Montessori’s answer to raising independent children

BY RAHIMA SAIKAL

I will say it shamelessly: One of the reasons I love living in Bali is because of our nanny.

Selfless, sweet, caring, kind, creative and loving are some words to describe her. My toddler whines: she is there with a snack. My toddler stumbles and trips: she is there to pick him up, kiss his ‘boo boo’ and cuddle him. My toddler decides he despises his favourite foods today: her patience is unmatched. In summary, she is a God send.

The Balinese love children. Often, at a café, the staff will pick up our toddler, whisk him around the vicinity, show him the inner workings of the cash register, and follow him while he traverses the steps for the 78th time. Honestly, childcare on this island is marvellous.

However, how do we foster a child’s sense of autonomy when a nanny waits for them hand and foot?

With all the one-on-one attention, are we allowing our children to gain a sense of independence?

An intriguing Montessori-based concept I’d heard about was ‘practical life,’ which teaches children to care for themselves, others, and the environment through purposeful activity. It helps children develop motor control and coordination and cultivate independence and a sense of responsibility.

To understand this concept better and learn how it can be implemented in a place like Bali, where having a nanny is a primary method of childcare, I sat down with Jemina Villanueva, Vice President of Programs and Training of Cosmic Education Group, to chat.

“I think having a nanny in parts of Asia is something we should embrace wholeheartedly. It’s part of the culture. It gives families a different opportunity to connect with children because they have more time to be with the child versus doing the chores and everything else. I think that ties in beautifully with practical life,” says Jemina.

Jemina explained that children, especially toddlers like to be given a choice.

“For toddlers to start fostering a sense of independence and an ‘I can do it myself’ attitude, it all begins with choice. They are individuals. Therefore, they want to choose”.

She suggested offering your toddler two of everything and allowing them to choose what they want. For example, your toddler can choose what shoes to wear.

“Once they choose, it is a balance in terms of how much help a parent or nanny gives them in terms of execution. Too much help and the motivation to do it themselves is low. But if there isn’t enough help, it leads to intense frustration. There isn’t a magical formula; it’s all about trial and error”.

I didn’t know you could give toddlers choices without them burning the house down and spurring the start of World War 3, I joke.

“A concept we have in Montessori is called ‘freedom with limits’. How much freedom do you give a child, and if so, what limitations do we need to implement for that freedom to unfold beautifully? In this case, it’s two choices to begin with, increasing the choices over time as the child becomes a confident decision maker” explains Jemina.

Okay, so what about mealtime? I shudder.

“Well, it is simple: how much involvement does your child have in preparing their meal? In most cases, if a child assists in the preparation, they’re more inclined to eat it. Allow your child to set their place at the table with a little fork, spoon, and plate. This will also teach your child it’s time to eat,” explains Jemina.

Makes sense. But look, I’ve witnessed our nanny at mealtimes. She just wants him to eat because a hungry child is a crying child, and don’t get me wrong, she does this out of pure love, and perhaps, at times, she wants to prove her value. But how do we get her on board to implement these practical life skills?

“I would have a conversation and ask the nanny to offer two choices to your child, which is how they can help your child become independent. It’s a shift in mindset,” answers Jemina.

However, let’s not put this all on the dear nanny. Mum and Dad need to set the centre stage and lead by example.

“If both parents are aligned in supporting independence within their child, it will make their child feel more empowered. That trickles down to the nanny through conversation and modelling,” says Jemina.

Truthfully, this all sounds great to me. A toddler who can begin to do things for himself? Sounds like a dream. When can he start making my coffee in the mornings? It sounds like the more opportunities we give him, the faster he will begin to learn to make independent decisions.

“Correct” confirms Jemina. “It’s really about building habits. The understanding of what is behind the habit will come in time. Still, it’s about repeating it… the more choices they have, the more they practice their identity and feel like they can make choices for themselves, and that habit then blossoms over time”.

I love my toddler dearly (even when he’s screaming bloody murder because the dog looked at him the wrong way), and if moving toward fostering a more independent child (and, therefore, a confident and happy child) with the help of our wonderful nanny is what it takes to train him to make my morning coffee, I am in.

Jemina also reminds me that if I’m interested to immerse my boy more deeply into the empowering Montessori transformative learning experience, I can consider Guidepost Montessori AYANA Bali, located in Jimbaran within the AYANA Estate. Here, their new campus, inspired by the traditional Balinese house, offers children rich Balinese culture and nature while maintaining the unique Guidepost Montessori classroom. They offer a range of programs, from short-term camps to long-term kindergarten programs that cover the entire academic year. These are conducted in English and Mandarin by trained Montessori teachers. Here children are encouraged to think independently and interact deeply with the vibrant surroundings of the AYANA Estate.

Website: guidepost.id

Email: ayanabali@guidepost.id

WhatsApp: +62 812 3967 2804

Book a private tour: HERE

Join for their new campus Grand Opening on Saturday, July 6th: HERE