MUSIC SCENE... OR LACK THEREOF!

TIRED OF THOSE OBNOXIOUS DRUNKS AT THE BAR... US TOO! COME JOIN US ON WHAT JUST COULD POSSIBLE BE A NATIONAL HOLIDAY

ONE OF THE FRESHEST ACTS IN VEGAS... GETS THE MOBSCENE LOOK OVER.

WE TEAMED UP WITH GOFAST TO CREATE SOME LIBATIONS SURE TO GIVE YOUR NIGHT A JUMP START!

CAN’T MAKE A DECISION ON WHAT TO DO THIS MONTH... NOT TO FEAR MOBSCENE WILL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO

CHECK OUT IF WE’VE CAUGHT YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF SOME DEBAUCHERY YOU SWORE YOU WEREN’T!

Bizness spotlight!

THE CHAMBER DOES IT’S BEST TO LOCK US INTO THEIR DUNGEON OF FASHION AND PIERCING.

the circus has come to town

IF YOU CAN STAND THE SPIT AND THE SNOT THIS HEAVY HITTIN’ HARD-CORE BAND IS THE HOOKUP!

havasu hottie

KIM GIVES NEW MEANING TO THE TERM HAPPY HOUR AS NEWEST CENTERFOLD.

You know that you have thought about it or maybe just have dreamt that you did it... Whatever the case here is our top ten reasons for doing it

1. Your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!” 2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan. 3. “I’d love to chip in for lunch, but I left my wallet in my pants.” 4. To stop those creepy guys from looking down your blouse. 5. You want to see if it’s like the dream.

6. So that you can add “Exotic Dancer” to your exaggerated resume. 7. People stop stealing your pens after they’ve seen where you keep them. 8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk. 9. Gives “bad hair day” a whole new meaning. 10. No one will steal your chair.

Spring Break in Havasu conjures up a lot of images: sun, fun, bikinis & the usual debauchery that comes with being a hot ass resort town. Occasionally we have a good ol’-fashioned brawl or two, & this time was no exception; once again, thanks to the good peeps at Extreme Cage Fighters in LHC. Chuck & Connie Costello put on a helluva fight at the illustrious Aquatic Center, complete with a state-ofthe-art ring courtesy of Chuck’s sweat & tears to accommodate headliners from the Chris Brennan Camp straight outta Cali & Mike Seal from the mean streets of Tijuana. Cage fighting is one of the hottest new trends in organized beating-tha-crapoutta-fools, & this event had Havasu out in droves to catch a glimpse of some quality beatdowns. For those of you not in the nizz-o, Extreme Cage Fighting is in the Mixed Martial Arts family & it’s exactly what it sounds like. Anything goes, from boxing and kickboxing to Jujitsu and grappling. Punching,

kicking, tripping, wrestling – whatever it takes to knock an opponent unconscious or get him to consciously submit, or “tap out” and admit defeat. Bones sometimes break, and combatants often bleed. But would it really be a worthwhile event if there wasn’t some type of brutality involved? Cage fighting is definitely an in-your-face, no-bulls**t sport, from the Korn played between bouts to the steel cage itself that looks like it belongs in a prison exercise yard, but If you’ve seen the popular Ultimate Fighting Championship matches on cable and Pay-PerView, you’ll have a good idea of what went down at the Aquatic Center that night. So keep your ears to tha’ street for the next ruckus at the River, comin’

to the Center this August, complete with madness & mayhem fo’ yo’ ass!!!

“ass n’ catfish”-(adj.) used to describe something that feels, smells or looks to’-up-from-the-flo’ up: such as a hangover, your roommates funkdafied socks, or a broke-ass chick. Ex.:”Dude, I knew I shouldn’t of hit it in my backseat last night, now my car smells like ass n’catfish.” If you’re really slick, you’ll use it to describe things both really rank & really bomb, & no one will ever know what the f**k you’re talkin’ bout Willis……

Just mix together a unhealthy portion of metal and beer, seasoned with a lot skin, and a dash of some well placed leather. Bake it for an entire weekend and then just sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor otherwise known as the “Laughlin River Run”. Although we here at the office had the best intentions of getting an in depth article of the weekends events. We ended up going out there having a blast and taking pictures

of some chopper builders and a lot of the “Bedroom Girl” contest put on by Outburst Promotions. I know our readers aren’t really too focused on the content but rather the eye-candy we put out, so stop reading and enjoy.

Kiddies, this is Hav-Town, & ya’ll know what the he-double-hockey-stix it’s all about….we live by different rules, which if you’re livin’ right, should mean no rules at all!! But when out there on the lake or kickin’ it on the street keep a few things in mind, please & thank you……

1. Plastic spinners on Post-2000 cars

1. Blowin’ up your ride with a hot sticker & reppin’ your favorite mag

2. Havin’ plastic surgery & lyin’ about it

2.Proudly admitting & rockin’ what ya got

3. Bitchin’ about your job. You like to eat, dontcha?

3. Covering for someone occasionally. Everyone’s been hungover or had baby-mama-drama. Show some love.

4. Bein’ a hater.

4. Kickin’ your man and/or chick to the curb cuz’ they are a hater.

5. Bein’ a T.A.T.! (Tweekity-assTweaker)… I don’t even wanna talk to my mama at a bar for more than 10 min….step off , ya sprung fool!

5. Bein’ cool to strangers & takin’ a sec to holla @ fools…

6. It’s a small muthaf***in’ town, please act accordingly. Don’t wanna be sittin’ next to your last hookup/conquest/ piece of ass. Please & thank you.

6. Just hang out & save it for a minute, couldja? Ya just might enjoy it more later.

**for those not in the know, “NOONAN” is current Hava-speak for so over, so last year, so ten shades of please don’t… ..

First of all I just wanna say thank you to Mobscene Magazine for the interview and for taking the time to check me out. It means a lot to me to be able to let me speak my mind on some of these issues I have; these socalled DJ’s, the people, the town, and how I feel about it. First of all I just want you to know who “DJ UNIQUE” is. I first started DJ’ing 7 years ago at Havasu Lanes as the D.J. for Rock-n-Bowl. I played there for about a year, then started working for Ron’s Party SoundN-Lights booking weddings & other events. I then entered and won the Best DJ In The Tri-State Area contest that K-ROCK & Coors Light sponsored, & went on to play for Reflections, Maddogs, Havasu Underground, Klub Kayos, & Nancy’s Ice House. I then went on to travel the United States playing various clubs and bars, and winning multiple titles as “Best DJ”. I have plans this summer to attend the prestigious Scratch Academy in L.A., so I can have more job options as a legitimate D.J. The first issue I want to

address is the D.J’s in Havasu & how they play. I wouldn’t call them D.J’s, I would call them “professional jukeboxes”. As a professional D.J., you need to play the trendy crap that the people want, but at the same time show them who you are as a real D.J.; an artist, and as such put some heart, excitement, passion, and personality into your mix. But that’s not what I see; it’s all empty D.J. booths, with pre-mixed CD’s playing. These so-called DJ’s are out on the floor flirtin’ with the girls, drinkin’ with their friends. That’s not a DJ! When you get a spot at a bar or club you need to give the best you can give of yourself every night. You need to ask yourself, “ Do I want to be like every other DJ and sound like every other place? Or do I want to be unique and give the people somethin’ to come out for?” Times change and so does the music. But these so-called DJ’s don’t. Some of them even play my CD in their own clubs when they wanna line up a booty call for later or grab drinks with their friends. My other beef would have to be bar owners/managers in town that don’t respect artists, whether it be a DJ, band or otherwise. I’m sure there are bartenders & waitresses that feel the

same way: they need to stop whoring us out & realize they’re making money off our blood & sweat. I have put it down and brought crowds to many places that repaid me with disrespect & false promises. That is no way to create a thriving entertainment scene. Finally, Havasu people: get open to some new sh**! The only way we’re gonna blow up this town & keep up with the rest of the world is to embrace change. I have 2 CD’s out there, good party s**t, but real mixing, inspired by real DJ’s, like Mixmaster Mike, Qbert, and DJ Rectangle, just to name a few. And keep your eyes peeled for my new, coming’ out by November or December. And as for the people and places that might get offended by this-I don’t give a f***. It’s time to let the people know the truth about you, your lies, and the way you have treated me and other artists in town. So kick rocks and s**k fat c**ks you bitches.

Ladies and Gentlemen: I bring you the band formerly known as Paradigm. Aiight, enough of that. Jim Jones Circus is the self- proclaimed “Black Sheep” of the Havasu band scene, & I personally am not mad at ‘em. Any band that has survived & moved on from personnel changes, general hateration & a 14-year-old Drummer That Sucks has my attention straight out the box. Did I mention the members are alumni from some great bands such as Atrocity of The Chicken & Kids On Ritalin? Jim Jones Circus is made up of the exuberant and talented “Reverend George F**ker” on bass & lead vocals, the dynamic D. Dolge on lead guitar, and last but not least “Aceman” Aaron Edwards, beatin’ it hard on drums. They cite eclectic influences from Vision of Disorder & Mindless Self-Indulgence to Tool & Dillinger Skate Plan, but if you held a gun to their heads they’d describe themselves as a cocktail made up of Primus, Slayer, & a half-gallon of Southern Comfort thrown in a blender. One would be prone to agree with their mix of heavy/death metal and a funky ass bass. The boys were confident &

hospitable enough to invite me to band practice; which refreshingly, they do on a daily basis. Now here’s the skinny: this reviewer isn’t the biggest expert on hardcore, but is a subscriber of the bang/bob ya’ head theory, which basically is no matter the genre, if it makes you rock ya’ head, it’s the s**t. These cats played the f**k outta their instruments, and my head was bobbin’, not to mention a couple other body parts as well. With whimsical titles like “Backseat Rider” & “F**k Society”, Aceman sets the tone with some hard ass drums & the Rev. George actually screams on key. It’s actually a pretty ridiculous meshing when you factor in the ripping of the lead guitar by D. Dolge on the axe.

The guys are busy playing shows all over town, currently tearin’ the roof off the Havasu Underground at the Battle of The Bands, so keep your ear to the asphalt kiddies, & don’t sleep on the Jim Jones Circus, ‘cause they will be passin’ out some Kool-Aid at a show near you. ~ LOLA

Tired of having to wait for those weekend Vegas trips to buy your gear. Well Chris and Uncle Jerry are tired of driving too and are about to change all that. Chris Scali the owner of Beach Bum’z felt that there was no reason Havasu locals should be limited to shop at WalMart or JC Pennys (Not that West Coast Choppers shirts aren’t cool). He envisioned something much larger. While the idea of creating a caravan service to the city was a possibility. The idea of opening a shop which brought the clothes everyone wanted to Havasu ultimately prevailed, and the Chamber was born. The newly opened shop, located next to Radio Shack, carries racks of clothes, body jewelry, and accessories from companies like Metal Mulisha, Freak Clothing, and is an authorized dealer of Lucky 13. They currently have a piercer on staff who would love to poke a hole anywhere from your navel to your face and then dress it up with something from the biggest collection of body jewelry in Havasu.

The Chamber is located at 31 N. Lake Havasu Ave. Ste. 6 (928) 505-8288

So if you still wear band T-shirts and like the evil side of life then this is definitely the place is for you.

Hey kiddies, it’s about that time once again, & this case of steady mobbin’ was inspired by the party that resulted in our cover/centerfold. As I staggered into another hazy Sunday mornin’ after & shielded my eyes from the sun that was assaulting my hangover, I spotted this treat that made my 2-dollarthrowback ‘70’s-shades look semi-cool. Made me wanna stick a feathered roach clip in my hair & rock some tube socks. So if this is your ride, holla at your Mobfolk: (928)-453-0954 & we shall Mob your s**t with a carwash courtesy of Dynamic Detail, Lake Havasu City. We might even be able to track down an O.G. pine-scented tree air freshener. Keep ya eyes peeled cuz’ ya never know if Lola’s lurkin’ by your ride……!

River HotSpots HAVASU

B J’s Tavern 2122 Mc Culloch Blvd N (928) 854-2122 Barley Brothers Brewery 1425 McCulloch Blvd N (928) 505-7837 It occurred to me last week while sitting at the bar just how annoying drunks could be. Whether it be their mindless rants of relationships, politics, crappy jobs, or how they swear they could kill you with their forehead... Either way there are some annoying drunks out there! Don’t get me wrong, I like to drink. In fact, I love drinking. I don’t have to drink to have a good time, but being drunk defintely makes otherwise boring people seem interesting. It also breaks down barriers between people. With a loss of inhibitions comes the loss of the bulls%!t we surround ourselves with for protection. There’s almost a bonding that takes place when one drunk looks at another drunk and says “I’m drunk and pathetic.” But like all good things in life there are those that can’t handle substance abuse. Pushed by their “addictive personalities”, they turn every pastime into a problem. These people have problems to begin with, and the abuse regimens they institute on their bodies stem from strange internal crises, not the evilness lying on the bottom of the bottle. Everyone knows someone who can’t walk the line. No matter what they do, they completely overdo it, and bring down as many people with them as possible. Everyone’s got a hole to fill. Like the people you know who were once huge drug addicts and are now huge religion addicts. Or the people who get a boy/girlfriend and you don’t see them for 2 months. Or the people who feel it necessary to write semi-pedantic common sense masturbatory word orgies from ivory towers of filth, like anyone on the planet gives a shit. We all got holes to fill. I hate people who can’t balance stuff out. I particularly hate ugly drunks. I’m not talking about the people you accidentally end up with after hours at some random house, I’m talking about the people who get so f**ked up they lose all control and start puking in your kitchen while telling you they’re gonna kick your ass. Don’t get me wrong, we all get out of hand from time to time, and that’s OK. In fact I think it’s a cleansing thing to push it too far every so often, but dammit, those creatures who constantly make their little ordeal everyone else’s problem need to be locked in a trunk and tossed off the bridge. You know the kind of people I’m talking about. They want to beat everyone up, they lurch around the room, they intimidate smaller people. They lose all their stuff, start crying, and puke in the back of your car. They shriek and slap high fives and get hyper-aggressive towards the opposite sex (especially you pathetic guys who go from wall flowers to date rapists after three Cherry Bombs). They keep asking you the same questions, they hit on your date, they go through your fridge, they wrestle your dog, they f**k up your stereo, they yell s#^t out of moving cars, they piss all over the place, they s#*t their pants, and they cry about their mothers. They are loud, no fun, and just plain annoying. Something, tender readers, must be done. As most of you know, I don’t often prescribe violence to cure societal problems, but today I am, by declaring this National Beat Up An Annoying Drunk Month. This month, as you all run to and fro around this beautiful lake of ours, why not beat up every annoying drunk person you come in contact with. Don’t put anyone in the hospital or anything, just teach them that the wages of stupidity is a stiff beating about the head and shoulders with a blunt object. Remember: only beat Annoying Drunks. Funny drunks, sleepy drunks, quiet drunks, chatty drunks, clumsy drunks, and even sloppy drunks are allowed to go about their business. Homeless drunks are always OK, no matter how bad they get. But some people take the excuse of drunkenness to be complete bastards, and they MUST NOT GIVE US RESPECTABLE DRUNKS A BAD NAME! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go get a beer.

Shooters 1515 Marlbro Dr (928) 680-6076 The Office 2180 Acoma Blvd W (928) 855-9583

Big John’s Steak’n Pub 717 Lake Havasu Ave N (928) 453-5858

The Palms Lake Ront Bar & Dining 2mi South of Copper Canyon on the California side

Martini Bay 1477 Queens Bay (928) 855-0888

PARKER

Casa Serrano 150 Swanson Ave (928) 854-5500 Desert Martini 2120 McCulloch Blvd N (928) 855-1818 Frigate Resturant & Lounge 350 London Bridge Rd (928) 453-9907 Fire House 66 Capri Blvd (928) 505-5224 Kokomo 1477 Queens Bay (928) 855-0888 Mad Dogs Bar & Grill 2048 McCulloch Blvd N (928) 505-5253 McKee’s Pub & Grill 2112 McCulloch Blvd N (928) 453-8400

Hogans 10172 Riverside Dr (928) 667-4299 Roadrunner Floating Bar 7000 Riverside Dr (928) 667-4252 Stroke’s bar & Grill 8010 Riverside Dr (928) 667-2366

Bullhead

Bars & Cars 1331 Baseline Rd (928) 704-2277 Cocktails 3935 Highway 95 (928) 758-4955

Laughlin

Hideout 2311 S Casino Dr (702) 299-0008 Tarzan’s Lounge 2300 S Casino Dr (702) 298-7111

Nancy’s Ice House 2061 Swanson Ave (928) 855-8581 Pour House Restaurant & Lounge 2093 McCulloch Blvd N (928) 680-0063 Red Room 1519 Queens Bay (928) 505-7226 Rumours Pub & Eatery 34 Scott Dr. (928) 854-1404

Are we missing your Bar/Club or event? Call: 928-453-0954

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume I’m not the only one that loves Las Vegas, but is sick of sittin’ in traffic to hand over paychecks at a time to overpriced mini-Disneylands just so I can hang out with poseurs who “know Vegas” more than everyone else. We’ve all heard tales of Vegas trips past when it was all about cuttin’ loose, havin’ a blast & feelin’ like a pimp. When Vegas felt, well, like VEGAS. When you didn’t have to BE a high-roller to feel like one. Sometimes takin’ it back to tha’ oldschool works, & this is one of them. Fortunately, for those of us that like to floss with a cocktail in one hand & a hottie in the other, Downtown

YOU’LL REBEL TO ANYTHING MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE Party people in the house listen up: Mindless Self Indulgence are here & they are here to stay. That’s right. I said it. That’s the f**k it’s about. Imagine being able to go back in time to a Nine Inch Nails concert, they get joined on stage by a couple members of Slipknot & Devo, a guest vocal by Marilyn M.,

Las Vegas has come back to give us what we’ve been fiending for. Picture getting your stroll on in the glow of all the classic neon signs, & being overcome with the spirit of Vintage Vegas, ie: drinkin’, smokin’, & if you’re really lucky, a good ass show even.”Hellbent 4 Humor” in the Plaza Showroom at the newly renovated, revamped Plaza Hotel in Downtown Las Vegas is the perfect example of this brand of good time. Starring the infamous Vegas headliner Benny Baker with his cutting edge brand of stand-up comedy, this show is perfect for those of us not in the lounge-act-lovin’-blue-hair-havin’ set. Totally irreverent & always

& the whole damn thing gets some backup on the turntables by Moby & Paul Oakenfold. If any or none of this makes sense, do the right thing & go cop You’ll Rebel To Anything, cause it’s all sorts of ridiculous. They actually meld rapid fire guitar riffs & synths & team ‘em up with falsetto vocals & death howls. Go figure. It’s not easy to find s**t you can bang your head, pogo, mosh, and dance to, & the fact this quartet is comprised of two boys & two girls makes it all the more irresistible.

ten shades of f**kin’ funny, the best thing about this cat is he cracks your ass up whether you’re a well-read wannabe intellect who’s up on politics, or a ig’nint redneck. That’s right, he’s an equal opportunity s**t-talker, and that s**t’s always funny. So take my advice: grab a honey or gather the homies, go Mob Downtown Las Vegas, & peep out cheap drinks, a down ass vibe & Benny Baker @ The Plaza. If you don’t have a fiesta that throws rocks at The Strip, hit up Nicole@mobscen emagazine.com & I’ll escort you back personally, my treat. That’ s right, I’m puttin’ my foot down.

FINALLY WOKEN JEM Gotta make a confession. Not a big fan of what I call chick music. That is, music by chicks, for chicks, about chicks. This CD is by a chick, chicks will love it, it rocks, & that’s why anybody & everybody should peep it out. Homegirl has sexy, haunting vocals backed by fat ass beats, a deep baseline, cool melodies, & lyrics that will get you laid. ‘Nuff ‘said, no? Make a long story short, if Dido & Gwen Stefani could spawn a lovechild ( trust & believe I’d be first in line for that DVD) this is what she would sound like.

