The 5 Languages of Appreciation at Work

By Kym Krey

Do you ever feel like you do so much for your team, but they still never seem to feel appreciated? It can be extremely frustrating for both sides. You feel that no matter what you do, it’s never enough and your staff member feels like they’re ‘just a number’ or it’s ‘all about the money’.

Left unresolved, this can lead to staff turnover and the loss of your most valuable talent. So who’s right and who’s wrong? Well…… it’s possible that you’re both right, in that you’re both going above and beyond to try and please the other…. but that your efforts aren’t having the desired effect because they’re not what the other hopes to receive.

You’ve heard of the 5 Languages of Love (the best-selling book written about relationships)? Well, now it’s time to master the 5 Languages of APPRECIATION in the workplace.

Picture this:

A well-meaning husband buys his wife a piece of jewellery on the way home as a surprise, hoping to see the delight on her face as she unwraps her gift. She, however, just wants him to help her do the vacuuming occasionally or get home in time to help with dinner! As she unwraps the present, she rolls her eyes and thinks “What’s the point of this? We haven’t been out anywhere together in months! Am I going to wear it doing the laundry?” For him: Her less-than enthusiastic reaction leaves him feeling completely unappreciated and unlikely to want to surprise her again. No matter what he does, it’s never enough!

For her: His gift indicates that he has no understanding for what life is like for her. That he just doesn’t ‘get’ her at all. She would have much preferred he pay for a house cleaner to give her the weekend off, or a babysitter so they could go out for a lovely evening.

The problem is that when we want to show appreciation (or love, in the case of our husband and wife), we tend to give the other person what we would like- not what they would like!

The outcome? After all your well-intentioned efforts, they still don’t feel appreciated.

It’s possible that your staff feel exactly the same way. You might have handed one employee movie tickets as a nice surprise… when she really needs cash to pay for urgent car repairs. Or you’ve offered a lucrative incentive program that pays a generous percentage of everything they make in excess of target… that’s having no effect at all, because what they really want is a morning off to do tuckshop at their child’s school.

Get the idea?

So if you want to inspire the best effort and results from each person on your team, it’s important to know what lights them up and makes them feel special and valued.

Let’s explore the 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace:

Words Of Encouragement:

Do you have an employee whose eyes light up when you tell them they’ve done a wonderful job or that you’re super proud of them, while another gets really embarrassed and awkward? Someone who looks for encouraging, appreciative words thrives on verbal recognition and praise. They love nothing more than to hear “Well done! You did such a great job of that!” or “Susie is our foiling queen! She’s incredible. You’re in very good hands” A message in your team group chat or directly just to them (notice what they respond to) to say “Thank You for what you did yesterday. I really appreciate your help” or a mention in front of the team at your team meeting is likely to have them feeling all warm and fuzzy.

Those with the Words of Encouragement appreciation style need to hear you say it to know that they’re important to you. A gift, a bonus or even buying them a coffee on your way to work may still leave them feeling cold, even if you would have loved it! And for extra bonus points? Be specific in your positive feedback. E.g. “I know that client wasn’t particularly easy for you, and you did a great job of being patient and making sure she was happy”, or “I really appreciate the effort you’ve put into training our new assistant. That has been so helpful to me, thank you. You’ve done an excellent job with her.”

Acts Of Service:

These people feel appreciated when you do something for them. Acts of Service people may think “Talk is cheap. If you meant it, you’d show it.” Just like our exhausted wife in the earlier example, it’s the effort you make when you do something for them that makes them feel valued. They don’t need expensive gifts; they want you to notice that they’re working really hard and do something thoughtful to make life easier or show that you appreciate their efforts.

Jumping in to help with a client to let them grab lunch or even grabbing their lunch for them if they’re going above and beyond, finishing their end of day cleaning tasks so they can leave early that day, even offering to swap a shift to let them have a special day off will all go a long way for this person. They’re often practical people who don’t need a lot of fuss or expensive things. It’s the small, thoughtful gestures that make them feel special. It says, ‘I did this for you’ or ‘I was thinking of you’.

Tangible Gifts:

Whilst this one may sound a little materialistic, for a Tangible Gifts person, it’s not the cost of the gift that counts, but the evidence that you were thinking of them and bought them something you knew they’d appreciate. It could be as simple as buying them the new chocchip muffin from the coffee shop that they’d said they wanted to try or handing them their favourite coffee or chocolate the morning after a late work night.

For larger rewards, buying them a ticket to the concert they’ve been raving about or the latest book by their favourite author could have far more impact that the same value in cash, because it took extra thought.

A Tangible Gifts gal will swoon over that new handbag or piece of jewellery or a spontaneous bunch of flowers they weren’t expecting and will likely be the most receptive to prizes, gift cards and other physical rewards.

Quality Time

Those with the Quality Time appreciation style crave exactly that….. your time. This means prioritising time regularly to sit with them and listen, letting them tell you how they’re feeling, what they’re excited about, what they’re struggling with and allowing them to express their ideas at length. Sometimes this will be in a structured weekly/ monthly review style conversation (but make sure you allow time to ‘just talk’ as well!), but also simply having coffee with them to give your undivided attention, (something many busy business owners rarely give!) is a great way to build rapport and trust and show them they’re important to you.

Do you have a team member who gets to work extra early because they know that you do too? They’re likely a Quality Time person who just wants to ‘hang’ with you before the rest of the team arrive. They’ll also be the one who says, “But I just don’t see you anymore!” when you start to step back from the day to day running of the business, so notice that and create opportunities to spend one-on-one time with them when you can.

Quality Time people want your full and focused attention, they need you to listen without interruption or multi-tasking and they thrive in one-on-one meetings. They also love team outings where they get to just ‘be’ with their

Physical Touch (Where appropriate!)

This might sound like an odd one, and you do need to be mindful, of course, but if you have a team member who gives you an enormous hug when you do something thoughtful for them… they’re showing you how they prefer to show gratitude and appreciation.

Physical Touch people will break out the HighFives in celebration or be quick to give a pat on the back or a shoulder squeeze when they’re excited for you. They’re very comfortable displaying affection openly and show genuine warmth and delight physically- with facial expressions and body language.

Now, if you’re also a Physical Touch person then no problem, this is a fist-bump match made in heaven… but… if you’re comfortable with physical touch and they’re not… well…. picture that aunt who smothered you in hugs and kisses as a child that you were forever trying to hide from at family gatherings. Eek! To be safe, with this one, hold it back a little until they offer the first hug or keep your congratulations to a light and appropriate touch on the lower arm initially. You’ll know if they’re a hugger! And remember that just because one team member loves a hug or fist bump, several of your others may not, so be considerate of personal boundaries and comfort zones.

In summary, as with individual personalities and communication styles, your team will likely vary in what makes them feel valued and appreciated so it’s important to get to know each one, even offering examples of possible rewards and asking what they’d most like to receive.

This is not solely about what makes you comfortable. One of the greatest skills of leadership is the ability to lead and communicate the way that others prefer to receive it, not the way that is most comfortable for you.

Learn what makes each of them tick and you’ll find your well-intended feedback and rewards hitting the mark far more often and your team feeling valued and appreciated.

Kym Krey, The Salon Mentor, is a specialist industry business mentor helping business owners and managers nail the skills of leadership and managing their team for exceptional results. She’s the gal you’ll want in your corner when things get tough or when you’re ready to take that next big leap. Get in touch @kymkrey or grab your FREE leadership tools and resources at www.kymkrey.com.au

Grab your FREE Languages of Appreciation summary chart by scanning the QR code here: