QUIZ QUEST 3: SUMMER QUEST

It's time for another Quiz Quest! Starting at Q1, choose an option and follow the directions in square brackets. Can you enjoy this gorgeous summer day?

Q1. You peek through the embroidered curtains of the only window in the basement apartment of your parents’ house, which was once featured on an episode of Property Brothers. It’s a gorgeous summer day out there! What do you do?

a) Go outside. [Go to Q2] b) Stay in. [Go to Q3] a) Turn on the television. [Go to Q4] b) Make a sandwich. [Go to Q10] a) No. [Go to Q5] b) Yes. [Go to Q15] a) Go to the beach. [Go to Q6] b) Keep waiting. [Go to Q19] a) Go to the beach. [Go to Q6] b) Wait for the beach to come to you. [Go to Q9] a) Make a sandwich. [Go to Q10] b) Go outside. [Go to Q2] a) Go to the beach. [Go to Q6] b) Keep waiting. [Go to Q11]

Q3. You decide to stay in. Good idea. The outdoors hasn’t been safe since you sat on the Queen of Wasps as a child. At least, that’s what Mother says.

Q7. The beach is crowded, but you manage to grab one of the last few spots to sunbathe. You let the golden rays caress your nearly naked body. Gradually, the ambient soundscape of chattering gulls and laughing children lulls you almost to sleep. What a gorgeous summer day! And nothing makes you hungrier than a gorgeous summer day. Did you pack a lunch?

Q16. A century passes. The beach does not come.

Q2. You are outside. The sun is hot. The breeze is light. It's the kind of day that makes you think hey, climate change can’t be all bad. In the sky there is a cloud that looks like a crab.

Q4. You have already watched everything that has ever been filmed.

Q9. You decide to wait for the beach to come to you. You wait. You wait. You wait. You wait. The beach does not come.

Q5. That was mistake. You did enjoy this gorgeous summer day. [END] a) Go to the beach. [Go to Q6] b) Keep waiting. [Go to Q13] a) Go to the beach. [Go to Q6] b) Keep waiting. [Go to Q16]

Q11. A year passes. The beach does come.

Q13. A decade The beach does come.

Q15. What did a) Crab. [Go to Q17] b) A sandwich. [Go

Q18. Beneath the sandwich is a crab. It is staring at you. You are staring You feel the gentle vibrations of mutual understanding, even respect. Suddenly makes sense. You are a crab. You always have been. Yes. Yes. Your soul is renewed purpose. Yes. Looking back, you will always remember how much this gorgeous summer day. [END]

by john murray lewis

day?

Q6. You arrive at the beach. It's packed. Already the sweat is pooling in the unseen crevices of your flesh. Do you look for a place to sunbathe or go for a dip in the refreshing water?

was a did not gorgeous [END] passes. does not beach. waiting. decade passes. does not beach. waiting.

a) Sunbathe. [Go to Q7] b) Take a dip. [Go to Q8]

Q12. The beady eyes of a tiny crab are watching you. Your toe is swollen and red. The red swelling begins spreading up your leg. Your skin hardens into an exoskeleton. Your bones liquefy. The children in the water scream as your soft, fleshy body transforms into the sexy, rigid shell of a crab. That's what happens when you get pinched by Crab Dracula. Congratulations! You enjoyed this gorgeous summer day. [END]

Q14. You must have imagined it. The rest of the day goes by beautifully: you swim, you lounge, you live your best life. Everything is perfect. But that night, in the shower, you can't help but notice the inflamed red mark on your toe. You go to your deathbed tortured by the thought of what it was that pinched you. Sure, you enjoyed this gorgeous summer day... but at what cost? [END] you pack? Q17] [Go to Q18] staring at it. Suddenly it all flush with much you enjoyed

Q10. You try to make a sandwich, but the only thing in your refrigerator is expired crabmeat. You die. (Many years later, from natural causes unrelated to the crabmeat). [END]

Q17. That's funny, you don't remember packing crab. Seems like a strange thing to bring to the beach. Or is it? Maybe it was the perfect thing to bring, actually. Soft, tender, flavourful... it's hard to believe no one else thought of it. You look around the beach. It is crawling with crabs. What happened to all the people? You look at your hands. They have been replaced with claws. Looks like this gorgeous summer day is just getting started! [END] a) It's a crab. [Go to Q12] b) It's a figment of your imagination. [Go to Q14]

Q8. You take a dip in the water. It is cool and calm. You are overcome with a sense of profound peace. The waves lap gently at your belly, coaxing you back to the moistened womb of Mother Earth. This is turning into a gorgeous summer day, all right! But then something pinches your toe.

Q19. Millennia pass. The last of the arctic ice shelves melt. The seas rise, drowning the earth in their prehistoric fury. You listen to the roar of the waves surging down your street, surging towards the sandy desert husk of your front yard. Finally, the beach has come to you. [END]