Tu-Go Tuaca & Gofast Bomb Style or on the rocks

Us here at the Mobscene office have drank so much “Go Fast” these past few months putting together this mag... We quite frankly are addicted! So instead of battling the “Go Fast Monkey” we thought we should incorporated it into our night-life activities as well. Now we have 6 drinks sure to keep the party going well after you really wanted them to.

Fast Meister Gofast & yeager Bomb Style or on the rocks Cherry Bomb Three Olives cherry vodka & Gofast Bomb style Sun Kiss 3oz Gofast 1oz O.J. 1/2 shot Absolute mandarin 1/2 shot Absolute Citron Drop into Go fast Mobscene Da Drink Go Fast 1 Vodka 1/2 Triple Sec Splash of Cranberry Fast Ass Go Fast & Heinikin Take a big gulp of your Heiny and mix Go Fast to your preference Da Mojo (a.k.a. the Noonan) 4oz Go Fast 1.5oz Capt. Morgan 1oz O.J. Venom Bomb Tarantula Azul tequila, drop into glass of Go Fast This one glows in the black Lights

We know that on the long road of life, there are many twists and turns. Without the right advice the outcome could be devastating. We’ve searched high and low to bring our readers true spirtual enlightenment. The wisdom found in ancient Eastern proverbs is uncanny and will surely help guide you the rest of your days...

1. Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

8. Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

build crib, but one screw to fill it.

2. Man who run in front of car get tired.

9. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

15. Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

3. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

10. Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.

16. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

4. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. 5. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. 6. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. 7. Man with one chopstick go hungry.

11. War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left. 12. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house. 13. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. 14. It take many nails to

17. Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement. 18. Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs. 19. Man who fart in church sit in own pew. 20. Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Summer has officially kicked off & it is the season of loungin’ & partyin’ ya’ll, so let the stars guide you to your good time this month. Gemini May 21 - June 20 Happy Berfday Gemini! Your party lasts all month & will follow you from the beach to summer school, but watch out for a fling that wants to hang out til’ Fall….

Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21 Soothe a sunburn by sharing a hangover bloody mary with some talent you’ve been admiring for a minute & you just might end up getting some sunset love on the beach…holla!

Cancer June 21 - July 22 A good ol’ fashioned barbecue at your pad this month will succeed in you not only havin’ a good time, but meeting a hottie that knows how to bet on playoff games. Keep them til’ Fall…

Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19 Reconnect with a bronze god/goddess you’ve been too busy to hang with, & indulge in some watersports. The wetter the better, & trust and believe you might walk away high, but definitely not dry.

Leo July 23 - Aug 22 Buy a new bikini/pair of boardshorts & the honeys are sure to follow. You’re due for a summer makeover, however, there’s some haters waitin’ round the corner, so smile bigger & rock the spot even harder.

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Look back on the days when a summer job didn’t mean a bummer, it meant hookin’ up on the regular & partying after work. Especially with those who work someplace else…

Virgo Aug 23 - Sept 22 Remember summer camp? You need to go somewhere you can stay overnight, make out with someone hot you’ll never see again, & eat crappy food but not care ‘cause you’re makin’ out with someone hot.

Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Get on a bike, a boat or a babe, but whatever’in you do, get yourself a ride, & get it quick. Like yesterday. It promises to be the best summer ever if you heed this advice.

Libra Sept 23 - oct 22 This is your last chance for a summer romance, so don’t sleep on the talent you caught up with during springtime, or your hot summer nights might turn out to be pretty damn lukewarm….

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You know what they say about drinkin’ in the sun? That’s right, as much as possible, whenever possible! You already set the tone last month, don’t get caught slippin’ when summer starts to drop!

Scorpio Oct 23 - Nov 21 Instead of spending cash on a night out at the bar, invest in a night of air-conditioning & invite a potential fun-buddy in for movies & margaritas. The bathtub just might start callin’ your name….

Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 Get some beer, some hot dogs, a couple days off, and reconnect with your inner circle with an ol’ skool campout on the beach. Someone that’s been pissin’ you off will figure out why & make it up & life will be oh-so-good…

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